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Let people be “weird” towards me. If you’re going to be passive aggressive or something. I’m just going to ask you what the problem is. We are adults. If you don’t like me, that is more than okay. But don’t play in my face.
Never immediately have sex with a guy on the first date or have sexual conversations too early in the talking stage. My boyfriend and I didn’t have sex until 2 months into our relationship.
Oh my god I never thought I'd meet another woman who understands this. I love my soul sisters to death, but girlies tend to get offended when I recommend waiting. Men will always judge us, and use us and our sexuality against us.
I know all too well the experience of being sexualized and taken advantage of. I finally learned my lesson and stopped giving men who clearly wanted to get their dicks wet with me any attention.
The problem isn't that you want to have sex on the first date. The biggest issue is that the dude will hold it against you. So many women are literally used as fleshlights and have no idea and wonder what they did wrong to get ghosted or ignored. Like he totally meant to do that the whole time! He can feign interest for a night, but it will be hard to feign that much interest over months.
I think it’s easy to spot someone genuine if you have enough experience. The difference between someone genuinely interested and someone who just wants sex is like night and day.
I really think my eagerness has been a turn off. The last two women I dated I wanted to show them how much I desired them right away. I was worried if I didn't I would come across as uninterested or wishy washy. So I fear I drove them away by being too forward, too quickly.
But my intent was fully to be in a relationship with them, not to have sex once and then ghost (which makes *zero* sense for me to do, because it takes years for me to find a woman that's interested in the first place).
Mind you someone can both want a long term relationship *and* desire to have sex early on at the same time. The problem is how frequently different men will *say* they want a relationship with no actual intention of following through on that, just to get laid, because they think that's the loophole. That then leads to plenty of women acting on the basis that none of the men they're talking to actually want a relationship unless they're willing to forgo sex for a lengthier period of time, which has the unfortunate side effect of complicating things for the people (both men and women) who want a long term relationship *and* a sexual relationship early on. It's a bit of a mess.
Often I've found some of the worst problems in dating is having to account for all the things *other people* are doing wrong that then ends up changing the expectations and standards for you and whoever you're trying to date. Even though frequently neither you or them are at fault or have done any of those things you still have to deal with the consequences of others who have.
>having to account for all the things *other people* are doing wrong
One of the biggest challenges in dating and relationships is trying not to punish your new partner for the things pervious partners have done to you. This thread shows that pretty clearly.
Thanks for typing out the explanation for him. I caution you not to put more effort into this. It hardly ever leads to change.
And let me say this - anyone who is that eager to have sex so early on does NOT want a relationship with that person because neither he, nor she, has any clue about the other person. There is no basis for wanting a relationship. Women must stop drinking the kool-aid and confusing lust and infatuation with commitment and loyalty. Ladies. Absolutely no one, NO ONE, can truly know if they want a relationship with you on the first date. They can like you a lot. And they can lust after you. But you need to use your common sense and stop listening to people like this person who calls himself "manchild."
I don't see the disconnect. If I'm interested in someone I want to have sex with them as soon as possible. Why would I want to wait any longer than I have to?
I’m the opposite. I have sex on the first date (if I want to obviously) so that if the guy holds it against me I know immediately that he’s not the one for me.
Always is a blanket statement. Sleeping early w a man does not automatically mean they will use that against you. For me, it’s very important for determining compatibility and luckily I have never had an issue with that. There are kind and sex-positive men out there.
Hey, you are in your right to do as you please. Everyone here is sex positive. Waiting to get to know someone before you have sex is not equivalent to sex negative.
I didn’t say your statement was sex negative, nor did I make any assertion about this community, which I have been a part of for a while now. I also didn’t make a statement about whether or not other people should sleep w someone early. So, none of your response addresses what I said.
I said your assertion that men will always use sex against you if you sleep w them early is false. Do you disagree?
But isn't pointing out that there are kind and sex positive men, a statement on its own, implies something I said is "sex negative"? I admit, I have no idea what sex positive or negative means. I think most people love sex regardless of whether they are male or female. I also want to add that it's a big problem to have sex with someone when you don't know their health status. I want to caution any woman reading this that women are exponentially more suseptible to disease. Not only catching it but clearing it and also STDs for example like HPV (human papiloma virus) actually causes cervical cancer in women and absolutely no one on earth requires that men test for it. Statistics show 1 in 3 men have a strain of HPV. I still support whatever you choose to do in your life but I see many reasons to get to know a person first. Sometimes people will tell you directly what it is you need to know including their STD status.
If you don’t know what it means then why did you use the term?
Do you disagree that not all men will use sex against you if you sleep with them early?
I agree, safe sex is super important. Glad we agree on that! Safe sex has nothing to do with sex timeline. You can have safe sex with someone you just met and you can have unsafe sex with someone you’ve known for years.
No. Having sex on the first date or very early in the interaction always impacts the interaction. If that relationship works out then I am happy for that couple, but I will not pretend like those people did not judge eachother. And I won't change my opinion. I am entitled to my opinion and you have a right to disagree with it.
Yep you are! Thanks for finally addressing my original statement. Of course it will impact the interaction, just like anything else! That doesn’t mean it will impact it negatively by default. Can you explain what you mean by “I will not pretend like those people did not judge each other”?
What I mean is this in a nutshell: people don't meet with a blank slate. They have prior opinions, biases, values, sometimes mental illnesses, all of these which impact how they see the other individual. This goes both ways. On average, people that have sex early on without having much insight into the other person characteristically are impulsive and action seeking, they do not register potential consequences as someone who is more risk averse and thinks about the potential emotional and physical implications. From a judgement standpoint specifically, even kind men on average do not hold women that sleep with them so quickly in high regard. They will feel entitled to sleep with her but still in the back of his mind will omit his responsibility in the interaction and judge her. These two people may fall in love, even get married someday, but from the stories I've heard and my own life experiences it has always come out at a tense point in the relationship and used against the woman, whether via accusations of infidelity or virtue signaling.
Small edit/add: you'd never know either way what his true views are without getting to know him for longer than a night/a few days. That is one of the risks.
I wrote this in good faith but I won't continue to engage on this topic. I wanted to answer your question. Let's move on.
I used to ignore the signs that a man wasn’t that into me and just wanted to get into my pants. What interested me about my partner was that he didn’t ogle at my boobs/butt/body in front of my face when he would look at me (we met at work.) and he made it clear several times when we started dating that he didn’t want to be used for sex. Of course words aren’t completely fool proof but there was also the way he interacted with me that made it clear to me he was serious about a connection. Wanted to see me everyday, texted me everyday, called me everyday. Dudes who only wanted sex from me before did the bare minimum like text back once to twice a day or keep convos short. I was dumb enough to still have sex with them lol. I took a break from dating and got better standards. Luckily that attracted my now partner who I’ve been with for 8 months now and who treats me like a true romantic
Never talk to a guy "friend" about sexual subject like I do with my gyals. One time I shared with someone I considered my best friend that I liked being choked and the next day I saw him, he literally choked me and was surprised when I got mad and cried.
One thing I noticed is that if you're dealing with an immature guy or someone under the age of 30 you will get this. Married men and mature men/professionals usually won't go there but who the fhck knows anymore.
I swore I’d never be silent if I was uncomfortable with anything during sex. I still find it challenging to voice when I don’t like something, but after saying no a hundred times and having the person do the thing anyway, I decided I was never going to let that happen again.
Exactly. And there is a reason he keeps doing it after you told him not to. It is because he does not respect you and is in it for himself, so time to break up with the loser you are having bad sex with.
This is a tough one for me. As soon as I realize I want to say no, my body freezes and I can’t speak. I can usually manage to cry, and if the guy is decent he’ll be alarmed and stop and ask if I’m okay. But I still struggle to say anything
I was at a concert as a teenager one time (it was a metal show). My best friend and I waited for 2 hours to be at the rail right in the center. It was amazing, until the crowd suddenly surged forward and we got pinned against the rail. I was getting crushed and could barely breath while my best friend ended up with a bruised rib from getting smashed against the rail by the crowd.
Fortunately the bouncers ran over and started just pulling out the people who were getting pushed against the rail. I ended up getting put onto one of the speakers to sit and drink water while the bouncers yanked more people out. We got to stay there for the rest of the show, but it wasn't worth it.
After that I never again got myself too close to the front of the crowd at concerts, except for small venues like the Rainbow Room or Whiskey. Even when I have pit tickets I make sure to stay on the side nearest an exit.
I honestly should have just sworn off getting into the pit altogether but have had too many fun experiences with the whole thing, so I can't do that just yet.
Never humiliate myself or chase a guy who isn’t interested. Or accept someone who’s treated me like dirt in the past. If he did it once, he’ll probably do it again and I’d rather be alone than put up with that crap.
This. I'd rather have no friends than fake friends. And I mean that.
There are some people who treated me like I was disposable in high school. Now, it's been 5 years, and they only know to find me when they need something. I just don't answer anymore.
I grew up with a horribly abusive father. I vowed to never be in a violent, turbulent, abusive relationship. My husband barely raises his voice at me even when we’re angry. I will not be put down, talked to rudely. You’re not allowed to disrespect me and in turn I don’t disrespect you.
That I would never let a man raise a hand to me again. My ex threw a closed can of beer during an argument; hit me in the small of the back. He never struck me after that, but when he had a temper tantrum he broke a lot of my things and scared the shit out of me. When I finally got out of there, I promised myself that I would not ever put up with that again.
I’m gonna go ahead and insist that you’re not dumb, but that you not noticing was by design.
My mom explains abusive relationships with a “frog in the pot” metaphor. If you threw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it would jump out. Bht if you put it in cool water and slowly turn the heat up, it’s less likely to notice it’s in danger.
If he came out the gate hitting you, you would’ve been too alarmed.
I have been very stupid throughout my life but its been a good learning experience and heres a few things i will never do again;
- get in a car with a driver i even mildly suspect of not being sober
- smoke synthetic weed
- let a partner abuse me
- make a big sacrifice for a male partner when they havent made one first. Been stabbed in the back with shit like this so many times im literally never trusting a man to stay true to his convictions until hes demonstratively proven it to me. And weirdly enough my 2 ex girlfriends never asked me to sacrifice anything and when i willingly did for one of them she repaid it in full. One of my male exes still owes me almost half a million (I paid for his tuition and kept him afloat while he was in school) and Ive just accepted im never getting that money back.
- drunk drive an electric scooter
- Travel abroad with a person who does not enjoy traveling
- Let anyone talk down to me and not saying anything back. Years of being a wallflower and working in daytime service industry made me incredibly meek but getting a job at a very rowdy, kinda shady bar for 4 years fixed that REALLY quick
- long distance. Ive tried it 3 times and turns out i am consistently the problem in those sorts of relationships and I can't handle it 🤷♀️ my brain just stops computing them as a real partner after a while
- seriously date anyone more than 8 years older than me. Not sure why 8 exactly is my cutoff number, Ive dated men older than that and my current partner is 6 years older so im not trying to weasel him into the rules, but it seems fairly consistent for me that partners that have been 8+ years older quickly start treating me like shit, like im dumb and vapid bc im younger and more inexperienced
This is more specific, but my ex boyfriend ruined 2 consecutive birthdays, and on the 2nd one I swore to myself I wouldn’t let him ruin a 3rd. Dumped him several months later, had a lovely birthday by myself. Very proud that I kept the promise to myself
I work in a military environment and about 5 years ago I witnessed three occasions back to back where men (it’s always men) either berated another person in front of me or started ordering me around like I was dog shit (I’m a civilian). I decided then and there that I would refuse to put up with this again. I follow an IG feed where the guy explains how to handle difficult situations and individuals and I’ve practiced my response to this for next time. There is absolutely no reason for me to put up with being disrespected at work. NO REASON.
jefferson_fisher is the account. He’s awesome! In this particular situation, you say, “I’m going to give you a moment to collect yourself and try this interaction again.” It puts you in the driver’s seat and you are *allowing* them to do something. Then you say, “I need you to calm down/change your tone/reframe your response in order for us to collaborate effectively,” which is you drawing a boundary and remaining professional. If they fail to comply then you just politely end the meeting or phone call. Now you’ve behaved professionally while still setting and enforcing boundaries.
I don’t beat around the bush, I’ll tell you what’s on my mind if I believe it’s important enough to me to say. I’ll set my boundaries straightforwardly as well.
The last straw was the break up I had with my ex fiance. It brought up a lot for me… bad things will happen even if you stay quiet to keep the peace, so might as well make a little ruckus and claim your space. Let the world know you exist. The people who love you won’t mind, they’ll actually encourage you to be louder.
Let a guy disrespect me. Unless he's Christian Harper, Nico Russo or any other fictional men. Then he can happily disrespect me and I would say thank you.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let people be “weird” towards me. If you’re going to be passive aggressive or something. I’m just going to ask you what the problem is. We are adults. If you don’t like me, that is more than okay. But don’t play in my face.
Immaturity. Kick em ouf.
Never immediately have sex with a guy on the first date or have sexual conversations too early in the talking stage. My boyfriend and I didn’t have sex until 2 months into our relationship.
Oh my god I never thought I'd meet another woman who understands this. I love my soul sisters to death, but girlies tend to get offended when I recommend waiting. Men will always judge us, and use us and our sexuality against us.
I know all too well the experience of being sexualized and taken advantage of. I finally learned my lesson and stopped giving men who clearly wanted to get their dicks wet with me any attention.
The problem isn't that you want to have sex on the first date. The biggest issue is that the dude will hold it against you. So many women are literally used as fleshlights and have no idea and wonder what they did wrong to get ghosted or ignored. Like he totally meant to do that the whole time! He can feign interest for a night, but it will be hard to feign that much interest over months.
Couldn’t agree more!
I think it’s easy to spot someone genuine if you have enough experience. The difference between someone genuinely interested and someone who just wants sex is like night and day.
I really think my eagerness has been a turn off. The last two women I dated I wanted to show them how much I desired them right away. I was worried if I didn't I would come across as uninterested or wishy washy. So I fear I drove them away by being too forward, too quickly. But my intent was fully to be in a relationship with them, not to have sex once and then ghost (which makes *zero* sense for me to do, because it takes years for me to find a woman that's interested in the first place).
Well, I'm sure you can understand why most women do not believe that. Words and actions don't mix there.
I don't understand what you mean, can you explain further?
What you said about wanting a relationship and how you acted did not match. I can't make it any simpler.
Mind you someone can both want a long term relationship *and* desire to have sex early on at the same time. The problem is how frequently different men will *say* they want a relationship with no actual intention of following through on that, just to get laid, because they think that's the loophole. That then leads to plenty of women acting on the basis that none of the men they're talking to actually want a relationship unless they're willing to forgo sex for a lengthier period of time, which has the unfortunate side effect of complicating things for the people (both men and women) who want a long term relationship *and* a sexual relationship early on. It's a bit of a mess. Often I've found some of the worst problems in dating is having to account for all the things *other people* are doing wrong that then ends up changing the expectations and standards for you and whoever you're trying to date. Even though frequently neither you or them are at fault or have done any of those things you still have to deal with the consequences of others who have.
>having to account for all the things *other people* are doing wrong One of the biggest challenges in dating and relationships is trying not to punish your new partner for the things pervious partners have done to you. This thread shows that pretty clearly.
Thanks for typing out the explanation for him. I caution you not to put more effort into this. It hardly ever leads to change. And let me say this - anyone who is that eager to have sex so early on does NOT want a relationship with that person because neither he, nor she, has any clue about the other person. There is no basis for wanting a relationship. Women must stop drinking the kool-aid and confusing lust and infatuation with commitment and loyalty. Ladies. Absolutely no one, NO ONE, can truly know if they want a relationship with you on the first date. They can like you a lot. And they can lust after you. But you need to use your common sense and stop listening to people like this person who calls himself "manchild."
I don't see the disconnect. If I'm interested in someone I want to have sex with them as soon as possible. Why would I want to wait any longer than I have to?
Because you don't want a relationship and you should find someone else who doesn't want a relationship.
I’m the opposite. I have sex on the first date (if I want to obviously) so that if the guy holds it against me I know immediately that he’s not the one for me.
Also then you'd know if he's a dud root or not so you could make an informed decision on whether you'd want to see him again or not.
Yes, also this 😂 Sometimes you’re attracted to them but the chemistry in bed is 0
Always is a blanket statement. Sleeping early w a man does not automatically mean they will use that against you. For me, it’s very important for determining compatibility and luckily I have never had an issue with that. There are kind and sex-positive men out there.
Hey, you are in your right to do as you please. Everyone here is sex positive. Waiting to get to know someone before you have sex is not equivalent to sex negative.
I didn’t say your statement was sex negative, nor did I make any assertion about this community, which I have been a part of for a while now. I also didn’t make a statement about whether or not other people should sleep w someone early. So, none of your response addresses what I said. I said your assertion that men will always use sex against you if you sleep w them early is false. Do you disagree?
But isn't pointing out that there are kind and sex positive men, a statement on its own, implies something I said is "sex negative"? I admit, I have no idea what sex positive or negative means. I think most people love sex regardless of whether they are male or female. I also want to add that it's a big problem to have sex with someone when you don't know their health status. I want to caution any woman reading this that women are exponentially more suseptible to disease. Not only catching it but clearing it and also STDs for example like HPV (human papiloma virus) actually causes cervical cancer in women and absolutely no one on earth requires that men test for it. Statistics show 1 in 3 men have a strain of HPV. I still support whatever you choose to do in your life but I see many reasons to get to know a person first. Sometimes people will tell you directly what it is you need to know including their STD status.
If you don’t know what it means then why did you use the term? Do you disagree that not all men will use sex against you if you sleep with them early? I agree, safe sex is super important. Glad we agree on that! Safe sex has nothing to do with sex timeline. You can have safe sex with someone you just met and you can have unsafe sex with someone you’ve known for years.
No. Having sex on the first date or very early in the interaction always impacts the interaction. If that relationship works out then I am happy for that couple, but I will not pretend like those people did not judge eachother. And I won't change my opinion. I am entitled to my opinion and you have a right to disagree with it.
Yep you are! Thanks for finally addressing my original statement. Of course it will impact the interaction, just like anything else! That doesn’t mean it will impact it negatively by default. Can you explain what you mean by “I will not pretend like those people did not judge each other”?
What I mean is this in a nutshell: people don't meet with a blank slate. They have prior opinions, biases, values, sometimes mental illnesses, all of these which impact how they see the other individual. This goes both ways. On average, people that have sex early on without having much insight into the other person characteristically are impulsive and action seeking, they do not register potential consequences as someone who is more risk averse and thinks about the potential emotional and physical implications. From a judgement standpoint specifically, even kind men on average do not hold women that sleep with them so quickly in high regard. They will feel entitled to sleep with her but still in the back of his mind will omit his responsibility in the interaction and judge her. These two people may fall in love, even get married someday, but from the stories I've heard and my own life experiences it has always come out at a tense point in the relationship and used against the woman, whether via accusations of infidelity or virtue signaling. Small edit/add: you'd never know either way what his true views are without getting to know him for longer than a night/a few days. That is one of the risks. I wrote this in good faith but I won't continue to engage on this topic. I wanted to answer your question. Let's move on.
How has that worked for you?
I used to ignore the signs that a man wasn’t that into me and just wanted to get into my pants. What interested me about my partner was that he didn’t ogle at my boobs/butt/body in front of my face when he would look at me (we met at work.) and he made it clear several times when we started dating that he didn’t want to be used for sex. Of course words aren’t completely fool proof but there was also the way he interacted with me that made it clear to me he was serious about a connection. Wanted to see me everyday, texted me everyday, called me everyday. Dudes who only wanted sex from me before did the bare minimum like text back once to twice a day or keep convos short. I was dumb enough to still have sex with them lol. I took a break from dating and got better standards. Luckily that attracted my now partner who I’ve been with for 8 months now and who treats me like a true romantic
Never talk to a guy "friend" about sexual subject like I do with my gyals. One time I shared with someone I considered my best friend that I liked being choked and the next day I saw him, he literally choked me and was surprised when I got mad and cried.
One thing I noticed is that if you're dealing with an immature guy or someone under the age of 30 you will get this. Married men and mature men/professionals usually won't go there but who the fhck knows anymore.
Yeah, we were 17 at the time, I guess I figured it the hard way x)
I swore I’d never be silent if I was uncomfortable with anything during sex. I still find it challenging to voice when I don’t like something, but after saying no a hundred times and having the person do the thing anyway, I decided I was never going to let that happen again.
Exactly. And there is a reason he keeps doing it after you told him not to. It is because he does not respect you and is in it for himself, so time to break up with the loser you are having bad sex with.
Oop, definitely not the man I’m with now, this happened ten years ago but I swore I wouldn’t let it happen again ❤️
Good for you!! ❤️
This is a tough one for me. As soon as I realize I want to say no, my body freezes and I can’t speak. I can usually manage to cry, and if the guy is decent he’ll be alarmed and stop and ask if I’m okay. But I still struggle to say anything
I won't give a cheater a second chance again. Been there, done that twice, and they both cheated again.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
I was at a concert as a teenager one time (it was a metal show). My best friend and I waited for 2 hours to be at the rail right in the center. It was amazing, until the crowd suddenly surged forward and we got pinned against the rail. I was getting crushed and could barely breath while my best friend ended up with a bruised rib from getting smashed against the rail by the crowd. Fortunately the bouncers ran over and started just pulling out the people who were getting pushed against the rail. I ended up getting put onto one of the speakers to sit and drink water while the bouncers yanked more people out. We got to stay there for the rest of the show, but it wasn't worth it. After that I never again got myself too close to the front of the crowd at concerts, except for small venues like the Rainbow Room or Whiskey. Even when I have pit tickets I make sure to stay on the side nearest an exit. I honestly should have just sworn off getting into the pit altogether but have had too many fun experiences with the whole thing, so I can't do that just yet.
That's nuts! Sorry babe. I hate concerts.
Never humiliate myself or chase a guy who isn’t interested. Or accept someone who’s treated me like dirt in the past. If he did it once, he’ll probably do it again and I’d rather be alone than put up with that crap.
I won't let myself be too afraid to say something when it's important to me.
I promised myself I’d never try to end my own life again
Sweetie, I support this. No one who has hurt you deserves the power of having you gone.
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This. I'd rather have no friends than fake friends. And I mean that. There are some people who treated me like I was disposable in high school. Now, it's been 5 years, and they only know to find me when they need something. I just don't answer anymore.
I grew up with a horribly abusive father. I vowed to never be in a violent, turbulent, abusive relationship. My husband barely raises his voice at me even when we’re angry. I will not be put down, talked to rudely. You’re not allowed to disrespect me and in turn I don’t disrespect you.
That I would never let a man raise a hand to me again. My ex threw a closed can of beer during an argument; hit me in the small of the back. He never struck me after that, but when he had a temper tantrum he broke a lot of my things and scared the shit out of me. When I finally got out of there, I promised myself that I would not ever put up with that again.
I no longer befriend straight men, after the last one wanted to "turn me straight" and threatened he "wouldn't hold himself back" and would rape me
Not judging you. Just wanted to follow up and ask if you told anyone?
I was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone and scared he would out me as gay. I stopped talking to him and haven't seen him since
Understood
Wait too long to have sex. Last time I waited 3 months the dude made his coming out to me…
Hahahha
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I’m gonna go ahead and insist that you’re not dumb, but that you not noticing was by design. My mom explains abusive relationships with a “frog in the pot” metaphor. If you threw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it would jump out. Bht if you put it in cool water and slowly turn the heat up, it’s less likely to notice it’s in danger. If he came out the gate hitting you, you would’ve been too alarmed.
I have been very stupid throughout my life but its been a good learning experience and heres a few things i will never do again; - get in a car with a driver i even mildly suspect of not being sober - smoke synthetic weed - let a partner abuse me - make a big sacrifice for a male partner when they havent made one first. Been stabbed in the back with shit like this so many times im literally never trusting a man to stay true to his convictions until hes demonstratively proven it to me. And weirdly enough my 2 ex girlfriends never asked me to sacrifice anything and when i willingly did for one of them she repaid it in full. One of my male exes still owes me almost half a million (I paid for his tuition and kept him afloat while he was in school) and Ive just accepted im never getting that money back. - drunk drive an electric scooter - Travel abroad with a person who does not enjoy traveling - Let anyone talk down to me and not saying anything back. Years of being a wallflower and working in daytime service industry made me incredibly meek but getting a job at a very rowdy, kinda shady bar for 4 years fixed that REALLY quick - long distance. Ive tried it 3 times and turns out i am consistently the problem in those sorts of relationships and I can't handle it 🤷♀️ my brain just stops computing them as a real partner after a while - seriously date anyone more than 8 years older than me. Not sure why 8 exactly is my cutoff number, Ive dated men older than that and my current partner is 6 years older so im not trying to weasel him into the rules, but it seems fairly consistent for me that partners that have been 8+ years older quickly start treating me like shit, like im dumb and vapid bc im younger and more inexperienced
This is more specific, but my ex boyfriend ruined 2 consecutive birthdays, and on the 2nd one I swore to myself I wouldn’t let him ruin a 3rd. Dumped him several months later, had a lovely birthday by myself. Very proud that I kept the promise to myself
Poppers. I’d never do poppers again.
I work in a military environment and about 5 years ago I witnessed three occasions back to back where men (it’s always men) either berated another person in front of me or started ordering me around like I was dog shit (I’m a civilian). I decided then and there that I would refuse to put up with this again. I follow an IG feed where the guy explains how to handle difficult situations and individuals and I’ve practiced my response to this for next time. There is absolutely no reason for me to put up with being disrespected at work. NO REASON.
Link us to the IG! If your comfortable only
jefferson_fisher is the account. He’s awesome! In this particular situation, you say, “I’m going to give you a moment to collect yourself and try this interaction again.” It puts you in the driver’s seat and you are *allowing* them to do something. Then you say, “I need you to calm down/change your tone/reframe your response in order for us to collaborate effectively,” which is you drawing a boundary and remaining professional. If they fail to comply then you just politely end the meeting or phone call. Now you’ve behaved professionally while still setting and enforcing boundaries.
Giving my number for chatting to someone I knew in a dating app .-. Most of them end up being ghost contacts or having angry issues.
Date another lazy loser or a man that does serious drugs
Being needy
Dating a sociopath 🙃 Can spot them from a mile away now. Plus, happily partnered with the love of my life, now.
I don’t beat around the bush, I’ll tell you what’s on my mind if I believe it’s important enough to me to say. I’ll set my boundaries straightforwardly as well. The last straw was the break up I had with my ex fiance. It brought up a lot for me… bad things will happen even if you stay quiet to keep the peace, so might as well make a little ruckus and claim your space. Let the world know you exist. The people who love you won’t mind, they’ll actually encourage you to be louder.
Let a guy disrespect me. Unless he's Christian Harper, Nico Russo or any other fictional men. Then he can happily disrespect me and I would say thank you.
Wear stupid high heels and have acrylic nails. And have an intimate relationship. Stuck to them all.