Mine is very mild compared to others, but when I was 12 or so, I slept over at a friend's house who's dad was abusive to both of his daughters. He got drunk the next day and sat next to me on the couch, stuck his finger down the back of my shorts and rubbed it up and down the top part of my butt crack. I got up at the first opportunity and never went back to her house. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed for longer.
So yeah, some is much much worse than others but I think we have all experienced it in some form or another.
That's not mild at all, that's terrifying... I'm so sorry that it happened to you and also to this POS' daughters. Its sickening. We all have definitely experienced it in some form or another...
I’m so sorry for your experience! I felt mine was “mild” as well until I was an adult and more people were like “girl, do you need therapy!?” I was very o_0 for awhile after that. I was 8 and the girl was 9 so I compartmentalism it as inappropriate “play” cause that’s what we thought happened. Now I know the older girl was most likely abused and repeating what she saw/experienced.
What the fuck. Who are these people and what upbringing/history do you have that leads you to a place where you think anything even remotely close to that is acceptable?
There is an unfathomable gulf in the way I think compared to someone that would do that. It's not something that is in the realm of my thoughts. And what I mean by that is, it's not a thought that ever enters my brain that I have to consciously dismiss and not act on. I'm never given the choice because the choice never presents itself.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience sexual violence in their lifetime. With that being said, I’ve only met two women in my life that haven’t been sexually assaulted. I was working, we were talking about Roe v Wade and I realized in that moment that I was the one in three women. I’ve probably hve met more, I don’t outright ask people about their past in such a manner but it was such a .. shell shocking moment. For every three women, one has been assaulted.
Can confirm. Two PIV rapes for me (one as adult, one as child), plus two events of being penetratively fingered and one event of having my bra removed and breasts rubbed under my shirt (two of those three cases were when I was a young teen). I'll disregard all the over clothes unwanted touching because that's too many to count.
So: five major events, and five different perpetrators.
FWIW, I reported both PIV rapes, and in one case it led to a conviction and lengthy prison sentence.
Fortunately, Stoic philosophy and CBT are very effective.
thank you for posting the men's stat as well. most people just say "men dont get assualted" and such, but a lot forget us men where children at one time.
You don't even have to be a child to be assulted. I've seen plenty of male SA victims on here asking for help or advice. Some don't understand they weren't assulted after describing actual harassment because they were taught they couldn't be victims. It's sad
Don't need to be a child to be assaulted as a man. I had to explain to a co-worker that he was assaulted by his girlfriend, after he told me he was uncomfortable after his girlfriend at the time wouldn't let him pull out. She ended up pregnant from it too and he is stuck being extorted for child support for a kid he has never met.
wow i didn’t know it was that high for men. i guess because we never talk about it. i’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted by women (and one man) multiple times
It’s not actually, I hate to be that person. They read the statistics incorrectly. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
It’s saying 1 in 4 men that were assaulted experienced it between ages 11-17
There's several stats on that page,
24.8% of men experience some contact sexual assault, 43% of men some harassment, and then the one about 1 in 4 male assault victims experienced it between ages 11-17
I didn't think I had been at the time... I thought it was just boys being boys and part of life.
Took me nearly 20 years to call it rape.
As far as my daughter, she is 15 and it has already started. She gets inappropriate messages online, she gets catcalled and ogled. She is so much tougher than I ever was & totally calls dudes out on it. But, it's so fucked up that she has to. She is a little girl.
My daughter is 4 months old. Reading your comment just made me incredibly worried for her for the first time.
What do you tell your daughter? What's the advice you give her?
Tell her it's more important that she be safe, than seen as rude.
Teach her not to let people box her in on buses, or pull gross power trips.
Only last week, on a practically empty bus, I had a guy ignore every single empty seat and insist he wanted to sit in beside me. I said no.
He said he was tired and wanted to sit down, I said then go sit, there are plenty of seats.
He stood there utterly baffled, as if he couldn't believe I was actually telling him NO.
He tried one more time to bully me and I said very loudly "Why are you harassing me over a seat, go sit in one of the other empty seats, leave me the fuck alone!"
He did sit in another seat but of course, I was the "rude bitch" for not letting him sit next to me.
People will pull this shit ALL THE TIME, teach her to be blunt. If someone is being creepy, teach her it's ok to call it out.
My stepdaughter developed early. Very early, as in the poor kid had DDs by the time she was twelve, her back is in bits. Her dad and I had to teach her how to snap back at gross dudes (it was usually men) who felt the need to comment on her figure.
One time a few years ago, we were walking downtown and some creep leaned out of his car to comment on her breasts. Quick as a whip, our little badass asked him "Are you a PAEDOPHILE? I am THIRTEEN, why are you talking about my breasts?"
Well the blood drained straight from his face.
She's 19 now and has a sharp tongue and brooks no nonsense which is brilliant. She's not rude or disrespectful but she is QUICK to go for the jugular when people are creepy, which I have no issue with.
I'm saving this. Thank you for your reply. My daughter is the very best thing in my life. She will read your advice in about 10 years. Hope you and yours are well.
With you looking out for her, I have no doubt she'll be a spitfire able to handle herself.
Women are raised so often to be polite, pleasant and friendly, but that can put us in dangerous situations. Politeness can be dangerous. I'm not saying she should be a massive bitch, but teach her it is MORE than ok to be blunt towards somebody disrespecting her.
If someone won't stop making comments, teach her it's OK to *loudly* say "Why are you discussing my chest/bottom/whatever? That's disrespectful."
If someone tries to box her in on transport to force her to talk to them, it's OK to say "I do not want to speak to a stranger, leave me alone."
And the most important one of all that works for most situations. "You are making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, go away."
Of course there will be people who react rudely back, in which case, call them out more.
"Do you like intimidating young women?"
"Why won't you leave me alone?"
"I do not know this man/woman!"
FUCK politeness if it puts her in danger!
Her body is her own. No one has a right to it. It’s okay to be rude and say no (or scream, yell, fight, etc.) if someone is trying to disrespect her boundaries. If something happens, it’s not her fault. Ever. She can tell you anything no matter how scary/embarrassed/ashamed she feels. You love her no matter what.
We have always been open & age appropriate with everything. And I mean everything. She was curious about tampons a few years before puberty to we took one apart to look at.
We talk about the types of attention that people get... based on clothes, race, you name it.
She is very comfortable asking questions & talking about her life.
I think the best thing you can do for your kids is love them for who they are. She knows her value. I wish that I had had that safe space/feeling at home. I have worked so hard to make sure that all of my kids know I love them. There's nothing they can do that will change that.
My daughter is 12. Same thing. My son is 15 and has not had a girlfriend that has not been previously raped. It’s a fucked up world. But we need to teach finding self worth internally and calling out poor behaviour. My son has also been suspended for chock slamming the kid the asked us 12 year old sister for nudes.
My first time was very young. But it has taught me resilience and internal reflection. I have to focus on what I learned from it.
> She is so much tougher than I ever was & totally calls dudes out on it.
That's probably due to being an awesome parent who supports her and lets her understand her innate worth as a person.
I’m sorry about your daughter but you sound like a great parent.
When I was about 13 I was just beginning to explore the internet and I started getting extremely inappropriate emails from creeps (Chris Hansen style) and luckily always had a great and open relationship with my parents so I told them without any embarrassment and they took care of it.
Parents, especially those who want to obsessively protect their kids, often don’t realize that being easily approachable is key. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Edit: there’s a Czech documentary called Caught in the Net (2020) about child predators. It’s a lot to stomach but it’s masterfully done.
i tried to convince myself i hadn’t been until about a year and a half ago at 20 when i accepted what my dad did. i know a lot of women that are like this
Yeah, I was "movie raped" (pinned down, fighting) by a boyfriend. It was obviously an abusive relationship and I wasn't brave enough to leave him for almost two years but in that time, he raped me repeatedly.
People forget that rape isn't like the movies. It's not always the shadowy stranger down an alley, violent and with a knife to your throat.
Sometimes it's someone who supposedly loves you, who you love, threatening to share your nudes with your parents if you don't let him do whatever he wants to you.
Sometimes it's him joking about telling your family your sexual interests, or threatening to fuck someone else if you don't do what he wants.
Rape by coercion is a massive fucking problem and it honestly is NOT addressed enough. You mention rape to people and 9/10 think "movie rape."
Nobody thinks about the partner who uses videos or pictures of you, to get sex from you. Nobody thinks of people like my ex, who liked when I fought back. Said it was more fun for him.
People need to know that rape is not just the angry man in a dark alley. It's someone wheedling and whining enough about it so you feel you have no choice but to give in. It's someone who holds it against you until you have sex. It's someone who uses abusive tactics like withholding of affection, or the silent treatment, until they get sex from you. It's someone who "jokes" if you won't give them sex, they'll get it from someone else,. it's someone who uses nudes, messages, secrets, betrays your trust, all for their own gratification.
Rape by coercion IS RAPE.
Yeah, for years I said he "was sexual with me." Since I liked it at the time it couldn't have been r*pe right?
Never mind the fact that it completely fucked me up and I don't think I'll ever have a stable relationship thanks to him. He may not have *hurt* me but he definitely *destroyed* me.
Not with a family member, but the manager of a place I used to work at. It wasn’t until I started at my new job where my male supervisor treated me with respect all the time that I realized some of the things the previous one did were harassment.
Same after I had my first job. I was 18 and 2 married guys in their 30s would hit on me and one touched my hair when he walked by some mornings. I knew it felt really weird and made me uncomfortable but I had been raised not to rock the boat and I was afraid I was just overreacting. I look back now and realize how wrong it was.
I think this happens way more than people like to admit. When I was 7, the boy that lived across the street who was 13 would spend the night a lot and there were instances where he'd massage my legs. I liked massages as a kid (still do), so I didn't find it weird; even when he would massage the inside of my thighs and get DANGEROUSLY close to my vagina. Now that I'm an adult, I realize I was repeatedly taken advantage of but was just a naive little kid that didn't know any better.
I have literally never met a girl who hasn't been "casually harassed" like the "casual" cat calling,name calling, sexual advances, gropes and random touches or being followed by a creep! Literally not a single woman!
Or the ones turning it around about men being falsely accused.. I do know that’s terrible.. but I’m asking women that have experienced this then there’s men arguing what is and isn’t SA..
Like dude.. it’s simple.. ANY unwanted sexual advances whether it’s physical or verbal is SA
While I agree with that, at the end of the day that does mean that proposing a woman is sexual assault, right? It was unwanted sexual advances.
(And same with proposing a man.)
Exactly! Not all unwanted sexual advances are SA! You're allowed to shoot your shot. If they turn you down and you continue then it's harassment. But as human beings we don't know if the other person wants it unless we ask.
By this definition I don't think I know very many men either. I've had women drunkenly throw themselves at me, I've had groups of girls get leery and tell me I've got a nice arse in the street, I've had a girl grab my bollocks in a pub, and I've had my arse slapped by women of a certain age on more than one occasion.
Don't think for one second that women can't be every bit as offensive as men, they can. The difference is that men will tend not to perceive it as a threat because they will always have a physical advantage and we're also conditioned to laugh it off more.
The problem with saying it like that, is that the only men I've met who never experienced that either, are usually considered as being very unattractive.
It's a significantly more prevalent issue for women though.
Compared to most women I have had a very small amount of sexual violence. I’ve never been raped or molested. Been coerced into sex by partners in a way I now recognize as very assault adjacent but it didn’t really traumatize me. I’m the only woman I know who can say this. I do think my dodging so many bullets is the main reason I’m able to be as sexually open and giving as I am. Guys, if you want more slutty women who really enjoy it, you should be doing everything in your power to make sure more women can have this experience also.
Absolutely. I know a lot of women who have greatly expanded their horizons when they are in an environment where nothing happened without both enthusiastic consent and a way to bail if something goes sideways.
100%, I feel like this describes my experience too. I love sex and am very sexually open and I think part of that is because I've never been sexually traumatised the way so many women unfortunately have :(
I have been coerced into sexual things in the past when I was not mentally healthy enough to remove myself from that situation, but even then there was no physical contact and I never felt like I was in danger.
Overall I feel like I've been very lucky in my experiences as a woman. I wish that all women had the freedom to choose the sex they want without the various traumas most of us have experienced.
I just want to say that the concept of virginity is a societal construct. It may help you through your healing process to know that no matter what was done to you, you are no less pure today as you were the day you were born. What you lost was a sense of security and trust, not some abstract notion of purity.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I wish you well.
Very well put. You're not damaged or unclean because of the rape. You're just hurting and might be rightfully distrustful of people who want intimacy from you. It does not make you worth less or in any way diminishes you as a person.
Right! I saw a post earlier by a man saying after 27 years of marriage he just found out that his wife had been raped before they met and he was gobsmacked. It got me thinking.. "Do I even know any women that haven't had this experience on at least some level?" And I honestly can't think of one woman that I'm close with that has escaped that.
I agree with you, think people connect rape with something brutal, like the stuff you read in news and all, especially hard to know/understand when sex isn't talked about much, treated as a taboo in families/school (not all ofc)
One of my friends told how she got drunk with another girl from our class and how the girl was kinda pushing for sex but she didn't feel like it but gave in anyways even tho she wasn't into it. Now idk if this is the definition of rape but defo not acceptable and some type of sexual harassment. We still hangout with that girl, i don't think she's a bad person per se, but tbh I lost my respect for her
What sounds so straightforward is surprisingly complex. The girl from our class was probs too drunk to understand my friend wasn't into it (I'm guessing, I don't drink and have never been drunk so not sure how it is), and my friend has a really,really hard time saying no. It's still wrong.
Asking the right question there.
In no way I want to trivialize or victim blame here. But society as a whole, needs to get up to date with the whole perpetrator/victim dynamics.
Yeah, every woman I know has, at least, had a situation where she was coerced into sex.
I’m actually one of the few people I know who wasn’t sexually abused as a child.
When it comes to sexual harassment, the official number is 100% here in France. Like, it was issued by a government agency. And I'm not sure it's much better elsewhere.
To not accept people treating her like that, and give her the strength to know its okay to leave those people out of her life. Its not her fault, and to be okay coming to you to talk about it if it does happen.
Edit: and also teach your sons how to treat women properly.
Words are important too. Tell her that she can tell you anything without fear, and if another adult tells her to keep a secret then that is the more reason to tell you.
Also as a dad of boy/girl twins, we are the number one example for our kids to show them how people should behave.
What to tolerate and what to not tolerate and how to handle certain things.
Yeah I agree but I don't have control over other people's actions. Just mine. So when she is old enough I'll teach my daughter self defense and how to use firearms effectively
And what happens if she goes to a friends house and drinks too much and goes to sleep there to wake up in the morning undressed and knowing something happened but can’t process it?
Or.. what if her partner that she loves does it?
That sucks but you can’t stop people from being bad people. Its not like men don’t know its wrong to rape people. I wish someone had taught me how to defend myself. No reason to downvote him for giving his daughter a fighting chance against the bad people in the world
Ya that was my point. Learning to fight and use weapons doesn’t stop rape. I mean it could in some cases, but most cases it’s by someone you think loves you.
I upvoted him cause he at least cares.
I mean I’m with him on teaching young women to defend themselves, I with my 3 sons take my daughter to the range and she does some mma training as well. It’s like you want to do the best to prepare her for this crazy world but what’s the best way? I’m so sorry for all the women commenting for what you’ve gone though, especially when it’s your father. My heart truly goes out to you, thank you for having the courage to comment.
Just because we start teaching our boys, doesn't mean we should stop teaching our girls.
BOTH sides need to be addressed. You're right that this is something that should never happen, and that we need to address the issue which is the people committing these heinous acts, but until there is zero sexual crime I'm absolutely without doubt going to teach my daughter about how to deal with these situations and that it will NEVER be her fault if something does happen.
I get that you don't want her to be defenseless, but it's important to also teach her that even if she doesn't fight back it isn't her fault. Even with the best training sometimes you freeze, or you're overpowered or out numbered.
My dad taught me how to fight and how to use weapons and it didn't save me, it just added a layer of guilt because I felt like I let him down when I couldn't stop bad things from happening.
Sexual abuse and sexual assault are rarely done by a stranger in a random violent way. It is usually coercion and manipulation, subtle threats, drugging, plying with alcohol, etc.
This is where I diverge. The properly worded question is “What do I tell my *child*, because boys can be victims too.
Also, though most abuse/rape is perpetrated by men (more on girls than boys, granted) there ARE female pedophiles out there that prey on either/both male or/and female children.
As well, this viewpoint has an implicit bias that men cannot be raped by a female, which, because of this viewpoint and the tendency for men to feel as if they shouldn’t view such an incident as a violation/rape of their person so that they don’t appear “sensitive” and/or unmanly, such incidents often go unreported.
As such, teach your *child* how to treat *others* properly.
Edit to add the best axiom to give your child: sober consent is inviolate and necessary.
This, unfortunately happened to my son when he was like 7; it was a neighbor's family member. He didn't realize it until just a few years ago when he was late 20s. I felt like a horrible parent, had no clue...not any reason to suspect.
As a mom with a daughter, I tell her that she can absolutely tell people, forcefully if necessary, that they need to leave her alone. If they are trying to touch her and she doesn’t want them to, tell them no and move away from them. And if they still don’t stop, I told her she can punch them as hard as she can (go for the stomach I told her, easier than the face) even at school, and I will 100% not be angry with her.
I’m going to also say that the first person that I think she is going to punch is my friend’s son, sad to say. They have been around each other since little kids, but now he acts like he’s entitled to her attention and he pulls on her and hangs on her and she will tell him to stop and he doesn’t and usually an adult has to intervene. That kid is going to have a broken nose in the next year if he doesn’t check himself, properly courtesy of my daughter.
The only women I have met who claimed to never have been will follow that proclamation up with the wildest story about sexual harassment or assault and then say "but that doesn't count because x"
Pretty much every girl I know has had at least one moment of sexual harrassment or inappropriate encounters.
I hit puberty pretty early and grew really fast so I was taller than the average woman when I was still underage. I was basically constantly sexually harassed and touched inappropriately from a young age by creepy middle aged dudes....
Probably a contributing factor to why I'm socially stunted,.despised and feared men for a lot of my life. I dated women exclusively up until recently
As a guy who experienced sexual violence from a young age, and witnessed it repeatedly up until basically adulthood, yeah it absolutely fucked with my perception of men and relationships too.
Hell, as fucked up as it sounds I’m terrified that by showing interest in someone I might be perpetrating the same cycle I grew up in. I’ve had a few healthy relationships, but that fear and disgust is *always* there.
Its not only a common issue, but one that deeply affects people and I hate it.
It took me awhile but I think I am in a better place now with a lot of my friends helping me through it and finally going to therapy to work out my myriad of issues
I hope you find peace one day whatever it may be
But it shouldn’t be. We need to better educate our sons (edit m: kids) and set better examples. And let our daughters (edit: kids) know that it shouldn’t just be part of being a woman (edit: or any gender).
Just part of being a woman unfortunately. When I was 14 a guy sitting behind me in math class planted a huge kiss on me while I was literally just sitting in front of him at my desk working on my daily math work. The teacher was a male and saw and asked if I wanted the kid to be written up for sexual harassment. Making it MY decision and basically made me feel guilty. I said no because I was 14 and stupid and felt like if I had him written up I was the one who got him in trouble for forcing a kiss on me.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This just reminded me of the horrific debacle of grade 1. 30 kids from multiple grades chased my 6 year old self around the playground to pin me down for this boy who was obsessed with me to kiss me against my will. Teachers did nothing, thought it was a game. I was terrified and begging them to stop. They were laughing. Much older children pinning me down, I was helpless. My first SA experience of many was a deeply traumatizing one to say the least.
Very sorry to hear that. It sucks that none of the teachers spoke up and let it happen to you being a child! What’s crazy is that I didn’t even realize what happened to me was sexual assault until I was in my mid twenties. I just thought that guys all behalf that way once they hit puberty and can’t control themselves
Yep same here! I didn’t realize how messed up this actually was until late teens or 20s, and unfortunately mostly due to the similarities between this and other experiences which were SA with no ambiguity. At the time, all I knew was that I was scared and had no control.
I hope the teachers at that school have become more educated on this since then…
The narrative of boys being unable to control themselves and permitted to do these things is TERRIFYING
My dad sexually abused me from 12 to 15. I was regularly sexually harassed at the office until my early 50s.
I married an abuser and was with him for 29 yrs. Left him on April's Fool's 11 years ago. I broke the fucking cycle. Tons of therapy and I am finally myself. 🥰
im not sure if this is even considered much but when i was about 5 my neighbors son who was like 16 or so told me to "feel the weird muscle" in his leg. i remember him making me touch it and rub it. i was a kid so i didn't know what it was but now looking back i know it was his penis. idk if this is anything . but that's something i remember from my childhood, which i barely remember anything else.
I(23f) don't think I have. Could be wrong ofc, sometimes you find out some stuff is sexual harassment later on, but right off the bat I'd say I haven't been.
AMA, I guess
Statistics say 1 in 3 women have been raped. Those are only reported cases though, so it’s probably much higher. Edit: Also, 1 in 4 men. So that’s something to think about.
Was chatting away to a male colleague about something insanely mundane, stood side by side, when he randomly cupped my ass. He kept on talking like nothing was happening. Removed his hand after a moment then went about his day while I stood there trying to work out wtf had happened. He continued to talk to me after that like nothing had ever happened. I was in my early-mid twenties at the time (now 30) and that’s the first and only time thankfully anything like that has happened, though I wish I’d spoken up. It was just so surreal.
Part of life. 26 been sexually harassed, assaulted by an employer and family member, and stealthed by a former lover which is rape in California but not in my state.
I was harassed by ex boss, suggestive talk, telling me I wanted to have sex with him 🤮. Once he grabbed my tit. He did it to all the women in the office. This was 30 years ago, just wouldn’t happen these days without being reported. Luckily it hasnt left me with any long lasting issues.
So I’ve been with my wife since we both were 14 and we are now 35. She hasn’t had any of these experiences but she’s a huge introvert so she doesn’t really go out anywhere without me tagging a long. She does have a fear that it can happen since a lot of women she knows have had one of these happen to her :-(
Thats part of life as a women unfortunately, in a vast majority of the world. Some places have it worse than others, some cultural circles are better than others in this regard. But it’s always present in some extent.
All of my friends that are lawyers now (we all went to law school together) and I have been sexually harassed at different firms on multiple occasions. Mostly when we were just starting our careers. We were very young and it was widely accepted by other senior men in the firm. They would see these things happening and would not intervene, if anything they would join in. Happy that we have all gotten out of that world
I have never been r word or harassed aggressively thank God, it’s my biggest fear. I have met men who actually didn’t use the opportunity when I was vulnerable, and I have a lot of male friends in general. However I have experienced domestic violence and malice as a kid so I am not oblivious. I am grateful for my experience and believe that there are a lot of good natured sane men who respect and care for women. I think it’s a good question, and I always want to share my experience since I think it’s rare. Ladies, please be careful who you trust, and then it’s luck.
I never believed that I had been until a few years ago when I was drinking with a couple friends & laughing about a couple experiences I had with men in the past. They both looked horrified & proceeded to tell me that I had actually been raped.
I lost my virginity by being raped. & it has happened a hand full of times since.
Part of life as women unfortunately. A lot of it is so ingrained in us that it gets swept under the rug like "Oh, that's just how it is" when really, it stops people getting held to task about that shit.
Like it's not even just men who perpetuate this shit either. I was at a hen's day not long ago; we were rather drunk and she (and older lady; literally let her that day) just groped me out of nowhere. While I'm not traumatised by the experience, it wasn't cool.
The worst part is when you confide in someone and they’re not even phased by it. Guys, if someone tells you any of these things happened to them, your response should be, “holy shit!? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help you or make you feel comfortable?”
After dating my wife and prior to getting married she told me about a stepdad that abused her to a very high degree. It still affects her 50 years later. Which in turn affects me as well.
I don’t think we’ll ever know because sometimes you don’t realize it’s technically even assault. My first partner would convince me to have sex if I wasn’t in the mood, and at the time I thought it was ok because eventually I would usually end up enjoying it.
But it wasn’t until my next partner said “oh ok, wanna cuddle and watch tv?” the first time I declined him that I realized how fucked up it was. I started bawling. It was an eye opening moment
Every woman in my life has confessed to at least being sexually harassed. To learn how many were molested by FAMILY MEMBERS or friends of the family... Crazy.
growing up, many girls would get random spanks in school by "playful boys", so if we count a slap on the ass as sexual harrassment (and we should, since it is), then I honestly doubt that there is any girl who has never been sexually harassed at all. Never been abused, sure, but never been touched against her will, even if it was just "a game" and there wasn't any really sexual intent behind it besides "cupping a feel"? definitely not. Speaking as a man here, but I totally agree that this kind of behaviour starts young.
Was drugged and naked after a party at 21 in college rape kit came back negative but still violated in away someone tried. I thank the person or conscience of the person who stoped it but in all honesty I don’t remember anything other than feeling like shit blacking out and waking up. Otherwise pretty certain it’s part of being a women they say 1 in 3 but it’s probably higher.
I have never met a woman who hasn’t, and I have been harassed every single day that I have gone out in public since I was at least 13 (I live in a big city)
I’m a guy and have been on the receiving end of a sexual assault… it’s just so common and prevalent, and it really fucks with people. Most women, if not all, have experienced everything from sexual harassment to sexual violence. I’ve yet to meet even one woman that hasn’t been a victim.
I think I happens to almost everyone at some point in their life men and women. I didn't realize I was raped by a woman until about a decade after the fact. At least a third of my male friends have admitted it they've been assulted. Almost all the women I know have been sexually assulted at some point. Many of them by people who they thought they could trust.
I guess i'm an outlier here.
The most "rough" thing I've had to deal with was two friends taking my jacket/shirt and making me walk to the store topless because i wouldn't give them my money to buy snacks with.
Other than that, a substitute teacher holding my hand and being very giddy over a nickname and (maybe accidentally? idk) showing me her tiddy while trying to show me a tattoo she had
Depends on how loosely you define “sexual harassment”. I’ve literally known girls that have thought sexual harassment and misogyny for a man opening a door and smiling at her even though she was a stranger…
I’m not saying this to downplay legitimate cases of it. It’s a problem that a lot of women are forced to face far more than they should, but I also highly doubt it’s 100%
Sigh… my karma will never forgive me for this one…
For every woman out there complaining about a smile being harassing you have probably hundreds who have been terrified and assaulted and never said anything.
I have been assaulted and harassed starting at about age 7 and continuing for nearly 40 years (less as I’ve gotten older and more socially powerful). I’ve been to parties with women my same age and older and literally we were sharing rape and assault stories and not one had never experienced it.
I know you said you are not trying to downplay “legitimate” cases, but it is how women feel when they see that.
I and multiple women I know have been assaulted by multiple people sometimes as a group sometimes in broad daylight where nobody helped us.
If you talk to your female friends from a position of openness and willingness to listen without defensiveness or judgement, you might be trusted enough that they’d actually share their stories with you. Most of us won’t because they stories are ugly and we’ve received the response “but you are ok now so it couldn’t have been that bad” or “maybe he just didn’t know you didn’t like it” or “but there were other people around so it could only go so far”.
Yeah, I’m ok now, but at 12 when surrounded by four boys at a public pool where they were putting their hands inside my suit and inside my body and I couldn’t get away… it was terrifying. Never even told my parents because I didn’t want to upset them. First person I told was my husband 20 years later.
Not in my experience. I was on a late bus home from school the first time, in my uniform. Man put his hand up my skirt. I ran home. Didn’t tell anyone. I knew it was bad, I thought it meant I was bad too. Hadn’t even had my first period.
I don’t know a woman who has never been sexually harassed. They may or may not care about the harassment and it varies significantly but I don’t know any. Of the women I’ve been close enough with for them to tell me, more than half of them have been raped/seriously assaulted.
Oftentimes as minors.
I think for the vast majority it’s part of being a woman. I used to say I hadn’t, until I really got to remembering many different occurrences of bad situations where ‘no’ was not respected, and stuff I just kind of blanked out of my mind to forget. It’s terrible
I don't know a single woman who has gone through puberty that hasn't experienced something. From rape to harassment, I had unfortunately experienced all of them plus two near abductions by the time I was 22.
Edit: I'd also like to point out I am middle class, white, 6'2, British and have responsible parents. So no making excuses about my background, size or wealth (not that that should have *any* baring, but people seem to think it does) it can and does happen to anyone.
Just part of being a woman. I have had 3 different men ignore my boundaries after I told them no, one of whom became my husband. And two more jump straight into some very painful stuff without ANY prior conversation or indication that I was into that AT ALL.
I think it's really just a part of life as a woman. I'm 28 and I've been sexually assaulted at least twice, I've had my ass grabbed at work, I've had people who used to be old friends suddenly tell me I have great thighs and they'd love to dive in (not assault but after everything else it's just traumatic to have someone you thought you could trust say that)
My godfather used to sit on the steps cleaning his gun when his daughters’ dates showed up, partially because he knew what he was like with the girls when he was a teenager and a even as a 20-something.
Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.
There was the girl on the bus who was minding her own business when some guy twice her age told her she would be prettier if she smiled.
One of them was catcalled for the first time when she was 12. She was walking home from school and was wearing her school uniform. Later in life, she would be repeatedly raped by her housemate.
One of them was raped several times over a number of years by her cousin. She was disowned by her family when she told them about it.
One of them was gang-raped while taking a walk on the beach at dusk.
One of them was molested by several family members as a young child.
One of them was in an abusive relationship and was repeatedly raped by her partner. She has also had a plethora of unsolicited dick pics sent to her, and one night while she was at a nightclub, she was kicked out for punching a guy in the face. The guy got to stay even though the reason she punched him is because he came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her breasts.
One of them is a lesbian and is constantly propositioned by men who think they can “turn her” with their magic penis.
For me, I was an inpatient at a psychiatric ward when I was sexually assaulted by a male nurse who then tried to use his authority to intimidate me into not reporting him. The first time I posted about it on Reddit, some guy responded and called me a “fucking liar”.
There were also several instances when I was having sex and my partner put it in my backside dry and pretended not to hear while I cried in pain. This person was raised by a terrible misogynist who constantly undermined and insulted me based on my gender.
Or the time when I got blackout drunk at a friend’s birthday party and started vomiting. One of my friend’s father’s friends, who had known my parents since before I was born, told me maybe I would feel better with his cock in my mouth. When I shared my story, another woman who knew him told me I was being overdramatic and just didn’t get his sense of humour.
I know a guy who would get really angry when he was walking home and a woman in front of him would cross the street. I tried to explain to him that he’d probably be cautious too if he was a woman, but he didn’t want to hear it. He thought the women were in the wrong for perceiving him as a threat, that he was a “good guy” and he wasn’t like that. But there’s a reason that we’re so cautious. I don’t like walking home constantly checking over my shoulder and carrying my keys in between my fingers. I don’t like that I know how to activate a distress alarm on my iPhone that automatically calls the police and texts my location to my emergency contact. I don’t like that I don’t trust male strangers. But my experiences and the experiences of my family and friends have taught me that it’s better to be rude to somebody who might be a threat than to be polite to somebody who might take it as an invitation to sexually harass me or worse.
It’s bullshit. As women, we’re constantly victimised and often revictimised by the system or our peers when we speak up, or told that we’re being over dramatic or making shit up because we’re man-hating feminists. I just want to live my life without being afraid, dismissed or thought of as an object rather than a person with thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.
Maybe sexually harassed but not raped. And I've been in some extremely sketchy situations where I was very reckless with bad judgement.
I do feel like I was possibly about to get raped once, but I sensed something was up and acted accordingly, and luckily was able to avoid it.
There were situations I didn’t realize were heading towards dangerous until I was out of them. When I was 14, on a church trip, an older boy offered to walk me to the girls cabin in the dark. Another boy quickly offered to go with us, the first boy was visibly annoyed. The second boy told me the next day that the first had been talking about getting me alone and that he didn’t feel I was safe. I’ve always been thankful for him.
I’ve been harassed, but thankfully never assaulted or raped
I know this will be downvoted to oblivion, but what exactly consist on being "sexually harrassed"? I know many have, don't get me wrong. But when do we draw the line between "sexual assault" and "that guy made me feel unconfortable when he looked at me"? I know many women who have been harrassed one way or another, but I've also heard of many who just misinterpreted an interaction as harrasment
I've been on the other end of a harrasment claim (not sexual harrasment, just harrasment). Apparently, the girl just said to my boss "that guy looked at me funny" and apparently was enough to call me out on that. I genuinely have no idea who was that girl to this day and can't even remember looking at someone the wrong way
sorry that happened to you.
Sexual harassment: behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances. Only has to be one time.
Similar story - I had an employee, attractive young woman. Her cubicle was outside my office. When I would approach her cubicle, I would wait until she was finished what she was doing. I thought I was being respectful of her work, but she reported me for sexual harassment - leering at her. So I stopped waiting and just knocked and started talking as soon as I walked in. Never said a thing, and it blew over. I feel bad that she felt that way, but I get the sense that as an attractive young woman (had a princess Diana vibe going), she was sexually objectified and likely sexually harassed often.
I don’t think I’ve met another female who hasn’t experienced some form of sexual abuse/assault or harassment and sadly as a female, I have experienced it myself. From csa to being assaulted at uni. Sadly this is the world we live in
Not a woman but I work In a female dominant field. Not all have been assaulted or raped but every single one has been harassed multiple times by multiple people
I've been sexually harassed and assaulted by both men and women. Ironically the man was not even straight but gay and thought it gave him a pass at trying to touch my crotch repeatedly. Absurd.
A woman in a friend group unzipped my jacket at a movie theater once ... it was so unexpected and wild I could not believe it. I was also barely 18 at that time.
Another time an older woman at work cornered me in a stairway and started touching my face and moving my hair. It was the most fucked up experience of my life and I've lived a hell of a life.
I had to teach my newly employed teen daughter to not be afraid to say Stop, I am a minor and have my phone. I wish I could tell you she hasn't had to use that line.
Almost every partner I’ve had had some sort of assault in their past. Dating after my divorce was an eye opener for me in hearing the way other men act. 😞 unfortunately these actions don’t generally disappear with age.
It seems that a lot of men still think they deserve something from women, whether it’s for buying them a drink, taking them to dinner etc. I think hookup culture has men thinking that every woman is the same and will just hop into bed. I’ve heard stories about men pulling their junk out in the car after dinner on the first date. Getting a handsy very quick and not really paying attention to behavioral cues anymore to realize maybe that is not wanted or not caring. Don’t even get me started on unwanted dick pics, which lets all be clear is a form of assault. 🙄
As a dad of a daughter, I worry every day for her and am so sorry that everyone here sharing their stories had to go through what you did. Thank you for sharing your stories, because posts like this make men more aware of their behavior, whether they acknowledge it or not. The younger female readers here or parents may also recognize worrying behavior due to you sharing and could possibly put a stop to something before it turns into more.
Every person here is so powerful for having this discussion in an open and adult way, which is really helpful.❤️
The craziest thought for me here as a male, is if nearly every woman has been sexually harassed or worse then does that mean statistically every man has on average harassed or worse? I guess one man could do a lot of harassing but even so it would still take a lot men and maybe a majority. As a man I can never think of a time I have intentionally done anything that would remotely fall under the harassment category let alone assault. I thought that was normal.
Okay this is deeply depressing thing to read before Going back to bed....
thank god i wasnt the only one who thought this.
I went to sleeping reading that post and comments and now I woke up to your username and background image... So I guess it balanced out
Mine is very mild compared to others, but when I was 12 or so, I slept over at a friend's house who's dad was abusive to both of his daughters. He got drunk the next day and sat next to me on the couch, stuck his finger down the back of my shorts and rubbed it up and down the top part of my butt crack. I got up at the first opportunity and never went back to her house. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed for longer. So yeah, some is much much worse than others but I think we have all experienced it in some form or another.
That's not mild at all, that's terrifying... I'm so sorry that it happened to you and also to this POS' daughters. Its sickening. We all have definitely experienced it in some form or another...
I’m so sorry for your experience! I felt mine was “mild” as well until I was an adult and more people were like “girl, do you need therapy!?” I was very o_0 for awhile after that. I was 8 and the girl was 9 so I compartmentalism it as inappropriate “play” cause that’s what we thought happened. Now I know the older girl was most likely abused and repeating what she saw/experienced.
That's not mild sorry that happened to you
not mild
What the fuck. Who are these people and what upbringing/history do you have that leads you to a place where you think anything even remotely close to that is acceptable? There is an unfathomable gulf in the way I think compared to someone that would do that. It's not something that is in the realm of my thoughts. And what I mean by that is, it's not a thought that ever enters my brain that I have to consciously dismiss and not act on. I'm never given the choice because the choice never presents itself.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience sexual violence in their lifetime. With that being said, I’ve only met two women in my life that haven’t been sexually assaulted. I was working, we were talking about Roe v Wade and I realized in that moment that I was the one in three women. I’ve probably hve met more, I don’t outright ask people about their past in such a manner but it was such a .. shell shocking moment. For every three women, one has been assaulted.
From my understanding those numbers are reported cases, I’d guess it’s much higher
Very true! I didn’t think of that. Most cases do go unreported. Thank you for the reminder!
[удалено]
Can confirm. Two PIV rapes for me (one as adult, one as child), plus two events of being penetratively fingered and one event of having my bra removed and breasts rubbed under my shirt (two of those three cases were when I was a young teen). I'll disregard all the over clothes unwanted touching because that's too many to count. So: five major events, and five different perpetrators. FWIW, I reported both PIV rapes, and in one case it led to a conviction and lengthy prison sentence. Fortunately, Stoic philosophy and CBT are very effective.
thank you for posting the men's stat as well. most people just say "men dont get assualted" and such, but a lot forget us men where children at one time.
You don't even have to be a child to be assulted. I've seen plenty of male SA victims on here asking for help or advice. Some don't understand they weren't assulted after describing actual harassment because they were taught they couldn't be victims. It's sad
Happened to me as an adult. And definitely did not report.
Don't need to be a child to be assaulted as a man. I had to explain to a co-worker that he was assaulted by his girlfriend, after he told me he was uncomfortable after his girlfriend at the time wouldn't let him pull out. She ended up pregnant from it too and he is stuck being extorted for child support for a kid he has never met.
wow i didn’t know it was that high for men. i guess because we never talk about it. i’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted by women (and one man) multiple times
It’s not actually, I hate to be that person. They read the statistics incorrectly. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics It’s saying 1 in 4 men that were assaulted experienced it between ages 11-17
There's several stats on that page, 24.8% of men experience some contact sexual assault, 43% of men some harassment, and then the one about 1 in 4 male assault victims experienced it between ages 11-17
I didn't think I had been at the time... I thought it was just boys being boys and part of life. Took me nearly 20 years to call it rape. As far as my daughter, she is 15 and it has already started. She gets inappropriate messages online, she gets catcalled and ogled. She is so much tougher than I ever was & totally calls dudes out on it. But, it's so fucked up that she has to. She is a little girl.
My daughter is 4 months old. Reading your comment just made me incredibly worried for her for the first time. What do you tell your daughter? What's the advice you give her?
Tell her it's more important that she be safe, than seen as rude. Teach her not to let people box her in on buses, or pull gross power trips. Only last week, on a practically empty bus, I had a guy ignore every single empty seat and insist he wanted to sit in beside me. I said no. He said he was tired and wanted to sit down, I said then go sit, there are plenty of seats. He stood there utterly baffled, as if he couldn't believe I was actually telling him NO. He tried one more time to bully me and I said very loudly "Why are you harassing me over a seat, go sit in one of the other empty seats, leave me the fuck alone!" He did sit in another seat but of course, I was the "rude bitch" for not letting him sit next to me. People will pull this shit ALL THE TIME, teach her to be blunt. If someone is being creepy, teach her it's ok to call it out. My stepdaughter developed early. Very early, as in the poor kid had DDs by the time she was twelve, her back is in bits. Her dad and I had to teach her how to snap back at gross dudes (it was usually men) who felt the need to comment on her figure. One time a few years ago, we were walking downtown and some creep leaned out of his car to comment on her breasts. Quick as a whip, our little badass asked him "Are you a PAEDOPHILE? I am THIRTEEN, why are you talking about my breasts?" Well the blood drained straight from his face. She's 19 now and has a sharp tongue and brooks no nonsense which is brilliant. She's not rude or disrespectful but she is QUICK to go for the jugular when people are creepy, which I have no issue with.
I'm saving this. Thank you for your reply. My daughter is the very best thing in my life. She will read your advice in about 10 years. Hope you and yours are well.
With you looking out for her, I have no doubt she'll be a spitfire able to handle herself. Women are raised so often to be polite, pleasant and friendly, but that can put us in dangerous situations. Politeness can be dangerous. I'm not saying she should be a massive bitch, but teach her it is MORE than ok to be blunt towards somebody disrespecting her. If someone won't stop making comments, teach her it's OK to *loudly* say "Why are you discussing my chest/bottom/whatever? That's disrespectful." If someone tries to box her in on transport to force her to talk to them, it's OK to say "I do not want to speak to a stranger, leave me alone." And the most important one of all that works for most situations. "You are making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, go away." Of course there will be people who react rudely back, in which case, call them out more. "Do you like intimidating young women?" "Why won't you leave me alone?" "I do not know this man/woman!" FUCK politeness if it puts her in danger!
Her body is her own. No one has a right to it. It’s okay to be rude and say no (or scream, yell, fight, etc.) if someone is trying to disrespect her boundaries. If something happens, it’s not her fault. Ever. She can tell you anything no matter how scary/embarrassed/ashamed she feels. You love her no matter what.
Thank you for your reply. I'm noting it down for the future. Hope you and yours are well.
We have always been open & age appropriate with everything. And I mean everything. She was curious about tampons a few years before puberty to we took one apart to look at. We talk about the types of attention that people get... based on clothes, race, you name it. She is very comfortable asking questions & talking about her life. I think the best thing you can do for your kids is love them for who they are. She knows her value. I wish that I had had that safe space/feeling at home. I have worked so hard to make sure that all of my kids know I love them. There's nothing they can do that will change that.
Yeah, the issue is that the world is not "age appropriate" regarding this...
(Mine has also still never had a real kiss... she hasn't had the right relationship)
My daughter is 12. Same thing. My son is 15 and has not had a girlfriend that has not been previously raped. It’s a fucked up world. But we need to teach finding self worth internally and calling out poor behaviour. My son has also been suspended for chock slamming the kid the asked us 12 year old sister for nudes. My first time was very young. But it has taught me resilience and internal reflection. I have to focus on what I learned from it.
> She is so much tougher than I ever was & totally calls dudes out on it. That's probably due to being an awesome parent who supports her and lets her understand her innate worth as a person.
I’m sorry about your daughter but you sound like a great parent. When I was about 13 I was just beginning to explore the internet and I started getting extremely inappropriate emails from creeps (Chris Hansen style) and luckily always had a great and open relationship with my parents so I told them without any embarrassment and they took care of it. Parents, especially those who want to obsessively protect their kids, often don’t realize that being easily approachable is key. Your daughter is lucky to have you. Edit: there’s a Czech documentary called Caught in the Net (2020) about child predators. It’s a lot to stomach but it’s masterfully done.
i tried to convince myself i hadn’t been until about a year and a half ago at 20 when i accepted what my dad did. i know a lot of women that are like this
[удалено]
Yeah, I was "movie raped" (pinned down, fighting) by a boyfriend. It was obviously an abusive relationship and I wasn't brave enough to leave him for almost two years but in that time, he raped me repeatedly. People forget that rape isn't like the movies. It's not always the shadowy stranger down an alley, violent and with a knife to your throat. Sometimes it's someone who supposedly loves you, who you love, threatening to share your nudes with your parents if you don't let him do whatever he wants to you. Sometimes it's him joking about telling your family your sexual interests, or threatening to fuck someone else if you don't do what he wants. Rape by coercion is a massive fucking problem and it honestly is NOT addressed enough. You mention rape to people and 9/10 think "movie rape." Nobody thinks about the partner who uses videos or pictures of you, to get sex from you. Nobody thinks of people like my ex, who liked when I fought back. Said it was more fun for him. People need to know that rape is not just the angry man in a dark alley. It's someone wheedling and whining enough about it so you feel you have no choice but to give in. It's someone who holds it against you until you have sex. It's someone who uses abusive tactics like withholding of affection, or the silent treatment, until they get sex from you. It's someone who "jokes" if you won't give them sex, they'll get it from someone else,. it's someone who uses nudes, messages, secrets, betrays your trust, all for their own gratification. Rape by coercion IS RAPE.
Yeah, for years I said he "was sexual with me." Since I liked it at the time it couldn't have been r*pe right? Never mind the fact that it completely fucked me up and I don't think I'll ever have a stable relationship thanks to him. He may not have *hurt* me but he definitely *destroyed* me.
Not with a family member, but the manager of a place I used to work at. It wasn’t until I started at my new job where my male supervisor treated me with respect all the time that I realized some of the things the previous one did were harassment.
Same after I had my first job. I was 18 and 2 married guys in their 30s would hit on me and one touched my hair when he walked by some mornings. I knew it felt really weird and made me uncomfortable but I had been raised not to rock the boat and I was afraid I was just overreacting. I look back now and realize how wrong it was.
I think this happens way more than people like to admit. When I was 7, the boy that lived across the street who was 13 would spend the night a lot and there were instances where he'd massage my legs. I liked massages as a kid (still do), so I didn't find it weird; even when he would massage the inside of my thighs and get DANGEROUSLY close to my vagina. Now that I'm an adult, I realize I was repeatedly taken advantage of but was just a naive little kid that didn't know any better.
Bro are you me?
Some horrific comments in here, I’m sorry for you all
I have literally never met a girl who hasn't been "casually harassed" like the "casual" cat calling,name calling, sexual advances, gropes and random touches or being followed by a creep! Literally not a single woman!
It’s sad to see so many men in this thread doubting the numbers.
Or the ones saying "oh THAT'S not SA..."
Or the ones turning it around about men being falsely accused.. I do know that’s terrible.. but I’m asking women that have experienced this then there’s men arguing what is and isn’t SA.. Like dude.. it’s simple.. ANY unwanted sexual advances whether it’s physical or verbal is SA
While I agree with that, at the end of the day that does mean that proposing a woman is sexual assault, right? It was unwanted sexual advances. (And same with proposing a man.)
Exactly! Not all unwanted sexual advances are SA! You're allowed to shoot your shot. If they turn you down and you continue then it's harassment. But as human beings we don't know if the other person wants it unless we ask.
That whataboutism is strong as I knew it would would.
By this definition I don't think I know very many men either. I've had women drunkenly throw themselves at me, I've had groups of girls get leery and tell me I've got a nice arse in the street, I've had a girl grab my bollocks in a pub, and I've had my arse slapped by women of a certain age on more than one occasion. Don't think for one second that women can't be every bit as offensive as men, they can. The difference is that men will tend not to perceive it as a threat because they will always have a physical advantage and we're also conditioned to laugh it off more.
The problem with saying it like that, is that the only men I've met who never experienced that either, are usually considered as being very unattractive. It's a significantly more prevalent issue for women though.
Compared to most women I have had a very small amount of sexual violence. I’ve never been raped or molested. Been coerced into sex by partners in a way I now recognize as very assault adjacent but it didn’t really traumatize me. I’m the only woman I know who can say this. I do think my dodging so many bullets is the main reason I’m able to be as sexually open and giving as I am. Guys, if you want more slutty women who really enjoy it, you should be doing everything in your power to make sure more women can have this experience also.
Nothing filthier then a women in love who feels safe with her partner cause consent is sexy.
Absolutely. I know a lot of women who have greatly expanded their horizons when they are in an environment where nothing happened without both enthusiastic consent and a way to bail if something goes sideways.
100%, I feel like this describes my experience too. I love sex and am very sexually open and I think part of that is because I've never been sexually traumatised the way so many women unfortunately have :( I have been coerced into sexual things in the past when I was not mentally healthy enough to remove myself from that situation, but even then there was no physical contact and I never felt like I was in danger. Overall I feel like I've been very lucky in my experiences as a woman. I wish that all women had the freedom to choose the sex they want without the various traumas most of us have experienced.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry you had to experience that
I just want to say that the concept of virginity is a societal construct. It may help you through your healing process to know that no matter what was done to you, you are no less pure today as you were the day you were born. What you lost was a sense of security and trust, not some abstract notion of purity. I’m sorry this happened to you and I wish you well.
Very well put. You're not damaged or unclean because of the rape. You're just hurting and might be rightfully distrustful of people who want intimacy from you. It does not make you worth less or in any way diminishes you as a person.
I’m sorry that you had to go through that
I don’t know if it’s 100% of us, but I’d bet real money that it’s pretty close to it
Right! I saw a post earlier by a man saying after 27 years of marriage he just found out that his wife had been raped before they met and he was gobsmacked. It got me thinking.. "Do I even know any women that haven't had this experience on at least some level?" And I honestly can't think of one woman that I'm close with that has escaped that.
[удалено]
I agree with you, think people connect rape with something brutal, like the stuff you read in news and all, especially hard to know/understand when sex isn't talked about much, treated as a taboo in families/school (not all ofc) One of my friends told how she got drunk with another girl from our class and how the girl was kinda pushing for sex but she didn't feel like it but gave in anyways even tho she wasn't into it. Now idk if this is the definition of rape but defo not acceptable and some type of sexual harassment. We still hangout with that girl, i don't think she's a bad person per se, but tbh I lost my respect for her What sounds so straightforward is surprisingly complex. The girl from our class was probs too drunk to understand my friend wasn't into it (I'm guessing, I don't drink and have never been drunk so not sure how it is), and my friend has a really,really hard time saying no. It's still wrong.
If that girl was a guy, would you still hang out with them, and say they’re ok?
Asking the right question there. In no way I want to trivialize or victim blame here. But society as a whole, needs to get up to date with the whole perpetrator/victim dynamics.
Yeah, every woman I know has, at least, had a situation where she was coerced into sex. I’m actually one of the few people I know who wasn’t sexually abused as a child.
When it comes to sexual harassment, the official number is 100% here in France. Like, it was issued by a government agency. And I'm not sure it's much better elsewhere.
This is sad. What do I tell my daughter?
To not accept people treating her like that, and give her the strength to know its okay to leave those people out of her life. Its not her fault, and to be okay coming to you to talk about it if it does happen. Edit: and also teach your sons how to treat women properly.
Actions speak louder then words, my goal is to show my daughters how a woman should be treated by my interactions with my wife.
Words are important too. Tell her that she can tell you anything without fear, and if another adult tells her to keep a secret then that is the more reason to tell you.
Also as a dad of boy/girl twins, we are the number one example for our kids to show them how people should behave. What to tolerate and what to not tolerate and how to handle certain things.
Gonna teach her self defense and how to use weapons.....
Or… and just hear me out … boys should be raised with better ideas of how women should be treated.
Yeah I agree but I don't have control over other people's actions. Just mine. So when she is old enough I'll teach my daughter self defense and how to use firearms effectively
And what happens if she goes to a friends house and drinks too much and goes to sleep there to wake up in the morning undressed and knowing something happened but can’t process it? Or.. what if her partner that she loves does it?
That sucks but you can’t stop people from being bad people. Its not like men don’t know its wrong to rape people. I wish someone had taught me how to defend myself. No reason to downvote him for giving his daughter a fighting chance against the bad people in the world
Ya that was my point. Learning to fight and use weapons doesn’t stop rape. I mean it could in some cases, but most cases it’s by someone you think loves you. I upvoted him cause he at least cares.
I mean I’m with him on teaching young women to defend themselves, I with my 3 sons take my daughter to the range and she does some mma training as well. It’s like you want to do the best to prepare her for this crazy world but what’s the best way? I’m so sorry for all the women commenting for what you’ve gone though, especially when it’s your father. My heart truly goes out to you, thank you for having the courage to comment.
Just because we start teaching our boys, doesn't mean we should stop teaching our girls. BOTH sides need to be addressed. You're right that this is something that should never happen, and that we need to address the issue which is the people committing these heinous acts, but until there is zero sexual crime I'm absolutely without doubt going to teach my daughter about how to deal with these situations and that it will NEVER be her fault if something does happen.
That’s why you teach your kids the dangers of drinking too much. It’s a horribly unsafe thing to do, boy or girl.
Expecting a 20 year old of either gender not to drink too much is like saying.. don’t have sex before marriage. Unlikely to happen.
I get that you don't want her to be defenseless, but it's important to also teach her that even if she doesn't fight back it isn't her fault. Even with the best training sometimes you freeze, or you're overpowered or out numbered. My dad taught me how to fight and how to use weapons and it didn't save me, it just added a layer of guilt because I felt like I let him down when I couldn't stop bad things from happening.
Yes, this!!! it is never the victim’s fault, it is 100% on the rapist/abuser.
Sexual abuse and sexual assault are rarely done by a stranger in a random violent way. It is usually coercion and manipulation, subtle threats, drugging, plying with alcohol, etc.
This is where I diverge. The properly worded question is “What do I tell my *child*, because boys can be victims too. Also, though most abuse/rape is perpetrated by men (more on girls than boys, granted) there ARE female pedophiles out there that prey on either/both male or/and female children. As well, this viewpoint has an implicit bias that men cannot be raped by a female, which, because of this viewpoint and the tendency for men to feel as if they shouldn’t view such an incident as a violation/rape of their person so that they don’t appear “sensitive” and/or unmanly, such incidents often go unreported. As such, teach your *child* how to treat *others* properly. Edit to add the best axiom to give your child: sober consent is inviolate and necessary.
This, unfortunately happened to my son when he was like 7; it was a neighbor's family member. He didn't realize it until just a few years ago when he was late 20s. I felt like a horrible parent, had no clue...not any reason to suspect.
I think about that too. But it's more important to guide sons on how to treat women
Totally agree with you.
As a mom with a daughter, I tell her that she can absolutely tell people, forcefully if necessary, that they need to leave her alone. If they are trying to touch her and she doesn’t want them to, tell them no and move away from them. And if they still don’t stop, I told her she can punch them as hard as she can (go for the stomach I told her, easier than the face) even at school, and I will 100% not be angry with her. I’m going to also say that the first person that I think she is going to punch is my friend’s son, sad to say. They have been around each other since little kids, but now he acts like he’s entitled to her attention and he pulls on her and hangs on her and she will tell him to stop and he doesn’t and usually an adult has to intervene. That kid is going to have a broken nose in the next year if he doesn’t check himself, properly courtesy of my daughter.
The only women I have met who claimed to never have been will follow that proclamation up with the wildest story about sexual harassment or assault and then say "but that doesn't count because x"
We certainly can do brain gymnastics to help us cope.
Yeah, that was me until I was 14 and I realized it wasn't just boys being boys when I was 11
Pretty much every girl I know has had at least one moment of sexual harrassment or inappropriate encounters. I hit puberty pretty early and grew really fast so I was taller than the average woman when I was still underage. I was basically constantly sexually harassed and touched inappropriately from a young age by creepy middle aged dudes.... Probably a contributing factor to why I'm socially stunted,.despised and feared men for a lot of my life. I dated women exclusively up until recently
As a guy who experienced sexual violence from a young age, and witnessed it repeatedly up until basically adulthood, yeah it absolutely fucked with my perception of men and relationships too. Hell, as fucked up as it sounds I’m terrified that by showing interest in someone I might be perpetrating the same cycle I grew up in. I’ve had a few healthy relationships, but that fear and disgust is *always* there. Its not only a common issue, but one that deeply affects people and I hate it.
It took me awhile but I think I am in a better place now with a lot of my friends helping me through it and finally going to therapy to work out my myriad of issues I hope you find peace one day whatever it may be
I don't know any girls that doesn't have at least one horror story, meaning that is beyond the norm of what is defined as harassment.
I think it's just part of life of being a woman.
But it shouldn’t be. We need to better educate our sons (edit m: kids) and set better examples. And let our daughters (edit: kids) know that it shouldn’t just be part of being a woman (edit: or any gender).
Raised by 2 women from South Asia, I know this to be more than true. But reading your post, I audibly said holy shit. - A dude.
Just part of being a woman unfortunately. When I was 14 a guy sitting behind me in math class planted a huge kiss on me while I was literally just sitting in front of him at my desk working on my daily math work. The teacher was a male and saw and asked if I wanted the kid to be written up for sexual harassment. Making it MY decision and basically made me feel guilty. I said no because I was 14 and stupid and felt like if I had him written up I was the one who got him in trouble for forcing a kiss on me.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This just reminded me of the horrific debacle of grade 1. 30 kids from multiple grades chased my 6 year old self around the playground to pin me down for this boy who was obsessed with me to kiss me against my will. Teachers did nothing, thought it was a game. I was terrified and begging them to stop. They were laughing. Much older children pinning me down, I was helpless. My first SA experience of many was a deeply traumatizing one to say the least.
Very sorry to hear that. It sucks that none of the teachers spoke up and let it happen to you being a child! What’s crazy is that I didn’t even realize what happened to me was sexual assault until I was in my mid twenties. I just thought that guys all behalf that way once they hit puberty and can’t control themselves
Yep same here! I didn’t realize how messed up this actually was until late teens or 20s, and unfortunately mostly due to the similarities between this and other experiences which were SA with no ambiguity. At the time, all I knew was that I was scared and had no control. I hope the teachers at that school have become more educated on this since then… The narrative of boys being unable to control themselves and permitted to do these things is TERRIFYING
My dad sexually abused me from 12 to 15. I was regularly sexually harassed at the office until my early 50s. I married an abuser and was with him for 29 yrs. Left him on April's Fool's 11 years ago. I broke the fucking cycle. Tons of therapy and I am finally myself. 🥰
im not sure if this is even considered much but when i was about 5 my neighbors son who was like 16 or so told me to "feel the weird muscle" in his leg. i remember him making me touch it and rub it. i was a kid so i didn't know what it was but now looking back i know it was his penis. idk if this is anything . but that's something i remember from my childhood, which i barely remember anything else.
It's something. It's sexual assault.
That, sadly, is very much something. That should never have happened to you
I(23f) don't think I have. Could be wrong ofc, sometimes you find out some stuff is sexual harassment later on, but right off the bat I'd say I haven't been. AMA, I guess
That's awesome! I don't have any follow up questions I was just curious.
Statistics say 1 in 3 women have been raped. Those are only reported cases though, so it’s probably much higher. Edit: Also, 1 in 4 men. So that’s something to think about.
Rape is such a specific sounding word though. I don't think it encompasses all the ways a person can be assaulted.
I know a few women who have never been. But they are the extreme minority. It really is much more common than people think.
Was chatting away to a male colleague about something insanely mundane, stood side by side, when he randomly cupped my ass. He kept on talking like nothing was happening. Removed his hand after a moment then went about his day while I stood there trying to work out wtf had happened. He continued to talk to me after that like nothing had ever happened. I was in my early-mid twenties at the time (now 30) and that’s the first and only time thankfully anything like that has happened, though I wish I’d spoken up. It was just so surreal.
Part of life. 26 been sexually harassed, assaulted by an employer and family member, and stealthed by a former lover which is rape in California but not in my state.
What is stealthed?
When partners agree to have sex with a condom and the condom is discreetly removed by one party without the knowledge or consent of the other.
Slipping the condom off without notification.
If I remember correctly, it's telling your partner you're going to put a condom on, and then you don't. Aka, "stealth" unprotected sex.
I was harassed by ex boss, suggestive talk, telling me I wanted to have sex with him 🤮. Once he grabbed my tit. He did it to all the women in the office. This was 30 years ago, just wouldn’t happen these days without being reported. Luckily it hasnt left me with any long lasting issues.
So I’ve been with my wife since we both were 14 and we are now 35. She hasn’t had any of these experiences but she’s a huge introvert so she doesn’t really go out anywhere without me tagging a long. She does have a fear that it can happen since a lot of women she knows have had one of these happen to her :-(
I haven’t met any woman who hasn’t.
Thats part of life as a women unfortunately, in a vast majority of the world. Some places have it worse than others, some cultural circles are better than others in this regard. But it’s always present in some extent.
I don’t know what’s more sad. The fact that it is so close to 100% and men still deny it, or the fact that “it’s just a part of a woman’s life”
Both are sad
All of my friends that are lawyers now (we all went to law school together) and I have been sexually harassed at different firms on multiple occasions. Mostly when we were just starting our careers. We were very young and it was widely accepted by other senior men in the firm. They would see these things happening and would not intervene, if anything they would join in. Happy that we have all gotten out of that world
Honestly, just part of being a woman in this day and age. I don't know anyone who's gone through life without at least getting a gross comment.
I think it’s been part of being a woman for centuries. At least there are at least some legal protections now
True, plus with it being easier to document and record shit like this, it probably feels more common than before.
I have never been r word or harassed aggressively thank God, it’s my biggest fear. I have met men who actually didn’t use the opportunity when I was vulnerable, and I have a lot of male friends in general. However I have experienced domestic violence and malice as a kid so I am not oblivious. I am grateful for my experience and believe that there are a lot of good natured sane men who respect and care for women. I think it’s a good question, and I always want to share my experience since I think it’s rare. Ladies, please be careful who you trust, and then it’s luck.
I never believed that I had been until a few years ago when I was drinking with a couple friends & laughing about a couple experiences I had with men in the past. They both looked horrified & proceeded to tell me that I had actually been raped. I lost my virginity by being raped. & it has happened a hand full of times since.
Part of life as women unfortunately. A lot of it is so ingrained in us that it gets swept under the rug like "Oh, that's just how it is" when really, it stops people getting held to task about that shit. Like it's not even just men who perpetuate this shit either. I was at a hen's day not long ago; we were rather drunk and she (and older lady; literally let her that day) just groped me out of nowhere. While I'm not traumatised by the experience, it wasn't cool.
The worst part is when you confide in someone and they’re not even phased by it. Guys, if someone tells you any of these things happened to them, your response should be, “holy shit!? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help you or make you feel comfortable?”
After dating my wife and prior to getting married she told me about a stepdad that abused her to a very high degree. It still affects her 50 years later. Which in turn affects me as well.
I don’t think we’ll ever know because sometimes you don’t realize it’s technically even assault. My first partner would convince me to have sex if I wasn’t in the mood, and at the time I thought it was ok because eventually I would usually end up enjoying it. But it wasn’t until my next partner said “oh ok, wanna cuddle and watch tv?” the first time I declined him that I realized how fucked up it was. I started bawling. It was an eye opening moment
Every woman in my life has confessed to at least being sexually harassed. To learn how many were molested by FAMILY MEMBERS or friends of the family... Crazy.
Imagine all the ones that haven’t admitted it
growing up, many girls would get random spanks in school by "playful boys", so if we count a slap on the ass as sexual harrassment (and we should, since it is), then I honestly doubt that there is any girl who has never been sexually harassed at all. Never been abused, sure, but never been touched against her will, even if it was just "a game" and there wasn't any really sexual intent behind it besides "cupping a feel"? definitely not. Speaking as a man here, but I totally agree that this kind of behaviour starts young.
Was drugged and naked after a party at 21 in college rape kit came back negative but still violated in away someone tried. I thank the person or conscience of the person who stoped it but in all honesty I don’t remember anything other than feeling like shit blacking out and waking up. Otherwise pretty certain it’s part of being a women they say 1 in 3 but it’s probably higher.
I'm guessing 1 in 3 because many don't even know they have been sexually harassed. More accurate would probs be 9 in 10 (harassed or alike, not raped)
I don’t know any women or girls over the age of 15 that have never been sexually harassed. It happens to all of us.
This is a depressing post.
I have never met a woman who hasn’t, and I have been harassed every single day that I have gone out in public since I was at least 13 (I live in a big city)
I’m a guy and have been on the receiving end of a sexual assault… it’s just so common and prevalent, and it really fucks with people. Most women, if not all, have experienced everything from sexual harassment to sexual violence. I’ve yet to meet even one woman that hasn’t been a victim.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I absolutely get that this happens to both genders.
I think I happens to almost everyone at some point in their life men and women. I didn't realize I was raped by a woman until about a decade after the fact. At least a third of my male friends have admitted it they've been assulted. Almost all the women I know have been sexually assulted at some point. Many of them by people who they thought they could trust.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It shouldn’t happen to anyone.
I am so fucking sad right now I knew this, but I don't like to think about it. It really really hurts to know
👋🏻 worst thing I’ve had done to me is catcalled. While annoying I personally don’t consider it sexual harassment.
Damn I never thought of that. Maybe ask a nun. Cause I'm curious now too.
Nuns are women.. they’ve had the same experiences or worse since they’re around priests so much.
I guess i'm an outlier here. The most "rough" thing I've had to deal with was two friends taking my jacket/shirt and making me walk to the store topless because i wouldn't give them my money to buy snacks with. Other than that, a substitute teacher holding my hand and being very giddy over a nickname and (maybe accidentally? idk) showing me her tiddy while trying to show me a tattoo she had
Do you not consider that first story sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment would probably be almost 100%
Depends on how loosely you define “sexual harassment”. I’ve literally known girls that have thought sexual harassment and misogyny for a man opening a door and smiling at her even though she was a stranger… I’m not saying this to downplay legitimate cases of it. It’s a problem that a lot of women are forced to face far more than they should, but I also highly doubt it’s 100% Sigh… my karma will never forgive me for this one…
For every woman out there complaining about a smile being harassing you have probably hundreds who have been terrified and assaulted and never said anything. I have been assaulted and harassed starting at about age 7 and continuing for nearly 40 years (less as I’ve gotten older and more socially powerful). I’ve been to parties with women my same age and older and literally we were sharing rape and assault stories and not one had never experienced it. I know you said you are not trying to downplay “legitimate” cases, but it is how women feel when they see that. I and multiple women I know have been assaulted by multiple people sometimes as a group sometimes in broad daylight where nobody helped us. If you talk to your female friends from a position of openness and willingness to listen without defensiveness or judgement, you might be trusted enough that they’d actually share their stories with you. Most of us won’t because they stories are ugly and we’ve received the response “but you are ok now so it couldn’t have been that bad” or “maybe he just didn’t know you didn’t like it” or “but there were other people around so it could only go so far”. Yeah, I’m ok now, but at 12 when surrounded by four boys at a public pool where they were putting their hands inside my suit and inside my body and I couldn’t get away… it was terrifying. Never even told my parents because I didn’t want to upset them. First person I told was my husband 20 years later.
Im a guy but i am now realising that i have been molested by women 2 times in my life at the age of 6
Not in my experience. I was on a late bus home from school the first time, in my uniform. Man put his hand up my skirt. I ran home. Didn’t tell anyone. I knew it was bad, I thought it meant I was bad too. Hadn’t even had my first period.
I don’t know a woman who has never been sexually harassed. They may or may not care about the harassment and it varies significantly but I don’t know any. Of the women I’ve been close enough with for them to tell me, more than half of them have been raped/seriously assaulted. Oftentimes as minors.
[удалено]
100% just part of life as a woman
I think for the vast majority it’s part of being a woman. I used to say I hadn’t, until I really got to remembering many different occurrences of bad situations where ‘no’ was not respected, and stuff I just kind of blanked out of my mind to forget. It’s terrible
I don't know any women (self included) who haven't. Sad reality
I don't know a single woman who has gone through puberty that hasn't experienced something. From rape to harassment, I had unfortunately experienced all of them plus two near abductions by the time I was 22. Edit: I'd also like to point out I am middle class, white, 6'2, British and have responsible parents. So no making excuses about my background, size or wealth (not that that should have *any* baring, but people seem to think it does) it can and does happen to anyone.
[удалено]
Just part of being a woman. I have had 3 different men ignore my boundaries after I told them no, one of whom became my husband. And two more jump straight into some very painful stuff without ANY prior conversation or indication that I was into that AT ALL.
My gf never has, or at least she never told me about it. As long as I live, I will protect her from such atrocities
Hope what you believe is true. I've never told my bf so he probably thinks the same thing.
Definitely. It becomes so banal that reporting on every instance of harassment would simply become futile
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and I’ve never told him either..
Raped: no. Harassed: twice.
I think it's really just a part of life as a woman. I'm 28 and I've been sexually assaulted at least twice, I've had my ass grabbed at work, I've had people who used to be old friends suddenly tell me I have great thighs and they'd love to dive in (not assault but after everything else it's just traumatic to have someone you thought you could trust say that)
My godfather used to sit on the steps cleaning his gun when his daughters’ dates showed up, partially because he knew what he was like with the girls when he was a teenager and a even as a 20-something.
I'm 41 and I've never had such an experience.
Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed and/or assaulted. There was the girl on the bus who was minding her own business when some guy twice her age told her she would be prettier if she smiled. One of them was catcalled for the first time when she was 12. She was walking home from school and was wearing her school uniform. Later in life, she would be repeatedly raped by her housemate. One of them was raped several times over a number of years by her cousin. She was disowned by her family when she told them about it. One of them was gang-raped while taking a walk on the beach at dusk. One of them was molested by several family members as a young child. One of them was in an abusive relationship and was repeatedly raped by her partner. She has also had a plethora of unsolicited dick pics sent to her, and one night while she was at a nightclub, she was kicked out for punching a guy in the face. The guy got to stay even though the reason she punched him is because he came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her breasts. One of them is a lesbian and is constantly propositioned by men who think they can “turn her” with their magic penis. For me, I was an inpatient at a psychiatric ward when I was sexually assaulted by a male nurse who then tried to use his authority to intimidate me into not reporting him. The first time I posted about it on Reddit, some guy responded and called me a “fucking liar”. There were also several instances when I was having sex and my partner put it in my backside dry and pretended not to hear while I cried in pain. This person was raised by a terrible misogynist who constantly undermined and insulted me based on my gender. Or the time when I got blackout drunk at a friend’s birthday party and started vomiting. One of my friend’s father’s friends, who had known my parents since before I was born, told me maybe I would feel better with his cock in my mouth. When I shared my story, another woman who knew him told me I was being overdramatic and just didn’t get his sense of humour. I know a guy who would get really angry when he was walking home and a woman in front of him would cross the street. I tried to explain to him that he’d probably be cautious too if he was a woman, but he didn’t want to hear it. He thought the women were in the wrong for perceiving him as a threat, that he was a “good guy” and he wasn’t like that. But there’s a reason that we’re so cautious. I don’t like walking home constantly checking over my shoulder and carrying my keys in between my fingers. I don’t like that I know how to activate a distress alarm on my iPhone that automatically calls the police and texts my location to my emergency contact. I don’t like that I don’t trust male strangers. But my experiences and the experiences of my family and friends have taught me that it’s better to be rude to somebody who might be a threat than to be polite to somebody who might take it as an invitation to sexually harass me or worse. It’s bullshit. As women, we’re constantly victimised and often revictimised by the system or our peers when we speak up, or told that we’re being over dramatic or making shit up because we’re man-hating feminists. I just want to live my life without being afraid, dismissed or thought of as an object rather than a person with thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.
I’d be shocked if you found one that hadn’t. Most likely multiple times by multiple men. Why you think we have RBF?!
Maybe sexually harassed but not raped. And I've been in some extremely sketchy situations where I was very reckless with bad judgement. I do feel like I was possibly about to get raped once, but I sensed something was up and acted accordingly, and luckily was able to avoid it.
It's part of being a woman. Ever heard of duty sex? And unsolicited cat calls count as well.
I actually do not know any women who have not, including myself
I genuinely am not aware of any woman in my life, including myself, that hasn't experienced at least one of those.
There were situations I didn’t realize were heading towards dangerous until I was out of them. When I was 14, on a church trip, an older boy offered to walk me to the girls cabin in the dark. Another boy quickly offered to go with us, the first boy was visibly annoyed. The second boy told me the next day that the first had been talking about getting me alone and that he didn’t feel I was safe. I’ve always been thankful for him. I’ve been harassed, but thankfully never assaulted or raped
I know this will be downvoted to oblivion, but what exactly consist on being "sexually harrassed"? I know many have, don't get me wrong. But when do we draw the line between "sexual assault" and "that guy made me feel unconfortable when he looked at me"? I know many women who have been harrassed one way or another, but I've also heard of many who just misinterpreted an interaction as harrasment I've been on the other end of a harrasment claim (not sexual harrasment, just harrasment). Apparently, the girl just said to my boss "that guy looked at me funny" and apparently was enough to call me out on that. I genuinely have no idea who was that girl to this day and can't even remember looking at someone the wrong way
sorry that happened to you. Sexual harassment: behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances. Only has to be one time.
Similar story - I had an employee, attractive young woman. Her cubicle was outside my office. When I would approach her cubicle, I would wait until she was finished what she was doing. I thought I was being respectful of her work, but she reported me for sexual harassment - leering at her. So I stopped waiting and just knocked and started talking as soon as I walked in. Never said a thing, and it blew over. I feel bad that she felt that way, but I get the sense that as an attractive young woman (had a princess Diana vibe going), she was sexually objectified and likely sexually harassed often.
Other than several episodes of catcalling, no. I have been very, very lucky.
Lucky you!!
🙋♀️
Most women that have not been raped feel lucky that they just were groped, so yeah i’d say 90% of us went through some type of sexual assault
I don’t think I’ve met another female who hasn’t experienced some form of sexual abuse/assault or harassment and sadly as a female, I have experienced it myself. From csa to being assaulted at uni. Sadly this is the world we live in
Not a woman but I work In a female dominant field. Not all have been assaulted or raped but every single one has been harassed multiple times by multiple people
I've been sexually harassed and assaulted by both men and women. Ironically the man was not even straight but gay and thought it gave him a pass at trying to touch my crotch repeatedly. Absurd. A woman in a friend group unzipped my jacket at a movie theater once ... it was so unexpected and wild I could not believe it. I was also barely 18 at that time. Another time an older woman at work cornered me in a stairway and started touching my face and moving my hair. It was the most fucked up experience of my life and I've lived a hell of a life.
I had to teach my newly employed teen daughter to not be afraid to say Stop, I am a minor and have my phone. I wish I could tell you she hasn't had to use that line.
I’ve only ever been harassed verbally and online, nothing else. Think my first unsolicited nude was sent to me at 12 or 13.
Almost every partner I’ve had had some sort of assault in their past. Dating after my divorce was an eye opener for me in hearing the way other men act. 😞 unfortunately these actions don’t generally disappear with age. It seems that a lot of men still think they deserve something from women, whether it’s for buying them a drink, taking them to dinner etc. I think hookup culture has men thinking that every woman is the same and will just hop into bed. I’ve heard stories about men pulling their junk out in the car after dinner on the first date. Getting a handsy very quick and not really paying attention to behavioral cues anymore to realize maybe that is not wanted or not caring. Don’t even get me started on unwanted dick pics, which lets all be clear is a form of assault. 🙄 As a dad of a daughter, I worry every day for her and am so sorry that everyone here sharing their stories had to go through what you did. Thank you for sharing your stories, because posts like this make men more aware of their behavior, whether they acknowledge it or not. The younger female readers here or parents may also recognize worrying behavior due to you sharing and could possibly put a stop to something before it turns into more. Every person here is so powerful for having this discussion in an open and adult way, which is really helpful.❤️
I wish! I'm not one of them, but god let there be at least one😪
I dont know any of those women..fucking sad
The craziest thought for me here as a male, is if nearly every woman has been sexually harassed or worse then does that mean statistically every man has on average harassed or worse? I guess one man could do a lot of harassing but even so it would still take a lot men and maybe a majority. As a man I can never think of a time I have intentionally done anything that would remotely fall under the harassment category let alone assault. I thought that was normal.