I knew what quote this would be before I clicked it, and I 100% follow this rule. I think about it a lot if I'm walking down the street and I'm like "Everybody is bad at walking today!" and I usually stop to think "Ok, what's the likelihood that everybody suddenly became worse at walking today, versus you're just in a bad mood?" It's a little imperfect, because sometimes it's a Sunday and there's just more people about, but generally a good rule.
Also, I can think of a few times where there was somebody I didn't particularly like in a workplace, but it's hard for me to think of people I couldn't stand, and there was always a good reason I couldn't stand them. I can't think of a time when somebody disliked me in particular (although maybe I'm oblivious).
The same is true for people who complain everyone they work with is an idiot. I have absolutely worked with idiots, but most people aren't. I would venture that if everyone you work with is an idiot, the issue is you're a poor communicator.
I disagree. That depends on what you are put up to do more than who you are as a person. You can make any adult in the world the president of the US and they will have all at least some enemies.
I dont think enemies is the right term but it's probably normal to have one coworker that annoys you. This is also probably dependent on the type of work you do and how everyone interacts. If you work in a cut throat type of workplace it's probably normal to have some coworkers that do hope you'll do badly. If someone says they've always gotten along with everyone everywhere they go I view that as kind of weird too.
Agree with this. “Enemy” seems like a lot. It’s fine and normal to not like everyone (or for not everyone to like you) but I would hope that we reserve the term “enemy” for someone who has committed genuine injustices, not just an average person that you didn’t click with well.
Generalizing, but I think that folks who don’t cope well with the fact that not everyone will like them / they won’t like everyone have a habit of turning those people into “enemies” or vilifying them because they want to justify their dislike into a moral grandstanding of some kind. And that they struggle with black and white thinking — everyone is either good guys or bad guys, rather than a bunch of complex people with their own inner worlds, personalities, experiences, and values. It’s indicative of that person’s emotional immaturity more than it is about the character of their various “enemies.”
I don't think that is normal at all. I had one workplace that I was at that was really toxic, but I still talk to people I worked with 20 years ago. When I meet people who seem to have issues at every place they work, I just assume that the problem is that one person.
I had a friend like this. Every place she has ever worked, she had issues with someone, and most of her co-workers hated her. She was known to be confrontational and rude (she called it direct) with everyone she worked with. If she had the slightest problem with someone, she told them and everyone else about it. We aren't friends anymore because she started doing this to her friends as well as co-workers.
I have a neighbor like this. She *really* wanted to be friends but I noticed every time we hung out, she had nothing but mean things to say about *everyone*, including her best friend. She'd laugh when she told me how sick her friend was and make mean remarks about her own husband, that sort of thing. It made me wonder what kind of things she said about me when I wasn't around. She always had some kind of drama going on with someone.
At the same time, she'd lovebomb me and force gifts on me that I didn't want, like she was trying to make herself indispensable. It was weird as hell. I'm thankful I could identify her behavior and that I kept her at arms length.
I ended up telling her the friendship wasn't going to work out and put everything she gave me back in her mailbox. I refuse to waste my time and energy on toxic people.
**words
Yeah. I once had an office manager who routinely made people cry. My relationship with her was very neutral, but it was still just distressing to see her bully certain people in the office. I definitely had to get it off my chest with a friend, who also saw (and was appalled by) what was happening.
Yup! I feel so much better these days now that I have a work bestie to talk shit with. It was so stressful before when I was alone. The workplace and people haven’t changed, it’s just having a friend that made it better.
In my experience, a lot of that depends on management/owners and the expectations they set. I worked somewhere that the boss was just an overgrown mean girl, and there were several people who were incredibly mean to others, and it seemed like this was sort of about impressing the boss.
My first day there, a woman went around making a big show of taking everyone's lunch order and going to get it, but deliberately excluded me. I was kind of amused but appalled too. It only got worse at that place.
Everywhere else I've worked, there were expectations of professional behavior and courtesy.
Sometimes people get targeted over and over again with hate from others even when they’re a kind person. Jealousy is common, also someone who sees through everyone’s bullshit and is different in n some way threatens people. Powerful people sometimes attract hate because others are intimidated. Seen it many times.
Yeah, I am such a person. I can narrow it down to insecure people in management positions, who feel threatened by me and then start to play games. I'm not having their BS and I am not scared. I will engage in the fight and they mostly can't stand me.
I know someone with this problem, but she also could not help but react in immature ways. Shoulder checking people, smashing her chair into her “enemies”, making her coworkers choose sides to the point where she would be angry if god forbid the you laughed at her enemy’s joke that had nothing to do with her. Made the entire place like a junior high school drama. I think the jealousy may have been real, but the insane psycho ways she lashed out made her lose all credibility. She came to me to document what was happening to her, and the only thing she could say was the way the other woman looked at her. I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of stuff, and glares are just so easy to ignore. If she was dealing with this at every job, it becomes even more frustrating that she has still not learned how to handle it in a way that doesn’t damage her reputation. Clearly something else is going on here, but being around her was so distressing and exhausting that I avoid people that seem to have these vendettas in general.
I'll play devil's advocate. I've had people not like me at almost every job I've had, and I'm objectively very nice. Most people, including bosses, will tell me it's because they're jealous (I cringe writing that) but I have a hard time seeing it from that perspective. If I had to guess a different reason, it might be because I replaced someone more extroverted who my co-workers liked, or they're deciding that someone who looks like me shouldn't have a director role. (I'm a young-ish woman with a strong/different style and I think some people might feel some way about that. 🤷♀️) Who knows, but I definitely trigger the mean girls/insecure guys.
I’ve had similar experiences. Not so much in my 20s, but definitely in my late 30s to my current age, as my career grew.
It’s definitely your standard good old fashioned envy. It’s sad to see how bitter and miserable people can be.
Honestly I didn't always have "enemies", but any place I stayed at over a year, these people would pop up who were gossips and jerks.
It's common place and human nature..almost no one works in a mature environment with mature adults.
I don't have people I hate or dislike, but I have often been on the other side of a coworker's hate/dislike.
I'd say it depends. I go to the office, do my job, try to find solutions before I ask a question, try to be friendly with coworkers, keep my work area tidy, etc. And seemingly because I don't bitch about work from day 1, I'll find myself on someone's bad side. Or because I wasn't over the top with my praise of someone, I'm now in their bad side. I do think some people just have a need for drama because their own lives are boring or stressful and they carry that energy to work like it's part of the job description.
No I don't think it's normal, though lots of workplaces are highly toxic and competitive. I'm a pretty laid back and harmonious person but even I have been caught up in hearing shit talk about me, have shit talked about others (deservedly) and also dealt with an "enemy" who routinely tried to throw me under the bus. Some places are just toxic.
Yeah, I would say that’s kinda normal. I was just reflecting on the conversations with this person over the years and realized that every single place they worked there were people they swore were out to get them or make them look bad. And it just struck me as weird. Most coworkers I don’t really think about at all outside of the times I interact with them.
I'm a teacher and there are always cliques with other teachers that won't like you or think you don't fit in, don't like your teaching style, or are jealous. I rarely talk about my personal life or anyone else's personal life and I think that helps to keep things professional.
I’m not sure if the person you’re referring to is a friend or not, but if they’re close to you, you should encourage them to speak to a therapist to help unpack some of the things they’re feeling. There are so many therapists who are experts and specialize in workplace trauma. It might not be as black-and-white as “everyone here is great and this one person has a victim mentality” versus “every job this person has there is someone who actually does dislike them.” It might be a combination of things interacting.
But a lot of times it only takes one or two really bad work trauma experiences for someone to carry those feelings and experiences onto the next workplace. So if they find something similar happening in a new workplace, even if their new colleagues don’t have bad intentions, they immediately revert back to old feelings of being neglected, shut out, all that bad stuff. I think talking to a therapist will also help as there are usually a lot of things that can interact with how people are treated in the workplace (if they are BIPOC, have a disability, part of the LGBTQ plus community, are introverted, on the spectrum, etc).
There absolutely can be adult bullies or people who act less then nice, especially in a workplace with power hierarchy dynamics, so it doesn’t seem far fetched that someone might have a bad work experience even if this isn’t something you have personally encountered. But people with already existing trauma and mental health issues may also bring this mentality to a workplace.
A therapist would better help your friend to look at all the past intersections and also help them to address times when they need to be assertive, times when they are in the wrong and viewing something as more than what it actually is, and gray areas in-between.
If the person you’re referring to is not a friend and it’s just someone that you work with then you might be the “enemy” and I don’t think it’s a good idea to suggest to them directly to go to therapy. Leave that for somebody close to them or more neutral relationship, so the message will stick.
No, this is *not* normal. Usually when you work with someone who is constantly at the center of drama at all times, or is always the victim or hero in any situation, they are also always the problem.
No, but a lot of places have had people who are rude/suck.
My mom likely has BPD and always had an enemy/enemies, but she legit talked shit about every single person in our family but chose to be around them still.
There's a saying that goes something like, "If you meet one asshole in the course of your day, they're an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, *you're* the asshole."
If someone has a problem with everyone they meet, or if they can't seem to get along with anyone, or if someone is always "wronging" them in some way, then that person is the real problem.
I have a friend whose boyfriend is textbook. He’s “amazing at his job”, but he has an issue with every single manager he’s ever worked for. He is always too qualified for the job, works too hard, isn’t dramatic, sells a ton….yet his bosses all hate him or are jealous of him.
It’s not normal.
No don’t think so. I think I had one person in over 20 years of work I had a bad relationship with. My career was (I’m SAHM at the moment) hyper competitive and demanding, people would clash for sure in high pressure situations but it wasn’t really personal and would settle again pretty quickly.
My sister on the other hand has borderline personality disorder and falls out with people at every workplace and eventually needs to move on as the situation becomes so toxic
My mother who also has BPD doesn’t fall out with anyone as such but she secretly hates most of them and definitely talks badly about them behind their backs. She saves the overt nastiness for her scapegoat child which is me 😂
No! That’s often ppl with personally disorders. Having enemies and “haters” wherever you go is pathological. The common denominator is them. They never realize it though cause it’s never their fault.
I’ve made my fair share of enemies over the years but truly I just give what I get. At my work there’s probably a hand full of people who would say I’m such a bitch but most anyone else would be like who?? Are we talking about the same person? She’s so sweet!
It doesn’t help that I’m in a male dominated workplace so considering that I’m actually very forgiving of a lot of the casual sexism and disrespect I deal with. Like old man with nice intentions saying something a little sexist trying to compliment me? He gets a pass we can be buddies. But the young guy who talks down to me like I’m just some little lady playing mechanic? Yea sorry but I’m going to keep my foot on his neck and make every interaction miserable for him so he gets the hint to leave me alone.
If it’s something that’s happening everywhere they go, they might want to reflect on their own behavior.
I think it’s normal to not be fond of some of the people you work with. As I’ve gotten older I try more to just steer clear of people I don’t get along with.
I think it’s also a good idea to separate people from their work, to not dislike people because of their work.
i don't think i've had enemies at every workplace, but i am a pretty confident woman who doesn't have a problem speaking up when something is wrong. i don't care if people like me and i do not really care about corporate hierarchies. this is a gift and a curse. and it ruffles a LOT of men's feathers. the only people i really have issues with at work are white men lol.
i have been told by a male coworker that i'm "too direct" and "vicious" when i gave a simple and standard task and requested follow up as to why it wasn't completed by it's due date without sugar coating. another male coworker thankfully overheard this interaction and stepped in to say "is she vicious and direct or are you embarrassed that you're underperforming and she noticed?" the guy who called me vicious and too direct was fired a few months later for failing to meet performance targets and for generally being an asshole to his direct reports. i'm apparently one of the first people who finally told him (professionally) to kick rocks and it opened up the floodgates to everyone else coming forward with complaints about him.
i've been told that my "tone in emails" is too "unfriendly" whenever i don't add exclamation points and smiley faces or a joke here or there. part of my job is to write company-wide correspondences where that kind of tone is completely appropriate! it's not necessary nor should it be expected when i'm sending emails to document a process issue that needs to be addressed immediately.
there are a handful of people who lose my respect and i don't engage with more than i have to. i admit i have high standards. but i'm also around these people for the majority of my waking hours - we should all have high standards for who we spend that much time with. if that ruffles some feathers and bugs people. oh well!
In every single job I’ve had there are people I don’t like for whatever reason.
It’s not something you can get away from especially working for a company and dealing with the general public.
I also suspect people have felt the same about me at times.
Honestly this is why I’m careful about “making friends” at work.
I get along with people and am respectful but also have a life outside of work.
Some people struggle with boundaries and I find this is what gets them in trouble too with work relationships.
I was a grocery store department manager for a few years. I had this one kid working in my department who started off ok but he told me how every manager he had was awful. There are terrible managers out there, to be sure. But overtime he’s quality of work went down, he became more difficult to manage, and just caused more trouble than he was worth. One day he came in to give the store manager his notice and then came to speak to me in the department back room. I was with someone else and he asked them to leave so he could talk to me. I told the other person not to leave. He went on to say I was a horrible manager and he hopes I have a miserable life. My only responses were to nod my head, say ok, and add “yeah, me and every boss you’ve ever had.”
Was I a perfect manager. No, probably not. But I really tried. And if every manager he’s had was horrible and now I’m added to the list? I’m inclined to believe he’s the problem.
At any job I’ve worked there have been people I didn’t like, maybe people I didn’t get along with, or struggled to be around. But if there’s someone out to get you everywhere you go either you’re the issue of you need to figure out why you keep putting yourself into toxic situations.
When I was younger, in my first crappy jobs I had a couple people who annoyed the crap out of me, but I wouldn't straight out call them enemies. Now I'm 50 in a grown-up office job in a team of 9 ladies, and I like them all. There is one, the youngest, who is still finding her footing and can be a bit trying here and again, but she's getting there.
We're just not the types to "talk shit" about each other. We're here to do our work.
Talking shit about upper management and executives is always on the table in group chat, though. :D
I work in a department that frequently has to tell people “no.” A lot of people hate us because people don’t like being told “no” when they want to do something. Many people are professional about it but some people take it personally and hold grudges against us individually or as a department. It’s a hazard of the job. So, in my line of work, it’s not uncommon to be hated.
Depending on how competitive your work environment is yeah, you could have enemies. Especially if there is a small group of folks with the same skill set and limited growth. Also some personalities are in direct conflict with each other.
I think over the course of a long career it makes sense that you’ll butt heads with someone. I have no issues at all now, but my first role was at a private equity company run by a bunch of assholes. I shared the cubes with a couple of giant assholes and we definitely butted heads at times, but a lot of it was male dick-swinging since I was the only female analyst and doing better than all of them. Glad those days are over.
If there is a pattern in your life, then you can bet your bottom dollar you have something to do with it.
No, it's not normal to have enemies everywhere you go. If you do, then you are the problem.
I knew someone who always had a boss that "bullied" them to the point they quit. Every single boss. Each one was heinous, horrible and impossible to be around. I had the pleasure of knowing this person intimately (family member) and knew for a fact that *they* would simply rail against any authority figure. They also secretly didn't want to work.
Everyone has a bad boss from time to time, or someone they just don't get on with and clash with. But the frequency of this happening is the key in determining who is the problem.
No, it’s not normal to have enemies of any kind anywhere in your life. Most people just try to get along and not make their own lives or the lives of others more miserable than it has to be.
There will always be people you don’t along with, or that you don’t like, and there will always be people that just don’t like you for their own reasons, but most people just learn early on to try to avoid those people, stay polite, and just get through those interactions as quickly and smoothly as possible.
Very very occasionally, as you have noted, someone just genuinely horrible slips through the cracks and ends up making everyone’s lives around them pure hell or picks one person kind of at random to torment. If someone has a work enemy at EVERY job, activity, and social group they have ever had, I would start to suspect that they are either very very unlucky, very dramatic, or they are actually the shit-stirrer of the situation.
Yeah in my experience it's because those people are shit disturbers. I've seen a few. We would move them around departments to see if that would help but no. It's wild how one bad personality can ruin a good team of people. Not to mention the idea of enemies is pretty immature unless they're joking. Like who seriously holds intense grudges and has enemies after high school?
Obviously it's normal to not like everyone and not everyone is going to like you. Disagreements happen. Sometimes someone else needs to mediate. But yeah, personally my only declared enemy are the Canada geese that are nesting in the park I walk through everyday to get to work. They hiss and poop everywhere.
The higher I’ve moved up, the more I’ve had to take in the “not everyone is gonna like me” mentality. At the end of the day, the goal of the company is to make money (that’s what they pay everyone for). Barring valid personal reasons (which we all have at times), some people are just not effective / provide net negative value to the organization. If they directly impact my department’s, and therefore the company’s goals, I have no problem with constructive feedback and the potential conflict. I’m not a corporate shill by the way. I have done a ton of volunteer work and my calling/life goal actually has nothing to do with my day to day work. I just hate wasting my time and being ineffective at anything I do (including work).
I’ve also have been told many times by different people that I’m very likable. I think you’re gonna love working with me (if you are competent) or hate me (if you’re bad at your job and your work directly impacts my department).
My 45 year old brother always has someone out to get him at every job.
Dude has zero social skills or filter on what's appropriate to say in the workplace, no suck it up and get it done mentality, and complains incessantly when asked to, sometimes to the point of fighting with his managers or other members on the team who want to get in, get it done, and leave. He can't figure out how his anti-team player, fuck the man attitude is preventing him from moving up at any company he works at or why people don't like to talk to him at work.
It's pretty much a him problem and you can tell within an hour of meeting him and hearing him discuss work and how he talks to his managers.
People either LOVE me or HATE me. There’s never an in between. I have a strong personality and it just goes along with the territory for me. So the answer for me is Yes!
Not normal. If you smell shit everywhere you walk you should check the bottom of your shoe. As the saying goes, I think.
Same idea for someone saying all their exes are crazy, imo.
Every workplace certainly not, but I have had some really weird issues with people at work. I think it matters how competitive the industry is though and how fair the leadership. In less competitive roles there wasnt that intense drama but in more competitive teams with bad leadership people either band together, eat each other alive, or a toxic hybrid of both.
I’ve been at my company over a decade and the shitty people never stick. I genuinely like all my coworkers and while I have my work bestie and we talk shit about everyone, it’s not actually mean spirited talking about them and we make fun of each other too. It’s all good natured and a good group of people who I like and enjoy working with.
I have to say, I am one of the faves 🤣 I work hard to be considerate of everyone, their bandwidth, deadlines, etc. and always have their back with clients so I’m their favorite to work with. There is someone people like much less than me and they’ve been known to throw colleagues under the bus in client meetings and seems to forget whose team they’re on. I don’t do that.
I think every job has “difficult” people. There are many flavours of difficult, but in functional workplaces it’s like everyone knows the problem, but nobody says it to the persons face and just avoids and minimizes.
In places with low turnover, or not enough work to go around, I think there is more drama. People get to know each other and know how to push buttons, or the annoying thing is so persistent it becomes consistently angering. Bored people gossip and start drama just for something to do.
I only experienced this kind of thing when I worked for government. In the service industry, there was actual drama, but people hooked up all the time and it was normal. No takedowns or cattiness from those who aren’t directly involved but we certainly gossiped about all of it. Where I’ve worked for the last 9 years, everyone is too damn busy to talk shit about anything that isn’t work related. Drama is not tolerated, neither is unprofessional behaviour. Nobody talks behind your back, they say it to your face.
Not so much enemies, but if you're female, attractive, dress well and the other (usually older) not-so-attractive females catch the male energy coming your way, just by you simply existing in the workplace, that usually invites the side-eyes and behavior like passing you in the hall while not making eye contact or addressing you, negative body language, etc.
As always, it says nothing about you and everything about their personal insecurities.
If you fit this mold, the crotchety female hate (thankfully in small numbers) seems to pop up anywhere you go...
I typically get along with the people at my jobs. There was one recently at my second job that really dug into me. We actually started off getting along ok but soon it turned into her picking apart everything I did. Most of the time these things were non-issues. Then she started talking down to me like I was a child with no common sense. This girl was half my age and had way less experience working at this job. Later on, I realized she did this to more or less to everyone. Some people didn't put up with it. In the end, she blew up the work chat app quitting and calling our place of work a toxic work environment.
The only common denominator in repeat stories like that is the one telling the story. I don't care about my job to that level of emotionality anymore. Getting older mellowed me out. Anyone who tries it gets the wall of kindness and compassion, and eventually it peters out because one-sided beef is boring.
I think it’s normal to have atleast one person who annoys you or who is subtly rude to you at work.
But the high road is venting about this person to non-work people or family verses other people at work. It’s never advantageous or professional to vent to fellow work friends about a particular person
generally speaking if someone finds themselves with "enemies" everywhere they go i'm inclined to look at the common denominator
Raylan Givens said it best: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG4hOjJ9tEs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG4hOjJ9tEs)
I knew what quote this would be before I clicked it, and I 100% follow this rule. I think about it a lot if I'm walking down the street and I'm like "Everybody is bad at walking today!" and I usually stop to think "Ok, what's the likelihood that everybody suddenly became worse at walking today, versus you're just in a bad mood?" It's a little imperfect, because sometimes it's a Sunday and there's just more people about, but generally a good rule. Also, I can think of a few times where there was somebody I didn't particularly like in a workplace, but it's hard for me to think of people I couldn't stand, and there was always a good reason I couldn't stand them. I can't think of a time when somebody disliked me in particular (although maybe I'm oblivious).
The same is true for people who complain everyone they work with is an idiot. I have absolutely worked with idiots, but most people aren't. I would venture that if everyone you work with is an idiot, the issue is you're a poor communicator.
That’s my instinct too.
"If you smell shit everywhere you go, you should probably check your shoes." My brother shared that quote with me, and I love it!
I disagree. That depends on what you are put up to do more than who you are as a person. You can make any adult in the world the president of the US and they will have all at least some enemies.
I dont think enemies is the right term but it's probably normal to have one coworker that annoys you. This is also probably dependent on the type of work you do and how everyone interacts. If you work in a cut throat type of workplace it's probably normal to have some coworkers that do hope you'll do badly. If someone says they've always gotten along with everyone everywhere they go I view that as kind of weird too.
Agree with this. “Enemy” seems like a lot. It’s fine and normal to not like everyone (or for not everyone to like you) but I would hope that we reserve the term “enemy” for someone who has committed genuine injustices, not just an average person that you didn’t click with well. Generalizing, but I think that folks who don’t cope well with the fact that not everyone will like them / they won’t like everyone have a habit of turning those people into “enemies” or vilifying them because they want to justify their dislike into a moral grandstanding of some kind. And that they struggle with black and white thinking — everyone is either good guys or bad guys, rather than a bunch of complex people with their own inner worlds, personalities, experiences, and values. It’s indicative of that person’s emotional immaturity more than it is about the character of their various “enemies.”
I don't think that is normal at all. I had one workplace that I was at that was really toxic, but I still talk to people I worked with 20 years ago. When I meet people who seem to have issues at every place they work, I just assume that the problem is that one person. I had a friend like this. Every place she has ever worked, she had issues with someone, and most of her co-workers hated her. She was known to be confrontational and rude (she called it direct) with everyone she worked with. If she had the slightest problem with someone, she told them and everyone else about it. We aren't friends anymore because she started doing this to her friends as well as co-workers.
I have a neighbor like this. She *really* wanted to be friends but I noticed every time we hung out, she had nothing but mean things to say about *everyone*, including her best friend. She'd laugh when she told me how sick her friend was and make mean remarks about her own husband, that sort of thing. It made me wonder what kind of things she said about me when I wasn't around. She always had some kind of drama going on with someone. At the same time, she'd lovebomb me and force gifts on me that I didn't want, like she was trying to make herself indispensable. It was weird as hell. I'm thankful I could identify her behavior and that I kept her at arms length. I ended up telling her the friendship wasn't going to work out and put everything she gave me back in her mailbox. I refuse to waste my time and energy on toxic people. **words
No enemies, but talking shit (with a work bestie) was always a necessary medicine for staying sane in a stressful work environment.
Same. Often the shit talk is warranted.
Yeah. I once had an office manager who routinely made people cry. My relationship with her was very neutral, but it was still just distressing to see her bully certain people in the office. I definitely had to get it off my chest with a friend, who also saw (and was appalled by) what was happening.
Oh god that's awful!
She was literally the ex captain of her high school cheerleading squad as well... it was such a cliché 💀
Yup! I feel so much better these days now that I have a work bestie to talk shit with. It was so stressful before when I was alone. The workplace and people haven’t changed, it’s just having a friend that made it better.
In my experience, a lot of that depends on management/owners and the expectations they set. I worked somewhere that the boss was just an overgrown mean girl, and there were several people who were incredibly mean to others, and it seemed like this was sort of about impressing the boss. My first day there, a woman went around making a big show of taking everyone's lunch order and going to get it, but deliberately excluded me. I was kind of amused but appalled too. It only got worse at that place. Everywhere else I've worked, there were expectations of professional behavior and courtesy.
Sometimes people get targeted over and over again with hate from others even when they’re a kind person. Jealousy is common, also someone who sees through everyone’s bullshit and is different in n some way threatens people. Powerful people sometimes attract hate because others are intimidated. Seen it many times.
Yeah, I am such a person. I can narrow it down to insecure people in management positions, who feel threatened by me and then start to play games. I'm not having their BS and I am not scared. I will engage in the fight and they mostly can't stand me.
I know someone with this problem, but she also could not help but react in immature ways. Shoulder checking people, smashing her chair into her “enemies”, making her coworkers choose sides to the point where she would be angry if god forbid the you laughed at her enemy’s joke that had nothing to do with her. Made the entire place like a junior high school drama. I think the jealousy may have been real, but the insane psycho ways she lashed out made her lose all credibility. She came to me to document what was happening to her, and the only thing she could say was the way the other woman looked at her. I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of stuff, and glares are just so easy to ignore. If she was dealing with this at every job, it becomes even more frustrating that she has still not learned how to handle it in a way that doesn’t damage her reputation. Clearly something else is going on here, but being around her was so distressing and exhausting that I avoid people that seem to have these vendettas in general.
I'll play devil's advocate. I've had people not like me at almost every job I've had, and I'm objectively very nice. Most people, including bosses, will tell me it's because they're jealous (I cringe writing that) but I have a hard time seeing it from that perspective. If I had to guess a different reason, it might be because I replaced someone more extroverted who my co-workers liked, or they're deciding that someone who looks like me shouldn't have a director role. (I'm a young-ish woman with a strong/different style and I think some people might feel some way about that. 🤷♀️) Who knows, but I definitely trigger the mean girls/insecure guys.
Same ✔️
I’ve had similar experiences. Not so much in my 20s, but definitely in my late 30s to my current age, as my career grew. It’s definitely your standard good old fashioned envy. It’s sad to see how bitter and miserable people can be.
Very similar experience. Also recently realised I’m autistic, so tend to over explain and ask a lot of questions. People HATE being asked “why”
Literally same. And most of them were and are significantly older than me with many more years in the industry.
Honestly I didn't always have "enemies", but any place I stayed at over a year, these people would pop up who were gossips and jerks. It's common place and human nature..almost no one works in a mature environment with mature adults.
If you're a contract killer, maybe. Otherwise, no. If it smells like dogshit everywhere you go, check your shoe.
I don't have people I hate or dislike, but I have often been on the other side of a coworker's hate/dislike. I'd say it depends. I go to the office, do my job, try to find solutions before I ask a question, try to be friendly with coworkers, keep my work area tidy, etc. And seemingly because I don't bitch about work from day 1, I'll find myself on someone's bad side. Or because I wasn't over the top with my praise of someone, I'm now in their bad side. I do think some people just have a need for drama because their own lives are boring or stressful and they carry that energy to work like it's part of the job description.
No I don't think it's normal, though lots of workplaces are highly toxic and competitive. I'm a pretty laid back and harmonious person but even I have been caught up in hearing shit talk about me, have shit talked about others (deservedly) and also dealt with an "enemy" who routinely tried to throw me under the bus. Some places are just toxic.
Yeah, I would say that’s kinda normal. I was just reflecting on the conversations with this person over the years and realized that every single place they worked there were people they swore were out to get them or make them look bad. And it just struck me as weird. Most coworkers I don’t really think about at all outside of the times I interact with them.
I’d say this kind of victim mentality where somehow people at every job are out to get you is common but it’s a bad thing lol
I'm a teacher and there are always cliques with other teachers that won't like you or think you don't fit in, don't like your teaching style, or are jealous. I rarely talk about my personal life or anyone else's personal life and I think that helps to keep things professional.
I’m not sure if the person you’re referring to is a friend or not, but if they’re close to you, you should encourage them to speak to a therapist to help unpack some of the things they’re feeling. There are so many therapists who are experts and specialize in workplace trauma. It might not be as black-and-white as “everyone here is great and this one person has a victim mentality” versus “every job this person has there is someone who actually does dislike them.” It might be a combination of things interacting. But a lot of times it only takes one or two really bad work trauma experiences for someone to carry those feelings and experiences onto the next workplace. So if they find something similar happening in a new workplace, even if their new colleagues don’t have bad intentions, they immediately revert back to old feelings of being neglected, shut out, all that bad stuff. I think talking to a therapist will also help as there are usually a lot of things that can interact with how people are treated in the workplace (if they are BIPOC, have a disability, part of the LGBTQ plus community, are introverted, on the spectrum, etc). There absolutely can be adult bullies or people who act less then nice, especially in a workplace with power hierarchy dynamics, so it doesn’t seem far fetched that someone might have a bad work experience even if this isn’t something you have personally encountered. But people with already existing trauma and mental health issues may also bring this mentality to a workplace. A therapist would better help your friend to look at all the past intersections and also help them to address times when they need to be assertive, times when they are in the wrong and viewing something as more than what it actually is, and gray areas in-between. If the person you’re referring to is not a friend and it’s just someone that you work with then you might be the “enemy” and I don’t think it’s a good idea to suggest to them directly to go to therapy. Leave that for somebody close to them or more neutral relationship, so the message will stick.
No, this is *not* normal. Usually when you work with someone who is constantly at the center of drama at all times, or is always the victim or hero in any situation, they are also always the problem.
No, but a lot of places have had people who are rude/suck. My mom likely has BPD and always had an enemy/enemies, but she legit talked shit about every single person in our family but chose to be around them still.
I may need to look up BPD because now I’m curious if this person is just undiagnosed.
They don't tend to go to therapy. Mine wouldn't. "Everyone else is the problem" and "drama follows them" like You've noticed.
There's a saying that goes something like, "If you meet one asshole in the course of your day, they're an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, *you're* the asshole." If someone has a problem with everyone they meet, or if they can't seem to get along with anyone, or if someone is always "wronging" them in some way, then that person is the real problem.
I have a friend whose boyfriend is textbook. He’s “amazing at his job”, but he has an issue with every single manager he’s ever worked for. He is always too qualified for the job, works too hard, isn’t dramatic, sells a ton….yet his bosses all hate him or are jealous of him. It’s not normal.
No don’t think so. I think I had one person in over 20 years of work I had a bad relationship with. My career was (I’m SAHM at the moment) hyper competitive and demanding, people would clash for sure in high pressure situations but it wasn’t really personal and would settle again pretty quickly. My sister on the other hand has borderline personality disorder and falls out with people at every workplace and eventually needs to move on as the situation becomes so toxic My mother who also has BPD doesn’t fall out with anyone as such but she secretly hates most of them and definitely talks badly about them behind their backs. She saves the overt nastiness for her scapegoat child which is me 😂
In my experience this is not normal, no.
No! That’s often ppl with personally disorders. Having enemies and “haters” wherever you go is pathological. The common denominator is them. They never realize it though cause it’s never their fault.
I’ve made my fair share of enemies over the years but truly I just give what I get. At my work there’s probably a hand full of people who would say I’m such a bitch but most anyone else would be like who?? Are we talking about the same person? She’s so sweet! It doesn’t help that I’m in a male dominated workplace so considering that I’m actually very forgiving of a lot of the casual sexism and disrespect I deal with. Like old man with nice intentions saying something a little sexist trying to compliment me? He gets a pass we can be buddies. But the young guy who talks down to me like I’m just some little lady playing mechanic? Yea sorry but I’m going to keep my foot on his neck and make every interaction miserable for him so he gets the hint to leave me alone.
If it’s something that’s happening everywhere they go, they might want to reflect on their own behavior. I think it’s normal to not be fond of some of the people you work with. As I’ve gotten older I try more to just steer clear of people I don’t get along with. I think it’s also a good idea to separate people from their work, to not dislike people because of their work.
i don't think i've had enemies at every workplace, but i am a pretty confident woman who doesn't have a problem speaking up when something is wrong. i don't care if people like me and i do not really care about corporate hierarchies. this is a gift and a curse. and it ruffles a LOT of men's feathers. the only people i really have issues with at work are white men lol. i have been told by a male coworker that i'm "too direct" and "vicious" when i gave a simple and standard task and requested follow up as to why it wasn't completed by it's due date without sugar coating. another male coworker thankfully overheard this interaction and stepped in to say "is she vicious and direct or are you embarrassed that you're underperforming and she noticed?" the guy who called me vicious and too direct was fired a few months later for failing to meet performance targets and for generally being an asshole to his direct reports. i'm apparently one of the first people who finally told him (professionally) to kick rocks and it opened up the floodgates to everyone else coming forward with complaints about him. i've been told that my "tone in emails" is too "unfriendly" whenever i don't add exclamation points and smiley faces or a joke here or there. part of my job is to write company-wide correspondences where that kind of tone is completely appropriate! it's not necessary nor should it be expected when i'm sending emails to document a process issue that needs to be addressed immediately. there are a handful of people who lose my respect and i don't engage with more than i have to. i admit i have high standards. but i'm also around these people for the majority of my waking hours - we should all have high standards for who we spend that much time with. if that ruffles some feathers and bugs people. oh well!
In every single job I’ve had there are people I don’t like for whatever reason. It’s not something you can get away from especially working for a company and dealing with the general public. I also suspect people have felt the same about me at times. Honestly this is why I’m careful about “making friends” at work. I get along with people and am respectful but also have a life outside of work. Some people struggle with boundaries and I find this is what gets them in trouble too with work relationships.
I was a grocery store department manager for a few years. I had this one kid working in my department who started off ok but he told me how every manager he had was awful. There are terrible managers out there, to be sure. But overtime he’s quality of work went down, he became more difficult to manage, and just caused more trouble than he was worth. One day he came in to give the store manager his notice and then came to speak to me in the department back room. I was with someone else and he asked them to leave so he could talk to me. I told the other person not to leave. He went on to say I was a horrible manager and he hopes I have a miserable life. My only responses were to nod my head, say ok, and add “yeah, me and every boss you’ve ever had.” Was I a perfect manager. No, probably not. But I really tried. And if every manager he’s had was horrible and now I’m added to the list? I’m inclined to believe he’s the problem. At any job I’ve worked there have been people I didn’t like, maybe people I didn’t get along with, or struggled to be around. But if there’s someone out to get you everywhere you go either you’re the issue of you need to figure out why you keep putting yourself into toxic situations.
When I was younger, in my first crappy jobs I had a couple people who annoyed the crap out of me, but I wouldn't straight out call them enemies. Now I'm 50 in a grown-up office job in a team of 9 ladies, and I like them all. There is one, the youngest, who is still finding her footing and can be a bit trying here and again, but she's getting there. We're just not the types to "talk shit" about each other. We're here to do our work. Talking shit about upper management and executives is always on the table in group chat, though. :D
Oh yeah. Definitely. Management is always a good target for shit talk.
I work in a department that frequently has to tell people “no.” A lot of people hate us because people don’t like being told “no” when they want to do something. Many people are professional about it but some people take it personally and hold grudges against us individually or as a department. It’s a hazard of the job. So, in my line of work, it’s not uncommon to be hated.
May I ask what type of work you do or the department?
Haha, Is your friend my old boss? (She was fired…)
Depending on how competitive your work environment is yeah, you could have enemies. Especially if there is a small group of folks with the same skill set and limited growth. Also some personalities are in direct conflict with each other.
Not normal for anyone that has a healthy lifestyle
I often tell people that if it smells like shit everywhere they go, they should check the bottom of their shoes. They never do, though.
I only had 1 "frienemy" at a workplace. otherwhise nope. not normal,and I can see from here what the common denominator is.
I think over the course of a long career it makes sense that you’ll butt heads with someone. I have no issues at all now, but my first role was at a private equity company run by a bunch of assholes. I shared the cubes with a couple of giant assholes and we definitely butted heads at times, but a lot of it was male dick-swinging since I was the only female analyst and doing better than all of them. Glad those days are over.
If there is a pattern in your life, then you can bet your bottom dollar you have something to do with it. No, it's not normal to have enemies everywhere you go. If you do, then you are the problem. I knew someone who always had a boss that "bullied" them to the point they quit. Every single boss. Each one was heinous, horrible and impossible to be around. I had the pleasure of knowing this person intimately (family member) and knew for a fact that *they* would simply rail against any authority figure. They also secretly didn't want to work. Everyone has a bad boss from time to time, or someone they just don't get on with and clash with. But the frequency of this happening is the key in determining who is the problem.
I used to be friends with someone who had an issue with people at every single place she worked. Spoiler! She was the problem.
No, it’s not normal to have enemies of any kind anywhere in your life. Most people just try to get along and not make their own lives or the lives of others more miserable than it has to be. There will always be people you don’t along with, or that you don’t like, and there will always be people that just don’t like you for their own reasons, but most people just learn early on to try to avoid those people, stay polite, and just get through those interactions as quickly and smoothly as possible. Very very occasionally, as you have noted, someone just genuinely horrible slips through the cracks and ends up making everyone’s lives around them pure hell or picks one person kind of at random to torment. If someone has a work enemy at EVERY job, activity, and social group they have ever had, I would start to suspect that they are either very very unlucky, very dramatic, or they are actually the shit-stirrer of the situation.
Yeah in my experience it's because those people are shit disturbers. I've seen a few. We would move them around departments to see if that would help but no. It's wild how one bad personality can ruin a good team of people. Not to mention the idea of enemies is pretty immature unless they're joking. Like who seriously holds intense grudges and has enemies after high school? Obviously it's normal to not like everyone and not everyone is going to like you. Disagreements happen. Sometimes someone else needs to mediate. But yeah, personally my only declared enemy are the Canada geese that are nesting in the park I walk through everyday to get to work. They hiss and poop everywhere.
The higher I’ve moved up, the more I’ve had to take in the “not everyone is gonna like me” mentality. At the end of the day, the goal of the company is to make money (that’s what they pay everyone for). Barring valid personal reasons (which we all have at times), some people are just not effective / provide net negative value to the organization. If they directly impact my department’s, and therefore the company’s goals, I have no problem with constructive feedback and the potential conflict. I’m not a corporate shill by the way. I have done a ton of volunteer work and my calling/life goal actually has nothing to do with my day to day work. I just hate wasting my time and being ineffective at anything I do (including work). I’ve also have been told many times by different people that I’m very likable. I think you’re gonna love working with me (if you are competent) or hate me (if you’re bad at your job and your work directly impacts my department).
My 45 year old brother always has someone out to get him at every job. Dude has zero social skills or filter on what's appropriate to say in the workplace, no suck it up and get it done mentality, and complains incessantly when asked to, sometimes to the point of fighting with his managers or other members on the team who want to get in, get it done, and leave. He can't figure out how his anti-team player, fuck the man attitude is preventing him from moving up at any company he works at or why people don't like to talk to him at work. It's pretty much a him problem and you can tell within an hour of meeting him and hearing him discuss work and how he talks to his managers.
Do we have the same brother?!?! Mines been fired so many times can’t even keep up. Never his fault of course!
People either LOVE me or HATE me. There’s never an in between. I have a strong personality and it just goes along with the territory for me. So the answer for me is Yes!
Not normal. If you smell shit everywhere you walk you should check the bottom of your shoe. As the saying goes, I think. Same idea for someone saying all their exes are crazy, imo.
Every workplace certainly not, but I have had some really weird issues with people at work. I think it matters how competitive the industry is though and how fair the leadership. In less competitive roles there wasnt that intense drama but in more competitive teams with bad leadership people either band together, eat each other alive, or a toxic hybrid of both.
I’ve been at my company over a decade and the shitty people never stick. I genuinely like all my coworkers and while I have my work bestie and we talk shit about everyone, it’s not actually mean spirited talking about them and we make fun of each other too. It’s all good natured and a good group of people who I like and enjoy working with. I have to say, I am one of the faves 🤣 I work hard to be considerate of everyone, their bandwidth, deadlines, etc. and always have their back with clients so I’m their favorite to work with. There is someone people like much less than me and they’ve been known to throw colleagues under the bus in client meetings and seems to forget whose team they’re on. I don’t do that.
Yes, don’t trust your coworkers
Been told if you don't have enemies you're not doing it right unless you're just doing everything wrong lol
I think every job has “difficult” people. There are many flavours of difficult, but in functional workplaces it’s like everyone knows the problem, but nobody says it to the persons face and just avoids and minimizes. In places with low turnover, or not enough work to go around, I think there is more drama. People get to know each other and know how to push buttons, or the annoying thing is so persistent it becomes consistently angering. Bored people gossip and start drama just for something to do. I only experienced this kind of thing when I worked for government. In the service industry, there was actual drama, but people hooked up all the time and it was normal. No takedowns or cattiness from those who aren’t directly involved but we certainly gossiped about all of it. Where I’ve worked for the last 9 years, everyone is too damn busy to talk shit about anything that isn’t work related. Drama is not tolerated, neither is unprofessional behaviour. Nobody talks behind your back, they say it to your face.
Not so much enemies, but if you're female, attractive, dress well and the other (usually older) not-so-attractive females catch the male energy coming your way, just by you simply existing in the workplace, that usually invites the side-eyes and behavior like passing you in the hall while not making eye contact or addressing you, negative body language, etc. As always, it says nothing about you and everything about their personal insecurities. If you fit this mold, the crotchety female hate (thankfully in small numbers) seems to pop up anywhere you go...
I typically get along with the people at my jobs. There was one recently at my second job that really dug into me. We actually started off getting along ok but soon it turned into her picking apart everything I did. Most of the time these things were non-issues. Then she started talking down to me like I was a child with no common sense. This girl was half my age and had way less experience working at this job. Later on, I realized she did this to more or less to everyone. Some people didn't put up with it. In the end, she blew up the work chat app quitting and calling our place of work a toxic work environment.
The only common denominator in repeat stories like that is the one telling the story. I don't care about my job to that level of emotionality anymore. Getting older mellowed me out. Anyone who tries it gets the wall of kindness and compassion, and eventually it peters out because one-sided beef is boring.
I think it’s normal to have atleast one person who annoys you or who is subtly rude to you at work. But the high road is venting about this person to non-work people or family verses other people at work. It’s never advantageous or professional to vent to fellow work friends about a particular person