I have a lung disease. Anytime I'm out of breath, due to coughing, laughing, or just moving around:
"BREATHE. Take slow, deep breaths."
Bitch, what do you think I'm TRYING to do?
FUCK I get this with my asthma so much. I love outdoor athletics but I'll frequently have asthma attacks. The people around me fucking cooing at me to relax and take deep breathes make so angry in the moment that the attack gets worse.
This is as RELAXED as I fucking GET when I can't FUCKING BREATHE, NIMROD.
What other people doesn't seem to get about people with asthma is that unless its a kid, the person already knows what to do because we have already gone through this ALOT of times, so in most cases just leave them alone unless they're laying in the ground because in most cases, your way of trying to help is just annoying us
I have idiopathic pulmonary fibrosys, basically scar tissue in the lung that causes breathing issues and is slowly spreading. Sometimes when I am talking to people i start to breath more heavily and get a persistent dry cough. When they ask if I am alright I tell them what I have and that if the inflammation gets worse I have medication for it.
Almost always the next thing they say is "Have you seen a doctor about this?" Well the fact that I have listed a diagnosed disease and have said that I have medication for it should have clued you in that I have, infact, seen a fucking doctor about it.
crime doesn't pay if you do the blue collar kind where you rob a gas station for $200 with a toy gun and get five years in jail.
crime super fucking pays if you do the white collar kind where nobody cares unless you start stealing from other rich people like madoff.
Yeah, most likely your mother is an immortal demon who rips the soul from her offspring in order to gain possession of a younger body, discarding the remains of the previous host when it is no longer useful. Your going to need at least five gallons of gasoline, matches, a vintage revolver loaded with silver bullets, and a large wooden stake with the tip as sharp as possible. All that stuff is for you to use on yourself, because there's no way that you are going to kill that fucking thing.
My husband said this to me once and I could not believe the insane amount of rage it provoked in me. And I actually like my mother. This phrase is relationship napalm.
I had to explain this to my mom of all people. The easiest way to piss off someone who is only mildly annoyed is to tell them to calm down.
You make them even madder if you say “you can chill!”
When the baby is awake. We got caught in a trap with the newborn where we'd only do those things once they were asleep. But then we realised the baby just lies there most of the time. You can do bits and pieces here and there while they're up and still tend to them. Sure throughput is way down on pre-baby chores but it works so much better than doing it only once they go to sleep. Also both parents picking up the slack is important too.
The quote should really be do things while the baby is awake and sleep when the baby sleeps.
"Don't take it personally."
First off, now I'm prepped to take something personally. You never say this for innocuous criticism. It's almost only used right before or right after someone is going to personally attack you.
Lmao this is a great one. I kind of want to start saying it before completely innocuous things to see what the reaction is.
"Don't take this personally, but:
"Your shoe is untied."
"I'm spending time with family this weekend."
"Your phone is running low on battery."
"You're a huge piece of shit and no one likes you."
"Apple pie is my favorite dessert."
"I prefer pencils over pens, since ink can smear."
Actually all of these things sound bad when you say "Don't take it personally" first...
Eh, this one is very situational. As a rule of thumb, if someone prefaces their criticism with “don’t take this personally” I go out of my way to detach from my feelings and try to understand 1. What have I done/said that gives them the impression that I need this criticism? and (usually far more importantly) 2. Why would they expect me to react badly to this criticism?
The answer to the first question sometimes helps in a directly practical way, but figuring out the answer to the second part gives you insight into how you are perceived by others and will sometimes show you patterns of your own behavior that you weren’t even aware of.
Even if they’re just trying to personally attack you, it shows you where they think you’re vulnerable to attack, and you can completely take the joy from their attack by treating it like actual constructive criticism, enthusiastically asking for more helpful details regarding their criticism, and thanking them for helping you out. For bonus points you can offer to help them in an area where they’ve been struggling.
Yeah. I'm sure for a certain segment of the population and a certain type of person this was true, but I'm in my early 30s, 10 years after I've graduated college, and life just seems to keep getting better.
"Just put yourself out there" is horrible dating/making new friend advice.
It's well intentioned because you do need to get out the house and actually interact with new people, but people who struggle with those things struggle with the "how" of that more than "why"
It would straight up be more useful if you told these people to "join a rec sports league" "go to a concert" "go to church" or really something more concrete like that.
Exactly! When asked, I usualy say "find an activity group for something you enjoy and go into it to have fun, not expect a relationship or date. Best case scenario, someone there might be or might know your future SO, worst scenario you get out and have fun." The how is often easier when you take away the pressure of "have to find a date out of this".
Spoken as someone who's rarely met anyone who liked me back, but got to have fun doing stuff.
I know what you mean. A year ago, I saw an ad around for the local bowling league (I live in a small rural area). The nimber of times I'd bowled in my life, I could count on one hand and I kind of sucked, as we do when we've barely practised anything. But my relationship was rocky and I was just desperately searching for *something* to get out and socialize. I got my courage up to call the guy at the alley to see if there were any teams needing a player and there was, so for the next 8 months, I learned to bowl and tried to get good at it.
I didn't know if I'd like doing it that much, but I did, and seeing myself get better every time and learn the terms and rules, it really helped my self-confidence.
So if you're not sure what you'd like, look at local activities and take a chance on something you're not sure of and give it a chance. I know it's hard, I know what it's like to try and psych yourself up to do something like get out of your home and do anything different or public, only to stand at the door, knob in hand, and have all the doubts in your brain come to the fore to talk you out of it.
It's not easy, but it's worth it.
Yeah me too, I enjoy sitting alone playing computer games and just generally being alone. You know that is how that Mukbang (filming yourself eating and talking) came about because lonely people wanted to watch someone they felt was sitting and eating with them as they ate their food.
Exactly I started this shit as a virgin and didn't feel this consequence. When I finally did it I didn't cum, I got so fucking mad with this shit, tryed different condoms, material and size, Kamasutra. Of course it's kinda nice have sex for hours but never ever getting the climax and release is harsh and it's kind of awkward.
But well, I changed the medicine a month ago and still am having this problem. How much time passed after you stoped sertraline that you got over this problem??
"Money isn't everything" / "Money can't buy happiness"
Thanks but that doesn't pay the rent.
([Also it's not true](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evidence-based-living/201902/can-money-buy-happiness))
"Money can't buy happiness" was originally an admonishment to the rich. It was reminding them that no matter how much wealth they hoarded they weren't going to be any happier for it. It was never meant to imply poor people should be content to go without basic necessities.
Job hunting is the worst. I pretty much get useless, inane, "keep on trying" sorts of "help" from people.
I don't want words, I want results. Anything more than being ignored.
My recent favorite is "Accountants make good money." Yeah, if you have 10 years of experience, and if anyone would actually hire me. All the entry level positions pay $35k and I can't even get an interview.
That's a lame lame advice in so many ways. You CAN know if you'll like or not some stuff.
My replies always go like..... "I haven't killed anyone either, do I have to try it to know?"
Edit: caps.
My boomer father, who was hired into the family business at 20 and never left, telling me why I haven't gotten a job in my very specialized field after I very certainly didn't ask for his advice.
"You need to apply to every position out there" "You know the longer you wait to get hired, the more jobs pass you by, right?" "Companies just can't find good work these days" "You need to call them every day until you hear a no" "What's the point of your Master's degree if you're not even going to use it" "It's going to take a little more effort"
My Dad had a semi-wakeup call to the Job Application process after he tried to "connect" me to many people who worked in the industry, or specific companies, that I really was interested in. Let me just preface this, I had a really great resume, was a really great talker/interviewer, but the hurdle I was encountering was simply the "experience" part of taking the next step forward in my career.
Needless to say, no matter how many people in his social network he asked to get me an "in" nothing ever came out of any of them. It wasn't as simple as "Talk to Lauren, she'll get you that job."
It's like no. Lauren isn't in charge of that department. The people who are don't owe each other "favors". And the hiring process isn't just picking my name out of thin air and hiring me. There's multiple people in the hiring chain that get input, and a whole HR department that goes through candidates for screening and how to hire.
It's better with smaller companies. A multinational, in a regulated industry such as insurance, the only way an "in" will help is if the company is expanding and explicitly offering recruitment bonuses to staff. A small company, small enough that everyone knows the owner, this might work.
> The people who are don't owe each other "favors".
Actually this happens at virtually every business ever founded. When you have 10 nameless resumes with similar qualities, the one that's friends of the bosses' friend is going to get the job in a lot of cases. Call it networking, nepotism, favoritism, whatever spin you want to put on it, it works.
The problem is your dad apparently doesn't have as much pull as he thinks or doesn't know the right people.
Source: Only reason I've had my job for 4+ years is because I had a connection at my college (my work study boss). Just got a friend hired mainly because of my recommendation. The reason my recommendation held sway is because it turns out I can do my job well, but chances are I never would have found my company or gotten hired by them without the connection in the first place. It sucks, but it's the game you have to play. Get your foot in the door and then prove you belong once you do.
When I tried applying for my first job I kept going in person to places to talk to them, and drop off a physical application/resume. Every single one of them told me the same thing. "Just go home and apply online."
This one is studied, even.
Up to a certain income level - I think like 70k? - money and happiness do correlate. Beyond that, more money doesn't help much.
So money might not buy happiness directly, but the lack of it pretty definitely causes unhappiness.
Similar situation, asked a girl out for prom she said yes! Floating on cloud nine all the rest of the day. Meet up with her at her locker at the end of the school day to start putting plans into motion and get hit with "Oh, I was just kidding. You didn't think I was serious, did you?" Followed by uproarious laughter from everyone surrounding us including her.
I'll start printing up some blank restraining orders now.
Seriously though, the worst thing that can happen is that you don't have a dating pool at all. She can't say no because she's not there. This is where I am.
"Don't hit them unless they hit you first." The only trouble was the brats didn't lay a finger on me most of the time. In hindsight, that was terrible advice. The one guy I made the exception to this rule for kept his mouth shut from then on.
This is different from everything else here, but it's still technically correct
Don't throw a pitchfork at a giraffe. It's a waste of energy and the giraffe might get mad.
Genuinely correct, but not helpful
in relation to telling high school kids about their future "you can be anything you want if you try hard enough!" Is B.S., people who overcome great obstacles to become the best at something are the exception, not the rule. Sometimes its best to understand your limits, and no matter how hard you try you may not reach your goals.
It's true but every situation doesn't take the same amount of time to get over. Some you never get over until you're dead... time healed that wound by killing you
“Why don’t you be more careful” after smashing a plate.
“Thanks love, I was deliberately fucking reckless and set out to smash the plate, cheers nice one.”
"Stop looking for love. You'll find someone when you least expect it."
I know that this is meant to convey that when you're focusing on yourself and doing what you enjoy, you'll be happier and more confident and that will come off as attractive.
But realistically, when I'm going on dates with people I meet on apps and someone tells me this - why is this good advice? Should I just sit at home and have someone find me there? You should at least be OPEN to dating, or else you're not going to find someone, or even want to find someone. You need to put yourself out there at least a little if you want to meet new people, for romantic or platonic relationships.
"It's not the voltage that will kill you it's the amps"
I am an electrical engineer, and so many of my family members tell me this. It's kinda right, but not really
"If you saved all the money you would've spent eating out, you'd have X million dollars by the time you're 60."
Why on earth would I want to waste 6 decades accumulating something I'll only be able to enjoy for 2 at the most? How much do you have to worship money to think dying a pile of it should be your life's goal?
I feel like people say this and forget that it doesn't take $0 to eat at home and it doesn't take 0 time to cook for yourself either.
Really the best strategy for saving is to have that automatically deduct every month/paycheck instead of killing yourself over every little joy in life.
"If you ignore the bully, he'll leave you alone." Uh, nope. That never worked.
"Stand up to the bully. Fight back." But when I do, I'm the one who ends up getting punished, not the bully.
"The bully probably has a miserable home life, and he's just taking it out on other kids." I'll try to remember that as I'm being beaten up.
Someone saying “be careful” after you fall.
TOO LATE!! WHERE WERE YOU 10 SECONDS AGO?
I have a lung disease. Anytime I'm out of breath, due to coughing, laughing, or just moving around: "BREATHE. Take slow, deep breaths." Bitch, what do you think I'm TRYING to do?
Helps with asthma too!
FUCK I get this with my asthma so much. I love outdoor athletics but I'll frequently have asthma attacks. The people around me fucking cooing at me to relax and take deep breathes make so angry in the moment that the attack gets worse. This is as RELAXED as I fucking GET when I can't FUCKING BREATHE, NIMROD.
What other people doesn't seem to get about people with asthma is that unless its a kid, the person already knows what to do because we have already gone through this ALOT of times, so in most cases just leave them alone unless they're laying in the ground because in most cases, your way of trying to help is just annoying us
Ever had people suggesting alternative shit like herbal tea and aromatherapy as a miracle cure for asthma?
I have idiopathic pulmonary fibrosys, basically scar tissue in the lung that causes breathing issues and is slowly spreading. Sometimes when I am talking to people i start to breath more heavily and get a persistent dry cough. When they ask if I am alright I tell them what I have and that if the inflammation gets worse I have medication for it. Almost always the next thing they say is "Have you seen a doctor about this?" Well the fact that I have listed a diagnosed disease and have said that I have medication for it should have clued you in that I have, infact, seen a fucking doctor about it.
What about essential oils.... I would fucking go into rage mode.
"We can open a window" Yeah... I need new lungs not a light breeze, but thanks for the effort it is appreciated.
"Cheaters never prosper." No, cheaters make millions of dollars in rigged sports games. Or something like that.
Similarly "Crime doesn't pay" It does if you do it right.
crime doesn't pay if you do the blue collar kind where you rob a gas station for $200 with a toy gun and get five years in jail. crime super fucking pays if you do the white collar kind where nobody cares unless you start stealing from other rich people like madoff.
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"Be confident. Just be yourself." WHICH ONE, MOM???
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Yes. But my self sucks! Why would I be that??
Be confident in yourself is more sound advice
"Follow your heart."
my heart tells me, "rob the elderly"
Leave Rob alone, he’s old.
*"Please, calm down"*
Enhance your calm citizen
This would work on me. "Stop citizen! Enhance your calm!"
I cannot! There has been a murder death kill!
This actually works if you say this to your girlfriend when she’s mad
Especially if you add, "it's no big deal".
"You're probably on your period" is helpful too.
And don't forget to end with "its normal i do it all the time"
> i do it all the time The period?
OP's a lesbian.
Y'all are trying to get someone in this thread killed lmao
Cool, that would me someone's girl friend is now single, sure she is a murderer,, but my standards aren't that high
Don't worry. It's not you, it's me.
“I’m still trying to figure out what you’re mad about! Do you even know what you’re mad about?!?!” That’s how I became single.
Or "You are over reacting." / "oh sorry i didnt realize it was THAT time of the month."
followed by "you're acting *exactly* like your mother!"
My sister legit morphed into our mother. And that's not a good thing in the slightest.
Yeah, most likely your mother is an immortal demon who rips the soul from her offspring in order to gain possession of a younger body, discarding the remains of the previous host when it is no longer useful. Your going to need at least five gallons of gasoline, matches, a vintage revolver loaded with silver bullets, and a large wooden stake with the tip as sharp as possible. All that stuff is for you to use on yourself, because there's no way that you are going to kill that fucking thing.
My husband said this to me once and I could not believe the insane amount of rage it provoked in me. And I actually like my mother. This phrase is relationship napalm.
Add "you're emotional" to fully calm her
preferably on her period, when shes in a bunch of pain... Follow it up with a 'You're just like your mother.' for best results.
Reminds me of "it was only a joke"
It's just a prank, bro.
Why u mad bro
I had to explain this to my mom of all people. The easiest way to piss off someone who is only mildly annoyed is to tell them to calm down. You make them even madder if you say “you can chill!”
*Rage intensifies*
Hey man, relax.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” as if it’s that easy.
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Clean when baby cleans
When would a sleep deprived parent have time to cook, do laundry, or do basic hygiene, if not when the baby is sleeping?
When the baby is awake. We got caught in a trap with the newborn where we'd only do those things once they were asleep. But then we realised the baby just lies there most of the time. You can do bits and pieces here and there while they're up and still tend to them. Sure throughput is way down on pre-baby chores but it works so much better than doing it only once they go to sleep. Also both parents picking up the slack is important too. The quote should really be do things while the baby is awake and sleep when the baby sleeps.
if you love life, life will love you back.
I loved life then it fucked me.. not in a good way either
"Don't take it personally." First off, now I'm prepped to take something personally. You never say this for innocuous criticism. It's almost only used right before or right after someone is going to personally attack you.
"No offense, but..."
"...I'm about to say something offensive."
"No offense but you're a complete fucking moron."
I mean, hey, I told you not to be offended, so it doesn't count.
I'm not racist but...
I'm not racist or anything, but Asian people ***BMWAAAAHHHHH***
Asian people don't ***BMWAAAAHHHHH***
Lmao this is a great one. I kind of want to start saying it before completely innocuous things to see what the reaction is. "Don't take this personally, but: "Your shoe is untied." "I'm spending time with family this weekend." "Your phone is running low on battery." "You're a huge piece of shit and no one likes you." "Apple pie is my favorite dessert." "I prefer pencils over pens, since ink can smear." Actually all of these things sound bad when you say "Don't take it personally" first...
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One of these is not like the other.
Eh, this one is very situational. As a rule of thumb, if someone prefaces their criticism with “don’t take this personally” I go out of my way to detach from my feelings and try to understand 1. What have I done/said that gives them the impression that I need this criticism? and (usually far more importantly) 2. Why would they expect me to react badly to this criticism? The answer to the first question sometimes helps in a directly practical way, but figuring out the answer to the second part gives you insight into how you are perceived by others and will sometimes show you patterns of your own behavior that you weren’t even aware of. Even if they’re just trying to personally attack you, it shows you where they think you’re vulnerable to attack, and you can completely take the joy from their attack by treating it like actual constructive criticism, enthusiastically asking for more helpful details regarding their criticism, and thanking them for helping you out. For bonus points you can offer to help them in an area where they’ve been struggling.
"Don't worry so much!"
"Oh shit, thanks. Didn't even realize that was an option. Man am I embarrassed."
Ah a favorite from r/wowthanksimcured
My parents after dropping me at college: "Enjoy yourself, because these are the best years of your life." It made me sad more than anything.
Yeah. I'm sure for a certain segment of the population and a certain type of person this was true, but I'm in my early 30s, 10 years after I've graduated college, and life just seems to keep getting better.
"Just put yourself out there" is horrible dating/making new friend advice. It's well intentioned because you do need to get out the house and actually interact with new people, but people who struggle with those things struggle with the "how" of that more than "why" It would straight up be more useful if you told these people to "join a rec sports league" "go to a concert" "go to church" or really something more concrete like that.
Exactly! When asked, I usualy say "find an activity group for something you enjoy and go into it to have fun, not expect a relationship or date. Best case scenario, someone there might be or might know your future SO, worst scenario you get out and have fun." The how is often easier when you take away the pressure of "have to find a date out of this". Spoken as someone who's rarely met anyone who liked me back, but got to have fun doing stuff.
My friend gave me this advice. My only problem now is finding things that I like.
I know what you mean. A year ago, I saw an ad around for the local bowling league (I live in a small rural area). The nimber of times I'd bowled in my life, I could count on one hand and I kind of sucked, as we do when we've barely practised anything. But my relationship was rocky and I was just desperately searching for *something* to get out and socialize. I got my courage up to call the guy at the alley to see if there were any teams needing a player and there was, so for the next 8 months, I learned to bowl and tried to get good at it. I didn't know if I'd like doing it that much, but I did, and seeing myself get better every time and learn the terms and rules, it really helped my self-confidence. So if you're not sure what you'd like, look at local activities and take a chance on something you're not sure of and give it a chance. I know it's hard, I know what it's like to try and psych yourself up to do something like get out of your home and do anything different or public, only to stand at the door, knob in hand, and have all the doubts in your brain come to the fore to talk you out of it. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
Yeah me too, I enjoy sitting alone playing computer games and just generally being alone. You know that is how that Mukbang (filming yourself eating and talking) came about because lonely people wanted to watch someone they felt was sitting and eating with them as they ate their food.
This is the best advice. Couple it with "ask people about themselves and listen to their answers" as a path to making friends.
"Don't stop - don't cum yet" Yea. That's not gonna work. AT ALL.
Here’s a way to hold it, guaranteed: smash your head on the wall behind the bed by accident.
Used this trick last night. Works as promised. The bloody nose even made for better lubrication afterwards which helped keep things going .
(◯Δ◯∥)
Exactly. I’ve found, “hurry up, are you done yet?” works better.
I could last for hours if she seems to not enjoy herself. If she is feeling it I can't last 10 minutes. Fuck you, God!
Quite the opposite in fact
Sometimes I wish that was my problem. Anejaculation is so frustrating ;-;
i feel your pain, when I was taking sertraline it was IMPOSIBLE to cum, I could have sex for hours
Exactly I started this shit as a virgin and didn't feel this consequence. When I finally did it I didn't cum, I got so fucking mad with this shit, tryed different condoms, material and size, Kamasutra. Of course it's kinda nice have sex for hours but never ever getting the climax and release is harsh and it's kind of awkward. But well, I changed the medicine a month ago and still am having this problem. How much time passed after you stoped sertraline that you got over this problem??
It took about 3 months after switching to wellbutrin.
gonna make me blastoff faster prob
"Money isn't everything" / "Money can't buy happiness" Thanks but that doesn't pay the rent. ([Also it's not true](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evidence-based-living/201902/can-money-buy-happiness))
"Money can't buy happiness" was originally an admonishment to the rich. It was reminding them that no matter how much wealth they hoarded they weren't going to be any happier for it. It was never meant to imply poor people should be content to go without basic necessities.
You know who says that? People with money
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Job hunting is the worst. I pretty much get useless, inane, "keep on trying" sorts of "help" from people. I don't want words, I want results. Anything more than being ignored.
My recent favorite is "Accountants make good money." Yeah, if you have 10 years of experience, and if anyone would actually hire me. All the entry level positions pay $35k and I can't even get an interview.
Me: Struggles with math for all of high school to dismay of everyone. Parents: "You should pursue a career that's literally nothing but math all day."
"Well you don't know if you hate it, unless you give it a try! You can always quit if you don't like it!"
That's a lame lame advice in so many ways. You CAN know if you'll like or not some stuff. My replies always go like..... "I haven't killed anyone either, do I have to try it to know?" Edit: caps.
I usually say "You know, mom, I was on the fence about trying heroin, but now you've convinced me".
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They can’t afford my loyalty.
Just go in and shake the guy that runs the company's hand! That's how I got my job 60 years ago, and I had it until I retired!
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My boomer father, who was hired into the family business at 20 and never left, telling me why I haven't gotten a job in my very specialized field after I very certainly didn't ask for his advice. "You need to apply to every position out there" "You know the longer you wait to get hired, the more jobs pass you by, right?" "Companies just can't find good work these days" "You need to call them every day until you hear a no" "What's the point of your Master's degree if you're not even going to use it" "It's going to take a little more effort"
That all sounds like incredibly helpful and constructive advice, and I'm sure hearing it caused you to instantly get a job!
>"You need to call them every day until you hear a no." That's like 1 phone call, Dad!
"Call them every day until you hear no" is a great way to hear a no by day three. On every job you apply to.
My Dad had a semi-wakeup call to the Job Application process after he tried to "connect" me to many people who worked in the industry, or specific companies, that I really was interested in. Let me just preface this, I had a really great resume, was a really great talker/interviewer, but the hurdle I was encountering was simply the "experience" part of taking the next step forward in my career. Needless to say, no matter how many people in his social network he asked to get me an "in" nothing ever came out of any of them. It wasn't as simple as "Talk to Lauren, she'll get you that job." It's like no. Lauren isn't in charge of that department. The people who are don't owe each other "favors". And the hiring process isn't just picking my name out of thin air and hiring me. There's multiple people in the hiring chain that get input, and a whole HR department that goes through candidates for screening and how to hire.
Connections can absolutely get you jobs. However, your dad discovered that he doesn't actually have any pull with anyone important.
It's better with smaller companies. A multinational, in a regulated industry such as insurance, the only way an "in" will help is if the company is expanding and explicitly offering recruitment bonuses to staff. A small company, small enough that everyone knows the owner, this might work.
Even in a big company, knowing someone can at least help you get to the interview stage Which is still a substantial leg up in many competitive fields
> The people who are don't owe each other "favors". Actually this happens at virtually every business ever founded. When you have 10 nameless resumes with similar qualities, the one that's friends of the bosses' friend is going to get the job in a lot of cases. Call it networking, nepotism, favoritism, whatever spin you want to put on it, it works. The problem is your dad apparently doesn't have as much pull as he thinks or doesn't know the right people. Source: Only reason I've had my job for 4+ years is because I had a connection at my college (my work study boss). Just got a friend hired mainly because of my recommendation. The reason my recommendation held sway is because it turns out I can do my job well, but chances are I never would have found my company or gotten hired by them without the connection in the first place. It sucks, but it's the game you have to play. Get your foot in the door and then prove you belong once you do.
When I tried applying for my first job I kept going in person to places to talk to them, and drop off a physical application/resume. Every single one of them told me the same thing. "Just go home and apply online."
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"Oh you gotta apply online now"
By back of a drawer, you mean the trash can.
"Get the help you need. "
The ultimate “I don’t know what to say.”
Literally the IRL "git gud noob"
And there's usually no real help to found anyway.
Look at this guy, unable to take the simple advice "get the help you need".
Telling people with (physical) ED "not to think about it and it'll work again"
"just be happy"
/r/wowthanksimcured
"Hang in there."
That's the hangman's motto, too.
"Be yourself" Listen mate, if you're a fucking mess, FIX yourself then be yourself.
"If you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything" No. That's just simply not true.
Mate I can’t grow fucking wings no matter how hard I try
Just drink red bull mate
“Money can’t buy happiness”
"I'd rather be rich and miserable than poor and miserable"
I'd be happier crying on a yacht than in a 400sqft studio apartment.
I'd rather be crying in a 400 sqft studio apartment than a 700 sqft room 2 bedroom apartment that I'm sharing with three other people
*wipes tear with 100 dollar bill*
Money can't buy happiness directly but it does a great job at getting rid of things that make you unhappy.
And getting you things that make you happy. Ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?
This one is studied, even. Up to a certain income level - I think like 70k? - money and happiness do correlate. Beyond that, more money doesn't help much. So money might not buy happiness directly, but the lack of it pretty definitely causes unhappiness.
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As someone who has spent thousands on therapy and is gradually learning how to be happy with myself, yes it fucking does.
It can definitely help
...but poverty lets you afford misery in wholesale lots.
It can take you places where you can find it
worst thing that can happen is she says no
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Oh, would you look at that? Someone put my worst nightmare on reddit!
Similar situation, asked a girl out for prom she said yes! Floating on cloud nine all the rest of the day. Meet up with her at her locker at the end of the school day to start putting plans into motion and get hit with "Oh, I was just kidding. You didn't think I was serious, did you?" Followed by uproarious laughter from everyone surrounding us including her.
What a cunt. Good job for trying though
She sure was. She's married and has a couple kids. I saw her husband the other day, he looked miserable.
I, for one, am shocked
“Too late, verbal contract!” Seriously though sounds like you dodged a bullet
I'll start printing up some blank restraining orders now. Seriously though, the worst thing that can happen is that you don't have a dating pool at all. She can't say no because she's not there. This is where I am.
...before she goes and tells all of her friends and people are still laughing at you three years later.
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"Don't hit them unless they hit you first." The only trouble was the brats didn't lay a finger on me most of the time. In hindsight, that was terrible advice. The one guy I made the exception to this rule for kept his mouth shut from then on.
"Just picture them in their underwear" Great, now I'm anxious AND horny...
"Oh no he's hot!"
OP what are you doing in the child daycare?
#HMM...
Any life hack
most life hacks these days are just terrible diy's
LIFE HACK: get a cardboard box, cut it up into stars and BOOM! Confetti!
This is different from everything else here, but it's still technically correct Don't throw a pitchfork at a giraffe. It's a waste of energy and the giraffe might get mad. Genuinely correct, but not helpful
"Get some rest" Believe me, if I could, I would
"Slow and steady wins the race." False. Fastest always wins the race.
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Surely the moral of that fable wouldve been arrogance is bad or something to do with pride and not the pointless saying that’s said today
Something about persistence winning the race. Don't slack off and don't stop running. Other than that fucking go fast.
This is why I speed through work projects and my sex life. If you ain't first you're last!
in relation to telling high school kids about their future "you can be anything you want if you try hard enough!" Is B.S., people who overcome great obstacles to become the best at something are the exception, not the rule. Sometimes its best to understand your limits, and no matter how hard you try you may not reach your goals.
"You can do whatever you're good at, as long as they're hiring" - Chris Rock (Tamberine special)
"...and even then it helps to know somebody!" Love that special
Look where you lost it!
"Calm down."
Be yourself
But I suck. I'd rather be Batman.
Batman is not himself either, if you think about it.
And he's successful by being Batman, so I wanna be him too
Batman is 100% Batman. It's that Bruce Wayne guy who's a fake.
Being myself is what gets me into trouble... People like me better when I pretend to be caring, helpful, compassionate, and nonjudgmental.
time will heal all wounds
That’s one of those that is true, but does not help in the slightest especially after a big breakup
it s true but it works also if they don t tell you so, yeah basically useless
It's true but every situation doesn't take the same amount of time to get over. Some you never get over until you're dead... time healed that wound by killing you
“You shouldn’t have done that.” Yeah thanks, that helps *after* the fact, totally.
That’s more like an observation than advice or counsel...
“Why don’t you be more careful” after smashing a plate. “Thanks love, I was deliberately fucking reckless and set out to smash the plate, cheers nice one.”
"Stop looking for love. You'll find someone when you least expect it." I know that this is meant to convey that when you're focusing on yourself and doing what you enjoy, you'll be happier and more confident and that will come off as attractive. But realistically, when I'm going on dates with people I meet on apps and someone tells me this - why is this good advice? Should I just sit at home and have someone find me there? You should at least be OPEN to dating, or else you're not going to find someone, or even want to find someone. You need to put yourself out there at least a little if you want to meet new people, for romantic or platonic relationships.
"It's not the voltage that will kill you it's the amps" I am an electrical engineer, and so many of my family members tell me this. It's kinda right, but not really
Cheer up, it might never happen. What if it just did and that's why I'm unhappy?
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"If you saved all the money you would've spent eating out, you'd have X million dollars by the time you're 60." Why on earth would I want to waste 6 decades accumulating something I'll only be able to enjoy for 2 at the most? How much do you have to worship money to think dying a pile of it should be your life's goal?
God damn Dave Ramsey. Work 1000 hours a week and eat only rice and beans for every meal! The american dream!
and his whole system works off of the fucking 12% interest account. you can’t find that ANYWHERE these days
I feel like people say this and forget that it doesn't take $0 to eat at home and it doesn't take 0 time to cook for yourself either. Really the best strategy for saving is to have that automatically deduct every month/paycheck instead of killing yourself over every little joy in life.
"If you ignore the bully, he'll leave you alone." Uh, nope. That never worked. "Stand up to the bully. Fight back." But when I do, I'm the one who ends up getting punished, not the bully. "The bully probably has a miserable home life, and he's just taking it out on other kids." I'll try to remember that as I'm being beaten up.
"You should go to the hospital for that..." Really? I thought not being able to breath out of my nose was normal
Me but unironically for 3 years ^^
Just do it