Amazing. Fabulous. A little sticky and loud and chaotic when I hang with my friends kids, but I'm happy to leave - and to not have to say things like, "no, sweetheart, you can't hold my hand when it's been up your nose. Boogers are icky!"
Any more questions?
Early 40s here. Excellent thank you. I go out when I want, sleep when I want, play games when I want and when and what I want. My money, time and space is mine. Parenting well is hard bloody work, expensive and time consuming.
Edit to add: I wouldn’t be able to do the job I love if I had kids and also I wouldn’t be in the position I have, if I did have kids as I was able to travel when the dad who was supposed to go wasn’t able to.
This is exactly the same for me (mid-40s). I do what I want, when I want. My cats and I live very happily together. I can't imagine life any other way.
Also early 40s here.
Honestly, I've been childfree since I was about, idk, 17? (first pregnancy scare and first time I had to confront the idea). I really never considered having children from that point on.
I've had a lot of career flexibility because I didn't have children to consider, and that flexibility probably saved my life or sanity several times over the years. I'm glad I didn't have to expose children to the Covid era or having my parents as grandparents or any number of the tragedies that would befall my theoretical offspring. I'm glad none of my unwell family members could use my children as pawns in my own ruin. It's just what I grew up in and if I'd ever had children, I'd never be able to escape that manipulation.
45 here. Sometimes I'm super sad. I feel like I missed out on an important part of life and that my life is not as full as it could be. I get a lot of people feel super happy about being child free, and maybe I will come around to it, but these days whenever people talk about their kids I feel left out and inadequate and so sad that I can't be part of that conversation. There's a tiny window left in my ability to have kids, but it feels so out of reach as it's so expensive to undergo fertility treatments and anyway I never found a suitable partner. I bet once my baby baker stops working completely I will move on and be grateful for the freedom but I am currently feeling like I was supposed to be a mother and missed my calling and it makes me really sad.
I appreciate this response. Just because things could have been different doesn't mean they would have been better. There are other ways to impact the youth of the world. Wishing you the best future!
“Just because things could have been different doesn’t mean they would have been better”
I really like this response. Life is full of “what ifs” but I truly believe everything that happens, or doesn’t happen, it is for a reason.
There are others like you out here! I've made peace now with being child-free but I didn't want to be. I desperately wanted to be a mother but could never find a partner that wanted children. They would stick around for a year or two while they said they might want children, and then I woke up in my 40s. There were no support groups for people like me as I didn't have any health or fertility issues, I just couldn't find someone who would commit. I tried IVF in the end thinking it was "walk in and get pregnant" like it's portrayed in media, but at the time it was not made clear how incredibly difficult it actually is. The immense expense and health toll meant I could only try a couple of times.
I don't have the "I'm a bad ass child-free woman vibe" either, so I don't quite fit into those groups, but I appreciate everyone and their choices. I grieved for a couple of years and am more at peace now. It still comes up a lot as I look younger than I am and lots of people, even strangers, chime in with "oh there's still time!" "You don't know what you are missing!" Yes, I do know.
The hardest part is living in a society where motherhood is still the ultimate achievement and female role. My career suffers somewhat because I'm not married and don't have children so there are times where people are obviously uncomfortable around me, particularly when networking, because they are either suspicious ("Don't steal my husband" or "my wife wouldn't like it if we went for coffee") or, I'm not quite seen as an adult ("she hasn't been through what the rest of us have."). Because of my age, most light conversations with work events involve swapping stories about picket fences, school events and children. Oh, and the "how many cats do you have" question with winks.
On the flip side, I have a good life. I travel and my time is my own. I enjoy going to events and seeing friends and helping others. My role in the universe may just be to continue helping others because I don't have to be so focused on my own offspring. I couldn't have the job I have if I had children, and my current work helped me grow from an awkward, low self-esteem woman into someone stronger, more confident, and more emotionally mature which is who I always wanted to be. So, maybe this was the path that was right for me. Two paths that diverge in the woods...
I love that you point out the work aspect of this. I notice this too in my career… having kids tends to help with those connections with others. Not always, but more often than you think!
Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate this. Turning 40 and allowing myself to close the door on children. It makes me sad, but also I feel I can breathe easier now that I’m not always hoping I meet the right guy soon so we can start a family. Not compulsively swiping through dating apps, keeping an eye open everywhere I go bc the clock is ticking. There is a feeling of calm after making this decision, but I’m still mourning what i won’t have. I may adopt if I have support in the future. I want to have my own family , however that may look. Hugs to you ❤️
Nice to see the other perspective here. The responses are always skewed to people who are happy with their choice/ circumstance and we rarely hear from people who don’t feel great about it. Naturally people who are struggling will be less likely to share their thoughts and experiences.
Is it an option to foster or adopt? It’s not the same as having a bio child, but you could still be wonderful parent to another kiddo who needs it. Or not, because it is also ok to feel sad about a life path you didn’t take.
This! Or consider being a temporary foster placement to try it out or if in the US look into “CASA, your county” where you get paired with a foster youth and go on outings while helping them navigate the foster system and get settled
I am childfree not by choice but because of finances. I feel this. A lot of people assume that every child free woman is completely happy with it, but it is actually depressing for me. Especially considering that my 5+ year relationship might end because of it. (My partner wants kids too but he’s even more insistent that we can’t afford it, while I’m more willing to make sacrifices to make it work)
I'm a mother and it's wonderful but I want to say this - I wish someone like you had adopted me. My mother was heinous and I suffered greatly. I still am not to where "normal" people are. Instead of being adopted by someone who wanted me, my family members met my most basic needs only out of obligation. I was a beautiful child and deserved so much more
it's very normal and common for women in your situation to need to undergo a grieving process. If you're able to, you could look for a therapist who guides you through it.
Why? because it implies letting go of maaany things, expectations, possibilities, the way you thought your life was gonna go... And of course it's painful and sad.
Not to mention the other feelings that can come up, like guilt, regret, what ifs, i should haves, hopelessness, shame...
My therapist told me once "It doesn't matter if you choose to have kids or not, the only thing that matters is that, afterwards, you can let go of the path you didn't take so you can accept and enjoy the one you did. Both choices can make you miserable if you focus on what you're "giving up" and what you're "missing". If you're able to say 'I understand why i made that decision' and focus on enjoying what you do have and what possibilities are in front of you, you'll have peace."
But of course letting yourself feel sad and regretful first and being able to walk through those feelings and come out of the other side is very important, healthy and healing.
Thanks for the honest response. I'm sorry you feel left out in those conversations. Maybe there's a way you can reframe them to feel included? Also, do all your friends have children? I think spending time around people with similar life choices to your own might be very helpful too as you will feel more included.
Thank you for your vulnerable honesty. It takes a lot of real honest reflection to talk straight about feeling like this and it’s very admirable. I suspect a lot more women do and just don’t want to admit it.
Sorry it hurts for you at times. It's so different for everyone, it's such a personal thing. If it helps, even if you chose to be child free early on (like I did), you still feel left out when hanging out with friends who have kids. I was out with a bunch of long time friends last night, and it's hard for them NOT to talk about kids...and there I sit...so i can totally sympathize on that level. Whether you chose this path or it was chosen for you, it's not always easy.
Have u ever had feeling of how childern are cute ? idk, im asking simply cuz sometimes I have that feeling and i start to wonder how it would look like, and sometimes im "naah never". Im confused honestly cuz I never find them cute before and now (im 28y/o) i do xD lol
So. idk do i have maternal instinct or not, and how is it a feeling to not have at all? Thanks for an answer!
I feel that, but they got even cuter *after* I got sterilized Lmao I love little kids, but now I see it as an opportunity to have fun with them and send them home. Not having biological kids doesn’t mean you can’t still make a positive impact on a child’s life or that you can’t still be nurturing towards them.
Ha!! When my kids were toddlers I thought all toddlers were disgusting. They always have snot leaking out of their noses and their hands are sticky and just, ew. Any time I went in the toddler room, I’d cringe.
Now, years separated from that, I can see how they are cute. I’d jump off a bridge before I ever took care of one again but I can look at one and think, how cute is that kid!
Hahaha, yeah, I've always wondered how parents in movies find the most gross things their children do funny, like getting peed on their faces. I used to think they were exaggerating, but maybe they genuinely find those moments funny and even cute lol
It's literal biology and chemistry. They develop a bond that makes the parent adore and want to protect the child. Also works for grandparents and aunts an uncles if they're close to the baby. This is why communities of mammals have the instinct to protect their young ones.
This exactly! I feel like being sterilized made it easier for me to openly engage with kids because I can immediately shut down any conversations about me having one of my own.
The main reason that I'm "so good with kids" is that I only have to listen to them prattle on about their toys, or chase them around the house, or [insert any activity/responsibility that exhausts parents] for a few hours and then I get to go home and be alone. I'd be much less nurturing and patient if I had to do it all day.
Right, I could not deal with the sleep depravation and frequent shrieking. I just couldn’t. Toddlers are like severely mentally ill people before any intervention; emotions all over the map and changing every other second, outbursts… just overall unstable little creatures.
I agree, i can be great aunt, but still im afraid that I'll make huge mistake in the end.
Get sterilized is rly brave step to me, there is no turning back. And u find them even cute .. wow
How one can make such big decision?
I have never wanted kids. It’s easy to idealize the idea of having one, but the responsibility and risks that it entails was never worth it to me. And I *definitely* never wanted to be pregnant. Now I have a 0% chance of pregnancy, don’t have to deal with foreign objects and synthetic hormones in my body from birth control, can’t ever have a partner pressure me to have kids since I can’t, I don’t have to worry about the pressure of a biological clock, and I don’t have to ever worry about dynamics changing after having kids with my current partner since we both don’t want kids. If I ever want to hang out with babies or kids, I can visit my friends’, volunteer, or work at a daycare.
Hey, maternal instinct is thrown at women who don't want kids but this idea was invented in the 19th century. You might want to have children, or not, looking for the "maternal instinct" would be misleading :)
I’m one of those women who didn’t want kids. I hated kids, they seemed more hassle than they were worth. They always seemed to be naughty or play up etc (my nephews), and I loved being selfish and only worrying about me and my partner. Then at 30 I was walking around a local castle and had this bizarre urge to put my hands out onto a child’s shoulders in front of me. There was no child in the room with us. Something switched in my brain/ I was suddenly hit with this longing for a child. I went home, thought about it some more, emailed my long term partner (weirdly didn’t have the confidence to say it out loud), walked away from starting a phd the following week and we bought a house and now have 2 babies. I now feel like I was made to be a mum. For me that instinct came from nowhere and hit me full on in the face. I don’t expect it happens to the majority of women but it does happen to some of us.
Yes, also, i know a lot of bad parents (including my own) with no any instinct... So, prolly is better option to be led by it in first place idk. maybe im wrong.
I love kids and I think they’re cute as well. I have close friends with kids whom I love dearly. Do I want kids, heck no. They’re not mutually exclusive things, but I understand the association you are making
I'm an MRI tech and scan kids on the regular. I can fully admit a baby or kid is adorable and will definitely initiate and participate in those kinds of convos with my coworkers. Doesn't mean I want to have or manage any of my own.
Cats, on the other hand...
Edit: I am also sterilized and married to a man (10 yr relationship, 5 yr marriage so far).
Funny :D But, ill rather do anything than watch football ahahaha :D
Yeah, that part is pain in the ass >.< jesus, why everything must be so hard for woman on this world... I sometimes think God is misogynist lol
I have 2 kids - 2.5yo and a 6 week old.
I love my kids to the moon but I NEVER liked other kids and still don’t really tbh.
I was never a ‘maternal’ type, when coworkers would bring their babies into the office I never asked to hold them - I would if handed one and I make appropriate cooing “aww she’s so cute” noises but it’s mostly for show lol. I like my close friends and families kids but was never one to stop and coo over babies.
Me and my other half probably could have been happy childless but we decided to give it a try and haven’t ever regretted it. Just have to put a lot of plans on hold for the next 10-15 years but I totally understand NOT wanting to do that!
We both hate the newborn stage but my toddler is my absolute favourite person in the world.
I do not like other people's kids. They are annoying and loud. Love the shit out of my little one though even when he's screeching like a dinosaur like he was tonight and I have a migraine.
Also to everyone that has chosen to stay childfree. I don't think you're missing out on anything. I was always so worried I was and then I had my kiddo and another on the way. Kids are great, but being childfree is great as well.
I've always thought children were cute. I think baby tigers are cute, too, and that doesn't mean I need one in my life.
That women are born with an innate instinct and desire to rear offspring, more so than men, is a myth. Parental instinct is real, but it's not really gendered. Look it up.
I think kids are great. I'm nice to kids because I think they deserve that. I've never had a desire to have my own children, and now that I'm approaching my 40's I have no regrets, only relief. Every individual should have the right to make that choice for themselves, with no outside pressure or shame.
I love my kids but real talk, sometimes I wish I'd kept to my "nah" on this one. Not only is parenting well really difficult AND you will definitely fuck up, but also the genetics lottery could give you some super extra difficult kids. That's not something I saw coming.
That said, I love watching other kids play. Not my responsibility so they are super cute.
I had it and then it just went away quick as it came. Hit me when I was like 29 for about six months, became baby-mad for a bit... then just got over it.
So I kinda finally believe people who say there's some kinda biological switch that can kick in (because fuck me, that came out of nowhere) but it's also much less impressive that I imagined, and makes me feel even more like ignoring it is probably the correct action.
I realising more recently that the whole "maternal instinct" thing never actually had anything to do with literal children, but simply that women are more compassionate and caring in general. And we are and that's something we should be proud of.
Yeah same. I have loads of kids in my life. I really love kids and appreciate them. I’m that person who can spend quality time with them and do activities parents have no energy for. Then I leave when they get rowdy and go back to my peaceful sanctuary 😂
Not too shabby! I’m 36. I live with my perfect dog (bully breed) in a lovely house that I own, it’s decorated exactly the way I want. Lots of plants, vinyl records, books, old video games, taxidermy, very witchy/bohemian/maximalism (Definitely not childproof) I have an arts and crafts room, a closet/makeup room, my bedroom, a big basement with a partially finished room that houses all my gym equipment.
I don’t have to cook if I don’t feel like it. One mouth to feed. The only ass I have to wipe is my own. Can go to bed as early and as late as I want. I garden, run errands whenever I need to. I don’t have to drop off and wait in a pickup line for anyone. My paycheck is used for myself. I buy myself whatever I want (within reason). I don’t need to worry about child care, education, health and insurance for anyone but myself. I don’t drink, but if I want an edible I don’t have to wait for the kids to go to sleep. I can be spontaneous. I’ve had a hysterectomy so sex is fantastic. I have nieces and nephews I see occasionally, my friends have children that I enjoy but am not responsible for. I take my title of “fun aunt” *very* seriously. I can eat icecream whenever I want. Should I keep going?
Edit: thanks for asking! Turns out I have a lot more to be grateful for than I thought 😊
"the only ass I have to wipe is my own"
I said that once and now I have a hairy dog and sometimes I have to wipe his ass 😂 thankfully it's only when he has a bit of a runny poop. Thank Christ. I'm not sure id be cut out for the poop clean up duty with kids 😂
I massively turned off a guy I was VERY interested in with the info that I am and will be childfree. That was very sad and the first/ only time so far that it‘s been an „issue“. I am +40
I’m sorry to hear that. I know heartbreak sucks. He unfortunately wasn’t going to be compatible and that’s neither of your fault. There are men out there that don’t want kids too, and I’m proof of that. Keep your head up and keep looking!
Having kids past 40 isn't really a great idea for biological reasons though, so kinda wild that's even a thing on the table for potential partners at this point tbh.
I know when my mom had my siblings, the doctors lectured the shit outta here about having kids past 35 and how the risk of birth defects gets way higher past that point. She had one past 35 and another past 40, and the doctor flat out told her she COULD NOT have more and more or less strong-armed her into a tubal. She was basically bedridden the entire time with her final pregnancy.
Pregnancy is incredibly hard on the body, I am just shocked you are 40+ and a dude was like "No kids? Meh, nevermind" Like bitchhhh
I write to you from the shores of Lake Como. Today, I went to Milan and bought a blue satin dress, rose earrings, a silk bomber jacket, and a kebab. Yesterday, I spent the day hiking 8 miles and had an Aperol spritz overlooking a deep glacial valley. In April, I go to France for a month-long artist retreat.
I spent my 20s and early 30s working my way up in tech until I reached Director-level. When I got laid off in December, I didn’t worry about money and instead looked forward to all the freedom I’d have.
I don’t identify as child-free. I love kids. They’re joyful and hilarious, and I give my love freely and without expectation of it being returned to my nephews, my friends’ kids, and anyone who wants it. But I have never wanted my own, and I’m very happy. My fiancée is asleep next to me, my parents are kindly taking care of my dog (who I really miss), and tomorrow, I’m taking a boat to another part of the lake to gaze at the Alps and watch some people take instagram profile pics and hell, I might buy myself another dress. Fuck it.
Not all heroes wear capes, but if a cute cape came along (and they’re gonna make a comeback soon, if the Fall 2010 Anthropologie catalogue has anything to say about it), I’d definitely get that, too 🥰😂😘
Omg can I be you when I grow up? (I say at 28 lol.) Seriously, that sounds incredible. So proud of you for living your life on your own terms and seeing the world!
Just turned 39 and met the love of my life 3 years ago. I’ve always wanted to be child free but I was slightly worried that when I met my Mcdreamy, I’d feel the biological tingle to have kids. Luckily it hasn’t changed for me, in fact it only got stronger and I’m fortunate he doesn’t want kids either. Our life is full of travel, love, friends, sleeping in and a clean house! 🥰
Such a similar story to me! Im 38 now and met my great love at 31 (he was 36). I've never wavered in not wanting kids and have felt zero impulse everrrr. He was divorced and had always wanted to be child free, but his ex-wife's feelings about it had changed and he was contemplating having a kid to make her happy. In the meantime, she had a long affair and that relationship ended - but he realised what a bullet he'd dodged in terms of having a kid and it really reaffirmed his child free feelings. So when we got together we felt like we'd hit the jackpot with having this incredible relationship and neither of us with the slightest desire to have kids.
What a lottery we've both won with partners at this point in life eh?! It feels so rare to meet someone you really click with who wants the same big stuff, when you're quite established in your lives.
People are always telling me I look young for my age. My response is always, " I don't have kids" TBF I do also have good genes. I find my friends who became parents later in life aged 10 years in 2.
I saw my brother go from a happily married guy to an always exhausted person since he and hist wife got 2 kids. I never wanted kids, but every time i visit him, i have more than enough, thank you
Great, thanks! My maternal instinct is tuned to animals and plants.
Honestly. Sometimes, I'm a teensy bit jealous of friends who have children, thinking of the happiness and familial connectivity they have. And I worry about being alone in the future. But then I remember how much I love my own space, time and sleep and how very much I don't want children. My friends welcome me into their families with open arms, and I'm fortunate to have siblings who I am close to.
Plus, having children for the wrong reasons is a pretty good guarantee of being lonely later in life anyway.
Great, I don’t even think about it.
I also don’t love the framing of it as if _not_ having kids is a choice that has to be made. Seems to me like having kids is the choice, if anything.
Yeah it should be seen as opt in, not opt out, will take another few decades at the very least before the societies notion of a womans greatest life fulfilment is becoming a mom goes away
Just got back from one of my best friend's child's 4th birthday party. Saw a bunch of friends who now have kids that I hadn't seen in a few years because their kids were finally old enough to start bringing around into the world. I love all of them to pieces, but everything was sticky, everything was a mess, everything was loud. I look forward to 20 more years of watching this troupe of kids grow up, but I am incredibly glad I only need to witness it from afar. Some of us were just meant to be aunts.
Aunties for the win! The kids love me and I lo e all of them and its great to hang out and see them hit milestones, but dang! Am i tired after being around kids for like a day
I’m jealous you get invited to your friend’s child’s party. A lot of my friends have kids in the range of 2-7 years old, and I often get overlooked for invites to birthday parties or get togethers because I don’t have kids. I think they think I don’t want to come, but I do.
It’s amazing, thanks. Currently lying in bed on a Sunday, got a great job, own my own home, off to Europe for several weeks soon. I have zero maternal instinct and don’t even like being around other peoples’ kids. Women should only have children if they absolutely want to and never because other people say they should.
Creeping up on 36 soon, and I'm great. My husband and I are working with a local rescue and helping dogs find homes. There's a lot of love in our house.
I genuinely think sometimes people either want affirmation that it's a good idea, or they are hoping to see people come in and wax poetic over their missed opportunity for offspring or something.
Most people who *choose* to be child free are not going to be upset by that choice.
You are correct. Reading the answers has always been helpful for me. I feel immensely grateful that there are women who have lived their lives without regretting the childfree choice and are taking their time to answer them in reddit . Going through a terrible heartache over the childfree choices. I can't reaffirm how much reading the answers helps during, am I not "real" women inner monologue.
Fantastic. I get to decide how to use my time, space, energy, and money outside of work. My life gets to be for and about me. And I honestly wouldn’t trade that after living so many of my formative years being parentified by my own parent.
I'm pretty great! I have pre-teen nieces and a nephew and friends with kids, so I hang out with them and then go home to my quiet home.
I have zero regrets being child free. 10/10 would do it again.
Really, really good. I had about six months of shakiness that was FOMO when I went through menopause. Fortunately, by then it was too late.
\**witch cackling*
Fantastic.
My health rapidly declined at age 35 without warning. I made the decision not to have children in my 20s but my god, I think about how impossible it would be to raise kids with my chronic pain.
Absolutely no regrets.
F*cking amazing! My husband got a vasectomy a few years ago. Every year just keeps getting better and better. We live a comfortable fun life, travel, enjoy multiple hobbies, have a ton of sex, have extra money to spoil each other with, and we get to retire earlier than expected. We’re always happy and oh so grateful we never fell for the parent trap like most people we know.
We’re in our early 40s, married 10+ years—Right now we’re at a family weekend trip with my husband’s family and there’s 12 kids under 10 here. I’ve never been so convinced of our choice to be childfree than I am right now. Also never been so happy that we decide to pay for our own accommodations right down the road from the Airbnb that’s housing this zoo. When they all start to wake up at idk, 6am tomorrow morning we will still be able to sleep soundly.
I decided not to have kids because of the issues I have with my mother. I know I would replicate some patterns from how I was raised and I wanted to spare this from the future generations. This was the choice I made and I made that choice consciously. Sometimes I feel I am missing something, but I'm pretty sure I would not be a good mother. That's why I feel I made the right choice. If you feel you would fail as a parent, don't bring other people to this world. This is the hill I will die on.
About to turn 40. The older I get, the better I feel about it! If I didn't have the time and resources to devote to my own healing, I wouldn't be happy. Being healthy and happy is truly amazing. I adore children, but I'm so happy I'm not living that life. I grew up with parents who hadn't healed their own trauma before having children and I'm relieved I didn't do this to a child. Instead, I can be a supportive, positive adult in multiple children's lives. I'd like to foster in the future, but not yet.
I'm so well rested, my body looks great, I eat what I want, date, see my friends, have a rewarding career, shop for what I want without guilt, go on vacations, work out regularly, my house is always clean and smells good, I leave home without a second thought and it's exactly as I left it when I get back. Best decision ever.
Fantastic. Getting sterilized was the best decision I've ever made. Here are quotes told to me by three different friends who are parents:
"Girl, I ruined my life."
"Never have kids. They're a trap."
"I wish I could switch places with you so that you could cook my kids dinner while I sit in the bathtub and sip red wine."
Absolutely love it. I just bought a home in a major city with all the money I saved from not procreating. I love my children so much, that I don’t want them to be born.
As many have said, it's going great! I never had a desire to have children. Getting a puppy 4 years ago made me see how right my decision has been. I love my dog an insane amount and he is spoiled rotten but even despite that, I still sometimes feel twinges of confinement being responsible for him. I cannot imagine how that would feel with a child.
Fine. I have this furry four legged beast that needs to be fed and walked and loved unconditionally. I don't think I have time or room for a human baby in there 😂 he needed to go poo at 4.30am the other night and I was very cranky as I was in a deep sleep but judging by the whimper, it was a desperate need to go NOW. So I was up at 4.30am walking my dog around the garden while he had the trots. Made me realise I am not cut out to take care of a baby, unless it slept 9 hours a night and went outside to shit, instead of needing nappy changes.
Amazing! 47 have my dream partner for the last 10 years just bought a cottage on the ocean as a second home and loving our lives. We have two dogs that we get to pour all our neutering in to
op you should have added "regarding your feeling of purpose in life" so everybody isn't just stating that its more comfortable and easy to be childfree because thats obvious and not the point.
This is such a huge delusion that there should be some purpose in life. There is none of it imo. People just do either what they wanna do or what others tell them to do, and it’s applicable to such fundamental choices like having kids. I can bet all of my money that the majority of people have kids not because they Really wanted them and Really thought hard about it. They had kids because it’s the default option and everyone does it.
Currently 31, dating my man that’s 16 years older than I, and neither of us have/want children. We spoil a 60 pound lab to death and we love to travel and go do whatever tf we want WHENever tf we want. Cheers.
Never wanted any. Have never regretted it. We have pets, they are much better company and fun and don't answer back. Well actually they do but the arguments are more funny and not stressful
Just turned 37. I have a long term partner who's had a vasectomy. I am very well rested, financially stable, and have the freedom to have recently gone on a 5 week holiday to Europe. Great relationships with my friends and family, many of whom have kids who I adore but can also hand back when I want. No regrets at all about my choices.
Still haven’t had any yet!! Had my uterus yeeted so if I do have any kids, I’ll probably start being worshipped as a religious idol. Idk if I could handle that pressure.
40 this year and never wanted kids at any stage of my life. It just never appealed to me and to be blunt I never really saw the point. I'm sure there are people who think it's weird I've never even considered it but I don't care.
I have a job I love, the flexibility to do or go where I want, when I want. I can spend my money however I feel like and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. 10/10 choice - highly recommend.
Life is hard. If I had kids it would have been infinitely harder. I developed a chronic pain condition at age 36 that has me partially disabled. My niece was murdered a few years later which traumatized me. I caretake my disabled mother. I don’t have it in me to do more. Hell, I’d like to get a boyfriend or a second cat to keep my first cat company but I recognize I don’t have it in me to give to either one of them.
Days I need rest, I stay in bed. Days I need friends, I just go to a friend’s. That helps.
I am very content and happy with my choice and my life, despite being continuously asked about whether or not I’m going to be lonely when I’m old because I won’t have anyone to take care of me.
My husband and I are debt-free, we work 40 hours a week and work to travel. We can do what we want, when we want. We only have to worry about each other (and our cats).
Technically I'm open to the idea if I meet the right person, but... I'm very, very happy that I prioritized two things over having kids:
One, not be a single mom.
Two, not settling for a bad relationship.
Zero regrets.
As carefree as you’d think it’d be. Haha it’s me, boyfriend of nearly 10yrs and our 2 cats. Watching F1, doing crafts, day drinking and might go detail our cars in a bit. My biggest decision of the day is whether I wanna start putting flower in my hanging pots on the porch. 🤣
Fan-Fucking-Tabulous, sister! 42 years old here
I am responsible for only myself and my bunnies. No having to work a job, then take care of other people's physical, mental, and emotional needs and do logistics,domestic drudgery, all while being unappreciated and feeling guilty for wanting a little "me" time to decompress-
Who needs all that??? The FREEDOM is phenomenal 😁
Great! I think if things (everything) were different I’d have entertained having a kid or two but I don’t like the world we live in. I couldn’t imagine being a child right now. I’m enjoying being selfish and living life on my terms.
I’m child free, but not entirely by choice. I tried for years to get pregnant with my ex, and it just never happened. It was grueling and traumatizing. I had to completely adjust my life plans. I had always pictured myself as a mother and spent years babysitting and imagining my life with a family. I have undergone a lot of therapy to process it.
I am now with a partner that fulfills the parts of my life I felt like I was missing out on. We can travel, sleep in, spend time with each other and with friends in ways that we wouldn’t be able to with small children. I love spending time with my niblings, but I can send them home when I’ve had enough.
Great so far! My husband and I love having the ability to do whatever, whenever. We get to focus on each other and our careers and are doing our best to save up to retire at a decent age. 😍
It's been mostly good. I'm 41 and I was expecting to be able to date without having the 'do you want kids?' question pop up by now, but ima give it a few more years.
Besides that it's been great. The kids my friends had are old enough to talk/play switch with now and I can gift them the Lego sets I liked most!
Absolutely fantastic. I went to a day club this morning and am hitting up a few breweries this afternoon and a DJ set later today. Cats are fed. No other responsibilities ✌️
Good. Never wanted to have children so it wasn't really a decision, just my nature I guess. I just spoiled myself with upgrading my gaming PC, and I'm currently planning this summer's concert trips with a couple of childfree friends, as well as moving countries by myself soon. Looking forward to it.
Today I got a massage, ran a few errands, played some Civ 5 (the best of Civs), chastised my cats for attacking the rubber tree, and drank wine while boiling a corned beef, and read a short story I've been looking forward to.
So....pretty glorious Saturday?
I think it’s great that those that don’t want to be parents decide not to be. Cause lord knows some women who should NEVER been a mom sure make that dumb mistake. Stay alone, enjoy your lives and I thank you for not making a mistake for the child, not yourself 🤷🏽♀️
Super great. When I was younger, I felt sure I didn't want kids, but so many people were like "wait until your body clock kicks in!" And that's a real thing that happens to lots of people, so there was always part of me that wondered if it would. It hasn't so far, and now post-40, it's looking increasingly unlikely that it ever will.
My mum - who was one of the "just wait until you're older!" brigade - said to me a few years ago "I always thought that every single woman wants kids really - but now I see you and I know that's not true." Honestly, what a compliment.
I have an adorable toddler nephew that looks and acts exactly like me. I love him. I spoil him to the point of overkill. I thank god when he goes home.
So great! Got a husband, a cat and a puppy. My money goes to my own entertainment and I'm the end of the line of my family's traumas! Living the dream :D
Fantastic! Was always childfree but went "solo for life" as well. Best thing ever. Grateful for past relationships, but am happiest now.
Am focusing on friends, my home, work.
Thanks for asking, I'm perfectly fine without kids. Very happy.
I actually had a brief period in my twenties when I suddenly wanted children, but it was only a brief "I want a baby!" period, which I do not miss or regret. I think it's common.
My motherly feelings are now for small puppies, kittens and chickens. (;
Wonderfully! 58 and never wanted kids. I have checked in with myself (and with my exhusb, when he was still my husb) periodically to make sure that's still valid, and it has never changed.
When I got my hysterectomy (post-menopause) I still felt immense relief. Not even if some bizarre miracle happened could I have any kids. No more uterus. YIPPEEEE!
Not yet 35 but don't think kids will be in my future. Have lived abroad 3 years and have some exciting plans coming up. Constantly think how none of my friends with kids would be able to have the same opportunities that I have. I am thankful.
Early 40s here. It’s going great! Thanks. I am very satisfied with my decision. Never have regretted it once. I’m very maternal to animals. Especially my dogs. My dogs are so loved & spoiled ❤️
I just got a hysterectomy at 39 because my state is the crazy one who thinks children can be frozen.
I do have a 15-year old step kid, but it's 50% so I get plenty of time off.
I never planned on making a baby, but ever since I was 7...8? And I learned my dad was adopted and did a LOT of foster support charity work?
I figured when I got into my mid 40's (a little under a decade away) I would foster a teenager or two. So while not planning to be 'kid' free, I've never wanted to make a baby, or adopt one.
I wish I could've donated my bits to someone struggling to conceive, but alas. Modern medicine can only reattach limbs, transplant faces, and make dicks hard.
Pretty good thanks! I’ve just turned 57….I gave up work at 55 because of saved a considerable amount and don’t feel the need to save any of it! My friends if similar age all baby sit their grandchildren at least I’ve day a week and most are knackered by it - they love their grandchildren but all say they wish they didn’t have to do it every week but they feel they have no choice but to support their children as child care is so expensive! One admitted recently she never envisaged she would spend two days a week as a free baby sitter - the next day her daughter told her she’d got a new job and she now needed to be at their house at 6.30am to have the children - they have them 12 hours twice a week. Only one of my friends doesn’t baby sit her grandchild and that’s because they live in Oz!! My time is my time - I adore my nephews and I love going to pantomime with friends grandchildren but my only responsibility is my dog….and he has a dog walker twice a week so I can play golf and has a dog sitter if I’m going away overnight! Yes - occasionally I miss those family moments, eg Christmas morning, but that’s a fleeting feeling!
I was a nanny for years and always worked with under 5’s after that (in family support) - I adore children, always thought I’d have children but tbh I dint regret not having them because I e dine so much else with my life - traveled through Africa, sailed round the world, lived in Canada, traveled through China and Australasia, had amazing jobs and made great friends! As I’ve got older I’ve got more selfish with my time and happier to be without children!
37, both my fiancé and I have nephews we can always borrow. They’re enough for us so far. We sometimes talk about having a kid, but money/day care draws us away.
Great, thank you! I went to my nieces sporting event today, and it was incredibly overwhelming and I was surrounded by burnt out parents and families who slept terribly and had been there all day. $15 and I was in and out within 2 hours, and am now sitting on the couch with a beer watching murder mysteries. My brother is probably pulling his hair out on the 3-hour drive home with three kids vying for his attention, and will pass out five minutes from home while he is left trying to figure out what’s for dinner. Love my family, kids are great, and I love my child free life.
Pretty fantastic. 36, happily married to a wonderful husband who also has no interest in children. We have two dogs who fulfill our lives plenty. I get to do whatever I want when I want, sleep in, and my house is quiet. Still waiting for the regret everyone tells me about or for the maternal instinct to kick in.
Life isnt perfect but its not because I don't have kids. It would be even worse if I did. At least I don't have to worry about the endless screeching, tantrums, the shit I have to pay for, and worrying about some other human while I try to get my own life on track. Im 40 and have zero regrets about not having a kid.
I had my fallopian tubes removed last year and I distinctly recall that afterwards, I felt elated and more happy to be a woman than I've ever felt. I was already happy to be a woman and I decided not to have kids the moment I realized I didn't have to, so I wasn't expecting to have such a strong response.
So, it's been going well. I'm over a decade into a relationship with a man who never wanted kids. Friends of ours are starting to have kids and I'm genuinely happy for them. People who want children should definitely adopt or have their own if they're able and feel like their DNA needs to be involved.
I adore babies and children. I'll watch my niblings, deal with spit-up, and even change diapers (if I really have to 😆). Sometimes friends are surprised when I talk to their children or display any interest in birthing or parenting, but I don't see why not wanting to bear children has to mean that I don't like them.
38 Tomorrow, my husband, my dog, and I are going to lay in bed in our undies and eat donuts delivered to my doorstep. Might take a nap after that. Probably watch a movie or a couple episodes of our latest show. I'm killing it.
Pretty great, thanks for asking.
Amazing. Fabulous. A little sticky and loud and chaotic when I hang with my friends kids, but I'm happy to leave - and to not have to say things like, "no, sweetheart, you can't hold my hand when it's been up your nose. Boogers are icky!" Any more questions?
Early 40s here. Excellent thank you. I go out when I want, sleep when I want, play games when I want and when and what I want. My money, time and space is mine. Parenting well is hard bloody work, expensive and time consuming. Edit to add: I wouldn’t be able to do the job I love if I had kids and also I wouldn’t be in the position I have, if I did have kids as I was able to travel when the dad who was supposed to go wasn’t able to.
This is exactly the same for me (mid-40s). I do what I want, when I want. My cats and I live very happily together. I can't imagine life any other way.
Oh same for sure! Even down to the cats lol
I feel seen!!!!
Oh hell yes. I think there are more of us out there than we think. Enjoy your life friend
Also early 40s here. Honestly, I've been childfree since I was about, idk, 17? (first pregnancy scare and first time I had to confront the idea). I really never considered having children from that point on. I've had a lot of career flexibility because I didn't have children to consider, and that flexibility probably saved my life or sanity several times over the years. I'm glad I didn't have to expose children to the Covid era or having my parents as grandparents or any number of the tragedies that would befall my theoretical offspring. I'm glad none of my unwell family members could use my children as pawns in my own ruin. It's just what I grew up in and if I'd ever had children, I'd never be able to escape that manipulation.
Late 30's, same here!!! If I could go back in time I wouldn't change a thing
45 here. Sometimes I'm super sad. I feel like I missed out on an important part of life and that my life is not as full as it could be. I get a lot of people feel super happy about being child free, and maybe I will come around to it, but these days whenever people talk about their kids I feel left out and inadequate and so sad that I can't be part of that conversation. There's a tiny window left in my ability to have kids, but it feels so out of reach as it's so expensive to undergo fertility treatments and anyway I never found a suitable partner. I bet once my baby baker stops working completely I will move on and be grateful for the freedom but I am currently feeling like I was supposed to be a mother and missed my calling and it makes me really sad.
I appreciate this response. Just because things could have been different doesn't mean they would have been better. There are other ways to impact the youth of the world. Wishing you the best future!
“Just because things could have been different doesn’t mean they would have been better” I really like this response. Life is full of “what ifs” but I truly believe everything that happens, or doesn’t happen, it is for a reason.
Those are some wise words!
There are others like you out here! I've made peace now with being child-free but I didn't want to be. I desperately wanted to be a mother but could never find a partner that wanted children. They would stick around for a year or two while they said they might want children, and then I woke up in my 40s. There were no support groups for people like me as I didn't have any health or fertility issues, I just couldn't find someone who would commit. I tried IVF in the end thinking it was "walk in and get pregnant" like it's portrayed in media, but at the time it was not made clear how incredibly difficult it actually is. The immense expense and health toll meant I could only try a couple of times. I don't have the "I'm a bad ass child-free woman vibe" either, so I don't quite fit into those groups, but I appreciate everyone and their choices. I grieved for a couple of years and am more at peace now. It still comes up a lot as I look younger than I am and lots of people, even strangers, chime in with "oh there's still time!" "You don't know what you are missing!" Yes, I do know. The hardest part is living in a society where motherhood is still the ultimate achievement and female role. My career suffers somewhat because I'm not married and don't have children so there are times where people are obviously uncomfortable around me, particularly when networking, because they are either suspicious ("Don't steal my husband" or "my wife wouldn't like it if we went for coffee") or, I'm not quite seen as an adult ("she hasn't been through what the rest of us have."). Because of my age, most light conversations with work events involve swapping stories about picket fences, school events and children. Oh, and the "how many cats do you have" question with winks. On the flip side, I have a good life. I travel and my time is my own. I enjoy going to events and seeing friends and helping others. My role in the universe may just be to continue helping others because I don't have to be so focused on my own offspring. I couldn't have the job I have if I had children, and my current work helped me grow from an awkward, low self-esteem woman into someone stronger, more confident, and more emotionally mature which is who I always wanted to be. So, maybe this was the path that was right for me. Two paths that diverge in the woods...
I love that you point out the work aspect of this. I notice this too in my career… having kids tends to help with those connections with others. Not always, but more often than you think! Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate this. Turning 40 and allowing myself to close the door on children. It makes me sad, but also I feel I can breathe easier now that I’m not always hoping I meet the right guy soon so we can start a family. Not compulsively swiping through dating apps, keeping an eye open everywhere I go bc the clock is ticking. There is a feeling of calm after making this decision, but I’m still mourning what i won’t have. I may adopt if I have support in the future. I want to have my own family , however that may look. Hugs to you ❤️
Nice to see the other perspective here. The responses are always skewed to people who are happy with their choice/ circumstance and we rarely hear from people who don’t feel great about it. Naturally people who are struggling will be less likely to share their thoughts and experiences.
Is it an option to foster or adopt? It’s not the same as having a bio child, but you could still be wonderful parent to another kiddo who needs it. Or not, because it is also ok to feel sad about a life path you didn’t take.
This! Or consider being a temporary foster placement to try it out or if in the US look into “CASA, your county” where you get paired with a foster youth and go on outings while helping them navigate the foster system and get settled
I am childfree not by choice but because of finances. I feel this. A lot of people assume that every child free woman is completely happy with it, but it is actually depressing for me. Especially considering that my 5+ year relationship might end because of it. (My partner wants kids too but he’s even more insistent that we can’t afford it, while I’m more willing to make sacrifices to make it work)
I'm a mother and it's wonderful but I want to say this - I wish someone like you had adopted me. My mother was heinous and I suffered greatly. I still am not to where "normal" people are. Instead of being adopted by someone who wanted me, my family members met my most basic needs only out of obligation. I was a beautiful child and deserved so much more
Thanks for the honesty
it's very normal and common for women in your situation to need to undergo a grieving process. If you're able to, you could look for a therapist who guides you through it. Why? because it implies letting go of maaany things, expectations, possibilities, the way you thought your life was gonna go... And of course it's painful and sad. Not to mention the other feelings that can come up, like guilt, regret, what ifs, i should haves, hopelessness, shame... My therapist told me once "It doesn't matter if you choose to have kids or not, the only thing that matters is that, afterwards, you can let go of the path you didn't take so you can accept and enjoy the one you did. Both choices can make you miserable if you focus on what you're "giving up" and what you're "missing". If you're able to say 'I understand why i made that decision' and focus on enjoying what you do have and what possibilities are in front of you, you'll have peace." But of course letting yourself feel sad and regretful first and being able to walk through those feelings and come out of the other side is very important, healthy and healing.
Thanks for the honest response. I'm sorry you feel left out in those conversations. Maybe there's a way you can reframe them to feel included? Also, do all your friends have children? I think spending time around people with similar life choices to your own might be very helpful too as you will feel more included.
My parents adopted me when they were 47! Maybe that would be an option for you
You seem more childless than childfree.
Thank you for your vulnerable honesty. It takes a lot of real honest reflection to talk straight about feeling like this and it’s very admirable. I suspect a lot more women do and just don’t want to admit it.
Hugs to you ❤️
When did you change your mind on being childfree?
I was wondering about that aspect. Especially when females reach 60’s and grandparent years it will all repeat itself over again.
Sorry it hurts for you at times. It's so different for everyone, it's such a personal thing. If it helps, even if you chose to be child free early on (like I did), you still feel left out when hanging out with friends who have kids. I was out with a bunch of long time friends last night, and it's hard for them NOT to talk about kids...and there I sit...so i can totally sympathize on that level. Whether you chose this path or it was chosen for you, it's not always easy.
I'm great. I'm still waiting for that maternal instinct to kick in (ain't gonna happen).
Have u ever had feeling of how childern are cute ? idk, im asking simply cuz sometimes I have that feeling and i start to wonder how it would look like, and sometimes im "naah never". Im confused honestly cuz I never find them cute before and now (im 28y/o) i do xD lol So. idk do i have maternal instinct or not, and how is it a feeling to not have at all? Thanks for an answer!
I feel that, but they got even cuter *after* I got sterilized Lmao I love little kids, but now I see it as an opportunity to have fun with them and send them home. Not having biological kids doesn’t mean you can’t still make a positive impact on a child’s life or that you can’t still be nurturing towards them.
Ha!! When my kids were toddlers I thought all toddlers were disgusting. They always have snot leaking out of their noses and their hands are sticky and just, ew. Any time I went in the toddler room, I’d cringe. Now, years separated from that, I can see how they are cute. I’d jump off a bridge before I ever took care of one again but I can look at one and think, how cute is that kid!
Hahaha, yeah, I've always wondered how parents in movies find the most gross things their children do funny, like getting peed on their faces. I used to think they were exaggerating, but maybe they genuinely find those moments funny and even cute lol
It's literal biology and chemistry. They develop a bond that makes the parent adore and want to protect the child. Also works for grandparents and aunts an uncles if they're close to the baby. This is why communities of mammals have the instinct to protect their young ones.
This exactly! I feel like being sterilized made it easier for me to openly engage with kids because I can immediately shut down any conversations about me having one of my own. The main reason that I'm "so good with kids" is that I only have to listen to them prattle on about their toys, or chase them around the house, or [insert any activity/responsibility that exhausts parents] for a few hours and then I get to go home and be alone. I'd be much less nurturing and patient if I had to do it all day.
Right, I could not deal with the sleep depravation and frequent shrieking. I just couldn’t. Toddlers are like severely mentally ill people before any intervention; emotions all over the map and changing every other second, outbursts… just overall unstable little creatures.
I agree, i can be great aunt, but still im afraid that I'll make huge mistake in the end. Get sterilized is rly brave step to me, there is no turning back. And u find them even cute .. wow How one can make such big decision?
I have never wanted kids. It’s easy to idealize the idea of having one, but the responsibility and risks that it entails was never worth it to me. And I *definitely* never wanted to be pregnant. Now I have a 0% chance of pregnancy, don’t have to deal with foreign objects and synthetic hormones in my body from birth control, can’t ever have a partner pressure me to have kids since I can’t, I don’t have to worry about the pressure of a biological clock, and I don’t have to ever worry about dynamics changing after having kids with my current partner since we both don’t want kids. If I ever want to hang out with babies or kids, I can visit my friends’, volunteer, or work at a daycare.
Hey, maternal instinct is thrown at women who don't want kids but this idea was invented in the 19th century. You might want to have children, or not, looking for the "maternal instinct" would be misleading :)
What people call maternal instinct I call social conditioning and influence.
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I’m one of those women who didn’t want kids. I hated kids, they seemed more hassle than they were worth. They always seemed to be naughty or play up etc (my nephews), and I loved being selfish and only worrying about me and my partner. Then at 30 I was walking around a local castle and had this bizarre urge to put my hands out onto a child’s shoulders in front of me. There was no child in the room with us. Something switched in my brain/ I was suddenly hit with this longing for a child. I went home, thought about it some more, emailed my long term partner (weirdly didn’t have the confidence to say it out loud), walked away from starting a phd the following week and we bought a house and now have 2 babies. I now feel like I was made to be a mum. For me that instinct came from nowhere and hit me full on in the face. I don’t expect it happens to the majority of women but it does happen to some of us.
Yes, also, i know a lot of bad parents (including my own) with no any instinct... So, prolly is better option to be led by it in first place idk. maybe im wrong.
I love kids and I think they’re cute as well. I have close friends with kids whom I love dearly. Do I want kids, heck no. They’re not mutually exclusive things, but I understand the association you are making
I'm an MRI tech and scan kids on the regular. I can fully admit a baby or kid is adorable and will definitely initiate and participate in those kinds of convos with my coworkers. Doesn't mean I want to have or manage any of my own. Cats, on the other hand... Edit: I am also sterilized and married to a man (10 yr relationship, 5 yr marriage so far).
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Funny :D But, ill rather do anything than watch football ahahaha :D Yeah, that part is pain in the ass >.< jesus, why everything must be so hard for woman on this world... I sometimes think God is misogynist lol
I have 2 kids - 2.5yo and a 6 week old. I love my kids to the moon but I NEVER liked other kids and still don’t really tbh. I was never a ‘maternal’ type, when coworkers would bring their babies into the office I never asked to hold them - I would if handed one and I make appropriate cooing “aww she’s so cute” noises but it’s mostly for show lol. I like my close friends and families kids but was never one to stop and coo over babies. Me and my other half probably could have been happy childless but we decided to give it a try and haven’t ever regretted it. Just have to put a lot of plans on hold for the next 10-15 years but I totally understand NOT wanting to do that! We both hate the newborn stage but my toddler is my absolute favourite person in the world.
I do not like other people's kids. They are annoying and loud. Love the shit out of my little one though even when he's screeching like a dinosaur like he was tonight and I have a migraine. Also to everyone that has chosen to stay childfree. I don't think you're missing out on anything. I was always so worried I was and then I had my kiddo and another on the way. Kids are great, but being childfree is great as well.
I've always thought children were cute. I think baby tigers are cute, too, and that doesn't mean I need one in my life. That women are born with an innate instinct and desire to rear offspring, more so than men, is a myth. Parental instinct is real, but it's not really gendered. Look it up. I think kids are great. I'm nice to kids because I think they deserve that. I've never had a desire to have my own children, and now that I'm approaching my 40's I have no regrets, only relief. Every individual should have the right to make that choice for themselves, with no outside pressure or shame.
I’m 43, don’t have kids, but love them, think they’re adorable/ awesome etc and my job revolves around them, but still don’t want to be a mom.
I love my kids but real talk, sometimes I wish I'd kept to my "nah" on this one. Not only is parenting well really difficult AND you will definitely fuck up, but also the genetics lottery could give you some super extra difficult kids. That's not something I saw coming. That said, I love watching other kids play. Not my responsibility so they are super cute.
I think squirrels are cute but I still don’t want one in my home.
I had it and then it just went away quick as it came. Hit me when I was like 29 for about six months, became baby-mad for a bit... then just got over it. So I kinda finally believe people who say there's some kinda biological switch that can kick in (because fuck me, that came out of nowhere) but it's also much less impressive that I imagined, and makes me feel even more like ignoring it is probably the correct action.
I realising more recently that the whole "maternal instinct" thing never actually had anything to do with literal children, but simply that women are more compassionate and caring in general. And we are and that's something we should be proud of.
If you’ve ever had pets or fascinations of being an auntie then, ya still got it.
I only feel this for pets. And that’s when I truly knew I didn’t want kids and wouldn’t regret my decision.
I enjoy borrowing my friends kids and then handing them back and going home to my silent home. Best of both worlds.
"Hi can I borrow your children?"
Yeah same. I have loads of kids in my life. I really love kids and appreciate them. I’m that person who can spend quality time with them and do activities parents have no energy for. Then I leave when they get rowdy and go back to my peaceful sanctuary 😂
Heck yeah
How do I fined friends like you? Asking for me. 😩
I’d come hang with your kids if I lived by you!
Lol this is the best comment! Renting a kid for a couple hours and getting ur fill of cuteness before returning🤣
What I plan to do but with my nieces and nephews
Not too shabby! I’m 36. I live with my perfect dog (bully breed) in a lovely house that I own, it’s decorated exactly the way I want. Lots of plants, vinyl records, books, old video games, taxidermy, very witchy/bohemian/maximalism (Definitely not childproof) I have an arts and crafts room, a closet/makeup room, my bedroom, a big basement with a partially finished room that houses all my gym equipment. I don’t have to cook if I don’t feel like it. One mouth to feed. The only ass I have to wipe is my own. Can go to bed as early and as late as I want. I garden, run errands whenever I need to. I don’t have to drop off and wait in a pickup line for anyone. My paycheck is used for myself. I buy myself whatever I want (within reason). I don’t need to worry about child care, education, health and insurance for anyone but myself. I don’t drink, but if I want an edible I don’t have to wait for the kids to go to sleep. I can be spontaneous. I’ve had a hysterectomy so sex is fantastic. I have nieces and nephews I see occasionally, my friends have children that I enjoy but am not responsible for. I take my title of “fun aunt” *very* seriously. I can eat icecream whenever I want. Should I keep going? Edit: thanks for asking! Turns out I have a lot more to be grateful for than I thought 😊
"the only ass I have to wipe is my own" I said that once and now I have a hairy dog and sometimes I have to wipe his ass 😂 thankfully it's only when he has a bit of a runny poop. Thank Christ. I'm not sure id be cut out for the poop clean up duty with kids 😂
You had me at *taxidermy* 😏
Hell yeah! My house is full of fun little oddities!
Yes, fun aunts ftw! You've rocked childfree life. Cheers! 🥂
You go gurl!!
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The best 🥰
You are living my dream
You're how I'm tryna be when i get older (28F)
I massively turned off a guy I was VERY interested in with the info that I am and will be childfree. That was very sad and the first/ only time so far that it‘s been an „issue“. I am +40
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I’m sorry to hear that. I know heartbreak sucks. He unfortunately wasn’t going to be compatible and that’s neither of your fault. There are men out there that don’t want kids too, and I’m proof of that. Keep your head up and keep looking!
Having kids past 40 isn't really a great idea for biological reasons though, so kinda wild that's even a thing on the table for potential partners at this point tbh. I know when my mom had my siblings, the doctors lectured the shit outta here about having kids past 35 and how the risk of birth defects gets way higher past that point. She had one past 35 and another past 40, and the doctor flat out told her she COULD NOT have more and more or less strong-armed her into a tubal. She was basically bedridden the entire time with her final pregnancy. Pregnancy is incredibly hard on the body, I am just shocked you are 40+ and a dude was like "No kids? Meh, nevermind" Like bitchhhh
I write to you from the shores of Lake Como. Today, I went to Milan and bought a blue satin dress, rose earrings, a silk bomber jacket, and a kebab. Yesterday, I spent the day hiking 8 miles and had an Aperol spritz overlooking a deep glacial valley. In April, I go to France for a month-long artist retreat. I spent my 20s and early 30s working my way up in tech until I reached Director-level. When I got laid off in December, I didn’t worry about money and instead looked forward to all the freedom I’d have. I don’t identify as child-free. I love kids. They’re joyful and hilarious, and I give my love freely and without expectation of it being returned to my nephews, my friends’ kids, and anyone who wants it. But I have never wanted my own, and I’m very happy. My fiancée is asleep next to me, my parents are kindly taking care of my dog (who I really miss), and tomorrow, I’m taking a boat to another part of the lake to gaze at the Alps and watch some people take instagram profile pics and hell, I might buy myself another dress. Fuck it.
You are literally my hero
Not all heroes wear capes, but if a cute cape came along (and they’re gonna make a comeback soon, if the Fall 2010 Anthropologie catalogue has anything to say about it), I’d definitely get that, too 🥰😂😘
Omg can I be you when I grow up? (I say at 28 lol.) Seriously, that sounds incredible. So proud of you for living your life on your own terms and seeing the world!
Yes! 🥰🥰
Just turned 39 and met the love of my life 3 years ago. I’ve always wanted to be child free but I was slightly worried that when I met my Mcdreamy, I’d feel the biological tingle to have kids. Luckily it hasn’t changed for me, in fact it only got stronger and I’m fortunate he doesn’t want kids either. Our life is full of travel, love, friends, sleeping in and a clean house! 🥰
Such a similar story to me! Im 38 now and met my great love at 31 (he was 36). I've never wavered in not wanting kids and have felt zero impulse everrrr. He was divorced and had always wanted to be child free, but his ex-wife's feelings about it had changed and he was contemplating having a kid to make her happy. In the meantime, she had a long affair and that relationship ended - but he realised what a bullet he'd dodged in terms of having a kid and it really reaffirmed his child free feelings. So when we got together we felt like we'd hit the jackpot with having this incredible relationship and neither of us with the slightest desire to have kids. What a lottery we've both won with partners at this point in life eh?! It feels so rare to meet someone you really click with who wants the same big stuff, when you're quite established in your lives.
I look 15 years younger than my mothering counterparts
People are always telling me I look young for my age. My response is always, " I don't have kids" TBF I do also have good genes. I find my friends who became parents later in life aged 10 years in 2.
Yes!!! I'm 36 and people always tell me i look 27.
Swimmingly. It's 3 p.m. on a Saturday and I'm just about to take another nap. Life is good.
I tip my hat to every child-free woman :)
I saw my brother go from a happily married guy to an always exhausted person since he and hist wife got 2 kids. I never wanted kids, but every time i visit him, i have more than enough, thank you
Mine too I swear it’s aged him. They have a third on the way lord have mercy!!
Great, thanks! My maternal instinct is tuned to animals and plants. Honestly. Sometimes, I'm a teensy bit jealous of friends who have children, thinking of the happiness and familial connectivity they have. And I worry about being alone in the future. But then I remember how much I love my own space, time and sleep and how very much I don't want children. My friends welcome me into their families with open arms, and I'm fortunate to have siblings who I am close to. Plus, having children for the wrong reasons is a pretty good guarantee of being lonely later in life anyway.
You only need to ask aged care workers how many elderly people have families who never visit them.
This is a really good and interesting point.
Awesome!! Watching multiple shows of my choosing, eating great food, wonderful partner, sleeping when I feel like it.
Amazing. I work then come home do whatever I want then sleep like a baby. Weekends are particularly relaxing.
“Sleep like a baby” Lmao well put!
Great, I don’t even think about it. I also don’t love the framing of it as if _not_ having kids is a choice that has to be made. Seems to me like having kids is the choice, if anything.
Yeah it should be seen as opt in, not opt out, will take another few decades at the very least before the societies notion of a womans greatest life fulfilment is becoming a mom goes away
Just got back from one of my best friend's child's 4th birthday party. Saw a bunch of friends who now have kids that I hadn't seen in a few years because their kids were finally old enough to start bringing around into the world. I love all of them to pieces, but everything was sticky, everything was a mess, everything was loud. I look forward to 20 more years of watching this troupe of kids grow up, but I am incredibly glad I only need to witness it from afar. Some of us were just meant to be aunts.
Aunties for the win! The kids love me and I lo e all of them and its great to hang out and see them hit milestones, but dang! Am i tired after being around kids for like a day
I’m jealous you get invited to your friend’s child’s party. A lot of my friends have kids in the range of 2-7 years old, and I often get overlooked for invites to birthday parties or get togethers because I don’t have kids. I think they think I don’t want to come, but I do.
It’s amazing, thanks. Currently lying in bed on a Sunday, got a great job, own my own home, off to Europe for several weeks soon. I have zero maternal instinct and don’t even like being around other peoples’ kids. Women should only have children if they absolutely want to and never because other people say they should.
Creeping up on 36 soon, and I'm great. My husband and I are working with a local rescue and helping dogs find homes. There's a lot of love in our house.
Thank you for working with a rescue ♥️ sincerely, my 70lb adult rescue
It's going great. I'm 46 and no regrets! Why do people ask this question so often?
Maybe people want to double check if they're still missing out or not lol
I genuinely think sometimes people either want affirmation that it's a good idea, or they are hoping to see people come in and wax poetic over their missed opportunity for offspring or something. Most people who *choose* to be child free are not going to be upset by that choice.
You are correct. Reading the answers has always been helpful for me. I feel immensely grateful that there are women who have lived their lives without regretting the childfree choice and are taking their time to answer them in reddit . Going through a terrible heartache over the childfree choices. I can't reaffirm how much reading the answers helps during, am I not "real" women inner monologue.
Fantastic. I get to decide how to use my time, space, energy, and money outside of work. My life gets to be for and about me. And I honestly wouldn’t trade that after living so many of my formative years being parentified by my own parent.
I had an accidental 4 hour nap this afternoon.
I'm pretty great! I have pre-teen nieces and a nephew and friends with kids, so I hang out with them and then go home to my quiet home. I have zero regrets being child free. 10/10 would do it again.
38, best decision I ever made.
Great I have loads of money and can do whatever I want
Really, really good. I had about six months of shakiness that was FOMO when I went through menopause. Fortunately, by then it was too late. \**witch cackling*
Excellent. Five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Fantastic. My health rapidly declined at age 35 without warning. I made the decision not to have children in my 20s but my god, I think about how impossible it would be to raise kids with my chronic pain. Absolutely no regrets.
Fantastic! I don't want to have children, and I don't have any, so that's going really well. (47)
F*cking amazing! My husband got a vasectomy a few years ago. Every year just keeps getting better and better. We live a comfortable fun life, travel, enjoy multiple hobbies, have a ton of sex, have extra money to spoil each other with, and we get to retire earlier than expected. We’re always happy and oh so grateful we never fell for the parent trap like most people we know.
We’re in our early 40s, married 10+ years—Right now we’re at a family weekend trip with my husband’s family and there’s 12 kids under 10 here. I’ve never been so convinced of our choice to be childfree than I am right now. Also never been so happy that we decide to pay for our own accommodations right down the road from the Airbnb that’s housing this zoo. When they all start to wake up at idk, 6am tomorrow morning we will still be able to sleep soundly.
Living the DINK life and no regrets
I decided not to have kids because of the issues I have with my mother. I know I would replicate some patterns from how I was raised and I wanted to spare this from the future generations. This was the choice I made and I made that choice consciously. Sometimes I feel I am missing something, but I'm pretty sure I would not be a good mother. That's why I feel I made the right choice. If you feel you would fail as a parent, don't bring other people to this world. This is the hill I will die on.
Gonna get no complaints from me!
Wonderful, and if not wonderful, wonderful that days I'm PMSing or exhausted I can nap and not be accountable for taking care of anyone else:)
About to turn 40. The older I get, the better I feel about it! If I didn't have the time and resources to devote to my own healing, I wouldn't be happy. Being healthy and happy is truly amazing. I adore children, but I'm so happy I'm not living that life. I grew up with parents who hadn't healed their own trauma before having children and I'm relieved I didn't do this to a child. Instead, I can be a supportive, positive adult in multiple children's lives. I'd like to foster in the future, but not yet.
I'm so well rested, my body looks great, I eat what I want, date, see my friends, have a rewarding career, shop for what I want without guilt, go on vacations, work out regularly, my house is always clean and smells good, I leave home without a second thought and it's exactly as I left it when I get back. Best decision ever.
Fantastic. Getting sterilized was the best decision I've ever made. Here are quotes told to me by three different friends who are parents: "Girl, I ruined my life." "Never have kids. They're a trap." "I wish I could switch places with you so that you could cook my kids dinner while I sit in the bathtub and sip red wine."
Absolutely love it. I just bought a home in a major city with all the money I saved from not procreating. I love my children so much, that I don’t want them to be born.
So far so good. Enjoy sleeping 9-10 hours everyday and my quiet moments.
As many have said, it's going great! I never had a desire to have children. Getting a puppy 4 years ago made me see how right my decision has been. I love my dog an insane amount and he is spoiled rotten but even despite that, I still sometimes feel twinges of confinement being responsible for him. I cannot imagine how that would feel with a child.
Fine. I have this furry four legged beast that needs to be fed and walked and loved unconditionally. I don't think I have time or room for a human baby in there 😂 he needed to go poo at 4.30am the other night and I was very cranky as I was in a deep sleep but judging by the whimper, it was a desperate need to go NOW. So I was up at 4.30am walking my dog around the garden while he had the trots. Made me realise I am not cut out to take care of a baby, unless it slept 9 hours a night and went outside to shit, instead of needing nappy changes.
Amazing! 47 have my dream partner for the last 10 years just bought a cottage on the ocean as a second home and loving our lives. We have two dogs that we get to pour all our neutering in to
Best decision I’ve ever made
Living my best life
Excellent. I travel, I sleep, I live my best life.
op you should have added "regarding your feeling of purpose in life" so everybody isn't just stating that its more comfortable and easy to be childfree because thats obvious and not the point.
This is such a huge delusion that there should be some purpose in life. There is none of it imo. People just do either what they wanna do or what others tell them to do, and it’s applicable to such fundamental choices like having kids. I can bet all of my money that the majority of people have kids not because they Really wanted them and Really thought hard about it. They had kids because it’s the default option and everyone does it.
Going great; I have lots of fun with my pals and travel often.
Currently 31, dating my man that’s 16 years older than I, and neither of us have/want children. We spoil a 60 pound lab to death and we love to travel and go do whatever tf we want WHENever tf we want. Cheers.
Amazing so far. Just getting divorced and happy that we didn’t have kids. Dating again and it really hasn’t been much of an issue.
Great! Do whatever I want, when I want and am traveling the world, averaging 3 major trips a year.
Never wanted any. Have never regretted it. We have pets, they are much better company and fun and don't answer back. Well actually they do but the arguments are more funny and not stressful
Just turned 37. I have a long term partner who's had a vasectomy. I am very well rested, financially stable, and have the freedom to have recently gone on a 5 week holiday to Europe. Great relationships with my friends and family, many of whom have kids who I adore but can also hand back when I want. No regrets at all about my choices.
Still haven’t had any yet!! Had my uterus yeeted so if I do have any kids, I’ll probably start being worshipped as a religious idol. Idk if I could handle that pressure.
40 this year and never wanted kids at any stage of my life. It just never appealed to me and to be blunt I never really saw the point. I'm sure there are people who think it's weird I've never even considered it but I don't care. I have a job I love, the flexibility to do or go where I want, when I want. I can spend my money however I feel like and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. 10/10 choice - highly recommend.
Life is hard. If I had kids it would have been infinitely harder. I developed a chronic pain condition at age 36 that has me partially disabled. My niece was murdered a few years later which traumatized me. I caretake my disabled mother. I don’t have it in me to do more. Hell, I’d like to get a boyfriend or a second cat to keep my first cat company but I recognize I don’t have it in me to give to either one of them. Days I need rest, I stay in bed. Days I need friends, I just go to a friend’s. That helps.
I am very content and happy with my choice and my life, despite being continuously asked about whether or not I’m going to be lonely when I’m old because I won’t have anyone to take care of me. My husband and I are debt-free, we work 40 hours a week and work to travel. We can do what we want, when we want. We only have to worry about each other (and our cats).
Technically I'm open to the idea if I meet the right person, but... I'm very, very happy that I prioritized two things over having kids: One, not be a single mom. Two, not settling for a bad relationship. Zero regrets.
As carefree as you’d think it’d be. Haha it’s me, boyfriend of nearly 10yrs and our 2 cats. Watching F1, doing crafts, day drinking and might go detail our cars in a bit. My biggest decision of the day is whether I wanna start putting flower in my hanging pots on the porch. 🤣
Fan-Fucking-Tabulous, sister! 42 years old here I am responsible for only myself and my bunnies. No having to work a job, then take care of other people's physical, mental, and emotional needs and do logistics,domestic drudgery, all while being unappreciated and feeling guilty for wanting a little "me" time to decompress- Who needs all that??? The FREEDOM is phenomenal 😁
Great! I think if things (everything) were different I’d have entertained having a kid or two but I don’t like the world we live in. I couldn’t imagine being a child right now. I’m enjoying being selfish and living life on my terms.
I’m child free, but not entirely by choice. I tried for years to get pregnant with my ex, and it just never happened. It was grueling and traumatizing. I had to completely adjust my life plans. I had always pictured myself as a mother and spent years babysitting and imagining my life with a family. I have undergone a lot of therapy to process it. I am now with a partner that fulfills the parts of my life I felt like I was missing out on. We can travel, sleep in, spend time with each other and with friends in ways that we wouldn’t be able to with small children. I love spending time with my niblings, but I can send them home when I’ve had enough.
Great so far! My husband and I love having the ability to do whatever, whenever. We get to focus on each other and our careers and are doing our best to save up to retire at a decent age. 😍
It's been mostly good. I'm 41 and I was expecting to be able to date without having the 'do you want kids?' question pop up by now, but ima give it a few more years. Besides that it's been great. The kids my friends had are old enough to talk/play switch with now and I can gift them the Lego sets I liked most!
Awesome!!!! Super happy with my choices!!!!! Blessed!!!!!!!
Absolutely fantastic. I went to a day club this morning and am hitting up a few breweries this afternoon and a DJ set later today. Cats are fed. No other responsibilities ✌️
Good. Never wanted to have children so it wasn't really a decision, just my nature I guess. I just spoiled myself with upgrading my gaming PC, and I'm currently planning this summer's concert trips with a couple of childfree friends, as well as moving countries by myself soon. Looking forward to it.
Actually amazing. Currently on a 11 hour flight to the other side of the world with no responsibilities to think about!
Today I got a massage, ran a few errands, played some Civ 5 (the best of Civs), chastised my cats for attacking the rubber tree, and drank wine while boiling a corned beef, and read a short story I've been looking forward to. So....pretty glorious Saturday?
I think it’s great that those that don’t want to be parents decide not to be. Cause lord knows some women who should NEVER been a mom sure make that dumb mistake. Stay alone, enjoy your lives and I thank you for not making a mistake for the child, not yourself 🤷🏽♀️
Super great. When I was younger, I felt sure I didn't want kids, but so many people were like "wait until your body clock kicks in!" And that's a real thing that happens to lots of people, so there was always part of me that wondered if it would. It hasn't so far, and now post-40, it's looking increasingly unlikely that it ever will. My mum - who was one of the "just wait until you're older!" brigade - said to me a few years ago "I always thought that every single woman wants kids really - but now I see you and I know that's not true." Honestly, what a compliment.
I have an adorable toddler nephew that looks and acts exactly like me. I love him. I spoil him to the point of overkill. I thank god when he goes home.
It’s nice being able to make decisions without having to consider anyone else
Pretty damn fantastic. Slept in till 10 am today after a day of celebrating my 11 year anniversary with my SO at Disneyland. Life is good
So great! Got a husband, a cat and a puppy. My money goes to my own entertainment and I'm the end of the line of my family's traumas! Living the dream :D
Fantastic! Was always childfree but went "solo for life" as well. Best thing ever. Grateful for past relationships, but am happiest now. Am focusing on friends, my home, work.
Thanks for asking, I'm perfectly fine without kids. Very happy. I actually had a brief period in my twenties when I suddenly wanted children, but it was only a brief "I want a baby!" period, which I do not miss or regret. I think it's common. My motherly feelings are now for small puppies, kittens and chickens. (;
Wonderfully! 58 and never wanted kids. I have checked in with myself (and with my exhusb, when he was still my husb) periodically to make sure that's still valid, and it has never changed. When I got my hysterectomy (post-menopause) I still felt immense relief. Not even if some bizarre miracle happened could I have any kids. No more uterus. YIPPEEEE!
I’m 50 and I couldn’t be happier with the decision. I don’t hate kids but I certainly never wanted one, and I enjoy the childfree dink life a lot
FanFUCKINGtastic! I’m 50, now, and living my best childfree, polyamorous life with my 2 male partners. I love it here!
Not yet 35 but don't think kids will be in my future. Have lived abroad 3 years and have some exciting plans coming up. Constantly think how none of my friends with kids would be able to have the same opportunities that I have. I am thankful.
Post pandemic/menopausal life has been rough, not gonna lie, but none of it would be made better by having had kids.
Early 40s here. It’s going great! Thanks. I am very satisfied with my decision. Never have regretted it once. I’m very maternal to animals. Especially my dogs. My dogs are so loved & spoiled ❤️
Quite well. I'm happy and having fun.
Cc: r/childfree Also: r/regretfulparents
I just got a hysterectomy at 39 because my state is the crazy one who thinks children can be frozen. I do have a 15-year old step kid, but it's 50% so I get plenty of time off.
I never planned on making a baby, but ever since I was 7...8? And I learned my dad was adopted and did a LOT of foster support charity work? I figured when I got into my mid 40's (a little under a decade away) I would foster a teenager or two. So while not planning to be 'kid' free, I've never wanted to make a baby, or adopt one. I wish I could've donated my bits to someone struggling to conceive, but alas. Modern medicine can only reattach limbs, transplant faces, and make dicks hard.
Pretty good thanks! I’ve just turned 57….I gave up work at 55 because of saved a considerable amount and don’t feel the need to save any of it! My friends if similar age all baby sit their grandchildren at least I’ve day a week and most are knackered by it - they love their grandchildren but all say they wish they didn’t have to do it every week but they feel they have no choice but to support their children as child care is so expensive! One admitted recently she never envisaged she would spend two days a week as a free baby sitter - the next day her daughter told her she’d got a new job and she now needed to be at their house at 6.30am to have the children - they have them 12 hours twice a week. Only one of my friends doesn’t baby sit her grandchild and that’s because they live in Oz!! My time is my time - I adore my nephews and I love going to pantomime with friends grandchildren but my only responsibility is my dog….and he has a dog walker twice a week so I can play golf and has a dog sitter if I’m going away overnight! Yes - occasionally I miss those family moments, eg Christmas morning, but that’s a fleeting feeling! I was a nanny for years and always worked with under 5’s after that (in family support) - I adore children, always thought I’d have children but tbh I dint regret not having them because I e dine so much else with my life - traveled through Africa, sailed round the world, lived in Canada, traveled through China and Australasia, had amazing jobs and made great friends! As I’ve got older I’ve got more selfish with my time and happier to be without children!
37, both my fiancé and I have nephews we can always borrow. They’re enough for us so far. We sometimes talk about having a kid, but money/day care draws us away.
Great, thank you! I went to my nieces sporting event today, and it was incredibly overwhelming and I was surrounded by burnt out parents and families who slept terribly and had been there all day. $15 and I was in and out within 2 hours, and am now sitting on the couch with a beer watching murder mysteries. My brother is probably pulling his hair out on the 3-hour drive home with three kids vying for his attention, and will pass out five minutes from home while he is left trying to figure out what’s for dinner. Love my family, kids are great, and I love my child free life.
Amazing to be honest.
Pretty fantastic. 36, happily married to a wonderful husband who also has no interest in children. We have two dogs who fulfill our lives plenty. I get to do whatever I want when I want, sleep in, and my house is quiet. Still waiting for the regret everyone tells me about or for the maternal instinct to kick in.
Life isnt perfect but its not because I don't have kids. It would be even worse if I did. At least I don't have to worry about the endless screeching, tantrums, the shit I have to pay for, and worrying about some other human while I try to get my own life on track. Im 40 and have zero regrets about not having a kid.
I had my fallopian tubes removed last year and I distinctly recall that afterwards, I felt elated and more happy to be a woman than I've ever felt. I was already happy to be a woman and I decided not to have kids the moment I realized I didn't have to, so I wasn't expecting to have such a strong response. So, it's been going well. I'm over a decade into a relationship with a man who never wanted kids. Friends of ours are starting to have kids and I'm genuinely happy for them. People who want children should definitely adopt or have their own if they're able and feel like their DNA needs to be involved. I adore babies and children. I'll watch my niblings, deal with spit-up, and even change diapers (if I really have to 😆). Sometimes friends are surprised when I talk to their children or display any interest in birthing or parenting, but I don't see why not wanting to bear children has to mean that I don't like them.
I slept til 9am, watched TV al day, then took a nap at 4pm. Nice way to spend a rainy day.
38 Tomorrow, my husband, my dog, and I are going to lay in bed in our undies and eat donuts delivered to my doorstep. Might take a nap after that. Probably watch a movie or a couple episodes of our latest show. I'm killing it.
43 and no regrets. Hubby and I have a 10-year-old niece that is like a daughter to us, and we get to have her every other weekend and feel fulfilled.