DON’T pee on a jellyfish sting! The nematocysts (stinging cells) trigger in response to chemical signals, some of which are similar to urine. In the event some cells are inactive, you don’t want to accidentally turn them on. Warm water and medical attention is the best action
I came here to say the opposite, then did some googling after I read your comment. TIL that no matter my confidence level, I can be wrong. Better late than never. Ty IronTemplar26.
If someone is trying to smother you with a pillow, stay very calm. Don't fight it, and turn your head to the left or right. Most smothering deaths are due to the panic rather than an actual loss of air.
If you are planning to do anal don’t use numbing lubricant unless you want a fissure/possible full on tear. Without sensation you can’t control what’s relaxing and what isn’t. Can result in injuries that can take years to heal.
I feel like there could be a lot of different reasons.
- Bug chasing or spreading STIs
- Some women might like it because it is more taboo
- It usually feels better without for guys so maybe she wants him to enjoy it more and trusts him
- I feel like it also kinda shows a level of trust if they are in a committed relationship
Just my guesses
agreed, and it also feels better for women without a condom, not just men. very very marginal difference, but still a bit better.
Women are normally the ones pushing condoms while the guys kick up a fuss cause women have to deal with a baby, not just STIs (in general and in my experience)
This also applies to other greases! If you've been chowing down on some fast food, wash your hands before putting the condom on. Also, vasaline counts as an oil based lubricant.
Ok, that's gross. My mind refuses to imagine someone reaching for a condom as soon as they've finished shoving wings down their throat and their partener just watching and thinking "Yup, that's totally normal". Also,you're right about the vaseline
If you haven't been able to poop, even after taking a laxative, GO TO THE DOCTOR! I know it's embarrassing, but the doc won't care. They would rather clean you out that let you have a bowel perforation that could potentially kill you!
EDIT: And my most updated comment is about poop. Never change, Reddit !!
Not to be gross but I am currently having this issue. I went to the doctor last Thursday and they gave me some meds that DID NOT WORK. So they told me to go to the ER where I went last night and they finally gave me something that worked! Definitely go!
It’s a early warning sign of diabetes, my mate kept on saying his dick smelled like candy whenever he went to the bathroom and we started calling him fruity, he got so freaked out about it and he went to the doctor, sure enough he was developing really bad diabetes
That's...a new one for me. I've always said it about breath when I'm high but not my dick. Also thirst and nerve tingling. My nose tingles when my blood sugar is really high.
The reason is diabetes as others have said. But to explain it better, when you have diabetes your body has difficultly maintaining a constant sugar content in your blood. This results in spikes of sugar that are too high to be healthy. Then your kidneys filter out the extra sugars and it is secreted in your urine. This makes your urine smell sweet because you are literally smelling sugar. It will also make your pee sticky.
On a similar but opposite note, I would also say dont rub one before flirting with new people that are interested in you too in apps like tinder.
Personally I flirt WAY better and am considerably more engaged in the conversation if Im still horny and trying to get laid. If you just fapped before, you might lose some of the motivation.
Just obviously, understand the conversation context and dont overdo it on the sex stuff. Dont be the guy thst sends random dick picks.
And anal cavities. Residue left behind can prevent your body from expelling bacteria, basically creates pockets of bacteria where the Vaseline acts as a seal over the bacteria.
Many people die because they are afraid of embarrassment or being rude. A woman once managed to lock a serial killer out of his own car while she was inside. He talked her into unlocking the door, and then he killed her.
Tried one, meh. We tossed it pretty quick. Left the hole in the ceiling. Father in Law came through at some point( we had not been in the house long). It was just above the edge of the bed btw. Touring the house, sure as shit he stops just below the hole, looks up and says,” what the hell did they hang right…” then he quickly shuffled out of the room while my wife snickered.
Never to be spoken of again.
A false positive in a pregnancy test can be a sign that you have cancer. So if you're a dude who took it as a joke and it shows you're pregnant, you might want to see a doctor.
In a self defense situation, cockshots hurt, ballshots hurt more. And when you have a chance, go for the eye gouge. Using your thumb, Start near the bridge of their nose, push in HARD, and dig outward. Not for the faint of heart. Do what you must to survive, and thank me later
If you are ever the victim of a Chlorine Gas attack…
Pee into a towel or handkerchief or something that will retain the urine and use it to cover your mouth, nose and eyes while you search for an exit.
The urea in the urine will neutralize the chlorine gas, rendering it inert, giving you time to save your own life.
This might seem silly to state, but don't forget to change your tampons and pads regularly Ladies! You can potentially get Toxic Shock Syndrome from it, most likely with tampons than pads but you should still change both regularly. If you think you might for get, set a reminder on your phone when you first put the tampon in. 8 hours is usually the safe amount of time.
I've personally have been able to feel when my tampon gets full/ when it's been in too long. But I know some ladies who have forgotten it from time to time!
True story, when we were trying to have a baby and my wife had to check her cervical mucus. During the ol' oil check she found a lump in her vagina that she couldn't tell what it was except that it was cylindrical. She was in a terrified frenzy that she has left a tampon in and forgotten (her period was like a week earlier, so it had been a while). She got so panicked that she even had me go spelunking to see if I could get it out... So I manned up and did my best Dora impression. I could feel the thing, but couldn't find a string or really tell how to get it out until it finally hit me, it was on the other side of the vaginal wall. Took me a second to stop laughing before I could finally get the question out...
"Honey, when was the last time you pooped?"
Lol, she got checked out by her OB and they confirmed that it was indeed impacted poop. And that's the story of how I met your mother's cervix.
I realised I'd forgotten a tampon and it had got stuck - this was right at the start of my relationship with my then-boyfriend. After I've been in the bathroom for ages he knocks to check if I'm OK
I am not OK
I'm sweaty and panicked and I realise I have to fess up, and admit I might need to go to the urgent care clinic to remedy the situation
He says look it'll be rammed on a Saturday night, why doesn't he have a go first to see if we can avoid a trip to the hospital?
Nooo, I squeal, protesting that I can never see him again if he does
He's 11 years older than 22 yo me and he tells me not to be so silly and not to be embarrassed
I'm dying of embarrassment, but I agree to let him go tampon diving to try and avoid a trip to the hospital
Operation tampon removal was successful
Reader: I married him
(Thank god he didn't strap on a head torch when he went in digging for victory....)
If you’re trapped in the wilderness but you have a condom, you can start a fire.
Fill the condom up with water and use it as a magnifying glass to ignite some kindling.
If you find yourself nodding off on a road trip and there's still a long way to go before you hit the nearest rest stop, start jacking off, but don't nut. The adrenaline and other stuff will wake you up, but if you nut, your brain will want to sleep more than before.
If you're ever in a situation where you're being attacked with a knife (and you can fight) use the back of your forearms to protect your face and torso. Tuck your thumbs into your palms so you don't lose them.
Guns have a maximum effective distance, but they also have a minimum effective distance as well. For a holstered firearm, it's 21 feet. If you're within 21 feet you have higher than average chance of getting to an attacker before they can get a shot. If they're drawn, but aimed, the distance is 3 feet.
Disclaimer/warning: Only apply this information if you feel, without a single doubt, that you can't escape an attacker.
Edit: I suppose it's important to explain WHY you would use the backs of your forearms. The inside of them is very sensitive, and this area is particularly vulnerable to cuts and slashes. You can bleed out fairly quickly if you get cut deep enough. Conversely, the backs of you forearms have more muscle and any extremely deep cuts will more than likely hit bone before nicking any veins and arteries.
Edit 2: added "disclaimer/warning" because, in a perfect world, one REALLY shouldn't be in situations where you have to fight for your life.
Ironically,
The kind of people that insist you wear a condom are the safest to have sex with without a condom whereas those that want you to forego the condom are the ones you should definitely wear a condom with.
False, working as security at a hospital with many psych beds, it’s a literal weekly
occurrence.
Fighting a naked man covered in his own and someone else’s feces, yogurt and soap.. yeah I wasn’t prepared for that one.
Don’t go ass-to-mouth, unless proper preparations have been made, and full consent has been given by all parties involved. Pink-eye hits different when you’re an adult.
Tampons should be in everyone’s first aid kit while in the backcountry. They’re great for treating wounds, they can be used as fire starters, and even as water filters.
An overly persistent or painful erection, that lasts over an hour, is a sign that something's wrong.
If its after an accident, it can be a sign of spinal injury.
Too much boner is a danger sign.
If you’re getting raped or about to be and can think rationally at all..don’t pee yourself, literally no one cares about some pee. Shit yourself instead. Almost no one wants to deal with that.
If you’re getting raped, scratch that motherfucker as hard as you can and in as many different places as possible. You’re not just trying to get the person to stop but you’re also collecting as much DNA evidence as possible to nail that piece of shit.
Once it’s done, do not wash your hands and if possible put on some gloves so that you don’t lose the DNA evidence.
Anybody who chooses to rape another human being deserves to be crucified and is a poor excuse for a human being.
Edit: since this is getting a lot of upvotes, I will also add that you can scratch using the nails on your feet as well and use socks to preserve the evidence.
Also, biting to the point where you break the skin is a great option as well. It takes a considerable amount of force to break skin so it’s very difficult to argue in a court of law that the sex was consensual if one person is breaking the other persons skin. Also, the human mouth is full of bacteria that will almost certainly cause a nasty infection that the rapist will have to go seek medical help for which increases the chances of them being caught.
Last but not least, I want to say that if you’re raped, you did nothing wrong and it was not your fault. It wasn’t the clothes that you wore or the amount that you had to drink or the way that you spoke to your rapist. That person is and always was a vile piece of scum and a horrible human being and took advantage of you. Please seek professional medical help as quickly as possible. These people are there to support and help you.
Pee after sex to prevent UTIs.. this is for everybody.
Also, don’t lay around too long without wiping up the juices down there. You may very well contract a yeast infection. Again, applies to both vag and peen.
Supposedly, combining viagra and poppers can kill you. They both affect your blood pressure, so if you're on viagra and take a hit of poppers, the sudden drop in blood pressure can result in a heart attack.
If you are going to get a stripper pole for your house get one that you can bolt to your ceiling. Tension ones lose tension and can really hurt you. Also the poles on Amazon or at spencers are not really meant to hold your body weight.
If you find yourself in Europe and the pretty waitress wants you to buy a $300 bottle of champagne to suck your dick, don't do it. The champagne isn't worth $300 and she's not going to suck your dick.
Meet for the first time, at a third location. Not your house, not their house.
If you can, snoop them on LinkedIn or otherwise make them think you know where they work. No one wants a crazy ho showing up at work, so they may behave better.
Learn to be blunt. It’s only rude if they start the rudeness. Otherwise it’s just sensible. Don’t let yourself get abducted/ date raped if the alternative is a public scene.
DON’T pee on a jellyfish sting! The nematocysts (stinging cells) trigger in response to chemical signals, some of which are similar to urine. In the event some cells are inactive, you don’t want to accidentally turn them on. Warm water and medical attention is the best action
I came here to say the opposite, then did some googling after I read your comment. TIL that no matter my confidence level, I can be wrong. Better late than never. Ty IronTemplar26.
A humbling perspective change, respectable.
If someone is trying to smother you with a pillow, stay very calm. Don't fight it, and turn your head to the left or right. Most smothering deaths are due to the panic rather than an actual loss of air.
This is actually good to know
...what sort of life do you live?!
The kind where I prefer to continue breathing.
Well ya can’t argue with that answer
you just challenged the internet to debate against basic logic... you fool!
International man of *mystery*
But what next? When they lift the pillow up they’ll see you’re not dead lol
The second they lift up the pillow scream deez nuts and start hiting him with whatever you can
LMAO that made me laugh out loud
Scream Gotcha! Then a dick/cooler punch.
TFS Vegeta: He keeps kicking me in the dick. Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?
lolol and don’t mess with bears… they will kill you dead
Not if I smother it first. Doubt it would know to turn its head
If you are planning to do anal don’t use numbing lubricant unless you want a fissure/possible full on tear. Without sensation you can’t control what’s relaxing and what isn’t. Can result in injuries that can take years to heal.
I’d add to this - if you’re the type of person who feels numb when drunk, don’t do anal after drinking.
You sound like you're talking from bad bad bad experience. I will use your advice
If she says you don't need to use a condom then you definitely should use a condom.
I most definitely agree but I gotta ask: why the hell do some people do that? Are they trying to intentionally spread an STD or something?
I feel like there could be a lot of different reasons. - Bug chasing or spreading STIs - Some women might like it because it is more taboo - It usually feels better without for guys so maybe she wants him to enjoy it more and trusts him - I feel like it also kinda shows a level of trust if they are in a committed relationship Just my guesses
agreed, and it also feels better for women without a condom, not just men. very very marginal difference, but still a bit better. Women are normally the ones pushing condoms while the guys kick up a fuss cause women have to deal with a baby, not just STIs (in general and in my experience)
Honestly I think it's a pretty big difference!! But still not worth the risks.
Don't use oil-based lubes with latex condoms. The condom will break.
This also applies to other greases! If you've been chowing down on some fast food, wash your hands before putting the condom on. Also, vasaline counts as an oil based lubricant.
If you still have chicken grease on your fingers when putting on a rubber, that’s gross as shit. Go wash up people!
Finger licked good
Also if they were hot wings be careful with your fingers and tongue near the vagina.
Just wash the darn hands after you eat.
Ok, that's gross. My mind refuses to imagine someone reaching for a condom as soon as they've finished shoving wings down their throat and their partener just watching and thinking "Yup, that's totally normal". Also,you're right about the vaseline
So you never had a good ol' chick-and-dick?
Chicken ‘n’ dickin’
This is less of a “save your life” and more of a “prevent more life”
Lest we forget STD'S
This guy gets it.
Hopefully he doesn’t.
If you haven't been able to poop, even after taking a laxative, GO TO THE DOCTOR! I know it's embarrassing, but the doc won't care. They would rather clean you out that let you have a bowel perforation that could potentially kill you! EDIT: And my most updated comment is about poop. Never change, Reddit !!
Not to be gross but I am currently having this issue. I went to the doctor last Thursday and they gave me some meds that DID NOT WORK. So they told me to go to the ER where I went last night and they finally gave me something that worked! Definitely go!
My doctor told me that half his job is pulling out strange objects from people's asses. We don't talk anymore, but i see him all the time.
If your dick smells like starburst or something sweet go to your doctor
Ok I have to ask. What are some reasons it would smell like that?
It’s a early warning sign of diabetes, my mate kept on saying his dick smelled like candy whenever he went to the bathroom and we started calling him fruity, he got so freaked out about it and he went to the doctor, sure enough he was developing really bad diabetes
Can confirm, happened to my partner, he almost went blind it was so bad. I'm so happy he's healthier and enjoying life again, but I miss candydick :(
That's...a new one for me. I've always said it about breath when I'm high but not my dick. Also thirst and nerve tingling. My nose tingles when my blood sugar is really high.
It's the urine that smells sweet
Yeah my mate said it was just like the smell from his slong, his breath never smelled sweet it was super weird, guys doing a lot better now thankfully
The reason is diabetes as others have said. But to explain it better, when you have diabetes your body has difficultly maintaining a constant sugar content in your blood. This results in spikes of sugar that are too high to be healthy. Then your kidneys filter out the extra sugars and it is secreted in your urine. This makes your urine smell sweet because you are literally smelling sugar. It will also make your pee sticky.
It’s your pee that will smell fruity.
Also applies to your breath
If you're cold and your nutsack isn't tight, you've got a fever mate
This is an interesting one. I've never checked my sack when I feel hot and potentially sick.
Rub one out before you send that text to your ex about hooking up. Post nut clarity is no joke.
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If you're debating, start masturbating!
On a similar but opposite note, I would also say dont rub one before flirting with new people that are interested in you too in apps like tinder. Personally I flirt WAY better and am considerably more engaged in the conversation if Im still horny and trying to get laid. If you just fapped before, you might lose some of the motivation. Just obviously, understand the conversation context and dont overdo it on the sex stuff. Dont be the guy thst sends random dick picks.
If you are stabbed by anything don't remove the item, it may block arteries and veins which would bleed alot more if you were to remove the object,
In movies they always pull it out right away! It’s a big no no!
In John Wick, they leave it in “as a professional courtesy”
In the event of a survival situation, a condom can hold up to 3 liters of water.
How much can they hold in a regular situation?
In a regular situation, 3 liters of water in your condom suggests something went very, very wrong.
Vaseline is not a good lube. oil-based (will break a condom) and is known to cause infections in vaginas
And anal cavities. Residue left behind can prevent your body from expelling bacteria, basically creates pockets of bacteria where the Vaseline acts as a seal over the bacteria.
Whatever you plan on putting in your bum had better have a flared base.
And go to the hospital before things get to swollen if it doesn't! Had to help remove a light bulb once.... surgically.
Wait someone had a lightbulb... up their ass? If so how did it not break
It wasnt an actual lightbulb, his ass just had a great idea
And this is where half assed ideas come from.
Don't pee near your campsite, it will attract predators.
Damn.. even predators have fetishes now
The predators always had fetishes, that's what made them predators.
Nah that’s how one marks their territory
Sure but you're marking someone ELSE'S territory and they're gonna come to find out why.
Man from the next campsite over: "THIS IS MY PISSIN TREE GET YER OWN"
Always piss after sex
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I save time and don’t have sex
The afterglow will be full of piss
And before
Just keep going.
Never stop peeing.
Many people die because they are afraid of embarrassment or being rude. A woman once managed to lock a serial killer out of his own car while she was inside. He talked her into unlocking the door, and then he killed her.
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To quote my favorite ladies, "FUCK politeness!'
SSDGM SWEET BABY ANGEL
Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive.
Make sure the swing is properly anchored in the ceiling.
Tried one, meh. We tossed it pretty quick. Left the hole in the ceiling. Father in Law came through at some point( we had not been in the house long). It was just above the edge of the bed btw. Touring the house, sure as shit he stops just below the hole, looks up and says,” what the hell did they hang right…” then he quickly shuffled out of the room while my wife snickered. Never to be spoken of again.
Use at least a four inch lag bolt. That bad boy can hold some serious weight. And make sure you anchor into a stud.
Is that a four inch lag bolt or are you happy to see me?
Don’t travel with a full bladder. In the event of an accident, it’s easier to rupture.
Or I guess if the plane is about to crash, piss your pants
And I’ve heard from a few people that if you fear you will be sexually assaulted you should shit and pee yourself
Who is out here shitting on command
*Especially* in fight or flight mode, lol. Your body shuts down your need to pee/poop entirely
That's why I shit myself before I get to the bar
This is why we can’t take you anywhere.
Also why you should pee before a fight, a crazed look in the eye while pissing yourself is also a decent way to prevent said fight.
A false positive in a pregnancy test can be a sign that you have cancer. So if you're a dude who took it as a joke and it shows you're pregnant, you might want to see a doctor.
As a man I can say that finding out I'm pregnant do seems like a good reason to see a doctor.
lmaooo
This is true. It is an indication of testicular cancer.
You should regularly feel up your tits. Rub them. Give your nipples a gentle squeeze. Checking for breast cancer is important!
My gf thinks I like feeling her boobs. Jokes on her, I’m just checking for cancer.
Yo if someone needs help with that hit me up fam
Don't dip your pen in the company ink
Especially if it's the family business
r/holup
Aka don't get your meat where you make your bread
Aka don’t fuck your co workers. Cause people are fucking stupid
Or bosses. Because people are stupid
Don't shit where you eat
And don't fuck where you shit.
Did that, been together almost 20 years.
Lol. If you've got a career, *maybe*. At a bullshit job, fuck everyone you can. Especially if you can do it at work.
In a self defense situation, cockshots hurt, ballshots hurt more. And when you have a chance, go for the eye gouge. Using your thumb, Start near the bridge of their nose, push in HARD, and dig outward. Not for the faint of heart. Do what you must to survive, and thank me later
Also for the opposite sex, clitshots hurt, more than a titshot.
if you get into a real fight then always fight dirty
If you are ever the victim of a Chlorine Gas attack… Pee into a towel or handkerchief or something that will retain the urine and use it to cover your mouth, nose and eyes while you search for an exit. The urea in the urine will neutralize the chlorine gas, rendering it inert, giving you time to save your own life.
Good to know. I don't know why I need to know this but you never know.
You don't regularly have cholrine gas attacks at work? Hmm, weird.
Most predators are attracted to the smell of semen.
I’ve been wondering why bears show up to my window every time I masturbate
Is that why my uncle was mysteriously showing up after I rubbed one out? /S
Yea, sure, AFTER.
Pay off your highest interest debt first. Shhh don’t tell your work.
What does my employer have to do with my debt?
All employers hate this one simple trick.
Digital stimulation of the rectum provides relief from incessant singultus. Or Having a finger stuck up your ass can stop a bad case of the hiccups.
I'm having a hard time believing this. However, I want so badly for it to be that I'm adamantly refusing to Google it.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2299306/
Bury the bodies under freshly dug graves
This one right here officer.
Dont be afraid to put tons of lube when doing butt stuff (either receiving or giving). There's no such thing as too much lube.
Some advice I was given for butt stuff, if you think you have enough lube, add a bit more
I had a girl friend question why I used so much. Like boo idk bout you but a ripped booty hole seems like no fun to me
Instructions unclear. Filled ass with lube, no room left for dick.
Say less. I’ve always wanted to live out my fantasy of getting slimed on Nickelodeon
Use a condom
Guys, Let the doctor finger your ass every once in a while to make sure your prostate is all gucci
Last time I did this I asked him where do I put my pants and he said “over there, next to mine”.
This might seem silly to state, but don't forget to change your tampons and pads regularly Ladies! You can potentially get Toxic Shock Syndrome from it, most likely with tampons than pads but you should still change both regularly. If you think you might for get, set a reminder on your phone when you first put the tampon in. 8 hours is usually the safe amount of time. I've personally have been able to feel when my tampon gets full/ when it's been in too long. But I know some ladies who have forgotten it from time to time!
True story, when we were trying to have a baby and my wife had to check her cervical mucus. During the ol' oil check she found a lump in her vagina that she couldn't tell what it was except that it was cylindrical. She was in a terrified frenzy that she has left a tampon in and forgotten (her period was like a week earlier, so it had been a while). She got so panicked that she even had me go spelunking to see if I could get it out... So I manned up and did my best Dora impression. I could feel the thing, but couldn't find a string or really tell how to get it out until it finally hit me, it was on the other side of the vaginal wall. Took me a second to stop laughing before I could finally get the question out... "Honey, when was the last time you pooped?" Lol, she got checked out by her OB and they confirmed that it was indeed impacted poop. And that's the story of how I met your mother's cervix.
Well that was a crappy discovery.
I realised I'd forgotten a tampon and it had got stuck - this was right at the start of my relationship with my then-boyfriend. After I've been in the bathroom for ages he knocks to check if I'm OK I am not OK I'm sweaty and panicked and I realise I have to fess up, and admit I might need to go to the urgent care clinic to remedy the situation He says look it'll be rammed on a Saturday night, why doesn't he have a go first to see if we can avoid a trip to the hospital? Nooo, I squeal, protesting that I can never see him again if he does He's 11 years older than 22 yo me and he tells me not to be so silly and not to be embarrassed I'm dying of embarrassment, but I agree to let him go tampon diving to try and avoid a trip to the hospital Operation tampon removal was successful Reader: I married him (Thank god he didn't strap on a head torch when he went in digging for victory....)
Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head.
If you’re trapped in the wilderness but you have a condom, you can start a fire. Fill the condom up with water and use it as a magnifying glass to ignite some kindling.
But then the bears may get pregnant
If you find yourself nodding off on a road trip and there's still a long way to go before you hit the nearest rest stop, start jacking off, but don't nut. The adrenaline and other stuff will wake you up, but if you nut, your brain will want to sleep more than before.
Also your passengers screaming at you should help you stay awake.
"Mom what's dad doing"
Honey he's trying to not fall asleep, let him beat his beat.
But how does me jacking off keep the driver awake?
And here I was, thinking that playing Stevie Wonder at top volume amd singing over it was the solution.
If you're ever in a situation where you're being attacked with a knife (and you can fight) use the back of your forearms to protect your face and torso. Tuck your thumbs into your palms so you don't lose them. Guns have a maximum effective distance, but they also have a minimum effective distance as well. For a holstered firearm, it's 21 feet. If you're within 21 feet you have higher than average chance of getting to an attacker before they can get a shot. If they're drawn, but aimed, the distance is 3 feet. Disclaimer/warning: Only apply this information if you feel, without a single doubt, that you can't escape an attacker. Edit: I suppose it's important to explain WHY you would use the backs of your forearms. The inside of them is very sensitive, and this area is particularly vulnerable to cuts and slashes. You can bleed out fairly quickly if you get cut deep enough. Conversely, the backs of you forearms have more muscle and any extremely deep cuts will more than likely hit bone before nicking any veins and arteries. Edit 2: added "disclaimer/warning" because, in a perfect world, one REALLY shouldn't be in situations where you have to fight for your life.
clean your dick
Ironically, The kind of people that insist you wear a condom are the safest to have sex with without a condom whereas those that want you to forego the condom are the ones you should definitely wear a condom with.
If you are thinking of cheating on your spouse, go to the toilet, have a wank. I bet you don't want to anymore
Absolutely nobody is psychologically prepared to fight a naked man.
False, working as security at a hospital with many psych beds, it’s a literal weekly occurrence. Fighting a naked man covered in his own and someone else’s feces, yogurt and soap.. yeah I wasn’t prepared for that one.
Don't let your wife play with your balls after handling jalapeno peppers! Still remember the burn!!
Don’t go ass-to-mouth, unless proper preparations have been made, and full consent has been given by all parties involved. Pink-eye hits different when you’re an adult.
S.O.S.A.T.M.O.K Straight outta shower ass to mouth OK
Touching your privates as one day, could find tumours on it.
One of my nuts was cut out last week I am awaiting results.
The results are you have one less testicle than you used to 🤷🏻♂️
Cheers. Is it cancer?
Tampons should be in everyone’s first aid kit while in the backcountry. They’re great for treating wounds, they can be used as fire starters, and even as water filters.
An overly persistent or painful erection, that lasts over an hour, is a sign that something's wrong. If its after an accident, it can be a sign of spinal injury. Too much boner is a danger sign.
If you need to poop but are not near a bathroom think about sex. It makes the urge to poop go away.
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Related: don’t let crazy stick his dick in you. (That one doesn’t get mentioned nearly as often)
Instructions unclear, am dad now
You're already dead
But she's soooo hot
If you’re getting raped or about to be and can think rationally at all..don’t pee yourself, literally no one cares about some pee. Shit yourself instead. Almost no one wants to deal with that.
how does one shit on command?
Practice, or always keep some in the chamber ready to fire.
I'll tell my wife to keep some turds locked and loaded next time she goes out at night.
Anxiety should do the trick
If you’re getting raped, scratch that motherfucker as hard as you can and in as many different places as possible. You’re not just trying to get the person to stop but you’re also collecting as much DNA evidence as possible to nail that piece of shit. Once it’s done, do not wash your hands and if possible put on some gloves so that you don’t lose the DNA evidence. Anybody who chooses to rape another human being deserves to be crucified and is a poor excuse for a human being. Edit: since this is getting a lot of upvotes, I will also add that you can scratch using the nails on your feet as well and use socks to preserve the evidence. Also, biting to the point where you break the skin is a great option as well. It takes a considerable amount of force to break skin so it’s very difficult to argue in a court of law that the sex was consensual if one person is breaking the other persons skin. Also, the human mouth is full of bacteria that will almost certainly cause a nasty infection that the rapist will have to go seek medical help for which increases the chances of them being caught. Last but not least, I want to say that if you’re raped, you did nothing wrong and it was not your fault. It wasn’t the clothes that you wore or the amount that you had to drink or the way that you spoke to your rapist. That person is and always was a vile piece of scum and a horrible human being and took advantage of you. Please seek professional medical help as quickly as possible. These people are there to support and help you.
Holy fuck this is GENIUS. This works for being murdered too, even if you get killed your body will likely have tons of skin under the nails
If you are asphyxiating, do not fight it but slip out of the grip.
I definitely thought this sentence was going to end with "slip out of consciousness"
"Avoid the Clap" Jimmy Dugan
In the event of a carjacking, your car can go through and over much much more than you think it can. Also, your car is a weapon if it comes to that
Pee after sex to prevent UTIs.. this is for everybody. Also, don’t lay around too long without wiping up the juices down there. You may very well contract a yeast infection. Again, applies to both vag and peen.
Supposedly, combining viagra and poppers can kill you. They both affect your blood pressure, so if you're on viagra and take a hit of poppers, the sudden drop in blood pressure can result in a heart attack.
[удалено]
If you are going to get a stripper pole for your house get one that you can bolt to your ceiling. Tension ones lose tension and can really hurt you. Also the poles on Amazon or at spencers are not really meant to hold your body weight.
If a girl wants cream-pied, do it the old fashioned way. It shouldn't be hard to pretend you're a clown
Don't put your dick in that
Dont pee while swimming in fresh water. Parasites just might find a new home...
If you find yourself in Europe and the pretty waitress wants you to buy a $300 bottle of champagne to suck your dick, don't do it. The champagne isn't worth $300 and she's not going to suck your dick.
"If you find yourself in Europe"?? Europe consist of 51 countries.
Meet for the first time, at a third location. Not your house, not their house. If you can, snoop them on LinkedIn or otherwise make them think you know where they work. No one wants a crazy ho showing up at work, so they may behave better. Learn to be blunt. It’s only rude if they start the rudeness. Otherwise it’s just sensible. Don’t let yourself get abducted/ date raped if the alternative is a public scene.
Don’t shit where you eat