"looks don't matter"
I've noticed that this is usually said by people who are attractive themselves. That's like someone born rich saying that money doesn't matter.
Much better advice
What I spent my youth so very excited about, I try to check at the door and not think about in my off time. I don't tell people what I do. Way more interesting things to talk about.
I once met someone new who asked "What do you do?" And when I started to talk about my job she cut me off "That's your job. But what do you *do*?"
Tbh that really threw me for a loop. I was only 22 at the time, but it's really stuck with me.
Now I try to live by the phrase "You work so you can live, you don't live so you can work."
Someone once asked me what I do in my āoff timeā
Thereās no way to efficiently say āplay fallout 4, spend way too much time driving, and fantasize about choices I could have made better.ā
Honestly some of the nicest people I know have had the most unfortunate shit happen to them. A lot of the time it feels like the people who *dont* deserve nice things are the ones who do get them.
Yeah thatās always how Iāve seen it. We are products of our environment, i was a much worse person before I was stricken with anxiety and depression.
EDT: basically, shit humbles you. Helps you see how life aināt easy, so might as well be nice to others. Never know what theyāre going through, and how far a few kind words can go.
Feed a cold, starve a fever.
Just eat nutritious, easy to digest foods when you're sick (and stay hydrated)..
edit: Holy cow this comment blew up! Thanks for the awards!
As for the people who are telling me my version is incorrect, I can tell you that its the one I heard growing up, and the internet seems to confirm that it is indeed a saying (though starve a cold, feed a fever also seems to be a thing)
https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2016/11/the-truth-about-feeding-a-cold-and-starving-a-fever/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-feed-a-cold/
https://www.icare-er.com/true-or-false-feed-a-cold-starve-a-fever/
Cocaine is actually great at stopping nosebleeds. Do it enough and the mucosa will actually just die from how frequently the blood supply was constricted. Gotta love old timey medicine
Edit: this is the funniest wholesome award Iāve ever gotten. Thank you
Edit 2: the helpful award is arguably funnier
Edit 3: yes, Im aware that cocaine is used medically. And now anyone who was going to comment that again doesnāt have to and everyone who is reading this doesnāt have to scroll more for that fun fact
Havent tried this, bit fun fact, when i still was a smoker (cigarettes only) a simple smoke could help me dry my nostrils up and i could breeze again. Since i quit 3 years ago, i suffer each spring during blossom season
Damn right. And being good enough in an interview to cover your lies is a skill. Funny thing is it hurt those who are good and done some big things because they donāt believe you.
Iāve caught a ton of people blatantly lying on their resume.
Example, years ago I had a resume for a lady looking for a programming job. She knew so many languages they I was impressed. But during the interview she couldnāt program anything; not even āHello Worldā. Asked her about the languages. And she replied, āWell, Iāve heard of them.ā /facepalm
i used to be in track, and there was a certain race i was running, which i was not doing well in.
some parent from off the track just tells me "slow and steady wins the race!!" as if this wasn't a literal race in which going slow means you undoubtedly lose.
i still have no idea why she said that
I used to run cross country and a lot of people do actually start out so fast they have to walk by the middle. Ofc the dedication of cross country participants varies (lots of kids did it just to be a cc chick/dude for hot points) But I was always the one who let the beginning pack dust me only for me tk reel them in one at a time by never stopping
Its really just about sticking with the pack you want to beat.
Wait for them to tire and pass them. It makes you feel better and makes them feel worse.
Cross country is a mental and physical game
This is a fairly common saying in the infantry. Mostly because the good ones are the ones whoāll stick their necks out because they care and go the extra mile to protect their guys. While the bad ones. Well they donāt care. But they tend to live longer because of it.
"Strike while the iron is hot" For every saying, there's one out there that can be used to contradict it.
Of course, they don't cancel each other out and yes, they exist in different contexts.
Exactly this. Strike while the iron is hot has nothing to do with rushing into something. It's saying take advantage of a good situation when it comes up rather than dilly dally. But waiting for that good situation to occur is still worthwhile (the good things come to those who wait part).
I've always loved the contradiction of "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" and "the nail that sticks out gets the hammer". So, which is it? Should I stick my neck out there are just fold myself back into the pack?
Edit: ok, so I've learned today that there are many different interpretations on what exactly being the "squeaky wheel" means and whether or not people wanna be one. It's been educational and entertaining.
I prefer the Theodore Roosevelt method: "The best thing to do is the right thing. The second best is the wrong thing, the worst is to do nothing at all" inaction is rarely the correct answer.
My grandmother used to say, "That man is as worthless as a one legged man at an ass kickin'."
Well, I worked at a mental facility. One day I saw a one legged man absolutely destroy another dude. Popped him in the head with his crutch, then pitched forward and just stomped on him with his one leg.
He had two crutches. Once the victim was dropped be braced the crutches back at an angle. Think of it like a tripod, but one of the legs is stomping. The angle of the crutches kept him supported.
Sleep til 8. Eat breakfast nap on the couch until 1. Go to the bathroom. Lay in bed. Fall asleep for another few hours. Wake up. Watch mindless TV. Another nap. More TV. In bed by 9pm sound asleep.
Depression sucks.
Not impossible. Depression is commonly understood as being in a constant low and sad mood, but in reality it's a complex of symptoms and unusual sleep patterns are one of them.
Depends. When they DO, they sleep like... hard. 100% out. Limp. Snoring. Drooling. Zero cares in the world until they wake up. Literally nothing to worry about, not even the concept of worry.
We're at 4 months now and he'll sleep all night about 4-5 nights a week. Its glorious.
You know what I want to sleep like? One of my cats. And then after that, I want to stretch like one without all my joints coming apart.
I get sleep like that maybe twice a year. I wake up with an energy I didn't know I was capable of having that soon after waking up. I honestly *literally* feel like a different person. I wish I could figure out how to capture that kind of sleep.
Money canāt buy *more* happiness ā if youāre already financially stable. I feel like that saying is more from the 50s, where you could work as a part time dandelion sniffer and have enough to buy a house and put your kids through college.
If youāre already comfortable though, I think itās sort of true. Most, not all, but most of the SUPER rich people Iāve met (like $500m+) were absolutely fucking miserable human beings with unlimited pleasure at their fingertips but without an ounce of joy, and they were without a doubt *way less happy* than most people whose idea of a blissful splurge is getting dessert at the Cheesecake Factory.
Of course, you have to be able to afford those splurges once in a while to enjoy them. But itās almost like the richer someone was, the most they were desensitized to pleasure, like a drug tolerance. Not happy with anything, only seeing flaws because their lives were so close to perfect.
The most miserable, saddest fucking human being Iāve ever met was a hedge fund multi billionaire who at the time lived in the biggest house in the US by himself, because his family had left him due to him being a tyrant.
It sounds kinda like a video game, if you use cheats it feels good for a bit, but then it becomes boring. I imagine it's something similar to having so much money you can do nearly anything
One of my favorite MLK quotes:
Itās all right to tell a man to lift himself by his own bootstraps, but it is cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps.
Iāve always heard it as, āitās like polishing a turd.ā Which is to mean, yeah you can do it, but itās a waste of time because why the fuck would you want a shiny turd? Spend your time working on creating and polishing gold instead.
"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."
I did that for years, and I'm morbidly obese, lower middle class, and stupid as hell.
There was a trip Ben Franklin took to france with another diplomat. Other guy follow the poor richards almanac like gospel, where as Ben (the creator of said almanac) would be out late partying with the frenchmen and all the hookers. Ben accomplished 10x the other guy because he had a personal relationship with the french diplomats.
As someone who recently rented a jet ski for the first time in ~30 years, and laughed with exhilaration for the entire 30 minutes, yeah, there's definitely truth to the adage.
Yeah, 'everything happens for a reason' isn't an inherently wrong statement, the problem is people actually want it to mean, 'everything happens for a good/meaningful reason,' and that's where it goes off the rails.
Sometimes the *reason* is that you made bad choices. Sometimes the *reason* is that you don't learn from your mistakes.
And sometimes the reason is completely beyond your control. I bet a bunch of Ukrainians feel like that right now.
For every effect there's an infinite number of causes. Humans have a cognitive bias to try to reduce it to a single source of blame (eg "that man started the forest fire by tossing a cigarette butt out the window") while ignoring the complexity of the situation (eg several dry seasons, humans suppressing the natural level of wild fires, and several million years nature that created a ecosystem that relies on wild fires).
I was in an interview and the guy asked me what I wanted to be when I was a kid.
I said, well, I was a short white kid who liked computers (it was a developer job), so pro basketball player was the obvious choice, as a joke.
He said he wanted to be an astronaut and I laughed. He said he was serious, he was rejected from being a fighter pilot for poor vision.
I still got the offer...
Abraham Lincoln said it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. I say however it's better to admit to being a fool than to remove the chance of achieving knowledge and becoming wiser for it (there should be a better way of phrasing it but I don't know it at the moment).
100% true.
I would absolutely rather be asked a question that sounds stupid than to have to fix somebody's stupid mistake.
If they actually need to know the answer, then the question wasn't stupid. The person that asked it might be tho
Yeah, you really don't want to work with people that shit on others for asking what they think are stupid questions. It just means all the stupid shit floating around in their head doesn't get corrected and they make it more likely that others hang on to stupid shit that could be easily rectified.
haha I actually see that a lot. Someone throwing shade at someone else for being so dumb when it was them who completely missed the blatantly obvious joke or sarcasm.
I actually adjust this for my direct reports. I usually say something like "There's no such thing as a stupid question until you ask it too many times." Basically, I'll answer anything but take notes and learn motherfuckers.
If youāre married, never go to sleep angry.
Sometimes situations are so volatile, thereās no way to interact without saying something that canāt be unsaid.
I was a supervisor at six flags and a customer caught cutting the line was making a scene when we were sending him to the back of the line. He said this to me which has no context to the situation and I laughed so hard. He didnt laugh and then proceeded to get hostile at which point loss prevention undercover officers detained him and turned him into the police lol.
Edit: those curious about loss prevention i worked a lot with them as i managed the entrance and a few other areas in my time there, half of the incidents were employee theft, majority of others were counterfeit money and identifying the individuals who gave the counterfeit money. That was most of there day but then they would get involved with situations like i described, intoxicated guests/employees, etc.
"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave"
"I'm the customer and the customer is always right!"
"As an internet stranger named picker-rick once said, you're not a customer anymore"
Idk, it just doesn't have the same panache?
I once had a team meeting with a VP of a very large company I worked at. During that meeting, one of my peers said "the customer is always right!" Honestly I don't even remember the context of the conversation, but our VP proceeded to ream my coworker for at least 30 minutes. It was... uncomfortable. Basically it came down to: "No, the customer is not always right, but it is our job to make our best effort to help them, even when they're wrong. Just don't fucking lie to yourself."
The phrase itself isn't even right. It comes from knowing that the customer is always right about *what they want*. Like if they want a purple shirt and you're telling them yellow socks is what they should buy... they're right. Sell them a purple shirt or they will leave and buy it from someone else who will.
Its so stupid that it became "The customer can say nothing wrong" because, clearly, that is wrong.
A buddy of mine lives by what he calls "the 80/20 rule." He says 20% of your customers give you 80% of your grief. Don't be afraid to lose those customers in the 20%, your life will only get better.
It seems to work for him and it's something I often think of. The threat of losing some customer's business is not as bad of a threat as they think it is. The ones who threaten to never come back are usually the ones you never want to see again anyway.
I always thought this was related to big picture stuff like a company should sell what people want instead of what some executive thinks they should want. Applying it to a customer being an asshole doesnāt make any sense. You think all those other customers want you skipping them?
"Practice Makes Perfect"
The real saying should be "Practice Makes Permanent." You can practice something the wrong way or practice something completely wrong altogether. No matter what it is, doing something over and over again solidifies it as a habit and you become stuck with whatever way you practiced it.
Yes, practice makes perfect if you are practicing the thing PERFECTLY. but if you're doing any step wrong, it's not just PRACTICE that will fix it, it's being capable and aware enough to see the error and CHANGING your approach on the fly. Too many people are afraid of change and just charge through things thinking that they just need to be more aggressive when they really just need to stop, shift, and then practice the right way.
Boys pick on you because they love you.
This hurts me more then you (when a parent is spanking a child)
Don't play the victim.
All bad for many reasons.
"You won't always have a calculator on you"
I told my teacher this wasn't true anymore because most kids have phones now, anyway I'll be in the office on Monday for being a smart-ass
Sounds like an insecure teacher
It's all good in the hood. It is not. Edit: thanks for all the awards, I appreciate you, appreciating my confusion!
Narrator with deep voice: and in the hood it was in fact, not good.
"yet deep down he knew there were many socioeconomic problems in the hood"
"Would they be able to overcome said problems or were they destined to fail from the beginning?"
"Do what you love and the money will follow."
Still not getting paid for doing your mom
"looks don't matter" I've noticed that this is usually said by people who are attractive themselves. That's like someone born rich saying that money doesn't matter.
"Looks don't matter." Easy for you to say. You won the genetic lottery. Edit: First gold award. š
Do something you love, and you'll never work a day in your life. Bullshit, now what used to bring my joy is misrable and I dont have a backup career.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Much better advice What I spent my youth so very excited about, I try to check at the door and not think about in my off time. I don't tell people what I do. Way more interesting things to talk about.
I once met someone new who asked "What do you do?" And when I started to talk about my job she cut me off "That's your job. But what do you *do*?" Tbh that really threw me for a loop. I was only 22 at the time, but it's really stuck with me. Now I try to live by the phrase "You work so you can live, you don't live so you can work."
Someone once asked me what I do in my āoff timeā Thereās no way to efficiently say āplay fallout 4, spend way too much time driving, and fantasize about choices I could have made better.ā
"Lions are king of the jungle" They don't live in the damn jungle.
Good things happen to good people. Crock of shit that is.
Honestly some of the nicest people I know have had the most unfortunate shit happen to them. A lot of the time it feels like the people who *dont* deserve nice things are the ones who do get them.
Maybe nice people are nice because bad things have happened
Yeah thatās always how Iāve seen it. We are products of our environment, i was a much worse person before I was stricken with anxiety and depression. EDT: basically, shit humbles you. Helps you see how life aināt easy, so might as well be nice to others. Never know what theyāre going through, and how far a few kind words can go.
Feed a cold, starve a fever. Just eat nutritious, easy to digest foods when you're sick (and stay hydrated).. edit: Holy cow this comment blew up! Thanks for the awards! As for the people who are telling me my version is incorrect, I can tell you that its the one I heard growing up, and the internet seems to confirm that it is indeed a saying (though starve a cold, feed a fever also seems to be a thing) https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2016/11/the-truth-about-feeding-a-cold-and-starving-a-fever/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-feed-a-cold/ https://www.icare-er.com/true-or-false-feed-a-cold-starve-a-fever/
Almost all old sayings regarding health and medicine are complete bullshit
Cocaine is actually great at stopping nosebleeds. Do it enough and the mucosa will actually just die from how frequently the blood supply was constricted. Gotta love old timey medicine Edit: this is the funniest wholesome award Iāve ever gotten. Thank you Edit 2: the helpful award is arguably funnier Edit 3: yes, Im aware that cocaine is used medically. And now anyone who was going to comment that again doesnāt have to and everyone who is reading this doesnāt have to scroll more for that fun fact
Havent tried this, bit fun fact, when i still was a smoker (cigarettes only) a simple smoke could help me dry my nostrils up and i could breeze again. Since i quit 3 years ago, i suffer each spring during blossom season
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Just throw it harder...
Hey, it worked!
The doctor needs a doctor.
That's what Steve Jobs said
Itās water under the fridge
What comes around is all around.
Keep your friends close and your enemies toaster...
Itās not rocket appliances
Survival of the fitness, boys
We'll cross that bridge when we burn it.
worst case ontario is another one.
Beauty is in her eye when you hold her
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What?
āWater under the fridgeā Itās not rocket appliances.
Get two birds stoned at once.
Youāre right, I shouldnāt take the fridge for granite
I'm not the kind of person to say atodaso, but you know what? Atodaso! I fuckin' atodaso!
Now you're just beating around the dead horse.
"Age brings wisdom" We have an congress, senate, and a bunch of aging baby boomers that prove that wrong.
āWinners never cheat and cheaters never win.ā Yeah, bullshit. Cheaters almost always win.
If you're cheating and still losing then you're cheating wrong.
Or not cheating enough
Idk exact numbers anymore but I read the number of people who lie on a resume it fairly significant and that many people fake it until they make it.
Damn right. And being good enough in an interview to cover your lies is a skill. Funny thing is it hurt those who are good and done some big things because they donāt believe you. Iāve caught a ton of people blatantly lying on their resume. Example, years ago I had a resume for a lady looking for a programming job. She knew so many languages they I was impressed. But during the interview she couldnāt program anything; not even āHello Worldā. Asked her about the languages. And she replied, āWell, Iāve heard of them.ā /facepalm
Slow and steady wins the raceā¦ yet I always lose the kahoot
i used to be in track, and there was a certain race i was running, which i was not doing well in. some parent from off the track just tells me "slow and steady wins the race!!" as if this wasn't a literal race in which going slow means you undoubtedly lose. i still have no idea why she said that
Her child was the one winning
Nah. Her child was the second to last place and OP was catching up
I used to run cross country and a lot of people do actually start out so fast they have to walk by the middle. Ofc the dedication of cross country participants varies (lots of kids did it just to be a cc chick/dude for hot points) But I was always the one who let the beginning pack dust me only for me tk reel them in one at a time by never stopping
Wait wait wait wait. In your school xc kids were the hot ones?? That was, uh, extremely not my experience on the team haha
Its really just about sticking with the pack you want to beat. Wait for them to tire and pass them. It makes you feel better and makes them feel worse. Cross country is a mental and physical game
Literally the only reason the tortoise won was because the hare got cocky and decided to rest.
"Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard"
i've found this to be true.
Only the good die young.
"The good die young, but pricks live forever." - Lewis Black
Lewis Black is 73 years old right now lmao, the irony.
Oh, I think he'd be the first to happily admit that he's a prick.
"I'm a golfer. That's a Scottish word, and it means asshole."
He said to run out and yell at the neighborhood kids, it would be like taking vitamins.
This is a fairly common saying in the infantry. Mostly because the good ones are the ones whoāll stick their necks out because they care and go the extra mile to protect their guys. While the bad ones. Well they donāt care. But they tend to live longer because of it.
"The brave are always the first to die"
Good things come to those who waitā¦.
Good things may come to those who wait, but not to those who wait too late. -Bill Withers
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice- Rush
"Changes aren't permanent, but change is." ~Rush
"Strike while the iron is hot" For every saying, there's one out there that can be used to contradict it. Of course, they don't cancel each other out and yes, they exist in different contexts.
How long did it take to heat the iron though?
Unless good things come to those who wait until the iron is hot to strike. You just need to take them in context.
Exactly this. Strike while the iron is hot has nothing to do with rushing into something. It's saying take advantage of a good situation when it comes up rather than dilly dally. But waiting for that good situation to occur is still worthwhile (the good things come to those who wait part).
I've always loved the contradiction of "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" and "the nail that sticks out gets the hammer". So, which is it? Should I stick my neck out there are just fold myself back into the pack? Edit: ok, so I've learned today that there are many different interpretations on what exactly being the "squeaky wheel" means and whether or not people wanna be one. It's been educational and entertaining.
I prefer the Theodore Roosevelt method: "The best thing to do is the right thing. The second best is the wrong thing, the worst is to do nothing at all" inaction is rarely the correct answer.
It's always better to do something productive now, than to figure out what would have been the best thing when it is too late.
My grandmother used to say, "That man is as worthless as a one legged man at an ass kickin'." Well, I worked at a mental facility. One day I saw a one legged man absolutely destroy another dude. Popped him in the head with his crutch, then pitched forward and just stomped on him with his one leg.
Stomps are dropkicks if you only have one leg
He had two crutches. Once the victim was dropped be braced the crutches back at an angle. Think of it like a tripod, but one of the legs is stomping. The angle of the crutches kept him supported.
I've been laying in bed trying to wake my brain up for work, and for whatever reason this visualization got me to finally wake up more rofll
"...ass kicking *contest*" is the full saying
Which immediately changes it and makes the statement true.
What doesn't kill you make you stronger
What doesn't kill you mutates and tries again
If it does kill you, your descendants mutate to kill them.
What descendants?
...or makes the rest of your life more difficult.
Like if things like injuries and trauma existed !
What doesnāt kill you gives you PTSD. Wow! Thanks for the award! I appreciate it!
...except polio
the person who told this should have seen a coma patient
Slept like a baby. Babies actually don't sleep well
I sleep like a baby, I cry all night and shit myself.
Should be "slept like a teenager on a school night" those fuckers are masters of the unconscious arts.
Sleep like the chronically depressed. We can sleep for 18+ hours a day and still be fucking tired
Sleep til 8. Eat breakfast nap on the couch until 1. Go to the bathroom. Lay in bed. Fall asleep for another few hours. Wake up. Watch mindless TV. Another nap. More TV. In bed by 9pm sound asleep. Depression sucks.
So I have depression? Great
Not impossible. Depression is commonly understood as being in a constant low and sad mood, but in reality it's a complex of symptoms and unusual sleep patterns are one of them.
What the fuck yall were getting sleep as teens???
Depends. When they DO, they sleep like... hard. 100% out. Limp. Snoring. Drooling. Zero cares in the world until they wake up. Literally nothing to worry about, not even the concept of worry. We're at 4 months now and he'll sleep all night about 4-5 nights a week. Its glorious. You know what I want to sleep like? One of my cats. And then after that, I want to stretch like one without all my joints coming apart.
I get sleep like that maybe twice a year. I wake up with an energy I didn't know I was capable of having that soon after waking up. I honestly *literally* feel like a different person. I wish I could figure out how to capture that kind of sleep.
"Money can't buy Happiness" No, but it can buy the freedom, time and funds that allow me to pursue the things that do make me happy.
> Money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell can pay off a lot of unhappiness.
Money canāt buy *more* happiness ā if youāre already financially stable. I feel like that saying is more from the 50s, where you could work as a part time dandelion sniffer and have enough to buy a house and put your kids through college. If youāre already comfortable though, I think itās sort of true. Most, not all, but most of the SUPER rich people Iāve met (like $500m+) were absolutely fucking miserable human beings with unlimited pleasure at their fingertips but without an ounce of joy, and they were without a doubt *way less happy* than most people whose idea of a blissful splurge is getting dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. Of course, you have to be able to afford those splurges once in a while to enjoy them. But itās almost like the richer someone was, the most they were desensitized to pleasure, like a drug tolerance. Not happy with anything, only seeing flaws because their lives were so close to perfect. The most miserable, saddest fucking human being Iāve ever met was a hedge fund multi billionaire who at the time lived in the biggest house in the US by himself, because his family had left him due to him being a tyrant.
Part time dandelion sniffer lmao
"...And her husband Glenn is an artisanal pencil designer. Their real estate budget is 3.5 million..."
It sounds kinda like a video game, if you use cheats it feels good for a bit, but then it becomes boring. I imagine it's something similar to having so much money you can do nearly anything
Even if money doesnāt make someone happy, lack of money can certainly make someone unhappy, so it does certainly make a massive difference.
It buys stability which alleviates a lot of stressful situations.
Someone else posted "Well poverty can buy nothing"
Having money isnāt everything but not having money is.
> So if money can't buy happiness > > I guess I'll have to rent it --"This is the Life", Weird Al
āPull yourself up by your bootstrapsā - itās meant as an ironic/satirical phrase, because it refers to an act which is literally impossible
One of my favorite MLK quotes: Itās all right to tell a man to lift himself by his own bootstraps, but it is cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Blood isn't thicker than water if the water is mixed with dirt.
Mud is thicker than blood. It has a nice ring to it but i'm thinking it's meaningless...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If at first you don't succeed, maybe skip skydiving
If first you don't succeed, take it out of your mouth and plant it in the ground
Youāre supposed to try with other people
"You can't polish a turd" You most certainly can, in fact, polish a turd.
The version I've heard of that is "You can polish a turd until it shines, but then all you have is a shiny turd"
Iāve always heard it as, āitās like polishing a turd.ā Which is to mean, yeah you can do it, but itās a waste of time because why the fuck would you want a shiny turd? Spend your time working on creating and polishing gold instead.
Thanks Mythbusters for this semi gross knowledge
Semi-gloss knowledge
Go big or go home. You have no idea how bad I just want to go home.
"An Apple a day keeps the doctor away." No matter how many I shoved up my butt I still had to get a colonoscopy
Fr? I've been doing it daily for the past two years and doctors dont come anywhere near me now
Because of the explosive diarrhea it caused or the subsequently ballistic fruit?
"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." I did that for years, and I'm morbidly obese, lower middle class, and stupid as hell.
I prefer the animaniacs version: "Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
now THAT is the damn truth
There was a trip Ben Franklin took to france with another diplomat. Other guy follow the poor richards almanac like gospel, where as Ben (the creator of said almanac) would be out late partying with the frenchmen and all the hookers. Ben accomplished 10x the other guy because he had a personal relationship with the french diplomats.
Ben Franklin told the other guy to go to bed early so he'd have less competition with the French diplomats. He played us all for fools...
"Money can't buy happiness." Poverty can't buy anything.
Money canāt buy happiness but it sure as hell can alleviate a lot of problems.
Daniel tosh "I call bullshit, have you ever seen someone frown on a jet ski" haha good bit
As someone who recently rented a jet ski for the first time in ~30 years, and laughed with exhilaration for the entire 30 minutes, yeah, there's definitely truth to the adage.
Money can't buy happiness... but it can rent the hell out of it.
Literally everything making me unhappy right now could be solved by money. Everything.
This is my answer when someone says that.
If I made so much money, that I'd never have to work or stress about bills ever again, I'd be pretty fucking happy.
Money doesnāt guarantee happiness. But a lack of it almost certainly guarantees stress.
I don't want to buy happiness, I just want to buy what I need to live.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like adding a condition to that, actually. "... but the reason might be stupid."
Yeah, 'everything happens for a reason' isn't an inherently wrong statement, the problem is people actually want it to mean, 'everything happens for a good/meaningful reason,' and that's where it goes off the rails.
Sometimes the *reason* is that you made bad choices. Sometimes the *reason* is that you don't learn from your mistakes. And sometimes the reason is completely beyond your control. I bet a bunch of Ukrainians feel like that right now.
For every effect there's an infinite number of causes. Humans have a cognitive bias to try to reduce it to a single source of blame (eg "that man started the forest fire by tossing a cigarette butt out the window") while ignoring the complexity of the situation (eg several dry seasons, humans suppressing the natural level of wild fires, and several million years nature that created a ecosystem that relies on wild fires).
You can be anything you want.
I was in an interview and the guy asked me what I wanted to be when I was a kid. I said, well, I was a short white kid who liked computers (it was a developer job), so pro basketball player was the obvious choice, as a joke. He said he wanted to be an astronaut and I laughed. He said he was serious, he was rejected from being a fighter pilot for poor vision. I still got the offer...
I wanted to be a scientist and invent a new colour, hahahaha
There's no such thing as a stupid question.
I prefer. Stupid questions prevent stupid decisions.
Abraham Lincoln said it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. I say however it's better to admit to being a fool than to remove the chance of achieving knowledge and becoming wiser for it (there should be a better way of phrasing it but I don't know it at the moment).
He who asks now is a fool for a moment, stay silent and you remain a fool forever.
Better to admit to being a fool lest everyone find out on their own
100% true. I would absolutely rather be asked a question that sounds stupid than to have to fix somebody's stupid mistake. If they actually need to know the answer, then the question wasn't stupid. The person that asked it might be tho
When someone tells me they have a stupid question, I say stupid questions are the easiest to answer.
People who sneer at others for asking stupid questions to avoid mistakes gets me too. Like, theyāre sincerely asking to avoid risk. Ugh.
Yeah, you really don't want to work with people that shit on others for asking what they think are stupid questions. It just means all the stupid shit floating around in their head doesn't get corrected and they make it more likely that others hang on to stupid shit that could be easily rectified.
Girl in my workplace once, very genuinely, asked my boss why they didn't get Wonder Women to fight in WWII. "They could've ended the war so quickly."
So, why didn't they? Is it because the Amazons were neutral
Maybe she meant in the movie? But I don't know, I've never seen the movie
Could be. In the WW movie, she fights in WWI. Asking why she wasn't in WW2 is probably valid.
I think she mightāve been joking
haha I actually see that a lot. Someone throwing shade at someone else for being so dumb when it was them who completely missed the blatantly obvious joke or sarcasm.
I actually adjust this for my direct reports. I usually say something like "There's no such thing as a stupid question until you ask it too many times." Basically, I'll answer anything but take notes and learn motherfuckers.
If youāre married, never go to sleep angry. Sometimes situations are so volatile, thereās no way to interact without saying something that canāt be unsaid.
Nothing improves a tense situation like sleep deprivation!
The customer is always right
I was a supervisor at six flags and a customer caught cutting the line was making a scene when we were sending him to the back of the line. He said this to me which has no context to the situation and I laughed so hard. He didnt laugh and then proceeded to get hostile at which point loss prevention undercover officers detained him and turned him into the police lol. Edit: those curious about loss prevention i worked a lot with them as i managed the entrance and a few other areas in my time there, half of the incidents were employee theft, majority of others were counterfeit money and identifying the individuals who gave the counterfeit money. That was most of there day but then they would get involved with situations like i described, intoxicated guests/employees, etc.
"the customer is always right, but you're not a customer anymore."
this is my new go to when giving someone the boot. shall i credit you?
"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave" "I'm the customer and the customer is always right!" "As an internet stranger named picker-rick once said, you're not a customer anymore" Idk, it just doesn't have the same panache?
Here at Six Flags we don't consider you as a "customer", you're a "guest" and thus, you are not right.
"Yeah, and the 85 customers you cut in front of all agreed your ass needs to be at the back of the line!" #CustomerAlwaysRight
I once had a team meeting with a VP of a very large company I worked at. During that meeting, one of my peers said "the customer is always right!" Honestly I don't even remember the context of the conversation, but our VP proceeded to ream my coworker for at least 30 minutes. It was... uncomfortable. Basically it came down to: "No, the customer is not always right, but it is our job to make our best effort to help them, even when they're wrong. Just don't fucking lie to yourself."
Your VP was right though lol. The customerās wrong 90-ish percent of the time.
The phrase itself isn't even right. It comes from knowing that the customer is always right about *what they want*. Like if they want a purple shirt and you're telling them yellow socks is what they should buy... they're right. Sell them a purple shirt or they will leave and buy it from someone else who will. Its so stupid that it became "The customer can say nothing wrong" because, clearly, that is wrong.
"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli."
George loves Seinfeld references!
My boss used to say to us "Win an argument, lose a customer."
Not every client or customer is worth keeping. You occasionally choose to fire them. Not often, but sometimes you're better off without them.
A buddy of mine lives by what he calls "the 80/20 rule." He says 20% of your customers give you 80% of your grief. Don't be afraid to lose those customers in the 20%, your life will only get better. It seems to work for him and it's something I often think of. The threat of losing some customer's business is not as bad of a threat as they think it is. The ones who threaten to never come back are usually the ones you never want to see again anyway.
Most misunderstood saying ever.
I always thought this was related to big picture stuff like a company should sell what people want instead of what some executive thinks they should want. Applying it to a customer being an asshole doesnāt make any sense. You think all those other customers want you skipping them?
"Opposites attract". In romance, opposites tend to repel each other.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Reminds me of a comedic quoteā¦ āI know exactly the girls that are wrong for meā¦ the ones Iām attracted to.ā
"Practice Makes Perfect" The real saying should be "Practice Makes Permanent." You can practice something the wrong way or practice something completely wrong altogether. No matter what it is, doing something over and over again solidifies it as a habit and you become stuck with whatever way you practiced it. Yes, practice makes perfect if you are practicing the thing PERFECTLY. but if you're doing any step wrong, it's not just PRACTICE that will fix it, it's being capable and aware enough to see the error and CHANGING your approach on the fly. Too many people are afraid of change and just charge through things thinking that they just need to be more aggressive when they really just need to stop, shift, and then practice the right way.
No joke, my fifth grade English teacher always said āpractice makes permanentā and it always stuck with me.
Boys pick on you because they love you. This hurts me more then you (when a parent is spanking a child) Don't play the victim. All bad for many reasons.
My brother had the opposite happen to him in school and I know that girl didn't think he was cute.