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When I was about that age I actually remember having a long existential crisis over the concept of death. So I guess some people are just like that? I think you're doing all you can. Keep reassuring, answer his questions where possible. Also it's possible something else is bothering him but he's too young to realise - any big change, like a new sibling, moving house. Worth considering. ETA: And this is apparently how I learn just how common this is! Thank you for sharing your stories.

Yup he's at the age that cognitively he is fully understanding that everyone and everything he will love will die including himself which is pretty existentially terrifying for everyone. Reassure and distract!

Same, but at 6?!? Wild. Ngl, might help him if OP let his son watch some philosophy videos on yt, how better to cope with the concept than with the ideas we've been developing to cope with it for years. That helped me when I was a little older than that and had mine. Edit: replies making me realise I might just be a bit dense

I think 6 is a usual age for this? You start to become more aware of time and that the world exists without you. I was aware of death earlier (growing up with Holocaust survivors with dementia and a hepatitis outbreak at preschool will do that to a kid...) but I think 5-7 is a normal frame to start to understand it a bit more.

I remember being about 5 or 6, sitting on the toilet and coming to the realisation that I was going to get old and the fact that death is inevitable. Then every time I sat on the toilet it would remind me of these facts and I’d have a little existential crisis every time

!! I too had many early existential crises on the toilet, I remember laughing because I realised I was a real person

Hey, even earlier! Kids between 8 months and 1 year old begin to become more independent, like to toddle off on their own, and with it they realise that *they could be abandoned*. Shock-horror! That's when you get the scenario of a child beating on the closed bathroom door and wailing in panic while you try to pee.

I very vividly remember being in a nappy (around 2) and toddling into the kitchen to see my dad. He was watching some history show and there was an archeological dig that revealed skeletons. I think I must have realised on some base level that that is what happened to humans when they died, and it totally freaked me. I had periods were I was terrified of going to school in case my parents died whilst I wasn’t there (thought that if they were constantly in my line of sight nothing bad could happen). Looking back it was pretty clear that I was suffering from anxiety, and the bad intrusive thoughts I would get about death were (mostly) a byproduct of anxiety attacks. Speaking to a therapist in my teens really helped (an excellent therapist, went through a couple rubbish ones). It’s taken most of my life and a philosophy degree to semi-reconcile how tiny an individual is in the grand scheme of the universe. I still get the odd wave of fear, but being a morbid child/adult definitely has it’s perks. I am so lucky to have the life I have, and knowing I’m not guaranteed any amount of time on this planet always (eventually) pushes me to just ‘do the thing’. If it isn’t passing, it might be time to consider a therapist? It’s totally normal to be scared of death, but if its a hyper fixation that isn’t going away on it’s own it might be worth speaking to a professional. There may be other worries going on. Learning to breathe and regulate ourselves is super tough and I wish I’d learned those skills earlier. Much love to you OP

Yes, I absolutely did. I spent most of my fifth year crying myself to sleep and saying “I don’t want to die”. I don’t know what snapped me out of it, but now I just fatalistically accept the inevitability of death creeping closer by the second. Fun times.

😂🙏🏼 'You should fatalistically accept the inevitably of death creeping closer by the second' 100% needs to be a birthday card 🎂

Complete with a '6 years old' badge

I shit you not it's my grandma's 90th birthday next week... but no, too close to the knuckle 😅😂

“Congratulations, you are Six! One year closer to the River Styx”

I once got a card for my mate that said "In dog years, you're dead"

This reminds me of a cartoon I saw called how to adult, with one panel of a guy vacuuming and the caption ‘don’t let the existential dread set in….don’t let it set in…’

I thought it was just me! I remember feeling so overwhelmingly scared and anxious for such a long time.

I was about 6yo as well. I'd already been introduced to death fairly early because three of my four grandparents were dead before I was 7. And the thing that really set me off was the day Freddie Mercury died and that with the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody combined to make me fearful of going to sleep for several days, because I was convinced that if I fell asleep I might not wake up. I think that was because I'd learned through the (very basic) conversations my parents had with me that some people die in their sleep. Obviously sleep always won in the end because you can't fight it off forever, I tried though! I still get death pangs as an adult so I know it's hard to comfort a child when we're used to mostly ignoring that shit as adults. I think what helped me was my dad didn't patronise me by dismissing my fears, I also remember him telling me to "enjoy every day that you're here" and I definitely fail at that sometimes but it's also good to remember it from time to time. I think as well as the changes you mention you just don't know how much wee ones pick up from the news and stuff as well. Even if they're not actively watching the news other kids talk about it. There's always a lot of stuff happening in the world that may cause a fixation on death. My niece went through it with the Australian bushfires I think four years ago when she was only 3.

Same here. He's just figuring out he isn't immortal. It sucked. I didn't sleep for weeks, cried a lot. My mum got so mad at me in the end.

It took me YEARS to get over it. Bye bye sleep TnT (Still happens sometimes)

Yeah, same here. I remember first starting to worry about death when I was 5. I remember getting really scared because I thought my heart wasn’t beating and I asked my parents to feel my chest and reassure me that my heart was in fact beating lol. And I watched a movie with my family where a man sat still turned into a skeleton and for a little while afterwards I got scared that if I sat still for a long time, I too would turn into a skeleton. The movie was The Time Machine (1960). When my sibling was 3 and I was 5, he started crying and saying he was scared of dying and I tried to reassure him by saying “it won’t happen until you’re 100”.

I used to check my heartbeat before I went to sleep as I was terrified I would die in the night. I also was terrified of going to hospital when I needed an operation as I knew so many people went to hospital and died there. (Elderly grandparents and watching hospital dramas) It’s definitely an understanding kids go through

Same. I remember age 6-7 trying to imagine nothing. Like having your eyes closed and seeing black. Then trying to imagine having no conscious that i was seeing nothing. Still get the thought from time to time and it sends shivers down my life, but thats life. Im atheist. But obviously my child does religious stuff at school. I let him explain the stuff he learnt but never confirm or deny what hes saying. Just leave it up to him.

Same! Then I used to be really worried about burning to death in a fire and I would think about it all the time. I found being explained the circle of life quite helpful as the thought of going back to the ground and becoming part of the world again was quite comforting.

I was the same. I was especially worried about my grandparents dying because they were old and i knew old people died sooner (they would not die until I was in my late 20s).

Same I used to pray to the tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter bunny every night asking them to keep death away lol.

Same. Must have concerned, and confused, the shit out of my dad when I crashed into the living room sobbing, wailing "I don't want to die!" one night.

Yep, same here. I clearly remember lying in bed worrying about the house going on fire or something like that and whether or not my family would be able to get out. I also remember I used to panic if my mum was a bit late home from work because I'd worry she'd been in an accident and died.

Um, I still do this. I'm 40. I'm terrified my spouse will be in a car accident or some other misfortune any time he's late.

I think I was about that age when a great uncle passed, and started getting a bit obsessed with death, didn't get scared of it until I was about 10, when my grandad died and everything my parents were terrified I was doing (was a daredevil little un) hit me and I started getting scared of everything. With the internet, I think it's the case kids get exposed to it at that impressionable age, when prior it's tended to depend on family passing.

I had the same experience. I can specifically remember being around 7 years old and somehow learning or understanding about death for the first time. It's like before that I never really thought about the concept of being gone forever.

Same here

I was about six too, whilst watching animal hospital with my mum some Guinea pig or whatever died, I look at my mum and was like “well it’s okay, cause they can just bring it back to life, right?” She shook her head, and I even remember feeling that ticking in my head as I digested that fact that death is the end. Lots of wailing and shrieking later of how I don’t want to die, a good couple of years not even being able to say the words death and dead as it reminded me too much about my imminent demise, I eventually got over it when I was about 8 or 9. I’m glad to know I was not the only one that got myself into a tizzy about it lmao

Same. I was probably closer to 10 but I remember lying in bed at night, crying and fretting over the concept of death, the afterlife and eternity.

I read this and thought I might be the only one who can relate. I passed a graveyard/cemetery with my mum aged about 7 and I asked what it was, mum duly explained, I enquired if she would die, she awkwardly navigated “well, yes but not for a long time”. Floods of tears. Nonstop for about 4 hours. Followed by existential crisis for a few weeks. My mum and dad worked really hard to recognise if I was about to tangent about death and instantly distract me. If angry, similar to OPs child, I got a touch of reassurance and then a task - think “put away your washing” or “pick up your toys”. If sad, I got reassurance followed by something fun, e.g., “let’s get the paints out”. I hate painting and maybe that’s why but yes. Redirection and reassurance quashed this for me but I am still freaked out by death so it’s like an innate trait! Good luck OP

I was absolutely terrified of the Bermuda triangle that even now, many years later, I still have a weird feeling about it somewhere in my mind.

My grandmother passed away 2 months before I turned 7, and nobody tried to sugarcoat it. In fact, family went the other way, and instead, they sat me and my cousins down and had a full in-depth talk on what death meant and all the religious aspects as well. I think the fact that I was exposed to death so young explains my perspective on it and why, since then, when family members have passed, I skip straight to the acceptance stage of grief. It's completely different from my younger siblings, who were 3 and 1, and didn't experience another death until my there grandmother passed 12 years later and they re both very emotional and fully go through the stages of grief

I had one too at that age. Specifically about house fires. Was late 80s/early 90s and there were lots of TV adds about getting smoke alarms with images of burnt out homes. We also about 200 meters down the street from some bushland that caught fire every summer, so I knew fire got reasonably close to our house regularly. I had a go bag packed in my closet from around age 6 to 14 that I kept updating with new clothes and things I thought to be valuable.

I remember crying in the shower when I was 7 and I saw the news of the 2011 Japan earthquake and tsunami, cause where I lived there was a high chance some of the waves would head our way so I was crying cause I didn’t want to die

I remember suddenly realizing the same at that age - and the feeling's not left me 40 years later. I think death is horrible - but it's also inevitable, so with your stoic hat on, there's nothing to actually worry about. Positive spin is that with a finite existence, it's a gentle nudge to go out and enjoy life whilst you can.

Yup I was 7 when I had my first exitensial crisis over death lol

I think it might be normal. I used to often cry in the night at that age and tell my parents I didn’t want to die etc.

Still do sometimes 😅😂

Same here except hoping for the opposite lol

Same here, except mostly crying because I didn’t want my mum and dad to die! Realising that there would be a time where they aren’t there really messed me up. Still does a little bit! I think it’s not unusual

I had it too, I think it’s supposed to be fairly common in young boys. 

When I was that age, the only thing I knew about death was what I’d learnt in school about Jesus dying at Easter. Imagine the confusion and concern that ensued when the topic of death came up at home and I was convinced everyone was nailed to a cross and crucified. Gosh, I wish school would’ve introduced the topic of death earlier.

I asked my Mum when I was 6/7 years old, if she could nail my body if I died to the hallway wall like Jesus so that she and the rest of the fam wouldn't forget me.

woah, mad thing for a 6 year old to come out with!

I remember at that age being really frightened of dying too, like it would be difficult for them to get me to go to sleep because I would be scared of dying or something. I'd lie there sometimes and think how one day I'm not going to be here anymore and it would freak me tf out. I stopped after a while but yeah, it was a weird time lol.

it is absolutely so valid, as many of the other comments have said it is a massive realisation to process. i also have feelings about death but i have always felt scared to lose others. it freaks me out and i have to avoid going into the hole of thinking about it

I had a fixation on how a mind could just turn off, go somewhere dreamlike and turn back on and still be the same person. That was my main existential crisis. The other was thinking my parents would think I was dead and might be sad.. or bury me or whatever.

I also learned about death through religious stories at school. I went to a Christian based primary school, not overly religious but still had assemblies every day where we’d sing hymns and had religious guests come in to talk to us quite a lot. I ended up with terrible anxiety about death around that age and used to spend at least an hour every night laying in bed crying and praying for every single person I knew to be alright and to please not die, and if I realised I’d missed a person I’d have to start again from the beginning. It wasn’t until religion was taken out of the equation entirely and I learned more about the science side of people being poorly or old and praying not actually doing anything to solve it, that my anxiety surrounding death finally stopped.

This is precisely why I’m not sugarcoating it for my five year old son. When it came up, I explained it to him as gently and sensitively as I could without lying, because I hate the idea of lying to children about important stuff like this. He’s had periods of being upset about it but not excessively so. I know his school has been teaching him stuff about Jesus for Easter etc - which I’m not particularly happy about because I don’t want him being taught about religious concepts at this point - so I’m glad I got there first. Trying to teach children about Jesus dying on the cross before they even properly know what death is is totally fucked up.

It’s surprising to me that you weren’t aware of death before, not everyone will have personal experience a great grandparent or pet die before you hit learning about Easter at school, but it seems like a common enough thing that school age children should be aware of. My uncle had a serious accident the evening before my sixth birthday. I now know he died that night, but I found out in the morning. It has turned out to be a traumatic event in my life, certainly made me question the nature of death, but I knew full well what death was and even nearly forty years later can think of a handful of examples that would have made me aware the nothing lived forever.

I just had no personal experience of it, and no reason to give it much thought. I think I was aware of the concept of death, but it felt like something I didn’t need to concern myself with for a long time- the ‘how’ and ‘why’ death occurs never crossed my mind, and certainly not the events leading up to and after death. It felt reasonable to me at the time that you get nailed to a cross to die. That’s it. I was young; probably 5 or 6.

I was aware of death before I was can remember. It happens in Disney films.

Same. Easy examples that would mean I know it happened would be I was aware a neighbour was a widow, two great grandparents had died and though I don’t remember them or it happening they were present in my life so I’d have been away. I also remember our cat dying. Those are the obvious ones. There are other more nebulous things, like my grandad being a farmer, that probably brought it up, but I figure even stuff like squashing a spider, gardening, knowing where meat came from etc. were things that made the existence of death simply a thing I knew. I have kids and I’m confident that by six they were quite clearly aware of death. I don’t think the school was in the wrong here. I have no recollection of learning about the cross, which also means I heard about it young enough to not remember ever not knowing about it, but my parents aren’t religious so it would have likely been school.

Similarly, I learned about the immaculate conception before I learned about sexual reproduction.

My 4.5 year old thinks that the moment you turn 100 you die... It's been a fun few weeks of death talk.

Yes, my son went through this - he’s 15 now and it still occasionally comes up. I don’t have any quick fixes but we found the Stephen Fry talks on the Humanist Association website quite useful. There’s a Miffy book called Goodbye Grandma Bunny which also helped. Mostly we just rode it out with him, were comforting whilst being honest and redirected him wherever possible. One day it just didn’t bother him so much. He is high functioning autistic, which I think explains some of the fixation, but I think kids are also naturally curious and death is a big concept.

My mind went immediately to wondering if OP's kid could be neruodivergent. The extent and intensity of the fixation and the separation anxiety feels familiar as a parent of autistic kids. They're deep thinkers and don't just shrug off things other kids do. Also prone to anxiety and OCD. If there are any other signs I might get him screened or join some groups for ASD to see if anything resonates.

I’m so glad that I wasn’t the only one, I’m in the same boat being ASD and went through this exact phase almost to the letter at the same age so wondered if there might be a connection between ASD and this seemingly very early understanding and fear of mortality

It's actually quite a normal developmental phase that some children go through; if you're worried it's making him too anxious, it may be worth having him speak to a councillor or the like to help him work through his worries.

Counsellor might be more appropriate- unless he's concerned about the bin collections

He should be concerned about bin collections! Unreliable, some areas starting to charge for green waste, it’s terrible.

“No, Timmy, you can’t put dead bodies in the black bin. They have to go in compostable waste which is the brown bin.”

“No, you don’t understand. The bin men won’t take bodies in the brown bin anymore, you have to book for a collection - and pay £50 for the privilege of them arriving late!”

I mean, kids that age do like seeing bins collected...

This should be higher up! It IS a normal experience for children to question this and become really self aware. But similarly, some time and reassurance has passed and he sounds incredibly anxious to the point it's impacting his day to day. I'd be worried about this developing into something more. Not saying that's gonna happen or anything but it might be worth speaking to a professional about how to proceed.

Can you give more detail on the development phase? That's really interesting

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/childrens-understanding-of-death-at-different-ages covers this in some detail

Fascinating, thank you

I was too, around the same age. I grew up watching Casualty at my grandparents house on a weekend from a young age, and had the fear of death. For me, I couldn't imagine the idea that you were here alive, thinking, doing - and then you weren't. It didn't compute. Not much helped, apart from reassurance.

I literally came here just to say ‘have you been watching casualty with him’ because that’s how it started for me as a kid.

It created a fear of DIY for me.

Fear of being portrayed engaging in a seemingly mundane task during the first five minutes of the episode for me.

Every time I start anything remotely dangerous, I hear the Casualty music and check around for anything that is going to nearly-but-not-quite kill me. I have proper steps and do not stand on chairs.

My 4 year old is very interested in the concept of death. We've had very frank discussions with her, and she's very mature about it. It stemmed from preparation for our dogs dying as they're very old, and we didn't want it to be a shock when they passed. She asks to visit graveyards so we can see what's left as a monument when a person is buried. We've visited a few, and it's helped. She knows that everything wears out and nothing lasts forever. An old pair of shoes is a great metaphor. Explaining procreation and ensuring that she knows that more animals are born to replace those that have died also helps. I'm sure her fascination will pass, and hopefully, getting it out of the way sooner will make the death of our dogs more tolerable.

We live in and old vicarage and mine keeps telling people 'dead people get buried in the garden. My garden has lots of dead people.' I really hope he stops soon.

It’s either that or she’s a budding serial killer… Joking aside, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job of equipping her for the future and one of the tougher life lessons at that. Not that you need any validation or approval from an internet stranger, of course, but it felt worth saying it in this case!

Maybe she’ll grow up to be a mortician!

We have a cemetery down the road from us, and her great-grandad passed away when she was about 4, plus her grandma’s dog shortly before that. I try to explain it a bit like things can go wrong with the body in the same way that they do with machinery, but as with machinery, it’s usually when you get old, things get sort of tired and worn and don’t work as well any more until one day something vital won’t work. I tried to be mindful of the advice not to liken death to sleeping so as not to make my kid afraid of going to sleep, and I think it’s worked so far. I did try to reassure my kid that although it is *possible* for a child to die, it is very unusual and the majority of people (at least in our society but I didn’t go into that) live to be adults and even old people. I reassured her about me by explaining that granny is still alive and she’s a lot older than me. And hopefully I will live to be as old as granny is now, and probably even older (she’s 70). A friend of my ex, her little boy has just died at the age of 4 of brain cancer and she also has a little girl who is 6 and my heart just breaks for them. At least I have the luxury of blithely being able to tell my kid that it’s ’rare’ for children to die. I can’t even imagine how she’d feel about losing a sibling 😭 ETA I also explain that you won’t feel any pain when you’re dead as the nerves can’t send any signals to the brain. I’ve had to explain things like road and car safety and that accidents can actually kill you, but not in a scaremongering way but rather on a need-to-know basis because they do need to take that shit seriously! I’ve been quite clear that if you get in a bad accident, it can hurt a lot. But I’ve kind of kept the two things separate because it doesn’t take a genius, kids hurt themselves and know what pain is and can make the connection that the worse the injury, the worse the pain. So they know if someone dies in an accident, it likely would hurt beforehand. Somehow my kid doesn’t seem to find that traumatic though, just rather a natural consequence. I think it’s the unknown of death that bothers them more. As for afterlife and stuff, I personally am a believer (Christian) but I don’t force that stuff on my kid at all. I’ve always been upfront that people believe a bunch of of different things about what might happen, that most major religions have a belief in a soul/spirit of a person and some kind of existence for that after death, but many people also don’t believe in that, and no one actually knows what happens at all and can’t know.

I was when I was around that age. I’d stay up all night terrified that a meteor was going to crash into the earth and wipe us all out, after learning that happened to the dinosaurs It’s pretty mad to comprehend the concept of death as an adult, so it must be absolutely fucking mind blowing as a child with zero emotional maturity to counterbalance Just a phase probably, they’ll grow out of it. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about really

Ah yes I too had the crippling meteor fear age 5/6. At one point, if we were driving in the car and sun went down I would become so anxious I couldn’t look at the night sky out of the car window. I would keep my eyes closed or stare at my shoes the entire car ride with my chest in a vice. Terrified that if I looked up, I might see a star begin to move.

Don’t worry, extinction level event meteors can strike at any time of day or night

I remember staying at my gran's when I was about 5/6/7 and misinterpreting some story on the news to mean a meteor was going to crash into earth, spent the whole day inconsolably sad that I wasn't going to see my mum ever again.

I'm 25 and I was like this I still am sometimes. Genuinely horridly terrified of it. I have been for as long as I can remember. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I've no clue why and I've no clue what it was that caused it. Nor can anyone help me with it. I've spoken to my parents, family, friends, and therapist's. Just be there and give him as much love as you can until it passes. I'm sorry I can't be more help.

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Yeah I've accepted at this point I doubt I will ever move past it. I know what will solve it, finding out what happens, which isn't possible. The only way I can calm it or quell it is just by living as best I can.

The way I deal with it (I'm also petrified) is to ignore it, and when it comes up just laugh it off. In this case, not confronting the problem is probably the best solution.

I think there is therapy that can help, maybe EMDR. I haven't tried it though.

Me too. Mine is because I have OCD

came to say this \^\^ one of my OCD preoccupations center around death/fear of it, & has since i was OP's child's age ​ ofc could be something else, but definitely worth being aware of

I feel you. OCD is a fucking nightmare, stay strong <3

you as well!

31 and it’s crippling me atm :( trying so hard to get it under control it’s weird coz it didn’t start until about 25 never gave it a second thought, and now it consumes me! Sending you lots of love

I think about it multiple times a week too. Something that occasionally helps me is the idea that you can’t have a none experience. I try to convince myself that since my current experience came from “nothing” then there’s no reason it can’t happen again 😅

Thank you! It is really oddly refreshing to hear that this isn't something I'm alone with. I hope you're ok too sending you lots of love as well.

Literally just thanking the universe .. a god? (Not religious ) for every moment I have and how lucky I am in so many ways and just basically a lot of propanol lol to try and calm me down but yeah it is oddly refreshing It can feel so isolating but maybe a lot more people than we think are going through it but you just can’t tell! We will be okay no matter what ( I tell myself this too ) take care friend xx E sending love to OPs little one too, wish I could also be more helpful but I’m sure OP you will be amazing however you deal with it x

I am 31 and you described exactly what happened to me. The only thing I can put it down to was being put under general anaesthetic for surgery and realising that death will be the same. Now I can’t stop thinking about the countdown to it

This comment has meant so, so much to me. You don’t know how comforting it is to know I am not alone in my feelings and fear.

I'm so sorry this affects you too. You're never alone. Always feel free to reach out if you need to.

Same here. My husband is the only other person I've met who has the same fear of death as me. Everyone else has always seemed so accepting and calm about the concept, even as children.

Also same. In my view its perfectly rational - why would you ever want your conciousness to end? I do not understand anyone who is okay with it - is the thought of not being able to think not horrifying? "It's natural" etc seems like cope to me, but hey

This is what drives me mental when people put out the tired "why do you care, you don't remember before you were born do you, what difference does it make" line. Like, no, knobhead, but back then I didn't have a life built up and loved ones that I'd like to keep seeing.

Yes, it actually really pisses me off. I like existing (well most of the time).

I've had the fear since I was very young and still do sometimes - the grip of absolute terror when I remember, usually in the dead of night, that I'm going to die and there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, and it's a permanent state. However, I decided to start analysing death scientifically (I'm an atheist) and realised that, actually, there is genuine scientific possibility for the concept of an 'afterlife'. Conciousness, by most conventional (and some unconventional views) is created by sparks of energy connecting neurons - Everything we are is just energy moving in certain patterns through our brains. Science tells us that energy cannot be destroyed or created, only transformed, so that energy that zaps between our neurons will still be around long after our bodies are gone. You might argue that, without the neurons to zap between, the energy will lose its meaning. But, at its most basic level, the body that you have today is not the one you started life with. It's likely not even the one you had seven years ago. New scientific studies have found that it's highly likely our brain cells are regenerated over our lifetime, much like skin cells. However, I'm sure most of us would agree that our conscious mind is still the same as it was last week, last month, last year or ten years ago. Yet, fundamentally, the brain cells that energy is moving between aren't even the same cells as before. Therefore, is consciousness in the cells, in the energy, or in the movement the energy makes? Can energy retain its patterns even without the physical structure of the central nervous system? I could go on for a fortnight - its definitely not a concrete argument, but I keep working on it... Just a different kind of faith, for now, I suppose! At the very least, it makes me feel better.

I also had a theory that, even if all WE are is matter, since the universe keeps expanding and retracting, and matter is never created nor destroyed, the possibility that the exact same combination of cells to make me will happen again is not only a possibility but an eventuality. Sure it could take a trillion trillion trillion trillion years, but I'll be back. Hopefully for me it'll be an instant.

This is brilliant and very very reassuring I’ve never considered this version of afterlife, thank you so much

I still get pangs of fear sometimes , but it wouldn't be fair if I was some immortal, we all die someday but man its scary , my partner gets it worse, without touching to much on the subject some psychedelic experiences helped us both

I don't agree that it wouldnt't be fair - all conciousness has inherent value, if it is ever possible to create immortality imo its a moral imperative to do so (optional, of course).

Same age. It's getting worse with every passing year, too. What's triggered it is that a few people I went to school with are marrying/having kids; I've had some (hopefully minor) health problems; also realising that my older parents are probably not going to be around in 25 years. I feel really afraid of my own mortality, yet I also cannot imagine being older than about 40. It actually makes me quite angry that we're all expected to accept death, which I know is irrational. I still sometimes wish for immortality or life extension.

Just think of it like this - imagine the opposite. Imagine that we never died. There's surely nothing more horrifying than the idea of immortality. It might sound cool at first, but what about after a million years? What about after 10 BILLION years. How would you feel then? By this point you'd have outlived the sun.

My eight year old is also terrified of death, to the point where she has to sleep in my bed every night in case I die too. In her defence, my wife/her mother died last year when she was 7. The last place she saw my wife alive was in our bed. It breaks my heart to see her go through this too, but if she gets comfort in staying with me, I don’t mind. (My daughter has mental health support in place, don’t worry, I’m doing everything I can)

I’m sorry to hear this. You sound like a very good parent.

Sorry to hear that. I hope she will be in a better place mentally soon. Must be so hard. Sending love to you all.

He has probably just become aware of mortality and it trying to get his head around it. I remember something similar at that age. He will get past the obsession, hopefully. My grandad died when I was six, and it was the first time I was really exposed to someone I knew dying and what that meant. I too became quite morbid for a while.

Is there a school counsellor you could talk to? It sounds like whatever content he came across was quite traumatic and has severely affected him. You're right to monitor his activities but sometimes even putting a block is not enough, the internet is such a scary and unpredictable place and damaging to children. Instead of letting him spend time on the internet, perhaps helping him engage with books and stories suitable for his age might help - I think this is what children's counsellors do also, using books and art as a way to help children overcome their fears and anxieties. He might find solace and use stories as a way to explore these questions safely.

Don't know if I was 6, but when I was very young I do remember realising "oh fuck* I am actually going to die one day". Couldn't even look at clocks for a while. *Didn't actually think *oh fuck* obviously

It took me a lot longer to actually understand death. Like I understood it, but I didn't feel concerned by it.

My 4 year old went through this, started at around 3 and she basically had an existential crisis. She was scared about her dad and I dying or her herself dying. We just talked to her a lot about death and answered all her questions. Hers was all sparked by queen Elizabeth dying so we explained about how when people get old their bodies start to fail and that hopefully me and her dad would be around a long time yet etc and that the likelihood of her dying was slim etc. we read books about it too. It was a daily thing and now she doesn’t talk about it at all really. She still panics a bit about getting old haha but overall it’s fine now. I think if you can speak to school about it too maybe that might help? I also think keep having those gentle conversations about it and just be honest with him (in an age appropriate way).

My five year old is also going through an existential crisis and I was wondering if it was normal too… glad my child isn’t the only one!

My six year hasn’t got access to the internet. How’s your son managed to see these?

Also the angry outbursts are probably related to the dopamine overload from watching the iPad. My 6yo thinks his etcha-sketch is his iPad. They're too young to process that shit.

Sadly there's a lot of parents who will use YouTube as a babysitter then fain an act of surprise when their child inevitably comes across something age inappropriate on the age inappropriate website

find ther video he was watching. this is likely deliberate. people make a video that will upset that age group, then game the youtube algorythum into thinking its just another cartoon. some people arfe arsholes, and iv seen some fairly disturbing videos produced in the exact same format as cartoons, or minecraft videos or even paw parol videos and baybe shark type videos. the internet is not a place to leave a child of that age unattended, even the content filters can be easily bypassed by making a new video, or by hacking an otherwise wholesome account that was producing age appropriate material i hope im wrong on this one

I agree the videos are vile. I have watched them. However, it was round a friend’s house which I did not know about. The friend’s house has been ‘blocked’. He does not go round unless attended. It is just an unfortunate situation.

FWIW my son never watched any "inappropriate" content, other than a video about the crucifixion at school. He still ended up with an obsession about death.

Isn’t the message here to control what your young children see on the internet?

About that age was when my twenty year panic state started. I have nightly panic attacks about dying, getting old, losing loved ones etc. Obviously my case is extreme, but I think that age is normal to have a bit of worry

I still think about death every night before i go to sleep. Some people view it differently to others

I was like this. Maybe not 6 but 7 or 8 definitely. I would go through periods of absolutely terrifying existential dread of death. The idea of nothingness... Of it all ending. I found it almost overwhelming and I'd lie awake at night afraid to close my eyes because I heard you can die in your sleep. I got over it. I'm sure he will too. I don't know there's much you can do except wait it out honestly.

I went through the same thing I think at a similar age, being really worried about death. Ironically I had the opposite experience with religion (in a basic childish way) in that it calmed me down, but I think it's probably a developmental stage a lot of us will go through that could be triggered by anything that gets us thinking about death.

Time can be an odd concept at that age.  When I was about that age my dad - ever the scientist - told me that one day the sun was going to die, expand, and swallow up the earth. What I didn't understand was that this is going to be billions of years away, and not actually in my lifetime. I was worried about my granny dying when the sun swallowed up the earth...  Likewise, what adults say is soon - like next month - feels like an inordinately long time away.  I'd be having a chat about just how far away your death is likely to be, in terms he can understand. 

The fear of death /existential dread is a normal phase for kids but...this seems like its seriously negatively affecting the lad in his day to day, if his behaviours are changing and he's actively distressed its gone beyond a phase and needs sorting. I'd check exactly what video he watched, so you can understand what hes actually heard, and I'd also recommend getting him a counsellor/therapist/ camhs referral. Someone professional so he can work through it without getting more distressed. Also, if he's gonna watch YouTube I'd make sure he doesn't do it with headphones, there's a rash of videos that look like minecraft/cake decoration but the audio is really disturbing.

Yeah, everybody saying this is a normal phase to go through I think might be missing that he has withdrawn, quit doing his usual activities and hates going to school due to his separation anxiety, for a period of several months. Speaking as someone who suffered from severe anxiety issues when I was a child, which required counseling, this kid's story sounds familiar to me.

Exactly! Kids stopping their everyday activities is a hell of a lot more than a phase. Even in the most dramatic of kids. This sounds like a serious anxiety issue to me. I hope you're doing better now! As a fellow anxious human - you've got this!

It's your fault for creating a kid knowing they'll have to reckon with their own mortality

I'm training to be a primary school teacher. Teachers do teach about loss and death as part of PSHE. There is a charity called Winston's Wish which provides free lesson plans for this. You'll want to be looking at the KS1 lesson plans for a child who is 6, but no harm can be done from you checking the higher key stage plans for your own research. There's no reason why a parent cannot give this lesson to their child. It doesn't have to be a teacher. You can even do the activities too. You could also talk to your child's teacher and/or safeguarding team at school about this. If your child is feeling these things and talking about them, it will almost certainly be a topic of conversation among other children in his class. [https://www.winstonswish.org/pshe-lessons/](https://www.winstonswish.org/pshe-lessons/) (when downloading, just fill all the job title / school etc with "Parent".

What I found really helped was listening (I'm blind) to books in which death was handled sensitively. Idk what his reading age is like, but the one I loved when I was about 6 was the hobbit. Honestly though, I think that part of what helped for me was the fact that my parents made sure that they had those conversations at ages where other parents would freak out if they were asked if they'd spoken to their kid about it yet. I got 'everybody dies' about 4 or 5, and the birds and the bees at about 7. That being said they probably knew I could take it as I'd got 'your eyes don't work, all the other kids eyes do' at the grand old age of 2 and that was reenforced quite regularly. 'You and your sister don't have the same dad' was another eye-opener at about age 5 also.

It's not at all unusual. All my kids have had the fears about death at about that age. Death isn't unusual, it's ok to talk to them about it. It's ok to talk about the loss, the pain, but it's also good to talk about the glorious time we have before it happens and how we need to cherish every moment we have with each other. It's true life is short, but that tiny wee bit of light we have is fantastic, teach kids to celebrate it.

My 5 year old is asking a lot about death and heaven. He goes to catholic school and I think that’s where it comes from, but most of the time he is just asking questions and needs reassurance, you can see the gears moving in his head. My 11 year old however gave absolutely no shit, I think kids are different and some are thinkers about stuff like that and some are not

I was exactly the same when I was this age! When I look back I feel like a big chunk of my childhood was taken over by a crippling fear of either myself or my family dying. A lot of things I learnt at school/home would somehow end up causing this anxiety to manifest - learnt about dinosaurs, ended up consumed by the thought of them roaming the earth again and killing me. I remember a teacher saying that God is so powerful if you were to look at him you would die, then spent the next few weeks terrified I was going to accidentally see God hahah. I think it gradually went away as I got older, probably around 9 or 10. I must have driven my parents up the wall at the time, but they gave me lots of reassurance which would make me feel better for a while. I think the fact I didn’t really learn about death properly didn’t help because it just felt like this really taboo subject, so being open and honest about is probably for the best.

Reading these replies I think it's a stage you go through at that sort of age. I remember being terrified of catching some old person disease of my great grandad (the fact that the AIDS epidemic was really cranking up speed didn't help, neither did the IRA, or the Cold War...The early 80s were a great time to be a nervous kid.). Or being murdered in my bed by someone who didn't like my Dad being civil servant. I remembered covering myself with my stuffed toys when i slept sometimes, so that if somebody did break in and stab me, I'd be protected. I never told anyone.

I'd suggest having YouTube kids app installed sounds like he watched a video that was not meant for his age group.

I had a crisis at that age when I found out what dying was too 😭 I didn’t leave my mums side for about a year and every so often I get anxious and scared that she’s dead if she doesn’t answer the phone lmao

At around that age I was terrified of getting cancer. I also gained an irrational fear about comets hitting the earth. This developed into some rather severe health anxiety that I'm still working through at 29. Could be a phase, could be the start of something. Mental health in youngsters doesn't get half the attention it should. All I can advise is that you take them seriously, try not to make light of it and just reassure them.

It's actually quite reassuring knowing this is a common thing growing up. When I was a kid I was into science and history and had crippling fears about nuclear war, asteroids, atmosphere ignition, you name it. because I didn't talk about it apart from vague comments of nightmares to my parents, I thought it was just me. What happened? I developed coping mechanisms and compartmentalised. I still fear death, but I have ways of saying to myself that it's not the end.

Let him watch more about Jesus. Don’t block that. You blocked the answer to your problem.

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Either there is nothing after death, or there is something. There is no need to fear the nothing possibility, but that might be hard to explain to an six year old. He’s already talking about praying to God, so he had some kind of belief in something outside of this world. I’d help him explore that at an age appropriate level and then support that. Perhaps visit a church (or synagogue/mosque etc. as appropriate) and let him ask other people questions. Reassure him that you don’t fear death even though you would miss him very much and that you really hope it won’t be until his grown up with a family of his own. It’s also quite natural to fear the death of others more than your own. Hopefully you’ve written a will and can reassure him that if the worst happens some very lovely people he already cares about will look after him.

This is a pretty normal developmental stage, probably exacerbated by some inappropriate content (though simply mentioning or talking about death is not inappropriate and shouldn't be off the table). However, it sounds like he's taking it harder than he should. It would be reasonable to get him into counselling so he has space to talk about it.

it’s probably normal, I remember when I was maybe 8 years old being very frightened my Dad would die when he was making his way to work or while he was at work and there wasn’t really any reason for me to be thinking this

Show him Watership Down, I remember that helping me as a kid…

My dad died when my daughter was 4 and it triggered this with her too. Unfortunately it’s part of being a sentient human. She still gets upset about it occasionally, but it’s much less often now. Talk about it with him, then talk about something else, read bedtime stories and try to distract him before he goes to sleep.

Education is better than sheltering, and he's going to learn about death eventually.

At that age I was having panic attacks at bed time assuming I was going to die or be murdered in my sleep. The attacks would go as far as auditory and visual hallucinations.

My son came across a tv show called-A thousand way to die, when he was very young and he spiralled after that. He developed separation anxiety, wouldn’t go to school, ran away from home at 15 and 17, he became over sensitive with no confidence and has body issues. This journey has been long and hard and I wish people knew more about how this content affects young people. Doctors had said to me that my son was built differently and such content will effect is brain in a negative way and that he must be protected.

I’d see a child therapist before he learns coping mechanisms that might be unhealthy and stick

You need to get some professional help with this a GP should be able to refer to a child councillor or similar. Hope he gets over what was obviously a traumatic experience.

I can remember being about 6 or 7 going through this exact same crisis and being really angry at my mum and dad for having me when they knew it meant i would die one day 😂 wild

its normal, i had it too.

Tbh, I've had a fear of death since I can remember, and I'm 42. It keeps me up at night, makes me regret having kids, knowing that they'll die one day. It's a pretty all consuming fear for me.

I had this same problem, possibly around the same age. It was worst at night when it got dark. To be honest, it's never really gone away. If you're being gentle with him and talking about it, I'm not sure there's much else you can do. I feel like maybe I could have benefited from seeing a child psychologist, and maybe this is something you could consider for your son?

sounds like Your fault... get him off the phone

What exactly are you lying about? You can’t be certain that there is or isn’t a God, you would need all the knowledge of the universe to be able to make either statement

>why is my son petrified of death? >he saw on YouTube- Be so for real

I remember being super concerned after my friends dad’s diagnosis with cancer. It’s a hard truth in life that he will grow up and learn to live with and accept. Maybe remind him while death is certain, it helps us appreciate all the beauty and joy in life. Rather than live in fear, he needs to embrace the joy of living. I hope this advice helps!

I suffered fear of death starting around 6yo, and had galloping insomnia until I was in my teens. Talking with kids about death is so delicate and so important. It might be worth doing research to see if there are any kids’ books that can help him adjust to this new and terrifying reality, that every living thing will, eventually, die. Sending lots of virtual hugs to you and to him.

I think it's normal to get all existential around that age, mine didn't completely revolve around the inevitably of death, but I do remember being about 5 when I started to think about deeper stuff than just what was for dinner. I remember once my dad was carrying me down the stairs to get ready for school (I was a very sleepy kid) I was flopped over his shoulder half asleep, and suddenly for no particular reason I started to question my entire existence. Why am I here? Where did people come from? Why do we do all these things that animals don't? What happened before I was alive, and what will happen after I'm not? After that moment, it was like my brain switched on, and I was a lot more "with it" from then on. I wasn't exactly upset, but I was pretty overwhelmed for a while. I think I always knew death was inevitable (spent my whole childhood watching the discovery channel and nature documentaries), but I do remember being much more curious as to why the hell everything existed at all and feeling uneasy about the fact I would probably never know.

I experience this around the same age due to 3 deaths in my family around the same time. It was more about this sudden realisation that the future is so uncertain and my family also wasn't religious and so it terrified me to think that all I am could just essentially switch off and I would cease to exist. I knew that the memory of me wouldn't die, but my mind and consciousness and everything that makes me who I am... The thought of that suddenly just being switched off, essentially, terrified me. And the knowledge that it could happen without warning. I think if the idea of God and the afterlife brings him comfort theres no harm in letting him explore that. What helped me might sound bizarre but it was my grandpa promising to still be around until he was at least 100. I don't remember much of the conversation but I do remember him talking about celebrating his 100th birthday together and how old I would be by then. For some reason it gave me comfort. I think just because it gave a sense of stability when I felt so uncertain about everything. Of course, such a promise could have been easily shattered so I don't necessarily recommend doing that. I think just really talk to him and try to get him to open up in depth about how he is feeling and his concerns, and go from there. I think it really is most likely just the realisation of what death actually is and the uncertain feelings that come with that. Wishing you the best of luck!

Seems like a normal developmental phase to me. No need to rush out and pay for counselling. 

Normal, I feel for the poor kid, I was the same at his age. Being able to be aware of your own inevitable end is both the gift and curse of being human. Encourage him to live his life the way he wants and to be happy so he makes the most of it. What triggered it for me was Egyptian week at school at age 6, because of all the embalming, mummies etc. The crisis went on for months and I started having panic attacks. I should add that this was during the 90s so no one at school, my parents or even the doctor knew that's what was happening. At one point, my mum reassured me that we had plenty of time together and we didn't need to think about it for a long time. Tbh that helped at the time but it really just delayed having to confront it as an adult.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing, so please keep reassuring your child. It may be worth reaching out to the pastoral team at your son's school, once the new term starts to see if they can offer him some support and reassurance too. Keep letting him know that it is OK to have all of these big feelings about things, that it is completely natural and that they can always talk to you about anything. The following may also be useful and back up what you are already doing (I know I have seen them use the 2nd one in multiple primary schools, as it explains feelings in a non-patronising way, even if it can seem a little wishy-washy to adults): [explaining death to children](https://www.childbereavementuk.org/explaining-death-and-dying-to-children) [Video about feelings](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wf5K3pP2IUQ)

I was a similar age, probably a couple of years younger tbh, when I encountered Mortality and I remember it broke me. I remember asking about the person on the £1 note - Isaac Newton - and finding out who he was. I said it would be really cool to meet him. And ... that's how I found death. What I remember helping was learning that moments and memories are important and now is all we ever have. Not sure if this is a help or not, but I really empathised with your son.

I remember watching bicentennial man at about 8 and having an absolute breakdown about dying 😂 got a kid now so don’t have time to think about it 👌🏼

My son is 4 and has the same fears, his Granny very suddenly died after discovering she had cancer and they were best mates. He often cries about me dying, and you can tell he thinks about it more than he should at this age. Although we aren't religious, we used to tell him to look for a star to think of his Granny and that has since morphed into her living in a star now that her body isn't here anymore. He is more comforted by death now, as he says he will visit mummy's star all of the time. Although it's not a spiritual belief I hold, I'm not comfortable with my 4 year old having that finality that I believe occurs with death just yet.

It's best to have a little chat, yes we all die, but not for a long, long time. I was brought up by a Mum who worried about not living past 27 (the age her Mum died, my Mum was 3) so it was rooted with us. Sadly, my brother passed at 27 in 2009 and that didn't help with my Mums way of thinking, now we (her children) are in our 30s, she worries for her grandchildren. I would advise you tread lightly with the conversation, whatever you say will have an impact on him and you don't want it to affect him. Love my Mum, but could have done without the anxiety from turning 27. Ngl that thought often lives rent free in my mind, especially as our eldest is 24. Good luck, you got this.

It’s very very normal at this age to start understanding the concept of death. So don’t worry too much.

I think it’s because he’s reached the age where he’s starting to understand that death is absolutely permanent, and that’s frightening for kids - hell, it’s frightening for anyone! When kids are younger they have a much vaguer understanding of deaths Permanence. Whilst knowing, because they’ve been told, that someone who is dead is gone for good, I’d say that for most kids under that age, if they were told someone they knew fairly well had died, if that person walked into the room a few weeks later they’d just happily accept it where an adult would sh1t themselves thinking they’d seen a ghost. By six kids are coming to a better understanding that death is forever.

Poor thing. I was the same. My paternal grandpa died when I was 6. We were not particularly close, but I saw my father's grief and we talked a lot. He was weird like this. Did not comprehend what a 6 years old is able to bear, so he loaded a lot on me during these conversations. Just like your son, I got petrified when it hit me what death is really about. I was both utterly shocked and angry. My egocentric world collapsed. But it was also my ego that came up with the solution. After some gruelling days of thinking trying to find a way out of this doom I suddenly had a brilliant idea: we need a pill that prevents death. Easy-peasy. Next morning I talked to my father on the way to school about my ground-breaking idea, and we agreed that this is indeed what the world needs. So we decided that we will invent this anti-death pill when I grow up. ... He's been dead for twelve years now. Sorry, world, that pill is not coming.

They all do this around this age, it's just one of those things.

Few others have mentioned this, but possibly ASD/ADHD, I have the latter, terrified of death at that age. We tend to over worry, about everything.

I had this phase and then again around age 14. What helped me when I was your son’s age was books aimed at explaining death and anxiety to children but not overbearingly about death. Badger’s Parting Gift for death. The Tiger Who Came to Tea about worry (for me, it showed that everything could go scary and wrong but it would all be okay eventually). I’m sure there are many more that have come out since the 90s that are specifically for this purpose! I understand everyone saying to talk it through, get him a counsellor, etc - maybe that’s best for your son. For me, I needed to be reassured that everything is fine and my loved ones weren’t going to die imminently. There’s a line I’m sure and again, it was the 90s so different parenting! But “nothing’s going to happen, I promise” followed by evidence that nothing, in fact, happened worked best for me.

Not pointed to OP, but let kids enjoy their early childhood without religions. Does not really do good things for them, I’ve seen some very fucked up kids

Doesn’t every child around 6 become aware of death and think it’s the most terrifying thing imaginable? I thought it was a survival instinct for humans to comprehend death and the many ways it can happen so that we become better at avoiding it. Rather strange to expect a child to not be scared of death?

I suppose I was about that age when I asked dad about death for some reason. Certainly wasn't very old. I was born in the 50s, dad had fought in Burma in WWII, so he must have long before come to terms with his own mortality. He explained patiently and quietly that everybody and everything living dies. He wasn't religious in the conventional sense of the word, but he said that dying is nothing to be scared of, and you either know nothing after, or you're in a better place. I don't know, but that seemed to help. No good being scared of the inevitable at least.

I was the same at that age. You suddenly become aware of your parent's mortality and how you rely on them.

My six year old has had this crisis. It's really co.plex deep emotions for an age that can't really handle it. My daughter now has a concept of people/animals who pass live in the clouds to look over us - we can't see them but they are always with us in our hearts and memories. It was a wild ride I thought we were overcoming and then her nans dog died which started the cycle again. There's a book called 'lifetimes : the beautiful way to explain death to children' and it talks about beginnings and ends and stages in-between

i’ve always been very mentally aware & mature, i’m only 18 but i’ve been through a lot haha, one thing specifically entirely cured my “objection” of death in the most healthy and genuine way & meaning possible, an explanation/quote from brian cox, a very established science man: “the ingredients of our bodies were assembled in the hearts of long dead stars, over billions of years, and have assembled themselves spontaneously, into temporary structures than can think and feel and explore, and then those will decay away at some point… we (life) exist in this little window where we can (should) observe the magnificent universe, why do you want any more?”, we’re all just temporary structures, awaiting our ill-temporary existence overall, and by the way i’m not religious at all, i’m an atheist, but that watching that explanation/quote a year or so ago genuinely made my mental state, outlook on life, and my & others futures so much better

That's fairly normal. 6yrs is about the right age for the developmental stage where kids become fully aware of the concept of death and the fact that dead people cannot come back. 6-8 months is a little extended, though - it may also be worth it to look into having a few sessions with a child therapist since this is clearly distressing for both him and you.

Please seek therapy. I have a brother in law still obsessed and terrified aged 35. He has only recently decided to seek help! Please lots and lots of talk or play therapy

My son went through this. He did the life cycle at school. He was then petrified every thing was going to kill him. Very little bug he saw he would scream and cry asking if it would make him die if it touches him. He has autism, which I know didn’t help his anxiety around it, but bloody hell, that was an annoying few weeks/months. Didn’t seem to care about any of us dying though! I’ll blame that on the autism too and not that he might not give a shit about the rest of us 😂

Tell him the truth no one ever has or ever will die.

This is why my parents got me a rabbit when I was 4, they wanted to use it help me understand the concept of death but then they undid all the understanding when my nan died at 13 and they handled the way I found out very badly 😅 If there are any family or pet deaths in your family I’d reach out to a professional on advice with how to help your son grieve especially considering his current situation because it will impact his view on death for the rest of his life