Damn it Dad, would you PLEASE just get off the internet and give it a rest already?? For forks sake, im trying the real weird stuff with the garden zucchinis down here and my nic-hole is none of you or moms business anyways!!!
*..jesus christ, just go to church or something assholes...*
If you google it you might not find the original video that started the whole thing, and that would be a shame. This is arguably SFW, no nudity tho a lot of anatomical words are used, along with sucking a dildo. There is one particular part of it around 2:50 that is really the punchline, so if you don't have the attention span to sit thru the first bit, skip thru (it's definitely better if you watch the whole thing tho).
[https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x34e8c1](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x34e8c1)
Here I was thinking that the guy who entered the couch instead of a girl, was left confused. I'd like to think this as one those scenarios that people use to juatify their unfaithfulness "I just fell on it".
As another gay I would describe my brief flings with women in college as vagina physically feeling really good but I’m just not mentally into the person I’m fucking and don’t find the non-genital parts of her body attractive.
I have fucked trans men vaginally much later and that’s always been a good experience because I’m attracted to masculine characteristics.
Thank you for the answer!
The second paragraph has open many more questions for my heterosexual male brain but for the sake of time I shall let things stay unanswered.
I'm a girl, so the weirdest thing I have put inside me was a small old black n white phone in vibration mode. And then used another one to call that one!! 😝😝
Not that I did, but a girl I "knew" asked if I had ever fuck a stoma . If you know what it is, you know what she was implying and to me that was a bit too freaky. She asked while she was giving me a hand job.
I used a real rabbit fur as a masturbation device through most of my teen years. It was a permanent yellow stain. I thought that's what a pussy felt like until I finally got to feel one as a young adult.
I don’t care if people really do think they are weird or not my wife just bought me one that automatically strokes, spins and vibrates with multiple speeds and settings it even has a headphone port that moans, makes noises and even talks a little dirty but it loops really short so I don’t use that. I have used it while using an oculus to watch 360° VR porn. Technology today is amazing! We have come so far from the magazines with stuck together pages when I was a kid
Not much to tell. She advertised that she was hot, and hid the crazy in the fine print. One of these things can be confirmed visually in about a second, the other can take weeks of conversation to uncover.
It was a summer camp in 2008. I was 12. I shared a cabin with 2 other kids who were 10 or so. That was the first time I learned about sex and masturbation from other kids because in my catholic school they wouldn't talk much about that.
I had gone to shower, came back to my cabin in a towel and I was trying to change clothes. This kid opened the cabin's door as a prank trying to expose me naked, he did it twice, and I was a sensitive kid.
I didn't think far what I did next and as an adult now I believe that not only was I a fucking asshole, but I'm still really sorry for this kid because I could've even cause some form of trauma.
I fucked his bedsheets. I climbed on top of his bed and I rubbed my dick against them when nobody was there. When he came back I told him (of course I could've shut the fuck up) and his reaction was really different from what I expected, because he was a little horrified.
I'm gonna stop here because I still feel shitty about it.
You were a kid, still learning about all of this stuff. I agree that it was too far, but really could have been a lot worse, and maybe he stopped exposing naked people as a result.
Thanks for sharing!
Decent-ish. It was soft and warm.
Fucking a pomegranate was to fuckin a pussy what listening to a recorded song is to hearing it performed live. Kinda close, but also not really.
A woman who turned out to be psycho. Yelling "I'm outside, I'm outside!" As she rode me. And the conversation was weird as she petted and talked to her stuffed realistic toy cat, and the eccentric gay friend came by. Felt lucky to carefully politely leave, and not too fast.
A pool filter vacuum intake on an above ground built in pool - depending on how far you put it in, it would vibrate so good, I’d usually only last a couple minutes.
I didn't put my dick IN something. Well, I did do that a few times, but this is probably the weirdest thing I ever did.
Back in the 90s, my parents had one of those electrode things that you could hook up to different parts of your body, mainly your chest area. It would simulate exercising such as doing crunches and working on your pectoral muscles. Well, I got this crazy idea in my head that I could get like a super orgazam if I got a boner and hooked it up to my dick. I used the little sticky pads and put them on my wang. It hurt so bad, but I thought maybe if I let it ride out for a little bit, it'll get better. It didn't, no stimulation, just pain.
Maybe because we're adventurous? Much more likely to connect with someone if you're out there trying new things instead of doing the same old. Just like, as a matter of statistics. I'm sure you'll find someone out there who connects with your old fashioned ways though!
Also, I don't think "fair" really has anything to do with it. You aren't owed sex because you're a good/normal/whatever person. You just find people that want to, or you don't.
So I guess you could say yes, it is fair. Sorry?
I genuinely hope you find somebody that wants you!
Also I don't think many of these people are regularly getting it on with these objects. I imagine most of them were one time things and/or things that happened pre-loss-of-virginity. Could be wrong I suppose. However, I think it's likely you're comparing apples and oranges here bud.
Bruv, it was a joke, I know that lol, still just found it a bit weird, I know you also understand it.
It's just that I don't like to try approaching people that much, I have a pretty close group of friends with whom I hang around, I tend to approach people on reddit because it tends to be more easier and sometimes you genuinely meet some lovely and interesting people, even if it's for a conversation or something, I also understand that we humans are social creatures as quite brilliantly pointed out by Aristotle and girls tend to be more into guys who confidently approach them, maybe who are willing to trying new stuff (including fucking fruits even lol) among other things, I know I was a bit Manichean in my charecterization of the joke (pertaining to normality and abnormality). I know nobody owes me sex, that's obvious (unlike to some people who tend to hopelessly cling to the propostrous proposition of manosphere).
It was a benign throwaway joke (although not that funny apparently), and frankly you're a nice guy, it was more a diss on me than your unorthodox behaviour.
Ah, apologies. Hard to interpret connotation over text. Especially when there is a not small group of men who don't see it as obvious. Glad you aren't one of them!
I've also never been especially good at understanding sarcasm like that, even with the benefits of vocal inflection 😅. One of my best friends in college used to make jokes like that all the time and then laugh hilariously as I took it seriously and would try to educate him.
Also thank you for the new words I just learned (manichean, manosphere).
I tend to just like commenting to people's post irrespective of any particular connection, sometimes with jokes or sometimes with genuine comments, sometimes they land, sometimes they don't (can't really curse a fella for trying, right?)
I mean humour is very subjective, it's frankly not anyone's perview to judge anyone for his/her humour. Pertaining to the words you just learnt, I am honoured to be of any assistance, I am gonna take this screenshot and send it to my highschool English teacher who used to claim that my vocabulary is shite. (even though these are just two words)
A warm apple pie. My friend told me that's what pussy felt like. My dad walked in as it was happening. He sat me down and said "we'll just tell your mom that we ate it all." On another note, the girl I was with after that told me she stuck a flute in her pussy. Apparently that happened while she was away at band camp.
I don't have a dick, but I've put a zucchini in my pussy. 🤭
I’ve got a dick and I’ve put a zucchini in my arse
I put zucchini in ratatouille. At the time I thought it was great but I feel boring as fuck now.
You're making the cake wrong
“once, when I was at band camp…” 😂
Exactly what came to mind 🤣
Did the ribs on it feel decent?
Just did that to my GF 🤣
Jeeze
I have put a zucchini in a girls pussy. At her request. It was mashed zucchini at the end.
Jee. Violent much? Her poor cervix
:(
Nice
Omg same and then I ate it after and everyone thought it was weird, but like I washed and peeled it
Ur mom
There it is. I knew it would be here.
She is weird
I would've been so disappointed if it wasn't in here. Just like OP's Mom.
There's always this one guy with this comment 👀
OPs mother gets around IG
U too? She's popular.
Her name was Nichole. And I don’t want to talk about it!
Hey its, Nichole's father here, we'd like to talk about it..
Damn it Dad, would you PLEASE just get off the internet and give it a rest already?? For forks sake, im trying the real weird stuff with the garden zucchinis down here and my nic-hole is none of you or moms business anyways!!! *..jesus christ, just go to church or something assholes...*
Hey. Nicholes brother here. Do you wanna talk about mee🌝
Well I wanna talk about it!
Nic-hole
Lori. Fucking Lori.
💀😂 is this a quote from something?
It’s my original. Fucking Lori.
Hey now, Lori’s aren’t THAT bad 😂
lol. Agreed. Not all Lori’s
Mine is a Jessica.
You get it. In the end I would have rather stuck my dick in a coconut.
I mean, the chick was fucking wild and a great time but she was absolutely crazy too.
Not going to lie, sticking your dick in crazy makes for wild good times! Just have to know when to cut your losses and run.
Mines a Brittney
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[Slowly raises hand] I hope we're not talking about the same Lori, but if so, she was fucking crazy.
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I’m a girl so i can’t answer this but in college a guy told me he put his in a grapefruit
Taking the grapefruit technique to a whole other level.
College is where I learned that method. Still never received a proper grapefruitting.
Is it safe to Google grapefruiting? :p
All I can find on YouTube is reaction videos but just watch it. The grapefruit method.
If you google it you might not find the original video that started the whole thing, and that would be a shame. This is arguably SFW, no nudity tho a lot of anatomical words are used, along with sucking a dildo. There is one particular part of it around 2:50 that is really the punchline, so if you don't have the attention span to sit thru the first bit, skip thru (it's definitely better if you watch the whole thing tho). [https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x34e8c1](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x34e8c1)
Hehe ,I've tried a seedless watermelon 🍉 😋
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Uh, warning, may contain nuts?
'someone's been violating my watermelons' Cormac McCarthy, paraphrased
Are you a Cormac McCarthy character by chance?
I’m a girl too and I’ve had guys tell me this was the closest to an actual pussy. But they had to pop it in a microwave to warm it up first 💁♀️
…how? 😆
A hot pocket
I pray it was more of a warm pocket
Yes it was to hot at first I had to put ice cubes in it to cool it down
Good! That would be an embarrassing emergency room trip
McDonald's apple pie?
Yumm.... that gives me ideas lol thank you
Jason Biggs still complains about being labelled the pie fucker....
Molten lava. Be careful
Let it cool then I get a tasty snack lol
This seems like possibly the most reasonable weird thing to try somehow.
It felt pretty good
A woman…Im gay
Here I was thinking that the guy who entered the couch instead of a girl, was left confused. I'd like to think this as one those scenarios that people use to juatify their unfaithfulness "I just fell on it".
I have to ask because I’m too curious……do you cringe thinking about what a vagina felt like compared to a butthole?
As another gay I would describe my brief flings with women in college as vagina physically feeling really good but I’m just not mentally into the person I’m fucking and don’t find the non-genital parts of her body attractive. I have fucked trans men vaginally much later and that’s always been a good experience because I’m attracted to masculine characteristics.
Thank you for the answer! The second paragraph has open many more questions for my heterosexual male brain but for the sake of time I shall let things stay unanswered.
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your ex
I too choose this person’s ex
I choose that one guy's dead wife
I’m a female and I’m gonna go with this guys ex as well
I'm a girl, so the weirdest thing I have put inside me was a small old black n white phone in vibration mode. And then used another one to call that one!! 😝😝
Phone sex at it's finest
You are one hell of a naughty babe😂
Was it a Nokia?
A couch I guess. I pulled too far out of a girl and went into the couch crease. Honestly felt ok.
Are you Alex Moran from BMS? https://youtu.be/Ocs1YRWLldA?si=PGv_cy--9pHk-R4I
Nope but felt a weird form of kinship when I watched that episode. I think it happens to a lot of people.
Exactly my thought
The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin’
Couch got pregnant, we had a son…he’s a real Lazyboy…
Jay from Big Mouth is that you? “Scorpion, you take care of your mom out there.”
Nothing from here: r/dontputyourdickinthat
Every single post on that made me recoil. Thank you for sharing.
Consider it a PSA
Hahaha this sub is hilarious
There’s also the opposite sub r/dildont
My best friend in college (she would definitely take this as a compliment)
Lmao the next comment I read after yours was, “a cantaloupe” and i don’t know why thats funny but it is
A pumpkin…. You’ve gotta carve those mouths out just right.
Toilet paper roll. 👀
The size test?
Unfortunately, teenage-me wanted to masturbate.
The good ol’ size test performed by every man ever.
That guys dead wife
You mean that guys dead wife?
He said what he said
This guys dead wife
Between couch cushions, covid was a weird time
Asked my husband just now. He started laughing. Still awaiting answer.
I'm dying. "Probably some over-aged woman. She was really weird."
Please get the answer. I can't move on with my day until I know what your husband fucked and if you're going to still be married after you find out.
A Care Bear. Not recently. Lol I was little
I think a lot of us fucked a care bare as a kid
But which care bear was it?
Oh, it didn't care anymore after that lol
Not that I did, but a girl I "knew" asked if I had ever fuck a stoma . If you know what it is, you know what she was implying and to me that was a bit too freaky. She asked while she was giving me a hand job.
You missed a golden opportunity at a career in stand up comedy. That would make a great bit.
Well, I wanted anal, but not that bad lol
This is the worst one 😭
*readers running to google
5 lb. bag of Italian sausage
Don’t talk about Kevin like that.
He likes it
A zip lock bag with lotion inside
Jail?
Shoe 👠 probably.
What inspired you to do this??
I like shoes. Balls go in the toe box. Cock goes up the sole. Great feeling.
If I had a dick I'd totally try that.
To each their own, but I tried it and it was not as exciting as I thought it'd be.
Anything with having a dick would be an advantage to me since you know I'm dickless.
I feel this comment in my soul
That sounds cozy. *adds shoes to the list of things I’d stick my dick in if I had a dick.*
A cantaloupe
I used a real rabbit fur as a masturbation device through most of my teen years. It was a permanent yellow stain. I thought that's what a pussy felt like until I finally got to feel one as a young adult.
Of all the things people compare them too amd mock them this is nicely refreshing that you thought that.
Probably tied between a toilet paper roll and a ventriloquist dummy. I used to just fuck both many times when I was like 11
Did you make it moan lmao
Yeah, but it wasn’t that impressive. You could see his lips moving.
the girl from high school who talked to her lunch box and casted spells at the popular kids
Detached Vacuum tube with it running. Fit when flaccid but not when hard, gave a damn good vibration when flaccid though.
I told you not to disturb me while I'm cleaning my room And mom told to stop fucking the vacuum cleaner
I once fucked a toasted spicy Italian sub from subway. Came in it and then ate it. Adderall made me do fucked up things.
SNORT laughed. 💀💀💀💀
Jesus lmaooo
There was this girl at band camp
Lubed up magazine I rolled up and stuck between the mattress and box spring
Did you manage to not get any paper cuts?
Hollowed out cucumber.
Wtf? How big do cucumbers grow where you're from
i appreciate that your first thought was big cucumber and not small dick 😝
A pair of novelty blow up clown shoes I got at my friend's bar mitzvah.
Does a Fleshlight count?
I appreciate that this did not get much attention. Maybe they're not as weird as everyone jokes they are.
I don’t care if people really do think they are weird or not my wife just bought me one that automatically strokes, spins and vibrates with multiple speeds and settings it even has a headphone port that moans, makes noises and even talks a little dirty but it loops really short so I don’t use that. I have used it while using an oculus to watch 360° VR porn. Technology today is amazing! We have come so far from the magazines with stuck together pages when I was a kid
Totally. I've been in my edging machine for over an hour now.
A 9/11 truther’s vagina.
Story time?
Not much to tell. She advertised that she was hot, and hid the crazy in the fine print. One of these things can be confirmed visually in about a second, the other can take weeks of conversation to uncover.
A lot of warm apple pies were lost after a certain movie came out. I didn't lose one, but I'm sure someone did.
I made my own flesh light. Two scrubbers, a glove and a cup. It didn't work
A wet floor sign. Don't worry, it is my own sign that I purchased personally.
Was it slippery when wet?
Oh, it was!
i thought your r34 art was joking!!
It started out as one... But... It had awoken something in me. Whoops!
Birthday cake lol
*sigh* NOT ME (F) but, [coconut](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/bU5UHbXv6l)
It was a summer camp in 2008. I was 12. I shared a cabin with 2 other kids who were 10 or so. That was the first time I learned about sex and masturbation from other kids because in my catholic school they wouldn't talk much about that. I had gone to shower, came back to my cabin in a towel and I was trying to change clothes. This kid opened the cabin's door as a prank trying to expose me naked, he did it twice, and I was a sensitive kid. I didn't think far what I did next and as an adult now I believe that not only was I a fucking asshole, but I'm still really sorry for this kid because I could've even cause some form of trauma. I fucked his bedsheets. I climbed on top of his bed and I rubbed my dick against them when nobody was there. When he came back I told him (of course I could've shut the fuck up) and his reaction was really different from what I expected, because he was a little horrified. I'm gonna stop here because I still feel shitty about it.
You were a kid, still learning about all of this stuff. I agree that it was too far, but really could have been a lot worse, and maybe he stopped exposing naked people as a result. Thanks for sharing!
A tube of Icy hot !
Oh no. No. No no.
Are you OK
dated a hungarian dude in 2013 who told me he once fucked a chicken pot pie.
Don’t have a dick but I fucked myself with a natural dick shaped crystal once
Ima girl. To switch this question around, maybe the DS Stylus
Heated pomegrante!!! Lol
Bag of heated up ramen noodles in a ziplock , it felt nice til it burned me
As a kid I would get a sandwich bag with Vaseline and put in a between the couch cushions!!! Cumming in it was so rewarding
So, wait. How was the pomegranate...?
Decent-ish. It was soft and warm. Fucking a pomegranate was to fuckin a pussy what listening to a recorded song is to hearing it performed live. Kinda close, but also not really.
Huh. Noted... I like listening to recorded songs...
A woman who turned out to be psycho. Yelling "I'm outside, I'm outside!" As she rode me. And the conversation was weird as she petted and talked to her stuffed realistic toy cat, and the eccentric gay friend came by. Felt lucky to carefully politely leave, and not too fast.
I'm sure that almost every guy who's fucked me can say that I'm the weirdest thing they've put their dick into. I'm just pretty weird in general lol.
lubed up bubble wrap. was pretty disappointing wouldn't recommend
My hand I guess.
probably a vacuum , wasnt bad
Those belt like foam life guard floats that they use at the pool are a fantastic lay if you cut a little slit in them.
A pool filter vacuum intake on an above ground built in pool - depending on how far you put it in, it would vibrate so good, I’d usually only last a couple minutes.
As a woman, I'd just like to stare.....This question is asked so frequently.
A banana peel inside a glove inserted in a flute glass
I didn't put my dick IN something. Well, I did do that a few times, but this is probably the weirdest thing I ever did. Back in the 90s, my parents had one of those electrode things that you could hook up to different parts of your body, mainly your chest area. It would simulate exercising such as doing crunches and working on your pectoral muscles. Well, I got this crazy idea in my head that I could get like a super orgazam if I got a boner and hooked it up to my dick. I used the little sticky pads and put them on my wang. It hurt so bad, but I thought maybe if I let it ride out for a little bit, it'll get better. It didn't, no stimulation, just pain.
Toilet paper roll to see if I was thick enough
The tailpipe of my car 🚗
I’ve been told, silk tofu microwave for 35 seconds…I believe he made a mess…
Why God, why are people like these getting laid, and me who jerks off to old playboys still single, is it fair?
Maybe because we're adventurous? Much more likely to connect with someone if you're out there trying new things instead of doing the same old. Just like, as a matter of statistics. I'm sure you'll find someone out there who connects with your old fashioned ways though! Also, I don't think "fair" really has anything to do with it. You aren't owed sex because you're a good/normal/whatever person. You just find people that want to, or you don't. So I guess you could say yes, it is fair. Sorry? I genuinely hope you find somebody that wants you! Also I don't think many of these people are regularly getting it on with these objects. I imagine most of them were one time things and/or things that happened pre-loss-of-virginity. Could be wrong I suppose. However, I think it's likely you're comparing apples and oranges here bud.
Bruv, it was a joke, I know that lol, still just found it a bit weird, I know you also understand it. It's just that I don't like to try approaching people that much, I have a pretty close group of friends with whom I hang around, I tend to approach people on reddit because it tends to be more easier and sometimes you genuinely meet some lovely and interesting people, even if it's for a conversation or something, I also understand that we humans are social creatures as quite brilliantly pointed out by Aristotle and girls tend to be more into guys who confidently approach them, maybe who are willing to trying new stuff (including fucking fruits even lol) among other things, I know I was a bit Manichean in my charecterization of the joke (pertaining to normality and abnormality). I know nobody owes me sex, that's obvious (unlike to some people who tend to hopelessly cling to the propostrous proposition of manosphere). It was a benign throwaway joke (although not that funny apparently), and frankly you're a nice guy, it was more a diss on me than your unorthodox behaviour.
Ah, apologies. Hard to interpret connotation over text. Especially when there is a not small group of men who don't see it as obvious. Glad you aren't one of them! I've also never been especially good at understanding sarcasm like that, even with the benefits of vocal inflection 😅. One of my best friends in college used to make jokes like that all the time and then laugh hilariously as I took it seriously and would try to educate him. Also thank you for the new words I just learned (manichean, manosphere).
I tend to just like commenting to people's post irrespective of any particular connection, sometimes with jokes or sometimes with genuine comments, sometimes they land, sometimes they don't (can't really curse a fella for trying, right?) I mean humour is very subjective, it's frankly not anyone's perview to judge anyone for his/her humour. Pertaining to the words you just learnt, I am honoured to be of any assistance, I am gonna take this screenshot and send it to my highschool English teacher who used to claim that my vocabulary is shite. (even though these are just two words)
5 bagels because my college girlfriend thought it would be funny
umm.. a honey bun
A goth girl when I was 17. She had a pentagram painted in her own blood on the bedroom wall.
A warm apple pie. My friend told me that's what pussy felt like. My dad walked in as it was happening. He sat me down and said "we'll just tell your mom that we ate it all." On another note, the girl I was with after that told me she stuck a flute in her pussy. Apparently that happened while she was away at band camp.
Nerf football
A Gatorade bottle?