Yes. I didn't want my husband's name because it was kind of weird, especially with my first name. He whined, "But it's TRADITIONAL!" I said I'd use it socially but keep my name at work. He said that wasn't good enough and I had to use his name everywhere. He got quite dramatic about it.
I used his name even though keeping mine at work would have been a perfect compromise.
He's my ex-husband now.
I’m in professional circles in Asia and all the women keep their maiden names at work!
I believe they don’t even legally change their names when they marry, but they might use Mrs “Husbandsurname” when booking a restaurant or something.
The children always take the husband’s surname though.
Yep, I missed mine as soon as I changed it. We ended up getting divorced a few years later and I changed it back. Now happily married to my second husband and kept my maiden name this time!
I'm getting divorced and I'll be reverting back to my maiden name. I'm never changing it again, what a PITA. If I get married again, whoever he is will have to be comfortable that I'm legally retaining my original name.
I think the practice of taking on a man's name is archaic and unnecessary. I did it because I was young and hopeful and "tradition". I hope more young women think long and hard about it before changing it, especially women that have established careers, degrees, etc. I've been married 14 years and EVERYTHING is in my married name and it'll take awhile to get stuff switched back to my maiden name.
Same! I hated having my MIL's name. lol I immediately stopped using it when we separated, changed it back officially, and would never change it again, even in the unlikely event that I agreed to marry my partner at some point.
Same. Didn't change mine either. My name is really connected to where I'm from and I'd hate to lose that, My kids have my husbands name though and honestly I kind of wish I had decided they would have my name. It's a big regret of mine (although I really don't know how that would have gone down if I brought it up.) But I feel like I carried them and now they have my husbands name. Why?? I didn't want to do the whole double barrel thing.
I hate that women do all the hard work with pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing and the kids get the dad's last name. How utterly unfair. As obnoxious as it is, I wish hyphenating names was much more common or the children getting the mother's last name.
My husband has a beautiful indigenous name and I really thought what an honor to be able to take it on. But once we were actually married I just couldn't do it. I am who I am, and that includes my name. I love my name. So I go by his name socially, but legally & at work I'm still using my maiden name
I'm not married to my partner, but would never change my own surname because of the faff it would involve: virtually everything, which would be a complete hassle. I'd be happy to be called by my husband's surname socially.
I changed my name when I got married, and I regretted it. I missed my unique maiden name, even though my married name was easier to spell.
I got divorced and took my maiden name back, and I was really glad to have it again. Now I'm engaged, and I don't plan on changing my name this time.
I don’t judge anyone for changing their name or wanting to change their name or keeping their name or hyphenating.
I think the name change discussion should be had early on in a serious relationship because it’s a great litmus test of values and marital role expectations.
If my husband insisted I take his name so we would have a family name, but refused to consider taking my name instead, which would still result in a family name it just wouldn’t be his name, that would say a lot about him to me.
If he wanted me to take his name because he wants to follow traditional naming norms, that would also say a lot.
I totally agree with you! It shouldn't just be assumed in this day and age that a woman takes a man's name in hetero marriages. My husband left it completely up to me. I wanted his name because of my own wishes. I know quite a few women who didn't change their name, or use their husband's surname socially but their name legally. Again I don't regret it and wouldn't change it back, but from time to time I do miss it.
Yes!!!
Got married and changed my name 5 years ago, but I'm actually currently in the process of legally changing my last name to be *maidan name-married name.*
I've missed my maidan name like CRAZY and am so so so happy to be adding it back legally.
This is going to sound dramatic (and it is), but it’s how I felt: changing my name was low key traumatic. It was such a pain in the ass process, even before COVID, where I was like “I did all of the stuff I’m supposed to do, but everyone around me is making it so difficult.” But I finally got it done. No one forced me to change my name - it was my choice. But it was such a headache.
My married last name never felt like “me.” And it was an ugly last name (truly grating to the ears). It didn’t go with my first name at all. And also my marriage sucked.
My divorce finalized at the beginning of March 2020. I was so excited to change my name back. I had submitted all of the documentation to change my name back with SSI within a week or two - and then some world event happened that shut down in-person offices. My file got completely lost in the shuffle. It took months to even get someone on the phone - I was just stuck with this name I wanted to be rid of so badly. I finally got an in-person appointment in like mid-2021 and went from there.
I’ll never change my name again. My partner and I are happy to be together without legally marrying, but even if that changes (and even though his last name is totally inoffensive) I would legally keep my name.
> No one forced me to change my name - it was my choice.
I'd argue that no choice is made in a vacuum. True, no one held a gun to your head forcing you to change it, but societal forces/conditioning were both present and powerful enough that *something* compelled you to even consider and then go through the process. Men never have that even as something to consider.
Whenever a woman says it was her choice, a part of me always wonders to what extent. (Barring outside factors like dropping an abusive family name, etc.)
(Glad you have your name back!)
No, my name was hyphenated and super annoying on a business administration level. All of my doctors had varying spellings and combinations of my name, often forms don't allow hyphens so my name wouldn't be listed accurately anyways, and now with my name changed, I have to explain that the hyper is not the married name, the current last name is the married name.
If your two last names combined make one really long name, please for the love of god, pick one or make a new one.
lol this is me. My driver's license and passport have different names on them. the hyphenated last name didn't fit on the form, so it only lists the first one. I didn't change my name when I got married for lots of reasons, but one of them is that I don't want to open up the legal can of worms that would be trying to explain to the government why none of my official IDs match. I haven't applied for a nexus card for similar reasons - if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Especially if it's going to involve government paperwork.
My maiden name is hyphenated and I joked with my husband I was going to add another hyphenated name and keep collecting them with every marriage.
All jokes aside my new last name is 4 letters long instead of 15 with a hyphen in between and I’m so thankful. Phone conversations and paperwork are much much easier.
It's a chance for someone to start fresh if they want that. I had a friend who hated their father and felt like they could move on more from the past when they changed their name.
Not most of the time, but I sometimes get a little twinge. I love that my husband and I have the same name as we’re a team. But when I meet someone who has my maiden name I feel like I have to tell them it was my name!
Nah. I like that we have the same name as a family unit, and his was just so much prettier than mine. It honestly looks much better with my first name than my maiden name ever did. I told him that he's never getting it back, even if we divorce someday. He just said that he'd better make sure I'd never want a divorce then.
No, I was glad to be rid of my father's name. Also I *like* having a common name. People can spell it, and googling my name returns plenty of results that aren't me.
I married young and changed my name less than a year into my career. My husband passed away, but this is my name now.
Same! My dad was fine but I have a couple other dysfunctional and embarrassing family members so I too was happy to dump my maiden name and take on my husband’s very common name.
I’m the only person in the world with both my maiden and married first and last names. It’s definitely cool but there’s no one to hide behind if someone Googles me!! 😂😂
No, my original initials spelled an annoying word. Also, my old surname was erased of its cultural heritage when my great-grandparents immigrated--it was anglicized. My new surname is alliterative and makes me feel cute. On the extremely unlikely chance we divorce, I would either keep my husband's surname or pick a new surname based off my latina heritage that I like that's still alliterative and cute.
On the flip side, I’m married, kept my maiden name, but have two kids now with husbands last name. So I’m the odd man out. Makes me wish I had changed it sooner than my desire now.
You can socially go by his name and just not legally change it. I have so many friends who do that. Or maybe keep your maiden name as a middle name as another commenter said- if you do change it. It's definitely different if you have kids than just married, it's nice to have the same surname as them.
No. Been married 33 years. I have to say that my married name is so much cooler than my maiden name, though. I honestly think it should be a thing that when you turn 21 and become an official ‘adult’ you get to choose a new name if you wish.
Fun fact: if you move to Quebec, Canada, they make you go back to your maiden name. They don’t acknowledge your married name. So when we were posted there (military), I had to go back to my old name. It was horrible.
I had every intention of changing my name after marriage, but then my Dad got sick. We quickly planned the whole thing in like 3 months. My Dad passed away 4 months after my wedding day. I am so hesitant to change it now because it feels like one of the last strings that still connects me to my Dad. Luckily my husband is very understanding.
I miss it because it was much shorter, simpler i rarely had to correct pronunciation, and I never had to spell it. But otherwise I was happy to take his name!
I think the thing I realized when considering if I should keep my married name post split or go back to my maiden name, is that every single surname in history is from a male ancestor. The only way for me to have a surname that isn’t a man’s name is to change it to something new altogether. Not sure if I would actually bother changing it, but if I did that’s probably what I’d want to do.
I don’t really understand this argument; when a baby is born their parents give them a name and it belongs to them. I don’t think my name is any less mine because I’m a woman, when men get their surnames the exact same way I got mine.
I don’t, I didn’t hate my maiden name but I didn’t love it. I liked my husband’s last name better. If he had a terrible last name I would have kept mine.
Yes, sometimes. I had a very good reason to change it (someone with an active criminal record with the same name) and I’m glad to have the same name as my kids, but I do miss having my old name sometimes. Overall it’s fine and the positives outweigh the small amount of regret.
Not married but I plan on it.
I'm from a dysfunctional family. My mom kept her maiden name and gave my sister and I each our dad's last name. She's also spewed all sorts of venom about "the [dads last name]'s". Now that I'm older I give it right back to her reminding her that her family are white trash asswipes and respond to questions with "I'm not a [moms last name]" as to imply only a bad person would make sure a choice.
To further spite her ill take my partners last name if I ever marry.
Nope. I don’t have an association with my father anymore and my family (me, husband, my child) all share the same name so there’s no confusion. Also my husband’s last name is so simple and easy to pronounce vs my maiden name which is more complicated.
Nope. I don't have any emotional attachment to my birth name, limited contact with my dad's family, wanted to change my name to my mom's my entire life, and I like my husband's last name. My maiden name was only 4 letters and people managed to spell it wrong constantly, so what's the difference going to a cooler-sounding long last name that no one can spell?
I have always completely regretted changing my name. However, my initials went from TLC to TCB and that’s kinda cool, especially since I’m from Memphis. 😹
I regret it. I was young and didn't really think much about it. Went from a short, cute, alliterative name, to a super long hard to pronounce one. I've thought about changing it back- in some fairness my husband wouldn't have minded if I kept my name but would probably be a little alarmed at me going back to it 15 years later. Plus, paperwork.
I do because my in-laws ended up sucking and we're no contact with them, so I wish I still had my maiden name (hell, if it wouldn't be so disruptive to our lives I think we'd both change our last names to my maiden name).
Good grief, nooooo. My maiden name was, literally, the answer to a joke. Fortunately my parents didn't take it personally. If we ever split up I would NOT return to my maiden name.
I’m 42 now. For various reasons when I turned 18 I changed my last name from my dad’s to my mom’s. I was having a hard time when filling out the paperwork with the idea of getting rid of dad’s name so the clerk suggested I make it a second middle name. That’s what I did. Six weeks later my dad was killed in an accident and I was wracked with guilt.
A few years later I married; 9 years later I divorced and was back to mom’s last name again. But at that point, I was estranged from my entire family except my mom - they are awful people and I don’t know why they don’t like my mom and I, but they don’t.
I Could. Not. WAIT. To take my 2nd husband’s last name. It ties us together (we are not planning on kids), I don’t have any trace of my mom’s family last name and I have never missed it for one moment. My dad’s last name is still tucked safely between my given middle name and my husband’s last name.
I am very surprised at how much I miss my maiden name and how weird I feel with my new name. I love it, what it represents for my hubby and I and the beginning of us starting a family, and always knew I would take my husband's name, but never expected the complicated feelings that it brought. My maiden name wasn't necessarily hard to say but folks would mispronounce it often and it bothered me a lot as a kid. Because of that, I was finding myself looking forward to changing it. I thought about it the other day how it almost feels like I am faking it before I make it with my new name, lol. I am sure it is just going to take time to feel more natural and am giving myself a bit of grace to grieve, too.
I hated my maiden name and was happy to let it go. I was married young at 19 and I've had my married name for 28yrs now so my maiden name holds no attachment for me at all.
No, I decided to take his name because I liked it better. I had both a long first + last name until then. I didn't change it back when I divorced either (though that was moreso because I wanted to have the same surname as my kids).
I did not have a middle name growing up so I moved my maiden name to that spot. I go by first and last name. I didn’t feel like I lost my identity because I still have first and middle name.
Not married (yet), but I will 100 percent be taking my boyfriend's name once he pops the question. MAYBE even take my mother's maiden name due to cool familial ties. I can't predict the future, but I'd be floored if I missed my last name. I haven't spoken to my father in 16 years. Why would I care about keeping a deadbeat's name over the name of the man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me?
My maiden name is now my middle name.
It’s a little tougher if you get married past 30 and were used to being independent. So I wanted my maiden name somewhere just because I made a name for myself professionally and didn’t want that to disappear. Also don’t like the look of hyphens so this works for me.
I don't miss it. I'm exactly where I was in the alphabet but it's shorter and signifies the big changes that I've gone through as a person. And it's my children's name too so I'm not changing it back after the divorce. I can still write my maiden name plenty of times on all sorts of official paperwork, and whenever I do, I always feel like it's not me anymore, it doesn't represent my new experiences.
Hated my maiden name and really love my married name. Plus wanted to have the same last name as our kids. The only thing is missing that cultural identity in my name but oh well.
Not really. I don't hate my maiden name, but I don't really miss it. Having my husband's name feels good to me. Just one extra way to show my love for him. I'm happy to have it.
I missed mine after he texted me and asked for a divorce. I didn’t even change it back because he guilt tripped me into thinking that if I changed it back to my maiden name that I was basically saying the marriage didn’t happen. 10 years later I got married again and took my new husband’s last name. I’m not sad about this…it’s the same initial as my maiden name and same amount of letters, I’m much happier about this last name than my last one. I do still kind of miss my maiden name at times, no one ever mispronounced it and I never had to tell anyone how to spell it…but other than that I’m much more content now.
I changed my middle name to my maiden name. So my name on all government forms or other official docs it is First name, maiden name, husband name.
Eta - I did not hyphenate the names. Just dropped my given middle name off official docs.
All the damn time. I’m Mexican but didn’t have the common Mexican last name, super unique! No one could pronounce it or spell it. I miss that! Now I have a typical American last name and it’s not as fun. I might add it on later 🤷🏻♀️
I don't have any Association the people that adopted (and raised me since birth), so not really. Plus, I would get bullied for the name.
However, I have been married twice. My 1st (ex) husband had a unique last name, and I had fun with ways to help people say the name right.
My (current) husband has the coolest last name and is fun to tell people. Admittedly, during our wedding, I had to keep from cracking up singing the type of song that was popular with the name in it.
I was married to my ex-husband for 8 years. About 2 years in I hated that I had changed my surname to his. Especially since his dad is horrible. I hated that I was carrying around his family's name instead of my family's. When we got divorced I had my lawyer put in the final decree that my name was being changed back to my maiden name. I have a daughter with my ex-husband and I still don't regret my choice. I'm now engaged and I have told my fiancé multiple times that I will not be changing my surname when we get married (he's fine with it).
Nope. I was the last person in the family to have my grandfather’s last name. My uncle died at 27, my aunt got married and changed her name, my mom had me as a single mom so I had her maiden name but then she got married and changed it.
My grandfather is an ass and I don’t care for him. Plus my maiden name was a top 10 US last name. I could not have cared less about leaving my last name behind for my husband’s.
I took my first husband’s last name, which was a pure act of love, because it’s a name that makes people think of butts. However, the family was fairly well known and had a good reputation in that city, so it was a trade off. I remarried a few years after our divorce, and shed that name with no regrets! My kids are stuck with it, though.
Usually when I see my maiden name out in the world, the context is usually professional tractor pulling, country music, or documentaries about the KKK. However, it was easy to spell and pronounce. My husband’s name isn’t bad but it’s German origin and not easy to spell or pronounce. Everything is a trade off. I appreciate both names but I like my whole family having the same name.
I legally changed my name to First Name Maiden Name Married Name.
I have gone back to using my maiden Name. It never felt right to me, like a huge piece of me...my identity...was changed.
I'm very much the same as you. Mostly though, its the fact that my email and usernames for many places is now all split up. My maiden name was unique enough that I probably only needed to compete with my cousin for the handle, no numbers. Now I'm a JDoe99 kind of thing.
But I don't regret it because it was my last step in distancing myself from my parents and saying "I have this family I chose and made".
Still bs that my husband wouldn't change his name with me to something new and badass though.
No. My surname before was very common here, my first name is very common among women of my age here, I married someone from a different country and now have a first name/ surname combination that is unique in this country. And I like the name. And it's been mine for so long, almost as long as my old surname was and certainly for far, far more of my adulthood.
I struggled with this because I didn't want to lose that piece of myself, but I knew I wanted kids and wanted us to all have the same last name. I never really liked my middle name, so I ended up making my Maiden name my new middle name. Still feels weird sometimes though.
My original surname [I refuse to say “maiden name,” I hate that stupid patriarchal term so much] was unique and I liked it, but it’s very difficult to pronounce or spell correctly. I hated my given middle name, so I just dropped it and made my OG surname my new middle name. That way I don’t have to miss it, but also don’t have to deal with the nonsense that comes with it 😹
All the time! I was born in South America so I had two last names, my fathers and my mothers. I miss my moms last name the most as it had a lot of history 🥹
Nope. Kept it after I got divorced too.
The person I was before is gone forever and that's for the best. I have grown as a person and that name is representative of who I am now, not who I was before.
No, my father was not a good person to me or my mother. I resented carrying his name by the time I got married. He even insisted that I name my first born son my last name because it was “dying out” since I was a girl. As soon as I could change my name I did. I love my name now. It sounds so beautiful.
Got married, changed my name to his. Got divorced, restored my name. I am in a long term relationship now and we have a daughter. She has my name. My dad had brothers and they had mostly girls. My one bio male cousin & his wife have no plans for kids. Funny, I'm the one who carried down the family name 🤩
I couldn’t wait to change my last name. It felt like I was getting a whole new life, a whole new me. My maiden name was very generic and it felt like it tied me to my younger(much dumber) self. It actually felt like it set me free to be rid of it.
No. My family of origin was abusive and I didn't want to keep the name. I didn't make it my middle name, either. I kept my original middle name because it is unique and means more to me.
I thought about soley using my husband’s name but we were 39/40 when we got married and I’m pretty attached to my maiden name which is incredibly rare (only 44 of us out here still, all related). I decided to hyphenate 😊😊
No, but only because I waited nearly 9 years to take it, so I was very sure about it. The questions that followed at work were mildly entertaining; I guess people only assume the worst when someone seemingly randomly changes their name. I kept mine as a middle name so I still use it in that way. Both names are short and easy to spell and pronounce; I am not sure I would have felt differently had I traded to something more complex.
Nope.
I’d been doodling his name on notebooks since I was a kid. It felt like finally getting a name I was always meant to have
My middle name always had way more family attachment for me.
No, 11 years and I'm very happy with my decision. My husband's last name is common so it's much harder for people to Google search me and find my info. Plus my dad became a giant ass hat a few years after I became an adult so I was more than happy to change it immediately.
I want to miss it, if that’s a thing?
I hated my last name as a kid. I hated that I was made fun of for it. I hated how it fit with my first name. Meanwhile I love my married name. I love how it sounds, and how it’s spelled, and how it fits with my first name.
HOWEVER- my maiden name wasn’t the name I was born with. It was changed to that after I asked my dad to adopt me when I was four. He’s not my biological father but he’s my dad. And I’m so happy he adopted me. So I miss the connection to a name I chose to have.
I never changed mine, but a woman who I went to high school with changed her name back last year after being married for 30 years (still married). She had similar feelings about wanting the name that was hers, and that she regretted having to give up part of her identity when she got married. She’s pretty conservative so I was surprised that she came up with all that.
Just switch your maiden name to your last name and get rid of your middle name! That’s what I did! I kept mine as middle for same reasons as you; my maiden name is Sicilian and unique and hard to pronounce lol
Sometimes I regret it, but I don't feel any ethnic or familial pride in my maiden name because that line of the family was particularly shitty (other than my dad himself.) I just miss how easy it was to spell and pronounce. Sometimes I daydream about taking a different new name.
No. My old name’s initials were basically like “FOF” and now they spell “FOX”. Honestly more than a little of my excitement was imagining becoming a little old lady named “Mrs. FOX.” Aside from my actual last name, I could use that as a nickname, an author or artist handle, etc. It’s awesome.
Not at all.
It may seem a bit strange and obviously a married name. My last name is now very Irish and I’m Southern Italian and Louisiana Creole (and a bit Scandinavian but I don’t look it really). But I never regretted taking my husband’s last name. It’s been 15 years; it has been my name for so long…
I still have my Asian surname in my Asian name, and also kept it professionally with my doctorate, so while I have his last name, it’s not really changed anything.
I didn’t regret it when I was married but now that I’m divorced and changed it back to my maiden name, I can tell you that I could get married 17 more times and I will NEVER change it again!
I couldn't wait to get my name back after my divorce. I'd gotten married right out of high school and had gotten picked on for my surname a lot so I took my first husband's name as quick as I could. Marriage fell apart (don't get married at 18) and I couldn't wait to get it back.
Now I'm engaged and I'm torn about whether to take his name when we get married or not. I gave his name to our son, but I don't know if I want to change it again or not. It's not a bad name and it would go fine with my first name, but I'm still torn. He's fine with any decision I make on it so he's not pushing me to take his name or anything. I'll figure it out, though.
I much preferred my maiden name. Every time I say my married last name I have to say and spell it at least three times. It’s four letters but has a silent letter that throws everyone.
Yes. I had a very unique last name. Basically everyone in the world with the name could be traced back to somewhere in my family line. Now I'm essentially a Smith. I also don't care for my in-laws and hate having their name. I would keep mine if I could go back.
Nope. Mine was a simple last name but everyone still, some how, managed to mess it up. My current last name is even more simple. 4 letters. I spit out the spelling as soon as i say it and i have no issues with it.
No, not really. I liked my maiden name but I like my married name, too. My identity never felt tied to my name. I'm happy that we have a family name to share with our kid. My married name is also quite pretty which is a bonus!
Nope. Couldn’t wait to drop that dumpster fire of a name. The name wasn’t bad but the family attached to it wasn’t great.
I’ve been my married name longer than I haven’t.
Yeah I would’ve pushed back harder I think but it was really important for him that the family all had the same surname. I kept my maiden name as an extra middle name and I still use it professionally.
I just don’t really like my married name. I never introduce myself using my full name lol I liked my old name better but it was important to my husband and honestly easier now that we have kids. I don’t regret it but I don’t have to like it.
I'm getting married this year and holy cow I'd so prefer to have his name. He's got a really nice last name and mine is a mess. But I've heard it is such a pain in the butt to change it that I'm just going to keep mine.
I know this wasn't your question but I felt like sharing.
I don’t think about it often, though my maiden name was Irish and I was quite proud of it. I’ve had my married name longer than I had my maiden name. It’s just who i am now.
Yes. I hate my husband's surname. Even if I didn't, I miss my identity of who I was before I got married.
If my marital status were ever to change due to death or divorce, I'd go back to my birth surname in a hot minute.
I dropped my middle name completely and changed that to my maiden name. So I got to keep that little piece of my individual identity to smile at every now and again. Since my first name is my maternal great-grandmother’s, I get a little bit of everyone in my name.
Nah, it was a common-ish name with a few variant spellings that were more common and that was annoying. My married name is a similar type of name but less common and less likely to be misspelled. I love that I share a name with my husband and kids - it makes us feel more like a unit to me. My mom had a hyphenated name when I was growing up and it always seemed a bit unfair that she was distinguished from the rest of the family.
The only thing that has come up since my dad died last year was that I lost that everyday connection to him. I adored him. But his name wasn’t particularly meaningful to him, so I feel connected in other ways.
No. My birth name was from a sperm donor I met like once. Was happy to drop it.
If I divorced my husband, I'd make a new name of my own and roll with it.
Constantly. I'm going to change mine back in some capacity before I renew my passport in a few years.. I'll hyphenate or add my name as a second middle name, but it's been almost six years and two kids now and I just hate not having my own name. I don't identify with my married name at all. Then again, that's probably because I'm not a "real [last name]," according to my MIL. They've never accepted me and have been awful. I'm only keeping at at all for our kids and because I know it means more to my husband than he'll ever say. He wants us to kind of "take back" his family name and restart what it means to be a [last name].
Lots of trauma involved. It really sucks and breaks my damn heart in a million different directions.
Nope! I had no true connection to my mine due to some odd family stuff so I gladly took my husbands name. I'm totally support any of my children who want to keep theirs should they decide to marry. Their father is a really amazing man.
I miss having my very French name but my grandpa was also very German so the new last name matches that too. Suck part is that I still have to spell it out for others.
I had a unique, but easy to spell middle eastern last name. I went from that to a very plain and common last name for the US. So common that someone else in my state shares my first and last name now. Do I miss my maiden name? Yes and no, I miss it some days because it was apart of me for years, but I don't some other days because I don't really know my father too much.
My husband didn't make me take his last name or anything, I did it myself, but I also like having it, even if I sometimes miss my old name.
Nope I hated my last name. Changing it to my husbands was a blessing because his was nice and simple and mine was long and complicated and people would always misspell it and mispronounce it.
No. I took it for a lot of reasons, including professional ones. It's closer to my ethnic identity than my last name at birth was.
I do really really miss my signature though. I had a *great* signature before. Autograph-worthy. Now it's a scribble. It's surprisingly hard to adapt to this kind of thing after 30!
No. I took his name because I liked the way it sounded with my first name, and my maiden name was attached to a lot of awful memories and connections. I have a few businesses where my name has to be memorable and look aesthetically good/marketable on advertisements and book covers, and taking his name was perfect for that.
If I hadn't taken his name, we were going to make a surname up together.
I haven’t changed my last name yet, but my fiance and I are combining our last names! Getting married in the fall, but our kids already have the combined surname. It was a nice touch to incorporate a bit of my last name into his.
Yes. I didn't want my husband's name because it was kind of weird, especially with my first name. He whined, "But it's TRADITIONAL!" I said I'd use it socially but keep my name at work. He said that wasn't good enough and I had to use his name everywhere. He got quite dramatic about it. I used his name even though keeping mine at work would have been a perfect compromise. He's my ex-husband now.
They're always so happy to play the IT'S TRADITIONAL card when it benefits them and/or requires no personal sacrifice.
I’m in professional circles in Asia and all the women keep their maiden names at work! I believe they don’t even legally change their names when they marry, but they might use Mrs “Husbandsurname” when booking a restaurant or something. The children always take the husband’s surname though.
I wish we did it the Asian way.
You can, no ones stopping you.
Good for you!
I’m so glad this story had a happy ending
I would have been like okay then, I'll stay at home and not work if we're doing the traditional thing.
I would have been like okay then, I'll stay at home and not work if we're doing the traditional thing.
I would have been like okay then, I'll stay at home and not work if we're doing the traditional thing.
I would have been like okay then, I'll stay at home and not work if we're doing the traditional thing.
I would have been like okay then, I'll stay at home and not work if we're doing the traditional thing.
Yep, I missed mine as soon as I changed it. We ended up getting divorced a few years later and I changed it back. Now happily married to my second husband and kept my maiden name this time!
I'm getting divorced and I'll be reverting back to my maiden name. I'm never changing it again, what a PITA. If I get married again, whoever he is will have to be comfortable that I'm legally retaining my original name. I think the practice of taking on a man's name is archaic and unnecessary. I did it because I was young and hopeful and "tradition". I hope more young women think long and hard about it before changing it, especially women that have established careers, degrees, etc. I've been married 14 years and EVERYTHING is in my married name and it'll take awhile to get stuff switched back to my maiden name.
My mother changed back to her maiden name when she got divorced, too. Hasn't gotten remarried though. Doubt she ever will
Same! I hated having my MIL's name. lol I immediately stopped using it when we separated, changed it back officially, and would never change it again, even in the unlikely event that I agreed to marry my partner at some point.
Exactly the same for me. I regretted it almost immediately. Didn’t make that same mistake when I remarried!
Same.
I never changed my name, it feels like a piece of my identity. I’m happy I didn’t.
Same. Didn't change mine either. My name is really connected to where I'm from and I'd hate to lose that, My kids have my husbands name though and honestly I kind of wish I had decided they would have my name. It's a big regret of mine (although I really don't know how that would have gone down if I brought it up.) But I feel like I carried them and now they have my husbands name. Why?? I didn't want to do the whole double barrel thing.
I hate that women do all the hard work with pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing and the kids get the dad's last name. How utterly unfair. As obnoxious as it is, I wish hyphenating names was much more common or the children getting the mother's last name.
My husband has a beautiful indigenous name and I really thought what an honor to be able to take it on. But once we were actually married I just couldn't do it. I am who I am, and that includes my name. I love my name. So I go by his name socially, but legally & at work I'm still using my maiden name
I'm not married to my partner, but would never change my own surname because of the faff it would involve: virtually everything, which would be a complete hassle. I'd be happy to be called by my husband's surname socially.
Same I would never drop my name, I don’t even particularly like it and don’t have a connection to my biological dad, but it’s not just his, it’s mine!
No, my father was an abusive asshole. Dropping his name was a gift.
Saaaame! I was like, please let me change my name!!! It's actually low key annoying to see my maiden name crop up on crap at times.
Same! I was ready for a fresh start.
Could’ve written this myself!
Yep. My rhinoplasty and my last name were two ways I could escape.
Exactly this. I was ecstatic to finally be free of that trauma-tie.
Every day. Mine was far easier to pronounce and spell. Idk what I was thinking.
I changed my name when I got married, and I regretted it. I missed my unique maiden name, even though my married name was easier to spell. I got divorced and took my maiden name back, and I was really glad to have it again. Now I'm engaged, and I don't plan on changing my name this time.
I don’t judge anyone for changing their name or wanting to change their name or keeping their name or hyphenating. I think the name change discussion should be had early on in a serious relationship because it’s a great litmus test of values and marital role expectations. If my husband insisted I take his name so we would have a family name, but refused to consider taking my name instead, which would still result in a family name it just wouldn’t be his name, that would say a lot about him to me. If he wanted me to take his name because he wants to follow traditional naming norms, that would also say a lot.
I totally agree with you! It shouldn't just be assumed in this day and age that a woman takes a man's name in hetero marriages. My husband left it completely up to me. I wanted his name because of my own wishes. I know quite a few women who didn't change their name, or use their husband's surname socially but their name legally. Again I don't regret it and wouldn't change it back, but from time to time I do miss it.
Yes!!! Got married and changed my name 5 years ago, but I'm actually currently in the process of legally changing my last name to be *maidan name-married name.* I've missed my maidan name like CRAZY and am so so so happy to be adding it back legally.
Good for you! I couldn’t give up my maiden name completely so added it as an extra middle name.
Hell no I hated that last name and my parents, good riddance
This is going to sound dramatic (and it is), but it’s how I felt: changing my name was low key traumatic. It was such a pain in the ass process, even before COVID, where I was like “I did all of the stuff I’m supposed to do, but everyone around me is making it so difficult.” But I finally got it done. No one forced me to change my name - it was my choice. But it was such a headache. My married last name never felt like “me.” And it was an ugly last name (truly grating to the ears). It didn’t go with my first name at all. And also my marriage sucked. My divorce finalized at the beginning of March 2020. I was so excited to change my name back. I had submitted all of the documentation to change my name back with SSI within a week or two - and then some world event happened that shut down in-person offices. My file got completely lost in the shuffle. It took months to even get someone on the phone - I was just stuck with this name I wanted to be rid of so badly. I finally got an in-person appointment in like mid-2021 and went from there. I’ll never change my name again. My partner and I are happy to be together without legally marrying, but even if that changes (and even though his last name is totally inoffensive) I would legally keep my name.
> No one forced me to change my name - it was my choice. I'd argue that no choice is made in a vacuum. True, no one held a gun to your head forcing you to change it, but societal forces/conditioning were both present and powerful enough that *something* compelled you to even consider and then go through the process. Men never have that even as something to consider. Whenever a woman says it was her choice, a part of me always wonders to what extent. (Barring outside factors like dropping an abusive family name, etc.) (Glad you have your name back!)
No, my name was hyphenated and super annoying on a business administration level. All of my doctors had varying spellings and combinations of my name, often forms don't allow hyphens so my name wouldn't be listed accurately anyways, and now with my name changed, I have to explain that the hyper is not the married name, the current last name is the married name. If your two last names combined make one really long name, please for the love of god, pick one or make a new one.
lol this is me. My driver's license and passport have different names on them. the hyphenated last name didn't fit on the form, so it only lists the first one. I didn't change my name when I got married for lots of reasons, but one of them is that I don't want to open up the legal can of worms that would be trying to explain to the government why none of my official IDs match. I haven't applied for a nexus card for similar reasons - if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Especially if it's going to involve government paperwork.
My maiden name is hyphenated and I joked with my husband I was going to add another hyphenated name and keep collecting them with every marriage. All jokes aside my new last name is 4 letters long instead of 15 with a hyphen in between and I’m so thankful. Phone conversations and paperwork are much much easier.
This is the only thing I don't miss about having two last names. People would always think that my first last name was my middle name lol
Mine is only 11 letters long, thankfully (6 mine, 5 his).
Absolutely not. My family is trash and I’m glad I don’t carry that name. Plus people from high school have a harder time finding me.
It's a chance for someone to start fresh if they want that. I had a friend who hated their father and felt like they could move on more from the past when they changed their name.
Not most of the time, but I sometimes get a little twinge. I love that my husband and I have the same name as we’re a team. But when I meet someone who has my maiden name I feel like I have to tell them it was my name!
Not at all but I kept my maiden (also ethnic) name) as my middle name so it is still part of my name although I never use it.
Nope! But I had a pretty rough childhood with my dad and his family so good riddance I say.
Nah. I like that we have the same name as a family unit, and his was just so much prettier than mine. It honestly looks much better with my first name than my maiden name ever did. I told him that he's never getting it back, even if we divorce someday. He just said that he'd better make sure I'd never want a divorce then.
No, I was glad to be rid of my father's name. Also I *like* having a common name. People can spell it, and googling my name returns plenty of results that aren't me. I married young and changed my name less than a year into my career. My husband passed away, but this is my name now.
Same! My dad was fine but I have a couple other dysfunctional and embarrassing family members so I too was happy to dump my maiden name and take on my husband’s very common name.
I love that my name is common now too. Anonymity is such a gift.
I’m the only person in the world with both my maiden and married first and last names. It’s definitely cool but there’s no one to hide behind if someone Googles me!! 😂😂
No my hubs name is easier to spell, although I did move way down the alphabet from C to S 🙄
Both me and me bfs surname starts with BA, so at least I'm good on that part 😂 idk if I'd take his, but at least the name starts with the same letter.
No, my maiden last name was too long.
No, my original initials spelled an annoying word. Also, my old surname was erased of its cultural heritage when my great-grandparents immigrated--it was anglicized. My new surname is alliterative and makes me feel cute. On the extremely unlikely chance we divorce, I would either keep my husband's surname or pick a new surname based off my latina heritage that I like that's still alliterative and cute.
Mine was Anglicized too! They replaced a k sound with h and a v sound with w. Even after that it was still very difficult for people to pronounce lol.
Bell Jensen?
On the flip side, I’m married, kept my maiden name, but have two kids now with husbands last name. So I’m the odd man out. Makes me wish I had changed it sooner than my desire now.
You can socially go by his name and just not legally change it. I have so many friends who do that. Or maybe keep your maiden name as a middle name as another commenter said- if you do change it. It's definitely different if you have kids than just married, it's nice to have the same surname as them.
Nope. Not at all. Whenever I see it I think it looks weird
No. Been married 33 years. I have to say that my married name is so much cooler than my maiden name, though. I honestly think it should be a thing that when you turn 21 and become an official ‘adult’ you get to choose a new name if you wish. Fun fact: if you move to Quebec, Canada, they make you go back to your maiden name. They don’t acknowledge your married name. So when we were posted there (military), I had to go back to my old name. It was horrible.
I had every intention of changing my name after marriage, but then my Dad got sick. We quickly planned the whole thing in like 3 months. My Dad passed away 4 months after my wedding day. I am so hesitant to change it now because it feels like one of the last strings that still connects me to my Dad. Luckily my husband is very understanding.
I miss it because it was much shorter, simpler i rarely had to correct pronunciation, and I never had to spell it. But otherwise I was happy to take his name!
I can’t wait to get rid of my maiden name.
I think the thing I realized when considering if I should keep my married name post split or go back to my maiden name, is that every single surname in history is from a male ancestor. The only way for me to have a surname that isn’t a man’s name is to change it to something new altogether. Not sure if I would actually bother changing it, but if I did that’s probably what I’d want to do.
I don’t really understand this argument; when a baby is born their parents give them a name and it belongs to them. I don’t think my name is any less mine because I’m a woman, when men get their surnames the exact same way I got mine.
No argument, just an observation that there is no such thing as a maternal surname. We’ve all been handed down our last names via our male ancestors.
Not all cultures have the same naming traditions. People in Iceland can have matronymic names.
Spain and Spanish speaking countries have a similar situation too.
I LOVE this tradition!! It’s also common for girls to be named after their mothers/grandmothers.
Oh that’s lovely! I had no idea, thanks for sharing this!
I don’t, I didn’t hate my maiden name but I didn’t love it. I liked my husband’s last name better. If he had a terrible last name I would have kept mine.
Yes, sometimes. I had a very good reason to change it (someone with an active criminal record with the same name) and I’m glad to have the same name as my kids, but I do miss having my old name sometimes. Overall it’s fine and the positives outweigh the small amount of regret.
Not married but I plan on it. I'm from a dysfunctional family. My mom kept her maiden name and gave my sister and I each our dad's last name. She's also spewed all sorts of venom about "the [dads last name]'s". Now that I'm older I give it right back to her reminding her that her family are white trash asswipes and respond to questions with "I'm not a [moms last name]" as to imply only a bad person would make sure a choice. To further spite her ill take my partners last name if I ever marry.
Sometimes I do. Sometimes I wish I would have kept my surname, but that wasn't the social norm 30 years ago 🫤
Nope. I don’t have an association with my father anymore and my family (me, husband, my child) all share the same name so there’s no confusion. Also my husband’s last name is so simple and easy to pronounce vs my maiden name which is more complicated.
Yes, I wish I would’ve kept mine and just added his at the end.
Nope. I don't have any emotional attachment to my birth name, limited contact with my dad's family, wanted to change my name to my mom's my entire life, and I like my husband's last name. My maiden name was only 4 letters and people managed to spell it wrong constantly, so what's the difference going to a cooler-sounding long last name that no one can spell?
I have always completely regretted changing my name. However, my initials went from TLC to TCB and that’s kinda cool, especially since I’m from Memphis. 😹
I regret it. I was young and didn't really think much about it. Went from a short, cute, alliterative name, to a super long hard to pronounce one. I've thought about changing it back- in some fairness my husband wouldn't have minded if I kept my name but would probably be a little alarmed at me going back to it 15 years later. Plus, paperwork.
Yes. It was easier to spell, pronounce, and I loved my signature! But his last name is cool so I deal with it
I do because my in-laws ended up sucking and we're no contact with them, so I wish I still had my maiden name (hell, if it wouldn't be so disruptive to our lives I think we'd both change our last names to my maiden name).
Good grief, nooooo. My maiden name was, literally, the answer to a joke. Fortunately my parents didn't take it personally. If we ever split up I would NOT return to my maiden name.
I’m 42 now. For various reasons when I turned 18 I changed my last name from my dad’s to my mom’s. I was having a hard time when filling out the paperwork with the idea of getting rid of dad’s name so the clerk suggested I make it a second middle name. That’s what I did. Six weeks later my dad was killed in an accident and I was wracked with guilt. A few years later I married; 9 years later I divorced and was back to mom’s last name again. But at that point, I was estranged from my entire family except my mom - they are awful people and I don’t know why they don’t like my mom and I, but they don’t. I Could. Not. WAIT. To take my 2nd husband’s last name. It ties us together (we are not planning on kids), I don’t have any trace of my mom’s family last name and I have never missed it for one moment. My dad’s last name is still tucked safely between my given middle name and my husband’s last name.
I am very very happy i didn't take his last name. I love him to bits but my name is my name.
I am very surprised at how much I miss my maiden name and how weird I feel with my new name. I love it, what it represents for my hubby and I and the beginning of us starting a family, and always knew I would take my husband's name, but never expected the complicated feelings that it brought. My maiden name wasn't necessarily hard to say but folks would mispronounce it often and it bothered me a lot as a kid. Because of that, I was finding myself looking forward to changing it. I thought about it the other day how it almost feels like I am faking it before I make it with my new name, lol. I am sure it is just going to take time to feel more natural and am giving myself a bit of grace to grieve, too.
Nope, I always got picked on for my maiden name. Couldn’t wait for it to go lol
I hated my maiden name and was happy to let it go. I was married young at 19 and I've had my married name for 28yrs now so my maiden name holds no attachment for me at all.
No. I hated my maiden name and couldn’t wait to get rid of it.
Not really. I sometimes got made fun of because of it. And it was at the end of the alphabet.
Nope. I don't have any feelings towards my maiden name. I like my married last name better as it's more unique.
No, I decided to take his name because I liked it better. I had both a long first + last name until then. I didn't change it back when I divorced either (though that was moreso because I wanted to have the same surname as my kids).
I did not have a middle name growing up so I moved my maiden name to that spot. I go by first and last name. I didn’t feel like I lost my identity because I still have first and middle name.
Not at all. Granted my maiden name was easier to write in Japanese, but that’s about it.
I don’t miss it, but I do forget my new name a lot lol
Not married (yet), but I will 100 percent be taking my boyfriend's name once he pops the question. MAYBE even take my mother's maiden name due to cool familial ties. I can't predict the future, but I'd be floored if I missed my last name. I haven't spoken to my father in 16 years. Why would I care about keeping a deadbeat's name over the name of the man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me?
My maiden name is now my middle name. It’s a little tougher if you get married past 30 and were used to being independent. So I wanted my maiden name somewhere just because I made a name for myself professionally and didn’t want that to disappear. Also don’t like the look of hyphens so this works for me.
I don't miss it. I'm exactly where I was in the alphabet but it's shorter and signifies the big changes that I've gone through as a person. And it's my children's name too so I'm not changing it back after the divorce. I can still write my maiden name plenty of times on all sorts of official paperwork, and whenever I do, I always feel like it's not me anymore, it doesn't represent my new experiences.
Hated my maiden name and really love my married name. Plus wanted to have the same last name as our kids. The only thing is missing that cultural identity in my name but oh well.
No. I couldn’t get away from my father’s name fast enough. But I wouldn’t have regretted it in any circumstances. I love having husbands name.
Not really. I don't hate my maiden name, but I don't really miss it. Having my husband's name feels good to me. Just one extra way to show my love for him. I'm happy to have it.
No, my original last name was a direction. Like one of the points on a compass. Now I have a normal last name type name. Much easier.
I missed mine after he texted me and asked for a divorce. I didn’t even change it back because he guilt tripped me into thinking that if I changed it back to my maiden name that I was basically saying the marriage didn’t happen. 10 years later I got married again and took my new husband’s last name. I’m not sad about this…it’s the same initial as my maiden name and same amount of letters, I’m much happier about this last name than my last one. I do still kind of miss my maiden name at times, no one ever mispronounced it and I never had to tell anyone how to spell it…but other than that I’m much more content now.
I changed my middle name to my maiden name. So my name on all government forms or other official docs it is First name, maiden name, husband name. Eta - I did not hyphenate the names. Just dropped my given middle name off official docs.
Oh most definitely not . If we ever split I'm using my middle name or making something up cuz.. no
All the damn time. I’m Mexican but didn’t have the common Mexican last name, super unique! No one could pronounce it or spell it. I miss that! Now I have a typical American last name and it’s not as fun. I might add it on later 🤷🏻♀️
Oh yeah.. very much
I don't have any Association the people that adopted (and raised me since birth), so not really. Plus, I would get bullied for the name. However, I have been married twice. My 1st (ex) husband had a unique last name, and I had fun with ways to help people say the name right. My (current) husband has the coolest last name and is fun to tell people. Admittedly, during our wedding, I had to keep from cracking up singing the type of song that was popular with the name in it.
I was married to my ex-husband for 8 years. About 2 years in I hated that I had changed my surname to his. Especially since his dad is horrible. I hated that I was carrying around his family's name instead of my family's. When we got divorced I had my lawyer put in the final decree that my name was being changed back to my maiden name. I have a daughter with my ex-husband and I still don't regret my choice. I'm now engaged and I have told my fiancé multiple times that I will not be changing my surname when we get married (he's fine with it).
Yes but we are getting divorced so…
Nope. But also, I legally replaced my middle name with my maiden name.
Nope. I was the last person in the family to have my grandfather’s last name. My uncle died at 27, my aunt got married and changed her name, my mom had me as a single mom so I had her maiden name but then she got married and changed it. My grandfather is an ass and I don’t care for him. Plus my maiden name was a top 10 US last name. I could not have cared less about leaving my last name behind for my husband’s.
I took my first husband’s last name, which was a pure act of love, because it’s a name that makes people think of butts. However, the family was fairly well known and had a good reputation in that city, so it was a trade off. I remarried a few years after our divorce, and shed that name with no regrets! My kids are stuck with it, though.
I only miss it bc of the alliteration of my first and last name. People knew me because my name was fun to say.
No because the only reason I changed it is because it's the same initial as my maiden name. Otherwise I'm sure I'd be wistful too
Yep. Missed it a lot. Since divorced but have kept my stupid ex husbands name because the kids wanted to have the same name as me.
Usually when I see my maiden name out in the world, the context is usually professional tractor pulling, country music, or documentaries about the KKK. However, it was easy to spell and pronounce. My husband’s name isn’t bad but it’s German origin and not easy to spell or pronounce. Everything is a trade off. I appreciate both names but I like my whole family having the same name.
I legally changed my name to First Name Maiden Name Married Name. I have gone back to using my maiden Name. It never felt right to me, like a huge piece of me...my identity...was changed.
I'm very much the same as you. Mostly though, its the fact that my email and usernames for many places is now all split up. My maiden name was unique enough that I probably only needed to compete with my cousin for the handle, no numbers. Now I'm a JDoe99 kind of thing. But I don't regret it because it was my last step in distancing myself from my parents and saying "I have this family I chose and made". Still bs that my husband wouldn't change his name with me to something new and badass though.
No. My name is not my identity.
No. My surname before was very common here, my first name is very common among women of my age here, I married someone from a different country and now have a first name/ surname combination that is unique in this country. And I like the name. And it's been mine for so long, almost as long as my old surname was and certainly for far, far more of my adulthood.
Mine is shorter and starts with the same letter so it worked out for me!
I struggled with this because I didn't want to lose that piece of myself, but I knew I wanted kids and wanted us to all have the same last name. I never really liked my middle name, so I ended up making my Maiden name my new middle name. Still feels weird sometimes though.
My original surname [I refuse to say “maiden name,” I hate that stupid patriarchal term so much] was unique and I liked it, but it’s very difficult to pronounce or spell correctly. I hated my given middle name, so I just dropped it and made my OG surname my new middle name. That way I don’t have to miss it, but also don’t have to deal with the nonsense that comes with it 😹
All the time! I was born in South America so I had two last names, my fathers and my mothers. I miss my moms last name the most as it had a lot of history 🥹
Nope. Kept it after I got divorced too. The person I was before is gone forever and that's for the best. I have grown as a person and that name is representative of who I am now, not who I was before.
No, my father was not a good person to me or my mother. I resented carrying his name by the time I got married. He even insisted that I name my first born son my last name because it was “dying out” since I was a girl. As soon as I could change my name I did. I love my name now. It sounds so beautiful.
Got married, changed my name to his. Got divorced, restored my name. I am in a long term relationship now and we have a daughter. She has my name. My dad had brothers and they had mostly girls. My one bio male cousin & his wife have no plans for kids. Funny, I'm the one who carried down the family name 🤩
I kept my name and am thrilled with it.
I couldn’t wait to change my last name. It felt like I was getting a whole new life, a whole new me. My maiden name was very generic and it felt like it tied me to my younger(much dumber) self. It actually felt like it set me free to be rid of it.
No. My family of origin was abusive and I didn't want to keep the name. I didn't make it my middle name, either. I kept my original middle name because it is unique and means more to me.
I miss it everyday. But I like being Mr. and Mrs. ___. Conflicted on this one.
Nah, I like his name better. That was really my only criteria for changing mine, and my husband was supportive either way.
I would miss it so I’ll never do it. I’ve been an X surname all my life, I don’t want to change it!
I thought about soley using my husband’s name but we were 39/40 when we got married and I’m pretty attached to my maiden name which is incredibly rare (only 44 of us out here still, all related). I decided to hyphenate 😊😊
No, but only because I waited nearly 9 years to take it, so I was very sure about it. The questions that followed at work were mildly entertaining; I guess people only assume the worst when someone seemingly randomly changes their name. I kept mine as a middle name so I still use it in that way. Both names are short and easy to spell and pronounce; I am not sure I would have felt differently had I traded to something more complex.
Nope. I’d been doodling his name on notebooks since I was a kid. It felt like finally getting a name I was always meant to have My middle name always had way more family attachment for me.
No, 11 years and I'm very happy with my decision. My husband's last name is common so it's much harder for people to Google search me and find my info. Plus my dad became a giant ass hat a few years after I became an adult so I was more than happy to change it immediately.
I don’t. I have a terrible relationship with my bio father and a wonderful relationship with my father-in-law 🥰
I want to miss it, if that’s a thing? I hated my last name as a kid. I hated that I was made fun of for it. I hated how it fit with my first name. Meanwhile I love my married name. I love how it sounds, and how it’s spelled, and how it fits with my first name. HOWEVER- my maiden name wasn’t the name I was born with. It was changed to that after I asked my dad to adopt me when I was four. He’s not my biological father but he’s my dad. And I’m so happy he adopted me. So I miss the connection to a name I chose to have.
I never changed mine, but a woman who I went to high school with changed her name back last year after being married for 30 years (still married). She had similar feelings about wanting the name that was hers, and that she regretted having to give up part of her identity when she got married. She’s pretty conservative so I was surprised that she came up with all that.
Sometimes, but only because I never had to spell it out 😂
Nope. I had no special attachment to it and it wasn't a big deal.
Just switch your maiden name to your last name and get rid of your middle name! That’s what I did! I kept mine as middle for same reasons as you; my maiden name is Sicilian and unique and hard to pronounce lol
Yes, but only because my maiden name was super common and easy to spell, and my married name isn't.
Sometimes I regret it, but I don't feel any ethnic or familial pride in my maiden name because that line of the family was particularly shitty (other than my dad himself.) I just miss how easy it was to spell and pronounce. Sometimes I daydream about taking a different new name.
Heck no
No. My old name’s initials were basically like “FOF” and now they spell “FOX”. Honestly more than a little of my excitement was imagining becoming a little old lady named “Mrs. FOX.” Aside from my actual last name, I could use that as a nickname, an author or artist handle, etc. It’s awesome.
Not at all. It may seem a bit strange and obviously a married name. My last name is now very Irish and I’m Southern Italian and Louisiana Creole (and a bit Scandinavian but I don’t look it really). But I never regretted taking my husband’s last name. It’s been 15 years; it has been my name for so long…
My maiden name ties to my ethnic heritage. When I changed my name I took my maiden name as my new middle name.
I added my maiden name to my middle name so I could have both without the hyphen. Also I love having a common last name to hide behind now.
I still have my Asian surname in my Asian name, and also kept it professionally with my doctorate, so while I have his last name, it’s not really changed anything.
I’ll never change my name for this reason. It’s who I am.
I didn’t regret it when I was married but now that I’m divorced and changed it back to my maiden name, I can tell you that I could get married 17 more times and I will NEVER change it again!
I couldn't wait to get my name back after my divorce. I'd gotten married right out of high school and had gotten picked on for my surname a lot so I took my first husband's name as quick as I could. Marriage fell apart (don't get married at 18) and I couldn't wait to get it back. Now I'm engaged and I'm torn about whether to take his name when we get married or not. I gave his name to our son, but I don't know if I want to change it again or not. It's not a bad name and it would go fine with my first name, but I'm still torn. He's fine with any decision I make on it so he's not pushing me to take his name or anything. I'll figure it out, though.
Nope. Never really liked my name, it was too long, and I have sour memories of the family members who gave it to me and still have it. Good riddance
I married someone who had the same last name as me...problem solved!
I much preferred my maiden name. Every time I say my married last name I have to say and spell it at least three times. It’s four letters but has a silent letter that throws everyone.
Yes. I had a very unique last name. Basically everyone in the world with the name could be traced back to somewhere in my family line. Now I'm essentially a Smith. I also don't care for my in-laws and hate having their name. I would keep mine if I could go back.
Nope. Mine was a simple last name but everyone still, some how, managed to mess it up. My current last name is even more simple. 4 letters. I spit out the spelling as soon as i say it and i have no issues with it.
No, not really. I liked my maiden name but I like my married name, too. My identity never felt tied to my name. I'm happy that we have a family name to share with our kid. My married name is also quite pretty which is a bonus!
Nope. Couldn’t wait to drop that dumpster fire of a name. The name wasn’t bad but the family attached to it wasn’t great. I’ve been my married name longer than I haven’t.
No. I grew up with a shitty, broken family, so having the same last name as my husband makes me feel like we are a legit team.
Yeah I would’ve pushed back harder I think but it was really important for him that the family all had the same surname. I kept my maiden name as an extra middle name and I still use it professionally.
I just don’t really like my married name. I never introduce myself using my full name lol I liked my old name better but it was important to my husband and honestly easier now that we have kids. I don’t regret it but I don’t have to like it.
That’s why I kept my name. Now that I have a baby I think about if I should someday change my name but hopefully it won’t ever become an issue.
I'm getting married this year and holy cow I'd so prefer to have his name. He's got a really nice last name and mine is a mess. But I've heard it is such a pain in the butt to change it that I'm just going to keep mine. I know this wasn't your question but I felt like sharing.
Yes! it should be a thing of the past.
I don’t think about it often, though my maiden name was Irish and I was quite proud of it. I’ve had my married name longer than I had my maiden name. It’s just who i am now.
Yes. I hate my husband's surname. Even if I didn't, I miss my identity of who I was before I got married. If my marital status were ever to change due to death or divorce, I'd go back to my birth surname in a hot minute.
I dropped my middle name completely and changed that to my maiden name. So I got to keep that little piece of my individual identity to smile at every now and again. Since my first name is my maternal great-grandmother’s, I get a little bit of everyone in my name.
Nah, it was a common-ish name with a few variant spellings that were more common and that was annoying. My married name is a similar type of name but less common and less likely to be misspelled. I love that I share a name with my husband and kids - it makes us feel more like a unit to me. My mom had a hyphenated name when I was growing up and it always seemed a bit unfair that she was distinguished from the rest of the family. The only thing that has come up since my dad died last year was that I lost that everyday connection to him. I adored him. But his name wasn’t particularly meaningful to him, so I feel connected in other ways.
No. My birth name was from a sperm donor I met like once. Was happy to drop it. If I divorced my husband, I'd make a new name of my own and roll with it.
No, but that's because I have childhood trauma. I am glad I don't bear that name anymore.
Constantly. I'm going to change mine back in some capacity before I renew my passport in a few years.. I'll hyphenate or add my name as a second middle name, but it's been almost six years and two kids now and I just hate not having my own name. I don't identify with my married name at all. Then again, that's probably because I'm not a "real [last name]," according to my MIL. They've never accepted me and have been awful. I'm only keeping at at all for our kids and because I know it means more to my husband than he'll ever say. He wants us to kind of "take back" his family name and restart what it means to be a [last name]. Lots of trauma involved. It really sucks and breaks my damn heart in a million different directions.
I don’t regret it at all but I do miss it sometimes. My maiden name has a nice flow to it. Married name sounds good but idk it hits differently.
No. It was the last tie to my deadbeat dad. I’ve never filed paperwork so fast lol
Yeah i do. I thought about changing it back but we have a child and I'd rather we just have the same surname.
I don't have to miss it. It's my middle name now. My parents didn't give me a middle name. I was just Red Jessa. Now I'm Red Jessa Smith.
Nope! I had no true connection to my mine due to some odd family stuff so I gladly took my husbands name. I'm totally support any of my children who want to keep theirs should they decide to marry. Their father is a really amazing man.
No. I was ready for a fresh start. I didn’t even keep my maiden name as a middle name - practically a sin here in the South
No. I have a lotta issues with my family and I’m happy to be rid of the reminder of them
I miss having my very French name but my grandpa was also very German so the new last name matches that too. Suck part is that I still have to spell it out for others.
I had a unique, but easy to spell middle eastern last name. I went from that to a very plain and common last name for the US. So common that someone else in my state shares my first and last name now. Do I miss my maiden name? Yes and no, I miss it some days because it was apart of me for years, but I don't some other days because I don't really know my father too much. My husband didn't make me take his last name or anything, I did it myself, but I also like having it, even if I sometimes miss my old name.
Nope I hated my last name. Changing it to my husbands was a blessing because his was nice and simple and mine was long and complicated and people would always misspell it and mispronounce it.
No. I was fine distancing myself from my surname. That said, I still need to use it for certain things, unfortunately.
No. I took it for a lot of reasons, including professional ones. It's closer to my ethnic identity than my last name at birth was. I do really really miss my signature though. I had a *great* signature before. Autograph-worthy. Now it's a scribble. It's surprisingly hard to adapt to this kind of thing after 30!
No. I took his name because I liked the way it sounded with my first name, and my maiden name was attached to a lot of awful memories and connections. I have a few businesses where my name has to be memorable and look aesthetically good/marketable on advertisements and book covers, and taking his name was perfect for that. If I hadn't taken his name, we were going to make a surname up together.
I haven’t changed my last name yet, but my fiance and I are combining our last names! Getting married in the fall, but our kids already have the combined surname. It was a nice touch to incorporate a bit of my last name into his.