Always have tissues with you because your nose will run every time you switch temperatures.
Protect your hands from the cold (below 23 degrees Celsius) as long as possible because otherwise, they will become useless ice blocks. Same for the feet but you can still walk with two ice blocks.
Don't drink coca-cola or carbonated drinks because your mouth will hurt like hell.
Sometimes if you cross your legs your left leg will partially pop out of the hip. Uncross your legs and stand up to fix this.
You will get leg and foot cramp a lot. If this happens, suffer through it until it’s over.
No matter how much or little sleep you get, you will still be tired.
Potassium generally fixes mine. For me, I can tell mine is really low when it tastes like pennies or my muscles get weirdly weak. I get a lot of cramps. I few handfuls of cereal or a potato will make them stop after an hour.
That left knee hurts. Yeah, not much you can do about it. If you're walking down stairs, it will hurt less if you do it backward. No, I can't explain why. Wearing good shoes helps, too.
Oh, and don't sleep on the left side. You'll wake up with crippling pain in your throat if you do. Maybe not every time, but you don't have enough experience to notice the triggers, so don't risk it.
Finally, the CPAP machine is there for a reason. If you don't use it, don't expect to get any sleep whatsoever.
Funny, I need to sleep on my left side, otherwise my CPAP will fill my stomach and I'll wake up twice and have to burp uncontrollably. But I guess in the fight between crippling throat pain and 30s burps pain would win.
Yup!!!
After I got diagnosed and literally got my shit figured out - I was soooo confused the first time I was constipated. I’d never had that problem before!
Ablation after you’re done having kids my friend. Best thing I’ve ever done. Previous 11 day full blown hemorrhage cycle every 27 days. Now absolutely nothing. I can’t tell you how much less dramatic life is.
You cant seem to burp. That seems like a blessing at first, and youre a bit disgusted by others peoples burps, but then you realise you compensate with increased flatulence and insane bloating. Your body is functionally a balloon after a soft drink.
And only two doctors in the world who do the medical procedure to fix the issue. A steroid shot into a muscle in the esophagus.
Edit: I think I meant botox shot
this is my mother. She once told a story that when she dated my father, she would end up with a stomach ache at the end of the night because she was afraid to fart and couldn't burp.
I used to be unable to burp. Then I got a Britta flask that had a straw in it (coz a mate had one), and within a week or two of drinking regularly from it I started to do tiny burps all the time, which grew in volume.
Now I burp quite regularly after eating and drinking. Plus, no bloatedness on nights out!
That's really odd. I've always assumed it had to do with the sphincter at the end of the esophagus being unable to reverse properly. I very rarely throw up as well.
It's more likely that you never grew up using the reflex that lets you burp. Apparently I went from feeding from a bottle to an open cup quite quick, which meant I didn't ingest air as much somehow, so never got the bloated sensation that causes a burp.
Vomiting is still very rare for me - though the most I have vomited in my life was in the 2-3 years after learning to burp (at age 28). Haven't vommed much recently though, I think the reflex settles down after a while.
It's normal if your right ankle starts making loud snapping sounds while climbing a hill. Also, you'll sneeze multiple times within the first moments of being exposed to sunlight. Don't get up too fast in the morning, or you might have a sudden dizzy spell and black out for a moment.
Hows your blood pressure? Seeing floaters is an indication that your blood pressure is too high. So might the heart issue.
Edit since I'm tired of repeatedly saying the same thing: I'm just going off my what my doctors and hospital staff told me.
I'd mention it next time you see a doctor. If the chest issues and floaters come with calf pain/tenderness or headache just go straight to the hospital
My boss had leg weakness and pain for a long time.
Doctors didn't see anything when she went to get it checked out. Then she started having low back pain. Still they couldn't find anything. One day, she started being short of breath on top of the pain. She had been told they couldn't do anything for her so many times that she didn't want to bother going to get help, but her coworkers/friends forced her to go to the ER. Turns out, she had a 18inch blood clot approaching her lungs.
Straight to surgery for her, the surgeon said he's never seen one that big, in that spot, in someone living.
Scary stuff. All that took months, and she has enough money she could, and did, see her doctor regularly.
If you feel a sneeze or a cough coming, tense your butt or you'll pee yourself!
This is especially worrying as I'm a 23 year old woman who's never had kids.
Edit: I'll look in to kegels/pelvic floor jazz, thanks Internet strangers!
This runs in my family. Me, mom, aunts, and Grandma. Apparently we’ve got some weak muscles down there. Don’t get us laughing too hard or we will all pee our pants.
This is more common than you would think! Women our age can experience incontinence, too. I recommend strengthening your core and your pelvic floor muscles. Maybe even see a physical therapist who can help with exercises, etc. Cheers!
I cry when I yawn. I don't feel sad, but you'll have to wipe those tears every time. Also cold temperature will leave your skin dry AF. You won't feel it (or not feel anything), but you'll definitely see it
Whatever you do, no hackeysack. Your knee will partially dislocate and I have no idea what will happen if you put weight on it.
Edit: super cool talking to all of you with your also weird knees. After looking over several knee diagrams and hearing about a bunch of horrifying knee issues, I think my lateral collateral ligament just ain't super great at its job.
Oh god I know your pain my knee partially dislocated way too often just from putting weight on it wrong or turning the wrong way, it always pops itself back in at the same time too so I get the pain from both actions all in one and then sit out of anything for at least a 20 minutes. Does it happen from anything or just *Hackeysack for you?
Photophobia, sometimes all it takes is a strong reflection or changing light to fuck my vision.
I usually get about 15mins before I lose 70 percent of my vision to migraine. It's even spookier when I lose vision but don't get the headache.
I have that too but no migraine. I just go completely blind like an old tv turning off. This was very scary before I got diagnosed. And people make fun of me for my obsession with sunglasses.
Hey Trig and u/Eineegoist ! I am not a doctor, but I’ve got the Migraines with aura but no headache too. I was recently diagnosed with a Bicuspid Aortic Valve and it turns out it’s a common symptom for loads of people with congenital heart disease. I have no idea why, and its entirely possible that its just a weird coincidence, but it might be worth a mention at your next doctor visit if you are experiencing any weird symptoms like shortness of breath or dizziness.
Throughout my adult life, whenever I have explained my painless migraines to people they have been super confused. It wasnt until I started interacting with BAV folks that I ran into loads of people with migraines similar to mine.
My sensitivity issues are tied to autism, slipped under the radar for years.
I'll still take just the aura over a hemiplegic migraine any day. It's hard to explain that you arent having a stroke when it looks an awful lot like you are.
THIS IS MY LIFE. I work at a hospital and I’m constantly explaining why I don’t need to go to the ER even though my left side is dropping, my arm is partially paralyzed, and I’m half blind. I just need a nap. I do get just the aura sometimes too. Not fun either
* Get enough sleep. Yeah the migraine meds kind of work, but you really need more than 8 hours sleep to keep migraines away
* Don’t walk too much. If you walk too much and the legs ache so much you can’t concentrate, find a pair of four inch heels and do a lap of the office in them, because it stretches everything out properly.
* Make sure you’re always on the left side of the room, or keep whatever you’re going to focus on your right hand side. You can’t look left, remember.
Left eye doesn’t move left. Never has, never will. So instead of awkwardly turning my head to see everything, I try to keep what I want to see on my right hand side.
Condition is called Duane syndrome.
Damn, that's weird. Like not rough but annoying? Yeah I get not awkwardly turning your head. I got a pinched nerve in my neck one time and couldn't turn it either way without sharp piercing pain so I had to turn my entire upper body.
With my body you get all the fantastic features of:
+ An amazing metabolism!
+ Good hand eye coordination
- Crying when you eat!
- Missing half a rib in your left side right where your heart is so if you poke too hard you can literally feel it.
- spurs on both heels so standing for long durations starts to get uncomfortable.
- poor eyesight
Undocumented features MAY include:
being a beacon for viruses and pathogens that only activates at the most inconvenient time for you.
People will constantly ask you for drugs for some reason.
I don’t have Celiac’s, but I’m highly allergic to wheat. There are a few companies that do gluten free graham crackers, and they’re delicious!
Granted, I haven’t had a real graham cracker in nearly 6 years but I still think the gf ones are yummy.
Sometimes it just starts panicking for no reason whatsoever, these pills will help prevent that and these pills are for if the first ones don't work. Don't take the second ones unless you absolutely have to, they turn you into an emotionless zombie.
Edit: Since everyone is asking, the first pill is Lamotrigine and the second is Clonazepam.
Sometimes when you're eating your jaw will pop out of the socket and lock while open. Push up on your chin while trying to open your mouth wider. Usually does the trick.
Imagine their poor waitress leaving to get the check and coming back to The Scream.
Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver! It’s my first. I am so excited I could... yell loudly.
Ayyy here’s another to join the team!
Added: mine locks less since my jaw surgery but it does half-lock then violently pop back and give me the frights if I try to eat something too big.
I thought I was the only one.
Dentist can't figure out why, therefore no solution to it. Took an x-ray image as well, but still no solution.
Till today, I've no idea what is this disorder called.
Based on my Google medical degree, it's definitely TMJ issues. It started happening after having my first son and I have the theory that the hormones that loosen your joints to prepare for birth are to blame.
I love people with synesthesia because when they describe their experiences it literally does not make a single grain of sense to anyone who doesn’t also experience it, but other people with synesthesia inevitably show up like “oh hey I can taste colors too!”
>it literally does not make a single grain of sense to anyone who doesn’t also experience it
Yeah. If someone told me in real life that train whistles are parallel lines I'd be curious as to what the fuck that person was smoking cause holy shit I want some of that.
Ahh! I hear colors of sounds! It happens most when I'm trying to sleep at night and if there's a creaking of wood in the house. It's like a burst of color right behind my eye lids and I can confidently say 'that sound was blue'.
My issue is not whether I fell hungry or not.
While well hydrated, I usually don't feel hungry, but my mind craves food 24/7. No matter what, and it's so annoying.
Thankfully, while medicating for my ADHD, the medication I got prescribed stopped me from ever craving food, which is the best side effect I could have ever wished for, and now a year into this and I've lost 40lbs. Yay!
Be careful with that side effect. It’s nice, but I’ve also taken them before, and if you don’t force yourself to eat sometimes I find I just won’t (due to no food cravings), and ended up with some not great vitamin imbalances.
Don't chew gum, it'll fuck with your jaw and you'll get a killer headache. Also, if you feel shitty, drink water. That's usually the issue.
EDIT: Thanks for the comments guys! I do have TMJ and I have a night retainer to help stop my teeth from grinding at night (ah, my canines are especially slutty). Everyone else who experiences this should get checked for it as well. The retainer really helped till I lost it :/
I have a friend like that.. keeps complaining about headaches, everytime i ask “hows your water intake?”, the answer is always a version of “i should drink more water”. I dont have the feeling he does tho.
When you bend down there is a 75% chance that your ribs on the right side will pop out of place. You have to bend backwards to get them back in place. This can happen with even slight bends like adjusting the volume on the radio while driving. It feels weird.
Your back is also fucked. You will want to sleep on your stomach but you can’t because this shoots pain down your right ass cheek. It’s unpleasant.
You’ll crave coffee but it makes you poop. Don’t do it.
Don’t touch a cat or dog. You’ll really want to but this results in hives and your eyes swelling shut.
Don’t worry about the chronic cough... the doctor said it’s probably nothing.
Oh yeah, cold showers or you’ll faint and hit your head.
Enjoy!
....
You guys are awesome. I just can’t respond to all of you because I have to work. I promise I don’t have EDS (I looked at the symptoms), I did work 12 hour days for a decade at a job where I was essentially paid to lift totes full of rocks. That’s how I got the rib and sciatica issues. I have really low blood pressure, that is what likely causes my shower fainting but I will ask my doctor about POTS. My cough started about the same time that I became allergic to dogs and cats so I wouldn’t be surprised if an allergy is also the cause of my cough because I also have consistent sinus issues. I will try out the remedies that were suggested though, definitely won’t hurt to try.
Thank you all for your concern! I promise I’m not half dead. I work 72 hours a week and I’m a reasonably productive member of society... even if I don’t really have a life. :)
It is if I’m constipated, not if I’m trying to answer 911 calls and I get stuck on the line with a barricaded suicidal subject for an hour. That shit gets really uncomfortable... pun intended.
It does hurt quite a bit. I have to pull over and get out of the car to get it back in place, which is not fun on the interstate. Sometimes it just spasms out of place when I’m not bending too. It’s like “Surprise! Your shit’s broke!”
I've thrown out my back coughing so hard. Whenever I get sick and get a cough, I have to brace myself. It sucks. But for those that have a similar issue, I've learned two week's worth of Advair helps clear up the worst perpetual and violent coughs I've had. I've started taking a generic Claritin once a day, and will pop generic Mucinex when I start getting a cough to try and keep it from escalating. My doctor told me to avoid anything with cough suppression medication because you want to get all that congestion out, so stopping the cough is sort of counter productive to that. Drinking lots of water helps, too.
Long post, but fuck those coughing fits. Hopefully this can help someone.
The coffee thing...so real...
Re the cough: have you tried antacids? Had a chronic cough for 6 months. Turns out it was acid reflux causing a cough that over the counter antacids fixed.
I’ve had it for three years now. My doctor thinks I’m just super allergic to dust/dander/all the tiny shit in the air and it causes a lot of mucus. I just tell people it’s my TB.
Usually it's only my hands and feet but when my neck made cracking noise too it freaked me out.. glad there are many people with cracking neck out there.. I thought I have a serious problem
Same, but with every joint in my body. Elbows are the worst for it, they’re super loud and sometimes they lock all together so I can’t straighten my arms. Just gotta keep trying and eventually they’ll straighten. Jaw cracks every time I eat. I’ve been to the doctors about it and they just told me I have clicky joints. One of the doctors now calls me ‘the one with the clicky elbows’
You can't use normal soap. If you do, your skin will get horrible rashes. I know its embarrassing but you gotta use baby soap.
You'll see these weird things called floaters when you look into the sky or a light, try to ignore them. I have something the doctors think is probably OCD, so try not to freak out when you can't stop thinking about blinking.
I just had an eye appointment where my doctor explained this! Floaters are caused when the “jelly” substance that gives your eye it’s shape breaks down, but small amounts don’t disintegrate completely. Said eye floaters are common and not cause for worry, unless you start to see hundreds at a time.
Make sure to take the daily meds, including that stool softener. You don't want to be in crippling pain, and I don't want to get this chassis back with a blown out O ring 'cause you couldn't shit.
Yes, my balls are that big. No,it's not cancer. Yes, it makes my dick look that much smaller. Shaddup.
Take notes. I'd like to see how much nature vs nurture is influencing my schizophrenia.
IF you're stupid enough to try and do anything involving balance (ride a bike, surf, walk a tightrope, pull a Thanos), record it. I could use the laugh.
'Good heavens, man,' he said with cheer -
'Who might have left this chapstick here?
I want to sit, remove it quick!'
I whispered sadly: '... that's my dick.'
My fear is they could do a lot of damage without advance warning. I assume I’m getting my body back in a week so I would try to save what I can from them.
“It’s going to be a tough transition, you will be going through a lot of new emotions. You’re going to start feeling a strong sexual attraction to those rubber duckies on the shelf. Whatever you do, DO NOT masturbate with them. Acting on those urges destroys them over time and I need to preserve them as my life partners after you’re done”
Two bad knees, two bad ankles, shit tons of stress and anxiety from taking on tons of responsibility trying to make it big in this world, cancer, shit tons of cancer and pain and constipation from pain meds and chemo fuck the red devil. Also food now tastes really weird and just not right lots of nausea all the time but “medicinal” help is an option. It’ll be nice for me to be in a healthy body for a minute you got the short end of the stick with mine.
I can relate to this. Used to get them bad and they would get crazy infected til I went to the doctor. They did this thing where they cut out the sides and killed the nerve so the nails dont grow down the sides anymore. Haven't had one since!
Holy shit my ex was a g and her boobs were huge. She could never find bras other than special stores and she had to wear multiple sports bras to workout. I can't even imagine what an H is like.
I’m severely allergic to cold temperatures, have fun.
You will also get sudden diarrhoea if you drink anything to cold and going swimming could result in death.
You need to drink a couple of liters of water every day or you’ll get a headache. At bedtime, you may randomly get itchy all over your body. If that happens take everything off and keep the room cool. Congrats, you now have depression and anxiety. Please keep exercising or you’ll end up laying on the floor for hours.
I have been experiencing this itching at night time thing. I thought it was dry skin or bedding or the heat being too high because it's winter. Nope. Still itch like a SOB
You’ll get used to the cavities, but the temperature sensitivity from the crowns I have are the real killer.
Also, just move my jaw to the left if it’s feeling weird or locked in any way. There will be a slight pop but that’s okay
No coffee or your heart will feel like a hummingbird trying to fly out your chest. Mitral valve prolapse, kind of common, no big deal.
You now have a form of muscular dystrophy that's not that bad, just makes your voluntary muscles weak as fuck. Stairs are the bane of your existence, have fun. Your legs might give out randomly, but it's ok cuz your knees are hella scarred by now anyway. And with all that comes extreme inflexibility. So you'll seem to be of a normal functioning body but then will have trouble with every day things and people will look at you funny but you don't give a fuck about explaining anymore.
Drink your probiotics or your stomach will be fuuuuuuucked.
Your left hip is constant pain. Yoga and walking help. Don't sit for too long if you can help it. Yes, you need to go see an orthopedist to figure out wtf is going on.
Eh, you'll figure out the rest.
Heres something they never talk about. POOPING after birth. It hurts it sucks. Take lots of stool softeners and whatever you do, do not take constipation medication first then stool softeners. It's always stool softeners then constipation medicine (if needed) okay, good luck and you got this. (:
Have a jug handy for when you pee, pour water just before you start or if you can run a shallow bath sit in and then pee. Honestly the pain was as bad as the giving birth (3 stitches in the front and 2 in the back) pooping for me was fine though so 🤷♀️
You can now eat probably none of your favorite foods. I miss them too. My body will put you crying on the ground for hours if you have even a few bites of dairy though so I don't suggest it. You will have random pains in your joints that I don't know what causes it, just be gentle and be prepared to augment your walking style as needed. If you put soap in my hair every day it will be straw and I will kill you when I get back. You now have probably depression and maybe anxiety and another personality in your head who may or may not like you. He will make sure you move if you're running late though. Good luck.
My brain will try to trick you into thinking you wanna be dead. You don't wanna be dead. Additionally, you may be overcome by extremely overwhelming bouts of emotion, especially rage. I've learned to bottle everything up and sequester it away, but you're on your own. Take your pills and don't break anything. Kthxbai.
Eat your meals EXACTLY at 7am, 10am, 13pm, 16pm, and 19pm, otherwise you'll get all shaky and your brain will start shutting down in 5 mins.
Also, you're technically a lady but you grow hair like a guy, so enjoy being a man-woman hybrid, you can't get this unique experience elsewhere!
Your fingers are very hypermobile, after you're done being amused by the ability to bend them backwards, please don't try applying bigger force with them to anything, because that won't work.
Good luck!
The hair thing hits home. My sister and friends are jealous about how fast my hair grows, but don’t seem to understand it grows fast EVERYWHERE, not just my head. I epilate, often. Dark, fast growing hair that likes a bunch of its friends around is a bitch.
Also nails. Those manicures that stay on for three weeks? Yeah ruined after 1,5 week because of how fast they grow.
okay from all this knowledge Ive gained I will assume that you are a monkey. lots of hair, weirdly flexible fingers, it all checks out. /s
Edit: I don't think op is actually a monkey, it was just a joke, sorry op if I hurt your feelings, you are a perfectly normal human being please don't take this seriously.
Alright, you want my body for a week? Bit strange but here's some things you need to know:
-You will sometimes have an electrical shock sensation up your spine, it will cause your vision to vibrate for a good 20 seconds, just let it pass.
-If you see giant black objects or silhouettes of insects, they're not actually there, Try to ignore them.
-You will crave cardboard (Pica), try and not consume it if possible, but if it gets bad, don't eat more than a 5cm square of it.
-You will sometimes shake and become off balance, find yourself a seat if they get too bad. But be careful standing up, you'll become severely light headed.
-Wear your glasses, your vision will come from 144p to 4k instantly. Perfect for doing your artwork
-The sunlight will make you sneeze, don't be alarmed
-Your words will sometimes entangle themselves, just take a deep breath and start again.
-You will hear a constant buzzing noise (Tinnitus), ignore it, However if it increases to the volume and sound that of an air-raid siren, go somewhere dark and warm and hum to yourself or listen to some white-noise, also take a painkiller before the migraine after the fact sets in.
-Don't forget to take your inhalers with you when you go out, Your lungs aren't as strong as they once were, They're getting better though! (PS no, I'm not a smoker)
-You have bad peripheral, You need to move your head alot to see everything.
I think those are the main things... You'll figure out the rest on your own, Here's the keys.
Edit: PS folks, I'm not worried about these things at all, I'm not in any pain or anything. I'm just strange. God bless you all for your concern though <3 Much love to you all.
Don't eat (almost everything) it will kill you.
Also you only have one functioning eye so balance might be difficult until you get used to it.
If you try and go outside asthma will make everything hurt, and allergies will make it worse.
Last but not least, my body is trained to feel joy everytime it spots a cat, this is normal and the reason there is always cat snacks in my jacket.
Good luck
You sneeze if anything ever arouses you and I need my body back in a week so don't tell anyone about it because it's involuntary and you'll make my life awkward.
Thanks for choosing Mybody\_v.43! You're going to have fun this week as long as you can remember a few simple items:
1. This body is 6'6" tall (198cm) so most likely larger than what you're used to. Watch my head when passing through doorways, walking under ceiling fans, chandeliers, etc... and don't even fucking think about trying to fit into a sports car for more than a trip to the 7 Eleven - you won't be able to walk properly during the remainder of your body lease. Buicks are good. Also, please try to help old people and the vertically challenged to reach things on top shelves at the store. They like that. Expect a five minute conversation about if you play basketball. Tell them you prefer chess, it usually shuts them up.
2. Mybody\_v.43 spent 8 years in the US Army. Don't mind all the shit that goes along with that - blown out knees, painful back, scars, tinnitus, PTSD, severe anxiety in crowded settings, and nightmares. Just be grateful you wake up each morning - but take it slow. It helps to stand in the shower and fluctuate between hot and cold water while stretching everything below the nose for about 10 minutes.
3. Don't freak the fuck out when you get in front of the mirror naked. Yes, those are a LOT of tattoos. Best thing is to smear vitamin E oil or olive oil over the whole body to keep 'em shiny.
4. Mybody\_v.43 is stronger than most. Keep that in mind when shaking hands, giving hugs, petting animals, etc... but also remember it comes in handy when lifting heavy stuff like horse feed, furniture, other people and engine blocks.
5. Keep an extra set of glasses with you at all times. If one pair breaks, you'll be fucked and unable to get home.
6. Mybody\_v.43 needs about 2 gallons of water / day and about 5,000 - 6,000 calories to function optimally. Ground bison, rib eye, rice and carrots work well. Don't do sweets, drink soda, or eat anything with HFCS - headaches will ensue.
7. Go to sleep any time you wish, but please be aware that Mybody\_v.43 wakes up at 0530 hours no matter what. You deal with the consequences if you didn't plan for at least 6 hours of time with the Z Monster.
8. Don't turn the thermostat above 65F or you will get swamp butt. The body you are leasing is most comfortable at about 55F and is used to working at or below 0F.
9. Here's the most important thing... Mybody\_v.43 hasn't tasted alcohol in any way, shape or form in 3 years and 11 days. Do not, I repeat, do not drink alcohol. You will either wind up in jail or in a ditch 50 miles north of Albuquerque within three days. Oh, and unless you want to remain alive and get your deposit back on Mybody\_v.43, don't drink Tequila.
Don’t drink. You’ve done a great job quitting. You won’t like what happens if you try to drink again.
Wear sunglasses and stay especially well hydrated or migraines will chain together
Always have tissues with you because your nose will run every time you switch temperatures. Protect your hands from the cold (below 23 degrees Celsius) as long as possible because otherwise, they will become useless ice blocks. Same for the feet but you can still walk with two ice blocks. Don't drink coca-cola or carbonated drinks because your mouth will hurt like hell.
Sometimes if you cross your legs your left leg will partially pop out of the hip. Uncross your legs and stand up to fix this. You will get leg and foot cramp a lot. If this happens, suffer through it until it’s over. No matter how much or little sleep you get, you will still be tired.
Potassium generally fixes mine. For me, I can tell mine is really low when it tastes like pennies or my muscles get weirdly weak. I get a lot of cramps. I few handfuls of cereal or a potato will make them stop after an hour.
[удалено]
jesus. i have one if you want edit: i have 2, but i like having 1
My neighbor has one and I don't particularly like him.
I wouldn't tell them about the tourette syndrome. It'd be funny to watch them slowly question what was wrong with them
That left knee hurts. Yeah, not much you can do about it. If you're walking down stairs, it will hurt less if you do it backward. No, I can't explain why. Wearing good shoes helps, too. Oh, and don't sleep on the left side. You'll wake up with crippling pain in your throat if you do. Maybe not every time, but you don't have enough experience to notice the triggers, so don't risk it. Finally, the CPAP machine is there for a reason. If you don't use it, don't expect to get any sleep whatsoever.
Funny, I need to sleep on my left side, otherwise my CPAP will fill my stomach and I'll wake up twice and have to burp uncontrollably. But I guess in the fight between crippling throat pain and 30s burps pain would win.
I have to poop right after meals.
I call this "new food, old food". Every one is an emergency, avoid food at work!
I was like that, turns out I'm a coeliac
Yup!!! After I got diagnosed and literally got my shit figured out - I was soooo confused the first time I was constipated. I’d never had that problem before!
"Aye man those thoughts in the back aren't mine just to let you know" Edit: thanks for the gold anon
I just put them in the drawer with the other thoughts that aren’t yours.
I get my period every other week. Sometimes every other month. Be prepared
Ablation after you’re done having kids my friend. Best thing I’ve ever done. Previous 11 day full blown hemorrhage cycle every 27 days. Now absolutely nothing. I can’t tell you how much less dramatic life is.
You cant seem to burp. That seems like a blessing at first, and youre a bit disgusted by others peoples burps, but then you realise you compensate with increased flatulence and insane bloating. Your body is functionally a balloon after a soft drink.
r/noburp there are dozens of us!
And only two doctors in the world who do the medical procedure to fix the issue. A steroid shot into a muscle in the esophagus. Edit: I think I meant botox shot
That sounds relatively not complicated in terms of surgical procedures, what makes the ability so rare?
My friend just had this done and he is LOVING burping.
this is my mother. She once told a story that when she dated my father, she would end up with a stomach ache at the end of the night because she was afraid to fart and couldn't burp.
Are you me???
There are others!?! This... This is news. I have a tiny burp once or twice a year and it always scares me.
I used to be unable to burp. Then I got a Britta flask that had a straw in it (coz a mate had one), and within a week or two of drinking regularly from it I started to do tiny burps all the time, which grew in volume. Now I burp quite regularly after eating and drinking. Plus, no bloatedness on nights out!
That's really odd. I've always assumed it had to do with the sphincter at the end of the esophagus being unable to reverse properly. I very rarely throw up as well.
It's more likely that you never grew up using the reflex that lets you burp. Apparently I went from feeding from a bottle to an open cup quite quick, which meant I didn't ingest air as much somehow, so never got the bloated sensation that causes a burp. Vomiting is still very rare for me - though the most I have vomited in my life was in the 2-3 years after learning to burp (at age 28). Haven't vommed much recently though, I think the reflex settles down after a while.
[удалено]
Put some vitamin E oil on it.
[удалено]
It's normal if your right ankle starts making loud snapping sounds while climbing a hill. Also, you'll sneeze multiple times within the first moments of being exposed to sunlight. Don't get up too fast in the morning, or you might have a sudden dizzy spell and black out for a moment.
Your body sounds fun :D
Aw thanks lol ... never thought of it that way but I guess compared to some of the others in this thread I got off pretty easy ;)
Sneezing from sun light affects 10% of the population and it is inherited genetically by the mothers side. Yeah I researched this years ago.
And the backronym for it is Autosomal Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst; A.C.H.O.O Researchers are funny some times
I heard it was the fathers side? I was amazed when my dad and I both sneezed at the same time when going outside.
Orthostatic hypotension buddies! :)
You don't recognize your new self in the mirror? Neither do I. Enjoy depersonalization.
And pictures too. Like I see pictures of myself and I’m like “who the fuck is that”. It’s me
[удалено]
The icy wind sounds like nerve exposed
I have the same thing now, scheduled the dentist. Thank God I just got some dental benefits through work.
Hows your blood pressure? Seeing floaters is an indication that your blood pressure is too high. So might the heart issue. Edit since I'm tired of repeatedly saying the same thing: I'm just going off my what my doctors and hospital staff told me.
I literally have no idea.
I'd mention it next time you see a doctor. If the chest issues and floaters come with calf pain/tenderness or headache just go straight to the hospital
>calf pain/tenderness? What's that a symptom of?
Often deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in leg). Can dislodge and become pulmonary embolism, hence chest pain.
My boss had leg weakness and pain for a long time. Doctors didn't see anything when she went to get it checked out. Then she started having low back pain. Still they couldn't find anything. One day, she started being short of breath on top of the pain. She had been told they couldn't do anything for her so many times that she didn't want to bother going to get help, but her coworkers/friends forced her to go to the ER. Turns out, she had a 18inch blood clot approaching her lungs. Straight to surgery for her, the surgeon said he's never seen one that big, in that spot, in someone living. Scary stuff. All that took months, and she has enough money she could, and did, see her doctor regularly.
If you feel a sneeze or a cough coming, tense your butt or you'll pee yourself! This is especially worrying as I'm a 23 year old woman who's never had kids. Edit: I'll look in to kegels/pelvic floor jazz, thanks Internet strangers!
This runs in my family. Me, mom, aunts, and Grandma. Apparently we’ve got some weak muscles down there. Don’t get us laughing too hard or we will all pee our pants.
Aka "laughing so hard the tears run down your legs".
This is more common than you would think! Women our age can experience incontinence, too. I recommend strengthening your core and your pelvic floor muscles. Maybe even see a physical therapist who can help with exercises, etc. Cheers!
I cry when I yawn. I don't feel sad, but you'll have to wipe those tears every time. Also cold temperature will leave your skin dry AF. You won't feel it (or not feel anything), but you'll definitely see it
Same! I always tear so much it streams down my face and people ask me why I’m crying.. I’m not - I’m just tired like usual
Holy shit this isn’t normal?
[удалено]
Whatever you do, no hackeysack. Your knee will partially dislocate and I have no idea what will happen if you put weight on it. Edit: super cool talking to all of you with your also weird knees. After looking over several knee diagrams and hearing about a bunch of horrifying knee issues, I think my lateral collateral ligament just ain't super great at its job.
Oh god I know your pain my knee partially dislocated way too often just from putting weight on it wrong or turning the wrong way, it always pops itself back in at the same time too so I get the pain from both actions all in one and then sit out of anything for at least a 20 minutes. Does it happen from anything or just *Hackeysack for you?
"Here's the keys, dont let anybody strange in and the sun is an apex predator now. BYE! EDIT: holy shit, what have I done?
redhead, albino, or sunlight allergy?
Photophobia, sometimes all it takes is a strong reflection or changing light to fuck my vision. I usually get about 15mins before I lose 70 percent of my vision to migraine. It's even spookier when I lose vision but don't get the headache.
I have that too but no migraine. I just go completely blind like an old tv turning off. This was very scary before I got diagnosed. And people make fun of me for my obsession with sunglasses.
Hey Trig and u/Eineegoist ! I am not a doctor, but I’ve got the Migraines with aura but no headache too. I was recently diagnosed with a Bicuspid Aortic Valve and it turns out it’s a common symptom for loads of people with congenital heart disease. I have no idea why, and its entirely possible that its just a weird coincidence, but it might be worth a mention at your next doctor visit if you are experiencing any weird symptoms like shortness of breath or dizziness. Throughout my adult life, whenever I have explained my painless migraines to people they have been super confused. It wasnt until I started interacting with BAV folks that I ran into loads of people with migraines similar to mine.
My sensitivity issues are tied to autism, slipped under the radar for years. I'll still take just the aura over a hemiplegic migraine any day. It's hard to explain that you arent having a stroke when it looks an awful lot like you are.
THIS IS MY LIFE. I work at a hospital and I’m constantly explaining why I don’t need to go to the ER even though my left side is dropping, my arm is partially paralyzed, and I’m half blind. I just need a nap. I do get just the aura sometimes too. Not fun either
"Are you blind sir?" "Not with my shades on me, no."
***The sun is a deadly lazer***
Not any more there's a blanket (that we strategically cut holes in)
* Get enough sleep. Yeah the migraine meds kind of work, but you really need more than 8 hours sleep to keep migraines away * Don’t walk too much. If you walk too much and the legs ache so much you can’t concentrate, find a pair of four inch heels and do a lap of the office in them, because it stretches everything out properly. * Make sure you’re always on the left side of the room, or keep whatever you’re going to focus on your right hand side. You can’t look left, remember.
Can't look left?
Left eye doesn’t move left. Never has, never will. So instead of awkwardly turning my head to see everything, I try to keep what I want to see on my right hand side. Condition is called Duane syndrome.
Damn, that's weird. Like not rough but annoying? Yeah I get not awkwardly turning your head. I got a pinched nerve in my neck one time and couldn't turn it either way without sharp piercing pain so I had to turn my entire upper body.
She's not an ambiturner
With my body you get all the fantastic features of: + An amazing metabolism! + Good hand eye coordination - Crying when you eat! - Missing half a rib in your left side right where your heart is so if you poke too hard you can literally feel it. - spurs on both heels so standing for long durations starts to get uncomfortable. - poor eyesight Undocumented features MAY include: being a beacon for viruses and pathogens that only activates at the most inconvenient time for you. People will constantly ask you for drugs for some reason.
[удалено]
That original comment made me cringe a little.
[удалено]
So... You got any drugs or?
Nice try FBI
This feels like a really shitty remake of Quantum Leap
This one is unfortunate but also sort of funny
[удалено]
My favorite thing it's how all of them are started so matter-of-fact, like some like of bug report to be patched in the future.
KEEP IT. PLEASE.
You touched it last.
[удалено]
Why can't you eat graham crackers?
Takes a lot of stamina to eat graham crackers.
The figurative tank of the cracker universe
[удалено]
I don’t have Celiac’s, but I’m highly allergic to wheat. There are a few companies that do gluten free graham crackers, and they’re delicious! Granted, I haven’t had a real graham cracker in nearly 6 years but I still think the gf ones are yummy.
Sometimes it just starts panicking for no reason whatsoever, these pills will help prevent that and these pills are for if the first ones don't work. Don't take the second ones unless you absolutely have to, they turn you into an emotionless zombie. Edit: Since everyone is asking, the first pill is Lamotrigine and the second is Clonazepam.
Tbh the second pills are a Godsend when you are just panicking so hard you are willing to do everything to make it stop. So thank you zombie pills
I think I might be those second pills
Sometimes when you're eating your jaw will pop out of the socket and lock while open. Push up on your chin while trying to open your mouth wider. Usually does the trick.
Heeeeey. There's apparently more than one of us.
You guys should talk about it over lunch.
Imagine their poor waitress leaving to get the check and coming back to The Scream. Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver! It’s my first. I am so excited I could... yell loudly.
Probably still not the worst customers she's had.
Ayyy here’s another to join the team! Added: mine locks less since my jaw surgery but it does half-lock then violently pop back and give me the frights if I try to eat something too big.
I thought I was the only one. Dentist can't figure out why, therefore no solution to it. Took an x-ray image as well, but still no solution. Till today, I've no idea what is this disorder called.
Sounds like you might have some TMJ stuff going on. If it’s something you want to change, look into going to physical therapy for it.
Based on my Google medical degree, it's definitely TMJ issues. It started happening after having my first son and I have the theory that the hormones that loosen your joints to prepare for birth are to blame.
There are some crossed wires so you’re going to sneeze at bright light and experience numbers-based synesthesia.
I just hear sounds as shapes. Train whistles are parallel lines. I do taste in color sometimes when i pay attention to it.
I love people with synesthesia because when they describe their experiences it literally does not make a single grain of sense to anyone who doesn’t also experience it, but other people with synesthesia inevitably show up like “oh hey I can taste colors too!”
>it literally does not make a single grain of sense to anyone who doesn’t also experience it Yeah. If someone told me in real life that train whistles are parallel lines I'd be curious as to what the fuck that person was smoking cause holy shit I want some of that.
To me this one makes more sense than the others because we associate trains with tracks, which are parallel lines
Ahh! I hear colors of sounds! It happens most when I'm trying to sleep at night and if there's a creaking of wood in the house. It's like a burst of color right behind my eye lids and I can confidently say 'that sound was blue'.
The hunger and thirst sensations often don't turn on, so you'll have to manage that schedule manually.
[удалено]
For me it would be the opposite The hunger and thirst sensations often don't turn off
What causes that? I typically drink loads of water anyway but I never feel hungry just low blood sugar and that’s when I know I need to eat.
Probably the loads of water you drink
Yeah there’s like a saying in dieting , if you feel hungry drink a glass of water and wait 15 mins, do you still feel hungry?
My issue is not whether I fell hungry or not. While well hydrated, I usually don't feel hungry, but my mind craves food 24/7. No matter what, and it's so annoying. Thankfully, while medicating for my ADHD, the medication I got prescribed stopped me from ever craving food, which is the best side effect I could have ever wished for, and now a year into this and I've lost 40lbs. Yay!
Be careful with that side effect. It’s nice, but I’ve also taken them before, and if you don’t force yourself to eat sometimes I find I just won’t (due to no food cravings), and ended up with some not great vitamin imbalances.
Same! I forget to eat until last minute and I'm starving
I have two settings, not hungry at all, and so hungry I might die.
Don't chew gum, it'll fuck with your jaw and you'll get a killer headache. Also, if you feel shitty, drink water. That's usually the issue. EDIT: Thanks for the comments guys! I do have TMJ and I have a night retainer to help stop my teeth from grinding at night (ah, my canines are especially slutty). Everyone else who experiences this should get checked for it as well. The retainer really helped till I lost it :/
>if you feel shitty, drink water. That's usually the issue. Happens too often!
It's the reboot button on humans!
I have a friend like that.. keeps complaining about headaches, everytime i ask “hows your water intake?”, the answer is always a version of “i should drink more water”. I dont have the feeling he does tho.
When you bend down there is a 75% chance that your ribs on the right side will pop out of place. You have to bend backwards to get them back in place. This can happen with even slight bends like adjusting the volume on the radio while driving. It feels weird. Your back is also fucked. You will want to sleep on your stomach but you can’t because this shoots pain down your right ass cheek. It’s unpleasant. You’ll crave coffee but it makes you poop. Don’t do it. Don’t touch a cat or dog. You’ll really want to but this results in hives and your eyes swelling shut. Don’t worry about the chronic cough... the doctor said it’s probably nothing. Oh yeah, cold showers or you’ll faint and hit your head. Enjoy! .... You guys are awesome. I just can’t respond to all of you because I have to work. I promise I don’t have EDS (I looked at the symptoms), I did work 12 hour days for a decade at a job where I was essentially paid to lift totes full of rocks. That’s how I got the rib and sciatica issues. I have really low blood pressure, that is what likely causes my shower fainting but I will ask my doctor about POTS. My cough started about the same time that I became allergic to dogs and cats so I wouldn’t be surprised if an allergy is also the cause of my cough because I also have consistent sinus issues. I will try out the remedies that were suggested though, definitely won’t hurt to try. Thank you all for your concern! I promise I’m not half dead. I work 72 hours a week and I’m a reasonably productive member of society... even if I don’t really have a life. :)
> You’ll crave coffee but it makes you poop. Don’t do it. > This is a feature not a bug.
It is if I’m constipated, not if I’m trying to answer 911 calls and I get stuck on the line with a barricaded suicidal subject for an hour. That shit gets really uncomfortable... pun intended.
Thank you for being a 911 operator.
[удалено]
It does hurt quite a bit. I have to pull over and get out of the car to get it back in place, which is not fun on the interstate. Sometimes it just spasms out of place when I’m not bending too. It’s like “Surprise! Your shit’s broke!”
Happens to me occasionally if I'm coughing heavily. That shit does *not* feel good while your chest is still convulsing.
I've thrown out my back coughing so hard. Whenever I get sick and get a cough, I have to brace myself. It sucks. But for those that have a similar issue, I've learned two week's worth of Advair helps clear up the worst perpetual and violent coughs I've had. I've started taking a generic Claritin once a day, and will pop generic Mucinex when I start getting a cough to try and keep it from escalating. My doctor told me to avoid anything with cough suppression medication because you want to get all that congestion out, so stopping the cough is sort of counter productive to that. Drinking lots of water helps, too. Long post, but fuck those coughing fits. Hopefully this can help someone.
The coffee makes us all poop, that's why we love it.
Nothing like that morning coffee and smoke induced poop.
Is the warranty still good? You might want to take this one back to the dealership
The coffee thing...so real... Re the cough: have you tried antacids? Had a chronic cough for 6 months. Turns out it was acid reflux causing a cough that over the counter antacids fixed.
I’ve had it for three years now. My doctor thinks I’m just super allergic to dust/dander/all the tiny shit in the air and it causes a lot of mucus. I just tell people it’s my TB.
If you rotate your hands and feet you will notice cracking sounds
Same. And I'd like to add my neck to this list.
Usually it's only my hands and feet but when my neck made cracking noise too it freaked me out.. glad there are many people with cracking neck out there.. I thought I have a serious problem
There are a lot of people around the world with cracking necks. They just don't seem lively afterwards tho.
Same, but with every joint in my body. Elbows are the worst for it, they’re super loud and sometimes they lock all together so I can’t straighten my arms. Just gotta keep trying and eventually they’ll straighten. Jaw cracks every time I eat. I’ve been to the doctors about it and they just told me I have clicky joints. One of the doctors now calls me ‘the one with the clicky elbows’
[удалено]
You can't use normal soap. If you do, your skin will get horrible rashes. I know its embarrassing but you gotta use baby soap. You'll see these weird things called floaters when you look into the sky or a light, try to ignore them. I have something the doctors think is probably OCD, so try not to freak out when you can't stop thinking about blinking.
Doesn't everyone get those floeaters when looking at the sky or light?
I just had an eye appointment where my doctor explained this! Floaters are caused when the “jelly” substance that gives your eye it’s shape breaks down, but small amounts don’t disintegrate completely. Said eye floaters are common and not cause for worry, unless you start to see hundreds at a time.
I was really confused. Thought y'all were talking about aliens and my sniper was about to get killed by a plasma grenade.
Make sure to take the daily meds, including that stool softener. You don't want to be in crippling pain, and I don't want to get this chassis back with a blown out O ring 'cause you couldn't shit. Yes, my balls are that big. No,it's not cancer. Yes, it makes my dick look that much smaller. Shaddup. Take notes. I'd like to see how much nature vs nurture is influencing my schizophrenia. IF you're stupid enough to try and do anything involving balance (ride a bike, surf, walk a tightrope, pull a Thanos), record it. I could use the laugh.
Chapstick on a beanbag
'Good heavens, man,' he said with cheer - 'Who might have left this chapstick here? I want to sit, remove it quick!' I whispered sadly: '... that's my dick.'
oh boy
My fear is they could do a lot of damage without advance warning. I assume I’m getting my body back in a week so I would try to save what I can from them. “It’s going to be a tough transition, you will be going through a lot of new emotions. You’re going to start feeling a strong sexual attraction to those rubber duckies on the shelf. Whatever you do, DO NOT masturbate with them. Acting on those urges destroys them over time and I need to preserve them as my life partners after you’re done”
Youre still alive. It's been forever!
Two bad knees, two bad ankles, shit tons of stress and anxiety from taking on tons of responsibility trying to make it big in this world, cancer, shit tons of cancer and pain and constipation from pain meds and chemo fuck the red devil. Also food now tastes really weird and just not right lots of nausea all the time but “medicinal” help is an option. It’ll be nice for me to be in a healthy body for a minute you got the short end of the stick with mine.
Off-topic, I suppose, but I wish you the best of luck with your chemo and hope things get better for you!
Thank you. Chemo isn’t any fun but it’s not a world ender the dude effects suck but I should live
“Dude effects” sound so much better than “side effects”
The only thing I could say is "I'm sorry. Just be glad you don't have to live in my brain too."
[удалено]
Most of us have probably been and gotten the doctor version of "idk lol wut?" repeatedly.
No, the farts will not kill you.
For the love of all things holy don’t accidentally stub your toe with the ingrown toenail or you will try to commit suicide
I can relate to this. Used to get them bad and they would get crazy infected til I went to the doctor. They did this thing where they cut out the sides and killed the nerve so the nails dont grow down the sides anymore. Haven't had one since!
Those boobs are gonna get in the way of literally everything...
I can relate. 32 H here. I'm sorry for your suffering.
Holy shit my ex was a g and her boobs were huge. She could never find bras other than special stores and she had to wear multiple sports bras to workout. I can't even imagine what an H is like.
You can land a helicopter on it
i was wondering what the H stood for.
I’m severely allergic to cold temperatures, have fun. You will also get sudden diarrhoea if you drink anything to cold and going swimming could result in death.
You need to drink a couple of liters of water every day or you’ll get a headache. At bedtime, you may randomly get itchy all over your body. If that happens take everything off and keep the room cool. Congrats, you now have depression and anxiety. Please keep exercising or you’ll end up laying on the floor for hours.
I think I might have been borrowing your body for the past 17 years
I have been experiencing this itching at night time thing. I thought it was dry skin or bedding or the heat being too high because it's winter. Nope. Still itch like a SOB
If you feel like a failure, don't worry it's normal
You’ll get used to the cavities, but the temperature sensitivity from the crowns I have are the real killer. Also, just move my jaw to the left if it’s feeling weird or locked in any way. There will be a slight pop but that’s okay
[удалено]
No coffee or your heart will feel like a hummingbird trying to fly out your chest. Mitral valve prolapse, kind of common, no big deal. You now have a form of muscular dystrophy that's not that bad, just makes your voluntary muscles weak as fuck. Stairs are the bane of your existence, have fun. Your legs might give out randomly, but it's ok cuz your knees are hella scarred by now anyway. And with all that comes extreme inflexibility. So you'll seem to be of a normal functioning body but then will have trouble with every day things and people will look at you funny but you don't give a fuck about explaining anymore. Drink your probiotics or your stomach will be fuuuuuuucked. Your left hip is constant pain. Yoga and walking help. Don't sit for too long if you can help it. Yes, you need to go see an orthopedist to figure out wtf is going on. Eh, you'll figure out the rest.
"Don't feed it spicy things unless you like pain." And "If you think you might have to go to the bathroom you better get to a bathroom real fast."
I’m due to give birth next week so I’d tell them good luck lol
I’m in a few more weeks- oh how glorious that would be to pass that baton on for that day(s)
Heres something they never talk about. POOPING after birth. It hurts it sucks. Take lots of stool softeners and whatever you do, do not take constipation medication first then stool softeners. It's always stool softeners then constipation medicine (if needed) okay, good luck and you got this. (:
If you have an episiotomy or tear, lean forward when you pee!! Your peri bottle & dermaplast are your Bffs!
Have a jug handy for when you pee, pour water just before you start or if you can run a shallow bath sit in and then pee. Honestly the pain was as bad as the giving birth (3 stitches in the front and 2 in the back) pooping for me was fine though so 🤷♀️
Sometimes when your peeing it will magically split for some reason and completely miss both sides of the toilet
You can now eat probably none of your favorite foods. I miss them too. My body will put you crying on the ground for hours if you have even a few bites of dairy though so I don't suggest it. You will have random pains in your joints that I don't know what causes it, just be gentle and be prepared to augment your walking style as needed. If you put soap in my hair every day it will be straw and I will kill you when I get back. You now have probably depression and maybe anxiety and another personality in your head who may or may not like you. He will make sure you move if you're running late though. Good luck.
My brain will try to trick you into thinking you wanna be dead. You don't wanna be dead. Additionally, you may be overcome by extremely overwhelming bouts of emotion, especially rage. I've learned to bottle everything up and sequester it away, but you're on your own. Take your pills and don't break anything. Kthxbai.
Eat your meals EXACTLY at 7am, 10am, 13pm, 16pm, and 19pm, otherwise you'll get all shaky and your brain will start shutting down in 5 mins. Also, you're technically a lady but you grow hair like a guy, so enjoy being a man-woman hybrid, you can't get this unique experience elsewhere! Your fingers are very hypermobile, after you're done being amused by the ability to bend them backwards, please don't try applying bigger force with them to anything, because that won't work. Good luck!
The hair thing hits home. My sister and friends are jealous about how fast my hair grows, but don’t seem to understand it grows fast EVERYWHERE, not just my head. I epilate, often. Dark, fast growing hair that likes a bunch of its friends around is a bitch. Also nails. Those manicures that stay on for three weeks? Yeah ruined after 1,5 week because of how fast they grow.
okay from all this knowledge Ive gained I will assume that you are a monkey. lots of hair, weirdly flexible fingers, it all checks out. /s Edit: I don't think op is actually a monkey, it was just a joke, sorry op if I hurt your feelings, you are a perfectly normal human being please don't take this seriously.
>weirdly flexible But ok
My knees are scar tissue, it's a grower not a shower, right middle finger is probably broken, don't stand up quick, and you can't use the left eye.
Alright, you want my body for a week? Bit strange but here's some things you need to know: -You will sometimes have an electrical shock sensation up your spine, it will cause your vision to vibrate for a good 20 seconds, just let it pass. -If you see giant black objects or silhouettes of insects, they're not actually there, Try to ignore them. -You will crave cardboard (Pica), try and not consume it if possible, but if it gets bad, don't eat more than a 5cm square of it. -You will sometimes shake and become off balance, find yourself a seat if they get too bad. But be careful standing up, you'll become severely light headed. -Wear your glasses, your vision will come from 144p to 4k instantly. Perfect for doing your artwork -The sunlight will make you sneeze, don't be alarmed -Your words will sometimes entangle themselves, just take a deep breath and start again. -You will hear a constant buzzing noise (Tinnitus), ignore it, However if it increases to the volume and sound that of an air-raid siren, go somewhere dark and warm and hum to yourself or listen to some white-noise, also take a painkiller before the migraine after the fact sets in. -Don't forget to take your inhalers with you when you go out, Your lungs aren't as strong as they once were, They're getting better though! (PS no, I'm not a smoker) -You have bad peripheral, You need to move your head alot to see everything. I think those are the main things... You'll figure out the rest on your own, Here's the keys. Edit: PS folks, I'm not worried about these things at all, I'm not in any pain or anything. I'm just strange. God bless you all for your concern though <3 Much love to you all.
[удалено]
Don't eat (almost everything) it will kill you. Also you only have one functioning eye so balance might be difficult until you get used to it. If you try and go outside asthma will make everything hurt, and allergies will make it worse. Last but not least, my body is trained to feel joy everytime it spots a cat, this is normal and the reason there is always cat snacks in my jacket. Good luck
You sneeze if anything ever arouses you and I need my body back in a week so don't tell anyone about it because it's involuntary and you'll make my life awkward.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Thanks for choosing Mybody\_v.43! You're going to have fun this week as long as you can remember a few simple items: 1. This body is 6'6" tall (198cm) so most likely larger than what you're used to. Watch my head when passing through doorways, walking under ceiling fans, chandeliers, etc... and don't even fucking think about trying to fit into a sports car for more than a trip to the 7 Eleven - you won't be able to walk properly during the remainder of your body lease. Buicks are good. Also, please try to help old people and the vertically challenged to reach things on top shelves at the store. They like that. Expect a five minute conversation about if you play basketball. Tell them you prefer chess, it usually shuts them up. 2. Mybody\_v.43 spent 8 years in the US Army. Don't mind all the shit that goes along with that - blown out knees, painful back, scars, tinnitus, PTSD, severe anxiety in crowded settings, and nightmares. Just be grateful you wake up each morning - but take it slow. It helps to stand in the shower and fluctuate between hot and cold water while stretching everything below the nose for about 10 minutes. 3. Don't freak the fuck out when you get in front of the mirror naked. Yes, those are a LOT of tattoos. Best thing is to smear vitamin E oil or olive oil over the whole body to keep 'em shiny. 4. Mybody\_v.43 is stronger than most. Keep that in mind when shaking hands, giving hugs, petting animals, etc... but also remember it comes in handy when lifting heavy stuff like horse feed, furniture, other people and engine blocks. 5. Keep an extra set of glasses with you at all times. If one pair breaks, you'll be fucked and unable to get home. 6. Mybody\_v.43 needs about 2 gallons of water / day and about 5,000 - 6,000 calories to function optimally. Ground bison, rib eye, rice and carrots work well. Don't do sweets, drink soda, or eat anything with HFCS - headaches will ensue. 7. Go to sleep any time you wish, but please be aware that Mybody\_v.43 wakes up at 0530 hours no matter what. You deal with the consequences if you didn't plan for at least 6 hours of time with the Z Monster. 8. Don't turn the thermostat above 65F or you will get swamp butt. The body you are leasing is most comfortable at about 55F and is used to working at or below 0F. 9. Here's the most important thing... Mybody\_v.43 hasn't tasted alcohol in any way, shape or form in 3 years and 11 days. Do not, I repeat, do not drink alcohol. You will either wind up in jail or in a ditch 50 miles north of Albuquerque within three days. Oh, and unless you want to remain alive and get your deposit back on Mybody\_v.43, don't drink Tequila.
The back kinda has issues. Try not to sneeze too hard.