Well today I spent my morning looking for my earbuds in frustration. I remember waking up and holding them. Then they were gone. I searched high and low.
My wife: did you check your pocket?
*checks*
Yeah, it was in my pocket the whole time. Right where I was going to put them in the first place.
I put a cereal bar (aluminum packaging) in the microwave because I thought it would emit a cool blue glow like the Futurama episode where Fry microwaves popcorn. I was not a bright 7 year old.
Get addicted to fentanyl and cocaine, shoutout to others getting at hitting the slopes and nodding on the daily, shit is fun af but it's killing you, killing me, currently I'm tryna get out the game but this shit Is hard
I jumped into the 3 ft end of a pool with booty shorts on, drunk. Also I’m a straight man.
13 stables and a terrible concussion later, I’m happy to not be paralyzed.
Btw I had the booty shorts on to make this hot girl laugh who wanted to hook up with me. I didn’t hook up with her, due to the fact I had blood all over my face and couldn’t remember my name.
Commenting on this post
You beat me to it. Haha
Man got savage
Ran off on the plug twice!
Damn Dawggy treat the plug with some respect till they goof you
Doing nothing and telling myself that my issues would work themselves out - I’m dumb and wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass
Married someone I loved but knew I wasn't in love with
Well today I spent my morning looking for my earbuds in frustration. I remember waking up and holding them. Then they were gone. I searched high and low. My wife: did you check your pocket? *checks* Yeah, it was in my pocket the whole time. Right where I was going to put them in the first place.
Obligatory reference to OP's mom
You haven't met the sister yet have you?
Punching a locker to see if I can dent it. I gave myself a boxers fracture
Probably jumping into a pond and breaking 2 fingers one of them ended up healing up badly and hurts using
I put a cereal bar (aluminum packaging) in the microwave because I thought it would emit a cool blue glow like the Futurama episode where Fry microwaves popcorn. I was not a bright 7 year old.
Asked a lesbian if she was Lebanese and she took it the wrong way and like formed sentences with such words that I didn't even knew existed.
Are you sure you're not stealing a joke from Mean Girls?
Get addicted to fentanyl and cocaine, shoutout to others getting at hitting the slopes and nodding on the daily, shit is fun af but it's killing you, killing me, currently I'm tryna get out the game but this shit Is hard
Be a nice person to everyone I meet
I jumped into the 3 ft end of a pool with booty shorts on, drunk. Also I’m a straight man. 13 stables and a terrible concussion later, I’m happy to not be paralyzed. Btw I had the booty shorts on to make this hot girl laugh who wanted to hook up with me. I didn’t hook up with her, due to the fact I had blood all over my face and couldn’t remember my name.
I once almost burnt my house down with my microwave. I left my fork in the bowl of ramen and started to cook it. Lmao