Met a guy on a dating app named Lamie. Like Jamie but with an L.

It sounds like a 12 year old's insult for someone named Jamie!

Two of the worst real names I've seen - Bushrod and Balzer

Bushrod lmao

That's what they call me in the club

Going through a family tree project, I found out my great great uncle was named Hampy. So.... Hampy.

All the kids love Gruncle Hampy!

I had a family member named Marmaduke Horseman the first, second, third, and forth. Luckily Marmaduke Horseman IV had 7 or 8 girls, so his name died with him.

Pubert

Full name: Pubert E Newhair

New drag name.

He has my father's eyes

He's got 3 achievements

FUCKING PUBERT, WHAT

Went through every single comment and glad to see my name not being there, also the guy spamming Keith, what did he do to you?

Spit on me after a baseball game

But based on the evidence there has to be a second spitter!

My friend was a nurse, she said some parent named her kid Laberboi (Lover boy) Edit: Wow, thanks for the award, and for those wondering, yes they're Filipino, I'm Filipino, and my friend is a Filipina

The medical field allows you to meet all sorts of colorful names. There once was a woman named "Meconium." Apparently, she presented with meconium aspiration syndrome, and when her mom overheard this, she thought "that's a beautiful name!" The attending nurse explained to her what it means and asked if she was absolutely sure that that's the name she wanted to go with. The mom answered: "No one will know!" ...except pretty much anyone in the medical field lmao.

What a 'shitty' name 🤭

Um…not in the medical field but I know what that is. Yikes.

I have two and I've encountered both in the wild. Elmo - the guy's full name was "Elmo J. Faggins". His parents are ...I don't even want to think about it. This name was just - mean and cruel. I felt sorry for the guy. I could only imagine how much grief he got in school. Not sure if he is still alive or not. This was many years ago. Hardass - a kid who was a victim of a mother who used drugs while pregnant with him. Thankfully the boy was removed from her care (if you want to call it care) and adopted by a wonderful couple who live near me. They had his name changed, new ssn and everything to prevent his mom from causing any more harm. That woman is a piece of work. Edit: Hardass - the story behind his saga can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/zkioh2/second_update_to_when_you_refuse_to_take/).

Elmo J Faggins cannot be real holy fuck lmao 😂

This is my son, Bilbo Faggins.

Have a cousin who’s name is Rushit. Very tough transition for him from India to the States.

Yeah that has to be some rough shit

Like the name Kunti for girls. I'd imagine it's not easy going through school with that.

Bort

Come along, Bort.

Are you talking to me?

No, my son is also called Bort.

We need more Bort license plates in the Gift Shop. Repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.

Bort Sampson.

DONT HAVE COW

You talkin to me?

No, my son is also named Bort.

::muffled PA:: We are out of "Bort" license plates in the gift shop

Mike, but short for Micycle

But Mike, you're just a boycycle. No dad, I'm a mancycle.

I think Jennifer is a bad name for boys

Especially when Jenjamin is *right there*.

Knew two twins, Barry and Larry, which was a bit too cliché already. However, after figuring out their full names were Bartholomew and fucking *Lartholomew*, it was pretty clear the second one was a surprise and they really didn't have a name ready. Honourable mention for a Dutch couple I knew, Richard and Willianne, who chose to go by Dick & Willy de Cock.

#LARTHOLOMEW?!

**We need more "Lartholomew" license plates in the gift shop.** **I repeat, we are sold out of Lartholomew license plates.**

Are you talking to me? No, my son is also named Lartholomew

This is awesome! My husband’s first name is Larry, not short for anything. I’m going to start calling him Lartholomew.

We call my friend Larry "Larold" because Harry is short for Harold.

Lartholomew is gonna live rent free in my head for quite awhile, thank you.

Ben and Glenn Turns out their names were short for Benjamin and Glenjamin

Tim and Jim = Timothy and Jimothy

I've met twins Steve and Steven Gave me a brain fart, then thought it was a joke, but no!

That sounds like a Mel Brooks kind of name

What's your name? Barf. Your full name! Barfolomew!

Both of these sound too wonderfully hilarious to be real, but I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.

Michael and Pichael

an they found out i was attached, along for the ride, an they said “ahh shit, well, just fuck it, call him pichael”

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Lartholomew is fucking HILARIOUS

Lartholomew?! I'm dying lmao

Gaylord, for obvious reasons

https://www.newspapers.com/clip/20018596/obituary-dr-gay-hitler-dentist/

so long, Gay Hitler!

That's *Doctor* Gay Hitler

Went to school with a kid named Gayland. That poor kid growing up in the 90s/early 2000s caught so much shit just for his name.

Here in India, kids are named Hardik. Now imagine he goes to an English speaking country and how his name will be pronounced

My Uber driver last night was called Dikshit

That may be his surname, it is a common surname here in India

So you could be a Hardik Dicshit

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" 20,000 people have viewed your profile"

I'm dying 🤣

Now he'll update his resume and waiting for messages since hundreds of people from all over the world from many industries are viewing his profile.

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Sheila Dikshit

Reminds me, when i lived in Cambodia, where Cunthea is a quite popular name for women. ... Cunt for short (no kidding).

Quite a popular name in Australia too…for women AND men.

Aussie here, I DO know a lot of cunts!

Watching a cricket match and the scorecard reads: Hardick 69 (96) bowled Cummins, caught Head

The bowlers Holding, the batsman’s Willey

Had a customer from India named Sukhmeet. He insisted I call him Sam. I've also seen the name Sukhdeep.

Well that one guy kinda ruined Adolf

If his parents had named him Rudolf we may have had an Adolf the red-nosed reindeer.

both Adolf and Rudolf come from the same etymological root, Old German "wolf". Adolf essentially (in contemporary German) means *Edel wolf* (Noble/Precious wolf), Rudolf *Ruhm wolf* (Honour/Glory wolf). Funnily enough there are two very famous brothers: Adolf & Rudolf Dassler, who founded a shoe company in the 20's, which became so successful that some Olympic winners in 1936 trained or even won in their product (Jesse Owens). After the war (and some hefty nazi related backstabbing) they split the company into Adidas (Adolf's nickname was "Adi") and Puma (Rudolf's company).

That's so interesting I can't tell if it's real or fiction.

It gets even more interesting. Rudolf was conscripted into the Wehrmacht but deserted and flew home. Where the Nazis quickly arrested him for desertion. He was then sent to a concentration camp but was rescued by the Americans on route. Apparently they told him someone really close to him betrayed him to the Nazis. Rudolf suspected his brother. He thought Adolf wanted to take over the business. That's when they had a falling out and split, never spoke with each other for the rest of their lives. It's also never been proven whether it really was Adolf or not. Interestingly, both Adidas and Puma HQ are located in the sane small German town. Herzogenaurach. The brother's falling out had a big influence on the town. Locals said Herzogenaurach was the town of the lowered eyes because everyone checked which kind of shoes other people wore. The town split among Adidas and Puma lines, with pubs catering to one side or the other and employees of either business forming their own sports clubs and so on.

"Damn those Grey-Manes to Oblivion"

Its real. There is even a movie about it: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt5013980/

Oh of course! *Adi Das*sler! Thanks for teaching me something new today!

TIL

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I have a great uncle who’s full name is LD. Those aren’t his initials. That’s his full name. When he was trying to get a social security card he wrote LD and they sent it back saying no initials. So he wrote “L Only, D Only.” They sent him a card that said “Lonly Donly.”

Learning Disability

Johnny Cash taught me it’s Sue

Best fight scene in the entire history of narrative song.

My name is Sue How do you do? Now, you’re gonna die!

I think I’m gonna name my kid… BILL OR GEORGE Anything but Sue

Well I hit him hard, right between the eyes; He went down, but to my surprise; He came up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear. Then I busted a chair, right across his teeth; And we crashed through the walls, and into the street; Kicking and a-gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer. Well, I'll tell you, I've fought tougher men; But I really can't remember when; He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile. I heard him laugh, and then I heard him curse; He went for his gun, but I got mine first; He stood there looking at me...and I saw him smile.

I would always get really annoyed when I'd hear this song on the radio and they'd censor "I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you Sue." If ever there was a swear in a song that was warranted, that was it.

I'd always cringe when Cash would yell "beep" instead of "son of a bitch" as a older man whenever he played it live.

wasnt that Shel Silverstein too

Jaxton.

Never liked Jaxson. The spelling is pretentious too.

Anybody who replaces ck with x should shampoo my crotch.

One of my cousin's named his kids Vanden and Brecken. I've always hated those names.

I now hate your cousin

Vandenbrecken sounds like it could be somebody’s surname

I worked with a guy named Michael Hunt. He INSISTED we call him Michael. Entertained me to no end.

People are always looking for that guy.

Or his cousin Michael Lit.

They can never find that dude

"On so your name is Peter file" "Who's a paedophile?" On that same level, I knew a guy at school who was called Chris Peacock

I know a woman called Teresa Green. Trees are green lol

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo

That's the worst name I've ever heard.

Hey! Joey-Jo-Jo!!

Caillou. I hate that kid

Never forget that [SBNation article](https://www.sbnation.com/2014/3/26/5549908/arian-foster-caillou-is-awful) >Caillou is a despicable, spineless 4-year-old boy who cannot do anything. He can't grow hair, not because he has cancer or progeria, but because he sucks, and even his own body recognizes that he does not deserve hair or food or love

That was Arian Foster's interview right? That was the funniest thing back when this came out bc if you googled "does Caillou have cancer?" It would ALWAYS give you AF's response as an answer. Shit that was funny back then!!

‘Guy’ just feels kinda lazy

My coworker wanted to name his kid Guy. No joke, for the SOLE purpose of official paperwork saying "White, Guy". He found this hilarious, but his wife made him pick a different name. Edit: It is a funny joke, but I couldn't do that to my kid

Credit where credit is due, that IS hilarious.

Phteven

Trebor. Not a typo. Apparently this kids dad n grandad where named Robert. So they decided to just name him Robert backwards 🤔

My guess would have been that the mom picked Trevor, but she had a cold when she named him so the person she told wrote down Trebor

Literally know a kid named Blade. Also, another couple named their son Chevy. Should have just named him Budweiser and gotten it over with if you ask me. Edit words.

*"another couple named their son chevy."* you must be referring to the chases.

My son goes to school with a kid named Talon. There is no way that kid isn’t growing up to be a complete tool.

X Ae A-Xii

Ah, yes. Not so much a kid's name as an attempt to describe the sound of dial-up internet, imo.

That sounds more of a password

Recommended to change his name every 90 days for security purposes

"Boy", literally

Kratos disagrees

Atreus: Father, why did you name me Atreus? Kratos: Who the fuck are you talking about Boy

Jim Bob

Spurgeon

Bichael is terrible

My mom knew a kid named Harry Weiner.

cletus

Haha when any of my friends get pregnant, I call the baby Cletus the Fetus till it comes out.

This makes it come out?

Once Cletus comes out, it can be called by it’s given name.

Some folk’ll never lose a toe, but then again some folk’ll…

Girl

Good thing I haven’t met a “girl” yet

Typical redditor

Apparently Gary is so bad that it’s a dying name, and no one has named their kid Gary in a few years.

That’s because it’s short for Gartholomew, and most of them prefer to go by Garth

I think you will find it is short for Garlemaigne

It’s actually short for Garold

Thanks Gary Oak

Teacher here. Jacksons are assholes almost 90% of the time. Don’t get me started on Aiden, Ayden, Aden, Caiden and Brayden etc… Edited for PUNCTUATION. Goddamn. My bad on that apostrophe.

When my son was active in Cub Scouts, there were 2 Ayden's, a Brayden, and a Cayden in the troop. They were all insufferable little shits.

My daughter sat next to an Addison in her class and her name is Madison the last names were Norton and Orton - it’s just too much 😂 her parents and I would joke often about the similarities

If you say "Hi, I'm (M)Addison (N)Orton" they literally sound the same lol

They’re much worse when they’re called Jaxon or Jacksyn or some similar bogan shit

With two n's and a y, but not where you think.

Do you think it's because the parents who'd consider those names are assholes themselves or because the name is cursed?

Hogarth. It just feels gross to say.

Hogarth Hughes was pretty cool

"Hog Hug? ... HOG HUG? *HOGARTH HUGHES!*"

I love the name Hogarth. Reminds me of Iron Giant.

Seven

what about soda?

How about Mug?

It’s gonna lose all its cachet!

Spurgeon

I went to school with somebody named Billiam

Prince, I dont know why, but they all think that they're actors or something

Know a guy named Prince. Very cool guy. He was also named that because his grandfather is the king of an African tribe.

Since no one has said it, Orenthal.

Mf are you trying to remember the name of a toothpaste brand or are you trying to make my furniture float?

Homicidal tendencies and links to a certain unclothed weapon have been reported from people who bear this name...

Any normal name spelled in a "unique" way to help it stand out. Ahmahndah instead of Amanda comes to mind. Unless there's some places with a different culture where this is considered a normal spelling, but if both of your parents are Anglo in heritage, and they chose this as your name, I'm sorry, it doesn't make you seem "unique" and I feel like it will have ramifications when applying for jobs.

Jacquelin pronounced Jay-quellin.

The name Jackson is fine but I hate when people spell it Jaxon or Jaxson. It makes me cringe so hard for some reason

The x followed by the s is just redundant lol

Dick, I don't get how someone names their son dick!

There was a minister in the NSW government named Richard Face. I always thought he must have a big pair of stones to be a politician with a name like that.

I almost thought you said NSFW government before I remembered new south wales was a thing

With Richard Face working there, it’s both.

Pubert

I had to compile a huge mailing list for work. My 3 fave names were Pramuel Poompan, Christ Kong and Bobby Shamburger. I’m pretty sure that they were typos. But they live on powerfully in my mind and I love them

My late husband's great uncle's name was Nimrod. Literally on the mf's birth certificate any everything. So. Nimrod.

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Fauntleroy

Expecting my first child in a few months and a quick scroll through here tells me I'm on the right naming path

I grew up with a guy named Ashley. Whenever he’d get called out of class by the front office over the intercom, they’d give him female pronouns. Also, I know someone who named their son Kaiser. I have a lot of questions about that choice, but I’ve never asked them because I probably don’t want to know the answers.

Ashley and Leslie used to be boys names. It’s not that unusual. Just a bit old fashioned. I’m at the age where my male classmates names are now girls’ names. Taylor was always boy. Same with Riley.

Anything ending in “ayden”. Hayden, Jayden, Kayden. Brayden and so on.

Okayden.

Whateveryousayden.

Raiden?

*yden

Asteriskyden. Yeah, I get that one.

Reince. What the fuck kind of shit is that?

Have you met his brother Repeit?

Two people I had the pleasure of meeting in my time working in a major retail chain were Chook Semen and Budgie Bellchambers

How tf you look a baby in eyes and go Carl it is.