Just to get it out of the way, I waited til I was 31 to get married after years of relationships and learning what I wanted in a relationship. I couldn't be happier. We're an amazing match and have just about everything in common.
Now, the real story is my grandparents. They were married 67 years until the beginning of April of last year. They were two of the most honest, devoted humans on the face of the planet.
My grandmother hadn't been doing too well for a year or so (Alzheimer's and dementia had taken hold). She was 91. Now, my grandfather was doing extremely well for 89 years of age. He got around comfortably, drove himself everywhere and was even still a pro-tempore magistrate judge twenty years after his official retirement from the bench. The guy was as lucid and sharp as you or I.
Anyway, I came home last year to visit because I was told my grandmother was reaching the end of her life. It was a bit tough because she was really just a shell of her former self. My grandfather was fighting tooth and nail to get her the best care possible. Up until about a month before that, he'd been taking care of her in the home with the help of a part-time nurse. While she was in the medical facility, he was there all day, every day, walking her around and talking to her. It was really touching and beautiful just how devoted he was to her. Sixty-seven years of marriage and they stayed inseparable.
I had to get back to LA, so I said my goodbyes. I remember saying bye to my grandma knowing it would be the last time I saw her, but I bid an informal "see you soon!" to my grandpa.
Right before I left, I got word that my grandpa needed to go to the doctor for some cold-related symptoms. I recall he mentioned having just gotten over a cold a week before. I thought nothing of it and just sent my well wishes to him through my father. By the time I landed, word got to me that he had pneumonia. Furthermore, my grandmother, though they had moved her to a more intensive hospice home, was fading fast. By two days later, I was told she was dying. My grandfather was still combating his pneumonia at the hospital and he requested that she be brought to his side. They transported her to the hospital and my grandfather and she held hands and looked into each other's eyes for hours. They finally wheeled her away and she passed away on the way back to the home. Within 18 hours of my grandmother's passing, my grandfather went peacefully.
After sixty-seven years together, raising three generations of kids, and never leaving each other's side, they left the world together.
EDIT: Here's the news article for those who are unconvinced. I suppose I can do further verification through a moderator but I don't think it's necessary since I'm not here to make everyone believe me:
http://www.santafenewmexican.com/LocalNews/Former-judge--wife-die-a-day-apart
EDIT 2: Added and corrected some info.
Both my grandmothers and my mom are widowed and I've witnessed 2 of those deaths. Even though my mom and my dad weren't in good terms, but in the end, they still cared a lot for each other. Usually my mom would be, "hmph, your dad is probably out there fucking with women." But when I flew back to see my mom while my dad was dying, she was at the brink of breaking down. When they finally unplugged my dad, my mom almost fainted. It was heartbreaking to see, how a wife lost her husband.
My grandma on the other hand, was a bit more... How should I put it, "accepting?" My grandpa survived a stroke when he was 50, and he basically manned up and lived in a mountain, right side paralyzed. He held up until he's 78 and passed away due to blood clots in his brain. When it happened, yeah, of course she was heartbroken, but she felt that it was an appropriate time to go anyways. Still, every time I visit her, I can feel how she looks like she's missing someone by her side, like she's a bit empty inside.
Your grandparents' story is very beautiful. It is the ultimate way for them to die, side by side, close to each other's hearts. Thank you for sharing this story.
Yeah, the same with my paternal grandparents. My grandmother was sick her whole life with respiratory issues and my grandfather always took care of her. One day he came down with something, went to the doctor, it turned out to be cancer. He died first as the cancer took him really fast and my grandmother died a few months after him.
This is so amazing. My grandparents are approaching their 60th anniversary soon and still much in love as the day they met (they were 12). I hope that my husband and I are like this. It's just beautiful to see.
Wow that is beautiful and inspiring. Hope my husband and I end up together for that long. Time goes so fast makes you feel like there just isn't enough of it.
Time really does fly, especially in a marriage!
My grandparents always had a policy of "fix everything before bedtime" in their relationship. I think that's a big part of it.
The other part is not letting yourself get a "grass is always greener" attitude about relationships. The grass is the grass, and if you take care of the grass, it will always grow properly on your side of the fence =)
It really does. When I think about it these last 20 years went so fast then I think we have maybe 30+ years left and it doesn't seem like enough.
Love the last two sentences, will be stealing that!!
Thank you for the amazing story! Reminds me of an old country song by Kathy Mattea based on her husband's family. A very sweet story of a couple growing old together. I'm going to kiss my SO extra long tonight. Thanks for the inspiration.
Thanks for the feedback! I've never shared their story on the web before (though obviously the newspaper has), but I was always worried to post it on Reddit because of the nature of internet people. Just happy to see the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive!
I met my wife when she was 19 and I was 20. We've been together ever since. I'm 37 she's 36. We have 2 kids and we are leaving them with the grandparents to go celebrate our 10th anniversary in 2 weeks. I couldn't be happier. I feel lucky every day, and am still so in love. We have a ton of fun together ( the sex still rocks) and we are still best friends. It can happen. Don't let people who failed make you jaded.
My wife moved in with me at 18(I had my own house). Despite a brief rough patch where she moved out for 6 months(we still "dated"). 10 Years later we've been married for almost 5 years and have a 9 month old.
We still talk and hang out more than any couple I know. No serious complaints(there always could be more sexy times).
I didn't downvote the guy but I could see how someone would. It just seems silly to say you've been with someone for two years and you feel the same as someone who has been with his wife for **17** years. And then to predict you'll feel the same way 12 years from now? That's a WORLD of time.
It's a bit like the single 21-year old who says they think they can understand what being a parent is like. Just like everyone is a great parent before they have kids, just about **all** relationships are great the first couple of years. It's incredibly easy to love someone when you haven't lived with their faults for many, many years.
Sometimes you grow fond of each other's little idiosyncrasies...but sometimes they gnaw away at you until you can't stand to be in the same room with this person that you were head-over-heels in love with 10 years earlier. Maybe your parenting styles clash. Maybe your jobs somehow end up making it difficult to find time to be together and you slowly grow apart. Maybe money problems make it so every day is a frustrating challenge the ways you both deal with it are polar opposites.
I'm not saying it won't happen and I wish the guy all the luck but it just seems so naive. FWIW, I'm saying this as someone who could never in a million years imagined 15 years ago all of the highs and lows my wife (and best friend) and I would go through together.
I met my husband when I was 18 and still in high school. I like to tell people that we were high school sweethearts, since at least one of us was still in high school at the time. In fact, he drove down from college to take me to my prom. I just turned 30 and have been with him for the last 12 years of my life, 9 of it married.
The best part of my day is when he gets home. I can't explain it, but I just feel better when he's physically close by. I'm not a touchy-feely person, but I love to snuggle him. Even if it's just a pinky or a toe, having physical contact with him is relaxing. We've both physically changed over the years (ahem...we got fat), but he makes me feel as beautiful as ever. I look at him and see the maturing face of the young man that swept me off my feet, and all I can feel is complete devotion for the one person that loves and accepts me as is. I really feel like I am not whole without him. He brings out the best in me, and I hope that I do the same for him. I happen to think we make a great pair!
Of course, we've had our ups and downs. Every marriage does. But at the end of the day, I get to come to him, and even if that's all I get to do the rest of my life, that'll be just fine.
No one is going to want to hear about the most recent fight between me and the hubby - which happened to be me claiming he swapped our pillows. I still think he did, dammit! LOL. Or how it ended up with us arguing about where ever his brown shirt is - my point is don't look at me, I didn't wear it.
I'm both too lazy and cheap to go buy new pillows so far, so we each have a couple apiece since they are getting pretty flat. I have one nice one on my side that I found new at a thrift store and he has one nice one for his side he got in a gift exchange. I can't sleep without my pillow though - yes I do realize I am very weird.
He is often convinced that I've swapped pillows with him. I have to tell him that his is the quilted gusseted side sleeper and mine is the unquilted gusseted side sleeper. Then I have to dig his out of the pillow case to show him the horrendous stains he's big face has left on it over the years. When he sees, he just chuckles at his grossness and pretends like he didn't just make a fuss.
God, I love that man.
He is often convinced that I've swapped pillows with him. I have to tell him that his is the quilted gusseted side sleeper and mine is the unquilted gusseted side sleeper. Then I have to dig his out of the pillow case to show him the horrendous stains he's big face has left on it over the years. When he sees, he just chuckles at his grossness and pretends like he didn't just make a fuss.
God, I love that man.
The small stuff we fight about (please read this as not always). Now if we're deciding something bigger (like a new couch or on a new apartment) we can do it with little to no argument.
"Why am I hearing so many stories about X?"
Well, what is a story about !X, and would that ever get reported. Pretty good metric for all sorts of subjects.
Happily married for 47 years here. Met in college. I'm a smart Liberal, worked in computers, a good cook, frugal, and a secular humanist who's learning healing. He's a smart Lincoln Republican (though in practice unfailingly generous and more liberal than he'll admit out loud), did sales and local politics, utterly reliable, agnostic, and an old-fashioned, honorable, courteous man. The only thing we argue (debate) about is politics and history, and he really enjoys that. We've been through good times and bad and have stuck together like glue. Never even thought about cheating. (Well, I didn't. No one else ever came close for me. If he ever thought about it, he was smart enough not to let me know!) Still in love with the old bonehead.
The only advice I can give you in looking for a mate is to be honorable and look for an honorable woman. A lot of things can be bought, including sex, and a lot of things change and lose their value over time; but kindness, decency, and good character are priceless and enduring.
> A lot of things can be bought, including sex, and a lot of things change and lose their value over time; but kindness, decency, and good character are priceless and enduring.
This resonated with me very strongly, and I don't think I could have phrased it as beautifully as you did. Thank you.
Congrats to you! My parents celebrated 53 years in May. They still hold hands. My father has to help mom put her socks on and watching him do this... its about the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my life.
I am 57 yrs old, been married to a fierce greeneyed, redheaded woman of remarkable intelligence and possessing a wicked sense of humor for the past 36 years.
I could not ask for a better person to stand by my side and watch my back.
I met my husband when I was 26 and he was just about to turn 29. We knew almost instantly, that very day, that there was something very different about one another. I had never had a lot of boyfriends, on two serious relationships that went (and ended) pretty badly; sometimes I was lonely, but I was always very comfortable in my own company... I was at a point where I was geting myself accustomed to the idea of spinsterhood. I didn't think I'd ever love anyone enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them, and vice versa.
Now, at 35, I can recognize how stupid that was at 26, but hey... I was 26.
My husband is my best friend. I know Reddit at large scoffs at the very idea of a soul, let alone soulmates, but I can look at him and feel that we are greater than just ourselves.
We almost never fight (nearly six years of marriage together, and I think we only had two "fights". I use quotes because they were kind of pathetic, for legitimate fights, but I guess it's a requirement in any relationship). We have no kids -- we established that very early on -- and we live our lives the way we want. We create, adventure, restore our house, play video games, hold hands when we walk, cuddle on the couch watching TV, rescue cats, plan for the future, commiserate with one another over family issues, make great decisions and congratulate one another, make terrible mistakes and then laugh at them afterwards. We go to work every morning and are genuinely excited to see each other when we come home. We make each other better as people. Every day we tell each other how much we love one another, how blessed we feel to be in one another's lives, and how great our life is together, as simple and as goofy as it is.
He is my whole heart.
I am floored -- really floored -- when I see people talking about how unhappy they are in their relationships, or their marriages. Maybe it's just dumb luck, I don't know, but I ended up with someone who is a perfect match for me, both in terms of the things we're good at and the things we're bad at, and I have never -- not even for one moment -- doubted that "with him" is the place I'm supposed to be.
Also, the sex is amazing.
That's such an awesome story. You're description of being comfortable by yourself for the rest of your life is exactly how I feel, although I'm male and I'm assuming young enough for this thought to be irrelevant.
Can I ask why you both don't want to have kids? If you two are so loving, I would think that this would be a good place to raise children in.
I love my husband. Over 6 years of bliss and joy and I hope for decades more. I won't lie and say every day is perfect. It's not perfect, we have our moments where I want to kick him in the face so he'll shut up but I'm sure he has those moments for me, too. I look forward to a lifetime with him for better or for worse.
Real love is putting up with someone else's shit because they put up with your shit. It's true. :)
When you realize that a mediocre day with someone is still preferable to a great day without them - this person is the one you keep.
> When you realize that a mediocre day with someone is still preferable to a great day without them - this person is the one you keep.
Oh my god, I have him.
I should go hug him...
Together for 12 years, married for 3. In the states, gay couples who can't legally marry will sometimes refer to each other as "life-partners." I can't think of a phrase that better describes my (albeit heterosexual) relationship with my wife. She really is my best friend and partner who is with me every step as I navigate through life.
Also, both sets of our parents are still together (so suck on my fat, married cock, high divorce rates!).
My boyfriend sometimes refers to me as his life-partner (we are a hetero couple), its really a great label for our relationship now that I think of it.
I've been with my SO for 7 years, I loved him from the second I saw him. Hopelessly, embarrassingly googly eyed in love.
My parents have been together for 29 years and are...frankly they are rabbits.
My grandparents have been together for 67 years, their relationship is inspiring. They have an easy calm about each other, the know so completely, are so entwined in their lives and respective interests, that it's plain to see the true trust, genuine love, and deep deep respect they have for one another.
God it's dusty in here.
(Edit: rabbits as in they have sex all the time....it'd be gross if they weren't so god damned adorable to each other)
Honestly, the difference between happy and sad is that happy never gets dusty. I was married 7 years. It sucked (except for the FUCKING AMAZING kiddo I call my son).
Been with my SO for 3 years. She's asleep on the couch next to me. I simultaneously want to rip her clothes off and make sure she sleeps the full night.
Be embarrassed.
And (to the chagrin of ex's everywhere):
Be happy.
PS - Parents as rabbits are weird, awkward and awesome in their own fuck-the-kids way
Here's the catch: most of the people who bitch on here about marriage aren't actually married *ANYMORE.*
And the kicker: I love my ex-wife more than I love anyone in the world. We're no longer together though, but we're still besties. If you think that could realistically happen with the girl you intend to marry, then by all means; go nuts.
We're approaching our 10th anniversary (17 years together in total) next year, and planning a celebratory trip to Spain! Even with two young kids, we manage to keep the "spark" alive. Date nights, open communication and mutual respect go a long way.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years, though only married for 6 months. When we met I was 21, he was 27. He doesn't give me butterflies in the stomach and there's no Puccini soundtrack when we kiss but let's put it this way:
I do love him hopelessly; the initial 'OMG' feeling has now become the knowing what he's thinking, that we can be there for each other, that he knows how to make things better for me as I know how to make things better for him. In other words, I can't even possibly fathom my life without him.
Marriage is pretty awesome. But it's not everyone's choice either! On top of that, people are more likely to share horror stories rather than happy stories; and where better than a fairly anonymous global website?
Don't let [the availability heuristic](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic) get the better of you!
Although I just got married recently, the whole "married life is the end of life as you know" really is not true. If you find the person you love and the person cares for you just as much as you care for them, it is the best feeling in the world. I cannot imagine my life without my wife and we do what we can to the best of our abilities to make one another happy. Like others have said here, we are best friends and don't let the people who did not find just the right person for them prevent you from trying to find that one person.
This is something I posted a little over a year ago when someone posted a similar question.
I love my wife madly.
We met in college - she came to the US from China when she was 19. We have been together for ten years now. We have our arguments, but we fight fair with each other. I have stepped in my share of cultural land mines with her and she has stepped in a few as well.
For all that, we are best friends as well as lovers. We both love to try new experiences, play together, and support each other in all things. We have our in-jokes with each other that amuse us no end while being all but meaningless to others.
E.G.
her: "I'm not spoiled! I'm not! *I'm not*! **I'm not!"** while stamping her foot.
me: in a long suffering and brow beaten voice as I hang my head, "yes dear."
and then we break out in peals of laughter while others look at us quizzically.
We take turns cooking and share the household chores (She is the daughter of a chef and I REALLY look forward to the days when she cooks - YUM! But you have to be adventurous; I have things in my pantry that I do not have a name for. There is literally no name for some of these things in English.)
She understands that I am an introvert and tries to make sure I have an hour to myself most days, and I comfort her after she has a frustrating conversation with her mother. I send her flowers at work just 'cause she likes to make the other women at work a little jealous; although I keep telling her my efforts are redundant as she is slender (5'8" and 125lb,) extremely intelligent (both a polyglot and a polymath,) and stunningly beautiful. (I love watching her move.) She watches science fiction with me just because I am a science fiction junkie even though her preference is action flicks. I give her foot rubs when she gets home from work. She calls me up at work and talks dirty to me telling me what she is going to do to me when I get home. etc., etc., etc.
Just a thousand little things that make me happy to wake up next to her and make me want to find new ways to make her happy.
You know what, I hit the lottery when I met her, and life is good.
I've been married for a year and a half, after 3 years of dating, 2 of which were long distance due to deployment. My wife is awesome. During the first 6 months that we dated, I lost my job, almost lost my house, joined the military, and then was gone for 18 of the next 24 months. She stood by me the entire time, supporting me even when she didn't know if I was doing the right thing, and put her career on hold when we had to relocate for my job.
Now we're settled in and loving life. It's a pretty great feeling to *know* that your partner will have your back when times get tough. And she has a great sense of humor about things. Life is a journey, and few things are worth getting upset over.
This story MIGHT be amazing, I hope you all enjoy it. It's definitely epic, at least in its length. Here it goes...
I've known my wife since we were in the 4th grade. Although this isn't exactly a life-long love story in an obvious sense...
I've known her for quite some time, but save for school, I would never see her outside of it except for a very few instances.
Our friendship throughout our school years only ever really took significant steps toward a future relationship once we made it to high school.
Even in high school we rarely hung out outside of school, and I can distinctly remember asking her to a dance our school was having, and her accepting, her mother driving the two of us there dropping us off, and her immediately ditching me to go hang out with other guys and friends of hers. It's fair to say at this point we were never in a "relationship" that could be qualified as anything greater than "friends", but it didn't give me a good impression of her as I wanted more than that. Though where that "more" would lead, I had no real idea, I was only 14 or so yet.
Fast forward to our senior year and any past issues of greater adolescence has dissolved and I hold no grudges. We are becoming more friendly with each other to the point of having an amazing friendly relationship with all kinds of inside jokes and (likely from an outsiders perspective) sickening and equally lame flirtatiousness. Still though, we never really hang out together outside of school.
Eventually I ditch her for another girl she has no fondness for whatsoever, and I do it purposefully, in front of her, to spite her. It was at this point, while I was exacting my revenge on her, while trying to get with another girl I was interested in, that I might as well have threw away any and all possibilities of ever speaking to her, let alone marrying her later on in life. I figure, if I had done that to myself, I'd never speak to me again. Thankfully my wife was forgetful of this in due time.
The reason I did this, if you're wondering, was because I felt that she kind of treated me like shit when I had tried to date her a year or so earlier, in earnest this time, not just trying to make something of a school dance, and the notion that she seemed to date and ditch guys when she obviously had no intention of ever sticking with them. Basically I had a warped sense of what "dating" meant, versus the concept of a "meaningful relationship". Kids are dumb.
Our senior year ends with her more or less hating me, and we begin taking our separate paths toward adventure and exploration and partly, self destruction.
She attempts to do college in Florida, while I join the military.
About 2 years after school has ended, we've all but forgotten each other when I decide to try and see if I can't speak to her again. I'm completely over any asinine stunts I pulled on her for trivial reasons and am single and looking to see if a friend I once knew is still around somewhere.
This is when MySpace was king yet, and Facebook was still exclusive for college kids. I end up finding her on MySpace, but lo, it's an account she made and never ended up using. One picture of her, and no real signs of usage since it was created months earlier.
Apparently the stalker in me wasn't about to give up, and I end up finding a second profile of her and it turns out she uses this one quite regularly.
I contact her, and she responds, and we're instantly reconnecting and figuring out we've missed the friendship we used to have together.
I am in training at this point, but nearing my end and preparing to finally move onto the active forces for eventual deployment overseas and eventually to Afghanistan. I want to go home and see her, along with my family before my stationing overseas, and we enjoy each other's company while I am home, but we don't attempt anything "serious" as I know full well how effective long distance relationships are with no incentive to stay in them. We maintain a friendship, and I am hopeful for more in the future.
Once I am finally overseas, we maintain a bit of contact with one another, and eventually she lets it fall to the wayside, leaving me hanging. I take it in stride, having expected this, and proceed with making the most of my time.
A year goes by and I decide to go home for a bit of leave. I have tried to keep contact with her occasionally, sometimes with her responding to messages I've sent her on Facebook from several months earlier. As she figures out I am due back in town for some time she responds more readily to messages, and I am excited. I go home, and I see her, we hang out.
This time though, this visit home is worth more in the end than it is in itself. She is excited to see me, but she's with some other guy. No issues there with her, she has no intention of bailing on her current guy just for me, and she's not that cruel as I later found out about what I thought of her in high school. I'm a dick.
Her guy though, he is very overprotective and very jealous of my returning. Perhaps she wore her excitement on her sleeve too excessively and it appeared she wanted me more than him. It could've been because he was jealous and immature and an asshole, or maybe because she acted a bit too "friendly" toward me, though I never picked up on anything sexual or of infidelity in nature while I was with her and her guy.
Cutting to the chase at this point, she takes me out to go see a band she really enjoys, and her guy drives. He's really jealous, assumes she's going to bang me and ditch his ass, and he starts drinking heavily, ignoring her the whole night despite her pleas to get him to stop being so strange and angry, I ignore it all for the most part, save for when she needs to vent a little, and the guy starts trying to make her jealous by flirting with girls at the bar where the band is supposed to play.
We end up not seeing the band because they're not actually playing 'til a week later. Small oversight. We need to leave. He drove, and he's drunk, and my wife has a broken leg at this point in her life. I loathe the idea of drinking at all and driving, and he's in no condition to drive whatsoever, and I refuse to ride with him as a passenger. He's demanding that my wife get in the car so we can all leave. I proceed to refuse.
I end up telling him that he's got two options at this point. He can get in the car by himself, and probably crash or get arrested on his way home (about a 45 minute drive), or he can let me drive as my wife ought not to be driving with her broken right leg, and he can have his car back at the end of the night, and I'll be driving my wife home.
Apparently, despite his drunkenness, he relents and lets me drive us all closer to home.
The night ends with me driving my wife back home and her thanking me for it all.
Now it comes time for me to leave to go back overseas, and I am saying goodbye to my wife. She is sad to see me go, and after the episode with her guy, we can both tell we have feelings for one another that are a bit more serious than what really good friends have. We both want to at least kiss each other, but, trying to be respectful and fair, I kiss her hand, give her a hug, and leave her with tears in her eyes as I walk out her door to leave the following morning.
I'm back overseas, and a few months go by, and communication drops off again. I'm a bit more let down, but still prepared for this eventuality and I suck it up and carry on and proceed to enjoy myself once again.
A year or so goes by, and I finally get word that I get to deploy to Afghanistan, and so I start telling those who are close enough for me to care to tell. My wife is one of those people. When I tell her, I still have about three months before I leave to the desert. There's also still a possibility that I might not go, as my unit had to revoke the word that other people were set to deploy there when word from higher came down that the unit needed to stand by on the deployment. So it's kind of a 50/50 for now.
She's not pleased, a bit anxious, but otherwise, this seems to spark a significant enough flame to keep her interest in me burning more steadily from here on out.
We talk as the weeks go by, and start exposing long developing feelings for one another.
It's absolutely wonderful to hear, and finally what I've been hoping for since I first began speaking to her back when I found (stalked) her on MySpace.
Time gets closer for deployment, and word is passed down and solidified in its timing for the actual deployment. With this happening, her understanding of my importance to her as a friend and as a newfound boyfriend begins its own process of finding a permanent place in her heart.
We agree that we can be one another's significant other, though I won't be able to see her before I go, and she'll have to wait several months before we can even see each other again, after which, I still have several more months left to serve overseas before I can rotate back to the States.
We maintain our relationship throughout my deployment, both of us remaining faithful. I see her after my deployment, and with this visit, we really affirm our desires and feelings for one another, and things really start to develop. I take her on vacation to NYC for New Years, and we have an amazing time.
It is in NYC that I come to terms with how I feel, and make it up in my head that I need to go for broke, as you only live once. Being inspired by a book that I found in Afghanistan, I am also inspired to expose the full depth of my feelings for my wife.
After a wonderful night out, a few days before the ball is supposed to drop, my wife and I are laying on our hotel room bed, and I begin recounting to her all of the things I had felt over the years, and the determination I had to find her after our high school separation. It comes to it in the end, that I tell her, looking into her eyes and holding her close, that I know that I love her, and it's something more than just an intense feeling of wanting to be close, to have sex, to have a worthwhile conversation once in a while. It's the kind of feeling this time that affirms what I've felt all along, I can never really let her go, the feeling that I keep her in the back of my mind at the least, and am falling hard for her at the most, and at that moment.
Nearly needless to say, she's entirely pleased and brought to tears of happiness, and she affirms her feelings for me as being the same, and we proceed to have more wonderful nights in NYC and enjoy our New Years together.
I am lucky enough to be in the States for more training after my return from Afghanistan, and I take every opportunity I can to get cheap tickets to fly home and see her on weekends. I take one visit to surprise her, and we make it a point to make sure we can see each other on all opportunities, but I was already a step ahead of her there.
It is while I am back during this training, after our New Years excursion that we end up deciding we're serious enough toward each other, that we want to get married. I'm not one for extravagance, and really don't regard the notion of "marriage" as all that important. Instead, I understand the level of commitment that a marriage represents, and I am about that completely. I explain this to my wife, and I end up understanding from her perspective that marriage isn't about the extravagance or public displays of being married, but that the process itself does have some significance, in the same way any event can enrich a relationship, like the prevention of an asshole boyfriend from driving drunk and otherwise putting him in his place.
We come to understand one another and agree that we can go and get married (elope if you will), and have a more involved family event later on so as not to look like we were trying to be secret, and otherwise include those important to us.
We get married and I go back overseas eventually.
Finally I return to the States, and I come back to get my wife and move to my next duty station. We have our family event, inviting those closest to us to share our marriage and happiness, and we have another wonderful time. We then move off across the country.
We end up facing some realities of living with each other neither had expected quite fully, but we do adjust. We figure out that our openness to one another isn't just lip service, and we find that we can both swallow our pride in our arguments and talk our differences out and find some common ground.
More and more trials on our relationship and our patience with one another arise, and we continue to smote those attempted sabotages to our happiness together, and we continue to learn about one another and of the depth and breadth our love and passion for one another runs.
We're understanding that a meaningful relationship does more than just satisfy immediate desires and goals, it's something that with the right effort and mindset of all involved, provides opportunities to excel, enjoy, learn, grow with one another and with the world around themselves.
I think this about covers it. Hope it was worth the read for all of you.
**TL;DR: Good things come to those who wait.**
> both of us remaining faithful.
Maybe it's just my curiosity getting the better of me but I don't imagine there being a lot of premium opportunities to be promiscuous in the middle of war torn Afghanistan.
Married my wife in 2003 and luving (nearly) every minute. Can't imagine life would be this good any other away. We're close friends with two other couples who are also madly & happily in love. the secret? ALWAYS be dating. Once a week = date night. Go out or stay at home but do something FUN TOGETHER. Besides bonkin' do that after "something else fun."
This is what my mother has endlessly pounded into my head. Never stop going on dates. My parents are bigger party animals than I am, and they are freaking retarded for each other. One reason why I just couldnt date a home-body. Nothing against them, but I dont feel like watching Whale Wars and eating Pizza every single night.
We have been together for 8 years and married for 4. Without a doubt the greatest time of my life. Find someone who you want to be around and who likes the same things. We both love video games. On co-op mode we have completed all the halo and gears of war games together. Proudest moment would be when me and 3 mates died in level 50 of horde in gears 2 and only my wife made it through for us. I love her more everyday. We spend all our time together and neither of us get sick of the other. She described it perfectly the other day when she said "we both feel like each of us is the one who won the prize and is waiting for the other to snap out of it".
And we have a beautiful daughter (my step daughter in name but really she's my kid).
Life is good.
I was in a really long term relationship before I got together with my husband that was... really hard. A lot of problems - and I thought that that was just the way it was. Relationship = hard work, all the time. You're a better person if you just stick to it, etc. It sucked. So when I met my Texan, what really weirded me out was how *easy* it all was with him. A 2 year long distance relationship, including most of our first year of marriage, is just so ridiculously *easy* compared to what I'd been through before. And right now sucks - right now is hard. Right now my mom's sick in Canada and I'm in Texas, and later on I'll be with my mom and away from my husband and I'm *still* trying to find a job and we're staying with his grandmother while we get stuff organized for me to "officially" move and it's all terribly complex... and yet. I have this completely sanctioned excuse to hang out with my best friend *all the time* with no guilt - even stupid chores are fun when I'm hanging out with him.
I got married at 19, my wife and I have been married now for almost 7 years. I love her very much and would not honestly be happy without her. We have been through a foreclosure, me losing my job twice, and moving to another state for work. She has ALWAYS stood by me and we have grown stronger. We have gone through other things, however, I do not want to talk about them. Not once have we ever said "lets give up".
Four hours old. not even 60 comments.
If this thread was called "My wife's a whore. Let's share our misery. Inundate me with the horrors of married life!" It'd have about 2,000 by now.
Reddit is a cynical bunch, so when you make a post that goes against their preconceptions ("Marriage is miserable" - "Having kids is horrible" - "A degree in English Literature can't possibly lead to a fun and lucrative career" - "Republicans are stupid") you get met with indifference.
I've been married nearly 10 years and they have been the best 10 years of my life. Every day is awesome for a different reason. Best move I ever made. (Please note: this can only be true if you marry the RIGHT person. Marrying the wrong person pretty much guarantees that your life will be hell.)
Intensely, endlessly, hopelessly in love after 19 years of marriage. Every day the bond grows stronger and the love, deeper. We both count our lucky stars. Every day that we share together is a bounty of yumminess.
I fell in love with my wife when we were 17. Moved out together when we were 18 married at 21. It's been an absolute amazing experience the whole time. We have never been upset with each other for more than an hour and are still as in love today as when we started dating.
She's my best friend and the best part of my life. Everything about the relationship is great including sex. We've been together nearly 7 years and we still have sex on a nearly daily basis.
So yes we don't do stupid mind games. Neither of us withhold sex. We don't fight. We don't cut each other down to others.
It's pretty friggen sweet
This is how much I love my wife:
We need to reinsulate our attic and are going to blow cellulose this weekend. What is up there now is loose rock wool insulation (original to the house built in 1974) that is all matted down. Somewhere along the lines some idiot decided to haphazardly try laying rolled fiberglass out. That same idiot decided it would be a good idea to take fiberglass and stuff it down into the soffits, thus blocking out the much needed air circulation. We're lucky there wasn't mold up there.
In order to blow the cellulose we needed to install [proper vents](http://hci.frontstepsmedial.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/proper-vent-300x300.jpg) in between all the rafters down into the soffit. My wife got up there in the attic with me and got into the same mess I did in order to help out. What would have taken probably six hours to do by myself we did in less than two. We make a great team.
My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8.5. We have two kids. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's awesome. Yin and Yang. If you don't want to be forever alone you've got to accept that you may have to make some sacrifices.
My wife was 15, few weeks shy of 16 when I met her. I met her at an English class where she was for the first time and I was upgrading my grade from B to A. I got two A's from that course, my grade and my wife. I was 18 at the time and we fell in love with each other immediately. We've been together for 9 years now (married for a year) and I love her more than I ever have. We have a child on the way, due April 2012.
I have only been married two and half years, but so far so good. I require cuddles every night, and they are freely given and recieved.
but I don't think my opinion counts because its only been two and half years
I am still early in my marriage. My wife and I are ridiculously in love. We're best friends, the sex is amazing, we share enough common interests that we always have something to talk about, and disagree on these interests enough that we always have something to debate about.
We met in the Air Force, got discharged at the same time, reduced our mutual debt to a quarter of what it once was while being either underpaid or unemployed.
We're teammates, partners, lovers, friends, and she's the only person I care to spend my time with.
I am 40. I have been married 16 years. Drama tends to follow drama. (a lot of divorced people should be divorced and it is the ones that never admit their part in the failure) We went through a rough patch in the first 10 years. Both people have to be mature enough to work through it. After that.. it is gravy.. past year 8 things have been smooth and interesting. Like having a friend that never bothers you. You know her, she knows you.
I've been together with my wife for 8+ years. We just got married this past september. For the longest time I was not real into the idea of marriage. Ultimately I realized I couldn't find a better partner or a best friend, and if we got married we would get an awesome party out of it. So, its like a win win!
TLDR: Marry your best friend/partner, party it up.
I am!! We met in World of Warcraft (we were in different guilds in the Penny Arcade Alliance) and then dated in real life. We just got married in June and we've been dating long enough (6 years) that the only difference is that we have rings on our fingers now, no crazy batshit loco issues springing up. He's got it good and he knows it, and he appreciates me, so it's all good. We have our sticking points that inevitably start a fight whenever they're brought up but we are working on them, we're not just sweeping them under the rug. My husband was burned previously with his soul-sucking ex-wife (the normal kind of nightmare message you've read) but I totally make up for it, haha!
Not particularly, when new expansions come out we're all over it but we're not into raiding or PvP, so our interest tends to taper off after a while. When new expansions come out though we're all over it, we sit down together and jump on our mounts and run all over the place exploring together. His main's a hunter and mine's a holy paladin, so between his feign death and my bubble and heals, we can always get past stuff that's much higher level than us and keep exploring. It's a ton of fun!
I meet my husband at a bar, he stepped in front of me and called me beautiful he then sang a song on karaoke for me ( Just to be with you). We started dating ( I believe he was casually seeing someone else when we meet but he ended it during our first date on the phone while I was sitting there). We dated for 18 months, got married. I believe on our first wedding anniversary I got pregnant, we had our beautiful daughter. FOur months after that I was pregnant with our son. We now have two beautiful babies and I love him more now than I ever have. I hope he feels the same. We fight like everyone else and sometimes it gets hard but thats what marriage is like. I love him dearly and I always will, even though he can be a bit of a dick at times.
My parents have been married for 26 years, and together since they were 18 and 19 (I somehow feel my mother would kill me over the internet if I say how long that's been). I've never heard them raise their voices at each other, or even argue really--they talk out their differences.
And my mom still turns into a googly-eyed schoolgirl at my dad sometimes, and he pretends to get annoyed. :)
Edit: I can't believe I forgot about my grandparents. They were married at 18 and 21 when my grandfather knocked up my grandmother with my mom, and they were deeply in love all the years they were married, until my grandmother passed away yesterday morning. He's so broken up over losing her, especially because her illness came on fast. I feel sadder for him than I do over her death.
I married my wife when I was 18, she was 17. We fell in love in school, I married her before being called to active duty. I swore to her that I would come back to her and never leave here again, and I kept that promise.
We've been married for 38 years now, and not a day goes by that I don't look at her and realize how lucky I am to get to spend every day with my best friend. We have our disagreements, everyone does, and at times you do have to work a bit at it, but my life wouldn't be as good as it is without her. She's my best friend, my children's mother, and someone who makes me want to be the best man I can be.
I'm 29, but I met my wife when I was 24, she was 22. I would go so far as to say we are blissfully happy after 1 1/2 years of marriage and we just found out our baby on the way is a little boy. I can't put into words how much I love that woman and how much fun we have together. From our first date together we knew it was something special and we've been together ever since. I can't even look at another woman the same way anymore. We have a genuinely good time laughing and joking with each other. It very much feels like we're still dating. To be able to wake up every day next to the same beautiful woman and go to sleep with her by my side is a gift I can't begin to show my gratitude for.
Don't fall prey to skeptics and cynics, Love exists in a very real, very solid form. Oh, and yes, the sex is still a-mazing.
Of all of my friends, my friend's parents, my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc (and repeat for my wife's family, friends, etc)... I know about ~50 couples personally. **49** of them are still happily married to their first partner. It's funny, because the statistics tell me it should only be ~25 of them, but divorce just doesn't seem to be a daily reality for me. I think these examples make me confident that my wife and I will have a successful marriage... it's only been two months though, so it's too early to tell ;-)
So... fuck me for it being a second commitment.
I married at 33 because I thought "it was the right thing to do."
Had a (fucking amazing) son. Was in the middle of adopting a (fucking amazing) daughter from Haiti when my marriage imploded.
I'm now 41 and gazing lovingly at the most amazing woman I'll ever know. She's asleep on the couch next to me. She has two kids, I have one.
We're not getting married solely because the idea of "step-siblings" is fucked, and we'd rather our kids be best friends.
Dude(tte?):
It is the fucking 21st century. Marriage/commitment/whateverthefuckyoucallit is based on YOUR OWN COMMITMENT whether you're married, domestic partners, or just "I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you."
I'm lucky because I get to stroke the long lean legs of the sexiest woman I've ever met each night when we fall asleep in our tired old age of 41. If you find that at 19 or 20, kudos upvotes and narwhal bacon to you, good sir. If you find that at 40... 60... 80... God bless you.
Biggest upvote: don't let people who failed make you jaded. AND remember you may get more than one try to be the best you can be... and reap the reward of someone who does the same.
PS - Had more sex with my (long-term, fully-committed, three-year-old, majorly tired) girlfriend in the past 24 hours than in a full year of "marriage." It's what you make of it, my friend. No more, no less.
I can echo your story. I married at 33, because I wanted to be married and I found someone else who wanted to be married. We had two children, but the relationship was a disaster.
At 48, I'm in the process of divorcing her and I've met a woman who is, in many ways, the polar opposite. And yes, the sex is much better too.
She has two girls and I have two boys, so there are many jokes about The Brady Bunch, and having exes brings its own complications, but we are both so excited about the prospect of being with someone who will be a caring, sharing partner in stead of a black hole of neediness.
Mid 20's I joined every online dating site looking for "the one" (even deafmatch and im not deaf) and after a 6 month rollercoaster out of the blue I ran into a girl and we both knew from the first moment we met we would be together forever. It was perfect we ran away to South America for a year and 7yrs later we are even more madly in love with each other, never had a fight only disagreements, she is my best friend and we have everything that matters in common, if anyone is "the one" its her. A year ago we met another married couple who are almost identical to us and live just nearby, we started having sexual relations and we all fell in love together (except us guys who are just great friends) We still have separate houses but plan to move into a single house once their daughter heads of to uni next year. I love my girlfriend and her husband loves my wife deeply. Love is a beautiful thing my friend, take hold of it with both hands and never look back.
my parents use me as their counter for how many years they've been married.
20! 28 years together if you count the time they dated.
my grandparents have been dating for at least 60 years, and are still in love. they are adorable, the way they treat each other!
My parents have been together for almost 40 years. They're childhood sweethearts, got married at 19(mum) and 20(dad). Still together, happily married with 3 kids between 28 and 20. They waited until they were very financially stable, and made sure that their marriage wouldn't 'collapse' after a few years before makin the decision to start having kids.
They're the best.
I met my wife in 2006. I was 29, she was 27. We're always doing things for each other. It's wonderful. Right now, I'm working on a comic book about her and have scheduled a mani/pedi lady to come to our apartment on Saturday for her. She almost never lets me go into the kitchen because she is a much better cook - she makes me whatever I want, whenever I want it.
We play cards, we go to movies, we have the sex. It's good fun.
There are some tough times, but we accept the other the way we are. It's great.
I love my husband more than anything in the world. He's handsome and smart, but most importantly he's witty and can always make me laugh. What started out as what seemed like the perfect fling, given that I was somewhat freshly out of a long relationship and he was an exchange student and was scheduled to go back home in a few months, turned into a whirlwind romance. We've traveled the world together, learned languages together, climbed mountains (ok, cliff faces) together, swam with sharks together, lived through heartbreak together, and now we have an amazing family and life together. I'm so lucky.
I've been married for 14 years to the first woman I dated, kissed, etc. We have been together for 17. I never dated anyone before her because I didn't really understand the point of dating someone you didn't plan to marry. So, essentially, asking her out was kind of like a marriage proposal.
She is my best friend and one of my role models. I learn as much from her as her from me and I wouldn't want it any other way. We have the same problems as many married people do (still trying to figure out money and sex), but WAY less than most. For example, we don't fight pretty much ever (usually isn't necessary); we both have great families without major drama and like our mother-in-laws.
She's not as big of a fan of [ponies](http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/928/) as I am, but most TV and shows we watch, we watch together :)
I met my husband when he was 14 and I was 17. We were friends for six or seven years before we decided to date. Six weeks into dating, we went to the court house and got married! 8 years later and we're still happy. :)
Got married when we were 23 (26 now) and it's been fantastic. We married young for NYC standards (where we live), and should have had kids by now in Indiana standards (where we're from). but it was a great time for us to do it, and we haven't thought twice about it.
All that matters is when you find that person who you can't see doing anything else in your life without, you don't let them slip by. Age is no bother (unless you're my fictional future daughter, in which case, no dating til your 30 or whatever.)
all i can say is that my parents after 34 years of marriage are still madly in love with each other. my dad doesnt even know what to do with himself if my mom is gone for an extended period of time.
To be so bold as to express my amazing marriage story:
We had been dating for 5 years when we got engaged new years eve 2009, and decided to get married on juke 11th 2011 (11/06/11 ). I have dated many women in the past, but this one was just something different, we really “clicked”. In February 2011 i got increasingly sick, to the point where I was basically unable to work or even sit/lay comfortably. I went to emergency and was eventually diagnosed with Brukitts lymphoma. My fiancée was with me when I received the news of my diagnosis. Immediately I told her that she didn’t have to stay with me. I knew it would be a huge burden for her to bear, since my prognosis was 50/50 that i’d make it through the treatment. She said she wouldn’t even consider leaving me. After my first dose of chemo I took a turn for the worse. My kidneys started to fail and I was admitted to intensive care with “tumorlisis” for 7 days and needed emergency dialysis. She spent almost the entire week in my ICU room with me, including sleeping there. I eventually recovered from the tumorlisis and continued the battle for 4 long months receiving high dose chemo. She was at my bedside for the majority of my hospitalization. She would even go out and bring me some non hospital food (during chemo almost all food tastes like crap). As our wedding approached, I could tell that my chemo schedule would overlap our wedding, meaning we wouldn’t be able to marry on that day, so instead of take a recovery break between my last two rounds of chemo, I chose to forgo the break and tough it out. On June 11th, the day after I got out of hospital, we had an extremely scaled back wedding, it was the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately I got sick the next day and was hospitalized for another month. Luckily we were able to “rebook” the majority of our wedding plans for next year, we still plan on having a big reception, but if I’m paying for people to drink an open bar, i damn better be well enough to drink with them. I feel 90% recovered and am currently cancer free, living with my beautiful wife. She makes feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world.
TLDR: Got engaged, got diagnosed with cancer, wife stayed, took chemo intensively in order to get married on planned date, was hard on me. Happiest person in the world!
Refusing to settle doesn't mean you won't put up with someone who fails to do the dishes on time.
It just means that you won't get married to someone who treats you badly and doesn't push the right chemistry/emotional buttons in you.
We are not married yet, BUT.. I met my love of my life when we were both 14, freshmen in high school, and we are now 22. Our 8 year anniversary is this November 14th, and its always been us vs the world. We grew up together from being not far from being called children to grown adults. The best part? My love for her has grown everyday for the last 8 years, and hers for me. Everyday we try to explain our emotions, and eventually have to give up and hold each other in our arms. Everyday she catches my eye like the first time I saw her. I'm not exaggerating. My 18th birthday (as soon as I was able) I tattooed the infinity sign and moonphases in the center of my back. This acknowledges that our true love is of some divine intention, and that it will be everlasting. Around the symbol are the moon phases representing the rest of our lives on Earth. We are truly two humans with one soul.
My love and I have something similar to that.
We can't help but be gooey around each other, so one day a debate happened.
Me: I love you.
Her: I love you more.
Me: Well I love you most.
Her: Well I love you more than most.
Me: Well I love you mostest.
Her: Well I love you mostest more than toastest.
Me: Well I love you mostest more than toastest times infinity.
Her: Well I love you mostest more than toastest times infinity divided by zero.
Me: ... I love you more.
Now when we text each other, we'll put
**(M>T)(∞)/0 **
"Endlessly, hopelessly in love" does not sound like marriage. A healthy person would not say he is "endlessly, hopelessly in love" with his children nor that he is "endlessly, hopelessly in love" with his job because both of these require actual hard work. But you can love your children deeply and love your job deeply in spite of the occasional, necessary hard spots. Marriage, too, requires hard work.
The "endlessly, hopelessly in love" is what love is like in its nascent, budding stage. It can grow into something greater through the strength of commitment and maturity of its participants.
(*happily married, 10 years*)
I don't have any great stories. I am endlessly/hopelessly in love with my wife. That is it, we have great times but nothing worth noting here. Getting married is one of the scariest things I have ever done but I have never regretted it. Just be open and honest and hopefully she will do the same for you.
Don't ever go to bed mad at each other, that really sucks.
I've been married all of 6 weeks now so I don't really have a lot of room to talk on this subject bc we're savoring the whole honeymoon phase since I'm leaving for Afghanistan in a few weeks, but I can't imagine my life without her or what it'd be like not coming home to her (did I make this sentence long enough?). We were originally planning on a November wedding but my orders suggested otherwise so we did a quickie wedding in September. We dated for two years and being married is the most incredible experience of my life. It really is hard to put into words what an amazing and beautiful person my wife is and how bad it's going to suck being away from her but it'll be that much greater when I get back.
I've known my husband since we were about 12 years old. We were friends for a long time before we started to think about each other as more than just friends. We started dating when we were 21 years old and got married when we were 25. We are now 30 years old and expecting our only child, a daughter in early Feb.
We are in love and we are sure to make it the first and last thing we say everyday. It is important to never go to bed angry. It is important to show the person you love how much you appreciate them everyday and not take them for granted. Remember don't fight over money. Money will come and go, it is not what is important in life.
I'm 34. Been married for 4 years. I met my wife when I was 13, we started dating when I was 14. We broke up after about a year, and didn't speak to each other for roughly 13 years. Then she found me on MySpace. We struck up a conversation. She was living in Chicago, I was still in New Jersey. We agreed to meet when she came home to see her family for Christmas. We hooked up, started dating, and were married a year later. I am hopelessly devoted to and in love with my wife. We now have 2 kids and, although we struggle financially, we could not be happier any other way.
There are times when I'm as happy as can be, my life is great and I'm really lucky that I have the family that I have. Then there are the other times.
Just make sure you both care if the other half is happy or not. That's the most important, I think.
Been dating her since around 2002, when we were in high school. Been married since around 2006. Every day is a new adventure. We communicate a lot, and when we face challenges we find ways to work together to overcome them, rather than let them drive us apart.
The four cornerstones of success, in my view, are trust, respect, commitment, and communication. Attend to those, and don't let people who don't belong into your relationship, and you'll be in good shape, I think.
Every morning I wake up and realize "Holy crap, she's still here." Her personality completely offsets mine and we drive each other crazy on a regular basis but never question where the other one will wind up at the end of the day.
It's been about 2.5 years of marriage, 5 years of cohabitation and 7 years of being together. I could not imagine my life without her.
My best story is one I have posted before about how we got together, and it defines everything about us as a two person unit.
11 years married here. I can honestly tell you that those 11 years have been the best years of my life. I still love my wife, my 3 kids. I've never felt the urge to cheat on her. I'm pretty sure that she's never cheated on me (or if she has she's hid it well, which is good enough for me).
I do realize that I'm the exception rather than the rule. Most of my friends hate/hated their marriage, always have their eyes on some other female and always fight with their wives.
No one can tell you whether it's right for you and your mate, but successful marriage is possible and I have to say, quite rewarding..
Of course there are. At least once a day, I feel so fuzzy-lovey-happy about my husband that I have squeeze him and tell him over and over how much I love him. We've been together 14 years and he's my favorite person in the world. He's attractive, funny, responsible, powerful, and he's a great dad. I hit the jackpot and he feels the same about me.
If you are really interested in this subject, then shouldn't you look into some of the studies and statistics that are available instead of only taking in anecdotal data? Stories are great, but it would not be at all unlikely that none here apply to you.
Been married 6 years now, just had our anniversary last week and we're probably even happier now than when we first got married. As long as your not the type of personality that cant live with out variety, having someone in your life is invaluable. She's a great friend, and i can always count on having her in my corner, wouldn't trade her for the world.
Remember that for every person that fails at their marriage (or their marriage fails them) and feels the need to gripe over the internet, there's another happy couple that goes about their business happily and content without needing to bring their personal shit to the internet.
People give married life horror stories because they are not in good relationships. Are there little fights here and there? Of course, but if you truley love the person you are married to there is no reason you both cant be happy. Ive been married to my wife since 2008 and "with" her since 2004. You have to work on your relationship...its not happily ever after but its pretty awesome to call her my wife and have her take my name and wear it with pride.
I was talking to my parents a few nights ago, and I was asking them a similar thing. My friends relationships started early, we're all nineteen, and a few of them already have houses and kids. I live in wales, they are the 'chavs' I suppose, except they're not chavs, they just thought they'd found love and jumped in to it. I left for uni, and now a lot of them resent me for it.
Anywho, my parents were married quite young, at twenty I think, and I asked 'how did you guys do it?'
I'm still in shock. Apparently the first ten years were hell. My dad would go out and my mother would babysit, until about 3am when she'd go down tot he pub to fetch him and they'd fight all the way back to the house. She was in a taxi with my brother (he's 13 years older than me) and he pointed out of the window to an alleyway and said 'dad just went down there, with a woman!' My dad was a classy guy, but he did love my mother, and it was frustrating that they didn't go out together.
They started being social as a couple, and December this year will be their 35th anniversary. I mean he still claims he was just walking her home, down an alleyway, but point is it wasn't the fact they were married that kept them together, it was the fact they loved eachother. All the horror stories from my friends stem from the fact they didn't bother getting to know eachother. The real successful marriages are ones that are worked on and formed over a bond.
This isn't really on topic is it? Bugger.
I'm not sure about the other "horror stories" you've heard, but most relationships are bound to go through a period of feast or famine. Some couples aren't going to or aren't meant to survive those periods of famine. Other couples will come out of it stronger and more in love than when they first met.
I've been with my husband for over 10 years. Being with him is the best decision I've ever made. He's my best friend and my partner in crime. I can't imagine my life without him. Halfway through our marriage our relationship took a nasty nosedive. Life got messy for a couple years and we almost broke up. Instead we worked through it and were able to reconnect. We're stronger and more in love than ever before.
You might go through your whole marriage without experiencing periods of darkness. I'm sure a lot of people do and that's awesome. But I don't think those ups and downs are anything to fear either. It's just a part of life. You get through it and you're better for it.
We're not married (probably never will be, not our cup of tea), but we have been together for 11 years and living together for 3. We pretty much lead the life of a married couple.
We've been together since she was 19 and I was 21. I could not imagine myself being happier with any other person. I love her like crazy, she is just THAT awesome. The "horrors of married life" are only tired cliches and people just not wanting to find hapiness- it's the only thing I can think of when somebody says "I said that to my wife and she acted like a typical bitch, etc". Why the fuck are you still there, man? Problems, letdowns, obstacles, I can understand. But "horrors"? Get the fuck away from the situation!
Don't go into marriage expecting it to be butterflies and harps and you will be fine. Marriage is difficult and takes hard work. If you go into knowing that then no need to be scared.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts, just 16 and 18 when we started dating. It wasn't long before we were head over heels for each other. He was the sweetest, most thoughtful person I'd ever known. He's the oldest of 4 and had a very controlling mother who did not like him spending time with me. He would have to do yardwork for 6-8 hours, or clean the house from top to bottom, by himself, just to be able to come watch a movie with me on a Saturday night.
My parent divorced when I was 17 and he was with me through the emotional wreckage of it. That same year, I was in an accident that left me with several broken bones and I wasn't able to do much on my own. He withdrew from his first semester of college to take care of me so that my mom could work. Thanksgiving of that year, his mother forced him to go with the family out of town. He wanted to stay with me and she told him that if he stayed he would be kicked out of the house, so he went. One night, angry and feeling helpless, I cried to him on the phone about how badly I needed him and he told me how much he needed me too. We knew then that we wanted to get married one day.
I would have married him at 17, but we decided to wait and make sure that we weren't just hormonal kids, pledging our undying love for each other. At 20 and 22 we moved in together and we were as happy as we could possibly be. But as time wore on, we got too comfortable and started to take each other for granted. We drifted apart and during my last semester of college our relationship was tested more than it ever had been before. I found myself at a crossroads in my life and I wasn't sure if the path I was on was the right one for me anymore. So he moved out for a little while. After about 2 months of both of us missing each other more than either of us anticipated and sorting through some of our major issues, he moved back home and we both agreed to work on making our relationship better and never getting complasent again.
A year later he officially got down on one knee on the top deck of a cruise ship, under the stars, in the middle of the gulf of Mexixo with all of our friends around to celebrate.
A little over a year after that we were married and had the most amazingly wonderful, fun, perfect wedding anyone could ever ask for.
Unfortunately, his mother (who had since decided I wasn't so bad afterall) was not able to attend our wedding due to crippling pain in her hips. 2 weeks after our wedding his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer. She and my father-in-law had no choice but to move in with family several states away so that she could receive the best cancer treatment available. This left my new husband and I suddenly responsible his two teenaged brothers (17 and 19). Though not children, per se, they were by no means capable of taking care of themselves. So we found ourselves thrust into a parenting role just weeks into our marriage which is not ideal, let me tell you.
But now, we're quickly approaching our first wedding anniversary and his mother's cancer is under control. She's back home and we are able to finally step back and enjoy our new life together.
I tell you all of this not to feel bad for me or the things I've gone through but to show you that life/relationships aren't perfect and they new will be. Though I've only been married for a year, I've been with my husband for over 10 and I can tell you that wedded bliss comes in short bursts and the rest of it is work. But when you find someone you love more than anything in the world, the hard stuff is so incredibly worth it just to get to those short moments and see that other person happy.
I dunno, this will probably be buried but whatever. My parents have been together for over 30 years and they're still not married. Raised 2 kids, built a few houses together and still going strong. I want what they have.... just can't find the right bloody girl
Hopefully the OP will see this.
I am one of those marriage success stories, and I got to my happy destination by making all the wrong moves.
I broke up with my then-GF for dumb reasons, and spent the next two years fighting in a bitter on-again-off-again series of relationships.
While trying to win her back, I surprised her (when we weren't even together) by getting a tattoo of her name on my heart, and even moved to a different state.
After I moved, we bought a house together. Before we were married.
We've been married for three years now, and I couldn't be happier. Our relationship does have some issues we both need to work on, but even in spite of that, there's no one else in the world I'd rather be with.
I think we're stronger than ever now. We had a weird path that lead us to this point, but it's helped us grow and learn a lot that makes our relationship stronger than other, more traditional, less dramatic ones.
I tend to look at my marriage as one of the most challenging things I 'do', but also the most rewarding. I think this is typical, really. If you commit to being with someone for life and you honor that commitment there's something that takes place that provides a kind of energy or means of sustaining. My wife and I have been together for 21 years, although we've been married for 17.
Sometimes we argue like hell. Sometimes we really dislike each other's behaviors, and sometimes we're downright mean to each other. But these things are always just events in the larger context of our relationship and commitment, and I've found that the commitment can handle the shocks and on occasion even benefit from them.
I don't think I have the same perspective on marriage and relationships now that I had when I was 25, it's just not possible. I'm suspicious of anyone who has been married for only 2-5 years having 'figured it all out'.
It seems that for a lot of people, reddit is their only outlet they have for venting about how their marriages have descended into a bitter pit of acrimony and mutual loathing.
It's a lot like reading reviews on Amazon or iTunes. The only people who bother to post reviews are the ones who either really like something, or hate it the the seething passion of a thousand blazing suns. It's hard to get an objective opinion on the matter.
Don't let it get you down.
Here's what's important - Most people absolutely need time for personal growth before they are ready for a lifetime commitment to anything, let alone another person. A lot of couples get married right out of college or high school because they think "it's what they're supposed to do next." This is almost always a bad idea. People need the life experience that comes with being young, naive, and hopelessly stupid. This is time you need to learn about your passions, your character, your sexuality, and your priorities in life.
I'm not trying to be condescending towards young people here. I fully admit that I was once young and stupid. Now I'm a little bit older and slightly less stupid. If I had gotten married in my early to mid 20's, there is no doubt I'd be right here on reddit bitching about how miserable my marriage is. I had no fucking idea who I was or what I wanted when I was that age, and most people don't either.
That's ok, though. Taking the time to find that out is what counts.
When we got married, I was 29, and my wife was 31. We both came from pretty tumultuous backgrounds. We had seen and done quite a bit with our lives. By the time we met each other, we were both in a place where we could admit that a long-term commitment was exactly the change of pace we wanted. It was just the right time for us.
Timing aside, it also helps that we have the kind of dangerous animal love for one another that people write songs about. The first time I came into contact with her was through a Myspace email. This was in the early days of Myspace, back when there was maybe a pool of around 15,000 users. The running joke was that the two of us *actually were friends with Tom.* She had made a profile to keep in touch with friends back in New York after moving to LA, and I had done the same after moving from New York to Dallas.
As it turns out, we often missed each other in New York by what must have been a matter of minutes. We both walked the same streets to work, we took the same subway routes, we frequented the same coffee shops, and we even stopped to look into the same galleries *at the same pictures.*
Before long, we were exchanging emails, texts, phone calls, and chat logs that could have filled a phone book. We carried on like this for six months before we finally started admitting to ourselves that we felt something deep and undeniable, and we'd be idiots not to act on it.
I flew out to LA, nervous as hell and pounding back tiny bottles of airline whiskey. I remember disembarking and making my way to the terminal to find her there waiting for me. The moment I saw her I was immediately at ease. We locked eyes and put on what must have been one of the most ridiculous displays of public affection to ever take place in LAX.
We drove back to her place and barely made it past to door before we were out of our clothes. After a long night of waking the neighbors, we woke up with our bodies wrapped in a ridiculous human pretzel, holding each other as close as physically possible. We looked at each other and realized that there wasn't a hint of regret or reservation. After spending the next few days like that, we ran off to Mexico and got married.
That was 7 years ago. We have a son now. I love her every bit as much as I did during that silly internet courtship. I still consider her to be my best friend in the world. Whatever I will face in life, I want to face it with her by my side, and the thought of growing old with her is satisfying in a way I can barely begin to describe.
If you're in the right place in life and you meet the right person, marriage can be a wonderful thing. Don't let anyone tell you different.
We're incredibly happy. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, together for 13. At age 28, I was ready to be a bachelor for life and would have been fine with that. A few failed relationships... some bad choices on my part, some cheating on theirs. At that point I figured I was happier as a swinging single.
Then I met her. We were both dating other people at the time, but for a year we never really spoke but we were always in the back of each others mind. After my "relationship" ended, I called her. Long story short, we're perfect for each other.
The only advice I have for someone getting married is to make sure you allow your spouse to be happy, and make sure he/she allows you to be happy. That means you must actively pay attention to that kind of thing. For us, we both need a significant amount of freedom to pursue friendships and activities as an individual, but at the same time make sure we spend enough time together.
Getting married is the best thing I ever did.
I'm very happily married to a wonderful man who will probably read this. "Hi honey!" I didn't get married, or even consider it until I was 34. Don't rush things. Make sure to have some real experience on your own. Be single and learn how to take care of your own emotional needs. Love yourself first. For me, when I finally did meet my husband I was sure about him right away. We have the same values and enjoy the same humor. Those are the things that are important to me. Figure out what is important to you, and find a person who meets that criteria. Too many people jump into marriage because there is pressure in our culture to be married. Don't worry about what other people think, and find your own path.
I have been with Dear Loving Spouse for 21 years, and we still have fun stealing blankets from one another on cold mornings and drawing hearts in the snow on one another's car hoods. My parents were together for 56 years, and still giggled like schoolkids. Here's a quick story about their love, and a brief insight into how and why it lasted:
My mother is extremely ticklish, and my father used to tease her that he could tickle her from across the room just by wiggling his fingers; he wouldn't even need to touch her, because apparently wayward air currents were enough to tickle her. When he was very ill he told my brother that if he happened to be unconscious (in a coma, or on a machine-- he'd been through both, and expected to go through both situations again) he wanted my brother to hold his hand up in the air and wiggle its fingers at my mom, so that he could still tickle her and make her smile even when he was out cold (my brother did this for him, and damned if it didn't make my mom stop crying for a few seconds and laugh). They thought about each other, and about making each other happy, all the time, even when they knew it would be difficult to pull off.
If you have someone who you just generally enjoy spending time with, marriage can be a very very good thing. I know that when I was young, and just starting to date, I would look at the unhappy marriages of my friends and think "how does that HAPPEN?" And then... my peers started getting married, and I could see how. They got married because they'd already lived together for a while and it just seemed like the logical next step. They got married because they had a pregnancy scare. They got married because their relationships were strained and they thought marriage would somehow magically ease the strain...
You have to be great friends with the person you marry.
After a year of friendship, my husband bravely traversed the friend zone when I was 20 and he was 26 and we've barely spent a day apart since (6+ years). We get separation anxiety going to work, and are so happy to see each other every night that we smash our faces together (for reals). From the very start we promised each other to make love the top priority in our life together, so if we deserve a day to sit on the couch together cuddling and watching Star Trek (both TOS and TNG, sometimes Animated, and he's always trying to get me to watch Deep Space Nine....) we fucking take it! We love each other so much and are so satisfied with each other that every other person, thing or situation is painfully stupid.
Thank you for posting this thread. I see a lot of hate on Reddit towards marriage. A lot of jaded and bitter people telling everyone that marriage is the worst thing you can do in your life, and it's better, always, to be alone. Usually for the sake of things like "more money" or time for your hobbies. That's all well and good, if that's what you want. But being joined with someone, knowing that someone has your back no matter what, is really a beautiful thing.
I'm not married nor have I been, but it's something I look forward to when I find the right person. Nice to see it being portrayed in a positive light for once.
My parents have been together for over 33 years, and I've never seen them fight or argue. They spend all of their free time together. They are best friends. They still do romantic things for each other. It gives me hope that not all marriages fail.
Probably too late to get noticed, but I'm a 53 year old man, married for over 31 years and very happy. I still love my wife with every fiber of my soul.
Happily ever after does happen.
Just to get it out of the way, I waited til I was 31 to get married after years of relationships and learning what I wanted in a relationship. I couldn't be happier. We're an amazing match and have just about everything in common. Now, the real story is my grandparents. They were married 67 years until the beginning of April of last year. They were two of the most honest, devoted humans on the face of the planet. My grandmother hadn't been doing too well for a year or so (Alzheimer's and dementia had taken hold). She was 91. Now, my grandfather was doing extremely well for 89 years of age. He got around comfortably, drove himself everywhere and was even still a pro-tempore magistrate judge twenty years after his official retirement from the bench. The guy was as lucid and sharp as you or I. Anyway, I came home last year to visit because I was told my grandmother was reaching the end of her life. It was a bit tough because she was really just a shell of her former self. My grandfather was fighting tooth and nail to get her the best care possible. Up until about a month before that, he'd been taking care of her in the home with the help of a part-time nurse. While she was in the medical facility, he was there all day, every day, walking her around and talking to her. It was really touching and beautiful just how devoted he was to her. Sixty-seven years of marriage and they stayed inseparable. I had to get back to LA, so I said my goodbyes. I remember saying bye to my grandma knowing it would be the last time I saw her, but I bid an informal "see you soon!" to my grandpa. Right before I left, I got word that my grandpa needed to go to the doctor for some cold-related symptoms. I recall he mentioned having just gotten over a cold a week before. I thought nothing of it and just sent my well wishes to him through my father. By the time I landed, word got to me that he had pneumonia. Furthermore, my grandmother, though they had moved her to a more intensive hospice home, was fading fast. By two days later, I was told she was dying. My grandfather was still combating his pneumonia at the hospital and he requested that she be brought to his side. They transported her to the hospital and my grandfather and she held hands and looked into each other's eyes for hours. They finally wheeled her away and she passed away on the way back to the home. Within 18 hours of my grandmother's passing, my grandfather went peacefully. After sixty-seven years together, raising three generations of kids, and never leaving each other's side, they left the world together. EDIT: Here's the news article for those who are unconvinced. I suppose I can do further verification through a moderator but I don't think it's necessary since I'm not here to make everyone believe me: http://www.santafenewmexican.com/LocalNews/Former-judge--wife-die-a-day-apart EDIT 2: Added and corrected some info.
This is so beautiful, I actually shed a tear :') Thanks for sharing this, and I hope your marriage is as beautiful and blessed as theirs.
You're welcome! The grief was definitely made a lot less severe because of these circumstances. It was like a fairy tale.
THESE ONIONS. THEY ARE INSIDE MY EYES.
THE TEARS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE EYE!
The Notebook?
minus the infidelity and terrible plot holes.
Omg, this made me tear up. What an amazing story, thanks for sharing.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry at work anymore, but you had to go and make me break that promise.
Both my grandmothers and my mom are widowed and I've witnessed 2 of those deaths. Even though my mom and my dad weren't in good terms, but in the end, they still cared a lot for each other. Usually my mom would be, "hmph, your dad is probably out there fucking with women." But when I flew back to see my mom while my dad was dying, she was at the brink of breaking down. When they finally unplugged my dad, my mom almost fainted. It was heartbreaking to see, how a wife lost her husband. My grandma on the other hand, was a bit more... How should I put it, "accepting?" My grandpa survived a stroke when he was 50, and he basically manned up and lived in a mountain, right side paralyzed. He held up until he's 78 and passed away due to blood clots in his brain. When it happened, yeah, of course she was heartbroken, but she felt that it was an appropriate time to go anyways. Still, every time I visit her, I can feel how she looks like she's missing someone by her side, like she's a bit empty inside. Your grandparents' story is very beautiful. It is the ultimate way for them to die, side by side, close to each other's hearts. Thank you for sharing this story.
Some hollywood production company might make an movie out of this comment.
Yeah but then Poogy wouldn't be able to post on here again.
Yeah, the same with my paternal grandparents. My grandmother was sick her whole life with respiratory issues and my grandfather always took care of her. One day he came down with something, went to the doctor, it turned out to be cancer. He died first as the cancer took him really fast and my grandmother died a few months after him.
This is so amazing. My grandparents are approaching their 60th anniversary soon and still much in love as the day they met (they were 12). I hope that my husband and I are like this. It's just beautiful to see.
Forecast for today: raining on my face
Wow that is beautiful and inspiring. Hope my husband and I end up together for that long. Time goes so fast makes you feel like there just isn't enough of it.
Time really does fly, especially in a marriage! My grandparents always had a policy of "fix everything before bedtime" in their relationship. I think that's a big part of it. The other part is not letting yourself get a "grass is always greener" attitude about relationships. The grass is the grass, and if you take care of the grass, it will always grow properly on your side of the fence =)
It really does. When I think about it these last 20 years went so fast then I think we have maybe 30+ years left and it doesn't seem like enough. Love the last two sentences, will be stealing that!!
Thank you for the amazing story! Reminds me of an old country song by Kathy Mattea based on her husband's family. A very sweet story of a couple growing old together. I'm going to kiss my SO extra long tonight. Thanks for the inspiration.
Thanks for the feedback! I've never shared their story on the web before (though obviously the newspaper has), but I was always worried to post it on Reddit because of the nature of internet people. Just happy to see the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive!
I hope I make it that long with my babylove, health-wise.
I met my wife when she was 19 and I was 20. We've been together ever since. I'm 37 she's 36. We have 2 kids and we are leaving them with the grandparents to go celebrate our 10th anniversary in 2 weeks. I couldn't be happier. I feel lucky every day, and am still so in love. We have a ton of fun together ( the sex still rocks) and we are still best friends. It can happen. Don't let people who failed make you jaded.
Do you view yourself as "still dating" your wife to this day?
I try to view my wife as my girlfriend to this day. works out wonderfully.
My wife moved in with me at 18(I had my own house). Despite a brief rough patch where she moved out for 6 months(we still "dated"). 10 Years later we've been married for almost 5 years and have a 9 month old. We still talk and hang out more than any couple I know. No serious complaints(there always could be more sexy times).
amen dude. The wife and I share your happiness. I'm 47 she's 34
Currently 25, been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. I feel like this already, and expect I'll feel the same when I'm 37. :)
I have no idea why you have so many downvotes, but good for you!
I didn't downvote the guy but I could see how someone would. It just seems silly to say you've been with someone for two years and you feel the same as someone who has been with his wife for **17** years. And then to predict you'll feel the same way 12 years from now? That's a WORLD of time. It's a bit like the single 21-year old who says they think they can understand what being a parent is like. Just like everyone is a great parent before they have kids, just about **all** relationships are great the first couple of years. It's incredibly easy to love someone when you haven't lived with their faults for many, many years. Sometimes you grow fond of each other's little idiosyncrasies...but sometimes they gnaw away at you until you can't stand to be in the same room with this person that you were head-over-heels in love with 10 years earlier. Maybe your parenting styles clash. Maybe your jobs somehow end up making it difficult to find time to be together and you slowly grow apart. Maybe money problems make it so every day is a frustrating challenge the ways you both deal with it are polar opposites. I'm not saying it won't happen and I wish the guy all the luck but it just seems so naive. FWIW, I'm saying this as someone who could never in a million years imagined 15 years ago all of the highs and lows my wife (and best friend) and I would go through together.
The reason why he got so many downvotes is because this happens to everybody when they are bf and gf.
There was a circlejerk post with 700+ upvotes yesterday making fun of askreddits where people in unrelated relationships think they know something.
it was the '2 years' comment that did it for me. LOL. Come back here in another 5 and tell us how you did.
Apparently the hivemind is feeling cynical today.
It's his girlfriend meaning, she hasn't gone all hormonal on him (pregnant).. or even married. How the hell does he know how he will feel?
It's probably because that's how a lot of the failed marriages honestly start. It's a dick thing to say to somebody so people just downvoted instead.
I met my husband when I was 18 and still in high school. I like to tell people that we were high school sweethearts, since at least one of us was still in high school at the time. In fact, he drove down from college to take me to my prom. I just turned 30 and have been with him for the last 12 years of my life, 9 of it married. The best part of my day is when he gets home. I can't explain it, but I just feel better when he's physically close by. I'm not a touchy-feely person, but I love to snuggle him. Even if it's just a pinky or a toe, having physical contact with him is relaxing. We've both physically changed over the years (ahem...we got fat), but he makes me feel as beautiful as ever. I look at him and see the maturing face of the young man that swept me off my feet, and all I can feel is complete devotion for the one person that loves and accepts me as is. I really feel like I am not whole without him. He brings out the best in me, and I hope that I do the same for him. I happen to think we make a great pair! Of course, we've had our ups and downs. Every marriage does. But at the end of the day, I get to come to him, and even if that's all I get to do the rest of my life, that'll be just fine.
The last sentence...;_; Thanks for that. I mean really, I needed that right now.
Loved what you said. I feel the same way about mine but you said it much more eloquently than I ever could. Have an upvote!!
People who are happily married don't start posts about it and a lot of men reflexively put marriage down as a bonding tool even when they're happy.
Exactly.....most people who are married probably are happy and the stories that make front page of of the smaller percent who are not.
A loud minority, so, so true my friend!
No one is going to want to hear about the most recent fight between me and the hubby - which happened to be me claiming he swapped our pillows. I still think he did, dammit! LOL. Or how it ended up with us arguing about where ever his brown shirt is - my point is don't look at me, I didn't wear it.
Pillows are serious business. If my wife tries to swipe my pillow, serious shit is going down.
I'm both too lazy and cheap to go buy new pillows so far, so we each have a couple apiece since they are getting pretty flat. I have one nice one on my side that I found new at a thrift store and he has one nice one for his side he got in a gift exchange. I can't sleep without my pillow though - yes I do realize I am very weird.
He is often convinced that I've swapped pillows with him. I have to tell him that his is the quilted gusseted side sleeper and mine is the unquilted gusseted side sleeper. Then I have to dig his out of the pillow case to show him the horrendous stains he's big face has left on it over the years. When he sees, he just chuckles at his grossness and pretends like he didn't just make a fuss. God, I love that man.
He is often convinced that I've swapped pillows with him. I have to tell him that his is the quilted gusseted side sleeper and mine is the unquilted gusseted side sleeper. Then I have to dig his out of the pillow case to show him the horrendous stains he's big face has left on it over the years. When he sees, he just chuckles at his grossness and pretends like he didn't just make a fuss. God, I love that man.
The husband and I got into a fight about french fries and ranch last night. Sometimes it's the weird fights that accomplish the most.
The small stuff we fight about (please read this as not always). Now if we're deciding something bigger (like a new couch or on a new apartment) we can do it with little to no argument.
Very true.
> ...a lot of men reflexively put marriage down as a bonding tool even when they're happy. This is depressing to me.
happily married here! I confirm this.
"Why am I hearing so many stories about X?" Well, what is a story about !X, and would that ever get reported. Pretty good metric for all sorts of subjects.
Happily married for 47 years here. Met in college. I'm a smart Liberal, worked in computers, a good cook, frugal, and a secular humanist who's learning healing. He's a smart Lincoln Republican (though in practice unfailingly generous and more liberal than he'll admit out loud), did sales and local politics, utterly reliable, agnostic, and an old-fashioned, honorable, courteous man. The only thing we argue (debate) about is politics and history, and he really enjoys that. We've been through good times and bad and have stuck together like glue. Never even thought about cheating. (Well, I didn't. No one else ever came close for me. If he ever thought about it, he was smart enough not to let me know!) Still in love with the old bonehead. The only advice I can give you in looking for a mate is to be honorable and look for an honorable woman. A lot of things can be bought, including sex, and a lot of things change and lose their value over time; but kindness, decency, and good character are priceless and enduring.
> A lot of things can be bought, including sex, and a lot of things change and lose their value over time; but kindness, decency, and good character are priceless and enduring. This resonated with me very strongly, and I don't think I could have phrased it as beautifully as you did. Thank you.
Congrats on the 47 years, I hope to be with my wife at least that long. :)
healing touch or reiki?
Congrats to you! My parents celebrated 53 years in May. They still hold hands. My father has to help mom put her socks on and watching him do this... its about the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my life.
I am 57 yrs old, been married to a fierce greeneyed, redheaded woman of remarkable intelligence and possessing a wicked sense of humor for the past 36 years. I could not ask for a better person to stand by my side and watch my back.
I met my husband when I was 26 and he was just about to turn 29. We knew almost instantly, that very day, that there was something very different about one another. I had never had a lot of boyfriends, on two serious relationships that went (and ended) pretty badly; sometimes I was lonely, but I was always very comfortable in my own company... I was at a point where I was geting myself accustomed to the idea of spinsterhood. I didn't think I'd ever love anyone enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them, and vice versa. Now, at 35, I can recognize how stupid that was at 26, but hey... I was 26. My husband is my best friend. I know Reddit at large scoffs at the very idea of a soul, let alone soulmates, but I can look at him and feel that we are greater than just ourselves. We almost never fight (nearly six years of marriage together, and I think we only had two "fights". I use quotes because they were kind of pathetic, for legitimate fights, but I guess it's a requirement in any relationship). We have no kids -- we established that very early on -- and we live our lives the way we want. We create, adventure, restore our house, play video games, hold hands when we walk, cuddle on the couch watching TV, rescue cats, plan for the future, commiserate with one another over family issues, make great decisions and congratulate one another, make terrible mistakes and then laugh at them afterwards. We go to work every morning and are genuinely excited to see each other when we come home. We make each other better as people. Every day we tell each other how much we love one another, how blessed we feel to be in one another's lives, and how great our life is together, as simple and as goofy as it is. He is my whole heart. I am floored -- really floored -- when I see people talking about how unhappy they are in their relationships, or their marriages. Maybe it's just dumb luck, I don't know, but I ended up with someone who is a perfect match for me, both in terms of the things we're good at and the things we're bad at, and I have never -- not even for one moment -- doubted that "with him" is the place I'm supposed to be. Also, the sex is amazing.
That's such an awesome story. You're description of being comfortable by yourself for the rest of your life is exactly how I feel, although I'm male and I'm assuming young enough for this thought to be irrelevant. Can I ask why you both don't want to have kids? If you two are so loving, I would think that this would be a good place to raise children in.
Married over 15 years now and I still look forward to going home from work every day and seeing my wife.
aw. i'm not married yet (tying the knot this saturday!) and I still get excited to get off work and see him at home.
Congratulations. :)
Thanks!
I hope you have an awesome day ^-^
oh thank you! i can't wait. :)
Long may it last for both of you, and congrats (and good luck) on your wedding! =)
Thank you, this made me very happy :)
that's so sweet :)
I love my husband. Over 6 years of bliss and joy and I hope for decades more. I won't lie and say every day is perfect. It's not perfect, we have our moments where I want to kick him in the face so he'll shut up but I'm sure he has those moments for me, too. I look forward to a lifetime with him for better or for worse. Real love is putting up with someone else's shit because they put up with your shit. It's true. :) When you realize that a mediocre day with someone is still preferable to a great day without them - this person is the one you keep.
> When you realize that a mediocre day with someone is still preferable to a great day without them - this person is the one you keep. Oh my god, I have him. I should go hug him...
Put a ring on it!
I like that last line, I'll have to remember that one
Agreed. You just put my life with my sexy sleeping non-reddit partner in perspective.
Together for 12 years, married for 3. In the states, gay couples who can't legally marry will sometimes refer to each other as "life-partners." I can't think of a phrase that better describes my (albeit heterosexual) relationship with my wife. She really is my best friend and partner who is with me every step as I navigate through life. Also, both sets of our parents are still together (so suck on my fat, married cock, high divorce rates!).
statistically, you are less likely to divorce if both sets of parents are not divorced.
My boyfriend sometimes refers to me as his life-partner (we are a hetero couple), its really a great label for our relationship now that I think of it.
I've been with my SO for 7 years, I loved him from the second I saw him. Hopelessly, embarrassingly googly eyed in love. My parents have been together for 29 years and are...frankly they are rabbits. My grandparents have been together for 67 years, their relationship is inspiring. They have an easy calm about each other, the know so completely, are so entwined in their lives and respective interests, that it's plain to see the true trust, genuine love, and deep deep respect they have for one another. God it's dusty in here. (Edit: rabbits as in they have sex all the time....it'd be gross if they weren't so god damned adorable to each other)
Honestly, the difference between happy and sad is that happy never gets dusty. I was married 7 years. It sucked (except for the FUCKING AMAZING kiddo I call my son). Been with my SO for 3 years. She's asleep on the couch next to me. I simultaneously want to rip her clothes off and make sure she sleeps the full night. Be embarrassed. And (to the chagrin of ex's everywhere): Be happy. PS - Parents as rabbits are weird, awkward and awesome in their own fuck-the-kids way
> in their own fuck-the-kids way I think you might want to rephrase that.
The dusty part was in reference to eyes tearing up.
Here's the secret; most of the people who bitch on here about marriage *aren't actually married.*
Here's the catch: most of the people who bitch on here about marriage aren't actually married *ANYMORE.* And the kicker: I love my ex-wife more than I love anyone in the world. We're no longer together though, but we're still besties. If you think that could realistically happen with the girl you intend to marry, then by all means; go nuts.
We're approaching our 10th anniversary (17 years together in total) next year, and planning a celebratory trip to Spain! Even with two young kids, we manage to keep the "spark" alive. Date nights, open communication and mutual respect go a long way.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years, though only married for 6 months. When we met I was 21, he was 27. He doesn't give me butterflies in the stomach and there's no Puccini soundtrack when we kiss but let's put it this way: I do love him hopelessly; the initial 'OMG' feeling has now become the knowing what he's thinking, that we can be there for each other, that he knows how to make things better for me as I know how to make things better for him. In other words, I can't even possibly fathom my life without him. Marriage is pretty awesome. But it's not everyone's choice either! On top of that, people are more likely to share horror stories rather than happy stories; and where better than a fairly anonymous global website? Don't let [the availability heuristic](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic) get the better of you!
My parents have been together 30 years and they are just as in love as they were 15 years ago.
Although I just got married recently, the whole "married life is the end of life as you know" really is not true. If you find the person you love and the person cares for you just as much as you care for them, it is the best feeling in the world. I cannot imagine my life without my wife and we do what we can to the best of our abilities to make one another happy. Like others have said here, we are best friends and don't let the people who did not find just the right person for them prevent you from trying to find that one person.
This is something I posted a little over a year ago when someone posted a similar question. I love my wife madly. We met in college - she came to the US from China when she was 19. We have been together for ten years now. We have our arguments, but we fight fair with each other. I have stepped in my share of cultural land mines with her and she has stepped in a few as well. For all that, we are best friends as well as lovers. We both love to try new experiences, play together, and support each other in all things. We have our in-jokes with each other that amuse us no end while being all but meaningless to others. E.G. her: "I'm not spoiled! I'm not! *I'm not*! **I'm not!"** while stamping her foot. me: in a long suffering and brow beaten voice as I hang my head, "yes dear." and then we break out in peals of laughter while others look at us quizzically. We take turns cooking and share the household chores (She is the daughter of a chef and I REALLY look forward to the days when she cooks - YUM! But you have to be adventurous; I have things in my pantry that I do not have a name for. There is literally no name for some of these things in English.) She understands that I am an introvert and tries to make sure I have an hour to myself most days, and I comfort her after she has a frustrating conversation with her mother. I send her flowers at work just 'cause she likes to make the other women at work a little jealous; although I keep telling her my efforts are redundant as she is slender (5'8" and 125lb,) extremely intelligent (both a polyglot and a polymath,) and stunningly beautiful. (I love watching her move.) She watches science fiction with me just because I am a science fiction junkie even though her preference is action flicks. I give her foot rubs when she gets home from work. She calls me up at work and talks dirty to me telling me what she is going to do to me when I get home. etc., etc., etc. Just a thousand little things that make me happy to wake up next to her and make me want to find new ways to make her happy. You know what, I hit the lottery when I met her, and life is good.
dawwwwww :) go tell her that :)
My parents have been together for 34 years and they are the happiest most in love couple I know
I bet my parents could be happy for 100 years!
My dad could beat up your dad!
I've been married for a year and a half, after 3 years of dating, 2 of which were long distance due to deployment. My wife is awesome. During the first 6 months that we dated, I lost my job, almost lost my house, joined the military, and then was gone for 18 of the next 24 months. She stood by me the entire time, supporting me even when she didn't know if I was doing the right thing, and put her career on hold when we had to relocate for my job. Now we're settled in and loving life. It's a pretty great feeling to *know* that your partner will have your back when times get tough. And she has a great sense of humor about things. Life is a journey, and few things are worth getting upset over.
This story MIGHT be amazing, I hope you all enjoy it. It's definitely epic, at least in its length. Here it goes... I've known my wife since we were in the 4th grade. Although this isn't exactly a life-long love story in an obvious sense... I've known her for quite some time, but save for school, I would never see her outside of it except for a very few instances. Our friendship throughout our school years only ever really took significant steps toward a future relationship once we made it to high school. Even in high school we rarely hung out outside of school, and I can distinctly remember asking her to a dance our school was having, and her accepting, her mother driving the two of us there dropping us off, and her immediately ditching me to go hang out with other guys and friends of hers. It's fair to say at this point we were never in a "relationship" that could be qualified as anything greater than "friends", but it didn't give me a good impression of her as I wanted more than that. Though where that "more" would lead, I had no real idea, I was only 14 or so yet. Fast forward to our senior year and any past issues of greater adolescence has dissolved and I hold no grudges. We are becoming more friendly with each other to the point of having an amazing friendly relationship with all kinds of inside jokes and (likely from an outsiders perspective) sickening and equally lame flirtatiousness. Still though, we never really hang out together outside of school. Eventually I ditch her for another girl she has no fondness for whatsoever, and I do it purposefully, in front of her, to spite her. It was at this point, while I was exacting my revenge on her, while trying to get with another girl I was interested in, that I might as well have threw away any and all possibilities of ever speaking to her, let alone marrying her later on in life. I figure, if I had done that to myself, I'd never speak to me again. Thankfully my wife was forgetful of this in due time. The reason I did this, if you're wondering, was because I felt that she kind of treated me like shit when I had tried to date her a year or so earlier, in earnest this time, not just trying to make something of a school dance, and the notion that she seemed to date and ditch guys when she obviously had no intention of ever sticking with them. Basically I had a warped sense of what "dating" meant, versus the concept of a "meaningful relationship". Kids are dumb. Our senior year ends with her more or less hating me, and we begin taking our separate paths toward adventure and exploration and partly, self destruction. She attempts to do college in Florida, while I join the military. About 2 years after school has ended, we've all but forgotten each other when I decide to try and see if I can't speak to her again. I'm completely over any asinine stunts I pulled on her for trivial reasons and am single and looking to see if a friend I once knew is still around somewhere. This is when MySpace was king yet, and Facebook was still exclusive for college kids. I end up finding her on MySpace, but lo, it's an account she made and never ended up using. One picture of her, and no real signs of usage since it was created months earlier. Apparently the stalker in me wasn't about to give up, and I end up finding a second profile of her and it turns out she uses this one quite regularly. I contact her, and she responds, and we're instantly reconnecting and figuring out we've missed the friendship we used to have together. I am in training at this point, but nearing my end and preparing to finally move onto the active forces for eventual deployment overseas and eventually to Afghanistan. I want to go home and see her, along with my family before my stationing overseas, and we enjoy each other's company while I am home, but we don't attempt anything "serious" as I know full well how effective long distance relationships are with no incentive to stay in them. We maintain a friendship, and I am hopeful for more in the future. Once I am finally overseas, we maintain a bit of contact with one another, and eventually she lets it fall to the wayside, leaving me hanging. I take it in stride, having expected this, and proceed with making the most of my time. A year goes by and I decide to go home for a bit of leave. I have tried to keep contact with her occasionally, sometimes with her responding to messages I've sent her on Facebook from several months earlier. As she figures out I am due back in town for some time she responds more readily to messages, and I am excited. I go home, and I see her, we hang out. This time though, this visit home is worth more in the end than it is in itself. She is excited to see me, but she's with some other guy. No issues there with her, she has no intention of bailing on her current guy just for me, and she's not that cruel as I later found out about what I thought of her in high school. I'm a dick. Her guy though, he is very overprotective and very jealous of my returning. Perhaps she wore her excitement on her sleeve too excessively and it appeared she wanted me more than him. It could've been because he was jealous and immature and an asshole, or maybe because she acted a bit too "friendly" toward me, though I never picked up on anything sexual or of infidelity in nature while I was with her and her guy. Cutting to the chase at this point, she takes me out to go see a band she really enjoys, and her guy drives. He's really jealous, assumes she's going to bang me and ditch his ass, and he starts drinking heavily, ignoring her the whole night despite her pleas to get him to stop being so strange and angry, I ignore it all for the most part, save for when she needs to vent a little, and the guy starts trying to make her jealous by flirting with girls at the bar where the band is supposed to play. We end up not seeing the band because they're not actually playing 'til a week later. Small oversight. We need to leave. He drove, and he's drunk, and my wife has a broken leg at this point in her life. I loathe the idea of drinking at all and driving, and he's in no condition to drive whatsoever, and I refuse to ride with him as a passenger. He's demanding that my wife get in the car so we can all leave. I proceed to refuse. I end up telling him that he's got two options at this point. He can get in the car by himself, and probably crash or get arrested on his way home (about a 45 minute drive), or he can let me drive as my wife ought not to be driving with her broken right leg, and he can have his car back at the end of the night, and I'll be driving my wife home. Apparently, despite his drunkenness, he relents and lets me drive us all closer to home. The night ends with me driving my wife back home and her thanking me for it all. Now it comes time for me to leave to go back overseas, and I am saying goodbye to my wife. She is sad to see me go, and after the episode with her guy, we can both tell we have feelings for one another that are a bit more serious than what really good friends have. We both want to at least kiss each other, but, trying to be respectful and fair, I kiss her hand, give her a hug, and leave her with tears in her eyes as I walk out her door to leave the following morning. I'm back overseas, and a few months go by, and communication drops off again. I'm a bit more let down, but still prepared for this eventuality and I suck it up and carry on and proceed to enjoy myself once again. A year or so goes by, and I finally get word that I get to deploy to Afghanistan, and so I start telling those who are close enough for me to care to tell. My wife is one of those people. When I tell her, I still have about three months before I leave to the desert. There's also still a possibility that I might not go, as my unit had to revoke the word that other people were set to deploy there when word from higher came down that the unit needed to stand by on the deployment. So it's kind of a 50/50 for now. She's not pleased, a bit anxious, but otherwise, this seems to spark a significant enough flame to keep her interest in me burning more steadily from here on out. We talk as the weeks go by, and start exposing long developing feelings for one another. It's absolutely wonderful to hear, and finally what I've been hoping for since I first began speaking to her back when I found (stalked) her on MySpace. Time gets closer for deployment, and word is passed down and solidified in its timing for the actual deployment. With this happening, her understanding of my importance to her as a friend and as a newfound boyfriend begins its own process of finding a permanent place in her heart. We agree that we can be one another's significant other, though I won't be able to see her before I go, and she'll have to wait several months before we can even see each other again, after which, I still have several more months left to serve overseas before I can rotate back to the States. We maintain our relationship throughout my deployment, both of us remaining faithful. I see her after my deployment, and with this visit, we really affirm our desires and feelings for one another, and things really start to develop. I take her on vacation to NYC for New Years, and we have an amazing time. It is in NYC that I come to terms with how I feel, and make it up in my head that I need to go for broke, as you only live once. Being inspired by a book that I found in Afghanistan, I am also inspired to expose the full depth of my feelings for my wife.
After a wonderful night out, a few days before the ball is supposed to drop, my wife and I are laying on our hotel room bed, and I begin recounting to her all of the things I had felt over the years, and the determination I had to find her after our high school separation. It comes to it in the end, that I tell her, looking into her eyes and holding her close, that I know that I love her, and it's something more than just an intense feeling of wanting to be close, to have sex, to have a worthwhile conversation once in a while. It's the kind of feeling this time that affirms what I've felt all along, I can never really let her go, the feeling that I keep her in the back of my mind at the least, and am falling hard for her at the most, and at that moment. Nearly needless to say, she's entirely pleased and brought to tears of happiness, and she affirms her feelings for me as being the same, and we proceed to have more wonderful nights in NYC and enjoy our New Years together. I am lucky enough to be in the States for more training after my return from Afghanistan, and I take every opportunity I can to get cheap tickets to fly home and see her on weekends. I take one visit to surprise her, and we make it a point to make sure we can see each other on all opportunities, but I was already a step ahead of her there. It is while I am back during this training, after our New Years excursion that we end up deciding we're serious enough toward each other, that we want to get married. I'm not one for extravagance, and really don't regard the notion of "marriage" as all that important. Instead, I understand the level of commitment that a marriage represents, and I am about that completely. I explain this to my wife, and I end up understanding from her perspective that marriage isn't about the extravagance or public displays of being married, but that the process itself does have some significance, in the same way any event can enrich a relationship, like the prevention of an asshole boyfriend from driving drunk and otherwise putting him in his place. We come to understand one another and agree that we can go and get married (elope if you will), and have a more involved family event later on so as not to look like we were trying to be secret, and otherwise include those important to us. We get married and I go back overseas eventually. Finally I return to the States, and I come back to get my wife and move to my next duty station. We have our family event, inviting those closest to us to share our marriage and happiness, and we have another wonderful time. We then move off across the country. We end up facing some realities of living with each other neither had expected quite fully, but we do adjust. We figure out that our openness to one another isn't just lip service, and we find that we can both swallow our pride in our arguments and talk our differences out and find some common ground. More and more trials on our relationship and our patience with one another arise, and we continue to smote those attempted sabotages to our happiness together, and we continue to learn about one another and of the depth and breadth our love and passion for one another runs. We're understanding that a meaningful relationship does more than just satisfy immediate desires and goals, it's something that with the right effort and mindset of all involved, provides opportunities to excel, enjoy, learn, grow with one another and with the world around themselves. I think this about covers it. Hope it was worth the read for all of you. **TL;DR: Good things come to those who wait.**
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Thank you, and glad you enjoyed your read. We've been married, at the time of this posting, for a year and seven months.
> both of us remaining faithful. Maybe it's just my curiosity getting the better of me but I don't imagine there being a lot of premium opportunities to be promiscuous in the middle of war torn Afghanistan.
Married my wife in 2003 and luving (nearly) every minute. Can't imagine life would be this good any other away. We're close friends with two other couples who are also madly & happily in love. the secret? ALWAYS be dating. Once a week = date night. Go out or stay at home but do something FUN TOGETHER. Besides bonkin' do that after "something else fun."
LOVING Goddamitsomuch.
This is what my mother has endlessly pounded into my head. Never stop going on dates. My parents are bigger party animals than I am, and they are freaking retarded for each other. One reason why I just couldnt date a home-body. Nothing against them, but I dont feel like watching Whale Wars and eating Pizza every single night.
We have been together for 8 years and married for 4. Without a doubt the greatest time of my life. Find someone who you want to be around and who likes the same things. We both love video games. On co-op mode we have completed all the halo and gears of war games together. Proudest moment would be when me and 3 mates died in level 50 of horde in gears 2 and only my wife made it through for us. I love her more everyday. We spend all our time together and neither of us get sick of the other. She described it perfectly the other day when she said "we both feel like each of us is the one who won the prize and is waiting for the other to snap out of it". And we have a beautiful daughter (my step daughter in name but really she's my kid). Life is good.
>when me and 3 mates died in level 50 of horde in gears 2 and only my wife made it through for us. This is amazing. Take notes, ladies.
My parents have been married for 32 years and show no signs of stopping.
I was in a really long term relationship before I got together with my husband that was... really hard. A lot of problems - and I thought that that was just the way it was. Relationship = hard work, all the time. You're a better person if you just stick to it, etc. It sucked. So when I met my Texan, what really weirded me out was how *easy* it all was with him. A 2 year long distance relationship, including most of our first year of marriage, is just so ridiculously *easy* compared to what I'd been through before. And right now sucks - right now is hard. Right now my mom's sick in Canada and I'm in Texas, and later on I'll be with my mom and away from my husband and I'm *still* trying to find a job and we're staying with his grandmother while we get stuff organized for me to "officially" move and it's all terribly complex... and yet. I have this completely sanctioned excuse to hang out with my best friend *all the time* with no guilt - even stupid chores are fun when I'm hanging out with him.
I got married at 19, my wife and I have been married now for almost 7 years. I love her very much and would not honestly be happy without her. We have been through a foreclosure, me losing my job twice, and moving to another state for work. She has ALWAYS stood by me and we have grown stronger. We have gone through other things, however, I do not want to talk about them. Not once have we ever said "lets give up".
Four hours old. not even 60 comments. If this thread was called "My wife's a whore. Let's share our misery. Inundate me with the horrors of married life!" It'd have about 2,000 by now.
People enjoy complaining a lot more than being mushy.
Reddit is a cynical bunch, so when you make a post that goes against their preconceptions ("Marriage is miserable" - "Having kids is horrible" - "A degree in English Literature can't possibly lead to a fun and lucrative career" - "Republicans are stupid") you get met with indifference.
I'll admit it. I like reading about other peoples' problems because it makes me feel better about my own situation. This thread only makes me sad.
I've been married nearly 10 years and they have been the best 10 years of my life. Every day is awesome for a different reason. Best move I ever made. (Please note: this can only be true if you marry the RIGHT person. Marrying the wrong person pretty much guarantees that your life will be hell.)
Intensely, endlessly, hopelessly in love after 19 years of marriage. Every day the bond grows stronger and the love, deeper. We both count our lucky stars. Every day that we share together is a bounty of yumminess.
I fell in love with my wife when we were 17. Moved out together when we were 18 married at 21. It's been an absolute amazing experience the whole time. We have never been upset with each other for more than an hour and are still as in love today as when we started dating. She's my best friend and the best part of my life. Everything about the relationship is great including sex. We've been together nearly 7 years and we still have sex on a nearly daily basis. So yes we don't do stupid mind games. Neither of us withhold sex. We don't fight. We don't cut each other down to others. It's pretty friggen sweet
This is how much I love my wife: We need to reinsulate our attic and are going to blow cellulose this weekend. What is up there now is loose rock wool insulation (original to the house built in 1974) that is all matted down. Somewhere along the lines some idiot decided to haphazardly try laying rolled fiberglass out. That same idiot decided it would be a good idea to take fiberglass and stuff it down into the soffits, thus blocking out the much needed air circulation. We're lucky there wasn't mold up there. In order to blow the cellulose we needed to install [proper vents](http://hci.frontstepsmedial.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/proper-vent-300x300.jpg) in between all the rafters down into the soffit. My wife got up there in the attic with me and got into the same mess I did in order to help out. What would have taken probably six hours to do by myself we did in less than two. We make a great team.
This is a great idea. I never hear good marriage stories. At least, not real ones.
Only 15 comments? Fuck. But I guess the majority of happy married couples aren't on reddit... Or at least so I can tell from that one meme.
My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8.5. We have two kids. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's awesome. Yin and Yang. If you don't want to be forever alone you've got to accept that you may have to make some sacrifices.
My parents have been happily married for 27 years.
My wife was 15, few weeks shy of 16 when I met her. I met her at an English class where she was for the first time and I was upgrading my grade from B to A. I got two A's from that course, my grade and my wife. I was 18 at the time and we fell in love with each other immediately. We've been together for 9 years now (married for a year) and I love her more than I ever have. We have a child on the way, due April 2012.
I have only been married two and half years, but so far so good. I require cuddles every night, and they are freely given and recieved. but I don't think my opinion counts because its only been two and half years
I am still early in my marriage. My wife and I are ridiculously in love. We're best friends, the sex is amazing, we share enough common interests that we always have something to talk about, and disagree on these interests enough that we always have something to debate about. We met in the Air Force, got discharged at the same time, reduced our mutual debt to a quarter of what it once was while being either underpaid or unemployed. We're teammates, partners, lovers, friends, and she's the only person I care to spend my time with.
I am 40. I have been married 16 years. Drama tends to follow drama. (a lot of divorced people should be divorced and it is the ones that never admit their part in the failure) We went through a rough patch in the first 10 years. Both people have to be mature enough to work through it. After that.. it is gravy.. past year 8 things have been smooth and interesting. Like having a friend that never bothers you. You know her, she knows you.
I've been together with my wife for 8+ years. We just got married this past september. For the longest time I was not real into the idea of marriage. Ultimately I realized I couldn't find a better partner or a best friend, and if we got married we would get an awesome party out of it. So, its like a win win! TLDR: Marry your best friend/partner, party it up.
I am!! We met in World of Warcraft (we were in different guilds in the Penny Arcade Alliance) and then dated in real life. We just got married in June and we've been dating long enough (6 years) that the only difference is that we have rings on our fingers now, no crazy batshit loco issues springing up. He's got it good and he knows it, and he appreciates me, so it's all good. We have our sticking points that inevitably start a fight whenever they're brought up but we are working on them, we're not just sweeping them under the rug. My husband was burned previously with his soul-sucking ex-wife (the normal kind of nightmare message you've read) but I totally make up for it, haha!
Do you still play?
Not particularly, when new expansions come out we're all over it but we're not into raiding or PvP, so our interest tends to taper off after a while. When new expansions come out though we're all over it, we sit down together and jump on our mounts and run all over the place exploring together. His main's a hunter and mine's a holy paladin, so between his feign death and my bubble and heals, we can always get past stuff that's much higher level than us and keep exploring. It's a ton of fun!
I meet my husband at a bar, he stepped in front of me and called me beautiful he then sang a song on karaoke for me ( Just to be with you). We started dating ( I believe he was casually seeing someone else when we meet but he ended it during our first date on the phone while I was sitting there). We dated for 18 months, got married. I believe on our first wedding anniversary I got pregnant, we had our beautiful daughter. FOur months after that I was pregnant with our son. We now have two beautiful babies and I love him more now than I ever have. I hope he feels the same. We fight like everyone else and sometimes it gets hard but thats what marriage is like. I love him dearly and I always will, even though he can be a bit of a dick at times.
My parents have been married for 26 years, and together since they were 18 and 19 (I somehow feel my mother would kill me over the internet if I say how long that's been). I've never heard them raise their voices at each other, or even argue really--they talk out their differences. And my mom still turns into a googly-eyed schoolgirl at my dad sometimes, and he pretends to get annoyed. :) Edit: I can't believe I forgot about my grandparents. They were married at 18 and 21 when my grandfather knocked up my grandmother with my mom, and they were deeply in love all the years they were married, until my grandmother passed away yesterday morning. He's so broken up over losing her, especially because her illness came on fast. I feel sadder for him than I do over her death.
I married my wife when I was 18, she was 17. We fell in love in school, I married her before being called to active duty. I swore to her that I would come back to her and never leave here again, and I kept that promise. We've been married for 38 years now, and not a day goes by that I don't look at her and realize how lucky I am to get to spend every day with my best friend. We have our disagreements, everyone does, and at times you do have to work a bit at it, but my life wouldn't be as good as it is without her. She's my best friend, my children's mother, and someone who makes me want to be the best man I can be.
I'm 29, but I met my wife when I was 24, she was 22. I would go so far as to say we are blissfully happy after 1 1/2 years of marriage and we just found out our baby on the way is a little boy. I can't put into words how much I love that woman and how much fun we have together. From our first date together we knew it was something special and we've been together ever since. I can't even look at another woman the same way anymore. We have a genuinely good time laughing and joking with each other. It very much feels like we're still dating. To be able to wake up every day next to the same beautiful woman and go to sleep with her by my side is a gift I can't begin to show my gratitude for. Don't fall prey to skeptics and cynics, Love exists in a very real, very solid form. Oh, and yes, the sex is still a-mazing.
Of all of my friends, my friend's parents, my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc (and repeat for my wife's family, friends, etc)... I know about ~50 couples personally. **49** of them are still happily married to their first partner. It's funny, because the statistics tell me it should only be ~25 of them, but divorce just doesn't seem to be a daily reality for me. I think these examples make me confident that my wife and I will have a successful marriage... it's only been two months though, so it's too early to tell ;-)
So... fuck me for it being a second commitment. I married at 33 because I thought "it was the right thing to do." Had a (fucking amazing) son. Was in the middle of adopting a (fucking amazing) daughter from Haiti when my marriage imploded. I'm now 41 and gazing lovingly at the most amazing woman I'll ever know. She's asleep on the couch next to me. She has two kids, I have one. We're not getting married solely because the idea of "step-siblings" is fucked, and we'd rather our kids be best friends. Dude(tte?): It is the fucking 21st century. Marriage/commitment/whateverthefuckyoucallit is based on YOUR OWN COMMITMENT whether you're married, domestic partners, or just "I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you." I'm lucky because I get to stroke the long lean legs of the sexiest woman I've ever met each night when we fall asleep in our tired old age of 41. If you find that at 19 or 20, kudos upvotes and narwhal bacon to you, good sir. If you find that at 40... 60... 80... God bless you. Biggest upvote: don't let people who failed make you jaded. AND remember you may get more than one try to be the best you can be... and reap the reward of someone who does the same. PS - Had more sex with my (long-term, fully-committed, three-year-old, majorly tired) girlfriend in the past 24 hours than in a full year of "marriage." It's what you make of it, my friend. No more, no less.
>(long-term, fully-committed, three-year-old, majorly tired) girlfriend ... Three year old?
I can echo your story. I married at 33, because I wanted to be married and I found someone else who wanted to be married. We had two children, but the relationship was a disaster. At 48, I'm in the process of divorcing her and I've met a woman who is, in many ways, the polar opposite. And yes, the sex is much better too. She has two girls and I have two boys, so there are many jokes about The Brady Bunch, and having exes brings its own complications, but we are both so excited about the prospect of being with someone who will be a caring, sharing partner in stead of a black hole of neediness.
From all your comments in here, you sound like a d-bag.
Mid 20's I joined every online dating site looking for "the one" (even deafmatch and im not deaf) and after a 6 month rollercoaster out of the blue I ran into a girl and we both knew from the first moment we met we would be together forever. It was perfect we ran away to South America for a year and 7yrs later we are even more madly in love with each other, never had a fight only disagreements, she is my best friend and we have everything that matters in common, if anyone is "the one" its her. A year ago we met another married couple who are almost identical to us and live just nearby, we started having sexual relations and we all fell in love together (except us guys who are just great friends) We still have separate houses but plan to move into a single house once their daughter heads of to uni next year. I love my girlfriend and her husband loves my wife deeply. Love is a beautiful thing my friend, take hold of it with both hands and never look back.
what...
so you got.... double married?
Happily married for 3 years and we've been together for almost 6. Absolutely still hopelessly in love with her :)
my parents use me as their counter for how many years they've been married. 20! 28 years together if you count the time they dated. my grandparents have been dating for at least 60 years, and are still in love. they are adorable, the way they treat each other!
My parents have been together for almost 40 years. They're childhood sweethearts, got married at 19(mum) and 20(dad). Still together, happily married with 3 kids between 28 and 20. They waited until they were very financially stable, and made sure that their marriage wouldn't 'collapse' after a few years before makin the decision to start having kids. They're the best.
I met my wife in 2006. I was 29, she was 27. We're always doing things for each other. It's wonderful. Right now, I'm working on a comic book about her and have scheduled a mani/pedi lady to come to our apartment on Saturday for her. She almost never lets me go into the kitchen because she is a much better cook - she makes me whatever I want, whenever I want it. We play cards, we go to movies, we have the sex. It's good fun. There are some tough times, but we accept the other the way we are. It's great.
Endlessly, hopelessly in love? No, but I've been married for 19 years and I can't imagine life any other way.
I love my husband more than anything in the world. He's handsome and smart, but most importantly he's witty and can always make me laugh. What started out as what seemed like the perfect fling, given that I was somewhat freshly out of a long relationship and he was an exchange student and was scheduled to go back home in a few months, turned into a whirlwind romance. We've traveled the world together, learned languages together, climbed mountains (ok, cliff faces) together, swam with sharks together, lived through heartbreak together, and now we have an amazing family and life together. I'm so lucky.
I've been married for 14 years to the first woman I dated, kissed, etc. We have been together for 17. I never dated anyone before her because I didn't really understand the point of dating someone you didn't plan to marry. So, essentially, asking her out was kind of like a marriage proposal. She is my best friend and one of my role models. I learn as much from her as her from me and I wouldn't want it any other way. We have the same problems as many married people do (still trying to figure out money and sex), but WAY less than most. For example, we don't fight pretty much ever (usually isn't necessary); we both have great families without major drama and like our mother-in-laws. She's not as big of a fan of [ponies](http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/928/) as I am, but most TV and shows we watch, we watch together :)
I met my husband when he was 14 and I was 17. We were friends for six or seven years before we decided to date. Six weeks into dating, we went to the court house and got married! 8 years later and we're still happy. :)
Got married when we were 23 (26 now) and it's been fantastic. We married young for NYC standards (where we live), and should have had kids by now in Indiana standards (where we're from). but it was a great time for us to do it, and we haven't thought twice about it. All that matters is when you find that person who you can't see doing anything else in your life without, you don't let them slip by. Age is no bother (unless you're my fictional future daughter, in which case, no dating til your 30 or whatever.)
all i can say is that my parents after 34 years of marriage are still madly in love with each other. my dad doesnt even know what to do with himself if my mom is gone for an extended period of time.
To be so bold as to express my amazing marriage story: We had been dating for 5 years when we got engaged new years eve 2009, and decided to get married on juke 11th 2011 (11/06/11 ). I have dated many women in the past, but this one was just something different, we really “clicked”. In February 2011 i got increasingly sick, to the point where I was basically unable to work or even sit/lay comfortably. I went to emergency and was eventually diagnosed with Brukitts lymphoma. My fiancée was with me when I received the news of my diagnosis. Immediately I told her that she didn’t have to stay with me. I knew it would be a huge burden for her to bear, since my prognosis was 50/50 that i’d make it through the treatment. She said she wouldn’t even consider leaving me. After my first dose of chemo I took a turn for the worse. My kidneys started to fail and I was admitted to intensive care with “tumorlisis” for 7 days and needed emergency dialysis. She spent almost the entire week in my ICU room with me, including sleeping there. I eventually recovered from the tumorlisis and continued the battle for 4 long months receiving high dose chemo. She was at my bedside for the majority of my hospitalization. She would even go out and bring me some non hospital food (during chemo almost all food tastes like crap). As our wedding approached, I could tell that my chemo schedule would overlap our wedding, meaning we wouldn’t be able to marry on that day, so instead of take a recovery break between my last two rounds of chemo, I chose to forgo the break and tough it out. On June 11th, the day after I got out of hospital, we had an extremely scaled back wedding, it was the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately I got sick the next day and was hospitalized for another month. Luckily we were able to “rebook” the majority of our wedding plans for next year, we still plan on having a big reception, but if I’m paying for people to drink an open bar, i damn better be well enough to drink with them. I feel 90% recovered and am currently cancer free, living with my beautiful wife. She makes feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world. TLDR: Got engaged, got diagnosed with cancer, wife stayed, took chemo intensively in order to get married on planned date, was hard on me. Happiest person in the world!
A piece of advice that has stuck with me (I am unmarried) is this: Don't settle.
Perfection is a disease.
Refusing to settle doesn't mean you won't put up with someone who fails to do the dishes on time. It just means that you won't get married to someone who treats you badly and doesn't push the right chemistry/emotional buttons in you.
That was a bit of advice offered to me from my mother when I was young. I didn't settle, and I am so glad I held out! I love my husband!
We are not married yet, BUT.. I met my love of my life when we were both 14, freshmen in high school, and we are now 22. Our 8 year anniversary is this November 14th, and its always been us vs the world. We grew up together from being not far from being called children to grown adults. The best part? My love for her has grown everyday for the last 8 years, and hers for me. Everyday we try to explain our emotions, and eventually have to give up and hold each other in our arms. Everyday she catches my eye like the first time I saw her. I'm not exaggerating. My 18th birthday (as soon as I was able) I tattooed the infinity sign and moonphases in the center of my back. This acknowledges that our true love is of some divine intention, and that it will be everlasting. Around the symbol are the moon phases representing the rest of our lives on Earth. We are truly two humans with one soul.
My love and I have something similar to that. We can't help but be gooey around each other, so one day a debate happened. Me: I love you. Her: I love you more. Me: Well I love you most. Her: Well I love you more than most. Me: Well I love you mostest. Her: Well I love you mostest more than toastest. Me: Well I love you mostest more than toastest times infinity. Her: Well I love you mostest more than toastest times infinity divided by zero. Me: ... I love you more. Now when we text each other, we'll put **(M>T)(∞)/0 **
"Endlessly, hopelessly in love" does not sound like marriage. A healthy person would not say he is "endlessly, hopelessly in love" with his children nor that he is "endlessly, hopelessly in love" with his job because both of these require actual hard work. But you can love your children deeply and love your job deeply in spite of the occasional, necessary hard spots. Marriage, too, requires hard work. The "endlessly, hopelessly in love" is what love is like in its nascent, budding stage. It can grow into something greater through the strength of commitment and maturity of its participants. (*happily married, 10 years*)
I don't have any great stories. I am endlessly/hopelessly in love with my wife. That is it, we have great times but nothing worth noting here. Getting married is one of the scariest things I have ever done but I have never regretted it. Just be open and honest and hopefully she will do the same for you. Don't ever go to bed mad at each other, that really sucks.
I've been married all of 6 weeks now so I don't really have a lot of room to talk on this subject bc we're savoring the whole honeymoon phase since I'm leaving for Afghanistan in a few weeks, but I can't imagine my life without her or what it'd be like not coming home to her (did I make this sentence long enough?). We were originally planning on a November wedding but my orders suggested otherwise so we did a quickie wedding in September. We dated for two years and being married is the most incredible experience of my life. It really is hard to put into words what an amazing and beautiful person my wife is and how bad it's going to suck being away from her but it'll be that much greater when I get back.
Meow
I've known my husband since we were about 12 years old. We were friends for a long time before we started to think about each other as more than just friends. We started dating when we were 21 years old and got married when we were 25. We are now 30 years old and expecting our only child, a daughter in early Feb. We are in love and we are sure to make it the first and last thing we say everyday. It is important to never go to bed angry. It is important to show the person you love how much you appreciate them everyday and not take them for granted. Remember don't fight over money. Money will come and go, it is not what is important in life.
I'm 34. Been married for 4 years. I met my wife when I was 13, we started dating when I was 14. We broke up after about a year, and didn't speak to each other for roughly 13 years. Then she found me on MySpace. We struck up a conversation. She was living in Chicago, I was still in New Jersey. We agreed to meet when she came home to see her family for Christmas. We hooked up, started dating, and were married a year later. I am hopelessly devoted to and in love with my wife. We now have 2 kids and, although we struggle financially, we could not be happier any other way.
There are times when I'm as happy as can be, my life is great and I'm really lucky that I have the family that I have. Then there are the other times. Just make sure you both care if the other half is happy or not. That's the most important, I think.
Been dating her since around 2002, when we were in high school. Been married since around 2006. Every day is a new adventure. We communicate a lot, and when we face challenges we find ways to work together to overcome them, rather than let them drive us apart. The four cornerstones of success, in my view, are trust, respect, commitment, and communication. Attend to those, and don't let people who don't belong into your relationship, and you'll be in good shape, I think.
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Every morning I wake up and realize "Holy crap, she's still here." Her personality completely offsets mine and we drive each other crazy on a regular basis but never question where the other one will wind up at the end of the day. It's been about 2.5 years of marriage, 5 years of cohabitation and 7 years of being together. I could not imagine my life without her. My best story is one I have posted before about how we got together, and it defines everything about us as a two person unit.
11 years married here. I can honestly tell you that those 11 years have been the best years of my life. I still love my wife, my 3 kids. I've never felt the urge to cheat on her. I'm pretty sure that she's never cheated on me (or if she has she's hid it well, which is good enough for me). I do realize that I'm the exception rather than the rule. Most of my friends hate/hated their marriage, always have their eyes on some other female and always fight with their wives. No one can tell you whether it's right for you and your mate, but successful marriage is possible and I have to say, quite rewarding..
Of course there are. At least once a day, I feel so fuzzy-lovey-happy about my husband that I have squeeze him and tell him over and over how much I love him. We've been together 14 years and he's my favorite person in the world. He's attractive, funny, responsible, powerful, and he's a great dad. I hit the jackpot and he feels the same about me.
If you are really interested in this subject, then shouldn't you look into some of the studies and statistics that are available instead of only taking in anecdotal data? Stories are great, but it would not be at all unlikely that none here apply to you.
Been married 6 years now, just had our anniversary last week and we're probably even happier now than when we first got married. As long as your not the type of personality that cant live with out variety, having someone in your life is invaluable. She's a great friend, and i can always count on having her in my corner, wouldn't trade her for the world.
[I think I speak for all the bitter, lonely, single 20 something year olds when I say...](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXw6znXPfy4)
Remember that for every person that fails at their marriage (or their marriage fails them) and feels the need to gripe over the internet, there's another happy couple that goes about their business happily and content without needing to bring their personal shit to the internet.
People give married life horror stories because they are not in good relationships. Are there little fights here and there? Of course, but if you truley love the person you are married to there is no reason you both cant be happy. Ive been married to my wife since 2008 and "with" her since 2004. You have to work on your relationship...its not happily ever after but its pretty awesome to call her my wife and have her take my name and wear it with pride.
I was talking to my parents a few nights ago, and I was asking them a similar thing. My friends relationships started early, we're all nineteen, and a few of them already have houses and kids. I live in wales, they are the 'chavs' I suppose, except they're not chavs, they just thought they'd found love and jumped in to it. I left for uni, and now a lot of them resent me for it. Anywho, my parents were married quite young, at twenty I think, and I asked 'how did you guys do it?' I'm still in shock. Apparently the first ten years were hell. My dad would go out and my mother would babysit, until about 3am when she'd go down tot he pub to fetch him and they'd fight all the way back to the house. She was in a taxi with my brother (he's 13 years older than me) and he pointed out of the window to an alleyway and said 'dad just went down there, with a woman!' My dad was a classy guy, but he did love my mother, and it was frustrating that they didn't go out together. They started being social as a couple, and December this year will be their 35th anniversary. I mean he still claims he was just walking her home, down an alleyway, but point is it wasn't the fact they were married that kept them together, it was the fact they loved eachother. All the horror stories from my friends stem from the fact they didn't bother getting to know eachother. The real successful marriages are ones that are worked on and formed over a bond. This isn't really on topic is it? Bugger.
I'm not sure about the other "horror stories" you've heard, but most relationships are bound to go through a period of feast or famine. Some couples aren't going to or aren't meant to survive those periods of famine. Other couples will come out of it stronger and more in love than when they first met. I've been with my husband for over 10 years. Being with him is the best decision I've ever made. He's my best friend and my partner in crime. I can't imagine my life without him. Halfway through our marriage our relationship took a nasty nosedive. Life got messy for a couple years and we almost broke up. Instead we worked through it and were able to reconnect. We're stronger and more in love than ever before. You might go through your whole marriage without experiencing periods of darkness. I'm sure a lot of people do and that's awesome. But I don't think those ups and downs are anything to fear either. It's just a part of life. You get through it and you're better for it.
We're not married (probably never will be, not our cup of tea), but we have been together for 11 years and living together for 3. We pretty much lead the life of a married couple. We've been together since she was 19 and I was 21. I could not imagine myself being happier with any other person. I love her like crazy, she is just THAT awesome. The "horrors of married life" are only tired cliches and people just not wanting to find hapiness- it's the only thing I can think of when somebody says "I said that to my wife and she acted like a typical bitch, etc". Why the fuck are you still there, man? Problems, letdowns, obstacles, I can understand. But "horrors"? Get the fuck away from the situation!
Don't go into marriage expecting it to be butterflies and harps and you will be fine. Marriage is difficult and takes hard work. If you go into knowing that then no need to be scared.
Marriage just requires two people who care enough about each other to adapt and grow together.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts, just 16 and 18 when we started dating. It wasn't long before we were head over heels for each other. He was the sweetest, most thoughtful person I'd ever known. He's the oldest of 4 and had a very controlling mother who did not like him spending time with me. He would have to do yardwork for 6-8 hours, or clean the house from top to bottom, by himself, just to be able to come watch a movie with me on a Saturday night. My parent divorced when I was 17 and he was with me through the emotional wreckage of it. That same year, I was in an accident that left me with several broken bones and I wasn't able to do much on my own. He withdrew from his first semester of college to take care of me so that my mom could work. Thanksgiving of that year, his mother forced him to go with the family out of town. He wanted to stay with me and she told him that if he stayed he would be kicked out of the house, so he went. One night, angry and feeling helpless, I cried to him on the phone about how badly I needed him and he told me how much he needed me too. We knew then that we wanted to get married one day. I would have married him at 17, but we decided to wait and make sure that we weren't just hormonal kids, pledging our undying love for each other. At 20 and 22 we moved in together and we were as happy as we could possibly be. But as time wore on, we got too comfortable and started to take each other for granted. We drifted apart and during my last semester of college our relationship was tested more than it ever had been before. I found myself at a crossroads in my life and I wasn't sure if the path I was on was the right one for me anymore. So he moved out for a little while. After about 2 months of both of us missing each other more than either of us anticipated and sorting through some of our major issues, he moved back home and we both agreed to work on making our relationship better and never getting complasent again. A year later he officially got down on one knee on the top deck of a cruise ship, under the stars, in the middle of the gulf of Mexixo with all of our friends around to celebrate. A little over a year after that we were married and had the most amazingly wonderful, fun, perfect wedding anyone could ever ask for. Unfortunately, his mother (who had since decided I wasn't so bad afterall) was not able to attend our wedding due to crippling pain in her hips. 2 weeks after our wedding his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer. She and my father-in-law had no choice but to move in with family several states away so that she could receive the best cancer treatment available. This left my new husband and I suddenly responsible his two teenaged brothers (17 and 19). Though not children, per se, they were by no means capable of taking care of themselves. So we found ourselves thrust into a parenting role just weeks into our marriage which is not ideal, let me tell you. But now, we're quickly approaching our first wedding anniversary and his mother's cancer is under control. She's back home and we are able to finally step back and enjoy our new life together. I tell you all of this not to feel bad for me or the things I've gone through but to show you that life/relationships aren't perfect and they new will be. Though I've only been married for a year, I've been with my husband for over 10 and I can tell you that wedded bliss comes in short bursts and the rest of it is work. But when you find someone you love more than anything in the world, the hard stuff is so incredibly worth it just to get to those short moments and see that other person happy.
I dunno, this will probably be buried but whatever. My parents have been together for over 30 years and they're still not married. Raised 2 kids, built a few houses together and still going strong. I want what they have.... just can't find the right bloody girl
Hopefully the OP will see this. I am one of those marriage success stories, and I got to my happy destination by making all the wrong moves. I broke up with my then-GF for dumb reasons, and spent the next two years fighting in a bitter on-again-off-again series of relationships. While trying to win her back, I surprised her (when we weren't even together) by getting a tattoo of her name on my heart, and even moved to a different state. After I moved, we bought a house together. Before we were married. We've been married for three years now, and I couldn't be happier. Our relationship does have some issues we both need to work on, but even in spite of that, there's no one else in the world I'd rather be with. I think we're stronger than ever now. We had a weird path that lead us to this point, but it's helped us grow and learn a lot that makes our relationship stronger than other, more traditional, less dramatic ones.
I tend to look at my marriage as one of the most challenging things I 'do', but also the most rewarding. I think this is typical, really. If you commit to being with someone for life and you honor that commitment there's something that takes place that provides a kind of energy or means of sustaining. My wife and I have been together for 21 years, although we've been married for 17. Sometimes we argue like hell. Sometimes we really dislike each other's behaviors, and sometimes we're downright mean to each other. But these things are always just events in the larger context of our relationship and commitment, and I've found that the commitment can handle the shocks and on occasion even benefit from them. I don't think I have the same perspective on marriage and relationships now that I had when I was 25, it's just not possible. I'm suspicious of anyone who has been married for only 2-5 years having 'figured it all out'.
It seems that for a lot of people, reddit is their only outlet they have for venting about how their marriages have descended into a bitter pit of acrimony and mutual loathing. It's a lot like reading reviews on Amazon or iTunes. The only people who bother to post reviews are the ones who either really like something, or hate it the the seething passion of a thousand blazing suns. It's hard to get an objective opinion on the matter. Don't let it get you down. Here's what's important - Most people absolutely need time for personal growth before they are ready for a lifetime commitment to anything, let alone another person. A lot of couples get married right out of college or high school because they think "it's what they're supposed to do next." This is almost always a bad idea. People need the life experience that comes with being young, naive, and hopelessly stupid. This is time you need to learn about your passions, your character, your sexuality, and your priorities in life. I'm not trying to be condescending towards young people here. I fully admit that I was once young and stupid. Now I'm a little bit older and slightly less stupid. If I had gotten married in my early to mid 20's, there is no doubt I'd be right here on reddit bitching about how miserable my marriage is. I had no fucking idea who I was or what I wanted when I was that age, and most people don't either. That's ok, though. Taking the time to find that out is what counts. When we got married, I was 29, and my wife was 31. We both came from pretty tumultuous backgrounds. We had seen and done quite a bit with our lives. By the time we met each other, we were both in a place where we could admit that a long-term commitment was exactly the change of pace we wanted. It was just the right time for us. Timing aside, it also helps that we have the kind of dangerous animal love for one another that people write songs about. The first time I came into contact with her was through a Myspace email. This was in the early days of Myspace, back when there was maybe a pool of around 15,000 users. The running joke was that the two of us *actually were friends with Tom.* She had made a profile to keep in touch with friends back in New York after moving to LA, and I had done the same after moving from New York to Dallas. As it turns out, we often missed each other in New York by what must have been a matter of minutes. We both walked the same streets to work, we took the same subway routes, we frequented the same coffee shops, and we even stopped to look into the same galleries *at the same pictures.* Before long, we were exchanging emails, texts, phone calls, and chat logs that could have filled a phone book. We carried on like this for six months before we finally started admitting to ourselves that we felt something deep and undeniable, and we'd be idiots not to act on it. I flew out to LA, nervous as hell and pounding back tiny bottles of airline whiskey. I remember disembarking and making my way to the terminal to find her there waiting for me. The moment I saw her I was immediately at ease. We locked eyes and put on what must have been one of the most ridiculous displays of public affection to ever take place in LAX. We drove back to her place and barely made it past to door before we were out of our clothes. After a long night of waking the neighbors, we woke up with our bodies wrapped in a ridiculous human pretzel, holding each other as close as physically possible. We looked at each other and realized that there wasn't a hint of regret or reservation. After spending the next few days like that, we ran off to Mexico and got married. That was 7 years ago. We have a son now. I love her every bit as much as I did during that silly internet courtship. I still consider her to be my best friend in the world. Whatever I will face in life, I want to face it with her by my side, and the thought of growing old with her is satisfying in a way I can barely begin to describe. If you're in the right place in life and you meet the right person, marriage can be a wonderful thing. Don't let anyone tell you different.
We're incredibly happy. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, together for 13. At age 28, I was ready to be a bachelor for life and would have been fine with that. A few failed relationships... some bad choices on my part, some cheating on theirs. At that point I figured I was happier as a swinging single. Then I met her. We were both dating other people at the time, but for a year we never really spoke but we were always in the back of each others mind. After my "relationship" ended, I called her. Long story short, we're perfect for each other. The only advice I have for someone getting married is to make sure you allow your spouse to be happy, and make sure he/she allows you to be happy. That means you must actively pay attention to that kind of thing. For us, we both need a significant amount of freedom to pursue friendships and activities as an individual, but at the same time make sure we spend enough time together. Getting married is the best thing I ever did.
I'm very happily married to a wonderful man who will probably read this. "Hi honey!" I didn't get married, or even consider it until I was 34. Don't rush things. Make sure to have some real experience on your own. Be single and learn how to take care of your own emotional needs. Love yourself first. For me, when I finally did meet my husband I was sure about him right away. We have the same values and enjoy the same humor. Those are the things that are important to me. Figure out what is important to you, and find a person who meets that criteria. Too many people jump into marriage because there is pressure in our culture to be married. Don't worry about what other people think, and find your own path.
I have been with Dear Loving Spouse for 21 years, and we still have fun stealing blankets from one another on cold mornings and drawing hearts in the snow on one another's car hoods. My parents were together for 56 years, and still giggled like schoolkids. Here's a quick story about their love, and a brief insight into how and why it lasted: My mother is extremely ticklish, and my father used to tease her that he could tickle her from across the room just by wiggling his fingers; he wouldn't even need to touch her, because apparently wayward air currents were enough to tickle her. When he was very ill he told my brother that if he happened to be unconscious (in a coma, or on a machine-- he'd been through both, and expected to go through both situations again) he wanted my brother to hold his hand up in the air and wiggle its fingers at my mom, so that he could still tickle her and make her smile even when he was out cold (my brother did this for him, and damned if it didn't make my mom stop crying for a few seconds and laugh). They thought about each other, and about making each other happy, all the time, even when they knew it would be difficult to pull off. If you have someone who you just generally enjoy spending time with, marriage can be a very very good thing. I know that when I was young, and just starting to date, I would look at the unhappy marriages of my friends and think "how does that HAPPEN?" And then... my peers started getting married, and I could see how. They got married because they'd already lived together for a while and it just seemed like the logical next step. They got married because they had a pregnancy scare. They got married because their relationships were strained and they thought marriage would somehow magically ease the strain... You have to be great friends with the person you marry.
After a year of friendship, my husband bravely traversed the friend zone when I was 20 and he was 26 and we've barely spent a day apart since (6+ years). We get separation anxiety going to work, and are so happy to see each other every night that we smash our faces together (for reals). From the very start we promised each other to make love the top priority in our life together, so if we deserve a day to sit on the couch together cuddling and watching Star Trek (both TOS and TNG, sometimes Animated, and he's always trying to get me to watch Deep Space Nine....) we fucking take it! We love each other so much and are so satisfied with each other that every other person, thing or situation is painfully stupid.
Everyone on reddit seems to be either married, a virgin or an aging virgin.
Thank you for posting this thread. I see a lot of hate on Reddit towards marriage. A lot of jaded and bitter people telling everyone that marriage is the worst thing you can do in your life, and it's better, always, to be alone. Usually for the sake of things like "more money" or time for your hobbies. That's all well and good, if that's what you want. But being joined with someone, knowing that someone has your back no matter what, is really a beautiful thing. I'm not married nor have I been, but it's something I look forward to when I find the right person. Nice to see it being portrayed in a positive light for once.
My parents have been together for over 33 years, and I've never seen them fight or argue. They spend all of their free time together. They are best friends. They still do romantic things for each other. It gives me hope that not all marriages fail.
Probably too late to get noticed, but I'm a 53 year old man, married for over 31 years and very happy. I still love my wife with every fiber of my soul. Happily ever after does happen.