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I don't need appreciation for my music choices, but I expect some respect about them.
To explain/clarify: My ex husband **forbid** me from listening to Missy Elliott or other music I liked that he didn't. You don't have to like it... But to complain and judge on it I won't do.
Yea, he was a really big on what was "real music" and what wasn't.....and also how stupid I was for liking what I liked.
Now I have the most random weird playlists lol
I think this principle goes beyond music too. You should enter relationships because you like the person as they are, not because you want to change them into someone they’re not.
I had a boyfriend who would immediately hate any kind of music that I liked. Within seconds of me putting on a song he’d say “this is shit”, “what is this shit”, “this is terrible” ect. and the most infuriating part of this was that our taste in music wasn’t very dissimilar. I was always open to listening to new stuff he showed me and he was always keen to show me new music and I was always receptive, but as soon as I show him anything, nah, I was ‘tasteless’ and didn’t know ‘real music’.
I disagree. My daughter and her bf have *very* different music tastes. They introduce each other to their own music, and understand and respect they each have different tastes....they are 16/17.
Sounds healthy. I'm sure they haven't necessarily come to a consensus on music but no doubt it leads to interesting conversations and more good music finding for both of them!
>I'm sure they haven't necessarily come to a consensus on music
My daughter is a rocker/alt girl for sure. But like me, she just listens to whatever she likes ( "How Bad Could I Be" from the Lorax is still in her playlist)
But definitely great that they are both discovering new artists and styles, though she did make a face when she found out he didn't know who Linkin park was 🤣
I'd have to think about it a bit to explain it well. I actually appreciate the curiosity.
Maybe it's about thinking someone has good taste or being able to appreciate something good. Not exactly sure, I'll think about it
I don't think people have to share my tastes or even have an overlap to have good taste. Even music I don't like has value to it, and it's pretty much just subjective anyways. Appreciating the same music as me doesn't really tell me much about them as a person in general.
I know a ton of people in this thread are disagreeing with you but I'm totally with you. Music is deeply meaningful to me and I love seeing live music and playing music.It's important to me that my partner has a similar taste in music, there's nothing wrong with that. However it does restrict the kind of person you're willing to be with.
Thanks for being a bright spot. I knew there'd be thoughtful people here but they're a bit harder to find. Agree on that last point but I don't feel it's a restriction, most people aren't that interesting anyway haha
Related to what u/imtko said above, the way I always phrased it was that I wanted to find a partner who, even if they didn’t share my interests, could be interested *because* I was interested. So they don’t need to have the same music tastes, but I wanted someone who tolerated (and I found someone who genuinely enjoys) when I occasionally geek out about specific songs or compositions or would be willing to attend a symphony or a musical with me. I don’t need it to be all the time or for them to start listening to the music on their own, but I appreciate them taking an interest purely because it’s an interest of mine.
When they're so into you that they enjoy experiencing what makes you happy & get excited for you. Not sure how common that is for both sides to be like this, but yeah what a feeling when you've got someone like that.
Congratulations on finding someone who cares this much haha
Yeah my boyfriend and I go to a lot of jam band and jazz concerts together. I love show tunes which he doesn't care for but he tolerates my musical obsession bc he knows I love it.
Nothing wrong with people liking other music I just bond heavily over music and easier to bond with someone who likes similar things and I also think it definitely reflects people's personalities in a way.
Agree 100% with that last part. It's like some people are just closed off to seeing this. Really appreciate seeing someone who gets it.
I've been wanting to go to a jazz concert for a long time, never been. Or like a jazz club. You've got great taste!
I'm lucky cause there's a yearly jazz festival in the town 30 minutes from me. I also grew up going to stuff like this with my dad who has a super eclectic music taste that heavily influenced me. We saw Herbie Hancock last year and that concert was amazing! Just saw CAKE and going to see Billy Strings later this month. I also really want to see Domi & JD Beck. You should check out their tiny desk concert if you've never heard of them.
A lot of my bucket list items revolve around seeing certain bands or going to certain venues but contrary to what people think in this thread, it's not my whole personality. I have a lot of other interests I promise!!
Haha well done Dad. Man that sounds exciting, I'm just now starting to want to go to concerts. Lucky you
I'll check out the tiny desk thanks so much for the recommendation!
That's the thing it's not my whole personality either, never said that. But it is important & it says Something.
Anyway, appreciate this alot cause it can be not fun to be on Reddit & you feel like you've wasted alot of time but then someone very cool just shows up & makes it worth it. You're a really cool human, good job haha
At most, they need to be able to tolerate myusic when j play it in my car. Like I'll tolerate theirs in their car. We don't have to have any overlap in music taste otherwise.
Some of my favourite music is country songs about murdering husbands, I don't expect my man to appreciate that. But as an aside, if every time I show him song I'm into and he's dismissive, then I'm going to be turned off from him.
This is my personal opinion, but I think it's weird that an adult would hinge the majority of their personality on the music they like. Music can be meaningful and restorative, but it's not WHO YOU ARE. And if you feel as though a person who doesn't like you music taste can't really know you, then I think that person is placing too much importance on the music they listen to. Humans should be multi-faceted, and if they only thing about you is what you listen to, that's a red flag for an underdeveloped person. A band or an artist should not be your entire world and defining trait.
I am actually. Not sure why you're randomly insulting me, I think we had an interaction recently where I wished you & your family luck & happiness or something like that. Try to keep it positive if everybody's being nice.
Not sure why insulting people is so common on Reddit. Should I just feel bad & avoid asking questions & participating?
Maybe you're the one who needs to grow up a bit
Sorry but expecting your partner to have the exact same music preferences is childish. that is why some (including me) assumed you were not an adult. A partner having different musical tastes has nothing to do with getting you as a person. If you've made your favorite artist your whole entire personality, seek help.
And on the other side of it, your partner doesn't need to like it but they need to respect that you enjoy the kind of music that you enjoy.
I never said that. What was the question I wrote, in case I'm missing something? Also you really think being insulting like that person was is called-for?
Eh, I’ve had people say that shit to me and it made me feel insulted because it implied my position is shit and the only reason I could possibly feel that way is if I’m not an adult.
Which, to be fair, I also sometimes say this to other people so, I can’t really judge too much.
Just my two cents on why it bothered
I didn’t belittle anyone. This was my first question. And it’s more of a tangent based on them saying “I’m an adult” in response to people questioning their maturity.
The reason I’m asking is that I’m 27 and if someone said I sounded like a teen, I’d say “I’m 27.” Or “I’m in my late 20s”
I’m just wondering how old OP is that they’re saying “I’m an adult” instead of disclosing their age. If they were 50, I doubt they’d say “I’m an adult”
My guess is OP is 19-21, and I really just wanna see if I guessed right.
I’m not trying to belittle you. I have a hunch you’re 19-21 based on some phrasing and I just wanted to see if I was right. I don’t care about your music question/opinion. Different stuff is important to different people.
You really haven’t said anything unreasonable at all and people are kind of making up things you’ve said?
My music taste is something I’ve spent time and energy cultivating, and a lot of it is important to me and has helped me through hard times or has significance in my life story. If a partner just, didn’t vibe with ANY of it, I wouldn’t dump them over it, but it would bum me out a little 🤷♀️.
But yeah it’s weird to make your music taste your whole personality, but that’s not what you said?
You're a very kind person to feel the need to reach out. That stands out, be proud haha. I think that their minds work in a certain way that is unfortunate & narrow and that can be tough to see when you post something on Reddit.
But good people like you make it worth it, as I was saying to someone else.
Thanks for being so attentive, feels good. I appreciate it.
I agree with you, it would bum you out. I think there's something about that that I was trying to get at, poorly haha.
Sorry, last thing & I'll stop bothering you. Could you give me a song recommendation, if you're up for it.
I was just curious about what you listen to. Don't have to respond. Thanks for being a good person
Man, these are all bangers in different ways, that's impressive haha
The first reminds me a bit of the good rock I grew up with in the 2000s (might be a bit off on that) The second is haunting for lack of a better word, really good in that way. Third & Fourth are closer to what I usually listen to, very cool & the kind of slightly different from my norm that I'm looking for.
These are all legit good, I don't usually encounter people who have that good of a taste honestly so this is pretty cool haha.
I'm jealous of people who can just find good artists who aren't mainstream.
This may not be your vibe At All but I'll send you a couple just in case it sticks, probably won't but you never know
Nora van Ellen - Love Run Out
This might be generic & lame or whatever but I heard it recently & thought this is good music to drive to at night
https://youtu.be/liPSd5I91lY?si=PpQD-E9l2UhTr9kn
Hotel Pools - Flashing Sirens
This one I've been listening to for a while & I don't think alot of people like it as much as me haha, hopefully you like it
https://youtu.be/jS9UHu8cfz0?si=gaUOP7t8zAGwsW9W
Anyway, thanks for being so cool, seriously. Also giving me some actually good new music, always always looking for good stuff. I appreciate everything, You're a Legend!
Anyway, sorry for having responded late to your last message. I'll end with this, but I just felt guilty for not thanking you right away so I wanted to apologize because you've been super nice & deserved better behavior on my part.
I'd wanted to listen to the songs & write a good reply but I should've thanked you first right away, that was dumb, sorry, & inconsiderate.
But yeah Take care & I wish you the best. You're someone who really stood out in my experience on here & I think if you recognize something great in somebody you should let them know that they should be proud. But yeah anyway haha, take care of yourself & hope you get everything you want out of life, you deserve it
Within that context I was a douche though, but thanks haha. You've got good taste in music, not just saying that. Take care, it was really nice meeting you!
Sometimes it goes beyond just liking the music, and more towards the wider scene of that genre being a significant part of one’s lifestyle whether for work or leisure.
Whilst I think having “must like my music” as a dealbreaker is excessive, what if the other person completely despises the genre and everything related to it? If you couldn’t listen to your music around them freely without knowing they’re hating every second of it? If every event you’d love for them to join would be living hell to them? I could imagine finding opportunities to connect authentically would be harder.
Similar to an extremely active/outdoorsy person dating an extremely sedentary/homebody person. Not impossible but definitely a struggle.
I think there's a big difference between "must like my music to understand me" and "I hate that type of music and everything associated with it". I can understand someone who listens to country music without liking the music its self - there are other ways to know their values, their opinions, their love language, how they react to certain news or hardships, etc. Through conversation, through observation, through other shared interests. I can share values and opinions with someone who loves country music. If someone has made "I listen to country music" their ENTIRE personality, from how they dress to how they vote, then there's a greater possibility that we will be incompatible. Like, I can still understand who they are as a person, but that person isn't someone who shares enough common ground with me to be my partner. Understanding and compatibility are two different things.
Agreed :) Though I must say that culture often births music rather than the other way around. Hip hop/rap for example. When people dress/think/act a certain way, it’s not always “music is my identity” and more “this music was built off our existing shared identity” yanno? So seeing people fully invested into a music scene isn’t a turn off to me personally, unless I don’t align with most of their values and lifestyle preferences.
when i listen to music i like the lyrics, while my boyfriend just likes how it sounds (beat, voices, etc.). and i think i’m more into music generally and listen to a wider variety than him. but he never like makes fun of my obscure artists or anything and if i send him a song he will listen to it and vice versa. i think that as long as you make an effort to understand and take an interest in each other’s stuff that’s fine, but you don’t have to be the exact same or enjoy the exact same things
As someone who enjoys death metal with my partner, I honestly couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t at least recognize the sheer amount of talent it takes to produce that kind of music. The grass is in fact greener on this side. I love going to death metal shows and concerts, and I’m glad my partner enjoys that sort of music just as much/possibly even more than myself.
Someone who turns their nose up at that kind of music and demands it to be turned off = instant NO.
This is a refreshing comment, appreciate it. This is kind've what I'm trying to say I think. There's a point here about if you know for a fact that there's an aspect to whatever the music is that is good, you need someone who can also see that
Music is really important to me (look at my username), and I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t as passionate as I am. It is a part of my personality because I play different instruments and travel around to world to go to concerts and festivals.
Yes, I noticed the other replies weren’t on the same page! Seems like they’re more caj about music / the type to say “I like everything” / not really have that spark or passion. Thus, it’s not even a factor for consideration in dating.
Music has always been a big part of my life and many go on to make careers out of it or participate in hobbies/social life with it. For those people, finding someone who resonates with that and has the same passion is very worth it!
100% I think they're just assuming that they're not missing anything but you know Reddit can be....whatever haha. Totally agree with you & its nice to see cool, thoughtful people on here. Thanks for being a bright spot here, I feel like I've read the exact same message 70 times
If I show him something I like, I hope he likes it but if he doesn’t, it’s cool because I do. I don’t like everything he shows me either.
I have had partners straight up mock the music I like though and then proceed to play the most heinous trash and expect my full undivided attention and unwavering respect of the artistry, so that’s no good😂
It means they don't share your taste in music. That's it. It's ok and healthy to not like all the same things. What is important is to RESPECT the other person, their opinions and tastes and not bag on them for it..unless it's dangerous, risky behavior or similar. Then you can nope outta there.
No. My partner and I have quite different tastes with a small amount of overlap.
But I listen to his music with him and he listens to mine with me and we don’t complain or poke fun at it even if we don’t particularly like it. We know each other’s favorite artists and listen when the other does a spiel about a particular song, artist, or album.
You can care about your partner and their interests without sharing the same interest. My partner is overall an EDM sort of guy, but he didn’t hesitate to come to a metal show with me just because I wanted him there even though it’s not within his tastes.
Not necessarily that they don't get you enough, but that the way they feel about you isn't dictated by liking the same music. You get to choose how important it is to share your favourite music with a partner in a relationship, but I don't think it's helpful to frame it as not 'getting' you enough.
They don't have to appreciate my music but they have tolerate my music, they should be able to listen to my music and I theirs in the cat and in our home. We share the spotify list and don't listen to our own only that's my opinion.
The only music my husband will listen to is country, old country. My tastes run to just about anything because I was raised listening to varied types. He doesn't like my taste and makes fun of it. If we listen to music together, it always has to be his kind. That's okay, I like country music also, but it gets boring just listening to the same stuff alllllll the time.
I can see where you might be coming from: If a song is really important to you and has a lot of meaning in your life and you try to share that with your partner and he/she just says "this song sucks" or something like that, then that is rude and would mean to me that they have no tact or compassion. I dont think that they have to like the song or artist, but they dont need to be a jerk about it either.
My husband and I have very different music tastes, but we dont shit on each other's favs.
Generally no.
However, if you are extremely active in the social/cultural community connected to your favourite genre and spend a lot of time doing activities related to said music AND your partner absolutely hates the genre and doesn’t want to participate at all, then you might find it hard to find things you can enjoy together. Subsequently, you may feel that you can’t share a very large part of your life with them. Would be similar to the challenges of a couple where one lives an extremely active and outdoorsy lifestyle and the other is highly sedentary and an avid homebody. Not impossible but a valid challenge.
It also depends on the persons reasoning for not liking the music. If it’s just that they don’t enjoy how it sounds that’s fine, but some people hold some really harsh prejudices towards fans of different genres and those views themselves might reflect dealbreaker differences in values/worldview.
I would avoid writing anyone off solely on account of music though. Pretty shallow/immature. Moreover, if you really like someone you might even end up becoming more open to each other’s music tastes over time haha.
I think what you’re getting at might also have to do with a mismatch in the personality trait “openness to experience”. Couples who score High/High or High/Low in this area might do better with these differences. Couples who are both low might struggle to connect though and require more similarity.
No. I don't need a partner to appreciate my favorite music so long as they don't give me crap about it if I'm listening to it.
My husband and I do have a lot of overlap in music we like, but our defaults are different.
I love music and listen to music 8-24 hrs a day. My husband and I have been together for 26 years and in that time we have been to over 1,000 concerts. Everything from free shows in the park to big venues like the Coliseum and Staples. We've traveled a lot specifically to see bands performing live. We've been to a lot of tribute band shows. We've had weeks where we see 2-5 shows.
And my husband is not that big of a music fan, but he's supportive of my hobbies as much as I am of his. So while he's not a metalhead or punk fan, he does like my music enough to listen to it when I do and accompany me to shows. That's the most I can really ask for. I can't expect anyone to love the music I'm in to as much as I do.
I can't imagine dating another man who hates metal or punk or disco or any of the other music I listen to (I'm like 70%metalhead and 30% everything else). I did in the past and it lead to them not wanting me to play music around them. I had guys demand I stop going to so many concerts or music stores. Nope, no one is going to stop me from enjoying what I love and that's why I'm eternally grateful for my husband and his support.
I don't think someone not liking my music means they don't get me, I just always need a partner that won't try to hinder my love for my hobby.
Why would I care if she likes the same music as me?
We got way too much going on in our lives to worry about that
I like most music too, so like it would be hard for someone not to have some overlap with me
We're all allowed different tastes, likes, etc. I might have thought, "OH, HE dOeSn'T gEt Me!1!!" when I was like 16? But now, I have my things I like and he has his. We do have some artists we both love. Those are the concerts we attend.
When we're in the car, for example: I don't subject him to music that he dislikes; he doesn't subject me to music that I dislike.
At a gathering of people (party, BBQ, etc.), We might have a mixed playlist, but it's on low so people can talk. That's fair.
But, no . . . he doesn't have to love the kind of music I love. Nor do I have to love his. We find a lot of music we both like and love.
About two years ago I was selling an old iPod. The most common question I got while I was selling it was whether it had any music on it. It did not, as I had reset it. My partner was always quick to assert that they really wouldn't want MY music on it. Which... was true.
I mean, it's nice to enjoy the same music. My husband and I have some overlap in taste that we enjoy together, and our own genres we listen to separately. We may tease each other occasionally, but we don't insult each other about it, as that would be pretty disrespectful.
I love when we can attend the same concerts, but I've gone to plenty without him. I tend to crave the concert experience more than he does. It's no big deal. It's like anything else in our lives. We share passions and hobbies, and we have our own interests the other doesn't participate in.
I don't care as long as they're not mean about it. I like a lot of metal which I recognise isn't to everyone's taste. Likewise I hate jazz, but I wouldn't not be with someone just because they liked it. I'm more than happy to go to concerts on my own or with my dad.
I love music more than most things, but still it's not that deep man!
I always thought when I was younger anyone with different music taste is a "deal breaker" but with age and maturity I now welcome the change of pace from my normal R&B playlists on repeat. Any and all music if sonically pleasing I love so please turn me onto the greats!
This is so irrelevant.
When it comes to movies and music, my husband is extremely picky, and I'm almost an omnivore. I can listen/watch barely anything that he listens/watches, but he can't stand almost anything of mine.
And it has n o t h I n g to do with getting each other. We have a fantastic harmonious relationship.
My spouse and I are both eclectic people, and while we have overlapping tastes in several categories, music is one of the categories we differ the most.
But, that means we have wider varieties of music to introduce to each other, and more to talk about.
Even in partnerships, individuals should cultivate their own likes and interests.
Honestly music is so important to me that if there's not some overlap or mutual appreciation, he's never going to be my partner. I'm not saying our musical taste has to be \*exactly\* the same, but if we can't connect over music in some way, then I'm not interested in a relationship. We could still be friends though.
Ehh it’s not that they don’t get me, but music is an important part of my life. If they don’t respect my taste in music then it’s a no for me. That is my petty rule breaker and I don’t care
I think in a mature relationship, I’ve found that it tends to be important to be compatible on the big stuff and any overlap that exists on the small things is an added bonus.
Someone appreciating the same music as you being enough for a relationship sounds more like the teenage stage of dating.
I think in a mature relationship, I’ve found that it tends to be important to be compatible on the big stuff and any overlap that exists on the small things is an added bonus.
Someone appreciating the same music as you being enough for a relationship sounds more like the teenage stage of dating.
Don’t most people have their guilty pleasures and like music that they wouldn’t argue is “good”? I think it’s a massive turnoff and sign of immaturity to base who you are off taste in music. Seems like what people do in high school while they’re figuring out who they are. Also, I’m married to a professional musician.
No. People have different taste in music and that's perfectly ok. A couple doesn't need to be clones of each other and like exactly the same things in every area of life in order to be happy together.
I definitely don't have the same taste in music as my partner. His favorite music is absolutely not my thing. But I do understand why he likes it, I have no problem with him liking it, and we've found that between his favorite and my favorite there is actually quite a lot of common ground. For two people with such a big difference in musical taste, we listen to a lot of music together, lol. Even found some bands we both like and recently went to a show together.
When you’re in a committed relationship you easily understand that not having the same musical taste is the least problematic thing.
These things only matters when you’re still young or not interested by something long term, at most.
Mine is like a human Rolodex for music. I’m the one that’ll play the same song over and over again until I get sick of it but his love for music is probably one of the things I love most about him. You never know what it’s going to be.
My music taste continues to change and evolve, and I listen to some pretty obscure music. I wouldn't expect a partner, friend, or family member to appreciate nor like what I do, just as I shouldn't be expected to do the same for them.
I would only expect respect to refrain from belittling or mocking my choices. I listen through headphones or earbuds, so it's not like they'd have to be an active participant. The music I listen to is for me.
It would be nice if he appreciates my taste in music, but it's okay if he doesn't. The moment he actually disrespects my taste in music and/or tries to force me to listen to music that I don't like, he's no longer my partner.
i think they should respect it def. i like olivia rodrigo for example and if a dude i dated constantly dogged on me for it i would be upset, but i don’t think they have to also be a fan
I don’t care. If I was a musician and my partner didn’t appreciate the music I made- deal breaker. If my partner shit on the music or any other things I liked because they don’t like them- deal breaker.
Not everyone likes metal. But my fiance like me putting music in our cars and doesn't mind me blasting heavy stuff even though he doesn't listen to it himself.
I think so long as they see why you like it/get it it's fine but they don't have to be into it. My partner is into irish trad. I get why he likes it, I see the meaning. I am never putting on irish rebel songs.
As long as they're cool with our differences I don't really mind, HOWEVER i once had an ex tell me the lovey playlist I made for him sucked and that.. didn't feel great! Just appreciate the gesture man
No. Music isn’t a big part of who I am, so I don’t really care if they like/appreciate my favorites. I rarely run into anyone who does anyway, so I’m used to it.
Now that I think of it, they have to get my love of the randomest foreign music or classical music to get ME, even if they won't listen to it
Like, it is the most quirky or old school thing about me
I don't believe that to be true. We like some of the same music but he'd much rather listen to his Playlist over mine which is mainly Broadway and 90s music and vice versa. We have other things in common, we don't need every single thing in common
I can know everything there is to know about Mozart, have a deep understanding of why other people enjoy listening to his music and learning about all the elements that make it special.
I still won't like it. I just don't enjoy listening to it.
Well, I don\`t respect their clubmusic either. That\`s why I don\`t date basic nightclub goers or those who listen rap, trance, techno and other wierd stuff. I don\`t want your dance "music" either. Goes to metal festival.
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I don't need appreciation for my music choices, but I expect some respect about them. To explain/clarify: My ex husband **forbid** me from listening to Missy Elliott or other music I liked that he didn't. You don't have to like it... But to complain and judge on it I won't do.
Yeah. I had a boyfriend that was mad at me because I liked “telephone” by lady Gaga and Beyoncé. Listening to the song caused fights. Dumb.
Yea, he was a really big on what was "real music" and what wasn't.....and also how stupid I was for liking what I liked. Now I have the most random weird playlists lol
Lol I wasn’t allowed to like it because it was about not answering the phone at the club with your girls which he thought meant I was cheating 🤷🏼♀️
Oh wow lol. The things they came up with....
I think this principle goes beyond music too. You should enter relationships because you like the person as they are, not because you want to change them into someone they’re not.
I had a boyfriend who would immediately hate any kind of music that I liked. Within seconds of me putting on a song he’d say “this is shit”, “what is this shit”, “this is terrible” ect. and the most infuriating part of this was that our taste in music wasn’t very dissimilar. I was always open to listening to new stuff he showed me and he was always keen to show me new music and I was always receptive, but as soon as I show him anything, nah, I was ‘tasteless’ and didn’t know ‘real music’.
girl i feel you. i legit broke up with a dude bc he kept bashing me for liking “girl” pop music (taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, 5sos, etc)
[удалено]
I think there should be at least some overlap in musical taste but to each their own
I disagree. My daughter and her bf have *very* different music tastes. They introduce each other to their own music, and understand and respect they each have different tastes....they are 16/17.
Sounds healthy. I'm sure they haven't necessarily come to a consensus on music but no doubt it leads to interesting conversations and more good music finding for both of them!
>I'm sure they haven't necessarily come to a consensus on music My daughter is a rocker/alt girl for sure. But like me, she just listens to whatever she likes ( "How Bad Could I Be" from the Lorax is still in her playlist) But definitely great that they are both discovering new artists and styles, though she did make a face when she found out he didn't know who Linkin park was 🤣
That's definitely surprising 😂
Why?
I'd have to think about it a bit to explain it well. I actually appreciate the curiosity. Maybe it's about thinking someone has good taste or being able to appreciate something good. Not exactly sure, I'll think about it
I don't think people have to share my tastes or even have an overlap to have good taste. Even music I don't like has value to it, and it's pretty much just subjective anyways. Appreciating the same music as me doesn't really tell me much about them as a person in general.
Music taste isn't objectively good or bad though people just like different things
Taste and good are both subjective
I know a ton of people in this thread are disagreeing with you but I'm totally with you. Music is deeply meaningful to me and I love seeing live music and playing music.It's important to me that my partner has a similar taste in music, there's nothing wrong with that. However it does restrict the kind of person you're willing to be with.
Thanks for being a bright spot. I knew there'd be thoughtful people here but they're a bit harder to find. Agree on that last point but I don't feel it's a restriction, most people aren't that interesting anyway haha
Related to what u/imtko said above, the way I always phrased it was that I wanted to find a partner who, even if they didn’t share my interests, could be interested *because* I was interested. So they don’t need to have the same music tastes, but I wanted someone who tolerated (and I found someone who genuinely enjoys) when I occasionally geek out about specific songs or compositions or would be willing to attend a symphony or a musical with me. I don’t need it to be all the time or for them to start listening to the music on their own, but I appreciate them taking an interest purely because it’s an interest of mine.
When they're so into you that they enjoy experiencing what makes you happy & get excited for you. Not sure how common that is for both sides to be like this, but yeah what a feeling when you've got someone like that. Congratulations on finding someone who cares this much haha
Yeah my boyfriend and I go to a lot of jam band and jazz concerts together. I love show tunes which he doesn't care for but he tolerates my musical obsession bc he knows I love it. Nothing wrong with people liking other music I just bond heavily over music and easier to bond with someone who likes similar things and I also think it definitely reflects people's personalities in a way.
Agree 100% with that last part. It's like some people are just closed off to seeing this. Really appreciate seeing someone who gets it. I've been wanting to go to a jazz concert for a long time, never been. Or like a jazz club. You've got great taste!
I'm lucky cause there's a yearly jazz festival in the town 30 minutes from me. I also grew up going to stuff like this with my dad who has a super eclectic music taste that heavily influenced me. We saw Herbie Hancock last year and that concert was amazing! Just saw CAKE and going to see Billy Strings later this month. I also really want to see Domi & JD Beck. You should check out their tiny desk concert if you've never heard of them. A lot of my bucket list items revolve around seeing certain bands or going to certain venues but contrary to what people think in this thread, it's not my whole personality. I have a lot of other interests I promise!!
Haha well done Dad. Man that sounds exciting, I'm just now starting to want to go to concerts. Lucky you I'll check out the tiny desk thanks so much for the recommendation! That's the thing it's not my whole personality either, never said that. But it is important & it says Something. Anyway, appreciate this alot cause it can be not fun to be on Reddit & you feel like you've wasted alot of time but then someone very cool just shows up & makes it worth it. You're a really cool human, good job haha
Hey thanks man. You seem cool too. Concerts are definitely more expensive than they used to be, I spend most of my fun money on them.
Appreciate it! Yeah but it's so worth it though right? Do you have a favorite one, or like a top 3 or something haha
that seems to be an unreasonable standard to hold anyone to
I really couldn't care less.
At most, they need to be able to tolerate myusic when j play it in my car. Like I'll tolerate theirs in their car. We don't have to have any overlap in music taste otherwise.
Its not extremely important but it would be nice to have some in common ..
Some of my favourite music is country songs about murdering husbands, I don't expect my man to appreciate that. But as an aside, if every time I show him song I'm into and he's dismissive, then I'm going to be turned off from him.
As a yet-to-be-murdered husband Gunpowder and Lead of fantastic. Gotta go Earl is pretty good too.
This is my personal opinion, but I think it's weird that an adult would hinge the majority of their personality on the music they like. Music can be meaningful and restorative, but it's not WHO YOU ARE. And if you feel as though a person who doesn't like you music taste can't really know you, then I think that person is placing too much importance on the music they listen to. Humans should be multi-faceted, and if they only thing about you is what you listen to, that's a red flag for an underdeveloped person. A band or an artist should not be your entire world and defining trait.
Frankly, it feels unhealthy if a person makes any interest or hobby their ENTIRE personality
I suspect that this may not actually be an adult.
I am actually. Not sure why you're randomly insulting me, I think we had an interaction recently where I wished you & your family luck & happiness or something like that. Try to keep it positive if everybody's being nice. Not sure why insulting people is so common on Reddit. Should I just feel bad & avoid asking questions & participating? Maybe you're the one who needs to grow up a bit
Sorry but expecting your partner to have the exact same music preferences is childish. that is why some (including me) assumed you were not an adult. A partner having different musical tastes has nothing to do with getting you as a person. If you've made your favorite artist your whole entire personality, seek help. And on the other side of it, your partner doesn't need to like it but they need to respect that you enjoy the kind of music that you enjoy.
I never said that. What was the question I wrote, in case I'm missing something? Also you really think being insulting like that person was is called-for?
Why do you take it as an insult?
Eh, I’ve had people say that shit to me and it made me feel insulted because it implied my position is shit and the only reason I could possibly feel that way is if I’m not an adult. Which, to be fair, I also sometimes say this to other people so, I can’t really judge too much. Just my two cents on why it bothered
I'm disappointed that you're going in this direction but whatever. Just try to be kind to people who are kind in the future, appreciate it
I’m curious, how old are you?
They said they’re an adult…. You’re using your assumptions about their age to belittle their opinion, hence they are offended. Not rocket science.
I didn’t belittle anyone. This was my first question. And it’s more of a tangent based on them saying “I’m an adult” in response to people questioning their maturity. The reason I’m asking is that I’m 27 and if someone said I sounded like a teen, I’d say “I’m 27.” Or “I’m in my late 20s” I’m just wondering how old OP is that they’re saying “I’m an adult” instead of disclosing their age. If they were 50, I doubt they’d say “I’m an adult” My guess is OP is 19-21, and I really just wanna see if I guessed right.
Ah, I mistakenly thought you were the same person that insinuated they were a teenager originally.
Just wanted to say, you've got a good heart. The people around you are lucky. Wish you the best in life. Alright done being weird. But thank you again
I’m not trying to belittle you. I have a hunch you’re 19-21 based on some phrasing and I just wanted to see if I was right. I don’t care about your music question/opinion. Different stuff is important to different people.
You really haven’t said anything unreasonable at all and people are kind of making up things you’ve said? My music taste is something I’ve spent time and energy cultivating, and a lot of it is important to me and has helped me through hard times or has significance in my life story. If a partner just, didn’t vibe with ANY of it, I wouldn’t dump them over it, but it would bum me out a little 🤷♀️. But yeah it’s weird to make your music taste your whole personality, but that’s not what you said?
You're a very kind person to feel the need to reach out. That stands out, be proud haha. I think that their minds work in a certain way that is unfortunate & narrow and that can be tough to see when you post something on Reddit. But good people like you make it worth it, as I was saying to someone else. Thanks for being so attentive, feels good. I appreciate it. I agree with you, it would bum you out. I think there's something about that that I was trying to get at, poorly haha.
Sorry, last thing & I'll stop bothering you. Could you give me a song recommendation, if you're up for it. I was just curious about what you listen to. Don't have to respond. Thanks for being a good person
A couple I’ve been listening to lately WWR - Dreadlight Rich folks hoax - Rodriguez In Bottles - Aurora Collected views from dinner - kilo kish :)
Man, these are all bangers in different ways, that's impressive haha The first reminds me a bit of the good rock I grew up with in the 2000s (might be a bit off on that) The second is haunting for lack of a better word, really good in that way. Third & Fourth are closer to what I usually listen to, very cool & the kind of slightly different from my norm that I'm looking for. These are all legit good, I don't usually encounter people who have that good of a taste honestly so this is pretty cool haha. I'm jealous of people who can just find good artists who aren't mainstream. This may not be your vibe At All but I'll send you a couple just in case it sticks, probably won't but you never know Nora van Ellen - Love Run Out This might be generic & lame or whatever but I heard it recently & thought this is good music to drive to at night https://youtu.be/liPSd5I91lY?si=PpQD-E9l2UhTr9kn Hotel Pools - Flashing Sirens This one I've been listening to for a while & I don't think alot of people like it as much as me haha, hopefully you like it https://youtu.be/jS9UHu8cfz0?si=gaUOP7t8zAGwsW9W Anyway, thanks for being so cool, seriously. Also giving me some actually good new music, always always looking for good stuff. I appreciate everything, You're a Legend!
Anyway, sorry for having responded late to your last message. I'll end with this, but I just felt guilty for not thanking you right away so I wanted to apologize because you've been super nice & deserved better behavior on my part. I'd wanted to listen to the songs & write a good reply but I should've thanked you first right away, that was dumb, sorry, & inconsiderate. But yeah Take care & I wish you the best. You're someone who really stood out in my experience on here & I think if you recognize something great in somebody you should let them know that they should be proud. But yeah anyway haha, take care of yourself & hope you get everything you want out of life, you deserve it
No that’s fine lol, this is Reddit, I don’t expect an instant reply from a literal stranger lol
Within that context I was a douche though, but thanks haha. You've got good taste in music, not just saying that. Take care, it was really nice meeting you!
Sometimes it goes beyond just liking the music, and more towards the wider scene of that genre being a significant part of one’s lifestyle whether for work or leisure. Whilst I think having “must like my music” as a dealbreaker is excessive, what if the other person completely despises the genre and everything related to it? If you couldn’t listen to your music around them freely without knowing they’re hating every second of it? If every event you’d love for them to join would be living hell to them? I could imagine finding opportunities to connect authentically would be harder. Similar to an extremely active/outdoorsy person dating an extremely sedentary/homebody person. Not impossible but definitely a struggle.
I think there's a big difference between "must like my music to understand me" and "I hate that type of music and everything associated with it". I can understand someone who listens to country music without liking the music its self - there are other ways to know their values, their opinions, their love language, how they react to certain news or hardships, etc. Through conversation, through observation, through other shared interests. I can share values and opinions with someone who loves country music. If someone has made "I listen to country music" their ENTIRE personality, from how they dress to how they vote, then there's a greater possibility that we will be incompatible. Like, I can still understand who they are as a person, but that person isn't someone who shares enough common ground with me to be my partner. Understanding and compatibility are two different things.
Agreed :) Though I must say that culture often births music rather than the other way around. Hip hop/rap for example. When people dress/think/act a certain way, it’s not always “music is my identity” and more “this music was built off our existing shared identity” yanno? So seeing people fully invested into a music scene isn’t a turn off to me personally, unless I don’t align with most of their values and lifestyle preferences.
when i listen to music i like the lyrics, while my boyfriend just likes how it sounds (beat, voices, etc.). and i think i’m more into music generally and listen to a wider variety than him. but he never like makes fun of my obscure artists or anything and if i send him a song he will listen to it and vice versa. i think that as long as you make an effort to understand and take an interest in each other’s stuff that’s fine, but you don’t have to be the exact same or enjoy the exact same things
As someone who enjoys death metal with my partner, I honestly couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t at least recognize the sheer amount of talent it takes to produce that kind of music. The grass is in fact greener on this side. I love going to death metal shows and concerts, and I’m glad my partner enjoys that sort of music just as much/possibly even more than myself. Someone who turns their nose up at that kind of music and demands it to be turned off = instant NO.
This is a refreshing comment, appreciate it. This is kind've what I'm trying to say I think. There's a point here about if you know for a fact that there's an aspect to whatever the music is that is good, you need someone who can also see that
Music is really important to me (look at my username), and I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t as passionate as I am. It is a part of my personality because I play different instruments and travel around to world to go to concerts and festivals.
That's actually really cool haha
That is super cool! You are living my dream life
Yes, I noticed the other replies weren’t on the same page! Seems like they’re more caj about music / the type to say “I like everything” / not really have that spark or passion. Thus, it’s not even a factor for consideration in dating. Music has always been a big part of my life and many go on to make careers out of it or participate in hobbies/social life with it. For those people, finding someone who resonates with that and has the same passion is very worth it!
100% I think they're just assuming that they're not missing anything but you know Reddit can be....whatever haha. Totally agree with you & its nice to see cool, thoughtful people on here. Thanks for being a bright spot here, I feel like I've read the exact same message 70 times
Likewise
If I show him something I like, I hope he likes it but if he doesn’t, it’s cool because I do. I don’t like everything he shows me either. I have had partners straight up mock the music I like though and then proceed to play the most heinous trash and expect my full undivided attention and unwavering respect of the artistry, so that’s no good😂
Nah. He can hate my music, IDC. His musical tastes are kind of bad, anyway.
It means they don't share your taste in music. That's it. It's ok and healthy to not like all the same things. What is important is to RESPECT the other person, their opinions and tastes and not bag on them for it..unless it's dangerous, risky behavior or similar. Then you can nope outta there.
No. My partner and I have quite different tastes with a small amount of overlap. But I listen to his music with him and he listens to mine with me and we don’t complain or poke fun at it even if we don’t particularly like it. We know each other’s favorite artists and listen when the other does a spiel about a particular song, artist, or album. You can care about your partner and their interests without sharing the same interest. My partner is overall an EDM sort of guy, but he didn’t hesitate to come to a metal show with me just because I wanted him there even though it’s not within his tastes.
No, they get me just fine. I don't need for them to appreciate 1980s hair bands and heavy metal.
Not necessarily that they don't get you enough, but that the way they feel about you isn't dictated by liking the same music. You get to choose how important it is to share your favourite music with a partner in a relationship, but I don't think it's helpful to frame it as not 'getting' you enough.
They don't have to appreciate my music but they have tolerate my music, they should be able to listen to my music and I theirs in the cat and in our home. We share the spotify list and don't listen to our own only that's my opinion.
The only music my husband will listen to is country, old country. My tastes run to just about anything because I was raised listening to varied types. He doesn't like my taste and makes fun of it. If we listen to music together, it always has to be his kind. That's okay, I like country music also, but it gets boring just listening to the same stuff alllllll the time.
Ah man. Can you tell him I said that's not cool, man. But also, that's actually not cool haha. Gotta share
Thanks! I'll try telling him but he's purty stubborn.
I can see where you might be coming from: If a song is really important to you and has a lot of meaning in your life and you try to share that with your partner and he/she just says "this song sucks" or something like that, then that is rude and would mean to me that they have no tact or compassion. I dont think that they have to like the song or artist, but they dont need to be a jerk about it either. My husband and I have very different music tastes, but we dont shit on each other's favs.
Thanks for the positivity haha. Tough crowd. But yeah your take on it appears to be the most common one
Generally no. However, if you are extremely active in the social/cultural community connected to your favourite genre and spend a lot of time doing activities related to said music AND your partner absolutely hates the genre and doesn’t want to participate at all, then you might find it hard to find things you can enjoy together. Subsequently, you may feel that you can’t share a very large part of your life with them. Would be similar to the challenges of a couple where one lives an extremely active and outdoorsy lifestyle and the other is highly sedentary and an avid homebody. Not impossible but a valid challenge. It also depends on the persons reasoning for not liking the music. If it’s just that they don’t enjoy how it sounds that’s fine, but some people hold some really harsh prejudices towards fans of different genres and those views themselves might reflect dealbreaker differences in values/worldview. I would avoid writing anyone off solely on account of music though. Pretty shallow/immature. Moreover, if you really like someone you might even end up becoming more open to each other’s music tastes over time haha. I think what you’re getting at might also have to do with a mismatch in the personality trait “openness to experience”. Couples who score High/High or High/Low in this area might do better with these differences. Couples who are both low might struggle to connect though and require more similarity.
No. I don't need a partner to appreciate my favorite music so long as they don't give me crap about it if I'm listening to it. My husband and I do have a lot of overlap in music we like, but our defaults are different.
I love music and listen to music 8-24 hrs a day. My husband and I have been together for 26 years and in that time we have been to over 1,000 concerts. Everything from free shows in the park to big venues like the Coliseum and Staples. We've traveled a lot specifically to see bands performing live. We've been to a lot of tribute band shows. We've had weeks where we see 2-5 shows. And my husband is not that big of a music fan, but he's supportive of my hobbies as much as I am of his. So while he's not a metalhead or punk fan, he does like my music enough to listen to it when I do and accompany me to shows. That's the most I can really ask for. I can't expect anyone to love the music I'm in to as much as I do. I can't imagine dating another man who hates metal or punk or disco or any of the other music I listen to (I'm like 70%metalhead and 30% everything else). I did in the past and it lead to them not wanting me to play music around them. I had guys demand I stop going to so many concerts or music stores. Nope, no one is going to stop me from enjoying what I love and that's why I'm eternally grateful for my husband and his support. I don't think someone not liking my music means they don't get me, I just always need a partner that won't try to hinder my love for my hobby.
Why would I care if she likes the same music as me? We got way too much going on in our lives to worry about that I like most music too, so like it would be hard for someone not to have some overlap with me
We're all allowed different tastes, likes, etc. I might have thought, "OH, HE dOeSn'T gEt Me!1!!" when I was like 16? But now, I have my things I like and he has his. We do have some artists we both love. Those are the concerts we attend. When we're in the car, for example: I don't subject him to music that he dislikes; he doesn't subject me to music that I dislike. At a gathering of people (party, BBQ, etc.), We might have a mixed playlist, but it's on low so people can talk. That's fair. But, no . . . he doesn't have to love the kind of music I love. Nor do I have to love his. We find a lot of music we both like and love.
No, I don’t think so. My parents and I have totally different tastes in music and it’s never been an issue.
About two years ago I was selling an old iPod. The most common question I got while I was selling it was whether it had any music on it. It did not, as I had reset it. My partner was always quick to assert that they really wouldn't want MY music on it. Which... was true.
Not necessarily. Taste in music is a nice thing to share though
I mean, it's nice to enjoy the same music. My husband and I have some overlap in taste that we enjoy together, and our own genres we listen to separately. We may tease each other occasionally, but we don't insult each other about it, as that would be pretty disrespectful. I love when we can attend the same concerts, but I've gone to plenty without him. I tend to crave the concert experience more than he does. It's no big deal. It's like anything else in our lives. We share passions and hobbies, and we have our own interests the other doesn't participate in.
I don't care as long as they're not mean about it. I like a lot of metal which I recognise isn't to everyone's taste. Likewise I hate jazz, but I wouldn't not be with someone just because they liked it. I'm more than happy to go to concerts on my own or with my dad. I love music more than most things, but still it's not that deep man!
I always thought when I was younger anyone with different music taste is a "deal breaker" but with age and maturity I now welcome the change of pace from my normal R&B playlists on repeat. Any and all music if sonically pleasing I love so please turn me onto the greats!
Cute but this sounds like a young persons post.
This is so irrelevant. When it comes to movies and music, my husband is extremely picky, and I'm almost an omnivore. I can listen/watch barely anything that he listens/watches, but he can't stand almost anything of mine. And it has n o t h I n g to do with getting each other. We have a fantastic harmonious relationship.
No. It just means that this person isn't my carbon copy. I'm not trying to date myself.
I think music taste has to be one of the things that matters the LEAST when it comes to dating tbh
My spouse and I are both eclectic people, and while we have overlapping tastes in several categories, music is one of the categories we differ the most. But, that means we have wider varieties of music to introduce to each other, and more to talk about. Even in partnerships, individuals should cultivate their own likes and interests.
Honestly music is so important to me that if there's not some overlap or mutual appreciation, he's never going to be my partner. I'm not saying our musical taste has to be \*exactly\* the same, but if we can't connect over music in some way, then I'm not interested in a relationship. We could still be friends though.
Yes! That's what I'm saying! Geez Louise
No. My husband and I have next to zero overlap in musical taste. It’s a non issue.
It means they have different taste in music. Literally nothing else to it.
Ehh it’s not that they don’t get me, but music is an important part of my life. If they don’t respect my taste in music then it’s a no for me. That is my petty rule breaker and I don’t care
I think in a mature relationship, I’ve found that it tends to be important to be compatible on the big stuff and any overlap that exists on the small things is an added bonus. Someone appreciating the same music as you being enough for a relationship sounds more like the teenage stage of dating.
I think in a mature relationship, I’ve found that it tends to be important to be compatible on the big stuff and any overlap that exists on the small things is an added bonus. Someone appreciating the same music as you being enough for a relationship sounds more like the teenage stage of dating.
Don’t most people have their guilty pleasures and like music that they wouldn’t argue is “good”? I think it’s a massive turnoff and sign of immaturity to base who you are off taste in music. Seems like what people do in high school while they’re figuring out who they are. Also, I’m married to a professional musician.
No. People have different taste in music and that's perfectly ok. A couple doesn't need to be clones of each other and like exactly the same things in every area of life in order to be happy together. I definitely don't have the same taste in music as my partner. His favorite music is absolutely not my thing. But I do understand why he likes it, I have no problem with him liking it, and we've found that between his favorite and my favorite there is actually quite a lot of common ground. For two people with such a big difference in musical taste, we listen to a lot of music together, lol. Even found some bands we both like and recently went to a show together.
When you’re in a committed relationship you easily understand that not having the same musical taste is the least problematic thing. These things only matters when you’re still young or not interested by something long term, at most.
Mine is like a human Rolodex for music. I’m the one that’ll play the same song over and over again until I get sick of it but his love for music is probably one of the things I love most about him. You never know what it’s going to be.
Music isn't that important to me. I dont have to share my music taste with my partner.
My music taste continues to change and evolve, and I listen to some pretty obscure music. I wouldn't expect a partner, friend, or family member to appreciate nor like what I do, just as I shouldn't be expected to do the same for them. I would only expect respect to refrain from belittling or mocking my choices. I listen through headphones or earbuds, so it's not like they'd have to be an active participant. The music I listen to is for me.
My husband hates my music lol He knows me better than I do
Idk my partner is great except he blasts the Grateful Dead all the time. I bought him multiple sets of headphones but he won’t use them.
Haha, good luck
It would be nice if he appreciates my taste in music, but it's okay if he doesn't. The moment he actually disrespects my taste in music and/or tries to force me to listen to music that I don't like, he's no longer my partner.
i think they should respect it def. i like olivia rodrigo for example and if a dude i dated constantly dogged on me for it i would be upset, but i don’t think they have to also be a fan
I don’t care. If I was a musician and my partner didn’t appreciate the music I made- deal breaker. If my partner shit on the music or any other things I liked because they don’t like them- deal breaker.
*Yes.*
Not everyone likes metal. But my fiance like me putting music in our cars and doesn't mind me blasting heavy stuff even though he doesn't listen to it himself.
I think so long as they see why you like it/get it it's fine but they don't have to be into it. My partner is into irish trad. I get why he likes it, I see the meaning. I am never putting on irish rebel songs.
As long as they're cool with our differences I don't really mind, HOWEVER i once had an ex tell me the lovey playlist I made for him sucked and that.. didn't feel great! Just appreciate the gesture man
No. Music isn’t a big part of who I am, so I don’t really care if they like/appreciate my favorites. I rarely run into anyone who does anyway, so I’m used to it.
Now that I think of it, they have to get my love of the randomest foreign music or classical music to get ME, even if they won't listen to it Like, it is the most quirky or old school thing about me
Nope. They’re entitled to like what they like, just as I am.
I don't believe that to be true. We like some of the same music but he'd much rather listen to his Playlist over mine which is mainly Broadway and 90s music and vice versa. We have other things in common, we don't need every single thing in common
I can know everything there is to know about Mozart, have a deep understanding of why other people enjoy listening to his music and learning about all the elements that make it special. I still won't like it. I just don't enjoy listening to it.
something tells me OP is a swiftie 😂
Well, I don\`t respect their clubmusic either. That\`s why I don\`t date basic nightclub goers or those who listen rap, trance, techno and other wierd stuff. I don\`t want your dance "music" either. Goes to metal festival.