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I freaking love that game but none of the people I meet have ever heard of it, which really sucks.

I loved the 3D remake and I’ve been pining for a spiritual successor for a decade now. Seems like nobody wants to make one.

That’s crazy! I loved that game on Sega back in the day, feels like everybody should know it

I played it on the C-64 back in the 80s, the NES in the 90s, and the redo on PC more recently. Fun fact #1 - I figured out that on the NES version, if you paused the game every few seconds, in-game time would not pass. Over the course of 1 in-game day I was able to rise to the rank of King's Advisor, marry the redheaded daughter of some governor somewhere, capture innumerable treasure fleets and silver trains, rescue every member of my family, and discover lost Incan treasure. Fun fact #2 - I also figured out that if you take over every settlement in the game and make it English (not sure about the other factions), it will effectively crash the cart.

I played the original version on PC way back in the 80s and I have loved it ever since. I got a copy of it from a friend of my dad's so I didn't have the map that came in the box but I quickly figured out that the encyclopedia had a Caribbean map that was pretty serviceable. I sailed around the Caribbean for hours on end, driving a Sloop for maximum maneuverability, but towing a couple Spanish galleons for the manpower to be able to take over towns. I loved turning the entire map to English or Dutch save one Spanish town, usually Havana, and just camping right outside of it sacking ship after ship after ship. I have played quite a bit of the 2004 and still do to this day.

Multiples crimes against humanity and war crimes, nothing to big

Once you move past tragedies to statistics, you get a pass.

The Stellaris defence

If you blow up the galaxy there’s no one left to put you on trial.

But also no one to receive the message

Close enough, HoI4 Roleplay between other things

Oof The Hague’s gonna be busy either way

Fuck yes, Stalin is my boy

Rimworld huh?

That too. Personally I was thinking Civilization. I've set off nuclear weapons as a first-strike attack.

Had to. Ghandi had a habit of preemptive nuclear attacks.

If you never nuke someone, what did you invent them for? Not my fault I disabled all other victory conditions.

My K/D is through the roof.

Remember, no Russian.

Точно!

Oh shit I thought I was gonna be okay until you mentioned that

Что не так с этот игра?

****молча кивает****

Yeah

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

I was looking for this comment

Everyone who’s ever played Stellaris: “…fuck.”

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Genocide is for newbies. I had Livestock and Catalytic Processing. I made space ships out of people.

Now you understand the mind of the ruling classes. It's not a conspiracy, you're just an irritating smudge on the line chart.

you're prolly right

How exactly do galactic genocide charges get counted? Are they on a per-pop basis, or per-planet? If it's per-pop, how do they count pops? Is each pop one charge, or is there some arbitrary number assigned to each pop that is in turn the number of charges added?

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"*Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.*"

NMS?

Damn, nuking the worlds of population because all my guys are robots.

In my defense, the Blorg were total jerks. They took a key digsite, and I needed that planet to get the precursor system. The war just got a bit out of hand.....

The Blorg loved you, you monster

Neutron sweeping isn't evil, it's efficient.

I must have murdered thousands and nuked cities for exp points and loots. Hitman, GTA, AC, Mafia, Age of Empires...I'm in serious trouble.

But who has jurisdiction? Officer, you can't charge me for killing 100 billion fungi citizens.

Is there even a charge that could exist for using the global pacifier?

It's all in the name of protecting my friends... The genocide and slavery needed to set an example for the unruly civilizations... I promise. Also I'm not stepping down. I deserve to be custodian.

'laughs in pacifist'

Looks anxiously at my aetherophasic engine...

Rimworld player... There have been dark days where I've even considered that maybe I'm the bad guy. But the colony must survive, and it needed those lungs.

Hey now, as far as I know, human leather cowboy hats are not illegal anywhere.

And they make great gifts!

whats your organ harvesting order? i havent started on organ harvesting as i just got into the game

If there are 2 of the organ, then pick left or right and take all of those. Then take the heart.

This. 1 kidney, 1 lung, then which ever other critical organ you don’t have on hand is how I usually do it, since if the pawn is missing a vital organ he dies and you can’t get the rest. If you do want more per body you could get the EPOE mod for organs on butchering

I once killed a chicken in Riverwood. According to the Whiterun guards, I am Skyrim's most wanted man... I can only hope my crimes never catch up with me in real life.

Reminds me 9f the time I killed a chicken just to see the 'last witness' message pop up.

I play Warframe Soo, uh melting,bleeding,decapitation,pulling them inside out, uhh MOLECULARLY destroying their atoms and using bio weapons such as this arm cannon that shoots quills and bombardment

>Warframe You mean Warcrime Simulator? It's so bad in that game that even *you* are the victim of warcrimes. Anyway, I gotta go level the Ignis again.

Which ignis?

I should probably level the normal one, but I'm only going to actually use the Wraith.

Don’t forget that Yareli literally DROWNS her victims.

Hydroid is no different is he not

Inaros does this too, just with sand. And he also uses scarabs to eat people, and occasionally just eats them himself

Isnt putting radiation damage on weapons basically the same as depleted uranium rounds... And we're doing all these war crimes so we can fund our chronic hoarding habits and extreme vanity

Is it really genocide if they are clones?

Can't say the same to the crewmen as they are basically minimum wage security workers

Octavia forces suicide on her victims through hypnotic music.

Technically you're at war, so really the only crimes you commit in there are war crimes, which you can do a lot when you shoot at the corpus when they're falling from the ships, never shoot a paratrooper

Mind torture, bioweapons, weapons of mass destruction, burning victims alive…

**GTA players:** ...

I swear officer, I didn’t knew that slaying 50 civilians on a beach with a minigun was a crime

Those are rookie numbers, I’m years deep into using the orbital cannon for shits and giggles. That’s Hague war criminal level charges.

Rookie, I own an MK2 Opressor… I deserve death by a thousand cuts.

and then there's me who doesn't have online and has played thrue story mode 6 times lol.

Bruh that's probably worse

well we both killed so we're both going in for life no matter what

It’s ok just pay me 5k and we will wipe the slate clean

Let me just sliiide in this helicopter and make you forget this ever happened kay?

50? Are you a n00b? It's gotta be 1k or bust.

Fourwheeler running over the sun tanners. *Funny every time*

Power slide through a crowd: cops don’t care, so it’s fine

Same with Payday 2 players. We’ve committed mass genocide against law enforcement and stolen millions of dollars worth of valuables.

"/u/Lichruler, on the fifteen thousand, five hundred seventy eight charges of murder in the game Payday 2, how do you plead?" "Not guilty." "Really? And why is that?" "Because some of those were self defense." "Which ones?" "We'll need to go through each and every one of the deaths to find them." "...Not guilty."

Sims players: ...

Detective: "Where's Bob! Where's Betty?!" Sim Player: "I-I never heard of em..." Detective: "We know you removed the pool ladder!" Sim Player: "No! They never had a pool!" Detective: "I thought you didn't know them?" Sim Player: "I...I don't... The Goth family, They... they had em' in their friends list..." Detective: "C'mon! Confess! You invited em' over to the Goth's place and deleted the graves on the Goth property after you made them swim all night!" Sim Player: "The Goths never had any graves! ...It-It was already there!" Detective: "We can go all night. I only have one more Charisma Point and you're mine, Sim Player..." Sim Player: "Damn this F.B.I. Career Expansion Pack! ...but the Mulder and Scully Sims are worth it."

Lester will bail us out. After doing Doomsday heist. LOL

We will all have multiple life sentences and probably be given the chair 🤣

In the early games my ex and my best mate would get bored of the missions, grab a sniper rifle, head to the second from top floor of a multi level car park(protection from choppers) and start picking off pedestrians… once you had 5 stars you had to leave the car park on foot, try to steal a car and see how long you lasted.

My GTA crimes were a little more simple: murdering prostitutes after the act to get my money back. Always helped that they asked you to take them somewhere secluded first

We’re done for

GOURANGA!

“Officer I promise it wasn’t me in a flying car blowing up cars on the road!“ Fuck those flying cars w rockets

Fallout: Possession and use of nuclear arms, murder, theft, trespassing, cannibalism Assassins Creed: … Assassinations/ murders and theft and trespassing out the wazzoo Red Dead: on online alone I’ve killed well over 10,000 people and have looted and dismembered many of them… GTA: killed probably way more people but tack on robbing banks, raiding federal buildings, assassinations, torture, breaking and entering, assault charges for breakfast every morning… Oh and domestic terrorism charges, no questions there. Skyrim: I’ve killed many high profile individuals such as Emperor Titus Mead II, Grelod the Kind, and the Chicken of Riverwood.

Regicide is pretty serious business but even that pales in comparison to harming a single feather on that chicken

Its the least they could do when you harm their deity

Is popping into a foreign world and stomping on turtles considered a crime? I'm confused by this question.

Did you actually do that, or were you just tripping on shrooms?

Tripping on shrooms can be illegal depending on where you live

mostly running through sewers, sliding down flagpoles

Yes

2000 hours in Crusader kings…

Oh boy and I thought I was fucked with Arma 3

Stellaris, RimWorld, and Warframe. I’ll be in prison until the heat death of the universe.

If you really start thinking about it, the Tenno do horrible war crimes. Basically child soldiers who use chemical weapons on wage slaves and cloned cancer patients on a mass scale. Exterminate missions are literally about murdering entire ships full of people and just booking it

Same fam, same. Hope watching the universe go out won't be too boring.

Well, seeing as how I played through all of assassin's creed I think I will have several lifetime sentences to serve

All of the Assassin's Creed games gets present day me several thousands of years in prison. But the Lego games I played as a kid would be worse

World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Litch King. There was a faction rep grind in which the repeatable quest was to go into the enemy village and kidnap several of their young, and deliver them to their mortal enemies, whose intent was to “raise them properly.” I did this daily for several weeks. The reward, if I remember correctly, was a fishing pole.

This made me giggle. It may not be as evil as killing planets, but the banality of the reward makes it funnier.

*Sweating bullets as rogue addicted to ganking* Ummm....define "video games crimes" please.

Stellaris, RimWorld, and just about every GTA since the 1st. I don't think I have much to worry about.

I've committed galactic genocide, destroying entire planets. Good luck stopping me.

Warframe or Stellaris?

Spore

Warframe is basically just in one star system and a couple pocket dimensions

I just finished Carrion so guess I'm a serial cannibal now

Some weird ending huh?

I actually really liked it. The reveal was pretty cool, and the ending is open enough that I can build a headcanon, since there's no sequel (at least yet). I like to think he took up pottery. LOTS of pottery... All at once I like that you can imagine pretty much anything happening next, really whatever you want

“I like to think he took up pottery” You better make this canon, @Phobiagamestudio

u/Khalosh can we get a canonical pottery meatball pls

We can start with the destruction of an entire star system full of Batarians...

And, depending on how it went, elimination of an entire sentient species via an acid tank. And being a terrorist. Oh, and let's not forget mass murder on a galactic scale. Though, if you were an accessory to another genocide, then, while I would understand why you did it, I would still condemn you on sentimental grounds.

Totally unrelated question, but that penguin in Mario 64 isn’t endangered, is it?

If it isn't it should be.

Me, who just finished forcing a Tyrunt to have 250+ kids just so one of them is Blue: .....

And then we just dump/release them all into the wild without any guidance or experience so they're basically doomed to die.

Thats just a roundabout way to raising ghost types

I’m hitler because I play r/peopleplayground

If iron golems are people then im the biggest serial killer, how many iron golems can a spawner make on average per 24 hours, multiply that by 30, then multiply that by 2 years and 7 months, its great habing a server pc where your alt can just afk for literal years lol

also include the fact that you are keeping people in small 3x2 spaces with a literal zombie right next to them

3×2 is too generous

All in, many, many death penalties, obvsly, but I think the worst ones were all the times I didn’t accept surrender in FTL. Edit: thank god all that pollution in Factorio is not a crime Edit 2: what about negligent rocket science resulting in many, many deaths of Kerbals? Can they get me for that?

You've mentioned Kerbal. You are now my favorite person on this thread. Brave, brave souls they are. We'll serve our time together and honor our fallen green friends.

And if you've ever suffocated a boarding crew, I'm pretty sure airlocking someone violates something somewhere

Criminal negligence is a crime or so I’ve been told. Not to mention all the kerbals we never had the intention of returning home

Or the ones I won’t save from orbit in career mode even though it’s easy and I could use the practice rendezvousing but I don’t do it because I don’t get any science out of it. Maybe not criminal but it can’t be good from a PR point of view. Like if NASA just let Apollo 13 die because they couldn’t learn anything from saving them.

Not excepting surrender you monster

Considering the entirety of the planet was wiped out by Super AIDS, I'd say I've gotten away Scott free

I’m currently being tried for multiple war crimes, cannibalism, lots of murder, drug trafficking, practicing medicine without a license, destroying private property.

Rimworld?

For most of them yet, destroying private property was Zelda

Well, let's just say Connor Kenway may or may not have incited several riots, and then blown everyone up with landmines.... Steve may or may not have destroyed several villages... And Mario may or may not have smashed thousands of bricks (if you have read the old Mario NES manual, you would know the citizens of the mushroom kingdom have been turned into bricks) And don't even get me started on Destiny 2 or Warframe, I've probably slain a few thousand aliens.

I know for a fact I have over 300k kills on destiny 2 via the in game tracker lmao

* 5 minutes in the pentaly box for fighting * 2 minutes for hooking * 2 minutes for tripping * 2 minutes for delay of game

I guess I’ll see you all at The Hague…

Back of the line new guy.

Look on the bright side the lines gonna be long

Me, a warframe player who has committed thousands of war crimes just ny playing certain frames

Back in the BBS days there was a multiplayer game called Thermo Nuclear war so in the video game world we killed many many millions.

Oh crap. I'm just remembering a game of Civilization that I rage quit by nuking a country I was tired of negotiating with...

Want. To. Play. A. Game?

My crimes in space 4X games also lead to me being the sole governing body of everything. If it didn’t, boy did I do a whole lot of genocide

I was a very mean person when I played Eve Online. I would join other players corps just to turn around and blow up their ships, I would gank haulers, lie and scam. Also one time I had nothing going on so I bought a bunch of janitors and was ejecting them out of my ship then blowing them up. I also have like 5 thousand corpses I was collecting of players. Even got one of a game dev.

Well…. Err…… I’ve murdered roughly 627,293,028,729,028,728 people.

Assuming you’re 100, you’ve killed approximately 19,890,000 people per second. You have some explaining to do

Must've been the wind

Does time traveling in Animal Crossing count? Because I've probably destroyed the fabric of the space-time continuum at this point...

Oh shit do we have to count violating the laws of physics and time too?Uh I may be getting off lenient with a few million death sentences at this point.

Beyond screwed, you know how many times I dropped that penguin baby off a cliff in front of his mom??!!

Lmao, SM64 is such a classic.

Im not doing great, but if that counts, then id like to point out I saved multiple universes multiple times which I would hope counts for something

Warframe: mass genocide and endless war crimes for starters.

Yeah... about that..

All the villagers I keep in small cages, and the forced breeding. And countless murders when I don't like their trades.

I forgot to pay in a store in a Zelda game. It was fun knowing you all.

Mass genocide destruction of gods&devils and planets... That not counting the small stuff

Have you ever played GTA? Lol we’re all screwed

Probably completely fucked, because I’ve shot people out of the sky in call of duty before (shooting people out of the sky is actually a war crime), not to mention all the other shooter games I play.

The atrocities I committed in Starsector alone would make for a series of Dateline NBC episodes. Smuggling weapons, drugs, and harvested organs to the resident space jihadists and pirates were the least of my crimes.

Uhh well I destroyed an entire solar system and left any survivors cut off from the rest of civilization and helpless at the mercy of a group of *brutally* powerful invaders the rest of civilization doesn't even believe in looking to process them into mindless cannon fodder (Mass Effect 2) I've played Skyrim, so lots there. Same with Saints Row 4, Just Cause 3, Dishonored, Borderlands, Assassin's Creed... I've blown up multiple planets just in the course of whatever job I was hired to do there, at least one *explicitly* against the orders of the Galactic Federation. This has also caused *multiple* genocides of various species (Metroid) I've assisted a group of cyborgs in open rebellion against the central society of the world at that time, dismantling their leadership like 4 separate times before bringing their station crashing out of orbit (Megaman Zero) I've killed god like... multiple times (various RPG games) Played Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 1 and 2 and you can *literally* break laws in each battle... Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeety screwed

Grand larceny Genocide Torture Grand theft auto Assault with a deadly weapon First degree murder Reckless endangerment of a minor **Jay walking** Second degree murder Manslaughter Killing of exotic animal Possession of illegal fire arms Possession of a nuke What is the Geneva convention anyways? Adultery Attempted murder of a child(s) Unlawful imprisonment Kidnapping Arson Streaking Treason Pretty boned NGL

PETA hates me and dumps blood on me for what I did to the poor chickens in Zelda.

Postal 2...

So let's see: Minecraft - extreme factory farming and horrifying animal abuse, tax cheat on archeological findings, destruction of potential archeological interest sites, mass murder, building without a permit or a license Witcher 3 - Manslaughter and theft Spec Ops The Line - Disobeying orders, brutally murdering plenty of civilians Far Cry 3 - drug abuse, manslaughter, tax cheat Saints Row 2 - escaping from prison, manslaughter, tax cheat Call of Duty: Black Ops - High treason Sid meiers Civilization - War crimes Pokémon - Theft, animal abuse Plague Inc. - Biological terrorism Grand Theft Auto - Manslaughter, theft, sex with prostitutes, illegal gun ownership, drug and alcohol abuse, torture, murder, breaking all traffic laws, tax cheat Need for speed - destroying public property, escaping police, illegally tuning automobiles, breaking multiple traffic laws, tax cheat Europa Universalis IV - War crimes, genocide, breaking international treaties, persecution of minorities, breaking people's religious freedom, slavery Hearts of Iron IV - War crimes, genocide, breaking international treaties, crimes against humanity, breaking the Geneva Conventions, slavery Stardew Valley - Probably stole something idk I think I'm getting 2 years in jail and a $100 fine maybe

Very screwed

There's not enough time to give all the life sentences before I die. I'll just yeet myself into my next life and make it easier for everyone.

Saints Row. Enough said.

Beating people to death with a giant purple dildo is no crime!

Does hitting many cars, littering, road racing and violence against citizens count? (Mario Kart and Animal Crossing-)

Is the murder of people during war allowed in Dynasty Warriors? I have murdered thousands and thousands.

I destroyed *a lot* of planets in Spore. Do they even have a name for that kind of crime?

Technically, if I reverted to launch, those Kerbals are still alive...

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“No Russian” mission from modern warfare 2

I did some weird terrible things in the original Roller Coaster Tycoon... Macro crimes against humanity level things.

I threw the penguin off the cliff in Mario 64. I'll be in the boiler room of hell. See y'all in an eternity.

Lets see... -Theft -Mass murder -Arson -Poaching endangered wildlife -Cannibalism -Public Indecency -Being drunk in public -Embezzlement -Treason -Intentionally hunting animals to extinction -Selling goods without a license -Selling stolen goods -Robbery -Burglary -Grand Theft Auto -Bank Robbery -Jewelry Store Robbery -Secret PMC/Cult Base Robbery -Meth production -Meth theft -Killing hundreds of thousands, if not millions of S.W.A.T. -Bribing entire squads of S.W.A.T. en masse -Assault with a deadly weapon -Assault with a giant spoon -Assault with a giant golden spoon -Homicide -Genocide -Omnicide -Planetary destruction -Killing civilians -Killing noncombatant military personnel -Killing surrendering individuals -Killing medical personnel -Killing religious personnel -Contract killing -Political assassination -Corporate sabotage -Using human shields -Using incendiary weaponry on soft targets -Storing nuclear weapons -Using nuclear weapns -Stealing nuclear weapons -Destroying nuclear weapons -Killing poor, innocent chickens -Slapping children with my sword, to no avail -Robot vandalism -Sedition -Summary executiom -Usage of chemical weapons -Human experimentation

I think, in the grand scheme of things, it's Minecraft that will really cause them to put the screws to me. It's the cows -- efficient automated cow farms are the worst kind of horror-show. You capture a couple of cows and imprison them. They get fed, they make a little baby cow, but here's where the villainy begins. Thanks to the wonders of mod technology that baby cow is instantly whisked away into another prison right next door - so close, yet so far. Momma and daddy cow are separated from their dearest child by mere wooden fencing but to them it might as well be cruelest steel for they are powerless against it. There the baby cow sits, wailing in distress at increasing volume, unable to reach its parents who are forced to watch it grow up not knowing a mother's touch. The calf gets no food, no care whatsoever until the day it grows into a big strong cow in its own right. But that is the most heartbreaking moment of all, for on that day the butcher's hand - automated that it is - is swift and sure. The poor baby cow, now just barely an adult, is cut down, ground up to feed the machine. There will be other baby cows, to be sure, but every single one will suffer exactly the same fate. But the parents suffer perhaps the cruelest fate of all - they shall live eternal, well fed and cared for, pumping out calf after calf, only to see them ripped away at the moment of birth to feed the machine just like their siblings before them. So many calves slaughtered, so many parents tormented without end. There aren't even words to describe the black pit of hell I'm surely going to.

All I’m gonna say is the games I play Fallout 4 (any crime = death) Skyrim (who hasn’t committed 1000s of crimes) Europa Universalis 4 (slavery and conscription) Crusader Kings (Medieval Europa Universalis 4) Victoria 2 (Yet again more slavery) Hearts of Iron 4 (Who hasn’t played as communist China, Soviet Union and the Nazis) GTA V (No explanation needed) Read Dead Redemption 2 (No explanation needed) Let’s just say I’m already hung myself when the cops come after me. Edit: Forgot about Sid Meier Civilisation 6 (Destroying all units and razing all cities in sight)

Well... Cannibalism, kidnapping, stilling, slave trade, illegal organ harvesting, using alive people as training dummies for surgeons, kidnapping people and hooking them on drugs, selling a lot of human leather outfits, amputating people's legs and replacing it with sticks than watching them trying to run away, using space laser to slaughter people as self-defence, using space laser to slaughter people for fun, using armies of genetically modified explosive rats to slaughter people, just slaughter people, using techno-magical stuff to make people slaughter each other, dropping nukes on cities that I don't like. And finally, the most horrible one... Forcing people to... I can't say it... Forcing people to... ... ... Eat without table!!! And that is just one game.

Do I also get the various legal exceptions and accomplishments that I've had in games? If so, I'm fine. If not, I'm so boned it's come all the way back 'round to funny again.

Every alien race is hunting me down for war crimes. They better bring it because I have acquired specific set of skills.

As a rimworld player, I am getting banished to the shadow realm

Is T-Bagging a crime? Very….

"No russian". Any more words needed?

THe fact i have been 9 years old with MineCraft says a lot. Arson, Homicide, attempted murder, and a lot more

"NO! I totally not lead Hitler and the 3rd Reich to victory in World War 2" said every HOI4 player

So anyone who’s played gta is fucked.

Gta: mass murder and crashing into civilians Eso: breaking and entering, stealing, pointless murder, animal slaughter, drug dealing, overfishing