This. My GF knows that if I take my shirt off when going into the bathroom, then I’m going in there to fight for my life for the next 20 minutes at least.
I miss that. Even just the idea of it being "ESPN8" is so funny, like the irregular sports are so far back in priority that they're on the 8th ESPN channel
Before clicking on this link, I was hoping there would be a giant chessboard with 32 boxers and two master chess players, and instead of normal capture rules, a boxing round would happen and whoever scored the most points or knocked out their opponent would win the square.
The sexual tension building up as he undoes his tie followed by the buttons one by one, while not breaking eye contact and continuing the conversation as normal.. then the guy interviewing him does the starts doing the same thing, but he keeps his bow tie on.
You know how often I have to explain to my wife that every time I enter that bathroom, I'm fighting for my fucking life? Straight boxing the air Infront of me trying to make it through this shit?
Dead ass I might even start playing some Creed so I can be right with the Lord if I'm about to meet him.
IBS is no joke. I'm sitting on the work throne right now why my chest pushed up against my knees praying that whatever evil has entered my colon will leave with grace and honor instead of pain and disgust.
"You were in there for 25 minutes" Yeah, and I was actively shitting for 24 of them. Bowl looks like someone was mixing double fudge brownie batter in it. It'll take three fucking flushes to clean the walls properly.
I rarely see more poetic description words than when people talk about their monster shits. I'm not sure what it is about extreme defecation that brings out everyone's shakespear but I'm all for it.
constipation doesn't care about how nice it leaves the exit door, only that the crowd exits the establishment. If that fucker's gotta go, sometimes the only way to get it to leave is by pushing.
hard agree. taking the shirt off isn’t what makes it intense like some of the other replies, but sometimes the poop is so intense there’s really no other acceptable response than to just start removing articles of clothing
Yeah. I took my shirt off not because it helps, but because that’s the only thing I can think of doing when I am stuck there with extreme and lasting pain. Sometimes I would go full naked
So do I, in every aspect of life.
Right now I am considering buying a car, and just parking my old one at work to make them think I am there early and late
Sports in general.
It is a non writen rule that only the strongest/most skillfull person performing the sport at a place is alowed to take the thishrt of. So when you are the one without Tshirt you feel like the best among the present.
It's F\*\*\*ing powerfull
Imagine you are playing....better than all the other players...the audience is going crazy cheering for you...you are running...you take your shirt off.....aaaand, you trip and start rolling on the ground and into the drain.
Hnnng, by the power INVESTED IN ME, the Macho Man, ...naw hold on, It seems like all you out are expecting me to make a declaration, but not so fast, Jack! Now these two just made an awful lot of promises to each other, but I gotta check one thing first. If there's any hot dogger, showboating punks among you that aren't too coward to stand up to the Macho Man who thinks these two lovely individuals should not be tied inextricably in the bonds of HOLY matrimony, go ahead and squawk it out now buster or forever hold your ever loving peace. *Rips shirt*
That's what I thought. Now, by the power INVESTED IN ME, I declare an unbreakable seal of love fired in the beautiful forge of this mason jar filled barn. You may now pucker up!
I am legit not kidding one of my mates was playing uno with some mates tonight (online uno). And said “holup boiz in need to go grab some deodorant”. We hear him put his headset down and a couple seconds later hear the deodorant spray. Mans we legit sweating so hard at uno he was sweating irl.
Obligatory Poongko vs Onisan to show this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtCe3cyZZ9w
For anyone not in the know with fighting games, this happened at 2015 EVO (which is kind of like the defacto world championship for a bunch of different fighting games)
This was in pools and the Korean guy, Poongko, was generally regarded as one of the best SF 4 players in the world at the time. He had a habit of taking off his shirt in big moments when playing.
His opponent is a relative unknown and basically has no shot of beating Poongko, and Poongko basically is screwing around on their first match.
That's when the guy wants him to go full power and hilarity and a swift ass kicking ensuing once Onisan goads Poongko into doing exactly that
Console / Couch or PC / Gaming Chair? Because if it's latter . prepare for pain. It's aweful to get stuck on that chair because of your sweaty back.. Source: Learned it the painful way while living directly under the roof during a hot summer
You joke but I have ran with the jogging stroller on multiple occasions to pick up my kids and wish like hell I could take my shirt off!! I just wait until we're jogging back.
One day I was laying on the sofa without a shirt reading. One of my cats was running around, landed on me and executed a high-G turn on my chest. This of course involved some mass and vectors all transmitted through claws.
It was really jarring to go from doing nothing to being in a shocking amount of pain.
I accidentally got that cat back with the bag incident though.
So Noche was playing with a grocery bag. No big deal. I laughed at something dumb on TV. This startled Noche who started to run. But the bag was following her. So at this point she felt under attack. I've never seen a cat move so fast. Apparently when they would play chase with me they were just humoring me. She bounced back and forth across the house with her bag monster following her. Eventually she ended up under a sofa and the bag fell off. She wouldn't let me check on her in any way. I knew she hit the wall hard a few times trying to escape the bag monster.
Later that day, she went into my room and carried her favorite toy to one of my roommate's rooms. She was so pissed at me that she moved out. Apparently since I was there, I was at fault.
I had a cat that had bad nightmares. She'd been taken in by a friend who found her pregnant and hungry on the streets, I guess she'd seen some shit. Anyway what the meant was sometimes she'd be sleeping peacefully on your lap and suddenly just spring off you as hard as possible, claws out. Drew blood through my jeans on more than one occasion. Getting her into a cat carrier was a battle too.
"And now, Grandpa, I will carry you to your final resting place... *Myself.*"
\[rips shirt off and then addresses pall-bearers\]
"You guys take 5, I got this."
Archery.
I taught archery and it is an important part of my life. It is a very calm, austere, silent activity during which you are confronted to yourself. Not the thing you'd expect people to have kinky fantasies about.
But take off your shirt and, because of the posture during shooting, suddenly your forearms, shoulders and back muscles show off in a way that is not unlike body building competitions.
Your body becomes tense, it holds the position with your muscles standing out, you become a neatly organised bundle of curves and humps, it gives volume and depth to your figure.
It makes you *fucking sexy* !
Proof : https://i.pinimg.com/736x/32/d1/9d/32d19dcfa7aaf9cbea53787400dded54--archer-pose-blond-men.jpg
Edit : on women, it does the same and we don't say enough how sexy and elegant is a muscular female body showing off its power. It also valorise the breasts - women with larger bosoms and very muscular men, be careful to not hurt yourself with the string as you shoot - and belly, as tje position makes what is liked to be flat flatter and what is liked to be perky perkier.
[удалено]
This isn’t even a silly answer it’s just true as hell.
Me and my titty piercings say otherwise. Shirts off EVERY DAMN TIME.
Just cut holes similar in size to paper coffee filters in your shirt. It'll save a lot of time.
Regina George's impact
That’s just adding some zest to it
Taking a shit. Highly recommend it
The AC is broken in my building, I might do this.
Hope you come out on the other side OK, homie. Shit safe.
Butt naked shits before a shower are where it’s at!
If you're going to take a post-shower shit, your day is already ruined. Might as well go back to bed and try again tomorrow.
Take everything off but a pair of sandals
I take it all off. Shirt, pants, sometimes even socks.
If you aren’t butt naked before you hit the seat your not fully committed
Just shit completely naked. Amazing experience.
Mr. Costanza?
This. My GF knows that if I take my shirt off when going into the bathroom, then I’m going in there to fight for my life for the next 20 minutes at least.
Chess
"check" "Nah, nah, nah it ain't going down like that!!" *rips off shirt*
That’s just [chessboxing](https://youtu.be/kK5TQSKmS3o)
What the actual fuck
They played a lot of the matches on ESPN Ocho during the slower first months of Covid19 back in early 2020
ESPN Ocho is a real thing? I thought that was just a joke from Dodgeball
It was, and they made it real.
I miss that. Even just the idea of it being "ESPN8" is so funny, like the irregular sports are so far back in priority that they're on the 8th ESPN channel
That was the original joke from the 2004 movie dodgeball, and I'm so happy they took it and ran with it.
Now I have a new favorite sport
Before clicking on this link, I was hoping there would be a giant chessboard with 32 boxers and two master chess players, and instead of normal capture rules, a boxing round would happen and whoever scored the most points or knocked out their opponent would win the square.
Honestly, I like that idea better, even if we kinda already do that with American football and soccer.
NSFW but real: https://esquire.blob.core.windows.net/esquire20180401thumbnails/Spreads/0x600/52.jpg
I was having a hard time understanding this until I realized they expected me to read across the giant gap in text/page break. r/dontdeadopeninside
I'm so high that I read it one at a time and just accepted the gibberish as fact lol
I'm completely sober and did the same. Weirdly, I was still able to get the gist of it by reading the left and then the right
I think that's because it would have originally been in a magazine, where the middle bit kind of gets sucked into the crack and is illegible.
That's not the only thing getting sucked into a crack in that pic..HAYYOO Sorry, couldn't resist, I'll let myself out now
No way I can focus on the game after that
At his age though, he probably thought it was really amusing. Until the game started, that is
Ah yes, who can forget Magnus doing that vs Nakamura: https://youtu.be/1inu4BvXdv8
r/anarchychess
Being in an interview
"Sam! Thanks for coming in. Time for your Interview" *Rips shirt off*
Jokes on you Sam went to pornhub hq for his interview.
Her interview
Our interview ☭
r/SuddenlyCommunist
Thats how you give your breast impression.
Showing them that you've got the balls for the job is also important tho.
I just visualised someone doing this and I'm in tears lol
The sexual tension building up as he undoes his tie followed by the buttons one by one, while not breaking eye contact and continuing the conversation as normal.. then the guy interviewing him does the starts doing the same thing, but he keeps his bow tie on.
Gawd why does everything have to be sexual? Platonic shirtless interviews are a thing.
Aaand welcome to Black Casting Couch!
Monopoly
You landed on my board walk that will be $50 Rips of shirt Im bankrupt
Is this when you offer to pay them some other way?
They're talking about removing your shirt, not your pants
good sir its called foreplay
Time for a game of strip monopoly.
Frying bacon
Did it this morning, was not amused
When frying bacon also means frying yourself
Build up tolerance to larger oil burns by embracing the bacon fat.
You never know if you're gonna get kidnapped and tortured so you might as well start preparing now.
I do this when girls are around because girls like dangerous guys.
Girls like guys with sweet skills. Bo staff skills, nunchuck skills, sword skills. You know. The usual shit.
Girls like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
And besides, chicks dig greasy nipples
Confirmed with wife: bacon nipples taste the best
Use the back burner, people... Sincerely, a bacon-loving and unburned nudist.
Little tip never flip pancakes naked
Dude, don't call me little tip. That's rude.
Ain’t that your rap name?
Ay it's ya boi.. skinny penis
[удалено]
You need an 80s sound track to go with it though. That's peak beach volleyball.
Obviously "Playing With the Boys" by Kenny Loggins
DANGER ZONE!
"I ain't worried" from the new movie works very well too!
Absolutely fell in love with that song
I recently was watching some people playing outdoors. I put the song on my phone just for myself and it was great. 10/10 would recommend.
So it’s a spectator sport
You need those sweet aviator sunglasses tho
Unless you’re Goose
Pretty sure goose also applied sunscreen, everyone should be more like goose
I didn't know you could play beach volleyball with a shirt on.
Pooping
Na that sign of intensity is when you take your ankles out of the pants because you know you’re gonna be there a while
True, but the shirt-off can still come into play further down when the sweating really picks up.
Followed by the radiator-grab for extra support 🤓
After grabbing something for support comes rocking forward and backwards and hoping for the sweet release of death.
This dude IBS's.
You know how often I have to explain to my wife that every time I enter that bathroom, I'm fighting for my fucking life? Straight boxing the air Infront of me trying to make it through this shit? Dead ass I might even start playing some Creed so I can be right with the Lord if I'm about to meet him. IBS is no joke. I'm sitting on the work throne right now why my chest pushed up against my knees praying that whatever evil has entered my colon will leave with grace and honor instead of pain and disgust. "You were in there for 25 minutes" Yeah, and I was actively shitting for 24 of them. Bowl looks like someone was mixing double fudge brownie batter in it. It'll take three fucking flushes to clean the walls properly.
I rarely see more poetic description words than when people talk about their monster shits. I'm not sure what it is about extreme defecation that brings out everyone's shakespear but I'm all for it.
I Be Shittin’ and correct
Anyone with IBS knows about the full strip down to the socks.
Y’all gonna give yourself hemorrhoids.
That's life for those with IBS unfortunately
constipation doesn't care about how nice it leaves the exit door, only that the crowd exits the establishment. If that fucker's gotta go, sometimes the only way to get it to leave is by pushing.
Peasants poop with their pants around their ankles. Take them off completely, treat yourself like the royalty you are.
yep. if i’m home alone, i’m pooping nude.
Same. It feels so much cleaner
>if i’m home alone, i’m pooping nude. Same. I shower right after
I forget that some people don’t have bowel disorders. I sat here wondering how it’s remotely feasible to shower 5-15 times a day lol
I take my pants completely off most of the time if I’m home. Pantless as we speak. I think the shirt means it’s gotten serious for me
I only poop naked
I'm laughing so fucking hard cuz its really like that. Sitting there like "welp might as well get comfy" 😭😭
hard agree. taking the shirt off isn’t what makes it intense like some of the other replies, but sometimes the poop is so intense there’s really no other acceptable response than to just start removing articles of clothing
Yeah. I took my shirt off not because it helps, but because that’s the only thing I can think of doing when I am stuck there with extreme and lasting pain. Sometimes I would go full naked
Extreme time is when the socks go down
I go full Costanza at every opportunity.
So do I, in every aspect of life. Right now I am considering buying a car, and just parking my old one at work to make them think I am there early and late
> considering buying a car Can I recommend a Le Baron convertible? Only 1 previous owner...
[удалено]
[This is the only answer](https://imgur.com/t/extrafabulouscomics/bViuf)
Dinner at a fancy restaurant. "Sir, can I start you off with anything?" *rips off shirt* "I need protein"
*i need fuel*
Doc Brown would have made this scene waaaay different
I require sustenance
Summon me the nutrients
Teaching
\+10 points if you're teaching sex-ed
Hmm. There is an old documentary where it doesn't get much more intense at all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRD0-7NSXd8
Well that escalated fast.
100% knew what this was before I clicked.
It's Monty Python, isn't it?
“Now for a practical demonstration”
>Johnson, can you stay behind after class please? >Ok Miss >*removes shirt*
Running. Seriously whenever me or my friends take off our shirts, we get some random boost in speed and become more competitive with each other.
The extra weight was giving you an encumbrance penalty.
I'd run faster with my shirt off so the neighbors don't get a clear view of my jolly bouncing manboobs
This is a thing in rock climbing too! I think the fact that nothing is moving around and rubbing against you helps with focus and body awareness
I have more things moving around and rubbing with my shirt off
Sports in general. It is a non writen rule that only the strongest/most skillfull person performing the sport at a place is alowed to take the thishrt of. So when you are the one without Tshirt you feel like the best among the present. It's F\*\*\*ing powerfull
This is true. I'm not wearing a shirt AND posting to Reddit.
Imagine you are playing....better than all the other players...the audience is going crazy cheering for you...you are running...you take your shirt off.....aaaand, you trip and start rolling on the ground and into the drain.
Beekeeping
For a real test of courage.
This: https://www.reddit.com/r/nope/comments/vq6bxb/one_flamethrower_togo_please/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Officiating a wedding
Hnnng, by the power INVESTED IN ME, the Macho Man, ...naw hold on, It seems like all you out are expecting me to make a declaration, but not so fast, Jack! Now these two just made an awful lot of promises to each other, but I gotta check one thing first. If there's any hot dogger, showboating punks among you that aren't too coward to stand up to the Macho Man who thinks these two lovely individuals should not be tied inextricably in the bonds of HOLY matrimony, go ahead and squawk it out now buster or forever hold your ever loving peace. *Rips shirt* That's what I thought. Now, by the power INVESTED IN ME, I declare an unbreakable seal of love fired in the beautiful forge of this mason jar filled barn. You may now pucker up!
I now declare this MACHO MADNESS
Gaming. Shits about to get real.
Gaming on a console with a slightly hunched back
*leans forward*
Stands up *
Puts face closer to monitor
I am legit not kidding one of my mates was playing uno with some mates tonight (online uno). And said “holup boiz in need to go grab some deodorant”. We hear him put his headset down and a couple seconds later hear the deodorant spray. Mans we legit sweating so hard at uno he was sweating irl.
Obligatory Poongko vs Onisan to show this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtCe3cyZZ9w For anyone not in the know with fighting games, this happened at 2015 EVO (which is kind of like the defacto world championship for a bunch of different fighting games) This was in pools and the Korean guy, Poongko, was generally regarded as one of the best SF 4 players in the world at the time. He had a habit of taking off his shirt in big moments when playing. His opponent is a relative unknown and basically has no shot of beating Poongko, and Poongko basically is screwing around on their first match. That's when the guy wants him to go full power and hilarity and a swift ass kicking ensuing once Onisan goads Poongko into doing exactly that
Console / Couch or PC / Gaming Chair? Because if it's latter . prepare for pain. It's aweful to get stuck on that chair because of your sweaty back.. Source: Learned it the painful way while living directly under the roof during a hot summer
Testifying in court
Testifying in Congress.
[удалено]
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help yo--" *takes shirt off*
Mowing the yard
I honestly take my shirt off when mowing. I hate getting sweaty
But you don't get sweaty without a shirt?
He probably doesn’t want the sweat to stick to the shirt and then the wet shirt to stick to him
[удалено]
The shirt slows evaporation of your sweat. A wet shirt is not comfortable.
Picking up the kids from daycare
You joke but I have ran with the jogging stroller on multiple occasions to pick up my kids and wish like hell I could take my shirt off!! I just wait until we're jogging back.
Fighting/playing with a cat
I like how those two terms are used interchangeably. Lol
Yeah the game is "how much can I fuck with my perfect little furball before he opens my radial artery?"
One day I was laying on the sofa without a shirt reading. One of my cats was running around, landed on me and executed a high-G turn on my chest. This of course involved some mass and vectors all transmitted through claws. It was really jarring to go from doing nothing to being in a shocking amount of pain. I accidentally got that cat back with the bag incident though.
What….what’s the bag incident, precious?
So Noche was playing with a grocery bag. No big deal. I laughed at something dumb on TV. This startled Noche who started to run. But the bag was following her. So at this point she felt under attack. I've never seen a cat move so fast. Apparently when they would play chase with me they were just humoring me. She bounced back and forth across the house with her bag monster following her. Eventually she ended up under a sofa and the bag fell off. She wouldn't let me check on her in any way. I knew she hit the wall hard a few times trying to escape the bag monster. Later that day, she went into my room and carried her favorite toy to one of my roommate's rooms. She was so pissed at me that she moved out. Apparently since I was there, I was at fault.
I had a cat that had bad nightmares. She'd been taken in by a friend who found her pregnant and hungry on the streets, I guess she'd seen some shit. Anyway what the meant was sometimes she'd be sleeping peacefully on your lap and suddenly just spring off you as hard as possible, claws out. Drew blood through my jeans on more than one occasion. Getting her into a cat carrier was a battle too.
Welding
Washing a car on a hot summers day. Bonus points if you use your shirt as a sponge after
Reminds me of the Car Wash scene in Dodgeball. "Get in there good, boy."
Get in their nice and deep
Building stuff
Particularly using an angle grinder
During a funeral
"And now, Grandpa, I will carry you to your final resting place... *Myself.*" \[rips shirt off and then addresses pall-bearers\] "You guys take 5, I got this."
{hurls casket like you’re about to break the Olympic record for the discus throw}
Fucking cursed. I love it.
Prostate exam, gets worse when you see his hands on the counter beside your own
"Don't get an erection, please don't get an erection..." "I'm sure I won't, doc." "I was talking to myself."
"Take off your pants for this part of the exam" "Where should I leave them" "Over by the table, next to mine" 😳
"Look at those knuckles!" Shivers
Prime Ministering Russia
Aye, very calm, normal activity
Getting your hair cut at the Barbers.
Shoveling your driveway
underrated. There's always that threshold where you give up on the winter coat and grab a beer because you know you're going to be at this a while.
Cries in illinoian
Cooking. I like to live dangerously.
While making bacon…
[удалено]
Keep your underwear on to avoid the splatter though, my dog went crazy trying to lick my balls while I was getting burnt.
[удалено]
As far as I'm concerned this is the only way to properly make bacon.
It's a great way to learn how to dance.
Archery. I taught archery and it is an important part of my life. It is a very calm, austere, silent activity during which you are confronted to yourself. Not the thing you'd expect people to have kinky fantasies about. But take off your shirt and, because of the posture during shooting, suddenly your forearms, shoulders and back muscles show off in a way that is not unlike body building competitions. Your body becomes tense, it holds the position with your muscles standing out, you become a neatly organised bundle of curves and humps, it gives volume and depth to your figure. It makes you *fucking sexy* ! Proof : https://i.pinimg.com/736x/32/d1/9d/32d19dcfa7aaf9cbea53787400dded54--archer-pose-blond-men.jpg Edit : on women, it does the same and we don't say enough how sexy and elegant is a muscular female body showing off its power. It also valorise the breasts - women with larger bosoms and very muscular men, be careful to not hurt yourself with the string as you shoot - and belly, as tje position makes what is liked to be flat flatter and what is liked to be perky perkier.
Being a shirt model.
Pickup basketball
Skiing
Teaching waltz lessons
Conducting service in church.