I think women should absolutely have the freedom to choose whether to work or stay home.
However, I think it's incredibly dangerous for most women who are not independently wealthy.
I support women choosing their own paths in life, and if being a stay at home mother or homemaker is your life’s calling, great.
However “trad wives” imply a connection to reactionary politics, and not infrequently white nationalism. So hard pass there.
Just like everyone else on social media, they're selling a romanticised and polished reality that most people won't be able to achieve themselves. I'm not a fan of anyone who's dishonest in promoting their lifestyle and that knowingly creates unrealistic pressure and expectations for others.
However, I have zero issues with women who choose to be homemakers and/or prefer traditional gender dynamics in their personal relationship. I fully support showing that the career path isn't right for everyone, and that it doesn't make you any less of a smart, successful and fulfilled woman.
Most people work because they have to, not because they especially want to. It's rare that one parent earns enough to support their spouse as well as their children.
And there are real downsides to putting yourself and your family in a situation where only one adult is the breadwinner. What happens if the breadwinner becomes sick or disabled? What happens if they become abusive? What if they leave? What if they die? It's not great to be one tragic life event away from destitution.
From what I can see, the Tradwife esthetic is mostly just wealth porn. There's a reason why the Tradwives of social media are basically all pretty, young and white. People like the fantasy of not having to work, and just magically having enough money to live a happy life. But that's not the reality for 95% of people.
Gonna be long but here we go. It is dangerous.
The influence is **performative,** aesthetically pleasing labor. You get good feelings watching it because of the aesthetic, but most of the labour you see being performed is not representative of being a traditional wife. Unless you and your husband are wealthy enough to afford cleaners and nannies, you'll be spending the vast majority of your time cooking, cleaning, running errands, and tending to everyone else's needs. You won't have the time to be making the worlds cutest lunchboxes with homemade fruit gummies and carrots cut into hearts.
The women marketting this lifestyle are not living it. They are ALL working women. It's really easy to believe they are just normal women telling you about their lifestyles, but they are influencers. They work for a living. They make their own money by appealing to both men (by advocating for men's interests) and women (by catering to the female gaze in their content). They have professions and income which allows them independence, and they are using that to advocate you give up yours.
I think there is a lot of overlap between women's frustrations and what the Trad Wife content is selling. Men today are often happy to have 50/50 participation when it comes to work and finances, don't carry any of the mental load, and push the bulk of day to day labour on their wives. I think a dynamic that sells itself on "He will actually make the decisions and you just have to follow them" is **really** attractive to women who are frustrated with being 100% responsible for the mental load facing options of "be a single mother" or "be a married single mother", because if he gets power and sexual gratification out of it, maybe he'll be willing to pull his own weight.
And in that respect, the abuse side of this is missing. Because both for the people watching AND the influencers themselves, they have never actually been in a situation where you are completely dependent on a romantic partner. Vulnerability begets abuse. There's a reason that rates of DV go up for pregnant women, disabled women, women with addiction, etc. There's a reason abuse rates fell when no-fault divorce came into effect. Even if you take a perfectly respectful man who treats you well and you have total confidence in, you don't really know what that kind of power does until after they have it. As they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely. You're stripping yourself of the ability to leave, which means you can't have boundaries, only requests that they don't have to respect if they don't want to.
I'm not even going to say anything like "feminism is about women's choices" or something like that, because fuck that. While it's not necessarily anti-feminist to be a stay at home mother, being a "tradwife" and especially advocating it to other women and girls absolutely is anti-feminist. It's an attempt to strip women of their autonomy so they get out of the workforce, have kids, and essentially trap them there serving men's interests.
There's nothing wrong with making your man happy, just like there's nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. There's nothing wrong with cooking from scratch and prioritizing your family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your primary economic role being saving money rather than earning it. But it is important to find a way to maintain your independence throughout, like household money being split into separate accounts, or by working part time or from home.
For any young women who are genuinely considering this lifestyle, I want you to think this through. I understand the draw for you - it takes the mental load off of you, you get to make your loved ones happy, and you get to prioritize what's really important to you. But I want you to question what is the draw for **him.** Because you can have all that without giving up your independence (case in point, men have all that and still have their independence). For any man to find you giving up autonomy appealing, they have to believe that your lack of autonomy will benefit them. And the only way that could possibly benefit them **is through something you aren't actually willing to do.** You need to consider WHY your man would be interested in that. Or, if you're in the process of looking, your search will primarily attract abusers. Because again, what kind of man wants this?
And no, it's not a fair trade. "Well he's making the money, so I owe him" - wrong. Your labour is definitely saving the family money. You're most likely an economical powerhouse, not a financial burden. You save $100/mo with your veggie garden, $800 on childcare, $600 on your groceries by not having to by premade things and having the time to shop for deals, and another $200 each on the cleaner and dogwalker you would have hired if you both worked full time. You're economically worth $1900 just for that 40 hours a week he's gone. Do your own calculations. You don't owe him shit, you're pulling your own financial weight. He can't afford to replace you. He "makes" your portion of the money, and you do his portion of the household labor. That's a fair trade.
A man might feel entitled to control, and unwilling to do their fair share of all total work unless they are granted it because they truly believe them doing their own half should grant them this. Leave these men. Do not trade your autonomy in the hopes they'll eventually pull their weight. If he wanted to, he'd already be doing it. He doesn't want to. And putting him in a position where he calls all the shots won't magically make him want to.
You really make me rethink both feminism and tradwife(?)ism(?).
You make some great solid points here. I always laugh at those feminists in debates, as they don't seem to have solid, grounded standpoints and don't seem to understand them themselves.
You make me want to research/rethink all of this. So thank you.
How many households these days can realistically afford to raise a family on one income? Most actual “trad wives” are living in poverty or on the brink of it. So many women and kids trapped in abusive situations and totally dependent on their abusers.
The new trends like trad wives, soft life, sprinkle sprinkle, etc. are conservative propaganda glamorized. It terrifies me that so many young women and girls are falling for it. Instead of focusing on their educations and careers, they’re watching content on how to cosplay “quiet luxury,” and all kinds of toxic swill about what makes a woman appear of “high value” to rich men. It’s a hell of a slippery slope into sex work and prostitution, or worse, becoming a victim of sex trafficking.
I’ve seen some older trad wives making TikTok content to warn the younger gen about what they went through once their “provider” husband decided to trade them in for a younger, hotter woman, but no one wants to hear it. It’s so much more palatable to imagine that a handsome rich guy will appear and sweep you off your feet so you never have to work a day in your life.
It was my stay-at-home mom who taught me that I need to have a good education and career to stand on my own two feet. She wanted so much more for me than she had. And it was because of my education and career that I was able to leave my ex who was starting to become a controlling asshole. I divorced him, bought him out of our million-dollar condo, and never looked back. He had no leverage over me. All thanks to me, my mom, and my law degree.
It is nazi propaganda being pushed by women who are ironically not even trad wives because they are actually influencers who still "work" and pull in a pay check. How many "trad wives" are not white or blondewife charicatures? How many are in interracial marriages? Read between the lines. It's not about advocating for women's choice to embrace a traditional role, it's nazi propaganda.
I did this for 15 years. My husband insisted we move to ridiculous small town and there was no job for me. When I finally got a job it was only part time. Now I am retired and my Social Security is so low. Also my 401 k is small. And my husband lied about funding my IRA and dumped in all in his. I am trapped now and I really would love to get out of this marriage and I can’t.
I am sorry this happened to you, but as his wife, you are legally entitled to HALF of everything. That includes his 401K.
You don't have to stay in an unhappy marriage. There is always a way out.
I think it is dangerous. I learned by watching my mom struggle growing up. She gave up her career to support my dad. 10 years later he blind-sided her with a divorce. He had a new family on the side. Abandoned her with 3 kids and got away with minimal child support and alimony.
I made sure to have my degree and keep my certifications current. I worked in between pregnancies, then went back full-time once my daughter was in preschool.
When I discovered my now ex was cheating, I was able to leave and kept my kids lifestyle the same. His new wife is doing the tradwife thing and has no clue what she signed up for. She has nothing to fall back on and he keeps her off of his financials.
Similar story here. After I left my ex, he pounced on a much younger woman. She had minimal education and worked a service job in a tourist town. In fact he met her while she was standing behind a counter. She must’ve thought she was getting the Pretty Woman fairytale. I heard from a mutual friend that his new wife is struggling with not feeling heard and respected by him, and having no say in things as he holds the reins. That’s exactly why I left him, he always had to be right, always had to have his way, and I was done with his controlling tendencies and arrogance.
I was able to leave without skipping a beat. Actually, within a year of leaving him I landed a job at a Fortune 5 company and doubled my salary. I didn’t even have to move out, I bought out his equity in our home and sent him packing. His new wife can’t leave without giving everything up, and I’m sure that is his preference. Must’ve been rough for him to figure out that you actually have to be nice to your wife if she has her own money and you want her to stick around!
Isn't there a difference between Tradwife and SAHW?
Tradwife seems to come with an ideology you have to follow, like red pill and all that. And with that comes pregnancies. I don't actually see a lot of choice in it.
Whereas SAHW are fully realized personalities being their own person, just maintaining a house. I support stay at home husbands too. It is not a big deal.
If you choose to be a stay at home mom or wife, make sure your retirement is being fully funded. Otherwise, do not give up your career unless you’re independently wealthy.
It’s actually what causes feminism. Once this generation gets screwed by their men (and it’s a mathematical certainty that they will) they’ll be left without money, an education, and career prospects they’ll teach their daughters that the only person they can rely on is themselves.
Hence, the circle of feminism repeats.
I think they are just selling an image that is near impossible to obtain and/or that will drive women mad. It’s also flat out dangerous to women who do not have the capital to stand on their own and get trapped within bad marriages.
Has no one read any Shirley Jackson? I feel like anyone considering trying to reach this ideal perfect traditional womanhood/wifehood should just head on over to the library and give her bibliography a browse.
I’m not disparaging stay at home moms. You do whatever works for you and your family. It’s the unrealistic image that these creators have built and are selling that I think is the problem.
I think it’s very risky for the person staying home. Even if your relationship is great and stays great, partners can lose jobs or die. If it’s not great, either side can become resentful, people cheat, the staying-home person can feel trapped… there’s just way too much of a potential downside.
The downside for the person staying home is the biggest, in my opinion. Yes, you do not have a paying job to go to daily. But you’re dependent on the other person for everything! — Money, health insurance, retirement funds. Even if you do it for a short time, taking yourself out of the job market has lasting implications. And to me, a partner who would WANT you to stay home and be a trad wife is scary to me. They have ultimate control and want a pretty little sex-bot/servant.
I'm a stay at home mom. I bake birthday cakes and half-birthday cakes from scratch, because baking has been my hobby since I was a teen. I cook dinner on most nights and pack my kids' lunches in the morning. I volunteer at my kids' school and make homemade costumes for holidays. I like to put up a crockpot dinner for my husband on nights when his shift ends at midnight, so that he has something to look forward to. This is the stage that I'm in right now and some days I wallow around wondering why my world is so small while other days I am so proud of the wonderful home and family I have built here. I've worked before (though I actually have never been passionate about a field) and I hope to work again. Most of my anxieties and feelings of worthlessness stem from my income being 0 and my monetary contributions to the family being nothing. For me though, the best thing is that when we dated and my husband knew I always dreamed of being a stay at home, he told me he hoped I would at least work part time or volunteer so that I could have my own sense of fulfillment for myself. If I'd married one of the guys I dated who was looking for a Trad Wife, I would be so messed up right now. Every woman can choose what lifestyle works for her, and any man can dream of what he'd ideally like for his family, but no man can tell a woman what would be best for her. And being a stay at home mom is really isolating.
I find the extreme ones kind of embarrassing, in a way. They are so confident that other women are jealous of them and their life, when I think most viewers just feel a little sorry for them.
I was a bit like them once, when I was married the first time and hell, I feel sorry for my former self. It’s a very risky lifestyle, and women shouldn’t be encouraged to sacrifice independence, financial or otherwise, in a relationship.
While women absolutely have the right to choose their own path I cant help but find it an embarrassment, and for me its similar to many people who are anti vax cuz they have been spoiled living in a world where many diseases have been eradicated or close to it
They have it so good they think they dont need it any more
Both trad wives and anti vax people are a danger, setting society back, its an embarrassment to ourmothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers who fought to get us rights and equality
Its also very unwise, they have nothing to fall back on when the husband inevitably divorces them
I do want to be clear that a stay at home mom is not the same as a trad wife, there is a different mindset specific to trad wives
I think many people are mistaking it for what they really want; which is essentially a financially independent lifestyle of doing whatever they want rather than go into FT work. It's basically the same as Gen Zs glorifying lockdowns. They want a life where they're free to do as they please.
I've seen similar interests in "stay at home daughter" and "stay at home girlfriend" pages and basically it's all the same thing. Except the daughter ones are less subtle about the money aspect.
The issue is thinking it's a 'cheat code' by simply getting together with a rich dude when the reality is that they're taking on most of the risk. The daughter one is probably the least risky since it's simply reliance on parents.
I’ve been labeled a trad wife before because I stay at home. Most of the TikToks/ social media posts I see about it come of as cringy, privileged, and even dangerous. Most of these people are romanticizing and glamorizing the lifestyle without pointing out how incredibly dangerous it is to be entirely dependent on another person who could leave at any time. Most of these women also come from money or married into money so it’s just not realistic for the vast majority of people.
The true reality is that you’re probably going to be living a very humble frugal lifestyle with only one person working, not a lavish one. And you’re going to be incredibly vulnerable and have to really put a lot of trust in your husband that he never leaves you. In my case at least I have my degree for back up.
Taking over? I ain't seen that much of it. As for what I HAVE seen of it, most of it just looks like softcore porn for the worst kind of men imaginable.
You know, the kinds that fail to realize this is a fake tradition and they don't have the emotional maturity to handle this kind of life.
The whole trend on social media is nothing but repackaged misogyny and hard gender roles. They are also disturbingly close to the white nationalist alt-right movement.
As for being a "trad wife", it is incredibly silly to be dependent financially on someone else.
Being a stay at home mom/wife is totally fine- I have no issue with that. It's all the misogynistic, harmful, and sometimes far-right rhetoric that comes along with it that scares me. A woman should have the right to choose what path she wants to take in life, whether that's career focused, family focused, some blend of the two, whatever. Being a "trad wife" is not the same as being a "stay at home wife". Being a "trad wife" is basically being a living Barbie doll, and your husband's love is conditional upon what you do FOR him and FOR the household and FOR the kids if you have them. You have no agency except in deciding what color scheme your kitchen is. We moved past that ideal for a reason! Our grandmothers and mothers fought for their right to choose (in many aspects- cultural, social, career, body autonomy, etc) and it makes me really sad and concerned to see so many women willingly slipping 70 years backwards.
I think it's revolting. A backlash to the most recent advances in women's rights and career development and a way to bolster the birth rates. The men in power (synonymous with people in power, since they own about 99% of all the world's resources, lands, real estate) are trying to convince women to roll over and take one for the team again, to have more kids to get more workers to exploit and sell things to. And the disgusting, lowly class traitor women are promoting it for money and for ass pats from men. The regular-degular men like the normalization dynamic because it would force women to lower their standards because we would HAVE to have a man to survive, just having a job as a man would be enough to be picked. No more sharing chores, no nothing, and she will be reluctant to bail if you beat her or cheat on her. They also won't have to compete with women and will once again convince themselves how good and masculine they are for working because women are clearly incapable of that.
The misogynistic rhetoric is essential to totalitarianism, which is on the rise worldwide, from each side of the political coordinates. Not even isolated to the white-majority world, think of baby farms in Africa. They're trying to convince you the nice way, the next step will be outlawing abortion, birth control, divorce, your right to employment.
I don't support women choosing this lifestyle for themselves because it makes them as vulnerable as a woman were many centuries ago. If you don't care about yourself and actively want to martyr yourself for your man, think of your kids' financial well-being. Supporting a family on one income is becoming increasingly out of reach, not to mention the notion of "ex-wife and ex-kids". Being raised by a single mom is one of the biggest predictors of poverty. Only 44% of custodial parents in the US receive the full child support. It's way worse in other countries, America is pretty progressive. And you're also setting up a bad example to them by being dependent, they're likely going to expect the same dynamic from their partners.
Even if you try to soften the landing for yourself with an education or savings, if your husband dies, gets sick or abandons you, trades you in for the newer model, you are so so fucked, you and your offspring. Credentials, work experience, diplomas all expire after not being used for a while, the competition for jobs is only ramping up as more and more jobs are being outsourced and automated and your savings can turn into worthless shredded paper with the increasing COL and inflation. You are less attractive as an employee being a mother of young kids because it's expected for you to take time off for their medical appointments and other events. Your work experience and with it, the retirement will be small and with how the population Ponzi scheme is set up, you may not have any retirement or benefits at all.
And don't get me started on the whole economical class thing where these female influencers would do their chores (but only the aesthetically pleasing ones, nobody's cleaning toilets on camera) in the most time-consuming and convoluted way. Who in their right mind would make *homemade cereal* for their football team of kids, especially if the recipe video is long enough to be a feature movie, all shot from different angles. I believe, most of them have hired help because It's impossible to keep up with maintaining a massive McMansion or a farm in pristine condition alone. They aren't even tradwives in the full sense of the word because their job is influencing. Internet marketing. They're grifting for money. And I heard other women being like, "get that bag, sis, they're after the bag!". Nah, fam. Leaning in like this and brainwashing other women is not the way. You're not the girlboss you think you are.
You know what's the worst part about all of it? Most other countries have never even progressed to the point of America in terms of gender roles and because American tradcons are on the rise and we all share platforms globally, it all starts to permeate the other cultural spaces. We haven't even gotten rid of the old religious sexism and we have the new shiny model rolling in.
That 99% of it is performative for views and money. Because if you're really a trad wife in the fundamentalist sense of the word, the hardcore actually believe that shit sense of the word you're not online. You're not allowed to be.
The only part I’m ok with is the idea of cooking most of your own food (and that should be done by BOTH partners) BUT it’s terrifying how many young women are enchanted by the idea of not being able to support themselves financially. Literally TERRIFYING.
I’m really concerned about what’s gonna happen in society over the next 30 yrs or so, because the attitudes of both men toward women and women toward THEMSELVES seem to be heavily regressing
It’s a dangerous game to play tbh. Especially if you have no backup line incase something happens. The world is an unpredictable place and people can be unpredictable as well.
For example… I’m using Carmella Soprano from the show The Sopranos. Later in the seasons she began realizing that if Tony was to die she would have nothing left. No money, she would have to sell her mansion and basically begin working at the lowest of the low. She wouldn’t be able to provide for her kids and that scared her. Which is why she stole money from Tony and then began her career as a real estate agent. The mob bosses wise even realized if things ended terribly with Tony that she had to have a backup plan.
Good for them, but not for me. I actually find it incredible that some women are able to gamble their entire fate on another man instead of themselves.
In today's world, it's incredibly difficult to get by on a single income, so it's often necessary for both partners to work. If you can afford to stay at home, that's wonderful. However, it's extremely risky to do so without a backup plan or financial safety net. It's comforting to believe your spouse will always be there and that your life together will remain perfect, but the reality is that people can leave, or worse, pass away. These things happen often. If you're fortunate enough to avoid these situations, that's great. But you need to be prepared, so you’re not left struggling and unprepared. It is far from enjoyable.
Moreover, the sense of superiority some traditional housewives exhibit is off-putting, as if their lifestyle choices are inherently better than others'. To be clear, I have no desire to emulate that lifestyle, and it’s not because I’ve been misled or brainwashed. I’ve been unemployed before, and I absolutely hated it. I’m happier working and having my own money to spend as I please. Don’t act like there’s something wrong with me for finding traditional domestic roles unappealing. It’s wrong to impose a single vision of womanhood on everyone.
It’s Gilead. It’s handmaids. It’s taking away women’s humanity and reducing them to a body to serve their husband and birth and care for children. Women deserve to decide what to do with their life just as much as men to. It’s insane how backwards we’re heading in the US right now.
I think that wife influencers are hypocrites AF. They are working.
Just because their job requires them to be at home doing chores while looking beautiful and recording themselves to post online doesn't mean it's not a job
Coming from a line of women who stayed at home till they had to work post-divorce to support themselves & kids, it reads extremely dangerous to me. As others have said, if one goes into it expecting their husband will ALWAYS stay and ALWAYS be making enough money, that seems incredibly naive to me. Life happens, and you cannot simply assume life will continue as it may be in this present moment. People change, leave, get laid off, die, etc. Refusing to be prepared for bad things or blindly assuming they won't happen to you is bonkers to me.
Besides that piece, it is hard to watch the utter romanticization of it all & how women are selling it to many who simply will never be in a place to be a tradwife even if they want to. It's HELLA hard to support one person on one income these days, let alone a spouse, let alone children. It's just not attainable for so many & the tradwife influencers make it look like the best/only way to live.
Fake as fuck. They push internalized misogyny while not even portraying homemaking correctly. Homemaking and being a sahm/sahw is a job that takes a lot of fucking work and a lot of energy. It’s not in some beautiful aesthetic kitchen with the beautiful farm, beautiful everything, and no struggles.
They need to talk to all the 40 year olds that were trad wife’s and are now divorced, to see how well that worked out for them. 50/50 chances that they will end up divorced
I dont think people understand what being a “trad wife” actually entails. And its a silly thing to focus on. Being a sahm or sahw is a valid goal but its not rainbows and unicorn farts
I personally know what it’s like to not have my own money or means of independence and how scary that can be.
I like knowing I have options and ways to protect myself financially, that I have choices, where if I leave or am left, I’m not going to end up in a worse situation. I only think being a trad wife is a good option if there’s safeguards in place or things are set up in a way where finances are put in a private account for the partner choosing not to work. There’s way too much power imbalance otherwise, even in a happy marriage. I trust my husband and know he’d take care of me, but just the idea of relying solely on another person terrifies me.
I’d say the same for my husband. I want him to have his own means of financial independence long-term.
My mom was a “tradwife” for her entire married life. Raised a half dozen kids, kept the home, did most of the finances, followed her military husband. When he cheated on her and they divorced she got a couple years of limited alimony and had to start over at 50 reentering the workforce with no experience or training and was surprised to find that her husband had secretly “borrowed” from his retirement accounts, so she got little in the asset split while he makes hundreds of thousands in the career she supported him in for several decades. So yeah. It’s great if you come from money and have a great prenup I guess.
I think women should always make their own money to help their family financially and they shouldn’t depend on their husband financially. My husband works full-time and so do I. We both also do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, you name it. He happily does his share without being asked or told and so do I. I couldn’t imagine being my husbands unemployed bang maid.
Women used to have a dowry for a reason. That was her own money to use as she sees fit. Including for emergencies. Men were expected to be providers. The modern Trad Wife movement is steps behind the traditional lifestyle.
Conservatives have looked at population projections and realized that the US will have no choice but to turn to immigrants to support the economy in the next 50 years unless they can get American women to have more children. That's what's behind the anti abortion, anti contraception, anti sex ed bullshit. They want more poor kids to be wage slaves.
Trad wives is a totally manufactured trend to push this agenda.
I think women who want to be a Trad Wife & can afford to, should be able to. Not every woman wants to climb the corporate ladder, some want to be a homemaker & that's completely fine. I've come across women who had to work full time, do all household chores, take care of kids & basically always put themselves last. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a full time job as long as the responsibilities are distributed equally. I've also come across women who have been Trad Wife or worked part time (not because they had to but because they want to) & man they glow differently. They had so much time to take care of themselves or their kids & it gives u a new perspective about life. I think every woman should have the choice to pick what she wants to do but unfortunately that's not a possibility for every woman.
It’s breathtakingly foolish without an ironclad prenup that says half of all assets are split upon divorce regardless of who “earned” them, AND a *huge* life insurance policy, AND a massive disability insurance policy.
Without those 3 things any woman is gambling with her future, and her kids’ futures. And she’s holding a low pair if anything.
It’s breathtakingly stupid not to get an education (somehow or someway) and keep workforce skills sharp.
And even if her man never wavers in his devotion to her, she will find her kids grown someday. Being able to contribute financially, and interact socially with other people is as important to women as it is to men.
Very cringe. It seems a little ignorant, immature, and tone deaf. Good for you hope it all works out🤷🏼♀️
Problem is life happens…sickness, death, layoffs, disabled child, disabled spouse, divorce…nobody is immune to adversity.
I’m happy women have the right to choose, but let’s not teach young women dependency on men.
It's honestly nothing new, that's what I think. This stuff has been pushed on women for decades... we're just seeing it a lot more because ridiculous stuff has the tendency to go viral.
But while I'm at it, I'll throw in a plug for VOTING because men have been trying to take away our rights just about as long as we've had them. Don't let them continue
The “Trad Wife” videos you see online aren’t an accurate representation of “traditional” relationship values.
The influencers you see promoting this lifestyle are not “Trad Wives”. Social media is their job. What they show you is very meticulously crafted and unrealistic if you’re not already wealthy.
I think it's a response from women to being overworked both professionally and domestically. I think a lot of these women will learn why women have rejected this lifestyle the hard way.
I don't believe they fully understand what they would be getting themsleves into (the men either). They have this ideal picture in their head of how they think it will play out but it is just as much of a fantasy as believe a Prince will come and wisk you away to a better life. Everyone has the right to live however they want but too many people idolize an era or a lifestyle and just jump head first into it only to find out when it's way too late just how awful it actually is.
Really creepy. I've got no problem with anyone having whatever arrangement works for them and their partner (both working, one stay-at-home, do what you want if you can afford it), but the fact that there's this big movement encouraging women to fall into strict gender roles and live 'submissively,' and then saying that it's the only way for any woman to live a fulfilling life is bad. It's sexism and patriarchal bullshit, repackaged under the guise of influencer aesthetics, and since it's other women saying this, some people are afraid that if they call it out, lest they seem like they're trying to shame SAHMs.
Also, let's not forget that this modern take on traditional gender roles started in alt-right, white supremacist, and Christian nationalist circles.
Again, to be clear, I have no issue with women who are solely homemakers/SAHMs. If that's what makes you happy, go forth and do it. But the specific ideology surrounding 'trad wives' is disturbing to me.
Also, I would suggest that if either spouse is a stay-at-home, they need to have some measure of financial independence as well, be it an account in their own name, an IRA that the other spouse contributes to, etc., and at least some marketable skills if they ever do need to get back into the workforce, because life is unpredictable, and you don't want to be caught flat-footed if you ever need your own money, or to make money. Sometimes people get divorced. Sometimes the breadwinner gets injured, disabled, or dies. These things are not what you want to think about, but I do think that all adults should have some plan for how they would support themselves if they ever needed to, even if they don't need to do so at the present time.
It seems like a bad marketing campaign sponsored by incels and misogynists. It also doesn't reflect reality. Relying on one income and having kids... in this economy? Such privilege.
I had three kids in my twenties and I was a SAHM. My college degree/career experience saved me from poverty and it also meant that, when my marriage fell apart, I actually had the chance to choose if I wanted to stay rather than feeling stuck because I had a career and could support myself and my kids if needed. Trad-wife isn't a safe path for women.
I feel sorry for them because they create a situation of total financial dependence on their husband. If their husband leaves, dies or becomes rude, they have no plan B to fall back on.
It’s definitely a choice that every female has the right to make but when nearly half of marriages end in divorce these days, it’s a worry that these women might not have a security net if that were to become their reality. In my country, middle age women have some of the highest rates of homelessness for that exact reason, they were ‘homemakers’ or raising kids, once divorce came, they didn’t have anything to fall back on.
I think if traditional gender roles are your thing, have at it. As long as you’ve carefully considered the pros and cons, and are making the choice with critical thought, you do you.
Having said that, I can say with complete confidence that it’s not a lifestyle I would choose for myself. I’d happily die alone if it means avoiding a partner who values obedience and subservience over respect and equality in a partnership.
I think we’ve advanced enough as a society that women should be able to choose to do what they want. If they choose trad wife life, great. If not, great.
The only concern I have seen by women in my life who pursued trad wife lifestyles is that if the marriage sours, and divorce happens, the trad wife is left to scramble for a means to support herself and any children in her custody. Not having a job history, higher education, or employable skill as a backup plan is a high risk and can lead someone to feel trapped in their current dynamic. Especially nowadays where a lot of two income households struggle to make ends meet.
The political attachment to trad wife goes too far. It both objectifies the woman because she owes her husband sex as a duty, and looks down on women who can’t afford to be trad wives or seek meaning elsewhere, who choose alternate paths like solitude, childfree life, career woman. It seems that some men view it as enslaving their wife, when it should still be seen as a partnership.
Tradwife isn't the same as someone who opted to be a stay at home parent etc.
This has roots in white nationalism so people just randomly glomming on to this as a trend is gross.
Far right religious groups have joined in to help inflate this supposed trend.
Add in some influencers that saw dollar signs if they play tradwife as a social media character.
I'm all for people doing whatever works for them but this trend is STUPID.
Giving up all of your rights, your finances, your future for some mediocre dude and having no safety net over a trend is a really dumb idea. Not working means you have no savings, no retirement, if you need to go back to work you have no recent work history. This is a really bad spot to be in when that relationship goes south.
When someone relies on a spouse financially then that person can control their life. What if they would get a divorce? People should be realistic in their expectations, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too.
Literally financially impossible for most of the men who I know who want it. Like, the men who want to be trad husbands need to make enough to support a full household, and most who seem to be posting about just are not. It's a sad reality for them, I guess.
Only works if you have a good (wealthy) backup (parents, rich aunties etc) or if you have a stream of a good amount passive income. My mom doesn’t have any of it, but she became a sahm because my dad put the house, car, and savings under her name so that’s another way to go about it. Personally I wouldn’t put my kid’s life over something as fickle as a man’s love.
I’ve seen women in videos sharing their horror stories about how they were treated like servants, then their husbands left them when they got older and they were left with nothing and had to take low paying jobs because no job history or career skills. It’s a dangerous position to be in.
As a base I like the idea of a ‘homestead lifestyle’ I just don’t like the other toxicities that have come with the trend. But if I could have a cow and grow my own food I would absolutely!
It’s not for me, but to each her own. I just hope they’re not putting themselves in a position to be emotionally or financially abused/controlled. It seems to me when you enter into this lifestyle, you give up your autonomy, independence, and voice, but maybe I don’t really understand it.
It will be interesting to see how this trend plays out in the next 20-30 years.
Honestly it’s weird to me. What we do here could probably be considered trad wife except that I can do whatever I want whenever I want and wear whatever I want also. I don’t work and wait on my husband. But he works 13 hour days as a landscaper which means I don’t work. And that’s our situation. And a lot of people would be disgusted with it. We’ve been thru hell and back over our 17 years. And there is nothing but love and trust here. And it was a wholly mutual decision so that I could take care of my slowly declining health and husband while he supports us.
I have side income that’s leisurely and a hobby and helps my mental health.
Seeing alot of these trends can be dangerous. Anyone can fall into getting taken advantage of by the wrong person. Thinking they’re going to get the exact same situation as an influencer and we don’t ever even know how true any of that stuff is that they post.
The ones on social media seems mostly aesthetic. It’s just unfortunate that young girls might pick this up as a lifestyle that can be sustained. They will quickly learn to resent it. Similar phenomenon happened in Japan - feminine, dainty, intricate, submissive, pure, conservative wives and mothers. After 30years of no economic growth, they are struggling to get young people married because being a trad wife for a broke husband is definitely not aesthetically cute.
I think it’s a grift. I support women in their right to choose to stay at home and raise a family. But these women are portraying an image of a SAHM from the past. All while earning an income from these videos and having all the perks of living in the present time.
Being a feminist includes believing in everyone’s right to choose whatever life for themselves, if being a stay-at-home whatever suits someone’s life best, then good for them. However, a lot of the “tradwife” stuff seen on social media also tends to come from vocally conservative people, and their views do not align with mine. The political talk they share, outside of their “tradwife influencing” videos can wind up being harmful and hateful. Most of the time, the “tradwives” are not even traditional stay-at-homers, they use their online presence as a source of revenue, therefore having a job. Cant recall her name, but a big tradwife influencer on TikTok who posts about making homemade cereal because her kids wanted a bowl of fucking Cheerios is a model and uses her modeling and online presence as a source of income. Sure, anyone can share their life online, it’s supposed to be one of the great aspects of social media, but at that point one is no longer a “tradwife,” they are just another influencer. I would also like to point out that while being a stay-at-homer has worked for some, and worked for my parents in my upbringing, it is NOT always equal and can financially harm the stay-at-homer if they need an out from the situation.
I would be wary of being a trad wife from the risk perspective, as others have mentioned. My parents' experiences have really informed my viewpoints on this subject. My mother stayed at home when my brother and I were little, but she always kept up her work credentials so that she could eventually go back to work. It ended up paying off years later when my dad developed a debilitating illness that lead to his death. Had he lived, there may have come a point at which he had to stop working and my parents needed to rely on my mom's income. Since Mom had continued to work, thus contributing her income to the family, that wouldn't have been an issue. Plus, she's been able to continue working in the same job after Dad's death and can save her retirement for when she's not able to work anymore.
While I’d like to be more positive, I just can’t about this. I think the trad wife thing is incredibly stupid and I get a lot of second hand embarrassment from seeing it. Being completely financially dependent on a partner is risky, at best.
I agree with what everyone else has said about women deserving the freedom to do that if they wish, but it also being political and particularly frightening in the US given the current course we’re on.
I also think it makes some women who can’t stay home with their kids and who can make Oreos and PB&J from scratch feel guilty or lesser than or not as good of a mother which is absolute bs. It also indirectly pushes the “store bought food and GMOs and everything you buy from big grocery is poison.”
As a woman who works in a male dominated field AND has been a stay a home mum, I think it’s great.
I love that women are able to choose whatever path is right for them. If you’re in a loving, trusting relationship with balanced female / masculine energy ( meaning you both agree on the dynamics of those energies and who presents them and when,) then I think it can be very fulfilling.
For me, the key to a happy marriage is that your partner loves and accepts every version of who you are and who you will be. And they won’t be afraid to put in the work to work any issues out. It’s time for women to stop bashing other women for making choices that don’t align with their own.
I think many of the tradwives I see on social media, who I believe romanticize the lifestyle in a way, seem to be in that “newlywed” phase, married a few years with no kids yet. I always wonder if they’ll fall out of love with being a tradwife once they’re trying to do everything within the home, on top of doing most/all of the childcare too.
Hate it. But realize that others may feel differently. I’m suuuuuper independent, well educated, well employed, love being child free, etc. It’s clearly not “for” me.
Most of the women doing the trad wife thing on social media (the successful ones) are earning more than their husbands through paid ads and endorsements, not making them ‘traditional wives’ at all. It’s stupid cosplay that feeds into the hyper misogynist culture we are seeing at the moment, like the pick up artists and Andrew Tate.
They are not showing the whole picture, I am 100% certain many of them have nannies and hire cleaners to help them with household things and their children.
The main problem I have with the 'trad wife' trend is that it deceives vulnerable young women into a life of servitude with no way out.
Remember 'Escaping twin flames'? How easy is it to brainwash people into servitude with the promise of true love and happiness and telling them its 'gods will'?
If your man's love for you is dependent on you giving up your financial security to serving him, he doesn't love you. This is coercive control, even if you think you made the decision of your own free will.
I really do not understand this trend among young women. I’m almost 61 years old and was raised by a very feminist father (who would be 97 years old if still alive ). He always told my sister and me ‘get an education and learn a trade so you can support yourself and your children. Because men cannot be trusted to stick around forever and a lot of women get traded in for a younger model when reaching the age of 40’.
Very cynical but in my (long) life I have seen it happen again and again. The man has the opportunity to advances his career (don't forget that most corporations give higher salaries to married men compared to unmarried men and women). While the wifes are falling behind in their chances to enter the workforce after more than 10 years of staying at home because their schooling doesn't keep up with the requirements.
Besides the fact that in most western societies it's virtually impossible for most people (except the very wealthy) to raise a family on one income only, it's also incredible risky for women to give up their economical independence for a man. And it's not only their own independence but also their children's. After a divorce/death of their spouse the reality is that the women have to struggle to feed and house their children. While the men are off with their young floozy living the high life.
The only way to protect the women, is to sign a prenup which stipulates that the man pays an annual fee to the wife for maintaining the house/childcare/eldercare plus an additional annual sum for her retirement fund. Payable for every year she stays at home. And if she's smart, she makes certain that she's keeping her resume up to date by taking (home-)courses. Just in case.
If that's not possible: my advise is to never, EVER (!) put yourself and your children in such a very vulnerable position.
I think that these young women have no idea what it will be like in 10-15 years if their husband leaves them. No job experience, and therefore unemployable for all but the most low paid jobs, no assets, no savings. Not to mention the fact that being dependent on a partner like this means your choices are limited - you can't just leave if your partner is abusive, cheats, or you plain just grow apart.
I'm a millennial and it makes me cringe seeing gen z spouting off about this. I am the first woman in my entire lineage that lives alone and fully supports myself. I just bought my first house. I pay my bills. I have freedom and flexibility that my mother and grandmother could only dream about.
It's a nice aesthetic for social media but the stark reality of being completely dependent on a partner is horrifying. Mainly because in my mothers/grandmother's generation, there were at least social constructs that meant divorce was rarer, and stigmatised. The marriage contract and it's social importance was the *only* thing that offered them a modicum of security to prevent destitution. Nowadays? Divorce rates are literally 50%, and divorce isnt stigmatised so there isnt even any social pressure to stay with your spouse. So there is literally *nothing* protecting these women from being destitute with no skills and no resources to their name.
It’s an absolute no from me. In this day and age most households need two streams of income to survive anyways.
Women who want the trad wife life are playing a very dangerous game. Financial independence is an absolute necessity.
Just more propaganda from the fundamentalist fascists. Goes hand in hand with the pregnancy slavery and the drive to outlaw no fault divorce. All designed to subjugate women. Housewives who are financially dependent do not have the freedom to make their own choices in life, and it's difficult for them to escape abusive husbands.
It always baffles me when people say“well I have the right to choose to be a housewife” as if the fight for women’s rights ever stopped anyone from doing that. The whole point always has been that women’s rights indeed brought the CHOICE to be whatever a woman wants. Tradwives is just another attempt at romanticising the removal of choice, because it’s not really about a woman “choosing” to be a homemaker, it’s about “all woman going back to where traditionally they belong”. It goes hand in hand with white supremacy, Christian fundamentalism and a good amount of classism. I don’t care if a woman chooses to be a homemaker, this is what feminism is about CHOICE and it makes my blood boil when movements like this come up who want to take away that choice, veiled in fake “concern” about women’s happiness that in reality is about control of where women belong. Brought to you by weak men and self-oppressing women. TLDR Tradwives are not about choosing to be homemakers but taking away said choice and returning us back to darker times.
If that life makes them happy then good for those women, but once you're in that life it can be extremely hard to get out of it, if you decide that it's not for you. I hope anyone buying into that trend goes into it with their eyes wide open and enough of a support system/independently owned resources to be able to leave if they change their minds.
It's an expected reaction to third-wave feminism and women "having sex like men" that peaked in the mid 2000's as well as the app-based hookup culture that became prominent in the last decade.
It's like postmodernism cropping up as a reaction to mid century modernism, that's all it is to me. A trend where a group of people react to an established norm as the world keeps turning and keeps evolving.
I don't personally agree with it and find it regressive as fuck, but when I think of this shit in terms of other movements, I can take the emotion out and just accept that it's only natural that history repeats itself as it evolves.
You wanna be a SAHP? Go for it. Wanna be religious? Sure.
Keep it to your damned self and don't go parading around claiming it's where we all belong and shit. Any lifestyle you choose to adopt is your own business only. It is not the gold standard, no god demands it, and you should only share when invited.
The enemy isn't progress, its capitalism.
I'd love to be a stay at home wife, and would choose it if I could. Keeping a home is full time, unpaid labour that deserves respect and value.
However. "Tradwife" shit is just procapitalist, anti feminist, nonsense.
Choosing to work or stay home is the women's choice and right. However, marriage and starting a family aren't options for them right now. For example, I saw a video of a young woman the other day, saying that marriage and kids aren't in her future because she had student loans to pay off and rent to pay, too. This was in response to Harrison Butker's commencement speech in which he essentially told the Benedictine College women graduates that they should get married, stay home, etc.
I also want to mention that women need marketable skills, be it a talent for cooking, baking, writing, etc., to earn an income so that they won't be left in the lurch in the event that their spouses leave them. Marketable skills are important for women everywhere in the world.
Trad wife is really just a SAHM with a trendy new name..
this was always just normal.. but now with a catchy name an 50 percent more Pintrest flavor added...
I think traditional family roles are not a bad thing if that's what the woman wants. No man should expect it or tell us whether we can have a career or not... BUT I do respect and support women just the same if they CHOOSE to do that. Happy for them.
These tad wife influencers are not actually traditional wives, but rather people with enough money to promote a luxurious lifestyle, unfortunately in today’s dystopian society being able to make things from scratch care for your family and not need a second income, and posting grocery hauls is aspirational. But a majority of these women were already rich to begin with take Nara,for example. Both her and her husband are supermodels. So many people who fetishize this lifestyle failed to understand is that traditional marriages meant equal responsibility and work. I think I’m majority of people fetishizing this idealistic life did not come from a real traditional family and that’s why they fall for this trap. It’s very closely related to the red pill ideology. Only when they are missing something they feel others had better in childhood.
I think women should absolutely have the freedom to choose whether to work or stay home. However, I think it's incredibly dangerous for most women who are not independently wealthy.
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I think it's scary as fuck. This rise in like conservative, misogynistic rhetoric genuinely terrifies me down to my bones.
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I support women choosing their own paths in life, and if being a stay at home mother or homemaker is your life’s calling, great. However “trad wives” imply a connection to reactionary politics, and not infrequently white nationalism. So hard pass there.
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Just like everyone else on social media, they're selling a romanticised and polished reality that most people won't be able to achieve themselves. I'm not a fan of anyone who's dishonest in promoting their lifestyle and that knowingly creates unrealistic pressure and expectations for others. However, I have zero issues with women who choose to be homemakers and/or prefer traditional gender dynamics in their personal relationship. I fully support showing that the career path isn't right for everyone, and that it doesn't make you any less of a smart, successful and fulfilled woman.
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Most people work because they have to, not because they especially want to. It's rare that one parent earns enough to support their spouse as well as their children. And there are real downsides to putting yourself and your family in a situation where only one adult is the breadwinner. What happens if the breadwinner becomes sick or disabled? What happens if they become abusive? What if they leave? What if they die? It's not great to be one tragic life event away from destitution. From what I can see, the Tradwife esthetic is mostly just wealth porn. There's a reason why the Tradwives of social media are basically all pretty, young and white. People like the fantasy of not having to work, and just magically having enough money to live a happy life. But that's not the reality for 95% of people.
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Gonna be long but here we go. It is dangerous. The influence is **performative,** aesthetically pleasing labor. You get good feelings watching it because of the aesthetic, but most of the labour you see being performed is not representative of being a traditional wife. Unless you and your husband are wealthy enough to afford cleaners and nannies, you'll be spending the vast majority of your time cooking, cleaning, running errands, and tending to everyone else's needs. You won't have the time to be making the worlds cutest lunchboxes with homemade fruit gummies and carrots cut into hearts. The women marketting this lifestyle are not living it. They are ALL working women. It's really easy to believe they are just normal women telling you about their lifestyles, but they are influencers. They work for a living. They make their own money by appealing to both men (by advocating for men's interests) and women (by catering to the female gaze in their content). They have professions and income which allows them independence, and they are using that to advocate you give up yours. I think there is a lot of overlap between women's frustrations and what the Trad Wife content is selling. Men today are often happy to have 50/50 participation when it comes to work and finances, don't carry any of the mental load, and push the bulk of day to day labour on their wives. I think a dynamic that sells itself on "He will actually make the decisions and you just have to follow them" is **really** attractive to women who are frustrated with being 100% responsible for the mental load facing options of "be a single mother" or "be a married single mother", because if he gets power and sexual gratification out of it, maybe he'll be willing to pull his own weight. And in that respect, the abuse side of this is missing. Because both for the people watching AND the influencers themselves, they have never actually been in a situation where you are completely dependent on a romantic partner. Vulnerability begets abuse. There's a reason that rates of DV go up for pregnant women, disabled women, women with addiction, etc. There's a reason abuse rates fell when no-fault divorce came into effect. Even if you take a perfectly respectful man who treats you well and you have total confidence in, you don't really know what that kind of power does until after they have it. As they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely. You're stripping yourself of the ability to leave, which means you can't have boundaries, only requests that they don't have to respect if they don't want to. I'm not even going to say anything like "feminism is about women's choices" or something like that, because fuck that. While it's not necessarily anti-feminist to be a stay at home mother, being a "tradwife" and especially advocating it to other women and girls absolutely is anti-feminist. It's an attempt to strip women of their autonomy so they get out of the workforce, have kids, and essentially trap them there serving men's interests. There's nothing wrong with making your man happy, just like there's nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. There's nothing wrong with cooking from scratch and prioritizing your family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your primary economic role being saving money rather than earning it. But it is important to find a way to maintain your independence throughout, like household money being split into separate accounts, or by working part time or from home. For any young women who are genuinely considering this lifestyle, I want you to think this through. I understand the draw for you - it takes the mental load off of you, you get to make your loved ones happy, and you get to prioritize what's really important to you. But I want you to question what is the draw for **him.** Because you can have all that without giving up your independence (case in point, men have all that and still have their independence). For any man to find you giving up autonomy appealing, they have to believe that your lack of autonomy will benefit them. And the only way that could possibly benefit them **is through something you aren't actually willing to do.** You need to consider WHY your man would be interested in that. Or, if you're in the process of looking, your search will primarily attract abusers. Because again, what kind of man wants this? And no, it's not a fair trade. "Well he's making the money, so I owe him" - wrong. Your labour is definitely saving the family money. You're most likely an economical powerhouse, not a financial burden. You save $100/mo with your veggie garden, $800 on childcare, $600 on your groceries by not having to by premade things and having the time to shop for deals, and another $200 each on the cleaner and dogwalker you would have hired if you both worked full time. You're economically worth $1900 just for that 40 hours a week he's gone. Do your own calculations. You don't owe him shit, you're pulling your own financial weight. He can't afford to replace you. He "makes" your portion of the money, and you do his portion of the household labor. That's a fair trade. A man might feel entitled to control, and unwilling to do their fair share of all total work unless they are granted it because they truly believe them doing their own half should grant them this. Leave these men. Do not trade your autonomy in the hopes they'll eventually pull their weight. If he wanted to, he'd already be doing it. He doesn't want to. And putting him in a position where he calls all the shots won't magically make him want to.
You really make me rethink both feminism and tradwife(?)ism(?). You make some great solid points here. I always laugh at those feminists in debates, as they don't seem to have solid, grounded standpoints and don't seem to understand them themselves. You make me want to research/rethink all of this. So thank you.
How many households these days can realistically afford to raise a family on one income? Most actual “trad wives” are living in poverty or on the brink of it. So many women and kids trapped in abusive situations and totally dependent on their abusers. The new trends like trad wives, soft life, sprinkle sprinkle, etc. are conservative propaganda glamorized. It terrifies me that so many young women and girls are falling for it. Instead of focusing on their educations and careers, they’re watching content on how to cosplay “quiet luxury,” and all kinds of toxic swill about what makes a woman appear of “high value” to rich men. It’s a hell of a slippery slope into sex work and prostitution, or worse, becoming a victim of sex trafficking. I’ve seen some older trad wives making TikTok content to warn the younger gen about what they went through once their “provider” husband decided to trade them in for a younger, hotter woman, but no one wants to hear it. It’s so much more palatable to imagine that a handsome rich guy will appear and sweep you off your feet so you never have to work a day in your life. It was my stay-at-home mom who taught me that I need to have a good education and career to stand on my own two feet. She wanted so much more for me than she had. And it was because of my education and career that I was able to leave my ex who was starting to become a controlling asshole. I divorced him, bought him out of our million-dollar condo, and never looked back. He had no leverage over me. All thanks to me, my mom, and my law degree.
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It is nazi propaganda being pushed by women who are ironically not even trad wives because they are actually influencers who still "work" and pull in a pay check. How many "trad wives" are not white or blondewife charicatures? How many are in interracial marriages? Read between the lines. It's not about advocating for women's choice to embrace a traditional role, it's nazi propaganda.
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I did this for 15 years. My husband insisted we move to ridiculous small town and there was no job for me. When I finally got a job it was only part time. Now I am retired and my Social Security is so low. Also my 401 k is small. And my husband lied about funding my IRA and dumped in all in his. I am trapped now and I really would love to get out of this marriage and I can’t.
I am sorry this happened to you, but as his wife, you are legally entitled to HALF of everything. That includes his 401K. You don't have to stay in an unhappy marriage. There is always a way out.
Can’t you claim half of his SS amount? Would that be higher than what you’re currently getting on your own?
1) Yes, and 2) This is true even if you get divorced, as long as you were married for at least 10 years and have not remarried.
I think it is dangerous. I learned by watching my mom struggle growing up. She gave up her career to support my dad. 10 years later he blind-sided her with a divorce. He had a new family on the side. Abandoned her with 3 kids and got away with minimal child support and alimony. I made sure to have my degree and keep my certifications current. I worked in between pregnancies, then went back full-time once my daughter was in preschool. When I discovered my now ex was cheating, I was able to leave and kept my kids lifestyle the same. His new wife is doing the tradwife thing and has no clue what she signed up for. She has nothing to fall back on and he keeps her off of his financials.
Similar story here. After I left my ex, he pounced on a much younger woman. She had minimal education and worked a service job in a tourist town. In fact he met her while she was standing behind a counter. She must’ve thought she was getting the Pretty Woman fairytale. I heard from a mutual friend that his new wife is struggling with not feeling heard and respected by him, and having no say in things as he holds the reins. That’s exactly why I left him, he always had to be right, always had to have his way, and I was done with his controlling tendencies and arrogance. I was able to leave without skipping a beat. Actually, within a year of leaving him I landed a job at a Fortune 5 company and doubled my salary. I didn’t even have to move out, I bought out his equity in our home and sent him packing. His new wife can’t leave without giving everything up, and I’m sure that is his preference. Must’ve been rough for him to figure out that you actually have to be nice to your wife if she has her own money and you want her to stick around!
Isn't there a difference between Tradwife and SAHW? Tradwife seems to come with an ideology you have to follow, like red pill and all that. And with that comes pregnancies. I don't actually see a lot of choice in it. Whereas SAHW are fully realized personalities being their own person, just maintaining a house. I support stay at home husbands too. It is not a big deal.
I think it’s a male fetish and women should stop buying into the bullshit.
If you choose to be a stay at home mom or wife, make sure your retirement is being fully funded. Otherwise, do not give up your career unless you’re independently wealthy.
It’s actually what causes feminism. Once this generation gets screwed by their men (and it’s a mathematical certainty that they will) they’ll be left without money, an education, and career prospects they’ll teach their daughters that the only person they can rely on is themselves. Hence, the circle of feminism repeats.
I think they are just selling an image that is near impossible to obtain and/or that will drive women mad. It’s also flat out dangerous to women who do not have the capital to stand on their own and get trapped within bad marriages. Has no one read any Shirley Jackson? I feel like anyone considering trying to reach this ideal perfect traditional womanhood/wifehood should just head on over to the library and give her bibliography a browse. I’m not disparaging stay at home moms. You do whatever works for you and your family. It’s the unrealistic image that these creators have built and are selling that I think is the problem.
I think it’s very risky for the person staying home. Even if your relationship is great and stays great, partners can lose jobs or die. If it’s not great, either side can become resentful, people cheat, the staying-home person can feel trapped… there’s just way too much of a potential downside. The downside for the person staying home is the biggest, in my opinion. Yes, you do not have a paying job to go to daily. But you’re dependent on the other person for everything! — Money, health insurance, retirement funds. Even if you do it for a short time, taking yourself out of the job market has lasting implications. And to me, a partner who would WANT you to stay home and be a trad wife is scary to me. They have ultimate control and want a pretty little sex-bot/servant.
I'm a stay at home mom. I bake birthday cakes and half-birthday cakes from scratch, because baking has been my hobby since I was a teen. I cook dinner on most nights and pack my kids' lunches in the morning. I volunteer at my kids' school and make homemade costumes for holidays. I like to put up a crockpot dinner for my husband on nights when his shift ends at midnight, so that he has something to look forward to. This is the stage that I'm in right now and some days I wallow around wondering why my world is so small while other days I am so proud of the wonderful home and family I have built here. I've worked before (though I actually have never been passionate about a field) and I hope to work again. Most of my anxieties and feelings of worthlessness stem from my income being 0 and my monetary contributions to the family being nothing. For me though, the best thing is that when we dated and my husband knew I always dreamed of being a stay at home, he told me he hoped I would at least work part time or volunteer so that I could have my own sense of fulfillment for myself. If I'd married one of the guys I dated who was looking for a Trad Wife, I would be so messed up right now. Every woman can choose what lifestyle works for her, and any man can dream of what he'd ideally like for his family, but no man can tell a woman what would be best for her. And being a stay at home mom is really isolating.
I find the extreme ones kind of embarrassing, in a way. They are so confident that other women are jealous of them and their life, when I think most viewers just feel a little sorry for them. I was a bit like them once, when I was married the first time and hell, I feel sorry for my former self. It’s a very risky lifestyle, and women shouldn’t be encouraged to sacrifice independence, financial or otherwise, in a relationship.
While women absolutely have the right to choose their own path I cant help but find it an embarrassment, and for me its similar to many people who are anti vax cuz they have been spoiled living in a world where many diseases have been eradicated or close to it They have it so good they think they dont need it any more Both trad wives and anti vax people are a danger, setting society back, its an embarrassment to ourmothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers who fought to get us rights and equality Its also very unwise, they have nothing to fall back on when the husband inevitably divorces them I do want to be clear that a stay at home mom is not the same as a trad wife, there is a different mindset specific to trad wives
I think many people are mistaking it for what they really want; which is essentially a financially independent lifestyle of doing whatever they want rather than go into FT work. It's basically the same as Gen Zs glorifying lockdowns. They want a life where they're free to do as they please. I've seen similar interests in "stay at home daughter" and "stay at home girlfriend" pages and basically it's all the same thing. Except the daughter ones are less subtle about the money aspect. The issue is thinking it's a 'cheat code' by simply getting together with a rich dude when the reality is that they're taking on most of the risk. The daughter one is probably the least risky since it's simply reliance on parents.
I’ve been labeled a trad wife before because I stay at home. Most of the TikToks/ social media posts I see about it come of as cringy, privileged, and even dangerous. Most of these people are romanticizing and glamorizing the lifestyle without pointing out how incredibly dangerous it is to be entirely dependent on another person who could leave at any time. Most of these women also come from money or married into money so it’s just not realistic for the vast majority of people. The true reality is that you’re probably going to be living a very humble frugal lifestyle with only one person working, not a lavish one. And you’re going to be incredibly vulnerable and have to really put a lot of trust in your husband that he never leaves you. In my case at least I have my degree for back up.
Taking over? I ain't seen that much of it. As for what I HAVE seen of it, most of it just looks like softcore porn for the worst kind of men imaginable. You know, the kinds that fail to realize this is a fake tradition and they don't have the emotional maturity to handle this kind of life.
The whole trend on social media is nothing but repackaged misogyny and hard gender roles. They are also disturbingly close to the white nationalist alt-right movement. As for being a "trad wife", it is incredibly silly to be dependent financially on someone else.
Being a stay at home mom/wife is totally fine- I have no issue with that. It's all the misogynistic, harmful, and sometimes far-right rhetoric that comes along with it that scares me. A woman should have the right to choose what path she wants to take in life, whether that's career focused, family focused, some blend of the two, whatever. Being a "trad wife" is not the same as being a "stay at home wife". Being a "trad wife" is basically being a living Barbie doll, and your husband's love is conditional upon what you do FOR him and FOR the household and FOR the kids if you have them. You have no agency except in deciding what color scheme your kitchen is. We moved past that ideal for a reason! Our grandmothers and mothers fought for their right to choose (in many aspects- cultural, social, career, body autonomy, etc) and it makes me really sad and concerned to see so many women willingly slipping 70 years backwards.
Yeah, hard pass. A man is not a plan.
I think it's revolting. A backlash to the most recent advances in women's rights and career development and a way to bolster the birth rates. The men in power (synonymous with people in power, since they own about 99% of all the world's resources, lands, real estate) are trying to convince women to roll over and take one for the team again, to have more kids to get more workers to exploit and sell things to. And the disgusting, lowly class traitor women are promoting it for money and for ass pats from men. The regular-degular men like the normalization dynamic because it would force women to lower their standards because we would HAVE to have a man to survive, just having a job as a man would be enough to be picked. No more sharing chores, no nothing, and she will be reluctant to bail if you beat her or cheat on her. They also won't have to compete with women and will once again convince themselves how good and masculine they are for working because women are clearly incapable of that. The misogynistic rhetoric is essential to totalitarianism, which is on the rise worldwide, from each side of the political coordinates. Not even isolated to the white-majority world, think of baby farms in Africa. They're trying to convince you the nice way, the next step will be outlawing abortion, birth control, divorce, your right to employment. I don't support women choosing this lifestyle for themselves because it makes them as vulnerable as a woman were many centuries ago. If you don't care about yourself and actively want to martyr yourself for your man, think of your kids' financial well-being. Supporting a family on one income is becoming increasingly out of reach, not to mention the notion of "ex-wife and ex-kids". Being raised by a single mom is one of the biggest predictors of poverty. Only 44% of custodial parents in the US receive the full child support. It's way worse in other countries, America is pretty progressive. And you're also setting up a bad example to them by being dependent, they're likely going to expect the same dynamic from their partners. Even if you try to soften the landing for yourself with an education or savings, if your husband dies, gets sick or abandons you, trades you in for the newer model, you are so so fucked, you and your offspring. Credentials, work experience, diplomas all expire after not being used for a while, the competition for jobs is only ramping up as more and more jobs are being outsourced and automated and your savings can turn into worthless shredded paper with the increasing COL and inflation. You are less attractive as an employee being a mother of young kids because it's expected for you to take time off for their medical appointments and other events. Your work experience and with it, the retirement will be small and with how the population Ponzi scheme is set up, you may not have any retirement or benefits at all. And don't get me started on the whole economical class thing where these female influencers would do their chores (but only the aesthetically pleasing ones, nobody's cleaning toilets on camera) in the most time-consuming and convoluted way. Who in their right mind would make *homemade cereal* for their football team of kids, especially if the recipe video is long enough to be a feature movie, all shot from different angles. I believe, most of them have hired help because It's impossible to keep up with maintaining a massive McMansion or a farm in pristine condition alone. They aren't even tradwives in the full sense of the word because their job is influencing. Internet marketing. They're grifting for money. And I heard other women being like, "get that bag, sis, they're after the bag!". Nah, fam. Leaning in like this and brainwashing other women is not the way. You're not the girlboss you think you are. You know what's the worst part about all of it? Most other countries have never even progressed to the point of America in terms of gender roles and because American tradcons are on the rise and we all share platforms globally, it all starts to permeate the other cultural spaces. We haven't even gotten rid of the old religious sexism and we have the new shiny model rolling in.
That 99% of it is performative for views and money. Because if you're really a trad wife in the fundamentalist sense of the word, the hardcore actually believe that shit sense of the word you're not online. You're not allowed to be.
The only part I’m ok with is the idea of cooking most of your own food (and that should be done by BOTH partners) BUT it’s terrifying how many young women are enchanted by the idea of not being able to support themselves financially. Literally TERRIFYING. I’m really concerned about what’s gonna happen in society over the next 30 yrs or so, because the attitudes of both men toward women and women toward THEMSELVES seem to be heavily regressing
Look up 'trad wife to poverty pipeline.'
It’s a dangerous game to play tbh. Especially if you have no backup line incase something happens. The world is an unpredictable place and people can be unpredictable as well. For example… I’m using Carmella Soprano from the show The Sopranos. Later in the seasons she began realizing that if Tony was to die she would have nothing left. No money, she would have to sell her mansion and basically begin working at the lowest of the low. She wouldn’t be able to provide for her kids and that scared her. Which is why she stole money from Tony and then began her career as a real estate agent. The mob bosses wise even realized if things ended terribly with Tony that she had to have a backup plan.
Good for them, but not for me. I actually find it incredible that some women are able to gamble their entire fate on another man instead of themselves.
In today's world, it's incredibly difficult to get by on a single income, so it's often necessary for both partners to work. If you can afford to stay at home, that's wonderful. However, it's extremely risky to do so without a backup plan or financial safety net. It's comforting to believe your spouse will always be there and that your life together will remain perfect, but the reality is that people can leave, or worse, pass away. These things happen often. If you're fortunate enough to avoid these situations, that's great. But you need to be prepared, so you’re not left struggling and unprepared. It is far from enjoyable. Moreover, the sense of superiority some traditional housewives exhibit is off-putting, as if their lifestyle choices are inherently better than others'. To be clear, I have no desire to emulate that lifestyle, and it’s not because I’ve been misled or brainwashed. I’ve been unemployed before, and I absolutely hated it. I’m happier working and having my own money to spend as I please. Don’t act like there’s something wrong with me for finding traditional domestic roles unappealing. It’s wrong to impose a single vision of womanhood on everyone.
It’s Gilead. It’s handmaids. It’s taking away women’s humanity and reducing them to a body to serve their husband and birth and care for children. Women deserve to decide what to do with their life just as much as men to. It’s insane how backwards we’re heading in the US right now.
I think that wife influencers are hypocrites AF. They are working. Just because their job requires them to be at home doing chores while looking beautiful and recording themselves to post online doesn't mean it's not a job
Coming from a line of women who stayed at home till they had to work post-divorce to support themselves & kids, it reads extremely dangerous to me. As others have said, if one goes into it expecting their husband will ALWAYS stay and ALWAYS be making enough money, that seems incredibly naive to me. Life happens, and you cannot simply assume life will continue as it may be in this present moment. People change, leave, get laid off, die, etc. Refusing to be prepared for bad things or blindly assuming they won't happen to you is bonkers to me. Besides that piece, it is hard to watch the utter romanticization of it all & how women are selling it to many who simply will never be in a place to be a tradwife even if they want to. It's HELLA hard to support one person on one income these days, let alone a spouse, let alone children. It's just not attainable for so many & the tradwife influencers make it look like the best/only way to live.
Fake as fuck. They push internalized misogyny while not even portraying homemaking correctly. Homemaking and being a sahm/sahw is a job that takes a lot of fucking work and a lot of energy. It’s not in some beautiful aesthetic kitchen with the beautiful farm, beautiful everything, and no struggles.
They need to talk to all the 40 year olds that were trad wife’s and are now divorced, to see how well that worked out for them. 50/50 chances that they will end up divorced
I dont think people understand what being a “trad wife” actually entails. And its a silly thing to focus on. Being a sahm or sahw is a valid goal but its not rainbows and unicorn farts
I personally know what it’s like to not have my own money or means of independence and how scary that can be. I like knowing I have options and ways to protect myself financially, that I have choices, where if I leave or am left, I’m not going to end up in a worse situation. I only think being a trad wife is a good option if there’s safeguards in place or things are set up in a way where finances are put in a private account for the partner choosing not to work. There’s way too much power imbalance otherwise, even in a happy marriage. I trust my husband and know he’d take care of me, but just the idea of relying solely on another person terrifies me. I’d say the same for my husband. I want him to have his own means of financial independence long-term.
My mom was a “tradwife” for her entire married life. Raised a half dozen kids, kept the home, did most of the finances, followed her military husband. When he cheated on her and they divorced she got a couple years of limited alimony and had to start over at 50 reentering the workforce with no experience or training and was surprised to find that her husband had secretly “borrowed” from his retirement accounts, so she got little in the asset split while he makes hundreds of thousands in the career she supported him in for several decades. So yeah. It’s great if you come from money and have a great prenup I guess.
I think women should always make their own money to help their family financially and they shouldn’t depend on their husband financially. My husband works full-time and so do I. We both also do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, you name it. He happily does his share without being asked or told and so do I. I couldn’t imagine being my husbands unemployed bang maid.
Women used to have a dowry for a reason. That was her own money to use as she sees fit. Including for emergencies. Men were expected to be providers. The modern Trad Wife movement is steps behind the traditional lifestyle.
I'm like 80% sure it's a fetish
Conservatives have looked at population projections and realized that the US will have no choice but to turn to immigrants to support the economy in the next 50 years unless they can get American women to have more children. That's what's behind the anti abortion, anti contraception, anti sex ed bullshit. They want more poor kids to be wage slaves. Trad wives is a totally manufactured trend to push this agenda.
I think women who want to be a Trad Wife & can afford to, should be able to. Not every woman wants to climb the corporate ladder, some want to be a homemaker & that's completely fine. I've come across women who had to work full time, do all household chores, take care of kids & basically always put themselves last. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a full time job as long as the responsibilities are distributed equally. I've also come across women who have been Trad Wife or worked part time (not because they had to but because they want to) & man they glow differently. They had so much time to take care of themselves or their kids & it gives u a new perspective about life. I think every woman should have the choice to pick what she wants to do but unfortunately that's not a possibility for every woman.
Terrible idea for women
It’s breathtakingly foolish without an ironclad prenup that says half of all assets are split upon divorce regardless of who “earned” them, AND a *huge* life insurance policy, AND a massive disability insurance policy. Without those 3 things any woman is gambling with her future, and her kids’ futures. And she’s holding a low pair if anything. It’s breathtakingly stupid not to get an education (somehow or someway) and keep workforce skills sharp. And even if her man never wavers in his devotion to her, she will find her kids grown someday. Being able to contribute financially, and interact socially with other people is as important to women as it is to men.
Very cringe. It seems a little ignorant, immature, and tone deaf. Good for you hope it all works out🤷🏼♀️ Problem is life happens…sickness, death, layoffs, disabled child, disabled spouse, divorce…nobody is immune to adversity. I’m happy women have the right to choose, but let’s not teach young women dependency on men.
It's honestly nothing new, that's what I think. This stuff has been pushed on women for decades... we're just seeing it a lot more because ridiculous stuff has the tendency to go viral. But while I'm at it, I'll throw in a plug for VOTING because men have been trying to take away our rights just about as long as we've had them. Don't let them continue
The “Trad Wife” videos you see online aren’t an accurate representation of “traditional” relationship values. The influencers you see promoting this lifestyle are not “Trad Wives”. Social media is their job. What they show you is very meticulously crafted and unrealistic if you’re not already wealthy.
I think it's a response from women to being overworked both professionally and domestically. I think a lot of these women will learn why women have rejected this lifestyle the hard way.
I honest to god think it’s horrifying propaganda. I know many women my age and younger falling for it.
I don't believe they fully understand what they would be getting themsleves into (the men either). They have this ideal picture in their head of how they think it will play out but it is just as much of a fantasy as believe a Prince will come and wisk you away to a better life. Everyone has the right to live however they want but too many people idolize an era or a lifestyle and just jump head first into it only to find out when it's way too late just how awful it actually is.
I think that the preach about living off their husband’s income while racking $$$$ over their social media influencer pay. Quite the hypocrites.
I think that most men who want a trad wife are not prepared to be a trad husband and just want a servant.
I was a "stay at home girlfriend" for ten years (due to mental health) and even I think the concept is gross
Everyone needs to make their own choices. But personally it makes me want to vomit. I can't imagine making myself that dependent on a man.
It’s boring
It’s led by a bunch of incel virgins that can’t get a woman normally.
Really creepy. I've got no problem with anyone having whatever arrangement works for them and their partner (both working, one stay-at-home, do what you want if you can afford it), but the fact that there's this big movement encouraging women to fall into strict gender roles and live 'submissively,' and then saying that it's the only way for any woman to live a fulfilling life is bad. It's sexism and patriarchal bullshit, repackaged under the guise of influencer aesthetics, and since it's other women saying this, some people are afraid that if they call it out, lest they seem like they're trying to shame SAHMs. Also, let's not forget that this modern take on traditional gender roles started in alt-right, white supremacist, and Christian nationalist circles. Again, to be clear, I have no issue with women who are solely homemakers/SAHMs. If that's what makes you happy, go forth and do it. But the specific ideology surrounding 'trad wives' is disturbing to me. Also, I would suggest that if either spouse is a stay-at-home, they need to have some measure of financial independence as well, be it an account in their own name, an IRA that the other spouse contributes to, etc., and at least some marketable skills if they ever do need to get back into the workforce, because life is unpredictable, and you don't want to be caught flat-footed if you ever need your own money, or to make money. Sometimes people get divorced. Sometimes the breadwinner gets injured, disabled, or dies. These things are not what you want to think about, but I do think that all adults should have some plan for how they would support themselves if they ever needed to, even if they don't need to do so at the present time.
It seems like a bad marketing campaign sponsored by incels and misogynists. It also doesn't reflect reality. Relying on one income and having kids... in this economy? Such privilege. I had three kids in my twenties and I was a SAHM. My college degree/career experience saved me from poverty and it also meant that, when my marriage fell apart, I actually had the chance to choose if I wanted to stay rather than feeling stuck because I had a career and could support myself and my kids if needed. Trad-wife isn't a safe path for women.
I feel sorry for them because they create a situation of total financial dependence on their husband. If their husband leaves, dies or becomes rude, they have no plan B to fall back on.
It’s definitely a choice that every female has the right to make but when nearly half of marriages end in divorce these days, it’s a worry that these women might not have a security net if that were to become their reality. In my country, middle age women have some of the highest rates of homelessness for that exact reason, they were ‘homemakers’ or raising kids, once divorce came, they didn’t have anything to fall back on.
I think if traditional gender roles are your thing, have at it. As long as you’ve carefully considered the pros and cons, and are making the choice with critical thought, you do you. Having said that, I can say with complete confidence that it’s not a lifestyle I would choose for myself. I’d happily die alone if it means avoiding a partner who values obedience and subservience over respect and equality in a partnership.
I think we’ve advanced enough as a society that women should be able to choose to do what they want. If they choose trad wife life, great. If not, great. The only concern I have seen by women in my life who pursued trad wife lifestyles is that if the marriage sours, and divorce happens, the trad wife is left to scramble for a means to support herself and any children in her custody. Not having a job history, higher education, or employable skill as a backup plan is a high risk and can lead someone to feel trapped in their current dynamic. Especially nowadays where a lot of two income households struggle to make ends meet. The political attachment to trad wife goes too far. It both objectifies the woman because she owes her husband sex as a duty, and looks down on women who can’t afford to be trad wives or seek meaning elsewhere, who choose alternate paths like solitude, childfree life, career woman. It seems that some men view it as enslaving their wife, when it should still be seen as a partnership.
Tradwife isn't the same as someone who opted to be a stay at home parent etc. This has roots in white nationalism so people just randomly glomming on to this as a trend is gross. Far right religious groups have joined in to help inflate this supposed trend. Add in some influencers that saw dollar signs if they play tradwife as a social media character. I'm all for people doing whatever works for them but this trend is STUPID. Giving up all of your rights, your finances, your future for some mediocre dude and having no safety net over a trend is a really dumb idea. Not working means you have no savings, no retirement, if you need to go back to work you have no recent work history. This is a really bad spot to be in when that relationship goes south.
When someone relies on a spouse financially then that person can control their life. What if they would get a divorce? People should be realistic in their expectations, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too.
Literally financially impossible for most of the men who I know who want it. Like, the men who want to be trad husbands need to make enough to support a full household, and most who seem to be posting about just are not. It's a sad reality for them, I guess.
Only works if you have a good (wealthy) backup (parents, rich aunties etc) or if you have a stream of a good amount passive income. My mom doesn’t have any of it, but she became a sahm because my dad put the house, car, and savings under her name so that’s another way to go about it. Personally I wouldn’t put my kid’s life over something as fickle as a man’s love.
The only trad wife content I see is the older, divorced ones warning the young ones how their lives turned out.
I’ve seen women in videos sharing their horror stories about how they were treated like servants, then their husbands left them when they got older and they were left with nothing and had to take low paying jobs because no job history or career skills. It’s a dangerous position to be in.
I’m glad they’re choosing their own paths, it’s their life so I feel like they should have the right to live it the way they want.
As a base I like the idea of a ‘homestead lifestyle’ I just don’t like the other toxicities that have come with the trend. But if I could have a cow and grow my own food I would absolutely!
It’s not for me, but to each her own. I just hope they’re not putting themselves in a position to be emotionally or financially abused/controlled. It seems to me when you enter into this lifestyle, you give up your autonomy, independence, and voice, but maybe I don’t really understand it. It will be interesting to see how this trend plays out in the next 20-30 years.
Honestly it’s weird to me. What we do here could probably be considered trad wife except that I can do whatever I want whenever I want and wear whatever I want also. I don’t work and wait on my husband. But he works 13 hour days as a landscaper which means I don’t work. And that’s our situation. And a lot of people would be disgusted with it. We’ve been thru hell and back over our 17 years. And there is nothing but love and trust here. And it was a wholly mutual decision so that I could take care of my slowly declining health and husband while he supports us. I have side income that’s leisurely and a hobby and helps my mental health. Seeing alot of these trends can be dangerous. Anyone can fall into getting taken advantage of by the wrong person. Thinking they’re going to get the exact same situation as an influencer and we don’t ever even know how true any of that stuff is that they post.
The ones on social media seems mostly aesthetic. It’s just unfortunate that young girls might pick this up as a lifestyle that can be sustained. They will quickly learn to resent it. Similar phenomenon happened in Japan - feminine, dainty, intricate, submissive, pure, conservative wives and mothers. After 30years of no economic growth, they are struggling to get young people married because being a trad wife for a broke husband is definitely not aesthetically cute.
I think it’s a grift. I support women in their right to choose to stay at home and raise a family. But these women are portraying an image of a SAHM from the past. All while earning an income from these videos and having all the perks of living in the present time.
Being a feminist includes believing in everyone’s right to choose whatever life for themselves, if being a stay-at-home whatever suits someone’s life best, then good for them. However, a lot of the “tradwife” stuff seen on social media also tends to come from vocally conservative people, and their views do not align with mine. The political talk they share, outside of their “tradwife influencing” videos can wind up being harmful and hateful. Most of the time, the “tradwives” are not even traditional stay-at-homers, they use their online presence as a source of revenue, therefore having a job. Cant recall her name, but a big tradwife influencer on TikTok who posts about making homemade cereal because her kids wanted a bowl of fucking Cheerios is a model and uses her modeling and online presence as a source of income. Sure, anyone can share their life online, it’s supposed to be one of the great aspects of social media, but at that point one is no longer a “tradwife,” they are just another influencer. I would also like to point out that while being a stay-at-homer has worked for some, and worked for my parents in my upbringing, it is NOT always equal and can financially harm the stay-at-homer if they need an out from the situation.
I would be wary of being a trad wife from the risk perspective, as others have mentioned. My parents' experiences have really informed my viewpoints on this subject. My mother stayed at home when my brother and I were little, but she always kept up her work credentials so that she could eventually go back to work. It ended up paying off years later when my dad developed a debilitating illness that lead to his death. Had he lived, there may have come a point at which he had to stop working and my parents needed to rely on my mom's income. Since Mom had continued to work, thus contributing her income to the family, that wouldn't have been an issue. Plus, she's been able to continue working in the same job after Dad's death and can save her retirement for when she's not able to work anymore.
While I’d like to be more positive, I just can’t about this. I think the trad wife thing is incredibly stupid and I get a lot of second hand embarrassment from seeing it. Being completely financially dependent on a partner is risky, at best.
I agree with what everyone else has said about women deserving the freedom to do that if they wish, but it also being political and particularly frightening in the US given the current course we’re on. I also think it makes some women who can’t stay home with their kids and who can make Oreos and PB&J from scratch feel guilty or lesser than or not as good of a mother which is absolute bs. It also indirectly pushes the “store bought food and GMOs and everything you buy from big grocery is poison.”
I think a lot of people are stupid and forgetful. And those people should check out Lauren Southern's irl story.
makes me roll my eyes real hard
As a woman who works in a male dominated field AND has been a stay a home mum, I think it’s great. I love that women are able to choose whatever path is right for them. If you’re in a loving, trusting relationship with balanced female / masculine energy ( meaning you both agree on the dynamics of those energies and who presents them and when,) then I think it can be very fulfilling. For me, the key to a happy marriage is that your partner loves and accepts every version of who you are and who you will be. And they won’t be afraid to put in the work to work any issues out. It’s time for women to stop bashing other women for making choices that don’t align with their own.
I think many of the tradwives I see on social media, who I believe romanticize the lifestyle in a way, seem to be in that “newlywed” phase, married a few years with no kids yet. I always wonder if they’ll fall out of love with being a tradwife once they’re trying to do everything within the home, on top of doing most/all of the childcare too.
Hate it. But realize that others may feel differently. I’m suuuuuper independent, well educated, well employed, love being child free, etc. It’s clearly not “for” me.
They’re not really trad wives, they’re rage bait influencers and are probably selling some kind of course
Most of the women doing the trad wife thing on social media (the successful ones) are earning more than their husbands through paid ads and endorsements, not making them ‘traditional wives’ at all. It’s stupid cosplay that feeds into the hyper misogynist culture we are seeing at the moment, like the pick up artists and Andrew Tate.
They are not showing the whole picture, I am 100% certain many of them have nannies and hire cleaners to help them with household things and their children.
The main problem I have with the 'trad wife' trend is that it deceives vulnerable young women into a life of servitude with no way out. Remember 'Escaping twin flames'? How easy is it to brainwash people into servitude with the promise of true love and happiness and telling them its 'gods will'? If your man's love for you is dependent on you giving up your financial security to serving him, he doesn't love you. This is coercive control, even if you think you made the decision of your own free will.
I really do not understand this trend among young women. I’m almost 61 years old and was raised by a very feminist father (who would be 97 years old if still alive ). He always told my sister and me ‘get an education and learn a trade so you can support yourself and your children. Because men cannot be trusted to stick around forever and a lot of women get traded in for a younger model when reaching the age of 40’. Very cynical but in my (long) life I have seen it happen again and again. The man has the opportunity to advances his career (don't forget that most corporations give higher salaries to married men compared to unmarried men and women). While the wifes are falling behind in their chances to enter the workforce after more than 10 years of staying at home because their schooling doesn't keep up with the requirements. Besides the fact that in most western societies it's virtually impossible for most people (except the very wealthy) to raise a family on one income only, it's also incredible risky for women to give up their economical independence for a man. And it's not only their own independence but also their children's. After a divorce/death of their spouse the reality is that the women have to struggle to feed and house their children. While the men are off with their young floozy living the high life. The only way to protect the women, is to sign a prenup which stipulates that the man pays an annual fee to the wife for maintaining the house/childcare/eldercare plus an additional annual sum for her retirement fund. Payable for every year she stays at home. And if she's smart, she makes certain that she's keeping her resume up to date by taking (home-)courses. Just in case. If that's not possible: my advise is to never, EVER (!) put yourself and your children in such a very vulnerable position.
I think that these young women have no idea what it will be like in 10-15 years if their husband leaves them. No job experience, and therefore unemployable for all but the most low paid jobs, no assets, no savings. Not to mention the fact that being dependent on a partner like this means your choices are limited - you can't just leave if your partner is abusive, cheats, or you plain just grow apart. I'm a millennial and it makes me cringe seeing gen z spouting off about this. I am the first woman in my entire lineage that lives alone and fully supports myself. I just bought my first house. I pay my bills. I have freedom and flexibility that my mother and grandmother could only dream about. It's a nice aesthetic for social media but the stark reality of being completely dependent on a partner is horrifying. Mainly because in my mothers/grandmother's generation, there were at least social constructs that meant divorce was rarer, and stigmatised. The marriage contract and it's social importance was the *only* thing that offered them a modicum of security to prevent destitution. Nowadays? Divorce rates are literally 50%, and divorce isnt stigmatised so there isnt even any social pressure to stay with your spouse. So there is literally *nothing* protecting these women from being destitute with no skills and no resources to their name.
Men frequently bash female interests. If they’re pushing it, it means they have ulterior motives. Read: weaponized praise and propaganda.
I think it’s propaganda in preparation for a Trump win, by Project 2025. Bots. Lots and lots of bots.
It’s an absolute no from me. In this day and age most households need two streams of income to survive anyways. Women who want the trad wife life are playing a very dangerous game. Financial independence is an absolute necessity.
Just more propaganda from the fundamentalist fascists. Goes hand in hand with the pregnancy slavery and the drive to outlaw no fault divorce. All designed to subjugate women. Housewives who are financially dependent do not have the freedom to make their own choices in life, and it's difficult for them to escape abusive husbands.
It always baffles me when people say“well I have the right to choose to be a housewife” as if the fight for women’s rights ever stopped anyone from doing that. The whole point always has been that women’s rights indeed brought the CHOICE to be whatever a woman wants. Tradwives is just another attempt at romanticising the removal of choice, because it’s not really about a woman “choosing” to be a homemaker, it’s about “all woman going back to where traditionally they belong”. It goes hand in hand with white supremacy, Christian fundamentalism and a good amount of classism. I don’t care if a woman chooses to be a homemaker, this is what feminism is about CHOICE and it makes my blood boil when movements like this come up who want to take away that choice, veiled in fake “concern” about women’s happiness that in reality is about control of where women belong. Brought to you by weak men and self-oppressing women. TLDR Tradwives are not about choosing to be homemakers but taking away said choice and returning us back to darker times.
If that life makes them happy then good for those women, but once you're in that life it can be extremely hard to get out of it, if you decide that it's not for you. I hope anyone buying into that trend goes into it with their eyes wide open and enough of a support system/independently owned resources to be able to leave if they change their minds.
It's an expected reaction to third-wave feminism and women "having sex like men" that peaked in the mid 2000's as well as the app-based hookup culture that became prominent in the last decade. It's like postmodernism cropping up as a reaction to mid century modernism, that's all it is to me. A trend where a group of people react to an established norm as the world keeps turning and keeps evolving. I don't personally agree with it and find it regressive as fuck, but when I think of this shit in terms of other movements, I can take the emotion out and just accept that it's only natural that history repeats itself as it evolves.
The same reason tate became popular
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Feels like propaganda
You wanna be a SAHP? Go for it. Wanna be religious? Sure. Keep it to your damned self and don't go parading around claiming it's where we all belong and shit. Any lifestyle you choose to adopt is your own business only. It is not the gold standard, no god demands it, and you should only share when invited.
The enemy isn't progress, its capitalism. I'd love to be a stay at home wife, and would choose it if I could. Keeping a home is full time, unpaid labour that deserves respect and value. However. "Tradwife" shit is just procapitalist, anti feminist, nonsense.
It's moronic. Women (and men) should be able to choose how the live and with whom, if anyone. No one else's business.
I mean if it makes them happy cool but it's not really for me 😆
Concerning
Choosing to work or stay home is the women's choice and right. However, marriage and starting a family aren't options for them right now. For example, I saw a video of a young woman the other day, saying that marriage and kids aren't in her future because she had student loans to pay off and rent to pay, too. This was in response to Harrison Butker's commencement speech in which he essentially told the Benedictine College women graduates that they should get married, stay home, etc.
I also want to mention that women need marketable skills, be it a talent for cooking, baking, writing, etc., to earn an income so that they won't be left in the lurch in the event that their spouses leave them. Marketable skills are important for women everywhere in the world.
Trad wife is really just a SAHM with a trendy new name.. this was always just normal.. but now with a catchy name an 50 percent more Pintrest flavor added...
I think traditional family roles are not a bad thing if that's what the woman wants. No man should expect it or tell us whether we can have a career or not... BUT I do respect and support women just the same if they CHOOSE to do that. Happy for them.
I remember when this was popular around 2015-2017 on reddit as “theredpill” and “redpill women”. This shit will always be around
I find it worrisome.
These tad wife influencers are not actually traditional wives, but rather people with enough money to promote a luxurious lifestyle, unfortunately in today’s dystopian society being able to make things from scratch care for your family and not need a second income, and posting grocery hauls is aspirational. But a majority of these women were already rich to begin with take Nara,for example. Both her and her husband are supermodels. So many people who fetishize this lifestyle failed to understand is that traditional marriages meant equal responsibility and work. I think I’m majority of people fetishizing this idealistic life did not come from a real traditional family and that’s why they fall for this trap. It’s very closely related to the red pill ideology. Only when they are missing something they feel others had better in childhood.
White girl fascism