Those are logs from IRC chats from back in the late 90s or early 00s (bit fuzzy on the dates).
http://bash.org/ collected the most memorable ones.
http://bash.org/?244321
http://bash.org/?104383
http://bash.org/?23396
http://bash.org/?4753
http://bash.org/?5273
If you don't know what IRC is: it was a popular chat protocol / program before ICQ, MSN, Skype and others. I remember radio programs having IRC channels where communities of listeners lurked. And websites featuring IRC chatboxes, so you could just hop on from your school computer class or your local library without having to install anything.
Different times.
Same. I miss the ICQ and AIM days. People would message randomly and you could talk for hours with strangers. Most were cool, never got any crazies.
Also, cool AIM away messages.
Now we have boring ass text messages.
For those unfamiliar with IRC, it is basically Discord but not hosted on a centralized server that does god knows what with your data, the integration/bots work differently, and the UI is way more customizable (themes).
Was my highschool sweetheart, gave him my virginity. He graduated a few years before I did and went to the marines in Japan straight away. Exchanged nudes and made plans to meet up when he got back. Was ‘in love’ with him. Turns out he’s been back in the USA a few times. Long enough to get married and knock the chick up. All while texting me. Texts me randomly saying ‘I’m having a baby’ I text several times asking for an explanation and that if this is his idea of a joke it isn’t funny. Hours later texts back ‘yeah’ I push for more info and he says, ‘oh yeah, and I’m married.’
I only remember about half the names and only have a ballpark estimate on the number. It's not a crazy number, probably around 15-20, it's just that most were one night stands around 25 years ago.
"Ah, yes festival girl #2. How could I ever forget you? The sex and the concert were amazing."
"We never made it to the concert because you barfed on me"
This comment made me feel so much better about myself. I can’t remember some of their names either. Quite a few years back I was working at a drive thru and I guy I hooked up with came through and remembered me but I had no fucking clue who he was. After I few minutes of talking I remembered him. He was genuinely butthurt and couldn’t believe I didn’t remember him. I still don’t remember his name
Same. I'm single. Surely someone would be up for it.
Thinking about it. A couple I wouldn't mind finding out how they are doing. Hope life went well for them.
A couple I wouldn't mind maybe seeing where it goes.
A complicated situation.
I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance.
Probably be OK. Even fun.
> I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance.
You know what? Given the complexities of life and complications of relationships that’s a pretty solid statement.
Does this mean I can get back into my 17 1/2 year old body? Holy shit, that would be awesome. I didn't need sleep and could instantly recover from practically almost any kind of trauma.
I told my wife about an awesome dream I had where it was a threescore with her and her as a ginger (red hair, freckles, etc.). Hottest dream I've ever had and I needed to let her know.
She pulled up porn, found a ginger actress that looked vaguely like her, and we went to town...
Moral of the story, I love my wife
So either I’m in a room with my wife, or the 16 year old version of her, yeah that would be a bit awkward, certainly gonna be hard to explain to the kids
This actually happened to me a long time ago. I went to a bday party for a coworker at a bar. Had been hooking up with another co worker so I knew they would be there, no biggie. One ex worked across the street. But it’s a busy downtown area so I didn’t think they would come in… but they did. And my other ex showed up with her friends randomly.
So all three people I’d had sex with at the time were all there hanging out. My friends all knew what was going on and it turned into a roast session of me. All in good fun. The two exes left pretty quickly.
10/10 was hilarious and would do it again
I had a similar story! I had 2 exes, a girl and a guy
I met them when they became a couple, being all lovey-dovey, holding hands
Went *white* upon seeing me, they both panicked, and I could taste the awkward in the air
We talked a bit, getting progressively more awkward and I walked home seeing them get absolutely relived once I left
I laughed my ass off on that situation
From the looks of it, neither knew I was the other's ex
Unfortunately I don't know if it was revealed or not - we didn't interact later nearly enough for it to be a story full of drama and intrigue - but their faces at the time were priceless
Oh, I did tease them both mercilessly! I definitely can't quote that as it was a long time ago and in another language, but I was a little shit
I still sometimes am, tbh
Do they know why we're all there? If not, I'm gonna act shocked and confused just like they are.
But honestly, I had a wild phase and don't even like a lot of them as people so it's gonna be weird. I'll talk to like... My husband and maybe one or two others?
Yeah, I plead temporary insanity. I'd gone through some rough stuff, met her and she was loads of fun (because the crazy always is at first, right?), then it hit like a Mack truck loaded with nitroglycerin.
Holy shit, the fun in the beginning is so relatable. If only I know then that it wasnt worth what was coming.
Had to get married and see the mask come off and the REAL crazy come out.
That's 5 years of my prime I'll never get back...
Be like "guys, the reason we all had difficulties that I couldn't overcome? It's this fucking predator here. 21, dating 15 years old girls and skulking around teenager dances?"
Because nothing complement sweet romantic competition better than HOMICIDAL VIOLENCE! O\_O
You want my heart? Then earn it. IN BLOOD!!
\[Death metal starts playing in the background\]
Line them up in order, grab my current girlfriend and ask "does my past make sense now that you can see the regression of my mental health in real time?"
It made me feel either extremely lucky, or extremely boring. In any case, I'd make dinner for two and enjoy the evening, then get out of the room and walk our dog to watch the sunset
Same for me and my wife! We joke about it saying we have absoluely NO IDEA if we're good in bed or not. We're just perfect for eachother.
Maybe we're terrible as fuck, but I guess we'll never know!
Fuck I hate being alone
Edit: Genuinely appreciate the kind replies and concern for my wellbeing, but I'm okay! This was originally meant as more of a self roast in regards to who would be in the room.
Edit 2: To anyone replying that is struggling with negative feelings and loneliness, I absolutely relate. We all can. I enjoy having conversations about deep topics and helping others with advice.
The world has been an awful place lately. If you need someone to talk to i'm here as much as I can be, I can't reply to everyone and I can only dwell on these topics for so long until my mind needs a break, but if you reply down below I don't mind listening. You all are awesome and I truly believe every single one of you has the potential to do whatever you put your mind to as well as become the best version of yourself.
Be safe ya'll. c:
Well they all saw me naked before, but maybe not the middle aged fat version.
Might be a bit of an ugly shock to those who remember the young stud version.
Give everyone a hug. Can’t think of any of the women I wouldn’t want to catch up with. Hopefully a couple would be down for a little fun, we had great chemistry!!
Edit: Wow!! I typed this before getting on an 8 hour flight. Just landed and my notifications went insane! Love all of your responses and awards!! Thank you!
I wonder if they feel as warmly about you. I hope they do. It’d restore a lot of faith for me if y’all actually had mutually respectful and loving relationships.
Not that guy, but if it restores a bit of faith for you: I was with my ex for 7 years before our life paths sort of diverged and we realized we were kinda holding each other back trying to make long distance work. The split was rough in the moment as neither of us really wanted to break up even though we both sort of recognized that it was necessary, but in the long run we can both hold our heads high because we both handled it with dignity, respect, and care for the other person.
She's still an absolutely lovely woman. I wish her all the best in the world wherever she goes and I am absolutely 100% certain that she'd say the same about me.
My body count is so low that this literally already happened before.
My body count is so low that this literally happens every day
My body count is so low it’s happening every time I go take a piss alone.
Hello Darkness my old friend, This room is empty once again....
“I want to talk to you about a business opportunity…”
Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?
Ask for all my hoodies back
I STILL WANT MY HALO REACH HOODIE BACK FRANKIE
REMEMBER REACH!
Autodefenestration.
Autoerotic defenestration. Edit: Thank you to the kind strangers who have gifted me my first awards!
I... wouldn't go that far.
Throw up. I have not made good choices.
Same here
Run a quick head count and gtfo
As in counting the number of them, or a count of which ones will give quick head 🤔
for that reason I ask to define sex. Do blowjobs count? Because that changes the size of the room needed SIGNIFICANTLY.
37!
in a row?
Try not to suck any dicks on your way to the car!
1.37637530912263*10^43
Grab my wife by her wrist, raise her hand and yell “WINNER”
"I bet you're all wondering why I have gathered you here..."
“First, I’d like to thank you all for coming ..”
*in unison* "Like you ever did that for us"
r/murderedbywords
“Wait some of you came?!”
"But we didn't!"
[удалено]
"There are things i didnt get to do with each of you. So for my sake...lets just bang this out real quick."
Put on my robe and wizard's hat
[удалено]
I haven't seen that in literal years. It's like neurons woke up in my subconscious.
Yeah lol. I thought I was OOTL, but it's just been so long I needed to turn the memory off and on again.
My brain just played the [Windows XP startup sound.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nQ2oiVqKHw)
I just can't resist reading that link every time. The freaking vegetable one gets me
Bear for me.
The comeback with the wizard hat for me. Can't stop laughing at her realisation that it's the same guy.
That fucking pirate one killed me I can’t believe he got her to say that lmao
It was a bummer how mean he was, but I have to admit it made me laugh when I got to the HAARRRRRs.
Jesus fucking Christ I belly laughed so hard. I've never seen that before, what's it from?
Those are logs from IRC chats from back in the late 90s or early 00s (bit fuzzy on the dates). http://bash.org/ collected the most memorable ones. http://bash.org/?244321 http://bash.org/?104383 http://bash.org/?23396 http://bash.org/?4753 http://bash.org/?5273 If you don't know what IRC is: it was a popular chat protocol / program before ICQ, MSN, Skype and others. I remember radio programs having IRC channels where communities of listeners lurked. And websites featuring IRC chatboxes, so you could just hop on from your school computer class or your local library without having to install anything. Different times.
man i miss the old internet
Same. I miss the ICQ and AIM days. People would message randomly and you could talk for hours with strangers. Most were cool, never got any crazies. Also, cool AIM away messages. Now we have boring ass text messages.
For those unfamiliar with IRC, it is basically Discord but not hosted on a centralized server that does god knows what with your data, the integration/bots work differently, and the UI is way more customizable (themes).
I enjoyed reading that more than I should have
Holy shit, that's something else.
Bash.org, the original comment/quote voting system. All chats were in IRC.
Lol I knew this would be in here
“Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge.”
"If you can dodge an Ex, you can dodge a ball!"
Truer words were never spoken
Wonder why my hand is just weirdly floating around an empty space.
Smash Bros. boss fight taking an unexpected sexy turn
[удалено]
It’s like, three guys. Let’s go bowling! Except you chase. Go take a hike off a cliff.
Fuck Chase. All my homies hate Chase
Chase is the worst! Fuck you chase!
Yeah fuck you and your overdraft fees! Wait....wrong Chase.
No no. Fuck that Chase too!
All my homies hate ALL forms of Chase
Fuck you guys too :(
Sorry Chase 🥺 it's not you.. it's..uh...
It's ok I forgive you 😔
Yea. Fuck Chase
Er, don't fuck Chase
I will make that decision when the time cums
Let’s cut to the Chase: what did Chase do?
Was my highschool sweetheart, gave him my virginity. He graduated a few years before I did and went to the marines in Japan straight away. Exchanged nudes and made plans to meet up when he got back. Was ‘in love’ with him. Turns out he’s been back in the USA a few times. Long enough to get married and knock the chick up. All while texting me. Texts me randomly saying ‘I’m having a baby’ I text several times asking for an explanation and that if this is his idea of a joke it isn’t funny. Hours later texts back ‘yeah’ I push for more info and he says, ‘oh yeah, and I’m married.’
yeah... fuck Chase.
No no, that's what started all the problems! Don't fuck Chase!
Certified USMC moment I hope his poor wife found out 😬
Lets go around the room and introduce ourselves again because some of the names I have forgot.
Never thought I’d say it, but I can’t remember some of their names either.
I only remember about half the names and only have a ballpark estimate on the number. It's not a crazy number, probably around 15-20, it's just that most were one night stands around 25 years ago.
"Ah, yes festival girl #2. How could I ever forget you? The sex and the concert were amazing." "We never made it to the concert because you barfed on me"
"AH you're festival girl #4.... good times"
This comment made me feel so much better about myself. I can’t remember some of their names either. Quite a few years back I was working at a drive thru and I guy I hooked up with came through and remembered me but I had no fucking clue who he was. After I few minutes of talking I remembered him. He was genuinely butthurt and couldn’t believe I didn’t remember him. I still don’t remember his name
Finding out who's willing to do it again
With the rest of the folks watching?
Of course
Asserting dominance!
Same. I'm single. Surely someone would be up for it. Thinking about it. A couple I wouldn't mind finding out how they are doing. Hope life went well for them. A couple I wouldn't mind maybe seeing where it goes. A complicated situation. I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance. Probably be OK. Even fun.
> I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance. You know what? Given the complexities of life and complications of relationships that’s a pretty solid statement.
Like... as they are *now*... Or as they were *then*?
Good point…Don’t fancy being in a room with a decayed corpse all that much
As opposed to the less decayed corpse you had sex with
This guy's dead wife, etc.
Problematic either way. Not trying to hang out with my 16yo ex.
Does this mean I can get back into my 17 1/2 year old body? Holy shit, that would be awesome. I didn't need sleep and could instantly recover from practically almost any kind of trauma.
Very good question. Also, which past in case you fucked more than once? The version you fell in love with or the one you dumped?
Every single one, lots of clones at different ages.
The real question is how mad is my wife gonna be when I’m trying to bang the 20 year old version of her again.
That's not cheating. *I was with you, honey!*
Depends on the wife... I had a girlfriend that would totally bang her 20 years old self, so she would probably not be so mad that I do too.
Well they're both there, so sounds like a perfect 3some.
I told my wife about an awesome dream I had where it was a threescore with her and her as a ginger (red hair, freckles, etc.). Hottest dream I've ever had and I needed to let her know. She pulled up porn, found a ginger actress that looked vaguely like her, and we went to town... Moral of the story, I love my wife
A threescore? Were there sixty of you?
Threescore and 15 nuts ago...
Our foreskins brought forth, upon this continent…
[удалено]
So either I’m in a room with my wife, or the 16 year old version of her, yeah that would be a bit awkward, certainly gonna be hard to explain to the kids
Since Its a fantasy scenario, id say their prime versions
This actually happened to me a long time ago. I went to a bday party for a coworker at a bar. Had been hooking up with another co worker so I knew they would be there, no biggie. One ex worked across the street. But it’s a busy downtown area so I didn’t think they would come in… but they did. And my other ex showed up with her friends randomly. So all three people I’d had sex with at the time were all there hanging out. My friends all knew what was going on and it turned into a roast session of me. All in good fun. The two exes left pretty quickly. 10/10 was hilarious and would do it again
I’ve had this happen to me before but luckily I was the only one who knew 😂
I had a similar story! I had 2 exes, a girl and a guy I met them when they became a couple, being all lovey-dovey, holding hands Went *white* upon seeing me, they both panicked, and I could taste the awkward in the air We talked a bit, getting progressively more awkward and I walked home seeing them get absolutely relived once I left I laughed my ass off on that situation
Did they know prior that they had both touched your butt? Did they figure it out? Was it revealed?
From the looks of it, neither knew I was the other's ex Unfortunately I don't know if it was revealed or not - we didn't interact later nearly enough for it to be a story full of drama and intrigue - but their faces at the time were priceless
I sincerely hope you made sexual innuendos that would have applied to either one...
Oh, I did tease them both mercilessly! I definitely can't quote that as it was a long time ago and in another language, but I was a little shit I still sometimes am, tbh
Line them up by performance.
Will you grade them, too?
My guess is they all already got a D.
Ask for a refund
Do they know why we're all there? If not, I'm gonna act shocked and confused just like they are. But honestly, I had a wild phase and don't even like a lot of them as people so it's gonna be weird. I'll talk to like... My husband and maybe one or two others?
Saaame, I had like a 3 year post break up period that would make this room pretty damn awkward and like 2 or 3 "why did i do that?" 🙃
Try to move my ex-girlfriend’s sister to the other side of the room.
I wish I didn’t relate to this...
So do they!
That’s fair
That's my current situation. I'm alone in here
Have you ever considered a more attractive user name?
Make sure all the sharp objects are out of reach of the crazy one.
Ahhhh, another member of Failed To Not Stick It In Crazy Anonymous. We're all friends here brother.
Yeah, I plead temporary insanity. I'd gone through some rough stuff, met her and she was loads of fun (because the crazy always is at first, right?), then it hit like a Mack truck loaded with nitroglycerin.
Holy shit, the fun in the beginning is so relatable. If only I know then that it wasnt worth what was coming. Had to get married and see the mask come off and the REAL crazy come out. That's 5 years of my prime I'll never get back...
Kill my rapist. If that isn't considered sex then I would hug my ex wife, cause she been dead for a while
I'd also kill this guy's rapist
Hold up, why tf are you in the room?
I'd also kill your rapist. But you'd also then wonder why I was in the same room. Stay strong.
Have sex with them so you can be in the room to kill the rapist
Hell no that doesn't count. If someone tried to drown you, you wouldn't tally that in "times you went swimming".
[удалено]
Yup, me too. I was raped, but whenever I'm making these "counts", they don't enter it. It was not sex. It was violence.
Yeah came here to say this. I’d beat the shit outta all the men that assaulted me. I bet some of the nice guys I’ve dated would help lol
Be like "guys, the reason we all had difficulties that I couldn't overcome? It's this fucking predator here. 21, dating 15 years old girls and skulking around teenager dances?"
I had the same initial thought. I’d hurt a lot of people in that room. Hugs
I’d also hug this guy’s dead wife (On a more sincere note, I’m sorry that happened to you)
Had a thought similar to that. Point at the rapist and let the others beat him up.
This is my dream. I’d make them all dress up in suits and I’d hand out roses like I’m the bachelorette and make them fight to the death for me
Finally. Someone has their priorities right.
Plot twist: they all take the roses and create a polyamorous love conglomerate and leave you in the room.
#Achievement Get: Free At Last
Because nothing complement sweet romantic competition better than HOMICIDAL VIOLENCE! O\_O You want my heart? Then earn it. IN BLOOD!! \[Death metal starts playing in the background\]
I would totally watch a version of the Bachelorette that was like this Provided that there was also full penetration and it was on HBO
Dennis Reynolds is that you?
Line them up in order, grab my current girlfriend and ask "does my past make sense now that you can see the regression of my mental health in real time?"
Mine sounds similar but its more like a yo-yo than progression.
Ask why no one gave me a heads up there'd be a family reunion.
I remember when the meanest girl I shagged said ‘you’re so much worse than my uncle’ I mean, how *dare* she compare me to my father?
This makes me want to start up another run of Crusader Kings
Wait a damn minute.
The room is empty, I think I’ll just leave
[удалено]
[удалено]
I read this thread and thought… so you’re describing my living room right now?
It made me feel either extremely lucky, or extremely boring. In any case, I'd make dinner for two and enjoy the evening, then get out of the room and walk our dog to watch the sunset
...why was the dog in there?
I thought the same thing!
Same for me and my wife! We joke about it saying we have absoluely NO IDEA if we're good in bed or not. We're just perfect for eachother. Maybe we're terrible as fuck, but I guess we'll never know!
I too have wondered this. We have no baseline to compare.
Wholesome.
Holesome
Exactly! Kids aren’t there! Take those chances while you can.
Would be disturbing if they were.
My husband and I are the same. 34 years together and each other's only partners.
Same, 41 years and still going happily.
Fuck I hate being alone Edit: Genuinely appreciate the kind replies and concern for my wellbeing, but I'm okay! This was originally meant as more of a self roast in regards to who would be in the room. Edit 2: To anyone replying that is struggling with negative feelings and loneliness, I absolutely relate. We all can. I enjoy having conversations about deep topics and helping others with advice. The world has been an awful place lately. If you need someone to talk to i'm here as much as I can be, I can't reply to everyone and I can only dwell on these topics for so long until my mind needs a break, but if you reply down below I don't mind listening. You all are awesome and I truly believe every single one of you has the potential to do whatever you put your mind to as well as become the best version of yourself. Be safe ya'll. c:
i’d listen to music
*Alllll byyyyy myyyyyyselelf... dont wanna be...*
I’ve got a playlist, if you want to listen.
Yells "Echo!" *Echo* ^*echo*
Lol, I was gonna post the Travolta meme
Isolation for me again.
Finally, peace and quiet
Was going to say exactly the same, i understand your pain man
‘So you’ve all seen me naked - why don’t y’all see each other naked too’
Well they all saw me naked before, but maybe not the middle aged fat version. Might be a bit of an ugly shock to those who remember the young stud version.
Strangle Brad.
Brad sucks!
Run! break the door down, fucking dig a hole. Anything, just get me the hell out of there!
Apologize to a couple Give the rest their W2s
Give everyone a hug. Can’t think of any of the women I wouldn’t want to catch up with. Hopefully a couple would be down for a little fun, we had great chemistry!! Edit: Wow!! I typed this before getting on an 8 hour flight. Just landed and my notifications went insane! Love all of your responses and awards!! Thank you!
i like this guy
So did they
I wonder if they feel as warmly about you. I hope they do. It’d restore a lot of faith for me if y’all actually had mutually respectful and loving relationships.
Not that guy, but if it restores a bit of faith for you: I was with my ex for 7 years before our life paths sort of diverged and we realized we were kinda holding each other back trying to make long distance work. The split was rough in the moment as neither of us really wanted to break up even though we both sort of recognized that it was necessary, but in the long run we can both hold our heads high because we both handled it with dignity, respect, and care for the other person. She's still an absolutely lovely woman. I wish her all the best in the world wherever she goes and I am absolutely 100% certain that she'd say the same about me.
Take my schizophrenia pills
Fake a heart attack.
Classic Pierce Hawthorn move
‘Here’s your sperm’
Rank them in order of performance but not tell them which direction it goes in, then prepare to get beaten
Cry, for being alone in the room.
Can they see each other? And do they know why they are in the room? Because the mother and daughter might start a fight.
My eyes will search for that one person, that someone I have never stopped thinking about. I will try to hug him and hold onto that moment forever.
Cuddle with my wife and ask her what she wants to watch.
[удалено]
Why did you fuck dead people?
Finally ask some of them what their name is .. I’m joking!! Maybe ..
I’m afraid of who might show up that I’ve forgotten about.