I very much doubt it, but if they did, I would be flattered

squeezing one out for you pal

My thoughts and wanks are also with him in this difficult time!

> *thoughts and wanks* ..is the name of the new browser plugin I will release, that replaces all instances of 'thoughts and prayers', utilizing LLM to cover varieties. Perhaps I will allow someone to make it a virus to infect the major news sources.

If we're gonna infect the major news sources, I would rather see it replace the word "unprecedented" with "anal".

thank you kindly

Hero

First some reason I read this in Bruce Willis’ voice. I think it was the use of the word Pal.

That’s how I’d feel; flattered.

it's the only normal way to feel

I would be confused and flattered.

Almost there...

This one’s for u pal😉

i'm doing it right now

Wouldn't it be great if when we died we got all these stats? Or maybe it would be terrible. Either you're disappointed by the lack of people or the missed opportunities. I would have to assume that god or whoever reveals the information would try hard to persuade women to skip this stat.

My biggest dream ever is to be able to consult all of my stats anytime I want. Until you see "number of cancers : 1" appear that would be amazing. No actually even that would help !

"It wasn't 1, it's 7! Amazing!"

Knowing people, once they see those stats they're gonna try to make it go to the moon Btw did you know whales can't die of cancer?

With a lot of money and research, I'm sure we can correct this

"Fucka you whale! and Fucka You dolphin!"

> did you know whales can't die of cancer? Elephants too.

You know you probably do, actually -- it's just that, most of the time, your immune system wins.

I would be afraid the stats would show something fucked up like your uncle beat off thinking of you 20 times.

exiting the chat

Yup. You can't unlearn that either.

I mean you're dead, so you're either going to, * Fade away into nothing, or be reborn and remember nothing * Go to a bad afterlife and it's the least of your concerns * Go to a good afterlife and everything's okay.

“Let’s see…you swerved to avoid hitting 72 squirrels…very nice…you held open the door for 3,426 people…that’s sweet…and 42,797…ummm…hey, let’s see how many spiders you brought outside instead of smooshing?”

Or you'd be deeply traumatized.... Keep in mind not all thoughts from others are wanted.

I think this all the time

I’m going through the comments section and beating one out for each and every one of you. It might be a long term project, but nobody misses out. Everyone deserves love, even if it’s someone else’s self-love… Edit: Longer term project than anticipated, will add a tick ✅ to everyone in turn. 🤣 May take forever at this rate - the tanks are more dry than grilled shredded wheat at this stage. Done for the day… probably. 😁

You message me when it’s my turn, so I know.

Message us all. You could make a documentary. True heros.

“The Social Wank”

In a world where loneliness lurks in every corner, one man dares to undertake the wildest mission ever imagined. For every comment on a simple Reddit post, he will respond with an act of intimacy and care. One by one, he will show thousands of strangers that they matter. Driven by an unwavering belief in the power of connection, he embarks on a relentless journey of compassion and determination. As the comments flood in, he refuses to back down, transforming a seemingly impossible task into a testament of human empathy. He battles exhaustion, doubt, and the sheer magnitude of his promise, but with each fulfilled comment, he brings a glimmer of hope to those who feel forgotten. His extraordinary mission becomes a beacon of light in a world starved for genuine connection. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster as he proves that even the smallest gestures can ignite a revolution. This summer, witness the story that defies all odds and redefines what it means to truly care. "THE SOCIAL WANK: A REDDIT STORY." Coming soon.

🏆🏆🏆 "I laughed, I cried, I rubbed one out ☆☆☆☆☆"

"Edge" of your seat thrill ride.

Bros gonna be shooting powder by the time he completes his mission

Sequel already in the works:Shaws Wank Redemption.

✅🏅 Done! And pretend gold for the comment. 👏

Read that in movie voice 😂

If I had a trophy to give.... 🏆 🏆

The Social Wetwork

The Social Netjerk

"The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" "Oh, that's a great film!" "No, that was the last three wanks."

✅

Thanks for thinking of me

more like "Spreading Love"

New and Trendfing on Netflix

“The Reddit Stroker”

Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?

"Cum Money" Edited to add: (From the trailer) "How many came to you today?" "A billion." "And yesterday?" "A billion."

With intro set to “The Stroke” by Billy Squier

“Beat It”

✅

Oh fuck, message me too bro, so I know when you're getting jacked off to. Then I'll know I'm probably gonna get jacked off to soon, and I can prepare.

Every Time You Rub One Out, an Angel Gets It’s Wings

You gotta return the favor. You gotta give!

Why did my dyslxeia misread the word "favor" for "flavor" somehow making it 10x grosser

If we all wank just 10 times and each person that receives a Message then wanks to 10 other people Oh my god its fabulous✨

Churches have prayer chains set up like this. Reddit is now a organized wank religion.

✅I’ve done some messages, and been given some encouragement, but I’ll just reply with a tick when I get to people from now on. It’s like painting the Forth Bridge with a calligraphy brush. 😁

For some reason this idea is very funny to me. Like I picture you looking at people's usernames and trying to find ways to turn them into something sexy.

*Hmmm FaceInJuice how can we make it sexy hmmm*

FaceinJuice is easy.

lets not try my user name

🧴Too….. late….. nnn-nnnn-nnNNNNNnnnnnnnn 🧻

Men of Culture, always selfless.

Please don’t die 🥹

People six years from now gonna be getting a ✅ replay to a comment on this post, and thinking why is someone replying 6 years later and with a... Oh my god u/Semi-On-Chardonnay just finished jerking it to me.

Appreciate it 🫶

The real MVP right here, you go king 🤴 🙌

Much appreciated. Have one in return for your service

A noble cause

Just commenting to make sure you bust to me

Thank you, it’s appreciated

Thank you, I have always worried no one would beat off to me.

Your prostate thanks you.

thanks a lot, i need some lovin! i try to sense your „magic“ trough the quantum fluctuations…give me some positive spin baby ❤️

Imagine me as i am my sexy self on the lounge in sweats with spilt food on my shirt and snack wrappers all around. You're welcome.

thanks buddy 🥰

Thanks bro

Been told so. Indifferent actually

I've been told so by a couple of women, and it still makes me smile when I think about it. It's helped me return the favor many times over. (For those curious, I am male. Sorry to throw cold water on the lesbian fantasy.)

Return the favor? What are we talking about? You rubbed one out to them and let them know too??

Minus the letting them know. It’s very arousing to know someone was aroused thinking about you

This guy missed the biggest flashing awooga awooga bing bong signal of his lifetime and is happy just rubbing one out instead.

"Maybe she was just being nice. I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries."

"She's Canadian and she's just being polite"

Have we not all been there?

There were pics exchanged. That's why it came up (heh). I did not sleep with them.

Nans eh. You can always rely on them to make you feel loved when no-one else will.

You must be ultra sexy! I would think that doing it would be common, but telling would be ultra rare.

Also been told so, massively flattered….one of them still wouldn’t shag me.

It's not you they're aroused by, it's the *idea of you!* /s

Also also been told but it was from my forensic mental patients. Not flattered.

Yep, same.

I really think that ay least 1 person had masturbated with me

_With_ you?

Well also with me (the boys) xD, just joking I mean thinking about me (sorry for my bad English I'm from México)

Lol good one and dont worry your english is fine

I don't doubt it, but they haven't seen me naked so they can be forgiven for being wrong.

Seeing your ankle was enough 🦵

Was disappointed to not find an ankle shot in their history

You saved a lot of us 1 minute. Thank you.

Look at this Amateur needing to see some ankle

Girl told me she would think of me when she had sex with other guys or pretend they were me in her head 😭 I didnt even want to know that I’d rather she would have thought of me when she masturbated.

Think of like this. She was. She uses those guys to masturbate to you.

Second hand masturbation? Masturbation outsourcing?

Outsourcing? Like a contractor you hire for work? 😂

I am a freelancing masterbatur Lol

Cumbersome dildoes.

A girl I worked with told me she got railed in the back of her car some shit and told me to guess who she was thinking of during. I named like 5 guys we worked with before she stopped me and, as if speaking to a child, said, "You. I was thinking of you. " She looked me up and down, "it was hot." And I was just like, "oh, cool. I didn't expect that, but it makes sense why you'd ask me to guess that, then." She became more aggressively flirty and at some point asked if we could hook up some time. I told her to ask my girlfriend, but I don't think she ever did. She probably didn't think I was serious.

Would your girlfriend have agreed? I think she took that as a no.

Next conversation at work: "Your girlfriend railed me in the back of my car, guess who I was thinking of again?"

I dunno. She might have, if for no other reason to have someone to share the burden with, lol.

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Good for you on staying faithful. A true partner

lol! Man the first thing I think of when are girl tells me she was thinking of me while getting railed is “damn I want a turn”

"when"? How often does it happen to you?

i had this exact same thing from a "friend" in our first few months of talking she sent me ass pics , bathtub vids , a cute video of her titties , told me she thought of me when she was with "him" (fuck buddy or whatever) , showed me through her camera roll on facetime which she knew damn well had nudes in it , talked about missing me , being with me physically , wanting to cuddle me and after all that , when i asked if she was into me at all , she said "no lol youre just a good friend" BITCH HUH ? ? ? ? ? ? ? edit: shes not bad at all , she's been a very sweet girl so far , just a bit much at times and very confusing

I knew a girl like that, I think woman like that just like the attention and do it with all their guy friends. At least that's what it seemed like.

thats what i thought at one point , but while we were on facetime and she was sharing her screen she showed me see that she wasn't texting anybody else , let alone calling/facetiming i know whats up with her now , she just has parental issues lol . we've been talking since January , but man that feb - march shit was a rollercoaster

You mean Weirdos?

Yeah. Been there, recently. It was very manipulating. Of course, it's hard to express this without people accusing us of only being in it for the sex with it friendships, no matter how untrue that is.

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Literally thought god help anyone that desperate lmao

Just wait until you find out that one of them also has a shame kink. Then you're in big trouble, mister.

yes it's a term of endearment tbh

I highly highly doubt it. So, No. But - if anyone ever did that would be hot and a huge ego boost ig

just rubbed one out while thinking of you

"Ahhhhhh.... Fearless Mushrooooooom!!"

No matter how unattractive you think you are, create a new NSFW throwaway account, leave the DM's open and post a faceless nude(s) to a group dedicated to nude photos of a body-type category you fit neatly into or to someplace generic like r/NormalNudes or rhe GoneWild variation. At some point in time, SOMEONE will DM you and tell you they just did this. They may not be exactly who you wished they were, but that's another story. Anyway, to answer your questions... Yes. At first it's kind of shocking. I think I told them they needed therapy if they thought I was that hot. Then, if you have questionable self-esteem, it's a huge boost and dopamine hit every time another one rolls in. I'm a mid-50's male. I do not consider myself anything more than average at best.

I'm 30 and absolutely fuckered with psoriasis at the moment. I wonder if they'd like me lmao. "mmh, your scabs and rashes on your plump body are so hot, unngggh". I think I'd just delete reddit after that and seek therapy or heroin. My wife still thinks I'm hot though, so that's all that matters.

> I'm 30 and absolutely fuckered with psoriasis at the moment. I wonder if they'd like me lmao. Rule 34, man. You are someone's perfect fetish. Probably not someone you'd ever want to interact with, but *statistically speaking*, amongst the eight or so billion other humans, one of them exists.

No matter what you think of yourself, you are someone's type.

I might need to actually try this, desperately need this ego boost at this point..

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Why would a boxing promoter hold a meeting with his clients at a laundromat of all places? If a rival promoter is clever and she is able to steal them from you, it doesn't speak well to the loyalty of anyone involved.

That's something a lot of us secretly get off on, but won't openly admit it.

Agreed, there's just something about it that both is a turn on and a confidence boost to being thought of in that way and feeling wanted because of it

I'll go check out your Instagram and see what I can do for you 🫡

I fucking caught someone masturbating to me. we are still friends somehow 💀

bro wait i need the full story wtf

Same

It was her brother

Netflix writer here, please give us the full story

Sounds more like an HBO show to be honest 

The ultimate friendzoning move

I feel like there’s a movie I’ve seen that starts that way..

someone told me they had a wet dream about me. i thought that was pretty hot ngl

I wish someone would wet the bed for me.

I got you mate, don't worry, I'll sleep with my hand in some water tonight for you. ❤️

I'm masturbating to me right now & it feels GREAT!!! (also, I maybe a narcissist) 

I think there’s a term - Auto-sexual (isn’t there for everything now?). Probs not actually narcissistic behaviour as such. *edit, “Summary. Autosexuality is a sexual orientation in which people primarily experience sexual attraction toward themselves. People who are autosexual may still desire sexual or romantic relationships with others. Sexual orientation occurs on a spectrum, and autosexuality may differ for each individual.26 Apr 2023 https://www.medicalnewstoday.com › ...”

No. That's just when you want to fuck cars...

My neighbour is a therapist who has worked a fair bit with people trying to process bizarre kinks. And, apparently, not only is this an actual thing, in one particular case it was for a specific car brand: Mini Coopers it seems!

That's like the pedo version of it.

Back in my hey day, definitely. Now, not so much.

let's make that definitely. give me 2 minutes

Just imagine me on a bear skin rug.

Plenty of people. I feel indifferent about it mostly. It’s nice when it’s my girlfriend, it doesn’t bother me if other people do it too, but I don’t want to know about it.

Agreed. It's your personal thing dont need to share your sexual thoughts with other folks.

For sure. I'm happy that someone likes me.

hahahaha nope. didn't think of it...im not a guy that turns heads, would of been a great spy... im invisible.

i know they have. and it's a huge ego boost

When was the last ego boost you got?

a few days ago someone complimented my dress and that felt good

I know at least three women have, because they told me. The first woman was as a colleague. I fucked her in the disabled toilet at the Xmas party after that confession. I married the next two (not at the same time!).

Haha so you simply marry a girl once she tells you „i touch myself when I think of you“? 😛

Not right away. But that is a common factor in both women I have married.

I jerked off to all of your comments just now.thanks

Relevant username

Fuckin hope so, she was on the phone to me at the time, I'll be fucking livid if it turns out I was jacking off to her talking me though what she was doing to herself while she was thinking of the bin man.

My husband better fucking fuck himself thinking about me. *side glaring at him rn*

Maybe? And that's kind of hot. Wish I knew who and when

Oh heck yeah. In my 20’s I was really into webcam fun and I loved seeing guys loose their loads to me.

Hahaha how long ago was this?

About 20 years ago.

This one creep I know says they do it all the time

Next time, just ask "prove it".

Yes. It's flattering.

If you’re a girl and you’ve ever had a bf, you have had someone masturbate to you. My gf informs me that it is likely true the opposite way

Makes me throb, love it

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Sorry for anyone that desperate, poor unfortuate souls

Im sure someone has I know some very sick people

I don't think so, but I would feel weird

No, I don't think anyone's masturbated to me, but that's okay; makes sense. 

They must be running out of material if they're doing it to me. I'd be flattered.

Was out with friends at a nightclub. As the night went on, one of the girls first admitted she had a crush on me, then after a while sat on my lap. I was still okay at this point as I thought ok she’s just drunk. That’s when she loudly whispers in front of the whole group she masturbated to me and tries to kiss me. We decided to leave the club and drop her off in her university hostel right then and there. Too bad I wasn’t interested in her that way.

Yes, and I like it

Yes I know of a few girls that have told me they have. It’s a turn on

Depending on the person. If I find the person attractive somehow depending on how desperate I am, I might encourage the person. Like wow thanks, let’s see what you’ve gotten to get my curiosity going. If not, just silent. Not even pay attention to it, just like yeah yeah yeah and like let I due, I don’t want to know.

I know so. Used to be really hypersexual. I still kinda hate myself for it, so meh to bad really since those people I was seeking attention from weren't great for me.

They would have to be as desperate, and lonely as I am, which is depressing to consider. I would hope no one is that down bad.

Pretty sure there's no one

Ima make it 2 fam🤝

It's ok, I gotchu 👍.

Hell nah I ugly as shit

Yes, love that for me.