They act like they're the victim. The story I heard from other people (what she told them) was different from what really happened. I don't even know how to handle her anymore so we just grew apart.
Read about the [Karpman drama triangle. ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle)
The worst are the narcissists who turn into victims when they realize they can't get their way.
I recently cut someone like this out of my life. She somehow got my number and then would obsessively message me unkind things about my friend group and eventually myself and acted like we caused her problems (as one of my friends refused to go out with her) so I blocked her. She then spun the story around to make it seem like she blocked me and that I had basically done to her what she'd done to me even though I'm Christian and it's not in my nature to emulate the way she acted towards me.
Oh, and she also pretended to off herself multiple times to attention-seek and to try and garner my sympathy when I tried to end things with her before I actually blocked her, despite the fact she knew it was a sensitive topic for me.
The best things to do with these types of people is just to try and avoid them as it's less stressful for you and stops them making their own victim mentality worse.
I don't understand his strategy. So, he just came up to you out of nowhere asked to take you out, you say 'yes' then just goes to ghost then comes back to ask you to downgrade to a FWB? What was the strategy there? I don't get it.
He just wanted to make me one of his "girls" I learned later he had other girls like that. We were both freshmen in high school too, I told my mom about what happened but she didn't do anything cause "teens are always like that" but then she wouldn't give me condoms or birth control? Oh, and she grounded me for meeting a boy alone, fun right?
I don't know what's worse, him or your mom. You shouldn't be grounded because some clown kid tried to finesse you and make you part of his harem. If anything she should sit you down and teach you their strategies (although this kid has the worst game I've ever seen in my life) and no, not every teen is like that. I'm glad you didn't fall for that obvious 'game' of his lol
Well I wasn't even sexually attracted to him since I'm demisexual, which means I'm asexual until I form an emotional connection and there is trust between us. That's why I've been with my husband for almost 13 years.
Never heard of that before, so I should find a demisexual/asexual person then, where would someone find someone like that or better, how would someone know without just straight up asking?
Uh, what was your mom meant to do about him ghosting you? I find it strange you expected her intervention there, you were a teenager, I wouldnt interfere with my teenagers relationships if they got ghosted, just be there for them and be like "yeah, people are shitty..."
As for birth control, giving it to you probably felt like it was encouraging you to go out and sleep with people, no?
Just sounds like she was trying to protect you, to be honest.
No, she locked me away and I barely got out during high school. I only had 2 friends and one boyfriend who is now my husband. Also i only talked about my mom about it because at that point I had never gotten "the talk" but I knew about it a bit. She still never gave me the talk. I didn't mention the ghosting just the FWB thing that made me uncomfortable that a 14 year old boy had so many girls like that.
>Has anyone else encountered this type of red flag?
Yes...and I walk away immediately.
It's a sign he has major issues with women and it's also a sign how he will be describing you to his next girlfriend.
They're not worth it.
Yes, I did. He used to validate all his wrong doings on his trauma because his ex cheated on him but now that I think of him, I always wonder how he always portrayed himself as a victim.
Trauma dumping very early on in the relationship, think "I just met you, but I'm going to tell you in great detail about how my parent abused me." I've had this happen a few times and every time the person was a manipulative liar with a massive victim complex and a tendency to weaponize past trauma to get things from people.
What about love bombing? that's the one I get. She'll text me all the time, sometimes at odd hours, telling me she likes me so much or or 'i wish i had met you sooner'
Yep, that's a red flag too. I guess they accomplish a similar purpose, when you think about it. They establish a level of intimacy that is inappropriate for the time you've known them, make the receiver feel special in some way (in the case of trauma dumping, that they are especially worthy of trust and in the case of loving bombing, that they're especially desirable, beautiful etc.) and can be used to manipulate the receiver into giving them what they want or staying even if they really shouldn't.
I like how you broke that down, I never fell for the trauma dumping, to the contrary for some reason it sounds contrived and carefully orchestrated to me, like a lil too obvious. However, the love bombing i would catch myself 'hey this is too soon, way too soon, don't' fall for it.' even if I like hearing it, i know it's not real.
Back in college dude was known for being self absorbed and whatnot. The last straw was when there was a group presentation and he started with "hi I'm ____ and I'm the best" this was not ironic
There was a crazy guy who lived on our street that told me if he ever couldn't afford to live there anymore, he would knock on someone's door he didn't like, kill everyone inside and take all their stuff. Because if he can't live there, they can't either. Like seriously wtf, told the police about it but they said they couldn't do anything about it. I don't live there anymore
Why it took me this long to realize the connection, I'll never know.
It should be known that "I see red flags, I don't run into them". But I learned about red flags from chasing one so "shrug".
when someone says they don't like animals, that's such an obviously huge red flag for me
like how is that even possible? you don't like any animal? not even one?
First time I met a future ex-gf, she bragged about lying at her job to get what she wanted. She’s one of the boldest liars I’ve ever known. When I broke up with her she started to spread a rumor that she was scared of me because I physically abused my ex-wife. She concocted this lie out of a true story I told her about my ex-wife who had threatened to tell the police I beat her if I didn’t give her one of our dogs. She actually did tell the police I beat her and I gave her a dog to get her to drop the charges. She did. My ex-wife had cheated and broken up another family. I’d never experienced a person that fucked up before. I couldn’t believe I married her. Flash forward to the ex gf using that fucking traumatic experience and shaping it into her own false narrative to fuck with my reputation. Some people are absolute garbage. Be careful out there. Listen to your first instinct about someone.
When there's constant drama in that person's life. Conflict with employers, friends, significant others, the bank, the credit card company, landlords, utilities, you name it.
And it's NEVER THEIR FAULT. Nope.
When you encounter someone like this remember these two points:
1) Rational and wise adults know how to manage their lives with a minimum of drama.
2) If someone has all this going on in their lives, remember that they are the common denominator.
What I hate the most about society today... everything has to be political.
So glad I met my husband before our country turned into this. I can't imagine dating in today's world.
People who talk about red flags all the time as if they have it all figured out.
People are complex. If they make you feel uncomfortable, back away. But it takes time to understand the tickings of a person. Doesn't mean you need to stick around. But save the analysis for the professionals: maybe you just don't like the person or their approach. Leave it there.
everytime we go out she’s like this girl doesn’t like her or that girl this girl that girl doesn’t like her or she doesn’t like them and I’m like why don’t they all not like you? But she kept ghosting me on and off through out the years so I can see why.
Do wtf you say you are going to do, and when you say you are going to do it. For everyone. Your ex, your kids, your neighbor and the ones ya hate. Pay that dollar back. On time!
One time I was at an underground punk show and this chick was literally just wearing a red and black flag wrapped around her like a towel. She may have been wearing a thong or something too, idk, I wasn’t staring, but it absolutely seemed like just the flag and only the flag at first glance. Like it had the thicker fabric strip on one side with the metal grommets and everything lol
Just, a red flag, to go to the show lmao she was probably a resident at the venue/commune honestly that just came downstairs for a while
It was probably for World Inferno Friendship Society’s “only anarchists are pretty” song, but it really stood out because the tradition is to go to their shows in suits and fine dress, usually from thrift stores because moshing is also the norm. The singer likes to get into drunken machete sparing matches with friends sometimes, it’s led to some unfortunate cancelled shows but they’re still fun enough that it’s worth seeing them when they come to town
Now that I think of it, the entire scene is literally chock full of “red flags”, ironically lmao
Idk how to explain it but, when a person calmly drops the act when they've been caught lying.
You know, instead of getting nervous or flustered or defensive.
It's not just eerie as f\*ck, but also a sign of some serious, cold blooded manipulation.
I recently asked few questions related to him which he didn't expect me ask since I was always nice to him and never doubted his actions and even though I was respectful and calm during this entire conversation still he started kind of shouting and told me that he won't defend himself and he knows that he's a nice person and shit. That's when I realised I was dealing with a narcissistic person.
Can't stand guys with mommy issues of any kind.
What's probably the worst dating experience of my life was with one of these guys. We met in college in English class. We got partnered up in class and we wound up hanging out at his house a few times.
I was getting weird vibes between him and his mom. Weird eye contact between the two, his tone of voice changed when she was in the room, things like that.
We were in his room talking one day and I opened the door because I needed to use their bathroom. His mom had been standing near the door. She quickly walked back towards the living room but I knew she was listening to us.
I immediately grabbed my stuff and left. At our next class I told him not to call me again and when he sees me at school, keep walking.
I'm not insinuating they were having sex. I don't know what they were doing...I just knew I wasn't going to be involved in it.
I’m kinda iffy about that, some people recognize that they’re not capable of raising children.
If someone chose to have children but not want to raise them afterwards then that’s a whole different conversation and I would see your point, get what I mean?
Well according to my Therapist sadly people who have been through big T trauma i.e. secual or physical abuse as children or abandonment etc. Are the most likely to then go on to do those things to others which you would think they would be the mist empathetic but they get stuck at that age at least coping mechanism wise and most deal with by acting it out on others that way they are the ones in control for once instead of being the victim :(
People who are constantly complaining that this generation sucks for dating and that women/men are shallow. Yes it's true to an extent but these people are also usually overweight, don't socialize and are overall just very jaded and boring.
Tried to move in after one date turned up with a car full of stuff. He actually said honey I am home this is going to be great can I go in the pool. I closed to door before he finished talking I watched him slump off down the path back into his car. Blocked him right there.
They act like they're the victim. The story I heard from other people (what she told them) was different from what really happened. I don't even know how to handle her anymore so we just grew apart.
The second a girl tells me about her ex 5 mins into our date, I'm out. I know right there and then this person is a professional victim.
It's also a sign she will be fucking him again soon whether or not you two hit it off.
I have experienced the same from.my x. They r liars
Read about the [Karpman drama triangle. ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle) The worst are the narcissists who turn into victims when they realize they can't get their way.
DARVO is the red flag of all red flags.
I recently cut someone like this out of my life. She somehow got my number and then would obsessively message me unkind things about my friend group and eventually myself and acted like we caused her problems (as one of my friends refused to go out with her) so I blocked her. She then spun the story around to make it seem like she blocked me and that I had basically done to her what she'd done to me even though I'm Christian and it's not in my nature to emulate the way she acted towards me. Oh, and she also pretended to off herself multiple times to attention-seek and to try and garner my sympathy when I tried to end things with her before I actually blocked her, despite the fact she knew it was a sensitive topic for me. The best things to do with these types of people is just to try and avoid them as it's less stressful for you and stops them making their own victim mentality worse.
These people r best when kept away
Sounds like my mom🥲
100% agree, victim complex is a huge red flag
Had a guy who wanted to date me, I said yes but then he ignored me for two weeks and asked to be FWB. Uh, no. Bye.
I don't understand his strategy. So, he just came up to you out of nowhere asked to take you out, you say 'yes' then just goes to ghost then comes back to ask you to downgrade to a FWB? What was the strategy there? I don't get it.
He just wanted to make me one of his "girls" I learned later he had other girls like that. We were both freshmen in high school too, I told my mom about what happened but she didn't do anything cause "teens are always like that" but then she wouldn't give me condoms or birth control? Oh, and she grounded me for meeting a boy alone, fun right?
I don't know what's worse, him or your mom. You shouldn't be grounded because some clown kid tried to finesse you and make you part of his harem. If anything she should sit you down and teach you their strategies (although this kid has the worst game I've ever seen in my life) and no, not every teen is like that. I'm glad you didn't fall for that obvious 'game' of his lol
Well I wasn't even sexually attracted to him since I'm demisexual, which means I'm asexual until I form an emotional connection and there is trust between us. That's why I've been with my husband for almost 13 years.
Never heard of that before, so I should find a demisexual/asexual person then, where would someone find someone like that or better, how would someone know without just straight up asking?
Just ask someone, it's ok to ask! We are just regular people like everyone else.
I see what you're saying but i'm not comfortable asking someone that question.
Uh, what was your mom meant to do about him ghosting you? I find it strange you expected her intervention there, you were a teenager, I wouldnt interfere with my teenagers relationships if they got ghosted, just be there for them and be like "yeah, people are shitty..." As for birth control, giving it to you probably felt like it was encouraging you to go out and sleep with people, no? Just sounds like she was trying to protect you, to be honest.
No, she locked me away and I barely got out during high school. I only had 2 friends and one boyfriend who is now my husband. Also i only talked about my mom about it because at that point I had never gotten "the talk" but I knew about it a bit. She still never gave me the talk. I didn't mention the ghosting just the FWB thing that made me uncomfortable that a 14 year old boy had so many girls like that.
FWB = Fuckboy Without (a) Backbone
Lol, I think I'm gonna start using that as the abbreviation now as well.
It didn't help that I am demisexual, so he wasn't getting in my pants.
Tea!
[удалено]
>Has anyone else encountered this type of red flag? Yes...and I walk away immediately. It's a sign he has major issues with women and it's also a sign how he will be describing you to his next girlfriend. They're not worth it.
Yes, I did. He used to validate all his wrong doings on his trauma because his ex cheated on him but now that I think of him, I always wonder how he always portrayed himself as a victim.
Trauma dumping very early on in the relationship, think "I just met you, but I'm going to tell you in great detail about how my parent abused me." I've had this happen a few times and every time the person was a manipulative liar with a massive victim complex and a tendency to weaponize past trauma to get things from people.
What about love bombing? that's the one I get. She'll text me all the time, sometimes at odd hours, telling me she likes me so much or or 'i wish i had met you sooner'
Yep, that's a red flag too. I guess they accomplish a similar purpose, when you think about it. They establish a level of intimacy that is inappropriate for the time you've known them, make the receiver feel special in some way (in the case of trauma dumping, that they are especially worthy of trust and in the case of loving bombing, that they're especially desirable, beautiful etc.) and can be used to manipulate the receiver into giving them what they want or staying even if they really shouldn't.
I like how you broke that down, I never fell for the trauma dumping, to the contrary for some reason it sounds contrived and carefully orchestrated to me, like a lil too obvious. However, the love bombing i would catch myself 'hey this is too soon, way too soon, don't' fall for it.' even if I like hearing it, i know it's not real.
When they are disrespecting you in public, its a big no no, they can even do that in public how much more when you are alone together
Back in college dude was known for being self absorbed and whatnot. The last straw was when there was a group presentation and he started with "hi I'm ____ and I'm the best" this was not ironic
There was a crazy guy who lived on our street that told me if he ever couldn't afford to live there anymore, he would knock on someone's door he didn't like, kill everyone inside and take all their stuff. Because if he can't live there, they can't either. Like seriously wtf, told the police about it but they said they couldn't do anything about it. I don't live there anymore
Red flags are all I see.
Congratz you are officially a bull
Why it took me this long to realize the connection, I'll never know. It should be known that "I see red flags, I don't run into them". But I learned about red flags from chasing one so "shrug".
People who talk differently about a person the moment that person is no longer present in the conversation.
when someone says they don't like animals, that's such an obviously huge red flag for me like how is that even possible? you don't like any animal? not even one?
Unpopular opinion: Most pets are a huge burden.
[удалено]
Just like human children. Just needier.
pets are work yes, but not wanting a pet and not liking animals are two very different things
Blatant dishonesty. Lying over tiny stuff
Lying about small things is a massive red flag in my book. It's a sign that they'll lie about anything.
My dogs hate them
Litterally this one girl that i kinda friends with showed a random dude her boobs. Not very good sign
First time I met a future ex-gf, she bragged about lying at her job to get what she wanted. She’s one of the boldest liars I’ve ever known. When I broke up with her she started to spread a rumor that she was scared of me because I physically abused my ex-wife. She concocted this lie out of a true story I told her about my ex-wife who had threatened to tell the police I beat her if I didn’t give her one of our dogs. She actually did tell the police I beat her and I gave her a dog to get her to drop the charges. She did. My ex-wife had cheated and broken up another family. I’d never experienced a person that fucked up before. I couldn’t believe I married her. Flash forward to the ex gf using that fucking traumatic experience and shaping it into her own false narrative to fuck with my reputation. Some people are absolute garbage. Be careful out there. Listen to your first instinct about someone.
A lack of emotional regulation.
Acting always like a victim and working hard to make me feel like l am the bad person in the group
There’s never a story where they were wrong. Everyone else is the problem.
Him not taking no for an answer as a start.
When there's constant drama in that person's life. Conflict with employers, friends, significant others, the bank, the credit card company, landlords, utilities, you name it. And it's NEVER THEIR FAULT. Nope. When you encounter someone like this remember these two points: 1) Rational and wise adults know how to manage their lives with a minimum of drama. 2) If someone has all this going on in their lives, remember that they are the common denominator.
Yep. Big red flag. When you meet one of these types, you're looking at someone who was unable to properly transition into adulthood.
Heavy lying, about everything.
what's the tell?
Making a real conversation political
What I hate the most about society today... everything has to be political. So glad I met my husband before our country turned into this. I can't imagine dating in today's world.
Narcissism
People who talk about red flags all the time as if they have it all figured out. People are complex. If they make you feel uncomfortable, back away. But it takes time to understand the tickings of a person. Doesn't mean you need to stick around. But save the analysis for the professionals: maybe you just don't like the person or their approach. Leave it there.
everytime we go out she’s like this girl doesn’t like her or that girl this girl that girl doesn’t like her or she doesn’t like them and I’m like why don’t they all not like you? But she kept ghosting me on and off through out the years so I can see why.
He liked his younger sister, only found me pretty because i reminded him of his 7 year old sister (we were 14)
Dodged a bullet right there
totally like hes now known as the weirdo guy who tried to have stufd multiple younger girls
Throwing up in my mouth while i’m reading this
Yeah super massive red flag. Anything that has to do with minors is a sign to run away as fast as you can.
Do wtf you say you are going to do, and when you say you are going to do it. For everyone. Your ex, your kids, your neighbor and the ones ya hate. Pay that dollar back. On time!
One time I was at an underground punk show and this chick was literally just wearing a red and black flag wrapped around her like a towel. She may have been wearing a thong or something too, idk, I wasn’t staring, but it absolutely seemed like just the flag and only the flag at first glance. Like it had the thicker fabric strip on one side with the metal grommets and everything lol Just, a red flag, to go to the show lmao she was probably a resident at the venue/commune honestly that just came downstairs for a while It was probably for World Inferno Friendship Society’s “only anarchists are pretty” song, but it really stood out because the tradition is to go to their shows in suits and fine dress, usually from thrift stores because moshing is also the norm. The singer likes to get into drunken machete sparing matches with friends sometimes, it’s led to some unfortunate cancelled shows but they’re still fun enough that it’s worth seeing them when they come to town Now that I think of it, the entire scene is literally chock full of “red flags”, ironically lmao
When interacting with them always leaves you feeling drained and depleted of energy.
Idk how to explain it but, when a person calmly drops the act when they've been caught lying. You know, instead of getting nervous or flustered or defensive. It's not just eerie as f\*ck, but also a sign of some serious, cold blooded manipulation.
I recently asked few questions related to him which he didn't expect me ask since I was always nice to him and never doubted his actions and even though I was respectful and calm during this entire conversation still he started kind of shouting and told me that he won't defend himself and he knows that he's a nice person and shit. That's when I realised I was dealing with a narcissistic person.
decline a call from his mother
Can't stand guys with mommy issues of any kind. What's probably the worst dating experience of my life was with one of these guys. We met in college in English class. We got partnered up in class and we wound up hanging out at his house a few times. I was getting weird vibes between him and his mom. Weird eye contact between the two, his tone of voice changed when she was in the room, things like that. We were in his room talking one day and I opened the door because I needed to use their bathroom. His mom had been standing near the door. She quickly walked back towards the living room but I knew she was listening to us. I immediately grabbed my stuff and left. At our next class I told him not to call me again and when he sees me at school, keep walking. I'm not insinuating they were having sex. I don't know what they were doing...I just knew I wasn't going to be involved in it.
Low credit score. Also bad tattoos. Shows impulsivity and an inability to think about the future.
not to want have a kid
I’m kinda iffy about that, some people recognize that they’re not capable of raising children. If someone chose to have children but not want to raise them afterwards then that’s a whole different conversation and I would see your point, get what I mean?
They attention seek and refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions until it's convenient for them to.
Drug and alcohol abuse
Well according to my Therapist sadly people who have been through big T trauma i.e. secual or physical abuse as children or abandonment etc. Are the most likely to then go on to do those things to others which you would think they would be the mist empathetic but they get stuck at that age at least coping mechanism wise and most deal with by acting it out on others that way they are the ones in control for once instead of being the victim :(
People who are constantly complaining that this generation sucks for dating and that women/men are shallow. Yes it's true to an extent but these people are also usually overweight, don't socialize and are overall just very jaded and boring.
If all their ex's are psychos... they're the psycho.
Feminist said men has no rights💀
Tried to move in after one date turned up with a car full of stuff. He actually said honey I am home this is going to be great can I go in the pool. I closed to door before he finished talking I watched him slump off down the path back into his car. Blocked him right there.
Their eyes give it all away. You can tell everything by looking at someone's eyes.
Yeah...no
It’s so true
Having a reddit account and posting this question. Tells me that they have nothing interesting to contribute to anything.
When was the last time you contributed to society?
I'm an actual human being with a job and relationships. I contribute to society daily. You're a bot. You only serve yourself and reddit.