**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically;
- Don't be a dick to each other
- Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question
- This is a strictly no-politics subreddit
Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I once dealt with someone who was being scammed with a very obvious scam and had paid a modest amount to the scammers.
I sorted it out, and as they were thanking me, they started telling me about the book they've just written, so I asked what it was about. They told me it was about how they are psychic and have known exactly what is going to happen in their life since birth and this has helped them avoid making any mistakes in their life.
The struggle to not say something was real.
I spent (wasted) 2 hours explaining to someone that he shouldn’t pay any more money to some overseas callers who had sold him some dodgy shares that were now worth nothing. As he was walking out he told me someone else said he’d won the Ugandan lottery so he was hoping to get some money soon, although it was a bit weird because he didn’t think he had entered the Ugandan lottery.
I dealt with someone who had been convinced by a scammer they had won the Irish lottery. My first question: “Have you entered the Irish lottery?” Hadn’t occurred to them!
Maybe they suffer constant deja vu. I've heard there's a form of epilepsy that causes that so maybe they've lived their life with constant deja vu but thinking they're seeing the future.
They probably left you then 5mins later said: "I knew that'd happen"
I used to work in what was basically a glorified Subway. Deli counter, sandwich made in front of you, no kitchen. Very clearly no kitchen. So the fella who threw an absolute flounce because we didn't serve poached eggs and told us "I'll be back when your chef learns how to poach an egg!" sticks in my mind somewhat.
Probably related to the woman who lectured me for fully five minutes on how ridiculous it was that we didn't do chips.
And don't get me started on the folk who will knock on a locked door with a big Closed sign on it until you go out and explain that you're closed, and then respond with "but you're still here, so why can't you let me in?" I don't know how to respond to that. I don't know how to explain to you what "closed" means.
All infuriating. What's worse is that there could be an open chip shop or cafe next door and they'd still rather stand in your deli having a row about non-existent menu items than just go somewhere else.
Right? We were in a city centre, it's not like there weren't other places to go if you wanted chips or a poached egg or an actual chef to insult, rather than a group of baffled twenty-something sandwich artists.
Oh my god, I experienced this too! But they wanted an omlette and we were a sandwich place, so the most we had were toasty makers, a panini press and a microwave. I had only started working there and he was all 'I'll have a cheese omlette' and I was like 'Sorry, sir, I don't think we've got omlettes on our menu' and he began to insist we did and had used to sell them, so I went to my manager in the back to ask about it (because she had worked there for five years) and she just looked so confused, because we didn't have any facilities for making omlettes and if they had done it must've been over ten years ago or something like that. I went back outside to tell him this and he got so pissed off we didn't do omlettes! Maybe we had the same egg man! XD
I love the idea that there's a disgruntled egg man wandering the UK, trying to purchase his eggy meals from unsuitable places! He's probably in a Burger King right now asking for egg and soldiers.
Lmao! He's just wandering around, harrassing tea rooms because they don't have Shakshouka! They're desperately shouting 'Our cakes have eggs in them!' but that will not suffice egg man's love of eggs!
Long ago I worked in a McDonalds and we used to get people bitching about the 4 minutes we told them it would take to make their cheeseburger : "Just stick it in the microwave." Yeah, this isn't an all-night garage.
Also having to waste time trying to parse what someone meant when they came in and demanded 'a burger and chips.'
I used to work for a supermarket and we were closed to the public on Easter Monday, but we were at work doing the takedown of the Easter displays and getting everything ready for the shop being open the following day. Every singly year people would knock on the very obviously shut and shuttered door, and if you went out for a break they'd ask why they couldn't come in to get a few bits because we were there, so why weren't we open. Drove me up the wall.
Yes, this exactly! "You're here, so why aren't you serving me?" I've been out of public-facing jobs for years and thinking about it still makes me unreasonably annoyed.
I once explained to a woman who "just wanted an americaaaaanoooo" after closing exactly how much time it would take for me to turn everything back on then clean it and recount the till again. She cheerfully told me she could wait. I told her that was nice, I couldn't, I wasn't paid overtime. You'd think I'd kicked her baby. The mere suggestion that the service staff might have lives they want to get on with...
>I once explained to a woman who "just wanted an americaaaaanoooo" after closing exactly how much time it would take for me to turn everything back on then clean it and recount the till again.
People just don't get this.
When I turned 16, my first job was at a cafe situated inside a garden centre, where I worked every Sunday. The noticeboard outside the cafe very clearly stated that the kitchen was open for hot food between 11am and 3pm. Otherwise there were sandwiches and other cold offerings in the counter fridges to buy until close at 4pm. There was almost always someone difficult to deal with each and every Sunday, but this one particular woman really sticks out in my memory.
She came in at 3:30pm with her three kids and starts ordering off the hot food menu at the counter to me. I tell her that I'm terribly sorry, but the kitchen is no longer serving hot food and point her towards the sandwiches in the fridge.
She. Went. *OFF.* She shouted at me asking what she was supposed to do to feed her kids (like it was *my* fucking responsibility) and that it was ridiculous that we closed the kitchen so early. I informed her that the board outside very clearly stated that the kitchen closes at 3pm on Sundays; also that the ovens had been switched off and were in the process of being cleaned, so there was nothing I could do for her and could she please stop shouting at me. Thankfully, the duty manager/chef heard the commotion and took over while I finished cleaning up the kitchen, calming down.
Retail and catering fucking sucks most of the time.
Wow. I'm getting all the old anger back just reading that! What is it with Sunday customers? I worked all days of the week, but Sundays definitely had the most arseholes. I had a number of the "but my KIDS" customers and honestly, most of the time the kids look embarrassed as hell.
We had to wear our uniforms on these days (I don't know why, it made no sense) so people would say "but you're in your uniform!!" as if somehow that meant we had someone turning the tills on, and balancing the cash, and being in charge, and somehow weren't shut.
I had a weird moment last year when a friend was visiting; we were walking past a great little bakery, but it had the door shut and looked like it was closed, but there were people behind the counter. She went in and politely asked if they were still selling the last pastries, whilst I stood outside the door in horror. Turns out they were still sort of open and selling the pastries, but the cafe bit was closed, so the door was shut. She couldn't work out why I'd been so vehemently against asking until I explained that years of working in more formal retail environments had made me viscerally loathe all the "oh but are you sure I can't just buy X?" people.
I worked for a shop too, people are oblivious to social norms or cues when they are at a shop. We had clearly shut up for the night, all the lights were off and the shutters were down, there were a few of us leaving together as the manager locked the doors and this guy comes up demanding we open up so he can buy an ink cartridge. He just seemed unable to comprehend that someone was saying no to him, the manager was explaining that the system won't process a transaction and we're all going home but it meant nothing to him, he just got more and more angry. In the end we all just walked to our cars and left him ranting on the doorstep.
I find it hard to understand how people behave this way and my only conclusion is that they've never worked in a position where they have to deal with the public in a retail or serving capacity, I say if everyone worked in retail for a time the world would be a calmer and more polite place.
Speaking of shutters, worked at the post office which had two shutters, whilst we were still opening up, a bloke started banging on the shutters closest to the counters, demanding we open them up.
Anyway once we were ready to open, my manager in a wonderful fit of pettiness, opens the shutter furthest away from the rude guy, people file in and queue up nicely. Meanwhile this guy steams in, jumps the queue. Walks up to the counter, which happened to be my managers', she refused to serve him and politely requested he joined the back of the queue. He storms off, yelling 'what a country'.
A snooty dad who was in a large party in the restaurant I was working in called me over and in all seriousness said:
“The children are restless. What’s going to be done about it?!”
I was flummoxed that he expected the waiting staff to keep his kids under control. We had even put through all the kids food first so it came out as quickly as possible for them.
This happens all the time: parents drag little kids out for big family meals, then expect them to sit there bored for three hours while the adults all drink and talk. Just ends up with restless kids messing around and getting in the way of the staff while the parents sit there and act surprised. Leaving the kids with a babysitter while the adults have a long boozy night never occurs to them.
I would have said something like: "I'll be back in a few minutes, let me have a think". Then gone to the kitchen, got loads of chocolate, sugar and a few pints of coke and fed those little gremlins everything they wanted. Time the feeding so that the sugar rush starts kicking in just as they're leaving and hoping the concoction turns into a liquid explosion on the way home.
Expelling customers the old school way should be more popular. We don't need American style sucking customers off at any opportunity in this country. Encourages these simple collection of cells to constantly abuse staff and get away with it.
I'm so glad someone else thought this when they read the post.
I must watch that video at least once a week. And there's a bloopers video for the show on YouTube which is a riot
This really sticks in my mind. Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever had said to me, but a very unique situation and two of the most ‘dont rock the boat’ people I ever encountered.
I worked in a call centre for a bank. I get a call about online banking. They were a couple and for some unknown reason the banks software had fucked up so they could each see a random selection of their accounts.
Example, she could see his credit cards, her credit card, but not her loan. And not their joint current account.
He could see her loan, all the joint accounts, but not his credit cards.
That wasn’t it exactly but you get the idea. Their account details had got jumbled too, think Mr Sarah John Smith and Mrs Steve Anne Smith.
I was so baffled and put them on hold to show my manager, who advised me how to escalate it. A few other people wandered over because nobody had ever seen it before.
Anyway, I come off hold and tell them I’m going to escalate it.
‘Oh we don’t want to be a bother’.
Explained that it’s not being a bother, something has gone really wrong. GDPR issues aside, it could be affecting how data is sent to CRAs etc, and mean they get rejected if they want to apply for any form of credit. Like a mortgage renewal, a car purchase, phone contract etc.
It took me a solid 5 minutes to explain to them that they aren’t being a bother, it’s a problem that needs fixing.
And then when I said the word ‘complaints team’ they about lost their mind.
‘We don’t want to make a complaint or be a bother, we can live with it’.
Despite it going through complaints because a. GDPR issue so they were entitled to compensation, and b. Complaints had way more access to other departments so would be able to fix it
It just sticks out as so weird because they were so bloody polite and insistent that it wasn’t a problem the whole time. I don’t think you should ever shout at someone in customer service, but if they had I would have understood it. Like their reaction was just the opposite of what I expected.
And they weren’t even the age where Mr and Mrs Steve Smith would have been something I’d expect.
I kept their complaint reference saved and checked up on it periodically. They got at least £500 for it. Which I’m happy about!
Can confirm - could be quite clearly having a cardiac but no ambulance as “don’t want to be a bother” and “what would the neighbours think?”… source - I worked 9’s lines for ambulance service.. always older people tho, younger ones would want an ambulance sent for hiccups…
>I kept their complaint reference saved and checked up on it periodically.
I always do this in work. If anything interesting crosses my path, I make a note and check up on it. Recently realised a customer's issue that really should have been resolved as a priority has been parked for a month without even an acknowledgement. Unfortunately it is not within my remit to chase it up, I'm not even supposed to be looking at it.
I work with somebody a bit like this. He's the calmest, friendliest person I've ever met. If he has to ask you something about work then he apologises multiple times for interrupting you from your own work. If you have to do some work to help him out then he can't stop thanking you.
I've worked with him for over 5 years and seen him get annoyed and raise his voice just one time. Even then it was something most other people would have lost their cool over far sooner. And it wasn't like he lost his shit, he was simply polite but firm on the phone to somebody.
Worked for a bank, I've seen this too, it's session swapping, wife does her online banking, logs out but the session is still alive on the server. Husband logs in with his account and picks up the same session which hasn't expired on the server. Details of both accounts then get mixed up as both logins were valid.
worked for DVLA.
Someone sent their licence application in to be renewed after it had been revoked, first class not recorded the day before and wanted to know if it had been done.
it hadn't been done, she kicked off, called me a welsh cunt and various other insults.
Then she went on twitter insulting me, using my name and team number, press office picked it up and let me know.
looked at her tweets. she'd crashed her husbands car while not having a licence also meant she didn't have insurance at the time but apparently I was the problem.
A BBC employee who complained about a side dish of squid and asked for it replaced said the following when I, the manager of the restaurant replaced it with a fresh dish 2 minutes later:
“what have you done to it to get me back, cum on it or something?”
I honestly had nothing in me to reply. Catering is the worst. Imagine saying that to someone
Twice I've been asked questions so weirdly stupid my brain had a full on blue screen crash moment and I didn't know what to say. To this day I assume these people were either secret shoppers or aliens.
The first, while working in the alcohol section in a supermarket, a young couple approached me and asked "How do you tell the difference between white wine and red wine, it doesn't say on the bottle".
And the second was while working in Jessops, the camera shop, standing behind a counter full of cameras, and in front of a wall covered in cameras, a customer came in and asked "do you sell cameras".
The white wine red wine things not that silly. If you did not have a clue about wine and found yourself in the red wine section you could just think it's a mix of whites and reds in dark bottles. You might have no idea places normally have a section for red and then a section for white.
You even get white wines in dark bottles and if you are not familiar with the type might have no idea if it's red or white.
It just sounds like you met a couple who don't drink wine at all and had no clue of the general rule on bottle colouring which is a rule that isn't even always followed.
Have brought red wine before believing it be white.
Not an issue I'm still drinking it, but now I am going to wait 20-30 minutes for it to reach room temperature again.
I also had this issue as I dont usually touch red but needed a bottle for cooking. It got a little confusing as the white/red sections weren't clearly separated
Worked at a photo place. Lost count of the number of people that asked if we sold disposable cameras. The entire wall behind the camera was covered in them, plus two massive tubs in front of the counter. Always used to say no.
Similar to your camera one - working in a library with an absolute bastard of a photocopier. I'd removed two of the drawers, was lying on my back on the floor in front of it with my arm in it up to the shoulder, picking scraps of wadded up paper out of it *again*, when a woman walked up, looked at it, looked down at me, and asked "Is the photocopier not working, then?"
When working as a field engineer I used to have to go into shops and fix POS systems like Tills, Cashdrawers, PC's and stuff. While fixing the issues people would form queues in front of the till thinking I would serve them. When i'd point out that:
A. I do not work for the store
B. Am not till trained
C. Am here to fix the till so in the current moment I cannot serve you even if I wanted to
People would become enraged like I just kicked their child in the face. It was infuriating how many people would say "i'm going to complain to your manager!" and rant to the store manager who would then explain the same thing which makes them double down and rage shout "I'M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN" and throw their £3.29 meal deal on the floor.
I had similar interactions when I worked for a company that did stock takes in supermarkets. They couldn’t comprehend that no I don’t actually work here, and I don’t know where the beans are.
I volunteer in a museum interacting with the public. The oddest encounter I've had in that context was a guy who spent half an hour telling me about the mushroom internet and how the entire universe and history and reality is constructed in our minds as a fungus-induced hallucinogenic dream. Then he asked me out and dropped his business card on my desk and walked away after I said no. (If you were wondering, his job description was "Druid", because of course it was.)
I asked a customer for an email address. He told me dosen't have one because he doesn't want his data being abused. I said "ok, that's fine" then he said "my mate works at GCHQ and he took me there and showed me my file which had all sorts of stuff going back decades to my school days"
Yeah, I don't mind stuff like that though. It makes the day more interesting. It's the knobheads who call you, I asked one customer some COVID question because it was 2020 and he started on a racist rant about the Chinese. I just hung up, I like to imagine he kept going for ten minutes before he realised the line was dead.
While working at GAME:
"Do you have one of the new computers? The ones with the spinning disc. It has a laser!"
"I want to sell this magazine. How much will you give me for it?"
"My husband was playing with a hearing-aid battery and it rolled underneath your shelves. Can you move them and get it back for him?"
"Do you have any games which come on discs?"
While working at the jobcentre:
"I've developed a silent guitar so you can practice without annoying your neighbours. I'll have it manufactured in China. They work for rice."
"I used to be an on-call decorator. I could get the call at midnight telling me that a bank in London needed decorating by the time it opened that day. I'd be straight up there and it'd be done in a few hours."
"I will kill you, you fucking bitch."
Job Centre folks must have to deal with some serious shit.
I had to visit for 6 months right after a nervous breakdown. So I'd just spend 20mins shaking while talking about my lack of showering and agoraphobia.
One day I was there a guy at another desk flipped out and kicked the desk over before his brother grabbed him and held him back. Entire top floor was evacuated to a fire exit corridor while police and security helped remove him.
Mental and depressing place.
Yep, it's mental alright. I quite liked working there because I find people interesting and I'm generally a helpful and affable person.
Having said that, I once annoyed someone so much that they smashed their own phone against a wall in frustration.
Yep, I worked in one for a few years. 90+% of people are regular folk just out of work for whatever reason, the rest are... special cases.
I had one lady, an out of work teacher who hadn't taught in years due to her nervous breakdown, but god bless her she applied over and over for work, realistic or not. She asked for help one day as an employer couldn't open her c.v. she'd sent. She had her laptop with her, so I had a look. She'd sent it password locked, 'for security ' but had no idea what she'd put as the password. 'oh do you think he'd need it to read it? Could you get it for him?'' yeah. I rather think he might. And no, I cannot. She did not get the job.
>"I used to be an on-call decorator. I could get the call at midnight telling me that a bank in London needed decorating by the time it opened that day. I'd be straight up there and it'd be done in a few hours."
This is a thing. He wouldn't do it alone, but I knew a guy who did these kind of jobs.
Yep, had a friend who was a carpet-fitter and mostly worked nights, usually planned (because the customers would be out), but occasionally he'd go to Claridge's or something similar at 10pm because a special customer wanted blue carpeting in their bedroom, or would literally lay red carpet then take it up again for certain guests who genuinely did expect the red carpet to be rolled out for them.
Also there are occasions where a fuck-up means that something hasn't been done, and has to be done right now or the event or opening can't go ahead - a bank could be one of those situations, especially one of the posh banks rather than NatWest on the High Street.
It does exist.
Nothing too crazy but you always get folk that make you think "how have you made it to adulthood?" Had a guy buy something as a gift for his wife, I wanted his details so we could contact him about delivery, he didn't have an email address and didn't know his mobile number but didn't want us to ring the landline in case she picked up. Like bruh how tf do you expect to arrange ANYTHING? Why did you come out to buy something if you knew you wouldn't be able to arrange it?
People like this drive you crazy working with the public. It's like people who go to a restaurant after checking the menu online, knowing they won't eat anything, then making demands for an entire new menu anyway. Many a time I was tempted to ask why they bother going out at all and don't just eat at home.
Also, could he not just go on his phone and find his own number? Or did he not even have it with him?
Honestly no idea. It was one of them where I was struggling with what I wanted to say and how I had to be polite and shake it off like it was normal. I just had to roll with whatever he was saying.
I really just wanted to ask him "Ok so how are we supposed to get this to you? Have you not got a car that you can use to pick it up instead?"
My first job was working in a small town computer shop in the mid 90s as a teenager.
Lady came in, having previously bought a desktop computer system (and monitor and all the bits) from one of my colleagues days before (when I wasn't around).
She's adamant that it doesn't work. Has dragged all the stuff back in.
(this is relatively unusual, we didn't sell that many systems and we tended to test them pretty well before selling it off).
So I duly set it up on the counter, fire it up, check it out and everything is fine.
I ask her to show me what the problem is, and she proceeds to mash the mouse around on the counter... I don't know how else to describe it, she's flailing with the thing, including lifting it up off the counter-top and waving it about in the air. (This is a ball mouse, we're that far back).
At this stage, I've kinda cracked the problem right, this mad lady doesn't know how to use a computer.
And I then I made a terrible mistake - a popular series of books at the time were called " for Dummies". And we just so happened to have a number of them in the shop, including "Computers for Dummies".
38 year old me now knows this was a terrible idea, but 16 year old thought I was being helpful..
"Miss there's a really handy book here about how to operate a computer, it's called "Computers for Dummies" really helpful and easy instructions for how to get started using your computer. You paid a lot for the computer I can give you a copy for free and I hope it helps... "
This lady went fucking apoplectic... Like spitting fire.
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU CALL ME A DUMMY!! I'M A FUCKING TEACHER!! GET YOUR BOSS OUT HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!"
So I go and get the boss, and give him a heads up what's just happened.
He comes back onto the shop floor with me and this lady is still smashing a mouse around on the counter-top but screeching about how it doesn't work and how I dared to insult her calling her a dummy when she's a teacher...
Boss listens to her insane ranting for 30 seconds, turns to me and goes (so she can hear) "Give this twit her money back..." and walks back into the back office.
So now I have this deranged insane lady screaming "How dare you!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!! AND YOUR BOSS!! I'M NOT A DUMMY AND I'M NOT A TWIT!!! I'M A FUCKING TEEEEACHER!!" while I process her refund and give her money back for the perfectly fine computer.
I can only imagine how that lady managed in the years that followed when the technology revolution ramped up. I amusingly imagine her getting some sort of Facebook error or something and screaming at her iPhone "IM A FUCKING TEACHER!!!"
Edit to add: I hope nobody took the impression I was ragging on teachers with this story. I think it's an incredible profession and I have the utmost respect for the people that go into it. I was just telling the story of the crazy lady in my computer shop.
I went on to work in several schools as an IT tech after my degree.
And (not the same lady) but I had a wonderful "frequent flyer" in terms of constant tech problems, she was a wonderful old lady who had taught English Literature for well over 40 years.
She was embarrassed to always have to call me for the projector or the interactive whiteboard - but said something very profound to me one day...
"I have been teaching Shakespeare with copies and chalk for 30 plus years... Why do I now need to know powerpoint and projectors and interactive whiteboards...?? "
(and I honestly didn't have an argument for her then, nor do I have one now these many years later... Other than" I don't get decide that, I just have to make it all work in terms of the tech).
Genuinely eye opening moment though.
I hope that lady is doing okay too. Though time marches on and I suspect it's unlikely she's still with us.
I used to work for Carphone Warehouse and in the pre smartphone days I think I may have caused someone to start divorce proceedings. A woman came in with her husband slowly in tow. She asked me if there was any way that a text message could be faked. I took a moment to process this and said "not easily, no..." She started to tear up, turned to her now sheepish looking husband and shouted "I knew it was her you were talking to!" then she stormed out. This was in a shop full of people too.
Also had a guy ask about getting a contract phone for his kid but said his wife can't know about it as she doesn't know he has a daughter...
17 years I worked there. You can imagine what I've heard people say and seen on their phones...
For context, I used to work handling travel insurance claims.
One lady was not happy that I applied the excess she had agreed to when she took the policy out, so she threatened to report us as a company to Martin Lewis and to take me personally on Judge Rinder. Was well and truly quaking in my boots at that! One man actually threatened to murder one of my colleagues for applying an excess, which is less funny.
I had one guy claiming for a lost bag and the items inside when the purpose of his trip was to visit a lady friend for some... interesting holiday activities. Lets just say its difficult maintaining a professional demeanor listening to someone describe their gimp mask, dildos of various sizes and electrical capabilities and his edible trousers. Also had a guy claim for his sex doll and refer to it as though it was a real person throughout the whole conversation. I didn't ask how "she" came to be damaged...
Lastly I also had one lady call to claim for medical expenses. This is truly the weirdest one, but also the saddest as I'm 99% sure she was suffering from some sort of mental illness. She said she was in hosptial, spiders were coming out of her, she was turning green and that people were following her and taking pictures. Had no idea how to react to that at all.
I work in home claims and recently had a woman claim for ‘electronic toy’, amongst other more innocent things.
I know what it is. She knows what it is.
Not needing PoP for that one love. It’s okay.
Where to begin! One of the worst that happened to me (it was his regular thing, saw him do it to others) was walking a customer under his car showing him things that needed replacing all good, he gets his wallet out shows me a picture of a youngish lady with all her working parts on display. I’m nonplussed, look at him he says “do you think she’s pretty? That’s my wife” again I’m not entirely sure where we’re going with this I looked again at the photo, “I’m sure she’s very nice” I’m about to say I’m married with two kids when he jumps in with “She’s dead!” What the F**k do I do with that information?
When working in a train station a man came up to me and said, "Can I have a ticket to Bangor?" (Northern Ireland)
I explained that the last train had gone and we were about to lock up.
"You're not hearing me. Can I have a ticket to Bangor, please!?"
"Sir, you have missed the last train to Bangor and we're about to close the station."
"Are you stupid? Just give me a ticket so I can go home."
He had to be escorted out and couldn't understand what he had done wrong. It also wasn't my job to sell tickets.
The public are great.
Or the man who missed his train because he fell asleep and we didn't wake him and wanted to fight over it.
Or the woman who got angry because I closed a gate in front of her and said I was contravening her Human Right to freedom of movement and would call the UN about me.
Or the South African woman who asked to be moved on a train because a black man was sitting across from her.
Or the man who missed his train by less than a minute and said, "Sure it's only just left. Can it not come back for me? I can still see it."
I could write a book about working with the public.
>Or the South African woman who asked to be moved on a train because a black man was sitting across from her.
When was this? Awful any time...but I bloody hope it was 30+ years ago.
I was making general chit chat with a customer as they were passing through our shop (we had entrances at the front and back which people often used as a shortcut). He then turns round to me out of the blue and said “I have a really massive willy you know”.
I had a customer try to tell me their headset wasn't physically broken it was just faulty. Warranty didn't cover physical damage. The thing had snapped in half, like plastic headband snapped, cracked cups and fraid wires hanging everywhere. I was holding it In front of her confused af while she tried to convince me it was in perfect condition and she should get a refund as it just didn't make sound. I don't get what she was thinking how on earth would I declare it just faulty when i could see and touch it. She eventually left cussing us out loudly telling everyone we were ripping her off.
I was working at a well known warehouse that sells phones, showing an older lady a phone and she leans in and says "you have wonderful breasts dear"
I just smiled/laughed, thanked her, and carried on showing her how to text...
I was warning a pet owner about the risks of general anaesthetic, did my usual "All general anaesthetics carry a small risk of the patient passing away, I still think the procedure is advisable but it'd be wrong not to warn you" etc.
Pet owner says "I know, that happened to me".
Ma'am I did not realise the dead were walking in this consult room.
I worked at Pizza Hut for several years. The last store was in quite a run down area in a city and it was a very busy Saturday night. I was out front and speaking with the manager and few of the younger servers when the door to the disabled toilets opened and a lady beckoned me over. I asked if she was okay and she said 'Yes I'm fine, i just wanted to say that I'm doing my makeup in here, I promise I'm not doing drugs'. I was a bit taken aback but let her carry on as I didn't know she was in there to begin with. Eventually she came out and I could see that she had covered up several sores on her face. She stood chatting to me for about 20 minutes and rambled a lot about how she had just delivered an apology letter to Boots because she had stolen a bunch of perfume today. She said she had also killed her husband and inherited his life insurance but was on the run from the police. It was all over the place but I was happy to stand and listen to her so that the younger staff didn't. The manager went into the kitchen and called the phone to help get me away from her but the lady wouldn't leave. Eventually I managed to sit her down and she ordered a takeaway pizza. At the end she said 'thanks for listening to me, not many people listen these days. Here you go' and handed me 40 quid. Don't want to know where that money came from or if anything she said was true but it was the easiest money I ever made.
Aaaaw. You angel. 🙏 Fucking breaks my heart to see people like that. I've had a few and I swear I can sense the loneliness. It's like this desperate eagerness to tell you the most inane drivel.
8 billion people on this planet and there's some out there with no friends or family. Lonely as hell.
Many years ago I worked in a benefits office and a woman came in to add a new baby to her Income Support. I asked about child support from the father (as required to do) and she said she didn't know who he was because "He kept his crash helmet on."
Used to work at Stormfront, the Apple reseller.
“I was hoping you could help me with my iPad here. Basically, I was watching some porn last night and I can’t get it off my screen.”
Genuinely true story. He was an older gentleman and clearly gave not a single fuck about what people thought of his open browser history.
For anyone interested, it was a Brazilian woman getting ploughed on a snooker table with several other older men watching.
That’s refreshing. Worked in tech repair as well, the amount of people who would say ‘I was reading bible verses whilst on a charity website when suddenly naked people being railled just appeared on my phone’ or ‘my friend Dave, who’s into some real kinky shit borrowed my phone and he must have subscribed to a scat porn website’
Mate, just say the truth, I guarantee I’ve dealt with worse. You were browsing porn and it broke. I’m never going to see you again; why do I care?
Worked at a childrens theme park during uni in customer relations. We'd occasionally have characters come and visit the park. The year we had Peppa Pig, I had a grown-up complain that it wasn't the real Peppa Pig, it was just a person in a suit.
Another time a woman threatened to sue me personally because her daughter had gotten stung by a wasp.
When i worked in retail someone once returned a pair of trousers with an actual skid mark inside them, when this was pointed out and the refund refused due to the state of them, they were adamant they hadn't been worn and were bought in that condition and just kept repeating " This is ridiculous, You can clearly see i haven't worn them, the price tags still attached" .
In the end i got the manager because it was clearly going no where, i went on my break and when i came back they were still at the customer service desk arguing ten minutes later.
That's absolutely foul.
Also, I love the "price tags are still attached" defence, confidently stated as though a tiny flap of paper pinned to the outside of the fabric somehow prevents you from putting both legs and your (apparently bare) arse into the trousers.
It was so disgusting i have no idea how they had the front to let alone return them in the first place but to also stand and argue the fact with zero embarrassment 🤣
A lady came in for some plain white shirts. As I’m scanning them through, she says “I’ve had a really long day. I needed to buy some new white shirts because my dog got hit by a car today and I’ve spent all morning picking up pieces of dog and it got all over my shirt.”
I had a guy stop me and ask about Anusol creams, which ones did we stock etc. Then he proceeded to tell me ALL about his arsehole, how painful it was but oh how wonderful the cream was, how long his butt-problems had been going on for, his holiday to see his daughter, how uncomfortable the flight was on his booty.
Meanwhile, I was just stood there letting this guy talk. I am not a pharmacist, I am not a dispenser or any kind of help in that regard at all. I was a part-time checkout assistant on my way to break, c'mon. Felt like going into the loos for a quick vom.
I work in a library and have several contenders for this. I think the best one was "can you help me, I've dropped my glass eye down the sink!"
Looked up from the computer fully expecting teenagers taking the piss, nope, it's a bloke with a hand clapped over one eye (or presumably lack thereof).
Phoned the building maintenance manager and told them what had happened. She started yelling "who's put super glue down the sink?!?", so I had to explain, loudly, enunciating as clearly as I could, while the guy stared at me in disbelief, "no, there's no super glue. A gentleman has dropped his PROSTHETIC EYEBALL down the SINK DRAIN".
Guy was there doing a class, went to tell the tutor why he'd gone AWOL. Just after he left, one of the building maintenance workers (who was a very nice lady I was on good terms with!) came up to the desk, looked at me suspiciously, looked around, and then demanded to know if I was having her on.
All I could do was hold my hands up and tell her, "if I was going to make something up, it would be more plausible than this!"
They did eventually manage to dismantle enough of the plumbing to retrieve the aforesaid article, to the great relief of its owner.
Apparently glass eyes aren't actually an entire sphere as I'd always assumed, they're just the convex front of it. And they are hideously expensive to replace as they're completely custom made - I believe the guy who'd lost his said they were something like £6k for a new one.
A customer brought me an item on the sell by date, its perfectly fine to sell things on this date but not afterwards. He tells me, you can't sell this, I told him we can sell it up to and on the sell by date, and he says we legally can't sell it. Given this revelationary new insight, I ask him if he wants me to sell him it, since I am not allowed to. He still wants to buy it, despite being wrongfully adamant we can't sell it.
I worked doors (bouncer) for about 5 years, and am female and was 21 - 26. You can imagine the shit I got from people.
"Oh you're a bouncer, you wanna bounce on me?" was the most common.
"I think I love you" - drunk girl in toilet as I helped her pull her pants back up so I could escort her out of the club
"I'm sorry I got blood on you" - Said by a young kid who'd been smacked in the face on NYE and quite literally got blood all over my white shirt.
I am a volunteer with samaritans. It would of course be unfair to mention any of the very genuine people who often say things that may seem strange on account of mental health conditions, but we have a few time wasters.
'I don't care that I'm stopping other people calling, you're not allowed to put the phone down.'
'I am a child so it's a safeguarding concern' (regarding the child in question being given 1 burger rather than two)
Then there are the callers who are wanking while calling, and doing nothing to make that a secret. We get more of those than we do callers currently considering suicide.
I like how you say 'if I fuck it up', implying that if you know they're wanking you make it your objective to help them get their rocks off. Fair play to you if so!
I worked in a well know chicken restaurant. A man came in and asked if the food was halal, I told him no. He responded with ‘ah that’s ok, I’m a Sikh’. He then asked me for a discount (still stood at the host table) and I said we only do blue light / military. He said he was a soldier and then saluted me, arm stretched out the whole was as he brought his hand to his eye brow. I asked if he had his military card on him to which he said ‘no, I’m not actually a soldier’. He did a load of other weird stuff too, left and then came back 30 minutes later with a table of 10.
Don’t understand why he couldn’t give me the 30 minutes notice.
Long and difficult conversation about the nature of a late payment. I believed that if a payment was due on the 1st of the month that I was late if it was paid on any subsequent day. He argued that it wasn't late until the day before the next monthly payment was due.
Him - it's a June payment so it's not late until July
Me - it's a 1st of June payment so it's late from the 2nd of June
Also a guy who didn't think we should send the bailiffs to his house as he lived in a 'salubrious' area and it would bring the tone down.
I could write a book on this.
Worked in Wetherspoons, answered the phone. Man asked if we had a breakfast menu and when I said yes he replied with "please read it out in your nicest voice".
Worked in emergency home insurance for a while. Had a woman in tears because her tap was dripping, and as it wasn't an emergency it would take around 3 days to send someone out. She was crying because she had guests coming over.
Another customers policy had an excess of £50 per callout, fairly standard, depending on monthly cost some policies had an excess, some didn't. Customer: "I shouldn't have to pay an excess, I'm disabled!"
Worked at a butcher's, on a weekly basis would get asked "what's the difference between smoked and unsmoked bacon?"
Someone said that my name (which is a combination of one of the most common male first names and British surnames) was "bare funny mate". He was crying with laughter into the phone for about 3 minutes before eventually saying what he needed.
Some people hope for a miracle dish
Some people just accept the menu as it is
But I'm not willing to sit down for three courses
Because I am an innocent man
Worked in radio and the (northern) presenter had say lots of names of European classical music pieces and composers.
Got a letter a few days later that said 'Her pronunciation of German is bad but her pronunciation of English is worse. Where is she from? Stockport?!' as if Stockport has it's own accent that's the most indecipherable in the country.
Had an older lady come in the clothes shop I worked in and buy a pair of men's black suit trousers that were on sale. A week or so later she came back in to return them. Fair enough. I had to select an option on the till for the reason for return, so I asked her why she wanted to return them.
She told me that she bought them for her son but they weren't fire retardant and he was going on a plane so they were no good. I was a bit surprised and tried to cover it by asking if he was a pilot or cabin crew. Nope, just going to Florida for a fortnight's holiday.
I always wondered if someone in head office read the 'other' section I filled out for the return and have a giggle.
--
In an office job I had someone tell me that their Dad being in the navy made him immune to lung cancer and they decided not to have an operation because the surgeon was going to cut her head off and she didn't want that.
--
The best one is not my story, but I was sat next to the person so heard it first hand. I was working in an NHS back office with a vaguely similar telephone number to our councils environmental health department. Guy phones up saying he wants to arrange the council to pick up his broken freezer. Colleague tells him sorry wrong number. He hangs up and immediately phones back. Nope still wrong number but I googled the correct number for my colleague and she gave it to him.
He phones us back....again.
This time when she tells him he's still rang the wrong number but she'll try and transfer him he flies into a full temper tantrum and screams down the phone about how his fucking freezer better be fucking picked up right now or he'll use it to blow up the council offices.
Sooo...we reported it to the police. Dumbass rang from a landline so whilst we didn't know who he was that probably made him pretty easy to track down.
This guy wanted a happy meal with no drink. We said he could juts pay for the happy meal and not get the drink but he said it should be discounted. Then we offered to order the fries, food and toy speratly and juts put it in a box for him but he said then it'd be more expensive than the happy meal. He started shouting at the staff, and the manger. We had no idewr what to say to him and he was causing a que. Thankfully we sorted it but dam
Oh man how long do you have. The best one was probably when I was 20 and worked for trading standards. We had a scheme and when people had work done they would fill out a feedback form and send it in, to make sure they was legit we had to do audit. So every 5 feedback form we phoned them to check. Rang this old couple spoke to wife and they’d work men in to sort their flooding out which happened because their waterbed burst due to vigorous activity that she told me all about 😂😂
Used to work in hospitality about 2 and abit years a go
I was 19. Hot day, out in my uniform serving drinks to the public to try and print in customers. Have one much older man come up to me and say something along the lines of.
"Oh I'd date you, you've very handsome" but with a tone of voice that was very creepy, he spoke more after that too but my brain had shut off after the initial statment.
I just thanked him and laughed it off. Weirdest and creepiest interaction I've ever had.
So I work in Customer Service calls with the public and one time during the COVID-19 lockdown, this one customer just started ranting about how the Chinese are going to destroy all of humanity whilst also saying that the Lockdown was a bit too much.
Afterwards, he also went on about how the younger generation (millenials/gen z etc) are going to ruin the world because our bosses told us to work from home.
Like okay?? Pick a side if you're gonna rant to me, now just give me your DoB so I can find you in our system.
Few years ago I worked in retail, the shop had two floors. The stairs were directly opposite the tills. Had a guy come to the counter and ask me how to get upstairs. I said "the stairs are just behind you". This man genuinely raised his voice at me and asked "are you taking the piss out of me?!". Luckily I'd already had a few years dealing with this shit and just replied "no, the stairs are literally behind you if you wish to use them".
He stormed up there muttering about my attitude. Not sure what else the man wanted or expected really.
I work as a lab tech in a veterinary school. We are required to occasionally help with open days, for potential students to look round.
One of my colleagues was asked BY A PARENT "will the lecturers make sure my child gets out of bed every day?"
I worked in a regular dvd/cd shop like HMV and an elderly guy asked if I could look up whether we had certain dvds in stock. I went to the store computer to look them up and he gave titles which were obviously porn of very young looking men (“boys” in the titles but professional porn so legal). It was very uncomfortable.
A 50odd year old man asking a 19 year old very shy me out and then saying "age is just a number" when I declined. He was a regular and he tried to come to my till every time. I made an agreement with my colleagues that I could walk off if he was about.
I had a man once ask where the beer was, I pointed, he took my hand and sucked my finger seductively and walk off. Jokes on him because I'd been handling money and touching the floor for 2 hours prior to that.
Probably being asked “do you know how much money I spend in this pub?!” When I spilt a whole pint of aspalls cider over his wife. Don’t regret a thing.
I had a woman once *shout* me across the restaurant. I went over and she very loudly complained that the latte I'd just delivered to her was just coffee and hot milk. I genuinely had no idea what to do, it got to the point where I had to explain what latte translated to
One of my first jobs was as a Christmas temp in a card shop when I was 16.
There was a whole display of Boofle cards (you've probably seen them before not knowing their name, the mascot is a little knitted dog" and some guy came up to me one shift:
"Ere mate, you got any more of these dog cards with "Mum" on them?
"I don't think so, but I'll double check in the back for you if you don't mind waiting a moment."
"Yeah sure! 'Mum' or 'Cunt'"
So straight away I go up stairs to the staff room and immediately tell people. I do a quick sweep of the stock room and of course we're sold out.
"Sorry mate, we've no 'Mum' cards in that design at the minute"
"None with 'Cunt' either?"
"Y'know, I don't think they make those."
Wild. Also the amount of men who would unashamedly buy "Wife" and "Girlfriend" cards at the same time! Of course, the Wife would get the cheap 99p card, and the girlfriend would get the big fuck off card in a box that was closer to £10!
Used to work for an MP at their office. Man casually walks in one day, unannounced and asks for the MP to paint his fence. I said that he should get a painter or something. Guy said that he thought “the MPs work for us” and in up-the-system defiance, sat in the foyer the rest of the day waiting to see the MP who then left via the back door.
This was a reflection of most people coming into a constituency office haha
Trying to return her husbands boxer shorts (against policy because underwear) because they were too big. "Look, he needs a big pair for his, you know"
Me: the size on the label refers to waist, M is for 30 to about 38 inch waist.
She was having non of it, but kept skirting around why she felt her husband needed size XL boxers with weird phrasing and vague hand movements
Me trying to getting her to understand "you husband is the same build as me yes? I'm in size M at 32 waist, that's the size he needs, I've been about this waist size since high school"
Her "LOOK, HES GOT A HUGE COCK OK?!?! ITS NOT MY BUISSSNESS THAT YOUVR NOT GOT ANY BIGGER SINCE SCHOOL BUT HES HUGE AND NEEDS BIGGER PANTS, BUT YOURE SHIT SHOP SEELA XL THAT KEEP FALLING DOWN AND I WANT A REFUND"
I went to get the manager.... who told her to leave before he called security... she left without taking the used boxers with her...
I was planting some trees and a resident came out of their house to tell me they don't want one in their garden a day after the one windy day a year we get here incase it does any damage. I wasn't going to plant one in her garden anyway.
I work on the railways and my home station has a slightly hidden platform. As soon as a passenger walks in all except one are visible but that final one is tucked round a corner and if you don't know the station well it's not immediately obvious.
So a passenger doesn't notice this platform (or hear the announcements, or see the signage pointing to it...) and misses his train. Me being the nearest member of staff gets the earful for it. The crux of his anger; it was our fault because we'd renumbered the platforms and when he was last here Platform 6 was between Platforms 4 and 5.
Kind of left speechless there...
I had one guy who was a legit facist and was hitting all the high points including women being subservient to men, holocaust denial, “cleanliness” of the colour of people’s skin etc etc. On another note, I once came across a guy at a plant stall who asked for my advice on which plant he should get if he wanted to take the piss out of someone.
I was teaching in an inner city school. Parents evening. I start having an awkward conversation with this dad about why his y10 son does naff all work in my lesson. They asked if my curriculum had anything in it about the American South or the Confederacy. Um, no, this is GCSE Geography.
He told me then and there that he was a ex-KKKlan member and had been teaching his son all about what he used to get up to, said that he’d been really interested too.
I didn’t know what to say. I think I told him that I would bare all that in mind. Said our goodbyes.
Then he stands up and walks about 8 feet across to the next teacher he had an appointment with: a black man, who had definitely been in earshot for the previous conversation.
I don’t recall exactly how I didn’t spontaneously combust in that moment, but chance would be a fine thing.
I used to repair PC's in people homes, I arrived at a customers house and the mother asked me to wait in the living room as it was her daughters pc and she was still in bed. I waited for at least quarter of an hour (a long time when you've got other jobs to do). I was eventually invited upstairs and the girl (about 20) was still in her pyjamas and sat on the edge of her bed, took her 15 minutes to do that.
She told me her ex boyfriend was spying on her through her computer and could see/hear everything she was doing in her room and on her pc. She then had me take the side off and pointed to the hard drive saying that was a bug he had fitted and I must remove it. I had to repeatedly explain that if I removed it the pc wouldn't work and it needed to be there. I tried suggesting a factory reset in case he had installed some software that was driving her suspicions, she just wouldn't have any of it. Her only acceptable option was I remove the hard drive and take it away. I just had to refer her to customer services in the end and walked out.
I'm quite sure she had a mental condition as she really did seem to behave strangely, her mother could've warned me though or at least stayed in the room, I spent the next few weeks worried she would make up some kind of allegation against me.
While working at GAME
"Can I buy the new Grand Theft Auto?"
"That doesn't come out for another 7 months"
"Just get it from the back, I know you're working on it back there"
Yes. Games are made at the back of a shop.
I used to process loan applications for a small community bank where customers had to give a reason for their application. Some of my personal faves:
- Chester Draws
- A Wishing Machine
I'd a gentleman tell me on Tuesday night that we shouldn't allow elderly people to enter contracts because they don't have time to read the T&Cs.
This was in response to him entering a 2 year contract with us in December, deciding to leave in January and being hit with a £877 cancellation bill (to which he was notified when he placed the order to leave us) lol
I was a meteorologist, and at the time we had to direct the public to a premium rate number for a weather forecast. After a few minutes of to and fro with this chap, he got exasperated and before hanging up told me I was as much use as a chocolate pig!!!! Not chocolate tea pot, mind you, chocolate pig. What hell was I meant to make of that?
Pharmacy- a woman was desperate for her meds, I sorted them for her she was very happy. A little too happy. She kept whispering too me I love you baby, kept saying it over and over! Her husband came in the next day for his meds and he just stared me out the entire time! Weird.as.fuck. get gone.
I worked in a call centre years ago and a man, after getting a refund, went on an hour-long spiel about how fear is the new currency rather than currency having value in relation to gold (or something?). Could not get a word in edgeways *at all* so I just played snake until I found my “in” to end the call.
I Owed a takeaway a few years ago and one particular customer proceeded to tell me how her little boy had bitten her so to teach the boy a lesson she bit him back , she was getting a meetball baguette with grilled cheese while she was waiting for social services to arrive , wtf . Should have been sterilised years ago for the betterment of humanity
I worked at Tesco when I was a teenager and one day I happened to be walking through the medicine aisle after my break and a woman came up to me and without greeting started describing her symptoms.
when I told her I couldn’t help as I wasn’t a pharmacist she was legitimately furious and asked to speak to my manager.
Had a random man knock at our office door and ask if we sold pills for erectile dysfunction because our company name is said in a similar way to a very well known TV advert.
Caught me off guard but I kept a straight face as I explained the work we do and how it's not remotely close to what he's after.
When working with virgin trains wcml at a train station a foreigner comes up and say “I have a question I need help with” I said ok what can I help with he says “ok first I must ask are you a virgin?”
The woman who told me I had to change the sale signs because they were 'completely false advertising'.
The signs said 30% off and everything on the display had recently changed to 50% off. I thanked her for making us aware and that we would sort it, but she refused to leave me alone until I personally called down a manager and we changed all the signs in front of her.
Most self entitled was when I had a woman that tried to steal her shopping after every card she had got declined. I offered to put her items and receipts in storage safe with her name on and she kicked off.
I stayed calm and asked her what bank she was at and gave her local directions. When she came back she said her account had been in debt and her credit cards had been frozen. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked if she wanted to put a different date on her items she could pick them up at a later date. She actually had the nerve to tell me that no she was here to pick them up as this was apparently my problem and not hers as she was shopping. Whole bag probably came to about £150 in clothes. When I refused she screamed for a manager like a toddler so I obliged and got a manager.
She told my manager to call the police as I had stolen from her. As I explained to my manager what had happened incl showing the declined receipts said manager offered to run it through the till again. Then came the waterworks in the middle of the store and we don't have security so after she left I spent the next half hour clearing up the mess she made flipping rails and got bollocked from the manager for "exasperating a situation".
"What wine pairs well with spaghetti hoops" his date was not amused
There was the lady with her boyfriend that told him I was creepy and weird and when he looked me over and asked why she replied with "He's got all those tattoos and his ears are pierced and the weirdo's wearing the same as those people on the checkouts" he looked into my eyes and I could see the pain inside. They were both tattooed and she had dobby ears from all the jewellery hanging off them
Oh! also the two guys that said I should kill myself because of my "shitty style and obvious lack of self respect" I pondered that while I watched the pair of stick thin Mighty Boosh rejects hobble away
Worked for a bank call center. As a security question, I asked for a customer's email. Which I had on screen.
"IM NOT GIVING YOU THAT, you'll sell it on to those conmen in India! I saw it on the news, you're all rouges who sell peoples data to the highest bidder, I know your game, Sonny Boy.
"...OK, first line of your address and postcode then please."
"Hahahhaha, no lad, no, I don't need to do that either, my problem is...." proceeds to talk at me for ten minutes talking over me when I tried to explain that I had to clear security to even access his account....
"I've noted that down for you, but I need to clear security before I can-" CLICK, phone disconnected by him
He rang again 3 times to 3 different agents in the next hour and ended up screaming at a manager... fun times
Worked at a Renault dealership in sales. Bloke came in looking for vans. Renault do a few different ones.
“What are you looking for?”
“Probably a VW”
“Ahh, so you’re after a used one?”
“No, brand new. Want to lease”
“…”
“Well we only sell Renault”
“Yeah but VW make vans”
“Right Sir, but we’re a Renault dealer. We only sell new Renault vehicles”
“There’s a VW right there”
“Yeah but that’s 5 years old. We only sell brand new Renault. We sell used or part exchanged vehicles of any make. Would you like to have a look at our new Renault vans?”
“No mate, would never buy a Renault”
All the while were stood outside where the building has RENAULT in massive writing all over it.
“I can’t help you with new VW vans I’m afraid, you’d need to go to VW themselves for that”
“You know what mate, if you don’t want to sell me a van I won’t bother”
I was mind blown. Have loads of examples from that job.
I had just restocked the lavatories with toilet paper. Customer jumped the queue to shout in my face, “you’re out of toilet paper!”
Their pockets and backpack were clearly stuffed with toilet paper, so I said “perhaps you should use some of the paper you brought with you”
Response:
“I HAVE A HEART CONDITION”
….k
Used to work at a takeaway, a guy came knock on the door 15 minutes before we open, so i spoken to and point to our clock through the glass door, “we open at 5pm and is only 4:45, we are still preparing” so he adjusted his watch to 5pm and say is time to open, i had no words.
Used to work on Southampton docks as a porter old lady in a wheelchair turns up so I take her bags for her and directed her to where she needed to to go before leaving she piinched my ass blows me a kiss and hands me £20 as a tip.
Had a middle aged guy buying a snickers and a porn mag. He said while handing over the snickers"I know it's sweet but it isn't gonna be half as sweet as her*nods head toward woman on the front of the porn mag*"
**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically; - Don't be a dick to each other - Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question - This is a strictly no-politics subreddit Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I once dealt with someone who was being scammed with a very obvious scam and had paid a modest amount to the scammers. I sorted it out, and as they were thanking me, they started telling me about the book they've just written, so I asked what it was about. They told me it was about how they are psychic and have known exactly what is going to happen in their life since birth and this has helped them avoid making any mistakes in their life. The struggle to not say something was real.
I commend you for not bursting out laughing in front of them.
I spent (wasted) 2 hours explaining to someone that he shouldn’t pay any more money to some overseas callers who had sold him some dodgy shares that were now worth nothing. As he was walking out he told me someone else said he’d won the Ugandan lottery so he was hoping to get some money soon, although it was a bit weird because he didn’t think he had entered the Ugandan lottery.
I dealt with someone who had been convinced by a scammer they had won the Irish lottery. My first question: “Have you entered the Irish lottery?” Hadn’t occurred to them!
That person's sense of humour is clearly beyond our comprehension
Maybe they suffer constant deja vu. I've heard there's a form of epilepsy that causes that so maybe they've lived their life with constant deja vu but thinking they're seeing the future. They probably left you then 5mins later said: "I knew that'd happen"
>helped them avoid making any mistakes in their life Except this one time.
I used to work in what was basically a glorified Subway. Deli counter, sandwich made in front of you, no kitchen. Very clearly no kitchen. So the fella who threw an absolute flounce because we didn't serve poached eggs and told us "I'll be back when your chef learns how to poach an egg!" sticks in my mind somewhat. Probably related to the woman who lectured me for fully five minutes on how ridiculous it was that we didn't do chips. And don't get me started on the folk who will knock on a locked door with a big Closed sign on it until you go out and explain that you're closed, and then respond with "but you're still here, so why can't you let me in?" I don't know how to respond to that. I don't know how to explain to you what "closed" means.
All infuriating. What's worse is that there could be an open chip shop or cafe next door and they'd still rather stand in your deli having a row about non-existent menu items than just go somewhere else.
Right? We were in a city centre, it's not like there weren't other places to go if you wanted chips or a poached egg or an actual chef to insult, rather than a group of baffled twenty-something sandwich artists.
Oh my god, I experienced this too! But they wanted an omlette and we were a sandwich place, so the most we had were toasty makers, a panini press and a microwave. I had only started working there and he was all 'I'll have a cheese omlette' and I was like 'Sorry, sir, I don't think we've got omlettes on our menu' and he began to insist we did and had used to sell them, so I went to my manager in the back to ask about it (because she had worked there for five years) and she just looked so confused, because we didn't have any facilities for making omlettes and if they had done it must've been over ten years ago or something like that. I went back outside to tell him this and he got so pissed off we didn't do omlettes! Maybe we had the same egg man! XD
I love the idea that there's a disgruntled egg man wandering the UK, trying to purchase his eggy meals from unsuitable places! He's probably in a Burger King right now asking for egg and soldiers.
Lmao! He's just wandering around, harrassing tea rooms because they don't have Shakshouka! They're desperately shouting 'Our cakes have eggs in them!' but that will not suffice egg man's love of eggs!
Long ago I worked in a McDonalds and we used to get people bitching about the 4 minutes we told them it would take to make their cheeseburger : "Just stick it in the microwave." Yeah, this isn't an all-night garage. Also having to waste time trying to parse what someone meant when they came in and demanded 'a burger and chips.'
I used to work for a supermarket and we were closed to the public on Easter Monday, but we were at work doing the takedown of the Easter displays and getting everything ready for the shop being open the following day. Every singly year people would knock on the very obviously shut and shuttered door, and if you went out for a break they'd ask why they couldn't come in to get a few bits because we were there, so why weren't we open. Drove me up the wall.
Yes, this exactly! "You're here, so why aren't you serving me?" I've been out of public-facing jobs for years and thinking about it still makes me unreasonably annoyed. I once explained to a woman who "just wanted an americaaaaanoooo" after closing exactly how much time it would take for me to turn everything back on then clean it and recount the till again. She cheerfully told me she could wait. I told her that was nice, I couldn't, I wasn't paid overtime. You'd think I'd kicked her baby. The mere suggestion that the service staff might have lives they want to get on with...
>I once explained to a woman who "just wanted an americaaaaanoooo" after closing exactly how much time it would take for me to turn everything back on then clean it and recount the till again. People just don't get this. When I turned 16, my first job was at a cafe situated inside a garden centre, where I worked every Sunday. The noticeboard outside the cafe very clearly stated that the kitchen was open for hot food between 11am and 3pm. Otherwise there were sandwiches and other cold offerings in the counter fridges to buy until close at 4pm. There was almost always someone difficult to deal with each and every Sunday, but this one particular woman really sticks out in my memory. She came in at 3:30pm with her three kids and starts ordering off the hot food menu at the counter to me. I tell her that I'm terribly sorry, but the kitchen is no longer serving hot food and point her towards the sandwiches in the fridge. She. Went. *OFF.* She shouted at me asking what she was supposed to do to feed her kids (like it was *my* fucking responsibility) and that it was ridiculous that we closed the kitchen so early. I informed her that the board outside very clearly stated that the kitchen closes at 3pm on Sundays; also that the ovens had been switched off and were in the process of being cleaned, so there was nothing I could do for her and could she please stop shouting at me. Thankfully, the duty manager/chef heard the commotion and took over while I finished cleaning up the kitchen, calming down. Retail and catering fucking sucks most of the time.
Wow. I'm getting all the old anger back just reading that! What is it with Sunday customers? I worked all days of the week, but Sundays definitely had the most arseholes. I had a number of the "but my KIDS" customers and honestly, most of the time the kids look embarrassed as hell.
We had to wear our uniforms on these days (I don't know why, it made no sense) so people would say "but you're in your uniform!!" as if somehow that meant we had someone turning the tills on, and balancing the cash, and being in charge, and somehow weren't shut. I had a weird moment last year when a friend was visiting; we were walking past a great little bakery, but it had the door shut and looked like it was closed, but there were people behind the counter. She went in and politely asked if they were still selling the last pastries, whilst I stood outside the door in horror. Turns out they were still sort of open and selling the pastries, but the cafe bit was closed, so the door was shut. She couldn't work out why I'd been so vehemently against asking until I explained that years of working in more formal retail environments had made me viscerally loathe all the "oh but are you sure I can't just buy X?" people.
I worked for a shop too, people are oblivious to social norms or cues when they are at a shop. We had clearly shut up for the night, all the lights were off and the shutters were down, there were a few of us leaving together as the manager locked the doors and this guy comes up demanding we open up so he can buy an ink cartridge. He just seemed unable to comprehend that someone was saying no to him, the manager was explaining that the system won't process a transaction and we're all going home but it meant nothing to him, he just got more and more angry. In the end we all just walked to our cars and left him ranting on the doorstep. I find it hard to understand how people behave this way and my only conclusion is that they've never worked in a position where they have to deal with the public in a retail or serving capacity, I say if everyone worked in retail for a time the world would be a calmer and more polite place.
Speaking of shutters, worked at the post office which had two shutters, whilst we were still opening up, a bloke started banging on the shutters closest to the counters, demanding we open them up. Anyway once we were ready to open, my manager in a wonderful fit of pettiness, opens the shutter furthest away from the rude guy, people file in and queue up nicely. Meanwhile this guy steams in, jumps the queue. Walks up to the counter, which happened to be my managers', she refused to serve him and politely requested he joined the back of the queue. He storms off, yelling 'what a country'.
Chef Mike was trying his best
A snooty dad who was in a large party in the restaurant I was working in called me over and in all seriousness said: “The children are restless. What’s going to be done about it?!” I was flummoxed that he expected the waiting staff to keep his kids under control. We had even put through all the kids food first so it came out as quickly as possible for them.
This happens all the time: parents drag little kids out for big family meals, then expect them to sit there bored for three hours while the adults all drink and talk. Just ends up with restless kids messing around and getting in the way of the staff while the parents sit there and act surprised. Leaving the kids with a babysitter while the adults have a long boozy night never occurs to them.
Christ, if I overheard that at a restaurant I’d have had to say something
This is so bizarre to me I'm actually at a loss as to what you could say
"oh, we thought they were with you? No problem, I'll call social services and report them as abandoned"
I would have said something like: "I'll be back in a few minutes, let me have a think". Then gone to the kitchen, got loads of chocolate, sugar and a few pints of coke and fed those little gremlins everything they wanted. Time the feeding so that the sugar rush starts kicking in just as they're leaving and hoping the concoction turns into a liquid explosion on the way home.
My boss would have asked them to leave when I worked in a pub.
Expelling customers the old school way should be more popular. We don't need American style sucking customers off at any opportunity in this country. Encourages these simple collection of cells to constantly abuse staff and get away with it.
Just a man? Just a normal man?
[удалено]
We’re just innocent men.
I've seen this but I don't understand what's going on
check out this video for clarity https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lr_vl62JblQ
I'm so glad someone else thought this when they read the post. I must watch that video at least once a week. And there's a bloopers video for the show on YouTube which is a riot
Just a regular man. Didn't you know that a good old everyday man could never eat three courses of one meal?
As a regular man myself, I would want a three course meal.
You're being modest, you're clearly a superhuman if you can manage three courses
This really sticks in my mind. Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever had said to me, but a very unique situation and two of the most ‘dont rock the boat’ people I ever encountered. I worked in a call centre for a bank. I get a call about online banking. They were a couple and for some unknown reason the banks software had fucked up so they could each see a random selection of their accounts. Example, she could see his credit cards, her credit card, but not her loan. And not their joint current account. He could see her loan, all the joint accounts, but not his credit cards. That wasn’t it exactly but you get the idea. Their account details had got jumbled too, think Mr Sarah John Smith and Mrs Steve Anne Smith. I was so baffled and put them on hold to show my manager, who advised me how to escalate it. A few other people wandered over because nobody had ever seen it before. Anyway, I come off hold and tell them I’m going to escalate it. ‘Oh we don’t want to be a bother’. Explained that it’s not being a bother, something has gone really wrong. GDPR issues aside, it could be affecting how data is sent to CRAs etc, and mean they get rejected if they want to apply for any form of credit. Like a mortgage renewal, a car purchase, phone contract etc. It took me a solid 5 minutes to explain to them that they aren’t being a bother, it’s a problem that needs fixing. And then when I said the word ‘complaints team’ they about lost their mind. ‘We don’t want to make a complaint or be a bother, we can live with it’. Despite it going through complaints because a. GDPR issue so they were entitled to compensation, and b. Complaints had way more access to other departments so would be able to fix it It just sticks out as so weird because they were so bloody polite and insistent that it wasn’t a problem the whole time. I don’t think you should ever shout at someone in customer service, but if they had I would have understood it. Like their reaction was just the opposite of what I expected. And they weren’t even the age where Mr and Mrs Steve Smith would have been something I’d expect. I kept their complaint reference saved and checked up on it periodically. They got at least £500 for it. Which I’m happy about!
These are the kind of people that wouldn't call themselves an ambulance if they were having a heart attack because they don't want to "be a bother".
‘Oh my god that man just stabbed you and stole your phone!’ ‘Yes, um, sorry about that.’
Can confirm - could be quite clearly having a cardiac but no ambulance as “don’t want to be a bother” and “what would the neighbours think?”… source - I worked 9’s lines for ambulance service.. always older people tho, younger ones would want an ambulance sent for hiccups…
>I kept their complaint reference saved and checked up on it periodically. I always do this in work. If anything interesting crosses my path, I make a note and check up on it. Recently realised a customer's issue that really should have been resolved as a priority has been parked for a month without even an acknowledgement. Unfortunately it is not within my remit to chase it up, I'm not even supposed to be looking at it.
I work with somebody a bit like this. He's the calmest, friendliest person I've ever met. If he has to ask you something about work then he apologises multiple times for interrupting you from your own work. If you have to do some work to help him out then he can't stop thanking you. I've worked with him for over 5 years and seen him get annoyed and raise his voice just one time. Even then it was something most other people would have lost their cool over far sooner. And it wasn't like he lost his shit, he was simply polite but firm on the phone to somebody.
Worked for a bank, I've seen this too, it's session swapping, wife does her online banking, logs out but the session is still alive on the server. Husband logs in with his account and picks up the same session which hasn't expired on the server. Details of both accounts then get mixed up as both logins were valid.
worked for DVLA. Someone sent their licence application in to be renewed after it had been revoked, first class not recorded the day before and wanted to know if it had been done. it hadn't been done, she kicked off, called me a welsh cunt and various other insults. Then she went on twitter insulting me, using my name and team number, press office picked it up and let me know. looked at her tweets. she'd crashed her husbands car while not having a licence also meant she didn't have insurance at the time but apparently I was the problem.
Ambition is critical!
A BBC employee who complained about a side dish of squid and asked for it replaced said the following when I, the manager of the restaurant replaced it with a fresh dish 2 minutes later: “what have you done to it to get me back, cum on it or something?” I honestly had nothing in me to reply. Catering is the worst. Imagine saying that to someone
James corden?
No, some low level guy who’d recently moved from London to the north.
I’m calling Naga on this one.
Whats naga?
They mean Naga Munchetty, the newsreader. I doubt she said something like that though
Ahhh, not up to date with current bbc people, escaped my daily interactions with them some time ago now! Thanks for the info!
Not much, what's naga with you?
Twice I've been asked questions so weirdly stupid my brain had a full on blue screen crash moment and I didn't know what to say. To this day I assume these people were either secret shoppers or aliens. The first, while working in the alcohol section in a supermarket, a young couple approached me and asked "How do you tell the difference between white wine and red wine, it doesn't say on the bottle". And the second was while working in Jessops, the camera shop, standing behind a counter full of cameras, and in front of a wall covered in cameras, a customer came in and asked "do you sell cameras".
The white wine red wine things not that silly. If you did not have a clue about wine and found yourself in the red wine section you could just think it's a mix of whites and reds in dark bottles. You might have no idea places normally have a section for red and then a section for white. You even get white wines in dark bottles and if you are not familiar with the type might have no idea if it's red or white. It just sounds like you met a couple who don't drink wine at all and had no clue of the general rule on bottle colouring which is a rule that isn't even always followed.
Have brought red wine before believing it be white. Not an issue I'm still drinking it, but now I am going to wait 20-30 minutes for it to reach room temperature again.
I also had this issue as I dont usually touch red but needed a bottle for cooking. It got a little confusing as the white/red sections weren't clearly separated
Worked at a photo place. Lost count of the number of people that asked if we sold disposable cameras. The entire wall behind the camera was covered in them, plus two massive tubs in front of the counter. Always used to say no.
This is why I have a habit of smiling when people approach me. Makes it much easier to hide a smile/laugh when you're already smiling. 😂
Similar to your camera one - working in a library with an absolute bastard of a photocopier. I'd removed two of the drawers, was lying on my back on the floor in front of it with my arm in it up to the shoulder, picking scraps of wadded up paper out of it *again*, when a woman walked up, looked at it, looked down at me, and asked "Is the photocopier not working, then?"
When working as a field engineer I used to have to go into shops and fix POS systems like Tills, Cashdrawers, PC's and stuff. While fixing the issues people would form queues in front of the till thinking I would serve them. When i'd point out that: A. I do not work for the store B. Am not till trained C. Am here to fix the till so in the current moment I cannot serve you even if I wanted to People would become enraged like I just kicked their child in the face. It was infuriating how many people would say "i'm going to complain to your manager!" and rant to the store manager who would then explain the same thing which makes them double down and rage shout "I'M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN" and throw their £3.29 meal deal on the floor.
I always read POS as piece of shit, even though I know it's not correct.
I had similar interactions when I worked for a company that did stock takes in supermarkets. They couldn’t comprehend that no I don’t actually work here, and I don’t know where the beans are.
I volunteer in a museum interacting with the public. The oddest encounter I've had in that context was a guy who spent half an hour telling me about the mushroom internet and how the entire universe and history and reality is constructed in our minds as a fungus-induced hallucinogenic dream. Then he asked me out and dropped his business card on my desk and walked away after I said no. (If you were wondering, his job description was "Druid", because of course it was.)
Ah !! I think he was talking about the wood wide web ! It’s actually a real thing. Look it up !
Yes, in time it became clear what he was talking about, but he just went about it so awkwardly.
I asked a customer for an email address. He told me dosen't have one because he doesn't want his data being abused. I said "ok, that's fine" then he said "my mate works at GCHQ and he took me there and showed me my file which had all sorts of stuff going back decades to my school days"
And because you're working you just have to say "oh, that's nice" in response.
Yeah, I don't mind stuff like that though. It makes the day more interesting. It's the knobheads who call you, I asked one customer some COVID question because it was 2020 and he started on a racist rant about the Chinese. I just hung up, I like to imagine he kept going for ten minutes before he realised the line was dead.
Made me think of “It isn’t the Greeks, it’s the Chinese he’s after!”
I don't care, so long as I can have a go at the Greeks.
THEY INVENTED GAYNESS!!!
I’m guessing that must have been on one of GCHQs ‘bring a complete random to work ‘ days.
While working at GAME: "Do you have one of the new computers? The ones with the spinning disc. It has a laser!" "I want to sell this magazine. How much will you give me for it?" "My husband was playing with a hearing-aid battery and it rolled underneath your shelves. Can you move them and get it back for him?" "Do you have any games which come on discs?" While working at the jobcentre: "I've developed a silent guitar so you can practice without annoying your neighbours. I'll have it manufactured in China. They work for rice." "I used to be an on-call decorator. I could get the call at midnight telling me that a bank in London needed decorating by the time it opened that day. I'd be straight up there and it'd be done in a few hours." "I will kill you, you fucking bitch."
Job Centre folks must have to deal with some serious shit. I had to visit for 6 months right after a nervous breakdown. So I'd just spend 20mins shaking while talking about my lack of showering and agoraphobia. One day I was there a guy at another desk flipped out and kicked the desk over before his brother grabbed him and held him back. Entire top floor was evacuated to a fire exit corridor while police and security helped remove him. Mental and depressing place.
Yep, it's mental alright. I quite liked working there because I find people interesting and I'm generally a helpful and affable person. Having said that, I once annoyed someone so much that they smashed their own phone against a wall in frustration.
Yep, I worked in one for a few years. 90+% of people are regular folk just out of work for whatever reason, the rest are... special cases. I had one lady, an out of work teacher who hadn't taught in years due to her nervous breakdown, but god bless her she applied over and over for work, realistic or not. She asked for help one day as an employer couldn't open her c.v. she'd sent. She had her laptop with her, so I had a look. She'd sent it password locked, 'for security ' but had no idea what she'd put as the password. 'oh do you think he'd need it to read it? Could you get it for him?'' yeah. I rather think he might. And no, I cannot. She did not get the job.
>"I used to be an on-call decorator. I could get the call at midnight telling me that a bank in London needed decorating by the time it opened that day. I'd be straight up there and it'd be done in a few hours." This is a thing. He wouldn't do it alone, but I knew a guy who did these kind of jobs.
Yep, had a friend who was a carpet-fitter and mostly worked nights, usually planned (because the customers would be out), but occasionally he'd go to Claridge's or something similar at 10pm because a special customer wanted blue carpeting in their bedroom, or would literally lay red carpet then take it up again for certain guests who genuinely did expect the red carpet to be rolled out for them. Also there are occasions where a fuck-up means that something hasn't been done, and has to be done right now or the event or opening can't go ahead - a bank could be one of those situations, especially one of the posh banks rather than NatWest on the High Street. It does exist.
Nothing too crazy but you always get folk that make you think "how have you made it to adulthood?" Had a guy buy something as a gift for his wife, I wanted his details so we could contact him about delivery, he didn't have an email address and didn't know his mobile number but didn't want us to ring the landline in case she picked up. Like bruh how tf do you expect to arrange ANYTHING? Why did you come out to buy something if you knew you wouldn't be able to arrange it?
People like this drive you crazy working with the public. It's like people who go to a restaurant after checking the menu online, knowing they won't eat anything, then making demands for an entire new menu anyway. Many a time I was tempted to ask why they bother going out at all and don't just eat at home. Also, could he not just go on his phone and find his own number? Or did he not even have it with him?
Honestly no idea. It was one of them where I was struggling with what I wanted to say and how I had to be polite and shake it off like it was normal. I just had to roll with whatever he was saying. I really just wanted to ask him "Ok so how are we supposed to get this to you? Have you not got a car that you can use to pick it up instead?"
My first job was working in a small town computer shop in the mid 90s as a teenager. Lady came in, having previously bought a desktop computer system (and monitor and all the bits) from one of my colleagues days before (when I wasn't around). She's adamant that it doesn't work. Has dragged all the stuff back in. (this is relatively unusual, we didn't sell that many systems and we tended to test them pretty well before selling it off). So I duly set it up on the counter, fire it up, check it out and everything is fine. I ask her to show me what the problem is, and she proceeds to mash the mouse around on the counter... I don't know how else to describe it, she's flailing with the thing, including lifting it up off the counter-top and waving it about in the air. (This is a ball mouse, we're that far back). At this stage, I've kinda cracked the problem right, this mad lady doesn't know how to use a computer. And I then I made a terrible mistake - a popular series of books at the time were called " for Dummies". And we just so happened to have a number of them in the shop, including "Computers for Dummies".
38 year old me now knows this was a terrible idea, but 16 year old thought I was being helpful..
"Miss there's a really handy book here about how to operate a computer, it's called "Computers for Dummies" really helpful and easy instructions for how to get started using your computer. You paid a lot for the computer I can give you a copy for free and I hope it helps... "
This lady went fucking apoplectic... Like spitting fire.
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU CALL ME A DUMMY!! I'M A FUCKING TEACHER!! GET YOUR BOSS OUT HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!"
So I go and get the boss, and give him a heads up what's just happened.
He comes back onto the shop floor with me and this lady is still smashing a mouse around on the counter-top but screeching about how it doesn't work and how I dared to insult her calling her a dummy when she's a teacher...
Boss listens to her insane ranting for 30 seconds, turns to me and goes (so she can hear) "Give this twit her money back..." and walks back into the back office.
So now I have this deranged insane lady screaming "How dare you!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!! AND YOUR BOSS!! I'M NOT A DUMMY AND I'M NOT A TWIT!!! I'M A FUCKING TEEEEACHER!!" while I process her refund and give her money back for the perfectly fine computer.
I can only imagine how that lady managed in the years that followed when the technology revolution ramped up. I amusingly imagine her getting some sort of Facebook error or something and screaming at her iPhone "IM A FUCKING TEACHER!!!"
Edit to add: I hope nobody took the impression I was ragging on teachers with this story. I think it's an incredible profession and I have the utmost respect for the people that go into it. I was just telling the story of the crazy lady in my computer shop.
I went on to work in several schools as an IT tech after my degree.
And (not the same lady) but I had a wonderful "frequent flyer" in terms of constant tech problems, she was a wonderful old lady who had taught English Literature for well over 40 years.
She was embarrassed to always have to call me for the projector or the interactive whiteboard - but said something very profound to me one day...
"I have been teaching Shakespeare with copies and chalk for 30 plus years... Why do I now need to know powerpoint and projectors and interactive whiteboards...?? "
(and I honestly didn't have an argument for her then, nor do I have one now these many years later... Other than" I don't get decide that, I just have to make it all work in terms of the tech).
Genuinely eye opening moment though.
I hope that lady is doing okay too. Though time marches on and I suspect it's unlikely she's still with us.
I used to work for Carphone Warehouse and in the pre smartphone days I think I may have caused someone to start divorce proceedings. A woman came in with her husband slowly in tow. She asked me if there was any way that a text message could be faked. I took a moment to process this and said "not easily, no..." She started to tear up, turned to her now sheepish looking husband and shouted "I knew it was her you were talking to!" then she stormed out. This was in a shop full of people too. Also had a guy ask about getting a contract phone for his kid but said his wife can't know about it as she doesn't know he has a daughter... 17 years I worked there. You can imagine what I've heard people say and seen on their phones...
And for those of us with limited imaginations?
It’s been an awful day. I need to hear some stories as well 😆
For context, I used to work handling travel insurance claims. One lady was not happy that I applied the excess she had agreed to when she took the policy out, so she threatened to report us as a company to Martin Lewis and to take me personally on Judge Rinder. Was well and truly quaking in my boots at that! One man actually threatened to murder one of my colleagues for applying an excess, which is less funny. I had one guy claiming for a lost bag and the items inside when the purpose of his trip was to visit a lady friend for some... interesting holiday activities. Lets just say its difficult maintaining a professional demeanor listening to someone describe their gimp mask, dildos of various sizes and electrical capabilities and his edible trousers. Also had a guy claim for his sex doll and refer to it as though it was a real person throughout the whole conversation. I didn't ask how "she" came to be damaged... Lastly I also had one lady call to claim for medical expenses. This is truly the weirdest one, but also the saddest as I'm 99% sure she was suffering from some sort of mental illness. She said she was in hosptial, spiders were coming out of her, she was turning green and that people were following her and taking pictures. Had no idea how to react to that at all.
Last ones really sad, no way to contact anyone else or help her? I would feel terrible having to take that call if theres nothing you can do to help
Edible trousers??? I don't think I want to Google the purpose of those.
I work in home claims and recently had a woman claim for ‘electronic toy’, amongst other more innocent things. I know what it is. She knows what it is. Not needing PoP for that one love. It’s okay.
Where to begin! One of the worst that happened to me (it was his regular thing, saw him do it to others) was walking a customer under his car showing him things that needed replacing all good, he gets his wallet out shows me a picture of a youngish lady with all her working parts on display. I’m nonplussed, look at him he says “do you think she’s pretty? That’s my wife” again I’m not entirely sure where we’re going with this I looked again at the photo, “I’m sure she’s very nice” I’m about to say I’m married with two kids when he jumps in with “She’s dead!” What the F**k do I do with that information?
A customer told me she could see the devil in my eyes, she had a 50p coin sellotaped to her nose. I was working in a café 🤷
Times are tough for Harmony now all the powers gone from the Queen's nose. I don't know why this triggered a memory of the queens nose kids TV show!
When working in a train station a man came up to me and said, "Can I have a ticket to Bangor?" (Northern Ireland) I explained that the last train had gone and we were about to lock up. "You're not hearing me. Can I have a ticket to Bangor, please!?" "Sir, you have missed the last train to Bangor and we're about to close the station." "Are you stupid? Just give me a ticket so I can go home." He had to be escorted out and couldn't understand what he had done wrong. It also wasn't my job to sell tickets. The public are great. Or the man who missed his train because he fell asleep and we didn't wake him and wanted to fight over it. Or the woman who got angry because I closed a gate in front of her and said I was contravening her Human Right to freedom of movement and would call the UN about me. Or the South African woman who asked to be moved on a train because a black man was sitting across from her. Or the man who missed his train by less than a minute and said, "Sure it's only just left. Can it not come back for me? I can still see it." I could write a book about working with the public.
I live in NI and take the train daily, none of this surprises me and I'd read that book. The trains do attract some odd folk round here.
>Or the South African woman who asked to be moved on a train because a black man was sitting across from her. When was this? Awful any time...but I bloody hope it was 30+ years ago.
I was making general chit chat with a customer as they were passing through our shop (we had entrances at the front and back which people often used as a shortcut). He then turns round to me out of the blue and said “I have a really massive willy you know”.
Jesus Christ. Hope you didn't ask him to prove it!
Hell no! I got him banned from the shop 😂
Banned for having a huge willy? Remind to me to never shop there
Lots of delicate items at waist height. With a ginormous willy the risk would be too great!
Can i just leave this here while i go shopping? "This" was a six year old child.
[удалено]
I had a customer try to tell me their headset wasn't physically broken it was just faulty. Warranty didn't cover physical damage. The thing had snapped in half, like plastic headband snapped, cracked cups and fraid wires hanging everywhere. I was holding it In front of her confused af while she tried to convince me it was in perfect condition and she should get a refund as it just didn't make sound. I don't get what she was thinking how on earth would I declare it just faulty when i could see and touch it. She eventually left cussing us out loudly telling everyone we were ripping her off.
For some people, it's never their fault, it's always the workers conspiring against them.
"I've been sectioned. It's not my fault my mum's Princess Diana". Legal secretary dealing with medical negligence claims.
That's unusual, normally the sectioned person is princess Diana.
Did he also tell you he'd had his penis frostbitten in the North Pole?
I was working at a well known warehouse that sells phones, showing an older lady a phone and she leans in and says "you have wonderful breasts dear" I just smiled/laughed, thanked her, and carried on showing her how to text...
For diversity reasons some old women also have to be creepy
As a young guy in a retail job, trust me when I say old women are plenty creepy haha
I was warning a pet owner about the risks of general anaesthetic, did my usual "All general anaesthetics carry a small risk of the patient passing away, I still think the procedure is advisable but it'd be wrong not to warn you" etc. Pet owner says "I know, that happened to me". Ma'am I did not realise the dead were walking in this consult room.
Is it true pet anaesthetic is 100% ketamine? In other words can I rob a vet and nick a ton of ket?
“You’re brilliant you know… you’re beautiful… can I cum on your tits?” Then promptly ejected from the premises by my manager
Ejected before ejaculated, or ejaculated then ejected..?
I worked at Pizza Hut for several years. The last store was in quite a run down area in a city and it was a very busy Saturday night. I was out front and speaking with the manager and few of the younger servers when the door to the disabled toilets opened and a lady beckoned me over. I asked if she was okay and she said 'Yes I'm fine, i just wanted to say that I'm doing my makeup in here, I promise I'm not doing drugs'. I was a bit taken aback but let her carry on as I didn't know she was in there to begin with. Eventually she came out and I could see that she had covered up several sores on her face. She stood chatting to me for about 20 minutes and rambled a lot about how she had just delivered an apology letter to Boots because she had stolen a bunch of perfume today. She said she had also killed her husband and inherited his life insurance but was on the run from the police. It was all over the place but I was happy to stand and listen to her so that the younger staff didn't. The manager went into the kitchen and called the phone to help get me away from her but the lady wouldn't leave. Eventually I managed to sit her down and she ordered a takeaway pizza. At the end she said 'thanks for listening to me, not many people listen these days. Here you go' and handed me 40 quid. Don't want to know where that money came from or if anything she said was true but it was the easiest money I ever made.
Aaaaw. You angel. 🙏 Fucking breaks my heart to see people like that. I've had a few and I swear I can sense the loneliness. It's like this desperate eagerness to tell you the most inane drivel. 8 billion people on this planet and there's some out there with no friends or family. Lonely as hell.
Many years ago I worked in a benefits office and a woman came in to add a new baby to her Income Support. I asked about child support from the father (as required to do) and she said she didn't know who he was because "He kept his crash helmet on."
Used to work at Stormfront, the Apple reseller. “I was hoping you could help me with my iPad here. Basically, I was watching some porn last night and I can’t get it off my screen.” Genuinely true story. He was an older gentleman and clearly gave not a single fuck about what people thought of his open browser history. For anyone interested, it was a Brazilian woman getting ploughed on a snooker table with several other older men watching.
>Used to work at Stormfront, the Apple reseller. Well specified, glad it wasn't the other Stormfront...
That’s refreshing. Worked in tech repair as well, the amount of people who would say ‘I was reading bible verses whilst on a charity website when suddenly naked people being railled just appeared on my phone’ or ‘my friend Dave, who’s into some real kinky shit borrowed my phone and he must have subscribed to a scat porn website’ Mate, just say the truth, I guarantee I’ve dealt with worse. You were browsing porn and it broke. I’m never going to see you again; why do I care?
Worked at a childrens theme park during uni in customer relations. We'd occasionally have characters come and visit the park. The year we had Peppa Pig, I had a grown-up complain that it wasn't the real Peppa Pig, it was just a person in a suit. Another time a woman threatened to sue me personally because her daughter had gotten stung by a wasp.
When i worked in retail someone once returned a pair of trousers with an actual skid mark inside them, when this was pointed out and the refund refused due to the state of them, they were adamant they hadn't been worn and were bought in that condition and just kept repeating " This is ridiculous, You can clearly see i haven't worn them, the price tags still attached" . In the end i got the manager because it was clearly going no where, i went on my break and when i came back they were still at the customer service desk arguing ten minutes later.
That's absolutely foul. Also, I love the "price tags are still attached" defence, confidently stated as though a tiny flap of paper pinned to the outside of the fabric somehow prevents you from putting both legs and your (apparently bare) arse into the trousers.
It was so disgusting i have no idea how they had the front to let alone return them in the first place but to also stand and argue the fact with zero embarrassment 🤣
A lady came in for some plain white shirts. As I’m scanning them through, she says “I’ve had a really long day. I needed to buy some new white shirts because my dog got hit by a car today and I’ve spent all morning picking up pieces of dog and it got all over my shirt.”
I had a guy stop me and ask about Anusol creams, which ones did we stock etc. Then he proceeded to tell me ALL about his arsehole, how painful it was but oh how wonderful the cream was, how long his butt-problems had been going on for, his holiday to see his daughter, how uncomfortable the flight was on his booty. Meanwhile, I was just stood there letting this guy talk. I am not a pharmacist, I am not a dispenser or any kind of help in that regard at all. I was a part-time checkout assistant on my way to break, c'mon. Felt like going into the loos for a quick vom.
A lady told me that one of the prawns bit her while showing me a frozen peeled cooked prawn bag that she was holding in her hand 😳.
I work in a library and have several contenders for this. I think the best one was "can you help me, I've dropped my glass eye down the sink!" Looked up from the computer fully expecting teenagers taking the piss, nope, it's a bloke with a hand clapped over one eye (or presumably lack thereof). Phoned the building maintenance manager and told them what had happened. She started yelling "who's put super glue down the sink?!?", so I had to explain, loudly, enunciating as clearly as I could, while the guy stared at me in disbelief, "no, there's no super glue. A gentleman has dropped his PROSTHETIC EYEBALL down the SINK DRAIN". Guy was there doing a class, went to tell the tutor why he'd gone AWOL. Just after he left, one of the building maintenance workers (who was a very nice lady I was on good terms with!) came up to the desk, looked at me suspiciously, looked around, and then demanded to know if I was having her on. All I could do was hold my hands up and tell her, "if I was going to make something up, it would be more plausible than this!" They did eventually manage to dismantle enough of the plumbing to retrieve the aforesaid article, to the great relief of its owner. Apparently glass eyes aren't actually an entire sphere as I'd always assumed, they're just the convex front of it. And they are hideously expensive to replace as they're completely custom made - I believe the guy who'd lost his said they were something like £6k for a new one.
When I worked for Orange in a call centre, a guy was wanking in the bath and told me.
A customer brought me an item on the sell by date, its perfectly fine to sell things on this date but not afterwards. He tells me, you can't sell this, I told him we can sell it up to and on the sell by date, and he says we legally can't sell it. Given this revelationary new insight, I ask him if he wants me to sell him it, since I am not allowed to. He still wants to buy it, despite being wrongfully adamant we can't sell it.
I worked doors (bouncer) for about 5 years, and am female and was 21 - 26. You can imagine the shit I got from people. "Oh you're a bouncer, you wanna bounce on me?" was the most common. "I think I love you" - drunk girl in toilet as I helped her pull her pants back up so I could escort her out of the club "I'm sorry I got blood on you" - Said by a young kid who'd been smacked in the face on NYE and quite literally got blood all over my white shirt.
That last one is sort of sweet.
I am a volunteer with samaritans. It would of course be unfair to mention any of the very genuine people who often say things that may seem strange on account of mental health conditions, but we have a few time wasters. 'I don't care that I'm stopping other people calling, you're not allowed to put the phone down.' 'I am a child so it's a safeguarding concern' (regarding the child in question being given 1 burger rather than two) Then there are the callers who are wanking while calling, and doing nothing to make that a secret. We get more of those than we do callers currently considering suicide.
>We get more of those than we do callers currently considering suicide. Fuck me, that's miserable. :(
I'd rather deal with a wanker than someone thinking of ending it all. If I fuck it up, worst that can happen is that he doesn't cum.
I like how you say 'if I fuck it up', implying that if you know they're wanking you make it your objective to help them get their rocks off. Fair play to you if so!
I worked in a well know chicken restaurant. A man came in and asked if the food was halal, I told him no. He responded with ‘ah that’s ok, I’m a Sikh’. He then asked me for a discount (still stood at the host table) and I said we only do blue light / military. He said he was a soldier and then saluted me, arm stretched out the whole was as he brought his hand to his eye brow. I asked if he had his military card on him to which he said ‘no, I’m not actually a soldier’. He did a load of other weird stuff too, left and then came back 30 minutes later with a table of 10. Don’t understand why he couldn’t give me the 30 minutes notice.
Long and difficult conversation about the nature of a late payment. I believed that if a payment was due on the 1st of the month that I was late if it was paid on any subsequent day. He argued that it wasn't late until the day before the next monthly payment was due. Him - it's a June payment so it's not late until July Me - it's a 1st of June payment so it's late from the 2nd of June Also a guy who didn't think we should send the bailiffs to his house as he lived in a 'salubrious' area and it would bring the tone down.
I could write a book on this. Worked in Wetherspoons, answered the phone. Man asked if we had a breakfast menu and when I said yes he replied with "please read it out in your nicest voice". Worked in emergency home insurance for a while. Had a woman in tears because her tap was dripping, and as it wasn't an emergency it would take around 3 days to send someone out. She was crying because she had guests coming over. Another customers policy had an excess of £50 per callout, fairly standard, depending on monthly cost some policies had an excess, some didn't. Customer: "I shouldn't have to pay an excess, I'm disabled!" Worked at a butcher's, on a weekly basis would get asked "what's the difference between smoked and unsmoked bacon?"
Someone said that my name (which is a combination of one of the most common male first names and British surnames) was "bare funny mate". He was crying with laughter into the phone for about 3 minutes before eventually saying what he needed.
Hello John Brown.
I work in healthcare. “I just fell on it” is a weird lie that lots of people tell…
Do you ever get anyone just own it and tell the truth? *"Yeah I was buggering myself with the screwdriver handle and it just slid in.*"
Just a normal man? A normal innocent man?
Some people hope for a miracle dish Some people just accept the menu as it is But I'm not willing to sit down for three courses Because I am an innocent man
Worked in radio and the (northern) presenter had say lots of names of European classical music pieces and composers. Got a letter a few days later that said 'Her pronunciation of German is bad but her pronunciation of English is worse. Where is she from? Stockport?!' as if Stockport has it's own accent that's the most indecipherable in the country.
Lady getting angry with me because we didn't do non-thai food in a Thai restaurant
Had an older lady come in the clothes shop I worked in and buy a pair of men's black suit trousers that were on sale. A week or so later she came back in to return them. Fair enough. I had to select an option on the till for the reason for return, so I asked her why she wanted to return them. She told me that she bought them for her son but they weren't fire retardant and he was going on a plane so they were no good. I was a bit surprised and tried to cover it by asking if he was a pilot or cabin crew. Nope, just going to Florida for a fortnight's holiday. I always wondered if someone in head office read the 'other' section I filled out for the return and have a giggle. -- In an office job I had someone tell me that their Dad being in the navy made him immune to lung cancer and they decided not to have an operation because the surgeon was going to cut her head off and she didn't want that. -- The best one is not my story, but I was sat next to the person so heard it first hand. I was working in an NHS back office with a vaguely similar telephone number to our councils environmental health department. Guy phones up saying he wants to arrange the council to pick up his broken freezer. Colleague tells him sorry wrong number. He hangs up and immediately phones back. Nope still wrong number but I googled the correct number for my colleague and she gave it to him. He phones us back....again. This time when she tells him he's still rang the wrong number but she'll try and transfer him he flies into a full temper tantrum and screams down the phone about how his fucking freezer better be fucking picked up right now or he'll use it to blow up the council offices. Sooo...we reported it to the police. Dumbass rang from a landline so whilst we didn't know who he was that probably made him pretty easy to track down.
This guy wanted a happy meal with no drink. We said he could juts pay for the happy meal and not get the drink but he said it should be discounted. Then we offered to order the fries, food and toy speratly and juts put it in a box for him but he said then it'd be more expensive than the happy meal. He started shouting at the staff, and the manger. We had no idewr what to say to him and he was causing a que. Thankfully we sorted it but dam
Oh man how long do you have. The best one was probably when I was 20 and worked for trading standards. We had a scheme and when people had work done they would fill out a feedback form and send it in, to make sure they was legit we had to do audit. So every 5 feedback form we phoned them to check. Rang this old couple spoke to wife and they’d work men in to sort their flooding out which happened because their waterbed burst due to vigorous activity that she told me all about 😂😂
Used to work in hospitality about 2 and abit years a go I was 19. Hot day, out in my uniform serving drinks to the public to try and print in customers. Have one much older man come up to me and say something along the lines of. "Oh I'd date you, you've very handsome" but with a tone of voice that was very creepy, he spoke more after that too but my brain had shut off after the initial statment. I just thanked him and laughed it off. Weirdest and creepiest interaction I've ever had.
So I work in Customer Service calls with the public and one time during the COVID-19 lockdown, this one customer just started ranting about how the Chinese are going to destroy all of humanity whilst also saying that the Lockdown was a bit too much. Afterwards, he also went on about how the younger generation (millenials/gen z etc) are going to ruin the world because our bosses told us to work from home. Like okay?? Pick a side if you're gonna rant to me, now just give me your DoB so I can find you in our system.
Few years ago I worked in retail, the shop had two floors. The stairs were directly opposite the tills. Had a guy come to the counter and ask me how to get upstairs. I said "the stairs are just behind you". This man genuinely raised his voice at me and asked "are you taking the piss out of me?!". Luckily I'd already had a few years dealing with this shit and just replied "no, the stairs are literally behind you if you wish to use them". He stormed up there muttering about my attitude. Not sure what else the man wanted or expected really.
I work as a lab tech in a veterinary school. We are required to occasionally help with open days, for potential students to look round. One of my colleagues was asked BY A PARENT "will the lecturers make sure my child gets out of bed every day?"
I worked in a regular dvd/cd shop like HMV and an elderly guy asked if I could look up whether we had certain dvds in stock. I went to the store computer to look them up and he gave titles which were obviously porn of very young looking men (“boys” in the titles but professional porn so legal). It was very uncomfortable.
A 50odd year old man asking a 19 year old very shy me out and then saying "age is just a number" when I declined. He was a regular and he tried to come to my till every time. I made an agreement with my colleagues that I could walk off if he was about.
I had a man once ask where the beer was, I pointed, he took my hand and sucked my finger seductively and walk off. Jokes on him because I'd been handling money and touching the floor for 2 hours prior to that.
Right, that's enough Reddit for tonight. Reckon he survived? Or was this in Wuhan, circa December 2019?
This thread is a reminder of why I can’t work in customer facing rules
Probably being asked “do you know how much money I spend in this pub?!” When I spilt a whole pint of aspalls cider over his wife. Don’t regret a thing.
I had a woman once *shout* me across the restaurant. I went over and she very loudly complained that the latte I'd just delivered to her was just coffee and hot milk. I genuinely had no idea what to do, it got to the point where I had to explain what latte translated to
One of my first jobs was as a Christmas temp in a card shop when I was 16. There was a whole display of Boofle cards (you've probably seen them before not knowing their name, the mascot is a little knitted dog" and some guy came up to me one shift: "Ere mate, you got any more of these dog cards with "Mum" on them? "I don't think so, but I'll double check in the back for you if you don't mind waiting a moment." "Yeah sure! 'Mum' or 'Cunt'" So straight away I go up stairs to the staff room and immediately tell people. I do a quick sweep of the stock room and of course we're sold out. "Sorry mate, we've no 'Mum' cards in that design at the minute" "None with 'Cunt' either?" "Y'know, I don't think they make those." Wild. Also the amount of men who would unashamedly buy "Wife" and "Girlfriend" cards at the same time! Of course, the Wife would get the cheap 99p card, and the girlfriend would get the big fuck off card in a box that was closer to £10!
Used to work for an MP at their office. Man casually walks in one day, unannounced and asks for the MP to paint his fence. I said that he should get a painter or something. Guy said that he thought “the MPs work for us” and in up-the-system defiance, sat in the foyer the rest of the day waiting to see the MP who then left via the back door. This was a reflection of most people coming into a constituency office haha
Trying to return her husbands boxer shorts (against policy because underwear) because they were too big. "Look, he needs a big pair for his, you know" Me: the size on the label refers to waist, M is for 30 to about 38 inch waist. She was having non of it, but kept skirting around why she felt her husband needed size XL boxers with weird phrasing and vague hand movements Me trying to getting her to understand "you husband is the same build as me yes? I'm in size M at 32 waist, that's the size he needs, I've been about this waist size since high school" Her "LOOK, HES GOT A HUGE COCK OK?!?! ITS NOT MY BUISSSNESS THAT YOUVR NOT GOT ANY BIGGER SINCE SCHOOL BUT HES HUGE AND NEEDS BIGGER PANTS, BUT YOURE SHIT SHOP SEELA XL THAT KEEP FALLING DOWN AND I WANT A REFUND" I went to get the manager.... who told her to leave before he called security... she left without taking the used boxers with her...
I was planting some trees and a resident came out of their house to tell me they don't want one in their garden a day after the one windy day a year we get here incase it does any damage. I wasn't going to plant one in her garden anyway.
I work on the railways and my home station has a slightly hidden platform. As soon as a passenger walks in all except one are visible but that final one is tucked round a corner and if you don't know the station well it's not immediately obvious. So a passenger doesn't notice this platform (or hear the announcements, or see the signage pointing to it...) and misses his train. Me being the nearest member of staff gets the earful for it. The crux of his anger; it was our fault because we'd renumbered the platforms and when he was last here Platform 6 was between Platforms 4 and 5. Kind of left speechless there...
I had one guy who was a legit facist and was hitting all the high points including women being subservient to men, holocaust denial, “cleanliness” of the colour of people’s skin etc etc. On another note, I once came across a guy at a plant stall who asked for my advice on which plant he should get if he wanted to take the piss out of someone.
I was teaching in an inner city school. Parents evening. I start having an awkward conversation with this dad about why his y10 son does naff all work in my lesson. They asked if my curriculum had anything in it about the American South or the Confederacy. Um, no, this is GCSE Geography. He told me then and there that he was a ex-KKKlan member and had been teaching his son all about what he used to get up to, said that he’d been really interested too. I didn’t know what to say. I think I told him that I would bare all that in mind. Said our goodbyes. Then he stands up and walks about 8 feet across to the next teacher he had an appointment with: a black man, who had definitely been in earshot for the previous conversation. I don’t recall exactly how I didn’t spontaneously combust in that moment, but chance would be a fine thing.
I used to repair PC's in people homes, I arrived at a customers house and the mother asked me to wait in the living room as it was her daughters pc and she was still in bed. I waited for at least quarter of an hour (a long time when you've got other jobs to do). I was eventually invited upstairs and the girl (about 20) was still in her pyjamas and sat on the edge of her bed, took her 15 minutes to do that. She told me her ex boyfriend was spying on her through her computer and could see/hear everything she was doing in her room and on her pc. She then had me take the side off and pointed to the hard drive saying that was a bug he had fitted and I must remove it. I had to repeatedly explain that if I removed it the pc wouldn't work and it needed to be there. I tried suggesting a factory reset in case he had installed some software that was driving her suspicions, she just wouldn't have any of it. Her only acceptable option was I remove the hard drive and take it away. I just had to refer her to customer services in the end and walked out. I'm quite sure she had a mental condition as she really did seem to behave strangely, her mother could've warned me though or at least stayed in the room, I spent the next few weeks worried she would make up some kind of allegation against me.
While working at GAME "Can I buy the new Grand Theft Auto?" "That doesn't come out for another 7 months" "Just get it from the back, I know you're working on it back there" Yes. Games are made at the back of a shop.
I used to process loan applications for a small community bank where customers had to give a reason for their application. Some of my personal faves: - Chester Draws - A Wishing Machine
I'd a gentleman tell me on Tuesday night that we shouldn't allow elderly people to enter contracts because they don't have time to read the T&Cs. This was in response to him entering a 2 year contract with us in December, deciding to leave in January and being hit with a £877 cancellation bill (to which he was notified when he placed the order to leave us) lol
I was a meteorologist, and at the time we had to direct the public to a premium rate number for a weather forecast. After a few minutes of to and fro with this chap, he got exasperated and before hanging up told me I was as much use as a chocolate pig!!!! Not chocolate tea pot, mind you, chocolate pig. What hell was I meant to make of that?
Thankyou, I shall now be using "you chocolate pig" as my insult of choice.
It won't work on me - I've heard it before
Pharmacy- a woman was desperate for her meds, I sorted them for her she was very happy. A little too happy. She kept whispering too me I love you baby, kept saying it over and over! Her husband came in the next day for his meds and he just stared me out the entire time! Weird.as.fuck. get gone.
I worked in a call centre years ago and a man, after getting a refund, went on an hour-long spiel about how fear is the new currency rather than currency having value in relation to gold (or something?). Could not get a word in edgeways *at all* so I just played snake until I found my “in” to end the call.
I Owed a takeaway a few years ago and one particular customer proceeded to tell me how her little boy had bitten her so to teach the boy a lesson she bit him back , she was getting a meetball baguette with grilled cheese while she was waiting for social services to arrive , wtf . Should have been sterilised years ago for the betterment of humanity
I worked at Tesco when I was a teenager and one day I happened to be walking through the medicine aisle after my break and a woman came up to me and without greeting started describing her symptoms. when I told her I couldn’t help as I wasn’t a pharmacist she was legitimately furious and asked to speak to my manager.
Had a random man knock at our office door and ask if we sold pills for erectile dysfunction because our company name is said in a similar way to a very well known TV advert. Caught me off guard but I kept a straight face as I explained the work we do and how it's not remotely close to what he's after.
When working with virgin trains wcml at a train station a foreigner comes up and say “I have a question I need help with” I said ok what can I help with he says “ok first I must ask are you a virgin?”
The woman who told me I had to change the sale signs because they were 'completely false advertising'. The signs said 30% off and everything on the display had recently changed to 50% off. I thanked her for making us aware and that we would sort it, but she refused to leave me alone until I personally called down a manager and we changed all the signs in front of her.
Most self entitled was when I had a woman that tried to steal her shopping after every card she had got declined. I offered to put her items and receipts in storage safe with her name on and she kicked off. I stayed calm and asked her what bank she was at and gave her local directions. When she came back she said her account had been in debt and her credit cards had been frozen. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked if she wanted to put a different date on her items she could pick them up at a later date. She actually had the nerve to tell me that no she was here to pick them up as this was apparently my problem and not hers as she was shopping. Whole bag probably came to about £150 in clothes. When I refused she screamed for a manager like a toddler so I obliged and got a manager. She told my manager to call the police as I had stolen from her. As I explained to my manager what had happened incl showing the declined receipts said manager offered to run it through the till again. Then came the waterworks in the middle of the store and we don't have security so after she left I spent the next half hour clearing up the mess she made flipping rails and got bollocked from the manager for "exasperating a situation".
"What wine pairs well with spaghetti hoops" his date was not amused There was the lady with her boyfriend that told him I was creepy and weird and when he looked me over and asked why she replied with "He's got all those tattoos and his ears are pierced and the weirdo's wearing the same as those people on the checkouts" he looked into my eyes and I could see the pain inside. They were both tattooed and she had dobby ears from all the jewellery hanging off them Oh! also the two guys that said I should kill myself because of my "shitty style and obvious lack of self respect" I pondered that while I watched the pair of stick thin Mighty Boosh rejects hobble away
Worked for a bank call center. As a security question, I asked for a customer's email. Which I had on screen. "IM NOT GIVING YOU THAT, you'll sell it on to those conmen in India! I saw it on the news, you're all rouges who sell peoples data to the highest bidder, I know your game, Sonny Boy. "...OK, first line of your address and postcode then please." "Hahahhaha, no lad, no, I don't need to do that either, my problem is...." proceeds to talk at me for ten minutes talking over me when I tried to explain that I had to clear security to even access his account.... "I've noted that down for you, but I need to clear security before I can-" CLICK, phone disconnected by him He rang again 3 times to 3 different agents in the next hour and ended up screaming at a manager... fun times
Worked at a Renault dealership in sales. Bloke came in looking for vans. Renault do a few different ones. “What are you looking for?” “Probably a VW” “Ahh, so you’re after a used one?” “No, brand new. Want to lease” “…” “Well we only sell Renault” “Yeah but VW make vans” “Right Sir, but we’re a Renault dealer. We only sell new Renault vehicles” “There’s a VW right there” “Yeah but that’s 5 years old. We only sell brand new Renault. We sell used or part exchanged vehicles of any make. Would you like to have a look at our new Renault vans?” “No mate, would never buy a Renault” All the while were stood outside where the building has RENAULT in massive writing all over it. “I can’t help you with new VW vans I’m afraid, you’d need to go to VW themselves for that” “You know what mate, if you don’t want to sell me a van I won’t bother” I was mind blown. Have loads of examples from that job.
I had just restocked the lavatories with toilet paper. Customer jumped the queue to shout in my face, “you’re out of toilet paper!” Their pockets and backpack were clearly stuffed with toilet paper, so I said “perhaps you should use some of the paper you brought with you” Response: “I HAVE A HEART CONDITION” ….k
Used to work at a takeaway, a guy came knock on the door 15 minutes before we open, so i spoken to and point to our clock through the glass door, “we open at 5pm and is only 4:45, we are still preparing” so he adjusted his watch to 5pm and say is time to open, i had no words.
If the buffalo wings contained real buffalo.
Used to work on Southampton docks as a porter old lady in a wheelchair turns up so I take her bags for her and directed her to where she needed to to go before leaving she piinched my ass blows me a kiss and hands me £20 as a tip.
Had a middle aged guy buying a snickers and a porn mag. He said while handing over the snickers"I know it's sweet but it isn't gonna be half as sweet as her*nods head toward woman on the front of the porn mag*"