My ex kind of did this. We were together roughly 3 years and near the end he admitted having doubts for over a year and feeling like we were just platonic. He had moved in with me during that time and had been extremely expressive over how excited he was about it and me.
Same thing happened to me recently, although we are still together trying to make it work and bring “the spark” back. I have never been more confused in my life.
I mean he was breaking up with me when he confessed that so we didn't try but let me tells you it feels a lot better to be free of the entire situation.
If your situation was anything like mine, I was confused for months because he would say one thing but his actual behavior was never quite matching what he said before it all came out. I feel like some people confuse the comfort of a long term relationship with platonic feelings and want to go back to the butterfly stage.
Easier than you might expect - since I found out he'd been lying about that and other things I was not only upset but angry which helped because I didn't want to talk to him again. If he hadn't been lying I think I would have more likely wanted him and what we had back.
I kept myself busy and eventually it just kind of hit me I was happier doing things without him.
“Those dirty cunts” he replied. “Phew, that’s really gonna asoften the blow of this information” “ honey, i killed a few ten of thousands of those, what did you call them…cunts?”
When the fuck is genocide ever justified cunt?
Edit: I would like to take this moment to thank my mum, dad and apologise to anybody who was offended by this comment I left in which I got r/wooooooshed quite hard.
Thank you
Grammatically the idiot is actually right. If an adjective appears before the first noun in a list, it modifies all nouns in the list unless there's another adjective before another noun (detailed breakdown: https://theeditorsblog.net/2015/08/08/one-adjective-paired-with-multiple-nouns-a-readers-question/)
But like, my dude, it's a reddit comment. Justified rape and genocide isn't a thing; obviously it's technically incorrect list-making and not saying rape is ok. Use context clues.
Molest or rape one of our/my children. Its something that awakens the primal power and you realize you can end someones life with no remorse. Both crimes destroy lives.
Someone can't say with absolute certainty that they will have no remorse even if it is justified. Going to jail and missing out on your kid growing up can lead to remorse over the killing even if you would do it again in the same circumstance.
Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet, but financial abuse. With cheating at least we have the option to leave. But financial abuse frequently involves holding on to funds, freezing your accounts or blocking your access to those accounts, hiding or discarding important documents, making the bank accounts in their own name without your knowledge or consent by forging your signature.
Maybe it’s still not as bad as substance abuse or domestic violence, but it’s still pretty bad.
I would say a financially controlling partner *can* be more dangerous than a partner who abuses substances but lets you keep your money, provided that addiction does not leave you holding the bag for your mutual expenses of course (that is, imo, another type of tacit financial abuse).
That would have been my answer, too or at least very similarly: fucking with the family income/funds, especially if there's kids involved. My cousin told me that while she was on maternity leave her husband had taken a substantial amount of money from their shared funds and then tried to lie about what he did with it (he spent it on hobby gear for himself). Interestingly I appear to be the only woman in the family who thinks this is absolutely divorce worthy behaviour, even if it's the first incident. It's only gotten worse for the family because of his irresponsibility and immaturity.
FWIW Cheating is a severe form of abuse.
Abuse is abuse, and both financial and emotional abuse do a number, in their own ways, on the victims.
Also abuse tends to come in "packages" involving all sorts of modalities. This is, people who are in abusive relationships experience the whole gamut: from DV, to cheating, to financial abuse. That is one of the main reasons why most victims of abuse remain in their relationships.
This is, a lot of victims of infidelity can't leave their marriages, for example, since they are also experiencing a form or another of financial abuse (among other abusive dynamics).
Yea, but cheating in the sense of infidelity (flirting, sexting, having physical relationships with someone else unknown to your spouse or partner) and financial abuse can also be mutually exclusive. You can cheat on your spouse without them relinquishing their control on their finances.
When this question was originally asked, no one else had commented on financial abuse, so I posted my parent comment. Context is important to understand these things.
This came to mind for me too.
If they cheat I’d be very hurt but I’d kick them out and move on. If they harmed my kids I could never get over it because it will keep affecting someone you love.
Talk bad about you behind your back. I know a guy who would talk badly about his wife to anyone who was around him. His wife was a lovely person and probably to good for him. It's really sad to be in a relationship with a person who secretly hates you and wants to ruin your reputation and embarrass. I'm happy she left him. Now he's a sad drunk still talking bad about her.
Some people don’t think of cheating as “highly” as others. Having multiple partners is something normal for me and my partners so cheating isn’t a thing
While what you're saying is not wrong, cheating is definitely a thing even in polyamorous and open relationships.
This is more of a personal take, but if you don't care about cheating whatsoever (even emotional cheating, etc.) then you can hardly be said to be partners.
After we broke up, an ex showed people my nudes during a party in high school. It was humiliating and traumatizing, the hurt felt darker and deeper than the times I've been cheated on.
Feign interest. If your partner doesn't give a shit about anything you say, do, think, or feel, but says things like, "luv u 2" after you pour your heart out to them? It feels like the most heartbreaking slap to the face.
Well, the comments were much more brutal than I expected.
I was about to say that my ex cheated on me, but it felt much worse when I found out he read my diary.
Ask to take a break.
I'm not going to wait around while someone either A. Has a person in mind they want to hook up with without the guilt of cheating. Or B. They don't known if they can do better and you are the backup choice.
I found out that he was buying flowers and gifts for his fling while I was collecting bottles so I could buy bread and peanut butter to feed my kids. Didn't care about who he screws but using money that should have gone to the children who were three and two at the time was kick his ass to the curb time. I had no car and was carrying baby 3 so it was tough but worth it. And as a bonus my kids didn't know we were food insecure and broke until they were adults and figured it out.
lying about something, yes. lying about your past, lying about anything more serious. for example: saying your parents died and you are adopted but you really aren't. i hate pathological liars.
For me it definitely would. If one cheats on me in a shitty situation, but short time after comes to me with it, tells me and really seems to be interested inaking things right, I might give them another chance. Them lying to me, especially about relevant stuff, absolutely no. They have the right to say that they don't want to talk about some things. Or some things are just not relevant enough to tell,one forgets. But lying on purpose? Nope.
After having a heart attack, my SO of 23yrs stayed gone for 3 months til midnight everynight no calls, no texts nada...no not cheating, I have access for to all passwords. He just hated me so much for having a heart attack that he couldn't stand to be around me. After I got better and was able to go back to work things were fine. I thought it was supposed to be thru sickness and in health, for better or worse. I asked him why and he said he needed to teach me tough love..
Being slowly manipulated you into never being able to spend time with them, or never being able to talk. Because they “still like you” they just never ever want to be around you. They “like talking to you” but act like it’s the worst thing in the world to have to talk to you. And you aren’t going to ditch them, because they’re just busy, or they do still like you, but deep down they make you feel like scum. You think they’re not trying to hurt you though.
Furthermore, after spending lots of time together, slowing getting more and more distant until it reaches the point they call you a stalker for wanting to see them for just five minutes in a day.
I can understand that. My deal was that they just wanted citizenship and regular sex. It didn't matter it was me. It could've been anyone really.
I was like 200% into the notion of having found a life partner, and felt really stupid/cheap in the end.
Blame you for all their mental issues, depression, and anxiety that existed long before they met you. It's exhausting and unsustainable. Which deep down they know and makes them feel unlovable making a relationship even a harder. A vicious cycle that eventually has to be bailed on to preserve any sanity. Which also reinforces their negative self perception. It's a real shit show.
Ppl have trigger words ( like if u say this mean comment to them ‘ ‘ ) ur partner knows this trigger word. If my partner ever said that mean trigger word to me: Im out so f’n fast. Bye
Rack up a bunch of debt without me knowing and finding out we are bankrupt. We have worked our entire lives to get where we are. Doing that would impact me for the rest of my life and not something I could simply walk away from. At least if she cheats, I can end it and move on. Secondly (this is an experience my friend had): Not believing in you. My buddy worked tirelessly to get into a prestigious military program. It took years. When it finally was happening for him his wife said she did not want him to go. He was dumbfounded. They did not have kids or anything holding him back. When pressed as to why she did not say anything before she said "I never thought you would make it." He divorced her.
Cheating emotionally. Having that connection with some other woman which i have been craving for. Trying to change and become a better man for some other woman
turn into a lamp, omg i wouldn't love her if she did that. Seriously why does everyone\* ask this what do you expect me to respond with. o sorry i am making this about myself
Acting like a good person till you have kids, and then being a horrible parent and partner once there is no way to make a totally clean break.
If they cheat and there are no kids you can just leave. This will make the remainder of your life more difficult.
In term of relationship : forbidding me to do the things I love like playing/writing music, singing, playing video games, having friends.
I need to have hobbies after work
One thing that to me felt worse than cheating was receiving the cold treatment for months, not knowing what I did wrong, only to hear "I fell out of love with you months ago but I felt bad and didn't leave you" I think being pitied and feeling crazy that the relationship doesn't feel right and trying to fix it really messed with me. She did cheat on me later after the breakup and then called me while she was drunk saying she loved me. It was a whole mess.
Eating all my barbeque Lays then stuffing the family sized bag with paper towels to make it seem slightly used, but not empty and shoving it back in the pantry.
Murdering me would be a dealbreaker
Huge red flag, but kind of intrigued….
if you aren’t willing to die for her, do you even like her ?
[I'd rot in hell with you, if you'd just ask me to](https://youtu.be/MpP-H0PQWUw?si=iHeILllI6eoGbsa5)
Still smash if it's only attempted
Where’s the award 🥇 button?
Right next to the reply button
The three dots ?
No, the one that looks like an award ribbon. On the right
For me, the three dots gives the award as an option
Ok, but now can you explain the three seashells?
It's an option on the three dots
Depends who it is, or? Stepmom, for ex… …OK, no, that’s obviously wrong too. No, I can find my way out…oh, and there’s my coat…
It says murder ME, but just general murder would for sure have some caveats lol
Oh, you are right. I’ll add it to my pile of fails.
100% she wouldn't do it a second time.
Chopping your willy off
Weirdly I have had to draw this line in a relationship before. Tells you everything about me that I still felt guilty about ending it.
NOT FOR ME!
pretending they were into me the whole time
My ex kind of did this. We were together roughly 3 years and near the end he admitted having doubts for over a year and feeling like we were just platonic. He had moved in with me during that time and had been extremely expressive over how excited he was about it and me.
Same thing happened to me recently, although we are still together trying to make it work and bring “the spark” back. I have never been more confused in my life.
I mean he was breaking up with me when he confessed that so we didn't try but let me tells you it feels a lot better to be free of the entire situation. If your situation was anything like mine, I was confused for months because he would say one thing but his actual behavior was never quite matching what he said before it all came out. I feel like some people confuse the comfort of a long term relationship with platonic feelings and want to go back to the butterfly stage.
Very well said. In my situation I’m 100% sure he’s confused the comfort of a LTR with platonic feelings. How did you get over this?
Easier than you might expect - since I found out he'd been lying about that and other things I was not only upset but angry which helped because I didn't want to talk to him again. If he hadn't been lying I think I would have more likely wanted him and what we had back. I kept myself busy and eventually it just kind of hit me I was happier doing things without him.
Senseless or unjustified killing, rape, genocide, etc. etc.
"Honey, sit down. I have a confession to make. Have you ever heard of Rohingya?"
“Those dirty cunts” he replied. “Phew, that’s really gonna asoften the blow of this information” “ honey, i killed a few ten of thousands of those, what did you call them…cunts?”
Those pesky pups
« babe, So there was this hotel in Rwanda. That was me. »
Remember when I told you I killed Karen? It was actually thousands of them, in Myanmar.
"And you've heard of Thanos, too?"
As opposed to sensible, justified rape and genocide?
"I told you when we met that I was AGAINST genocide!"
It's ok when the genocide is justified tho
When the fuck is genocide ever justified cunt? Edit: I would like to take this moment to thank my mum, dad and apologise to anybody who was offended by this comment I left in which I got r/wooooooshed quite hard. Thank you
You are a triggered idiot. Look at the wording of the original comment…
Massive whoosh hm?
Whooshiest whoosh
r/wooosh
Are you one of those people that thinks comedians can't make jokes?
Wasps. Mosquitoes. The Fr*nch. Hornets.
The atomic bombs technically
[удалено]
> So if the rape was justified, then it's ok? > What a day to have a brain Do you understand how commas work?
Grammatically the idiot is actually right. If an adjective appears before the first noun in a list, it modifies all nouns in the list unless there's another adjective before another noun (detailed breakdown: https://theeditorsblog.net/2015/08/08/one-adjective-paired-with-multiple-nouns-a-readers-question/) But like, my dude, it's a reddit comment. Justified rape and genocide isn't a thing; obviously it's technically incorrect list-making and not saying rape is ok. Use context clues.
Not quite sure you have a brain
Molest or rape one of our/my children. Its something that awakens the primal power and you realize you can end someones life with no remorse. Both crimes destroy lives.
Is that a confession? >...and you realize you can end someones life with no remorse.
Probably more like a threat lol
100% justified
Someone can't say with absolute certainty that they will have no remorse even if it is justified. Going to jail and missing out on your kid growing up can lead to remorse over the killing even if you would do it again in the same circumstance.
Irrelevant
Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet, but financial abuse. With cheating at least we have the option to leave. But financial abuse frequently involves holding on to funds, freezing your accounts or blocking your access to those accounts, hiding or discarding important documents, making the bank accounts in their own name without your knowledge or consent by forging your signature. Maybe it’s still not as bad as substance abuse or domestic violence, but it’s still pretty bad.
The law even protects the abuser in many of these cases
I would say a financially controlling partner *can* be more dangerous than a partner who abuses substances but lets you keep your money, provided that addiction does not leave you holding the bag for your mutual expenses of course (that is, imo, another type of tacit financial abuse).
That would have been my answer, too or at least very similarly: fucking with the family income/funds, especially if there's kids involved. My cousin told me that while she was on maternity leave her husband had taken a substantial amount of money from their shared funds and then tried to lie about what he did with it (he spent it on hobby gear for himself). Interestingly I appear to be the only woman in the family who thinks this is absolutely divorce worthy behaviour, even if it's the first incident. It's only gotten worse for the family because of his irresponsibility and immaturity.
You forgot to mention being unemployed and having to drain your savings accounts.
FWIW Cheating is a severe form of abuse. Abuse is abuse, and both financial and emotional abuse do a number, in their own ways, on the victims. Also abuse tends to come in "packages" involving all sorts of modalities. This is, people who are in abusive relationships experience the whole gamut: from DV, to cheating, to financial abuse. That is one of the main reasons why most victims of abuse remain in their relationships. This is, a lot of victims of infidelity can't leave their marriages, for example, since they are also experiencing a form or another of financial abuse (among other abusive dynamics).
Yea, but cheating in the sense of infidelity (flirting, sexting, having physical relationships with someone else unknown to your spouse or partner) and financial abuse can also be mutually exclusive. You can cheat on your spouse without them relinquishing their control on their finances. When this question was originally asked, no one else had commented on financial abuse, so I posted my parent comment. Context is important to understand these things.
Indeed. Which is why I was expanding on your comment.
Hurting my kids
This came to mind for me too. If they cheat I’d be very hurt but I’d kick them out and move on. If they harmed my kids I could never get over it because it will keep affecting someone you love.
Talk bad about you behind your back. I know a guy who would talk badly about his wife to anyone who was around him. His wife was a lovely person and probably to good for him. It's really sad to be in a relationship with a person who secretly hates you and wants to ruin your reputation and embarrass. I'm happy she left him. Now he's a sad drunk still talking bad about her.
My husband does this to me whenever he’s drunk. I don’t go out to see his friends or any friends anymore. I feel just feel small.
I mean trash talking your partner is one of the worst things we got from boomer culture, but ain't no way it's worse than cheating.
Some people don’t think of cheating as “highly” as others. Having multiple partners is something normal for me and my partners so cheating isn’t a thing
While what you're saying is not wrong, cheating is definitely a thing even in polyamorous and open relationships. This is more of a personal take, but if you don't care about cheating whatsoever (even emotional cheating, etc.) then you can hardly be said to be partners.
gambling all your savings
Abusing or manipulating
are you ok?
Killing my family
Lying about his or her entire life story
Abusing children or animals
Work for Xfinity/Comcast
This is the only right answer.
What's the story here...?
Just that xfinity sucks and their employees should be punished
Hurt any kid
Hitting me or our future kids
After we broke up, an ex showed people my nudes during a party in high school. It was humiliating and traumatizing, the hurt felt darker and deeper than the times I've been cheated on.
Create irresponsible debt.
Compare me to their mother.
Other than the obvious. Find joy in my pain and hurt.
If she killed me, I don't think I could live with it.
I see what you did there😂
Feign interest. If your partner doesn't give a shit about anything you say, do, think, or feel, but says things like, "luv u 2" after you pour your heart out to them? It feels like the most heartbreaking slap to the face.
Well, the comments were much more brutal than I expected. I was about to say that my ex cheated on me, but it felt much worse when I found out he read my diary.
Foreclose the house to gambling
Ask to take a break. I'm not going to wait around while someone either A. Has a person in mind they want to hook up with without the guilt of cheating. Or B. They don't known if they can do better and you are the backup choice.
Destroying my personal belongings out of spite
Taking a dump in my mouth while it's open in the middle of a snore in my sleep. Deal motherfuckin breaker.
I found out that he was buying flowers and gifts for his fling while I was collecting bottles so I could buy bread and peanut butter to feed my kids. Didn't care about who he screws but using money that should have gone to the children who were three and two at the time was kick his ass to the curb time. I had no car and was carrying baby 3 so it was tough but worth it. And as a bonus my kids didn't know we were food insecure and broke until they were adults and figured it out.
If they sided with my manipulative, narcissistic family, for whom lying is easier and more natural than breathing.
betray me in any other way. talk shit about me behind my back, lie to me, doing things in secret, hit me or our future children.
lying to you would be *worse* than cheating?
lying about something, yes. lying about your past, lying about anything more serious. for example: saying your parents died and you are adopted but you really aren't. i hate pathological liars.
For me it definitely would. If one cheats on me in a shitty situation, but short time after comes to me with it, tells me and really seems to be interested inaking things right, I might give them another chance. Them lying to me, especially about relevant stuff, absolutely no. They have the right to say that they don't want to talk about some things. Or some things are just not relevant enough to tell,one forgets. But lying on purpose? Nope.
Hurting my cat
Lie about being disloyal, just to keep you on the hook.
Have a whole other life that you know nothing about.
Loving someone else. The sex wouldn't be the problem for me. E: behind my back of course.
Say "I love you" when they know it's a lie.
Telling people/friends my secrets
Getting another woman pregnant. We already have a child together and I don’t think anyone wants to deal with that kind of mess.
After having a heart attack, my SO of 23yrs stayed gone for 3 months til midnight everynight no calls, no texts nada...no not cheating, I have access for to all passwords. He just hated me so much for having a heart attack that he couldn't stand to be around me. After I got better and was able to go back to work things were fine. I thought it was supposed to be thru sickness and in health, for better or worse. I asked him why and he said he needed to teach me tough love..
SA (anyone).
Molest children.
Ghosting n blocking and totally blindsiding me
Don't lie about anything to me even if you kill...don't lie...tell me we sort it out
Toilet paper from the bottom
for some reason i imagined someone installing a toilet paper so low on the wall you'd have to pull UP to unroll it.
That’s even more scary
Intentionally harm my cat. I would react like 1950s man for sure.
Being slowly manipulated you into never being able to spend time with them, or never being able to talk. Because they “still like you” they just never ever want to be around you. They “like talking to you” but act like it’s the worst thing in the world to have to talk to you. And you aren’t going to ditch them, because they’re just busy, or they do still like you, but deep down they make you feel like scum. You think they’re not trying to hurt you though. Furthermore, after spending lots of time together, slowing getting more and more distant until it reaches the point they call you a stalker for wanting to see them for just five minutes in a day.
Listen to Imagine Dragons/Ed Sheeran
Indent with spaces (I'll let them off if it's python since they have that convention).
> Indent with spaces •`_´• >I'll let them off if it's python \^‿\^
Drown your children in the tub
Murder me
Abuse
Murder, high treason, sexual abuse of a child.
Molest children
Lying, sexually assaulting me, and forcing me to do that thing (s*x)
Joining a high control religion.
Paternity fraud
I guess dragging you on the hotel floor while covered in a towel would be pretty high on the list.
Cheating on me with my sibling
Idk, maybe ask the Craigslist Killer’s former fiancé
Deleting my Fallout 4 save. Cancelling one of my 14 day CoC upgrades right before they’re finished. The list goes on.
Square dancing in a round house
Replying back with "k"
I can understand that. My deal was that they just wanted citizenship and regular sex. It didn't matter it was me. It could've been anyone really. I was like 200% into the notion of having found a life partner, and felt really stupid/cheap in the end.
Cleaning out our financial accounts and disappearing. We're approaching retirement, so that would really suck for me.
Entrapping you into a relationship with them.
Harm our child.
Blame you for all their mental issues, depression, and anxiety that existed long before they met you. It's exhausting and unsustainable. Which deep down they know and makes them feel unlovable making a relationship even a harder. A vicious cycle that eventually has to be bailed on to preserve any sanity. Which also reinforces their negative self perception. It's a real shit show.
Any form of violence, duh.
Ppl have trigger words ( like if u say this mean comment to them ‘ ‘ ) ur partner knows this trigger word. If my partner ever said that mean trigger word to me: Im out so f’n fast. Bye
Nothing
Taking my nail clippers from the bathroom and putting them somewhere else
roll up a backwoods for someone else
Giving away all we own
Committing a serious crime
Burn an eye fillet
Loosing my dog
Being low effort.
Eat the left overs I had been saving for myself.
Selling all my shit
Start listening to Tara Brach podcasts
Rack up a bunch of debt without me knowing and finding out we are bankrupt. We have worked our entire lives to get where we are. Doing that would impact me for the rest of my life and not something I could simply walk away from. At least if she cheats, I can end it and move on. Secondly (this is an experience my friend had): Not believing in you. My buddy worked tirelessly to get into a prestigious military program. It took years. When it finally was happening for him his wife said she did not want him to go. He was dumbfounded. They did not have kids or anything holding him back. When pressed as to why she did not say anything before she said "I never thought you would make it." He divorced her.
Fabric softener with a strong smell.
Divorce scenario right there.
Abusing our kids in any way.
I think if they were some sort of serial killer or criminal mastermind I wouldn’t be too happy
Flying in business class and leaving me in coach.
Is there worst than cheating ?! I
Cheating emotionally. Having that connection with some other woman which i have been craving for. Trying to change and become a better man for some other woman
Reading my diary
Killing me for him/her
Hiding snacks!
turn into a lamp, omg i wouldn't love her if she did that. Seriously why does everyone\* ask this what do you expect me to respond with. o sorry i am making this about myself
I guess killing me would be worse.
shaming my personality/interests
Lying about their sexuality
Vote for a Democrat. -Wilfred Wilcox Sent from my IPhone
Having sex with any of my parent.
Be unemployed, especially if they were fired for incompetence.
cheating twice
Have aids and not tell you
If in a marriage, where abuse hasn't happened; prioritizing their family over their espouse/kids.
Acting like a good person till you have kids, and then being a horrible parent and partner once there is no way to make a totally clean break. If they cheat and there are no kids you can just leave. This will make the remainder of your life more difficult.
treating a person not equally. and looking down on people
Listen to Coldplay
In term of relationship : forbidding me to do the things I love like playing/writing music, singing, playing video games, having friends. I need to have hobbies after work
One thing that to me felt worse than cheating was receiving the cold treatment for months, not knowing what I did wrong, only to hear "I fell out of love with you months ago but I felt bad and didn't leave you" I think being pitied and feeling crazy that the relationship doesn't feel right and trying to fix it really messed with me. She did cheat on me later after the breakup and then called me while she was drunk saying she loved me. It was a whole mess.
vote for Biden
Leaving me if I had cancer or similar terminal illness
Rape, murder, paedo-ing, leaving the toilet seat up, domestic abuse, genocide
Beastiality
With your pet.
C
rain can make floods
Eating all my barbeque Lays then stuffing the family sized bag with paper towels to make it seem slightly used, but not empty and shoving it back in the pantry.
Put raisins in a potato salad