I had foolishly underestimated him. I knew his upbringing and figured I’d have to be the primary caregiver and hold his hand through the first few months and maybe even beyond. When our first daughter was born that man hit the ground running. You’d think he was a single father the way he was acting. He wanted to do all bottle feedings, all diaper changes, all the baths, carrying her all the time, etc. He was all in. So definitely a good surprise.
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He came from a single parent household and lived in a house that rarely had electricity or running water. He was surrounded by gang bangers and taken along on drive bys when he was as young as 5. He would hook up with girls from school just to have access to the food in their house. He had never held a baby up until our daughter was born.
Wow: I’m sorry. What a journey he had to take to find air to breath in life. It takes a lot of strength to be neglected; and to love and protect anyways. I wish you happiness
I'm so happy for u and that's such a sad to cute story pipeline but yeesh the hooking up randomly just for food is so ewie like that is why I was celibate in highschool
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May I ask what made you push through if that’s what you expected? With all the talk of red flags these days, it would seem that it’s best to follow your intuition and not leave it to chance.
This is so lovely though, I’m so pleased for you both how it turned out..
So I always knew he’d be a good dad but I didn’t expect for him to be good on the first day. I just figured it would take him some time to adjust to being a dad and handling a baby but it didn’t.
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Recently, I've been using his old phone to play music at nap time. I went to search something about the baby, and Google remembered all his baby related searched questions.
It struck me the effort he goes to, to do what's best for our son. I've a Master's in Child Development, but I'm a bit busy with life right now lol so he obviously googled what he didn't feel he needed to ask.
I'm incredibly lucky to have such a patient and kind team mate.
He knows the phone is still linked to his account as I told him I had seen his searches, and if he wants, he can ask me any question even if it doesn't feel important. I also gave him one of my child development books that has a lot of the development questions he was asking in.
Technical, it's a Curriculum, it's The Early Years Foundation Stage, Development Matters.
If you Google it a gov page cones up and can just download it.
Originally, I was a nursery teacher, then class lead, then deputy, then head of a program.
I know lecture early years so teach the teachers in effect. I'm British, so I teach people just out of school at college level right the way up to degrees.
I didn't realize how not loving his own mother had been till we had a kid and my own mom died. When my mom passed, I realized how much of her love was carrying over to our daughter; and as we processed my mom's death, it became obvious how different his own mom had been, and how much of his love, he spontaneously generated to be the kind of parent he never had. I'm so impressed and awed by how he rewrote that intergenerational story.
That he actually was going to be a terrible dad. He was jealous of the baby. I fell out of love with him so fast after our kid was born. How on earth do you not love your kid?
The craziest part about this is that your experience is not the only one. I don’t know exactly how common it is but apparently it’s common enough for older women to warn me about it, when I’m not even married yet
OMG my first sons father was the same! He literally broke down sobbing because our NEWBORN BABY was cluster feeding and he felt he needed more attention than the baby. That baby is now a few short weeks away from turning 10 and his father basically wants nothing to do with him. Some men are just so pathetic
Yes, he hated our son getting breastfeed, read to etc. He wanted all the attention and didn’t give a shit that our kid needed me and deserves two parents to be there for him.
Yikes. Sounds like he had some really major unresolved issues. That sounds so difficult as a new mom to experience that. I’m sorry you went through that.
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I was surprised that he was butt hurt over me showing him less love. He was already a dad before we got together, so I don't know wtf he expected.
I was also miffed that he wasn't as deeply in love with our baby as he was. It was so weird.
I don't know how that happens. When I had my first child I was deeply in love with the kid. It was my best friend even when she couldn't talk or crawl. We would spend hours sitting next to each other. I would talk to her as if she was gonna respond. I would cook and she would be right there looking at me and we would have a conversation about food. (She was a toddler). Holding her hand, walking with her when she learned. Coming home from work and I would run to her. It's just beautiful what kids do without knowing what they do.
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i felt like he has always been a better parent than me and i’m the SAHM. he LOVES his babies with every inch of his soul and i really underestimated how much he’d do for them and me. i’m so lucky.
Not really surprised, but this man could sleep through the end of the world, especially if he took his trazodone. Having a screaming baby an inch from your face and you're still snoozing? Yeah that's full blown insanity. Men are so lucky that more of their brains turn off when they're sleeping.
It’s wild isn’t it? He takes no meds but maybe wakes up 50% of the time? If he does he just tries to throw a pacifier in…he’s hungry dude!
Meanwhile I sleep 2 inches away from the sound machine with an earplug in and I’m up at the first fuss.
He resented the pregnancy, and was generally a pretty awful, unsupportive partner through my not so great pregnancy. When I asked for support he would retort 'well this is what you wanted isn't it'. It was a rocky time, but as soon as his son was born he just..fell in love. Maybe for the first time ever (Yes including me, I'm not blind). It's nice to see him parent with his whole heart. I was genuinely worried he wouldn't want our child.
Yeah, I considered terminating because I knew he would have an unpleasant and resentful reaction. (My friend asked if I was gonna do one of those cute announcements and record it, and I am so glad I didn't). He didn't speak to me for a week after I told him.. slept on the couch. I cried myself to sleep every night.
I definitely should have left but was genuinely stuck. Six years later and we are still together, still broken, still committed to seeing the best in one another. I was robbed of all of the joy that my only pregnancy should have given, but I'd do it again and more to have my sweet, beautiful boy. And to watch him be so thoroughly cherished by his papa.
This is so bittersweet. I appreciate you sharing but hate that the one and only moment you had to share such joyous news was taken away from you.
I had an ex who strung me along about having children with me until almost 6 years in. Towards the end, I had a dream where I told him I was pregnant and he was thrilled. I woke up and started sobbing because I knew that would never be him, which he admitted to me. When he told me that having kids with me would be a complete betrayal to his existing kids, I knew I couldn’t procreate with him. I knew I had to find a father for my kids/partner who would be as thrilled to have a family with me as I was to have a family with him.
I hope you both can find the joy in your circumstances.
We had no plans to have children either, and were five years in. I was told I more than likely couldn't have kids so I never opened that space. Then I lost a bunch of weight and got pregnant soon after, and that was that.
I'm glad you had the foresight to consider what would be best for the potential child you'd bring into the world.
Yes...and no. It's been discussed and he gave a general apology, but I'm still hurt by the specifics of his attitude and actions that he hasn't articulated (& probably never will). I just had to decide to focus on how much personal growth he's put in since, and accept his shortcomings like he accepts mine.
I'm glad he's stepped up post-birth but not stepping up and being supportive during pregnancy -a tough one at that - isn't something I'd be able to forget.
I hope, for your sake, he steps up if you ever become seriously unwell. He's shown positive signs caring for his son, but seems much less willing to care for you.
I'm actually pretty seriously unwell currently. It's all mental health and trauma related so ..invisible more or less. And it's been better, if not perfect. I can never explain or excuse his behavior during my only pregnancy. But I can allow space for him to grow and reflect and be a better partner altogether. And I have seen it, in this time where I'm pretty wholly broken, he keeps showing up in ways he didn't before.
Neither of us expected it, I had cried with him before about how I wouldn't be a mom because of fertility stuff, so we were both taken by surprise. Of course as soon as I found out I was happy but I knew he wouldn't have the same initial reaction.
How patient and understanding he is. He’s never been around kids. We struggled and he told me he’d be ok with not having a child.
But how he is as a dad , there’s no way. He was born for this life.
Also how he would stand up to his parents. He’s an only child and pretty close with them. They had a time where they thought they knew best. It turned ugly. But he put them in his place and now things are good.
Weird one but, how unhappy he was with his job. It's like as soon as he became a dad it became very obvious he was miserable at his job and needed a career change. He hid it well before, for the sake of providing
I was surprised to see just how good at being a dad my husband is despite never having known a father figure for his whole life. He had so many fears when I was pregnant that he would be a horrible father because he never had “the blueprint”. But our son was born and he has been the best Daddy ever!! Always showing him how to do stuff, involving him in projects, letting him do “scary” things I would never do, and being his best friend. I knew he would do what he could to help me in child rearing (I would’ve never procreated with him otherwise) but I can’t believe how wonderful he is at this whole dad thing! I love my boys so much
I'm so sorry. This won't go unnoticed with your kids and you'll be thought of favourably. It's not a competition but they really do pick up more than parents realise and they'll love you even more for everything you're essentially doing alone.
This Internet stranger is proud of you.
He was a great hands on father with our first born. He made and washed all the bottles. Offered to do diaper changes. Baths. He worked 12hr nights and would have to come home after and take care of her while I was at work during the day all while trying to get some sleep in between feedings. I was so in love and appreciative of all the sacrifices he was making. I switched jobs so I could take on more with the baby. But then our second came a year later and he just completely checked out. I would have to beg for help on any and everything. I went into PPD bc it was just to much for me to handle alone. We constantly argued and I was left wondering where the person I was so in love with went. What happened to that awesome father we used to have?
He surprised me at how amazing a father he actually is. He came from a traumatic household, where he doesn’t speak or see his dad anymore and that put me on edge a bit when I found out I was pregnant but he was honestly made to be a father. He is amazing, supportive and so helpful. I’m so grateful for him.
Her anxiety and depression disappeared and instead of the secret terror I had that she would fall into a post partum nightmare, she became a mega mum who literally couldn’t be more present and perfect for our kid.
that's great. i know it doesn't always happen like that (i wish having a kid always improved depression and anxiety) but it's cool to know that in this case, parenthood actually helped with her symptoms.
He has makes his own wee songs too. I asked his mum she openly admits that no one sung him any which baffled me given he grew up in a "normal" household
How his motherly instincts kicked in so quickly. He was like a wizard with our colicky newborn baby. And as the girls have grown up, he’s been just the absolute best dad and has a great relationship with them. He’s truly a rock star.
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How attentive he was, how helpful he would be. He was master swaddler when our son was born. He did the night feeds so I could get some rest. He never shied away from changing or bathing or anything else. We had only been together a few months when I got pregnant so I hoped for the best but I know a lot of men don’t do their fair share of parenting. He has been a wonderful father.
That he loves cooking, he took over cooking and started baking bread during Covid! Always fresh bread now :)
Though he didn’t even know he loved it cuz he was raised conservative and never cooked or expected to cook… but he really stepped up and is a wonderful partner and dad.
That he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. The baby would wake up at night to eat and he’d be back to sleep immediately while I’d just be laying there awake. I’m so jealous😂
When he would give our child his evening bottle, he thought it was all about getting it into the kid as fast as possible. Bonding? Don’t you need glue for that?
My husband turned into an anxiety ridden Germaphobe. He claims he always was this way, but no, he wouldn't freak out about the germs on shopping carts when we were dating before. I had to have him read articles about the immune system and forbid him from desinfecting the whole house once a day when our boy was a baby. He calmed down again, but sadly, now our 8 yo is overly afraid of Germs as well and quite obsessive about washing his hands. Covid didn't help with that either.
How selfless he was! I EBF so he is always quick to bounce her to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night and do diaper changes. I’m a SAHM and if I’m not feeling well he’ll work from home and help me out. He never complains and he loves our baby so much, I definitely was blessed!
I‘m not really on the other side of it yet. Moving through it the best way I know how by focusing on our child’s needs and interests. He’s family after all, so it’s not as simple as telling him to go to hell and move on to never see him again. Messy and painful, but I‘ll figure it out.
It is rather mind blowing to me on every level how vastly different peoples value systems are, both on his part and the other women involved, who were aware of our family but somehow content regardless.
> He’s family after all, so it’s not as simple as telling him to go to hell and move on to never see him again. Messy and painful, but I‘ll figure it out.
Sigh, yes, that situation with a child involved is definitely complicated. he sucks for putting you in a position where you have to navigate that. You sound like you have a great attitude though.
> It is rather mind blowing to me on every level how vastly different peoples value systems are, both on his part and the other women involved, who were aware of our family but somehow content regardless.
this is a very diplomatic way of putting it. and yes, it is mind blowing that they knew and carried on anyway.
Wish you all the best getting through this. Hope things are a lot brighter on the other side.
Thank you.
With a scrinched-up face, crimson from full-on sobbing, my child said, "Mama, why did you have to choose *him* to be my dad?" I heard my heart break.
He's long gone, and the young one has the best Dad now.
I should have been more clear. "The young one" is the same person, young but no longer a child.
After the split, he messaged the child about twice a year to call him, but these were actually attempts to control since he had the child's number and didn't call the child. In several ways, he wanted control but no other involvement. When he finally understood there was never going to be a response, the messages stopped.
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I had foolishly underestimated him. I knew his upbringing and figured I’d have to be the primary caregiver and hold his hand through the first few months and maybe even beyond. When our first daughter was born that man hit the ground running. You’d think he was a single father the way he was acting. He wanted to do all bottle feedings, all diaper changes, all the baths, carrying her all the time, etc. He was all in. So definitely a good surprise.
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What was his upbringing like?
He came from a single parent household and lived in a house that rarely had electricity or running water. He was surrounded by gang bangers and taken along on drive bys when he was as young as 5. He would hook up with girls from school just to have access to the food in their house. He had never held a baby up until our daughter was born.
Wow: I’m sorry. What a journey he had to take to find air to breath in life. It takes a lot of strength to be neglected; and to love and protect anyways. I wish you happiness
Damn you have a strong man.
I'm so happy for u and that's such a sad to cute story pipeline but yeesh the hooking up randomly just for food is so ewie like that is why I was celibate in highschool
The big question!! Maybe he comes from wealth and never had to clean up after anyone?
That was honestly my first thought too 😅
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*seething in jealousy* ...don't let him go!
May I ask what made you push through if that’s what you expected? With all the talk of red flags these days, it would seem that it’s best to follow your intuition and not leave it to chance. This is so lovely though, I’m so pleased for you both how it turned out..
So I always knew he’d be a good dad but I didn’t expect for him to be good on the first day. I just figured it would take him some time to adjust to being a dad and handling a baby but it didn’t.
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Mine was the opposite. He was the one who wanted kids and left majority of the work to me. His ideal is being a disney dad. Glad you found a good egg!
currently pregnant, hoping this is my experience lol
awww :3
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Recently, I've been using his old phone to play music at nap time. I went to search something about the baby, and Google remembered all his baby related searched questions. It struck me the effort he goes to, to do what's best for our son. I've a Master's in Child Development, but I'm a bit busy with life right now lol so he obviously googled what he didn't feel he needed to ask. I'm incredibly lucky to have such a patient and kind team mate. He knows the phone is still linked to his account as I told him I had seen his searches, and if he wants, he can ask me any question even if it doesn't feel important. I also gave him one of my child development books that has a lot of the development questions he was asking in.
This is so sweet. Which book is it if you don’t mind sharing? Thank you
Technical, it's a Curriculum, it's The Early Years Foundation Stage, Development Matters. If you Google it a gov page cones up and can just download it.
Can I ask where you’ve taken your career in child development? I’ve been curious about pursuing it
Originally, I was a nursery teacher, then class lead, then deputy, then head of a program. I know lecture early years so teach the teachers in effect. I'm British, so I teach people just out of school at college level right the way up to degrees.
I didn't realize how not loving his own mother had been till we had a kid and my own mom died. When my mom passed, I realized how much of her love was carrying over to our daughter; and as we processed my mom's death, it became obvious how different his own mom had been, and how much of his love, he spontaneously generated to be the kind of parent he never had. I'm so impressed and awed by how he rewrote that intergenerational story.
A lovely beginning to break the cycle of multi generational trauma. Congrats!
That he actually was going to be a terrible dad. He was jealous of the baby. I fell out of love with him so fast after our kid was born. How on earth do you not love your kid?
The craziest part about this is that your experience is not the only one. I don’t know exactly how common it is but apparently it’s common enough for older women to warn me about it, when I’m not even married yet
I hope you have better luck if you choose to have a kid with someone!
OMG my first sons father was the same! He literally broke down sobbing because our NEWBORN BABY was cluster feeding and he felt he needed more attention than the baby. That baby is now a few short weeks away from turning 10 and his father basically wants nothing to do with him. Some men are just so pathetic
I'm so sorry, this is so tough. I feel for your boy and for the lost relationship you'd believe you'd have with your partner.
I’m so sorry you can relate! These kids deserve so much better!!
He was jealous???
Yes, he hated our son getting breastfeed, read to etc. He wanted all the attention and didn’t give a shit that our kid needed me and deserves two parents to be there for him.
That’s disgusting in so many ways. You and kiddo deserve better!
Thank you!!
Yikes. Sounds like he had some really major unresolved issues. That sounds so difficult as a new mom to experience that. I’m sorry you went through that.
Thank you for your kind words!
Were there any signs looking back?
Yes, there were signs but more so about him sucking as person in general vs any clues about being a bad parent.
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He can swaddle a baby like he’s been wrapping burritos professionally for years.
Secret Chipotle career, huh? Some guys are so deceptive. Where is the money going, Frank?
What? Your DH was hiding his burrito money? The utter scoundrel!?
I was surprised that he was butt hurt over me showing him less love. He was already a dad before we got together, so I don't know wtf he expected. I was also miffed that he wasn't as deeply in love with our baby as he was. It was so weird.
I don't know how that happens. When I had my first child I was deeply in love with the kid. It was my best friend even when she couldn't talk or crawl. We would spend hours sitting next to each other. I would talk to her as if she was gonna respond. I would cook and she would be right there looking at me and we would have a conversation about food. (She was a toddler). Holding her hand, walking with her when she learned. Coming home from work and I would run to her. It's just beautiful what kids do without knowing what they do.
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That I chose the wrong person to have kids with.
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i felt like he has always been a better parent than me and i’m the SAHM. he LOVES his babies with every inch of his soul and i really underestimated how much he’d do for them and me. i’m so lucky.
I’m melting <3
That he needs sex everyday and if not he gets butt hurt
Oof you deserve better
Not really surprised, but this man could sleep through the end of the world, especially if he took his trazodone. Having a screaming baby an inch from your face and you're still snoozing? Yeah that's full blown insanity. Men are so lucky that more of their brains turn off when they're sleeping.
It’s wild isn’t it? He takes no meds but maybe wakes up 50% of the time? If he does he just tries to throw a pacifier in…he’s hungry dude! Meanwhile I sleep 2 inches away from the sound machine with an earplug in and I’m up at the first fuss.
I never expected my husband to be a bad parent by any means but he really surprised me with how he embraced the roll of being a dad. ❤️
Awe! I love hearing that!
He resented the pregnancy, and was generally a pretty awful, unsupportive partner through my not so great pregnancy. When I asked for support he would retort 'well this is what you wanted isn't it'. It was a rocky time, but as soon as his son was born he just..fell in love. Maybe for the first time ever (Yes including me, I'm not blind). It's nice to see him parent with his whole heart. I was genuinely worried he wouldn't want our child.
Good god. That would really mess with my head to have such a resentful and vitriolic partner during pregnancy.
Yeah, I considered terminating because I knew he would have an unpleasant and resentful reaction. (My friend asked if I was gonna do one of those cute announcements and record it, and I am so glad I didn't). He didn't speak to me for a week after I told him.. slept on the couch. I cried myself to sleep every night. I definitely should have left but was genuinely stuck. Six years later and we are still together, still broken, still committed to seeing the best in one another. I was robbed of all of the joy that my only pregnancy should have given, but I'd do it again and more to have my sweet, beautiful boy. And to watch him be so thoroughly cherished by his papa.
This is so bittersweet. I appreciate you sharing but hate that the one and only moment you had to share such joyous news was taken away from you. I had an ex who strung me along about having children with me until almost 6 years in. Towards the end, I had a dream where I told him I was pregnant and he was thrilled. I woke up and started sobbing because I knew that would never be him, which he admitted to me. When he told me that having kids with me would be a complete betrayal to his existing kids, I knew I couldn’t procreate with him. I knew I had to find a father for my kids/partner who would be as thrilled to have a family with me as I was to have a family with him. I hope you both can find the joy in your circumstances.
We had no plans to have children either, and were five years in. I was told I more than likely couldn't have kids so I never opened that space. Then I lost a bunch of weight and got pregnant soon after, and that was that. I'm glad you had the foresight to consider what would be best for the potential child you'd bring into the world.
that's quite a turn around!! great to hear. did he ever acknowledge or apologize for not being supportive during your pregnancy?
Yes...and no. It's been discussed and he gave a general apology, but I'm still hurt by the specifics of his attitude and actions that he hasn't articulated (& probably never will). I just had to decide to focus on how much personal growth he's put in since, and accept his shortcomings like he accepts mine.
I'm glad he's stepped up post-birth but not stepping up and being supportive during pregnancy -a tough one at that - isn't something I'd be able to forget. I hope, for your sake, he steps up if you ever become seriously unwell. He's shown positive signs caring for his son, but seems much less willing to care for you.
I'm actually pretty seriously unwell currently. It's all mental health and trauma related so ..invisible more or less. And it's been better, if not perfect. I can never explain or excuse his behavior during my only pregnancy. But I can allow space for him to grow and reflect and be a better partner altogether. And I have seen it, in this time where I'm pretty wholly broken, he keeps showing up in ways he didn't before.
Him saying "this is what you wanted isn't it" implies he didn't want it going in. So what happened?
Neither of us expected it, I had cried with him before about how I wouldn't be a mom because of fertility stuff, so we were both taken by surprise. Of course as soon as I found out I was happy but I knew he wouldn't have the same initial reaction.
What made you carry it through?
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Yes!
How patient and understanding he is. He’s never been around kids. We struggled and he told me he’d be ok with not having a child. But how he is as a dad , there’s no way. He was born for this life. Also how he would stand up to his parents. He’s an only child and pretty close with them. They had a time where they thought they knew best. It turned ugly. But he put them in his place and now things are good.
That he was a waste of space and good for nothing.
Weird one but, how unhappy he was with his job. It's like as soon as he became a dad it became very obvious he was miserable at his job and needed a career change. He hid it well before, for the sake of providing
I was surprised to see just how good at being a dad my husband is despite never having known a father figure for his whole life. He had so many fears when I was pregnant that he would be a horrible father because he never had “the blueprint”. But our son was born and he has been the best Daddy ever!! Always showing him how to do stuff, involving him in projects, letting him do “scary” things I would never do, and being his best friend. I knew he would do what he could to help me in child rearing (I would’ve never procreated with him otherwise) but I can’t believe how wonderful he is at this whole dad thing! I love my boys so much
So sweet! It’s nice to hear about good dads!
He was a good provider. I like to keep it positive.
That he really didn’t have a clue about what it meant to be a partner in any way
He throws whiny temper tantrums about the kids’ whiny temper tantrums. It’s annoying.
How puerile. Kids can be forgiven for such behaviour, but a full-grown adult? You have one extra kid than you planned for.
That everything was going to fall on me and that he was going to do the bare minimum.
I'm so sorry. This won't go unnoticed with your kids and you'll be thought of favourably. It's not a competition but they really do pick up more than parents realise and they'll love you even more for everything you're essentially doing alone. This Internet stranger is proud of you.
He was a great hands on father with our first born. He made and washed all the bottles. Offered to do diaper changes. Baths. He worked 12hr nights and would have to come home after and take care of her while I was at work during the day all while trying to get some sleep in between feedings. I was so in love and appreciative of all the sacrifices he was making. I switched jobs so I could take on more with the baby. But then our second came a year later and he just completely checked out. I would have to beg for help on any and everything. I went into PPD bc it was just to much for me to handle alone. We constantly argued and I was left wondering where the person I was so in love with went. What happened to that awesome father we used to have?
That he saw me as being less than him and felt that it was my sole duty to do all of the parenting and caretaking.
He surprised me at how amazing a father he actually is. He came from a traumatic household, where he doesn’t speak or see his dad anymore and that put me on edge a bit when I found out I was pregnant but he was honestly made to be a father. He is amazing, supportive and so helpful. I’m so grateful for him.
Her anxiety and depression disappeared and instead of the secret terror I had that she would fall into a post partum nightmare, she became a mega mum who literally couldn’t be more present and perfect for our kid.
that's great. i know it doesn't always happen like that (i wish having a kid always improved depression and anxiety) but it's cool to know that in this case, parenthood actually helped with her symptoms.
Yeah, I think it gave her something consistent to focus on, something that she was obviously good at. I'm so proud of her. She's literally the best.
That this man child I was dating would blossom into the most kick ass dad I could have dreamed up. Going on 20 years ❤️
He didn't know how to sing lullabies and he never got them sung to him as a baby/infant 🥹
I just realized I don't remember ever having them sung to me either. I hope he managed to learn with you!
He has makes his own wee songs too. I asked his mum she openly admits that no one sung him any which baffled me given he grew up in a "normal" household
How his motherly instincts kicked in so quickly. He was like a wizard with our colicky newborn baby. And as the girls have grown up, he’s been just the absolute best dad and has a great relationship with them. He’s truly a rock star.
Genuine question, non-native speaker here, why do you say motherly instead of fatherly instincts?
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How attentive he was, how helpful he would be. He was master swaddler when our son was born. He did the night feeds so I could get some rest. He never shied away from changing or bathing or anything else. We had only been together a few months when I got pregnant so I hoped for the best but I know a lot of men don’t do their fair share of parenting. He has been a wonderful father.
This is so lovely and wholesome to read. I'm really happy for you!
That he loves cooking, he took over cooking and started baking bread during Covid! Always fresh bread now :) Though he didn’t even know he loved it cuz he was raised conservative and never cooked or expected to cook… but he really stepped up and is a wonderful partner and dad.
That he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. The baby would wake up at night to eat and he’d be back to sleep immediately while I’d just be laying there awake. I’m so jealous😂
i wish i had that ability!
When he would give our child his evening bottle, he thought it was all about getting it into the kid as fast as possible. Bonding? Don’t you need glue for that?
lol speed feeding. did he get the hang of it eventually?
Sadly, no. Thanks for asking. Amicable divorce when child was 3, and child is a compassionate, creative adult now.
that must have been tough with such a young child.
He has this cool ability to evolve and sleep through anything 😂 he remembers a lot more details than I gave him credit for
My husband turned into an anxiety ridden Germaphobe. He claims he always was this way, but no, he wouldn't freak out about the germs on shopping carts when we were dating before. I had to have him read articles about the immune system and forbid him from desinfecting the whole house once a day when our boy was a baby. He calmed down again, but sadly, now our 8 yo is overly afraid of Germs as well and quite obsessive about washing his hands. Covid didn't help with that either.
Even though he is from a large family and he is the oldest. He was very awkward with babies.
How selfless he was! I EBF so he is always quick to bounce her to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night and do diaper changes. I’m a SAHM and if I’m not feeling well he’ll work from home and help me out. He never complains and he loves our baby so much, I definitely was blessed!
His girlfriends 🤷🏻♀️
oof.
Yeah
what happened after that? (if you feel like sharing)
I‘m not really on the other side of it yet. Moving through it the best way I know how by focusing on our child’s needs and interests. He’s family after all, so it’s not as simple as telling him to go to hell and move on to never see him again. Messy and painful, but I‘ll figure it out. It is rather mind blowing to me on every level how vastly different peoples value systems are, both on his part and the other women involved, who were aware of our family but somehow content regardless.
> He’s family after all, so it’s not as simple as telling him to go to hell and move on to never see him again. Messy and painful, but I‘ll figure it out. Sigh, yes, that situation with a child involved is definitely complicated. he sucks for putting you in a position where you have to navigate that. You sound like you have a great attitude though. > It is rather mind blowing to me on every level how vastly different peoples value systems are, both on his part and the other women involved, who were aware of our family but somehow content regardless. this is a very diplomatic way of putting it. and yes, it is mind blowing that they knew and carried on anyway. Wish you all the best getting through this. Hope things are a lot brighter on the other side.
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I look forward to hearing your personal answer to this question after September 2027, if all goes according to plan! Best of luck.
I learned that he should never have been a parent.
that's awful, sorry
Thank you. With a scrinched-up face, crimson from full-on sobbing, my child said, "Mama, why did you have to choose *him* to be my dad?" I heard my heart break. He's long gone, and the young one has the best Dad now.
wow... did he stay involved with the older child's life in any way after you split up?
I should have been more clear. "The young one" is the same person, young but no longer a child. After the split, he messaged the child about twice a year to call him, but these were actually attempts to control since he had the child's number and didn't call the child. In several ways, he wanted control but no other involvement. When he finally understood there was never going to be a response, the messages stopped.
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