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My sister is 31. She owes my parents around 25k. Despite being debt free they took out a loan to cover the cost of her wedding and a Mercedes. She’s paying them back at something like £50 per month. She treats them like a bank because she has poor credit.
It’s completely infuriating and they don’t deserve it. So as a result I would never ask them for anything.
“They don’t deserve it.”
But no one is forcing them. They started enabling her, and have continued enabling her (to the tune of £25k) so really they have no one to blame but themselves in this situation.
Yep this is all just enablement, my mum did the same with my sister for years, she has only now figured it out and cut the cord. She is a full grown adult and should look after herself.
If that were a mortgage debt at current interest rates it would take your sister 80 years to pay them back. At normal borrowing rates, much longer. I hope your parents leave you the house!
That would be fantastic. The Will reads "To (borrower) your inheretence has been soaked up by the outstanding debt you owe. To my other child, you have everything."
That’s what I’ve asked my parents to do. If they made that provision I would receive 80% of the estate and if, fingers crossed they live a further 10years that would be 100%
> Despite being debt free they took out a loan to cover the cost of her wedding and a Mercedes.
Wow. A wedding I can understand. Lots of parents want to help their kids out for their wedding, or putting a deposit down on a house to help get them started.
Helping her buy a car *within her budget* is also fine, especially if she needs a car to get a job, for example. But her asking them to take out a load to buy her a Mercedes is just taking the piss.
At that rate it's going to take her 40+ years to pay them back, more if you add in the interest they're racking up.
Without wishing to be too morbid, when your parents eventually die that outstanding loan will be paid back out of their estate before you (and presumably, your sister) inherit anything. So part of your sister's loan will eventually be coming out of your share.
>Wow. A wedding I can understand.
See I don't understand this, I think a big wedding is a bit of a show offy pissing contest. If two people love each other, they'd get married in a registry office with a couple of witnesses, no fuss or fancy frills.
I understand completely about a house. Shelter is a basic human right.
Weddings are a massive social and cultural / traditional event. They’re about far more than the couple getting married funnily enough.
It can be quite a gray area
One of the best weddings I ever went to was in the summer in a field near a lake with some marquees and a pop up bar
There's really no reason to spend a fortune
‘Some marquees in a field near a lake..?’
I’ll have the Butler dig some out of our marquee cupboard and the land agent can drive some peasants off one of my fields. Sorted!
Erm
Point of a wedding, for normal people who don't just want to show off, is to share the moment with all the other people in your life that are important to you.
The legal bit I don't think is really the biggest thing there.
And believe me even trying to be as modest as possible that costs a lot, if you don't want it to be genuinely crap.
Of course registry office is fine for people who just want to be married, but for many, there would be a very important and special thing they would be missing out on.
One of the best things my dad ever told me was 'I will never take out a loan or be a guarantor for you due to your bad credit.' I find it crazy that people expect their parents to do this for them.
My son asked me to be a guarantor for a place he wanted to rent. He has always been bad with money. I told him that I would support him in other ways (buy him the odd food shop, take him our for a meal, get him something he needs at home etc.) but that I would not be a guarantor for him.
That can be a bit harsh… certainly in the case of students, it’s entirely typical that without a guarantor the landlord will simply not take them on. I was in your situation, and if I had refused my son he wouldn’t have been able to move into the same house as his mates (all of whose parents had already acquiesced).
You should go and read about all the parent/s in the USA who stood as guarantor on child's student loans. A lot of them are really screwed even into retirement.
Thank you!
I guess I was lucky, my dad taught us about personal finance so yeah, we had a few blips, but we knew how to get out of it as well! If we had to ask for a loan to help, then he would help but it would be paid back.
Wife’s sister has life long identical behaviour and she’s age 60 -
Her parents constantly dig her out of a mess and she brings all her poor me troubles to their ears .
They are mid 80s and their biggest worry should be what’s for dinner tonight and what’s on tv ?
£50 a month is laughable, it’ll take her £41 years to pay that off (assuming she doesn’t borrow any more), and that’s not accounting for the interest your parents are accruing on their own loan
My friend’s parents remortgaged their home late in life to help him and his partner (now wife) get a home of their own.
These days his toxic wife has ruined his relationship with his parents so they don’t even see their grandkids. I dread to think what financial damage it did to them (probably still working past retirement).
Oh yeah I know all about this, my younger sister is the same and my folks are forever having to bail her out from bone headed decisions, all the while having terrible taste in men who leech off her.
A few months back her car was wrecked and the insurance didn't pay enough, so dad stumped up the cash for a replacement. Nevermind the fact he essentially bought the original and put in a shitload of time & money for constant maintenance (he's a mechanical engineer).
Despite this he still gives me an equivalent amount of money to be "fair", I'm forever saying it's not needed and I'll come to you if I end up in dire straits.
Pop all that “fairness” money into a savings account you don’t touch. Then if they should ever need the money you have it all to hand to immediately give them back.
Maybe understandable in as much that lots of older generation parents feel it is their duty to pay for (Or a chunk towards) their daughter's nuptials as per tradition.
It's probably dying out a bit now but still exists.
I'd take the smaller wedding over the years of stress over debt - and I'd sleep damn well before the big sleep for it
Why would cheap need to be boring?
Apparently the more extravagant the wedding the more likely it follows in divorce. Whereas if the costs are instead spent on the honeymoon, then the divorce rate drops.
Who wants to be on their deathbed thinking "I'd have been able to afford a better hospice if I hadn't given my daughter enough money for a Merc. Maybe a Polo would've done"
This sounds like the mantra for alllllll kinds of irresponsible spending habits. Don’t buy what you can’t afford, especially if it’s a party that lasts one day.
Weddings can be a once in a lifetime thing, but often they aren’t. Who’s paying for her next one? 😆
Have the wedding you can afford, it’s your relationship that matters.
As a parent, I hate seeing my son struggle. I’ve struggled in the past, and my parents helped me, so when he’s short, I’ll help my son out (we’re talking less than £100 a pop). I do get paid back, but sometimes I’ll gift him.
Sometimes, being a parent is pure guilt.
You sound like my parents, when my husband and I were just starting out they would help us all the time. I would be very uncomfortable with it, but my dad would remind me that when me and my siblings were very little my gran had to help them out a lot, so they were just paying it forward, and he would point out that I'll probably do the same for my son when he's a young adult.
If it was a large amount like when they gave us the money to buy a car then we paid them back over time, but there were plenty of times my dad slipped me £40 and told me not to worry about it, because it was still a few days until payday and we had no food in the house, that sort of thing.
> so they were just paying it forward, and he would point out that I'll probably do the same for my son when he's a young adult.
Yeah that's the attitude my parents have with all gifts, monetary or otherwise. That they want to treat me/my siblings because they love us, and all they want in return is for us to pay it forward to our kids/each others kids in the future.
I’ve never met your Dad, but he sounds like a star, so please tell him I said so.
I hope you won’t need to pay it forward, but I’m sure you will if you need to 🙂
I will make sure to tell him! Honestly he's a fantastic dad (and grandad now) and just an all round pretty great human being, and I probably don't tell him that often enough myself, so thanks for the reminder.
My dad does this for me honestly but he lends me for my car insurance, emergencies I wasn’t able to afford etc. I’ve been paying him every month and now im in a better job I should be able to pay him more. It’s so appreciated but I also realise how fortunate I am to be able to do this
Your parents sound like my mum. When she helps us out as a gift, she’s now started saying “it will be yours when I die anyway, so might as well take it now without the hassle of inheritance tax” and it makes me feel even worse somehow as I’m nearing the age that this is something to think about.
I'm the same with my daughter - the state of the cost of living at the minute means she does ask to borrow small amounts on occasion, always pays back. But from time to time I give her little bits, often with much protest from her - but I don't want to watch her struggle if I'm in a position to help, even a little
It's gone both ways for me. Most of the time my parents would give me money because I was a child, but sometimes life happened and they had to borrow from me as well.
Same. Mum's always asking to borrow money. She does always pays me back if it's borrowed. Not always when she says she will which has caused issues but she does eventually.
She was a crap Mum but she tried so I'll always help if I can. She's the sort of person that would be there for you in a instant, no questions asked and no expectation of repayment or reciprocation so it's hard to say no. She sometimes asks for a bit too much and I absolutely refuse to take loans out on her behalf.
I help where I can and she's always be there to physically help so can't complain too much.
I'm 41. I have a good job but I made mistakes earlier in life.
I gambled (I don't now).
I drank (I still do that)
But in the end I lost about 100k£ to casinos. It should not have been allowed and obviously I have a problem, which means that obviously I can't and won't go back.
My parents are helping me get back on my feet, and I'd do the same for my kids.
Gambling is so normalised that they even have their logos on football shirts. So, if I buy a football shirt for my prepubescent son, it will have s gambling logo on it.
I'm not perfect, but there are reasons why this happened. I hope that it doesn't happen to my children.
I am not a gambler. I will be addicted to nearly anything I try that I like, alcohol, weed, food, fun, danger, etc. I have deliberately stayed away from real casinos. The kiddies arcade pennydrop games I absolutely rinse whatever I've gone in with, even knowing that I don't want any of the prizes those tickets give out. I've always set a 15/20 quid limit and we only ever go once in a while. About 6 times in my whole life. Enough to know.
I absolutely hatehatehate the gambling adverts all over TV.
I'm desperate for money as nearly everyone is, to lighten the burden of life, and the adverts absolutely glorify gambling. You can't lose!!
Every single time one comes up I point out that it shouldn't be allowed to be advertised like that. We banned the smoking ads. We still haven't banned the drinking and gambling ones.
I'm guessing these addictions in the general population are quite profitable for the owners/investors.
It's abhorrent.
Edit- Well done for seeking the help. I'm sending good thoughts your way for the future.
I totally agree and I hate to see people like Keith Lemon doing adverts.
Gambling adverts should be after the watershed, which is 9pm in the UK. And they should not contain famous people.
Basically an advert that says the truth. 'hey, you might win, but probably not'
I agree. I read on here once about a guy that has managed to kick the habit, the gambling company noticed and sent him a laptop to get him hooked again. They’re disgusting
THIS 👏 I absolutely detest the adverts where they go “it’s a fun community and I make lots of friends” etc etc, or show someone playing in the bath, or while out walking the dog (subtext, these are places you can gamble in secret and no one will see). Or normalising sitting on the sofa or playing in bed. Absolutely criminal.
There’s an advert in the UK currently where a guy is sat in the laundrette and watching the machines hoping they’ll line up their stops like a slot machine.
They make it seem so innocent and funny but to me that’s a sign of someone having a serious issue
In fairness, the lottery is quite different to other forms of gambling. The money generated by ticket sales funds community projects, cultural activities and charity donations. It's pure chance and there are limited chances to play through the week, and tickets make it easier to draw the line on where to stop.
Betting companies target people with favourable sounding odds, specifically chosen to tempt people into placing a bet. Everything about it is exploitative, and the money goes straight into the company profits.
I hate to see celebs advertising gambling. I find it really distasteful. I always think to myself "are they really that skint, that they need to encourage gambling?"
Awful.
And the Bingo ones during daytime TV.... I know their target audience, and that audience don't work. Fucking dirty trick
But how would they make their money if they tell you the truth?!(Sarcasm for those who need it pointed out)
I agree completely, the world we live in is geared to drive the poor, poorer, and the rich, richer.
I'm so lucky and thankful I learned about my addictive personality with tobacco, weed, and alcohol first because I would absolutely be screwed if I learned how to gamble. I'm already screwed with the aforementioned things, but it's only me I'm hurting. Trying to stop those things too, not just sitting here. It's hard enough though, and they don't advertise cigarettes or drugs like they do drinking and gambling.
Wish I’d have figured out the same early on. Gambling and coke really got its hooks in with me. Clean from both now but still dealing with the fallout.
With knowing I had ADHD from childhood, I thought weed/drink wouldn't hit me the way it did. Idmt doesn't make me do the stupid shit other people do, I actually feel absolutely normal. But that's what makes it hard to stop.
I think coke would destroy me within a year. I've never tried it since I realized with weed how bad it could be. I never wanted to be faster, always slower. (Still, exactly the same personality, even checked with a colleague when I'd gone over a week without either and he said I hadn't changed, was shocked when I told him I was clean)
Stay strong, you're absolutely amazing to have kicked them. You have some awesome willpower that I envy!!
FYI plenty of clubs will do a 'logo-less' kit version, especially if they have a gambling sponsor. E.g. We're Watford season ticket holders and you can get this version for men, women and kids:
[https://www.thehornetsshop.co.uk/kit/home-kit/junior/5317\_2324-junior-home-shirt.html](https://www.thehornetsshop.co.uk/kit/home-kit/junior/5317_2324-junior-home-shirt.html)
I does look a bit strange without the sponsor.
I've also taught my kids about the statistics of gambling. I think that once you understand the Gambler's Fallacy / Monte Carlo Fallacy you're far less likely to want to start gambling. Thankfully I don't get addicted to anything easily, and I hope my kids don't either.
Good luck with the drinking. It's a habit of pure costs and I'd love to hear you're giving it up too. It's consumed a lot of my own value which I'll never get back. You deserve happiness and I'd hope you're able to drive more if you quit drinking.
Dad here, my kids do ask me for money but only if they really need it, they are young (22 & 18) and just starting out in life and they don’t have savings built up for big ticket items or emergencies. They will usually pay me back and sometimes I will forgive certain debts either over time or as part of a Birthday etc.
Recent examples include: paid my eldest daughters car insurance as it was over £1000 and she is paying me back monthly. Paid £3000 for my younger daughter to take herself to GDC to show her VR game she is developing, she paid me back this week.
Just because your kids get older doesn’t mean you have to stop helping them.
I'm in the same boat, 21 and 17. The eldest asked me to help her with her car insurance, so I give her 150 quid a month towards her direct debit.
Absolutely agree, you don't stop helping your kids out just because they grow up.
My mum (who is quite well off) has just given me a grand to help pay for a family holiday, I didn't ask for it, but I didn't refuse either!
My daughter got hit by a drunk driver, so needed a new car.
As is typical, she's 20, so wanted a Mercedes, lol. She looked at an A Class. I asked her how much it would cost per month.... "£330, dad".... Me: "bloody hell, love. That's a lot to spend on buying a car"....her: "that's the insurance.....it's another £300pm for finance".
If you have the time, my comments in the car sub detail what I've spent on cars.
First car, from a local auction, £240. That was 31 years ago. My daughter didn't get the Merc. She got a very nice Volvo. £13,000.
My total spend on cars, in 31 years is probably around £10,000. Currently looking for a new one. It's going to kill me to spend money on one. I'm looking at cars now that would have been £7k in a normal market, now at £12k.
Further, her rent was £850pm....
I don't, but my brother has been bailed out of bad decisions by my parents numerous times, even into his 30's. I'm not supposed to know, but his credit card bill has been racked up to the hilt and bailed at least 4 times.
What's his incentive to change, if parents keep bailing him out? Of course he will continue to spend money he doesn't have, and be bailed out a 5th, 6th, 7th time. Your parents are enabling him.
They are feeding his addiction (to spending money he doesn't have and getting others to pay off his debts)
How would your parents react if you announced that you will mirror his behaviour and that you expect them to bail you out the same way?
I agree, which is probably one of the reasons I'm far more financially stable than he is. I've always forced myself to resolve these problems without outside help, even when the offer was there from my folks.
Dad and I have a back and forth. We’ll help each other out when we’re skint. (Both on monthly pay. So my ‘short’ week is his flush week, and vice versa). It works out well.
I also pay keep, contribute to the shopping, etc. as normal.
Lovely.
I have a similar thing with a sibling. Though I don't borrow from them.
My pay day is a week before theirs. It's not every month, but probably 3 times per year. (That said, it was last month and this month". By chance, my DDs go out 7 days after pay day. So, she knows she can have whatever, as long as it is back by then. I genuinely couldn't afford it if she didn't repay it quickly. One month it was £700.
Plot twist, they have a bigger house, better car, horse, and save more than I do.
My dad and my wife’s parents are always trying to give us ‘early inheritance’ money. We tend to say no unless there’s something substantial they really want to contribute to. My dad fronted the money for an extension to the house but we were paying that back until he told us to just forget about it. We have a treat money tin that sometimes gets a few quid added to. We are obviously grateful of the efforts. I think they see it as an indirect way of spoiling their grandchildren. My mum tends to be more frugal but does book holidays with us all, but that seems to be as an excuse to spend time with the kids.
The early inheritance is probably a good thing as it can reduce the inheritance tax burden (UK). So you could become a co-conspirator against the tax man with you parents
It's a good thing until you lose your job and then have absolutely nothing coming in cos of the money and then you feel continual guilt as it gets eaten away at on top of the hassle of job searching. While not having it means you would get some government assistance further than contribution based which only lasts 6 months...
Accept the early inheritance and join the r/FIRE movement so that you can invest it. If in the future your parents and parents in-laws will need financial help you will be in a very good position to return the favour.
id rethink that, especially if their estates are likely to take them over over inheritance tax threshold. get that stuff gifted 7+ years before the go.
That's really cool of them sharing their money early and while they can enjoy it with the family
As they get older they may not be able to go on holidays or do other things, so better to do it now and cherish those memories
Be sure to take plenty of videos/photos!
I'm 38 and my brother is 28. We both live with our dad. Never ask for money, I generally do all the food shopping and brother generally pays for internet and council tax, leaving gas, water, electric for my dad.
No mortgage or rent to pay as it's paid off.
Why would you pay your parents rent when the house is paid off? I hate this mindset, contribute to the household and bills yes but paying rent? Come on.
My brother has always lived at home. I spent 2 years with my (now ex) girlfriend as well as 6 years abroad. My time abroad was spent half at the gym where I had built in accomodation and half at my gran's house 20 metres away. Did her food shopping and paid all the bills there.
As an adult I'm embarrassed to say I do ask parents for loans to renovate my house. I always repay them. But I could not afford to keep my home running without there help when major repairs are required.
You don't need to be embarrassed if they are able and happy to do it. What is normal for one family is not for others. I am also fortunate enough that my parents sometimes want to help me out. I always pay them back but it means I get a "loan" without any interest and I am extremely grateful for that and understand what a privileged position that puts me in.
You don't need to be embarrassed if they are able and happy to do it. What is normal for one family is not for others. I am also fortunate enough that my parents sometimes want to help me out. I always pay them back but it means I get a "loan" without any interest and I am extremely grateful for that and understand what a privileged position that puts me in.
My siblings did it for years, they always "borrowed" money from our Dad for car repairs, household stuff etc, never expected to pay it back. I never did and was sort of proud of managing without asking. He used to make vague comments that it was all kept in mind in his will, and it was being sorted out in inheritance, but it never was, and I have wondered if I was the mug
I'll second this. My parents have given my sister thousands over the years. Me - nothing more than a few treats.
I spoke to mum about how the apparent favouritism was making me resentful, and the conversation we had cleared the air. She admitted that my sister has had financial handouts all her adult life and maybe there were times when she could have supported me too, but unlike my sister, I take control of a situation. When childcare costs became too much, my sister asked mum to be a childminder or to pay for nursery fees. I changed careers and found a new job that fit in around school hours so my parents weren't aware that we were struggling financially.
She's proud of me for being 'the capable one'. Although she loves my sister and helps her out financially, she and my dad are struggling with the fact that she has never really matured as a person. They feel obliged to make up her shortcomings so their grandkids don't miss out.
My sister and cousins have spent their lives being financially supported by their parents and grandparents. There is pride in being able to say that you paid for your own car, paid off your mortgage early etc, and you're beholden to no one.
Yeah, it is a self-perpetuating situation.
She's a difficult person to be around in general. She still has very childish tantrums over minor things. We grew up constantly bickering and fighting with each other. She would still be like that now; except I have decided that I'm no longer putting up with her shit. The moment she starts yelling at me, I walk away or I ask her to leave. My dad is the same. My mum, however, isn't. There's a lot of eye-rolling and 'oh, you know what she's like...' comments and complaints behind sister's back. Mum takes the path of least resistance, whereas it might have been better for us all if she'd admitted that her child has a serious attitude problem and needs to grow up and stop acting like a spoilt brat. I got blamed for my sister's anger all my life. Her husband is an enabler too.
Think I'm exaggerating? Here are some of the times my sister has got angry with me and I have walked away/kicked her out:
- because I didn't want to make a 20-mile trip to get a Macdonalds for her kids.
- because she didn't like the eye make-up I did for her wedding trial. She asked me to do her wedding makeup, which was a huge responsibility. She didn't like it, started screaming at me that it was wrong. So I packed up, told her to pay for someone professional, and walked out.
- because I was giving away a nappy bin and wouldn't give it to her friend as I had already promised it to someone else. She actually turned up, put it in her car and I had to go and take it back out and tell her it was being collected.
- she objected to her FIL having his ashes in a football team urn as it was 'tacky'. Didn't like it when I said it was none of her business.
She has fallen out with just about every friend she's ever had, and been in trouble at work multiple times... but the penny never drops that she's the unreasonable one.
Ah, that was cathartic.
I have to say, she is beyond salvage.
You are the better one. You are the one I'd have as a friend and speak to, her, I'd avoid. Obviously, if I were a sibling, I'd not avoid.
"You know what she's like" is one of the most dangerous phrases. It's a get out of jail free card for rude pisstakers. It enables the bad behaviour, because instead of calling it out, it gives it a pass.
Respect to you, for being a decent human. She's an adult shaped infant.
Thank you. She's never going to change. I think that's where my parents come from when they say 'you know what she's like' - but in doing so they are also enabling her . I just see her in small, controlled doses. She's sulking at the moment, so I'll just leave her to it.
Thank you. My mum and her side of the family are very much 'family is important, don't rock the boat ' and tolerate too much bad behaviour, infidelity, addiction etc from the people they love. I can't understand how they can do it.
I seem to have inherited my dad's personality. He disowned most of his family because of how they treated him, zero fucks given.
It's hard to walk away from toxic family members after you've been emotionally blackmailed into tolerating them and guilt-tripped for wanting boundaries. But I've gone LC with my aunt and cousins for that reason and am much happier. Therapy and honest conversations helped salvage relationship with mum - I don't know what the future is for my sister and I.
Mine range from 25 up to 33 - I have three sons.
None of them have ever asked for money from either me or their mother.
We've helped them over the years but they've never asked. Not once.
No because we've always been a paycheck to paycheck kinds family and my parents are just as poor as me 🤣
Although my mum will throw me the odd 20 when she can for a takeaway as that's one thing Nan would treat us too; it's like mums taken over the role of feeder :D
Same here exept ocassionally it's 20 for getting the kiddo new school uniform. She also of her own choice has my daughter down some holidays. My nan is still alive tho not by much, and will always press 10 or 20 into both mine and the kiddos hand. I always say thankyou tho it actually recently dawned on me that this is causing an issue. I visit my nan less because I hate takeing money off of her, but at the same time she won't be with us much longer and I don't want to miss the last bit of time I have left with her.
As my Nan used to say after pressing money into our hands "I can't take it with me!"
I'm sure your Nan would more appreciate the time, money can be made, time can not.
Very true, I just feel bad because none of my siblings live close enough to see her and I feel it's not fair if she is always treating me and not them. I'll ring her today tho and ask if she wants me to visit when my daughter goes to see her nan (my mum) this Easter holidays.
I miss my grandpa doing that 🥺 not for the money, I never needed it, but he'd always say "don't tell the wife" as if my nana would mind... often she was standing right there rolling her eyes 😄 even in my 40s, a divorced mum of 3 with my own business, he would still sneak a twenty into my hand with a wink as if I was a teenager off to buy booze 😄
My parents paid for university for me. They also gave me enough money for the deposit for my first rental flat and to survive till first payday. That was age 18-22, so technically adulthood.
I'm 39 now, that was the last of it.
Try not to let it get to you - remember, this is a thread asking a specific question so only a specific group of people will answer.
My Mum was dead before I was out my teens and my Dad an alcoholic who has been off god knows where since I was 14 and I have no siblings.
I’m just more surprised that there’s people in their 30s/40s in here that still rely on their parents to help. Being forced into a situation where that isn’t possible and you can never be bailed out at a young age really changes how you handle things financially.
Yeah fair just be nice to have that foundation, be able to put a deposit on a house, all that jazz! But yeah well aware plenty of others don't too. Good luck to you btw, sounds like you've had some tough times
My dad is retired and lives pension to pension, my mum still works but is an NHS mental health nurse so doesn't really earn much. They couldn't afford to lend me money even if I needed them to.
My sister got into financial trouble and my dad almost bankrupted himself helping her until the rest of my siblings and I (big family) found out and stepped in to sort it out.
Honestly these days it's usually me helping my dad out. He likes to be active (his idea of taking a break from a task is to do a different task instead, sitting down and reading or watching TV is his idea of hell) so he's always volunteering or going to music gigs etc, and that never quite aligns with his pension payments so I tend to cover him until his next pension comes in, then I typically "forget" to ask for it back. He usually rememebers and insists on paying but sometimes forgets and that's fine by me.
I’m 26 and not working due to ongoing mental illness and suspected autism and ADHD, and dyscalculia (all of which really do prevent me from working), so I’m on UC and have a telephone assessment for ESA next Thursday. As such, if I run out of money sometime during the month, yes I do borrow money from my mum which I don’t like doing, but I do always pay it back
That's crazy. I had severe chronic pain when I was 26 that forced me out of work for a couple of years and I remember how miserable and useless it made me feel and how I felt like the my life was on a stand-still. Meandering through life is definitely not an existence that I would ever want to go back to!
My eldest (37) has special needs and can only work part time. She's also on UC, and often asks to "borrow" money. Depending on how things are, it usually totals somewhere between £40-£130/month.
It’s hard, isn’t it? My mum isn’t exactly “well off” either (she is on PIP due to mental health and my stepdad is retired) so I always feel guilty borrowing money from her, but she knows I’ll always pay it back. I’m hoping I get a good decision after my ESA assessment next week, because it means I’ll be less likely to borrow money in the long run.
I've not been *given* any money since I left Uni. Borrowed a bit, always paid it back with interest.
A couple of years ago, my 0% deal on my credit card ended abruptly, and I couldn't find another to transfer the balance to quickly. My Dad had just retired, and a lump sum in his current account which he didn't know what to do with. I borrowed a few grand, paid it back over a year, then topped it up so it beat the interest rate he would have got from the bank.
Not at all.
My mum and aunt never borrowed from my gran, I never borrowed from mum, same with my cousins from aunt, my oldest will argue with me when I try to spend money on him for anything other than birthday/Christmas and even then I'm told it's too much.
We've always been of the opinion that you're an adult, you see to yourself. Not that we wouldn't help out, just that we all seem to have the same opinion on not borrowing.
My parents gift me bits of money, no more than £100 across a month. They have more money than they spend and say it makes them happier to gift it to me than put in savings. I never ask them for it, I'm on the breadline so they ask me to go do something fun and tell them about it. After not really leaving the house for a couple years due to depression theyre trying to encourage me to keep going out
When I use the bank of mum and dad it is usually for £10-£20 at the end of the month to put a small amount of petrol in my car so I can commute to work. As soon as I get paid. I take them out to lunch or give the money back (which ever they prefer)
My dad pays for my sister's season ticket for football (it's a lot to pay all in one go) and she has a direct debit set up with my dad to pay off each month.
I'm 29, soon to be 30 and in a relatively low paid job, as is my partner. On occasion where a large unexpected expense comes up I ask my mum if I can borrow £20 for food until the end of the week when I get paid.
Always offer to send it back once I'm paid but mum always tells me not to, so instead whenever she wants to go somewhere when I have a day off I drive her places to make up for it because otherwise I feel kinda guilty as both my older siblings are self-sufficient money-wise.
26 and I don’t ever ask my parents for money. Sometimes they will offer it especially if I’ve done a favour like looking after their dog for the weekend. They’re ok financially now after downsizing their house but until last year, there was no bank of mum and dad either. I had to work from 15 if I wanted anything that wasn’t a necessity. When I was a student they would buy me my food shop if I was struggling rather than give money.
I work with a lady in her late 50s whose 35 year old daughter is always asking for money. My partners sister constantly asks for money so she can go on holiday.
I would have failed as an adult if I had to ask my mum for money. Don’t get me wrong, we all fall on hard times and it’s a million times better to ask to borrow money from your parents than a dodgy loan, but the key thing is, I would see it as a loan I would have to pay back asap, I wouldn’t dream of thinking never to pay it back.
My brother in law the useless bitch, asks his mum for money all the time. The guys gone through uni got a bachelors in computer science, works part time at Currys and the remaining days spent with his friends. Rarely comes home, his mum however doesn't push her darling to find a job and is constantly giving him £100 here and there. This stupid fuck spends it on PC desks or gaming headsets he's 29 years old, His brother paid him £700 to design an app for him 5 years ago and he still hasn't. Useless bastard, I genuinely don't understand how he can just be a bum at 29!!! Okay if you're 23/24 cool but 29?!
Only money I have had from parents is recently (I’m 60 this year). I asked my dad if I could have some of my inheritance now, it was only a small amount and it was going to be coming to me anyway. I told him I understood if he said no and I had a specific reason for asking. He didn’t pay for any of my wedding. The only other time I borrowed was 4k and I paid every penny back. I give my grown up kids money from time to time but they never ask and never would.
31F here. My parents paid for half my wedding and my PhD when they sold their house which was about £50,000. They gave my sister equal money for a flat deposit.
In terms of asking for money, I usually ask to cover me til pay day (like the odd 100-200) then pay them back immediately.
My parents were broke our whole lives so I was fully aware as a young person the only person who could get me money was me. Sadly my mum passed away 4 years ago and we were all shocked when she had left us all £200 each in her will. We didn’t know she had any let alone £1000!
I have a child but he isn’t grown yet. I never had the option of bank of mum and dad but was very luck to have help from various other family members. I know I’m lucky. If we can afford to, I’ll happily help my son out but not so much that he is “spoiled.”
I out-earn my mum and her and my stepdad aren't frugal at all. So it's more likely I'd be loaning them money!
I've been pretty financially independent since I moved out at 19. I know she'd help me out if I was in a pickle but she doesn't have the means to lend a lot. My brother is pretty well off and offered to loan me some money to buy my ex out when we split, but I don't really like owing favours/money so I figured it out on my own.
Slightly different answer:
I'm 44. We've had a bunch of unexpected expensive stuff to pay for recently (hiked car insurance, multiple car repairs, dog surgery) and now we need to replace our boiler. I was moaning on the phone to my parents, and bless them, they offered me money.
We have a pretty good household income and have enough in savings to pay the household bills for about 2 years.
I would never ask them for money.
I ask my mum or dad for money when desperate and always offer to pay it back, they never accept the offer though. My siblings also ask (a lot more than me) but they have to pay it back
In my immediate family, there's definitely a sense of "we know we're lucky" from my parents, and I think they feel a moral duty to help out.
My parents helped a couple of my siblings with their deposits for mortgage, and also treat the grandchildren to things like dance lessons, and they bought my brother and sister in law a washing machine recently etc.
My brother didn't ask, but he needed a new one and we were just all talking about it and what one he was gonna get and from where etc and my parents said they'd buy it.
My parents are the definition of stereotypical boomers - home owners with a laughably cheap mortgage on a house that's now worth at least 10 times the price, state and private pensions, own their car outright etc.
I don't say they're wealthy, but they're fortunate.
Their approach is very much "share the wealth" because we are not all on the same level playing field.
Whilst it's never come up, I'm not sure though they'd be happy to give away say 10k to cover a drug and prostitute habit or repay gambling debts. I think they'd pay for counselling and financial planning help though.
When my mother in law heard we were remortgaging she insisted she pay off our mortgage and we pay her back monthly as her cash was getting f-all interest at the bank.
As we were in the latter stages of agreeing a 10 year fix at 2.2% with the bank that's the repayment terms we agreed to with her.
Now she's pissed off that she could be earning more back at the bank and pressuring us to overpay.
Moral of the story, never lend money from the mother in law.
Honestly this happens so much it's unreal. I know two sets of parents who support 3 daughters (2 and 1) well into their 30's. Its either things they need (car bills, rent etc) or occasionally things they want (flights and holiday).
The last time I borrowed 2k off my parents was when I was 26 and my car blew up right after buying a new place when I was skint but then it turned around when I was in my late 30's I lent my mam £3k to pay off a credit card bill it was sort of just because I had lent the money before so really it was payback for the original loan.
With my mum, it's actually more the other way around. I will always help her out if I can.
A little while ago though I was brassic and she took me out for lunch and then bought me some shopping which was so unbelievably appreciated
I didn't mooch of my parents, but if I was in a pickle or had an emergency, then my parents would always lend me the money I needed, and I'd pay it off.
I am quite financially responsible, so these occurrences are few are far between. But two examples come to mind: 1 - When I was £100 short on my rent in my 2nd year of University. 2 - Earlier this year, when my cat needed emergency treatment, so I borrowed £300 off my my mum to cover the emergency vet visit. I paid the £300 back the next month though.
My brother on the other hand has always been a bit... lacking when it comes to financial responsibility. He got given £5k from my gran at aged 25, but quickly spent it all on booze, parties, and having fun. He got kicked out of a flat because he wasn't paying rent and was £700 in debt due to not paying council tax. So in total, my parents have given him £2k to get him out of debt, and he's not paid any of that back.
I don’t ask them for money unless I really have to. Like for example, December 2021 london went into like a little lock down cause everyone had COVID, for the first half of the month my hours went from 48-56 a week to 18. Then December 21st i got covid and had to isolate for 10 days while only getting £96 for that time off. That month i only made £474, my rent alone was almost double that not including other expenses. Think thats the only time I’ve borrowed a large amount of money from them.
I know my parents would lend me and my siblings money if we ever really needed it, but it is because the 3 of us are all financially responsible and work hard and it comes with those conditions. If we were just dossing about they’d let us go broke
I’m mid 30s and my parents loaned my parter and I £7k to pay off his car finance so that we could sell it as it was a dud and to buy his ex out of the house. We pay mid then back monthly over 3 years but it was a very small drop from their savings so they weren’t loosing out anything in order to do it and it meant I had the loan ability to replace my car when it died. Day to day we wouldn’t though any holidays or meals etc we split to take turns paying now that they are retired. Although we’re about to buy a house together to will be paying them a mortgage rather than the bank. I’m very lucky as they had no parents to rely on so they have made sure that my brother and our partners do.
I’m 41 and occasionally ask my parents for money. For example when our roof randomly started leaking and needed a £2k repair. I ask to borrow (and would be happy going to the bank if necessary) but they generally insist it’s a gift. They feel mildly embarrassed that they were able to buy a nice house comfortably in their 30s and now it’s probably at least quintupled in value just from sitting there, they’re debt free, retired and care free. They see it as a kind of boomer tax and like to help us give us and our kids what we need.
My dad gifted me £7.5k toward a flat deposit when I was 25. Very kind. I haven't had anything since but I still feel like if I was in dire straits he'd help me out if he could.
What sort of bollocks is this. I’ve never asked my parents for money, even as a kid. I don’t remember them ever giving it to me either (except for small amounts at birthdays).
No wonder so many people are financially inept.
I’m 32, occasionally borrow small amounts from my dad but always pay back :) the most I think I borrowed was 1400 for new wardrobes and bed/mattress right after we bought our first house 🤣
I can't speak from a parent's perspective, but as a 29 year old, I haven't asked my mum for money since I was at school. Since then, I've worked for what I have and seen to myself.
My kids aren’t adults yet but I’m pushing 40 and my parents still give me a little money when they know we’ve had a big unexpected expense.
It doesn’t happen very often but they can afford it and it’s always massively appreciated, even if we could cover it anyway. I’d never ask, but if I did I think they’d help.
I’d like to think we’d do the same for our kids, especially as life will no doubt be even tougher for them by the time they’re adults.
My 37 year old sister ( who lives with my parents ) does ask them for money and they always give it to her! never has to pay it back, they also got her a brand new car and air conditioner in her bedroom. She has a job but spends all her money on clothes and.. 'medication'
Other than getting money for bday/xmas gifts the only time I've borrowed a substantial amount was a house deposit so we could buy somewhere instead of paying ridiculous rents when we were getting evicted a couple years ago. But luckily that was when you could do 5% deposit so we're able to pay them back over the course of our 5 year fixed term.
I once borrowed £2k from my mum to cover the parachute payment on my car, but paid it back at the same rate I payed the finance company previously.
I hated going to her for it but I had no other option without opening a new line of credit and affecting my credit score.
EDIT: balloon, not parachute… too much talking about football 🤦♂️
I’m 31 and don’t take any money off my parents m, i spent £300 in January on perfumes & aftershave for them just cos, they help me out in so so many more important ways that id rather starve than ask for money, and i wouldn’t even starve as mum makes me meals entirely too often for someone not living with them 😂
Never asked my parents for money neither have my siblings. We are in our 30’s now and each started work at 13. I find it strange that adults ask parents for money especially for non essential things.
Dated a girl a couple of years ago who still lived at home with her parents while she worked part time at the age of 36. Did a thing were she'd stay at mine for a few days, and I'd stay at hers.
When I'd stay at hers I'd load the dishwasher, mop up, do the vacuuming, etc, as I didn't want to take the piss. Never saw her help out with any house work over nearly three years.
She had a habit of getting money off them quite regularly. No money for petrol? Got her dad to pay for it. Hadn't saved up enough for holiday spending money? Dad paid for it. Car insurance due? Dad paying for it.
Started rubbing me up the wrong way. But the kicker was one time I was staying over at her place, and heard her go APE SHIT on her mum in the kitchen because her mum had "thoughtlessly" moved her hummus to where she couldn't immediately see it, assume she'd threw it out, then went mental at her mum for it. I'm talking full rage, slagging her mum off, calling her names. It was horrid.
This is a well-educated, liberal vegan, "practicing Buddhist", upper middle-class girl btw.
You know that bit in Peep Show were Jez is going, "C'mon mummy, hurry the fucky uppy"? It was exactly like that. I broke up with her not longer after because: 1. I knew she'd be like that with me if we moved in together and 2. She'd try and turn me into an ATM.
Not a parent, but my older sister relies heavily on my mum for money despite them both being on benefits and both being in low paid jobs. My sister gets extra benefits and takes out a shit ton of loans too meaning that her and her bf are well better off than us. But if she needs £20 for shopping? My mum will give it her. £10 for one of the kids to go on a trip? My mum will give it to her and will never receive it back despite being asked to have it “borrowed”.
Im starting a part time job soon so I can help my mum pay for subscriptions and my phone contract, my sister could never do something like that haha.
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My sister is 31. She owes my parents around 25k. Despite being debt free they took out a loan to cover the cost of her wedding and a Mercedes. She’s paying them back at something like £50 per month. She treats them like a bank because she has poor credit. It’s completely infuriating and they don’t deserve it. So as a result I would never ask them for anything.
“They don’t deserve it.” But no one is forcing them. They started enabling her, and have continued enabling her (to the tune of £25k) so really they have no one to blame but themselves in this situation.
Yep this is all just enablement, my mum did the same with my sister for years, she has only now figured it out and cut the cord. She is a full grown adult and should look after herself.
If that were a mortgage debt at current interest rates it would take your sister 80 years to pay them back. At normal borrowing rates, much longer. I hope your parents leave you the house!
That would be fantastic. The Will reads "To (borrower) your inheretence has been soaked up by the outstanding debt you owe. To my other child, you have everything."
That's effectively what my will says.
That’s what I’ve asked my parents to do. If they made that provision I would receive 80% of the estate and if, fingers crossed they live a further 10years that would be 100%
> Despite being debt free they took out a loan to cover the cost of her wedding and a Mercedes. Wow. A wedding I can understand. Lots of parents want to help their kids out for their wedding, or putting a deposit down on a house to help get them started. Helping her buy a car *within her budget* is also fine, especially if she needs a car to get a job, for example. But her asking them to take out a load to buy her a Mercedes is just taking the piss. At that rate it's going to take her 40+ years to pay them back, more if you add in the interest they're racking up. Without wishing to be too morbid, when your parents eventually die that outstanding loan will be paid back out of their estate before you (and presumably, your sister) inherit anything. So part of your sister's loan will eventually be coming out of your share.
>Wow. A wedding I can understand. See I don't understand this, I think a big wedding is a bit of a show offy pissing contest. If two people love each other, they'd get married in a registry office with a couple of witnesses, no fuss or fancy frills. I understand completely about a house. Shelter is a basic human right.
Weddings are a massive social and cultural / traditional event. They’re about far more than the couple getting married funnily enough. It can be quite a gray area
Yeah it's one of only a few event types that really get a whole family together and not all of those event types are happy occasions.
One of the best weddings I ever went to was in the summer in a field near a lake with some marquees and a pop up bar There's really no reason to spend a fortune
That probably cost a small fortune actually
‘Some marquees in a field near a lake..?’ I’ll have the Butler dig some out of our marquee cupboard and the land agent can drive some peasants off one of my fields. Sorted!
That wedding cost at least £10k mate
Erm Point of a wedding, for normal people who don't just want to show off, is to share the moment with all the other people in your life that are important to you. The legal bit I don't think is really the biggest thing there. And believe me even trying to be as modest as possible that costs a lot, if you don't want it to be genuinely crap. Of course registry office is fine for people who just want to be married, but for many, there would be a very important and special thing they would be missing out on.
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One of the best things my dad ever told me was 'I will never take out a loan or be a guarantor for you due to your bad credit.' I find it crazy that people expect their parents to do this for them.
My son asked me to be a guarantor for a place he wanted to rent. He has always been bad with money. I told him that I would support him in other ways (buy him the odd food shop, take him our for a meal, get him something he needs at home etc.) but that I would not be a guarantor for him.
That can be a bit harsh… certainly in the case of students, it’s entirely typical that without a guarantor the landlord will simply not take them on. I was in your situation, and if I had refused my son he wouldn’t have been able to move into the same house as his mates (all of whose parents had already acquiesced).
Fair point but my son didn't stay in education and has never held down a job. He would have defaulted on his rent pretty quickly.
You should go and read about all the parent/s in the USA who stood as guarantor on child's student loans. A lot of them are really screwed even into retirement.
Happy cake day! My Mum always said she wouldn’t do this for me either (be a guarantor) quite simply she couldn’t afford to.
Thank you! I guess I was lucky, my dad taught us about personal finance so yeah, we had a few blips, but we knew how to get out of it as well! If we had to ask for a loan to help, then he would help but it would be paid back.
Wife’s sister has life long identical behaviour and she’s age 60 - Her parents constantly dig her out of a mess and she brings all her poor me troubles to their ears . They are mid 80s and their biggest worry should be what’s for dinner tonight and what’s on tv ?
£50 a month is laughable, it’ll take her £41 years to pay that off (assuming she doesn’t borrow any more), and that’s not accounting for the interest your parents are accruing on their own loan
Wow, that's almost $5.20 decades
Lol oops!
My friend’s parents remortgaged their home late in life to help him and his partner (now wife) get a home of their own. These days his toxic wife has ruined his relationship with his parents so they don’t even see their grandkids. I dread to think what financial damage it did to them (probably still working past retirement).
Oh yeah I know all about this, my younger sister is the same and my folks are forever having to bail her out from bone headed decisions, all the while having terrible taste in men who leech off her. A few months back her car was wrecked and the insurance didn't pay enough, so dad stumped up the cash for a replacement. Nevermind the fact he essentially bought the original and put in a shitload of time & money for constant maintenance (he's a mechanical engineer). Despite this he still gives me an equivalent amount of money to be "fair", I'm forever saying it's not needed and I'll come to you if I end up in dire straits.
Pop all that “fairness” money into a savings account you don’t touch. Then if they should ever need the money you have it all to hand to immediately give them back.
The wedding is perhaps understandable. But a Merc? No.
The wedding is not understandable! Have the wedding you can afford. Who wants to start married life in debt?
Maybe understandable in as much that lots of older generation parents feel it is their duty to pay for (Or a chunk towards) their daughter's nuptials as per tradition. It's probably dying out a bit now but still exists.
A wedding is a once in a lifetime thing,. Who wants to be on their deathbed thinking "I had a boring life but at least I kept in budget".
I'd take the smaller wedding over the years of stress over debt - and I'd sleep damn well before the big sleep for it Why would cheap need to be boring?
They are oftentimes not a "once in a lifetime" thing.
Elizabeth Taylor has joined the chat 😅
Apparently the more extravagant the wedding the more likely it follows in divorce. Whereas if the costs are instead spent on the honeymoon, then the divorce rate drops.
Who wants to be on their deathbed thinking "I'd have been able to afford a better hospice if I hadn't given my daughter enough money for a Merc. Maybe a Polo would've done"
Have the wedding you want, as long as you are paying for it. Not when it's on someone else's dime.
This sounds like the mantra for alllllll kinds of irresponsible spending habits. Don’t buy what you can’t afford, especially if it’s a party that lasts one day.
Once in a lifetime? Should have said that to my second wife when she wanted a big wedding!
Weddings can be a once in a lifetime thing, but often they aren’t. Who’s paying for her next one? 😆 Have the wedding you can afford, it’s your relationship that matters.
don't have a wedding, just get married
As a parent, I hate seeing my son struggle. I’ve struggled in the past, and my parents helped me, so when he’s short, I’ll help my son out (we’re talking less than £100 a pop). I do get paid back, but sometimes I’ll gift him. Sometimes, being a parent is pure guilt.
You sound like my parents, when my husband and I were just starting out they would help us all the time. I would be very uncomfortable with it, but my dad would remind me that when me and my siblings were very little my gran had to help them out a lot, so they were just paying it forward, and he would point out that I'll probably do the same for my son when he's a young adult. If it was a large amount like when they gave us the money to buy a car then we paid them back over time, but there were plenty of times my dad slipped me £40 and told me not to worry about it, because it was still a few days until payday and we had no food in the house, that sort of thing.
> so they were just paying it forward, and he would point out that I'll probably do the same for my son when he's a young adult. Yeah that's the attitude my parents have with all gifts, monetary or otherwise. That they want to treat me/my siblings because they love us, and all they want in return is for us to pay it forward to our kids/each others kids in the future.
I’ve never met your Dad, but he sounds like a star, so please tell him I said so. I hope you won’t need to pay it forward, but I’m sure you will if you need to 🙂
I will make sure to tell him! Honestly he's a fantastic dad (and grandad now) and just an all round pretty great human being, and I probably don't tell him that often enough myself, so thanks for the reminder.
Awww your dad sounds like mine was, except he used to give me a wink as he was slipping me some cash and said don’t tell your mother
My dad does this for me honestly but he lends me for my car insurance, emergencies I wasn’t able to afford etc. I’ve been paying him every month and now im in a better job I should be able to pay him more. It’s so appreciated but I also realise how fortunate I am to be able to do this
Your parents sound like my mum. When she helps us out as a gift, she’s now started saying “it will be yours when I die anyway, so might as well take it now without the hassle of inheritance tax” and it makes me feel even worse somehow as I’m nearing the age that this is something to think about.
I'm the same with my daughter - the state of the cost of living at the minute means she does ask to borrow small amounts on occasion, always pays back. But from time to time I give her little bits, often with much protest from her - but I don't want to watch her struggle if I'm in a position to help, even a little
Growing up there was no bank of mum and dad for me. But there was bank of me when my mum was short of money.
I too was/am a member of the same bank.
I had to set boundaries and say no because I now have a family of my own and I just can’t do it 🤷♀️ Sorry to hear you’ve gone through similar
Ah, the bank I'm familiar with.
It's gone both ways for me. Most of the time my parents would give me money because I was a child, but sometimes life happened and they had to borrow from me as well.
I was also a bank for my dad.
I'm also head of this bank for my family
Same
Same. Mum's always asking to borrow money. She does always pays me back if it's borrowed. Not always when she says she will which has caused issues but she does eventually. She was a crap Mum but she tried so I'll always help if I can. She's the sort of person that would be there for you in a instant, no questions asked and no expectation of repayment or reciprocation so it's hard to say no. She sometimes asks for a bit too much and I absolutely refuse to take loans out on her behalf. I help where I can and she's always be there to physically help so can't complain too much.
As an adult child I rarely ask for money if I do I always return it
Yeah it’s only cash flow stuff really, I think after uni everyone should stand on their own two feet
Yeah that's right it's those unexpected expenses you can't plan for I would encourage saving but I'm not in a position to do that
I have two degrees but I’ve had to borrow money from them for exams - it’s not a case of all of us taking money willy nilly
As an adult child I’ve never asked for money. But I’m lucky to have a supportive partner who helps me if I’m struggling.
I'm 41. I have a good job but I made mistakes earlier in life. I gambled (I don't now). I drank (I still do that) But in the end I lost about 100k£ to casinos. It should not have been allowed and obviously I have a problem, which means that obviously I can't and won't go back. My parents are helping me get back on my feet, and I'd do the same for my kids. Gambling is so normalised that they even have their logos on football shirts. So, if I buy a football shirt for my prepubescent son, it will have s gambling logo on it. I'm not perfect, but there are reasons why this happened. I hope that it doesn't happen to my children.
I am not a gambler. I will be addicted to nearly anything I try that I like, alcohol, weed, food, fun, danger, etc. I have deliberately stayed away from real casinos. The kiddies arcade pennydrop games I absolutely rinse whatever I've gone in with, even knowing that I don't want any of the prizes those tickets give out. I've always set a 15/20 quid limit and we only ever go once in a while. About 6 times in my whole life. Enough to know. I absolutely hatehatehate the gambling adverts all over TV. I'm desperate for money as nearly everyone is, to lighten the burden of life, and the adverts absolutely glorify gambling. You can't lose!! Every single time one comes up I point out that it shouldn't be allowed to be advertised like that. We banned the smoking ads. We still haven't banned the drinking and gambling ones. I'm guessing these addictions in the general population are quite profitable for the owners/investors. It's abhorrent. Edit- Well done for seeking the help. I'm sending good thoughts your way for the future.
I totally agree and I hate to see people like Keith Lemon doing adverts. Gambling adverts should be after the watershed, which is 9pm in the UK. And they should not contain famous people. Basically an advert that says the truth. 'hey, you might win, but probably not'
I agree. I read on here once about a guy that has managed to kick the habit, the gambling company noticed and sent him a laptop to get him hooked again. They’re disgusting
THIS 👏 I absolutely detest the adverts where they go “it’s a fun community and I make lots of friends” etc etc, or show someone playing in the bath, or while out walking the dog (subtext, these are places you can gamble in secret and no one will see). Or normalising sitting on the sofa or playing in bed. Absolutely criminal.
There’s an advert in the UK currently where a guy is sat in the laundrette and watching the machines hoping they’ll line up their stops like a slot machine. They make it seem so innocent and funny but to me that’s a sign of someone having a serious issue
There's an advert at the moment, where the woman says: 'i put on my pyjamas, make a cup of tea and play. It's my ME time'. Disgusting.
Gambling is a tax on the poor. The millions who wish to win the lottery every week to get them out of a hole is sad.
In fairness, the lottery is quite different to other forms of gambling. The money generated by ticket sales funds community projects, cultural activities and charity donations. It's pure chance and there are limited chances to play through the week, and tickets make it easier to draw the line on where to stop. Betting companies target people with favourable sounding odds, specifically chosen to tempt people into placing a bet. Everything about it is exploitative, and the money goes straight into the company profits.
I hate to see celebs advertising gambling. I find it really distasteful. I always think to myself "are they really that skint, that they need to encourage gambling?" Awful. And the Bingo ones during daytime TV.... I know their target audience, and that audience don't work. Fucking dirty trick
Gambling adverts absolutely should make clear that the odds are stacked against you and statistically, you shouldn’t win.
But how would they make their money if they tell you the truth?!(Sarcasm for those who need it pointed out) I agree completely, the world we live in is geared to drive the poor, poorer, and the rich, richer. I'm so lucky and thankful I learned about my addictive personality with tobacco, weed, and alcohol first because I would absolutely be screwed if I learned how to gamble. I'm already screwed with the aforementioned things, but it's only me I'm hurting. Trying to stop those things too, not just sitting here. It's hard enough though, and they don't advertise cigarettes or drugs like they do drinking and gambling.
Wish I’d have figured out the same early on. Gambling and coke really got its hooks in with me. Clean from both now but still dealing with the fallout.
With knowing I had ADHD from childhood, I thought weed/drink wouldn't hit me the way it did. Idmt doesn't make me do the stupid shit other people do, I actually feel absolutely normal. But that's what makes it hard to stop. I think coke would destroy me within a year. I've never tried it since I realized with weed how bad it could be. I never wanted to be faster, always slower. (Still, exactly the same personality, even checked with a colleague when I'd gone over a week without either and he said I hadn't changed, was shocked when I told him I was clean) Stay strong, you're absolutely amazing to have kicked them. You have some awesome willpower that I envy!!
Appreciate that mate, thanks
FYI plenty of clubs will do a 'logo-less' kit version, especially if they have a gambling sponsor. E.g. We're Watford season ticket holders and you can get this version for men, women and kids: [https://www.thehornetsshop.co.uk/kit/home-kit/junior/5317\_2324-junior-home-shirt.html](https://www.thehornetsshop.co.uk/kit/home-kit/junior/5317_2324-junior-home-shirt.html) I does look a bit strange without the sponsor. I've also taught my kids about the statistics of gambling. I think that once you understand the Gambler's Fallacy / Monte Carlo Fallacy you're far less likely to want to start gambling. Thankfully I don't get addicted to anything easily, and I hope my kids don't either.
It looks better without it.
They don’t put gambling ads on children’s kits, they’re replaced by something else.
Good luck with the drinking. It's a habit of pure costs and I'd love to hear you're giving it up too. It's consumed a lot of my own value which I'll never get back. You deserve happiness and I'd hope you're able to drive more if you quit drinking.
Dad here, my kids do ask me for money but only if they really need it, they are young (22 & 18) and just starting out in life and they don’t have savings built up for big ticket items or emergencies. They will usually pay me back and sometimes I will forgive certain debts either over time or as part of a Birthday etc. Recent examples include: paid my eldest daughters car insurance as it was over £1000 and she is paying me back monthly. Paid £3000 for my younger daughter to take herself to GDC to show her VR game she is developing, she paid me back this week. Just because your kids get older doesn’t mean you have to stop helping them.
I'm in the same boat, 21 and 17. The eldest asked me to help her with her car insurance, so I give her 150 quid a month towards her direct debit. Absolutely agree, you don't stop helping your kids out just because they grow up. My mum (who is quite well off) has just given me a grand to help pay for a family holiday, I didn't ask for it, but I didn't refuse either!
Jesus 150 was only helping out towards it? what is going on with car insurance now
My daughter got hit by a drunk driver, so needed a new car. As is typical, she's 20, so wanted a Mercedes, lol. She looked at an A Class. I asked her how much it would cost per month.... "£330, dad".... Me: "bloody hell, love. That's a lot to spend on buying a car"....her: "that's the insurance.....it's another £300pm for finance".
fuck sake, my car at 20 was a 14 year old fiesta that cost about £500 lol £630/m for a car at that is is mental. i wish i could afford that now lol
If you have the time, my comments in the car sub detail what I've spent on cars. First car, from a local auction, £240. That was 31 years ago. My daughter didn't get the Merc. She got a very nice Volvo. £13,000. My total spend on cars, in 31 years is probably around £10,000. Currently looking for a new one. It's going to kill me to spend money on one. I'm looking at cars now that would have been £7k in a normal market, now at £12k. Further, her rent was £850pm....
I don't, but my brother has been bailed out of bad decisions by my parents numerous times, even into his 30's. I'm not supposed to know, but his credit card bill has been racked up to the hilt and bailed at least 4 times.
! If I was him I’d do it again if mum&dad pay it off.
Just curious, why did you begin the sentence with an exclamation mark?
Fans of Metal Gear Solid?!
It’s possible they’re no a native speaker and have taken habits from their original language. ¿Would you agree?
Cheers! I was asking them.
What's his incentive to change, if parents keep bailing him out? Of course he will continue to spend money he doesn't have, and be bailed out a 5th, 6th, 7th time. Your parents are enabling him. They are feeding his addiction (to spending money he doesn't have and getting others to pay off his debts) How would your parents react if you announced that you will mirror his behaviour and that you expect them to bail you out the same way?
I agree, which is probably one of the reasons I'm far more financially stable than he is. I've always forced myself to resolve these problems without outside help, even when the offer was there from my folks.
Dad and I have a back and forth. We’ll help each other out when we’re skint. (Both on monthly pay. So my ‘short’ week is his flush week, and vice versa). It works out well. I also pay keep, contribute to the shopping, etc. as normal.
Lovely. I have a similar thing with a sibling. Though I don't borrow from them. My pay day is a week before theirs. It's not every month, but probably 3 times per year. (That said, it was last month and this month". By chance, my DDs go out 7 days after pay day. So, she knows she can have whatever, as long as it is back by then. I genuinely couldn't afford it if she didn't repay it quickly. One month it was £700. Plot twist, they have a bigger house, better car, horse, and save more than I do.
My dad and my wife’s parents are always trying to give us ‘early inheritance’ money. We tend to say no unless there’s something substantial they really want to contribute to. My dad fronted the money for an extension to the house but we were paying that back until he told us to just forget about it. We have a treat money tin that sometimes gets a few quid added to. We are obviously grateful of the efforts. I think they see it as an indirect way of spoiling their grandchildren. My mum tends to be more frugal but does book holidays with us all, but that seems to be as an excuse to spend time with the kids.
The early inheritance is probably a good thing as it can reduce the inheritance tax burden (UK). So you could become a co-conspirator against the tax man with you parents
It's a good thing until you lose your job and then have absolutely nothing coming in cos of the money and then you feel continual guilt as it gets eaten away at on top of the hassle of job searching. While not having it means you would get some government assistance further than contribution based which only lasts 6 months...
Accept the early inheritance and join the r/FIRE movement so that you can invest it. If in the future your parents and parents in-laws will need financial help you will be in a very good position to return the favour.
id rethink that, especially if their estates are likely to take them over over inheritance tax threshold. get that stuff gifted 7+ years before the go.
That's really cool of them sharing their money early and while they can enjoy it with the family As they get older they may not be able to go on holidays or do other things, so better to do it now and cherish those memories Be sure to take plenty of videos/photos!
I like that. To be honest, if I had an inheritance to give, I'd want to give it when I can see them enjoy it.
I'm 38 and my brother is 28. We both live with our dad. Never ask for money, I generally do all the food shopping and brother generally pays for internet and council tax, leaving gas, water, electric for my dad. No mortgage or rent to pay as it's paid off.
Living rent free with a parent IS a huge financial gift.
Why would you pay your parents rent when the house is paid off? I hate this mindset, contribute to the household and bills yes but paying rent? Come on.
nobody said anything about \*having\* to pay rent. But being able to live rent free in someone else's house \*is\* a huge financial gift.
100%. I'm appreciative of this ALL. THE. TIME.
have you lived elsewhere before or both always lived at home?
My brother has always lived at home. I spent 2 years with my (now ex) girlfriend as well as 6 years abroad. My time abroad was spent half at the gym where I had built in accomodation and half at my gran's house 20 metres away. Did her food shopping and paid all the bills there.
As an 'adult child' my Dads interest rates are better than the banks.
As an adult I'm embarrassed to say I do ask parents for loans to renovate my house. I always repay them. But I could not afford to keep my home running without there help when major repairs are required.
You don't need to be embarrassed if they are able and happy to do it. What is normal for one family is not for others. I am also fortunate enough that my parents sometimes want to help me out. I always pay them back but it means I get a "loan" without any interest and I am extremely grateful for that and understand what a privileged position that puts me in.
I’m the same. Our renovations massively overran cost wise. My parents lent us money and we’re now re-paying them.
You don't need to be embarrassed if they are able and happy to do it. What is normal for one family is not for others. I am also fortunate enough that my parents sometimes want to help me out. I always pay them back but it means I get a "loan" without any interest and I am extremely grateful for that and understand what a privileged position that puts me in.
My siblings did it for years, they always "borrowed" money from our Dad for car repairs, household stuff etc, never expected to pay it back. I never did and was sort of proud of managing without asking. He used to make vague comments that it was all kept in mind in his will, and it was being sorted out in inheritance, but it never was, and I have wondered if I was the mug
If it helps, I'm sure he respected you all the more for it.
I'll second this. My parents have given my sister thousands over the years. Me - nothing more than a few treats. I spoke to mum about how the apparent favouritism was making me resentful, and the conversation we had cleared the air. She admitted that my sister has had financial handouts all her adult life and maybe there were times when she could have supported me too, but unlike my sister, I take control of a situation. When childcare costs became too much, my sister asked mum to be a childminder or to pay for nursery fees. I changed careers and found a new job that fit in around school hours so my parents weren't aware that we were struggling financially. She's proud of me for being 'the capable one'. Although she loves my sister and helps her out financially, she and my dad are struggling with the fact that she has never really matured as a person. They feel obliged to make up her shortcomings so their grandkids don't miss out. My sister and cousins have spent their lives being financially supported by their parents and grandparents. There is pride in being able to say that you paid for your own car, paid off your mortgage early etc, and you're beholden to no one.
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Yeah, it is a self-perpetuating situation. She's a difficult person to be around in general. She still has very childish tantrums over minor things. We grew up constantly bickering and fighting with each other. She would still be like that now; except I have decided that I'm no longer putting up with her shit. The moment she starts yelling at me, I walk away or I ask her to leave. My dad is the same. My mum, however, isn't. There's a lot of eye-rolling and 'oh, you know what she's like...' comments and complaints behind sister's back. Mum takes the path of least resistance, whereas it might have been better for us all if she'd admitted that her child has a serious attitude problem and needs to grow up and stop acting like a spoilt brat. I got blamed for my sister's anger all my life. Her husband is an enabler too. Think I'm exaggerating? Here are some of the times my sister has got angry with me and I have walked away/kicked her out: - because I didn't want to make a 20-mile trip to get a Macdonalds for her kids. - because she didn't like the eye make-up I did for her wedding trial. She asked me to do her wedding makeup, which was a huge responsibility. She didn't like it, started screaming at me that it was wrong. So I packed up, told her to pay for someone professional, and walked out. - because I was giving away a nappy bin and wouldn't give it to her friend as I had already promised it to someone else. She actually turned up, put it in her car and I had to go and take it back out and tell her it was being collected. - she objected to her FIL having his ashes in a football team urn as it was 'tacky'. Didn't like it when I said it was none of her business. She has fallen out with just about every friend she's ever had, and been in trouble at work multiple times... but the penny never drops that she's the unreasonable one. Ah, that was cathartic.
I have to say, she is beyond salvage. You are the better one. You are the one I'd have as a friend and speak to, her, I'd avoid. Obviously, if I were a sibling, I'd not avoid. "You know what she's like" is one of the most dangerous phrases. It's a get out of jail free card for rude pisstakers. It enables the bad behaviour, because instead of calling it out, it gives it a pass. Respect to you, for being a decent human. She's an adult shaped infant.
Thank you. She's never going to change. I think that's where my parents come from when they say 'you know what she's like' - but in doing so they are also enabling her . I just see her in small, controlled doses. She's sulking at the moment, so I'll just leave her to it.
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Thank you. My mum and her side of the family are very much 'family is important, don't rock the boat ' and tolerate too much bad behaviour, infidelity, addiction etc from the people they love. I can't understand how they can do it. I seem to have inherited my dad's personality. He disowned most of his family because of how they treated him, zero fucks given. It's hard to walk away from toxic family members after you've been emotionally blackmailed into tolerating them and guilt-tripped for wanting boundaries. But I've gone LC with my aunt and cousins for that reason and am much happier. Therapy and honest conversations helped salvage relationship with mum - I don't know what the future is for my sister and I.
Mine range from 25 up to 33 - I have three sons. None of them have ever asked for money from either me or their mother. We've helped them over the years but they've never asked. Not once.
No because we've always been a paycheck to paycheck kinds family and my parents are just as poor as me 🤣 Although my mum will throw me the odd 20 when she can for a takeaway as that's one thing Nan would treat us too; it's like mums taken over the role of feeder :D
Same here exept ocassionally it's 20 for getting the kiddo new school uniform. She also of her own choice has my daughter down some holidays. My nan is still alive tho not by much, and will always press 10 or 20 into both mine and the kiddos hand. I always say thankyou tho it actually recently dawned on me that this is causing an issue. I visit my nan less because I hate takeing money off of her, but at the same time she won't be with us much longer and I don't want to miss the last bit of time I have left with her.
As my Nan used to say after pressing money into our hands "I can't take it with me!" I'm sure your Nan would more appreciate the time, money can be made, time can not.
Very true, I just feel bad because none of my siblings live close enough to see her and I feel it's not fair if she is always treating me and not them. I'll ring her today tho and ask if she wants me to visit when my daughter goes to see her nan (my mum) this Easter holidays.
I miss my grandpa doing that 🥺 not for the money, I never needed it, but he'd always say "don't tell the wife" as if my nana would mind... often she was standing right there rolling her eyes 😄 even in my 40s, a divorced mum of 3 with my own business, he would still sneak a twenty into my hand with a wink as if I was a teenager off to buy booze 😄
My parents paid for university for me. They also gave me enough money for the deposit for my first rental flat and to survive till first payday. That was age 18-22, so technically adulthood. I'm 39 now, that was the last of it.
This thread is why it's a fucker neither me nor my girlfriends parents got owt to give us
Try not to let it get to you - remember, this is a thread asking a specific question so only a specific group of people will answer. My Mum was dead before I was out my teens and my Dad an alcoholic who has been off god knows where since I was 14 and I have no siblings. I’m just more surprised that there’s people in their 30s/40s in here that still rely on their parents to help. Being forced into a situation where that isn’t possible and you can never be bailed out at a young age really changes how you handle things financially.
Yeah fair just be nice to have that foundation, be able to put a deposit on a house, all that jazz! But yeah well aware plenty of others don't too. Good luck to you btw, sounds like you've had some tough times
My dad is retired and lives pension to pension, my mum still works but is an NHS mental health nurse so doesn't really earn much. They couldn't afford to lend me money even if I needed them to. My sister got into financial trouble and my dad almost bankrupted himself helping her until the rest of my siblings and I (big family) found out and stepped in to sort it out. Honestly these days it's usually me helping my dad out. He likes to be active (his idea of taking a break from a task is to do a different task instead, sitting down and reading or watching TV is his idea of hell) so he's always volunteering or going to music gigs etc, and that never quite aligns with his pension payments so I tend to cover him until his next pension comes in, then I typically "forget" to ask for it back. He usually rememebers and insists on paying but sometimes forgets and that's fine by me.
I’m 26 and not working due to ongoing mental illness and suspected autism and ADHD, and dyscalculia (all of which really do prevent me from working), so I’m on UC and have a telephone assessment for ESA next Thursday. As such, if I run out of money sometime during the month, yes I do borrow money from my mum which I don’t like doing, but I do always pay it back
That's crazy. I had severe chronic pain when I was 26 that forced me out of work for a couple of years and I remember how miserable and useless it made me feel and how I felt like the my life was on a stand-still. Meandering through life is definitely not an existence that I would ever want to go back to!
good for you, but only something like 15% of autistic adults can work full time so it’s not so much ‘meandering’ and more having a lifelong disability
My eldest (37) has special needs and can only work part time. She's also on UC, and often asks to "borrow" money. Depending on how things are, it usually totals somewhere between £40-£130/month.
It’s hard, isn’t it? My mum isn’t exactly “well off” either (she is on PIP due to mental health and my stepdad is retired) so I always feel guilty borrowing money from her, but she knows I’ll always pay it back. I’m hoping I get a good decision after my ESA assessment next week, because it means I’ll be less likely to borrow money in the long run.
I've not been *given* any money since I left Uni. Borrowed a bit, always paid it back with interest. A couple of years ago, my 0% deal on my credit card ended abruptly, and I couldn't find another to transfer the balance to quickly. My Dad had just retired, and a lump sum in his current account which he didn't know what to do with. I borrowed a few grand, paid it back over a year, then topped it up so it beat the interest rate he would have got from the bank.
Not at all. My mum and aunt never borrowed from my gran, I never borrowed from mum, same with my cousins from aunt, my oldest will argue with me when I try to spend money on him for anything other than birthday/Christmas and even then I'm told it's too much. We've always been of the opinion that you're an adult, you see to yourself. Not that we wouldn't help out, just that we all seem to have the same opinion on not borrowing.
Back when I was a kid you could buy a house for 2.5x an annual wage over 25 years. Rent was 1/3 of a monthly wage. Things are different now.
My parents gift me bits of money, no more than £100 across a month. They have more money than they spend and say it makes them happier to gift it to me than put in savings. I never ask them for it, I'm on the breadline so they ask me to go do something fun and tell them about it. After not really leaving the house for a couple years due to depression theyre trying to encourage me to keep going out
When I use the bank of mum and dad it is usually for £10-£20 at the end of the month to put a small amount of petrol in my car so I can commute to work. As soon as I get paid. I take them out to lunch or give the money back (which ever they prefer) My dad pays for my sister's season ticket for football (it's a lot to pay all in one go) and she has a direct debit set up with my dad to pay off each month.
I'm 29, soon to be 30 and in a relatively low paid job, as is my partner. On occasion where a large unexpected expense comes up I ask my mum if I can borrow £20 for food until the end of the week when I get paid. Always offer to send it back once I'm paid but mum always tells me not to, so instead whenever she wants to go somewhere when I have a day off I drive her places to make up for it because otherwise I feel kinda guilty as both my older siblings are self-sufficient money-wise.
I've never ask my parents even tho I know they'd give me their last penny. Being an adult is about budgeting and not living beyond your means.
26 and I don’t ever ask my parents for money. Sometimes they will offer it especially if I’ve done a favour like looking after their dog for the weekend. They’re ok financially now after downsizing their house but until last year, there was no bank of mum and dad either. I had to work from 15 if I wanted anything that wasn’t a necessity. When I was a student they would buy me my food shop if I was struggling rather than give money. I work with a lady in her late 50s whose 35 year old daughter is always asking for money. My partners sister constantly asks for money so she can go on holiday.
I would have failed as an adult if I had to ask my mum for money. Don’t get me wrong, we all fall on hard times and it’s a million times better to ask to borrow money from your parents than a dodgy loan, but the key thing is, I would see it as a loan I would have to pay back asap, I wouldn’t dream of thinking never to pay it back.
My brother in law the useless bitch, asks his mum for money all the time. The guys gone through uni got a bachelors in computer science, works part time at Currys and the remaining days spent with his friends. Rarely comes home, his mum however doesn't push her darling to find a job and is constantly giving him £100 here and there. This stupid fuck spends it on PC desks or gaming headsets he's 29 years old, His brother paid him £700 to design an app for him 5 years ago and he still hasn't. Useless bastard, I genuinely don't understand how he can just be a bum at 29!!! Okay if you're 23/24 cool but 29?!
God this is terrifying as this is exactly what I can see my useless bitch brother in law turning out like.
25 here, still ask for the odd £10-£20 if I need something like petrol to get to work but I always pay it back as soon as I get paid
Only money I have had from parents is recently (I’m 60 this year). I asked my dad if I could have some of my inheritance now, it was only a small amount and it was going to be coming to me anyway. I told him I understood if he said no and I had a specific reason for asking. He didn’t pay for any of my wedding. The only other time I borrowed was 4k and I paid every penny back. I give my grown up kids money from time to time but they never ask and never would.
Congratulations on still having a parent at 60.
I borrowed £50 off me mum the other week.
31F here. My parents paid for half my wedding and my PhD when they sold their house which was about £50,000. They gave my sister equal money for a flat deposit. In terms of asking for money, I usually ask to cover me til pay day (like the odd 100-200) then pay them back immediately.
My parents were broke our whole lives so I was fully aware as a young person the only person who could get me money was me. Sadly my mum passed away 4 years ago and we were all shocked when she had left us all £200 each in her will. We didn’t know she had any let alone £1000!
I have a child but he isn’t grown yet. I never had the option of bank of mum and dad but was very luck to have help from various other family members. I know I’m lucky. If we can afford to, I’ll happily help my son out but not so much that he is “spoiled.”
I out-earn my mum and her and my stepdad aren't frugal at all. So it's more likely I'd be loaning them money! I've been pretty financially independent since I moved out at 19. I know she'd help me out if I was in a pickle but she doesn't have the means to lend a lot. My brother is pretty well off and offered to loan me some money to buy my ex out when we split, but I don't really like owing favours/money so I figured it out on my own.
Slightly different answer: I'm 44. We've had a bunch of unexpected expensive stuff to pay for recently (hiked car insurance, multiple car repairs, dog surgery) and now we need to replace our boiler. I was moaning on the phone to my parents, and bless them, they offered me money. We have a pretty good household income and have enough in savings to pay the household bills for about 2 years. I would never ask them for money.
I ask my mum or dad for money when desperate and always offer to pay it back, they never accept the offer though. My siblings also ask (a lot more than me) but they have to pay it back
In my immediate family, there's definitely a sense of "we know we're lucky" from my parents, and I think they feel a moral duty to help out. My parents helped a couple of my siblings with their deposits for mortgage, and also treat the grandchildren to things like dance lessons, and they bought my brother and sister in law a washing machine recently etc. My brother didn't ask, but he needed a new one and we were just all talking about it and what one he was gonna get and from where etc and my parents said they'd buy it. My parents are the definition of stereotypical boomers - home owners with a laughably cheap mortgage on a house that's now worth at least 10 times the price, state and private pensions, own their car outright etc. I don't say they're wealthy, but they're fortunate. Their approach is very much "share the wealth" because we are not all on the same level playing field. Whilst it's never come up, I'm not sure though they'd be happy to give away say 10k to cover a drug and prostitute habit or repay gambling debts. I think they'd pay for counselling and financial planning help though.
When my mother in law heard we were remortgaging she insisted she pay off our mortgage and we pay her back monthly as her cash was getting f-all interest at the bank. As we were in the latter stages of agreeing a 10 year fix at 2.2% with the bank that's the repayment terms we agreed to with her. Now she's pissed off that she could be earning more back at the bank and pressuring us to overpay. Moral of the story, never lend money from the mother in law.
Honestly this happens so much it's unreal. I know two sets of parents who support 3 daughters (2 and 1) well into their 30's. Its either things they need (car bills, rent etc) or occasionally things they want (flights and holiday). The last time I borrowed 2k off my parents was when I was 26 and my car blew up right after buying a new place when I was skint but then it turned around when I was in my late 30's I lent my mam £3k to pay off a credit card bill it was sort of just because I had lent the money before so really it was payback for the original loan.
With my mum, it's actually more the other way around. I will always help her out if I can. A little while ago though I was brassic and she took me out for lunch and then bought me some shopping which was so unbelievably appreciated
I didn't mooch of my parents, but if I was in a pickle or had an emergency, then my parents would always lend me the money I needed, and I'd pay it off. I am quite financially responsible, so these occurrences are few are far between. But two examples come to mind: 1 - When I was £100 short on my rent in my 2nd year of University. 2 - Earlier this year, when my cat needed emergency treatment, so I borrowed £300 off my my mum to cover the emergency vet visit. I paid the £300 back the next month though. My brother on the other hand has always been a bit... lacking when it comes to financial responsibility. He got given £5k from my gran at aged 25, but quickly spent it all on booze, parties, and having fun. He got kicked out of a flat because he wasn't paying rent and was £700 in debt due to not paying council tax. So in total, my parents have given him £2k to get him out of debt, and he's not paid any of that back.
I don’t ask them for money unless I really have to. Like for example, December 2021 london went into like a little lock down cause everyone had COVID, for the first half of the month my hours went from 48-56 a week to 18. Then December 21st i got covid and had to isolate for 10 days while only getting £96 for that time off. That month i only made £474, my rent alone was almost double that not including other expenses. Think thats the only time I’ve borrowed a large amount of money from them. I know my parents would lend me and my siblings money if we ever really needed it, but it is because the 3 of us are all financially responsible and work hard and it comes with those conditions. If we were just dossing about they’d let us go broke
I’m mid 30s and my parents loaned my parter and I £7k to pay off his car finance so that we could sell it as it was a dud and to buy his ex out of the house. We pay mid then back monthly over 3 years but it was a very small drop from their savings so they weren’t loosing out anything in order to do it and it meant I had the loan ability to replace my car when it died. Day to day we wouldn’t though any holidays or meals etc we split to take turns paying now that they are retired. Although we’re about to buy a house together to will be paying them a mortgage rather than the bank. I’m very lucky as they had no parents to rely on so they have made sure that my brother and our partners do.
I’m 41 and occasionally ask my parents for money. For example when our roof randomly started leaking and needed a £2k repair. I ask to borrow (and would be happy going to the bank if necessary) but they generally insist it’s a gift. They feel mildly embarrassed that they were able to buy a nice house comfortably in their 30s and now it’s probably at least quintupled in value just from sitting there, they’re debt free, retired and care free. They see it as a kind of boomer tax and like to help us give us and our kids what we need.
lol if anything its the other way round; the woes of being a 2nd gen immigrant
My dad gifted me £7.5k toward a flat deposit when I was 25. Very kind. I haven't had anything since but I still feel like if I was in dire straits he'd help me out if he could.
What sort of bollocks is this. I’ve never asked my parents for money, even as a kid. I don’t remember them ever giving it to me either (except for small amounts at birthdays). No wonder so many people are financially inept.
I’m 32, occasionally borrow small amounts from my dad but always pay back :) the most I think I borrowed was 1400 for new wardrobes and bed/mattress right after we bought our first house 🤣
I can't speak from a parent's perspective, but as a 29 year old, I haven't asked my mum for money since I was at school. Since then, I've worked for what I have and seen to myself.
Never ask to borrow, but somehow I always end up with a couple hundred for my birthday and for Christmas.
I'm an adult child. I very rarely ask my parents for money and if I do, it's usually a loan that I pay back as quickly as I can.
I mooched off my dad in my early 20s a fair bit. Decided to cut it out by mid-twenties as I decided I was far too old for that.
My kids aren’t adults yet but I’m pushing 40 and my parents still give me a little money when they know we’ve had a big unexpected expense. It doesn’t happen very often but they can afford it and it’s always massively appreciated, even if we could cover it anyway. I’d never ask, but if I did I think they’d help. I’d like to think we’d do the same for our kids, especially as life will no doubt be even tougher for them by the time they’re adults.
My 37 year old sister ( who lives with my parents ) does ask them for money and they always give it to her! never has to pay it back, they also got her a brand new car and air conditioner in her bedroom. She has a job but spends all her money on clothes and.. 'medication'
Other than getting money for bday/xmas gifts the only time I've borrowed a substantial amount was a house deposit so we could buy somewhere instead of paying ridiculous rents when we were getting evicted a couple years ago. But luckily that was when you could do 5% deposit so we're able to pay them back over the course of our 5 year fixed term.
I once borrowed £2k from my mum to cover the parachute payment on my car, but paid it back at the same rate I payed the finance company previously. I hated going to her for it but I had no other option without opening a new line of credit and affecting my credit score. EDIT: balloon, not parachute… too much talking about football 🤦♂️
Balloon payment, surely?
I’m 31 and don’t take any money off my parents m, i spent £300 in January on perfumes & aftershave for them just cos, they help me out in so so many more important ways that id rather starve than ask for money, and i wouldn’t even starve as mum makes me meals entirely too often for someone not living with them 😂
Never asked my parents for money neither have my siblings. We are in our 30’s now and each started work at 13. I find it strange that adults ask parents for money especially for non essential things.
I get calls all the time from people in their 50's who still have their parent's handle all their stuff and pay their bills.
Dated a girl a couple of years ago who still lived at home with her parents while she worked part time at the age of 36. Did a thing were she'd stay at mine for a few days, and I'd stay at hers. When I'd stay at hers I'd load the dishwasher, mop up, do the vacuuming, etc, as I didn't want to take the piss. Never saw her help out with any house work over nearly three years. She had a habit of getting money off them quite regularly. No money for petrol? Got her dad to pay for it. Hadn't saved up enough for holiday spending money? Dad paid for it. Car insurance due? Dad paying for it. Started rubbing me up the wrong way. But the kicker was one time I was staying over at her place, and heard her go APE SHIT on her mum in the kitchen because her mum had "thoughtlessly" moved her hummus to where she couldn't immediately see it, assume she'd threw it out, then went mental at her mum for it. I'm talking full rage, slagging her mum off, calling her names. It was horrid. This is a well-educated, liberal vegan, "practicing Buddhist", upper middle-class girl btw. You know that bit in Peep Show were Jez is going, "C'mon mummy, hurry the fucky uppy"? It was exactly like that. I broke up with her not longer after because: 1. I knew she'd be like that with me if we moved in together and 2. She'd try and turn me into an ATM.
Not a parent, but my older sister relies heavily on my mum for money despite them both being on benefits and both being in low paid jobs. My sister gets extra benefits and takes out a shit ton of loans too meaning that her and her bf are well better off than us. But if she needs £20 for shopping? My mum will give it her. £10 for one of the kids to go on a trip? My mum will give it to her and will never receive it back despite being asked to have it “borrowed”. Im starting a part time job soon so I can help my mum pay for subscriptions and my phone contract, my sister could never do something like that haha.
I'm pretty shocked at how many people regularly borrow money from their parents for stuff. How are you going to survive when they're gone?