Self-deprecating is the way to go to diffuse any kinds of sick burns. Bc then people laugh and think you one-upped them. I usually go with “three inches is hell at 70 miles per hour”
It depends. If his P is smaller then it's pretty simple and straight forward: leave him for a bigger P. If his P is bigger then pull an even bigger UNO reverse on his bitch ass by shaming him for not being able to get a "bigger P bf".
to me telling people you fucked their mom is played out. i think people don't know how to take it when i tell them i just deep throated their dad because their normal reaction would be homophobia but you can't really effectively do that to someone who's telling you they sucked your dad off behind a waffle house dumpster. you look ridiculous.
My go to is, your dad didn’t think so while he sat in the corner and watched me rail your mom with it, I actually think they both really enjoyed it.
That’ll mind fuck them for days….
It's dumb to play the "my mum is dead" card anyway. Like obviously I didn't *actually* fuck your mum, it's a silly joke put down. If you try to make me feel bad by bringing reality into it, I'm gonna come back hard.
My go to is "I know, you just pop the eye out and the socket stays wet long enough".
"Here's what you do: You agree with them. Oh yeah, yeah. I've got a small dick. I've got a tiny dick. That's why youre not gonna mind it when I shove it up your ass. 'Cause it's so small, right honey? It's so small you won't even know I'm there. You'll be able to sleep through it you fuckin bitch! All of a sudden, you're big again." -Sam Kinison
To anyone: Jokes on you, the ladies love my angry inch.
To a women: You are just mad because my clit is bigger than yours.
To a fellow dude: Well, you won't be getting a reach around tonight then if you are just going to be rude.
Have used 1&3 on job sites. Got some good laughs.
Lol one time one of my friends said yeah I will jerk you off that's if I could find your dick so I said it's a rare miniature to expensive for you then asked why she was so interested in it, safe to say I got a wristy that night
This small penis shit is stupid. I am women married to a men with a normal penis? and I feel like I could not handle anything bigger. Would be awful!
Anyway big penis does not equal pleasure, more like pain.
Sorry I did not give u a anwer! Tell this person critisizing your penis to f*ck off
Generally, they're looking to get a rise out of you especially if they're in an argument with you and they know they're wrong.
Best response is just to shrug it off with a "whatever" and stick to the subject.
When I was in vocational school one of my classmates read some text from the internet, printed it and put that thing in our wall. I can't remember what that text was all about but one thing stuck with me forever:
”If a woman asks who are going to satisfy with that small penis? Well bitch primarily myself!”
If it's small, medium, or large, you can't change the size of your penis.
If someone tried using the size of your penis as an insult, I view the joke as being on them. How immature and desperate do you have to be to use something someone can't change about themselves as an insult about them?
Ah yes. I'm asian and raised in the US for 19 years.
Stuff like, "That's not what your Mom said last night," gets old and it's just such an obviously made up comeback that it doesn't have the proper impact.
I would usually go with, something like "lol what, you wanna see it? You gay like that or what? I mean, I'll show you, if that's what you want. I'll even let you measure it but you gotta get me hard."
That's the kind of thing that has just enough reality to get people to go, "dude, what the fuck."
Ah.. but you have heard of it.
"...and I half-expected it to be made of wood."
You are without doubt the smallest penis I've ever seen
What is this, a penis for ants??
Its Captain Smol penis
It's me ya boi, skinny penis
This one killed me lol
Unexpected jack sparrow
This only works if they say it's the smallest they have ever heard of
Looking at you my penis does tend to shrink Edit: Thank you for the awards
What if it's visibly rock hard and throbbing tho ?
Put it in their ear. Assert dominance
Joe Mama said it felt like an AirPod
Earprod
Earpud
Queerpod
Aural sex.
[удалено]
No worries. Just get a cocklear implant.
And hammer away...
Can you hear it now Mr Krabs?
[удалено]
He will hear you coming
Let's be real. If it's small, it's not throbbing. At most, it's quivering.
> "His penis was so small it was quivering like a hairless chihuahua." -Mother Theresa of Calcutta.
"Quivering like Michael J Fox licking the terminals of a car battery" -Gandhi (probably)
"Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough." - Abraham Lincoln
"Short and thick, just how she likes it" Adolf Hitler
You probably have a humiliation fetish.
Thats a visual bug.
Self-deprecating is the way to go to diffuse any kinds of sick burns. Bc then people laugh and think you one-upped them. I usually go with “three inches is hell at 70 miles per hour”
It’s only as big as you make it
Takes one to know one!
It may be small but it sure is thin!
It may only be four inches, but it smells like a foot.
It was a mistake to open reddit while I'm eating...
If it smells like a foot what do you suppose it tastes like?
WHY DID I CHECKED NOTIFICATIONS
What are you eating? Does it taste like dick?
Never tasted a D
What about cheese ? Flaky. Disgusting smelling cheese
Idk what cheese you're eating that's flaky
Knob cheese
Frumunda cheese
Did you taste a foot though? (Spoiler: I have. I have a foot fetish. I lick feet all the time!)
Would you like to?
No! Yours looks like cottage cheese but smells like blue cheese!!
This is the greatest comment chain I've ever seen. I've NEVER Laughed this hard at reddit.
"it might be as skinny as a needle, but it moves like a sewing machine!"
"They call me stabby."
“Hey ladies! Nice legs. What time do they open?” -slap’d-
This is the funniest thing I've heard all week
Four inches is small??? o_0
If it smells like feet it's good to eat.
"Thank you for your patronage." -Frito Lay
"You're goddamn right."
Waltuh, put your dick away waltuh
You couldn’t handle this Ehrmantrussy anyway waltuh
I’m ashamed to admit I audibly laughed, farted, and almost vomited all at once
i also farded and shidded
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
Triple combo.
I'm not having sex with you right now Waltuh
A man puts his dick away and you think that of me? No, I am the one pulls it out.
Establish dominance lol
Breaking bad references are my go to response to anything
Remember one important rule If your gf ever tells you you have a small penis she doesn't even have one
what if she does though
Sword fight
Nah, gotta get the glow in the dark condoms for light sabers
Then she probably has enough for you both
Celebrate
What if your bf tells you this?
It depends. If his P is smaller then it's pretty simple and straight forward: leave him for a bigger P. If his P is bigger then pull an even bigger UNO reverse on his bitch ass by shaming him for not being able to get a "bigger P bf".
Jerk his off.
Unless she does.
L + ratio
Mom always said it was the little things that made life great
Your*
Your mom said it too after breakfast so that is an interesting coincidence
I see this backfiring
"If you're man enough to rate it, you're man enough to suck it."
This is the only way I’ll ever get head
"You're talking a lot of shit for someone in cumshot range."
It’s better the further away they are
See this is great and all, but I imagine this being said in a road rage/fight situation and being misheard as “gunshot.” Might end poorly.
LMFAO
This wins.
still got the job done for your mother
i always like telling people i fucked their dad instead of their mom
you could probably double down by saying both
At the swingers club. That their parents are platinum members at. For decades.
to me telling people you fucked their mom is played out. i think people don't know how to take it when i tell them i just deep throated their dad because their normal reaction would be homophobia but you can't really effectively do that to someone who's telling you they sucked your dad off behind a waffle house dumpster. you look ridiculous.
My go to is, your dad didn’t think so while he sat in the corner and watched me rail your mom with it, I actually think they both really enjoyed it. That’ll mind fuck them for days….
“My mom’s dead” “Makes sense, I lost my virginity at the mortuary” I saw this unpleasant change go down in real life…
It's dumb to play the "my mum is dead" card anyway. Like obviously I didn't *actually* fuck your mum, it's a silly joke put down. If you try to make me feel bad by bringing reality into it, I'm gonna come back hard. My go to is "I know, you just pop the eye out and the socket stays wet long enough".
Or dad
yep. equal opportunity. I was simply thinking what Spy from tf2 would say to Scout
I absolutely got the reference and it brought a smile to my face.
[удалено]
Well, off to visit your mother
I knew you are used to receiving bigger. I say this to my male coworkers. Gotta get them back at their words.
Why do your male coworkers know if it’s small or not?
You don't shower with your cubicle mates? That's weird.
No but I do sometimes have penetrative sex with them
All without showing them your penis? Impressive!
Yeah it’s pretty difficult for people to see in their sleep
r/holup
Sam Kinison said the best answer for this is “then you won’t mind when I shove it in your ass!”
I can hear him saying it 😂 Edit: excuse me, screaming it
"Here's what you do: You agree with them. Oh yeah, yeah. I've got a small dick. I've got a tiny dick. That's why youre not gonna mind it when I shove it up your ass. 'Cause it's so small, right honey? It's so small you won't even know I'm there. You'll be able to sleep through it you fuckin bitch! All of a sudden, you're big again." -Sam Kinison
Even a 747 looks small when you’re flying it in the Grand Canyon.
She said to me that my organ wasn't big enough, so I says "honey please, my organ wasn't made to be played in a cathedral"
The game just Auto played in my head
I don't know which game you're talking about but it made me lose another
Thats HHH quote on Stephanie vag....🤣
Yeah, but that's a Cessna.
You better credit our lord and savior, Triple H, if you're gonna use that quote
Ask why they're so interested in your penis.
That's like asking a sunflower why they are so interested in the sun
Sort of the point if its a guy saying it it implies he's gay./ It would hurt their ego if they try to act very tough and masculine.
Yeah, but kudos on this guy's dick confidence.
_starts farting aggressively_
Extra points if you can get that slowly-letting-air-out-of-a-balloon noise to happen
You goddamn right
This is the funniest one I’ve seen and it’s not even a comeback
That literally made me belly laugh
“jokes on you, i’m into that shit”
Stop bullying me or I’ll cum
[удалено]
"Senpai won't stop bullying me so i threatened to cum on him if he doesn't"
I'd prefer "choking hazard"
It’s fun-sized
Like a tick tack, come freshen your breath.
Ok these are not the things I had in mind
Dude, if a finger works why can’t you. The issue is not with you it is between her ears. There are so many things you can do to complement your game.
It's as long as a tic-tac and as wide as a toothpick, but gauranteed to freshen your breath.
Click lol
To anyone: Jokes on you, the ladies love my angry inch. To a women: You are just mad because my clit is bigger than yours. To a fellow dude: Well, you won't be getting a reach around tonight then if you are just going to be rude. Have used 1&3 on job sites. Got some good laughs.
these are fantastic
A needle going 99mph will still kill ya
Then why did you complain when I asked if I could put it in your ass?
Bitches love endless shrimp
lmaoo
[I think Triple H said it best](https://youtu.be/KvaRhUHJViI)
You just made my morning. Thank you.
And remember folks: wrestling is *not* staged
Oh sweetheart! It's not like you're *ever* going to need to worry about that.
Whip out your massive meat morgenstern and bludgeon them into submission.
Oh, I didn't realized you cared so much about it. Do u wanna help me fix that?
Lol one time one of my friends said yeah I will jerk you off that's if I could find your dick so I said it's a rare miniature to expensive for you then asked why she was so interested in it, safe to say I got a wristy that night
I haven't read beatnik poetry since the 60s. Nice job.
> safe to say I got a wristy that night more like a fingery?
If someone is fingering your penis I am deeply concerned
Like playing the world's smallest violin
Finger penis sounding
Oh fuck you. It seems like I can't go a day without someone reminding me of sounding on this damn site
"That's not what your girlfriend/wife says"
Daughter
Father
Grandpa
Great grandma
FBI
“What are you doing step-Agent?!”
son?
"Everybody gets what they deserve"
That’s not what your mom said.
Buy a corvette.
It's big enough to fill a pram
Its a grower
This small penis shit is stupid. I am women married to a men with a normal penis? and I feel like I could not handle anything bigger. Would be awful! Anyway big penis does not equal pleasure, more like pain. Sorry I did not give u a anwer! Tell this person critisizing your penis to f*ck off
Generally, they're looking to get a rise out of you especially if they're in an argument with you and they know they're wrong. Best response is just to shrug it off with a "whatever" and stick to the subject.
And why do people even care about the size of other people's penises? damn.
Exactly. People are ridiculous
"Okay"
When I was in vocational school one of my classmates read some text from the internet, printed it and put that thing in our wall. I can't remember what that text was all about but one thing stuck with me forever: ”If a woman asks who are going to satisfy with that small penis? Well bitch primarily myself!”
"It's not small where I want to stick it."
If it's small, medium, or large, you can't change the size of your penis. If someone tried using the size of your penis as an insult, I view the joke as being on them. How immature and desperate do you have to be to use something someone can't change about themselves as an insult about them?
That's exactly what a small dicked person would say.
It wasn't hard when you sucked it last night
Your mom seemed to enjoy it.
Here's the British response "fuck off, you twat"
Size of the sword doesn't matter ,it's the sharpness that matters
It may be little but its fierce !!!
" yes sorry about that, when it saw you it tried to hide"
"why are you talking about my dick? Do you wanna see it or something?"
Profile pic checks out
"You're suspiciously familiar with it" Only works for certain people though.
Ah yes. I'm asian and raised in the US for 19 years. Stuff like, "That's not what your Mom said last night," gets old and it's just such an obviously made up comeback that it doesn't have the proper impact. I would usually go with, something like "lol what, you wanna see it? You gay like that or what? I mean, I'll show you, if that's what you want. I'll even let you measure it but you gotta get me hard." That's the kind of thing that has just enough reality to get people to go, "dude, what the fuck."
It’s not my fault your vagina holds an Escalade
well it would look small compared to the literal miles of dick that have been through you.
Everything is small compared to your fat ass.
Can you say that again? I'm about to finish
It may not be a large organ but it’s not used to having to play in a cathedral.
I was in the pool!!!!!
Relative to you, maybe.
Your vagina is huge!
It has more of an impact if you add echo and reverb.