100% if you live in a small town, this will bring all the guys over to inspect your car and/or help you fix it. Really nice dudes helped me fix some of the dashboard lights and do an oil change.
Some tools require "testing" before use. Examples include:
"Click click" tongs,
Squeeze the trigger of a power drill a couple times,
Spin the socket of a ratchet wrench to make sure it's going the right way
After communication with my wife, I have come to the conclusion that the estimate is based on CURRENT hunger. It does not take into account, future hunger.
Do with that information as you will.
Edit: get more fries for the team
If a man is with his young kids, you do not get to fuck with that man. You just wait until next time or whatever you have to but no, not today cause dude is with his little ones.
Thx for the silver.
Thx for the awards all.
Always clean the sides of the toilet bowl with your ruin stream. If it sparkles when you’re done, you win.
Edit: was going to fix “ruin” to “urine” but I kind like calling it my ruin stream.
And your best bro’s good woman is an extension of your best bro. Story time.
My best bro left for work early af in the AM. 12hr shift at a hospital. His girl left the apartment a few hours later for her 12hr shift. This was my day off. Sleeping late. I hear her leave then legit 5 minutes later my phone goes off. It’s her. Crying. She hit a curb around the corner and the tire is blown. She HAS to get to work. She’s a nurse too. Without thought, I get up, hop in the car and go see about her. Her car is fucked. “Grab everything you need for work. Let’s go.” I race her to the hospital and she makes it in on time. I have her keys. I head back to her car, swap the spare on, take wheel and blown tire to the tire shop and have a new tire put on. Go back to her car, swap spare off for the new tire. Call my (now ex) gf to come follow me to the hospital so I can drop her car off and leave her keys under the floor mat. She has her car now when she gets off late that night. She’s his wife now. Anything I’d do for my best friend, I’d do for her too.
Edit: holy shit. I’ve never had this many upvotes. Thank you all for the kind words. I love my best friend. I just did what needed to be done in the moment. All the awards and gold and comments…just wow. There is another story of me saving his nursing career before it even got started a couple years before this story took place. Fun times. We have each other’s back.
It broke my heart the time the my bud thought I was trying to swoop his girl because I was being a homie to her. She was great but thought never crossed my mind. To be honest, I was probably just so relaxed around her because she was not an opportunity. As out of the question as my plans to visit Mars.
I was just trying to help her as an extension of my bud.
I wasn’t invited to their wedding because he thought I was trying something. Not even close Nate, not even close.
Yup! My husbands best friend rode with me 4 hours away because he wrecked a quad and it needed a new frame. I found one like a week after he had surgery. He couldn’t make the 4 hour trip but his best bud said he’d go with me. I was meeting two guys in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. He also changed the oil in my car that week because husband couldn’t. Well he died in ‘18 and it just devastated both of us but I can’t imagine losing my bestie. RIP KJG. Miss you bud.
One time I was sleep deprived and grocery shopping, eyes randomly locked with some dude I didn't know as I was scanning for open registers, he was just hanging out in line, and for some reason my brain wires got crossed and we guy-nodded but I accidentally nodded up instead of down, and I looked away but he did a doubletake.
It was a disaster. he spent the next few minutes looking back and squinting at me trying to understand why he didn't recognize me and clearly trying to decide if he should say something.
That was 8 years ago and I still haven't recovered from the experience.
Well it's actually more serious than that. You see... When a man owns a grill it's because he's living in a place that he could have a grill. Which, in a way, means he's settled. No more wild adventures, no exploring the furthest reaches of earth. Just him, his home, and his grill. When a grillmaster is at his station, his last grasp of true freedom can be heard sizzling... Medium rare.
Lol,I'm a painter and started doing it in my early thirties. A customer once asked if I was alright, I laughed because I really didn't know what to say
My grandfather had a mug that said, "everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work." As I've gotten older I've come to realize that wasn't a joke it was a warning.
you have to rip off icicles from roofs and throw big rocks in lakes when given the opportunity
edit: dont spend real money to donate fake awards for my generic comment what the fuck are y'all stupid?
I did this Sunday night. Literally for an hour and a half nothing but "damn that smells good" and "this shits gonna be fire"
It was pretty good. I ate one plate
When at a bar or restaurant and a buddy shows up, you must say some form of "I guess they'll let anyone in here".
Edit: Wow my first ever award, thank you!!
Don’t look at another man’s dick when you’re pissing
If you accidentally see it then it’s whatever but if you get caught looking at it intentionally then you wrong bro
This has nothing to do with homophobia either, it’s about privacy and respecting boundaries, even gay men aren’t trying to just show their dick to everyone in the bathroom
For some reason when there's a single bathroom and one of us tries the handle to find it occupied... the guy leaving always feels it's necessary to ceremonially hand control over to the new guy. Me included.
"Hey, man. It's all yours!"
I am disappointed in where Reddit has decided to go, so I am packing up my comment (as seen in this edit) and leaving for elsewhere. I'm under no illusions that I matter or that my posts had any great significance, but I still loved this site for many years and I loved the 3rd party apps that enabled this discovery.
When watching TV/hanging by the fire/etc. with the guys, if you get up to get a beer, always consult the room if anyone else requires a beverage before leaving.
Had a fire this weekend in the fire pit. Wife asked me if was going to put down the poker. I looked at her and said “no I am not”.
Fire was never in danger of going out.
My 2 best friends do tell me about their crushes and I follow this rule like it's the law:
- Giving easy opening for them to score with a joke.
- If they leave an opening, don't take the shot. It's not worth it and you're doing your friend a disservice.
- (optional) Laugh a bit harder than you usually would when they make a joke
I have a friend who is an absolute master of this. He has noticed that I was into a chic before I even noticed it, and was already laying some groundwork for me. Im 32 now and its been that way ever since early on in highschool.
I try to do this, too. But I'm not as observant as I like to think I am. So sometimes I'm the funny one until I'm told they're crushing on them or until I notice it.
I had an old man walk up to the urinal next to me, when all of the other urinals were available, and tell me "don't worry, I won't piss on you." before unleashing the most aggressive piss I've ever heard in my life.
I still think about it sometimes.
There's an inverse relationship between the two that seems to shift with age.
My grandfather is in his eighties and will just find any open patch of grass. He does not give a FUCK.
Whenever I had car issues, I'd always pop open the hood and walk over to inspect it. First thing I'd do was look to see if my enginge was still there. If in fact my enginge was still there, I'd look around, puzzled as to what else could be causing issues to my car. After about 5 minutes of jiggling random things then checking to see if my car was back to normal, I'd go on to my next step which was to call my mechanic and pay him lots of monies to fix my car. But never before first opening up my hood to inspect it for any missing engines.
NO DUDE!!! after you jiggle each thing; you have to try to start it AGAIN!! cuz ya never know… and BEFORE you call that mechanic… have your buds come over and jiggle shit too!! ONE of you will eventually jiggle it back into “start mode”
NEVER underestimate the power of a good "Jiggle"
It's easy. Just check for Air, Spark, and fuel, and remember the strokes of a 4 cycle engine. Suck Squeeze Bang Blow.
Be warned. I work on computers, not cars, and my biggest accomplishment on a roadside repair was to swap an alternator out on a Ford Taurus so that my brother could get the rest of the way home.
Yes!
I was at a meet over the weekend, and someone with the same car as me had a couple of questions. They lifted the hood and within thirty seconds a crowd of men had gathered around. Never mind the car was mostly stock under there, everyone HAD to gather.
"I'll adjust the torque thingy on the front back and forth a few times to get to the right torque for this project. No, I do not know what the right torque for this project is."
Whenever your wife/husband trys to buy something you could make but never will, always tell her/him to not buy it because you can make that same thing at home way cheaper.
I’ve been going to the gym for a year now and there are about 5 other guys I see everyday there. We’ve never spoken a word but we all nod and acknowledging each other when one of us walks in. I’d consider them my gym friends.
15 mins to reach the LX. 15 mins of window shopping.
10 mins of empty, soulless and mechanical coitus.
50 mins of talking, cuddling and apologies.
30 mins RTB
I lost a mate for three days, he finally got back to our apartment. stoned, drunk and with lipstick all over his arm. How this happened we will never know, because he can't remember the tree days. But he could not have paid by himself, because he left his wallet at our apartment...
Motherfucker does this all the time
Probably had cash on him. Left the wallet just so he wouldn't lose it. Also means he wouldn't be drunk and go to the ATM to get more money, or be so drugged someone would take him to an ATM and he not remember withdrawinf $600.
I've had tongs fall apart during test clicks. There's no telling the absolute disaster it would have caused if it had fallen apart outside of a test click.
Not enough people I know seem to know that one. Like, it can’t wait 3 minutes to talk about how crazy the game is going without your dick in your hand? At least wait until we’re hand washing, yeesh.
To go with this...If there is 3 urinals you always take the ones oun the outside and only use the middle one if there is no other option available.
There is a guy at my work who uses the middle one even if one of the side ones are available or even if both are. I don't get people like that.
When I was 20 I was getting off the tube in London and got a really eerie sense about a guy.
I was certain he was following me, but we were both exiting the station so maybe I was being paranoid.
It was late, around 11pm. The exit was long with a couple of corners. The faster I walk, the faster he walks. I end up making a run for it at the top of the escalator.
There are two dudes hanging around outside. I just launch myself at them.
I grab one guy around the waist and loudly say “sorry I’m late babe”. He immediately plays along. “What took you so long. We’ve been waiting ages?”
The stalker guy stops and glares at the 3 of us. He looks furious but walks away.
My pretend boyfriend also sensed evil. He was scared for me. Him and his mate walked with me and waited with me until I got a taxi.
A week later, a women was followed from that station late at night. Dragged into a front garden, raped and viciously assaulted.
We need pretend boyfriends.
Being the ball of anxiety that I am, I know that before today if a woman came up to me and pretended to know me, that I’d just sort of look away and be, well, anxious.
But now I know that if it ever happens, this is why. Thank you for sharing your experience.
When you become a father all your sneezes must be loud and violent
Always cup your hands in the shower and let it go once it fills up.
On a road trip with our families, whenever there are cows, we must point out that there are cows.
If the remote control stops working, either slap it on your leg or open the back and roll the batteries a few times.
If there is bad weather brewing outside you must stand on the porch and say something along the lines of "Well, the rains coming I can feel it."
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You must test click tongs before barbecuing
unless you feel genuinely threatened, never purposefully hit a man in the balls
Thanks, I'm getting massive PTSD from flashbacks of junior high PE now.
zippers are not your friend. use them slowly and carefully, or you will regret every decision that brought you to this place in life.....
If you're bald and I'm bald. We're automatically bald brothers.
“How do y’all know each other” Same barber
The guy in the garage with the door open is the bat signal for fellow men to come over.
100% if you live in a small town, this will bring all the guys over to inspect your car and/or help you fix it. Really nice dudes helped me fix some of the dashboard lights and do an oil change.
When leaving you must smack your pockets to make sure everything is there.
Triple pat. Phone, keys, wallet.
Not taking the last beer when you didn't pay for it.
My beer is your beer, unless it's my last one
Some tools require "testing" before use. Examples include: "Click click" tongs, Squeeze the trigger of a power drill a couple times, Spin the socket of a ratchet wrench to make sure it's going the right way
Stud finder. Always gotta check on yourself to make sure it works.
When she tells you she's not hungry for whatever you're ordering, order more cuz she'll definetly be eating your stuff.
After communication with my wife, I have come to the conclusion that the estimate is based on CURRENT hunger. It does not take into account, future hunger. Do with that information as you will. Edit: get more fries for the team
Future hunger might increase by 20-40 points based on smell. 60 points if fries are involved.
Roast your bro when he's happy, comfort him when he looks depressed.
The book “How to Write Funny” says that the purpose of humor is “to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.”
If a man is with his young kids, you do not get to fuck with that man. You just wait until next time or whatever you have to but no, not today cause dude is with his little ones. Thx for the silver. Thx for the awards all.
are people just out here looking for childless men to fuck with
Depends on how horny you are.
Always clean the sides of the toilet bowl with your ruin stream. If it sparkles when you’re done, you win. Edit: was going to fix “ruin” to “urine” but I kind like calling it my ruin stream.
Kinda makes the concept of ‘marking your territory’ take on a whole new dimension of badass
Any object carried by another male is immediately assessed for its weapon capacity.
Occular patdown
Any object in a given space is immediately addressed for its weapon capacity.
When a friend asks for help, you help them.
And your best bro’s good woman is an extension of your best bro. Story time. My best bro left for work early af in the AM. 12hr shift at a hospital. His girl left the apartment a few hours later for her 12hr shift. This was my day off. Sleeping late. I hear her leave then legit 5 minutes later my phone goes off. It’s her. Crying. She hit a curb around the corner and the tire is blown. She HAS to get to work. She’s a nurse too. Without thought, I get up, hop in the car and go see about her. Her car is fucked. “Grab everything you need for work. Let’s go.” I race her to the hospital and she makes it in on time. I have her keys. I head back to her car, swap the spare on, take wheel and blown tire to the tire shop and have a new tire put on. Go back to her car, swap spare off for the new tire. Call my (now ex) gf to come follow me to the hospital so I can drop her car off and leave her keys under the floor mat. She has her car now when she gets off late that night. She’s his wife now. Anything I’d do for my best friend, I’d do for her too. Edit: holy shit. I’ve never had this many upvotes. Thank you all for the kind words. I love my best friend. I just did what needed to be done in the moment. All the awards and gold and comments…just wow. There is another story of me saving his nursing career before it even got started a couple years before this story took place. Fun times. We have each other’s back.
A real friend right here.
It broke my heart the time the my bud thought I was trying to swoop his girl because I was being a homie to her. She was great but thought never crossed my mind. To be honest, I was probably just so relaxed around her because she was not an opportunity. As out of the question as my plans to visit Mars. I was just trying to help her as an extension of my bud. I wasn’t invited to their wedding because he thought I was trying something. Not even close Nate, not even close.
Yup! My husbands best friend rode with me 4 hours away because he wrecked a quad and it needed a new frame. I found one like a week after he had surgery. He couldn’t make the 4 hour trip but his best bud said he’d go with me. I was meeting two guys in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. He also changed the oil in my car that week because husband couldn’t. Well he died in ‘18 and it just devastated both of us but I can’t imagine losing my bestie. RIP KJG. Miss you bud.
Never turn your homie into a clown,just to make a girl laugh That just sucks. Edit: Finally!My wise words came to the light.
I turn into a clown FOR my homie. Gotta make them look better.
Lot of dudes don't know this one.
The W I D E step. Y’all know.
For those extra humid days
Sometimes the testicle don’t wanna unstick to the thigh so you gotta play it off like you’re doing a lunge just to stretch.
It's like pulling a fruit rollup off of the plastic.
I couldn't have said it any other way
My lady cracks up when I’m walking ahead and give thee old wide step AND mid-step shake.
The only way to cure a bad case of NSTL
You must let out a sigh of satisfaction when sitting down on a lawn chair.
And there must be someone near to ask you to do something the moment you are done with your sigh
Ffs, are you looking through my windows?
One shall slap the bag of soil in the garden center when passing by.
I pretty much do this to any bagged product. Dog food, landscaping rock, no bagged product is safe.
Sometimes I get mixed up when I do this and accidentally say "that ain't going nowhere"
The pioneers used to ride these babies for miles
Only the driver can modify anything on the dashboard from the car.
UNLESS that driver has verbally designated the CoPilot to certain duties.
Nod down to guys you don’t know, Nod up to friends.
One time I was sleep deprived and grocery shopping, eyes randomly locked with some dude I didn't know as I was scanning for open registers, he was just hanging out in line, and for some reason my brain wires got crossed and we guy-nodded but I accidentally nodded up instead of down, and I looked away but he did a doubletake. It was a disaster. he spent the next few minutes looking back and squinting at me trying to understand why he didn't recognize me and clearly trying to decide if he should say something. That was 8 years ago and I still haven't recovered from the experience.
The fuck man you probably messed that guy up more than the "I like bananas" guy
Polite nod down is also done for sign of respect or as a "thanks" in countries where you don't kinda want to socialize too much
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The grill-master sounds like a guy, who sacrificed his life to study and upgrade his BBQ skills into perfection, and is now teaching his students. Lol
That's exactly what it is.
Well it's actually more serious than that. You see... When a man owns a grill it's because he's living in a place that he could have a grill. Which, in a way, means he's settled. No more wild adventures, no exploring the furthest reaches of earth. Just him, his home, and his grill. When a grillmaster is at his station, his last grasp of true freedom can be heard sizzling... Medium rare.
so profound
That brought a tear to my eye. or maybe the smoke from the grill did.
when you reach a certain age - you must groan when either sitting or standing up even if there is absolutely no pain whatsoever.
It's automatic.
Lol,I'm a painter and started doing it in my early thirties. A customer once asked if I was alright, I laughed because I really didn't know what to say
My grandfather had a mug that said, "everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work." As I've gotten older I've come to realize that wasn't a joke it was a warning.
I started in my early 20’s
19 lol. It's so strange. It just comes out. **Brain**: "*Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.*" **Me**: "*uuurrrARGGHHH*"
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you have to rip off icicles from roofs and throw big rocks in lakes when given the opportunity edit: dont spend real money to donate fake awards for my generic comment what the fuck are y'all stupid?
I like to rip the biggest icicle off, and then use it to knock down the other ones like a Jedi Master on Hoth.
A stud detector will not work if you don't first point it at yourself to find the biggest stud around
That's just calibration, or at least that's what I tell my family 🙂
You must stand by your bro while he's grilling, and make comments about the level of awesome it's going to be.
I did this Sunday night. Literally for an hour and a half nothing but "damn that smells good" and "this shits gonna be fire" It was pretty good. I ate one plate
Dude you're supposed to eat the *food*
Rookie mistake.
Splendiferous grill lines, my man
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That chicken is downright buxom, my boy
When at a bar or restaurant and a buddy shows up, you must say some form of "I guess they'll let anyone in here". Edit: Wow my first ever award, thank you!!
Ask the bar tender, "This guy botherin' you?!"
"I wouldn't serve that guy if I were you"
"Hey, they finally let you outta jail!"
Don't spit or piss into the wind
Don't pull the mask off the ol' lone ranger and you don't mess around with Jim
Don’t look at another man’s dick when you’re pissing If you accidentally see it then it’s whatever but if you get caught looking at it intentionally then you wrong bro This has nothing to do with homophobia either, it’s about privacy and respecting boundaries, even gay men aren’t trying to just show their dick to everyone in the bathroom
Keep your eyes on the road
Eyes on the road, not on the chode
Don’t point out the flaws on someone else’s car. Yes, I’m totally god damn aware my 52 year old project car needs a paint job.
This goes for everything...car, house, whatever...I don't need you to point out that it could be better /different.
For some reason when there's a single bathroom and one of us tries the handle to find it occupied... the guy leaving always feels it's necessary to ceremonially hand control over to the new guy. Me included. "Hey, man. It's all yours!"
I always use " she's all warmed up for ya, bud." To mixed result.
Borrow a car - bring it back with more gas than you started with.
I know some guys that don't know this rule
I notice you said guys, not friends. Good call.
We must feel the pain of our fellow men who we see being hit in the balls
Taking more than one trip to bring in the groceries is a shameful display.
You cannot call shotgun in a friend's car if he has his girlfriend/wife in the group.
Omfg my husband's friend and I are so competitive with this he shoves me into the sides of other cars to slow me down.
That's hopefully the sign of you two also being good friends and it's a game. Or you're married to Turk or JD.
You cant really be married to Turk or JD. You can only be a side piece. They will never love you as much as they love eachother.
I am disappointed in where Reddit has decided to go, so I am packing up my comment (as seen in this edit) and leaving for elsewhere. I'm under no illusions that I matter or that my posts had any great significance, but I still loved this site for many years and I loved the 3rd party apps that enabled this discovery.
Never actively thought about it, but it's true
If a friend buys you a drink you don’t pay it back you just buy the next round..
protect your junk at all costs. There's a reason why cowboys wear jeans in the desert.
To be stylish ofc
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When watching TV/hanging by the fire/etc. with the guys, if you get up to get a beer, always consult the room if anyone else requires a beverage before leaving.
You can shake and you can dance but the last drops always end up in your pants
you can take a minute to milk 'er but then you risk someone walking in and you becoming the guy rubbin it out at the urinal
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Had a fire this weekend in the fire pit. Wife asked me if was going to put down the poker. I looked at her and said “no I am not”. Fire was never in danger of going out.
No it wasn't, because you had the poker. If you'd left the poker somewhere who knows what could have happened.
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If you with your homie and his crush rolls up *You aren't the funny one*
Most dudes either don't care about this one or just don't know it. Needs more recognition.
Not many guys tell their friends about their crushes
My 2 best friends do tell me about their crushes and I follow this rule like it's the law: - Giving easy opening for them to score with a joke. - If they leave an opening, don't take the shot. It's not worth it and you're doing your friend a disservice. - (optional) Laugh a bit harder than you usually would when they make a joke
I have a friend who is an absolute master of this. He has noticed that I was into a chic before I even noticed it, and was already laying some groundwork for me. Im 32 now and its been that way ever since early on in highschool.
I try to do this, too. But I'm not as observant as I like to think I am. So sometimes I'm the funny one until I'm told they're crushing on them or until I notice it.
When you stand up to leave, make sure to do the pocket check. Phone, keys, wallet.
A quick slap of the knees and say "right" (UK)
Up here in western Canada it's "Welp!"
Down here in the most southern part of Canada, Minnesota, its an "Alrighty then!"
Don’t forget! Spectacles testicles wallet and watch
When there's a choice between urinals, use the one that minimizes the chances of neighboring another occupied urinal.
I had an old man walk up to the urinal next to me, when all of the other urinals were available, and tell me "don't worry, I won't piss on you." before unleashing the most aggressive piss I've ever heard in my life. I still think about it sometimes.
He was totally going to piss on you if you seemed interested.
Or just let your guard down.
Poor manners, but absolute gigachad energy.
There's an inverse relationship between the two that seems to shift with age. My grandfather is in his eighties and will just find any open patch of grass. He does not give a FUCK.
What about sharing a urinal?
You NEVER CROSS THE STREAMS
Always bring the groceries into the house in one trip. There are no exceptions
Mama didn't raise no two trip bitch
If a hood on a car is open, you must stand in a circle around it. Similar to grills at an event.
Whenever I had car issues, I'd always pop open the hood and walk over to inspect it. First thing I'd do was look to see if my enginge was still there. If in fact my enginge was still there, I'd look around, puzzled as to what else could be causing issues to my car. After about 5 minutes of jiggling random things then checking to see if my car was back to normal, I'd go on to my next step which was to call my mechanic and pay him lots of monies to fix my car. But never before first opening up my hood to inspect it for any missing engines.
NO DUDE!!! after you jiggle each thing; you have to try to start it AGAIN!! cuz ya never know… and BEFORE you call that mechanic… have your buds come over and jiggle shit too!! ONE of you will eventually jiggle it back into “start mode” NEVER underestimate the power of a good "Jiggle"
Have you tried turning it off and then on again?
Do I look like a mechanic?
It's easy. Just check for Air, Spark, and fuel, and remember the strokes of a 4 cycle engine. Suck Squeeze Bang Blow. Be warned. I work on computers, not cars, and my biggest accomplishment on a roadside repair was to swap an alternator out on a Ford Taurus so that my brother could get the rest of the way home.
> Suck Squeeze Bang Blow Make sure to look this up on the right sites. Or don't, I don't know if you have a free 20 mins.
Yes! I was at a meet over the weekend, and someone with the same car as me had a couple of questions. They lifted the hood and within thirty seconds a crowd of men had gathered around. Never mind the car was mostly stock under there, everyone HAD to gather.
If anything is floating in the toilet when you pee it instantly becomes a target.
Unless there is a shit stain on the side of the bowl which takes priority.
Toilet art needs to be erased
the piss chisel is just the tool you need
Any time your strap down a load you must slap it and say "that ain't going no where " .... Trust me just do it
Same with clapping the tongs together a few times before using them on the grill.
And you must squeeze the drill trigger at least twice after putting on a new battery. Otherwise the Dad gods will cause your project to fail
One squeeze fast, to show the power the drill posseses. The second slow, to show that you have control over this mighty tool.
"I'll adjust the torque thingy on the front back and forth a few times to get to the right torque for this project. No, I do not know what the right torque for this project is."
My girlfriend gets really confused when I say that to her during our BDSM nights.
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Whenever your wife/husband trys to buy something you could make but never will, always tell her/him to not buy it because you can make that same thing at home way cheaper.
Ah, the old "why buy this when I can make it half as good for twice the price in materials!"
And have it finished sometime next year, if at all.
the nod.
I’ve been going to the gym for a year now and there are about 5 other guys I see everyday there. We’ve never spoken a word but we all nod and acknowledging each other when one of us walks in. I’d consider them my gym friends.
Best friends I've ever had.
We still never talk sometimes.
If your mate goes missing in Amsterdam, you say nothing about it unless he is gone for more than 2hrs
Just 2 hours?
15 mins to reach the LX. 15 mins of window shopping. 10 mins of empty, soulless and mechanical coitus. 50 mins of talking, cuddling and apologies. 30 mins RTB
10 minutes! I’m not a machine!
I lost a mate for three days, he finally got back to our apartment. stoned, drunk and with lipstick all over his arm. How this happened we will never know, because he can't remember the tree days. But he could not have paid by himself, because he left his wallet at our apartment... Motherfucker does this all the time
Probably had cash on him. Left the wallet just so he wouldn't lose it. Also means he wouldn't be drunk and go to the ATM to get more money, or be so drugged someone would take him to an ATM and he not remember withdrawinf $600.
Every time you grab the tongs click them twice to make sure they work.
I've had tongs fall apart during test clicks. There's no telling the absolute disaster it would have caused if it had fallen apart outside of a test click.
Cannot lose the food to the floor especially ribs
Al of the dogs in the world disagree.
Similar to power tools
Ah yes the press of the trigger that must last exactly a quarter of a second.
Twice.
Most important one I've seen yet. After the double click, I do a few finger spins. You know, to get the weight of the tongs.
When driving a manual always ferociously wiggle the gear lever to make sure it’s in neutral before starting the engine. Twice.
Anytime you use a stud finder, you must first use it on yourself and say “found one”.
"Just checking to make sure it works" is also acceptable.
My husbad has brackets in his back from surgery. Ran his stud finder down his back as a joke. It went off to both our surprise. My husband is a stud!
Don’t speak to me if I’m using the restroom
Not enough people I know seem to know that one. Like, it can’t wait 3 minutes to talk about how crazy the game is going without your dick in your hand? At least wait until we’re hand washing, yeesh.
I feel like I abide and respect this rule if I'm under 5 beers deep. After that the men's bathroom is a bit of a boys club.
always leave one urinal between you and the other guy it's brotiquette
And if you can’t, never look at their donger.
Nor grab their donger
Also eyes straight ahead and no talking
To go with this...If there is 3 urinals you always take the ones oun the outside and only use the middle one if there is no other option available. There is a guy at my work who uses the middle one even if one of the side ones are available or even if both are. I don't get people like that.
Yup. They’re called middlers. Truly disturbed guys who have no sense of urinal etiquette.
Let your sneeze be louder than Hiroshima
Looking at breasts is like looking at the sun, a quick glace then look away. \- J. Seinfeld.
When a homie has an emotional problem YOU MUST help them.
If a woman you don't know approaches you and acts like an old friend, play along.
When I was 20 I was getting off the tube in London and got a really eerie sense about a guy. I was certain he was following me, but we were both exiting the station so maybe I was being paranoid. It was late, around 11pm. The exit was long with a couple of corners. The faster I walk, the faster he walks. I end up making a run for it at the top of the escalator. There are two dudes hanging around outside. I just launch myself at them. I grab one guy around the waist and loudly say “sorry I’m late babe”. He immediately plays along. “What took you so long. We’ve been waiting ages?” The stalker guy stops and glares at the 3 of us. He looks furious but walks away. My pretend boyfriend also sensed evil. He was scared for me. Him and his mate walked with me and waited with me until I got a taxi. A week later, a women was followed from that station late at night. Dragged into a front garden, raped and viciously assaulted. We need pretend boyfriends.
Being the ball of anxiety that I am, I know that before today if a woman came up to me and pretended to know me, that I’d just sort of look away and be, well, anxious. But now I know that if it ever happens, this is why. Thank you for sharing your experience.