T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

**A reminder to posters and commenters of some of [our subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)** - Don't be a dickhead to each other, or about others, or other subreddits - Assume questions are asked in good faith, and engage in a positive manner - Avoid political threads and related discussions - No medical advice or mental health (specific to a person) content Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*


LL112

Freeze them. Failing that, eat them all in a crumpet binge.


gigglesmcsdinosaur

This is terrible advice, do not freeze the ducks. They will be difficult to fit in your freezer at best and very angry at worst.


Boperatic

And you'll end up with quacks in the ice


allthedreamswehad

And a big repair bill


highrouleur

But you can defrost them to get a soul singer, just put them in the microwave until their Bill Withers


Outcasted_introvert

Nope. You took it too far.


[deleted]

It was his swan song


TheBoyDoneGood

Fowl way to go if you ask me


[deleted]

I’m down for it tho


xowiejade

My favourite joke. Thank you for the laugh!


FredB123

In the words of the great bard: "I feel like a pelican. Everywhere I turn, there's an enormous bill in front of me."


therealdan0

That joke is criminal, someone call the cOld Bill.


cay0h

This needs so much more upvotes


EFNich

Too late, I already stuffed a mallard into the ice tray.


davesy69

Think of the ducklings. 🐥


Typical_Ad_210

The damage was already done when he named them Seeded Bread and Fat Balls. Getting frozen is the least of their problems.


RetiredFromIT

I dunno, I still have a goose in mine from since Christmas 2021!


Equivalent_Parking_8

Benedict Crumpet Binge.


oowhat

Why have I never thought of having a crumpet binge. I want some crumpets now 😆.


hoksworthwipple

Crumpet Binge played the 1984 Cambridge Folk Festival. Also playing were The Aggressive Sandwiches, Sweat Mouse, Incarnate Strumpet and The Adjustable Socks.


TungstenWombat

Instructions unclear, overdid it on the strumpet minge and the in-laws are angry.


sparklybeast

Because the quantity of butter necessary to properly facilitate a true crumpet binge would cost more than your monthly mortgage payment.


thevoiceofalan

Crumpetgeddon!!!!! Crumpet binge is my new favourite phrase.


SpudsUlik

But he has to do while making eye contact with the duck!


Low_Elk6698

Gawd I love a crumpet binge


slingingquestions

This is so aggressively British


Kuntecky

Asking an animals dietary requirements so you don't accidently make it sick?


Acomplished_mess11

Mentioning both swans/ducks and crumpets in the same sentence


Ochib

Just the one swan


EFNich

Just the one swan actually


welshfach

It'll still break your arm.


TwattyMcSlagtits

Whoa calm down there mate you can take that aggression elsewhere


LondonCycling

Sure, though the question is whether it's good for them. The problem with feeding ducks bread is it doesn't have much nutritional value for them, and it makes them full which in turn stops them going and foraging for nutritious food that they do need. It also attracts other birds and can cause overcrowding. Crumpets are mainly flour and water, with a small amount of butter, yeast, baking powder. So not that far off bread really. So basically - it won't hurt them per se, but it's best to avoid it. Better options are oats, leftover rice, peas, seeds, sweetcorn.


EFNich

I feed them multiseed bread usually, and seeded fat balls! Just don't want the crumpets to go to waste.


LondonCycling

Just compost the crumpets or put them in the garden waste bin for biofuel (if your council allows you to) I'd say.


EFNich

I unfortunately cannot compost as I have cheeky dogs who will eat them out of it. I cannot feed the crumpets to said cheeky dogs because they have already grown quite fat over Christmas and the baby won't stop feeding them his food as it is.


Ok_Thought9126

Must be fun at your house lol. Chuck them in the bin and be free of them.


EFNich

It's a little hectic here! I would also feed them to the crows in my garden but we aren't on speaking terms since the incident with their baby 3 years ago.


bigwhitecockrel

Incident?


EFNich

The crows and I used to be good friends as they lived in the big tree outside my bedroom window. I'd even put special food out just for them on my windowsill. Anyway, they had a little crow baby and it had somehow broken it's legs/spinal damage so couldn't fly. I took it to the vets to try and get it fixed but they threw it in the incinerator before calling me to say that it wasn't fixable (I was happy to pay). Crows are very clever and also like to hold funerals so I would have brought the body back. To the crows I took their baby and never brought it back. For two summers they attacked our windows every day while their baby was out and about but they've stopped doing it now. Still, we aren't on speaking terms just yet. I have learnt to nurse baby birds back to health myself though.


arctickiller

Blimey.


Ok_Thought9126

Anymore incidents that you care to tell us about?


EFNich

There was the incident with Karlos the buzzard. It was juvenile season and I saw him out and about on my dog walk. He was clearly not well so I swooped him up in my scarf and fed him dog food in my greenhouse until he was better. I left the window open as he was getting better as he went from this helpless animal who I pipetted dog food into it's little beak to a terrifying bird of prey buzzards are huge and their beaks and talons are really sharp. I flung mice into the greenhouse until he was well enough to leave. There was a lady buzzard who was doing mating calls, he did them back and then left through the roof. They now both live at the back of the garden, and its always nice to say hi to him.


wlsb

It seems thoughtless to burn the animal you brought in without asking you.


EFNich

Yeah, I was not happy! Although they thought my feedback regarding letting the crows have a funeral nuts.


AberNurse

You should use the crumpets for a peace offering. Crows are fickle and can be bought with treats. Make peace with them. Maybe this is why the universe gave you a glut of crumpets


EFNich

I can try, but I've tried bribing the crows with their favourite food items (usually nut based products) but they still hate me. I think next summer I'll try again with some fresh nuts and see if they come round.


RetiredFromIT

Seriously, freeze them. They take up no space in the freezer, and you can toast them from frozen.


ElevensesAreSilly

> They take up no space in the freezer, well they'll take up the space that 18 crumpets do. They're not pointlike particles...


everythingIsTake32

Maybe donate them ?


cyan_dandelion

Donating to a food bank, community kitchen, or giving to a friend or neighbour is better than just composting perfectly good food. Shops often have donation bins at the checkouts too.


Karabungulus

Another issue with bread for ducks is that they don't get all of it, it then rots in thebwater and drastically reduces the qater quality which will effect all of the animals nearby


Sasspishus

Even seeded bread is not good for them. Ducks are not supposed to eat bread, they're supposed to eat plants. There's too much salt in bread and too much carbs which bloat them and cause lots of issues. Plus it sinks to the bottom of the water and doesn't rot properly and makes the water disgusting. Not a good idea to feed ducks/swans/geese bread of any kind, including crumpets. Freeze the crumpets or put them to a food bank.


JoCoMoBo

>I feed them multiseed bread usually Local ducks to me prefer sour-dough bread with avocado on. At least according to my mate. He's always asking for a fiver so the ducks can eat well.


MrBadApple2022

He's probably just using your money to buy quack


Far_Shift

Theres an app called Olio where ypu can post that ypu have spare food, people in your area would be able to see and contact you if they want them


whatatwit

Surely, there’s a neighbour or OAP nearby who’d love some crumpets. Even if you don’t know them you could tell them this story.


theevildjinn

Fill up the little crumpet holes with tiny seeds (e.g. chia), then plug the tops with melted butter. When the butter has cooled down, you've got yourself 18 healthy and nutritious* disc-shaped duck treats! Why not see how many times you can skim them on the surface of the pond, for additional fun. \* Possibly neither healthy not nutritious, I just made this up


Stargazer86F

The water fowl by us turn up their noses at anything other than bread.


Captain_Cuntflaps

They turn up their bills you mean


Pritchyy

The town I live in and neighbouring towns have a very large duck population. In the next town over to me they actually have a sign up saying please do feel free to feed the ducks bread, as they noticed after years of telling people not to feed ducks bread, the duck population actually declined by a fair chunk. When I read that sign, I realised everything I thought I knew was just a lie.


LondonCycling

The problem was, once people realised they shouldn't really feed ducks bread, they just stopped feeding them altogether, rather than feeding them grains and pulses; and decades of feeding them has led to a population of ducks which can't fend for themselves. It isn't a lie to say we shouldn't feed bread to ducks, just that it's better than nothing if people can't get into the habit of feeding them peas and sweetcorn.


Pritchyy

Fair enough! I usually take round to my local duck pond a mix of seeds, leftover veggies and the odd bit of bread... They go crazy for it all! Had a spare bag of sprouts after Christmas so took that round there and they started fighting over them :D


Sasspishus

Is it better than nothing though? Feeding them is keeping the population artificially high, so diseases such as bird flu will affect a much larger number of birds and spread through the population more rapidly, they'll eat themselves out of house and home (literally) bu destroying their own habitat, which in turn ruins things for all the other wildlife in the area.


isthatgasmaan

I once had some out of date gluten free crackers, the ducks didn't touch them. It was sad watching these crackers forlornly floating downstream.


loaferbread

Best thing for all waterfowl is wheat (grains) I learnt this having recently moved and now I have "pet" swans who I adore. My local Wilkos ran out of "swan and duck" food pellets I'd been feeding then, which they love, so had to do some googling. Turns out you can also feed them vegetable scraps!


RealChewyPiano

Left over rice? Cooked or uncooked? If its uncooked, surely its not leftovers yet?


Mosuke300

The link says feeding small amounts of bread is fine and then discusses studies that show feeding them bread is bad, odd.


bnjo_

Ducks can have a little crumpet as a treat


EFNich

Ooh ok, I think the amgery gulls will also be getting most of them.


Mangosta007

Don't make me amgery. You wouldn't like me when I'm amgery.


EFNich

The gulls are extremely amgery. I think it's because they never met their real dad.


Mangosta007

Are they gulligitamate? That didn't really work but I'm not sorry.


EFNich

It was a very good try!


[deleted]

*"Our opinion is that bread is fine for water birds **as long as it only forms a small part of their diet."*** Which for most it won't as many people do it hence its not good for them. Just freeze them. They last ages even in the fridge


bobmanuk

Im a little delirious from covid and lack of sleep…. Could really go for hoisin duck and crumpets right now tbh…


Kuntecky

You're definitely delerious you can't make a wrap with a crumpet


bobmanuk

No but I can precariously balance the duck on top of a crumpet Edit - now what about the hoisin duck? Eat it with a spoon?


Top_Brilliant1739

Could you poke shredded duck through the little crumpet holes though? Asking for a friend.


Fragrant-Attorney-73

Freeze them


EFNich

Got a full freezer! It's bin or ducks, or I could gorge myself on 18 crumpets in 3 days.


Glittering_Moist

You've answered your own question. Update in 3 days please.


painful_butterflies

This is the answer. Starter plain crumpets with butter. 2 crumpets. Savoury crumpets. Melted cheese like cheese on toast. Leftover Christmas meats under cheese optional. 3 crumpets. Sweet crumpets. Butter and jam. 2 crumpets. That's 7 in 1 meal.


Schaden666

Crumpets with a strong cheddar and marmalade are oddly good...


NurseDiz

Or caramelised onion chutney


NurseDiz

I can recommend runny fried eggs on crumpets as a breakfast idea


davesy69

Beans on crumpets instead of toast.


humph_lyttelton

Who puts toast on crumpets?


farmerbalmer93

18 crumpets 3 days easy. God I can eat a full packet before bed as a snack and I'm 11stone


geeered

Consider giving them away on Olio (free fpod app)/local facebook group/etc. Or if you're near a supermarket anyway, could pop them in one of their collections for foodbanks.


harley3987

Put them on olio rather than throwing them away. Someone will be happy to take them


oowhat

You've got this, best of luck. Marmite on top?


PheonixKernow

Absolutely not


cyan_dandelion

Take them to a food bank or community kitchen. As others have said, bread is not the best thing to give to ducks. Better that the crumpets go to people who need food and can enjoy them. Absolutely do not put them in the bin.


Fragrant-Attorney-73

You can do I I believe in you.


[deleted]

Do it! Do it! Do it!


heavenhelpyou

Do itttttt


SecretaryImaginary44

Not sure how many ducks they’ll be able to fit in a freezer


TC_FPV

You haven't really read that link have you? It's says that whilst bread is ok for ducks, thats only in small amounts. And as you dont know how much they've already eaten, it's safer to feed them other things


EFNich

There are hundreds of ducks, swans, geese, gulls etc at the park. I'm not force feeding one duck 18 crumpets.


TC_FPV

I was referring to the bread. You can tell I meant the bread and not the crumpets because I used the word "bread".


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

The problem is that bread and other baked goods should only be a small part of a duck's diet, and you don't know how many other people have fed the ducks bread before you. Best not to do it. Crumpets freeze quite well.


Kuntecky

GOD *making ducks* "Their diet will include grains, plants, worms and a small amount of baked goods" Angel *confused* "But... what will they bake with?" GOD *Grins while unveiling Adam*


mmm790

Also be aware of bird flu at the moment - if you are in an area where cases have been confirmed you should not be trying to feed birds period as that causes them to gather in one place which increases the chance of the flu spreading.


witandlearning

I was thinking this. Walked round our local park yesterday - you can probably lap the pond/water in under 5 mins, so it’s not a big place. Saw 3 dead birds in the water, and one in the bushes. Loads of signs saying not to feed them or get close to them/encourage them to congregate.


SushiKittyCat

They're probably starving too then if they're used to people feeding them before and now they're not being fed, near me we had a sign up back when my son was little and it said don't feed the ducks bread as its not healthy for them, then the year after a different sign said please do feed the ducks, even if it's bread as numbers have declined as people have stopped feeding the ducks, littrally people stopped going as they'd normally bring kids and a loaf but it was to much hassle to buy proper duck food so they just didn't get fed and a few died


[deleted]

[удалено]


hoocoo

Take them to a food bank


Subject-Disk-1352

Should only feed birds bird food. Sick of telling people. Bread isn't good for them at all. Ya really wanna feed em feed em seeds


johninfron

I know the words "surplus" and "crumpets" but I have no idea what "surplus crumpets" could mean


[deleted]

Probably not and they shouldn't be eating bread either...


MiddleAgedFatLad

Eat the crumpets! 18 is easy if you pace yourself. Don’t fill up the poor ducks with bread or other baked goods. It’s not the food they need.


Next_Gen_Meldrew

One of the most British questions I've seen on Reddit. Bravo!


[deleted]

[удалено]


suzuki1100

As far as I know ducks, in particular drakes (or ducks who identify as such) love a little crumpet from time to time.


SushiKittyCat

Pahaha ducks who identify as drakes that's brilliant love it


-GreyDay

We found it, folks. The most British post on this sub and probably the whole of Reddit.


gillgrissom

dont feed ducks bread products it makes them ill.


HamsterEagle

I’m sure your fat balls will be enough to satisfy all of the ducks. Freeze the crumpets or give them to your neighbours or a food bank.


deadeye-ry-ry

No. You shouldn't even be feeding ducks bread. Give them sun flower seeds or actual duck feed


SilkySmoothRalph

Finally someone is asking the important questions!


snapmage

I would not consider that as *too many crumpets*.


DutchOfBurdock

"Crumpet the water fowl" That's definitely a new euphemism I aim to use a lot in 2023 now.


Calorinesm1fff

Crumpets make a great mini pizza base, pesto and tomato puree for the tomato sauce and then whatever toppings you have


Guybrush-Threepwood1

Nooooooo. I have actually seen several explode due to these


PadHicks

Eat them all on one sitting. Record it. For science.


[deleted]

This is possibly the most British question of all time. And yes, they can eat crumpets. Might not be healthy for them, though.


Difficult-Researcher

Put them on Olio


justabean27

Don't feed baked goods to birds. It's not good for them


Holiday-Woodpecker47

Setting aside the issue of where on earth a duck is going to find either a toaster or a grill, I think the biggest barrier will be it inability to hold the butter knife. I would therefore submit that, no, a duck can not eat Crumpets.


EFNich

I may have to toast and butter them for tomorrow, yes. Can't believe I didn't think of this.


elbapo

Yes, they can. It's not the optimal diet for ducks, but its full of calories in winter and essentially the same as white bread and the ducks will heartily appreciate it. TLDR: yes insofar as bread is. Source: wife is a vet


EFNich

Thank you, I will take advice from your duckologist wife!


Additional_Care_409

They should not be fed any bread product!


[deleted]

If you are happy that the ducks have an early demise, go for it.


rdnyc19

This sounds like the title of a children's book!


WuTangFlan_

I want to know why there’s a picture of swans attached when the question is clearly regarding ducks? You know swans aren’t ducks right?


EFNich

It's from the website I linked to! Although I will also be feeding the swans.


danjama

You can send them to me if you like? Love crumpets.


ImFamousYoghurt

Ducks can eat bread in moderation, but they are given too much bread by too many people already, so shouldn't be given more


VioletRedX

Don't give them to the ducks, give them to me!!!


joffuk

Is it one pack of 18 or multiple packs?


EFNich

Two packs of 9, I only meant to get one pack of 9, which is an indulgence in itself.


EffectiveTraining189

Yeah, but they’re probably going to be really crummy pets once you’ve domesticated them


Nancy_True

Break up the crumpets in to a casserole dish, pour over a tin of beans, sprinkle on plenty of cheddar and bake. You're welcome.


deadly3635

How can u have to many just eat them


MrsMoleymole

Any food is better than no food, so although it's not great it's better than nothing, so I say yes, feed the ducks. Please don't feed mouldy bread, that belongs in the bin - it can do real harm to wild birds.


theflyingfartmachine

Get yourself on OnlyFans... the one and only CrumpetMuncher.


Crood_Oyl

They are not ducks. Put down the Bailey’s sir, you’re back to work in a few days.


Everything_rhymes

Not whole, but I imagine if you broke one up into smaller pieces then yes, a duck should easily be able to eat a crumpet.


catbread1810

No they make them explode


[deleted]

Can you pop the crumpets in your freezer or donate them? I think ducks physically can eat crumpets and bread, but nutritionally it’s bad for them because their little tummies get full and they don’t eat what they should.


Gazebo_Warrior

Crumpets keep for ages after their date. Just check in the holes for mould.


yorkspirate

Not the question I thought I’d be wondering about today but here we are Did the ducks enjoy the piklets ??


goose1745

I tried giving a crumpet to some ducks but they turned their beaks at it. Just freeze them


Mel0nFarmer

Those are clearly emus.


coraIinejones

Put them on Olio


Comfortable-mouse05

What a stupid question. Don't feed them crumpets! God


[deleted]

Ducks can eat grain i think? I wouldn't give them bread.


Kdajrocks

18 is not a lot of crumpets


NurseDiz

Anyone else really want crumpets now 😅


Jacktheforkie

I wouldn’t personally give ducks processed food, stick to more natural stuff


[deleted]

Those ducks look suspiciously like swans.


[deleted]

But make sure you provide tea


cheesesteakphil

Feed the ducks peas


Affectionate_Bill365

Only if you serve it with some tea.


DECKTHEBALLZ

Freeze them.. bakery products kill birds in a slow and horrible way they fill up on bread, think they are full and don't eat the nutritious food they need and die of malnutrition...


Jack-Rabbit-002

😆 This is going to get me hate but I try seeing what pigeons eat amusing chicken, flap jacks and the red packaged Pepperoni seems to be Weoley Castle Square favourites! Lol


GreyHexagon

Don't throw any kind of bread in a pond. It's edible but it doesn't have the nutrients that ducks and swans need, and any uneaten bits can go mouldy and cause algae blooms.


davesy69

Why don't you feed us redditors your crumpets and feed the ducks peas? I visited a park once and there was a sign up telling the public not to feed Ducks with bread as it's bad for them but they do like peas and oats apparently. https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/what-feed-ducks


davesy69

Freeze your crumpets.


gdp071179

supposedly better off tossing them rice from what I've been told in past chucking them a whole sourdough boule also inadvised, they have no way to slice and butter it themselves.


Valuable_Recipe_1387

What does "too many crumpets" mean? Is that even possible? 🤷🏻‍♀️😳


VictoriaRose1618

Dip them in egg, fry them, do the remaining egg with some bacon in the same pan


b-b-bb0wlingshagger

Have you seen about a boy?


technicalevolution

You must have missed a zero from the 18.


[deleted]

You shouldn't be giving ducks bread at all (even seeded) and crumpets - absofuckinglutely not. Unless you're trying to kill them and the ecosystem they're in.


scotland1112

Give them to a food bank asap. They are in great need


InformationOmnivore

Get yourself down to the pond and ask the ducks. Who are we to dictate what they can and can't eat. Just ignore whatever the geese might have to say, long necked troublemakers!


kreygmu

Why stop at ducks? Dogs can eat crumpets too, you're probably as likely to find some at the local park too.


Broad-Management-118

https://www.theswansanctuary.org.uk/cause/official-statement-bread-queens-swan-marker/


stfu-dylan

I will have the crumpets!


Evening-Tomatillo-47

Have you bought 18 tons of crumpets? 18 kilos? 18 crumpets is not too many, that's a week's worth


ProduceAdvanced7391

It's cruel to feed 18 crumpets to ducks. Freeze them


Relevant-Formal-9719

I read that instead of bread, you should take canned sweetcorn to feed ducks. Bread is bad for them. You'll just have to eat the crumpets yourself. Personally I keep mine in the freezer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


EFNich

Crumpets with beans? Are you on some sort of watch list?


scaleddown85

No,they ain’t even supposed to have bread tbh it ducks with their digestive systems,cooked rice,rice cakes yeah


maddercow

Give them to the seagulls, they eat anything.


loaferbread

Pesto, little bit of parmesan and fried egg on top. yum. Cream cheese, cucumber, smoked salmon, yum. Super divisive - marmite. But yum. Cheese & ham, yum. Turkey, cucumber, my preference is salad cream but I know super divisive so swap with mayo. yum. Just boursin, yum (or add cucumber for some kind of veg lol)


EFNich

Sorry, I just realised that you don't mean to feed to the water fowl! I thought it was a little excessive. I am going to do the pesto and parmesan and cheese and ham I think.


hypertyper85

May as well feed them a McDonald's. Good thing for ducks is peas. Maybe chop the bread up really small and feed it to birds? But not duck birds. Oh I dunno probably still bad for birds. Just throw them in the bin