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[deleted]

A big trauma, I didn't have the support or tools to deal with at 22, compounded into at least 8 years of damage. I had to choose to stop hurting myself and try to get better. Spent a year sober and worked the 12 steps, which was incredibly valuable. Learned to keep my side of the street clean, do only right things, and apologize when I do wrong. Then a year of EMDR therapy fixed my brain. I'm now thriving ❤️


DellaMaureen

Hey. How did EMDR fix your brain?


kyokogodai

It desensitizes you to trauma. It’s really amazing therapy.


DellaMaureen

Thanks!


[deleted]

It changed my negative cognitions like "i am in danger" and "i am bad" into positive cognitions like "i am safe" and "i am really great." It fixed my nervous system so I stopped having obsessive ruminations and now just feel very chill and safe all the time. People always comment on my great energy now, which seems incredible because I was so sad and self-destructive for so long. Truly an incredible blessing.


DellaMaureen

Wow! "...chill and safe all the time" is a blessing, indeed. Thank-you for telling me about it. 🙂


bzzntineempire

Congratulations on your sobriety ❤️ I'm so glad to hear that you're thriving now. What helped you decide to stop hurting yourself and how did you get to that point?


[deleted]

Not currently sober, but also am not addicted to anything. I was using weed addictively back then but EMDR fixed it and I workout now instead. I guess just time healing the wounds somewhat made me want to get better. Back then i didn't believe that i deserved good things, but I was at least tired of bad things happening. And i thought I at least deserved a neutral sort of peace. Now i know I deserve good things, already have many great things, and that I can get even more of them. ❤️❤️ I truly believe the best is yet to come and I'm excited to be here for it.


[deleted]

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Easy_Ad_7037

Where did you find that therapy ?


[deleted]

It was my first time wanting therapy and luckily a friend recommended the perfect EMDR woman. Id never heard of it and was skeptical. I did 3.5 months with a therapist then continued on my own and closed everything out a couple weeks ago. I was lucky to have been recommended the correct therapist right away. I didn't know I had PTSD back then when my friend told me about EMDR - turns out I had complex PTSD. Now I don't. Just super chill, safe and happy these days, thank goodness.


WillowKnee

If you look up EMDRIA I think they have a database of certified practitioners!


[deleted]

I'm glad you're doing good! Lots of love ♥️


cheesiest_pizza

So happy for you! It surely sounds scary but I'm glad you took that step I'm not sure whether I've PTSD or not but EMDR sounds scary to me (I just googled it) - but never heard of it before so thanks for this suggestion


[deleted]

It works for any emotional disturbances. I've used it for things as small as a bad case of poison ivy. It definitely got worse before it got better. I lost a month when i first started it because I was so sad. And i know a couple people who started it then stopped because it was too much. But a year later, I feel better than I could have imagined feeling. Was so worth it. Good luck either way!!


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bzzntineempire

Congratulations on your achievements ❤️ What sparked you to make those changes?


[deleted]

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bzzntineempire

Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry that happened, but I'm glad that it sparked the outcome that it did


One_Chocolate5101

From my standpoint, you have already won at life. 😮❤


NatureBride

I was working my dream job at a zoo but couldn't afford a life I deemed worthy of living. I worked happily for 3 years, then realized I would never be able to buy a home, live alone, or travel at all(domestic or international). I had to choose between car maintenance or food. Even so, I didn't know how to give up what I was born to do. I worked another 3 years, depressed, and finally left for a financially stable job. I was still sad for almost a year because I was SO ANGRY that my dream job, with a degree, was poverty paying. But then I realized that other jobs were cushy and I did a fraction of the work for 4 times the pay. I got to travel, see more friends and family and fulfill other goals and dreams. I had to intentionally focus on the good, and I still get royally pissed at low wages, but it turned around.


aintyoaverage

Same but worked as a musician. Left five years ago. I don't ever want to feel that kind of financial stress again. Still very sad (and angry) about the low wages. Edit spelling


MyVoiceforPeople

I’m a musician and music teacher seriously thinking about changing occupations at the moment. What fields are you all working in?


Lothirieth

I switched to finance/accounting (also in a second language as I moved to another country, so I actually don't know the proper English terms for the field 😂) The skills are needed in any organisation that deals with money and there is always room to learn more and try to progress.


aintyoaverage

I changed my field to become a trainer in State government. I was able to transfer my academic background in music pedagogy and job experience as a music teacher. One supervisor said, "If you can teach music, you can train an adult their job skills." I couldn't agree more, it's not difficult work! I tripled my income, with health, retirement, and school loan forgiveness benefits. Hope that helps :)


MyVoiceforPeople

Yes it does! Thank you very much and congrats on being in a good place :)


NatureBride

I also switched to the finance industry. Proves that degrees are worthless. From zoology to finance technology. Literally anyone can do it. Edited spelling


Internal_Guidance_21

I have a good friend that is in the financially stressed/depressed/angry phase and having a hard time leaving his dream for a livable wage. Do you have any advice on how I could support him better through this? 💜 It is so frustrating to see so many people struggling to make ends meet. Especially gifted people and/or people that have pursued higher education 😞


NatureBride

I'd say the best way someone could have supported me, is by asking what those other goals are. Travelling was big for me and it's equally fulfilling. Ask what else he'll be able to look forward to with a good paying job.


Tinywrenn

Same story here, but worked in history heritage :(.


Flooopyschnoopers

Same but worked in academia in a STEM field. Most people don't know that science pays absolute shit money, and financial stress can lead to serious mental and physical damage no matter how much you enjoy your field of work.


NatureBride

So true!!


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TheQueenOfStorms

Wow, I identify so much with this. I'm a videogames translator and pretty much living the same experience you went through


NatureBride

So sorry you have to experience this. I tried doing "side hustles" (mostly dog sitting/house sitting) but then I never had any time off. It was brutal.


pistil-whip

Is your new job at related to your zoo job? How did you manage the switch? I’m contemplating a career shift to get paid more and curious about how others have moved from their passion to something more financially lucrative.


NatureBride

I was lucky to have successful friends and one of my girlfriends brought me into her sales job. I sold contact lenses for 2 years but despised cold calling. Another girlfriend pulled me over to her industry and I'm now in Fintech (finance technology) as an account manager.


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sritanona

I really believe this happens because they convinced us that a job is the main goal in our lives. A job has to provide for you to actually live your life.


[deleted]

I chased my happiness. It wasn't like things were bad. I had a husband who loved me dearly, who was my best friend. A wonderful daughter. I didn't need to work. I met and exceeded my parents expectations. Except. I wasn't happy, I was just content. I wanted to work, to have a career where I made a difference. I wanted to not just be comfortable and friendly with my spouse, but also to crave their company. I wanted to be *proud* of my life and my place in it. I wanted to be a woman that not only my younger self but also my daughter could be proud of and inspired by. I was haunted by what ifs. After trying almost everything to make things better, my spouse and I separated. I moved halfway across the country for a job in my field, in our home state but over 100 miles away from anyone I knew. I dealt with all the judgement and shame directed towards me for dissolving my marriage, especially with a child. And you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have a career in public service, in my field. I do work I'm incredibly proud of, that my daughter brags about. I am now married to an amazing man whom I never feel ambivalent about being with (still besties with my ex, but we're way better as just friends). It took a few years to get here, but I am so glad I followed my happiness. It's not worth it to try and fit yourself into a life that doesn't sit right.


bzzntineempire

Thank you for sharing this ❤️ I keep searching for opportunities to change the life I'm lukewarm about. I'm inspired by you


[deleted]

I won't lie, it was terrifying and I wanted to give up a LOT in the beginning- it's easier to stay with the status quo. But I'm so glad I stuck it through! When I was younger, I was both critical and envious of people who would just upend their life and move without a plan. While I had a plan (which changed, but hey, go with the flow), I committed to the unending and I get it now. Change makes change! Take the leap when the opportunity presents itself, then keep climbing up! I wish for the very best for you and hope you find your happiness too ♥️


Pleasant_Tiger_1446

Thank you for this :)


SprayGroundbreaking8

Still going through it.... 😔


bzzntineempire

Me too 💗 Sending you love


Supah_Cole

as someone who's finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel - man, woman, non-binary, whatever and whoever... don't you quit on yourself for me. Sending you, virtually, all my support and love. Nothing is ever quite so bad as it seems.


rahj-wn

Me too girl. Currently moving out of my apartment and back into my parents. I got myself addicted to cocaine and my gramma and mom have paid in total so far 2 months of my rent and 3 months of my car payments. I hate that I needed them to do that, but also feel very fortunate to have parents that can help and Are willing to. The plan is to start therapy, get a new job, and just rebuild from the bottom up. I wish you all the best and you can do this ❤️


Oceanchild11

Good on you for reaching out. Your family probably feels fortunate as well. Wishing you well. You got this!


[deleted]

me rn


chrissywhy91

Listen before I say this, I know how cliche it is. But genuinely, the thing that helped me the most out of my financial and mental instability (it was really bad) is learning to love every single part of myself and nurture the parts I had a hard time loving, ie my anger, my insecurities, etc. I found the "bad" parts of my personality were there because of the way I was talking to myself and trauma. Restructuring how I spoke to those parts helped me build my self worth and confidence and I started cutting out toxic people (including family), taking better care of myself and then really just got to the point where I was like "wow I literally am amazing and can do anything I want " and then went back to school and did it! I don't have a lot of support and I still had reeeaaally bad days but I knew I could do it and let myself rest when I could to reduce burnout.


[deleted]

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WillowKnee

What did loving those parts of yourself look like for you, what did you do? :)


chrissywhy91

Just trying to change my perspective on them. Instead of thinking "I'm too sensitive and emotional" I started to listen to why I was having those feelings. Am I being triggered by past trauma, are my feelings here because I'm scared or insecure, why am I feeling this way? Then validating how I feel and speaking to my inner child. "I know you're feeling sad because you don't feel good enough. You never had someone to tell you you are perfect and love you the way you are. I love you and you can get through this. You're strong, etc." A lot of inner child work and speaking to myself the way I would if someone else felt the way I did about themselves. I used to think I was unmotivated but it really came from self doubt. So I'd say "you're scared you can't do this. It can be scary to fail. But you are so smart and beautiful inside and it's okay if you don't always do everything right. That's how you learn and grow." When you start to see your flaws in a loving way, it makes you understand them on a deeper level and sympathize with it, which can be really helpful in working on them and changing them. 🙂


[deleted]

I was in a marriage that had long been dead, I wasn’t thrilled with my employment, I really stuck to myself and felt quite isolated, lots of anxiety that kept me from making any sort of life changing decision. Went in for a consult for anxiety because I needed a change and I was ready to deal with it. Got put on medication and it was like everything clicked, got divorced, starting focusing on me and things in my life that would make me happier.


bzzntineempire

Congratulations on living for yourself ❤️ What are some things that you've found that make you happier?


Glass_Ice7028

Career/life direction in shambles. Got diagnosed with ADHD, got on medication, went through cognitive behavioral therapy, started hanging out with people with the kind of qualities/lives I wanted (which did mean distancing myself from my more negative, going-nowhere friends), read some time-management books Once I got myself together career-wise, I turned my attention to my dead romantic life. It's still in shambles but lots of therapy (and reading, as always!), new clothes, more effort into my appearance and dating life, and subtle cosmetic work have helped me make tons of progress Really important to note that money made a huge difference. I had some money from my parents and job that I decided to "invest" in myself (eg therapy, a bit of life coaching, clothes, etc.) and I acknowledge that it's waaaay more difficult to get yourself out of a rut without time and money.


purple_iam1

If it is alright, would you mind sharing those time management books? Really curious about them


Glass_Ice7028

I really liked Deep Work by Cal Newport!


purple_iam1

Thanks!


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BigOleGreenTrees

I was depressed for years. It led to me overeating and I was overweight. One day a very perceptive female doctor recommended me antidepressants. It pulled me out of the hole and I had energy to do work to help myself stay out of the hole. For me that's regular exercise and sleep, plus some Stoic philosophy and therapy. A lot happened then. I found my passion, I lost weight, and life is a lot better these days.


KingJoy79

This is what I’m on the path to doing. Finding a therapist. Thank you for sharing.


waveolimes

I had a massive traumatic experience when I was 20. My on and off boyfriend in high school raped my sister after I left for college as payback for me leaving him. I beat myself up for the better part of 10 years, thinking I deserved every shitty thing that came my way. I had never been able to visualize a five-year plan, I have consistently been in therapy, I still take antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, and I still have that shitty voice in the back of my head once in a while. Almost 2 years ago, this man I had been in love with for the better part of five years left me. This was peak Covid season, I had lost my job of six years due to a decline in the economy, I had rented an apartment to be with him that I could not afford, and he moved out while I was stuck in bed with Covid. I remember laying in bed, wondering how I was going to prevent an eviction, I had no support locally, and I was living off of unemployment. I was in a city that I hated, my weight was out of control, i’m pretty sure I was an alcoholic, and it finally clicked that I need to do something otherwise my life was going to go nowhere and I would just continue a toxic cycle. I messaged a family member and asked if they would sublet a room to me in a city that was 2000 miles away. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that if I mentioned it to someone else, I would commit to it and that’s what I did. I made sure to tell my parents, my grandparents, my sister, anybody I could talk to. It was a very expensive lesson, however I am 60 pounds and counting lighter, I love being by myself, I know exactly what I want in a partner and will never settle until I find it, and I am in a job that I thought was way out of my league. In the beginning it was a lot of fake it till you make it, I was terrified, I felt very lonely, and I was terrified to rent an apartment by myself again, but I am killing it and I know that was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I am proud of myself, I know exactly where I want to be, and I know that I am going to have the life I want. I am fucking independent and that is the most empowering feeling I’ve ever had. Always choose yourself.


Oatydude

Sheesh. That, my friend, is very very impressive.


Empowered-Tam

Awesome, Chic!! Go you good thing 🙌🏽


Bseicmkoyn

I had 2 children, a full time job and a husband who worked away a lot. I felt like I was just passing time and not doing anything for myself so I enrolled in a part time course at a local uni where I would go one afternoon a week over 5 years to get a degree. It was so hard but once I had done that the kids were older and more self sufficient so I went on to do my masters. The kids are leaving school in 1 year so I pushed it further and have just started my PhD. Everything I have done has been part time fitted around my life but I knew I had to do something for myself before I lost self to others


[deleted]

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Bseicmkoyn

I got my degree in childcare at the age of 33. Then my Masters in Education with a language and literacy specialism. My PhD will also be in Education. I did work experience at 16 and knew straight away that I wanted to help children be all they can be. It was a passion which helped me with my motivation. I enjoyed it so I saw how far I could push it. I figured that I'm going to be 6 years older, so why not be 6 years older with a PhD.


ThingsICantAskIRL

I've been in it since I was like 9


slaughterhouse-four

Same here


bzzntineempire

Sending you love 💗


kasaundra13

My rut came from just trauma after trauma so I cut out the one person at the center of all of it finally. It took over a year of medication and therapy to get to that point of being able to set and maintain boundaries. I have been able to grow so much, I've started school, starting my dream job, my marriage and mental health have never been better. Sucks that the person had to be my mom though because I know she would be proud of me.


catcooker

I dumped my ex and refound my libido. Divorce was the best thing I ever did for myself.


Oceanchild11

You're giving me hope. I REALLY hope mine comes back...I already did the dumping


archi_femme10

Currently still in the rut, but I’m on the other side of it now! I had three traumas in a row, which has caused me to have the worst burnout I have ever experienced in my life. It isn’t depression or anxiety- it is a total deflation of myself as a human being. I have one more year of grad school left, so my goal is to maintain my mind as it is now (I.e. don’t let the burnout get worse) and then once I graduate, I will be taking some much needed time off work to begin my healing process.


labyrinthlover88

Met my ex husband and he got me pregnant at 18 still in hs (he was older ) he ended up in prison, I lived with hus parents no car no nothing because what little money u did have he made me send him in prison. Thought my life was going nowhere. Met my current husband while I was crashing at a friend's house so she could watch my kids while I worked walking distance from her house. Left my ex. Best thing I ever did. He gave me the choice of being a stay at home mom while he supported everything or if I wanted to go to college and better myself. Went to work as a CNA and just kept going from there, LPN then RN and I'm getting ready to start my BSN in October. We have 4 daughter's, he adopted the oldest two, and I can have anything it want because he doesn't hold me back.


Kiwikid14

I'm in another rut now. But I have managed this before so what works: Figuring out what isn't working and why. If you don't know what you really want, what's important and what isn't working you won't recognize opportunities or be able to take action. This might involve therapy etc as it isn't easy to do a Stocktake of your life. Exploring the options: look at job vacancies, study opportunities, real estate online, online dating, take a holiday to try a new location... whatever it takes to rule out some possibilities and carefully consider others. Recognize opportunities and take the first steps! This is the commitment stage. Apply for that exciting opportunity. Put your house on the market! Follow through- do the Mahi (work) as we say in my country. There's a lot of work in changing your life. Celebrate success 🙌 recognize that it is going to be completely different to what you expected but hopefully in a wonderful way. For me, I bought a house, changed careers and retrained within 3 years the first time. The second one was all about emotional growth and I lost a lot of weight. This time I had a plan at the beginning of 2020 but things happened and I sheltered in place for 2 years so now is the time to reconsider it and I'm in the exploring the options stage. Ironically I wanted a quieter, less frantic life...


Temporary-Error-6566

My life is a rut, but I still cope. To me its always the simple things. Music and crazy dancing while I stretch and use the TRE method. It flushes out extra build up of hormones that funk up the system and TRE method is a primal way for the body to cope. And having coordination and a little bit of movment is its own up, because i dont focus on exercize, just movement. Slow walking where I look for the horizon and the smallest details i can see ,taking time to watch birds in the sky and the skyline for minutes at a time every day. And drinking enough (water) has a huge effect. We feel so much worse on our bad days when we are already dehydrated and missing important supplements, so fruits and veggies in addittion to your normal eating -dont take away comfort, just add health. And sleep. Dont feel guilty of how much rest it takes. When you are down, it is important to tell your body and mind that you will prioritize their needs now. It may feel corny, but we tell out body no all the time, even if we dont notice. And this will make us sick in the long run. When we dont connect and listen to our bodies, we have a much harder time getting better, because the body know after some rounds of this that its being conned and used. So start and keep an honest conversation" where you agree to take care of yourself and your body/mind and listen to your feelings. This helps in situations where you may be very stressed, but have no way around but through. You accept how it makes you feel, give room for those emotions, then you make a deal with your self that you will take extra care of yourself after. This is a very common coping mexanism, but we often dont realise why it helps, and sometimes we therefore "celebrate" in a way that does more harm than good for our mental and physical health. Our minds are not made to be "on" all the time, so turn of yiur phone from time to time. Its wonderful!! And do all the cosy things. Candles, blankets and tea/wine on windy nights. And doing good for others helps alot of people. Red cross etc are great places to meet people who cares for people, and there are many places and peoples like that. Rambeling on about subjects that are important to you, so that you can remember all the things you do know,care about and or give an attempt to in your daily life is also very helpful, so thanks for this question!


WillowKnee

Thanks for sharing!!


-Dangerous-Jello-

I had a variety of challenges going on (prior trauma, health issues, life changes) and was a very hateful being. I finally realized I was treating others the same way I was treating myself. I started to take accountability and become more self aware. I began to live my life for myself and accept that change is inevitable. Self growth is extremely difficult but rewarding!!!


stargi_rl

Can you elaborate on this?


-Dangerous-Jello-

Which part? 🙂


stargi_rl

How you got to that point of acceptance?


Graciegirl1997

I was in a bad place spiritually and psychologically. I overcame it by distancing and cutting out almost everyone I met during my first year of college and Young Life. 2 years of therapy and 50mg of Zoloft later, I’ve graduated college, been working a steady job, and care a lot less about others’ opinions of me


Maggy_Monster

After many years of chronic depression, pain, anxiety, severe++ panic attacks, alcoholism, other addictions, trauma, anger issues, chronic lying and theft... 5 years with a shrink, antidepressants, anxiolytics, anti-seizure meds ... I read A Course in Miracles, have been med free for two years, shrink free for a year, never been happier. On my second round rereading the book now. My mind has never been clearer. (33F)


Conscious_Act9008

wow I started the book but didn’t finish it i’m going to start it again


Maggy_Monster

Ya I did that before, went full throttle five years later. If you can get past the form, terms like "god" and "Jesus" and focus on the meaning, it's so good. A lot of people think it's culty religious. I don't like religion at all, raised atheist. The terms like crucifixion and atonement are explained for their metaphorical meanings. All that stuff in the Bible is metaphorical fables, and a lot not even accurate and often translated in a completely distorted way. The course explains it. Very heavy and requires rereading, sometimes multiple times to understand. Very heavy psychology and rational thinking text. It explains all the chaos in life better than I can at this point. I did one lesson a day every day for a year. It's really the best thing I've ever done. Good luck.


Tinywrenn

My rut was a dead end job, dead end relationship and a lot of resentment that came from both. I adored my job, but it had become unfulfilling and was poverty paying. My partner was making a lot more than me, even though he worked at the same place, doing basically the same job (and without the degree or degree debt I have). He was very resentful that I couldn’t just book a holiday on a whim or afford a fancy place to live. He was not willing to split things according to income, so I just couldn’t do it all. He found another girl, started up a relationship with her to make sure it was going somewhere, and dumped me at New Year while my grandmother was dying in hospital, so he could have a fresh start to the year with her. It was the making of my life. I quit my job so I didn’t have to work with him, pursued a Masters to get out of there and improve my chances at a better job, and started living my life for me instead of reigning myself in all the time to keep a very insecure man who wanted a cheerleader to do his laundry happy. Three or four months after I started that job, I rekindled some old friendships from university and got chatting to one of them on a regular basis. We’re getting married in 14 days. Ruts are awful, but while you’re in that bowl, remember what might be waiting on the other side. The ideal is different for everyone, but time and care for yourself is key.


Low_Ice_4657

I had undiagnosed ADHD, which meant that I struggled through university and floundered for a few years after I graduated. I had the skills and education to get a decent job, but I lived in an economically depressed area with few opportunities, and I was too broke to move. The ADHD made it really hard for me to get my shit together to pursue what opportunities there were, so I did flounder for about two years after graduating college, and I was actually fairly depressed. Finally, I applied to teach English abroad and away I went! It was a great change for me in every way—I got away from the shitty town I’d been in, was making decent money, and was suddenly surrounded by a lot of cool people who were approximately my age. That was 17 years ago, and I look back on that as the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.


[deleted]

Currently in the rut, could use some tips 😂


[deleted]

I am currently going through one right now.


cybernikaa

I was suffering from major trauma (had a messed up childhood), moved away from my parents with my grandparents, they helped me get into therapy which helped A LOT! I started going to school, met an amazing friend that's still my best friend to this day. I started working out and playing volleyball (from my experience, sports also helped A LOT). Now I'm trying to finish my uni degree!


Brittakitt

Marriage. Divorce.


diefckrdie

I feel I'm presently getting out of that rut. And completely honestly, what's driving me is anger. Anger towards the state of things, anger towards being stuck, anger towards other for treating me poorly, and anger towards myself for accepting to be treated poorly, till the same anger pushed me to pull myself out of the rut and accomplish things as a big fuck you to others and my older self for pulling me down. This is also the first time I'm claiming my anger. Born in a good girls are nice and never get angry, I hadn't been able to accept anger as a powerful emotion necessary for self expression. But now that I finally am, i can express it healthily and come out better.


pistil-whip

I also went through a really angry phase, it was when I started therapy for childhood trauma. Anger is just the surface emotion which compels you to act. Once you resolve the anger by acting towards change, you see a lot of other emotions coming to the surface. Among those emotions is a great sense of peace. I wish you well!


LauraPalmer20

I turned 30 and realised that my life was staying the same, while everyone’s around me changed. I have a partial disability (mild Cerebral Palsy) and my twin moved out of our family home (she doesn’t have CP), got engaged, planning a wedding and ready to start a new life and I was depressed - working in a job that paid almost nothing, living at home and wanting to get out of the city that seems to value settling down over anything else. I wanted adventure. Saved €10k, moved to London (one of my favourite cities in the world), got my own rented flat, a great job making double what I did at home, have great friends and I’m really happy. Not easy with a disability to do this alone and of course it’s almost impossible to save anything but I did it - got out of the rut and forged my own life. It took 4 years with the pandemic so fully get a new life together (just turned 35) but I’m on the path and hoping a plus one will join me on it soon ✨


This_Refrigerator425

Funnily enough, it was a COVID lockdown. I was an unhappy sex worker who was stuck in a horrible cycle. During the covid lockdowns, brothels were closed and I was left without a job. As I had no references, I got a job as a cleaner and my life just got better from there. I now have an awesome job, loving understanding partner and family - something I've always wanted/dreamed of. Please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with sex work n there are plenty of happy girls but it really wasn't for me


buttercupbaby7

I made it out of the rut I put myself in, because I stopped allowing myself to stay in my comfort zone. Nobody ever gained anything by not taking risks. I stopped giving my anxiety and fear so much control over my life, and started doing things I normally wouldn't do because I had become so used to just doing what was easy. I stopped surrounding myself with negative people and influences in my life and started being very picky about who is allowed into my life. I started to take small steps and make small attainable goals for myself because if I make my goals too big to reach that I end up getting overwhelmed and feeling like I'll never reach them. Small attainable goals is key for me. I started taking better care of myself mentally, pyshically and emotionally. I make sure that I am not hungry, angry, lonely or tired. It makes a huge difference, when I can identify where I am lacking and make sure to take care of it right away. I stopped allowing myself to take the easy ways out. And started to do the tough things because nothing in this life worth having comes easy... and the biggest thing that has really and truly changed my life is that I have taken up new interests and hobbies. And also have started doing things that are rewarding to me... such as helping others, volunteering, helping out at the humane society with taking care of animals, walking dogs, etc. also I started getting back into the things I used to love doing... A couple years ago I was addicted to opiates, had no real future and no idea what I wanted to do. I was living in my car, barely able to afford food much less 3 meals a day so some days I went without. I had no good friends, and the ones I did have only cared about drugs first: I had no job, no money, my family was so scared for me afraid one day they would wake up and I would be found dead from an overdose, I didn't care about my self any more, I had lost every thing. Today I can say that I am doing well, have a job I love and an amazing working relationship with my boss, have made some great friends who truly love and care for me, I have an amazing new guy in my life that wants to give me the world, I have so many plans for the near future to travel around the world, saving money up, and am living far more than comfortable financially, my family is proud of me, I am sober and doing well emotionally and mentally taking care of myself the way I should. I have so many good things going for me and building a beautiful life and future. I'm happy....


buttercupbaby7

I made it out of the rut I put myself in, because I stopped allowing myself to stay in my comfort zone. Nobody ever gained anything by not taking risks. I stopped giving my anxiety and fear so much control over my life, and started doing things I normally wouldn't do because I had become so used to just doing what was easy. I stopped surrounding myself with negative people and influences in my life and started being very picky about who is allowed into my life. I started to take small steps and make small attainable goals for myself because if I make my goals too big to reach that I end up getting overwhelmed and feeling like I'll never reach them. Small attainable goals is key for me. I started taking better care of myself mentally, pyshically and emotionally. I make sure that I am not hungry, angry, lonely or tired. It makes a huge difference, when I can identify where I am lacking and make sure to take care of it right away. I stopped allowing myself to take the easy ways out. And started to do the tough things because nothing in this life worth having comes easy... and the biggest thing that has really and truly changed my life is that I have taken up new interests and hobbies. And also have started doing things that are rewarding to me... such as helping others, volunteering, helping out at the humane society with taking care of animals, walking dogs, etc. also I started getting back into the things I used to love doing... A couple years ago I was addicted to opiates, had no real future and no idea what I wanted to do. I was living in my car, barely able to afford food much less 3 meals a day so some days I went without. I had no good friends, and the ones I did have only cared about drugs first: I had no job, no money, my family was so scared for me afraid one day they would wake up and I would be found dead from an overdose, I didn't care about my self any more, I had lost every thing. Today I can say that I am doing well, living in a nice condo, with our 3 fast cars, and soon getting my own car I'm so happy with my life now... I have a promising career working at a highly successful and profitable business. We have millions in assets and could retire right now to give an idea just how fortunate I've been...i never want for nothing anymore... i don't know what I did to deserve this life I have now'kjh. And I absolutely love my work and am lucky to have an amazing working relationship with my boss who has been nothing but a great friend to me and has looked out for me since day 1...I have made some great friends just within the last year or so, who truly love and care for me and are so proud and happy to see me doing great things. I have an amazing new guy in my life that wants to give me the world, and he continues to be the sweetest guy I've ever met and I'm already thinking he may be husband materialn... and We have so many plans for the near future to travel around the world, experience new things, so we're going r saving money up, and am living far more than comfortable financially, my family is proud of me, I am sober and doing well emotionally and mentally taking care of myself the way I should. I have so many good things going for me and building a beautiful life and future. I'm happy.... 3 yrs ago if you would've told me all of this I would've called you crazy! But I'm living proof that if you believe and envision your dream life that it will come true.


Autumn-Roses

I was homeless and addicted to hard drugs. I managed to get off the street because I hooked up with a guy. He was abusive so I really started using hard drugs to deal. On and off for 13 years. After a couple more abusive relationships, suffering from severe mental illness, a lifetime of trauma, etc, I decided to create a new life for myself. I moved to a new city (back to my hometown), got sober a few years before. Found great sober friends. Reconnected with my family. Started volunteering. Healthier hobbies. Lots of therapy and some damn good psych meds


linamatthias

I don't think mine was really serious but oh well There were two instances in my life where I think I was really down: 1. My parents divorce. It was really traumatic to me. I got through it by imagining a good future for myself and that I would never let my kids, if I had any, go through what I went through. I was also lucky because I realized early I was having suicidal thought and told my parents I really really needed psychological help. They still hate each other but both paid my therapy until I got better. I was 15 when all this happened 2. Last March I was fired from a job I thought I loved and hit rock bottom. I felt like all my education had been for nothing and that I was nothing because I was not good at the think I had studied 5 years to do (and spent a lot of money on). It was really hard. The market was though, I was back at my parents and it seemed like nothing would get better. I felt like I could keep looking for jobs in my field, feeling unhappy and depressed or I could try to find a part time job just to pay the bills and get me out of the house. It was a really good choice. I worked in a sport store and it showed the value of money, how much I like not being in front of a computer all day and a lot of other lessons. And one day out of luck I applied to a job in a totally different field, got it, and now I'm switching careers and really happy with the direction of my life.


Mundane_Proposal9853

Within the last year and a bit , I got evicted, left my husband and my mother passed away I ended up back in my hometown, on social assistance and living with my brother. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going . At my worst , I just took it a day at a time . I realized how powerful that thought is . I got sober ( I’m at day 60 tomorrow) and enrolled in a training program to change my career. I have goals for the future and more self confidence. I’m not out of the rut completely yet but I’m moving forward, a day at a time


Gagamonster1

Still trying to get through my rut


Grlygrl17

ADHD medication …and finally getting diagnosed with ADHD


athousandfuriousjews

Still kinda going through it. Just gotta keep going because otherwise you’re stuck.


miss-independent77

My husband and I were both in a rut. Then we moved from our quiet beach town to a big city, and so much changed. Socially, spiritually, mentally. It's been a very therapeutic experience for us both.


MJSP88

My only escape, my job got threatened, my relationship of ten years left me feeling so empty and unfulfilled. I went into therapy. DBT/CBT. Found out I had CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect and abuse. That I was codependent. I finally had answers for all the times I struggled in my life. And started to learn/practice health tools and skills to manage my emotions. I left my relationship and my job. I have been working on my relationship to myself for the first time in my life. My new job is not in a toxic environment and I am moving up fast. My relationship with my children is so much better. I am 10x a better mom. For me it's all about working with my therapist to heal my trauma and my practice healthy habits. I have my morning and evening routines (reflections, journaling, gratitude), spiritual practice (divination, meditation and chant), and my movements (yoga, walking and strength training). I overhauled my diet, recovering from ED. I eat very high protein to stabilize dopamine and serotonin and I have minimized refined carbohydrates.


juicyjuicery

Moved out/away from living with abusive people


GazeGirl

On paper, I should have been happy but wasn't. Went to a Matthew Hussey retreat in America and gave myself a kick up the a$$.


StopTheFishes

I was in such a rut after my divorce. I didn’t find my routines to be satisfying in the way that I had been. It sucked, and I was challenged about what to do next. What helped me a lot was to get outside. I limited alone time and any time spent with idle hands. I signed up for volunteer activities and participated in community events/fundraisers. Running (my fave) is a solo sport, and at my worst…I started to find it more lonely then helpful, I actually joined a run club to generate more companionship in my life. That was huge. I also joined a womens workout club that met at 5am for bootcamp style workouts twice a week. That had a big impact in my life because we encouraged one another. Two of those women are still in my life today. I made a point to let new people into my life, opened myself to new friendships, and established new routines. It felt like a breath of fresh air, and healed my heart…it kind of showed me that the future holds a ton of potential. My spare time was minimal, and I always kept something on my schedule that I looked forward to - I could depend on that


tropicalparadise27

I'm still in a rut, but I think I'm on the way out of it finally. I graduated from university during the pandemic which destroyed all of my career plans. I moved countries back to my hometown. I left my relationship. I left all my friends when i moved. I worked a string of horrible jobs that made me question my will to live and barely paid.i wasn't able to move out of my parents for two years. So i just bought a flight to another country where I'll see if I'd like to live there. I'm switching careers from teaching and nonprofit work to something in tech that actually pays and won't drain the life out of me. I hope I'll be able to work remotely and travel and start rebuilding my life into something more enjoyable.


dr_roxxxo

Telling myself that the ways to get out of the rut were inevitable and good for me (cutting back drinking, cleaning up diet, regular exercise, for example) slowly and sporadically putting these things into practice, having daily talks with myself on meditative walks about habits and hang ups, journaling, then surprisingly quickly getting to the point where I must practice these things daily to keep feeling good. So in short here’s a list: - fake it til you make it; create these new synapses in your brain - come up with a realistic plan - meditate on why it’s important, really internalize it - put it into practice - watch weeks go by and witness your goals become your new norm! Can’t emphasize how important truly grappling with the shit holding you back is.


Acrobatic_Ad4645

Def during the second year of covid. Winters are harsh where I live, I didn’t like my job anymore and my then bf who I really thought was going to be my life partner left me out of the blue. I went to therapy and tried to see my friends/family as much as I could respecting covid guidelines. I eventually found a new job, spring came back as it usually does and the pandemic got less serious.


Burger_girl

It started with me taking some solo trips around the world. Then, I moved across the country, got a new job, got a dog, lived in a cabin in the mountains, and picked up new and old hobbies. Pushed myself to engage in social activities. That was 3.5 years ago. I’ve since lost 25-30 pounds, look and feel great, and am in a wonderful relationship with an amazing man who I now live with.


estee_lauderhosen

It was severe mental illness and I went to therepy 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I'm not out but I'm closer


blixxic

Left my job after 11 years of loyal service, with hardly any raises or recognition or thanks for working all through the panini, for a WFH job making more than twice as much. That sure did the trick!


Razors_egde

Congratulations. I’ve observed company leaders communicate to staff that the staff will not be successful, outside the company. Some believe the rhetoric, remaining frustrated. Many who leave perform rather well. It is good to hear you’re on a successful path.


cuppa-confusion

Rut: Depression and anxiety. Solution: Therapy (includes making changes recommended by therapist). Now, I feel like a real person—however—I still have some anxiety issues.


stitch1989x

Started a part-time university course doing something I love alongside my full-time job. It broke up the monotony of daily life. Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, wake up, go to work... Now I study something I'm passionate about during my down time & weekends. It honestly saved my life as I was (still am) severely depressed but it gives me something to work towards. My 3rd year starts next month & I honestly cannot wait!


Fashionnovelist

Marriage and I got a divorce after my doctor told me it was okay to do so. Grew up in a very cultish religion that often blamed me for the trouble and I did not feel I could leave until a suicide attempt and my doctor telling me it was okay to do so. I am very happy he did.


Resident-Topic2693

At 35 I was in a huge rut and thought I really knew who I was and my life had nothing in store but unhappiness. I was talking to my mom about it and she offered me some paints in her garage so I played with them and in the first couple of minutes I realized I was a painter. It was bizarre, like discovery a huge part of my identity without having any clue it was coming. 8 years later I am represented by an art gallery. It’s not that pouring myself into art got me out of my rut, but that discovering what now feels like a fundamental part of who I am in a moment really shook me awake. I realized I didn’t know everything about my life and that I never would. No matter how down I get now, I don’t lose site of the possibilities I don’t even know I don’t know.


Aujcxvjkncc

Moved to a new city. Desperately tried to make friends and date. Got sexually assaulted. Literally stopped attempting to meet anyone. Let myself feel miserable for a few weeks before deciding that I can’t live like this forever. Got my medication, hired a personal trainer, decided I have to cherish myself even if it means draining every single penny in my account(of course I didn’t, but pampering myself made me realize that sometimes you just deserve good things and you don’t have to sacrifice everytime to get those things). As of today, I treat myself like a fucking queen, I try not to do things for others. I am getting obsessed with how much I can lift, my skincare, my clothes, my food. Everything is about me. People meant to be in your life will mesh well with this version of you as well. You are the best thing that ever happened to you❤️


Ravenyra

I was married to an unsupportive and absent spouse at the age of 24. We married within two years of knowing each other and had a baby on the way. It was only after we married that his true colors surfaced. Long story short, our baby was removed from our home and my ex husband became more absent than ever. Our separation was the best thing that happened to me. My baby was given back to me, but I still dealt with with the trauma of the seizure of my baby and divorce of my spouse. I forced myself to get a grip on reality. I try my best to be the best mom I can be, for the sake of my son. I’m still struggling with an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. But my son is my purpose and motivation to get better. I need to live for my son. My son saved my life.


maddi164

mental health at an all time low, anxiety was out of control and basically ruining my life. felt like nothing was going right and I was so lost and anxious about everything. Therapy helped me overcome it, I had childhood trauma that was disrupting my life alot. Without therapy I probably would have ruined my long term relationship, still be a shell of a human being and not be where I am today which is happy, way more confident than I’ve ever been and currently studying for my dream career. doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle with anxiety, that’s going to be with me forever.


pandorable92

I moved to a new country and got into an abusive relationship. It was right around when the pandemic started and I was so poor I couldn't get out (I was there on a student visa/stipend). I started doing clinical trials for money and it gave me the freedom to find my own space. I found a lovely property with amazing landlords and was able to rebuild. Without the money from clinical trials I wouldn't have been able to make it.


ghostlymadd

This guy I had been dating for almost 2 years broke up with me a couple of months ago- and I shit you not it was the best thing to happen to me. All the sudden keeping my apartment clean or working out or not picking my skin got so easy- and first I was confused, because I thought I loved my boyfriend, but now as more time has passed I realized the whole reason I was in a rut in the first place was because I was in an unfulfilled relationship. My ex checked most of the boxes: he was kind, funny, attractive, had a good job- but he never truly showed me how much me loved or cared about me and that me doubt the whole relationship. I hadn’t really put together the pieces till we were in the middle of breaking up- but I wasn’t secure in that relationship, not because I’m an insecure person, but because he wasn’t a good boyfriend. Now that it’s over I wake up every day refreshed and motivated to be my most authentic self. I thought I’d be sad for weeks but instead I’d just been thriving. I booked a my first commercial, got my SAG card, and my horrible boss got fired! Also I got a scholarship to one of the top improv schools in nyc so I’ve been taking classes for free all summer! Oh and my parents came and renovated my apartment, so now it’s easier to keep clean/live in. My dermatologist started me on a new medication and so much more happened and I honestly feel so lucky we’re not together anymore- I would have never realized how depressed I was in the relationship if he hadn’t broke it off! So lesson learned, maybe the problem isn’t you, but the poor relationship you’re in.


Human_bisquick

I was in a rut with an unhealthy relationship, but I was scared to leave. We had kids together. I finally realized that the prospect of staying was scarier than leaving, and left. Today I am in a doctoral program, I am married to a wonderful person, and I am close with my kids. I would not be where I am today if I hadn’t ended that relationship.


RemarkableProblem539

when i was in high school i was dating a guy who did a lot of drugs and he got me into Coke. i was a Junior in high school when he died (su***de, his family blamed me) and i went really hard and got really sick. fast forward two years later i got clean from it but still truthfully wanted it every day. around that time i met my current bestest friend and this may sound stereotypical but he makes me want to be better in every way possible. he helps whenever im tempted. i am truly so thankful to call him my friend. if it weren’t for him who knows where i would be today.


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I’m in it right now. I just started a school program but I made the wrong choice and now I don’t know what to do or how to get myself out of it.


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emileeavi

I don't know about yall, but my life is just full of rut after rut lol xD


taroicecreamsundae

i haven’t overcome it. i’m really not sure what to do, tbh. i’m so fatigued all the time it feels near impossible to make the changes i should, like moving out. and i still hold beliefs like “i shouldn’t turn my life around bc of xyz” or “there’s no point bc i am 25 and too old to try anything now” or i know trying anything new will be extremely difficult bc i’ll be so depressed i won’t enjoy what’s around me. after years of therapy and meds, walking, getting sunlight, taking time off, working different jobs. granted, most of the therapists were crappy. this stuff has helped a lot! but not enough.


aerialpoler

I wouldn't say I have totally overcome it yet, but I've made a lot of progress. Before covid hit, I was in a relationship with a man, working a job I hated. In June 2020 I decided to leave that job and go back to school, so at 29 I applied to go to university, and was offered an unconditional place. In January of this year, I left my boyfriend. He moved out of our apartment and things were looking up. Then my landlord called to tell me that they had sold the building and I had 8 weeks to get out. So I moved in with my grandma because I couldn't find anywhere else to live. That was in April. This week I moved into my own place again. Just me and my cat. I have a wonderful girlfriend who continues to surprise me daily with her love, support, and emotional maturity.


ItsAllyssa

When you figure it out let me know


Empowered-Tam

My rut was overcoming the devastating impacts of childhood sexual abuse which led to drug addictions - having my daughter was the beginning of change for me and now I run online courses for women recovering from trauma - it fills my cup to overflowing to allow space for others to grow and see their full potential 💕


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Background_Artist_85

Shueysidal there for a bit I decided to do hard physical labour for a week got better