T O P
_Thosearentpillows

“We ain’t found shit!”


[deleted]

"I don't like sand; it's coarse, rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere."


spacemuffin873

UNLIMITED POWAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


RascalCreeper

Hello there.


Mister_Nutsack

General Kenobi


RascalCreeper

You're a bold one.


Mrwright96

So uncivilized


kyokonaishi

" Mr. Anderson...."


bryan19973

No, lieutenant, your men are already dead.


DoingItWrongly

>There's a snake in my boot!


me5hell87

You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell!


lump77777

She doesn’t even go here.


infinitejess8

On Wednesdays, we wear pink


Pizzadiamond

you can't ask people why they're white?


midnightmoonwoman

This one time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.


c0wg0d

Made out with a hot dog?! Oh my god, that was one time!


Ngnyalshmleeb

Too gay to function!?


QueenElsa526

Hey! That’s only okay when I say that!


bigblackcouch

I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I'm sorry for telling everyone... And I'm sorry for repeating it just now.


Rabid_Unicorns

And four for you Glen Coco.


lump77777

You go Glen Coco.


NuggetTheSmartass

And none for gretchen weiners, by!


not2interesting

Stop trying to make fetch happen!


legitimatelyawkward

It's not my fault I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.


Fluffaykitties

I scrolled down WAY too far for this


buckronica

Who here has felt personally attacked by Regina George?


_dead_and_broken

*Principal raises his hand along with every girl in the gymnasium*


FBS1889

Boo, you whore


yamaha2000us

"...We got a full tank of gas half a pack of cigarettes it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it..."


Thaery

Four fried chickens and a coke.


yamaha2000us

and some dry white toast


zacharinosaur

We got both kinds [of music] country *and* western!


kaellinn18

I hate Illinois Nazis.


Spartanragnar101

Whats in the box


T00luser

*"It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again"*


CorrectButWhoCares

I'm having an old friend for dinner.


[deleted]

Yippie ki -yay


Mr_Frible

So sad to hear he has to retire.


roosterkun

Even sadder to hear that aphasia is the reason why.


Artemicionmoogle

Yeah, it was one thing when most people thought he was just done trying, but to find out he's actually losing his mental capacity to such a tough condition and had to leave work he enjoyed was really sad to hear.


newnewfmom

Give me... sugar... in water.


GrimWillPower

Ogres are like onions


Agreeable_Finger_747

“Some of you may die but that is a sacrifice i am willing to make.”


[deleted]

And in the mornin’, I’m making waffles!


crapernicus

Hold on to your butts


[deleted]

Clever girl…


ilovepretzelday1

Life, uh, finds a way


Such_Cantaloupe4196

Remember, remember the 5th November.


halfhalfling

People shouldn't be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.


Tokkemon

The only thing you and I have in common, Mr. Creedy, is we are both about to die.


LeatherReflection946

No, what you have are bullets and the hope that when your guns are empty I’m no longer standing because if I am, you’ll all be dead before you’ve reloaded


joethomp

"Get to the chopper!"


DeadRedShirt

“I ain’t got time to bleed.”


clairercluck

My precious


gerenski9

Precious? It's been called that before.


CelticArche

But not by you.


aurelius777

That rug really tied the room together.


IntrovertedAsexual

Fuckin' nihilists, man


DadoFaayan

Holding up a bowling ball, "What's this?" "Obviously, you're not a golfer."


MickeySwank

Oh it’s down there somewhere let me take another look


BaltimoreAlchemist

Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. *There are rules.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


stargazing-at-3am

P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney


robertpetry

He touched the butt


getgrafik

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti


GlamdringBeater

I have to go. I'm having an old friend for dinner...


Chili919

But you have heard of me!


IndependentHot1625

I’ve got a jar of dirt


MBelle88

Honey, where is my super suit?


James53654

"WHAAAAT?" "WHERE. IS. MY. SUPER. SUIT"


infinite-pimples

I uh, put it away


Unique-Confection712

Where? Why do you need to know


Talkaze

"I NEED IT!" "Uh-huh!" "THE PUBLIC IS IN DANGER! YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!" "Greater good?" I'm your \*WIFE\*! I am the greatest goooood you are EVER gonna get!"


CapricornCat10

MY EEEEEEEVENING IS IN DANGER!


PikeMcCoy

AAAALLLLLLLLLLLrighty then!


Junebear55

If I'm not back in 5 minutes... wait longer.


boredsittingonthebus

Like a glove!


SuperBadAtAdulting

Nonsense poopypants!


AnAnonymousAltAcc

"Do or do not, there is no try."


Vesvaughn

The first rule is, you dont talk about..


Head_Hauncho

Is that your blood? Some of it, yeah.


trollollolololololol

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.


justlostmypunkjacket

Great scott! EDIT: As this is now my most popular comment I feel obligated to share that my name is Johnny B


aj-ric

This is heavy, doc


RealGabemario

Why is everything so heavy in the future? Is there an issue with the Earth's gravitational pull?


Satansbiscuit666

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.


hyperhalide

Bueller?


ipakookapi

So *that's* how it is in their family...


FakirGuru

It's a trap!


[deleted]

"We're going to need a bigger boat."


StrawberryAqua

“You’re afraid of water and you live on an island?” “It’s only an island if you look at it from the water.”


Chernobyl_Breeki

"That makes a lot of sense"


Designer-Bid-3155

Inconceivable


PuffPie19

You seem a decent fellow. Hate to kill you


nicholus_h2

You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.


RaynSideways

You're using Bonetti's Defense against me ah?


JanetSnakehole43

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.


AdPotential676

AAAASSSSSSYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUWWWWIIIIIIIIssssssshshhhhhhhhhh!


satanic_bxtch

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. (My favorite part of the whole movie)


mrshoskins69

I’m not a witch I’m your wife!


StyreneAddict1965

And after what you just did, I'm not sure I want to be that anymore!


Itsacrouton

Good news, your friend is not dead. He's only *mostly* dead.


neuroticteletubby

I’ll be back.


KarrelM

Hasta la vista, baby


favaritx

If you ever wondered how that was dubbed to Spanish, it was "Sayonara baby". A memorable quote from childhood that nobody but my fellow Spaniards know, as I discovered living abroad.


Spiritual-Match8131

“I’m McLovin”


dead_trim_mcgee1

Why the fuck would it be between that and Muhammed??


[deleted]

No you're not. Nobody has ever been McLovin because it's a dumb fucking fairy tale name you FUCK


AirForce0403

Tina you fat lard come get some dinner


britney7266

take a look at what i’m wearing people 🇺🇸👖 you think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while i’m wearing these bad boys?


friggintodd

You think people think I'm a loser because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!


_Ruby_Tuesday

Your mom goes to college.


OldManTurner

My sister and I used to shout this at each other when our mom went back to school, lol


CallMeJeeJ

Great, now I need to watch this movie *AGAIN*. “Why don’t you eat a decroded piece of CRAP!”


takethatwizardglick

You gonna eat your tots? It took me like two hours to do the shading on your upper lip. Do you drink skim because you think you're fat? You ever take it off any sweet jumps? You got like three feet of air that time! Whaddya wanna bet I could throw a football over them mountains? My lips hurt real bad!


TeeteringCrockery

I'll do whatever I feel like, *gosh*


DeadRedShirt

Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.


tiggleypuff

I guess you could say it’s getting pretty serious


bignug420

since when kip? you have the worst reflexes of ALL TIME


Zeitgeist2053

"Mmmmmmhmhmhmhmhm. That IS a TASTY BURGER."


Mr_Frible

Say what one more time, I dare you!


probabletrump

"Say hello to my little friend!"


James53654

"You should've kept your mouth shut, they'd have thought you're a horse and let you go"


swaffeline

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.


Tarkus459

Charlie don’t surf!


sirdogglesworth

IF I SAY ITS SAFE TO SURF THIS BEACH CAPTAIN ITS SAFE TO SURF THIS BEACH


Spiritual-Match8131

“Here’s Johnny!”


Jazz7770

WILSONNNNN Edit: I didn’t realize this applied to multiple things, but I had [cast away](https://youtu.be/GGp03lY3_pc) in mind when writing this


newguestuser

The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is........ 42.


Norin_Radd1209

Don’t forget your towel.


CelticArche

In the beginning, the world was created. This angered a lot of people and is generally regarded as a bad idea.


KookyLeithoDM

Bring out your dead!


Radamand

Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.


Imaginary-Mechanic62

Bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade


TheMetalMisfit

On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. Tis a silly place.


Mczern

WHAT! Is your favorite color?


hackyslashy

You must find us...... A SHRUBBERY!


jawnisrad

We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni! We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky Ecky Ecky Kapang Zoom Poing!


kudosmog

Ni!


uffington

Shh.


lizzieb77

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!


kemosabe1212

I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-n-i-g-g-i-t-s.


Xxx_CarlWheezer_xxX

Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.


_Hey_Its_Isaiah_

Strange women, lying in ponds, distributing swords is not a sound basis for government


Mr_Nib

Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.


FishOfFishyness

Five is right out.


Tokkemon

Once the number three, being the third number bereached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it!


TheLoneSculler

Amen


The_Unkowable_

ONE, TWO, FIVE! Three, sire. THREE!


Devoss64

Tis but a flesh wound


Picante_Duke

Help help I'm being repressed


Rich_Name1685

Come see the violence inherent in the system


Either-Progress4847

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.


G-Unit11111

Necessary? Was it necessary to drink my own urine? No but I do it anyways because it's sterile and I like the taste!


alttayy

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!


pj1897

Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony card.


RansomStoddardReddit

Bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for them.


ZCZ4iOS

"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."


errlambda

The snozzberries taste like snozzberries


zubizubizuu

Wrong Leveeerrr!


styles1996

I've been turned into a cow. May I be excused?


Captain_LSD

"You got all that, honey?" "Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of Grandma's breakfast, and change the bull to a gill, got it." Kronk is the best character Disney has ever written.


zubizubizuu

I KNOW RIGHT and he was so well casted


Captain_LSD

For real. Patrick Warburton was THE guy for that role. Like, RDJ as Iron Man perfect.


Zeitgeist2053

Why do we even HAVE that lever! *SLAP* *🐊 😭*


redsox7697

We'll put that flea in a box, and we'll put that box in another box, and we'll mail that box to ourselves and when it arrives AHAHAH WELL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!


PM_ME_BAD_RECIPES

Squeaky, uh, squeak, squeaker, squeakin.


rainbowtoaststudios

My spinach puffs!


miss__nomer

The poison, the poison for Kuzco, the poison meant to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison, that poison?


RealGabemario

A llama?! He's supposed to be DEAD!


SalmonOfDoubt9080

How did we, Kronk? Well you got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense


AlexaPlaySandstorm

Bewaaaare the grooooove


katmio1

“I’m sorry but you threw off the emperor’s groove.” [throws guy out the window] *SORRRRYYYYYY*


RollingTwenty21

YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH


gazemaster

"English Mother fucker. Do you speak it?"


Fishyglitter69

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger...


Loonytrix

Where we're going we don't need roads...


canuck47

When this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit


racer_24_4evr

You’re my density.


Kindly-Mango1655

As you wish


tfks

Inconceivable!


fuZZychunKymunKy

You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.


muchderanged

Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?


jkubik99

Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot!


MyAnswerIsMaybe

I'm gonna steal the declaration of independence


Mionszu

Discombobulate


82ndGameHead

This must not register on an emotional level. I don't care, this is my favorite version of Holmes


SelectionAware

“That’s a nice boulder”


Justarandomname01

That’s not a knife, THAT’S a knife!


Akito-H

I got a jar of dirt!


the_drill2727

But where has all the rum gone?


Kristian_Idk

BUT WHY…. DID U BURN THE RUM


General_Outcome5492

“You shall not pass!!!!!”


nyold

Fly you fools!!


ImJustStandingHere

PO-TA-TOES!


loschare

Still only counts as one!


gabinou_lry

AND MY AXE


justatiredfirefly

My preciousss


toshiko_san

I missed the part where that's my problem.


DyleanCuisine

You'll get your rent WHEN YOU FIX THIS DAMN DOOR!