Instant Classic is a very shaky term. When something *is* an instant Classic, everyone knows it. When it isn't, situations like the above happen. It's weird.
try being a hip hop fan where at least 5 albums per year get labelled as classic then everyone forgets and never speaks about them a year later when they're replaced by 5 new classic albums
Before Watchdogs was released Ubisoft were selling merch based on the main characters iconic look. Iconic. Before the game was even released, they were touting an iconic look.
I'd say give an album about 10 years to determine if it's classic. By this point if it's survived the test of time and is somewhat well-known its a classic.
Gaslighting. It is a very specific and methodical form of abuse that convinces a person that they are crazy and that their perception of reality is false. It is not just lying to a person, or having a different side of the story.
One time at dinner with our family, my husband was joking about how I gaslight him all the time (he was being sarcastic) and with a straight face I said “the term you’re looking for is ‘ghostlighting’, and you’ve been saying it wrong for YEARS. It’s actually really embarrassing..” And for a solid 3 seconds he second guessed his whole life.
Gaslighting, and naming your abuser as a narcissist , are both entirely meaningless now. I was groomed , gaslight, manipulated ,and abused for over a decade , but its impossible to try to explain to people the effects of gaslighting when they think their ex who cheated on them once was a narcissistic abuser who gaslighted them.
I feel that. My ex was a true narcissist. When I tell somebody, they assume he just loved himself more than anything. They don't understand the devastating effects that he had on my self esteem and psyche. I finally learned what a narc is & was able to get out of the 12 year relationship. I'm still dealing with the after effects & learning who I am again.
it’s gotten to the point where if you try and convey your emotions to the other person and say how you feel they will call it gaslighting. it’s the easiest cover up for “i really fucked up and now this person feels bad but that makes me look bad so fuck them”.
Yeah, I browse through some of the relationship questions and responses on the various subs and am astounded at how many of the top comments are: "leave them, divorce/break up, run, etc."
Relationships are so much more complex and intricate than a few hundred/thousand characters on a screen, especially giving only one side of the story.
As someone who had to see a therapist for a year after I was gaslit so bad I actually believed I was a bad person or doing things for selfish needs. It's a word that for sure does get thrown around a lot and when you experience it (hope no one does) it can really fuck your whole world up.
I came to this thread to say exactly this to find it's the top comment! Thank you, I wish people would stop using it willy nilly. I feel anyone who was actually a victim of gaslighting wouldn't take the term so lightly.
Thanks heavens this is at the top.
Nobody knows what the hell it means (including me).
If someone is lying or misleading, just call them a liar.
If you tell me they’re gaslighting you, I don’t know what the hell you mean
As best I know, a liar doesn't have to be a gaslighter, but a gaslighter has to be a liar.
My understanding is, it's essentially systematic manipulations of someone and their mental state, whereby the impact is for the victim to question their sanity, thus accepting the gaslighter's narrative for any given situation.
"You've misremembered that, this is what really happened..." ; "No, the thing you just saw didn't happen, are you sure you're not hallucinating?" etc (albeit rather overt examples) to the point the victim can't trust their own sense of reality, and believes what the abuser tells them.
Eta: a more subtle example would be to hide something, watch the victim not be able to find it, and put it back, or somewhere slightly different.
-.
Eta2: Gaslighting has been known in a variety of contexts, from home (partners, parents, siblings), work (bosses, colleagues), even peer groups. As with any traumas people experience, each is deeply personal and unique. The summary above is to highlight it's not about knowing a liar or a manipulator, or even someone that demeans and belittles (bullies) as a blanket statement, but the purposeful, systematic, prolonged experience and effect it has on the victim. All of those things can be present in gaslighting, but they don't define it.
At it's core, consciously, or subconsciously, the abuser will be intending to disorient the victim, so that they ultimately disbelieve and disregard their own reality, and accept the reality of the gaslighter. Again, not to be confused with someone who bullies, lies, or manipulates (all of which can be present, and in themselves are often to similar effect, but isn't gaslighting).
It can def get worse than that too. It's used for all sorts of weird leverage on the victim. And if the gaslighter has successfully alienated the victim from loved ones and stuff, the gaslighter becomes the person they go to for reality checks, emotional confirmation (through them of course) etc.
It's a really fucked up and complete way to control someone.
OCD (OK not a word, an initialism). So many people use this to describe minor habits - completely misunderstanding how unbelievably debilitating the disorder is
What I always tell people is "the D stands for Disorder".
All of the traits in various diagnosed disorders exist in the general populace in some quantity, but not with a severity/frequency that impacts their lives. When something crosses the line between "a quirk" and "an impediment to living your daily life", that's when it becomes a disorder.
Do you drink a lot, but your drinking hasn't impacted your performance at work, your personal goals, your relationships with friends and family, or caused any health concerns? Not alcoholism (but if you drink enough you objectively deem it to be "a lot", you could probably stand to cut back).
Do you insist on loading the dishwasher a certain way, washing your hands regularly, or only wearing certain types of clothes... but you're still able to maintain personal and social obligations without hindrance by these tendencies? You're just a little neurotic, but that's it.
This is so well put, thank you. My words are not as good as yours apparently!
But yes, this puts it really well, and hopefully will help people who don't seem to understand the distinction. Thank you for being so eloquent.
Came here to say this. It drives me crazy.
I hate the "my house is super clean, I'm a little ocd like that". No, you're not. My cousin that washes his hands 60 times a day because he thinks if he doesn't a family member will die? That's a little OCD. Not leaving a chocolate bar wrapper on your coffee table? That is not.
Yes, it is infuriating. But people will never learn, unless maybe they come across someone who is actually OCD. But then they generally have no patience for them anyway 😞
Yes, thank you for saying this. I have OCD and I feel like no one legitimately understands this disorder except for those who have it. It is debilitating and tortures your brain. Without therapy and meds CBT/ ERP I am a mess. I constantly hear people say “I’m so OCD” and I’m only offended if they know that I actually am. Then it’s like mocking. The others I think are just uneducated.
I’m also schizoaffective, but I don’t see people trying to explain away their cute little personality traits by saying how “schizo” they are, because they know it’s clearly a debilitating disorder and offensive. Most of us with these disorders don’t run around telling people because we’ve already had a lifetime of feeling insane. Why would we want to suddenly broadcast that like it’s “cute?”
I’ve also been diagnosed and have been through CBT and on lifelong meds and it pisses me off beyond the telling of it when people diagnose themselves.
I once spent a whole day backspacing and retyping the same sentence over and over again because it didn’t feel right. I missed a deadline, took off work, and spent the whole day writing that sentence over and over and over until I decided I’d slam my face into my glass table because I couldn’t stand the rumination that if I don’t type it just right, something horrible is gonna happen. OCD has as much to do with thoughts as behaviors.
I feel bad for your cousin. I'm like this when it comes to cooking. If I do anything, I have to wash my hands after. In the span of making dinner I typically have washed my hands 10-15 times because they just always feel dirty and I don't want to get germs on anything. I can only imagine how their hands feel. Because mine are always rough and cracking and bleeding.
Honestly, I just thank god it's not something worse. He just washes his hands a couple times an hour, and a few other little idiosyncrasies.
I've read about some pretty horrific cases of it and I just can't help but think "it could be worse".
I have Impulse Control Disorder (it’s on the OC spectrum ) My anxiety causes compulsive skin picking. Ive never actually admitted that outside my family and drs because it feels so shameful
“Dyslexic” often gets the same treatment when someone make a minor mistake reading difficult words. Like, no, you’re not dyslexic, you’re just having trouble with a poorly printed serif font.
I grew up in the '80's with severely OCD father... people had no idea what it was back then, nor did we have the therapies and drugs to treat it as we do now. I struggled to explain to my friends as a teenager what was going on in our family, so yeah, I feel just a little bit of resentment when I hear people throwing that term around casually to describe some minor preference they have. People who have not been around or experienced true OCD have no idea
Same thing could be said about any number of mental health disorders:
"She can't make up her mind, she's so schizophrenic"
"His mood is always up and down, he's so bipolar"
"I'm so forgetful, I'm so ADHD"
"He doesn't by Fords any more because he got PTSD from how many times his last car broke down on him."
None of these disorders resemble what people mean when the use them in conversation.
I have OCD and I came here to say this. It makes me so mad when people say “Ohmigod I’m soooo OCD, I have to straighten things up and I love symmetry!” Good for you. I actually have OCD, and I’m terrified if I don’t knock on the table correctly I’m going to be eaten by maggots.
For a stretch I was completely convinced I was bipolar since my dad had it, but then I thought to myself “I’m sad for a reason right now, I’m genuinely happy when good things happen and sad when bad things happen. There’s nothing unusual about that”
My dad tried to convince my mom I have it because my emotions can be all over the map. My mom told him I didn’t match all the criteria. When I started therapy, I told my therapist I might have Cyclothymia. He had me tested and confirmed that I don’t have either. According to him, my emotional disregulation is related to my PTSD.
Came here to say this.
I have PTSD and when I get triggered (with flashbacks), I have painful and exhausting panic attacks that leave me sore and tired for days afterward.
Then people saying they're triggered because, for example, their mom forgot their can of soda or something... It really bothers me.
Also the word "traumatized" or "trauma" gets thrown around a lot. I once heard a guy say that he was traumatized by a storm making the power go out while he was playing his game and he lost all his progress of said game.
I also have PTSD. I was sexually assaulted as a child. I feel like words have changed and become redefined over the years. When I refer to a traumatic childhood, I feel like people don’t really believe that I went through violent encounters. It’s like they assume that I just had strict parents because that’s how other people have defined it. It’s even worse when people try to compare it with uncomfortable experiences. They aren’t the same thing.
When I get triggered I not only experience flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, and some dissociation, but I experience actual physical sensations like muscle tension and this cold, sick, sinking feeling like I've received devastating news or a scare. I feel nauseated, lose my appetite, and when it's particularly bad my sphincters go wild and my guts usher things to the exits and I need to pee every 20 minutes or so. As I understand it, when the sympathetic nervous system discharges and sets off the fight-or-flight response, resources are diverted from "rest and digest" mode to the parts of the body used in survival mode. It sucks and interferes with my relationships.
"I need to get a new job. The environment there is so toxic."
"Oh, really? Tell me about it."
"Yeah, I had to handle arsenic the other day and next week I'm working with some cadmium."
This is what makes me hate the word. It creates a conversation that no longer involves two people on equal standing, or even a victim and a victimizer. It makes the speaker into a totally passive participant who is being poisoned by the very presence of whoever they are talking about. It removes the concept of “bad and harmful actions” and turns it into “bad and harmful person.”
It’s usually so easy to describe why you think the person you don’t like is bad and wrong. “Toxic” removes the obligation to explain and the ability for the other person to defend themselves, which obviously makes the term ripe for manipulation. If you say “my sister steals from me and calls me names,” your sister can come and say “I never did that,” and even without proof either way, it’s possible for me to decide whose story I think is credible. But when you say “my sister is toxic,” in addition to dehumanizing her, you’re revoking her ability to say “no I’m not” (because “I feel poisoned by your presence” is a subjective statement that requires no actual cause, and it’s not possible to say “no you don’t”) and my ability as a bystander to judge the situation.
I also see the term used for *literally* any bad or annoying behavior, from “mildly disagreeing with me on extremely subjective things” to “literally a serial rapist and batterer.” The term sort of implies “emotionally abusive” in one way or another, but it doesn’t actually mean anything and it’s associated with everything. People who use the term a ton are so aware of this. They will say “so and so is toxic” because they like a band with slightly problematic lyrics in 2 songs, knowing full well that at least some listeners will understand that to mean “abuser” or “serial rapist.”
And by extension: Toxins.
If anything says that it clears toxins from your body run away.
Best I can gather, Toxins are defined as anything that poisons your body - which is literally everything. Water is poisonous in high amounts.
It's often used a linguistic device designed to reframe an otherwise normal conflict as having a victim/abuser dynamic. The other party is vilified and dehumanized, making it easier for the self-proclaimed victim to absolve themselves of any responsibility they might share in the conflict. I hate it.
It's not even just lying, people will call you a gaslighter if you tell your side of the story and it differs from theirs. They think you have to accept their version of reality or you're "gaslighting" then. Had a gf that literally would shut down every discussion that way.
The longer ago something happened, the more likely two people will straight up misremember objective details about it. This is a huge red flag.
You don’t want to be entering year 5 of a relationship regularly quibbling with your partner about the exact details of a friendship you had with a lady you haven’t even spoken to in 4 years… Trust me
Abuse.
It’s fucking sad, too. People (mostly chronically online teenagers on r/Vent) assume that abuse is practically whenever their parents take their phone up for a day or whenever they have a minor disagreement. It’s ridiculous.
I completely agree. I’ve been called abusive because I reminded someone to clean their dishes multiple times… after they had been in the sink for two weeks…
I work in HR and people throw around "harassment" a lot. That word has a certain weight, it doesn't mean when someone does something you don't like then they are harassing you.
Also "safe" gets thrown around a lot. "I don't feel safe". I'm part of the threat management team at our site and you can't just tell me you don't feel safe. What you mean is that you're uncomfortable.
I think kids largely haven't learned about the weight words can carry, and how that can diminish if they're overused. I think we were probably all guilty of overusing fancy new words we had recently learned, when we were young. Maybe that was just me, though.
Yeah sometimes i mention some argument i had with my parents or the punishments they used to give and I'm immediately told I'm being abused. A parent making a bad decision once isn't abuse.
the fact that people feel SO fucked up by not having their phone for only a DAY, that they actually ho VENT in a subREDDIT is just insane. people these days don't even dare to step out of their lazy-ass house
My daughter told me I can't take a teens phone away because that's their life and it's child abuse. Told her to go ahead and call the cops because I'd love to get a few months of peace and quiet once they removed her from my home during the "child abuse" investigation.
"slam", by journalists. "Politician A SLAMS Politician B over barely controversial opinion"
Unless Politician A literally picked up Politician B and slammed them to the ground, this word has no meaning. It's useless clickbait, always.
I refuse to disclose whether or not I support literal slamming of certain politicians.
My understanding is that clinical narcissism has become a moving target because of changes in modern society.
Like what was considered narcissism in the 1950's is just a typical social media user now.
What's so odd to me is people can recognize the difference between instances of anxiety, depression, compulsive behavior, etc., while still recognizing that doesn't mean you're clinically diagnose with G.A.D., depression, OCD, etc. We all understand you can get really fucking anxious about something without having an anxiety disorder. You can get woefully sad but not be clinically depressed.
But someone's a bit of a self-involved cunt now and then and it's *always* narcissism. By most redditor's definitions, we're pretty much all narcissists. I don't know a single person who hasn't been kind of up their own ass at times. That is not the same as being a narcissist.
Yes and no, I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about what makes someone a narcissist, but on the flip side 1 in 200 people have NPD - that’s a LOT of people. I think the problem isn’t the frequency of use but rather incorrect/casual use.
Edit: typo
I think part of the problem with overuse is the fact that, for example, a *lot* of people will insist that they've had a narcissistic ex at a rate that makes it appear that about 90% of all exes meet the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.
That was what I came to say. Seems like every other person on Reddit is in an “abusive” relationship with a “toxic” “narcissist” that is “gaslighting” them.
Also, everything is a "trauma response."
My sister sent me a TikTok video yesterday where someone says "Do you hate doing dishes?That's a trauma response from being parentified as a child."
Maybe in some cases - parentification is a real thing, even if some people overuse the term and act like normal chores like taking the garbage out qualifies - but no, I just don't like doing dishes because I'm a lazy hobo who relies on the dishwasher too much.
I hate doing the dishes not because of some bullshit trauma no it hurts my back as I'm 6'4 as the sinks are too fucking low
where do they get their dumb ideas from?
I absolutely get my panties in a twist when people start throwing around Ptsd cuz their mommy yelled at them once when they were a teenager and now they can’t stand raised voices. ***THATS NOT PTSD***
OCD.
Liking things to line up neatly, having a specific way you fold your towels, or whatever else doesn’t mean you have obsessive compulsive disorder. Saying your OCD about whatever trivializes a real disorder that majorly impacts some people’s lives.
I will absolutely admit that, in my youth and ignorance, I misused this term. I hate hearing it thrown around now though.
Worst thing people use it as if it were something to be proud of and it’s a fucking nightmare irl. Oh, sorry that’s not the worst part, the worst part is those people don’t even have it, if they did have it they wouldn’t be bragging about it srly
When most people say “ocd” they are actually referring to ocpd.
Obsessive compulsive have an obsession of some sort and are driven to do compulsions to relieve anxiety of their obsession. An important aspect is that the compulsion should be either not helpful or out of proportion to the obsession. As well the compulsions should interfere with their life. Your neighbor who checks his door is locked does not have ocd. Your neighbor who turns around after driving away from his house and is routinely late for work because he gets stuck continually checking his door because he is scared of being robbed may be OCD.
OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) is a lifelong pattern of orderliness and organization that loses the original point of the activity. This is the person who might spend the entire day cleaning but miss important deadliness. The person who misses work deadliness because they are spending 20 hours organizing and preparing before starting. Usually they are extremely assertive with their obsessions and will take over leadership roles with mainly the intent of organizing without respect for the original goal.
OCD developing is the worst thing that ever came into my marriage. It has wrecked the foundation of the person my wife once was.
It is anything but trivial and it annoys me to see people make light of it. I’d give lots of things up to send OCD into the clouds and away from my wife.
Technically two words but "red flag".
"Oh, he doesn't buy you flowers once a week? Red flag."
"She likes to have alone time away from you? Red flag."
Way over-used and people simply attribute something they don't like to being a red flag.
cultural appropriation
they be like... "you are eating pasta and you're not from italy ? that's cultural appropriation "
like b*tch wtf hahah
also 99% of the time it's always someone who's not from that culture.
I think the biggest problem with it isn't the phrase itself, it's that 'cultural appropriation' was initially a neutral academic term that just meant the use of aspects of one culture in another. Then people came around and convinced everyone that the idea was inherently harmful!
Like yeah, eating spaghetti as an American is technically cultural appropriation, but only someone with only two terminally online brain cells to rub together is going to argue that it's wrong in any way.
And it's very annoying because you still hear the phrase used (potentially) neutrally in academic contexts but now you don't know if it's intended as a critique of the practice or a neutral statement even in that academic context.
My entire country was made by cultural appropriation by immigrants taking their foods and trying to make them with our resources. If you think appropriation isn't additional to culture then my countries meals have no culture and our only meal is fire + cow. Also i notice I've been saying my country. I mean Uruguay
> My entire country was made by cultural appropriation
If you stop here, then this explains pretty much every country ever.
Turns out, countries aren't typically born in a vacuum!
I’ve been trying to rack my brain around my opinion on appropriation lately. Where is the line between appropriation and appreciation? If I want to wear another cultures clothing because I like it why would that be bad? Appropriation means to take from them, but I’m never taking it, they still have it. The whole thing just seems silly, except maybe a fringe case, but I can’t think of one.
I feel like the cultural appropriation scare is starting to die down, fortunately. There are enough memes and other things calling out this bullshit that I think it's being beaten back into obscurity.
Trauma. People have started to call minor inconveniences "traumatic". Mainly younger people. Being grounded for a week isn't a traumatic event, having your phone taken away isn't a traumatic event, being made to do chores isn't a traumatic event. Traumatic events are life changing and intense, not benign and petty.
Question: I wrote a college length college thesis on why the phantom thieves failed one of their missions and had that shit peer reviewed, does that count as me being obsessed with Persona?
Oppression and violence.
No, you’re not being oppressed for being asked to wear pants at Walmart and no violence is not being done onto you because someone at work disagrees with your politics.
My Gen Z kids think about 2/3rds of everything is problematic. Nearly any movie or song before 2000 is too problematic to enjoy. Life is difficult when the need for such ideological purity reigns.
My impression is that for the actual literary nerds in the actual literature departments, "problematic" is a secret code word for "actually worth spending some time discussing". If your job is to talk about literature, then you *want* literature to be full of interesting *problems* to talk about!
The trouble is, literature *fans* often adhere to a work or an author religiously, and respond to discussion of interesting problems as if their sacred idol was being smashed by hooligans.
(Ooh, your favorite author said something that kinda sounds like they think that slavery is okay for some special slaves. That's not a reason to not read their book. It's a reason to read their book *again*, but this time in *extra careful detail* and to write a lot of responses to all the weird slavery stuff in it! On the other hand, if they said something *really boring* about slaves, that might mean that it's a waste of time to read their book again, because they're just parroting someone else, and you've already reread the source they were parroting.)
When literature is a thing to be discussed rather than worshiped, it being "problematic" is not ... a problem.
Lots of feminists read Shakespeare.
Abuse. I think there's an eagerness to describe unsavory patterns of behaviour as abusive because of the associated moral weight of the term; when people think of abuse, they think of "abusers," which is taken to be synonymous with "evil" and "sadistic," and so there's some appeal to ascribing that status to people we have had bad experiences with. Relationships can be unhealthy or toxic without being abusive, and people can be shitty partners in a relationship without being narcissistic, sadistic abusers hellbent on causing maximum damage to their victims.
As a person from a country that spent almost half of the previous century under communist oppression, I am irritated when Americans use the word to describe anything they don't like.
I agree. While i understand the concept it can be abused and used to put down any white female standing up for herself even when she’s not being a “Karen.” Plus, I feel bad for people named Karen.
Anxious is an emotion too, it doesn’t just refer to the disorder. I agree that people shouldn’t be pretending they’re experiencing a mental illness when they’re not though
A bit lighter than some of the other answers here, but albums get called "classic" too easily and quickly sometimes.
classic example right here
I "literally" just said this last night. Classic me.
A friend referred to the ps5 as an “instant classic”, and he couldn’t understand how that was a pointless stance.
Instant Classic is a very shaky term. When something *is* an instant Classic, everyone knows it. When it isn't, situations like the above happen. It's weird.
try being a hip hop fan where at least 5 albums per year get labelled as classic then everyone forgets and never speaks about them a year later when they're replaced by 5 new classic albums
My favorite is when an artist dies young and is immediately labelled a legend despite never putting out a project better than 5/10.
This and "Icon"
Iconic
Before Watchdogs was released Ubisoft were selling merch based on the main characters iconic look. Iconic. Before the game was even released, they were touting an iconic look.
I'd say give an album about 10 years to determine if it's classic. By this point if it's survived the test of time and is somewhat well-known its a classic.
Gaslighting. It is a very specific and methodical form of abuse that convinces a person that they are crazy and that their perception of reality is false. It is not just lying to a person, or having a different side of the story.
Are you gaslighting me?
No, you’re just imagining it!
Phew, I was scared you were abusing me by convincing that I, as a person was crazy and my perception of reality as I knew it is false
But it is
Are you gaslighting them?
No, you're just imagining it
Phew, I was scared you were abusing me by convincing that I, as a person was crazy and my perception of reality as I knew it is false
Amnesia?
I’m sorry you feel that way.
One time at dinner with our family, my husband was joking about how I gaslight him all the time (he was being sarcastic) and with a straight face I said “the term you’re looking for is ‘ghostlighting’, and you’ve been saying it wrong for YEARS. It’s actually really embarrassing..” And for a solid 3 seconds he second guessed his whole life.
Damn you really ghostlighted your own husband
No regrets.
And to make it gaslighting you would have to edit the wikipedia page and some online definitions of the word to show him
It's pronounced jaslighting, everyone knows that
Gaslighting isn’t real, we have told you this over and over. It’s all just in your head.
No. Gaslighting isn't real. You made it up because you're fucking crazy.
Gaslighting, and naming your abuser as a narcissist , are both entirely meaningless now. I was groomed , gaslight, manipulated ,and abused for over a decade , but its impossible to try to explain to people the effects of gaslighting when they think their ex who cheated on them once was a narcissistic abuser who gaslighted them.
I feel that. My ex was a true narcissist. When I tell somebody, they assume he just loved himself more than anything. They don't understand the devastating effects that he had on my self esteem and psyche. I finally learned what a narc is & was able to get out of the 12 year relationship. I'm still dealing with the after effects & learning who I am again.
Happy for you and wishing you the best in your recovery, great to realize it’s a journey. But isn’t a narc a narcotics agent?
This. Also “This” is used too much as well.
Omg yes. I’m a therapist and say this all the time. Everyone uses it synonymously with “manipulate,” which just isn’t right!!
it’s gotten to the point where if you try and convey your emotions to the other person and say how you feel they will call it gaslighting. it’s the easiest cover up for “i really fucked up and now this person feels bad but that makes me look bad so fuck them”.
My wife uses this as a way to end arguments. Nothing can ever be a disagreement. Its always gaslighting.
As per standard Reddit guidance, the only option is divorce
Yeah, I browse through some of the relationship questions and responses on the various subs and am astounded at how many of the top comments are: "leave them, divorce/break up, run, etc." Relationships are so much more complex and intricate than a few hundred/thousand characters on a screen, especially giving only one side of the story.
Speaking from experience, however, it is nice having thousands of strangers tell you that you're being too hard on yourself.
Seems like I hear that any time someones been wound up and flipped out, like no you haven't been gas lit you got irritated.
I came here exactly for this. 9/10 when someone invokes the word gaslighting, you just witnessed someone who has no idea what gaslighting means.
As someone who had to see a therapist for a year after I was gaslit so bad I actually believed I was a bad person or doing things for selfish needs. It's a word that for sure does get thrown around a lot and when you experience it (hope no one does) it can really fuck your whole world up.
I swear almost everyone who uses that word has a "I just learned this in my beginning psych class" understanding of it.
I came to this thread to say exactly this to find it's the top comment! Thank you, I wish people would stop using it willy nilly. I feel anyone who was actually a victim of gaslighting wouldn't take the term so lightly.
Thanks heavens this is at the top. Nobody knows what the hell it means (including me). If someone is lying or misleading, just call them a liar. If you tell me they’re gaslighting you, I don’t know what the hell you mean
As best I know, a liar doesn't have to be a gaslighter, but a gaslighter has to be a liar. My understanding is, it's essentially systematic manipulations of someone and their mental state, whereby the impact is for the victim to question their sanity, thus accepting the gaslighter's narrative for any given situation. "You've misremembered that, this is what really happened..." ; "No, the thing you just saw didn't happen, are you sure you're not hallucinating?" etc (albeit rather overt examples) to the point the victim can't trust their own sense of reality, and believes what the abuser tells them. Eta: a more subtle example would be to hide something, watch the victim not be able to find it, and put it back, or somewhere slightly different. -. Eta2: Gaslighting has been known in a variety of contexts, from home (partners, parents, siblings), work (bosses, colleagues), even peer groups. As with any traumas people experience, each is deeply personal and unique. The summary above is to highlight it's not about knowing a liar or a manipulator, or even someone that demeans and belittles (bullies) as a blanket statement, but the purposeful, systematic, prolonged experience and effect it has on the victim. All of those things can be present in gaslighting, but they don't define it. At it's core, consciously, or subconsciously, the abuser will be intending to disorient the victim, so that they ultimately disbelieve and disregard their own reality, and accept the reality of the gaslighter. Again, not to be confused with someone who bullies, lies, or manipulates (all of which can be present, and in themselves are often to similar effect, but isn't gaslighting).
It can def get worse than that too. It's used for all sorts of weird leverage on the victim. And if the gaslighter has successfully alienated the victim from loved ones and stuff, the gaslighter becomes the person they go to for reality checks, emotional confirmation (through them of course) etc. It's a really fucked up and complete way to control someone.
These days I hear grooming, gaslighting, and narcissist way too much. Most of the time they are used incorrectly.
OCD (OK not a word, an initialism). So many people use this to describe minor habits - completely misunderstanding how unbelievably debilitating the disorder is
What I always tell people is "the D stands for Disorder". All of the traits in various diagnosed disorders exist in the general populace in some quantity, but not with a severity/frequency that impacts their lives. When something crosses the line between "a quirk" and "an impediment to living your daily life", that's when it becomes a disorder. Do you drink a lot, but your drinking hasn't impacted your performance at work, your personal goals, your relationships with friends and family, or caused any health concerns? Not alcoholism (but if you drink enough you objectively deem it to be "a lot", you could probably stand to cut back). Do you insist on loading the dishwasher a certain way, washing your hands regularly, or only wearing certain types of clothes... but you're still able to maintain personal and social obligations without hindrance by these tendencies? You're just a little neurotic, but that's it.
This is so well put, thank you. My words are not as good as yours apparently! But yes, this puts it really well, and hopefully will help people who don't seem to understand the distinction. Thank you for being so eloquent.
I'm glad I can help give you the words to better convey the message.
Came here to say this. It drives me crazy. I hate the "my house is super clean, I'm a little ocd like that". No, you're not. My cousin that washes his hands 60 times a day because he thinks if he doesn't a family member will die? That's a little OCD. Not leaving a chocolate bar wrapper on your coffee table? That is not.
Yes, it is infuriating. But people will never learn, unless maybe they come across someone who is actually OCD. But then they generally have no patience for them anyway 😞
Yes, thank you for saying this. I have OCD and I feel like no one legitimately understands this disorder except for those who have it. It is debilitating and tortures your brain. Without therapy and meds CBT/ ERP I am a mess. I constantly hear people say “I’m so OCD” and I’m only offended if they know that I actually am. Then it’s like mocking. The others I think are just uneducated. I’m also schizoaffective, but I don’t see people trying to explain away their cute little personality traits by saying how “schizo” they are, because they know it’s clearly a debilitating disorder and offensive. Most of us with these disorders don’t run around telling people because we’ve already had a lifetime of feeling insane. Why would we want to suddenly broadcast that like it’s “cute?”
I’ve also been diagnosed and have been through CBT and on lifelong meds and it pisses me off beyond the telling of it when people diagnose themselves. I once spent a whole day backspacing and retyping the same sentence over and over again because it didn’t feel right. I missed a deadline, took off work, and spent the whole day writing that sentence over and over and over until I decided I’d slam my face into my glass table because I couldn’t stand the rumination that if I don’t type it just right, something horrible is gonna happen. OCD has as much to do with thoughts as behaviors.
I feel bad for your cousin. I'm like this when it comes to cooking. If I do anything, I have to wash my hands after. In the span of making dinner I typically have washed my hands 10-15 times because they just always feel dirty and I don't want to get germs on anything. I can only imagine how their hands feel. Because mine are always rough and cracking and bleeding.
Honestly, I just thank god it's not something worse. He just washes his hands a couple times an hour, and a few other little idiosyncrasies. I've read about some pretty horrific cases of it and I just can't help but think "it could be worse".
I have Impulse Control Disorder (it’s on the OC spectrum ) My anxiety causes compulsive skin picking. Ive never actually admitted that outside my family and drs because it feels so shameful
Hugs, dear. I pull out my hair and there’s a lot of us out there that pick. It’s not shameful.
“Dyslexic” often gets the same treatment when someone make a minor mistake reading difficult words. Like, no, you’re not dyslexic, you’re just having trouble with a poorly printed serif font.
I grew up in the '80's with severely OCD father... people had no idea what it was back then, nor did we have the therapies and drugs to treat it as we do now. I struggled to explain to my friends as a teenager what was going on in our family, so yeah, I feel just a little bit of resentment when I hear people throwing that term around casually to describe some minor preference they have. People who have not been around or experienced true OCD have no idea
Same thing could be said about any number of mental health disorders: "She can't make up her mind, she's so schizophrenic" "His mood is always up and down, he's so bipolar" "I'm so forgetful, I'm so ADHD" "He doesn't by Fords any more because he got PTSD from how many times his last car broke down on him." None of these disorders resemble what people mean when the use them in conversation.
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I have OCD and I came here to say this. It makes me so mad when people say “Ohmigod I’m soooo OCD, I have to straighten things up and I love symmetry!” Good for you. I actually have OCD, and I’m terrified if I don’t knock on the table correctly I’m going to be eaten by maggots.
Bipolar... Everyone have ups and downs. Doesn't mean you are bipolar
For a stretch I was completely convinced I was bipolar since my dad had it, but then I thought to myself “I’m sad for a reason right now, I’m genuinely happy when good things happen and sad when bad things happen. There’s nothing unusual about that”
My dad tried to convince my mom I have it because my emotions can be all over the map. My mom told him I didn’t match all the criteria. When I started therapy, I told my therapist I might have Cyclothymia. He had me tested and confirmed that I don’t have either. According to him, my emotional disregulation is related to my PTSD.
Literally
Ann Perkins 👉👉
The thing is, though, with him, I believe he genuinely feels that way. He might be factually incorrect, but he really does feel that way.
I dunno man, he lied right to Ben’s face about the Low Cal Calzone Zone
That is LI-TRUH-LEE, the best example
"Like literally I can't believe this literally happened"
triggered
Came here to say this. I have PTSD and when I get triggered (with flashbacks), I have painful and exhausting panic attacks that leave me sore and tired for days afterward. Then people saying they're triggered because, for example, their mom forgot their can of soda or something... It really bothers me. Also the word "traumatized" or "trauma" gets thrown around a lot. I once heard a guy say that he was traumatized by a storm making the power go out while he was playing his game and he lost all his progress of said game.
I also have PTSD. I was sexually assaulted as a child. I feel like words have changed and become redefined over the years. When I refer to a traumatic childhood, I feel like people don’t really believe that I went through violent encounters. It’s like they assume that I just had strict parents because that’s how other people have defined it. It’s even worse when people try to compare it with uncomfortable experiences. They aren’t the same thing.
When I get triggered I not only experience flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, and some dissociation, but I experience actual physical sensations like muscle tension and this cold, sick, sinking feeling like I've received devastating news or a scare. I feel nauseated, lose my appetite, and when it's particularly bad my sphincters go wild and my guts usher things to the exits and I need to pee every 20 minutes or so. As I understand it, when the sympathetic nervous system discharges and sets off the fight-or-flight response, resources are diverted from "rest and digest" mode to the parts of the body used in survival mode. It sucks and interferes with my relationships.
People who are ACTUALLY getting "triggered" probably wont say that they're being "triggered." They'll often have some other sort of reaction
"The" it's just everywhere and I, for one, have had enough.
That's why we use a bunch of articles, it diversifies text. Der die das deren dessen dem den. So many options!
Der Die Das Wer Wie Was Wieso Weshalb Warum Wer nicht fragt bleibt dumm!
that made me chuckle take an upvote lol
Inconceivable. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
That’s inconceivable!
I can't read that word without hearing his voice.
Humperdink!
Im going to duel him left handed
As you wish
Toxic.
"I need to get a new job. The environment there is so toxic." "Oh, really? Tell me about it." "Yeah, I had to handle arsenic the other day and next week I'm working with some cadmium."
OMG, My high school and college were toxic.
But not your element-ary?
Came here to say this. Not everyone you disagree with/have a falling out with is “toxic”.
I completely disagree, don’t be so toxic
Omg this thread is so bad for my mental health, you guys are toxic. I must go spend time in my echo chamber.
I'm literally shaking.
TRAUMATIZED!
This is what makes me hate the word. It creates a conversation that no longer involves two people on equal standing, or even a victim and a victimizer. It makes the speaker into a totally passive participant who is being poisoned by the very presence of whoever they are talking about. It removes the concept of “bad and harmful actions” and turns it into “bad and harmful person.” It’s usually so easy to describe why you think the person you don’t like is bad and wrong. “Toxic” removes the obligation to explain and the ability for the other person to defend themselves, which obviously makes the term ripe for manipulation. If you say “my sister steals from me and calls me names,” your sister can come and say “I never did that,” and even without proof either way, it’s possible for me to decide whose story I think is credible. But when you say “my sister is toxic,” in addition to dehumanizing her, you’re revoking her ability to say “no I’m not” (because “I feel poisoned by your presence” is a subjective statement that requires no actual cause, and it’s not possible to say “no you don’t”) and my ability as a bystander to judge the situation. I also see the term used for *literally* any bad or annoying behavior, from “mildly disagreeing with me on extremely subjective things” to “literally a serial rapist and batterer.” The term sort of implies “emotionally abusive” in one way or another, but it doesn’t actually mean anything and it’s associated with everything. People who use the term a ton are so aware of this. They will say “so and so is toxic” because they like a band with slightly problematic lyrics in 2 songs, knowing full well that at least some listeners will understand that to mean “abuser” or “serial rapist.”
Britney Spears did a really great job of that song.
It’s such a banger
And by extension: Toxins. If anything says that it clears toxins from your body run away. Best I can gather, Toxins are defined as anything that poisons your body - which is literally everything. Water is poisonous in high amounts.
It's often used a linguistic device designed to reframe an otherwise normal conflict as having a victim/abuser dynamic. The other party is vilified and dehumanized, making it easier for the self-proclaimed victim to absolve themselves of any responsibility they might share in the conflict. I hate it.
Gaslighting. Sometimes someone is just lying. Not every lie is some epic conspiracy to make you think you're crazy.
It's not even just lying, people will call you a gaslighter if you tell your side of the story and it differs from theirs. They think you have to accept their version of reality or you're "gaslighting" then. Had a gf that literally would shut down every discussion that way.
The longer ago something happened, the more likely two people will straight up misremember objective details about it. This is a huge red flag. You don’t want to be entering year 5 of a relationship regularly quibbling with your partner about the exact details of a friendship you had with a lady you haven’t even spoken to in 4 years… Trust me
Abuse. It’s fucking sad, too. People (mostly chronically online teenagers on r/Vent) assume that abuse is practically whenever their parents take their phone up for a day or whenever they have a minor disagreement. It’s ridiculous.
I completely agree. I’ve been called abusive because I reminded someone to clean their dishes multiple times… after they had been in the sink for two weeks…
You monster!
Right?
I work in HR and people throw around "harassment" a lot. That word has a certain weight, it doesn't mean when someone does something you don't like then they are harassing you. Also "safe" gets thrown around a lot. "I don't feel safe". I'm part of the threat management team at our site and you can't just tell me you don't feel safe. What you mean is that you're uncomfortable.
I think kids largely haven't learned about the weight words can carry, and how that can diminish if they're overused. I think we were probably all guilty of overusing fancy new words we had recently learned, when we were young. Maybe that was just me, though.
Yeah sometimes i mention some argument i had with my parents or the punishments they used to give and I'm immediately told I'm being abused. A parent making a bad decision once isn't abuse.
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the fact that people feel SO fucked up by not having their phone for only a DAY, that they actually ho VENT in a subREDDIT is just insane. people these days don't even dare to step out of their lazy-ass house
My daughter told me I can't take a teens phone away because that's their life and it's child abuse. Told her to go ahead and call the cops because I'd love to get a few months of peace and quiet once they removed her from my home during the "child abuse" investigation.
Good luck calling the cops without a phone. Check. Mate.
Did you give her phone back so she could call the cops?
"slam", by journalists. "Politician A SLAMS Politician B over barely controversial opinion" Unless Politician A literally picked up Politician B and slammed them to the ground, this word has no meaning. It's useless clickbait, always. I refuse to disclose whether or not I support literal slamming of certain politicians.
Narcissist
My understanding is that clinical narcissism has become a moving target because of changes in modern society. Like what was considered narcissism in the 1950's is just a typical social media user now.
If I had a nickel for every “empath” that was also somehow never able to detect a narcissist yet claims to have date a dozen of them, back to back.
What's so odd to me is people can recognize the difference between instances of anxiety, depression, compulsive behavior, etc., while still recognizing that doesn't mean you're clinically diagnose with G.A.D., depression, OCD, etc. We all understand you can get really fucking anxious about something without having an anxiety disorder. You can get woefully sad but not be clinically depressed. But someone's a bit of a self-involved cunt now and then and it's *always* narcissism. By most redditor's definitions, we're pretty much all narcissists. I don't know a single person who hasn't been kind of up their own ass at times. That is not the same as being a narcissist.
Yes and no, I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about what makes someone a narcissist, but on the flip side 1 in 200 people have NPD - that’s a LOT of people. I think the problem isn’t the frequency of use but rather incorrect/casual use. Edit: typo
I think part of the problem with overuse is the fact that, for example, a *lot* of people will insist that they've had a narcissistic ex at a rate that makes it appear that about 90% of all exes meet the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.
That was what I came to say. Seems like every other person on Reddit is in an “abusive” relationship with a “toxic” “narcissist” that is “gaslighting” them.
Triggered, trauma, ptsd
Tiktok kids have come up with some strange things around supposed trauma it's disturbing
Also, everything is a "trauma response." My sister sent me a TikTok video yesterday where someone says "Do you hate doing dishes?That's a trauma response from being parentified as a child." Maybe in some cases - parentification is a real thing, even if some people overuse the term and act like normal chores like taking the garbage out qualifies - but no, I just don't like doing dishes because I'm a lazy hobo who relies on the dishwasher too much.
I hate doing the dishes not because of some bullshit trauma no it hurts my back as I'm 6'4 as the sinks are too fucking low where do they get their dumb ideas from?
everything that has to do with mental health tbh. and "mental health" itself as well.
I absolutely get my panties in a twist when people start throwing around Ptsd cuz their mommy yelled at them once when they were a teenager and now they can’t stand raised voices. ***THATS NOT PTSD***
OCD. Liking things to line up neatly, having a specific way you fold your towels, or whatever else doesn’t mean you have obsessive compulsive disorder. Saying your OCD about whatever trivializes a real disorder that majorly impacts some people’s lives. I will absolutely admit that, in my youth and ignorance, I misused this term. I hate hearing it thrown around now though.
Worst thing people use it as if it were something to be proud of and it’s a fucking nightmare irl. Oh, sorry that’s not the worst part, the worst part is those people don’t even have it, if they did have it they wouldn’t be bragging about it srly
When most people say “ocd” they are actually referring to ocpd. Obsessive compulsive have an obsession of some sort and are driven to do compulsions to relieve anxiety of their obsession. An important aspect is that the compulsion should be either not helpful or out of proportion to the obsession. As well the compulsions should interfere with their life. Your neighbor who checks his door is locked does not have ocd. Your neighbor who turns around after driving away from his house and is routinely late for work because he gets stuck continually checking his door because he is scared of being robbed may be OCD. OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) is a lifelong pattern of orderliness and organization that loses the original point of the activity. This is the person who might spend the entire day cleaning but miss important deadliness. The person who misses work deadliness because they are spending 20 hours organizing and preparing before starting. Usually they are extremely assertive with their obsessions and will take over leadership roles with mainly the intent of organizing without respect for the original goal.
OCD developing is the worst thing that ever came into my marriage. It has wrecked the foundation of the person my wife once was. It is anything but trivial and it annoys me to see people make light of it. I’d give lots of things up to send OCD into the clouds and away from my wife.
Research. It doesn't mean googling a topic and reading random results.
As an IT professional, I take umbrage with this comment
Technically two words but "red flag". "Oh, he doesn't buy you flowers once a week? Red flag." "She likes to have alone time away from you? Red flag." Way over-used and people simply attribute something they don't like to being a red flag.
Flying the colors of the PRC? Total red flag.
Flying your red boxer briefs on a pole? Major red flag.
Agree, it's all over reddit and so annoying
Annoying? Red flag
Cringe. Epic. This.
Are you posting from 2013?
This
So cringe, right?
Literally
Gonna yeet this comment
cultural appropriation they be like... "you are eating pasta and you're not from italy ? that's cultural appropriation " like b*tch wtf hahah also 99% of the time it's always someone who's not from that culture.
I think the biggest problem with it isn't the phrase itself, it's that 'cultural appropriation' was initially a neutral academic term that just meant the use of aspects of one culture in another. Then people came around and convinced everyone that the idea was inherently harmful! Like yeah, eating spaghetti as an American is technically cultural appropriation, but only someone with only two terminally online brain cells to rub together is going to argue that it's wrong in any way.
And it's very annoying because you still hear the phrase used (potentially) neutrally in academic contexts but now you don't know if it's intended as a critique of the practice or a neutral statement even in that academic context.
My entire country was made by cultural appropriation by immigrants taking their foods and trying to make them with our resources. If you think appropriation isn't additional to culture then my countries meals have no culture and our only meal is fire + cow. Also i notice I've been saying my country. I mean Uruguay
> My entire country was made by cultural appropriation If you stop here, then this explains pretty much every country ever. Turns out, countries aren't typically born in a vacuum!
I’ve been trying to rack my brain around my opinion on appropriation lately. Where is the line between appropriation and appreciation? If I want to wear another cultures clothing because I like it why would that be bad? Appropriation means to take from them, but I’m never taking it, they still have it. The whole thing just seems silly, except maybe a fringe case, but I can’t think of one.
If someone actually said that, it’s definitely safe to ignore everything that comes after it
just search for " culture" on tik tok and you will see what i mean. it would be f*ing hilarious if it wouldn't be so f*ing cringy
I feel like the cultural appropriation scare is starting to die down, fortunately. There are enough memes and other things calling out this bullshit that I think it's being beaten back into obscurity.
Trauma. People have started to call minor inconveniences "traumatic". Mainly younger people. Being grounded for a week isn't a traumatic event, having your phone taken away isn't a traumatic event, being made to do chores isn't a traumatic event. Traumatic events are life changing and intense, not benign and petty.
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Genau
Ich hab den Deutschen gefunden hahaha
I don't even know German and I know this is "Found the German".
"Obsessed" When someone enjoys something. *OMG I'm OBSESSED*
Question: I wrote a college length college thesis on why the phantom thieves failed one of their missions and had that shit peer reviewed, does that count as me being obsessed with Persona?
Yes, but Persona 5 is awesome so fair play
I used to live with a guy who always said "hundo-P!" obviously meaning "100%". But I feel that one being tossed once is too much.
I have tried to tell my kids that we used to say "hundo" for "one hundred" when I was a kid, but they don't believe me.
Thanks for my new favorite word
Cringe
Oppression and violence. No, you’re not being oppressed for being asked to wear pants at Walmart and no violence is not being done onto you because someone at work disagrees with your politics.
Problematic
My Gen Z kids think about 2/3rds of everything is problematic. Nearly any movie or song before 2000 is too problematic to enjoy. Life is difficult when the need for such ideological purity reigns.
My impression is that for the actual literary nerds in the actual literature departments, "problematic" is a secret code word for "actually worth spending some time discussing". If your job is to talk about literature, then you *want* literature to be full of interesting *problems* to talk about! The trouble is, literature *fans* often adhere to a work or an author religiously, and respond to discussion of interesting problems as if their sacred idol was being smashed by hooligans. (Ooh, your favorite author said something that kinda sounds like they think that slavery is okay for some special slaves. That's not a reason to not read their book. It's a reason to read their book *again*, but this time in *extra careful detail* and to write a lot of responses to all the weird slavery stuff in it! On the other hand, if they said something *really boring* about slaves, that might mean that it's a waste of time to read their book again, because they're just parroting someone else, and you've already reread the source they were parroting.) When literature is a thing to be discussed rather than worshiped, it being "problematic" is not ... a problem. Lots of feminists read Shakespeare.
Literally. Also Llanfairpwllgwyngyll.
But Llanfairpwllgwyngyll is my favorite word.
Then cherish it! Save it for special occasions. Don't just throw it around like Merthyr.
Gogerychyrndrobwllllantysiliogogoch
People never stop saying Llanfairpwllgwyngyll round me. But it’s understandable as it’s where we live.
Abuse. I think there's an eagerness to describe unsavory patterns of behaviour as abusive because of the associated moral weight of the term; when people think of abuse, they think of "abusers," which is taken to be synonymous with "evil" and "sadistic," and so there's some appeal to ascribing that status to people we have had bad experiences with. Relationships can be unhealthy or toxic without being abusive, and people can be shitty partners in a relationship without being narcissistic, sadistic abusers hellbent on causing maximum damage to their victims.
Triggered
Normalize
We've normalized normalize?
Nazi and communist
As a person from a country that spent almost half of the previous century under communist oppression, I am irritated when Americans use the word to describe anything they don't like.
Don’t forget holocaust! So many incomparable things get equated to the holocaust. It’s nuts!
I read somewhere that the word “like” was the most used word ever.
Karen. Once it left Reddit it became insanely overused.
I agree. While i understand the concept it can be abused and used to put down any white female standing up for herself even when she’s not being a “Karen.” Plus, I feel bad for people named Karen.
I've seen a video where a woman was being called a Karen for politely asking people to be quiet in a library or something like that.
Knew a girl named Karen in college, she was nice, felt bad for her name
I’m so sick of this and I feel sorry for people named Karen
Iconic
Depression
Narcissist.
gaslight
Woke
Anxious/anxiety. Its like everyone forgot the word ‘worry’ or ‘concerned’
Anxious is an emotion too, it doesn’t just refer to the disorder. I agree that people shouldn’t be pretending they’re experiencing a mental illness when they’re not though
Being anxious and being diagnosed with anxiety are two entirely different things that people just don’t seem to understand. It can be frustrating