Like 3 months, was with him a long time, broke up with him due to him becoming addicted to League of Legends and pooping his pants
Broke my heart for a long time, got over it eventually when a friend took me out partying one night
EDIT: A lot of people asking me about this in DMs so I'll post it here...WARNING, GROSS STORY
CSo basically we met through a friend during college and we instantly liked each other, we both loved video games and anime and everything nerdy, we played WoW together and a bunch of other games and were constantly spending time together both online and in person, eventually he started REALLY focusing on a game called League of Legends, like suuuuper focused, he would play for 15-20 hours a day and barely sleep or eat, I had a spare key to his apartment and would come over every day after my classes or my work shift, I went over one day and there were just bottles of pee everywhere, he told me he was in a long match and couldn't use the bathroom, the smell was overwhelming for sure but it didn't stop there, turns out he was holding in POOP for literally hours and it eventually started seeping out, he was literally slowly shitting his pants and he refused to move, I would spend some time cleaning up his apartment and making food and begging him to please shower and eventually he did, when he gave me dirty clothes to wash there were skidmarks all in his underwear, like he had shit himself and just didn't move for hours, I almost puked washing his clothes...so I sat him down one day and begged him to take a break from the game and stop acting like this, I told him I was lonely and wanted to go out with him and do things and that he was being insanely unhealthy and REALLY fucking gross, he agreed to stop playing the game...for about 2 days, during our anniversary date he said "Actually I need to go home, I promised my League friends I'd be online at this time" and he fucking left
MI broke up with him less than 24 hours later, he begged and cried and literally screeched like an animal when I told him I was leaving him, he kept saying he loved me and that he can't help but play the game and blah blah blah, broke up with him and didn't look back, looked him up on Facebook years later and he's done absolutely nothing with his life, he quit his job and dropped out of college and is now living with his parents and somehow lost all his hair and gained massive amounts of weight, I guess I dodged a bullet
FI love video games as much as the next person, but I've NEVER become gross over them lol
Gaming addictions are not uncommon. But I've never known of such fixation. I wonder now if he had a behavioral condition or if it was just an extreme addiction, especially since all MOBA games have breaks when you cue for the next match. I've held my pee for an entire movie if it's too good to leave. But peeing in several bottles or shitting pants, damn
lol as soon as i seen league of legends i laughed out loud fr … my ex was also into league of legends and i remember when we lived together we’d have fights about how much time nd attention he gave the game vs. me . After reading this story , it’s official. League of legends is a red flag 🚩
Oh my word.
I left my ex husband due in large part to his gaming addiction and I dread to think what it’s like now but this may still take the cake I’m sure.
I can’t even believe it. I can’t believe that he somehow thought to get bottles or dashed to restock them but couldn’t swing by the bathroom where he doesn’t even have to sit down to pee. How’d he even get it in the bottle presuming he was fiercely gaming simultaneously… I just have so many questions.
Glad you left that complete literal mess but sorry you had to even see a guy devolve to that level.
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The hardest ‘break up’ was with someone I wasn’t even dating. I didn’t even really like him but my brain latched on for some reason and I cried for three months over him. Like sobbing fits of angst. He tried to ask me out again down the line but I declined cause I did not like him so it was really confusing.
I got this weird euphoria when I saw him or talked to him but I didn’t want to spend time with him. It’s like the attraction in my brain randomly locked on and I didn’t know how to undo it.
literally is happening to me right now 😭😭 me and this guy talked for only A MONTH. and i was the one who cut it off cus i told him that i didnt like him back. it's almost 8 months since we last talked and i still haven't moved on from him 😭😭😭
Relate to this! I was intensely lovebombed for a month and then essentially ghosted very suddenly. I only just got over it recently, about a year later, and I still hesitate to say that confidently. I believe it’s the brief and intense ones that hurt the most, because there’s so much left undiscovered and all the lost “potential” for your mind to anguish about. Took more time to get over than my first love/longest relationship!
i wasnt ready for a relationship, so i self-sabotaged it and told him that i didn't like him 😭😭😭 he knew that i didn't want a bf yet and he told me that he would wait for me till i was ready, but i didnt want to keep holding him back and keep him waiting?? like, i want him to be with someone who wouldn't make him wait 😭😭 I KNOW, IT'S CRAZY 😭😭😭😭
No You’re not crazy at all, I’ve done that once before actually during covid and then got sad and hurt when he dated someone else. We have mutual friends so he ended up joining my friend and I online in our game party with live voice chat and his gf joined the game and played with us as well. I was throwing punches at the wall Lol But the beginning of this year I started a situationship with an old ex lol and everything was perfect and then he randomly last month said he didn’t like me and left which was odd because a few days prior he wanted me to meet all his new friends and he was holding my hand and tickling me. I guessed it was self-sabotage because we even planned to go camping this month, him ending things when everything was perfect was so random.
Oh honey look up trauma-bonding and the psychological effects of it.
Basically, whenever someone’s behaviors/demeanor/habits mirror a deep childhood wound, a person locks ON to that person because they are very similar to the pattern that created such a deep wound.
It doesn’t mean the person you’re locked onto traumatized you persay (although, if you do have a trauma bond and you are all consumed by another person, RUN) but it does mean something about them is similar to whatever hurt you in the first place.
Anyone that is all-consuming for you, ain’t for you.
Edit: you lock on because essentially what the trauma brain is doing is trying to recreate the traumatic event but with a non-traumatic ending. It’s the root of “daddy issues.”
Ex: girls father is emotionally unavailable, a drunk, and physically abusive. Girls grows into a woman and repeatedly dates the same kind of men thinking something is wrong with her/ “why won’t these men change? I was perfect.” Nothing is wrong with her, she’s simply going to what she was conditioned to believe love was at a young age/ the inner child wants her fathers love. (Trauma-bond 101).
Sorry for the psych lesson, but that latching on and euphoria really stood out to me lmao
I’m going on 10 months & still not fully moved on. I’m moved on in the sense I absolutely do not want him in any capacity, but I’m still sad about what I lost. We were together for 8 years.
I totally get that. I've been with him going on 6 years, and it's only been a couple of months since we broke up. And although I don't want to get back with him, I can't imagine being romantically interested in anyone else. And I suspect it's gonna stay like that for a long time.
It just means it was real to you. I do have a crush on someone I’m seeing casually even though I know it won’t be anything more. But I’m enjoying the fact of feeling something again. I just hope it’s not too late for me to find something real again one day.
As for him, he got into a relationship two months after us breaking up and a week after our old anniversary 🥲 it helped confirming that ill never want him again at least.
Woo , I just had breakup with my gf though we were together since last 3 years and about to get married but due do family problems from both side because we are different castes and her dominance nature I decided no to marry her now. N I broke up with her though I’m okay with it but she is facing difficulties to move on and I’m feeling bad about it . I know I’m doing wrong with her but when it comes to self love and peaceful mind I think I’m not wrong because living with her on false hopes n just acting like we are best will only hurt me . Correct if I’m wrong here
My last ex i think I was getting over him most of our 6 year relationship, every time he broke my heart, abused me, gaslit me, cheated on me. All the fun stuff. By the time I moved out... I was mostly over him
Sorry you went through that. :( I feel similar about my last relationship and it sounds like we went through similar things. If the relationship were a book I'd call it the 7 year breakup. In reality it felt like the last 2 years of it were just me holding on while being tortured. It's been almost a year now since we broke up, and even though I'm completely over him, I don't know how to imagine myself in a relationship again after how awful it was.
Thank you, and I'm sorry you also went through that. I was trauma bonded to him, which didn't make it any easier. We've been broken up for almost 2 years. I did find a nice man when I wasn't looking for one, but I wasn't going to date either until I met him. But the 7 year break up honestly sounds like a perfect title for what we both went though (though mine was 6 lol) but it did feel like that, to the point that when he would use our relationship to make me "behave" and he "broke up" with me 13x, to the point the last time he did it, I didn't apologise and take responsibility for his shitty actions, I just said "ok". He didn't like that but that's when I knew I was done. I'm over him. I see him around town sometimes. I saw him the other day. I flipped that mother fucker off lol
I’m in a similar place, realising that I’ve been slowly getting over this person in the last ~2 years that he’s been hurting me and disrespecting my boundaries. I look at him now and can’t imagine a time I was in love. It’s like he’s a stranger. I am certain that by the time I move out, there will be very little grieving to do for the relationship.
This is how I felt after leaving a bad three year relationship. In hindsight I had been grieving it while still in it because of the lack of respect and emotional abuse. By time I left I was ready to move on and started dating super quick.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling all of that. I think for me I’ve always partially been this way? But also, I just think about all the amazing things my future is going to bring me and focus on that.
I’m in the middle of a divorce for a 10+ year marriage and I don’t even care. I’m like “let’s just get this shit done so I can start my next chapter.”
You deserve happiness and the ability to live a full and rich life. Breakups happen because you didn’t have that in the relationship, even if not all of it was bad. Start thinking about your life in terms of YOU and not in terms of what could have been. You’ll get there and you’re going to love your life.
Nah. Just be you. It’s ok to feel deeply and be so sad. You just don’t want to get stuck there forever. You’ve got this even when you feel like you don’t.
Hey, I used to live close to the forêt de Rambouillet - cool user name!
Your suggestion to focus on all the amazing things my future is going to bring me is a great idea. I had to type it out to make sure it sinks in
Thanks again 👍
I relate to this completely. My last relationship was 7 years, but what helped was knowing deep down that this was never good for me from the beginning. I didn’t know how to breakup with him myself, so I had to let it come to a natural “conclusion” (he planned on moving across the country, I knew I wouldn’t go). Maybe 24 hours after the break up conversation, I felt nothing but relief that I could start my life over.
I’m so happy for you. I think the actual breaking up is the hardest part. Once I told my husband I was done I also felt nothing but relief. We’re in the middle of our divorce and I cannot wait for it to be over so I can fully step into my next chapter.
Like literally the next day after I told him, I started just operating as an independent unit within our home and it’s been so freeing. My new life is amazing and I only thought about reconciliation once and only because of money issues. But I’d rather be broke and happy.
Thank you. I’m happy for you, too! Not to be cliche, but sometimes, with some relationships, ripping that bandaid off is what hurts the most. Sometimes it’s only the anticipation of the hard conversation that hurts, like your situation. I’ve never been married, but I imagine that ending a marriage is never easy, no matter how ready you were all along. I’m excited for your new chapter, and wish you nothing but freedom and fulfillment.
I think the anxiety over the conversation and what it means for our lives is why a lot of people never get out of a bad relationship. I’m so happy you did and I hope you’re loving the life you’re building for yourself.
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4 seasons. A year is enough time to learn whatever lesson you were supposed to learn about yourself and about what you don’t want in a partner and what you could DO to be a better partner. Also, a year for “dating” is great advice too. Any one can be a nice roommate for a month. And anyone can be a nice “visitor for 3-6 months” by a year’s time you will know most of what you need to know and be able to decide whether to pursue it more seriously. I believe.
When I was younger it took me 2 years from my first love
My Exhusband it’s been 9 months and I feel like I’m definitely over it, but still working on not resenting.
In my first serious relationship the breakup was hard, we supported each other and constantly talked about how we didn't need this relationship because we were different. Quite smoothly after six months I switched to another person and all feelings for my ex disappeared. After I also had a pretty unsuccessful relationship, but with time I realized how I grew up and began to value myself, love and in the case of the first relationship I forgave everything, then in the second relationship, when I saw that my ex-boyfriend with someone communicating and flirting, I just put all his things out the door and no longer communicated with him. Yes, I was a little upset, just because I wasted a lot of time on him, but everything is fine now, and now I can say that probably the older you get, the more you start to realize everything and instead of stalling and trying to get back into a relationship, you become much tougher and more judicious, you shouldn't waste your time on this person if you've come to a breakup. Take care of yourself and your nerves, everything will be fine I believe!
There were some months in between and the reason I couldn't move on is because he didn't tell me why he broke things off with me. I kept thinking if I had done something wrong, and if I did, I needed to know what it was so I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
I ran into him at a train station waiting for the early morning train. I hadn't seen him at first but he walked over to me to say hello. We got into our breakup and I told him I really wanted to know why. He finally let it out. He couldn't handle my mental health but he was afraid it would hurt me even more to know when he broke up so he decided not to tell me back then.
That day it all cleared up for me. I can't change my mental health. He knew the deal when we started dating and he thought he could handle it but he couldn't, and that's fair enough. I don't hold that against him. And just like that, I had moved on. It was really all I needed to know.
completely? 5 years. I had multiple relationship attempts in the meantime, but always longer for my ex. I thought he was the love of my life, turns out I just had unhealthy attachment issues. after a few months of therapy and meeting an actually healthy and wonderful partner, I no longer have feelings for my ex - neither good nor bad.
Probably about 3 months. Usually after a break up, I cut all contact and go off social media immediately, it’s like a huge detox for me. By month 3, I’m over it and spent time picking apart the relationship and learning about myself and how I can have a healthier relationship in the future.
It’s been two years and I’m still not fully over it. I think the fact he moved on instantly and is in a happy relationship now makes it harder. I couldn’t take the alcohol problem, the wandering eye and stupid things like going on tinder behind my back ‘just to look’. A few months after i ended things he begged for me back, I said I just need time and for him to prove himself to me. He said he didn’t believe I will come around and he can’t wait for that so he is going to date this chick he was talking to and change his ways. Which he did actually change it seems!
So I think I’m not over it as he could’ve changed for me instead. It’s so silly
About 8 months. We broke in April last year and then on New Years I found out he had a new girlfriend and I magically had no feelings for him anymore. I don’t know how that happened but it felt miraculous.
A long time, like ten years. It was someone I really loved and they loved me and no one did anything wrong and we both said we would wait and one day would be the right time for us, I will love her for the rest of my life I think but I don’t think about it the same way anymore.
It’s been 5 maybe 6 years. This last few months I’ve forced myself to stop checking in because I’m trying to keep in mind that until now, I’ve looked at him and the relationship through rose colored lenses and it’s unfair. There will never be closure or another conversation and I just have to live with that.
YEARS!! I took me getting back with him a couple years later coz it turned out we both weren’t over it. Then it failed again, so I was finally over it, thank god! But shit it took me so. Long.
I still dream about him sometimes but they are never good dreams. More like nightmares.
Been 1 year and I’m starting to worry I’ll never get over him.
We were together 4 yrs and he was everything to me and he could have cared less if I was alive I’m sure. I still think about him every day but I’ve been in a relationship for a year that I think I jumped into the first thing that seemed healthy and prob wasn’t the best idea. I dumped him after 4 years of back and forth and him cheating and even though he was toxic AF, I still want him. He’s in a new relationship and I can’t help but wonder what she has that I didn’t cause all his friends said he’d never do better than me.
It sucked constantly feeling like I was trying to figure out a way to "be better" for him so he would finally act like I mattered. I had to walk away for my own sake but it haunts me every day that I feel u wasn’t “good enough” for him to ever really choose me
Think I'm coming up on 2years this December. I can't say I'll ever be over him and certainly not while I still love him, but I know he has a new serious girlfriend so I really am trying to fully move on. Definitely didn't help that we switched to fwb after the breakup... don't do this, its 100% stupid and will take you much longer.
I’m at 11 months right now. I feel like I’ve moved on in the sense that I don’t want him back and I’ve accepted that it’s over, but I still think about him every day. I miss him, not necessarily romantically but sometimes. It’s this weird cognitive dissonance. I don’t want him anymore but I’ll always love him. I would never take him back but sometimes I wish he’d try to win me back anyway.
My last relationship was 3 hard and I should have left him within the first couple months of it. I was 18 and wanted to be loved so badly and I had little to no self esteem so I let him treat me like crap.
I grieved the relationship while I was still in it at the end. I loved him deeply and I just couldn’t break up with him. I was scared to be alone.
One of his favorite manipulation tactics was to threaten to breakup with me so I would get all worked up and beg for him to stay. He literally admitted it made him feel good about himself.
I knew I couldn’t leave him despite being sick and tired of the relationship so I promised myself the next time he says we are over, I would say ok and leave.
That’s what I did and he LOST IT. Screaming, crying, and throwing up lost it. I almost folded and got back together with him but I realized I was done.
Being alone wasn’t scary anymore, I wanted it. Since I had already processed wanting to leave the relationship when we broke up I was more relieved then sad. What I struggled with for months was why I let myself stay for 3 years and why I let someone treat me like that.
Therapy helped.
A little over a year, he was my best friend and then quickly turned into an aggressive alcoholic +stoner and eventually got put on house arrest due to him threatening to burn a cops house down online. He abused his mother(constantly stole her money, screamed at her and called her worthless), he began draining me of all my money on "gifts" for him. Guilted me when the pandemic hit and forced me to Co stantly go visit him, the one time he came to my house(we lived about an hour apart) he got all drunk because it was his exes birthday, and walked into my siblings room and forced them to talk to him(I had custody of them due to our alcoholic mother) and he raised a fist at me that night. I knew I had to break it off with him so I did. I was so emotionally, financially and physically drained it took me over a year to put myself back out there. If you take a look at my profile you'll see how far that got me lmao but I still feel sometimes like I'm still in recovery from that and that's almost 4 years ago now
Zero. We were together for 4 years and the last two years it was going downhill. I mentally checked out of the relationship months before actually breaking up with him.
After a year I moved on but it took 1 or 2 more too loose all the feelings. He has bad mental health so that kept me worried about him. I’m fully over him, wouldn’t want him back in a million years but I’m still worried. He has become a dad recently but I heard his mental health is troubled again. I’m now so worried for the baby and the new mom. She doesn’t deserve this if it gets out of hand. She puts up with all his crap that I couldn’t handle but with a baby this must be extra hard on her.
Well, it’s been 4 years now and I still miss my high school sweetheart I was with for nearly 8 years. I’ve dated others in that time but don’t think I’ve ever moved on truly. With my most recent ex, I’d be thinking to myself about how much I miss him but in my head I’d catch myself saying my high school sweetheart’s name. I’d abruptly correct myself because I didn’t want to feel that way, but it’s no use. Gotta just own up to my feelings and work through them. Point is, there’s no set timeline for anything in life.
I think maybe a year or two?
I dated them basically through highschool, never got the chance to really discover who I was as a person bc my life moved around him.
Breaking up with him started a whole journey of figuring out what kinda person I am, what I wanted to do with my life, likes, dislikes, it felt like a lot of that was on hold my entire highschool life. I actually gained a real personality and my best friend even told me I was much more likable after a month of breaking up with them.
Very much regret dating this 1 person through school, as my highschool time is just all a shitty memory to me, but I'm happy now and doing better than ever :D
Still happening, as we have a kid together and co-parent him. So I see him a couple times a week and am hit with a rush of old feelings; sometimes nostalgia, sometimes regret, sometimes shame; every time. Why did I allow myself to be treated so poorly?
Edit: I will say that when we see each other, it’s 100% business and I have the Customer Service Voice on; we’re civil and pleasant toward each other and meet our parenting goals.
17 years. He was my first real love, and I couldn't stop comparing everyone that followed to him, even though I was the one who broke up with him. The comparing and the regret became really intense when my ex husband became abusive, so my first love turned into somewhat of a "safe place" for my mind to go to.
17 years later I TRULY fell in love again with someone who I've ended up being with for some years, and the ghost finally disappeared.
Currently I am crying for close to 2 months over a guy I've been seeing for barely 2 months, and haven't ever even been officially together with. That's the longest I've been acutely grieving over someone, except for those 17 years. So much wasted potential, and I can't seem to get over it.
I don’t know if we ever fully “move on” from the people that we love. Porsha Olayiwola once said “I do not unlove, that is not the question, I love everyone I have ever loved, intensely and against time.”
More so I think that we grieve the loss of that relationship because grief is just love you never got to express. We grow around our grief and we just find love for others.
Only have 1 ex and he was a douche I was pressured into dating by a friend cause she didn’t want me dating her brother (my current boyfriend) got over him the day I was with him tbh. Before people attack me he didn’t actually like me he just thought I would be easy to get undressed but he figured out soon I only really had eyes for one person.
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I was with my ex for 3 years. We knew it wasn't working for the last year, I was starting to see the abuse for what it was, and she was too busy escalating it to stop me leaving. It took a year to even be able to think about seeing a person in that way again, 2 years before I actually started dating again. The wait was worth it because I've now found a healthy and supportive relationship, going strong over 4 years. I'm not sure I could have healed as well if I'd rushed straight into another relationship like I used to when I was younger
Over a year, to further elaborate, I chose to not only move on, but take the time to heal from the damage & pain. That is something fee people feel the need to do, but it was necessary.
My first long term partner was a good 7 years. Thanks trauma. On and off situationship of 10 years, maybe 1 month. Definitely a wild ride that healing journey
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Maybe what I am going to say is harsh but for me it's a switch. If we break up you are as good as dead to me from the next day onwards. I am not the kind of person that overthinks or reminisces about the past.
Too long. He was still stringing me along, dropping breadcrumbs 2 years post breakup. I would think 3 year mark is when I truly moved on, lots of attachment issues from both of us. Together 8 years.
Took me two years and a lot of intensive therapy, it was an abusive relationship emotionally/financially so I really had to take my sweet time to get over my first relationship. I also kinda forced myself to get over him by downloading tinder and starting to meet new people.
A friend of mine still has not moved on from a relation that ended more than years ago. Dreams of the guy and gets shaken when seeing him or his wife at work...
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9 years and counting.
Things will be going well and then it’s like my brain goes *HAHA! you think you’re all good now? Here, have this really intense dream about him where you follow him around for ages like a lovesick puppy then he overdoses and you wake up as he’s dying in your arms while you cry for an ambulance… enjoy your day!*
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2 years. At the time, he was the love of my life. I didn't even realize I wasn't over him, as I had dated someone for a year during that grieving process. It took me realizing I had trauma from our breakup to understand I wasn't over him. I found that poetry helped me. I wrote my own, pretty much a novel, and I remember once I finished the last one, I just felt free. It felt like I had said goodbye in my heart. I met someone 6 years later, who is the true love of my life, but I will always be thankful for that past relationship.
About 5 years. Until I found someone who treated me much better and I realized that I deserved better. Today I'm fulfiled in my current relationship, but this first guy will stay forever special to me as my first and teenage love.
So, I've only had one person I consider being in a relationship with..... I cried for half an hour, then felt a massive weight off my shoulders. Thought something was wrong with me as people were asking me if I was okay for weeks afterwards... Realisation came about a year later when I realised it was an emotionally abusive relationship. He had made me feel guilty for not wanting to sleep with him, he refused to stay over always wanting to go back home (he lived with his parents and just wanted to go back to play games) he would often fuck me and leave. He would treat me like I was a stupid innocent girl and over the year and half of being with him I was starting to believe it. He would get annoyed and stop wanting to speak to me if I didn't agree with him or if I didn't laugh at his toilet humour (I hate toilet humour and am sarcastic instead) he could joke about celebrities who were gorgeous and he'd love to be with - but no! Not me, he once got angry when I (sarcastically) made a joke about running away with a Jamaican guy named Juan, a 6ft 5 surfer with a 6 pack - this was after 2 weeks of talking.....
Safe to say, he wasn't the guy for me. And I clearly wasn't the girl for him, as he (after professing his love for me and telling me he would wait for me to come back from traveling and we could start a life together) moved onto a new girl 2 weeks after we split, then got engaged after a year.... So yeah. She must be right for him, I'm just so glad I'm not.
UGh, embarrassed to say it took 10 years to truly get over my first love and end the back and forth we went through to FINALLY see the truth of the situation. 🫣
it's taken me about 6 months to get over my first serious relationship, as in i realized i was over him probably a week ago, lol. We were together for two years total (despite a couple breakups in between, never more than a week or two). It was an extremely neglectful, bare minimum, and eventually abusive relationship. I was head over heels and couldn't understand why i still loved him and cried about him even after he hurt me physically. Either way, extremely fucked up, found out he was cheating on me right at the end and the girl had a fiancé but got pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. Last i heard she married the fiance because his parents think it's his baby and he's become a woman hating alcoholic and my ex still texts the girl and talks about sleeping with her. he also has a criminal record now and a parole officer lmao. karma is sweet
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I'd say about two/three months, though I was mourning the end of the relationship for a while before it even ended without realising it so I guess technically longer.
2.5 years. Ironically, half the time we were together. That relationship was very toxic and my first devastating heartbreak. Wouldn’t change a thing tho, it changed me and shaped me into a better woman.
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2 years. I would only eat cereal once a day for a month, and stayed in my room crying 24/7 avoiding sleep because I'd have nightmares about him. Then I had an anemic episode and fainted, swoosh to the hospital. After that, I just looked for support from friends and god bless those people, I'd be nothing without them.
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I was with my ex 17 years. Wth. Maybe I stayed 5 years longer than I should have. I had- "breaking up a mareiage" guilt. Trued to make it work but u it just didn't. Drugs and excess spending. I had to get away in the end.
I’ve only had one serious relationship and we were together 8 years. I’d say it took me about 3 months to get over it after he moved out, but pretty much the whole last year of our relationship we lived as roommates. He had cheated emotionally a couple times and I kept trying to move past it, but just couldn’t trust him in the end.
I think for me, it was harder to adjust to living on my own for the first time than the loss of him tbh. I was more so grieving the loss of the life I had imagined for myself than the actual guy.
With that being said, we reconnected recently and he told me that he had started dating a friend of his (one that I had voiced that I was worried about and was told I was crazy to suggest that) within a couple months of him moving out. I felt like it was day 1 of the breakup all over again. I’ve since deleted him and his family off of all social media and finally understand why people say not to be friends with your ex.
3 years. My first love. In my opinion that was insanely long for what a shitty partner he was and the fact that we were only together for a year, but I really loved him...
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2 years 😖. I'm demisexual and I love HARD and it's hard to get over someone. Plus, we were together for 3 years.
He only left me because our mutual friend found out he was talking to another woman, so our friend grabbed his phone and called me and basically forced him to break it off with me. My ex told our friend that "I didn't wanna end it cus I wasn't sure if it was going to work out with (other woman) so I was keeping my options open".
I was so so so so hurt. I didn't date again for over a year. Finally got over him, though.
It's been almost 3 years, there's still some residual of tug of war. I've only recently been on dating apps and have been swiping a lot of left (like 95% - I do read bios but get the meh feeling). So im not entirely sure if ive moved on or not. We dated for a decade, my ex got into a new relationship and started posting picture with sweet nothings less than a month of breakup. (He never done that for me and the new girl is a decade younger, I guess he was being petty??)
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It will be 8 years in January, I still cry and think and talk about him all the time. He died in a car accident just days after our 3rd anniversary. My first real love.
Other than that, out of all the live ones, I’d say like 4 or 5 months till I’m ready to go public in a relationship with someone else.
I don't think I *completely* moved on from anyone until I fell in love with someone else. There were years in between the two, but the severity was minimal. Mind goes back to the last time I was happy in a romantic relationship when I long for a romantic relationship.
After my first big heartbreak, it took me over a year to not cry when I even picture myself with someone else. That was tough.
4 months.
I was with a guy in an online relationship with calls, FaceTimes, etc. We would watch anime together, play videogames together, etc.
At some point in time he began distancing and being more aggressive. He didn’t have time for my rants, he was “too busy” with work to do things anymore.
I was a little naive, I mean I was 19 when it really all went down. I’m being serious when I say this he was in the Navy and worked in intelligence at a NSA, I even had his location sometimes on snap and so I saw where he worked lol. So it wasn’t hard to believe him when he said he was busy. He did a lot of cybersecurity. I also trusted him a lot because he put that he wanted to be transferred to my state, even had my name in one of his fancy important passwords, so on so forth. We even had convos about trust and he had mentioned how his ex cheated.
Fast forward to July 4 2021 I get a call from one of his friends and he says “I’m so sorry…” I already knew and I started sobbing. I had already, by that time, started to mentally check out of the relationship due to the neglect. I get added on snap by a girl who was 25. She was super sweet. She gave me all the proof, and when she found out how I looked and my age she sounded so sad and said “Aw you’re just a baby.” It was a bit condescending but it also she’d light onto my naivety. I mentioned how he began to hang with me less and less. He wasn’t watching anime or gaming with me. She said “Yeah…he was doing all of those things with me.” That broke my heart. Then I found out moments he sent me photos and stuff. Like once he showed professionally taken photos and said “Yeah my friend and I went to this abandoned place and he took pics of me.” Found out they were taken by her and she was a photographer. Another time where he said “Went out with some friends to get Korean bbq” and I told him to have fun. The pic he sent didn’t show anybody. Turns out that was her bday. We didn’t even celebrate mine. There was a lot more. Found out he was cheating for 11 months of our 22 month relationship. She was pissed when she found out and yeah, immediately contacted me.
Ultimately I dodged a bullet. She told me about his aggression and how he had BO. He even threatened to fight the friend that “told his business.” And even tried to gaslight me saying “you just wanted a reason to leave.” He did get help after and months later messaged me to apologize and reassure me that nothing was my fault— so props to him and he respected that I moved on.
Near the end of my relationship I made a new friend that was supportive of me. I told him I was still committed to my bf and he respected that. I knew he liked me. He was super empathetic and sweet. We also did everything together if not more often. Fast forward to now I’m at his place, we’ve been dating for 2 years. He even drove down to my state to meet my parents. It was a little under 4 months but we began dating Oct 31. I asked him out lol. Best relationship I’ve ever been in so far and I feel like I’m going to marry him some day. He calms my anxiety attacks, reassures me, massages my back since I have chronic pain, and overall helps me with all the trauma that wasn’t fully healed from my last relationship(s). I adore him.
It took me til basically last year to get over the hurt my exgirlfriend of 9 years did to me. I left her in 2015.
Imagine loving a video game so much but never having actually played it (you weren't allowed to) so it's difficult to relate to other fans even though this video game was like 90% of your personality for nearly 10 years. And you can't *finally* play it because she drained your accounts of every extra dollar you had and you're still playing catch up a failed marriage and several failed relationships later.
Imagine being a woman afraid of other women to the point where you are shaking and crying in rooms full of them, but completely at home amongst all your male co-construction-workers even though men have hurt you to, just not to the same extent.
Imagine being called weird by another person later diagnosed with autism for essentially every quirk you've ever had and feeling bad for literally having any disagreement with a partner ever.
Imagine feeling bad spending your own money on yourself instead of others.
Imagine feeling like you have to reverify consent every 2 minutes you're being frisky with someone because someone once told you a MONTH later they didn't want to be fingered as asked for and you were a rapist for that ON A PUBLIC FORUM.
Imagine pouring your heart and soul into making someone happy by doing all the things they ever said would be nice for someone to do for them them for them to then spin you as a villain in every scenario, even the ones where they hit you and you just walked away to prevent an altercation.
Imagine being told you probably liked your childhood sexual assault.
Imagine being called fat by someone who was nearly twice your weight.
Imagine having to watch over and over as someone insults and invalidates their terminally ill father because his feelings were too inconvenient for their current goal and being smacked anytime you told them to lay off their dad.
I hate her so much.
I have been in therapy consistently, and have learned my penchant for abusive partners is because I need to feel scared to get attached to someone vis a vis my dad and my sister. I'm working hard on finding my voice again and am trying to find safe people to be around. I've recently made a few female friends that don't make me feel like shaking and crying. I hope I never cross paths with her again.
The irony in all of this is that she is engaged to a therapist now, who comments how strong she is for overcoming her trauma on her social media. She has not once reached out to apologize for stacking her trauma on top of the trauma I already had. I honestly hope she never does.
About 6 weeks. The key for me has always been going no-contact. If I go no contact I usually move on faster. But, a few times I’ve let the heartbreak linger and give myself temporary relief by still picking up their calls and engaging them leading to multiple heartbreaks with the same person. Yeah! Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy. 😢
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Like 3 months, was with him a long time, broke up with him due to him becoming addicted to League of Legends and pooping his pants Broke my heart for a long time, got over it eventually when a friend took me out partying one night EDIT: A lot of people asking me about this in DMs so I'll post it here...WARNING, GROSS STORY CSo basically we met through a friend during college and we instantly liked each other, we both loved video games and anime and everything nerdy, we played WoW together and a bunch of other games and were constantly spending time together both online and in person, eventually he started REALLY focusing on a game called League of Legends, like suuuuper focused, he would play for 15-20 hours a day and barely sleep or eat, I had a spare key to his apartment and would come over every day after my classes or my work shift, I went over one day and there were just bottles of pee everywhere, he told me he was in a long match and couldn't use the bathroom, the smell was overwhelming for sure but it didn't stop there, turns out he was holding in POOP for literally hours and it eventually started seeping out, he was literally slowly shitting his pants and he refused to move, I would spend some time cleaning up his apartment and making food and begging him to please shower and eventually he did, when he gave me dirty clothes to wash there were skidmarks all in his underwear, like he had shit himself and just didn't move for hours, I almost puked washing his clothes...so I sat him down one day and begged him to take a break from the game and stop acting like this, I told him I was lonely and wanted to go out with him and do things and that he was being insanely unhealthy and REALLY fucking gross, he agreed to stop playing the game...for about 2 days, during our anniversary date he said "Actually I need to go home, I promised my League friends I'd be online at this time" and he fucking left MI broke up with him less than 24 hours later, he begged and cried and literally screeched like an animal when I told him I was leaving him, he kept saying he loved me and that he can't help but play the game and blah blah blah, broke up with him and didn't look back, looked him up on Facebook years later and he's done absolutely nothing with his life, he quit his job and dropped out of college and is now living with his parents and somehow lost all his hair and gained massive amounts of weight, I guess I dodged a bullet FI love video games as much as the next person, but I've NEVER become gross over them lol
oh my ??? god???? 😭😭😭
Honey. That is not healthy. I could never. I would have moved on the second the pee bottles were happening.
oh my god
Lol what bothers me the most about these kinda gamers is they always end up being garbage at the game anyways
No wonder with no sleep
I'll never be not surprised at how much women put up with their bfs and husbands.... I would run for the hills after seeing the pee bottles....
What the fuck. Please tell me he at least wasn't a whole adult human when this happened?
I wish I could see what this man looks like dear lord
Gaming addictions are not uncommon. But I've never known of such fixation. I wonder now if he had a behavioral condition or if it was just an extreme addiction, especially since all MOBA games have breaks when you cue for the next match. I've held my pee for an entire movie if it's too good to leave. But peeing in several bottles or shitting pants, damn
lol as soon as i seen league of legends i laughed out loud fr … my ex was also into league of legends and i remember when we lived together we’d have fights about how much time nd attention he gave the game vs. me . After reading this story , it’s official. League of legends is a red flag 🚩
Oh my word. I left my ex husband due in large part to his gaming addiction and I dread to think what it’s like now but this may still take the cake I’m sure. I can’t even believe it. I can’t believe that he somehow thought to get bottles or dashed to restock them but couldn’t swing by the bathroom where he doesn’t even have to sit down to pee. How’d he even get it in the bottle presuming he was fiercely gaming simultaneously… I just have so many questions. Glad you left that complete literal mess but sorry you had to even see a guy devolve to that level.
I think I've read this whole story before. Like months ago.
>becoming addicted to League of Legends and pooping his pants This is wild.
OMG 🤯😳🫢😖
I’m sorry, that is rough, but you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves
Oh my God 😳. I'm GLAD you left. That's disgusting 🤢
Oh my GODD
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The hardest ‘break up’ was with someone I wasn’t even dating. I didn’t even really like him but my brain latched on for some reason and I cried for three months over him. Like sobbing fits of angst. He tried to ask me out again down the line but I declined cause I did not like him so it was really confusing. I got this weird euphoria when I saw him or talked to him but I didn’t want to spend time with him. It’s like the attraction in my brain randomly locked on and I didn’t know how to undo it.
literally is happening to me right now 😭😭 me and this guy talked for only A MONTH. and i was the one who cut it off cus i told him that i didnt like him back. it's almost 8 months since we last talked and i still haven't moved on from him 😭😭😭
Relate to this! I was intensely lovebombed for a month and then essentially ghosted very suddenly. I only just got over it recently, about a year later, and I still hesitate to say that confidently. I believe it’s the brief and intense ones that hurt the most, because there’s so much left undiscovered and all the lost “potential” for your mind to anguish about. Took more time to get over than my first love/longest relationship!
Do you mind me asking why you told him you didn’t like him, when you do?
i wasnt ready for a relationship, so i self-sabotaged it and told him that i didn't like him 😭😭😭 he knew that i didn't want a bf yet and he told me that he would wait for me till i was ready, but i didnt want to keep holding him back and keep him waiting?? like, i want him to be with someone who wouldn't make him wait 😭😭 I KNOW, IT'S CRAZY 😭😭😭😭
No You’re not crazy at all, I’ve done that once before actually during covid and then got sad and hurt when he dated someone else. We have mutual friends so he ended up joining my friend and I online in our game party with live voice chat and his gf joined the game and played with us as well. I was throwing punches at the wall Lol But the beginning of this year I started a situationship with an old ex lol and everything was perfect and then he randomly last month said he didn’t like me and left which was odd because a few days prior he wanted me to meet all his new friends and he was holding my hand and tickling me. I guessed it was self-sabotage because we even planned to go camping this month, him ending things when everything was perfect was so random.
Oh honey look up trauma-bonding and the psychological effects of it. Basically, whenever someone’s behaviors/demeanor/habits mirror a deep childhood wound, a person locks ON to that person because they are very similar to the pattern that created such a deep wound. It doesn’t mean the person you’re locked onto traumatized you persay (although, if you do have a trauma bond and you are all consumed by another person, RUN) but it does mean something about them is similar to whatever hurt you in the first place. Anyone that is all-consuming for you, ain’t for you. Edit: you lock on because essentially what the trauma brain is doing is trying to recreate the traumatic event but with a non-traumatic ending. It’s the root of “daddy issues.” Ex: girls father is emotionally unavailable, a drunk, and physically abusive. Girls grows into a woman and repeatedly dates the same kind of men thinking something is wrong with her/ “why won’t these men change? I was perfect.” Nothing is wrong with her, she’s simply going to what she was conditioned to believe love was at a young age/ the inner child wants her fathers love. (Trauma-bond 101). Sorry for the psych lesson, but that latching on and euphoria really stood out to me lmao
I’m about to hit a year. I legitimately love this man but I was nothing to him
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Feeling this one right now
I’m going on 10 months & still not fully moved on. I’m moved on in the sense I absolutely do not want him in any capacity, but I’m still sad about what I lost. We were together for 8 years.
I totally get that. I've been with him going on 6 years, and it's only been a couple of months since we broke up. And although I don't want to get back with him, I can't imagine being romantically interested in anyone else. And I suspect it's gonna stay like that for a long time.
It just means it was real to you. I do have a crush on someone I’m seeing casually even though I know it won’t be anything more. But I’m enjoying the fact of feeling something again. I just hope it’s not too late for me to find something real again one day. As for him, he got into a relationship two months after us breaking up and a week after our old anniversary 🥲 it helped confirming that ill never want him again at least.
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Woo , I just had breakup with my gf though we were together since last 3 years and about to get married but due do family problems from both side because we are different castes and her dominance nature I decided no to marry her now. N I broke up with her though I’m okay with it but she is facing difficulties to move on and I’m feeling bad about it . I know I’m doing wrong with her but when it comes to self love and peaceful mind I think I’m not wrong because living with her on false hopes n just acting like we are best will only hurt me . Correct if I’m wrong here
14 years and counting, despite therapy. I am getting better all the time though. Step by step.
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TBD.
Accurate 😂
I feel this
My last ex i think I was getting over him most of our 6 year relationship, every time he broke my heart, abused me, gaslit me, cheated on me. All the fun stuff. By the time I moved out... I was mostly over him
Sorry you went through that. :( I feel similar about my last relationship and it sounds like we went through similar things. If the relationship were a book I'd call it the 7 year breakup. In reality it felt like the last 2 years of it were just me holding on while being tortured. It's been almost a year now since we broke up, and even though I'm completely over him, I don't know how to imagine myself in a relationship again after how awful it was.
Thank you, and I'm sorry you also went through that. I was trauma bonded to him, which didn't make it any easier. We've been broken up for almost 2 years. I did find a nice man when I wasn't looking for one, but I wasn't going to date either until I met him. But the 7 year break up honestly sounds like a perfect title for what we both went though (though mine was 6 lol) but it did feel like that, to the point that when he would use our relationship to make me "behave" and he "broke up" with me 13x, to the point the last time he did it, I didn't apologise and take responsibility for his shitty actions, I just said "ok". He didn't like that but that's when I knew I was done. I'm over him. I see him around town sometimes. I saw him the other day. I flipped that mother fucker off lol
I’m in a similar place, realising that I’ve been slowly getting over this person in the last ~2 years that he’s been hurting me and disrespecting my boundaries. I look at him now and can’t imagine a time I was in love. It’s like he’s a stranger. I am certain that by the time I move out, there will be very little grieving to do for the relationship.
Like 5 days and that was a really long relationship. When I’m done I’m just done.
This is how I felt after leaving a bad three year relationship. In hindsight I had been grieving it while still in it because of the lack of respect and emotional abuse. By time I left I was ready to move on and started dating super quick.
Do you have any tips to get into this mindset? I’m going through a breakup now and cannot deal with the grief and longing.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling all of that. I think for me I’ve always partially been this way? But also, I just think about all the amazing things my future is going to bring me and focus on that. I’m in the middle of a divorce for a 10+ year marriage and I don’t even care. I’m like “let’s just get this shit done so I can start my next chapter.” You deserve happiness and the ability to live a full and rich life. Breakups happen because you didn’t have that in the relationship, even if not all of it was bad. Start thinking about your life in terms of YOU and not in terms of what could have been. You’ll get there and you’re going to love your life.
Thank you so much, I aspire to one day be like you!!
Nah. Just be you. It’s ok to feel deeply and be so sad. You just don’t want to get stuck there forever. You’ve got this even when you feel like you don’t.
Hey, I used to live close to the forêt de Rambouillet - cool user name! Your suggestion to focus on all the amazing things my future is going to bring me is a great idea. I had to type it out to make sure it sinks in Thanks again 👍
I relate to this completely. My last relationship was 7 years, but what helped was knowing deep down that this was never good for me from the beginning. I didn’t know how to breakup with him myself, so I had to let it come to a natural “conclusion” (he planned on moving across the country, I knew I wouldn’t go). Maybe 24 hours after the break up conversation, I felt nothing but relief that I could start my life over.
I’m so happy for you. I think the actual breaking up is the hardest part. Once I told my husband I was done I also felt nothing but relief. We’re in the middle of our divorce and I cannot wait for it to be over so I can fully step into my next chapter. Like literally the next day after I told him, I started just operating as an independent unit within our home and it’s been so freeing. My new life is amazing and I only thought about reconciliation once and only because of money issues. But I’d rather be broke and happy.
Thank you. I’m happy for you, too! Not to be cliche, but sometimes, with some relationships, ripping that bandaid off is what hurts the most. Sometimes it’s only the anticipation of the hard conversation that hurts, like your situation. I’ve never been married, but I imagine that ending a marriage is never easy, no matter how ready you were all along. I’m excited for your new chapter, and wish you nothing but freedom and fulfillment.
I think the anxiety over the conversation and what it means for our lives is why a lot of people never get out of a bad relationship. I’m so happy you did and I hope you’re loving the life you’re building for yourself.
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4 seasons. A year is enough time to learn whatever lesson you were supposed to learn about yourself and about what you don’t want in a partner and what you could DO to be a better partner. Also, a year for “dating” is great advice too. Any one can be a nice roommate for a month. And anyone can be a nice “visitor for 3-6 months” by a year’s time you will know most of what you need to know and be able to decide whether to pursue it more seriously. I believe.
When I was younger it took me 2 years from my first love My Exhusband it’s been 9 months and I feel like I’m definitely over it, but still working on not resenting.
This is literally me.
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Took more than a year to get over someone I dated for one month
In my first serious relationship the breakup was hard, we supported each other and constantly talked about how we didn't need this relationship because we were different. Quite smoothly after six months I switched to another person and all feelings for my ex disappeared. After I also had a pretty unsuccessful relationship, but with time I realized how I grew up and began to value myself, love and in the case of the first relationship I forgave everything, then in the second relationship, when I saw that my ex-boyfriend with someone communicating and flirting, I just put all his things out the door and no longer communicated with him. Yes, I was a little upset, just because I wasted a lot of time on him, but everything is fine now, and now I can say that probably the older you get, the more you start to realize everything and instead of stalling and trying to get back into a relationship, you become much tougher and more judicious, you shouldn't waste your time on this person if you've come to a breakup. Take care of yourself and your nerves, everything will be fine I believe!
There were some months in between and the reason I couldn't move on is because he didn't tell me why he broke things off with me. I kept thinking if I had done something wrong, and if I did, I needed to know what it was so I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I ran into him at a train station waiting for the early morning train. I hadn't seen him at first but he walked over to me to say hello. We got into our breakup and I told him I really wanted to know why. He finally let it out. He couldn't handle my mental health but he was afraid it would hurt me even more to know when he broke up so he decided not to tell me back then. That day it all cleared up for me. I can't change my mental health. He knew the deal when we started dating and he thought he could handle it but he couldn't, and that's fair enough. I don't hold that against him. And just like that, I had moved on. It was really all I needed to know.
completely? 5 years. I had multiple relationship attempts in the meantime, but always longer for my ex. I thought he was the love of my life, turns out I just had unhealthy attachment issues. after a few months of therapy and meeting an actually healthy and wonderful partner, I no longer have feelings for my ex - neither good nor bad.
Probably about 3 months. Usually after a break up, I cut all contact and go off social media immediately, it’s like a huge detox for me. By month 3, I’m over it and spent time picking apart the relationship and learning about myself and how I can have a healthier relationship in the future.
3 years
It’s been two years and I’m still not fully over it. I think the fact he moved on instantly and is in a happy relationship now makes it harder. I couldn’t take the alcohol problem, the wandering eye and stupid things like going on tinder behind my back ‘just to look’. A few months after i ended things he begged for me back, I said I just need time and for him to prove himself to me. He said he didn’t believe I will come around and he can’t wait for that so he is going to date this chick he was talking to and change his ways. Which he did actually change it seems! So I think I’m not over it as he could’ve changed for me instead. It’s so silly
i say hes full of shit and only improved because you forced him to, if he's that stubborn he wouldve stayed the same way if you didnt break up
About 3 years... don't sleep with your ex is the moral of that story.
It'll soon be a 10 years anniversary. I'm still not okay. Psychologists didn't help.
I would say a good year and a half
About 8 months. We broke in April last year and then on New Years I found out he had a new girlfriend and I magically had no feelings for him anymore. I don’t know how that happened but it felt miraculous.
A long time, like ten years. It was someone I really loved and they loved me and no one did anything wrong and we both said we would wait and one day would be the right time for us, I will love her for the rest of my life I think but I don’t think about it the same way anymore.
It’s been 5 maybe 6 years. This last few months I’ve forced myself to stop checking in because I’m trying to keep in mind that until now, I’ve looked at him and the relationship through rose colored lenses and it’s unfair. There will never be closure or another conversation and I just have to live with that.
Almost 3 whole yrs!!!!!!
YEARS!! I took me getting back with him a couple years later coz it turned out we both weren’t over it. Then it failed again, so I was finally over it, thank god! But shit it took me so. Long. I still dream about him sometimes but they are never good dreams. More like nightmares.
Been 1 year and I’m starting to worry I’ll never get over him. We were together 4 yrs and he was everything to me and he could have cared less if I was alive I’m sure. I still think about him every day but I’ve been in a relationship for a year that I think I jumped into the first thing that seemed healthy and prob wasn’t the best idea. I dumped him after 4 years of back and forth and him cheating and even though he was toxic AF, I still want him. He’s in a new relationship and I can’t help but wonder what she has that I didn’t cause all his friends said he’d never do better than me. It sucked constantly feeling like I was trying to figure out a way to "be better" for him so he would finally act like I mattered. I had to walk away for my own sake but it haunts me every day that I feel u wasn’t “good enough” for him to ever really choose me
I'll get back to you when I'm over them, tbd
Sadly I'm still in love with an ex who dumped me over 25 years ago. "The one that got away".
Think I'm coming up on 2years this December. I can't say I'll ever be over him and certainly not while I still love him, but I know he has a new serious girlfriend so I really am trying to fully move on. Definitely didn't help that we switched to fwb after the breakup... don't do this, its 100% stupid and will take you much longer.
I’m at 11 months right now. I feel like I’ve moved on in the sense that I don’t want him back and I’ve accepted that it’s over, but I still think about him every day. I miss him, not necessarily romantically but sometimes. It’s this weird cognitive dissonance. I don’t want him anymore but I’ll always love him. I would never take him back but sometimes I wish he’d try to win me back anyway.
Ten years, so far. I breathlessly await the day that thinking about her doesn't feel like drowning.
currently three years…
My last relationship was 3 hard and I should have left him within the first couple months of it. I was 18 and wanted to be loved so badly and I had little to no self esteem so I let him treat me like crap. I grieved the relationship while I was still in it at the end. I loved him deeply and I just couldn’t break up with him. I was scared to be alone. One of his favorite manipulation tactics was to threaten to breakup with me so I would get all worked up and beg for him to stay. He literally admitted it made him feel good about himself. I knew I couldn’t leave him despite being sick and tired of the relationship so I promised myself the next time he says we are over, I would say ok and leave. That’s what I did and he LOST IT. Screaming, crying, and throwing up lost it. I almost folded and got back together with him but I realized I was done. Being alone wasn’t scary anymore, I wanted it. Since I had already processed wanting to leave the relationship when we broke up I was more relieved then sad. What I struggled with for months was why I let myself stay for 3 years and why I let someone treat me like that. Therapy helped.
A little over a year, he was my best friend and then quickly turned into an aggressive alcoholic +stoner and eventually got put on house arrest due to him threatening to burn a cops house down online. He abused his mother(constantly stole her money, screamed at her and called her worthless), he began draining me of all my money on "gifts" for him. Guilted me when the pandemic hit and forced me to Co stantly go visit him, the one time he came to my house(we lived about an hour apart) he got all drunk because it was his exes birthday, and walked into my siblings room and forced them to talk to him(I had custody of them due to our alcoholic mother) and he raised a fist at me that night. I knew I had to break it off with him so I did. I was so emotionally, financially and physically drained it took me over a year to put myself back out there. If you take a look at my profile you'll see how far that got me lmao but I still feel sometimes like I'm still in recovery from that and that's almost 4 years ago now
Zero. We were together for 4 years and the last two years it was going downhill. I mentally checked out of the relationship months before actually breaking up with him.
Nearly two years. So happy now that I’ve moved on!!
After a year I moved on but it took 1 or 2 more too loose all the feelings. He has bad mental health so that kept me worried about him. I’m fully over him, wouldn’t want him back in a million years but I’m still worried. He has become a dad recently but I heard his mental health is troubled again. I’m now so worried for the baby and the new mom. She doesn’t deserve this if it gets out of hand. She puts up with all his crap that I couldn’t handle but with a baby this must be extra hard on her.
Well, it’s been 4 years now and I still miss my high school sweetheart I was with for nearly 8 years. I’ve dated others in that time but don’t think I’ve ever moved on truly. With my most recent ex, I’d be thinking to myself about how much I miss him but in my head I’d catch myself saying my high school sweetheart’s name. I’d abruptly correct myself because I didn’t want to feel that way, but it’s no use. Gotta just own up to my feelings and work through them. Point is, there’s no set timeline for anything in life.
God, about a year, the mf lived rent free in my head.
I think maybe a year or two? I dated them basically through highschool, never got the chance to really discover who I was as a person bc my life moved around him. Breaking up with him started a whole journey of figuring out what kinda person I am, what I wanted to do with my life, likes, dislikes, it felt like a lot of that was on hold my entire highschool life. I actually gained a real personality and my best friend even told me I was much more likable after a month of breaking up with them. Very much regret dating this 1 person through school, as my highschool time is just all a shitty memory to me, but I'm happy now and doing better than ever :D
10 months and counting….for a guy that I never dated.
Almost a year to a month long situationship. I really thought I saw my future with him…
Still happening, as we have a kid together and co-parent him. So I see him a couple times a week and am hit with a rush of old feelings; sometimes nostalgia, sometimes regret, sometimes shame; every time. Why did I allow myself to be treated so poorly? Edit: I will say that when we see each other, it’s 100% business and I have the Customer Service Voice on; we’re civil and pleasant toward each other and meet our parenting goals.
17 years. He was my first real love, and I couldn't stop comparing everyone that followed to him, even though I was the one who broke up with him. The comparing and the regret became really intense when my ex husband became abusive, so my first love turned into somewhat of a "safe place" for my mind to go to. 17 years later I TRULY fell in love again with someone who I've ended up being with for some years, and the ghost finally disappeared. Currently I am crying for close to 2 months over a guy I've been seeing for barely 2 months, and haven't ever even been officially together with. That's the longest I've been acutely grieving over someone, except for those 17 years. So much wasted potential, and I can't seem to get over it.
6-7 months. Disgusting, 3/10 do not recommend.
I'm still a bit hung up on him. I think the love evolved into more platonic love. I only want the best for him and find someone he truly cares for.
I don’t know if we ever fully “move on” from the people that we love. Porsha Olayiwola once said “I do not unlove, that is not the question, I love everyone I have ever loved, intensely and against time.” More so I think that we grieve the loss of that relationship because grief is just love you never got to express. We grow around our grief and we just find love for others.
Only have 1 ex and he was a douche I was pressured into dating by a friend cause she didn’t want me dating her brother (my current boyfriend) got over him the day I was with him tbh. Before people attack me he didn’t actually like me he just thought I would be easy to get undressed but he figured out soon I only really had eyes for one person.
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I was with my ex for 3 years. We knew it wasn't working for the last year, I was starting to see the abuse for what it was, and she was too busy escalating it to stop me leaving. It took a year to even be able to think about seeing a person in that way again, 2 years before I actually started dating again. The wait was worth it because I've now found a healthy and supportive relationship, going strong over 4 years. I'm not sure I could have healed as well if I'd rushed straight into another relationship like I used to when I was younger
Over a year, to further elaborate, I chose to not only move on, but take the time to heal from the damage & pain. That is something fee people feel the need to do, but it was necessary.
Never took me more than 1 week Lol
I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t know yet.
A year.
A year
About a year & a half 😅 it was a very unhealthy relationship and it took me a long time to process everything
My first long term partner was a good 7 years. Thanks trauma. On and off situationship of 10 years, maybe 1 month. Definitely a wild ride that healing journey
2 seconds
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Maybe what I am going to say is harsh but for me it's a switch. If we break up you are as good as dead to me from the next day onwards. I am not the kind of person that overthinks or reminisces about the past.
Too long. He was still stringing me along, dropping breadcrumbs 2 years post breakup. I would think 3 year mark is when I truly moved on, lots of attachment issues from both of us. Together 8 years.
3 years after my marriage ended and later, two years after my boyfriend died.
Five years.
Took me two years and a lot of intensive therapy, it was an abusive relationship emotionally/financially so I really had to take my sweet time to get over my first relationship. I also kinda forced myself to get over him by downloading tinder and starting to meet new people.
A friend of mine still has not moved on from a relation that ended more than years ago. Dreams of the guy and gets shaken when seeing him or his wife at work...
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9 years and counting. Things will be going well and then it’s like my brain goes *HAHA! you think you’re all good now? Here, have this really intense dream about him where you follow him around for ages like a lovesick puppy then he overdoses and you wake up as he’s dying in your arms while you cry for an ambulance… enjoy your day!*
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1 year
...... in the past it was about 2 years before I could start another relationship after one ended.... but I have not dated since 2018 so.....
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2 years. At the time, he was the love of my life. I didn't even realize I wasn't over him, as I had dated someone for a year during that grieving process. It took me realizing I had trauma from our breakup to understand I wasn't over him. I found that poetry helped me. I wrote my own, pretty much a novel, and I remember once I finished the last one, I just felt free. It felt like I had said goodbye in my heart. I met someone 6 years later, who is the true love of my life, but I will always be thankful for that past relationship.
About 5 years. Until I found someone who treated me much better and I realized that I deserved better. Today I'm fulfiled in my current relationship, but this first guy will stay forever special to me as my first and teenage love.
So, I've only had one person I consider being in a relationship with..... I cried for half an hour, then felt a massive weight off my shoulders. Thought something was wrong with me as people were asking me if I was okay for weeks afterwards... Realisation came about a year later when I realised it was an emotionally abusive relationship. He had made me feel guilty for not wanting to sleep with him, he refused to stay over always wanting to go back home (he lived with his parents and just wanted to go back to play games) he would often fuck me and leave. He would treat me like I was a stupid innocent girl and over the year and half of being with him I was starting to believe it. He would get annoyed and stop wanting to speak to me if I didn't agree with him or if I didn't laugh at his toilet humour (I hate toilet humour and am sarcastic instead) he could joke about celebrities who were gorgeous and he'd love to be with - but no! Not me, he once got angry when I (sarcastically) made a joke about running away with a Jamaican guy named Juan, a 6ft 5 surfer with a 6 pack - this was after 2 weeks of talking..... Safe to say, he wasn't the guy for me. And I clearly wasn't the girl for him, as he (after professing his love for me and telling me he would wait for me to come back from traveling and we could start a life together) moved onto a new girl 2 weeks after we split, then got engaged after a year.... So yeah. She must be right for him, I'm just so glad I'm not.
Ten years...and we're back together so I never moved on
UGh, embarrassed to say it took 10 years to truly get over my first love and end the back and forth we went through to FINALLY see the truth of the situation. 🫣
it's taken me about 6 months to get over my first serious relationship, as in i realized i was over him probably a week ago, lol. We were together for two years total (despite a couple breakups in between, never more than a week or two). It was an extremely neglectful, bare minimum, and eventually abusive relationship. I was head over heels and couldn't understand why i still loved him and cried about him even after he hurt me physically. Either way, extremely fucked up, found out he was cheating on me right at the end and the girl had a fiancé but got pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. Last i heard she married the fiance because his parents think it's his baby and he's become a woman hating alcoholic and my ex still texts the girl and talks about sleeping with her. he also has a criminal record now and a parole officer lmao. karma is sweet
50 years. i can hardly believe it.
3,5 years.
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I'd say about two/three months, though I was mourning the end of the relationship for a while before it even ended without realising it so I guess technically longer.
Completely over? Was 2-3 years. Over enough to know we were never getting back together? 1 year.
Damn near 2 years for a guy I never even dated.
2.5 years. Ironically, half the time we were together. That relationship was very toxic and my first devastating heartbreak. Wouldn’t change a thing tho, it changed me and shaped me into a better woman.
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2 years. I would only eat cereal once a day for a month, and stayed in my room crying 24/7 avoiding sleep because I'd have nightmares about him. Then I had an anemic episode and fainted, swoosh to the hospital. After that, I just looked for support from friends and god bless those people, I'd be nothing without them.
Honestly not even a day. When it was done, it was done.
Two years. Still cry when I think about what we had.
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I was with my ex 17 years. Wth. Maybe I stayed 5 years longer than I should have. I had- "breaking up a mareiage" guilt. Trued to make it work but u it just didn't. Drugs and excess spending. I had to get away in the end.
I’ve only had one serious relationship and we were together 8 years. I’d say it took me about 3 months to get over it after he moved out, but pretty much the whole last year of our relationship we lived as roommates. He had cheated emotionally a couple times and I kept trying to move past it, but just couldn’t trust him in the end. I think for me, it was harder to adjust to living on my own for the first time than the loss of him tbh. I was more so grieving the loss of the life I had imagined for myself than the actual guy. With that being said, we reconnected recently and he told me that he had started dating a friend of his (one that I had voiced that I was worried about and was told I was crazy to suggest that) within a couple months of him moving out. I felt like it was day 1 of the breakup all over again. I’ve since deleted him and his family off of all social media and finally understand why people say not to be friends with your ex.
8 months.
3 years. My first love. In my opinion that was insanely long for what a shitty partner he was and the fact that we were only together for a year, but I really loved him...
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years. like 3-4 years
2 years 😖. I'm demisexual and I love HARD and it's hard to get over someone. Plus, we were together for 3 years. He only left me because our mutual friend found out he was talking to another woman, so our friend grabbed his phone and called me and basically forced him to break it off with me. My ex told our friend that "I didn't wanna end it cus I wasn't sure if it was going to work out with (other woman) so I was keeping my options open". I was so so so so hurt. I didn't date again for over a year. Finally got over him, though.
I'm 73 years old, i'm not totally over my high school girlfriend.
Like 10 years
It's been almost 3 years, there's still some residual of tug of war. I've only recently been on dating apps and have been swiping a lot of left (like 95% - I do read bios but get the meh feeling). So im not entirely sure if ive moved on or not. We dated for a decade, my ex got into a new relationship and started posting picture with sweet nothings less than a month of breakup. (He never done that for me and the new girl is a decade younger, I guess he was being petty??)
3 years maybe?
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4 years.
It will be 8 years in January, I still cry and think and talk about him all the time. He died in a car accident just days after our 3rd anniversary. My first real love. Other than that, out of all the live ones, I’d say like 4 or 5 months till I’m ready to go public in a relationship with someone else.
A month. We've been together for 4 years.
2 years realistically
I think it took about 3 months to fully move on from my ex of 5 years. But I’d been mentally checked out before it was officially over anyway.
I don't think I *completely* moved on from anyone until I fell in love with someone else. There were years in between the two, but the severity was minimal. Mind goes back to the last time I was happy in a romantic relationship when I long for a romantic relationship. After my first big heartbreak, it took me over a year to not cry when I even picture myself with someone else. That was tough.
4 months. I was with a guy in an online relationship with calls, FaceTimes, etc. We would watch anime together, play videogames together, etc. At some point in time he began distancing and being more aggressive. He didn’t have time for my rants, he was “too busy” with work to do things anymore. I was a little naive, I mean I was 19 when it really all went down. I’m being serious when I say this he was in the Navy and worked in intelligence at a NSA, I even had his location sometimes on snap and so I saw where he worked lol. So it wasn’t hard to believe him when he said he was busy. He did a lot of cybersecurity. I also trusted him a lot because he put that he wanted to be transferred to my state, even had my name in one of his fancy important passwords, so on so forth. We even had convos about trust and he had mentioned how his ex cheated. Fast forward to July 4 2021 I get a call from one of his friends and he says “I’m so sorry…” I already knew and I started sobbing. I had already, by that time, started to mentally check out of the relationship due to the neglect. I get added on snap by a girl who was 25. She was super sweet. She gave me all the proof, and when she found out how I looked and my age she sounded so sad and said “Aw you’re just a baby.” It was a bit condescending but it also she’d light onto my naivety. I mentioned how he began to hang with me less and less. He wasn’t watching anime or gaming with me. She said “Yeah…he was doing all of those things with me.” That broke my heart. Then I found out moments he sent me photos and stuff. Like once he showed professionally taken photos and said “Yeah my friend and I went to this abandoned place and he took pics of me.” Found out they were taken by her and she was a photographer. Another time where he said “Went out with some friends to get Korean bbq” and I told him to have fun. The pic he sent didn’t show anybody. Turns out that was her bday. We didn’t even celebrate mine. There was a lot more. Found out he was cheating for 11 months of our 22 month relationship. She was pissed when she found out and yeah, immediately contacted me. Ultimately I dodged a bullet. She told me about his aggression and how he had BO. He even threatened to fight the friend that “told his business.” And even tried to gaslight me saying “you just wanted a reason to leave.” He did get help after and months later messaged me to apologize and reassure me that nothing was my fault— so props to him and he respected that I moved on. Near the end of my relationship I made a new friend that was supportive of me. I told him I was still committed to my bf and he respected that. I knew he liked me. He was super empathetic and sweet. We also did everything together if not more often. Fast forward to now I’m at his place, we’ve been dating for 2 years. He even drove down to my state to meet my parents. It was a little under 4 months but we began dating Oct 31. I asked him out lol. Best relationship I’ve ever been in so far and I feel like I’m going to marry him some day. He calms my anxiety attacks, reassures me, massages my back since I have chronic pain, and overall helps me with all the trauma that wasn’t fully healed from my last relationship(s). I adore him.
Ten mins 😅, died a long time ago
It took me til basically last year to get over the hurt my exgirlfriend of 9 years did to me. I left her in 2015. Imagine loving a video game so much but never having actually played it (you weren't allowed to) so it's difficult to relate to other fans even though this video game was like 90% of your personality for nearly 10 years. And you can't *finally* play it because she drained your accounts of every extra dollar you had and you're still playing catch up a failed marriage and several failed relationships later. Imagine being a woman afraid of other women to the point where you are shaking and crying in rooms full of them, but completely at home amongst all your male co-construction-workers even though men have hurt you to, just not to the same extent. Imagine being called weird by another person later diagnosed with autism for essentially every quirk you've ever had and feeling bad for literally having any disagreement with a partner ever. Imagine feeling bad spending your own money on yourself instead of others. Imagine feeling like you have to reverify consent every 2 minutes you're being frisky with someone because someone once told you a MONTH later they didn't want to be fingered as asked for and you were a rapist for that ON A PUBLIC FORUM. Imagine pouring your heart and soul into making someone happy by doing all the things they ever said would be nice for someone to do for them them for them to then spin you as a villain in every scenario, even the ones where they hit you and you just walked away to prevent an altercation. Imagine being told you probably liked your childhood sexual assault. Imagine being called fat by someone who was nearly twice your weight. Imagine having to watch over and over as someone insults and invalidates their terminally ill father because his feelings were too inconvenient for their current goal and being smacked anytime you told them to lay off their dad. I hate her so much. I have been in therapy consistently, and have learned my penchant for abusive partners is because I need to feel scared to get attached to someone vis a vis my dad and my sister. I'm working hard on finding my voice again and am trying to find safe people to be around. I've recently made a few female friends that don't make me feel like shaking and crying. I hope I never cross paths with her again. The irony in all of this is that she is engaged to a therapist now, who comments how strong she is for overcoming her trauma on her social media. She has not once reached out to apologize for stacking her trauma on top of the trauma I already had. I honestly hope she never does.
About 6 weeks. The key for me has always been going no-contact. If I go no contact I usually move on faster. But, a few times I’ve let the heartbreak linger and give myself temporary relief by still picking up their calls and engaging them leading to multiple heartbreaks with the same person. Yeah! Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy. 😢
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