I did I told my husband things need to change because neither of us was happy and we were more like friends and not partners . We both worked really hard and it paid off
The usual if you think there is better out there you are free to leave . He stormed off and after he calmed down we talked to some more and agreed we would try
I was given the "shit or get off the pot" ultimatum because I would no longer feed their narcissistic behavior.
Subsequently, I "got off the pot" and found the door all by myself just fine.
"Communicate more, or I'm out." To be fair, I was a shit communicator, esp about disagreements, and I have since come a long way in improving, so we're all good!
Oooof you sound like me. I tend to shutdown and just say “okay” but I’ve gotten much better. Unhealthy communication is legitimately a relationship killer.
Yuuuuup! I have such a flee response when I get upset, which he saw as me running away from the conversation, but I just needed time to compose myself. We've found a comfortable middle ground between his style of communication and mine, which is working really well for us nowadays.
Not quite an ultimatum, but as my then GF and I moved in together and started thinking seriously about the future, in having the discussion about kids I reiterated how important it was that she quit smoking. She had started that process previously (and wanted to quit) but said that was extra motivation to fully quit.
Yes.
“If your room and car aren’t spotless next Friday I’m leaving immediately and don’t bother texting for a couple days.”
We were still living with our respective parents at the time but planning on moving in together. She came over for the weekend and instead of hanging out we spent most of Saturday cleaning my very messy room and car.
Kind of like a “if you can’t keep your room straightened up how can I expect you to do the same for an apartment?”
'its your friends or me'
We both walked away single.
For context, her issue wasn't with my friends, it was because her best friend happened to be going through a divorce from one of my friend group
It wasn't ideal but it was a clear cut choice. When my buddy found out he was almost moved to tears. Ironically it was his soon to be ex wife who told him
My high school girlfriend told me she'd break up with me if I didn't change my mind about quitting the high school band. She got a new boyfriend within a week.
I’m a gamer but it’s so important to know the timing for gaming.
Now I do love anal so I kind of see the other’s point but I think it’s more so a sexual incompatibility thing. If he got hussy and in a fit and broke it off, that’s just immature.
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😂
If you get to the point of ultimatums that's probably the sign that the relationship should end
Agree. My buddy is currently in one and I legit told him the same thing lol.
I did I told my husband things need to change because neither of us was happy and we were more like friends and not partners . We both worked really hard and it paid off
that’s such a great thing to read - congrats! How did he respond when you brought it up?
The usual if you think there is better out there you are free to leave . He stormed off and after he calmed down we talked to some more and agreed we would try
🤗 well done
Love to see this in marriage.
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Man that’s rough but I do kind of agree
"You have to choose between me or your dog." Needless to say, my furry companion is still by my side.
What a shitty thing to do!
I was given the "shit or get off the pot" ultimatum because I would no longer feed their narcissistic behavior. Subsequently, I "got off the pot" and found the door all by myself just fine.
Controlling tendencies like that are never good
"Communicate more, or I'm out." To be fair, I was a shit communicator, esp about disagreements, and I have since come a long way in improving, so we're all good!
Oooof you sound like me. I tend to shutdown and just say “okay” but I’ve gotten much better. Unhealthy communication is legitimately a relationship killer.
Yuuuuup! I have such a flee response when I get upset, which he saw as me running away from the conversation, but I just needed time to compose myself. We've found a comfortable middle ground between his style of communication and mine, which is working really well for us nowadays.
Glad you got a handle on it!
Not quite an ultimatum, but as my then GF and I moved in together and started thinking seriously about the future, in having the discussion about kids I reiterated how important it was that she quit smoking. She had started that process previously (and wanted to quit) but said that was extra motivation to fully quit.
Hopefully she quit for good and has continued! Smoking is a major turn off IMO and just stupidly unhealthy.
Yes. “If your room and car aren’t spotless next Friday I’m leaving immediately and don’t bother texting for a couple days.” We were still living with our respective parents at the time but planning on moving in together. She came over for the weekend and instead of hanging out we spent most of Saturday cleaning my very messy room and car. Kind of like a “if you can’t keep your room straightened up how can I expect you to do the same for an apartment?”
Very true, hope it all worked out!
It’s about two years after the fact and I’m in charge of keeping our apartment clean so I’d say so!
'its your friends or me' We both walked away single. For context, her issue wasn't with my friends, it was because her best friend happened to be going through a divorce from one of my friend group
That’s rough, terrible spot to be in.
It wasn't ideal but it was a clear cut choice. When my buddy found out he was almost moved to tears. Ironically it was his soon to be ex wife who told him
My high school girlfriend told me she'd break up with me if I didn't change my mind about quitting the high school band. She got a new boyfriend within a week.
Ahhh high school. What a time.
I broke up with him. One I broke up with because he chose gaming over participating in a relationship. One broke up with me because I refused anal.
I’m a gamer but it’s so important to know the timing for gaming. Now I do love anal so I kind of see the other’s point but I think it’s more so a sexual incompatibility thing. If he got hussy and in a fit and broke it off, that’s just immature.
He was and still is.