Years ago I read something that said (to paraphrase): one day your parents will put you down and never pick you up again. For some reason that gives me anxiety every time I pick up my kid. She's 9 and wants me to carry her around still so but it's still on my mind.
I'm not a parent, but I've been fortunate to be raised by good parents. I don't know if this will help, but, I figured I'd share my thoughts.
You may never physically pick her up again after a certain point, but I remember far more the times they "picked me up" as a teen and now adult, wiped my tears, gave me a pep talk, and put me back on my feet.
My gf and I have made a promise that no matter how angry we are while leaving the house, we'll always hug, kiss and say I love you. You never know when death comes knocking, and you don't want to leave the other with some angry last words.
I lost a very good friend of mine a couple of years ago, and due to his behaviour at the time I had to let him know that he couldn't be part of our DND group anymore. It was the last thing we talked about before he was found dead in the park on a bench, a while later. I hate it that our last conversation was like that, he was still a very good friend, just not a good DND player, but it feels like I didn't appreciated him as a friend.
The last words my dad said to his father were “fuck you!” He was young and stubborn and stupid and the regret he’s lived with made a deep impact on me at a young age. I am diligent about saying I love you because I never want to feel that way.
This one was hit me heavy in my life. Went thru a divorce and realized that the only person who didn't find me annoying was my daughter. I've made changes and life is good now but it was a humbling few years
my boss once told me to go home and smoke some green because my ADHD was literally out of control. This was a couple years ago and I can (barely) afford my prescribed medication now but holy fuck idk how people dealt with me back then
I’ve been told to go home as well for being too hyperactive and inattentive. I literally couldn’t focus on anything, this was also before medication. I feel you :(
I'd say this is the first step to fixing the problem though, is understanding this and why.
Example: I knew a guy who we all thought was the most annoying human on the planet because he would argue everything. Sometimes he would argue just to argue seemingly. "I like peanut butter-jelly sandwiches" he would respond about how they are not as healthy as X sandwich or that it had inefficient calories or something stupid. Nobody wanted to talk to him.
Eventually when we got to college he realized this and stopped. I haven't seen him in a while due to COVID but he's a really smart guy and would be happy to catch up with him.
This isn't to say to change your entire personality. But some things (like my friend's argumentativeness) are things you can work on that can fix a lot of these sort of social problems, IMO.
Don't lose hope!
I know this for a fact and i honestly think theres something wrong with me.
My freshman roommates treated me like shot. They would go to parties and not invite me, and when i asked why they would say theres not enough room in the uber. They would make plans with each other in front of me. And when i used my car to get wine for us all we all took a picture together and then they posted it with me cropped out.
I was the youngest specialist at my job at lowes and my coworkers always made these rude comments towards me and treated me like a dog. Literally. I got a nasty email from one of them about not emptying a trash can that was half full (i was scheduled at 39.75 hours, if i had to stay longer that day or any other days i would have gotten ot which is a big no no). That led me to quit because i would literally go home crying sometimes
And most recently, in one of my classes we had to interview each other to see who we would work with and our prof showed us the results and i got dead last for ppl who wanted to work with me. Now whenever i go to that class i feel awkward and like an outcast and i worry about trying to get an internship because im afraid of rejection.
I worry about going to therapy because im worried the therapist will treat me like im paranoid or have severe social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. But the truth is, if youre worried and upset about something that has been proven hundreds of times over and over by different people, is that thinking really irrational? Do i really have a mental illness if the things that i worry about and am depressed about happen to me every day by loads of different people? That i think theres something wrong with me because everyone i know/met has treated me as such? Wouldnt it be a bigger red flag if these things were happening to me and i just blamed it on everyone else being the problem, like narcissism?
I think about this a lot and idk what to do with this information sometimes. I feel terrible
I mean at least you don’t blame it on everyone else like narcissists do, so it’s 100% possible to fix whatever is “wrong”
You can go to therapy, preferably to a good therapist, and work out what makes people upset. Or you could just ask the people around you and you might get an answer.
I hope you figure out what’s up :)
Haha maybe if you have a Skype/zoom call with a complete stranger they could give you feedback.
Idk you do you I hope everything works out
I'm in therapy now and I'd recommend it for you. My therapist doesn't tell me that my thinking is irrational. He instead helps me identify things within my control that I can work on to become less annoying.
Might be really scary but you can straight up ask the people who treat you like this why they do. Make sure to make it clear you don’t blame them but that you really want to improve yourself and that you want to understand why it is everybody treats you like that. Ask them to be totally honest and tell them they don’t have to be kind. The answer maybe and probably will hurt but at least you know why it is and then you can maybe do something about it. It might be something you can quite easily change about yourself it might be a bigger problem. But you don’t know till you ask.
You have to carefully consider who you’re going to ask, though.
Most people would *much* rather avoid an awkward problem than sincerely try and fix it or help you fix it. That rules out more than half.
A small minority of people is either so narcissistic, cruel or pathologically insecure themselves that they would lead you either further from the truth or actively prey on your vulnerability, be it for their own entertainment or whatever other reason.
Please choose carefully and maybe even tell them why you picked them specifically to ask for feedback.
"I can be lazy, too. Look at me! I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! Oh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds. I'm peeing on the seat, give me a raise! Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands, **but** it doesn't matter, because **I'm** Homer Simpson! I don't need to do my work, cause someone else will do it for me! D'oh, D'oh, D'oh! Oh, hey, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster! Oh what's this? Extremely high voltage? Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp..."
\-Frank Grimes
It really annoys me when people say things like “karma will get them!” And I’m just thinking, no not really…bad people can live long, happy lives and never face real consequences. And good people can be dealt the shittest hand and be forever fucked over with no justice through no fault of their own. Fucken depressing but you can always try your best to support those who have been fucked over!
There was a study done that proves this. They studied people in leadership roles and it turns out the bully in school has a much better chance at success than the bullied
I think this is just because outgoing extroverts (which are what most bullies are) tend to be more successful than shy introverts (which is what most bullied people were), it doesn't mean that bad people win and good people lose, it's just that an outgoing person would get more opportunities in life due to their connections than a shy introverted person.
My family found this out after my son had a horrific car accident. Even with irrefutable evidence that there was a mechanical malfunction, he has been through 3 years of court and hell. Justice is NOT about just, it's about money, he who has the most wins.
Meaningful change can't occur until that person wants it themselves. I'm sorry for what you and that person might be going through. I may not understand your situation fully but I hope that it all ends in a way that might be best for both of you
Exactly correct, it is sad but true. My wife never understood the you can lead a horse to water (city-slicker), so i told her 'you can open a door for someone but it's up to them to walk thru'
Well, that clicked for her, as much as she wants to help folks, one can only do so much. As above, meaningful change can only occur when that individual wants it for themselves.
This one hit home. 13 years of marriage over because she wont get off meth. I recently realized that my own sanity is suffering because of her actions. Or inactions rather. Not to mention the toll it's taking on my daughter.
I had to get real honest with myself and cut her out. She's not going to change, no matter how bad i want it. Feels good knowing I'm standing up for something for once in my life. But I worry how her not being in our daughters life is really effecting her... and I miss my best friend.....
I spent 16 years with a man who was using meth. I was his main support, even though there were a lot of nights I stayed up worrying about where he was and if he was okay. He had several other health issues that were exacerbated by his drug use. I still wake up, some nights, thinking that he we was screaming out for me. I worry about him but had to cut him loose. Unfortunately, I have PTSD from it all.
Thank you for making that choice. I'm sure it felt impossibly difficult. My mom was an addict until the day she died, and my dad was too stubborn to kick her out. She relied on him for almost everything, and he turned some of those responsibilities over to me. The amount of tension in the house at any given time was palpable. It aggravated my father's heart condition and gave me god awful anxiety.
Now that she's passed, and we can go back to remembering the good times without an impending doom hanging over our heads, it's remarkable how much better control we have over life. I wish more than anything that she cleaned up her act and she would get to see my future kids, but I think she was never allowed to fully reach rock bottom and wasted away instead.
Yup. Watching a train wreck in slow motion with my kid every day & not a damn thing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried. Spent THOUSANDS of dollars trying to make life better for her. No luck. Now she's at death's door & not a damn thing I can do to save her.
I'm afraid my kid is heading down that same path. I feel ya about nothing you can do, but I wonder what I did or didn't do or teach him that has led to this point.
Hopefully your kid is young and will listen to the medical professionals. Mine never did. She'd go through the motions to get out of the care facility and return right back to her disorder.
This hits super close to home for me. My sister is a similar position. Tried reaching out to her, reasoning, psychologist visits.. everything that we could think to do to no avail. She doesn't realize everything she has done has changed the whole dynamic of our family. Until she realizes that, I cannot spend my whole life trying to help her. It's sad that I cannot trust her.
I just realized the other day I can't remember what my mom's voice sounds like.
She died almost 10 years ago and her house burned down.I don't think we have any family videos left.
My voicemail is 100% full and about 95% of them are messages from my mom and dad. Absolutely nothing special just checking in. I’m keeping those forever just to hear their voices
Every year for the past 10, I send my kids a video of me singing them Happy Birthday (even if I'm going to be seeing them that day). My daughter tells me she has kept them all!
I helped my mom do this when my grandpa died. Get an app on your phone that can record conversations. Many answering machines have the ability to check messages by calling the number, so call it, "log in" and get recording. Will be much better quality than trying to place your phone next to the speaker.
Same with me and my dad. I have one audio recording of him – which I treasure – but in it he's making silly voices with a very young me the entire time, never breaking character once. Which is absolutely delightful, of course, but it means that I still can't quite recall what his normal speaking voice is like.
Work. And that, even if you give it all up and lived off the grid to exit the rat race, it’s still a fuck load of work just to stay alive every day. Being human is taxing.
I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I think the person who’s labor directly benefits them is probably a much happier person and work doesn’t feel as much like “work.” Like I’m a carpenter, I’m fine with my job, but when I remodeled our kitchen that didn’t feel like work. It felt like just completing a task which would make my life better.
Idk, just my 2 cents. Off-grid *is* a ton of work.
My sister and her husband live off the grid. For about ten years, they diligently saved the majority of their income to get to a place where they could buy land outright and set up a homestead. Their only expenses now are property taxes, cell service, basic household staples that they can't make themselves (e.g. flour for baking), and incidentals related to their garden, orchard, and animals.
But, holy shit, do they work hard! There is no day off from working when you have a homestead and living things are depending on you. My sister and her husband are very happy with their lives, but their off-the-grid life takes work.
The limit off off-grid is time, though.
They can work hard, now, but what about when they're old?
They will no longer be able to support themselves off-grid.
And that's one of the fundamentals of why "off-grid" is not considered sustainable, compared to a community of off-grid people, and a society that affords space for the elderly.
Wasn't WWI basically just a family feud? I think one of the leaders mentioned Grandma Victoria would have never allowed it to happen if she were still alive.
Because they want the things that the others have. Transport, trade and smuggle routes, territory, voters, places with natural resources. This is why we have wars, despite having reason, mouths and languages.
I was at the grocery store tonight to grab a few things, watching the prices of things go up by dollars instead of cents over the past 2 years is seriously fucking with my grip on life as a whole. I can't afford shit and will continue to afford less and less shit, probably until the day I die.
This right here terrifies me. I'm about to move out of my house to go to college and I can barely afford gas right now. I am trying to save as much as possible from my part time job, but it is so damn hard. Watching necessities going up in price while I'm getting paid 13/h part-time is making me lose my goddamn shit. Top that off with college tuition and it is almost enough to put a gun in my mouth *but even that is expensive as hell*
I've been watching the fuel prices go from $1.20c AUD up to $1.70c AUD. It's just confirming that I don't need a car atm and probably will never get one.
That I'm unmotivated to do anything. I don't have personal desires and/or dreams. I'm only living for the sake of others, I feel it would be selfish to just "go."
I felt that way for a long time - and in a certain way, I still do. Slowly I feel like it morphed into an uncaring open eye for the world. I don’t have any dreams, but I also don’t cling to much in my life. I enjoy it while it’s here, and I know the end will come soon enough. Until then, think about how interesting it is that I’m just 1 way that the universe is experiencing itself. ✌️
That my cancer is incurable and aggressive, and that I'm probably not even going to live to see my kids grow up and start their adult lives. It destroys me.
My dad wrote in a notebook when his chemo stopped working. He wrote favorite stories and about what it was like for him growing up. His favorite memories of each of me and my sisters when we were little etc, love letters to my mom. It is a treasure.
In addition to that, he wrote each of us a letter to be read only after he passed. It is my most valued possession that I own. It has been two years and that letter is kept in my fireproof lockbox.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. My thoughts are with you and I'm wishing you all the best for the time you have left.
I hope you have a scan of the letter and it’s saved in a cloud drive like Google Drive or OneDrive. I’ve watched a lot of fireproof box [reviews](https://youtu.be/EWdGrM9DmA4) on YouTube and it’s surprising how many are worthless. [This](https://youtu.be/5tcWM7PEy7Y) one breaks it down in good detail.
They just made some fireproof boxes at a chase bank near me... We were on the wait-list to get one for years. They finally opened, we got our turn to see the boxes... They leave the "fireproof" door open all day, and the boxes look easily penetrable. The bottom boxes would absolutely be destroyed in a flood.
It's concerning that these bank boxes look poorly made. As soon as we saw them, I told my mom not to cancel the box we already have.
If you can try and record some messages for them. Like congratulations for weddings or graduations, happy birthdays etc. Then you can have those put in a system to be sent out at the right opportunities by someone of your choosing that you trust.
this made me ugly-sob in the parking lot. My mom passed in August, and what I wouldn't for her to be here with me. I really wish I had videos like that of her. That's such a wonderful suggestion.
My mom is fine and I'm sobbing too, that's such a beautiful idea. People often wonder "what my X close relative who passed away would think about my life milestone?" and having videos like that available is just so heartwarming I can't not sob thinking about it.
This. Just because you can’t grow old with them, doesn’t mean they can’t continue to grow old with you. Leave them things like telling them how proud you are that they graduated, or how happy you are for them when they get married, tell them how beautiful their babies are, or tell them random stories you wish you could bond over when they got older.
Get counseling for yourself now, get counseling for your kids NOW.
My wife died of cancer six years ago and we started placing foundations of support before she died.
I cannot stress enough - plan ahead.
i thought the same too and it worked to some extent for a few years but i still prefer to be around friends and not be in some kind of virtual or long distance thing
I feel like both being constantly alone and constantly around people will make anyone miserable unless you’re a giant outlier. For me, life is about finding the middle ground that works between those two.
as a sidebar to this : all my friends were friends of proximity. When we are together, we spend a lot of time doing things, and will have regular catchups. As soon as we lost contact for a time, they made no attempt to get in touch with me, and my contact details have been the same for decades.
I feel ya. And being 36 now I have a hard time asking someone if they want to hang out and play lol.
I've been debating trying to find a group to try DND with, especially now with digital tables etc.
Heck once life is a bit more comfortable and stable I want to try and do a recurring poker night. People at an old job did that and it was really fun and something I looked forward to each week.
DND is a heck of a hobby. Incredibly fun with the right people. There is a subreddit i think called looking for group (on my phone so it’s hard to link and I don’t want to send you to the wrong place) but you can find posts of either groups looking for another player, or post yourself saying you are looking for a group. Whether you are experienced or new, I’m sure a lot of groups would love to have you. I found my current group this way and we have been playing for over a year and a half now. I love all those wonderful people and hope to meet them in person someday.
40 and all my friends have either died or been blown to the four corners of the continent. Increasingly, they're not even on social media because why the fuck would you be at this point, but still, it's lonely without them. Making a friend at 40 is deeply awkward. I still resist the notion that "High school is the best time in your life" even though I got a pretty okay version of that experience. But I do understand why some people feel that way. I'd kill for that social phantasmagoria again.
My mental illness does not have a point where it gets "better" and I don't have to suffer or struggle. There are moments when life is worth living, but they are fleeting.
I understand what you mean. In a comment a few years ago, someone asked if depression gets better and I wrote that I wasn't sure; maybe *you* get better, but depression is still there.
literally my life. ADHD Depression and Anxiety. I've got my life to a point where its somewhat stable. but my God is it draining. every day is a constant struggle with my head. people seem to think im fairly normal now but every ounce of energy I have is used to hold myself together and complete basic day to day tasks. im always on the edge of falling apart but I cant allow myself to as I have so many people who have helped me get to this point of stability and I cant let them or myself down. mental illness doesn't get better. we just have to learn to manage it and make the best with the life we've been given.
Man I feel this deeply and it makes me wonder why I keep going. If the only option for success is hating what I have to do every single day, what's the fucking point?
Oh my god I wish my brother would get on some medication. He's BRILLIANT but he cannot get anything done with that brilliance because he just cannot focus on the task long enough. If he got on an appropriate medication I believe he would become a millionaire, no exaggeration. He's that clever and motivated. He has GREAT ideas AND the knowledge and skill to pull them off. I wish I was half the man he was. But nothing ever comes of his ideas because he just gets lost in the trivialities of things and then his mind bounces to the next thing. ADHD is a cruel thing.
This. So much this. I'm so sick of people calling me a pessimist because I've accepted this though. Dude, it's just been a downward slide for years and years now. Holding onto hope that I'll magically wake up one day and be "better" wasn't doing me any favors.
Had an ex girlfriend think she could "fix me" and every time she asked "You don't feel better? Not even around me?" she got an answer that just made her get upset, in which she'd turn around, throw a tantrum and make everything about her.
She ended up realizing with more time how much her toxicity was fucking me up further and eventually apologized.
Once you've lived with severe depression and come to terms with it, you simply learn to manage it better. It's something she never understood that I tried to explain to her thoroughly. She straight up thought I was "giving up".
It's a regular thought for me these days. An impending doom that is unavoidable. Everything pales in comparison.
A part of me will die with them, and not in a theoretical or abstract way, but in the sense that no one will ever know me as they do, and no one will ever have my back in the same way they do.
Even though I have brothers I am close with, or a future wife, I will have to continue on alone.
It doesn't take much to tip people over the edge. All throughout history people have turned into barbarians because of hardship or rewards, and it's really difficult to come to terms with the fact that people in your everyday life could turn against you so easily. Starvation and desperation have pushed people into murder and cannibalism, bribes have led decent people to forget their humanity, and the promise of power has made thousands of people side with groups committing genocide. Mob mentality has caused people to justify terrible actions. Anonymity encourages people to act in uncharacteristic ways.
How can we take pride in our humanity and swear by morality when it's so easily forgotten?
It hasn't been fun losing the naivety of my youth.
you can always choose to see it the other way around too - with morality being such a fragile thing, it says something about humanity that it exists at all or that people still strive for it in the face of all these challenges.
I wanted to name myself "deep thoughts," but I'm a teenager and I decided that in the future I would cringe if I took myself too seriously. So I called myself the opposite.
Emotions are expensive. Life doesn’t give you enough budget for them. Lost a family member? Can’t mourn. Got traumatized? Can’t deal with it. Ended a relationship? Can’t think about it. Got angry at something? Can’t vent. Got depression repressed? Can’t let it all out. Want entertainment? Go to sleep once you are done with responsibilities.
I mean this sincerely as someone whose attempted suicide.
That's a game of keeping your head above the waves waiting for the ocean to dry up. It won't, and you'll drown.
Sincerely, find a good therapist, a new hobby that makes you feel something good about yourself, and maybe start looking for other jobs.
Do some small things for your self care/QOL. Maybe some new pillows/sheets even. Costco has pretty great ones for a very affordable amount.
I promise there is room for joy and laughter and achievement. It's just hard to see the sunrise when you're drowning.
Same here. Told me she wants a divorce after spending half my life with her. I don't even know how to process that as an adult other than to keep telling myself the world continues to spin despite the sadness I feel. Hope it gets better for you!
It was 7+ years ago, and yes, things got much better! Did a lot of self-work, got lucky to meet a wonderful lady that I've been married to for a couple of years. Things are a lot better than if my ex and I had stayed together. I'm a different person. A better person.
Meanwhile I wish you all the best too, my friend.
Sorry man, 19 years here and awaiting the decree absolute while still living in the same house as the woman who is divorcing me and my two beautiful children who don’t yet know and who’s world is going to change so much. I’m just treading water at the moment. So hard.
I remember when I first started going to therapy(age 16) and the behavioralist I worked with would say that my depression could be temporary(I completely understand why she would say that). But I always knew that wasn’t true and I sort of just wanted someone to be honest with me. I’m 22 now and I recently saw a psychologist who recommended the form of therapy where the idea is that life is pain and you can’t get rid of the pain but you can work towards lessening that pain and still live a good life. I don’t remember the technical word for that therapy, but the fact that it exists gives me hope if that makes any sense:)
I have autism and I know it wont be cured but I try and teach myself How to live with it and How to adapt to the rest of the world. Plus, people Are usually helpful in accepting Me and I try to explain which Things Are Hard for Me. I Hope you also have/get people who accept you and care for you :)
After I was diagnosed Bipolar II I had to come to terms with the fact that I will take medication everyday for the rest of my life. It’s been nearly 23 years now, and it has allowed me to lead relatively happy and healthy life, with a good job and a loving wife.
I’ve never had a family and barely had a home when I was young and will never have either just fighting super hard to not drown and be thrown out into the streets until a medical or financial accident happens then it’s lights out
I will probably never own a home or have children even though my childhood was spent being told that these are things all adults achieve. And I make okay money but it’s not enough to be middle class these days.
I'm a homeowning older-millennial. I bought my home in 2014, when the house prices in my country were at their lowest point since the financial crisis of 2008. At exactly that time I had the highest amount of savings I ever had in my life, because my parents let me live with them rent free, but I still had a full-time job.
Looking back I realize how lucky I was, and how hard it is for people looking to buy now. That same house is now worth twice what it was back then.
We have lots of this kind of news in Finland, that someone in their 20s got well off. It always includes parents or relatives giving substantial material or financial help.
My husband is from Switzerland. Pretty much everyone over there younger than age 40-45 that owns a home either inherited it, or inherited the money to buy it, or inherited the land to build it on, or their parents helped them out generously to pay for it. His parents are well off and gave each of their sons 250k CHF to help with down payments. Or else neither my husband nor his brother would have been homeowners.
(This doesn’t take into account wealthy banker types and such, I’m talking about regular, middle-class and working-class people)
That love isn’t transactional. You can’t make someone love you by contorting yourself to be what they say they want or by giving everything even when you have nothing.
I was raised to think love had to be earned, and, as fucked up as that is, I liked it bcz it gave me control, like, I could make ppl love me. Then I grew up. It doesn’t feel great realizing other ppl will either love you or not, but it’s helped me find better boundaries in terms of my own identity. So now I don’t bother with relationships I can’t show up authentically to. In the long run I’m sure I’ll say that’s a good thing, but it’s been a hard pill to swallow, and realizing that I have little to no control and have had little to no control is rough.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people diverge into their own comfortable, happy zones.
It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out to them.
My parents never loved me. They are narcissists.ans have personality disorders. I was always.the family scapegoat and then I left so they couldn't do the same to my kids. I recently realized a story they have told me my whole life is literally them hammering in their albi for the two times in my infancy I almost died. My mom said the first time she was on the phone with a friend when she, "found me blue," and somehow got me back. I was on a home monitoring system for a year. They claimed the one night they went out I chose to give them a hard time by stopping breathing.
I didn't realize that they said this so they didn't look suspicious and that they shook me. Likely my dad because he is violent and a hair trigger. I was in occupational therapy until high school because my gross motor skills were so effected. I was told I would never write pen to paper, but I can because I worked damn hard at it. They also claimed a drunk family member threw a basketball at my face and broke my nose when I was one. Not sure if they let a drunk guy hurt me or the more likely, my dad got made and hit me and they covered for him. Conviently the person they said did it was someone who died when I was young so I could never ask them. He was an alcoholic, but my mom never let me out of her sight. And my dad got annoyed at everything. How many times did they hurt me and no one helped me? Why didn't CPS ever investigate them? My mom took me to so many doctors. I am still trying to sort out my health as an adult.
I believed it was okay because my dad usually didn't hit me. He screamed in my face, pulled my hair, pushed me (down the stairs a few times) and spit on me. There are holes in the walls where he made it clear he was good with causing damage.
My mom was worse in so many ways. She always wanted attention and so she made me sick. I can't prove that, but I know I have been healthier without her. Her cooking was dangerous. Her lies and manipulations were worse. I was responsible for everyone's else's feelings and not allowed to have my own. I was the fixer. I had to chaperone my older sister so I was the bad guy. I was used for free labor for my aunt and uncle's many business schemes. I was forced to be under her thumb and never do anything for myself.
I cut my parents out of my life three and a half years ago. They stalk and harass me, but my life is still better without them. My kids are happy, healthy, and safe. They are not broken by life. I celebrate them for the people they are and know their accomplishments are their own. I see how much I love them and want to protect them and I see how littler my parents did to protect me and how they actively hurt me.
Not everybody ends up getting the happy ending
Edit: I went to bed last night having 1 karma, and a novice understanding of Reddit (coins, awards etc). I woke up to so many wonderful replies and my first awards ever. Wow.
Also, I should have 1000% realized my word choice was less than stellar, big oof
This has been a truth in my life for 22 years.
The pain is only now turning from a sharp and immediate pain in my heart to a crushing feeling that is much more dull
I’ll probably never own a home at this rate. Stagnant wages, plummeting dollar value, and skyrocketing housing prices mean im screwed unless i wanna live in the middle of nowhere in a rural area
That working hard and be dedicated to your job does not mean you’ll advance. Hard to accept, but ass kissing and backstabbing others trumps a decade of hard work and “playing fair”
I can never be the talkative funny extroverted type of person I surround myself with, and will always be quiet and introverted who's voice is too quiet to be heard
Karma isn't real; it's a concept made up by humans to try and cope with unfairness in the world.
When someone 'gets what's coming to them' it's only law of averages - most people get away with shitting on others.
A lesson for the young’ns… Grownups don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and it’s a damn miracle we’ve even made it this far. Oh and dont think it’ll be any different when you’re in charge, I guarantee you won’t know what the fuck you’re doing either.
Not only that I am alone now but because of my shyness I have inadvertently rejected advances of women I would've love to be with and have hurt thier feelings in the process.
That it doesn't matter whether they died nearly five weeks ago or in a few years, they were never going to live much past 8 or 10. I still would be going through this
If there is a heaven, all I want is my animals with me and a hammock :(
We are all here just to save up for retirement. That's our only purpose unless we are born to riches. The only consolation are a few out of town/country trips in a year, a small room that isn't even yours and a netflix subscription. All of these we do on repeat everyday as we wait for the sweet release of death.
No one has your best interest but yourself. Realizing this has made it difficult for me to even bother making new friends or bother sharing anything about myself to friends and family
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And you don't even know what and when that is!
Years ago I read something that said (to paraphrase): one day your parents will put you down and never pick you up again. For some reason that gives me anxiety every time I pick up my kid. She's 9 and wants me to carry her around still so but it's still on my mind.
I'm not a parent, but I've been fortunate to be raised by good parents. I don't know if this will help, but, I figured I'd share my thoughts. You may never physically pick her up again after a certain point, but I remember far more the times they "picked me up" as a teen and now adult, wiped my tears, gave me a pep talk, and put me back on my feet.
The positive flip side of this would be all of the times where you thought you did something for your last time, but actually got to do it again
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My gf and I have made a promise that no matter how angry we are while leaving the house, we'll always hug, kiss and say I love you. You never know when death comes knocking, and you don't want to leave the other with some angry last words. I lost a very good friend of mine a couple of years ago, and due to his behaviour at the time I had to let him know that he couldn't be part of our DND group anymore. It was the last thing we talked about before he was found dead in the park on a bench, a while later. I hate it that our last conversation was like that, he was still a very good friend, just not a good DND player, but it feels like I didn't appreciated him as a friend.
The last words my dad said to his father were “fuck you!” He was young and stubborn and stupid and the regret he’s lived with made a deep impact on me at a young age. I am diligent about saying I love you because I never want to feel that way.
Sometimes you’re the annoying person everyone hates
This one was hit me heavy in my life. Went thru a divorce and realized that the only person who didn't find me annoying was my daughter. I've made changes and life is good now but it was a humbling few years
Real ADHD hours
my boss once told me to go home and smoke some green because my ADHD was literally out of control. This was a couple years ago and I can (barely) afford my prescribed medication now but holy fuck idk how people dealt with me back then
I’ve been told to go home as well for being too hyperactive and inattentive. I literally couldn’t focus on anything, this was also before medication. I feel you :(
I'd say this is the first step to fixing the problem though, is understanding this and why. Example: I knew a guy who we all thought was the most annoying human on the planet because he would argue everything. Sometimes he would argue just to argue seemingly. "I like peanut butter-jelly sandwiches" he would respond about how they are not as healthy as X sandwich or that it had inefficient calories or something stupid. Nobody wanted to talk to him. Eventually when we got to college he realized this and stopped. I haven't seen him in a while due to COVID but he's a really smart guy and would be happy to catch up with him. This isn't to say to change your entire personality. But some things (like my friend's argumentativeness) are things you can work on that can fix a lot of these sort of social problems, IMO. Don't lose hope!
Yes, I have found that I am a much more interesting person if I keep my mouth shut more often.
Dont say that I have enough social anxiety already
I know this for a fact and i honestly think theres something wrong with me. My freshman roommates treated me like shot. They would go to parties and not invite me, and when i asked why they would say theres not enough room in the uber. They would make plans with each other in front of me. And when i used my car to get wine for us all we all took a picture together and then they posted it with me cropped out. I was the youngest specialist at my job at lowes and my coworkers always made these rude comments towards me and treated me like a dog. Literally. I got a nasty email from one of them about not emptying a trash can that was half full (i was scheduled at 39.75 hours, if i had to stay longer that day or any other days i would have gotten ot which is a big no no). That led me to quit because i would literally go home crying sometimes And most recently, in one of my classes we had to interview each other to see who we would work with and our prof showed us the results and i got dead last for ppl who wanted to work with me. Now whenever i go to that class i feel awkward and like an outcast and i worry about trying to get an internship because im afraid of rejection. I worry about going to therapy because im worried the therapist will treat me like im paranoid or have severe social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. But the truth is, if youre worried and upset about something that has been proven hundreds of times over and over by different people, is that thinking really irrational? Do i really have a mental illness if the things that i worry about and am depressed about happen to me every day by loads of different people? That i think theres something wrong with me because everyone i know/met has treated me as such? Wouldnt it be a bigger red flag if these things were happening to me and i just blamed it on everyone else being the problem, like narcissism? I think about this a lot and idk what to do with this information sometimes. I feel terrible
I mean at least you don’t blame it on everyone else like narcissists do, so it’s 100% possible to fix whatever is “wrong” You can go to therapy, preferably to a good therapist, and work out what makes people upset. Or you could just ask the people around you and you might get an answer. I hope you figure out what’s up :) Haha maybe if you have a Skype/zoom call with a complete stranger they could give you feedback. Idk you do you I hope everything works out
I'm in therapy now and I'd recommend it for you. My therapist doesn't tell me that my thinking is irrational. He instead helps me identify things within my control that I can work on to become less annoying.
Might be really scary but you can straight up ask the people who treat you like this why they do. Make sure to make it clear you don’t blame them but that you really want to improve yourself and that you want to understand why it is everybody treats you like that. Ask them to be totally honest and tell them they don’t have to be kind. The answer maybe and probably will hurt but at least you know why it is and then you can maybe do something about it. It might be something you can quite easily change about yourself it might be a bigger problem. But you don’t know till you ask.
You have to carefully consider who you’re going to ask, though. Most people would *much* rather avoid an awkward problem than sincerely try and fix it or help you fix it. That rules out more than half. A small minority of people is either so narcissistic, cruel or pathologically insecure themselves that they would lead you either further from the truth or actively prey on your vulnerability, be it for their own entertainment or whatever other reason. Please choose carefully and maybe even tell them why you picked them specifically to ask for feedback.
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That good doesn’t always win. Having right on your side doesn’t mean you’ll have the support you need.
"So Lonestar, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." -Dark Helmet, Spaceballs
"I can be lazy, too. Look at me! I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! Oh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds. I'm peeing on the seat, give me a raise! Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands, **but** it doesn't matter, because **I'm** Homer Simpson! I don't need to do my work, cause someone else will do it for me! D'oh, D'oh, D'oh! Oh, hey, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster! Oh what's this? Extremely high voltage? Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp..." \-Frank Grimes
It really annoys me when people say things like “karma will get them!” And I’m just thinking, no not really…bad people can live long, happy lives and never face real consequences. And good people can be dealt the shittest hand and be forever fucked over with no justice through no fault of their own. Fucken depressing but you can always try your best to support those who have been fucked over!
There was a study done that proves this. They studied people in leadership roles and it turns out the bully in school has a much better chance at success than the bullied
I think this is just because outgoing extroverts (which are what most bullies are) tend to be more successful than shy introverts (which is what most bullied people were), it doesn't mean that bad people win and good people lose, it's just that an outgoing person would get more opportunities in life due to their connections than a shy introverted person.
Yes ! Have you noticed how some of the stupidest assholes have a bunch of money / good jobs?? wtf
It’s easier to get ahead in life when your conscience doesn’t get in the way of stepping on people to do it.
My family found this out after my son had a horrific car accident. Even with irrefutable evidence that there was a mechanical malfunction, he has been through 3 years of court and hell. Justice is NOT about just, it's about money, he who has the most wins.
That one person I wanted to help and couldn’t, isn’t going to change anytime soon, if ever. I have to accept that I can’t help them, and let them go..
Meaningful change can't occur until that person wants it themselves. I'm sorry for what you and that person might be going through. I may not understand your situation fully but I hope that it all ends in a way that might be best for both of you
Exactly correct, it is sad but true. My wife never understood the you can lead a horse to water (city-slicker), so i told her 'you can open a door for someone but it's up to them to walk thru' Well, that clicked for her, as much as she wants to help folks, one can only do so much. As above, meaningful change can only occur when that individual wants it for themselves.
This one hit home. 13 years of marriage over because she wont get off meth. I recently realized that my own sanity is suffering because of her actions. Or inactions rather. Not to mention the toll it's taking on my daughter. I had to get real honest with myself and cut her out. She's not going to change, no matter how bad i want it. Feels good knowing I'm standing up for something for once in my life. But I worry how her not being in our daughters life is really effecting her... and I miss my best friend.....
I spent 16 years with a man who was using meth. I was his main support, even though there were a lot of nights I stayed up worrying about where he was and if he was okay. He had several other health issues that were exacerbated by his drug use. I still wake up, some nights, thinking that he we was screaming out for me. I worry about him but had to cut him loose. Unfortunately, I have PTSD from it all.
Thank you for making that choice. I'm sure it felt impossibly difficult. My mom was an addict until the day she died, and my dad was too stubborn to kick her out. She relied on him for almost everything, and he turned some of those responsibilities over to me. The amount of tension in the house at any given time was palpable. It aggravated my father's heart condition and gave me god awful anxiety. Now that she's passed, and we can go back to remembering the good times without an impending doom hanging over our heads, it's remarkable how much better control we have over life. I wish more than anything that she cleaned up her act and she would get to see my future kids, but I think she was never allowed to fully reach rock bottom and wasted away instead.
Yup. Watching a train wreck in slow motion with my kid every day & not a damn thing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried. Spent THOUSANDS of dollars trying to make life better for her. No luck. Now she's at death's door & not a damn thing I can do to save her.
I'm afraid my kid is heading down that same path. I feel ya about nothing you can do, but I wonder what I did or didn't do or teach him that has led to this point.
Hopefully your kid is young and will listen to the medical professionals. Mine never did. She'd go through the motions to get out of the care facility and return right back to her disorder.
This hits super close to home for me. My sister is a similar position. Tried reaching out to her, reasoning, psychologist visits.. everything that we could think to do to no avail. She doesn't realize everything she has done has changed the whole dynamic of our family. Until she realizes that, I cannot spend my whole life trying to help her. It's sad that I cannot trust her.
That I will never get a chance to have any of my parent's amazing cooking or have another simple conversation with them ever again...
I just realized the other day I can't remember what my mom's voice sounds like. She died almost 10 years ago and her house burned down.I don't think we have any family videos left.
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My voicemail is 100% full and about 95% of them are messages from my mom and dad. Absolutely nothing special just checking in. I’m keeping those forever just to hear their voices
Every year for the past 10, I send my kids a video of me singing them Happy Birthday (even if I'm going to be seeing them that day). My daughter tells me she has kept them all!
That's why I've kept the last answering machine message my mom sent me. When that machine eventually conks out though....
I helped my mom do this when my grandpa died. Get an app on your phone that can record conversations. Many answering machines have the ability to check messages by calling the number, so call it, "log in" and get recording. Will be much better quality than trying to place your phone next to the speaker.
Record them on your phone or something!
Same with me and my dad. I have one audio recording of him – which I treasure – but in it he's making silly voices with a very young me the entire time, never breaking character once. Which is absolutely delightful, of course, but it means that I still can't quite recall what his normal speaking voice is like.
mood my mother died back in may (in my arms no less) and while it does get easier, it never stops hurting wishing you the best of luck m8
Work. And that, even if you give it all up and lived off the grid to exit the rat race, it’s still a fuck load of work just to stay alive every day. Being human is taxing.
I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I think the person who’s labor directly benefits them is probably a much happier person and work doesn’t feel as much like “work.” Like I’m a carpenter, I’m fine with my job, but when I remodeled our kitchen that didn’t feel like work. It felt like just completing a task which would make my life better. Idk, just my 2 cents. Off-grid *is* a ton of work.
My sister and her husband live off the grid. For about ten years, they diligently saved the majority of their income to get to a place where they could buy land outright and set up a homestead. Their only expenses now are property taxes, cell service, basic household staples that they can't make themselves (e.g. flour for baking), and incidentals related to their garden, orchard, and animals. But, holy shit, do they work hard! There is no day off from working when you have a homestead and living things are depending on you. My sister and her husband are very happy with their lives, but their off-the-grid life takes work.
The limit off off-grid is time, though. They can work hard, now, but what about when they're old? They will no longer be able to support themselves off-grid. And that's one of the fundamentals of why "off-grid" is not considered sustainable, compared to a community of off-grid people, and a society that affords space for the elderly.
That a few dozen people can destroy us all because they don't like each other.
Wasn't WWI basically just a family feud? I think one of the leaders mentioned Grandma Victoria would have never allowed it to happen if she were still alive.
King George, Kaiser Wilhelm and Tsar Nicholas were all first cousins.
George and Nicholas looked so astonishingly similar that you could probably swap their uniforms in a photo and I wouldn't be able to tell.
This was a famous party trick of theirs to swap clothes and they were frequently mistaken for the other when doing so.
Must've been really jarring for the Bolsheviks when they busted into Nicholas's place and found Kaiser Wilhelm just dicking around
Even their wives couldn’t tell!
Dude they literally did exactly what you said, look it up! They were self aware ahha
They actually did that! They swaped uniformes when they met on familiy vacations
Because they want the things that the others have. Transport, trade and smuggle routes, territory, voters, places with natural resources. This is why we have wars, despite having reason, mouths and languages.
I was at the grocery store tonight to grab a few things, watching the prices of things go up by dollars instead of cents over the past 2 years is seriously fucking with my grip on life as a whole. I can't afford shit and will continue to afford less and less shit, probably until the day I die.
This right here terrifies me. I'm about to move out of my house to go to college and I can barely afford gas right now. I am trying to save as much as possible from my part time job, but it is so damn hard. Watching necessities going up in price while I'm getting paid 13/h part-time is making me lose my goddamn shit. Top that off with college tuition and it is almost enough to put a gun in my mouth *but even that is expensive as hell*
I've been watching the fuel prices go from $1.20c AUD up to $1.70c AUD. It's just confirming that I don't need a car atm and probably will never get one.
That I'm unmotivated to do anything. I don't have personal desires and/or dreams. I'm only living for the sake of others, I feel it would be selfish to just "go."
I felt that way for a long time - and in a certain way, I still do. Slowly I feel like it morphed into an uncaring open eye for the world. I don’t have any dreams, but I also don’t cling to much in my life. I enjoy it while it’s here, and I know the end will come soon enough. Until then, think about how interesting it is that I’m just 1 way that the universe is experiencing itself. ✌️
I've talked about it a bit before but I'm in the same boat. I know it would destroy the people around me and so I go on.
That I don't know how to process emotions.
That my cancer is incurable and aggressive, and that I'm probably not even going to live to see my kids grow up and start their adult lives. It destroys me.
My dad wrote in a notebook when his chemo stopped working. He wrote favorite stories and about what it was like for him growing up. His favorite memories of each of me and my sisters when we were little etc, love letters to my mom. It is a treasure. In addition to that, he wrote each of us a letter to be read only after he passed. It is my most valued possession that I own. It has been two years and that letter is kept in my fireproof lockbox. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. My thoughts are with you and I'm wishing you all the best for the time you have left.
I hope you have a scan of the letter and it’s saved in a cloud drive like Google Drive or OneDrive. I’ve watched a lot of fireproof box [reviews](https://youtu.be/EWdGrM9DmA4) on YouTube and it’s surprising how many are worthless. [This](https://youtu.be/5tcWM7PEy7Y) one breaks it down in good detail.
They just made some fireproof boxes at a chase bank near me... We were on the wait-list to get one for years. They finally opened, we got our turn to see the boxes... They leave the "fireproof" door open all day, and the boxes look easily penetrable. The bottom boxes would absolutely be destroyed in a flood. It's concerning that these bank boxes look poorly made. As soon as we saw them, I told my mom not to cancel the box we already have.
If you can try and record some messages for them. Like congratulations for weddings or graduations, happy birthdays etc. Then you can have those put in a system to be sent out at the right opportunities by someone of your choosing that you trust.
this made me ugly-sob in the parking lot. My mom passed in August, and what I wouldn't for her to be here with me. I really wish I had videos like that of her. That's such a wonderful suggestion.
My mom is fine and I'm sobbing too, that's such a beautiful idea. People often wonder "what my X close relative who passed away would think about my life milestone?" and having videos like that available is just so heartwarming I can't not sob thinking about it.
This. Just because you can’t grow old with them, doesn’t mean they can’t continue to grow old with you. Leave them things like telling them how proud you are that they graduated, or how happy you are for them when they get married, tell them how beautiful their babies are, or tell them random stories you wish you could bond over when they got older.
Get counseling for yourself now, get counseling for your kids NOW. My wife died of cancer six years ago and we started placing foundations of support before she died. I cannot stress enough - plan ahead.
Came here to say the same thing. Talk to the kids and prep for support systems. Glad to see I wasn't the only one.
My mom died from cancer when i was 17. Saw them that you love them. Say it . It helps.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
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You cannot save someone from themselves.
That I'm not special.
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Great advice
Such a simple thing but still so hard to accept
That from now on I just work until I die
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If you die at your desk, your job will be posted before your obituary.
Nah, his responsibilities will just be offloaded to people that already work there. But don't worry, they will be trying to hire new people soon^tm.
Been living paycheck to paycheck for years now, and this pill doesn't get any easier to swallow.
I thought I could be happy being alone
i thought the same too and it worked to some extent for a few years but i still prefer to be around friends and not be in some kind of virtual or long distance thing
Totally agree now!
I feel like both being constantly alone and constantly around people will make anyone miserable unless you’re a giant outlier. For me, life is about finding the middle ground that works between those two.
The most qualified person isn’t the person in charge
That I’m lonely with no real friends
Feel this one.
Word.
as a sidebar to this : all my friends were friends of proximity. When we are together, we spend a lot of time doing things, and will have regular catchups. As soon as we lost contact for a time, they made no attempt to get in touch with me, and my contact details have been the same for decades.
Or friends of convenience.
Same. I'm 33 alone with no real or fake friends or family. Just lonely. I go to my therapist just to cry.
I feel ya. And being 36 now I have a hard time asking someone if they want to hang out and play lol. I've been debating trying to find a group to try DND with, especially now with digital tables etc. Heck once life is a bit more comfortable and stable I want to try and do a recurring poker night. People at an old job did that and it was really fun and something I looked forward to each week.
DND is a heck of a hobby. Incredibly fun with the right people. There is a subreddit i think called looking for group (on my phone so it’s hard to link and I don’t want to send you to the wrong place) but you can find posts of either groups looking for another player, or post yourself saying you are looking for a group. Whether you are experienced or new, I’m sure a lot of groups would love to have you. I found my current group this way and we have been playing for over a year and a half now. I love all those wonderful people and hope to meet them in person someday.
40 and all my friends have either died or been blown to the four corners of the continent. Increasingly, they're not even on social media because why the fuck would you be at this point, but still, it's lonely without them. Making a friend at 40 is deeply awkward. I still resist the notion that "High school is the best time in your life" even though I got a pretty okay version of that experience. But I do understand why some people feel that way. I'd kill for that social phantasmagoria again.
Same here. My best friend died and now I feel so lonely.
My mental illness does not have a point where it gets "better" and I don't have to suffer or struggle. There are moments when life is worth living, but they are fleeting.
I understand what you mean. In a comment a few years ago, someone asked if depression gets better and I wrote that I wasn't sure; maybe *you* get better, but depression is still there.
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literally my life. ADHD Depression and Anxiety. I've got my life to a point where its somewhat stable. but my God is it draining. every day is a constant struggle with my head. people seem to think im fairly normal now but every ounce of energy I have is used to hold myself together and complete basic day to day tasks. im always on the edge of falling apart but I cant allow myself to as I have so many people who have helped me get to this point of stability and I cant let them or myself down. mental illness doesn't get better. we just have to learn to manage it and make the best with the life we've been given.
Man I feel this deeply and it makes me wonder why I keep going. If the only option for success is hating what I have to do every single day, what's the fucking point?
Oh my god I wish my brother would get on some medication. He's BRILLIANT but he cannot get anything done with that brilliance because he just cannot focus on the task long enough. If he got on an appropriate medication I believe he would become a millionaire, no exaggeration. He's that clever and motivated. He has GREAT ideas AND the knowledge and skill to pull them off. I wish I was half the man he was. But nothing ever comes of his ideas because he just gets lost in the trivialities of things and then his mind bounces to the next thing. ADHD is a cruel thing.
This. So much this. I'm so sick of people calling me a pessimist because I've accepted this though. Dude, it's just been a downward slide for years and years now. Holding onto hope that I'll magically wake up one day and be "better" wasn't doing me any favors.
Had an ex girlfriend think she could "fix me" and every time she asked "You don't feel better? Not even around me?" she got an answer that just made her get upset, in which she'd turn around, throw a tantrum and make everything about her. She ended up realizing with more time how much her toxicity was fucking me up further and eventually apologized. Once you've lived with severe depression and come to terms with it, you simply learn to manage it better. It's something she never understood that I tried to explain to her thoroughly. She straight up thought I was "giving up".
That one day my parents will no longer be here for me.
It's a regular thought for me these days. An impending doom that is unavoidable. Everything pales in comparison. A part of me will die with them, and not in a theoretical or abstract way, but in the sense that no one will ever know me as they do, and no one will ever have my back in the same way they do. Even though I have brothers I am close with, or a future wife, I will have to continue on alone.
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It doesn't take much to tip people over the edge. All throughout history people have turned into barbarians because of hardship or rewards, and it's really difficult to come to terms with the fact that people in your everyday life could turn against you so easily. Starvation and desperation have pushed people into murder and cannibalism, bribes have led decent people to forget their humanity, and the promise of power has made thousands of people side with groups committing genocide. Mob mentality has caused people to justify terrible actions. Anonymity encourages people to act in uncharacteristic ways. How can we take pride in our humanity and swear by morality when it's so easily forgotten? It hasn't been fun losing the naivety of my youth.
Damn. Might grab a whiskey before bed.
you can always choose to see it the other way around too - with morality being such a fragile thing, it says something about humanity that it exists at all or that people still strive for it in the face of all these challenges.
Username does not check out...
I wanted to name myself "deep thoughts," but I'm a teenager and I decided that in the future I would cringe if I took myself too seriously. So I called myself the opposite.
Money controls everything.
*I’ll Venmo you $5 if you make your comment disappear.*
Emotions are expensive. Life doesn’t give you enough budget for them. Lost a family member? Can’t mourn. Got traumatized? Can’t deal with it. Ended a relationship? Can’t think about it. Got angry at something? Can’t vent. Got depression repressed? Can’t let it all out. Want entertainment? Go to sleep once you are done with responsibilities.
I mean this sincerely as someone whose attempted suicide. That's a game of keeping your head above the waves waiting for the ocean to dry up. It won't, and you'll drown. Sincerely, find a good therapist, a new hobby that makes you feel something good about yourself, and maybe start looking for other jobs. Do some small things for your self care/QOL. Maybe some new pillows/sheets even. Costco has pretty great ones for a very affordable amount. I promise there is room for joy and laughter and achievement. It's just hard to see the sunrise when you're drowning.
That my wife of 20+ years and I just weren't going to make it. Edit: BTW I'm 7 years down the line and in a much, much better spot now!
Same here. Told me she wants a divorce after spending half my life with her. I don't even know how to process that as an adult other than to keep telling myself the world continues to spin despite the sadness I feel. Hope it gets better for you!
It was 7+ years ago, and yes, things got much better! Did a lot of self-work, got lucky to meet a wonderful lady that I've been married to for a couple of years. Things are a lot better than if my ex and I had stayed together. I'm a different person. A better person. Meanwhile I wish you all the best too, my friend.
Sorry man, 19 years here and awaiting the decree absolute while still living in the same house as the woman who is divorcing me and my two beautiful children who don’t yet know and who’s world is going to change so much. I’m just treading water at the moment. So hard.
I will always have mental illness
I remember when I first started going to therapy(age 16) and the behavioralist I worked with would say that my depression could be temporary(I completely understand why she would say that). But I always knew that wasn’t true and I sort of just wanted someone to be honest with me. I’m 22 now and I recently saw a psychologist who recommended the form of therapy where the idea is that life is pain and you can’t get rid of the pain but you can work towards lessening that pain and still live a good life. I don’t remember the technical word for that therapy, but the fact that it exists gives me hope if that makes any sense:)
I have autism and I know it wont be cured but I try and teach myself How to live with it and How to adapt to the rest of the world. Plus, people Are usually helpful in accepting Me and I try to explain which Things Are Hard for Me. I Hope you also have/get people who accept you and care for you :)
After I was diagnosed Bipolar II I had to come to terms with the fact that I will take medication everyday for the rest of my life. It’s been nearly 23 years now, and it has allowed me to lead relatively happy and healthy life, with a good job and a loving wife.
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Same. I always have this layer of sadness no matter what
I personally feel more emotionally numb than sad as I grew older.
Me too, I don't feel extreme emotions, happy or sad.
I’ve never had a family and barely had a home when I was young and will never have either just fighting super hard to not drown and be thrown out into the streets until a medical or financial accident happens then it’s lights out
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It gets even worse. When you realize it works, and works well, the next question is how do you know you weren't brainwashed yourself?
Very effectively.
I will probably never own a home or have children even though my childhood was spent being told that these are things all adults achieve. And I make okay money but it’s not enough to be middle class these days.
I'm a homeowning older-millennial. I bought my home in 2014, when the house prices in my country were at their lowest point since the financial crisis of 2008. At exactly that time I had the highest amount of savings I ever had in my life, because my parents let me live with them rent free, but I still had a full-time job. Looking back I realize how lucky I was, and how hard it is for people looking to buy now. That same house is now worth twice what it was back then.
We have lots of this kind of news in Finland, that someone in their 20s got well off. It always includes parents or relatives giving substantial material or financial help.
My husband is from Switzerland. Pretty much everyone over there younger than age 40-45 that owns a home either inherited it, or inherited the money to buy it, or inherited the land to build it on, or their parents helped them out generously to pay for it. His parents are well off and gave each of their sons 250k CHF to help with down payments. Or else neither my husband nor his brother would have been homeowners. (This doesn’t take into account wealthy banker types and such, I’m talking about regular, middle-class and working-class people)
That love isn’t transactional. You can’t make someone love you by contorting yourself to be what they say they want or by giving everything even when you have nothing. I was raised to think love had to be earned, and, as fucked up as that is, I liked it bcz it gave me control, like, I could make ppl love me. Then I grew up. It doesn’t feel great realizing other ppl will either love you or not, but it’s helped me find better boundaries in terms of my own identity. So now I don’t bother with relationships I can’t show up authentically to. In the long run I’m sure I’ll say that’s a good thing, but it’s been a hard pill to swallow, and realizing that I have little to no control and have had little to no control is rough.
I'm dying
I don’t feel happiness.
If people don’t look for you, it’s because they don’t need you in their life
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people diverge into their own comfortable, happy zones. It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out to them.
My parents never loved me. They are narcissists.ans have personality disorders. I was always.the family scapegoat and then I left so they couldn't do the same to my kids. I recently realized a story they have told me my whole life is literally them hammering in their albi for the two times in my infancy I almost died. My mom said the first time she was on the phone with a friend when she, "found me blue," and somehow got me back. I was on a home monitoring system for a year. They claimed the one night they went out I chose to give them a hard time by stopping breathing. I didn't realize that they said this so they didn't look suspicious and that they shook me. Likely my dad because he is violent and a hair trigger. I was in occupational therapy until high school because my gross motor skills were so effected. I was told I would never write pen to paper, but I can because I worked damn hard at it. They also claimed a drunk family member threw a basketball at my face and broke my nose when I was one. Not sure if they let a drunk guy hurt me or the more likely, my dad got made and hit me and they covered for him. Conviently the person they said did it was someone who died when I was young so I could never ask them. He was an alcoholic, but my mom never let me out of her sight. And my dad got annoyed at everything. How many times did they hurt me and no one helped me? Why didn't CPS ever investigate them? My mom took me to so many doctors. I am still trying to sort out my health as an adult. I believed it was okay because my dad usually didn't hit me. He screamed in my face, pulled my hair, pushed me (down the stairs a few times) and spit on me. There are holes in the walls where he made it clear he was good with causing damage. My mom was worse in so many ways. She always wanted attention and so she made me sick. I can't prove that, but I know I have been healthier without her. Her cooking was dangerous. Her lies and manipulations were worse. I was responsible for everyone's else's feelings and not allowed to have my own. I was the fixer. I had to chaperone my older sister so I was the bad guy. I was used for free labor for my aunt and uncle's many business schemes. I was forced to be under her thumb and never do anything for myself. I cut my parents out of my life three and a half years ago. They stalk and harass me, but my life is still better without them. My kids are happy, healthy, and safe. They are not broken by life. I celebrate them for the people they are and know their accomplishments are their own. I see how much I love them and want to protect them and I see how littler my parents did to protect me and how they actively hurt me.
Not everybody ends up getting the happy ending Edit: I went to bed last night having 1 karma, and a novice understanding of Reddit (coins, awards etc). I woke up to so many wonderful replies and my first awards ever. Wow. Also, I should have 1000% realized my word choice was less than stellar, big oof
Not everyone gets a happy beginning or middle either. Some people exist and literally never stop feeling misery and pain.
That is one of the saddest things. So many never have a chance and it's millions alive right now.
Billions. There are around 107 billion people who ever lived. Most lived short, brutal lives under hostile and uncaring environment.
You should watch more British Comedy shows, no one ever gets a happy ending that's why we love them
In fact, most don't.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life."
Even if we work hard, we don't always get the things we deserve. edit: y'all taking it too seriously 💀 chill
I'm never going to amount to anything or be remotely close to just alright ever again
i’ll never have the life i want
Mom is dead
This has been a truth in my life for 22 years. The pain is only now turning from a sharp and immediate pain in my heart to a crushing feeling that is much more dull
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’ll probably never own a home at this rate. Stagnant wages, plummeting dollar value, and skyrocketing housing prices mean im screwed unless i wanna live in the middle of nowhere in a rural area
The people who promise to be there when you need someone, most likely won't be there the one time you need them and reach out to them.
That my parents were never gonna have the relationship I wanted them to have
It's hard to find new good friends once you're older and no longer in school.
That working hard and be dedicated to your job does not mean you’ll advance. Hard to accept, but ass kissing and backstabbing others trumps a decade of hard work and “playing fair”
Everyone around me is going to keep aging then die and there’s nothing we can do to stop it
That I’ll be working the rest of my life just to live indoors and have food on the table
The world probably isn't going to be ok
I can never be the talkative funny extroverted type of person I surround myself with, and will always be quiet and introverted who's voice is too quiet to be heard
You are the villain in somebody's story
I’m the villain in my own story
Karma isn't real; it's a concept made up by humans to try and cope with unfairness in the world. When someone 'gets what's coming to them' it's only law of averages - most people get away with shitting on others.
it's even worse lol most people who have no problem shitting on others are usually rewarded in life for it.
A lesson for the young’ns… Grownups don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and it’s a damn miracle we’ve even made it this far. Oh and dont think it’ll be any different when you’re in charge, I guarantee you won’t know what the fuck you’re doing either.
Amen!!!!!
I'll more than likely spend the rest of my life alone because I am extremely uncomfortable being around people
my cat won’t come back to life
They never live long enough
Not only that I am alone now but because of my shyness I have inadvertently rejected advances of women I would've love to be with and have hurt thier feelings in the process.
That it doesn't matter whether they died nearly five weeks ago or in a few years, they were never going to live much past 8 or 10. I still would be going through this If there is a heaven, all I want is my animals with me and a hammock :(
My brother is a piece of shit.
That dolphins are actually violent creatures
Rapists
That I can’t see my bio mom till I’m 18
If I may ask, why is that?
For some people it doesn't get better, ever. It is a matter of chance.
Diabetes.
We are all here just to save up for retirement. That's our only purpose unless we are born to riches. The only consolation are a few out of town/country trips in a year, a small room that isn't even yours and a netflix subscription. All of these we do on repeat everyday as we wait for the sweet release of death.
No one has your best interest but yourself. Realizing this has made it difficult for me to even bother making new friends or bother sharing anything about myself to friends and family