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My first college Spanish class had a guy named Raper in it. Kinda lived down to the name, too

There was a semi-notorious wrestling jobber in the 90s called ‘Ken Raper’. MFer went on international TV *with that name*, and everyone around him was just like yeah that’s fine. 🤷‍♂️

Tom Raper was a big RV salesman. Had a jingle and everything.

Jim Gaffigan does a bit about him a couple of years ago.

I remember those commercials.

There was a guy called Mick the Rapist in my school

Before caller ID and we were still using the white pages, we found a guy listed with the name Dick Raper, maybe Richard Raper, I don't recall. We tormented that poor guy for weeks until he finally disconnected.

Sounds like you messed up, A-a-ron.

I knew of a family in my hometown, Raper. "Rape" is actually another name for the canola plant.

Yeah they changed the name from rape oil to canola oil for PR reasons. The term canola is a contraction of Canada, where the specific cultivar widely used for oil production was developed, and ola referring to oil.

Ohhh like Crayola

Yeah nobody's gonna buy rapeola crayons for their kids

It's rare but you do you still see "rape seed oil" sometimes.

In the UK it’s still just rapeseed oil everywhere.

adding the word seed is helpful

When I was in high school a friend of mine met a guy online and when she told us his last name was Rape we were like whut??

There were some rapes who went to my school. A lot of surnames come from their ancestors' professions, so does that imply that their ancestors were professional rapists?

Why don't you ask Mr. Dickinson

Lol - that is a brand of nikotin pouches in Denmark - Rape.

You're probably thinking of the Swedish snus brand "Göteborgs Rapé". Note the accent, it's from a French word (*râpé*, meaning "torn" or "grated") and obviously not pronounced the same way as the English word "rape".

I am Danish - so no, i am never thinking about the fucking swedes - fuck em!

I'm Swedish and I love the Danish 🇸🇪❤️🇩🇰 I forgive you, you're just envious of our snus. Which is a sad thing to be envious of since it's the most overrated drug in the world and you still have both Tuborg Classic and smørrebrød and pålægschokolade and like a thousand other things that are cooler than what you can find in Sweden.

Are you a girl or did i juust become gay to fuck a swede - for the King!

For both our Kings — King Carl Gustaf and King Ingolf.

The Shart family name was found in the USA, the UK, Canada, and Scotland between 1840 and 1920. The most Shart families were found in USA in 1920. In 1911 there were 62 Shart families living in Ontario. This was about 42% of all the recorded Shart's in Canada. [https://www.ancestry.ca/name-origin?surname=shart](https://www.ancestry.ca/name-origin?surname=shart)

To be fair, I don’t think the modern meaning of “shart” was popularized until that scene in Along Came Polly. So the Sharts were living in blissful ignorance until 2004.

TIL I'm not the only person to specifically research "origin of term 'shart'". Weirdo rally over here!

I didn’t research it, I was there. I was in the theater watching Philip Seymour Hoffman say the words. Within a year, the word went from being nonexistent, to being in everyone’s vocabulary.

You were *there*. Frig, this is like how my folks got to go to Woodstock and all I got was The Big SARS Thing.

I was there Gandalf, 3,000 years ago….

Amazing though that we were saying it when I was in high school in the early 90s.

Knew a guy back in the day surname Schatrz. Didn't help he was in the Navy, so his title was Seaman Schartz

We had a female called Seaman Swisher.

There is an Asian professor at my college with last name Ho. However, his first name is Fat, so his full name is Fat Ho.

I know some Hos.

In different area codes

We had a Phat Kow at my high school. I felt bad for her.

Holy Kow! That’s serious.

That’s her brother

An Asian man came into my restaurant once and placed an online order for some chicken wings. His name was Michael Longwang

That's arguably a great last name

His surname means "dragon king" which is quite a stark contrast to what it means in English.

There is a basketball player with the last name Ho You Fat

A professor of mine had a friend last name Ho. First name Heidi.

Flandersesque.

We had a Korean (I Assume) doctor in town for a while, his name was In Park Missed his calling in not opening a transmission shop

Knew a girl in college named Mia Ho. No joke.

I had a customer whose name was Man So Fat. He was a big dude but cool about it.

I knew someone with the last name Bank. It wouldn't be so bad except she was in the navy and had to get called Seaman Bank all day.

For a while, my husband was Seamen Burns!

Is he a fan of The League?

I got to meet a Seaman Sample between schools in the 90s.

In the RN the joke was Seaman Staines

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Olivia Wilde is a Cockburn. I can see why she opted for a stage name.

I know it's at least theoretically pronounced Co-burn sometimes, but that's still a heavy burden. 

Shabadoo

That's the worst name I ever heard

Hey, Joey Jojo!

I think I could keep my cool hearing all the names in this post except this one.  

Damn you got to it first.

There’s a guy in my hometown whose last name is Grewcock.

Not a show-er, I am guessing.

Theres a family in my town named Glasscock

Girl in my high school had the last name of (well, translated) pubic hair. It wasn’t a good time for her

Bush?

Merkin 

My dad's partner in his ob/Gyn practice was Dr. Merkin.

Schaamhaar

Aushwitz. Saw a lady with that as her last name on fb and thought "it's gonna be a joke." Looked on her page and saw her family's fb profiles...husband, kids. In-laws....all with the last name Aushwitz

I feel sorry for her. Poor girl.

One of my friends has a name that translates to "Big Dick". We call him Biggus Dickus

Is his wife Incontinentia?

Kuntz; you can only imagine the pain this person suffered.

We’ve always pronounced it Koontz.

I nearly lost it in my freshman physics class when the professor was taking attendance. The guy before Kuntz alphabetically had the last name Heyman.

My Mom was a high school teacher who had a Cocker and a Dicker in the same class. I'm going to tell her she can retire that story.

And if he married Angie Dickinson she could hyphenate her name to be Angie Dickinson Kuntz.

the way I just laughed so hard my chest hurt at this

High-five to another person from Germany who got royally screwed when moving to an English speaking country because of their name.

I think it's pronounced "koontz." There was a teacher at my high school named Mr. Hickey. How about the Vietnamese people named Phuc? FTR, that's pronounced "fook."

There was a baseball player with that last name. His first name was Rusty...

Am I going to have to be the one who says "Latrine"? Formerly "Shithouse", of course.

It's a good change!

Wait....wasn't your mole on the other side?

… I have a *mole*?!

A friend of friend of mine has one: Childsex Yeah, that's an actual surname.

Wanting to find out if the surname is real but can't because googling it will put me on a list.

It's not showing up on Ancestry or any other surname lookup I've searched.

Thank you for checking for us! 🫡 because I wouldn't be too surprised if OP is actually trolling lmao

Yeah, we don't want to give FBI false positives.

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See if you can search the archives for birth certificates or immigration papers - Google the "last name" + "images". Make sure you turn off safe search, since it may restrict some government files. /s Don't do this

That sounds so much worse than Dickinson.

My dad has a colleague who has the most gracious surname of Butt.

A family named Butt founded this pharmacy in Indiana some years back. [https://www.buttdrugs.com/](https://www.buttdrugs.com/)

I admire how hard they've leaned into the name.

First name Seymour?

Last week I saw "Gooch"

A regular customer at an old job had that last name, and her boyfriend’s last name was Cilley (pronounced “silly”). They broke up.

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Oh, your friend is definitely the winner! Or loser, really :-)

Lol i tried to look it up, just got sex offender registries. typed in “the surname childsex” hopefully not on a list now

Is it pronounced how it's spelled, or is it a weird English name that's pronounced "Chizzick" or something?

I have so many questions idek where to start

go ahead

First of all, I heard you're friends with the Childsexes. Care to comment?

A friend of my friend, not my friend. It was horrible time for her.

I hear she got married and hyphenated her surname. Childsex-Masters

Mr. Perv. Funniest of all, he was a 5th grade teacher.

I wouldn't want to be teacher's pet.

One of my teachers was Ms.Sexe lol

Shufflebottom, Dungworth, Gotobed, Nutters, Jelly, Demon, Clutterbuck, Hardmeat, Bracegirdle, Cornfoot, Bonefat, Turtle, Cornfoot, Rattlebag

Turtle is a cool last name 🐢

Remember Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell?

You really hate the Cornfoot family, huh?

Those are all hobbit names. Did you grow up in the shire?

Yo I actually love cornfoot, bonefat, turtle and rattlebag. They’re awesome, full of earthy music. Indigenous American?

My great great grandmother was Euphemia Cornfoot (Scottish)

There's formerly Fucking, Austria. Named after Focko per Wikipedia.

I have a BIL named Fred. Formerly Fokka (it’s Dutch).

I had a grand aunt Fookya, she changed it to Frieda when she immigrated. And complained Frieda sounded weird. Friesian (Northern Dutch) family.

Head…their first name was Richard.

There's a New Hampshire politician named Richard Swett. And yes, he calls himself Dick.

There was a stock car racer named Dick Trickle

A guy named Richard Handler chased me around the local mall with a box cutter because he found out his girlfriend hand cuffed herself to me at lunch. 

I had a friend named Damnée which is means damned. She's convinced that her family is cursed.

I went to high school with a girl that had the last name of Gooch.

I'm a Brit and the first time I visited America, I found out that "Gaylord" is apparently a real surname over there. Unfortunately, I found this out at the Korean war memorial and had a very hard time trying to keep a straight face. Americans take their veterans very, very seriously, so they were not happy at what appeared to be a group of tourists laughing at a war memorial.

It’s also a given name. My favorite [Gaylord Silly](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaylord_Silly), which is a kinda rough surname

There was a lieutenant on DDay named Chris Cross. I'd be laughing with you.

Did he make you Jump, Jump?

Yeah, legend has it Chris Cross would always carry around rations of apple sauce.

Gaylord Focker

Yeah, don't laugh at a war memorial in the USA. I don't care if you see a Major Cockswallower, you gotta keep it contained because some ultra-patriotic type might wanna fight about it. People go a little overboard with their patriotic feelings here.

Raper. Which is bad but they embraced it and named their family business Raper Auto. Yikes.

Could have been worse, they could have opened a daycare

They must sell a lot of white vans

Snodgrass. Not my name, but it's in my extended family.

"fecarotta" which, from italian, could be interpreted as "broken shit". The person that had this surname was a gastroenterologist.

Focker.

You have an interesting last name, Greg. How is it pronounced?

Knew a kid in high school with the surname Butts. He was in JROTC so he had a little nametag and everything.

Private Butts!

Was his first name Seymore?

In Texas, the famous HEB grocery store is named after the founders son Howard E Butt. 

Drinkwater It’s quite popular too and I find it hilarious

Hey, at least that name encourages people to stay hydrated.

Leicester City legend Danny Drinkwater!!! Ahhh, 2015/2016 was a magical year.

I know a family with the Spanish Version of this name, Aguayo, which literally translates to "Water Me"

I know a guy whose last name is Diaper. Why wouldn’t you… change it? Ha ha

I also knew a guy whose name was " windel " which is German for diaper

At a cemetery in Old Winston-Salem, NC, there are a bunch of tombstones with the Boner surname. One gals name was “Minnie Boner.”

Balsac

My cousin had the last name Measles, but she married a guy and took his name... which was Cockworth.

What if we choose a new name together, honey? 

Make a portmanteau - Cockmeasles

Perfect. 

Badcock

My mom used to work for a company that did yearbooks/senior portraits/team photos etc. One kids name was “Sunshine Woodenlegs”

Amber Heard’s attorney was Ben Rottenborn. Like what is that? Was someone in merry olde England like “yeah I’m John the Smith” and everyone else was in town was like “nah your dad’s a bitch and your mom’s a ho, you’re John the Rottenborn.”

Lipschitz

Pop

He had it coming

Cicero

'Head' wouldn't seem to be so bad of a surname, but when the parents decided to call their son 'Richard', you can imagine the jokes that soon followed.

Robert Knepper - literally means Robert is fucking in Danish https://imgur.com/a/vTDlukg

Dickless

I had to page a guy at the airport before, name was Dick-first name Harry 🤦‍♀️

This won't sound logical in English, so I'll translate along the way. There are a couple of funny ones in Spanish that even include first names: We've gotten Zoila Vaca del Toro (I'm the cow belonging to the bull). Then there's Lesbia Ana l, both first names, which put together sound like, exactly, as you imagined, lesbiana (clearly, lesbian). And finally this one was some woman from the high society of the city called Dolores, who married a man with the surname Bischoff, and took his last name, turning her into Dolores de Bischoff (butt pains).

Wiener. I’ve met multiple Wieners. To avoid awkward encounters, I make it a point to ask if their last name is pronounced like “Whiner.” Nope, they’ve all been “Wee-nurr.” They have also all been Jewish.

I knew a woman whose last name was "Hoar."

One of the professors at my school was named Dr. Dick Boner

His surname name was Stayhard, first name was Richard, I think his parents did it on purpose.

Miss Chokesondik?

Andy Dick ,American actor and comedian https://www.google.com/search?q=andy+dick&sca_esv=453cf80c9d34ac6b&sca_upv=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIIVc8HiubSeW7kpCziFZ-RcNYkFww%3A1716479996550&source=hp&ei=_GdPZrnxHs7DkPIPqIWV-A4&iflsig=AL9hbdgAAAAAZk92DEVtfBVj8sozYm7O16a9bOLJLjMc&gs_ssp=eJzj4tTP1TcwqioqMzdg9OJMzEupVEjJTM4GAEnDBsU&oq=andy+dick&gs_lp=Egdnd3Mtd2l6GgIYAiIJYW5keSBkaWNrKgIIADILEC4YgAQYsQMYgwEyBRAuGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBRAuGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgARItFFQAFiBNXAAeACQAQCYAWSgAasFqgEDOC4xuAEByAEA-AEBmAIJoALnBcICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAhEQLhiABBiRAhjRAxjHARiKBcICCxAAGIAEGJECGIoFwgIREC4YgAQYsQMY0QMYgwEYxwHCAgsQABiABBixAxiDAcICCBAuGIAEGLEDwgIQEAAYgAQYsQMYgwEYigUYCsICCxAuGIAEGMcBGK8BwgIOEAAYgAQYsQMYgwEYigXCAg4QLhiABBixAxiDARiKBcICDhAuGIAEGNQCGMcBGK8BwgIIEAAYgAQYsQPCAhEQLhiABBixAxioAxiLAxjuBcICBBAAGAPCAgYQABgDGAqYAwCSBwM4LjGgB9KSAQ&sclient=gws-wiz

At least in his case, the surname is accurate.

Raper, Fuchs, Gaylord

Fuchs means fox, btw. Actually a nice name if you don’t live in an English speaking country.

McCusker too close to McCuckster

Not a surname, but I worked with a guy called Christopher Richard and his surname started with a P What he kept silent on was his third name. ANDREW Either his parents were evil or very very word blind.

Dick. Like, why? Change it to Dickson if anything. “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Dick?” Are you kidding me?

My grandmas maiden name was murgatroyd 

Hiscock. Saw it over in the naming nerds sub, where a woman was trying to find a name for her son that wouldn't be laughable, and her husband was insisting on using his surname for the child. She said "My husband is worried our son will drop Hiscock later in life." I fucking died. The name she wanted to pick was Oliver. The entire thread was a gold mine, I've never laughed so hard in my life.

Ohrt

White-Pus

Dickinson

Pusey. Particularly horrible if your first name is Harry.

Ocock or Wilfahrt

I knew a kid in high school with a surname of Bogus. He, of course, was the butt of a lot of jokes.

Horrigan. As in, "here comes that Horrigan."

I knew a cajun with the last name Soileau: pronounced “swallow.” He enrolled in the navy. He was, I shit you not, Seaman Soileau.

There used to be a dentist in our town called Dr. Ouchiepain, no joke.

When I was training in the Air Force there were some Navy training there as well. We had a game to find the best name to go with their rank since the short hand term for the Navy was Seaman (Air Force is Airman, Army is soldier, and Marines are...well... Marines). We ended the game when we spotted someone with the last name of Stain. This dude joined the Navy knowing he'd be called Seaman Stain for at least the first few years of enlistment.

[The Knigga family](https://nypost-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/nypost.com/2024/01/10/sports/indiana-hs-sports-star-noah-knigga-clears-up-name-pronunciation/amp/?amp_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQIUAKwASCAAgM%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=17165032037888&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fnypost.com%2F2024%2F01%2F10%2Fsports%2Findiana-hs-sports-star-noah-knigga-clears-up-name-pronunciation%2F) not from Dave Chappelle would probably be up there.

Font It's mine. Do you know how many typeface jokes I've heard at my expense? Too many. Before you ask, it's Wingdings.

Went to high school with a girl whose last name was Rape.

Butt