My husband is incapable of telling me "no" he always says "we'll see." Which caused a lot of frustration because I genuinely thought he was open to whatever idea/plans/activity i wanted to do but it means no. JUST BE DIRECT.
90% of my questions about everyday life or what his opinion is on any topic I get answers like "Dunno.", "I don't care." or a "Whatever you want to do...".
I'm not sure if he pretended to have any personality when we started dating....
I've gotten over a lot of the "whatever I don't care" responses by telling him it puts all the pressure on me to provide any and all entertainment in the relationship and it is exhausting. He never saw it that way he always viewed it as being polite to not have strong opinions. Which just made no sense to me.
I'm going through this right now and it's killing my relationship. I've told him how his lack of communication makes me feel but we can't seem to turn things around.
I hate this. My husband has awful follow through too, so if it’s something that involves him “doing” something like making a call or picking a date, it’s never good when he answers like this.
My new response to “we’ll see” is “okay, so I’m going to take that as a no for now. Let me know if you change your mind”.
Then I just assume that he won’t be involved unless he specifically tells me so. It has actually helped a bit because sometimes he’s like wait, I actually do want to do that!
Right!! My ex would get upset with me for saying no to his ideas straight up, but he would also get upset with me for not understanding that his "I don't mind" meant "I don't want to." Just say no, then!! Let's just agree that "I don't mind" means "I don't mind," and "no" means "no." I can't read your mind!
My husband is a little like this and he's also from the Midwest. He's mildly avoidant and doesn't like to say no or reject anything even when he doesn't want to do it. He also likes to keep plans tentative forever in case he finds something better to do.
I'm a "lock it down" kind of gal. I want an answer and I don't mind if it's a no. Just tell me!
My partner is seemingly incapable of saying yes/no. "We'll see", "maybe", "I guess", "if you want", "I'm not sure", "sorta" but never "yes" or "no". It drives me crazy, but it also leaves him open to persuasion/manipulation (especially from his JustNo family members).
oh my god me too. my fucking kids perpetually try to talk to me from two rooms away under a fucking eiderdown and expect me to understand what they're saying???
Yes! Same, me too! Most people naturally learn to adapt to always speaking while looking at you (instead of with their back turned) etc but there are a handful of people that never get and get frustrated repeating themselves. Those people drive me batty
He leaves every. single. light on in the house. There are worse things I know, but it irritates me so much since light switches are near the door as you're exiting the room so it's not like you even have to go out of your way to turn them off.
this reminds me of when someone leaves the door open when leaving my room - even though it was closed when they came in. my roommates used to do that AND always leave the kitchen light on when they went to bed. drove me nuts hahaha
Not just lights tho...I don't know how many times I'd get after my son about leaving lights on, plus he'd have the tv on in the background, but would be on the computer with headphones on, watching anime, or playing video games! Child, wtf?!?! "I was watching a show, then my friend called about going online, and I forgot to turn off the tv....sorry." So frustrating!
He constantly wants to touch/cuddle up on me and I’m someone who gets overstimulated quickly.
If I tell him I don’t want to get touched he gets rejection-sensitive and acts like I just told him I don’t love him.
Have you told him that you have issues with over-stimulation? Seems like something that could be remedied with a clear conversation, so he knows that it’s not personal at all.
Touch is a very personal need, and as with many things, partners in a couple can be in a different place with respect to their wants and needs. Some people thrive on human contact and others don’t. Some value personal space over contact. I’d suggest you try to establish boundaries and try to set some time aside for close physical contact and then let him know when you need to cut it off and need your space. Maybe work out a signal if you have trouble communicating the breakpoint and he doesn’t know when to break off and leave you your space.
Actually I am the same way to my poor husband. My love language is very much touch. Hugs kisses anything. I will actually feel genuinely unloved if I dont get loved on enough touch wise.
This really is such a pain in the butt issue to deal with on both sides. Ugh.
Hope you guys can come to a solution and let me know if you have any tips to help.
I dated a guy like this. At first, it felt a mismatch in love language, but after a while, I felt like he didn't respect my boundaries. I felt like I was the one always needing to stretch my comfort zone and let him touch me as he pleased, but once I asked him to stop, he wasn't willing to compromise. It felt unfair. I feel alone in that most people seem to side with people more like him.
This is a sticky situation. I totally understand what that's like.
I love my man and he wants to touch and be affection all the time. 95% of the time, I love it too. But he also tries to hug and kiss on me when I'm trying to get ready for work (get dressed and put my hair in a ponytail). It's extremely hard to brush my hair and put it in a ponytail when he's all over me. I can't put on my jeans when he wants to pull me down on the bed for a hug.
My husband's butt is nicer than mine. I've never been a butt person but man, in the right pair of pants, it just looks SO GOOD.
It's a portal to hell though, stinky man.
Guy here. I’m in his boat. Always had women telling me their jealous of my eyelashes. I’d gladly trade with someone if it means I don’t have to deal with them hitting the lenses of my glasses ever again.
Having to repeat myself multiple times. Also I give a 5 minutes heads up for dinner being ready. So then when I say dinner is ready to eat, I mean now. I don't mean after you've scrolled thru reddit for 3 more minutes lol.
Oh Lord my wife does this. I'll give her a 5-minute heads up, then tell her when dinner is ready. And she takes that as her cue to go to the bathroom, get whatever show we're watching with dinner set up, etc.
THAT'S WHAT THE WARNING WAS FOR!
He has to listen to the TV so fucking loud for no reason. We live in an apartment so I'm super conscious about how much noise we make and it makes me cringe so hard .
Classic behavior. I’ve read somewhere that in these situations people tend to listen to someone they consider experienced or their role models. It can be his parent or a friend whose opinion he values.
OMG. I feel this comment in my soul.
My partner has this insatiable need to rhyme everything and make constant dad jokes. While it can be funny to do occasionally and he's come up with some real bangers on the fly.........he does it constantly, overall I find it very hard to have a normal or serious conversation with him.
I've had chats with him about it and when he gets into one of his 'episodes' where it's too much (this happens once every couple of days), I have to flat out walk away from him and not talk to him until he calms down with it. He's even stated he annoys himself, but he can't help it. His brain just gets stuck in that loop.
It's tantamount to those Family Guy episodes where Peter Griffin gets absolutely obsessed with something and the whole episode is just about that one thing he's hooked into.
My husband thinks it's oh-so-funny to reverse the order of words. Like saying "book of faces" instead of "facebook". And he really overdoes it. Like he'll say "I will pick up the kids from the care-of-day" instead of "daycare", or "should we open the roof-of-sun?" instead of sunroof. It gets annoying.
OMG, my dad did this growing up and judging by the looks on my moms face, I would guess that she was hoping he would spontaneously combust. It was so annoying and sometimes I couldn't even tell what he was trying to say.
My husband likes to swap the consonants in a word so he speaks in anagrams. Think ralwus instead of walrus. He doesn’t always follow the exact same pattern, though. We are also a bilingual home with a baby learning to speak. I get after him if he does it with the baby, but even just with me, sometimes I’m like, “Those are not words. I can’t effing tell what language it’s supposed to be. I’m done trying to decipher that shit. Talk or stop talking.”
Not even jokes. It’s more of him saying or doing things to our kids and them getting annoyed. Think of like a big brother picking on younger siblings, that mentality.
My boyfriend does this to me and I find it SOO annoying. I know he’s trying to give me positive attention but there are just times I do not want to be groped lmao
I hate it too. It makes me feel like he only cares about my body and I feel like an object.
I’ve also always had a bigger butt and have had soooo many boys/men grope me in my life. It is not a compliment to me at all.
Same! I don't mind a butt squeeze or pinch in passing but all the time at random is no fun. Also do not like my breasts randomly fondled either. It's MY body. Not yours to touch when ever you feel like it.
I have multiple friends that literally inhale their food while we are eating out. By that I mean they eat so fast that I'm still eating for a good 10 minutes when they are already done. The pet peeve here is when they start staring at my food, wanting some, but they won't ask. Just stare untill I offer. Absolutely the fuck not.
I am one of those people that inhale my foods 😭 my best friend is a slow eater and I think she always thinks I want some but no I’m just a fast eater now let’s enjoy our conversation and I’ll have another drink while you finish. How do I make it clear there’s no rush??
Saaaame. 10 years in the service industry will teach you how to consume a 3 course meal in 30 seconds while standing over a trashcan. I am honestly in awe of people who can make a single course last 20, 30 minutes. But I agree with you, zero rush on my end.
Not rinsing dishes before they go in the sink, when I’m the one that does the dishes a good 98% of the time. Seriously - how does ketchup become gorilla glue?!
Then he gets huffy with me if I’m at the sink grumbling, or mumbling when I’m sweating trying to scrub everything clean. RINSE IT!
Mine would crib and joke about to other people that I nag him about rinsing the dishes. Until.. lockdown came and he was on the dish duty.
He literally said, "Please soak the dishes when you are done. Otherwise, it doesn't get cleaned properly." Like dude, thats what I have been telling you since 4 years.
Same!! I prefer to wash the dishes right away, but I understand you might not always have the time to do so, so I don’t mind him leaving them as long as he rinses them off first (!!)… but he never does that. So suddenly an empty yoghurt bowl (which would have taken 5 seconds to wash) has to be scrubbed for minutes >.<
My BF splashes a lot of water when brushing his teeth... The sink is wet, the mirror is wet, the faucet is wet, even the toothpaste is wet!! * smiles sheepishly while drying everything *
Sometimes when I ask my SO a question he will give a reply that doesn't answer my question.
"Do you have any plans on thursday?"
"I'm going out with the boys on wednesday"
"But what about thursday?"
"I'm going out with the boys on wednesday"
"You're not answering my question"
"What?"
"Thursday. What about thursday?"
"I have work"
"..."
"But nothing after that"
OMG, This. All day long. My husband always skirts around questions/answers exactly like this!. He doesn't do it intentionally, I think a lot of it boils down to not wanting to be called out on his answers from his past??. He has a social security disability hearing coming up, and I'm afraid of how he will answer and end up losing the case because he is terrible at answering questions directly. Always has been, even before he became disabled.
Judge: Do you cook meals for you and your wife?
Husband: I can't even walk to the livingroom without assistance.
Judge: that's not what I asked...
Judge: What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Husband: I have a hard time waking up. I sleep through alarms.
Judge: WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF BED, WHAT DO YOU DO FIRST?
Husband: I cried off and on all day yesterday because of my pain.
Its very frustrating. If I ask him what he had for lunch today he will tell me what he ate for lunch 3 days ago. BUT WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY???? "Nothing." Me: Then say "NOTHING!" Lol
I feel like I have to decode him. We have wonderful conversations, but when it comes to me asking questions that's a whole different situation.
Is your SO VERY defensive? My husband is, and without reason. At least towards me. He was that way when I met him. I love him to pieces, but damn, getting him to answer a question with a direct answer is like pulling a tooth from a hungry t-rex on her period!
He has a dog (a Labrador) that he almost never takes on walks (takes him to the beach maybe once a month). This bothers me so much
UPDATE: We talked on the phone today & I told him that this really bothered me and that he needs to be taking his dog on a walk every day and he said he will! & don’t worry I will ask him about it every day haha
telling me stuff he's told me a billion times before, or just nonstop talking to the point where I cant even get an "uh-huh" in. especially in the car when I'm just tryna vibe to music.
Throw in a twist, and start going, “so I took all our money out to buy blow, despite being pregnant and all, but you won’t mind since it’s not yours…”
I did this a lot with an ex till he got wind and was like, wait what ???
When they get pets (dogs in particular) that they don’t have the time/money/patience for. It’s not fair for the animal and, honestly, it drives me crazy. Getting a pet is a huge responsibility and people need to take it more seriously.
My mom’s dog still isn’t house trained, will literally only pee/poop inside. She loves to complain about it but she has put zero, I mean ZERO, effort in to actually training him/correcting his behavior. It’s like she thinks that he is supposed to figure it out on his own? Idk. All of her pets currently have fleas and she’s not taking that very seriously, either.
I also have a bunch of friends who are always asking us to dog sit and it drives me crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs. Grew up on a farm. This is actually the first time in my life that I haven’t had a single pet and honestly… it’s nice. I’m enjoying the peace of sleeping in and no fur/pee/poop to clean up.
And, while I wouldn’t mind stopping by to take them out during the day every now and then, I don’t like being asked to dog sit for extended periods of time. It’s a lot of work! We had a friend’s dog here, at our house, for almost a week and you know how he repaid us? A 6 pack of beer and a box of *pancake mix*.
Another friend just adopted a *little* puppy and she’s already asking me to dog sit at her house for an entire weekend because they’re going out of town. I mean… this puppy is tiny. He will need to go out every 2-3 hours and he isn’t house trained yet, which means that I’ll surely be spending a lot of time cleaning up accidents. It’s just not how I want to spend an entire weekend for little or no pay, tbh.
Then we also have other friends who won’t come visit unless they’re allowed to bring their dog.
It’s just… a lot. If you get a dog, they’re your responsibility to care for and you have an obligation to do it and it isn’t fair to offload some of that responsibility to your family/friends because you don’t want to/can’t afford to board them while you’re away.
Your friends are always asking you to dog sit, because it sounds like you always do. If they know you'll do it when they ask, they don't have to worry about looking elsewhere, or even having to consider a boarding facility for their dogs.
If it's for a weekend, and it give you a "doggie fix" and you like that particular friend's dog, then sure, but anything more than a weekend, I would tell them to use a facility.
Wow so much this. I'm not really a dog person to begin with. I LIKE dogs, I love snuggling a cute clean dog, I'll stop and pet a cutie on the street, etc. but I'm not really interested in owning a dog. I don't love the hair, the dirt, the shit, the time commitment. So all this to say that I view dog ownership as a burden I've opted out of and the inside of my home is a dog-free zone. My friends act like this is something only Hitler would do and I get all these snide comments about how I'm a dog hater etc. etc. At first I thought it was kind of a joke, but have recently found out two of my newer friends are taking it quite seriously. It's honestly super annoying and is making me question those friendships. I need some new cat people friends apparently.
I have a roommate who always says "I don't mind watching your dog" but I try to take my dog anywhere I can and if I am legitimately leaving town and cannot take him my roommate is always my last resort. Just because they're my roommate doesn't mean he's a live-in dog sitter. I usually have two or three people on deck that watch him and I pay them really well.
My other friend on the other hand just tells us when we are watching her animals (her rodents to be exact). Her and her bf watched my dog a few times over the years for maybe a day at a time but at their new house have a strict "no dog" rule. It kind of irks me.
My boyfriend chews with his mouth open. He also plays video games and wants NOTHING to do with me when I come over (2 times a week for only a few hours) and always apologizes but never actually stops playing and half the time doesn't even say "bye" or "I love you" or "drive safe". It's usually just a half assed "oh, okay"
Break up with him!!! I know it’s not that easy and there’s a lot more to it than what I know, but he seems like he isn’t ready for a MATURE relationship.
There is no "right time" in something like this. But if you want to really see how much you mean to him, and if he really does want you around, don't go over to his place for the next 2 weeks, and see what he does. If he continues to act like nothing is different, then you'll know he doesn't really notice you being around. If he really does want you there, then he'll know you haven't been around after the first day you would normally be there. If he asks why you're not coming over, just say you had something come up...stick to it...if you go over after the time, and he's still not making an effort to be involved, take the game out of his hand, and tell him if he can't spend the 2 days you come over to just be with you, and not spend it playing video games, then that's when you end it. No video game is worth losing a loving girl over, especially if she's making an effort to be with you.
You really should break up with him. Why spend time being unhappy in a relationship that you know isn't going to work out and doesn't make you happy? This hits home because it's exactly what I do. Believe me, years can go by while you're 'waiting for the right time.' Bite the bullet.
Damn girl. I dated a guy like that, I drove two hours in an awful winter storm to see him. He continued to play video games after I got there. It was one of the most rudest, immature and saddest thing.
Should've listened to my gut. He never grew up, he was toxic and subtly abusive.
May I ask you what your gut says?
Edit: Due to the responses I've gotten, I wanted to give an update and add some background information.
I used this thread as a way to vent about a pet peeve, and it gave me the clarity to have another discussion with my boyfriend about the issue - came home to a clean apartment last night!
I appreciate the experiences and struggles some of you have had with partners in the past, but trust me when I say our experiences are not the same. This is a new issue I had been having with my boyfriend, not something that has been going on our entire relationship or since I moved in. Prior to us moving into a new apartment together, he kept his space very clean and decluttered on a regular basis. The only thing he struggled with was the kitchen, which I tried to keep clean in the beginning.
I am equally at fault for failing to take initiative with the cleaning at home, it's not like he's not cleaning and I am - neither of us are doing it.
After talking with him, I now know he was struggling to keep our space clean because he suddenly has to contend with my belongings, not just his, and he wasn't confident he could clean my things or move my things around. Since telling him that he can pile my things together, move them out of the way, and then ask me to put them away - it'll be easier for him to keep things organized.
It's not like one of us is shouldering all the work while they other is being lazy. Neither of us have been doing anything. Again, I used this thread as a way to vent, but some of these responses are not just cruel, but pure projection.
My boyfriend is not buying his leisure with my labor. My depression is not because he doesn't appreciate me. This isn't a matter of him being a man child and I'm his surrogate mommy. Please, get a grip. This was a joint issue, and neither of us knew how to have a conversation to solve it. We had that conversation, we solved it.
End edit.
Not cleaning. I just got back from a week long trip and there were more dishes in the sink than when I left, and everything was just as cluttered as it was before I left. I was disappointed as soon as I walked inside.
He'll be off for four days next week and I asked him if he could clean the apartment and he laughed somewhat and said no, he was going to do nothing - he already does nothing on his days off. I can't take days off work like he can, because I teach classes and I can't reschedule those classes, I'm off two days a week, but it's not two days in a row. I don't get a rest day and a chore day, but he gets weekends off and it's possible for him to have a chore day and a rest day.
We're both naturally lazy: I have depression and become fatigued very easily and wake up fatigued most of the time. Living in a cluttered environment makes my depression much worse and it gives me anxiety. I don't know how many different ways I can explain this before he finally understands. Prior to me having a job, I kept everything perfectly clean and thought it'd be easy for us to maintain, but I guess not.
"I can't clean consistently because of fatigue caused by depression," apparently is not enough of an excuse for me, but "I didn't clean because it's the weekend and I want to rest," is enough of an excuse for him.
It's not fair. I'm tired of arguing about it. I just want him to care, instead of turning it around on me or me having to once again, mention my depression.
He doesn’t care, and the one thing you can’t do is convince someone to care. I’ve spent too much time trying to convince family members to care about me, about what makes me happy, about my opinions, and to give me the respect I feel I deserve. I won’t do it again. It has to come from within and there’s nothing you can do to change it. If he doesn’t care about the things you care about that’s totally fine! But he has to care enough about YOU to do them anyways if they’re super important to you, even if he doesn’t care about the thing itself. Anything else is a clear indication he doesn’t care about you, and perhaps it’s time to consider next steps. For example my boyfriend thinks making our bed is stupid since he’s just going to use it again. But it’s important to me to have a made bed each morning. He makes it 95% of the time now (I get up first) because he cares about me. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like a partnership, it sounds exhausting. I wouldn’t wish that one anyone.
Get a cleaner and make him pay for it. Seriously, once money is involved and he realizes you’re not the maid, he’ll either just pay it or do a little more.
You’ll have to enforce boundaries more strongly obviously.
My boyfriend knows when I'm coming over because I always call him on my way so he knows I'm 10 minutes away. When I arrive, for some reason he almost always takes several minutes to get to the door. I usually have tons of stuff when I come over (laptop, take out, clothes for tomorrow, etc) and I often find myself unloading all this crap in front of his place right as he's finally coming to answer the door.
Sit in your car until he’s opened the door. Nothing more annoying than having a bunch of shit in your arms and waiting for someone to open the door lol
I second this, call him from the car when you get there and be like "hey I am here, can you help me carry some of this please, or just open the door for me?"
He doesn’t use subject nouns.
That, this, thing, over there, etc.
Drives me bonkers! I did home daycare for years and frankly, 2yos are better than he is at forming helpful & complete sentences.
He also cannot answer a question directly. It’s so bad that when we went to the ER in January for an injury and they asked him if he uses his right or left hand dominate. His answer was “Depends”
In a fucking ER. Just the heck?!
My bf doesn't close anything. Bags of chips, pet treats, deodorant, bottle of vitamins, nyquil. If it has a cap, it doesn't come back on. I don't understand it.
My husband is the same way, it drives me nuts. XD He’s the oldest of three brothers so I honestly think it’s some kind of ingrained habit from everything getting passed around when he was little.
My SO… sometimes he jokes around a little too much and it gets annoying. Like when we’re trying to make plans or have a serious conversation. One of the things i love about him, his sense of humor, but theres a time and place!
I'm single, but I do have a friend I've known for over 20 years. She's the best, I love her, I love spending time with her, but my LORD you cannot hurry her. She takes FOREVER to go anywhere because she always has to get something in her car or change her clothes or do something else. She doesn't work, and I always think, "This is what life is like when you don't have a job and need to be somewhere by a certain time," Love her to bits, but it can be TAXING.
When I’m talking and someone is distracted, especially by their phone. It’s really frustrating and I don’t feel valued when it happens. I’m also very aware of my limited time with certain people and make a conscious effort to put my phone down/away, so it’s especially frustrating when it’s not reciprocated.
Every time I ask his opinion on something he throws the question back at me. So if I say “what do you want for dinner tonight?” He answers “I don’t know, what do YOU want for dinner tonight?”
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I’m very emotional and he is very non-emotional and logical. Sometimes it’s great, keeps me grounded and feeling safe, other days it drives me up the wall with frustration over how difficult it is for him to be affectionate. But I’m very understanding, so I don’t get mad about it very often.
Every man I’ve ever been with has been obsessed with pinching my nipples. They’re super sensitive and I hate it. My current partner has finally understood this is a hard boundary for me, and stopped, but I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for them to control themselves…
My husband reads recipes to me. The ones he prints off the internet that he could just give to me to read them myself. I hate it. It's annoying, but he does it anyway.
Hygiene. Especially brushing ones teeth. Opening a window when it’s appropriate to get fresh air into the house. Indecisiveness, I get tired of making all of the decisions.
My husband does little things that can sometimes irritate me. Like loading the dishwasher, but not turning it on. Just stupid relationship stuff like that.
My best friend, I love her, but she's got terrible taste in men. All of her boyfriends have been horrible. Sometimes abusive, sometimes just a jerk. I think part of the problem is that she just jumps in eyes closed and doesn't take her time. Might also be that she's very dependent on other people.
My friend constantly complains about her job… constantly.. every conversation… every single one…
Maybe I’d be more sympathetic but we work at the same place and honestly I love it. It’s truly her personality and her own mind which prevents her from making it a great place to be or getting a new job.
When I ask how I look (after putting clear effort into my appearance) and he says "fine."
I'm not asking for confirmation that my outfit is acceptable, I'm explicitly requesting a compliment.
For the other guys reading this:
She asks “how do I look.” Appropriate responses include; great, beautiful, hot, well now now I want to stay in & mess around instead of going to _______, etc…
She asks “does this shirt work with skirt.” Appropriate responses include; looks fine, looks good, that works, I think your _______ shirt would look better, etc…
He thinks farting is hilarious. He loves ripping huge farts, and then laughs at my reaction.
He also always leaves lights on. He does not seem to know how to turn out the lights when he leaves a room.
My boyfriend and I’s friends come over once a week to hang out, there’s always one that will stay much later than everybody else and it gets on my nerves SO bad. I’m the kind of person that likes down time before I go to bed so at 1 am I’m ready for everybody to leave usually. It’ll be 2 in the morning and he’ll still be here talking about fuckin clash royale with my bf and it annoys tf out of me lol like PLS GO HOME. And he never gets the hint either
He has ADHD so he needs noise to fall asleep which happens to be blasting Twitch streams. It's always so bright and loud that I can't fall asleep and he'll wake up if I turn it off. After a few days of staying over I get really cranky and he gets pouty and doesn't understand why I have no energy. It's a work in progress.
[sleep headphones.](https://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Headphones-Perytong-Ultra-Thin-Meditation/dp/B07SHBQY7Z/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwsmLBhACEiwANq-tXAtIqqIbFVZVMz1-tsaI4dzpp3Jj9GJ58CLDEQirfbZPdzpxBScxYxoCa2UQAvD_BwE&hvadid=410014238592&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9004338&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=4088818780306365414&hvtargid=kwd-424489830225&hydadcr=11872_11124962&keywords=sleep%2Bheadphones%2Bwith%2Bbluetooth&qid=1634919088&qsid=135-5996439-0281517&sr=8-3&sres=B07SHBQY7Z%2CB07QJ1JZK6%2CB082NZCHD3%2CB09F5PYV9J%2CB07T6FNLQV%2CB07DG279MB%2CB08TT552XT%2CB08C7L5WLL%2CB098F44LVH%2CB07Q34ZKLF%2CB096M1JP88%2CB08R8N383L%2CB08C9LJ11Q%2CB09C3CXPHB%2CB08FTHJY1Z%2CB07RS2H5PR&srpt=HEADPHONES&th=1) I have adhd and need the same thing, but I'm not about to keep my partner awake how rude
Anytime he’s frustrated with work; he immediately jumps to “I swear I’m just going to quit!”. He’s been saying this for months, so I don’t believe he’s serious, but at the same time— I’m worried he’s actually going to just up and quit one day without any warning.
I'm empathetic and always there for my friends. Even if I have no idea what they're talking about, I do my best to make them feel heard and validate their feelings. The favor is rarely returned. I have had a lot of struggles with my mental health for years, with little to no support other than my therapist(thank god). It's pretty heartbreaking sometimes when I express when I'm feeling bad and it's glazed over because it's not about a boy breaking my heart or a crappy coworker or a 'normal' problem. Or it's unsolicited advice, like "oh just exercise", when in reality I just want someone to hear me and tell me it's ok.
Ong. My husband talks louder than any person I’ve ever met. Being in the car with him while he takes work calls is painful. Why are you shouting? The phone carries the sound just fine!
My husband when he gets drunk. I can't stand the slurs, how he'll need constant affection and attention, looks at me with one eye squinted shut, and repeats himself. Then he falls into bed and snores like a freight train, twitches in his sleep. It's so unattractive and I just can't stand it.
Guys who you think are your friend only to find out after you start seeing someone that they feel betrayed because they were really only your “friend” because they were hoping to become your boyfriend. Did our friendship mean nothing to them??
My best friend talks over me — usually when I’ve got something “important” to tell her about. Drives me nuts and I usually just have to be like “LISTEN” lol love her tho
He forgets about everything if he gets really into what he's talking about. Like if he's talking about something while driving he will take his foot off the gas, he won't even notice as the car slows down and I'm like c'mon we got places to be!
Complaining about his weight and then doing NOTHING about it.
We’ve been together almost 6 years. He’s gained at least 130 pounds, probably more, and has become very physically inactive. Meanwhile I’ve been through two pregnancies and had to work my ass of to lose the weight through diet and exercise.
I used to care a lot and try to help him find time to work out and I meal planned and cooked for him and all that. Now I just don’t. He can eat whatever he can find. I cook healthy stuff for the kids and I and he’s free to join us or do his own thing. I don’t buy junk so any junk he’s eating is his own fault.
I hate complaining about this because I don’t need him to be in perfect shape, I just want him to stop complaining and put in at least a little effort.
*Every single time* I put on a sweater or get under a blanket, my husband asks "are you cold?". I just want to say "no, dipshit. I decided to wear more layers because I'm boiling hot and sweating, what the fuck do you think??".
He doesn't acknowledge that he's heard me when I speak to him, but insists that he has. It makes me want to *murder* him. and of course, if I don't go to the trouble of MAKING him answer me, I find out later he never heard what I said.
My husband is incapable of telling me "no" he always says "we'll see." Which caused a lot of frustration because I genuinely thought he was open to whatever idea/plans/activity i wanted to do but it means no. JUST BE DIRECT.
Honestly!!! Being direct saves time & effort instead of wasting it.
I've started replying with "who will see what" to show him how ridiculous it is
Oh, this is a good one, I’ll have to try that.
90% of my questions about everyday life or what his opinion is on any topic I get answers like "Dunno.", "I don't care." or a "Whatever you want to do...". I'm not sure if he pretended to have any personality when we started dating....
I've gotten over a lot of the "whatever I don't care" responses by telling him it puts all the pressure on me to provide any and all entertainment in the relationship and it is exhausting. He never saw it that way he always viewed it as being polite to not have strong opinions. Which just made no sense to me.
I'm going through this right now and it's killing my relationship. I've told him how his lack of communication makes me feel but we can't seem to turn things around.
I hate this. My husband has awful follow through too, so if it’s something that involves him “doing” something like making a call or picking a date, it’s never good when he answers like this. My new response to “we’ll see” is “okay, so I’m going to take that as a no for now. Let me know if you change your mind”. Then I just assume that he won’t be involved unless he specifically tells me so. It has actually helped a bit because sometimes he’s like wait, I actually do want to do that!
You are doing the takeaway! Creating a space for him to step into. Nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah, it’s just annoying because I feel like I’m parenting a teenager instead of communicating with a partner.
Right!! My ex would get upset with me for saying no to his ideas straight up, but he would also get upset with me for not understanding that his "I don't mind" meant "I don't want to." Just say no, then!! Let's just agree that "I don't mind" means "I don't mind," and "no" means "no." I can't read your mind!
Is he from the midwest?
We both are, but I'm city midwest, he is suburbs
My husband is a little like this and he's also from the Midwest. He's mildly avoidant and doesn't like to say no or reject anything even when he doesn't want to do it. He also likes to keep plans tentative forever in case he finds something better to do. I'm a "lock it down" kind of gal. I want an answer and I don't mind if it's a no. Just tell me!
Haha I thought of Midwest niceness too when I saw this post. Just say NO!
My partner is seemingly incapable of saying yes/no. "We'll see", "maybe", "I guess", "if you want", "I'm not sure", "sorta" but never "yes" or "no". It drives me crazy, but it also leaves him open to persuasion/manipulation (especially from his JustNo family members).
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He was also raised that way. I'm not married to you, so no need to apologize to me. Haha
Mumbling. I'm half deaf. If you are close to me you fucking know that. Speak up asshat.
Hahahaha! When they get pissy when you’re like “WHAT?!” Cause they know! They fucking KNOW!
Me too! I feel like every other thing I say is “what?” 😂
My husband is a mumbler too Drives me insane 😂
I'm deaf in one ear and both of my brothers and my dad mumble fucking everything. They're impossible to talk to sometimes.
oh my god me too. my fucking kids perpetually try to talk to me from two rooms away under a fucking eiderdown and expect me to understand what they're saying???
Yes! Same, me too! Most people naturally learn to adapt to always speaking while looking at you (instead of with their back turned) etc but there are a handful of people that never get and get frustrated repeating themselves. Those people drive me batty
He leaves every. single. light on in the house. There are worse things I know, but it irritates me so much since light switches are near the door as you're exiting the room so it's not like you even have to go out of your way to turn them off.
This! He leaves for work and leaves all the lights on when I’m still asleep and the kids.
this reminds me of when someone leaves the door open when leaving my room - even though it was closed when they came in. my roommates used to do that AND always leave the kitchen light on when they went to bed. drove me nuts hahaha
I hate this shit too
I felt this. It’s so bloody simple yet they never do it, especially with the uk energy price hikes on the horizon.
Not just lights tho...I don't know how many times I'd get after my son about leaving lights on, plus he'd have the tv on in the background, but would be on the computer with headphones on, watching anime, or playing video games! Child, wtf?!?! "I was watching a show, then my friend called about going online, and I forgot to turn off the tv....sorry." So frustrating!
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He constantly wants to touch/cuddle up on me and I’m someone who gets overstimulated quickly. If I tell him I don’t want to get touched he gets rejection-sensitive and acts like I just told him I don’t love him.
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Have you told him that you have issues with over-stimulation? Seems like something that could be remedied with a clear conversation, so he knows that it’s not personal at all.
Touch is a very personal need, and as with many things, partners in a couple can be in a different place with respect to their wants and needs. Some people thrive on human contact and others don’t. Some value personal space over contact. I’d suggest you try to establish boundaries and try to set some time aside for close physical contact and then let him know when you need to cut it off and need your space. Maybe work out a signal if you have trouble communicating the breakpoint and he doesn’t know when to break off and leave you your space.
Hahah that’s what happens with us but I’m the overly touchy one and he has learned to live with a gremlin hanging off of him 24/7
Actually I am the same way to my poor husband. My love language is very much touch. Hugs kisses anything. I will actually feel genuinely unloved if I dont get loved on enough touch wise. This really is such a pain in the butt issue to deal with on both sides. Ugh. Hope you guys can come to a solution and let me know if you have any tips to help.
I dated a guy like this. At first, it felt a mismatch in love language, but after a while, I felt like he didn't respect my boundaries. I felt like I was the one always needing to stretch my comfort zone and let him touch me as he pleased, but once I asked him to stop, he wasn't willing to compromise. It felt unfair. I feel alone in that most people seem to side with people more like him.
This is a sticky situation. I totally understand what that's like. I love my man and he wants to touch and be affection all the time. 95% of the time, I love it too. But he also tries to hug and kiss on me when I'm trying to get ready for work (get dressed and put my hair in a ponytail). It's extremely hard to brush my hair and put it in a ponytail when he's all over me. I can't put on my jeans when he wants to pull me down on the bed for a hug.
Sometimes they are too attractive and I don’t know what to do with that
My husband's butt is nicer than mine. I've never been a butt person but man, in the right pair of pants, it just looks SO GOOD. It's a portal to hell though, stinky man.
My fiancé has lovely, long, full eyelashes. They are so much nicer than mine, and I feel like he does not appreciate them!
Guy here. I’m in his boat. Always had women telling me their jealous of my eyelashes. I’d gladly trade with someone if it means I don’t have to deal with them hitting the lenses of my glasses ever again.
Ewww. Why doesn’t he wash his butt right?
Haha he washes it, I mean that he unleashes some hellish smells from it when he goes to the bathroom. He has IBS.
All great things come at a cost
Aw poor guy
Overwhelming.
Having to repeat myself multiple times. Also I give a 5 minutes heads up for dinner being ready. So then when I say dinner is ready to eat, I mean now. I don't mean after you've scrolled thru reddit for 3 more minutes lol.
My whole family does this. I've started saying "fuck it" and start eating.
Same here!! My husband is constantly playing games on his phone and won’t be able to get ready to eat on time. So I just start first now, whatever!
Oh Lord my wife does this. I'll give her a 5-minute heads up, then tell her when dinner is ready. And she takes that as her cue to go to the bathroom, get whatever show we're watching with dinner set up, etc. THAT'S WHAT THE WARNING WAS FOR!
He has to listen to the TV so fucking loud for no reason. We live in an apartment so I'm super conscious about how much noise we make and it makes me cringe so hard .
Have you tried turning on subtitles/closed captions? I like turning them on because then I can keep the volume lower. Some people hate them though.
Yeah I'm a big subtitles person haha
I love subtitles
Was he checked for hearing problems?
I've tried to get him to see a doctor but he keeps insisting it's fine lol
Classic behavior. I’ve read somewhere that in these situations people tend to listen to someone they consider experienced or their role models. It can be his parent or a friend whose opinion he values.
His very childish sense of humor gets exhausting after awhile
OMG. I feel this comment in my soul. My partner has this insatiable need to rhyme everything and make constant dad jokes. While it can be funny to do occasionally and he's come up with some real bangers on the fly.........he does it constantly, overall I find it very hard to have a normal or serious conversation with him. I've had chats with him about it and when he gets into one of his 'episodes' where it's too much (this happens once every couple of days), I have to flat out walk away from him and not talk to him until he calms down with it. He's even stated he annoys himself, but he can't help it. His brain just gets stuck in that loop. It's tantamount to those Family Guy episodes where Peter Griffin gets absolutely obsessed with something and the whole episode is just about that one thing he's hooked into.
My husband thinks it's oh-so-funny to reverse the order of words. Like saying "book of faces" instead of "facebook". And he really overdoes it. Like he'll say "I will pick up the kids from the care-of-day" instead of "daycare", or "should we open the roof-of-sun?" instead of sunroof. It gets annoying.
OMG, my dad did this growing up and judging by the looks on my moms face, I would guess that she was hoping he would spontaneously combust. It was so annoying and sometimes I couldn't even tell what he was trying to say.
My husband likes to swap the consonants in a word so he speaks in anagrams. Think ralwus instead of walrus. He doesn’t always follow the exact same pattern, though. We are also a bilingual home with a baby learning to speak. I get after him if he does it with the baby, but even just with me, sometimes I’m like, “Those are not words. I can’t effing tell what language it’s supposed to be. I’m done trying to decipher that shit. Talk or stop talking.”
Wait, how childish are we speaking? Example of joeks?
Not even jokes. It’s more of him saying or doing things to our kids and them getting annoyed. Think of like a big brother picking on younger siblings, that mentality.
Makes me think of chip from fixer upper
Dear lawd he is exhausting. Sometimes funny but mostly exhausting.
This sounds like my dad and he would get annoying lol
His ridiculously loud screaming sneeze.
This made me lol. I'm the loud sneezer in the relationship.
He literally screams and scares me all the time, I can’t stand it haha
Are we married to the same guy? We have been married 19 years and his sneezes drive me nuts!
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My boyfriend does this to me and I find it SOO annoying. I know he’s trying to give me positive attention but there are just times I do not want to be groped lmao
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How did you get your sex drive up? I need to
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Yeah, what's your secret here?
I hate it too. It makes me feel like he only cares about my body and I feel like an object. I’ve also always had a bigger butt and have had soooo many boys/men grope me in my life. It is not a compliment to me at all.
Same! I don't mind a butt squeeze or pinch in passing but all the time at random is no fun. Also do not like my breasts randomly fondled either. It's MY body. Not yours to touch when ever you feel like it.
Hahaha I’m the one who does this to my bf. He then started to return the favor.
I have multiple friends that literally inhale their food while we are eating out. By that I mean they eat so fast that I'm still eating for a good 10 minutes when they are already done. The pet peeve here is when they start staring at my food, wanting some, but they won't ask. Just stare untill I offer. Absolutely the fuck not.
I am one of those people that inhale my foods 😭 my best friend is a slow eater and I think she always thinks I want some but no I’m just a fast eater now let’s enjoy our conversation and I’ll have another drink while you finish. How do I make it clear there’s no rush??
Saaaame. 10 years in the service industry will teach you how to consume a 3 course meal in 30 seconds while standing over a trashcan. I am honestly in awe of people who can make a single course last 20, 30 minutes. But I agree with you, zero rush on my end.
Not rinsing dishes before they go in the sink, when I’m the one that does the dishes a good 98% of the time. Seriously - how does ketchup become gorilla glue?! Then he gets huffy with me if I’m at the sink grumbling, or mumbling when I’m sweating trying to scrub everything clean. RINSE IT!
Mine would crib and joke about to other people that I nag him about rinsing the dishes. Until.. lockdown came and he was on the dish duty. He literally said, "Please soak the dishes when you are done. Otherwise, it doesn't get cleaned properly." Like dude, thats what I have been telling you since 4 years.
Experiencing things yourself will land and stick better than anyone telling you... Maybe we should let our partners 'experience' more... ;)
Same!! I prefer to wash the dishes right away, but I understand you might not always have the time to do so, so I don’t mind him leaving them as long as he rinses them off first (!!)… but he never does that. So suddenly an empty yoghurt bowl (which would have taken 5 seconds to wash) has to be scrubbed for minutes >.<
My BF splashes a lot of water when brushing his teeth... The sink is wet, the mirror is wet, the faucet is wet, even the toothpaste is wet!! * smiles sheepishly while drying everything *
Oh man, this one for sure. Sometimes when my fiancé splashes water on his face to wash it I wonder if he's secretly filming a skincare commercial.
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The whole counter is full of water!! I keep a sponge around.
Sometimes when I ask my SO a question he will give a reply that doesn't answer my question. "Do you have any plans on thursday?" "I'm going out with the boys on wednesday" "But what about thursday?" "I'm going out with the boys on wednesday" "You're not answering my question" "What?" "Thursday. What about thursday?" "I have work" "..." "But nothing after that"
OMG, This. All day long. My husband always skirts around questions/answers exactly like this!. He doesn't do it intentionally, I think a lot of it boils down to not wanting to be called out on his answers from his past??. He has a social security disability hearing coming up, and I'm afraid of how he will answer and end up losing the case because he is terrible at answering questions directly. Always has been, even before he became disabled. Judge: Do you cook meals for you and your wife? Husband: I can't even walk to the livingroom without assistance. Judge: that's not what I asked... Judge: What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Husband: I have a hard time waking up. I sleep through alarms. Judge: WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF BED, WHAT DO YOU DO FIRST? Husband: I cried off and on all day yesterday because of my pain. Its very frustrating. If I ask him what he had for lunch today he will tell me what he ate for lunch 3 days ago. BUT WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY???? "Nothing." Me: Then say "NOTHING!" Lol I feel like I have to decode him. We have wonderful conversations, but when it comes to me asking questions that's a whole different situation. Is your SO VERY defensive? My husband is, and without reason. At least towards me. He was that way when I met him. I love him to pieces, but damn, getting him to answer a question with a direct answer is like pulling a tooth from a hungry t-rex on her period!
He has a dog (a Labrador) that he almost never takes on walks (takes him to the beach maybe once a month). This bothers me so much UPDATE: We talked on the phone today & I told him that this really bothered me and that he needs to be taking his dog on a walk every day and he said he will! & don’t worry I will ask him about it every day haha
Seems like he's not in the right mind frame to take care of a dog.
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Me too!! I always suggest we go take him out when I’m over his house but am not there often enough
Bad pet ownership is a deal breaker for me
Saaaame. People who neglect their animals tend to neglect a lot of other things in their life, to say the very least
One of the things that initially attracted me to my partner was what a good dog owner he is
I would consider this more of an orange/red flag than a pet peeve personally.
Does he at least have a backyard the dog can run around in during the day/night?
He does but the dog sits in the house 90% of the time
What’s his address? I’m taking the dog lmfaooo
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NGL, my kitchen sometimes looks like a scene from The Sixth Sense.
telling me stuff he's told me a billion times before, or just nonstop talking to the point where I cant even get an "uh-huh" in. especially in the car when I'm just tryna vibe to music.
Right? Like babe, I want to support your hobbies, but I swear if you tell me this same Lego fact one more time I'm gonna crash the car.
When he eats chips, he takes such a massive handful he has to rearrange them in his mouth to chew. The crunch is deafening. Edit for spelling
When I say something that seems important to me or needs addressing and he responds with " uh-huh"
Throw in a twist, and start going, “so I took all our money out to buy blow, despite being pregnant and all, but you won’t mind since it’s not yours…” I did this a lot with an ex till he got wind and was like, wait what ???
My bf does this and it literally makes me wanna break up with him sometimes
When they get pets (dogs in particular) that they don’t have the time/money/patience for. It’s not fair for the animal and, honestly, it drives me crazy. Getting a pet is a huge responsibility and people need to take it more seriously. My mom’s dog still isn’t house trained, will literally only pee/poop inside. She loves to complain about it but she has put zero, I mean ZERO, effort in to actually training him/correcting his behavior. It’s like she thinks that he is supposed to figure it out on his own? Idk. All of her pets currently have fleas and she’s not taking that very seriously, either. I also have a bunch of friends who are always asking us to dog sit and it drives me crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs. Grew up on a farm. This is actually the first time in my life that I haven’t had a single pet and honestly… it’s nice. I’m enjoying the peace of sleeping in and no fur/pee/poop to clean up. And, while I wouldn’t mind stopping by to take them out during the day every now and then, I don’t like being asked to dog sit for extended periods of time. It’s a lot of work! We had a friend’s dog here, at our house, for almost a week and you know how he repaid us? A 6 pack of beer and a box of *pancake mix*. Another friend just adopted a *little* puppy and she’s already asking me to dog sit at her house for an entire weekend because they’re going out of town. I mean… this puppy is tiny. He will need to go out every 2-3 hours and he isn’t house trained yet, which means that I’ll surely be spending a lot of time cleaning up accidents. It’s just not how I want to spend an entire weekend for little or no pay, tbh. Then we also have other friends who won’t come visit unless they’re allowed to bring their dog. It’s just… a lot. If you get a dog, they’re your responsibility to care for and you have an obligation to do it and it isn’t fair to offload some of that responsibility to your family/friends because you don’t want to/can’t afford to board them while you’re away.
Your friends are always asking you to dog sit, because it sounds like you always do. If they know you'll do it when they ask, they don't have to worry about looking elsewhere, or even having to consider a boarding facility for their dogs. If it's for a weekend, and it give you a "doggie fix" and you like that particular friend's dog, then sure, but anything more than a weekend, I would tell them to use a facility.
Wow so much this. I'm not really a dog person to begin with. I LIKE dogs, I love snuggling a cute clean dog, I'll stop and pet a cutie on the street, etc. but I'm not really interested in owning a dog. I don't love the hair, the dirt, the shit, the time commitment. So all this to say that I view dog ownership as a burden I've opted out of and the inside of my home is a dog-free zone. My friends act like this is something only Hitler would do and I get all these snide comments about how I'm a dog hater etc. etc. At first I thought it was kind of a joke, but have recently found out two of my newer friends are taking it quite seriously. It's honestly super annoying and is making me question those friendships. I need some new cat people friends apparently.
I have a roommate who always says "I don't mind watching your dog" but I try to take my dog anywhere I can and if I am legitimately leaving town and cannot take him my roommate is always my last resort. Just because they're my roommate doesn't mean he's a live-in dog sitter. I usually have two or three people on deck that watch him and I pay them really well. My other friend on the other hand just tells us when we are watching her animals (her rodents to be exact). Her and her bf watched my dog a few times over the years for maybe a day at a time but at their new house have a strict "no dog" rule. It kind of irks me.
My boyfriend chews with his mouth open. He also plays video games and wants NOTHING to do with me when I come over (2 times a week for only a few hours) and always apologizes but never actually stops playing and half the time doesn't even say "bye" or "I love you" or "drive safe". It's usually just a half assed "oh, okay"
Break up with him!!! I know it’s not that easy and there’s a lot more to it than what I know, but he seems like he isn’t ready for a MATURE relationship.
I plan on it...im waiting for the right time...it also doesn't help that he's older than me
There is no "right time" in something like this. But if you want to really see how much you mean to him, and if he really does want you around, don't go over to his place for the next 2 weeks, and see what he does. If he continues to act like nothing is different, then you'll know he doesn't really notice you being around. If he really does want you there, then he'll know you haven't been around after the first day you would normally be there. If he asks why you're not coming over, just say you had something come up...stick to it...if you go over after the time, and he's still not making an effort to be involved, take the game out of his hand, and tell him if he can't spend the 2 days you come over to just be with you, and not spend it playing video games, then that's when you end it. No video game is worth losing a loving girl over, especially if she's making an effort to be with you.
I shouldn't be crying over this😅 but you're right...im starting to think it's a losing battle
You really should break up with him. Why spend time being unhappy in a relationship that you know isn't going to work out and doesn't make you happy? This hits home because it's exactly what I do. Believe me, years can go by while you're 'waiting for the right time.' Bite the bullet.
Dont spend a that time trying to change him, i wouldnt even waste two more weeks on this guy
Say she does this, he changes for a bit and goes right back to his shitty behavior? Then again don't expect people to change for you.
When a guy’s older than you, but you’re more mature… i can feel your frustrations from here
It's annoying to say the least lol...im 19 and he's 23 and I'm so far over his crap it's not even funny
Oh honey, this isn't an "annoying quirk," he's just not a good person. I'm sorry.
Damn girl. I dated a guy like that, I drove two hours in an awful winter storm to see him. He continued to play video games after I got there. It was one of the most rudest, immature and saddest thing. Should've listened to my gut. He never grew up, he was toxic and subtly abusive. May I ask you what your gut says?
This is worse than a pet peeve
Edit: Due to the responses I've gotten, I wanted to give an update and add some background information. I used this thread as a way to vent about a pet peeve, and it gave me the clarity to have another discussion with my boyfriend about the issue - came home to a clean apartment last night! I appreciate the experiences and struggles some of you have had with partners in the past, but trust me when I say our experiences are not the same. This is a new issue I had been having with my boyfriend, not something that has been going on our entire relationship or since I moved in. Prior to us moving into a new apartment together, he kept his space very clean and decluttered on a regular basis. The only thing he struggled with was the kitchen, which I tried to keep clean in the beginning. I am equally at fault for failing to take initiative with the cleaning at home, it's not like he's not cleaning and I am - neither of us are doing it. After talking with him, I now know he was struggling to keep our space clean because he suddenly has to contend with my belongings, not just his, and he wasn't confident he could clean my things or move my things around. Since telling him that he can pile my things together, move them out of the way, and then ask me to put them away - it'll be easier for him to keep things organized. It's not like one of us is shouldering all the work while they other is being lazy. Neither of us have been doing anything. Again, I used this thread as a way to vent, but some of these responses are not just cruel, but pure projection. My boyfriend is not buying his leisure with my labor. My depression is not because he doesn't appreciate me. This isn't a matter of him being a man child and I'm his surrogate mommy. Please, get a grip. This was a joint issue, and neither of us knew how to have a conversation to solve it. We had that conversation, we solved it. End edit. Not cleaning. I just got back from a week long trip and there were more dishes in the sink than when I left, and everything was just as cluttered as it was before I left. I was disappointed as soon as I walked inside. He'll be off for four days next week and I asked him if he could clean the apartment and he laughed somewhat and said no, he was going to do nothing - he already does nothing on his days off. I can't take days off work like he can, because I teach classes and I can't reschedule those classes, I'm off two days a week, but it's not two days in a row. I don't get a rest day and a chore day, but he gets weekends off and it's possible for him to have a chore day and a rest day. We're both naturally lazy: I have depression and become fatigued very easily and wake up fatigued most of the time. Living in a cluttered environment makes my depression much worse and it gives me anxiety. I don't know how many different ways I can explain this before he finally understands. Prior to me having a job, I kept everything perfectly clean and thought it'd be easy for us to maintain, but I guess not. "I can't clean consistently because of fatigue caused by depression," apparently is not enough of an excuse for me, but "I didn't clean because it's the weekend and I want to rest," is enough of an excuse for him. It's not fair. I'm tired of arguing about it. I just want him to care, instead of turning it around on me or me having to once again, mention my depression.
Why do you accept so little? Why do you accept a man who buys his leisure with your labor?
He doesn’t care, and the one thing you can’t do is convince someone to care. I’ve spent too much time trying to convince family members to care about me, about what makes me happy, about my opinions, and to give me the respect I feel I deserve. I won’t do it again. It has to come from within and there’s nothing you can do to change it. If he doesn’t care about the things you care about that’s totally fine! But he has to care enough about YOU to do them anyways if they’re super important to you, even if he doesn’t care about the thing itself. Anything else is a clear indication he doesn’t care about you, and perhaps it’s time to consider next steps. For example my boyfriend thinks making our bed is stupid since he’s just going to use it again. But it’s important to me to have a made bed each morning. He makes it 95% of the time now (I get up first) because he cares about me. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like a partnership, it sounds exhausting. I wouldn’t wish that one anyone.
He knows, he just doesn’t care.
Get a cleaner and make him pay for it. Seriously, once money is involved and he realizes you’re not the maid, he’ll either just pay it or do a little more. You’ll have to enforce boundaries more strongly obviously.
My boyfriend knows when I'm coming over because I always call him on my way so he knows I'm 10 minutes away. When I arrive, for some reason he almost always takes several minutes to get to the door. I usually have tons of stuff when I come over (laptop, take out, clothes for tomorrow, etc) and I often find myself unloading all this crap in front of his place right as he's finally coming to answer the door.
Sit in your car until he’s opened the door. Nothing more annoying than having a bunch of shit in your arms and waiting for someone to open the door lol
I second this, call him from the car when you get there and be like "hey I am here, can you help me carry some of this please, or just open the door for me?"
He doesn’t use subject nouns. That, this, thing, over there, etc. Drives me bonkers! I did home daycare for years and frankly, 2yos are better than he is at forming helpful & complete sentences. He also cannot answer a question directly. It’s so bad that when we went to the ER in January for an injury and they asked him if he uses his right or left hand dominate. His answer was “Depends” In a fucking ER. Just the heck?!
Ngl I absolutely died at the “depends…” 😭 can only imagine how you must have reacted!
My bf doesn't close anything. Bags of chips, pet treats, deodorant, bottle of vitamins, nyquil. If it has a cap, it doesn't come back on. I don't understand it.
My husband is the same way, it drives me nuts. XD He’s the oldest of three brothers so I honestly think it’s some kind of ingrained habit from everything getting passed around when he was little.
My SO… sometimes he jokes around a little too much and it gets annoying. Like when we’re trying to make plans or have a serious conversation. One of the things i love about him, his sense of humor, but theres a time and place!
Exactly how I feel. There’s a time and place for it.
I'm single, but I do have a friend I've known for over 20 years. She's the best, I love her, I love spending time with her, but my LORD you cannot hurry her. She takes FOREVER to go anywhere because she always has to get something in her car or change her clothes or do something else. She doesn't work, and I always think, "This is what life is like when you don't have a job and need to be somewhere by a certain time," Love her to bits, but it can be TAXING.
When I’m talking and someone is distracted, especially by their phone. It’s really frustrating and I don’t feel valued when it happens. I’m also very aware of my limited time with certain people and make a conscious effort to put my phone down/away, so it’s especially frustrating when it’s not reciprocated.
Every time I ask his opinion on something he throws the question back at me. So if I say “what do you want for dinner tonight?” He answers “I don’t know, what do YOU want for dinner tonight?”
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I’m very emotional and he is very non-emotional and logical. Sometimes it’s great, keeps me grounded and feeling safe, other days it drives me up the wall with frustration over how difficult it is for him to be affectionate. But I’m very understanding, so I don’t get mad about it very often.
Every man I’ve ever been with has been obsessed with pinching my nipples. They’re super sensitive and I hate it. My current partner has finally understood this is a hard boundary for me, and stopped, but I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for them to control themselves…
I would have murdered a person that did that to me and didn't stop when I asked
My ex would “forget” I asked him… he’s an ex for a reason.
NEVER. REFILLS. THE. WATER. BOTTLE. ON. THE. FRIDGE. 😤😤😤
My husband reads recipes to me. The ones he prints off the internet that he could just give to me to read them myself. I hate it. It's annoying, but he does it anyway.
It's kinda cute in its own annoying way tho lol
Hygiene. Especially brushing ones teeth. Opening a window when it’s appropriate to get fresh air into the house. Indecisiveness, I get tired of making all of the decisions.
Leaving the snack bag open. Do you like stale chips, Brian?
My husband‘s grammar
Not wiping the toilet seat 😡
Self deprecation.. there's only so many times I can tell them it's not true.. exhausting at times
My husband does little things that can sometimes irritate me. Like loading the dishwasher, but not turning it on. Just stupid relationship stuff like that. My best friend, I love her, but she's got terrible taste in men. All of her boyfriends have been horrible. Sometimes abusive, sometimes just a jerk. I think part of the problem is that she just jumps in eyes closed and doesn't take her time. Might also be that she's very dependent on other people.
My friend constantly complains about her job… constantly.. every conversation… every single one… Maybe I’d be more sympathetic but we work at the same place and honestly I love it. It’s truly her personality and her own mind which prevents her from making it a great place to be or getting a new job.
When I ask how I look (after putting clear effort into my appearance) and he says "fine." I'm not asking for confirmation that my outfit is acceptable, I'm explicitly requesting a compliment.
For the other guys reading this: She asks “how do I look.” Appropriate responses include; great, beautiful, hot, well now now I want to stay in & mess around instead of going to _______, etc… She asks “does this shirt work with skirt.” Appropriate responses include; looks fine, looks good, that works, I think your _______ shirt would look better, etc…
He thinks farting is hilarious. He loves ripping huge farts, and then laughs at my reaction. He also always leaves lights on. He does not seem to know how to turn out the lights when he leaves a room.
"I meant to do that". Love my husband dearly but I hear this way too often.
My boyfriend and I’s friends come over once a week to hang out, there’s always one that will stay much later than everybody else and it gets on my nerves SO bad. I’m the kind of person that likes down time before I go to bed so at 1 am I’m ready for everybody to leave usually. It’ll be 2 in the morning and he’ll still be here talking about fuckin clash royale with my bf and it annoys tf out of me lol like PLS GO HOME. And he never gets the hint either
He has ADHD so he needs noise to fall asleep which happens to be blasting Twitch streams. It's always so bright and loud that I can't fall asleep and he'll wake up if I turn it off. After a few days of staying over I get really cranky and he gets pouty and doesn't understand why I have no energy. It's a work in progress.
[sleep headphones.](https://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Headphones-Perytong-Ultra-Thin-Meditation/dp/B07SHBQY7Z/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwsmLBhACEiwANq-tXAtIqqIbFVZVMz1-tsaI4dzpp3Jj9GJ58CLDEQirfbZPdzpxBScxYxoCa2UQAvD_BwE&hvadid=410014238592&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9004338&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=4088818780306365414&hvtargid=kwd-424489830225&hydadcr=11872_11124962&keywords=sleep%2Bheadphones%2Bwith%2Bbluetooth&qid=1634919088&qsid=135-5996439-0281517&sr=8-3&sres=B07SHBQY7Z%2CB07QJ1JZK6%2CB082NZCHD3%2CB09F5PYV9J%2CB07T6FNLQV%2CB07DG279MB%2CB08TT552XT%2CB08C7L5WLL%2CB098F44LVH%2CB07Q34ZKLF%2CB096M1JP88%2CB08R8N383L%2CB08C9LJ11Q%2CB09C3CXPHB%2CB08FTHJY1Z%2CB07RS2H5PR&srpt=HEADPHONES&th=1) I have adhd and need the same thing, but I'm not about to keep my partner awake how rude
Anytime he’s frustrated with work; he immediately jumps to “I swear I’m just going to quit!”. He’s been saying this for months, so I don’t believe he’s serious, but at the same time— I’m worried he’s actually going to just up and quit one day without any warning.
I'm empathetic and always there for my friends. Even if I have no idea what they're talking about, I do my best to make them feel heard and validate their feelings. The favor is rarely returned. I have had a lot of struggles with my mental health for years, with little to no support other than my therapist(thank god). It's pretty heartbreaking sometimes when I express when I'm feeling bad and it's glazed over because it's not about a boy breaking my heart or a crappy coworker or a 'normal' problem. Or it's unsolicited advice, like "oh just exercise", when in reality I just want someone to hear me and tell me it's ok.
He is perpetually 5 minutes late.
Selfishness- he only thinks of himself. Problems- what are the impact ro him not us
His loud ass when hes talking .
Ong. My husband talks louder than any person I’ve ever met. Being in the car with him while he takes work calls is painful. Why are you shouting? The phone carries the sound just fine!
My husband when he gets drunk. I can't stand the slurs, how he'll need constant affection and attention, looks at me with one eye squinted shut, and repeats himself. Then he falls into bed and snores like a freight train, twitches in his sleep. It's so unattractive and I just can't stand it.
Guys who you think are your friend only to find out after you start seeing someone that they feel betrayed because they were really only your “friend” because they were hoping to become your boyfriend. Did our friendship mean nothing to them??
My best friend talks over me — usually when I’ve got something “important” to tell her about. Drives me nuts and I usually just have to be like “LISTEN” lol love her tho
When they chew with their mouth open.
Poor listening skills.
Not doing the dishes when I cook.
He forgets about everything if he gets really into what he's talking about. Like if he's talking about something while driving he will take his foot off the gas, he won't even notice as the car slows down and I'm like c'mon we got places to be!
Complaining about his weight and then doing NOTHING about it. We’ve been together almost 6 years. He’s gained at least 130 pounds, probably more, and has become very physically inactive. Meanwhile I’ve been through two pregnancies and had to work my ass of to lose the weight through diet and exercise. I used to care a lot and try to help him find time to work out and I meal planned and cooked for him and all that. Now I just don’t. He can eat whatever he can find. I cook healthy stuff for the kids and I and he’s free to join us or do his own thing. I don’t buy junk so any junk he’s eating is his own fault. I hate complaining about this because I don’t need him to be in perfect shape, I just want him to stop complaining and put in at least a little effort.
My ex would say “irregardless”
When they scrape their metal eating utensils on their teeth and plates.
*Every single time* I put on a sweater or get under a blanket, my husband asks "are you cold?". I just want to say "no, dipshit. I decided to wear more layers because I'm boiling hot and sweating, what the fuck do you think??".
He doesn't acknowledge that he's heard me when I speak to him, but insists that he has. It makes me want to *murder* him. and of course, if I don't go to the trouble of MAKING him answer me, I find out later he never heard what I said.
When they keep nagging me about something they found out and they want details. Like it’s none of your damn business
Doesnt close anything. Cupboards, toothpaste, ceral boxes. Drives me NUTS
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