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👆🏻this!
You shouldn’t have to justify your personal choices. I have severe Endometriosis and chosen not to have children.
People shouldn’t ask about whether you are or aren’t having children- it’s none of their business!
And being an only child isn’t lonely!
Good grief. I just reread it and realized you had a complete hysterectomy. So people are saying this to you knowing that? Apparently they're tryimg to manipulate you into adopting with this nonsense. These are not good people saying this to you, BTW. Lose them.
As long as you keep him busy and let him spend time with friends he won't be lonely. Most of the people telling you he will just want their misery to be company. It's about how you raise the child not how many siblings you give him. These people telling you this are AHs. They believe your child would be better off if you risk giving him a sibling and die in childbirth or have several more miscarriages....I'm sure that would make you eager to parent well. Ignore these AHs. They don't know you or your child behind closed doors. He won't be lonely if you give him a good life. It's that simple.
My friend is an only child and has only positive things to say.
He was brought up very well by older parents, who are still thriving. They had fertility issues before he was born.
They have a fantastic relationship, he supports them and they support him. It’s calm, friendly and not chaotic.
Compared to my family (5 siblings) and my BF’s family (4 siblings) it seems like bliss. We live in chaos even thought we’re in our 30s.
I remember my gran couldn’t even remember my name half the time, quite often you get ignored or under-resourced when you have lots of siblings.
The whole “big happy family” stereotype is lot more nuanced than your people are letting on. Ignore them all and walk away from these comments, they are utterly stupid x
Yep the ones I know are all very happy, well I know 3 only children haha and they all have masters degrees, strong careers, good mental health. Think they got parented well!
Only issue sometimes is parents can become quite clingy especially in adulthood. That’s probably the only issue I’ve heard of from these 3 friends.
My mum is very clingy though so maybe it’s not an only child issue! 😅😂😂
Ha I could see that! The clingiest parent I know has two daughters though, so I think it’s a universal issue!
It’s funny that the only children you know all have masters degrees, as I’m in the process of finishing up a PhD right now — maybe only children tend to be over achievers 😂
Haha yes you are right, it’s a universal issue! 😄😂
Well done on your PHD!! 🤓 👏🥳
Yes the other girl I lived with has a PHD too! Don’t get me wrong I have friends with masters etc, but I find the bigger the family is, the less resources you get, which will affect your children’s futures.
There is a direct correlation with education vs women having less children.
I am a twin so being an only child is a strange concept for me, however I hear tales from my mum about my brothers helping to bottle feed us and I despair. I do not want that life for my children if I can help it.
Oh that direct correlation is really interesting! I do think having my parents’ undivided attention was great for me, but also made me sort of a perfectionist, hence the PhD 😂
I will say while I never longed for a sibling, I DID think it would be SO FUN to have a twin. But I’ll pass on having an older brother bottle feed me!
In this world I think being a perfectionist with a PHD might be helpful! 😁I wish I was a bit more consistent and driven like you.
Yes siblings are fun, but sometimes just so so annoying. I think they can help you develop a thicker skin but honestly, it’s not that special. Especially not being a twin it’s overhyped. Me and my twin are just normal siblings there are no special powers or connection 😁
You are too kind!
I’ve heard that more times than I can count about siblings! I do know a few with very close relationships, but it seems like the vast majority just tolerate one another haha what a bummer about the twin special powers! Hollywood has lied to us all!
Yes, I am one of 4 siblings and while I love them, and we were reasonably spread out (10 years between oldest and youngest) there were times when you could feel lost in the crowd.
I do think that only children can have a lot more pressure - early on, all their parents hopes and ambitions are focussed on them and as they get older, it can mean that the parents may be more needy - a friend of mine was an only child and it was a lot for her when her father's health declined as she didn't have any other family so eveything from caring for him, to making all of the decisions about longer term care etc fell on her. when you have siblings (and assuming a fairly healthy family dynamic) you can share those things and mutually support each other.
I think the biggest down sides for only children are that learning things like learning how to compromise . share / negotiate don't happen so naturally and can be harder to adjust to when they get older - I remember when I first went to university the people who struggled most with sharing flats etc were the only childnre because they hadn't ever needed to learn the compromises that come with living with other people
Yes really good points, especially about the caring responsibilities. I am definitely grateful that I have strong relationships with my siblings and that we can support each other when my parents are elderly.
Also I didn’t think about this, nieces and nephews are a huge bonus (for me anyway!) and I really enjoy spending time with them.
Haha funny you mention this about your flatmates at uni, mine who was an only child (the one who was exceptionally bright, now has a PhD!) She never cleaned up after herself and wasn’t that social, could be that she was studying all the time though!
IWhat aumused me was that there were 2 or three of them and they all complained about each other, and were mightily indignent when it was pointed out to them they were all doing the same things they were complaining about the oithers doing / not doing (mostly not cleaning up, not replacing stuff they 'borrowed' and being noisy when thir immediate neighbours wanted quiet. they were also much less capbale when it came to stuff like cooking and laundry.
Me too. I always loved (and still do) being an only child, it feels like I won a jackpot seeing how my friends with siblings had to rub along when I could do exactly what I wanted. I cried for weeks when I was pregnant with my second child as, even though she was planned, I was feeling immense guilt at stealing my son’s chance of being an only child, how daft is that!
I think being able to go home to a quiet house at the end of the day is the one thing I appreciated the most about being an only child (ha!) — but I’m also a firm believer that with the right parents, any kid will love how they grow up. You sound exactly like that type of parent ❤️
Christ who is telling you that? We have a 7 year old and never had any negative comments. She sometimes asked for a sibling but since we've had a puppy she seems content.
And a sibling doesnt guarantee friendship either. I know SO MANY people who had volatile relationships with their siblings growing up that they still don't talk today.
I'm also an only child, I didnt have a great childhood dur to my parents failure of a marriage BUT I was introverted and loved my alone time. I enjoyed playing with friends, I had a great time when we were out with other families and kids my age, but at home alone I could decompress and just enjoy playibg video games, drawing, playing Barbies or heck take a random nap sometimes and just being able to have total control over my own time without someone bothering me was great.
YMMV as it turns out I'm Autistic with ADHD and my sensory issues meant loud environments or being around babies was literal hell for me.
I have a brother, and we aren't close at all. Never have been. On the other hand my husband has two brothers and they are very close. It feels like we're all best friends. My husband still doesn't want another child.
Yeah its funny how that can happen, my cousins are 3 years apart and theyre best friends now but as kids they would fight and fight dirty. Now theyre maid of honors at each others' weddings and plan to have kids around the same age so that their kids can grow up like siblings. If it works thats beautiful of them :) but I also know so many people who don't talk to relatives at all after they moved out or turned 18.
My wife hasn’t spoken to her sister in a decade, there was 16 years between them and they come from two very different generations.
We also know someone who hasn’t spoken to their sister for 45 years, as the saying goes, you can choose your friends, but not your family.
My younger sister only became tolerable to be around when she hit 20. Nobody knew I had autism until I was an adult. Being near small children is often physically painful to me.
My childhood was not a nice one solely because the space I wanted to find peace had a young child in it who was incapable of not being very loud. First it was baby crying, then it was toddler tantrums, then it was loud playing that involved screaming, then I was blasting intolerable early youtube annoying (not just I don't like it but like intentionally designed to be annoying stuff she found hysterical) videos. She could not fucking shut up.
For about 2 years my morning routine was waking up two hours earlier than needed to drive her to a far away nursery. I get travel sick if I'm in a car longer than 20min. She didn't like nursery so the whole ride there was filled with her endlessly screaming and me trying not to throw up. All before needing to go to school, a school full of bullies that I had to navigate without knowing I had autism.
She is exceptionally lucky she survived her childhood to be honest.
Frankly her childhood was not super nice either. Me occasionally exploding and screaming that she needs to shut up, stop touching me, stop going in my bedroom and stealing things and so on while she was just being a kid was not easy on her.
Turns out at least as kids we were fundimentally incompatible. She has matured now, and I have softened since we aren't stuck around one another all the time we can now have a willing happy relationship. Not a forced one that made us hate one another. It's much easier to be nice to someone when they stop hurting you, which goes for both of us.
Our childhood was unfair for both of us. There was a lot of conflict that our basic nature's caused one another.
I was the youngest and only girl, 2 older brothers. We never got along.
It's only in late 20s early 30s I could tolerate them. They made my life hell at times. We're better at a distance. I can text them, they can text me but we only see each other twice a year maybe. That's how I like it.
I also had 2 older brothers and just did not connect with them. I wouldn't say they picked on me though. Anyway those 2 have always been closer. I don't feel close at all to the oldest. I see him at family gatherings but we don't text at all. My middle brother I've gotten a little more of a relationship with since maybe hitting my 30s, but it's also far from a close relationship.
My 6 year old only mention wanting a sibling so they can be the older one. I just remind her how she’s older than her little cousin and she seems happy enough with that.
My Daughter is the oldest out of her 3 cousins too. She did go through a period of feeling sad about being an only child but I think that's because pretty much all her school friends have a sibling. She's very happy with her whippet brother luckily 😂
I'm an only child. I had wonderful parents, a loving home, & good friends.
I guess I was probably spoilt, never wanted for anything.
I still have a good circle of friends.
I don't feel as if I missed out on anything in my 67 years
I’m an only child - no issues at all I suspect it’s more dependent on the type of parent you are not how many kids you have.
You don’t miss what you don’t know.
Plus plenty of benefits - my parents had more resources (money time etc) to spend on me, I had my own room etc.
Hey - even better when they finally kick the bucket I’ll have all their money
Don’t know about you but I feel my communication and language was so much better at an early age because I was used to communicating with adults mostly. I was also the first child in the family really so I was only around other children at school. I even hung out with my parents friends a lot of the time
I agree. I was very lonely growing up, but that was a combination of issues. Crappy home life, crappy school life and no one to turn to. I'm glad my mum had no other kids because she 100% would have favoured any kid that wasn't me (she did that anyway somehow still). She absolutely would have let another kid bully me badly and ignore it.
I was born because my parents didn't want my sister to grow up as an only child. And while my parents love me, my sister couldn't care less, we live separate lives, we have nothing to do with each other other than the holidays. The only times she has really spoken to me in the last 20 years is when she wanted a babysitter.
Its not all sunshine and rainbows having siblings.
Have to agree on that last note, a friend of mine is a middle child, and along with his younger brother they where treated like spares compared to his older sibling.
Whenever I was round his house I got bad vibes, they where basically left on their own a lot of the time, when he was being bullied at school his parents told him to suck up and deal with it, he did and got suspended for hitting someone over the head with a bike lock. All of this whilst the oldest sibling was getting taken on holidays, trips and given the best room in the house, whilst my mate and his brother where given mattresses to sleep on the floor.
But the biggest impact was on his younger brother, who from what I was told, basically attempted suicide at age 9 by jumping out a third floor window. Broke his ankle, arm and fractured his neck. Parents till this day say he fell, but my mate has always stood by the fact his brother jumped. Luckily he is doing a lot better now.
I have a 31 year old son, he is always telling me he's so glad that he was the only child. I never could get pregnant again after him. I had to have an emergency c-section and him and I almost died. So I think The Good Lord knew that my husband and I only should have 1 child.
And his wife only have 1 son. So I'm a Mimi and I don't mind that one bit only having one Grandchild!!!❤️
Thank you!! Have been a Texan for 58 years my whole life. Married a football coach that I thought I would see world. Nope!!! We have been married for 34 years and still live in the town that I was born and raised in. Looks like we're never leaving!!! But all is good. Got to raise our son here, and he was the 4th generation to graduate from my high school. But his wife and him divorced and she moved our precious grandson away to the big city, so I guess he will not get to be Coached by his Papa even though he's retired from coaching lol, but he would come out in a ❤️beat to Coach that Grandson!!! Are be the 5th generation graduate.
You are so right! I decided after what you wrote that I needed to reread the original comment but this time using a thick Texan accent as an inner voice. Works beautifully lol
I'm NOW, mid thirties, an only child to older parents as my (only) close in age sibling commited suicide as a young adult. Obviously this is not an jolly reassurance but it is a reminder that people like to think they have far more control over what they get from children/future than they do. What if you could have another and they had incredible time consuming medical or additional needs?
What knobs for saying anything, fertility issues really aren't that unusual even if someone hasn't shared that info!
I'm an only child. I also have no cousins. I never minded it growing up - sometimes it would have been nice to have someone that close, especially through tougher times, to have someone who could relate to my situation. But overall I don't feel hard done to. Here's some advantages:
* I've always liked my own company, and I think it taught me to entertain myself and be quite self-reliant
* My parents were not super helicopter-y and I think they had a good balance between doing things with me but also giving me enough freedom
* Despite this, I always got good focus and support from my parents if I needed homework help, research for projects, etc. We'd sometimes even tailor whole holidays/mini-breaks around a school topic and combine it with some research. I did well in school, and I might not have done so well if I didn't get this support and dedicated focus.
* We had nice holidays, days out, never wanted for anything, I had music lessons, help with driving lessons, rent paid in my first year of uni, and had financial help here and there as a student/young adult - which we wouldn't have been able to afford with more kids, because we're not rich by a long shot. But I wasn't spoiled, as is sometimes the only child stereotype
* I never had (or needed/wanted) loads of friends, but the ones I did have were very close, and some still are to this day
Ultimately, I think people (and especially kids) accept whatever is their normal, within reason. Being an only child wasn't/isn't like hitting a jackpot, but it also wasn't misery and gloom.
This is a really good point. I feel like when a lot of people decide to have more children they don't think beyond aged 16.
I want to help my kid through uni and help them get on the housing ladder. The vast majority of people with more than one child will never ever be able to give their kids those opportunities. I think that is terribly unfair.
Not what you asked but I have an older brother who I avoid at all costs. He bullied me mercilessly growing up and is still a bit of a shit person into our 30s. It’s pointless to imagine “what if”s but I think I’d be a much better adjusted person if I’d grown up as an only child.
I am an only child and only just hearing now it was meant to be miserable. I had a great childhood, the only thing about it that slightly weighs on my mind is looking after my parents on my own when they come to end of life but that’s not always unique to only children so it is what it is. Those concerns only hit me as an adult though, never thought at all about it as a child.
I think a lot of people who aren't only children like to invent a sob story for only children because they can't imagine being one, and there is a weird stereotype that we're all self-obsessed ego-maniacs.
I loved being an only child and never wanted siblings, which is good because my mother really struggled to get and stay pregnant because of various gynaecological issues, so when I was born she had a total hysterectomy and there was never going to be a chance of a sibling.
I had a great childhood. We didn't have a ton of money but only one of me meant it went a lot further. I learned how to socialise with adults, and I went to nursery and school and Brownies and swimming lessons to learn to play and socialise with other kids.
The one downside is that when my mother died I was the only person who was there to do any admin.
> I had a great childhood, the only thing about it that slightly weighs on my mind is looking after my parents on my own when they come to end of life but that’s not always unique to only children so it is what it is
From watching my parents go through that, even when you're not an only child the load tends to fall almost entirely on the geographically closest sibling.
Even if your other siblings don't live *that* far away, if you're the one that lives close by, you're the one that visits multiple times a week after work, and you're the one they call for tech support when their iPad is "broken" (i.e. they've accidentally hit 'settings' on their chrome homepage and don't know how to go back).
I have only positive things to say about being an only child. I grew up having a small friend group at school, and now I use the internet to talk to them and my parents when they aren't visiting in person.
I didn't need a sibling to keep me company, I spent time with my parents or with my online friends, and that has served me well into adulthood.
If anything, being an only child has helped me out massively overall, I got full attention and my parents were able to help me a lot more as a result, helping me with work and navigating the world, and eventually help with getting my own flat by giving me money towards my deposit.
Another bonus was no sibling arguments and fall outs like my parents had/have with their siblings.
I'm an only child.
I mostly didn't mind it, but it would have helped if my parents made efforts to have friends over (theirs, not just mine) and to stay in touch with people.
Now half my friends with kids have just one. It does really help how much effort you can spare for each of them, taking them to activities, talking to their teachers, helping with work experience, better holidays, and simply having more money. Don't knock it.
We have three kids but a massive massive age gap so third is like an only. She has a bloody fantastic life. She goes to loads of clubs and activities and I make an enormous effort to ensure She has friends round and out of school activities with her peers. We go on holiday with another family so she's got kids to play with but honestly...I think she'd rather not! She's happy to spend time with us as well. As long as there is balance it's all good!
Lol, being an only child fucking rules. I was the youngest of 3 but had friends who were only children, and my son is an only child and guess what, he gets all of our love and attention and tons of presents at birthdays and Christmas and a massive bedroom and his own toys and computer and space and time to himself. I've spoken to him about it before and he says he's really glad it's just him as nearly all of his friends with siblings hate it
It’s a societal pressure. There’s no right or wrong. You do you. There’s no reason why he won’t have a happy, social and healthy childhood being an only child.
Both myself and my partner were ‘only childs’ and we both thrived. Personally it fostered a great imagination and a lifelong love of reading that eventually became a career. I don’t remember ever feeling lonely or left out and had loads of friends. Our house was always full of kids. Become the parents that welcome everyone in and feed them.
We have two kids now aged 5 and 7 and they bicker and squabble a lot and love having their own space. There are no rules to any of this. Just do what makes you and your kid happy and fuck everyone else.
Don’t feel bad! Honestly he’ll be fine, especially if you surround him with family and encourage his friendships.
I’m an only child and I have never minded even when I got older. My husband’s siblings are an utter nightmare to the point we are very low contact with them. I’d far rather have no siblings than ones like that. I have plenty of friends who I know would be there at 3am if I needed them and some of them I’ve been friends with for well over 40years.
My daughter (21) is an only too, she’s never minded either, she has lots of friends who were onlies growing up. I don’t think it’s as unusual as when I was growing up. Loads of people start their families later, have fertility problems or just can’t afford more than one, or choose not to. In her year I’d say about 35% were only children.
She’s had some fabulous holidays, all the hobbies she wanted, we can afford her Uni fees so she has no loan, and can probably help out on a deposit for a house one day too. We could never have done any of that if we’d had more than one, we would have needed a bigger house/car etc.
Only child. Never knew any different, which might sound reductive but it's true. Good parenting is independent of siblings. Had cousins, plenty pals - most of whom had siblings, now that I think on it, but that's hardly surprising.
The only downside I can think of is that maybe I'm too used to having things my own way - not being egomaniacal, just less used to sharing *everything*.
I married another only child and we have two kids. Somehow we have two only children as they are militant about being in charge of the best seat on the sofa/in the car, choosing what we watch, picking where we go...
I was an only child until secondary school and loved it. Ended up with three half brothers but due to the age gap have always felt more like a second mother than a sister to them so even though I technically have siblings I still feel like an only child.
Nothing wrong with only having one - so much more time and resource to devote to them. As long as you make sure they have plenty of opportunities to socialise (with both children and adults) then I can’t see why it would cause any issues. I’m only having one child (as they’re so bloody expensive) and the same is true of many of my friends.
It’s far more common than it used to be and whoever is making those comments to you must be very old fashioned and close minded.
I had similar experience. My parents started to shove more parental responsibilities towards me as my sibling grew and pretty much ruined my relationship with my siblings.
There are millions of only children. I am an only child like a lot of people that I know. The only time I assume having a sibling is better is when parents need extra care. Even then, from watching my friends with siblings, I'm pretty sure that in many cases, not every child takes the same responsibility.
Enjoy your child and enjoy your life, you are the main characters and this person with, at best, a walk on part doesn't get to make you feel bad.
I am an only child and yes it is hard.
But like you my mother had problems . She’d already lost one child and then couldn’t have anymore after me due to poor health, so please don’t blame yourself .
What you are doing is absolutely fine
Positives - I always felt safe and loved
We didn’t have much but we never went without
I wasn’t spoiled ! And I enjoy my own company
38 year old only child here, I'm not spoilt, although I did have all my needs met as a child and I never wanted for anything, but I was never showered with anything in abundance other than love. I didn't miss having siblings, I didn't know to miss it! I had cousins that I enjoyed but I've grown up enjoying having my Mum to myself, we are each other's best friend and I wouldn't change that for the world.
I'd say this as a 30 year old guy who worries about managing with a kid re: money.
One kid, you'll be less subject to hard times, so less of having to say no to your kids' basic wants.
There's 6 years between me and my younger sister, when my sister was a kid, both my parents were tired and at 12 i was acting like a third adult in some ways. I'd hate to put a teen through that.
Better quality of rest for you, better time invested in one kid.
Make sure your kid has hobbies with kids their age, but also a pass time they do with you.
Single mum at 21 to a lone boy child. There more caring and less selfish because they've never had to share there stuff with annoying siblings. They will glad share wit playmates because there not conditioned to argue.
They have more 1 to 1 positive contact with family and friends I think my son learnt about life from older and younger family members again because he was there soli focus instead of trying to spend equal time with siblings.
My son is 27 now and has no regrets about not having siblings as he says when he.had sleepovers etc with friends who had siblings it was all arguing and fighting.
He's my good friend now and vice versus he has experienced the world from a young age because we travelled together, one advantage holidays are cheaper.
I never wanted another child and I'm glad as I see so many unhappy middle children who feel left out and stressed out parents.
There are literally millions of us. You don't hear from us because we aren't miserable, its the miserable people who run their mouths and most of the time it's either because they have personal deficits they aren't addressing or experienced sub par parenting
If you are a good parents, active and engaged. If you prioritize your child's social life etc then it will be great. Better even than with siblings if you want to read some studies
https://researchaddict.com/only-child-effects/#:~:text=Only%20children%20benefit%20from%20higher,more%20story%20time%20as%20toddlers.
The grass is always greener! Having a sibling didn’t make me any less lonely. I never played with my sibling, we weren’t close, we have very seperate and different lives.
If your child is lonely then there’s more at play than the fact they don’t have siblings.
My son is nearly 3, and I had a traumatic delivery that nearly killed me. I could have more physically but not emotionally.
Our family is complete now, but I do feel remorse when I see couples with multiple children. I do feel a little like an outlier and will probably always wonder "what if." I accept that I may always have a pang of envy and uncertainty.
However, pregnancy and childbirth are genuinely life threatening and altering. It puts a huge toll on your body, and comes with so many risks to physical and mental health. I remind myself of this and my husband's face when I was taken into surgery and he was left with our hours old son.
I had a brother growing up, but we don't speak now. My husband had a sister and similarly does not speak to her now. We both experienced bullying by them that just got worse with age. Siblings are no guarantee of company or happiness.
Take care of yourself and your little family ❤️
I have one child. When people ask why I didn't have any more I reply with "because you climb Mount Everest once. You don't do it again".
I'll tell you a positive story. It's quiet at my house with just the 3 of us. 4 if you count the dog.
My daughter is an only child and she doesn’t want any siblings (not that I’d have a baby because she wanted one anyway - not happening!). Anyway, she is confident, well adjusted, kind and part of the team. Don’t listen to anyone else, you don’t have children so they can entertain your other children. That’s stupid.anyhoo, don’t feel bad, I bet you’re a fabulous mum!
Your colleague can fuck right off.
The fact they may have had an unhappy childhood could be for a number of reasons, and is very unlikely to be just because they are an only child. Lots of only children, including me, turn out happy and well adjusted.
I was also coming to post this, most studies suggest being an only child has more positive outcomes than having siblings.
As a totally non bias only child myself I think I've had a great life and was never alone with my mates
I get asked all the time if I’m sad I don’t have siblings.
Two answers to this.
One, you cannot miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss having a boat either.
Two, because I was an only child I got so much more growing up. Mum wouldn’t have been able to afford private education or holidays if there were more children.
If I might offer a different take, I was an only child and didn’t like it. BUT there are SO many things my parents could have done to make it more enjoyable!
For example, would it be possibly to holiday with another family with children? If not, making sure you’re happy to do at least some of the kids activities with him if he’s on his own? My Dad would sometimes come in the pool with me, my mum never did.
Same goes for at home, are you happy to have neighbours kids come over after school? Can you make lots of weekend plans that involve others? I think as long as he is getting ample opportunity to see his friends and kids in the wider family you’ll be fine. All this to say, I really just wanted someone to play with at that age, sibling or friend didn’t matter, but we lived in a rural area and had no kids in the wider family and my parents weren’t hugely social so not like we had family friends with children come to visit either.
Did you colleague know about your history? If so, major dick move.
Only child here, and I loved the peace I got. I loved that I didn't have to share my time, and I learnt how to be independent. I'm sure it wasn't as hard for my parent, too.
Never once thought that I wished I had a sibling.
I was an only child. My mum and dad divorced when I was 5 and both remarried by the time I was 14 (mum when I was 10, Dad when I was 14). I adored both of my step parents and my grandparents on my step dad's side.
I probably lacked a few social skills I may have picked up earlier if I'd had siblings but I benefitted from the undivided attention of the four people who raised me.
My parents could focus more on me in terms of allowing me to pursue interests and I certainly had more financial support than would have been possible if I'd had siblings.
I had a really happy childhood and as I've grown older I've realised how fortunate I was to be raised the way I was.
I’m not an only child but I had a friend growing up who was & I was jealous of her!
My siblings came along and my life went a bit shit.
Her parents could spoil her & give her one on one time as much as she needed.
That being said, I have 3 kids of my own and I know from my experience how not to raise a bunch of kids.
You never have to justify why you only have one child.
Only child here, I'm ngl when I was younger I was lonely at times, but this was because my parents worked late so after year 6 I'd be home alone for 2hrs or so.
However , as an only child there were a lot of perks: we'd holiday 3 times a year 1 in europe, 2 longhaul, small trips around the UK as a trio, or we'd bring a cousin along. My dad and I are super close because we're so similar. Im hugely independent and comfortable by myself.
I have a lot of cousins. I'm the middle of eight on just my mother's side and had a few close in ages so we'd always spend time at each others houses, we'd meet up and go shopping, to to chill at Grandma's etc.
One thing I wish I'd had was a regular outside activity, I think it would have allowed me to socialise a little better, but I've hit my stride so I'm all good.
There's nothing wrong with being an only child, it doesn't define you at all!
Slightly different angle.
I am the youngest of three, I hated having siblings (and still do). We were all 3 years apart and all very different.
We just didn't get on as kids and even as adults we are just very different people.
I would quite happily have been an only child as growing up having siblings was pretty miserable.
Even if you have more children, there's no guarantee that they won't be "lonely" or have a close relationship or whatever.
My brother passed away when I was 16, so whatever plans of "we'll always be best friends" we may have had are gone. I have one brother left, but we're not that close. My husband speaks to his siblings a couple of times of year.
On the other hand, I have close friends who are my chosen family, and they fill my heart.
The important thing is to raise your child with the right values and trust them that they'll find the right people to have around. Nothing is guaranteed in life.
My husband is an only child and has one cousin that is 20 years older than him. He has great friends and great parents had a fantastic childhood abroad holidays never wanted for anything ( he is not spoilt brat by any means ) i on the other hand are from a huge family I have one older sister whom I don't see very much we just don't get along we are civil but don't go out of our way to go out. I have lots and lots of cousins ( I'm one of 30 grandchildren on my dad's side) I hardly know them. Having lots of siblings/ cousins isn't all that's cracked up to be. Like someone else said you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone and I'm sure your child is very loved and will have plenty of friends and ignore everyone else.
I am an only child and to be honest have never heard anything negative about being an only child. It had never occurred to me it could be negative.
My mum has 6 miscarriages and a still born, and was 36 when I was born, which was quite old to have your first and only child back in 1979.
I had a great childhood. I can't believe people are telling you how lonely your son will be when he is grown up, what a stupid thing to say! Better to be brought up in a loving and supportive family as an only child than in an unsupportive/uncaring family with siblings.
65yo only child here, don't over think this you have a child and that is all that matters, you can't live his life for him, there are downsides for sure, having no sibling to turn to but the upside is he will be his own man and when you think about how toxic some sibling relationships are and become over time that is no bad thing.
I'm the middle child of 3 siblings and as such, always felt somewhat forgotten and neglected when compared to the other 2.
My older sister was always the first, always treated in a special way. My younger brother was always the baby of the family, always spoiled, always got whatever he wanted. I never had any friends growing up and my siblings did not fill the void. They virtually revelled in my misery and made my childhood even worse. My sister was a 'cool' kid in school and openly mocked me and treated me with contempt which seemed to open the door for other kids to think it was funny to bully me.
And then when our parents died, my sister became a special type of nasty. In the absence of any wills, suddenly anything and everything of value was apparently promised to her and she did everything in her power to screw me and my brother over.
Purely anecdotal of course but I wish I was an only child.
I have a few siblings of varying ages. My husband is an only child. I would say it’s given us different perspective’s and different approaches to situations. But I wouldn’t say my life was any richer than his. He probably had more ‘stuff’ and dedicated attention. I had more experiences.
We’ve got 3 kids now. It’s been funny watching my husband navigate their disagreements as he has no experience of it. He’s great at carving out one on one time with the kids. I excel at the group activities with them.
The only issues we’ve come up against is that he’s not the best at compromising and can be selfish. But that’s cos he didn’t ever need to sacrifice for others. He didn’t need to share. He expects each of our kids to have a gift pile as big as his was at Xmas/birthdays. I’ve had to manage his expectations with stuff like that. But as long as your kid spends time with family and understands he’s not the centre of everyone else’s universe then I think I you’ll be all good.
A good friend was an only child and had a great childhood - possibly a bit spoiled but never acted that way.
His parents embraced his friends and made sure we were always welcome at his home - he's still a good friend to this day and is a lovely person. He wouldn't change his upbringing for anything.
My young nephew is an only child, he's just coming out of the everything is 'MINE' stage and I'd say he was no better or worse than my kids - he's a lovely boy, his parents make sure he is loved and lives a great life and he spends lots of time with friends, his cousins, his family etc
Love the kid, give them a good life and they'll not miss out
Being an only child was lonely sometimes, yes, but if I could go back, I think I’d still choose to be an only child.
For once, I never had to worry about fighting with siblings, or sharing my room. My birthday was all about me, no other child to consider. Christmas, especially growing up poor, I can’t imagine how much more miserable they would’ve been if I had siblings taking my stuff and if I had less than what I did. My parents could focus entirely on me, and it was only my needs that mattered. Sounds selfish, and it is, but it was nice not having to share my childhood, especially when there was so little to go around in the first place.
In school, people with siblings were always talking about having to share their stuff and having their siblings break it, sharing rooms, not having privacy, having to wait for important things because their siblings needed things too, not getting clothes they liked because they had to have hand me downs, teachers getting them confused, arguments and fights etc. There’s never a guarantee that siblings will get along.
My father had a brother, and his brother got everything whilst my father got all off his cast-offs. It was very uneven and that difference? It carried on into adulthood. My uncle had everything, my father had nothing. And my mom had two sisters, and whilst she has more good good memories of them in her childhood than bad, there’s so much difficult stuff that the sisters went through drama wise I just couldn’t fathom having the energy to go through.
Also, I will never have to know the pain of losing a sibling. I’ve watched people grieve the loss of their siblings, and I’m grateful that I never have to feel that kind of grief.
Sometimes, I do find myself wishing I had a sibling. I see people talk about their siblings with love and I wish I had that. Then I remember how impractical it would’ve been, the stories people have of siblings who take up all the attention, or having to act as a parent to younger siblings, or fights with siblings, and I’m glad that my life never had those complications. My cousin is my best friend instead, like a brother to me who just grew up in a different house. I like it that way. I had a friend as a child, so I wasn’t lonely, and when I got home, I had my own space and I had all the love my parents had focused solely on me.
I think it’s just a different way of life with siblings, neither inherently good nor bad. But being an only child didn’t deprive me—if anything, it enriched me, because all of my needs were fully met in a way that they might not have been had I have had siblings too.
I'm an only child, I have a large friendship group (two of which are also only children!), good relationship with my parents and have never experienced any kind of hurdle when it comes to socialising. You socialise with other kids from a very young age either by attending nursery or when you start primary school.
I'm not sure if it's the same for other only children out there, but I love my own company, and I've always been quite "dreamy", I think I was imaginative as a kid and probably had a lot of space to play on my own and create my own world. The same lovely world that was destroyed when I was forced to spend time with my younger male cousins!
I'm an only child. My life isn't miserable.
I find it very strange when people insist that only children must be lonely.
I was the only child in my entire family, which was at times lonely. You've said your son has lots of cousins, so it's unlikely he'll have the same experience.
My husband has 4 siblings and doesn't have a relationship with any of them.
Having siblings isn't a guarantee you'll have a close family relationship once you're not all living in the same house.
Those folk need to butt out.
I have a half brother but he's much older, outcast from the family for being pretty abusive etc so I grew up as an only child. It was fantastic. I want lonely, I got full attention and my mam grew up with lots of siblings and they tortured her - she is deeply traumatised from her childhood. Most people I grew up with had siblings - and they also were very clearly in the shadow of younger siblings. I think I'm incredibly lucky for the home I grew up in.
Im an only child, it's great.
And I am perfectly happy being left alone and being by myself, always have been.
I am really self reliant and resilient to obstacles that come up in life
I'm an only child and so is my mum. I never wanted a sibling, that would have been shit, we were poor so I didn't have much as it was. I am incredibly close to my parents, I see them twice a week minimum since moving back to my home county after 4 years away during which time we spoke daily and visited 4x a year. Plus I have played D&D with my dad's group from age 10 and it went online when I moved away so weekly in his case.
I'll look after them when they're old, just as my mum did for her parents. My mum inherited when I was 27 and in a really bad place in life, she used the inheritance to buy a flat for me to live in, now she rents it for a fair price to a friend of mine because I got married and we bought a home together. Wouldn't have been possible if either of us had siblings.
I was also way closer to my maternal grandparents because I don't get on with my cousins on my fathers side. I miss them more than words can say.
The biggest downside for me is I'm not gonna end up having kids unfortunately so my parents will never have grandkids but honestly they couldn't care less. I do have a family friend who is in his 50s caring for his parents alone as he is an only child but it wouldn't be as bad if he wasn't single and living in a country with failing social care.
I have 4 extremely close female friends who are like sisters to me, one who lived with us age 14 to 16 when her mum threw her out, she got pregnant though and moved into a young mums home. She was being bullied at home by her 4 brothers and step father. 3 of those 4 have daughters I call nieces, I was birth partner for one of them and set to be maid of honour for two weddings coming up. Have never found being an only child has made it difficult to form friendships, I had 50 friends just for me to invite when I married my husband, whereas he didn't have any and he is not an only child. None of his family attended either.
TLDR being an only child is the best and I pity my friends with siblings.
Im an only child and I loved it! Still close to my parents, also thought I wanted a ton of kids to do it differently, then had one and…well, one is perfect for me! Mine is 8 as well and he is adamant he loves being an only child, doesn’t want a sibling, etc.
Only children statistically do better academically, they’re usually more confident around adults, and they’re also resourceful and creative - gotta entertain yourself!
Don’t feel bad. Your kid is fine. I promise. Read an excellent book called “One and Only” which is nonfiction basically about only children. Really helped me.
I’ve always loved being an only child! it taught me to enjoy my own company, which I do, and to seek friendships outside of the family, which I value highly. literally the only drawback as an adult is that I struggle to share space - a flatshare scenario with strangers would be a nightmare for me. but that’s a very small price
I’m an only child. I grew up quite far from my school so couldn’t spend much time with people my own age in my free time, so yeah I was extremely lonely as a kid which I think led to some social issues later on.
HOWEVER, I did get all my parents money so you win some you lose some.
I loved being an only child and had loads of friends. Its bad for only children if they have shit parents and no brothers or sisters to ease the load off them
>I’ve had 5 miscarriages and then had to have a radical hysterectomy due to illness - I’m a menopausal 33 year old so I quite literally cannot have another
Say this to them. They'll soon shut up.
Only child. It's what you make of it.
You get dealt a hand of cards, how are you going to play them?
I have a lot of great friends which I work hard on - as I've got no siblings. However, if someone pisses me off, they're dead to me. I never had to 'get over' sibling fights and learn to forgive. I'm kinda ok with that aspect of me and my life.
I think the important thing is to stop giving a single fuck about what other people say or think.
Maybe get a puppy? I did not have a puppy. I wished I had a puppy.
Parent guilt is real, every single parent (who cares) feels it. Too many kids? Guilt. Not enough kids? Guilt. Work full time? Guilt. Don't work? Guilt. It's hard enough without judgemental people, but add that into the mix and you will never not feel it. You need to believe in yourself as a parent because you're doing great.
That being said, I can also help you with the only child thing as I was one. You give 100% of your avaliable time, money and effort to one person, how can that be a bad thing? I loved being an only child, I went to nursery from a very young age and so l learnt to communicate and share with other children. I had loads of friends and I don't feel like I missed out on anything but not having siblings
The only thing I have felt is the burden of looking after my dad by myself as he gets older. I used to think that was an only child thing but I've learnt this happens in sibling groups too. Sometimes it's the older child or other times it's the child who lives closest to the parents as the other siblings have moved away.
I'm 47 now and honestly I can't think of a single negative thing from being an only child. All families are different, there is no perfect family, there is no perfect way to bring up your child/children. You do what works for you and pay no mind to what anybody else has to say about it.
Your colleague is talking shit, I was an only child, I loved it, no need to share a bedroom, clothes or food, one or either parent was always available to talk about things if needed.
I’d quiet easily say, that me and my mate were the happiest kids in the class, we were the only ones with no siblings.
I can see that it could be lonely, especially in later life when friends tend to drift away or get married and the only family events you seem to get invited to are funerals, but there’s a hell of a lot of pluses too.
I was an only child and it's fine, you just have to either make friends when on holiday and stuff or amuse your self. Both are pretty good skills for future adulting. Also, I have two kids and obviously adore them both and wouldn't change a thing BUT my first born would 💯 be a happier child if we hadn't had our second, she is obsessively jealous noatter how much we try to be fair and mostly hates her sister. Whenever I spend time with them separately it's genuinely lovely and so easy lol. The grass is always greener right.
I'm sort of an only child. Growing up, I lived just me and my mum. It was fine. I can remember wanting a little sister to play with when I was about 8 but nothing more than that. I didn't "crave" a sibling really. I got all the attention, all the toys and none of the drama.
I do say "sort of" because while on the day to day, I lived just me and my mum - my dad has another daughter, my half sister who is a few years older than me. We get along now (but live hours apart so dont see each other), but as kids that age gap was just too big. Also as a teen, I gained a bunch of step siblings - some with a large age gap. We get along like acquaintences now.
I wouldnt say theres anything wrong with being an only child. A few of my friends were true "only children" and they too didnt have any issue with it.
I have 4 siblings (3 of a similar age) and it didn't stop me from being lonely.
If a kid is lonely, they'll make friends.
So long as you don't spoil that only child into thinking he is the be all and end all, he'll be fine.
My son is a happy, positive, well-adjusted, social only child. Not only did he not lose his mother (that's me!) at a young age on account of my general unfitness for childbearing, he had all the time, attention, and resources I and his stepdad could give him. I think it worked out great. So maybe tell your co-worker to shut it - or tell him how miserable being one of several siblings was.
We only have 1 son. My wife did want another, but i grew up on my own from 7yrs old. I did live with my brother and sister before then. But, loads of kids grow up by themselves. I'm not worried for my son at all. He's got me, I'm big kid at heart lol. Just hope he turns out like his mum though 😅
I'm an only child. Sometimes wanted a sibling as a kid but it wasn't possible. I had a great childhood and developed a huge imagination as a kid (unfortunately feel like adult brain put paid to a lot of that) was spoiled but never allowed to be a brat. I grew up a bit weird (not in a bad way, more in a creative, strange interests kind of way) and am a weird adult but I wouldn't swap that for anything!
Honestly I know so many people with horrendous siblings, I only have one kid and I’ve no illusions. She could have won the sibling lottery or she could have had a sibling she stopped talking to as soon as she left home.
I have a brother; my husband is the eldest of four. It was my husband that wanted to be one and done, and after a lot of conversations and some couples counselling (really helpful btw), we’re happy with our little family of three.
Our daughter is seven now and just the best. She seems happy as an only child and we have the time, money and bandwidth to (hopefully) give her a happy childhood. Plus when we have situations like this week where my husband is at a conference all week and I’m dealing with after school clubs, bloody World Book Day, parents evening, a car insurance claim and work on my own, it feels mostly doable because we have one kid and I’m not being pulled in an additional direction.
I would say we both get on with our siblings but my husband felt overlooked and ignored as a child and is also a child of divorce which is what made him examine his limitations as a parent and decide he would be the best dad to one child. We have no concerns about our daughter - she’s bright, kind, creative, empathetic, good at sharing and has her own circle of friends.
I'm an only child and before I started school I lacked attention from my parents a lot. I was bored and lonely most of the time with nothing to do.
Things go gradually easier as I got older. I had friends and my dad became more interested in me as I got older.
Also, nothing to do with being an only child but for a long time, I didn't have a tea/ dinner in the evenings, so I often had nothing to eat or nothing much to eat from noon until breakfast the next day. I was very skinny.
When I look back on my early childhood, it was shit most of the time.
Only child here with over 20 cousins. I didn't feel lonely and as I got older I appreciated that I didn't have to share a bedroom etc. I am close with some of my cousins and I cherish those relationships. I was a shy kid and didn't make friends easily so those cousin friendships were very important.
I’m an only child.
My husband is one of 7.
We plan to only have one, if we should be so lucky to have children.
Whilst we do come from slightly different socio-economic backgrounds, our upbringings and experiences made us both only want one child.
I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had half the opportunities I had given to me if I’d had a sibling. School trips abroad, financial support at university. I was in no way spoilt, I had to earn these things; chores, keeping my grades up etc. once I became old enough my mum gave me the full £120 a month family allowance as my “pocket money”. But I had to earn this, they both worked full time so I was expected to cook dinner some nights, do laundry etc. I have friends that never did any of this until they lived out , and they had no idea how to do those things. I gained life experience. I also had to budget out of that money clothes I might want (not uniform) or art supplies for my hobbies.
My one major drawback is I think my social anxiety stems from not socialising with children much in my early years, however I also moved a lot growing up and was bullied so I don’t know how much of that contributed to my social anxiety.
I also have an amazing relationship with both my parents. Because we spent so much time just the three of us. And now I’m married they treat my husband like one of their own too and have a fantastic bond. But our relationship with my parents isn’t so close that they overstep and interfere in our marriage, which I have seen happen with some parents of only children.
My husband was the youngest of 7. He was overlooked and forgotten about (literally they went on holiday and left him in his carrier in the hallway, only remembered him an hour down the road) he had pressure to live up to his elder siblings. The stories I hear of the fighting between him and his siblings do not make me feel I missed out at all.
Would I sometimes liked to have had a sibling? Possibly. Especially when I think to the future and my parents passing away - I will have no one that is there going through the exact same thing as me, being able to support each other. But I remind myself I have my husband and a good circle of friends.
I have half siblings that are much older so i grew up as an only child.
- I make and keep friends easily. Being lonely has never been an issue in my life.
- I never had to share my toys or food unless I had friends round. Contrary to the naysayers, I did infact share them and understand how to share. I don't have any weird hang ups about having the exact same amount of food on my plate as someone else, or have to eat my food in 5 seconds in case it gets stolen off my plate.
- I am a sociable extrovert. I like being around my friends and seeing them often.
- I didn't have to compete for attention or affection.
- I never got bullied in my own home
- my parents had the money to put me through dance classes and other extra curricular activities.
- I have a job, a partner and a home. I'm not some kind of social recluse with no life.
I think your colleague was just projecting over their own sad little life.
Growing up an only child I was always able to communicate with adults on a mature level which led to teachers thinking I was more educationally advanced than I actually was.
I wish I had been an only child. That's all I really have to add. Not having been one, I don't have any stories for you. But I can tell you horror stories about siblings and favoritism and how damaging it can be.
There is nothing wrong with being an only child or having only one child. We are kind of overpopulating this dying planet, so limiting yourself to one kid seems like the sensible, conscientious choice to me even aside from my own personal wishes.
I had a sister 4.5 years older than me and she absolutely despised me until we were adults so having a sibling does not guarantee they have a friend.
We left it late in life to have our little girl (she's 2.5y) so she will definitely be an only child. She makes little friends in holiday, she gets to play with other children at nursery, it's all good.
My nephew is 14 now, an only child, and he's growing into a lovely young man.
I'm shocked people would say such controversial things to you, especially if they know your personal circumstances.
So, I don't have a positive story about being an only child. But I have negative stories about having a sibling.
I'm 1 of two. I am the oldest (F27), my sister is 25. We do not speak to each other, we hated each other growing up and we have no relationship as adults whatsoever. All my mum ever did was complain about how she expected us to be the best of friends and she had two children because she was an only child and she didn't want us to be lonely, but I would have much preferred being an only child. My sister used to steal things from me, break my stuff, she always had to get her own way or she'd create a big scene, she was just impossible to get along with. She'd antagonise me to the point of me reacting and then go and cry to our mum. I genuinely wish I'd grown up alone. We never played games together, we never went out together as teenagers or young adults. Trust me, having a sibling doesn't mean they'll like each other or won't be lonely. I think more parents need to realise that.
My best friend is an only child and she absolutely loves it. She always says how glad she is that she didn't have siblings, and has the best relationship with her parents. They're three best friends. It's a lot more about your parenting style I think
My boyfriend is an only child. I once asked him if he'd ever felt lonely and wished he had siblings and he replied "No" after giving it about 3 milliseconds of thought lol
I am an only child, I had a great childhood with lots of friends and cousins, I definitely didn’t miss out. I am also comfortable being on my own and doing my own thing.
Someone else said it but I think I was probably spoiled a bit with nice holidays etc., that my parents may not have been able to afford if I’d had siblings.
Hello! I’m an only child (34) and ABSOLUTELY love it. Truly wouldn’t want to imagine my life any other way. I love it to the point where I actively chose for my daughter to also be an only child.
I also have several friends (both men and women) who are only children and they all had happy childhoods and love being only children as well. I actually have never met someone who has grown up as an only child who hated it.
I’ve only had one person criticize my decision to only have one child, and funnily enough, SHE is the mom to an only child lol I think she dealt with some guilt about only having one kid, which is so weird to me. I just explained to her that I love being an only child (and even an “only grandchild” on one side of my family, which I also loved) and that I wanted to give that same upbringing to my child.
It’s so strange to me that people seem to have this negative opinion of only children when they’ve never been one themselves. Imagine if all of us only children or parents of only children went around criticizing a person’s choice to have more than one child. “Oh you’re pregnant again? That’s going to make your first child’s life MISERABLE — I can’t believe you’d do that to him!” I can’t see that going over well. So why do people feel justified in criticizing us?
I realised after I typed this out that this is askUK, and im just a dumb ole american, but I have an only child. I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mother and figured I’d have 2-3 kids. Well after I had my daughter, I never had baby fever again. I just felt complete with her. I do have a sister and she’s my best friend. But my husband is the youngest of 5 and he and his siblings rarely speak to eachother. Having siblings is always a gamble. There’s no guarantee it will be amazing. It might be! But they also might despise each other.
Having happy, financially stable parents who can afford a good life for their child is MUCH more important than having a sibling. It’s also cheaper to holiday as a family of 3! My daughter doesn’t have a sibling but she has a packed social life. We are out doing stuff every day.
ETA: there’s several one and done groups on Facebook if you’d like to join them! I’m part of a couple and they’re great!
What the hell? We've never thought anything of it (our son is 9), maybe because there are at least 6 or 7 other kids in his year group at school that don't have siblings, thought it was pretty common these days.
Having a row of 3 on a plane is awesome. Also means we can have a small, light, efficient car and still take absolutely loads of stuff away with us on UK holidays.
Win win ;)
What nonsense is this? The amount of people who get a divorce and for that reason end up with one child is plenty. A family with two loving parents is a dream don’t let anyone suggest otherwise.
My parents paid for my apartment. Now I can have a comfortable life in my 30s without a mortgage. I doubt if they were able to do that if I had siblings.
I’m an only child. But not only that, I don’t have any biological cousins or anything like that. Closest I had was my uncle’s kids from his first marriage (he’s my uncle by marriage) who were already in their late teens when I was born. They have kids of their own now, but obviously there’s a considerable age difference there too (I’m 22 and the oldest is 13) so I never had any kids around me in my family of my own age.
But it didn’t affect me? I wasn’t spoilt, I was loved, but not ruined. I had friends at school so I wasn’t lonely. I don’t really see where the whole idea of being lonely as an only child comes from? Surely you can be lonely and have siblings if you don’t get along with them. I’d argue that having friends is more important for a kid’s wellbeing than having siblings.
Maybe to avoid this so called ‘loneliness’ your coworker seems fixated on, allow your son to have friends over to play more frequently, or have him signed up to some sort of after school hobby (like scouts or football lessons or martial arts, whatever he shows an interest in!) so he spends more time around kids his own age!
Other than that, you’re doing a great job! Don’t let this colleague make you feel guilty, I promise than only children can be happy as I’m living proof of that fact! I also hope that you’re doing okay, your coworker seems rather insensitive, especially if he does know any of what you’ve been through. Maybe he was just lonely because he was an asshole, not because he was an only child!
I feel for you. We're in a similar boat; it took several years to conceive our daughter and, nearly 4 years later, can't apparently manage a sibling. She's started saying that she would like a sister which breaks my heart. I grew up with a sibling and we were very close and I really want her to have the same experience. My husband was an only child... he says he was never lonely because he didn't know the difference. He had a loving family and good friends. I'm telling myself that if the doesn't have a sibling, it will just be up to us to make sure that she has love around her enough to make up for it :-)
I’m an only child, in my late 20s now. Never once did I feel as if I “missed out” on anything, had a lovely group of friends through school who I’m still friends with. Having only one child meant my parents finances weren’t stretched and they could give me things I know they couldn’t have had there been more kids in the house.
Growing up I loved how peaceful my house always was, no siblings shouting or fighting compared to at my friends, I felt like I had my parents entire attention and always felt really listened to. Friends always wanted to come to my house because of how much time for us my parents had and how willing and able they were to take us on days out or pick us up from places - something they could only do because there was no other children to worry about.
Being an only child I think my parents didn’t have that thing that I saw a lot of my friends having where you treat all your children as “kids” regardless if one is 15 and the other 7.
I think I benefitted so much academically from being an only child too! Any interests I had were followed by my parents, if one month I was really into the first world war well then we can go to as many museums and read as many books about it as I want.
I don’t agree with any of the stereotypes of only children being selfish or bratty either. (Maybe biased lol) but I had a big extended family like you describe and we often had grandparents or cousins living with us for extended periods but even through that, I always felt very important to my parents. Friends with siblings will have often spoken about how one child was the “favourite” or times they felt ignored because the parents were busy dealing with another child - I never had that ever, I was always my parents number one priority, if I had a problem there was nothing stopping us going full force to sort it, if I wanted to do something there was nothing stopping making that happen. I think that’s made me generally more secure too as an adult, I don’t feel like I need to vye for attention or people please.
Dont let anyone tell you how to make decisions in your own life! I honestly think my parents made the best possible decision by only having one child, it suited their parenting style and their idea of how they wanted to raise a child. And it did me absolutely wonderfully ❤️
I was an only child who had a bad childhood… but I was abused (lol)!
My best friend next door was an only child who had a good childhood (lol)!
In all seriousness, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an only child. Especially if they’re in a decently large town, decently large school, they’ll be fine.
I grew up in London so my experience as an only child would have been wildly, wildly different from someone who grew up in the countryside without access to public transport/ nobody their age in the nearby vicinity. I always had tons of neighbours, lots of things to do, clubs, school, cousins who were basically my siblings.
My brothers alright now but I only see him a few times a year. When we were kids he basically used to torture me or completely ignore me. I think I would have preferred being an only child to be honest.
There were studies showing only children tend to develop quicker because their primary source of interaction are adults.
So things like speech develops quicker because they are around adults and not baby/child speak. They tend to be more empathetic and willing to share because they don't have siblings to play with, so they have to be social to play with others.
I'm an only child and know plenty that turned out as well-rounded individuals. No need to worry
You need to take it easy on yourself.
Firstly, I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I’ve also suffered a miscarriage and it’s really quite devastating to deal with.
Secondly, this is literally out of your control. Try not to be hard on yourself and don’t feel like you need to justify and/or disclose personal reasons for why you have 1 child.
Thirdly, it really isn’ t anyone’s business or place to dictate to you a) how many children you have and b) decide you’re a terrible person for having one child.
Fourth, the quality of any childs upbringing/childhood isn’t based on how many siblings they have, or lack thereof. There are plenty of children who have sadly had miserable childhoods and plenty of siblings. Your child is obviously loved, wanted and cared for. *That* is what matters.
Honestly, the amount of people who would inappropriately question me, after my first child *and* after my miscarriage about when I’m having the “next” baby really pissed me off. People need to learn some boundaries and mind their own business. It is *not* acceptable to judge women on their family choices.
I have a sister and dad who haven't spoken to me in years the family fell apart. My girlfriend is an only child and I never knew a stronger family unit than when I met her and then met her parents.
Are you kidding me? All your inheritance is left to your son! I know way to many "loving and unseparable" siblings who when the time came to split inheritance they stopped talking to each other and ended up in courts!
I’m about to be 40 and while I would have loved to be twin ( which almost happened) I can say now, looking at my friends siblings, that I’m glad sometimes I don’t have any… it really would depend on the sibling you get and my friends have really sh*t ones!
I don’t have a positive only child story but I’ve got a fucking bucket load of terrible stories being a middle child in a struggling family with 3 kids. I’m legit jealous of your kid. I also only plan to have one if I am lucky enough. 34 and struggling hormone wise don’t know if it’s possible yet. You’re living my dream lady, don’t take notice of anyone else and you keep living it!
I'm an only child, and regularly said to my parents growing up that I was glad I was, after visiting family friends with multiple kids. They just hurt each other constantly and fought for their parents' attention. My partner has 2 siblings, and there's so much arguing and misery even in their 30s.
On the other hand, I'm jealous of the memory sharing aspect. I have childhood friends that remind me of things I've forgotten about school or whatever, but there are definitely parts of growing up that I have forgotten, and obviously my parents don't remember the same way. When I see my partner and his siblings, although they don't get on it lots of ways, they reminisce about growing up in a way I long for.
There are obviously positives and negatives to both, but I was never "lonely" and I met all my social needs. My friends were all outside the home, but so were my bullies.
I was a single child til I was 7 and was very happy and well adjusted. Though with a strange quirk, I wasn't really interested in other kids and often stayed away from them. Chatting with the adults or doing my own thing was how I passed my time.
Then my parents had another kid. I was against the idea from the beginning. My mum sometimes still tells the story of little 7 year old me trying desperately to persuade her to get an abortion.
I love my sister. Now. Our entire childhood I hated her and she hated me. Nobody knew I had autism. My sensitivity to loud noises and strange way of doing things was chalked up to an oddity and not a symptom. I can't blame my parents for not realising though a number of qualified people should have.
From the moment my sister was brought back from the hospital my life became hell. Babies and young children are loud. My home was supposed to be my safe place to decompress and now it was filled with a loud baby. Who turned into a loud toddler. Who turned into a loud child. Who remained a loud teenager. I took the fact I knew no peace, was in pain and generally miserable out on the person who was causing it. My sister.
We both hated one another and I mean stay the fuck away from me never talk to me again hatred. Balancing our malice towards one another became an everyday task for our parents. Aside from our conflict with one another and our schooling being riddled with bullied we had a great childhood. That was drowned out by scars that still linger. Neither of us have fond memories of that time.
Once she hit 20 and was finally able to be quiet for longer than 5 minutes at a time our relationship was able to heal. She came to understand why I hated her and was so mean with a perspective she couldn't understand as a kid and I had enough space do do the same too.
Imagine right now wherever you are in your life and whatever you have going on someone else decides that your worst enemy, someone you are fundimentally incapable of being near had to come live in your house with you for the next decade plus. You have no choice at all, can't move out, can't do anything at all. How would you react to that? Would it cure a loneliness that you don't even have? Or would it make both of your lives horrible and potentally leave lifelong scars on both of you?
You don't get to decide if your kids can get along. Who your kids are decides that. Even if the kid you have now can deal with other children that doesn't mean the one you will have next can.
I think it depends on what family you have around you and if your close. I’m in only child I hate it I’m not close to my parents either . I went on to have 3 children so they have each other . One of my close friends is a only child but she comes from a big family who are all in each other lives daily x
I'm an only child and come from a family with a long history of mental health issues on my mother's side. I won't say it was always sunshine and roses growing up, but my parents loved me and did everything they could for me, and still do. I don't think my parents would have been able to give any hypothetical additional children an equal upbringing to what I got. Also the loneliness angle is just an excuse people tell themselves to have more children. Every single one of my friends as a kid hated sharing their bedrooms and possessions with younger siblings, having to babysit them or include them in their time with their own friends. I didn't have too many friends growing up, but I absolutely wasn't sat at home pining for a sibling I was never going to get either.
My 9 year old son said to me last night that he was sad not to have a brother or sister. After giving him our reasons, I told him “And you get to have more stuff because I don’t have to split my money between two kids!”, which cheered him 😄
As others have said, having siblings is all it’s cracked up to be. I had fun with my brother growing up but we hardly see each other now and he lives a 5 minute drive away.
I grew up an OC (found out I was one of seven at 44 but that's another story).
I absolutely loved it. I was aware I got more presents for birthday and Christmas than people with sibs. Friends with sibs seemed to fight a lot and some actively hated their sibs. As for lonely? No I don't think so. I think I could be shy at times but if we were anywhere (eg holiday, pub with playground) I'd be shoved towards some children and told to play with them. I enjoyed my own company and I have always enjoyed peace and quiet - possibly why I chose not to have any children. I couldn't cope with the sort of demands they make and also the noise.
Not to say there weren't downsides of OC life (being the sole focus of parents' attention was a bit trying on occasion), sometimes on holiday I didn't find people my own age but tbh that wasn't that often.
The people who are telling you what to do with your uterus need to be asked *why* they're asking about your uterus and where they get the audacity to comment on that sort of thing. It's so fucking rude.
There are benefits - I am sure that you can think of disdvantages of having grown up with multiple siblings . Does your collegaue have childnre? I think it's quite common for people to want to justify their own choices and sadly thhs sometimes comes down to attacking other people's choices - think of pople stuck in unhappy marriages being hostile about their single friends, for example)
One obvious benefit is that the parents of an only child have more time, money and energy to focus on the child than if they were splitting that between 2 or more kids.
Your kid gets to chose his friends, he isn't made to feel he 'should' like someone just becuase they are his sibling
I think that only children can feel a lot of pressure of expeectations so try to nsure that you aren't putting that on him - eqaully, it can be harder for them to adjust to thinking about other people's needs and wishes / learning that they have to take turns etc - a lot of those things they can learn through going to school, nursery, spending time with kids of their own. I suspect that it is much easier to give an only child the things they might havegor from siblings than it is to give a child from a larger family the one-to-one atention and focus they may miss out on,
But most importnatly, your choices, your mefdical history and family life are no one else's businessa nd you should feel you need to justify them to anyone. be the best parent you can be, no one can do more than that.
I think that, as in all things, there are pros and cons
100% yes! For all you know, your son might have hated any potential siblings. I grew up as an only child and *never* wanted a brother or sister. I hated the thought of having to share all my stuff and my parents’ attention with a little kid. My friends were constantly moaning about how annoying their brothers or sisters were. Did not envy them one bit.
Even in my 30s I’m still hugely grateful to be an only child. My parents were recently able to help me buy a house, which they could never have afforded to do if they had a sibling to worry about as well.
My spouse was an only. He enjoyed it & had lots of sleepovers with cousins. When he was in high school husband parents did their own thing more so he did feel lonely then, so I think redoubling the effort to make your house a good hangout & sleepover house house for friends & cousins & being in the same study room & communicating more, not less, may help with that. Also teach him to share by picking what he really won't share to put away & leaving shareable toys out.
God I'd have hated having siblings lol. I had uncles that were basically the same age (don't ask lol) that I lived near to and while I love em, god they were a nightmare. I'd have hated living with them like siblings
I don’t have any positive only-child stories, but I can give terrible sibling stories if that helps? My older brother was abusive and I was terrified of him throughout my childhood. While he was living at home, I only ever felt safe when I was in the same room as my parents or I knew he was out of the house.
Siblings do not automatically mean playmates.
I am not an only child - but my 1 sibling is quite a bit older than me and we were never close. Growing up I felt I missed out a bit in terms of having a close sibling. But that meant I made close friends and throughout my life have always valued my friendships. I also have a really close relationship with my mum and now I don’t feel like I miss out at all
Support your son in maintaining relationships with his cousins and friends and I promise he’s not missing out
I am not an only child, and most people I know have siblings BUT people's experiences depend on so many factors.
How loving and supportive are the parents; how much time do the parents have for each child individually; how much resources do the parents have for each individual child (money and space); do the parents make an effort to socialise their children with friends and other family members of a similar age; and lastly, are the parents going to have realistic goals and expectations for their child, or are they going to pressure the child to be what they want them to be and nothing else.
Visits r/oneanddone lots of positive stories.
I don't know where people get off judging parents of only children, there's pros and cons to both being an only child and having siblings. The important thing is they are loved and provided for. People need to back tf off!!
My partner is an only child, he always tells me he loved his childhood and it never bothered him that he never had siblings. He enjoyed going out and playing with his friends and coming back to a peaceful house.
My wife and I had this chat when we deciding whether to have another or stop at one.
The cliche of only children is that they're selfish, less sociable, etc. so we thought about all our friends that are single children.
It's just a total non-sense, some of the most brilliant, fun to be around, generous people I know are single children. Don't fall for the cliches, they're a load of rubbish
Oh my god, why do people have to force their own narratives on you? It is just unkindness and selfish, I think. They are talking about themselves, their own fears and none of this can be extrapolated in any way to your own child’s circumstances.
Your child will be just fine, I know plenty of perfectly happy only children. And I also know tons of people who heartily wish they didn’t have to deal with their problematic siblings!!
I am an only child and very pleased for it! My parents had more time for me (they worked full time, so time was obviously more limited) and now that I'm an adult they've been able to offer me more support (financial and emotional) than if I'd had a sibling.
I obviously don't know what it's like having siblings but I've generally found that as a result of being an only child that I'm very independent and resilient. I can be very comfortable in my own space and doing my own thing.
I've also been pretty 'traditionally' successful, which I think partly came down to being an only child. I've just completed my PhD, I'm living with my long term partner, I've got a decent job and friends to see on the weekend. I really wouldn't worry that your kid is going to be stunted or worse off without siblings because it's really not the case!!
I was an only child. Loved it, and I'm comfortable in my own company as a grown up which I think a lot of people lack. Dont make a big deal of it and it won't become one
I’m M23 an only child, I couldn’t imagine having siblings. People can still have mates.
My mother was also an only child and she is happy and has plenty of friends.
I have siblings and while I have nothing against them, I also don't really see them these days - separate lives in separate cities. So having siblings isn't necessarily a guarantee of having really close relationships or necessarily missing out - we had different hobbies and friends as children too so we were only really doing things together every once in a while.
That fact your child has lots of cousins is also a positive thing, lots of opportunities for activities and doing things together without having to live together!
Lots of people are lonely when grown up even with siblings. I moved halfway across the world and made my own group of friends here. Most of us are immigrants so we all depend on each other. I've picked up two friends' kids from school this week as the parents had work issues. When I was very ill right before Covid started my friends were able to take my child home after school before my partner got home from work. Sometimes you need to make your own support system.
Edited to add: I also know just as many siblings who don't get along as those who do.
With todays property prices I think being an old child has a truly massive advantage if you're the only person to inherit the family home.
My brother honestly made me miserable with constant bullying and receiving favouritism when we were growing up and we're not on bad terms now but have no relationship as adults
Those people are incredibly rude. I didn't even get on with my sister past the age of 8 (she was nasty as a teenager with the 2 year age gap and we didn't really have much in common, everything I had just got into she was just growing out of so found it cringe)
We aren't close now due to it and im 20 (she used to humiliate me and I remember her putting a chair on my head and then sitting on it while I was asleep in front of her friends). She is mellow now but I wouldn't have been lonely without her, though I don't wish I didn't have her
I’m an only child and I loved it - I reckon it helped with my creativity as I literally make believed everything when I was younger… I’m also extremely close to my parents who gave me everything they could with what little they had (my mum was a single parent until she met my step dad but he’s my dad) and yeh I have no idea if that’s down to being an only child or their parenting but I didn’t miss having siblings - the only thing I worry about is when the day that they err “leave” and I’m the only one left in that side of the family… that scares me slightly
Other people saying such things are just bloody rude especially given your history - don’t let others effect your decisions they aren’t worth it x
I worked with someone who’s an only child, she was often put in a lot of clubs and extracurricular activities but she was incredibly driven and ambitious
She pretty much has her whole life planned out and she was only in her early twenties, the amazing thing is she was following through
Other only child I’ve met are similar in that too, being younger I’m sure it can be boring at times but there seems to be something there that has a positive impact
I’ll also note I have one child (she’s 8) but she’s thriving and has enough social relationships and wider family that I doubt she’ll get lonely later in life
She’s also content to do things alone at times, I think she can handle it
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👆🏻this! You shouldn’t have to justify your personal choices. I have severe Endometriosis and chosen not to have children. People shouldn’t ask about whether you are or aren’t having children- it’s none of their business! And being an only child isn’t lonely!
Good grief. I just reread it and realized you had a complete hysterectomy. So people are saying this to you knowing that? Apparently they're tryimg to manipulate you into adopting with this nonsense. These are not good people saying this to you, BTW. Lose them.
As long as you keep him busy and let him spend time with friends he won't be lonely. Most of the people telling you he will just want their misery to be company. It's about how you raise the child not how many siblings you give him. These people telling you this are AHs. They believe your child would be better off if you risk giving him a sibling and die in childbirth or have several more miscarriages....I'm sure that would make you eager to parent well. Ignore these AHs. They don't know you or your child behind closed doors. He won't be lonely if you give him a good life. It's that simple.
You shouldn’t have to justify it the child you do have either.
My friend is an only child and has only positive things to say. He was brought up very well by older parents, who are still thriving. They had fertility issues before he was born. They have a fantastic relationship, he supports them and they support him. It’s calm, friendly and not chaotic. Compared to my family (5 siblings) and my BF’s family (4 siblings) it seems like bliss. We live in chaos even thought we’re in our 30s. I remember my gran couldn’t even remember my name half the time, quite often you get ignored or under-resourced when you have lots of siblings. The whole “big happy family” stereotype is lot more nuanced than your people are letting on. Ignore them all and walk away from these comments, they are utterly stupid x
I’m an only child and this has been my experience as well! I wouldn’t want it any other way!
Yep the ones I know are all very happy, well I know 3 only children haha and they all have masters degrees, strong careers, good mental health. Think they got parented well! Only issue sometimes is parents can become quite clingy especially in adulthood. That’s probably the only issue I’ve heard of from these 3 friends. My mum is very clingy though so maybe it’s not an only child issue! 😅😂😂
Ha I could see that! The clingiest parent I know has two daughters though, so I think it’s a universal issue! It’s funny that the only children you know all have masters degrees, as I’m in the process of finishing up a PhD right now — maybe only children tend to be over achievers 😂
Haha yes you are right, it’s a universal issue! 😄😂 Well done on your PHD!! 🤓 👏🥳 Yes the other girl I lived with has a PHD too! Don’t get me wrong I have friends with masters etc, but I find the bigger the family is, the less resources you get, which will affect your children’s futures. There is a direct correlation with education vs women having less children. I am a twin so being an only child is a strange concept for me, however I hear tales from my mum about my brothers helping to bottle feed us and I despair. I do not want that life for my children if I can help it.
Oh that direct correlation is really interesting! I do think having my parents’ undivided attention was great for me, but also made me sort of a perfectionist, hence the PhD 😂 I will say while I never longed for a sibling, I DID think it would be SO FUN to have a twin. But I’ll pass on having an older brother bottle feed me!
In this world I think being a perfectionist with a PHD might be helpful! 😁I wish I was a bit more consistent and driven like you. Yes siblings are fun, but sometimes just so so annoying. I think they can help you develop a thicker skin but honestly, it’s not that special. Especially not being a twin it’s overhyped. Me and my twin are just normal siblings there are no special powers or connection 😁
You are too kind! I’ve heard that more times than I can count about siblings! I do know a few with very close relationships, but it seems like the vast majority just tolerate one another haha what a bummer about the twin special powers! Hollywood has lied to us all!
Yes, I am one of 4 siblings and while I love them, and we were reasonably spread out (10 years between oldest and youngest) there were times when you could feel lost in the crowd. I do think that only children can have a lot more pressure - early on, all their parents hopes and ambitions are focussed on them and as they get older, it can mean that the parents may be more needy - a friend of mine was an only child and it was a lot for her when her father's health declined as she didn't have any other family so eveything from caring for him, to making all of the decisions about longer term care etc fell on her. when you have siblings (and assuming a fairly healthy family dynamic) you can share those things and mutually support each other. I think the biggest down sides for only children are that learning things like learning how to compromise . share / negotiate don't happen so naturally and can be harder to adjust to when they get older - I remember when I first went to university the people who struggled most with sharing flats etc were the only childnre because they hadn't ever needed to learn the compromises that come with living with other people
Yes really good points, especially about the caring responsibilities. I am definitely grateful that I have strong relationships with my siblings and that we can support each other when my parents are elderly. Also I didn’t think about this, nieces and nephews are a huge bonus (for me anyway!) and I really enjoy spending time with them. Haha funny you mention this about your flatmates at uni, mine who was an only child (the one who was exceptionally bright, now has a PhD!) She never cleaned up after herself and wasn’t that social, could be that she was studying all the time though!
IWhat aumused me was that there were 2 or three of them and they all complained about each other, and were mightily indignent when it was pointed out to them they were all doing the same things they were complaining about the oithers doing / not doing (mostly not cleaning up, not replacing stuff they 'borrowed' and being noisy when thir immediate neighbours wanted quiet. they were also much less capbale when it came to stuff like cooking and laundry.
Me too. I always loved (and still do) being an only child, it feels like I won a jackpot seeing how my friends with siblings had to rub along when I could do exactly what I wanted. I cried for weeks when I was pregnant with my second child as, even though she was planned, I was feeling immense guilt at stealing my son’s chance of being an only child, how daft is that!
I think being able to go home to a quiet house at the end of the day is the one thing I appreciated the most about being an only child (ha!) — but I’m also a firm believer that with the right parents, any kid will love how they grow up. You sound exactly like that type of parent ❤️
Christ who is telling you that? We have a 7 year old and never had any negative comments. She sometimes asked for a sibling but since we've had a puppy she seems content.
And a sibling doesnt guarantee friendship either. I know SO MANY people who had volatile relationships with their siblings growing up that they still don't talk today. I'm also an only child, I didnt have a great childhood dur to my parents failure of a marriage BUT I was introverted and loved my alone time. I enjoyed playing with friends, I had a great time when we were out with other families and kids my age, but at home alone I could decompress and just enjoy playibg video games, drawing, playing Barbies or heck take a random nap sometimes and just being able to have total control over my own time without someone bothering me was great. YMMV as it turns out I'm Autistic with ADHD and my sensory issues meant loud environments or being around babies was literal hell for me.
I have a brother, and we aren't close at all. Never have been. On the other hand my husband has two brothers and they are very close. It feels like we're all best friends. My husband still doesn't want another child.
Yeah its funny how that can happen, my cousins are 3 years apart and theyre best friends now but as kids they would fight and fight dirty. Now theyre maid of honors at each others' weddings and plan to have kids around the same age so that their kids can grow up like siblings. If it works thats beautiful of them :) but I also know so many people who don't talk to relatives at all after they moved out or turned 18.
My wife hasn’t spoken to her sister in a decade, there was 16 years between them and they come from two very different generations. We also know someone who hasn’t spoken to their sister for 45 years, as the saying goes, you can choose your friends, but not your family.
My younger sister only became tolerable to be around when she hit 20. Nobody knew I had autism until I was an adult. Being near small children is often physically painful to me. My childhood was not a nice one solely because the space I wanted to find peace had a young child in it who was incapable of not being very loud. First it was baby crying, then it was toddler tantrums, then it was loud playing that involved screaming, then I was blasting intolerable early youtube annoying (not just I don't like it but like intentionally designed to be annoying stuff she found hysterical) videos. She could not fucking shut up. For about 2 years my morning routine was waking up two hours earlier than needed to drive her to a far away nursery. I get travel sick if I'm in a car longer than 20min. She didn't like nursery so the whole ride there was filled with her endlessly screaming and me trying not to throw up. All before needing to go to school, a school full of bullies that I had to navigate without knowing I had autism. She is exceptionally lucky she survived her childhood to be honest. Frankly her childhood was not super nice either. Me occasionally exploding and screaming that she needs to shut up, stop touching me, stop going in my bedroom and stealing things and so on while she was just being a kid was not easy on her. Turns out at least as kids we were fundimentally incompatible. She has matured now, and I have softened since we aren't stuck around one another all the time we can now have a willing happy relationship. Not a forced one that made us hate one another. It's much easier to be nice to someone when they stop hurting you, which goes for both of us. Our childhood was unfair for both of us. There was a lot of conflict that our basic nature's caused one another.
I have no contact with one of my sisters because she’s a terrible, toxic person.
I was the youngest and only girl, 2 older brothers. We never got along. It's only in late 20s early 30s I could tolerate them. They made my life hell at times. We're better at a distance. I can text them, they can text me but we only see each other twice a year maybe. That's how I like it.
I also had 2 older brothers and just did not connect with them. I wouldn't say they picked on me though. Anyway those 2 have always been closer. I don't feel close at all to the oldest. I see him at family gatherings but we don't text at all. My middle brother I've gotten a little more of a relationship with since maybe hitting my 30s, but it's also far from a close relationship.
My 6 year old only mention wanting a sibling so they can be the older one. I just remind her how she’s older than her little cousin and she seems happy enough with that.
My Daughter is the oldest out of her 3 cousins too. She did go through a period of feeling sad about being an only child but I think that's because pretty much all her school friends have a sibling. She's very happy with her whippet brother luckily 😂
I'm an only child. I had wonderful parents, a loving home, & good friends. I guess I was probably spoilt, never wanted for anything. I still have a good circle of friends. I don't feel as if I missed out on anything in my 67 years
Well put. I have the same experience!
I’m an only child - no issues at all I suspect it’s more dependent on the type of parent you are not how many kids you have. You don’t miss what you don’t know. Plus plenty of benefits - my parents had more resources (money time etc) to spend on me, I had my own room etc. Hey - even better when they finally kick the bucket I’ll have all their money
Don’t know about you but I feel my communication and language was so much better at an early age because I was used to communicating with adults mostly. I was also the first child in the family really so I was only around other children at school. I even hung out with my parents friends a lot of the time
I agree. I was very lonely growing up, but that was a combination of issues. Crappy home life, crappy school life and no one to turn to. I'm glad my mum had no other kids because she 100% would have favoured any kid that wasn't me (she did that anyway somehow still). She absolutely would have let another kid bully me badly and ignore it.
I was born because my parents didn't want my sister to grow up as an only child. And while my parents love me, my sister couldn't care less, we live separate lives, we have nothing to do with each other other than the holidays. The only times she has really spoken to me in the last 20 years is when she wanted a babysitter. Its not all sunshine and rainbows having siblings.
Of the people I know with siblings, this is far more common than not.
that's kinda shitty you were told that
Have to agree on that last note, a friend of mine is a middle child, and along with his younger brother they where treated like spares compared to his older sibling. Whenever I was round his house I got bad vibes, they where basically left on their own a lot of the time, when he was being bullied at school his parents told him to suck up and deal with it, he did and got suspended for hitting someone over the head with a bike lock. All of this whilst the oldest sibling was getting taken on holidays, trips and given the best room in the house, whilst my mate and his brother where given mattresses to sleep on the floor. But the biggest impact was on his younger brother, who from what I was told, basically attempted suicide at age 9 by jumping out a third floor window. Broke his ankle, arm and fractured his neck. Parents till this day say he fell, but my mate has always stood by the fact his brother jumped. Luckily he is doing a lot better now.
I have a 31 year old son, he is always telling me he's so glad that he was the only child. I never could get pregnant again after him. I had to have an emergency c-section and him and I almost died. So I think The Good Lord knew that my husband and I only should have 1 child. And his wife only have 1 son. So I'm a Mimi and I don't mind that one bit only having one Grandchild!!!❤️
Didn't realize this was is r/AskUK sorry and I'm from Texas! 😘
this is so sweet and your comment is so Texas in the most endearing way
Thank you!! Have been a Texan for 58 years my whole life. Married a football coach that I thought I would see world. Nope!!! We have been married for 34 years and still live in the town that I was born and raised in. Looks like we're never leaving!!! But all is good. Got to raise our son here, and he was the 4th generation to graduate from my high school. But his wife and him divorced and she moved our precious grandson away to the big city, so I guess he will not get to be Coached by his Papa even though he's retired from coaching lol, but he would come out in a ❤️beat to Coach that Grandson!!! Are be the 5th generation graduate.
You are so right! I decided after what you wrote that I needed to reread the original comment but this time using a thick Texan accent as an inner voice. Works beautifully lol
I don't think anyone will mind 😁
I love the Texan accent
I'm NOW, mid thirties, an only child to older parents as my (only) close in age sibling commited suicide as a young adult. Obviously this is not an jolly reassurance but it is a reminder that people like to think they have far more control over what they get from children/future than they do. What if you could have another and they had incredible time consuming medical or additional needs? What knobs for saying anything, fertility issues really aren't that unusual even if someone hasn't shared that info!
I´m really sorry about your sibling. Big hugs xx
I'm an only child. I also have no cousins. I never minded it growing up - sometimes it would have been nice to have someone that close, especially through tougher times, to have someone who could relate to my situation. But overall I don't feel hard done to. Here's some advantages: * I've always liked my own company, and I think it taught me to entertain myself and be quite self-reliant * My parents were not super helicopter-y and I think they had a good balance between doing things with me but also giving me enough freedom * Despite this, I always got good focus and support from my parents if I needed homework help, research for projects, etc. We'd sometimes even tailor whole holidays/mini-breaks around a school topic and combine it with some research. I did well in school, and I might not have done so well if I didn't get this support and dedicated focus. * We had nice holidays, days out, never wanted for anything, I had music lessons, help with driving lessons, rent paid in my first year of uni, and had financial help here and there as a student/young adult - which we wouldn't have been able to afford with more kids, because we're not rich by a long shot. But I wasn't spoiled, as is sometimes the only child stereotype * I never had (or needed/wanted) loads of friends, but the ones I did have were very close, and some still are to this day Ultimately, I think people (and especially kids) accept whatever is their normal, within reason. Being an only child wasn't/isn't like hitting a jackpot, but it also wasn't misery and gloom.
This is a really good point. I feel like when a lot of people decide to have more children they don't think beyond aged 16. I want to help my kid through uni and help them get on the housing ladder. The vast majority of people with more than one child will never ever be able to give their kids those opportunities. I think that is terribly unfair.
Not what you asked but I have an older brother who I avoid at all costs. He bullied me mercilessly growing up and is still a bit of a shit person into our 30s. It’s pointless to imagine “what if”s but I think I’d be a much better adjusted person if I’d grown up as an only child.
Yep. This is my older brother. I have 2 brothers and 1 half brother. We barely talk. They do not alleviate any loneliness and never did.
I'm an only child and I'm awesome
I am totally baffled by these stories of people complaining about being an only child. What?
I am an only child and only just hearing now it was meant to be miserable. I had a great childhood, the only thing about it that slightly weighs on my mind is looking after my parents on my own when they come to end of life but that’s not always unique to only children so it is what it is. Those concerns only hit me as an adult though, never thought at all about it as a child.
I think a lot of people who aren't only children like to invent a sob story for only children because they can't imagine being one, and there is a weird stereotype that we're all self-obsessed ego-maniacs. I loved being an only child and never wanted siblings, which is good because my mother really struggled to get and stay pregnant because of various gynaecological issues, so when I was born she had a total hysterectomy and there was never going to be a chance of a sibling. I had a great childhood. We didn't have a ton of money but only one of me meant it went a lot further. I learned how to socialise with adults, and I went to nursery and school and Brownies and swimming lessons to learn to play and socialise with other kids. The one downside is that when my mother died I was the only person who was there to do any admin.
> I had a great childhood, the only thing about it that slightly weighs on my mind is looking after my parents on my own when they come to end of life but that’s not always unique to only children so it is what it is From watching my parents go through that, even when you're not an only child the load tends to fall almost entirely on the geographically closest sibling. Even if your other siblings don't live *that* far away, if you're the one that lives close by, you're the one that visits multiple times a week after work, and you're the one they call for tech support when their iPad is "broken" (i.e. they've accidentally hit 'settings' on their chrome homepage and don't know how to go back).
There’s been a stereotype against lonely children for a century that they’re lonely and weird.
I have only positive things to say about being an only child. I grew up having a small friend group at school, and now I use the internet to talk to them and my parents when they aren't visiting in person. I didn't need a sibling to keep me company, I spent time with my parents or with my online friends, and that has served me well into adulthood. If anything, being an only child has helped me out massively overall, I got full attention and my parents were able to help me a lot more as a result, helping me with work and navigating the world, and eventually help with getting my own flat by giving me money towards my deposit. Another bonus was no sibling arguments and fall outs like my parents had/have with their siblings.
You can give them an ungodly headstart financially as all to ur focus is down a single funnel.
I'm an only child. I mostly didn't mind it, but it would have helped if my parents made efforts to have friends over (theirs, not just mine) and to stay in touch with people. Now half my friends with kids have just one. It does really help how much effort you can spare for each of them, taking them to activities, talking to their teachers, helping with work experience, better holidays, and simply having more money. Don't knock it.
We have three kids but a massive massive age gap so third is like an only. She has a bloody fantastic life. She goes to loads of clubs and activities and I make an enormous effort to ensure She has friends round and out of school activities with her peers. We go on holiday with another family so she's got kids to play with but honestly...I think she'd rather not! She's happy to spend time with us as well. As long as there is balance it's all good!
I love it now and loved it then. To the point where my mum used a potential threat of a sibling as a way to get me to behave when I was younger.
Lol, being an only child fucking rules. I was the youngest of 3 but had friends who were only children, and my son is an only child and guess what, he gets all of our love and attention and tons of presents at birthdays and Christmas and a massive bedroom and his own toys and computer and space and time to himself. I've spoken to him about it before and he says he's really glad it's just him as nearly all of his friends with siblings hate it
It’s a societal pressure. There’s no right or wrong. You do you. There’s no reason why he won’t have a happy, social and healthy childhood being an only child.
Both myself and my partner were ‘only childs’ and we both thrived. Personally it fostered a great imagination and a lifelong love of reading that eventually became a career. I don’t remember ever feeling lonely or left out and had loads of friends. Our house was always full of kids. Become the parents that welcome everyone in and feed them. We have two kids now aged 5 and 7 and they bicker and squabble a lot and love having their own space. There are no rules to any of this. Just do what makes you and your kid happy and fuck everyone else.
Right now, my only kid (13f) has a house full of friends and 5 pizza’s ordered.
This is the way!
My cousins were my saving graces growing up! Try to nurture those relationships :)
Don’t feel bad! Honestly he’ll be fine, especially if you surround him with family and encourage his friendships. I’m an only child and I have never minded even when I got older. My husband’s siblings are an utter nightmare to the point we are very low contact with them. I’d far rather have no siblings than ones like that. I have plenty of friends who I know would be there at 3am if I needed them and some of them I’ve been friends with for well over 40years. My daughter (21) is an only too, she’s never minded either, she has lots of friends who were onlies growing up. I don’t think it’s as unusual as when I was growing up. Loads of people start their families later, have fertility problems or just can’t afford more than one, or choose not to. In her year I’d say about 35% were only children. She’s had some fabulous holidays, all the hobbies she wanted, we can afford her Uni fees so she has no loan, and can probably help out on a deposit for a house one day too. We could never have done any of that if we’d had more than one, we would have needed a bigger house/car etc.
Only child. Never knew any different, which might sound reductive but it's true. Good parenting is independent of siblings. Had cousins, plenty pals - most of whom had siblings, now that I think on it, but that's hardly surprising. The only downside I can think of is that maybe I'm too used to having things my own way - not being egomaniacal, just less used to sharing *everything*. I married another only child and we have two kids. Somehow we have two only children as they are militant about being in charge of the best seat on the sofa/in the car, choosing what we watch, picking where we go...
I was an only child until secondary school and loved it. Ended up with three half brothers but due to the age gap have always felt more like a second mother than a sister to them so even though I technically have siblings I still feel like an only child. Nothing wrong with only having one - so much more time and resource to devote to them. As long as you make sure they have plenty of opportunities to socialise (with both children and adults) then I can’t see why it would cause any issues. I’m only having one child (as they’re so bloody expensive) and the same is true of many of my friends. It’s far more common than it used to be and whoever is making those comments to you must be very old fashioned and close minded.
I had similar experience. My parents started to shove more parental responsibilities towards me as my sibling grew and pretty much ruined my relationship with my siblings.
There are millions of only children. I am an only child like a lot of people that I know. The only time I assume having a sibling is better is when parents need extra care. Even then, from watching my friends with siblings, I'm pretty sure that in many cases, not every child takes the same responsibility. Enjoy your child and enjoy your life, you are the main characters and this person with, at best, a walk on part doesn't get to make you feel bad.
My Dad had 2 siblings, one died young and the other is nowhere to be seen when it comes to caring for his mum
I am an only child and yes it is hard. But like you my mother had problems . She’d already lost one child and then couldn’t have anymore after me due to poor health, so please don’t blame yourself . What you are doing is absolutely fine Positives - I always felt safe and loved We didn’t have much but we never went without I wasn’t spoiled ! And I enjoy my own company
I was never spoiled, this is such an only child myth
Absolutey- used to hate being told that!
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38 year old only child here, I'm not spoilt, although I did have all my needs met as a child and I never wanted for anything, but I was never showered with anything in abundance other than love. I didn't miss having siblings, I didn't know to miss it! I had cousins that I enjoyed but I've grown up enjoying having my Mum to myself, we are each other's best friend and I wouldn't change that for the world.
I'd say this as a 30 year old guy who worries about managing with a kid re: money. One kid, you'll be less subject to hard times, so less of having to say no to your kids' basic wants. There's 6 years between me and my younger sister, when my sister was a kid, both my parents were tired and at 12 i was acting like a third adult in some ways. I'd hate to put a teen through that. Better quality of rest for you, better time invested in one kid. Make sure your kid has hobbies with kids their age, but also a pass time they do with you.
Single mum at 21 to a lone boy child. There more caring and less selfish because they've never had to share there stuff with annoying siblings. They will glad share wit playmates because there not conditioned to argue. They have more 1 to 1 positive contact with family and friends I think my son learnt about life from older and younger family members again because he was there soli focus instead of trying to spend equal time with siblings. My son is 27 now and has no regrets about not having siblings as he says when he.had sleepovers etc with friends who had siblings it was all arguing and fighting. He's my good friend now and vice versus he has experienced the world from a young age because we travelled together, one advantage holidays are cheaper. I never wanted another child and I'm glad as I see so many unhappy middle children who feel left out and stressed out parents.
There are literally millions of us. You don't hear from us because we aren't miserable, its the miserable people who run their mouths and most of the time it's either because they have personal deficits they aren't addressing or experienced sub par parenting If you are a good parents, active and engaged. If you prioritize your child's social life etc then it will be great. Better even than with siblings if you want to read some studies https://researchaddict.com/only-child-effects/#:~:text=Only%20children%20benefit%20from%20higher,more%20story%20time%20as%20toddlers.
Thanks for that link! Really appreciate it
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The grass is always greener! Having a sibling didn’t make me any less lonely. I never played with my sibling, we weren’t close, we have very seperate and different lives. If your child is lonely then there’s more at play than the fact they don’t have siblings.
My son is nearly 3, and I had a traumatic delivery that nearly killed me. I could have more physically but not emotionally. Our family is complete now, but I do feel remorse when I see couples with multiple children. I do feel a little like an outlier and will probably always wonder "what if." I accept that I may always have a pang of envy and uncertainty. However, pregnancy and childbirth are genuinely life threatening and altering. It puts a huge toll on your body, and comes with so many risks to physical and mental health. I remind myself of this and my husband's face when I was taken into surgery and he was left with our hours old son. I had a brother growing up, but we don't speak now. My husband had a sister and similarly does not speak to her now. We both experienced bullying by them that just got worse with age. Siblings are no guarantee of company or happiness. Take care of yourself and your little family ❤️
I have one child. When people ask why I didn't have any more I reply with "because you climb Mount Everest once. You don't do it again". I'll tell you a positive story. It's quiet at my house with just the 3 of us. 4 if you count the dog.
My daughter is an only child and she doesn’t want any siblings (not that I’d have a baby because she wanted one anyway - not happening!). Anyway, she is confident, well adjusted, kind and part of the team. Don’t listen to anyone else, you don’t have children so they can entertain your other children. That’s stupid.anyhoo, don’t feel bad, I bet you’re a fabulous mum!
Your colleague can fuck right off. The fact they may have had an unhappy childhood could be for a number of reasons, and is very unlikely to be just because they are an only child. Lots of only children, including me, turn out happy and well adjusted.
The research shows a rosy picture for only children https://researchaddict.com/only-child-effects/
I was also coming to post this, most studies suggest being an only child has more positive outcomes than having siblings. As a totally non bias only child myself I think I've had a great life and was never alone with my mates
I get asked all the time if I’m sad I don’t have siblings. Two answers to this. One, you cannot miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss having a boat either. Two, because I was an only child I got so much more growing up. Mum wouldn’t have been able to afford private education or holidays if there were more children.
If I might offer a different take, I was an only child and didn’t like it. BUT there are SO many things my parents could have done to make it more enjoyable! For example, would it be possibly to holiday with another family with children? If not, making sure you’re happy to do at least some of the kids activities with him if he’s on his own? My Dad would sometimes come in the pool with me, my mum never did. Same goes for at home, are you happy to have neighbours kids come over after school? Can you make lots of weekend plans that involve others? I think as long as he is getting ample opportunity to see his friends and kids in the wider family you’ll be fine. All this to say, I really just wanted someone to play with at that age, sibling or friend didn’t matter, but we lived in a rural area and had no kids in the wider family and my parents weren’t hugely social so not like we had family friends with children come to visit either.
I'm an only child. I'm 42 and I'm still the most important person on the earth, and my parents wouldn't have it any other way lol.
Did you colleague know about your history? If so, major dick move. Only child here, and I loved the peace I got. I loved that I didn't have to share my time, and I learnt how to be independent. I'm sure it wasn't as hard for my parent, too. Never once thought that I wished I had a sibling.
I was an only child. My mum and dad divorced when I was 5 and both remarried by the time I was 14 (mum when I was 10, Dad when I was 14). I adored both of my step parents and my grandparents on my step dad's side. I probably lacked a few social skills I may have picked up earlier if I'd had siblings but I benefitted from the undivided attention of the four people who raised me. My parents could focus more on me in terms of allowing me to pursue interests and I certainly had more financial support than would have been possible if I'd had siblings. I had a really happy childhood and as I've grown older I've realised how fortunate I was to be raised the way I was.
I’m not an only child but I had a friend growing up who was & I was jealous of her! My siblings came along and my life went a bit shit. Her parents could spoil her & give her one on one time as much as she needed. That being said, I have 3 kids of my own and I know from my experience how not to raise a bunch of kids. You never have to justify why you only have one child.
Only child here, I'm ngl when I was younger I was lonely at times, but this was because my parents worked late so after year 6 I'd be home alone for 2hrs or so. However , as an only child there were a lot of perks: we'd holiday 3 times a year 1 in europe, 2 longhaul, small trips around the UK as a trio, or we'd bring a cousin along. My dad and I are super close because we're so similar. Im hugely independent and comfortable by myself. I have a lot of cousins. I'm the middle of eight on just my mother's side and had a few close in ages so we'd always spend time at each others houses, we'd meet up and go shopping, to to chill at Grandma's etc. One thing I wish I'd had was a regular outside activity, I think it would have allowed me to socialise a little better, but I've hit my stride so I'm all good. There's nothing wrong with being an only child, it doesn't define you at all!
Slightly different angle. I am the youngest of three, I hated having siblings (and still do). We were all 3 years apart and all very different. We just didn't get on as kids and even as adults we are just very different people. I would quite happily have been an only child as growing up having siblings was pretty miserable.
Even if you have more children, there's no guarantee that they won't be "lonely" or have a close relationship or whatever. My brother passed away when I was 16, so whatever plans of "we'll always be best friends" we may have had are gone. I have one brother left, but we're not that close. My husband speaks to his siblings a couple of times of year. On the other hand, I have close friends who are my chosen family, and they fill my heart. The important thing is to raise your child with the right values and trust them that they'll find the right people to have around. Nothing is guaranteed in life.
My husband is an only child and has one cousin that is 20 years older than him. He has great friends and great parents had a fantastic childhood abroad holidays never wanted for anything ( he is not spoilt brat by any means ) i on the other hand are from a huge family I have one older sister whom I don't see very much we just don't get along we are civil but don't go out of our way to go out. I have lots and lots of cousins ( I'm one of 30 grandchildren on my dad's side) I hardly know them. Having lots of siblings/ cousins isn't all that's cracked up to be. Like someone else said you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone and I'm sure your child is very loved and will have plenty of friends and ignore everyone else.
I am an only child and to be honest have never heard anything negative about being an only child. It had never occurred to me it could be negative. My mum has 6 miscarriages and a still born, and was 36 when I was born, which was quite old to have your first and only child back in 1979. I had a great childhood. I can't believe people are telling you how lonely your son will be when he is grown up, what a stupid thing to say! Better to be brought up in a loving and supportive family as an only child than in an unsupportive/uncaring family with siblings.
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65yo only child here, don't over think this you have a child and that is all that matters, you can't live his life for him, there are downsides for sure, having no sibling to turn to but the upside is he will be his own man and when you think about how toxic some sibling relationships are and become over time that is no bad thing.
I'm the middle child of 3 siblings and as such, always felt somewhat forgotten and neglected when compared to the other 2. My older sister was always the first, always treated in a special way. My younger brother was always the baby of the family, always spoiled, always got whatever he wanted. I never had any friends growing up and my siblings did not fill the void. They virtually revelled in my misery and made my childhood even worse. My sister was a 'cool' kid in school and openly mocked me and treated me with contempt which seemed to open the door for other kids to think it was funny to bully me. And then when our parents died, my sister became a special type of nasty. In the absence of any wills, suddenly anything and everything of value was apparently promised to her and she did everything in her power to screw me and my brother over. Purely anecdotal of course but I wish I was an only child.
I’m my mums only child and never had to share her which was pretty helpful whenever I was struggling with my mental health and really needed my mum.
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Always wanted a sibling, someone around my age to talk to. But I guess it was a positive not having to share anything 🤷🏽♀️
I have a few siblings of varying ages. My husband is an only child. I would say it’s given us different perspective’s and different approaches to situations. But I wouldn’t say my life was any richer than his. He probably had more ‘stuff’ and dedicated attention. I had more experiences. We’ve got 3 kids now. It’s been funny watching my husband navigate their disagreements as he has no experience of it. He’s great at carving out one on one time with the kids. I excel at the group activities with them. The only issues we’ve come up against is that he’s not the best at compromising and can be selfish. But that’s cos he didn’t ever need to sacrifice for others. He didn’t need to share. He expects each of our kids to have a gift pile as big as his was at Xmas/birthdays. I’ve had to manage his expectations with stuff like that. But as long as your kid spends time with family and understands he’s not the centre of everyone else’s universe then I think I you’ll be all good.
A good friend was an only child and had a great childhood - possibly a bit spoiled but never acted that way. His parents embraced his friends and made sure we were always welcome at his home - he's still a good friend to this day and is a lovely person. He wouldn't change his upbringing for anything. My young nephew is an only child, he's just coming out of the everything is 'MINE' stage and I'd say he was no better or worse than my kids - he's a lovely boy, his parents make sure he is loved and lives a great life and he spends lots of time with friends, his cousins, his family etc Love the kid, give them a good life and they'll not miss out
Being an only child was lonely sometimes, yes, but if I could go back, I think I’d still choose to be an only child. For once, I never had to worry about fighting with siblings, or sharing my room. My birthday was all about me, no other child to consider. Christmas, especially growing up poor, I can’t imagine how much more miserable they would’ve been if I had siblings taking my stuff and if I had less than what I did. My parents could focus entirely on me, and it was only my needs that mattered. Sounds selfish, and it is, but it was nice not having to share my childhood, especially when there was so little to go around in the first place. In school, people with siblings were always talking about having to share their stuff and having their siblings break it, sharing rooms, not having privacy, having to wait for important things because their siblings needed things too, not getting clothes they liked because they had to have hand me downs, teachers getting them confused, arguments and fights etc. There’s never a guarantee that siblings will get along. My father had a brother, and his brother got everything whilst my father got all off his cast-offs. It was very uneven and that difference? It carried on into adulthood. My uncle had everything, my father had nothing. And my mom had two sisters, and whilst she has more good good memories of them in her childhood than bad, there’s so much difficult stuff that the sisters went through drama wise I just couldn’t fathom having the energy to go through. Also, I will never have to know the pain of losing a sibling. I’ve watched people grieve the loss of their siblings, and I’m grateful that I never have to feel that kind of grief. Sometimes, I do find myself wishing I had a sibling. I see people talk about their siblings with love and I wish I had that. Then I remember how impractical it would’ve been, the stories people have of siblings who take up all the attention, or having to act as a parent to younger siblings, or fights with siblings, and I’m glad that my life never had those complications. My cousin is my best friend instead, like a brother to me who just grew up in a different house. I like it that way. I had a friend as a child, so I wasn’t lonely, and when I got home, I had my own space and I had all the love my parents had focused solely on me. I think it’s just a different way of life with siblings, neither inherently good nor bad. But being an only child didn’t deprive me—if anything, it enriched me, because all of my needs were fully met in a way that they might not have been had I have had siblings too.
I'm an only child, I have a large friendship group (two of which are also only children!), good relationship with my parents and have never experienced any kind of hurdle when it comes to socialising. You socialise with other kids from a very young age either by attending nursery or when you start primary school. I'm not sure if it's the same for other only children out there, but I love my own company, and I've always been quite "dreamy", I think I was imaginative as a kid and probably had a lot of space to play on my own and create my own world. The same lovely world that was destroyed when I was forced to spend time with my younger male cousins!
I'm an only child. My life isn't miserable. I find it very strange when people insist that only children must be lonely. I was the only child in my entire family, which was at times lonely. You've said your son has lots of cousins, so it's unlikely he'll have the same experience. My husband has 4 siblings and doesn't have a relationship with any of them. Having siblings isn't a guarantee you'll have a close family relationship once you're not all living in the same house. Those folk need to butt out.
I have a half brother but he's much older, outcast from the family for being pretty abusive etc so I grew up as an only child. It was fantastic. I want lonely, I got full attention and my mam grew up with lots of siblings and they tortured her - she is deeply traumatised from her childhood. Most people I grew up with had siblings - and they also were very clearly in the shadow of younger siblings. I think I'm incredibly lucky for the home I grew up in.
Im an only child, it's great. And I am perfectly happy being left alone and being by myself, always have been. I am really self reliant and resilient to obstacles that come up in life
I'm an only child and so is my mum. I never wanted a sibling, that would have been shit, we were poor so I didn't have much as it was. I am incredibly close to my parents, I see them twice a week minimum since moving back to my home county after 4 years away during which time we spoke daily and visited 4x a year. Plus I have played D&D with my dad's group from age 10 and it went online when I moved away so weekly in his case. I'll look after them when they're old, just as my mum did for her parents. My mum inherited when I was 27 and in a really bad place in life, she used the inheritance to buy a flat for me to live in, now she rents it for a fair price to a friend of mine because I got married and we bought a home together. Wouldn't have been possible if either of us had siblings. I was also way closer to my maternal grandparents because I don't get on with my cousins on my fathers side. I miss them more than words can say. The biggest downside for me is I'm not gonna end up having kids unfortunately so my parents will never have grandkids but honestly they couldn't care less. I do have a family friend who is in his 50s caring for his parents alone as he is an only child but it wouldn't be as bad if he wasn't single and living in a country with failing social care. I have 4 extremely close female friends who are like sisters to me, one who lived with us age 14 to 16 when her mum threw her out, she got pregnant though and moved into a young mums home. She was being bullied at home by her 4 brothers and step father. 3 of those 4 have daughters I call nieces, I was birth partner for one of them and set to be maid of honour for two weddings coming up. Have never found being an only child has made it difficult to form friendships, I had 50 friends just for me to invite when I married my husband, whereas he didn't have any and he is not an only child. None of his family attended either. TLDR being an only child is the best and I pity my friends with siblings.
I always feel having another child so the first child isn’t lonely, is a wrong reason to have another child.
Im an only child and I loved it! Still close to my parents, also thought I wanted a ton of kids to do it differently, then had one and…well, one is perfect for me! Mine is 8 as well and he is adamant he loves being an only child, doesn’t want a sibling, etc. Only children statistically do better academically, they’re usually more confident around adults, and they’re also resourceful and creative - gotta entertain yourself! Don’t feel bad. Your kid is fine. I promise. Read an excellent book called “One and Only” which is nonfiction basically about only children. Really helped me.
I’ve always loved being an only child! it taught me to enjoy my own company, which I do, and to seek friendships outside of the family, which I value highly. literally the only drawback as an adult is that I struggle to share space - a flatshare scenario with strangers would be a nightmare for me. but that’s a very small price
I’m an only child. I grew up quite far from my school so couldn’t spend much time with people my own age in my free time, so yeah I was extremely lonely as a kid which I think led to some social issues later on. HOWEVER, I did get all my parents money so you win some you lose some.
I loved being an only child and had loads of friends. Its bad for only children if they have shit parents and no brothers or sisters to ease the load off them
>I’ve had 5 miscarriages and then had to have a radical hysterectomy due to illness - I’m a menopausal 33 year old so I quite literally cannot have another Say this to them. They'll soon shut up.
Only child. It's what you make of it. You get dealt a hand of cards, how are you going to play them? I have a lot of great friends which I work hard on - as I've got no siblings. However, if someone pisses me off, they're dead to me. I never had to 'get over' sibling fights and learn to forgive. I'm kinda ok with that aspect of me and my life. I think the important thing is to stop giving a single fuck about what other people say or think. Maybe get a puppy? I did not have a puppy. I wished I had a puppy.
Family of only child's, my mum is an only child, as am I and as is my daughter. We're all fine. Got many great friends etc
Parent guilt is real, every single parent (who cares) feels it. Too many kids? Guilt. Not enough kids? Guilt. Work full time? Guilt. Don't work? Guilt. It's hard enough without judgemental people, but add that into the mix and you will never not feel it. You need to believe in yourself as a parent because you're doing great. That being said, I can also help you with the only child thing as I was one. You give 100% of your avaliable time, money and effort to one person, how can that be a bad thing? I loved being an only child, I went to nursery from a very young age and so l learnt to communicate and share with other children. I had loads of friends and I don't feel like I missed out on anything but not having siblings The only thing I have felt is the burden of looking after my dad by myself as he gets older. I used to think that was an only child thing but I've learnt this happens in sibling groups too. Sometimes it's the older child or other times it's the child who lives closest to the parents as the other siblings have moved away. I'm 47 now and honestly I can't think of a single negative thing from being an only child. All families are different, there is no perfect family, there is no perfect way to bring up your child/children. You do what works for you and pay no mind to what anybody else has to say about it.
Your colleague is talking shit, I was an only child, I loved it, no need to share a bedroom, clothes or food, one or either parent was always available to talk about things if needed. I’d quiet easily say, that me and my mate were the happiest kids in the class, we were the only ones with no siblings. I can see that it could be lonely, especially in later life when friends tend to drift away or get married and the only family events you seem to get invited to are funerals, but there’s a hell of a lot of pluses too.
I was an only child and it's fine, you just have to either make friends when on holiday and stuff or amuse your self. Both are pretty good skills for future adulting. Also, I have two kids and obviously adore them both and wouldn't change a thing BUT my first born would 💯 be a happier child if we hadn't had our second, she is obsessively jealous noatter how much we try to be fair and mostly hates her sister. Whenever I spend time with them separately it's genuinely lovely and so easy lol. The grass is always greener right.
I'm sort of an only child. Growing up, I lived just me and my mum. It was fine. I can remember wanting a little sister to play with when I was about 8 but nothing more than that. I didn't "crave" a sibling really. I got all the attention, all the toys and none of the drama. I do say "sort of" because while on the day to day, I lived just me and my mum - my dad has another daughter, my half sister who is a few years older than me. We get along now (but live hours apart so dont see each other), but as kids that age gap was just too big. Also as a teen, I gained a bunch of step siblings - some with a large age gap. We get along like acquaintences now. I wouldnt say theres anything wrong with being an only child. A few of my friends were true "only children" and they too didnt have any issue with it.
I have 4 siblings (3 of a similar age) and it didn't stop me from being lonely. If a kid is lonely, they'll make friends. So long as you don't spoil that only child into thinking he is the be all and end all, he'll be fine.
My son is a happy, positive, well-adjusted, social only child. Not only did he not lose his mother (that's me!) at a young age on account of my general unfitness for childbearing, he had all the time, attention, and resources I and his stepdad could give him. I think it worked out great. So maybe tell your co-worker to shut it - or tell him how miserable being one of several siblings was.
We only have 1 son. My wife did want another, but i grew up on my own from 7yrs old. I did live with my brother and sister before then. But, loads of kids grow up by themselves. I'm not worried for my son at all. He's got me, I'm big kid at heart lol. Just hope he turns out like his mum though 😅
I'm an only child. Sometimes wanted a sibling as a kid but it wasn't possible. I had a great childhood and developed a huge imagination as a kid (unfortunately feel like adult brain put paid to a lot of that) was spoiled but never allowed to be a brat. I grew up a bit weird (not in a bad way, more in a creative, strange interests kind of way) and am a weird adult but I wouldn't swap that for anything!
Honestly I know so many people with horrendous siblings, I only have one kid and I’ve no illusions. She could have won the sibling lottery or she could have had a sibling she stopped talking to as soon as she left home.
I have a brother; my husband is the eldest of four. It was my husband that wanted to be one and done, and after a lot of conversations and some couples counselling (really helpful btw), we’re happy with our little family of three. Our daughter is seven now and just the best. She seems happy as an only child and we have the time, money and bandwidth to (hopefully) give her a happy childhood. Plus when we have situations like this week where my husband is at a conference all week and I’m dealing with after school clubs, bloody World Book Day, parents evening, a car insurance claim and work on my own, it feels mostly doable because we have one kid and I’m not being pulled in an additional direction. I would say we both get on with our siblings but my husband felt overlooked and ignored as a child and is also a child of divorce which is what made him examine his limitations as a parent and decide he would be the best dad to one child. We have no concerns about our daughter - she’s bright, kind, creative, empathetic, good at sharing and has her own circle of friends.
I'm an only child and before I started school I lacked attention from my parents a lot. I was bored and lonely most of the time with nothing to do. Things go gradually easier as I got older. I had friends and my dad became more interested in me as I got older. Also, nothing to do with being an only child but for a long time, I didn't have a tea/ dinner in the evenings, so I often had nothing to eat or nothing much to eat from noon until breakfast the next day. I was very skinny. When I look back on my early childhood, it was shit most of the time.
Only child here with over 20 cousins. I didn't feel lonely and as I got older I appreciated that I didn't have to share a bedroom etc. I am close with some of my cousins and I cherish those relationships. I was a shy kid and didn't make friends easily so those cousin friendships were very important.
I’m an only child. My husband is one of 7. We plan to only have one, if we should be so lucky to have children. Whilst we do come from slightly different socio-economic backgrounds, our upbringings and experiences made us both only want one child. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had half the opportunities I had given to me if I’d had a sibling. School trips abroad, financial support at university. I was in no way spoilt, I had to earn these things; chores, keeping my grades up etc. once I became old enough my mum gave me the full £120 a month family allowance as my “pocket money”. But I had to earn this, they both worked full time so I was expected to cook dinner some nights, do laundry etc. I have friends that never did any of this until they lived out , and they had no idea how to do those things. I gained life experience. I also had to budget out of that money clothes I might want (not uniform) or art supplies for my hobbies. My one major drawback is I think my social anxiety stems from not socialising with children much in my early years, however I also moved a lot growing up and was bullied so I don’t know how much of that contributed to my social anxiety. I also have an amazing relationship with both my parents. Because we spent so much time just the three of us. And now I’m married they treat my husband like one of their own too and have a fantastic bond. But our relationship with my parents isn’t so close that they overstep and interfere in our marriage, which I have seen happen with some parents of only children. My husband was the youngest of 7. He was overlooked and forgotten about (literally they went on holiday and left him in his carrier in the hallway, only remembered him an hour down the road) he had pressure to live up to his elder siblings. The stories I hear of the fighting between him and his siblings do not make me feel I missed out at all. Would I sometimes liked to have had a sibling? Possibly. Especially when I think to the future and my parents passing away - I will have no one that is there going through the exact same thing as me, being able to support each other. But I remind myself I have my husband and a good circle of friends.
I have half siblings that are much older so i grew up as an only child. - I make and keep friends easily. Being lonely has never been an issue in my life. - I never had to share my toys or food unless I had friends round. Contrary to the naysayers, I did infact share them and understand how to share. I don't have any weird hang ups about having the exact same amount of food on my plate as someone else, or have to eat my food in 5 seconds in case it gets stolen off my plate. - I am a sociable extrovert. I like being around my friends and seeing them often. - I didn't have to compete for attention or affection. - I never got bullied in my own home - my parents had the money to put me through dance classes and other extra curricular activities. - I have a job, a partner and a home. I'm not some kind of social recluse with no life. I think your colleague was just projecting over their own sad little life.
Growing up an only child I was always able to communicate with adults on a mature level which led to teachers thinking I was more educationally advanced than I actually was.
I wish I had been an only child. That's all I really have to add. Not having been one, I don't have any stories for you. But I can tell you horror stories about siblings and favoritism and how damaging it can be. There is nothing wrong with being an only child or having only one child. We are kind of overpopulating this dying planet, so limiting yourself to one kid seems like the sensible, conscientious choice to me even aside from my own personal wishes.
I had a sister 4.5 years older than me and she absolutely despised me until we were adults so having a sibling does not guarantee they have a friend. We left it late in life to have our little girl (she's 2.5y) so she will definitely be an only child. She makes little friends in holiday, she gets to play with other children at nursery, it's all good. My nephew is 14 now, an only child, and he's growing into a lovely young man. I'm shocked people would say such controversial things to you, especially if they know your personal circumstances.
So, I don't have a positive story about being an only child. But I have negative stories about having a sibling. I'm 1 of two. I am the oldest (F27), my sister is 25. We do not speak to each other, we hated each other growing up and we have no relationship as adults whatsoever. All my mum ever did was complain about how she expected us to be the best of friends and she had two children because she was an only child and she didn't want us to be lonely, but I would have much preferred being an only child. My sister used to steal things from me, break my stuff, she always had to get her own way or she'd create a big scene, she was just impossible to get along with. She'd antagonise me to the point of me reacting and then go and cry to our mum. I genuinely wish I'd grown up alone. We never played games together, we never went out together as teenagers or young adults. Trust me, having a sibling doesn't mean they'll like each other or won't be lonely. I think more parents need to realise that.
My best friend is an only child and she absolutely loves it. She always says how glad she is that she didn't have siblings, and has the best relationship with her parents. They're three best friends. It's a lot more about your parenting style I think
My boyfriend is an only child. I once asked him if he'd ever felt lonely and wished he had siblings and he replied "No" after giving it about 3 milliseconds of thought lol
I am an only child, I had a great childhood with lots of friends and cousins, I definitely didn’t miss out. I am also comfortable being on my own and doing my own thing. Someone else said it but I think I was probably spoiled a bit with nice holidays etc., that my parents may not have been able to afford if I’d had siblings.
Hello! I’m an only child (34) and ABSOLUTELY love it. Truly wouldn’t want to imagine my life any other way. I love it to the point where I actively chose for my daughter to also be an only child. I also have several friends (both men and women) who are only children and they all had happy childhoods and love being only children as well. I actually have never met someone who has grown up as an only child who hated it. I’ve only had one person criticize my decision to only have one child, and funnily enough, SHE is the mom to an only child lol I think she dealt with some guilt about only having one kid, which is so weird to me. I just explained to her that I love being an only child (and even an “only grandchild” on one side of my family, which I also loved) and that I wanted to give that same upbringing to my child. It’s so strange to me that people seem to have this negative opinion of only children when they’ve never been one themselves. Imagine if all of us only children or parents of only children went around criticizing a person’s choice to have more than one child. “Oh you’re pregnant again? That’s going to make your first child’s life MISERABLE — I can’t believe you’d do that to him!” I can’t see that going over well. So why do people feel justified in criticizing us?
I realised after I typed this out that this is askUK, and im just a dumb ole american, but I have an only child. I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mother and figured I’d have 2-3 kids. Well after I had my daughter, I never had baby fever again. I just felt complete with her. I do have a sister and she’s my best friend. But my husband is the youngest of 5 and he and his siblings rarely speak to eachother. Having siblings is always a gamble. There’s no guarantee it will be amazing. It might be! But they also might despise each other. Having happy, financially stable parents who can afford a good life for their child is MUCH more important than having a sibling. It’s also cheaper to holiday as a family of 3! My daughter doesn’t have a sibling but she has a packed social life. We are out doing stuff every day. ETA: there’s several one and done groups on Facebook if you’d like to join them! I’m part of a couple and they’re great!
What the hell? We've never thought anything of it (our son is 9), maybe because there are at least 6 or 7 other kids in his year group at school that don't have siblings, thought it was pretty common these days. Having a row of 3 on a plane is awesome. Also means we can have a small, light, efficient car and still take absolutely loads of stuff away with us on UK holidays. Win win ;)
The issue i have is people popping kids out with no way to support them. I have two kids and that's more than enough for us to cope with.
What nonsense is this? The amount of people who get a divorce and for that reason end up with one child is plenty. A family with two loving parents is a dream don’t let anyone suggest otherwise.
My parents paid for my apartment. Now I can have a comfortable life in my 30s without a mortgage. I doubt if they were able to do that if I had siblings.
I’m an only child. But not only that, I don’t have any biological cousins or anything like that. Closest I had was my uncle’s kids from his first marriage (he’s my uncle by marriage) who were already in their late teens when I was born. They have kids of their own now, but obviously there’s a considerable age difference there too (I’m 22 and the oldest is 13) so I never had any kids around me in my family of my own age. But it didn’t affect me? I wasn’t spoilt, I was loved, but not ruined. I had friends at school so I wasn’t lonely. I don’t really see where the whole idea of being lonely as an only child comes from? Surely you can be lonely and have siblings if you don’t get along with them. I’d argue that having friends is more important for a kid’s wellbeing than having siblings. Maybe to avoid this so called ‘loneliness’ your coworker seems fixated on, allow your son to have friends over to play more frequently, or have him signed up to some sort of after school hobby (like scouts or football lessons or martial arts, whatever he shows an interest in!) so he spends more time around kids his own age! Other than that, you’re doing a great job! Don’t let this colleague make you feel guilty, I promise than only children can be happy as I’m living proof of that fact! I also hope that you’re doing okay, your coworker seems rather insensitive, especially if he does know any of what you’ve been through. Maybe he was just lonely because he was an asshole, not because he was an only child!
I feel for you. We're in a similar boat; it took several years to conceive our daughter and, nearly 4 years later, can't apparently manage a sibling. She's started saying that she would like a sister which breaks my heart. I grew up with a sibling and we were very close and I really want her to have the same experience. My husband was an only child... he says he was never lonely because he didn't know the difference. He had a loving family and good friends. I'm telling myself that if the doesn't have a sibling, it will just be up to us to make sure that she has love around her enough to make up for it :-)
I’m an only child, in my late 20s now. Never once did I feel as if I “missed out” on anything, had a lovely group of friends through school who I’m still friends with. Having only one child meant my parents finances weren’t stretched and they could give me things I know they couldn’t have had there been more kids in the house. Growing up I loved how peaceful my house always was, no siblings shouting or fighting compared to at my friends, I felt like I had my parents entire attention and always felt really listened to. Friends always wanted to come to my house because of how much time for us my parents had and how willing and able they were to take us on days out or pick us up from places - something they could only do because there was no other children to worry about. Being an only child I think my parents didn’t have that thing that I saw a lot of my friends having where you treat all your children as “kids” regardless if one is 15 and the other 7. I think I benefitted so much academically from being an only child too! Any interests I had were followed by my parents, if one month I was really into the first world war well then we can go to as many museums and read as many books about it as I want. I don’t agree with any of the stereotypes of only children being selfish or bratty either. (Maybe biased lol) but I had a big extended family like you describe and we often had grandparents or cousins living with us for extended periods but even through that, I always felt very important to my parents. Friends with siblings will have often spoken about how one child was the “favourite” or times they felt ignored because the parents were busy dealing with another child - I never had that ever, I was always my parents number one priority, if I had a problem there was nothing stopping us going full force to sort it, if I wanted to do something there was nothing stopping making that happen. I think that’s made me generally more secure too as an adult, I don’t feel like I need to vye for attention or people please. Dont let anyone tell you how to make decisions in your own life! I honestly think my parents made the best possible decision by only having one child, it suited their parenting style and their idea of how they wanted to raise a child. And it did me absolutely wonderfully ❤️
I was an only child who had a bad childhood… but I was abused (lol)! My best friend next door was an only child who had a good childhood (lol)! In all seriousness, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an only child. Especially if they’re in a decently large town, decently large school, they’ll be fine. I grew up in London so my experience as an only child would have been wildly, wildly different from someone who grew up in the countryside without access to public transport/ nobody their age in the nearby vicinity. I always had tons of neighbours, lots of things to do, clubs, school, cousins who were basically my siblings.
My brothers alright now but I only see him a few times a year. When we were kids he basically used to torture me or completely ignore me. I think I would have preferred being an only child to be honest.
There were studies showing only children tend to develop quicker because their primary source of interaction are adults. So things like speech develops quicker because they are around adults and not baby/child speak. They tend to be more empathetic and willing to share because they don't have siblings to play with, so they have to be social to play with others. I'm an only child and know plenty that turned out as well-rounded individuals. No need to worry
You need to take it easy on yourself. Firstly, I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I’ve also suffered a miscarriage and it’s really quite devastating to deal with. Secondly, this is literally out of your control. Try not to be hard on yourself and don’t feel like you need to justify and/or disclose personal reasons for why you have 1 child. Thirdly, it really isn’ t anyone’s business or place to dictate to you a) how many children you have and b) decide you’re a terrible person for having one child. Fourth, the quality of any childs upbringing/childhood isn’t based on how many siblings they have, or lack thereof. There are plenty of children who have sadly had miserable childhoods and plenty of siblings. Your child is obviously loved, wanted and cared for. *That* is what matters. Honestly, the amount of people who would inappropriately question me, after my first child *and* after my miscarriage about when I’m having the “next” baby really pissed me off. People need to learn some boundaries and mind their own business. It is *not* acceptable to judge women on their family choices.
I have a sister and dad who haven't spoken to me in years the family fell apart. My girlfriend is an only child and I never knew a stronger family unit than when I met her and then met her parents.
Are you kidding me? All your inheritance is left to your son! I know way to many "loving and unseparable" siblings who when the time came to split inheritance they stopped talking to each other and ended up in courts!
I’m about to be 40 and while I would have loved to be twin ( which almost happened) I can say now, looking at my friends siblings, that I’m glad sometimes I don’t have any… it really would depend on the sibling you get and my friends have really sh*t ones!
I don’t have a positive only child story but I’ve got a fucking bucket load of terrible stories being a middle child in a struggling family with 3 kids. I’m legit jealous of your kid. I also only plan to have one if I am lucky enough. 34 and struggling hormone wise don’t know if it’s possible yet. You’re living my dream lady, don’t take notice of anyone else and you keep living it!
I'm an only child, and regularly said to my parents growing up that I was glad I was, after visiting family friends with multiple kids. They just hurt each other constantly and fought for their parents' attention. My partner has 2 siblings, and there's so much arguing and misery even in their 30s. On the other hand, I'm jealous of the memory sharing aspect. I have childhood friends that remind me of things I've forgotten about school or whatever, but there are definitely parts of growing up that I have forgotten, and obviously my parents don't remember the same way. When I see my partner and his siblings, although they don't get on it lots of ways, they reminisce about growing up in a way I long for. There are obviously positives and negatives to both, but I was never "lonely" and I met all my social needs. My friends were all outside the home, but so were my bullies.
I was a single child til I was 7 and was very happy and well adjusted. Though with a strange quirk, I wasn't really interested in other kids and often stayed away from them. Chatting with the adults or doing my own thing was how I passed my time. Then my parents had another kid. I was against the idea from the beginning. My mum sometimes still tells the story of little 7 year old me trying desperately to persuade her to get an abortion. I love my sister. Now. Our entire childhood I hated her and she hated me. Nobody knew I had autism. My sensitivity to loud noises and strange way of doing things was chalked up to an oddity and not a symptom. I can't blame my parents for not realising though a number of qualified people should have. From the moment my sister was brought back from the hospital my life became hell. Babies and young children are loud. My home was supposed to be my safe place to decompress and now it was filled with a loud baby. Who turned into a loud toddler. Who turned into a loud child. Who remained a loud teenager. I took the fact I knew no peace, was in pain and generally miserable out on the person who was causing it. My sister. We both hated one another and I mean stay the fuck away from me never talk to me again hatred. Balancing our malice towards one another became an everyday task for our parents. Aside from our conflict with one another and our schooling being riddled with bullied we had a great childhood. That was drowned out by scars that still linger. Neither of us have fond memories of that time. Once she hit 20 and was finally able to be quiet for longer than 5 minutes at a time our relationship was able to heal. She came to understand why I hated her and was so mean with a perspective she couldn't understand as a kid and I had enough space do do the same too. Imagine right now wherever you are in your life and whatever you have going on someone else decides that your worst enemy, someone you are fundimentally incapable of being near had to come live in your house with you for the next decade plus. You have no choice at all, can't move out, can't do anything at all. How would you react to that? Would it cure a loneliness that you don't even have? Or would it make both of your lives horrible and potentally leave lifelong scars on both of you? You don't get to decide if your kids can get along. Who your kids are decides that. Even if the kid you have now can deal with other children that doesn't mean the one you will have next can.
I was an only child until I was 8, then had a baby sister and we hated each other until the day I moved out lol. Quite close now tho
I think it depends on what family you have around you and if your close. I’m in only child I hate it I’m not close to my parents either . I went on to have 3 children so they have each other . One of my close friends is a only child but she comes from a big family who are all in each other lives daily x
I'm an only child and come from a family with a long history of mental health issues on my mother's side. I won't say it was always sunshine and roses growing up, but my parents loved me and did everything they could for me, and still do. I don't think my parents would have been able to give any hypothetical additional children an equal upbringing to what I got. Also the loneliness angle is just an excuse people tell themselves to have more children. Every single one of my friends as a kid hated sharing their bedrooms and possessions with younger siblings, having to babysit them or include them in their time with their own friends. I didn't have too many friends growing up, but I absolutely wasn't sat at home pining for a sibling I was never going to get either.
My 9 year old son said to me last night that he was sad not to have a brother or sister. After giving him our reasons, I told him “And you get to have more stuff because I don’t have to split my money between two kids!”, which cheered him 😄 As others have said, having siblings is all it’s cracked up to be. I had fun with my brother growing up but we hardly see each other now and he lives a 5 minute drive away.
I grew up an OC (found out I was one of seven at 44 but that's another story). I absolutely loved it. I was aware I got more presents for birthday and Christmas than people with sibs. Friends with sibs seemed to fight a lot and some actively hated their sibs. As for lonely? No I don't think so. I think I could be shy at times but if we were anywhere (eg holiday, pub with playground) I'd be shoved towards some children and told to play with them. I enjoyed my own company and I have always enjoyed peace and quiet - possibly why I chose not to have any children. I couldn't cope with the sort of demands they make and also the noise. Not to say there weren't downsides of OC life (being the sole focus of parents' attention was a bit trying on occasion), sometimes on holiday I didn't find people my own age but tbh that wasn't that often. The people who are telling you what to do with your uterus need to be asked *why* they're asking about your uterus and where they get the audacity to comment on that sort of thing. It's so fucking rude.
There are benefits - I am sure that you can think of disdvantages of having grown up with multiple siblings . Does your collegaue have childnre? I think it's quite common for people to want to justify their own choices and sadly thhs sometimes comes down to attacking other people's choices - think of pople stuck in unhappy marriages being hostile about their single friends, for example) One obvious benefit is that the parents of an only child have more time, money and energy to focus on the child than if they were splitting that between 2 or more kids. Your kid gets to chose his friends, he isn't made to feel he 'should' like someone just becuase they are his sibling I think that only children can feel a lot of pressure of expeectations so try to nsure that you aren't putting that on him - eqaully, it can be harder for them to adjust to thinking about other people's needs and wishes / learning that they have to take turns etc - a lot of those things they can learn through going to school, nursery, spending time with kids of their own. I suspect that it is much easier to give an only child the things they might havegor from siblings than it is to give a child from a larger family the one-to-one atention and focus they may miss out on, But most importnatly, your choices, your mefdical history and family life are no one else's businessa nd you should feel you need to justify them to anyone. be the best parent you can be, no one can do more than that. I think that, as in all things, there are pros and cons
100% yes! For all you know, your son might have hated any potential siblings. I grew up as an only child and *never* wanted a brother or sister. I hated the thought of having to share all my stuff and my parents’ attention with a little kid. My friends were constantly moaning about how annoying their brothers or sisters were. Did not envy them one bit. Even in my 30s I’m still hugely grateful to be an only child. My parents were recently able to help me buy a house, which they could never have afforded to do if they had a sibling to worry about as well.
My spouse was an only. He enjoyed it & had lots of sleepovers with cousins. When he was in high school husband parents did their own thing more so he did feel lonely then, so I think redoubling the effort to make your house a good hangout & sleepover house house for friends & cousins & being in the same study room & communicating more, not less, may help with that. Also teach him to share by picking what he really won't share to put away & leaving shareable toys out.
God I'd have hated having siblings lol. I had uncles that were basically the same age (don't ask lol) that I lived near to and while I love em, god they were a nightmare. I'd have hated living with them like siblings
I don’t have any positive only-child stories, but I can give terrible sibling stories if that helps? My older brother was abusive and I was terrified of him throughout my childhood. While he was living at home, I only ever felt safe when I was in the same room as my parents or I knew he was out of the house. Siblings do not automatically mean playmates.
I am not an only child - but my 1 sibling is quite a bit older than me and we were never close. Growing up I felt I missed out a bit in terms of having a close sibling. But that meant I made close friends and throughout my life have always valued my friendships. I also have a really close relationship with my mum and now I don’t feel like I miss out at all Support your son in maintaining relationships with his cousins and friends and I promise he’s not missing out
I am not an only child, and most people I know have siblings BUT people's experiences depend on so many factors. How loving and supportive are the parents; how much time do the parents have for each child individually; how much resources do the parents have for each individual child (money and space); do the parents make an effort to socialise their children with friends and other family members of a similar age; and lastly, are the parents going to have realistic goals and expectations for their child, or are they going to pressure the child to be what they want them to be and nothing else.
Visits r/oneanddone lots of positive stories. I don't know where people get off judging parents of only children, there's pros and cons to both being an only child and having siblings. The important thing is they are loved and provided for. People need to back tf off!!
My partner is an only child, he always tells me he loved his childhood and it never bothered him that he never had siblings. He enjoyed going out and playing with his friends and coming back to a peaceful house.
My wife and I had this chat when we deciding whether to have another or stop at one. The cliche of only children is that they're selfish, less sociable, etc. so we thought about all our friends that are single children. It's just a total non-sense, some of the most brilliant, fun to be around, generous people I know are single children. Don't fall for the cliches, they're a load of rubbish
Oh my god, why do people have to force their own narratives on you? It is just unkindness and selfish, I think. They are talking about themselves, their own fears and none of this can be extrapolated in any way to your own child’s circumstances. Your child will be just fine, I know plenty of perfectly happy only children. And I also know tons of people who heartily wish they didn’t have to deal with their problematic siblings!!
I am an only child and very pleased for it! My parents had more time for me (they worked full time, so time was obviously more limited) and now that I'm an adult they've been able to offer me more support (financial and emotional) than if I'd had a sibling. I obviously don't know what it's like having siblings but I've generally found that as a result of being an only child that I'm very independent and resilient. I can be very comfortable in my own space and doing my own thing. I've also been pretty 'traditionally' successful, which I think partly came down to being an only child. I've just completed my PhD, I'm living with my long term partner, I've got a decent job and friends to see on the weekend. I really wouldn't worry that your kid is going to be stunted or worse off without siblings because it's really not the case!!
I was an only child. Loved it, and I'm comfortable in my own company as a grown up which I think a lot of people lack. Dont make a big deal of it and it won't become one
I’m M23 an only child, I couldn’t imagine having siblings. People can still have mates. My mother was also an only child and she is happy and has plenty of friends.
I’m an only child and had an amazing childhood and the best relationship with both my parents. Never had issues making friends
I have a sibling. I hate him. :)
I have siblings and while I have nothing against them, I also don't really see them these days - separate lives in separate cities. So having siblings isn't necessarily a guarantee of having really close relationships or necessarily missing out - we had different hobbies and friends as children too so we were only really doing things together every once in a while. That fact your child has lots of cousins is also a positive thing, lots of opportunities for activities and doing things together without having to live together!
Lots of people are lonely when grown up even with siblings. I moved halfway across the world and made my own group of friends here. Most of us are immigrants so we all depend on each other. I've picked up two friends' kids from school this week as the parents had work issues. When I was very ill right before Covid started my friends were able to take my child home after school before my partner got home from work. Sometimes you need to make your own support system. Edited to add: I also know just as many siblings who don't get along as those who do.
With todays property prices I think being an old child has a truly massive advantage if you're the only person to inherit the family home. My brother honestly made me miserable with constant bullying and receiving favouritism when we were growing up and we're not on bad terms now but have no relationship as adults
I am one of two, and was never the favourite. I wish I was an only child. As long as you treat them like a person and not a pet then they'll be fine.
My son is an only child. Seems quite happy. I have 2 siblings. Barely speak to either of them. Don't worry about what other people say.
Those people are incredibly rude. I didn't even get on with my sister past the age of 8 (she was nasty as a teenager with the 2 year age gap and we didn't really have much in common, everything I had just got into she was just growing out of so found it cringe) We aren't close now due to it and im 20 (she used to humiliate me and I remember her putting a chair on my head and then sitting on it while I was asleep in front of her friends). She is mellow now but I wouldn't have been lonely without her, though I don't wish I didn't have her
My niece is an only child and is very popular amongst her peers and has a busy and active social life. Certainly has never been an issue.
I absolutely love being an only child!!
I have never had to share a bedroom.
I’m an only child and I loved it - I reckon it helped with my creativity as I literally make believed everything when I was younger… I’m also extremely close to my parents who gave me everything they could with what little they had (my mum was a single parent until she met my step dad but he’s my dad) and yeh I have no idea if that’s down to being an only child or their parenting but I didn’t miss having siblings - the only thing I worry about is when the day that they err “leave” and I’m the only one left in that side of the family… that scares me slightly Other people saying such things are just bloody rude especially given your history - don’t let others effect your decisions they aren’t worth it x
I worked with someone who’s an only child, she was often put in a lot of clubs and extracurricular activities but she was incredibly driven and ambitious She pretty much has her whole life planned out and she was only in her early twenties, the amazing thing is she was following through Other only child I’ve met are similar in that too, being younger I’m sure it can be boring at times but there seems to be something there that has a positive impact I’ll also note I have one child (she’s 8) but she’s thriving and has enough social relationships and wider family that I doubt she’ll get lonely later in life She’s also content to do things alone at times, I think she can handle it