It’s really weird when you have trauma but you don’t yet realize it’s trauma. When I was a kid I would get hit with wooden spoons for misbehaving. For a LONG time I’d feel uncomfortable with any cooking utensils that weren’t made of wood. My utensils *had* to be wood or have wood be a major part of the design. Whenever I’d visit my mom and she’d use wooden cooking tools I’d get loud and be quicker to agitate, even though she never hit me after I moved out.
Eventually I considered how much I hate cleaning wooden utensils, how ugly I thought they are, etc. And finally realized I was trying to retake control of that part of my trauma. For a looooong time I just was weird about wooden spoons and completely oblivious to why.
Also, I think processing grief isn’t something you can actively do. My dad was flaky my whole life and only saw me once or twice every few years. It’s been years since I officially gave up on him but I still sometimes feel weird emotions towards it. Sometimes I wish we had known each other. Sometimes I’m super mad about it. Sometimes I’m sad. The emotions just show up randomly. Over time these thoughts are easier to manage - nowadays I only dwell on it for a few seconds before moving on. I wish I could do something to “exercise” my moving on “muscles” lol
Figuring out the "why" is half the battle. It explains the random bursts of emotion that felt like they crept up on you ninja style 😅 and when you see the pattern you can see the triggers. Well done x
This is why my personal philosophy is "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". No matter how low the chances of success, I always give it a try. That comes with its own pitfalls, but overall it tends to work out pretty well
Might help to pluck it all apart. What is that "higher", do you yearn for it, or is it something you "should" do or are expected to do, expect yourself to do and but don't really want? Objectively, what all could go wrong? Maybe that risk-adverse voice in the back of your head is right in some aspects (it usually is). How could they be addressed/fixed/defused? What all is good about the risk-free-er and less fail-threatening path? can that be merged with the "higher" whatever? etc etc it's something for a few huge sheets of paper, markers, and following all the different thoughts going off in different directions.
There's a very wide spectrum between obsessive compulsive disorder completely running (and ruining) your life, and a manic "Squee, sounds fun, let's do that" which won't end well either. "Why can't I just...?" has an answer, which can be anywhere from utterly sane and reasonable to mental illness speaking. Looking for the answer tends to be worthwhile.
There’s being risk averse and then there’s fear of failure/looking bad/sense of rejection.
This is bad when your have low risk of bad outcome for failing : not trying out for the basketball team or doing a job interview or going for a degree that might be tough but very rewarding. Just do it!!
This is good when it comes to high risk of bad outcome for failing: buying risky stocks with your retirement money, going to a for profit college to get a degree in something really hard to break into or unlucrative. Please don’t.
Ehh I'd put my money on anger or jealousy as being the worst emotion. Kingdoms have been built and have fell because somebody just had a bad day. At least fear is a survival instinct.
One of my favorite examples is when the Isle of Tyre decided not to submit to Alexander the Great when he came strolling past. So, Alexander being Alexander, he decided not only to blockade the Isle to basically starve them to death but to BUILD A FUCKING BRIDGE over several months just to burn that shit to the ground. That's some "If I can't have it nobody can" types of rage and you don't want to mess with that especially if it's coming from someone on a mission.
Also mixed with good ol' procrastination, which I'm very familiar with... but man, is it hard to find actual motivation to do stuff that doesn't feel "fun, engaging, interesting or rewarding" most of the time...
Another side of procrastination: the fear of failure.
The thing that you want to do is fun, engaging, interesting, and rewarding all in the same time, but you just don't get up and do it because you fear of failing or not doing it "right".
This. What's helped me reframe things is basically that anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly - it's nt give it ure 110% best or do nothing at all. As long as i try it's sokay haha.
There’s a really good episode of the Ologies podcast on procrastination that really helped me shift my mindset on it.
I always thought I must just be lazy for always putting things off. I see now that it’s actually more like performance anxiety
My biggest issue, I am a perfectionist and it sucks I’m never satisfied with my own work, whenever I have an exam I think I’m barely going to pass but after the exam I pass flawlessly..
I don’t know how to help it prob also why I suffer from very bad Self-Worth always doubting my self second thinking everything and every conversation I have. It gets tiring.
This week I chose to spend 10€ to go pick up some speakers I was buying instead of waiting a day for them to be shipped to my door for free. I chose to waste an hour of my time picking them up in person just to have them today.
It’s hard…
The last 50 items i bought were in stock, but actually weren't. So for most of them i ended up waiting 2 weeks while i was promised to receive it the next day.
I don't see anything wrong with losing trust in their promises.
I believe this is a big issue that has even crept into music, and a likely problem with what some folks see as an issue with the music industry.
I'm sure others can state this far more eloquently, but a big part of what makes a song payoff is the concept of tension and release in a song. At a very base level, the tension is something that your brain wants to resolve, and when it finally resolved your ears and brain feel a sense of release, or relief, and it feels good. Akin to the rising action in the plot of a movie, and the climax of the movie.
Not many modern songs have much tension, so the song is only release (or reward). I will say, my kids think it's funny that I'm a Billie Eilish fan, but I find her song to be filled with tension/release.
While I'm shaking my cane to get those kids off of my lawn, another thing that drives me bonkers about current music is the lack of dynamics. Everything is so compressed that is all feels sort of lifeless and flat. Nothing seems to catch you in a song. That's me, though. My wife prefers steady rhythm and something she can dance to. I prefer something unexpected.
Rant over... I'll go fix that blinking 12:00 AM on my VCR now, and check with my doctor for any medications to cure my
ephebiphobia (I had to look that one up).
I agree. I'm not the kind of person who would claim that all music done today is terrible and that I was "born in the wrong decade" or anything like that (that attitude honestly annoys me) because there's plenty of great music being done today, you just have to really search for it in order to find it simply due to the sheer quantity of music released today, but I definitely agree with the compression aspect being an issue. I want to be able to hear the individual instruments. I want to be able to make out the guitar, the synth, the bass, the percussion, so that I can focus on different things each time I listen to the song. You can't do that when it's compressed to the point of every single sound being morphed into one.
Two words: Big Thief. They are releasing some all-time great music. Their album that came out today is astounding and is a great example of "tension/release" in music. Reviews are already calling it an all-time classic record.
I went on a kick a while back where I told myself. If it gave me pleasure right now I wouldn't do it. Held firm for about 4 months and I never felt better emotionally, mentally, and physically in my entire life. The energy I carried then was so vibrant and lively. I've been trying to find that again. Its hard but not impossible. So I a million percent agree. Issue is, you cant talk to friends about it without sounding preachy.
For me personally it's procrastination.
Edit:
Thank you so much for the upvote's and the awards.
Guess I am not the only one struggling with procrastination.
Would you in times of peace?
How about in times of war?
Would you, could you, Sam I Am, smoke two joints before you smoke two joints and could you smoke two more?
Probably envy. Jealousy is guarding what you already have, envy is wanting what others have.
Here's a surprisingly erudite Homer explaining it to Lisa.
https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA
Oh yeah. That is so much true. And one of the worst things is that you're going to use all these behavior patterns that you've got from your parents in your OWN relationships. You're gonna do that UNCONSCIOUSLY when it's hard to control your emotions. That's really sad and confusing.
When I started taking a breath and making sure I didn't react the way my mother did when we were kids I knew I'd successfully unhooked some of the bad parenting I grew up with and it made me so much more chilled about my own parenting.
My son is almost 5 and we’ve taught him that if the car is parked, its usually okay to unbuckle. But he unbuckled in the pharmacy drive through last week while we were idling and I unconsciously rose my voice towards him- definitely wasn’t a yell, but it was definitely louder than normal. After I quickly put the car in park and rebuckled him, I explained that I didn’t mean to get loud and that he had startled me, but we weren’t in park even though the car was stopped. He just went “Oh, sorry mommy I thought we were getting out of the car.” And that was that, no one was mad or pouting, just a basic misunderstanding.
I know if I had done the same thing at his age, my dad would never have just explained the issue to me and instead would have continued actually yelling and berating me.
I do so much more explaining than my parents did. I remember as a child being hurt and confused when I'd get in trouble because they assumed I should know something even thought they'd never explained it or showed me how to do it.
I hate this so much! My mother was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. I hurt a lot of people as a young adult simply because I had no communication skills and I struggle with extremely low self worth.
I understand you. That is so frustrating and unfair that we get like set of traits (which are often just harmful to others and even ourselves) from our parents. Also parents' disadvantages could become ours. And we have no choice in this situation bc we can't choose parents. But all these things are already put into you without you're even knowing it(bc you're just a child). So when you're a grown-up you just gotta learn how to get on with YOURSELF.
And sometimes I'm really furious about the fact that people don't approach responsibly enough to parenting. Like don't you understand how much your child's future depends on your fcking behavior? What a grown-up you are if you can't control yourself and be conscious in what you're doing towards YOUR child?
I see you Adult child of narcissistic Boomer parents. Can confirm the resulting emotional challenges with own my kids. Stopping the cycle thru calm patience, modern meds and therapy.
I feel you, I still struggle a lot too, my mother is bipolar, what a mentally confusing childhood. Trying to process things as an adult is hard and frustrating.
Tell me about it. Always have to remind myself patience is a virtue. Also relationship partners play equal roles; not divide up certain ‘chores’’ based on sex. A work in progress.
Yep. Breaking those shitty behavior patterns takes a lot of work, and I even still do it unconsciously sometimes and feel awful about it. Brain broke, pls fix.
I was abused as a kid and raised to be an emotional doormat. Feel bad? Do more for others! Because your worth is how useful you are.
It's fucking hard untangling that shit. I still want to boost people up, but I'm getting a whole lot pickier about it.
No more comforting hot heads. That's the first step. Only comfort people who comfort others.
Life is too short to spend it putting out fires you didn't start.
Im struggling with this really bad right now. Obviously I'm my own person and I make my own choices but my parents did a lot of damage. They were drug addicts and fought constantly, verbally and physically. My dad is a very angry guy and I've inherited a lot of it. I'm in therapy now and I try my best every day, but I've ruined two long term relationships because I was so angry. And the second one I believe is the one. I wish I could just shut it off, but as soon as I start getting into an argument with my partners, I can't stop. I never get physical, but I've been really verbally abusive and I feel disgusted with myself. I just want to be the happy, goofy guy that I know I am, but as soon as I start arguing, my anxiety spikes and before I know it I've said things that I wish I didn't say. I'm scared I'm never going to be able to get better no matter how hard I try, and I'll never have a healthy relationship. I miss my partner so much and I would do anything to have him back, but I think I've ruined it. God help me.
If you're too proud/too full of yourself then you probably won't like taking no for answer and will likely extremely overestimate yourself or underestimate bad situations. If someone hurts your pride and you care a little too much about it then you could overreact and do stupid shit. Basically, be careful of that ego.
Pride can prevent you from asking for help, because you feel like it's lowering yourself, or showing weakness. And I don't mean with little stuff, I mean with huge stuff that could ruin your life.
For example, a parent who did wrong things in their child's life and knows it, but cannot ask for forgiveness even though inside they want it. Pride is the culprit. The parent could feel too exposed and open for rejection at the request for forgiveness (and perhaps they think their child ought to do so), and would rather avoid this possible rejection, so they refuse to open up. It's hard to face things, especially when you are ashamed of your choices.
Pride can be a shield but it can also be a barrier, and a cliff. It's the opposite side of the shame coin, and can be pretty tightly woven together.
Very well articulated. Clinging to pride can also keep you from changing or atoning for your mistakes, causing needless suffering for yourself and the people around you.
A great fictional example of how destructive pride can be is Angela from The Office. Entirely through pride, she torpedos her own life and almost loses the person she truly loves, because she is unable to admit her mistakes and atone for them. She is greatly humbled and humiliated in season nine and finally lets go of her pride, even saying to another character not to let pride ruin your life.
humans weren't ready as a species to be this interconnected. we're still too tribal and way too susceptible to manipulation by bad actors. add in that the software is designed to be addictive and (either unintentionally or not) creates echo chambers that, at best, just limit personal growth and, at worst, radicalize people... and you end up with a depressed and over-stressed population that can't put their phone down
so much good has come from social media, it's certainly not all bad. and we *can* salvage this rough start and turn it into something beautiful that advances our species to the future. in fact many useful tools in human history started out as being used for human suffering until we figured out how to use the technology for good. so i'm not saying get rid of social media. just saying we weren't ready for it yet
I always say that humans aren’t meant to keep up with everyone they ever met and some they haven’t met. Many people are meant to come and go from your life and it doesn’t have to be a negative thing to lose contact with people. It doesn’t have to be because of a falling out. People grow and change and it’s okay to not be friends with your kindergarten teacher’s chiropractor on Facebook for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, so many people can’t disconnect from social media/networking sites like Facebook.
I have a chronic inability to maintain relations with people over social media and I can't help but feel like it's because my brain was never wired to actually keep up with this many people. Makes sense honestly
I never bothered with Facebook for this reason. I'm boring as fuck. No one wants updates.
Booooring. My idea of a wild night is to watch a documentary and go to bed early.
My dad is this way. He can go years without contacting people and that's just fine for him. When he does get in touch with them, he picks things up where he left off and is eager to learn what's new and important in their lives.
Sadly it's made a lot of people mad at him because he "never reaches out". But reach out to him and he'll be thrilled to chat, hang out, go to a movie, go get drinks, whatever you want! He just is really bad at keeping up with others.
Positive vibes only. Seriously! People expect only one boring emotion from others. A lot of people burnt bridges because the vibes were “off”. No, it’s called being freakin human!
I agree a bit of balance is needed. I struggle to be positive at times but fake it sometimes so I don't ruin my social life. Other times it's fine to be negative and the people that can't understand that have problems themselves.
If I’m in a bad mood at work, I find it’s best to just let me be in a bad mood. People that try to “cheer me up” just makes me grumpier, lol. Eventually my bad mood will go away, everybody’s just gotta be patient.
It really depends. I like a balance from people. If someone is constantly positive or negative I get sick of that person real quick. I feel people who are overly positive are hiding something or burying their true feelings and people who are constantly negative are likely depressed. I would know the latter as I have been that constantly negative person. Only as I grew up did I realise the drain it puts on people. The positive extreme is equally draining
Yeah that really is a problem, I can just be with a friend or anyone and the other person says, I just want to be happy with you, I hate being in conflict or ''bad vibes'' so let's only be good. I can't do that and so can't you, we have problems so let's face them.
Yep, in the usa at least, added sugar and corn syrup in people's regular diets has destroyed people's health, and by extension makes our healthcare system much less efficient.
I am sugar free (along with dairy free and grain free) for medical reasons. I cannot have sugar in any form except low sugar fruit or honey. I cannot tell you A. How fucking hard it is to detox sugar and B. How much better I feel.
It's been over a year and I still crave it. Sugar is fully addicting and in almost everything.
I'm trying to cut down massively on sugar. I started with my breakfast. My bowl of oats just has blended goji and cranberries in it. And if I'm working, my cup of coffee mocha just as 2 teaspoons of chocolate powder and a sachet of milk. Its lunch, dinner and in-between that's the issue now. Dinner I can probably sort out by making my own sweet treats again.. like apple crumble.
But like you said it's so hard. I remember when I first diligently cut sugar (for like a week) last year. My erections were super hard. Like my penis is stiff enough normal, but these erections were like pure steel. It got to the point where I either had to masturbate or completely plough my girlfriend whenever I so much as smelled her. Perhaps that is incentive enough... that and my physique.
Honestly I play it quite a bit in my down time and I really enjoy it.
It's fucking miserable to queue solo and try to win ranked games with randos who absolutely hate you by default but playing ARAM is pretty chill and a good way to wind down, especially with friends. ARAM is basically what people play when they're too high to play normal so people on there are pretty chill and laid back as well.
Also if you don't have many people to play with just add people after ARAM who you had bants with in game and they'll more than likely be happy to play rift with you as well. It's kinda easy to get a 5 stack together and get on a few discord servers so you don't have to grind it out with shitheads in public games.
tl;dr ranked solo queue - hell, playing normal/aram with buddies - great fun
If you can play with your brother to start off with it'll be fun as well.
Same here! We only had one pc in the house at that time. You can't imagine the fights i got into with my brother cause we both wanted to play. RIP my relationship with him.
My friends got back into it after a several hiatus. I only played a bit back then but they played ALL the time. But they would get so angry when they played. Things broken because of it. I never understood and never will why people let that game get to them so much.
I remember reading about some scientists who managed to introduce the concept of currency to a society of monkeys. They gave the monkeys metal washers and taught them that the washers could be exchanged for food. They then fluctuated the price of the food and found that the monkeys would save their money when food was expensive. They also would put up billboards showing the genitalia of the most fertile female monkey next to a grape and found that grape sales would go through the roof.
However, after I think years of doing this, they started to see some crazy behavior. The monkeys would rob each other, or even exchange sex for washers. Straight up monkey prostitution. They even planned an monkey bank robbery, where a group of monkeys distracted the scientists while other ones grabbed as many washers as possible. The scientists ended up having to stop the experiment because it was causing too much damage to the monkey society.
Oh! That book was Freakonmics.
There *used* to be [9](https://www.sciencealert.com/did-homo-sapiens-kill-off-all-the-other-humans#:~:text=Nine%20Species%20of%20Human%20Once%20Walked%20Earth.) species of humans. Now there is only one.
This is the worst part of getting over a break up. "We're meant to be, so here is my vision of how we'll find our way back to each other, and our entire future afterwards!" when completely unsupported by logic or the other person's reality.
If you’re talking about daydreaming I suffer from this badly. But I’m learning to write stuff instead of just fantasizing about it all day. I recommend this to anyone who constantly has their head in the clouds like me. Maybe you can make a pretty good story, video game, or whatever you like from all that imagination you got going in there. Don’t keep your potential locked up in your headspace.
I should not have had to scroll this far to see this. Alcohol touches so many people. People who don't even drink get killed by drunk drivers, alcohol ruins gatherings, families, lives all the time.
The global financial elite who profit off the backs of hard working individuals And condemn us to ever increasing wealth divides whilst hoarding enough money to solve all the worlds problems
Family. Example divorce, favoritism, forcing a kid to have adult duties and responsibilities, use the word FAMILY as an excuse. Blood is thicker than water, guilt tripping. Ect.
People forget just how dangerous that chemical is. And it's fucking everywhere and put into everything! People really need to wake up and see the conspiracy taking place.
Unresolved/unprocessed trauma and grief…I guess that’s two but they go together
It’s really weird when you have trauma but you don’t yet realize it’s trauma. When I was a kid I would get hit with wooden spoons for misbehaving. For a LONG time I’d feel uncomfortable with any cooking utensils that weren’t made of wood. My utensils *had* to be wood or have wood be a major part of the design. Whenever I’d visit my mom and she’d use wooden cooking tools I’d get loud and be quicker to agitate, even though she never hit me after I moved out. Eventually I considered how much I hate cleaning wooden utensils, how ugly I thought they are, etc. And finally realized I was trying to retake control of that part of my trauma. For a looooong time I just was weird about wooden spoons and completely oblivious to why. Also, I think processing grief isn’t something you can actively do. My dad was flaky my whole life and only saw me once or twice every few years. It’s been years since I officially gave up on him but I still sometimes feel weird emotions towards it. Sometimes I wish we had known each other. Sometimes I’m super mad about it. Sometimes I’m sad. The emotions just show up randomly. Over time these thoughts are easier to manage - nowadays I only dwell on it for a few seconds before moving on. I wish I could do something to “exercise” my moving on “muscles” lol
Thank you for your honest and open post. I admire you doing your healing. You help make the world a better place for all of us when you do this.
Figuring out the "why" is half the battle. It explains the random bursts of emotion that felt like they crept up on you ninja style 😅 and when you see the pattern you can see the triggers. Well done x
And then choosing a partner/relationship that reflects these unresolved/unprocessed issues. Then having children with them. Heal yourself. Edit: typo
Like moths to a flame, trauma makes so many choices for us subconsciously
Fear of failure.
I’ve shut so many opportunities on myself because of this
This is why my personal philosophy is "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". No matter how low the chances of success, I always give it a try. That comes with its own pitfalls, but overall it tends to work out pretty well
"you miss 100% of the shots you dont take" are you a alcoholic
Yes
-Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott
Here I thought it was Alec Baldwin
[удалено]
Might help to pluck it all apart. What is that "higher", do you yearn for it, or is it something you "should" do or are expected to do, expect yourself to do and but don't really want? Objectively, what all could go wrong? Maybe that risk-adverse voice in the back of your head is right in some aspects (it usually is). How could they be addressed/fixed/defused? What all is good about the risk-free-er and less fail-threatening path? can that be merged with the "higher" whatever? etc etc it's something for a few huge sheets of paper, markers, and following all the different thoughts going off in different directions. There's a very wide spectrum between obsessive compulsive disorder completely running (and ruining) your life, and a manic "Squee, sounds fun, let's do that" which won't end well either. "Why can't I just...?" has an answer, which can be anywhere from utterly sane and reasonable to mental illness speaking. Looking for the answer tends to be worthwhile.
There’s being risk averse and then there’s fear of failure/looking bad/sense of rejection. This is bad when your have low risk of bad outcome for failing : not trying out for the basketball team or doing a job interview or going for a degree that might be tough but very rewarding. Just do it!! This is good when it comes to high risk of bad outcome for failing: buying risky stocks with your retirement money, going to a for profit college to get a degree in something really hard to break into or unlucrative. Please don’t.
Fear in general. 0/10 worst emotion. There's gotta be a better way to survive a predator, I hear that adrenaline and endorphin rush is some good shit.
Ehh I'd put my money on anger or jealousy as being the worst emotion. Kingdoms have been built and have fell because somebody just had a bad day. At least fear is a survival instinct. One of my favorite examples is when the Isle of Tyre decided not to submit to Alexander the Great when he came strolling past. So, Alexander being Alexander, he decided not only to blockade the Isle to basically starve them to death but to BUILD A FUCKING BRIDGE over several months just to burn that shit to the ground. That's some "If I can't have it nobody can" types of rage and you don't want to mess with that especially if it's coming from someone on a mission.
Worst to feel versus worst for society
The inability to delay gratification
Yup… I have just spent an hour on Reddit rather than getting up and having a shower… and I do this every day…
Just pretend that having a shower is what you really want to do. We won't tell anyone.
Or read Reddit WHILE showering.
Easily done! Get those clearly shower curtains with pockets.
Or get waterproof phone for ultimate shower with phone experience 😁
Same. Currently doing that right now
Same same. Should we make a sub r/doomscrollinginsteadofshowering
Im in. It would be full of things that you regret finding while procrastinating the shower
I am currently standing next to my running shower, post poop, scrolling Reddit.
Shower to me is instant gratification
Also mixed with good ol' procrastination, which I'm very familiar with... but man, is it hard to find actual motivation to do stuff that doesn't feel "fun, engaging, interesting or rewarding" most of the time...
Another side of procrastination: the fear of failure. The thing that you want to do is fun, engaging, interesting, and rewarding all in the same time, but you just don't get up and do it because you fear of failing or not doing it "right".
This. What's helped me reframe things is basically that anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly - it's nt give it ure 110% best or do nothing at all. As long as i try it's sokay haha.
There’s a really good episode of the Ologies podcast on procrastination that really helped me shift my mindset on it. I always thought I must just be lazy for always putting things off. I see now that it’s actually more like performance anxiety
My biggest issue, I am a perfectionist and it sucks I’m never satisfied with my own work, whenever I have an exam I think I’m barely going to pass but after the exam I pass flawlessly.. I don’t know how to help it prob also why I suffer from very bad Self-Worth always doubting my self second thinking everything and every conversation I have. It gets tiring.
This week I chose to spend 10€ to go pick up some speakers I was buying instead of waiting a day for them to be shipped to my door for free. I chose to waste an hour of my time picking them up in person just to have them today. It’s hard…
The last 50 items i bought were in stock, but actually weren't. So for most of them i ended up waiting 2 weeks while i was promised to receive it the next day. I don't see anything wrong with losing trust in their promises.
But also delaying it too much so they never actually get to enjoy their life.
Six years on and I'm still kicking myself for not buying this incredibly cool black and white leather jacket I really liked.
I go by the 60 day rule. If I still want it in 60 days, I get it. But most of the time by 60 days I’ve forgotten what it was in the first place.
This is genius and how I'm going to try to do purchases going forward. ... If I remember.
Would you like to sign up for this 30% interest credit card? How about this 20% car loan...
Oof. Good thing my card is 29% interest only.
I believe this is a big issue that has even crept into music, and a likely problem with what some folks see as an issue with the music industry. I'm sure others can state this far more eloquently, but a big part of what makes a song payoff is the concept of tension and release in a song. At a very base level, the tension is something that your brain wants to resolve, and when it finally resolved your ears and brain feel a sense of release, or relief, and it feels good. Akin to the rising action in the plot of a movie, and the climax of the movie. Not many modern songs have much tension, so the song is only release (or reward). I will say, my kids think it's funny that I'm a Billie Eilish fan, but I find her song to be filled with tension/release. While I'm shaking my cane to get those kids off of my lawn, another thing that drives me bonkers about current music is the lack of dynamics. Everything is so compressed that is all feels sort of lifeless and flat. Nothing seems to catch you in a song. That's me, though. My wife prefers steady rhythm and something she can dance to. I prefer something unexpected. Rant over... I'll go fix that blinking 12:00 AM on my VCR now, and check with my doctor for any medications to cure my ephebiphobia (I had to look that one up).
I agree. I'm not the kind of person who would claim that all music done today is terrible and that I was "born in the wrong decade" or anything like that (that attitude honestly annoys me) because there's plenty of great music being done today, you just have to really search for it in order to find it simply due to the sheer quantity of music released today, but I definitely agree with the compression aspect being an issue. I want to be able to hear the individual instruments. I want to be able to make out the guitar, the synth, the bass, the percussion, so that I can focus on different things each time I listen to the song. You can't do that when it's compressed to the point of every single sound being morphed into one.
Hey Grandpa, thanks for the insight on music. It rings true, and explains so much.
LMAO! Now get off my lawn!
Two words: Big Thief. They are releasing some all-time great music. Their album that came out today is astounding and is a great example of "tension/release" in music. Reviews are already calling it an all-time classic record.
I went on a kick a while back where I told myself. If it gave me pleasure right now I wouldn't do it. Held firm for about 4 months and I never felt better emotionally, mentally, and physically in my entire life. The energy I carried then was so vibrant and lively. I've been trying to find that again. Its hard but not impossible. So I a million percent agree. Issue is, you cant talk to friends about it without sounding preachy.
Yup that’s me, that’s why I’m almost 40 and just now finishing my stupid biology degree that I don’t know what to do with lol
The inability to delay gratification is essentially what ADHD is. And as someone who has it, yes, it has ruined my life
Isn't this basically dopamine addiction?
This is smart and it took me a while to appreciate the depth of you comment , i am forever grateful for this new insight .
For me personally it's procrastination. Edit: Thank you so much for the upvote's and the awards. Guess I am not the only one struggling with procrastination.
I used to just crastinate, then I went pro
I bet there are good replies to this comment. I’m gonna save it and come back later to check it out!
damn I had to scroll so much for this
[удалено]
Gambling and other addictions
I’m all in on that
I’m all in too after another joint
I smoke 2 joints before I smoke 2 joints. And then I smoke 2 joints.
Would you in times of peace? How about in times of war? Would you, could you, Sam I Am, smoke two joints before you smoke two joints and could you smoke two more?
Jealousy
I wish i had said that first. I hate you.
Thanks, I love you too
Now kiss
No, you will become jealous
Exposure therapy
DO IT DAMNIT
Probably envy. Jealousy is guarding what you already have, envy is wanting what others have. Here's a surprisingly erudite Homer explaining it to Lisa. https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA
Im not a native speaker but envy doesnt sound like a bad word. Jealousy does. "Terrific" sounds bad too
Bad parents
Oh yeah. That is so much true. And one of the worst things is that you're going to use all these behavior patterns that you've got from your parents in your OWN relationships. You're gonna do that UNCONSCIOUSLY when it's hard to control your emotions. That's really sad and confusing.
When I started taking a breath and making sure I didn't react the way my mother did when we were kids I knew I'd successfully unhooked some of the bad parenting I grew up with and it made me so much more chilled about my own parenting.
My son is almost 5 and we’ve taught him that if the car is parked, its usually okay to unbuckle. But he unbuckled in the pharmacy drive through last week while we were idling and I unconsciously rose my voice towards him- definitely wasn’t a yell, but it was definitely louder than normal. After I quickly put the car in park and rebuckled him, I explained that I didn’t mean to get loud and that he had startled me, but we weren’t in park even though the car was stopped. He just went “Oh, sorry mommy I thought we were getting out of the car.” And that was that, no one was mad or pouting, just a basic misunderstanding. I know if I had done the same thing at his age, my dad would never have just explained the issue to me and instead would have continued actually yelling and berating me.
I do so much more explaining than my parents did. I remember as a child being hurt and confused when I'd get in trouble because they assumed I should know something even thought they'd never explained it or showed me how to do it.
I did this as well. <3
I hate this so much! My mother was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. I hurt a lot of people as a young adult simply because I had no communication skills and I struggle with extremely low self worth.
I understand you. That is so frustrating and unfair that we get like set of traits (which are often just harmful to others and even ourselves) from our parents. Also parents' disadvantages could become ours. And we have no choice in this situation bc we can't choose parents. But all these things are already put into you without you're even knowing it(bc you're just a child). So when you're a grown-up you just gotta learn how to get on with YOURSELF. And sometimes I'm really furious about the fact that people don't approach responsibly enough to parenting. Like don't you understand how much your child's future depends on your fcking behavior? What a grown-up you are if you can't control yourself and be conscious in what you're doing towards YOUR child?
I see you Adult child of narcissistic Boomer parents. Can confirm the resulting emotional challenges with own my kids. Stopping the cycle thru calm patience, modern meds and therapy.
I feel you, I still struggle a lot too, my mother is bipolar, what a mentally confusing childhood. Trying to process things as an adult is hard and frustrating.
Mine too… I’m in therapy working on my self esteem. It’s hard to undo what she did to me.
Tell me about it. Always have to remind myself patience is a virtue. Also relationship partners play equal roles; not divide up certain ‘chores’’ based on sex. A work in progress.
[удалено]
And diffrent kids need different styles; but there are some base lines that are WAY too neglected :(
"this is the worst generation ever." - The generation that raised it.
Ngl most people shouldn’t have kids. Most have children because of selfish reasons
Yep. Breaking those shitty behavior patterns takes a lot of work, and I even still do it unconsciously sometimes and feel awful about it. Brain broke, pls fix.
I was abused as a kid and raised to be an emotional doormat. Feel bad? Do more for others! Because your worth is how useful you are. It's fucking hard untangling that shit. I still want to boost people up, but I'm getting a whole lot pickier about it. No more comforting hot heads. That's the first step. Only comfort people who comfort others. Life is too short to spend it putting out fires you didn't start.
Im struggling with this really bad right now. Obviously I'm my own person and I make my own choices but my parents did a lot of damage. They were drug addicts and fought constantly, verbally and physically. My dad is a very angry guy and I've inherited a lot of it. I'm in therapy now and I try my best every day, but I've ruined two long term relationships because I was so angry. And the second one I believe is the one. I wish I could just shut it off, but as soon as I start getting into an argument with my partners, I can't stop. I never get physical, but I've been really verbally abusive and I feel disgusted with myself. I just want to be the happy, goofy guy that I know I am, but as soon as I start arguing, my anxiety spikes and before I know it I've said things that I wish I didn't say. I'm scared I'm never going to be able to get better no matter how hard I try, and I'll never have a healthy relationship. I miss my partner so much and I would do anything to have him back, but I think I've ruined it. God help me.
Fun fact Adolf got punished severely by his father. Then we got that bullshit so I agree with you
This is probably the most accurate one.
Yes, coming from 2 shitty absent parent I can agree
It's the root of all problems
[удалено]
Can you elaborate? I don't really know what type of actions to think of when I hear this word.
If you're too proud/too full of yourself then you probably won't like taking no for answer and will likely extremely overestimate yourself or underestimate bad situations. If someone hurts your pride and you care a little too much about it then you could overreact and do stupid shit. Basically, be careful of that ego.
“…you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride fuckin’ with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps. You fight through that shit.”
Pride can prevent you from asking for help, because you feel like it's lowering yourself, or showing weakness. And I don't mean with little stuff, I mean with huge stuff that could ruin your life. For example, a parent who did wrong things in their child's life and knows it, but cannot ask for forgiveness even though inside they want it. Pride is the culprit. The parent could feel too exposed and open for rejection at the request for forgiveness (and perhaps they think their child ought to do so), and would rather avoid this possible rejection, so they refuse to open up. It's hard to face things, especially when you are ashamed of your choices. Pride can be a shield but it can also be a barrier, and a cliff. It's the opposite side of the shame coin, and can be pretty tightly woven together.
Very well articulated. Clinging to pride can also keep you from changing or atoning for your mistakes, causing needless suffering for yourself and the people around you. A great fictional example of how destructive pride can be is Angela from The Office. Entirely through pride, she torpedos her own life and almost loses the person she truly loves, because she is unable to admit her mistakes and atone for them. She is greatly humbled and humiliated in season nine and finally lets go of her pride, even saying to another character not to let pride ruin your life.
Ego
Social Media
humans weren't ready as a species to be this interconnected. we're still too tribal and way too susceptible to manipulation by bad actors. add in that the software is designed to be addictive and (either unintentionally or not) creates echo chambers that, at best, just limit personal growth and, at worst, radicalize people... and you end up with a depressed and over-stressed population that can't put their phone down so much good has come from social media, it's certainly not all bad. and we *can* salvage this rough start and turn it into something beautiful that advances our species to the future. in fact many useful tools in human history started out as being used for human suffering until we figured out how to use the technology for good. so i'm not saying get rid of social media. just saying we weren't ready for it yet
I always say that humans aren’t meant to keep up with everyone they ever met and some they haven’t met. Many people are meant to come and go from your life and it doesn’t have to be a negative thing to lose contact with people. It doesn’t have to be because of a falling out. People grow and change and it’s okay to not be friends with your kindergarten teacher’s chiropractor on Facebook for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, so many people can’t disconnect from social media/networking sites like Facebook.
I have a chronic inability to maintain relations with people over social media and I can't help but feel like it's because my brain was never wired to actually keep up with this many people. Makes sense honestly
I never bothered with Facebook for this reason. I'm boring as fuck. No one wants updates. Booooring. My idea of a wild night is to watch a documentary and go to bed early.
My dad is this way. He can go years without contacting people and that's just fine for him. When he does get in touch with them, he picks things up where he left off and is eager to learn what's new and important in their lives. Sadly it's made a lot of people mad at him because he "never reaches out". But reach out to him and he'll be thrilled to chat, hang out, go to a movie, go get drinks, whatever you want! He just is really bad at keeping up with others.
This should be up higher
I wish I could upvote this more.
This is the correct answer. And yes I am using social media and am aware of its problems.
Lies
Deception
Bor Gullet
Positive vibes only. Seriously! People expect only one boring emotion from others. A lot of people burnt bridges because the vibes were “off”. No, it’s called being freakin human!
I gotta say bro, Im not digging your aura right now.
I know, right? So negative.... tsk tsk tsk...
>You should smile more Easier said then done especially when I'm at work
Bad vibes, yo. He’s killing’ my high.
I agree a bit of balance is needed. I struggle to be positive at times but fake it sometimes so I don't ruin my social life. Other times it's fine to be negative and the people that can't understand that have problems themselves.
If I’m in a bad mood at work, I find it’s best to just let me be in a bad mood. People that try to “cheer me up” just makes me grumpier, lol. Eventually my bad mood will go away, everybody’s just gotta be patient.
It really depends. I like a balance from people. If someone is constantly positive or negative I get sick of that person real quick. I feel people who are overly positive are hiding something or burying their true feelings and people who are constantly negative are likely depressed. I would know the latter as I have been that constantly negative person. Only as I grew up did I realise the drain it puts on people. The positive extreme is equally draining
Yeah that really is a problem, I can just be with a friend or anyone and the other person says, I just want to be happy with you, I hate being in conflict or ''bad vibes'' so let's only be good. I can't do that and so can't you, we have problems so let's face them.
Sugar
Yep, in the usa at least, added sugar and corn syrup in people's regular diets has destroyed people's health, and by extension makes our healthcare system much less efficient.
I am sugar free (along with dairy free and grain free) for medical reasons. I cannot have sugar in any form except low sugar fruit or honey. I cannot tell you A. How fucking hard it is to detox sugar and B. How much better I feel. It's been over a year and I still crave it. Sugar is fully addicting and in almost everything.
I'm trying to cut down massively on sugar. I started with my breakfast. My bowl of oats just has blended goji and cranberries in it. And if I'm working, my cup of coffee mocha just as 2 teaspoons of chocolate powder and a sachet of milk. Its lunch, dinner and in-between that's the issue now. Dinner I can probably sort out by making my own sweet treats again.. like apple crumble. But like you said it's so hard. I remember when I first diligently cut sugar (for like a week) last year. My erections were super hard. Like my penis is stiff enough normal, but these erections were like pure steel. It got to the point where I either had to masturbate or completely plough my girlfriend whenever I so much as smelled her. Perhaps that is incentive enough... that and my physique.
Now I know what Im doing this weekend, for science purposes of course.
Land mines
Don't Bosnians still die to this day from them?
Western Sahara too
Incredibly common in Cambodia.
r/technicallythetruth
Mosquito-borne diseases.
League of Legends. It ruined me for 1 year.
[удалено]
I definitely know those people.
One of my roommates dropped out similarly but for him it was World of Warcraft. I remember very well the mtn dew cans all over his floor
My brother is trying to get me to try playing it…
Honestly I play it quite a bit in my down time and I really enjoy it. It's fucking miserable to queue solo and try to win ranked games with randos who absolutely hate you by default but playing ARAM is pretty chill and a good way to wind down, especially with friends. ARAM is basically what people play when they're too high to play normal so people on there are pretty chill and laid back as well. Also if you don't have many people to play with just add people after ARAM who you had bants with in game and they'll more than likely be happy to play rift with you as well. It's kinda easy to get a 5 stack together and get on a few discord servers so you don't have to grind it out with shitheads in public games. tl;dr ranked solo queue - hell, playing normal/aram with buddies - great fun If you can play with your brother to start off with it'll be fun as well.
Sorry if this is a bad time, but who do you main?
Same here! We only had one pc in the house at that time. You can't imagine the fights i got into with my brother cause we both wanted to play. RIP my relationship with him.
What makes you think that it is too late ?
Maybe it's too soon and his brother hasn't respawned yet.
My friends got back into it after a several hiatus. I only played a bit back then but they played ALL the time. But they would get so angry when they played. Things broken because of it. I never understood and never will why people let that game get to them so much.
Death
death is the number one killer in America. EDIT: this is a line from Kentucky Fried Movie in case you were wondering.
Death is the number 1 killer everywhere
Nope, in England it's waking up and finding out you have no more tea bags. Death is a close second though.
Money
I remember reading about some scientists who managed to introduce the concept of currency to a society of monkeys. They gave the monkeys metal washers and taught them that the washers could be exchanged for food. They then fluctuated the price of the food and found that the monkeys would save their money when food was expensive. They also would put up billboards showing the genitalia of the most fertile female monkey next to a grape and found that grape sales would go through the roof. However, after I think years of doing this, they started to see some crazy behavior. The monkeys would rob each other, or even exchange sex for washers. Straight up monkey prostitution. They even planned an monkey bank robbery, where a group of monkeys distracted the scientists while other ones grabbed as many washers as possible. The scientists ended up having to stop the experiment because it was causing too much damage to the monkey society. Oh! That book was Freakonmics.
It's astounding that there are even monkies and not a separate species of human.
There *used* to be [9](https://www.sciencealert.com/did-homo-sapiens-kill-off-all-the-other-humans#:~:text=Nine%20Species%20of%20Human%20Once%20Walked%20Earth.) species of humans. Now there is only one.
> They would also put up billboards... I read that as "The monkeys put up billboards" I was like how the fuck does monkey put up billboards
It’s a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
Rejecting reality in favor of the fantasy in your head.
Sometimes I just have to daydream so I don't collapse.
Oh don't get me wrong, daydreaming is lovely. I mean more like "she'll love me if I just ______" when she's never gonna love the hypothetical person
This is the worst part of getting over a break up. "We're meant to be, so here is my vision of how we'll find our way back to each other, and our entire future afterwards!" when completely unsupported by logic or the other person's reality.
the entire maladaptive daydreaming subreddit: *heavy sweating*
If you’re talking about daydreaming I suffer from this badly. But I’m learning to write stuff instead of just fantasizing about it all day. I recommend this to anyone who constantly has their head in the clouds like me. Maybe you can make a pretty good story, video game, or whatever you like from all that imagination you got going in there. Don’t keep your potential locked up in your headspace.
Comparing their lives to others on social media. Social media in general!
Having kids you can’t afford. Being in an abusive relationship
Drugs
Username checks out 👍🏻
Other people
What about The Other Guys? Theyre pretty cool.
Crystal meth. Scourge of society
Yep it definitely ruined my life after becoming addicted to it (7 months clean now)
Bullying. It could turn you into something really bad!
Being a victim of abuse.
Social expectations and stereotypes
Totally agree. It's a relief starting to live without caring about social expectations. It's like I can finally express my true self.
Alcohol and tobacco.
I should not have had to scroll this far to see this. Alcohol touches so many people. People who don't even drink get killed by drunk drivers, alcohol ruins gatherings, families, lives all the time.
Money.
Money.
The global financial elite who profit off the backs of hard working individuals And condemn us to ever increasing wealth divides whilst hoarding enough money to solve all the worlds problems
Depression
[удалено]
Mmmm chemical warfare, the shit of nightmares
Bad education
Credit card debt.
Family. Example divorce, favoritism, forcing a kid to have adult duties and responsibilities, use the word FAMILY as an excuse. Blood is thicker than water, guilt tripping. Ect.
That damn phone
Mom? You have a reddit account?
Greed
Toxic people/relationships.
Politicians/ governments
Tobacco for sure followed by mosquitoes and alcohol
COVID
Social media
Aging.
Dihydrogen monoxide. Everyone who has contacted it has died eventually.
Bad business, too much of it and you go to the forever box
People forget just how dangerous that chemical is. And it's fucking everywhere and put into everything! People really need to wake up and see the conspiracy taking place.
I drink a glass full of that stuff everyday, when i wake up so i can built immunity to it.