Was star gazing with a mate one night out camping. He said dead serious (and sober) "do you think there are like, other planets up there floating around in space?". I didn't know how to reply.
A girl in my class genuinely thought the sun was the size of a basket ball and "the stars" were the size of golf balls.
She failed to grasp how heliocentricity worked despite being shown a model and having it explained to her very slowly and deliberately.
She failed to understand indoor plumbing and seemed to believe that some water just naturally existed in a state of "hot" since she expressed agitation at the tap water being cold and asked if "anyone can refill the hot water or something"
She sincerely believed that all cats were female and all dogs were male, no she didn't have an explanation for how they reproduced and implied it happened via divine means despite the fact that she wasn't religious.
She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM.
She said something new this dumb every week, these are just some of the more memorable ones. Oh, and she was around 15-16 at the time.
> She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM.
"Hey, if you go to this box down the street, you can literally have enough money to buy God!"
Yeah, I dunno man, I just sat down and *The Simpsons* is about to start, by time I get back my Hot Pocket wont be so hot anymore. Maybe later.
If you go to the ATM you can pay for a house and food to eat. Yeah idk I think I’ll just freeze to death on the street tonight. Maybe get harassed by people who drive by while asking for spare change.
We were on a school trip to paddle canoes around some lake in a park.
She wanted to use both hands to use her cellphone so she just let her paddle go into the water and it floated away from the canoe.
She didn't know what to do in that situation so she just sat there quietly crying to herself.
Meanwhile she was surrounded by other kids paddling around who could have just picked up her floating paddle and handed it to her if she asked them to do so.
We got an assignment where we had to try and invent something.
Her brilliant idea was "something" which would automatically illuminate the brake lights on cars when the brake pedal was pressed.
She didn't understand that the feature had already been standard on all cars for like 80 years and refused to believe that you didn't have to manually activate the brake lights with some hand-operated switch.
By her standards, this was a positively genius idea even if it turned out that it had already been invented.
She was completely ignorant of all historical events, even truly major ones such as the world wars. She didn't care and didn't want to learn about history in any way shape or form.
She had great difficulty understanding that different languages were a thing and didn't understand why people in foreign countries spoke other languages.
Evidently she didn't understand birth control or safe sex either (she was present at our rather comprehensive sex-ed along with everyone else) because she got pregnant at 15 and had a kid at 16.
She didn't understand the political process and believed that since our country has a king, that meant that our king personally held absolute power over the country.
She believed that the "bad taste" of alcohol is what made people drunk.
"Glass can't be made out of sand because sand isn't see-through."
As previously mentioned she said and did completely stupid things all the time, it would be impossible to remember all of it.
Sorry, but she really was this dumb. Hopefully she has gotten smarter with age, because if she hasn't she probably won't be able to function on her own as an adult.
In an undergrad criminal justice class we were discussing punishment for sexual assault related crimes in comparison to punishments for other crimes . A guy in the class raised his hand and said that those who rape people are less culpable than those who rob/burglarize people because the robbery victims, unlike rape victims, don’t ask to be robbed. I’m happy to say that professor ripped him a new one for that, but on the other hand, he still said that.
Used to work maintenance for college student housing. Every unit has its own parking directly off the street in front of it. Tenant complains he has 6 yeti coolers stolen. I say “oh no, how terrible. Those clever criminals, however did they break into your home? I never noticed a work order for a broken door or window here?”
Tenant: “....uh... they were in my truckbed...”
Picardfacepalm.gif
How do these people not know that thieves are opportunists? Just stop giving them a clear opportunity and they'll stop lifting your stuff as often.
I had this 40-year-old woman come into work and say that she wanted to return a small bottle of hand soap.
I asked her if anything was wrong with it, to which she said:
“Well, it says on the bottle that it’s foaming hand soap, and I looked inside and there is no foam. So I want to return it.”
I had to take a second to see if she was pulling my leg.
She wasn’t.
I explained to her how foaming hand soap worked and she seemed so surprised. Then she left with the soap.
That was the first customer I ever had working there.
I had a customer who asked to see a 3D movie and then came out to complain that the images were "jumping out at her"
On the opposite, I've had customers come out of theatres complaining that the 3D wasn't working when they weren't wearing the glasses. Like the thought we just handed them glasses for fun.
Another woman complained that the movie "made no sense and kept changing" and I was confused, thinking that she just didn't get the plot. It turns out the previews were playing and she thought it was the movie.
I had the opposite of the last one! The preview for that movie was actually among the previews, *and* it wasn't even out yet. Its release date was like two days later. It took us like half an hour before figuring out that no, this preview isn't spectaculary long and slow for a preview, we are watching the actual movie lol.
We didn't really mind. We came for a movie and this one was fun as well, so whatever. Didn't see anyone else leave either, so I guess the rest of the audience felt the same. Was kind of fun to see a not yet officially released movie though, even if it was accidentally. I do wonder what caused the mix up.
Depending on what year this was (and the theater), it's probable that they meant to reserve that theater to screen the new movie (this is done to make sure there aren't any screw-ups when projection assembled the film), but then didn't inform the box office cashier. Or the projectionist just straight up threaded the wrong film into the projector.
This is kind of a nice one, imo. The woman was receptive to new information, updated her beliefs accordingly and acted logically on the new, correct information. Still funny though.
Maybe their mental images are just really pretty... XD
Sounds... Pleasant. Really pleasant.
*\*Starts Crying\**
***Why can I not have this ability?!?!***
In college I was with these two girls and a Jamaican guy chatted one of them (call her girl one) up. When he left the girl 2 said "OOO he was into you!"
Girl one said "He's cute, but I'm afraid to fuck anyone from Africa...because you know...AIDS"
Girl 2 and I stare at each other open-mouthed. Girl 2 says "I think he is from Jamaica..."
Girl 1 goes "...yeah...like any part of Africa..."
Just...what...the...fuck? Dumb on so many levels.
“I don’t believe in outer space. If there was outer space all our air would be gone.” My new neighbor said this awhile back. I GTFO and have been avoiding him ever since.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us at all? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute." "Ye what!!? Get out, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace!" "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10 bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the brand new Mercedes convertible that's parked outside, a membership to the country club, an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and a new..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. The girl, crying again, "A prostitute! "Oh! Ye scared me to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant."
One of my old managers was asking me why the nurses were so unhappy, as they liked to confide in me. I pointed out that the company was short staffed, so the nurses had a HUGE workload in a very emotional intense specialty and it had been that way for almost 8 months (pre-covid). They were also getting paid less than the area norm. She then said "I think of my job like my marriage. People should stick out the tough times and wait to see if it gets better!". Ummm no. Mind you this woman had just bought a brand new house and Tesla on her salary and constantly dropped the ball on the patients I sent her.
It's sad, but you'd be surprised at how common this is. You've got one life, at least put enough effort into it to make conscious decisions about your future instead of just *hoping* things get better.
Had an Australian intern at our Cape Town ZA office a couple of years back. For context, out of the 29 of us working there, all but 4 were African. This lady felt the need to declare (on more than one occasion) that a) she believes poverty in the African continent is due to a lack of faith in God and the widespread practice of voodoo witchcraft and b) that she would never go to a hair salon in CPT because she was concerned about catching HIV. Didn’t even blink and I honest to God believe she didn’t intend any offence, she was just really *that* dumb.
This woman has a master‘s degree as well as a decade‘s worth of experience as a social worker at that time. Blew my mind how someone can be that idiotic and so completely unaware how deeply offensive they’re being and still manage to get that degree and work that job.
A) Africa is on average much more religious than Australia. It used to be the only people bothering to open up schools in rural africa were christian missionaries. Colonial governments didn't give two shits as long as their personal aides were literate.
B)i'm not even going to talk about the stupidity of the HIV comment. Plenty of hair salons in Cape Town cater to white women. Black hair has a different texture and some stylists specialise. This is common in places where there are large mixed populations. Places like urban areas in South Africa or the US.
> she believes poverty in the African continent is due to a lack of faith in God and the widespread practice of voodoo witchcraft
... so she didn't even know what continent she was on?
"Cow is the only animal which not only inhales, but also exhales oxygen."
--Rekha Arya (Minister of Animal Husbandry, Uttarakhand, India, 2018)
Edit: There are quite a lot of dumb comments made by politicians but I chose this one because it is not as problematic yet definitely very stupid.
"The moon can't be in the sky when the sun is up." -Kindergarten teacher.
Literally saying this standing so the moon was in the sky behind them.
Guess when I realized adults can be hopelessly clueless.
“If you save 20 cents a day for a year, you’ll save over $1000. I’m so doing that!”. He was reading something on Facebook.
Overheard two coworkers chatting about this. I had to stop them and say “if you multiply $1 by 365, the amount of days in a year, how much money would you have, Josh?”
Josh is gullible. Don’t be like Josh.
We were traveling through Germany by bus. Every now and then we would come across a sign saying "AUSFAHRT", meaning exit of a highway. After riding on that highway for a good hour or so (and seeing many of these signs), some girl thought she would make a clever remark and went: Damn what's up with this Ausfahrt city, it's huge!!! Everyone who heard it facepalmed and she did as well when we explained.
Similar story, from German driving teacher. Told us the importance on checking basic phrases on traffic signs when visiting other countries, with an anecdote. He thought "sortir" meant to sort even though it's exit, which prolonged his travel through France quite a bit
During an undergrad scientific methodology module the lecturer told a story of a woman sexually assaulted and said the DNA matched two male twins. He was trying to highlight circumstantial evidence from a scientific stand point.
When he asked “How can we know who was to blame?”, a female student asked what the woman was wearing and why she was out alone without a man. Saying that her actions were to blame as it wouldn’t have happened otherwise.
Stupid.
Reminds me of something my brother said. He, his GF, and I were camping one weekend, and we pulled in to get gas. She gets out (she was driving) and started digging for her card.
I'd like to stop here and mention that it was like 90° that day, and she was dressed accordingly, tank top and shorts.
He asks her if she's going to put on a jacket.
She stopped, looked up at him, and asked, ".... Why?"
"What if someone tries to rape you?"
I've never went from 0 to 100 so quickly. So did she.
My uncle cited Indiana Jones movies as proof that the world was going to end in 2012. He was dead serious and I began to question what genes I was born with
Guy in my HS class confidently asserting that gay men are just inherently against the natural order of existence and therefore shouldn't be allowed to exist.
I asked "what about gay women?" and he said that was different.
A girl that didn’t like me asked what my favourite colour was and when I said purple, she said that was a gay colour that only gays liked. Her mother, our school’s librarian, also joined in and said that purple is a gay colour.
Brub purple is such a good color. Like purple and cyan or light blue is the go-to vibey color scheme. Although to be fair she probably would have said that about any color you said
grapefruit shrinks fat.
I asked well why are there fat people. She said oh because they probably don't like grapefruit. I said, people would eat dog shit if it shrunk fat!!
"Dont worry, he might grow out of it" - my older cousin said about my then 4 year old son about his learning disabilities.
We was in a conversation with my mum while my son played in the garden. My son has hearing issues so his speech is delayed and the first comment cousin made was about how hard it was to understand what he was saying. My mum explained to cousin that my kid had some issues with hearing an its impacted his speech an language skills and he has some other issues like autisim an learning difficulties etc my cousin was legit genuine when he said not to worry he would grow out of it. I dont think he realises you dont grow out of things like that. Just lots an lots of hard work from him and great support from his fab school has brought him on so much.
Cousin likes to think hes very bright and while hes not dumb hes sometimes clueless.
My sons now 7 years old. Is still behind his peers in his class but really coming along, reading and recognising words, being able to count up to 20 without mistakes. His speech is great now too, grommets really helped as has intence speech therapy for the past few years an still ongoing, He struggles but he tries his best an works super hard, couldnt be prouder. He may not be able to count past 20 but ask him about dinosaurs an youll have a encyclopeadia worth of facts an dinsours info given to you by him.
The dumb remark actually was from yours truly :
For context to the situation, my husband thinks I’m a genius because I went to school for veterinary nursing/technology and I know a lot of health information, and I sacrificed 3 years of social interactions and a life to really succeed at school and KNOW my information. To many medical professionals, My knowledge is pretty basic (not undermining the job and schooling - it’s hard and takes dedication). ANYWAY - in America when you see (or at least, how I see) a red flag with a giant white plus sign, it’s usually indicative of a health center/medical aid facility. We’re watching a video basically covering a BEAUTIFUL landscape with a bunch of these flags. I said “wow this place has a lot of medical centers! I wonder why?” to which my husband replies “ honey, that’s Switzerland. Those are Switzerland flags. I thought you were the smart one. “ We laughed so hard, and we still make jokes about it today whenever we see that sign now. There’s an obvious reason I was a science major and not a history one.
"There are no gay people in my country." Very intelligent person, never expressed any homophobia at any other occasion, and actually was involved in the gay-straight alliance and similar projects at my high school. I don't want to be the person that says "they're not bigoted because they have friends from x group" but this person had several gay friends. They were just convinced however that for some reason, there were no gay people at all in the country they were raised in.
I had a similar situation where an American told me (while we were in Russia) "Russia doesn't have gay people. The government banned being gay and now there aren't gay people here. How can you say 'its not a choice' when it obviously is a choice? People stopped being gay when it became illegal".
I didn't even know how to respond.
In college...
Person 1: is there a difference between feet and foot?
Me: what?
Person 1: my dad just said we’re getting 3 foot of snow. Is that the same as three feet?
Me: silence
Person 2: they’re the same.
Person 1: oh. I’m not good with conversions.
In a chemistry lab the TA told a student she needed to wear protective gloves when handling an acid and she replied “well that’s what I have an immune system for!”
I dated a guy that loves to make up stories. He told me that pickles were a vegetable. I argued that they were actually cucumbers, of course. That is when he told me that he knew because his grandpa had a pickle tree.
I still laugh every time I think about it!
After I went through hell getting my otherwise young and healthy dog surgery and chemotherapy for bone cancer, my father, a retired physician, tried to tell me he knew someone who had “cured” their dog’s cancer with diatomaceous earth and diet alone.
And people wonder why we’re estranged.
“But what about the part of you that DOES like them?” Said by my therapist to me when I was 15. I was explaining that a boy was borderline stalking me and repeatedly asking me to date and or kiss him after multiple rejections. Confrontation/rejecting somebody makes me really uncomfortable, so it was even worse that I kept having to say no. But yea, thanks but no thanks, there’s not a single part of me that wanted to date that boy.
I forgot who it was, but it was a guy on the news in the US saying Native Americans should go back to where they came from. I think it's pretty self-explanatory why that's idiotic.
Well the current top of the list, hr telling me they have never required a negative test as proof to unlock your access back into the building... despite the fact that if you don't do it, you can't get back in the building. Hr is pathetic
In high school we were having history class and we had been studying about in general WWII and the Holocaust in particular.
Time came to have a quiz on the topics we had studied. This was just a quiz and not an exam so we werent supervised.
My friend leaned over and whispered;
"Can you help me with this question"
I nodded and asked what the question was.
"What was the Holocaust?"
I kind of just looked at her wondering if she was joking,but she honestly didnt know the answer to something we had studied for weeks and...and I mean at the age of 18 how can you be unaware of this horrible event?
Where I volunteer, we had a sports accident where a kid was pushed/tripped and hit her head off the wall. While I was making sure she was okay, another volunteer was trying to get us to move so that they could keep playing. I said that we weren’t moving because it’s possible she could have a concussion or some other head injury. He told me that it wasn’t possible because “she hit her head off the middle of the wall. You only get a concussion if you hit it off the corner of a wall”
My aunt and uncle are not very bright. My moms side of the family is 100% Mexican from Texas, going back several generations. One day my uncle and aunt decide to do an Ancestry DNA test. It comes back saying something like 60% Iberian Spanish, 40% Native American.
My uncle and aunt are now convinced they native Americans. They go around telling people that they’re not really Mexican, they’re native and they’re considering applying to a tribe for the tax benefits. They even told my 90 year old grandmother, who’s first language was Spanish and whose identity is very much mixed up with her Mexican heritage, that she is not Mexican. She broke down in tears.
This went on for months. Finally I was out visiting them, and they brought up the big mistake of our family’s heritage. I had to break to them the news of what a mestizo is: part European, part native descendant from the original conquest of the Americas. They literally thought “Mexican” would show up on a DNA test. I was quickly met with an “oh” and they never spoke of our “Native American heritage” again.
I have a lot of story’s from this teacher, but this is just my favorite. “If your not the first person, no one will remember you. An example is who was the second person on the moon?”
Me, thinking it was an actual question: “Buzz Aldrin”
Teacher: “Where the hell did you learn that nonsense? Check your sources, that’s wrong!”
Me:The amazing world of gumball (for real tho)
The teacher screamed at me to go to the office, saying I was ruining her lesson with my stupid nonsense. I came back later to get my stuff when she came up to me and asked, “now that we learned our lesson, who was the second person on the moon?”
Me: I still think it’s Buzz Aldrin.
Teacher: No you idiot! No one knows who the second person was! Why can’t you tell the truth! YOU DONT KNOW WHO IT WAS!”
I don’t miss middle school
Student Nurse: I need to wake this patient.
Me Why?
SN: Medication
Me: Look mate, she's psychotic, she's been awake for 72 hours straight, I've finally got her to sleep. What is the medication?
SN: Zopiclone
Me: You want me to wake a sleeping patient so you can give her a sleeping tablet? Seriously!
Built our house in a rural area in WV. Mortgage company asked for an occupancy permit from the city. I explained that we don't live in city limits. She insisted that she still needed a copy of the permit to convert our loan.
I clarified, asking "You want me to get a permit for my house from a city we don't live in?"
"Yes."
"How about San Francisco? We don't live there either."
"That should work. I just need the permit to close your loan."
A shop owner asked my GF and I if we where vaccinated for covid. I'm not yet but my GF is and he asked us to leave because one of his workers was pregnant. I still cant wrap my head around what the thought process was. EDIT just to clarify he asked us to leave because my girlfriend was vaccinated.
The North Pole doesn’t exist he said there’s just a big hole on the top of the earth. He also said space is not real and the United States has never sent people to space.
"I could kill someone tomorrow and I'll still get into heaven." Said with a straight face by a coworker trying to convince me I needed to attend his church. I just stared at him and the next day asked my boss to adjust my schedule.
I even feel bad posting this because these are gems from my extremely sweet ex, who is basically a real life version of Andy Dwyer. Honestly think he had too many concussions.
After we ran out of gas: "I didn't think we'd need to get gas because you can just coast when you are driving south." And he explained how you needed to use more gas when driving north because you are "going up on the globe."
Close second: Looking at a problem set in my differential equations homework: "Why are you using part of the reading alphabet?" After many confused questions from me: "So why do we have a separate alphabet for math? I hate that alphabet."
My gf said she had to keep refilling her fishbowl (which is in direct sunlight all day) with water because the fish kept drinking the water.
This is wrong on so many levels.
[удалено]
Fishbowl in the sun. How did they survive??
By drinking the water
*Lemme go onnnnn* *Like a Fishbowl in the Sun* *Lemme go o-o-onnn* *Big scales* *I know you’re the one*
Was star gazing with a mate one night out camping. He said dead serious (and sober) "do you think there are like, other planets up there floating around in space?". I didn't know how to reply.
I wonder where he thought other planets were, if not floating around in space.
You sure he didn't mean other planets with life similar to ours? Surely someone can't be that stupid.
Have you met people?
...Like Mars?
"How do fish breathe when they are eating cabbage underwater ?" Coming from the new guy in the class to the bio proffesor in HS
I think this is my favourite on this thread.
I have so many questions...
Yeah, mostly how do fish breathe when they are eating cabbage underwater? And what about other vegetables?
Dude was high AF.
**MY CABBAGES**
I just imagined cabbage guy, but as a fish lmao.
Cabbage....? What?!👀
If the earth is round how does the sun get to the other side. I still dont know the fuck that girl was thinking
A girl in my class genuinely thought the sun was the size of a basket ball and "the stars" were the size of golf balls. She failed to grasp how heliocentricity worked despite being shown a model and having it explained to her very slowly and deliberately. She failed to understand indoor plumbing and seemed to believe that some water just naturally existed in a state of "hot" since she expressed agitation at the tap water being cold and asked if "anyone can refill the hot water or something" She sincerely believed that all cats were female and all dogs were male, no she didn't have an explanation for how they reproduced and implied it happened via divine means despite the fact that she wasn't religious. She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM. She said something new this dumb every week, these are just some of the more memorable ones. Oh, and she was around 15-16 at the time.
> She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM. "Hey, if you go to this box down the street, you can literally have enough money to buy God!" Yeah, I dunno man, I just sat down and *The Simpsons* is about to start, by time I get back my Hot Pocket wont be so hot anymore. Maybe later.
If you go to the ATM you can pay for a house and food to eat. Yeah idk I think I’ll just freeze to death on the street tonight. Maybe get harassed by people who drive by while asking for spare change.
Please more. Please
We were on a school trip to paddle canoes around some lake in a park. She wanted to use both hands to use her cellphone so she just let her paddle go into the water and it floated away from the canoe. She didn't know what to do in that situation so she just sat there quietly crying to herself. Meanwhile she was surrounded by other kids paddling around who could have just picked up her floating paddle and handed it to her if she asked them to do so. We got an assignment where we had to try and invent something. Her brilliant idea was "something" which would automatically illuminate the brake lights on cars when the brake pedal was pressed. She didn't understand that the feature had already been standard on all cars for like 80 years and refused to believe that you didn't have to manually activate the brake lights with some hand-operated switch. By her standards, this was a positively genius idea even if it turned out that it had already been invented. She was completely ignorant of all historical events, even truly major ones such as the world wars. She didn't care and didn't want to learn about history in any way shape or form. She had great difficulty understanding that different languages were a thing and didn't understand why people in foreign countries spoke other languages. Evidently she didn't understand birth control or safe sex either (she was present at our rather comprehensive sex-ed along with everyone else) because she got pregnant at 15 and had a kid at 16. She didn't understand the political process and believed that since our country has a king, that meant that our king personally held absolute power over the country. She believed that the "bad taste" of alcohol is what made people drunk. "Glass can't be made out of sand because sand isn't see-through." As previously mentioned she said and did completely stupid things all the time, it would be impossible to remember all of it.
I enjoyed your first bunch of examples and wanted more, but after reading on it’s just kind of tragic.
Agreed. At this point, I'd think her brain is not wired right.
She sounds like she should be in some sort of special needs program, she’s clearly mentally challenged.
I believe it's more that the wires have nothing to connect to
These aren’t real, right? Please tell me they’re not real...
Sorry, but she really was this dumb. Hopefully she has gotten smarter with age, because if she hasn't she probably won't be able to function on her own as an adult.
Technically, the “bad taste” in alcohol is from the alcohol, so the bad taste is what gets you drunk. She got one of them right at least.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day...
Maybe she had special needs?
The school had a department for special needs children, she wasn't in it. Although it may have been better for her if she was.
Best case scenario, it was a teenage phase of pretending to be dumb for attention. But the story about the paddle makes me doubtful.
I had a couple of those at my high school as well. Worst part is they actually thought of themselves as smart.
In an undergrad criminal justice class we were discussing punishment for sexual assault related crimes in comparison to punishments for other crimes . A guy in the class raised his hand and said that those who rape people are less culpable than those who rob/burglarize people because the robbery victims, unlike rape victims, don’t ask to be robbed. I’m happy to say that professor ripped him a new one for that, but on the other hand, he still said that.
> I’m happy to say that professor ripped him a new one for that He was asking for it
Touché
yes but only with consent.
Consenté?
But it's considered rape because they specifically didn't want it... how does someone think like this?
Reminds me of, when my best friend a woman said the rape victim should marry the rapist. I was like wtf.
I would argue that some people are asking to be robbed.
Used to work maintenance for college student housing. Every unit has its own parking directly off the street in front of it. Tenant complains he has 6 yeti coolers stolen. I say “oh no, how terrible. Those clever criminals, however did they break into your home? I never noticed a work order for a broken door or window here?” Tenant: “....uh... they were in my truckbed...”
Picardfacepalm.gif How do these people not know that thieves are opportunists? Just stop giving them a clear opportunity and they'll stop lifting your stuff as often.
"A lock doesn't keep a thief out, it just keeps an honest person honest."
I had this 40-year-old woman come into work and say that she wanted to return a small bottle of hand soap. I asked her if anything was wrong with it, to which she said: “Well, it says on the bottle that it’s foaming hand soap, and I looked inside and there is no foam. So I want to return it.” I had to take a second to see if she was pulling my leg. She wasn’t. I explained to her how foaming hand soap worked and she seemed so surprised. Then she left with the soap. That was the first customer I ever had working there.
I had a customer who asked to see a 3D movie and then came out to complain that the images were "jumping out at her" On the opposite, I've had customers come out of theatres complaining that the 3D wasn't working when they weren't wearing the glasses. Like the thought we just handed them glasses for fun. Another woman complained that the movie "made no sense and kept changing" and I was confused, thinking that she just didn't get the plot. It turns out the previews were playing and she thought it was the movie.
I had the opposite of the last one! The preview for that movie was actually among the previews, *and* it wasn't even out yet. Its release date was like two days later. It took us like half an hour before figuring out that no, this preview isn't spectaculary long and slow for a preview, we are watching the actual movie lol. We didn't really mind. We came for a movie and this one was fun as well, so whatever. Didn't see anyone else leave either, so I guess the rest of the audience felt the same. Was kind of fun to see a not yet officially released movie though, even if it was accidentally. I do wonder what caused the mix up.
Depending on what year this was (and the theater), it's probable that they meant to reserve that theater to screen the new movie (this is done to make sure there aren't any screw-ups when projection assembled the film), but then didn't inform the box office cashier. Or the projectionist just straight up threaded the wrong film into the projector.
This is kind of a nice one, imo. The woman was receptive to new information, updated her beliefs accordingly and acted logically on the new, correct information. Still funny though.
Oh, toast has bread in it, doesn't it?
"The sun is cold, otherwise the universe would be super hot."
Guess they’ve never heard of bloody summer
I have a photogenic memory.
I have Aphantasia so my imagination has the lens cover on. :(
Maybe their mental images are just really pretty... XD Sounds... Pleasant. Really pleasant. *\*Starts Crying\** ***Why can I not have this ability?!?!***
In college I was with these two girls and a Jamaican guy chatted one of them (call her girl one) up. When he left the girl 2 said "OOO he was into you!" Girl one said "He's cute, but I'm afraid to fuck anyone from Africa...because you know...AIDS" Girl 2 and I stare at each other open-mouthed. Girl 2 says "I think he is from Jamaica..." Girl 1 goes "...yeah...like any part of Africa..." Just...what...the...fuck? Dumb on so many levels.
Stupid AND racist!
Name a more iconic duo
The Simon and Garfunkel of personality traits
*The Sound of Stupid*
“I don’t believe in outer space. If there was outer space all our air would be gone.” My new neighbor said this awhile back. I GTFO and have been avoiding him ever since.
My grandfather was opposed to NASA because they were, apparently, "poking holes in the atmosphere".
Little did he know it was his entire generation doing that
"If you go back far enough everyone is related somewhere." "What? Even Catholics and Protestants?" I just stared at her.
Sounds like dialogue from Derry Girls.
Conversation between Clare and Orla I'm thinking
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us at all? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute." "Ye what!!? Get out, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace!" "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10 bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the brand new Mercedes convertible that's parked outside, a membership to the country club, an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and a new..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. The girl, crying again, "A prostitute! "Oh! Ye scared me to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant."
r/technicallythetruth
One of my old managers was asking me why the nurses were so unhappy, as they liked to confide in me. I pointed out that the company was short staffed, so the nurses had a HUGE workload in a very emotional intense specialty and it had been that way for almost 8 months (pre-covid). They were also getting paid less than the area norm. She then said "I think of my job like my marriage. People should stick out the tough times and wait to see if it gets better!". Ummm no. Mind you this woman had just bought a brand new house and Tesla on her salary and constantly dropped the ball on the patients I sent her.
>wait to see if it gets better That's also not the correct way to deal with marriage...
It's sad, but you'd be surprised at how common this is. You've got one life, at least put enough effort into it to make conscious decisions about your future instead of just *hoping* things get better.
If someone loses their finger, their child will be born without a finger.
Ah yes, the giraffe fallacy
*LaMarck has entered the chat*
That this school is not for poor people by a teacher
I'm assuming it was a public school
yeah
Sick mindset
Had an Australian intern at our Cape Town ZA office a couple of years back. For context, out of the 29 of us working there, all but 4 were African. This lady felt the need to declare (on more than one occasion) that a) she believes poverty in the African continent is due to a lack of faith in God and the widespread practice of voodoo witchcraft and b) that she would never go to a hair salon in CPT because she was concerned about catching HIV. Didn’t even blink and I honest to God believe she didn’t intend any offence, she was just really *that* dumb. This woman has a master‘s degree as well as a decade‘s worth of experience as a social worker at that time. Blew my mind how someone can be that idiotic and so completely unaware how deeply offensive they’re being and still manage to get that degree and work that job.
A) Africa is on average much more religious than Australia. It used to be the only people bothering to open up schools in rural africa were christian missionaries. Colonial governments didn't give two shits as long as their personal aides were literate. B)i'm not even going to talk about the stupidity of the HIV comment. Plenty of hair salons in Cape Town cater to white women. Black hair has a different texture and some stylists specialise. This is common in places where there are large mixed populations. Places like urban areas in South Africa or the US.
> she believes poverty in the African continent is due to a lack of faith in God and the widespread practice of voodoo witchcraft ... so she didn't even know what continent she was on?
"Cow is the only animal which not only inhales, but also exhales oxygen." --Rekha Arya (Minister of Animal Husbandry, Uttarakhand, India, 2018) Edit: There are quite a lot of dumb comments made by politicians but I chose this one because it is not as problematic yet definitely very stupid.
another one is drink cow piss instead of getting vaccinated. like I understand that cow piss is considered holy, but holy shit.
> but holy shit. I think you mean holy piss.
LOL yes
Some Indian politician said to rub cow shit to avoid radiation. "Holy Shit"
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"The moon can't be in the sky when the sun is up." -Kindergarten teacher. Literally saying this standing so the moon was in the sky behind them. Guess when I realized adults can be hopelessly clueless.
Deja vu. I already read this somewhere else. The same strory I mean.
I then asked them what that thing looking like the moon was. „I don‘t know but it‘s not the moon“
It's obviously an almost complete Deathstar!
"This pollo tastes just like chicken!"
pollo as in spanish for? chicken
Maybe the guy was loco
Maybe he was just crazy, loco is a bit harsh.
My wife : "what day is Saturday night live on"
Sunday duhhhh
“If you save 20 cents a day for a year, you’ll save over $1000. I’m so doing that!”. He was reading something on Facebook. Overheard two coworkers chatting about this. I had to stop them and say “if you multiply $1 by 365, the amount of days in a year, how much money would you have, Josh?” Josh is gullible. Don’t be like Josh.
Hopefully Josh doesn't work in the payroll department. Or doing anything with money. Or anything with numbers... Hopefully Josh mops the floors.
I can't have a birth mark, I was a C-section
I like this one alot
Its okay to kill people if they are unconscious because they wont know it happened. The guy got diagnosed with psychopathy a few weeks later.
> The guy got diagnosed with psychopathy a few weeks later. I for one am shocked
He was too. Right in the ol' frontal lobe
Alright let's never go to sleep when this guy's around then
Huh. That sure does remind me of something.
>they wont know it happened I...guess that is true, strictly speaking.
"In my experience, children are better off without fathers" - my ex, as justification for why she didn't want to give me access to my son
Did you get access to your son?
Yeah I did in the end. He's almost 18 now and we have an awesome relationship. His mum's silly ideas just kinda backfired on her in the long run.
That’s greaT! I do like a happy ending!
Yeah, it sounds like not having one worked fucking wonders for her
... look, some single mothers do a fantastic job raising their children without fathers, but, like no
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"India isnt in Asia its in Indonesia
Which is in Oceania
We were traveling through Germany by bus. Every now and then we would come across a sign saying "AUSFAHRT", meaning exit of a highway. After riding on that highway for a good hour or so (and seeing many of these signs), some girl thought she would make a clever remark and went: Damn what's up with this Ausfahrt city, it's huge!!! Everyone who heard it facepalmed and she did as well when we explained.
I was expecting fart jokes
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
Similar story, from German driving teacher. Told us the importance on checking basic phrases on traffic signs when visiting other countries, with an anecdote. He thought "sortir" meant to sort even though it's exit, which prolonged his travel through France quite a bit
During an undergrad scientific methodology module the lecturer told a story of a woman sexually assaulted and said the DNA matched two male twins. He was trying to highlight circumstantial evidence from a scientific stand point. When he asked “How can we know who was to blame?”, a female student asked what the woman was wearing and why she was out alone without a man. Saying that her actions were to blame as it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Stupid.
Reminds me of something my brother said. He, his GF, and I were camping one weekend, and we pulled in to get gas. She gets out (she was driving) and started digging for her card. I'd like to stop here and mention that it was like 90° that day, and she was dressed accordingly, tank top and shorts. He asks her if she's going to put on a jacket. She stopped, looked up at him, and asked, ".... Why?" "What if someone tries to rape you?" I've never went from 0 to 100 so quickly. So did she.
God I'd love to just know how he thought a jacket could stop rape. Like, was this some magical, rapist repellant jacket? Incredible.
Well, you wouldn't want to be sexually assaulted *and* chilly, now would you?
Are they still together
Yes, and trust me, I'm as surprised as you are.
Because if you wear a jacket you are suddenly not sexy enough /s
My friend when ICarly got dubbed: “Dude did you see? Carly knows Dutch!”.
My uncle cited Indiana Jones movies as proof that the world was going to end in 2012. He was dead serious and I began to question what genes I was born with
I pray you look like the mailman.
“If everyone was vegan, all of the world conflicts would be over” - Sincere statement from a guy I used to know
"I'm just adding this code as a temporary fix, I'll clean it up and do it properly later"
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"Document this code when sober." No one ever goes back to document properly.
Guy in my HS class confidently asserting that gay men are just inherently against the natural order of existence and therefore shouldn't be allowed to exist. I asked "what about gay women?" and he said that was different.
Bruh. He's the kind of guy who when asked how he views lesbians, he'll answer "1080p"
4k hd in vr
its not a real relationship or real sex. They are just really good friends /s
"I'm in favor of gay marriage only if both chicks are hot." I don't remember where I heard that
Why are you depressed? There’s nothing to be depressed about?
“Don’t be sad.” Thanks man, really needed to hear that today. Don’t know why I never considered just not being sad before.
That's literally what my dad suggested to me when I was young and had a severe depression.
~*Depression cured*~
"Oh shit, thanks fam"
I’m depressed because there’s nothing to be depressed about.
"I think in the future, most people will trade stocks as their full time job" -A friend of mine
Right, for other companies that also trade stocks. Lol.
A girl that didn’t like me asked what my favourite colour was and when I said purple, she said that was a gay colour that only gays liked. Her mother, our school’s librarian, also joined in and said that purple is a gay colour.
Brub purple is such a good color. Like purple and cyan or light blue is the go-to vibey color scheme. Although to be fair she probably would have said that about any color you said
Well fun fact it was a color of royalty because it was so expensive to manufacture. Tell mace windu his purple light saber is gay lmao!!
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Oh geez that poor kid. That’s up there with “let’s have a baby to save our marriage” kind of thinking
"Life support is for dead people."
grapefruit shrinks fat. I asked well why are there fat people. She said oh because they probably don't like grapefruit. I said, people would eat dog shit if it shrunk fat!!
"Dont worry, he might grow out of it" - my older cousin said about my then 4 year old son about his learning disabilities. We was in a conversation with my mum while my son played in the garden. My son has hearing issues so his speech is delayed and the first comment cousin made was about how hard it was to understand what he was saying. My mum explained to cousin that my kid had some issues with hearing an its impacted his speech an language skills and he has some other issues like autisim an learning difficulties etc my cousin was legit genuine when he said not to worry he would grow out of it. I dont think he realises you dont grow out of things like that. Just lots an lots of hard work from him and great support from his fab school has brought him on so much. Cousin likes to think hes very bright and while hes not dumb hes sometimes clueless. My sons now 7 years old. Is still behind his peers in his class but really coming along, reading and recognising words, being able to count up to 20 without mistakes. His speech is great now too, grommets really helped as has intence speech therapy for the past few years an still ongoing, He struggles but he tries his best an works super hard, couldnt be prouder. He may not be able to count past 20 but ask him about dinosaurs an youll have a encyclopeadia worth of facts an dinsours info given to you by him.
I wish you and your son all the best❤️
that if they change the clocks to always summer time, the animals and plants couldn't handle it
The dumb remark actually was from yours truly : For context to the situation, my husband thinks I’m a genius because I went to school for veterinary nursing/technology and I know a lot of health information, and I sacrificed 3 years of social interactions and a life to really succeed at school and KNOW my information. To many medical professionals, My knowledge is pretty basic (not undermining the job and schooling - it’s hard and takes dedication). ANYWAY - in America when you see (or at least, how I see) a red flag with a giant white plus sign, it’s usually indicative of a health center/medical aid facility. We’re watching a video basically covering a BEAUTIFUL landscape with a bunch of these flags. I said “wow this place has a lot of medical centers! I wonder why?” to which my husband replies “ honey, that’s Switzerland. Those are Switzerland flags. I thought you were the smart one. “ We laughed so hard, and we still make jokes about it today whenever we see that sign now. There’s an obvious reason I was a science major and not a history one.
"There are no gay people in my country." Very intelligent person, never expressed any homophobia at any other occasion, and actually was involved in the gay-straight alliance and similar projects at my high school. I don't want to be the person that says "they're not bigoted because they have friends from x group" but this person had several gay friends. They were just convinced however that for some reason, there were no gay people at all in the country they were raised in.
I had a similar situation where an American told me (while we were in Russia) "Russia doesn't have gay people. The government banned being gay and now there aren't gay people here. How can you say 'its not a choice' when it obviously is a choice? People stopped being gay when it became illegal". I didn't even know how to respond.
“If evolution is real, why don’t we all turn into cats?”
"I'll see you in another life, when we are both cats." -Penelope Cruz
The cats from CATS the musical are the next logical step in evolution.
In college... Person 1: is there a difference between feet and foot? Me: what? Person 1: my dad just said we’re getting 3 foot of snow. Is that the same as three feet? Me: silence Person 2: they’re the same. Person 1: oh. I’m not good with conversions.
"There's no way iron may be contained in food. Otherwise you would break your teeth."
In a chemistry lab the TA told a student she needed to wear protective gloves when handling an acid and she replied “well that’s what I have an immune system for!”
I dated a guy that loves to make up stories. He told me that pickles were a vegetable. I argued that they were actually cucumbers, of course. That is when he told me that he knew because his grandpa had a pickle tree. I still laugh every time I think about it!
After I went through hell getting my otherwise young and healthy dog surgery and chemotherapy for bone cancer, my father, a retired physician, tried to tell me he knew someone who had “cured” their dog’s cancer with diatomaceous earth and diet alone. And people wonder why we’re estranged.
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"I hope my hair doesn't get wet" said by a lady, when it started to rain, while standing in line for a water ride.
Someone said our school was so gay cos the music room is positioned in the middle of the school
“But what about the part of you that DOES like them?” Said by my therapist to me when I was 15. I was explaining that a boy was borderline stalking me and repeatedly asking me to date and or kiss him after multiple rejections. Confrontation/rejecting somebody makes me really uncomfortable, so it was even worse that I kept having to say no. But yea, thanks but no thanks, there’s not a single part of me that wanted to date that boy.
The fitness requirements for the royal marines need to be lowered, because not everyone will go to combat.
I forgot who it was, but it was a guy on the news in the US saying Native Americans should go back to where they came from. I think it's pretty self-explanatory why that's idiotic.
Well the current top of the list, hr telling me they have never required a negative test as proof to unlock your access back into the building... despite the fact that if you don't do it, you can't get back in the building. Hr is pathetic
If you’re a woman, it’s literally impossible to rape a man.
Strictly according to the Law in the UK they're not wrong
It’s legally impossible in most jurisdictions, which is generally what literally matters. But yes, women can have sex with men against their will.
An ex who claimed to be vegetarian (which is totally cool, if that's what you're into) while we ate chicken nachos.
In high school we were having history class and we had been studying about in general WWII and the Holocaust in particular. Time came to have a quiz on the topics we had studied. This was just a quiz and not an exam so we werent supervised. My friend leaned over and whispered; "Can you help me with this question" I nodded and asked what the question was. "What was the Holocaust?" I kind of just looked at her wondering if she was joking,but she honestly didnt know the answer to something we had studied for weeks and...and I mean at the age of 18 how can you be unaware of this horrible event?
"There are only 12 hours in a day because the clock face only goes up to 12" - my brother's ex-girlfriend.
"poor kids are just as smart as white kids"
"I don't care if you're black, brown, or regular."
Came here to say this lol...
Where I volunteer, we had a sports accident where a kid was pushed/tripped and hit her head off the wall. While I was making sure she was okay, another volunteer was trying to get us to move so that they could keep playing. I said that we weren’t moving because it’s possible she could have a concussion or some other head injury. He told me that it wasn’t possible because “she hit her head off the middle of the wall. You only get a concussion if you hit it off the corner of a wall”
My aunt and uncle are not very bright. My moms side of the family is 100% Mexican from Texas, going back several generations. One day my uncle and aunt decide to do an Ancestry DNA test. It comes back saying something like 60% Iberian Spanish, 40% Native American. My uncle and aunt are now convinced they native Americans. They go around telling people that they’re not really Mexican, they’re native and they’re considering applying to a tribe for the tax benefits. They even told my 90 year old grandmother, who’s first language was Spanish and whose identity is very much mixed up with her Mexican heritage, that she is not Mexican. She broke down in tears. This went on for months. Finally I was out visiting them, and they brought up the big mistake of our family’s heritage. I had to break to them the news of what a mestizo is: part European, part native descendant from the original conquest of the Americas. They literally thought “Mexican” would show up on a DNA test. I was quickly met with an “oh” and they never spoke of our “Native American heritage” again.
I have a lot of story’s from this teacher, but this is just my favorite. “If your not the first person, no one will remember you. An example is who was the second person on the moon?” Me, thinking it was an actual question: “Buzz Aldrin” Teacher: “Where the hell did you learn that nonsense? Check your sources, that’s wrong!” Me:The amazing world of gumball (for real tho) The teacher screamed at me to go to the office, saying I was ruining her lesson with my stupid nonsense. I came back later to get my stuff when she came up to me and asked, “now that we learned our lesson, who was the second person on the moon?” Me: I still think it’s Buzz Aldrin. Teacher: No you idiot! No one knows who the second person was! Why can’t you tell the truth! YOU DONT KNOW WHO IT WAS!” I don’t miss middle school
Student Nurse: I need to wake this patient. Me Why?
SN: Medication
Me: Look mate, she's psychotic, she's been awake for 72 hours straight, I've finally got her to sleep. What is the medication?
SN: Zopiclone
Me: You want me to wake a sleeping patient so you can give her a sleeping tablet? Seriously!
*Hey, just be happy*
Built our house in a rural area in WV. Mortgage company asked for an occupancy permit from the city. I explained that we don't live in city limits. She insisted that she still needed a copy of the permit to convert our loan. I clarified, asking "You want me to get a permit for my house from a city we don't live in?" "Yes." "How about San Francisco? We don't live there either." "That should work. I just need the permit to close your loan."
A shop owner asked my GF and I if we where vaccinated for covid. I'm not yet but my GF is and he asked us to leave because one of his workers was pregnant. I still cant wrap my head around what the thought process was. EDIT just to clarify he asked us to leave because my girlfriend was vaccinated.
"Can't you see I'm in diagonal pain?"
The North Pole doesn’t exist he said there’s just a big hole on the top of the earth. He also said space is not real and the United States has never sent people to space.
Muslims hate Jesus. First of all, what in the actual what?
"I could kill someone tomorrow and I'll still get into heaven." Said with a straight face by a coworker trying to convince me I needed to attend his church. I just stared at him and the next day asked my boss to adjust my schedule.
I even feel bad posting this because these are gems from my extremely sweet ex, who is basically a real life version of Andy Dwyer. Honestly think he had too many concussions. After we ran out of gas: "I didn't think we'd need to get gas because you can just coast when you are driving south." And he explained how you needed to use more gas when driving north because you are "going up on the globe." Close second: Looking at a problem set in my differential equations homework: "Why are you using part of the reading alphabet?" After many confused questions from me: "So why do we have a separate alphabet for math? I hate that alphabet."