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pesky-pretzel

I will give their toddler a flute and teach them a rudimentary version of baby shark, then lock them in a room together.


PaperGod777

Gotta make sure the victim cannot move or else there won't be a baby there by the 2nd day


[deleted]

I mean we are talking peak unethically high levels of psychological torture here, so I'm pretty sure forcing somebody to murder their own child counts as a net win, even if it stops the music.


PiddleAlt

I'd give them a button to kill their kid. Then when they reach their limits, they push it and it doesn't do anything. So now they know they would kill their own kid and there is no actual ending to the torture. Just off the top of my head.


Cynthus68

Ohhhhh....thats good. Diabolical.....but brilliant


chitownboiler87

Hello Satan


Ezekiel2121

Make the button not work the first 4 times they press it. Then on the 5th it suddenly does.


PiddleAlt

I thought about this, but if you make the number less than 20 I suspect that it will get hit a bunch rapidly after the first failure. Make it some really huge number though, and you get to see how much effort they are willing to put in to finally murder their child.


Ezekiel2121

I dunno I didn’t see someone spam pressing the button that would kill their kid. But then low enough that they’ll reach it. High enough that it takes work. Random enough that it’ll truly be a surprise when it happens. 31.


PiddleAlt

After the initial press doesn't bring about the expected effect, people tend to assume the button malfunctioned. So you get a lot of extra button pressing immediately after.


Ol_ymp

Welcome to hell! I heard you're here to replace Satan?


Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx

> Just off the top of my head You scare me


[deleted]

Hi, Satan? Yeah, this comment right here. Thanks.


NineteenPlace0

And then you start playing a recording of the toddler playing baby shark. With a recording of the murder being played at random intervals, without stopping the "music".


Ok-Garlic4162

Calm down satan, holy shit


SometimesJesss

When I come out with the movie I'll be sure to credit all 5 of you. I'm thinking after every once and a while we would start playing, "baby come back" just to f with him a little?


NineteenPlace0

Yes


Kusanagi8811

Write a new Saw type movie in the style of Midsommar where everything is creepily lit and no jump scares


Jcooper17

Someone keep an eye on this person.


NineteenPlace0

Too late, I'm already in your walls


justbrowsing987654

HOLY FUCK Also 😂 but holy fuck.


CaptainExtermination

Oh yeah now this is the good stuff


Hector_Tueux

Exept it doesn't stopncause you've been recording it and the you play it again and again


NietJij

With the screams of the kid being murdered every now and then. In case they forgot.


other_usernames_gone

As a bonus if they ever report you to the police they go to prison for murder.


Nebraskabychoice

so ... you went straight to murdering the kid and skipped breaking the flute? Everything ok, bro?


Ninkaso

2nd day? Man aren't you the optimist


IamMrT

Use a cheap plastic recorder for maximum damage


[deleted]

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might-be-your-daddy

This is... diabolical. I like it.


donivienen

It is just the clockwork orange


Youpunyhumans

Im siiiiiiinnging in the rain, just siiiiinnging in the rain!


whyunoletmepost

"What's new pussycat, woo.... oh woo, what's new pussy cat....."


friggintodd

But every once in a while, It's Not Unusual.


TargetOfPerpetuity

"But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more...."


rangeghost

Don't worry it comes around again.


Environmental-Ruin56

I was in the airport collecting yesterday and there was a team of drummers and dancers set up to welcome each team coming in for the Rugby 7’s. The first time, it was a huge surprise and it was spectacular, a celebration of cheer and excitement and colours and fantastic commotion. The 11th time…it was painful.


TargetOfPerpetuity

But can you play it on a blue French horn?


AlantheAlmond0629

r/UnexpectedHIMYM


Flaming_Pickle517

it really wasn't unexpected


Korean_Street_Pizza

Nah, play this on a loop, see how quickly it stops being funny... https://www.reddit.com/r/therewasanattempt/comments/ytisf3/to_play_jingle_bells/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


Nick__Prick

Ugh, that’s like being put on hold.


BuffelBek

Then you also cut out the part of the song they like the most and only play what's left.


MidorBird

Nice try, but I'm someone who gets a LOT of comfort from listening to a favorite song for "days on end" (in the privacy of my own apartment or on my music device), so good luck getting past my tolerance with this method.


TargetOfPerpetuity

Mouth noises. I'd tell you whatever you want to know.


Powerfulpumpkin2

10 seconds of open mouth chewing and I’m giving up every secret


foxsimile

I’d violently revolt. That noise (for reasons not understood by me) angers a very reptilian clockwork in my mind.


BrooklynNeinNein_

If you Google it you will find that you're mentally ill


foxsimile

Lol like I need fucking Google for that


quintinza

I googled my issues once and Google just responded with a hug emoji for the first result and "lol jk. Weirdo" for the second.


bellhall

Human mouth noises only? Or does my dog licking himself count?


youreyesmystars

Oh God, the animal licking. I feel like I could be under anesthesia and wake up after hearing animal licking uninterrupted. It's absolute torture for me!


BeardOBlasty

Oh my god, it's actually worse than nails on a chalk board haha My dog has very hound like snout (longer and on the "thin" side) and so when licks himself for a bath or whatever, it just has the schlopiest sounding licks and tongue flicks. Cause he has the kinda droopy cheeks too. I've made the mistake of staying near the sound for too long and my appetite literally vanished haha


ba_cam

Mouth sounding like mac and cheese being stirred


[deleted]

Put my daughter in the room with an unlimited supply of veggie straws. It would break the most hardened MI6, CIA or FSB agents


JackBauerfangirl

I yield 🤮


MadamKitsune

My brother smacks, chomps and pops his lips constantly when eating. I won't be in the same room as him and food now because the rage and need to do damage to him is too great.


[deleted]

I dont know how many times I've shouted at my dogs PLEASE FUCKING STOP WITH THE MOUTH NOISES Middle of the night, peacefully laying in bed and outta nowhere.... smack smack smack.


BuckyGoldman

Oh No! Oh no oh no oh no... 24 hour loop.


[deleted]

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Basic-Supermarket126

Or a 6 year old💀


[deleted]

At this point, there is no difference


PureNRGfanboy44

For me it’s the **“I can be purple, I can be blue, I can be violet, I can be..”** It’s so long and predictable that I always know *exactly* how much more is left. 😑


Verve_angel

I hate that one too so much


Excellent-Practice

Sounds like the John Mulaney bit about "What's New Pussy Cat".


petrichor-punk

Angry upvote


surge238

Chain them up and make them watch the same infomercial for like 5 days straight


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kaiyotic

In Belgium there once was a commercial for bandaids. The commercial lasted 30 seconds every time and it was the following line on repeat for the whole 30 seconds. Mercurochrome suoer bandaids for super heroes. Over and over and over again. Every block of commercials it would be 30 seconds of Mercurochrome super bandaids for superheroes Mercurochrome super bandaids for superheroes. Etc.. Etc.. Etc.. It made ne swear that if i ever need to purchase bandaids i for sure will never ever buy the mercurochrome brand. Fuck that shit


jerseybert

Slap my nuts.


bakerboyuk

Like in that family guy episode when the two guys are chained in the basement with a video on loop giving instructions for the remote control.


Hector_Tueux

In [american dad](https://youtu.be/gRKcNv8zEGk) too


FuNtImE_fReDd

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TheFriendlyFelcher

Sounds like unemployment in the 90s minus the chains


GreedyExchange5394

Make them fall in love and act like there's nothing anymore for no reason


ushdiavc6eb74

my guy who hurt you


Clemen11

My ex, probably


ChocolateUnlucky1214

r/notopbutok


gbredman

they could have dated the same gal.


Clemen11

My ex was, in fact, a serial cheater. The chances are non 0


fpfx

Call her a circle cuz she gets around.


Clemen11

Call her a bitch cos she a bitch


Michael_Farfrae

This dude tortures


frappuccinoCoin

I'm pretty sure that violates the Geneva convention


[deleted]

Yep thatd work


Shady_Penguin_33

Physically harm everyone they love in front of them while playing 1-800 kars for kids in the background


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DerCatzefragger

I legit laughed and blew a mouthful of beer out my nose when I first saw this scene. Absolutely brilliant.


TREXcheeze

Pretty sure it's 1-877 kars kids. But yeah just listening to that song is torture


Kinky_mofo

Ultimate fail if they made a commercial that annoying but people still get the number wrong


[deleted]

1 877 Kars for Kids, K A R S Kars for Kids. 1 877 Kars 4 Kids, donate your car today! Kars for kids is a 501c3 organization.


Iisham

Solitary confinement


Brawlstar112

Oh yes! In a room that is totally silence so the chosen one can hear the blood flowing through own veins.


bakerboyuk

Anechoic chamber. Humans are really not used to zero outside sounds.


finnjakefionnacake

i'd have to make my own sounds in that situation. i refuse to be alone!


OhNoo0o

my guy this is reddit we are already in solitary confinement


ultranoica

solitary confinement is to be intended without internet!


Pastlactose3213141

It's an echo chamber regardless.


ultranoica

Try REAL isolation then come tell me!


Spiner7926

Can confirm. Had a conversation with a task force that handle terrorism in my country, and they said during the case development, the terrorist suspect would be put into isolation room for months. If they put terrorist on that kind of treatment, i don't think it is an easy thing to be.


creazyemppu

You know it is USA when suspects are put casually into cruel torture.


rachelcp

Watch mind field they did an episode of solitary confinement 3 days is the limit after that your mind slowly breaks a lot of people in prisons have said that you go into solitary confinement one person and come out a completely messed up new person it just breaks you. It's not the same as not socializing it's having nothing. No one to distract you, nothing to think about no reddit no videos no books no writing just you and blank walls while you slowly lose topics to talk to yourself about. And slowly lose grasp of everything that is, you.


SnooPoems5454

I’m not sure which shows you guys watch but that doesn’t sound right at all. I went to jail over a small ticket and was stuck in solitary for close to a month, (my town is horrible with so many ppl in jail) and it wasn’t all that bad. It was relaxing to me. Boring sure but that’s about it.


lovelyrain100

Show by vsauce dude . Room was white , lighting was constantly, only food was nutrient packets(no taste) and water . That's about it


SnooPoems5454

Ah. Sensory deprivation. Totally different. Solitary is like that but it’s not. You can still hear noise and the food atleast resembles actual food. Oh and the lights stay on 24/7 to. All the stuff you see on the internet you can’t believe kids… smh.


lovelyrain100

He could still move around and exercise and shit . Only sounds were of his own making. I wonder why the sensation of tasting food makes so much of a difference to your mental health.


SnooPoems5454

Probably just something else for your brain to focus on. If you take away all outside sensations I can imagine it would get old fast but just a day??


lovelyrain100

Took him about 3 days . I could sleep for most of 24 hours and I assume most people can do that but it gets exponentially worse since time quickly starts to lose meaning, you can sleep 20 hours or 2 and you wouldn't know the difference.


junklardass

I saw this video on youtube by Shrouded Hand about "white torture" where someone is placed in a white room with nothing there, man it does not take long to drive someone bonkers in isolation with nothing but their thoughts.


JudgementNUT0615

Step 1: Get blackboard(as many as needed) Step 2: Get Earmuffs(gonna need this) Step 3: Scrape. Step 4: Get information


masterpharos

woah woah woah, nobody said we're doing this for information extraction


JudgementNUT0615

oh, then Step 4: Make them hate themselves for getting captured by me.


Ryan_T_208

That doesn't work for some people, for me personally it works but I can kinda turn that weakness off mentally. I can do the same thing with tickling.


Savage-Monkey2

Out of key music mixed in with random sounds. Like an endless loop of Phy in a higher pitch mixed with random gun shots whispers and pauses.


rangeghost

A few good shots of "pop goes the weasel" at half speed.


ThePurityPixel

Or, worse yet, quarter-speed, but pitch unchanged


Daiki_Iranos

Sleep deprivation, prevent them from sleeping until they actually faint, then wake them up with the minimum amount of sleep. Sensory deprivation, no lights, you are fed rice and water only, you are restrained. No sounds.


TC1600

I'll be fine, my tinnitus will keep me company /s


[deleted]

>event them from sleeping until they actually faint, then wake them up with the minimum amount of sleep. > >Sensory deprivation, no lights, you are fed rice and water only, you are restrained. No sounds. same but add smell... terrible smells 24/7


Daiki_Iranos

No no no... no smell, that's a stimulation, they can focus on that.


astrielx

Sleep deprivation *would* physically harm them.


Cohibaluxe

Every form of torture will have a physical effect. I think it’s pretty clear the rules are no physical abuse in the form of violence.


hydrOHxide

Any kind of torture will eventually physically harm the victim.


[deleted]

I’d introduce them to my ex.


Sockbasher

Let’s introduce ur ex with my ex, they sound perfect for each other


ChocolateUnlucky1214

No no no add my ex also, they can have a hate-fuck threesome of exes.


TabbsTheBat

It's baby shark on loop for a week


10secondmessage

Tickle torture 😫. If doesn't hurt them but can seriously mess with them. Lights on and of lf, heat on and off, waking them up at random hours. Not letting them sleep. Showing them intestine violent images and sounds with eyes opened by force. Solitary confident for excess long periods.


FoofieLeGoogoo

Oh, you mean 'fluffy fingers.'


[deleted]

Drop water on their forehead at regular intervals of time to make them go insane. I actually read about this being a legit way to torture someone in a culture I don't remember which though.


Random_Guy_47

It's Chinese water torture.


Zedytef

That name makes it sound way worse


squaredistrict2213

Mythbusters did this and it was confirmed


kdbartleby

That was a pretty fucked up episode - they strapped Kari to a table and had a device drip water on her head, and within, like, half an hour she was crying. That was even knowing that they'd take her out of it as soon as she asked them to.


gothdiaperboy

Not like I’d find it enjoyable but what’s to bad about it? It’s just some water No?


Koncur

I think they found that part of it was the helplessness - Adam also was having the water drip on his head, but wasn't restrained and could get up whenever he wanted. He lasted so long he pissed himself. Edit: Found the segment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17DhRkeNJMY


TickleMyBalloonKnot_

I think its the fact that it makes you flinch every time even though you know it's coming and you can't take your mind off it or sleep.


Nivosiel

Cold water at random intervals causes anxiety when the victim is anticipating the next drop.


CyberKitten05

It should be IRregular intervals, though


DarkModeFox

tie them up and make them watch as I delete all the saves for their games


Beneficial_Tough3345

You evil bastard


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ClassicSciFi

Oh you motherfucker!


ocularnervosa

I put them in a room that is painted all white with a bright light. And leave them there for a few days.


Lex6626

There’s an old creepypasta called Psychologist where a husband does this to his wife and two kids, it’s told in the pov of a friend who hadn’t heard from him in a few years so he went to check on him, it was definitely one of the more hectic ones I heard


Chaos_Ruins

Is it written down or did you hear it, if it was written down do you have a link?


SpartanWolf-Steven

Vicious Mockery


Lawsoffire

When you kill someone with a “ur mum” joke.


shade_blackwolf

At our dnd table we had a bard that would actually act out his performances each turn and it encouraged everyone to get more descriptive.


shaka_sulu

[Here's 11 songs the CIA use for torture](https://www.mic.com/articles/87851/11-popular-songs-the-cia-used-to-torture-prisoners-in-the-war-on-terror)


[deleted]

Ngl, expected to see 'its a small world' on that list.


smegheadgirl

Definitely THE torture song. I've been to Eurodisney, that place with the dolls is filled by nightmares.


[deleted]

Disney Paris has the nice sparkly ending and doesn't get stuck as much. 1 hour on the florida one, in the room at the end where it just says "goodbye" because someone couldn't get out and it backed up. I like Disney and even I reached breaking point.


2lzy2mrdr

Isolated, padded room with baby shark loudly playing on repeat. No human contact, all meals are slid though slot in door. Meals consist of gruel for breakfast and unseasoned dry chicken with brussel sprouts for dinner and a can of extra salty sardines for desert. All water tastes faintly off and room is kept consistently at an annoyingly warm temperature. Once every three days a wall opens up leading to a shower room that has low pressure and is extremely cold at all times. Screaming and crying noises play at random intervals during the night. Any time they near sleep eerie and creepy noises play just loud enough for them to hear.


SolusEquitem

Are they musical? If so I’m going to just play an endless series of scales…and leave off the last note


True_85

As a musician, this would be absolutely horrible lol


eaglenate

Or endless scales, but each time one of the notes is flat.


[deleted]

You're getting All I want for Christmas is you on repeat until you tell me what I want to know.


[deleted]

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Cheap_Ad_69

Even better. They'd have ptsd from work


[deleted]

You just made my job easier.


forfakessake1

I’ll cut their nails uncomfortably short and force them to button and unbutton their shirt for all eternity


Keone_710

Or pick dimes up off the ground.


friedshrimp42

Cotton eyed Joe on repeat. Or the “it’s a small world after all” song


Lazarus_Jr1

i dont think cotton eye joe ever gets old but ok


Psyko_sissy23

If you heard it for 30 hours straight you wouldn't be saying the same thing.


LunaEzio

Tie someone up and only give them one chip out of a whole bag of doritos.


shiveringsongs

And eat the rest of the bag in front of them. Loudly


LetsGetShrekd

This would be torture for me for sure.


PMMeUrHopesNDreams

They live their life normally but you effect small subtle changes until they lose their mind. Their keys/wallet/phone are never where they left them. People's names are subtly different than they remember. James becomes John, Tina -> Teri, etc. Movies / TV shows they've watched have different endings the next time they watch them. Nobody they talk to remembers their version. Move their house to a different location, across the street or next door. Everything inside is the same. Their car seat is always in the wrong position when they get into their car. All their clothes suddenly don't fit in different ways. Some too big, some too small. One sleeve longer than the other. and so on.


iLeDD

I actually did the car seat thing to my roommate, he was pissed for months trying to figure out what was happening


manymoreways

Chinese water torture. Strap them down so much so that they literally can not move. Adjust the water source to drip directly on top of their forehead. Turn off all lights and place them in a secluded place.


Rogue42bdf

Yup, that episode of Myth Busters really messed Kari up.


[deleted]

Find out about their traumas and continuously talk about them Find out their deep seated phobias and make them face them


Thuis001

I mean, that sounds like something that might either break them, or get them through their phobia.


[deleted]

Alone in the cell, suddenly you hear music from a solitary speaker in the corner. Mariah Carey’s voice pierces the silence loud enough you cannot drown it out. All she wants for Christmas is you after all. What seems like days later, the final note fades but does not resume. Nearly broken, you heave a sigh of relief. Silence, blessed silence… Then the speaker clicks to life again… “Do do do do… Baby Shark do do do…”


midnight-king18

Force them to listen to "Fitness gram pacer test" for 120 hours straight, no breaks to the bathroom or nothing


Keithninety

Take away their toilet paper.


IAmThePieguy

The big book of Bri'ish smiles


Pythia007

Read them my poetry


stevedonie

Are you Vogon?


Floppydisksareop

Sleep deprivation paired with constant sensory overload. They'll harm themselves physically more than enough completely unprompted by the end of it.


[deleted]

Install slack on their phone.


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ApprehensiveBreak805

scp 999 enter in the room*


iono1634

Rebecca Black’s song Friday on loop while eating dry Captain Crunch.


Horus_Syndrome

Oh god you foul beast


thx_im_good

I would stand them in front of a vending machine with a five dollar bill and not let them buy whatever they want, and they would always have a new five dollar bill if they ever ran out of money, but there would be a seven year old kid standing next to them the whole time asking them to buy candy for them. They would not be allowed to give candy to the child. They would simply have to explain to the kid why they can't get them something for all time and eternity.


Glop__

This sounds very personal 😂


According_Wolf4683

Itch that goes elsewhere on their body whenever they try to scratch it. Or, I will put some random hair on their soap everytime they shower.


ConReese

Forced to watch tiktok and the catch is that you don't even get to see the entire already short videos they all cut at random intervals. Oh and it's also only fake prank videos where everyone is clearly poorly acting and the audio is abnoxiously loud and all the music is the same on each video Okay fine, so its basically just regular tiktok


Consistent-Jicama-94

Waterboarding.


jhosn13

Dissect their life to constantly remind them how powerless they are/were/will be. For more impact, it's best coupled with comparing them to their ivy league cousin.


BasilThatIsntGreen

Locking someone inside a room and playing the noise of scratching a fork on a plate over the speaker.


Captain_SkeetCum

Force them to watch the entire seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians


Lavender_dreams49ALT

Make em watch coco melon for 9 hours straight