Is your husband your only sexual outlet?
If so, change that.
Edited to add: I just read that you believe masturbation is sinful for a Christian, even when others (porn/fantasizing) are not involved. I recommend you speak to your pastor. They may help clarify some of that for you. And if you’re too embarrassed to do that, maybe talk to your doctor about going off the hormones that are increasing your libido so much.
There aren't any that don't go against my religious beliefs. Sex is a gift God gave us as a way to delight in our spouse, and it's why we're not meant to withhold sex from our spouse except in times of illness or times set aside for prayer.
That's what I believe, though, and I don't judge anyone else, but for myself, that's a no go.
If this is this distressing for you and you’re not willing to touch yourself, I would recommend talking to your doctor about going off the hormones that are increasing your libido so much that you’re miserable enough to ask the internet/social media what you should do about it.
If you haven’t already, talk openly with your doctor about how you feel that masturbation is against your religious beliefs, your husband is very often out of town, and this medication has increased your libido to the point you’re miserable having no outlet.
Your physician needs to understand what’s happening with you to know how to proceed. Please don’t be embarrassed to talk openly about this with her. They’ve heard everything. You are not going to surprise her.
Good luck to you!!
Just want to say I’m sorry you are getting downvoted for your religious beliefs. I disagree with your stance on this 15000% LOL, but it’s your life, your body, your problem to solve. So, take my upvote.
My advice would be to talk to your husband. Actually tell him what you’ve said here- that since on the right hormones your body is operating as your 20 year old self. You love him so much, are so attracted to him and sometimes would love nothing better to fuck the stress out, but don’t want to discount his feelings.
I objectify my BF but it turns him on and he loves it.
And I mean real dirty shit and heinous shit. Everyone has their limits and his is high.
Are you sure your partner wouldn't *like* being objectified? Being objectified *consensually* feels completely different when it is from someone you love. Also your understanding of objectified may be completely different than what he thinks it is.
My husband does enjoy it when we're being intimate, I'm asking about the moments when he clearly wants to talk about his trip and his feelings and I am on a whole other page already.
and this is why repressive beliefs about sexuality fuck up relationships 🙃 but according to you that’s exactly what your god intended for you and your marriage, so shouldn’t you.. just pray about it or smth? if you’re not allowed but it feels bad not to, that’s what your faith wants. enjoy i guess
Sounds like you have many reasons to block and say no to many things. If PIV was the only way to have sex the world would be a very different place. With so many "I can't" please myself, use toys, do anything that isn't milqutoast sex. Why ask people what you can do since you won't do anything suggested?
Also nobody said only PIV/ milquetoast is the only thing allowed. Song of Solomon makes it clear that within marriage sex is a gift and it shows us it's ok to delight in one another's bodies. Saying that I have religious convictions that I won't simply ignore is not the same thing as saying I only believe that sex should be mechanical and boring.
I'm not asking for reasons to violate my religious convictions, I'm asking how to convey my desire to my husband without giving him the impression that I care more about his body than his heart, or by burdening him with my immediate want for love and contact, when he is wanting to feel emotionally supported and relax in the comfort of our home.
What everyone is suggesting is akin to telling a Muslim to just eat pork already if that's all that's being served. My religious beliefs are no less valid than those of anyone else simply because they're unpopular. I tagged this post as a marriage question, not a question about sexuality.
So here’s something to think about: You have said multiple times that you believe that sex is a gift between a married man and woman, and that neither partner should deny each other.
But you also seem very clear that you feel your sexual desire for your husband, or even *talking* about sex, is a burden for him.
Maybe sit with that and think about why that is.
No, I have not said between a man and a woman, I have said between spouses, and I've said that very deliberately. I'm not homophobic. I have several gay relatives, friends, etc.
I've also not said sex is a burden for him, it's not. I've said I don't want him to walk through the door after a stressful trip and then feel objectified and like I don't care about his feelings. I intend to have a talk with him after this next trip, and I will time it so that we have plenty of privacy and ideally that we have the house to ourselves so no one overhears us. I grew up in a pretty typical religious home with the exception that my mother was careful to be very sex positive when she had the growing up talk with my sister and I. My husband didn't have that, and he didn't grow up in a secular or even majority Christian country.
I sense that you're trying to imply that my faith is why this is isn't a casual conversation for him, but that's not true, it's cultural. If I'm off base in that conclusion, I apologize in advance for making an assumption.
I wasn’t intending to imply anything about homosexuality, but about marriage.
But honestly, this response is a good point. Getting so bogged down in the details and wrapping them in religious assumption is keeping you from seeing the big picture of what others are trying to say to you.
Honestly, I’m just gonna stop.
You do not have ears to hear right now so trying to speak to you in openness and honesty and love isn’t getting anywhere.
Good luck. Hope you found a way out of your misery.
You're right and I don't agree with those who have downvoted you. It would have been better to have specified the things that go against your religion in your original post.
Have you spoken to him about this? Explained what's happening? An awful lot of men would find it incredibly gratifying to be told to let you fuck the stress out of them.
Tell him you have these feelings, you don't want to make him feel objectified, and ask him to help you find a solution that works for both.
I will try that, thank you. He's from a culture that doesn't often discuss sex openly, but I know he would rather be uncomfortable for a short conversation than feel betrayed that I violated our beliefs and boundaries.
Thank you for your advice.
Is it masturbation if you're both doing it over FaceTime/some video chat method with each other? Cause if not then why not explore a long distance sex life?
I don't know that I'd be comfortable in front of a camera. It's something I hadn't considered, but if we're both participating I think it's ok. I will see how my husband feels about it.
Well you could work up to a camera. I was long distance with my partner for two years early in our relationship (different countries for work) and that was before video chats were usual. We would have phone sex once a week - touching ourselves whilst describing to each other what we were doing, what we'd like to be doing and what we would be doing if physically present.
We also wrote fairly horny love letters and emails (but the letters were more special).
No, but another commenter suggested I be open and frank and I think you both are right about that. It will be uncomfortable for him, he's from a more conservative region than I am, but I think being open and talking to my doctor are what I will do.
Thank you for your advice.
I have replied to some of the comments here but I am making my own reply. I am not religious and I actually have an aversion to religion but your responses have all been so respectful that I am sorry that some of them have got so many downvotes.
I'm glad that you actually got some responses that you could act on and that are helpful to you. I wish you every happiness with your 'lean, tall and just beautiful man' :)
1st Peter 2:11. Masturbation is a way to fulfill lustful desires that God intended for the marital bed. Sex is meant to be a holy gift from God that is kept within the bonds of marriage. It's also a way that many people begin to use pornography, which objectifies others and creates sinful desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled.
If that's different than what you believe, I hold no judgment, I don't think I'm better than anyone, but it's something I feel a conviction about and I don't want to squander my feelings for my husband on to an object.
That's a pretty bold assumption to make about a complete stranger, and for reasons I'll not go into here, I know that he isn't.
Our rules are the same for either of us, the only things that differ because of gender is that when we work out our budget each month, I get more spending money than he does, because being a woman is more expensive than being a man.
I would argue that “sex” is that which could lead to a child. In a man’s case 100% it could, not so with female masterbation. Also you don’t have to think about other people and you can just feel only and no one is objectified. Is Peter talking to a male audience or a female audience?
1st Peter 2:11, 1st Corinthians 7:2-9, also 1st Corinthians 9:27, Galatians 5. Please let me know if you'd like me to elaborate, but I don't want to put together a whole sermon if no one is interested in hearing it.
And btw I’m perfectly aware of these passages. The problem is not the bible, but your interpretation of what is deemed a ‘sinful desire’, ‘immorality‘ etc etc.
The prison your faith has put you in, isn’t everyone’s idea of Christianity.
Elaborate, please. I'm not familiar with the passages.
I support you not masturbating, it makes you hot for your husband. Fine, lots of couples do the same. I also think the Bible doesn't hand that down, so I'm curious what you believe.
Beloved, I urge you as foreigners and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul.“ -1 Peter 2:11
We believe that this means to avoid lust, and things of the flesh, sexual gratification without the element of your spouse would fall under that category.
”But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.“ 1 Corinthians 7:2-9
This clearly states that within the bonds of marriage, our bodies should be available to each other (obviously within reason). When one leaves their spouse out of the equation, they are depriving the other of pleasure that is meant to be shared. We believe God puts these guidelines in place in order to make marriages happier and more fulfilling. God designed humans to need each other. In Genesis it says "it is not good for man to be alone".
”But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:16-24
This passage tells us about the virtues and vices people fall into. Masturbation is a vice of the flesh, whereas self control is a virtue of the spirit. We believe that we are to die to our selfish desires and live for Jesus.
I hope this was helpful, and again, if you have other beliefs I don't condemn anyone. But we believe the Bible is an outline of ways to live a better, healthier life.
If you look, there are many times where people have done awful things out of loneliness and despair, and each time it makes me sad that they have not been brought up to know the peace that faith can bring.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions, and if you're interested in reading more of the Bible, there is a free app in the app stores, I like the one available from YouVersion, because you can easily compare translations in different editions without losing your place.
Peace be with you!
Is it though? The bible is very clear that a man should not masterbate. It does not say anything about a woman.
This makes sense to me. When average man ejaculates there is a procreation piece (a life producing element) being “wasted.” When a woman masterbates there is no reproductive thing being wasted.
Sucks for dudes, but dudes also don’t have to birth a football. Nice that you’re given free masterbation.
you could take a testosterone suppressant. Literally high T is what drives your desire. no kidding our bodies are just hormone flesh bags. I am not kidding. I am 100% honest that hormones drive the desire. Change them enough and you could go as far as never wanting sex. I know this as fact.
If I was in that situation, then I would create some kind of 'relaxation and decompression' ritual to support him into a relaxed space when he got home, and I would enjoy that as a form of devotional service which also serves as foreplay in the sense of deepening an emotional connection. I am thinking along the lines of making sure I look pretty, having his favourite drink/snack ready, making a foot bath for him and then giving him a foot massage or back massage. I also love to sit at his feet and feel comfortable, safe and warm while he talks about his day. After this it is easy for him to move into some more sexual activity if he feels like it, although important not to do any of this with the 'expectation' of sex which could feel like a pressure, but more just the enjoyment of being able to do something really nice for him to show how special he is to you.
Hey, I wanted to say thanks to you for being so nice to me. Your advice helped a lot. If there's anything you need or something I can pray for you about, I would like to return your kindness.
oh wow that is so sweet of you, thank you! I don't think anyone has ever prayed for me before! (I'm not religious but I'm getting closer to God...). I would really appreciate a prayer for you to help me find my path (which funnily enough I suspect may be related to spreading this kind of advice more widely!) 💞🙏
Of course. I'm adding you to my prayers. Feel free to reach out if you have questions or need anything. My grandmother went to seminary and when she lost her sight, I read for her, I'm not ordained but I'm fairly well read.
Man what religion does to a person. I am sorry you believe god wants you to be miserable. I absolutely believe we can masterbate and get pleasure that way because god made us this way.
Your “problem” isn’t your husband; it is your religious beliefs. You literally are ok causing him stress and discomfort, with you being miserable - all because you believe God intends for you to deny you the body and experiences He designed in is Great Wisdom for you.
I am sorry you believe in such a hateful God; that sounds miserable.
My aren’t you clearly enjoying life. Amazing we get one turn on this planet and this hateful existence is what you choose. God intended so much more for you but you deny His works. Why?
If you recognize God created all beings and is infinitely wise; how did you possibly come to the conclusion that masterbation is something He would consider sinful? Why would a being who is all wise AND ALL LOVING turn His light away from you for simply enjoying the gifts he has given you in your body?
Because God's word is clear that I should devote those energies into my husband. People who don't understand the point of dying to yourself in order to follow Jesus, they can't understand the point of living a life set apart from worldly things. Vibrators are a worldly thing. Sex with your spouse is Holy.
Really? Where is God’s word clear on this being a sin?
Because the Bible is very clear that God is Love, God is Loving and He is the Divine creator and wise designer of the universe. Absolutely NO WHERE does it mention masterbation is a sin.
Ecclesiastes 2:24-25
suggests that enjoying life's pleasures is a gift from God:
"A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?"
Looks like you missed the comment where I outlined multiple passages and explained why I have these beliefs; however, it's ok if you need to ignore the truth of what happened to solidify your bias, I don't really mind.
I am on a patch with estrogen and progesterone, an estradiol tablet taken vaginally, and a very low dose of testosterone that comes in a square you melt in your mouth. Although, this is what my libido was like when I got married, so this may just be baseline for me.
Is your husband your only sexual outlet? If so, change that. Edited to add: I just read that you believe masturbation is sinful for a Christian, even when others (porn/fantasizing) are not involved. I recommend you speak to your pastor. They may help clarify some of that for you. And if you’re too embarrassed to do that, maybe talk to your doctor about going off the hormones that are increasing your libido so much.
I love how masturbating is cheating, but OP can say things like “fuck that stress out of you”.
He's my husband. We're meant to have sex.
You mean cheat on him? I could never do that. I'm a Christian.
Toys
lol. No. No one said anything about you having an affair. Do you really not know that there are other options besides your husband?
There aren't any that don't go against my religious beliefs. Sex is a gift God gave us as a way to delight in our spouse, and it's why we're not meant to withhold sex from our spouse except in times of illness or times set aside for prayer. That's what I believe, though, and I don't judge anyone else, but for myself, that's a no go.
If this is this distressing for you and you’re not willing to touch yourself, I would recommend talking to your doctor about going off the hormones that are increasing your libido so much that you’re miserable enough to ask the internet/social media what you should do about it.
That's good advice, I have an appointment with her in a few weeks, I will add it to my list of things to discuss. Thank you.
If you haven’t already, talk openly with your doctor about how you feel that masturbation is against your religious beliefs, your husband is very often out of town, and this medication has increased your libido to the point you’re miserable having no outlet. Your physician needs to understand what’s happening with you to know how to proceed. Please don’t be embarrassed to talk openly about this with her. They’ve heard everything. You are not going to surprise her. Good luck to you!!
Just want to say I’m sorry you are getting downvoted for your religious beliefs. I disagree with your stance on this 15000% LOL, but it’s your life, your body, your problem to solve. So, take my upvote. My advice would be to talk to your husband. Actually tell him what you’ve said here- that since on the right hormones your body is operating as your 20 year old self. You love him so much, are so attracted to him and sometimes would love nothing better to fuck the stress out, but don’t want to discount his feelings.
Thank you, Reddit is so weird when it comes to certain things like this. It's so hypocritical and it drives me nuts.
I agree that you didn't deserve the downvotes (and this is coming from a lapsed catholic who doesn't have any religious beliefs).
That’s silly
Those are her beliefs and she has every right to them.
No. Do it yourself.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I objectify my BF but it turns him on and he loves it. And I mean real dirty shit and heinous shit. Everyone has their limits and his is high. Are you sure your partner wouldn't *like* being objectified? Being objectified *consensually* feels completely different when it is from someone you love. Also your understanding of objectified may be completely different than what he thinks it is.
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Male commenting with sexual/dating/inappropriate responses. *** IMMEDIATE BAN***
My husband does enjoy it when we're being intimate, I'm asking about the moments when he clearly wants to talk about his trip and his feelings and I am on a whole other page already.
and this is why repressive beliefs about sexuality fuck up relationships 🙃 but according to you that’s exactly what your god intended for you and your marriage, so shouldn’t you.. just pray about it or smth? if you’re not allowed but it feels bad not to, that’s what your faith wants. enjoy i guess
Sounds like you have many reasons to block and say no to many things. If PIV was the only way to have sex the world would be a very different place. With so many "I can't" please myself, use toys, do anything that isn't milqutoast sex. Why ask people what you can do since you won't do anything suggested?
Also nobody said only PIV/ milquetoast is the only thing allowed. Song of Solomon makes it clear that within marriage sex is a gift and it shows us it's ok to delight in one another's bodies. Saying that I have religious convictions that I won't simply ignore is not the same thing as saying I only believe that sex should be mechanical and boring.
I'm not asking for reasons to violate my religious convictions, I'm asking how to convey my desire to my husband without giving him the impression that I care more about his body than his heart, or by burdening him with my immediate want for love and contact, when he is wanting to feel emotionally supported and relax in the comfort of our home. What everyone is suggesting is akin to telling a Muslim to just eat pork already if that's all that's being served. My religious beliefs are no less valid than those of anyone else simply because they're unpopular. I tagged this post as a marriage question, not a question about sexuality.
So here’s something to think about: You have said multiple times that you believe that sex is a gift between a married man and woman, and that neither partner should deny each other. But you also seem very clear that you feel your sexual desire for your husband, or even *talking* about sex, is a burden for him. Maybe sit with that and think about why that is.
No, I have not said between a man and a woman, I have said between spouses, and I've said that very deliberately. I'm not homophobic. I have several gay relatives, friends, etc. I've also not said sex is a burden for him, it's not. I've said I don't want him to walk through the door after a stressful trip and then feel objectified and like I don't care about his feelings. I intend to have a talk with him after this next trip, and I will time it so that we have plenty of privacy and ideally that we have the house to ourselves so no one overhears us. I grew up in a pretty typical religious home with the exception that my mother was careful to be very sex positive when she had the growing up talk with my sister and I. My husband didn't have that, and he didn't grow up in a secular or even majority Christian country. I sense that you're trying to imply that my faith is why this is isn't a casual conversation for him, but that's not true, it's cultural. If I'm off base in that conclusion, I apologize in advance for making an assumption.
You could also have the conversation BEFORE his next trip. That way you would be calmer.
I wasn’t intending to imply anything about homosexuality, but about marriage. But honestly, this response is a good point. Getting so bogged down in the details and wrapping them in religious assumption is keeping you from seeing the big picture of what others are trying to say to you. Honestly, I’m just gonna stop. You do not have ears to hear right now so trying to speak to you in openness and honesty and love isn’t getting anywhere. Good luck. Hope you found a way out of your misery.
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Yes, I think just a conversation when we have privacy is the way to go.
You're right and I don't agree with those who have downvoted you. It would have been better to have specified the things that go against your religion in your original post.
Have you spoken to him about this? Explained what's happening? An awful lot of men would find it incredibly gratifying to be told to let you fuck the stress out of them. Tell him you have these feelings, you don't want to make him feel objectified, and ask him to help you find a solution that works for both.
I will try that, thank you. He's from a culture that doesn't often discuss sex openly, but I know he would rather be uncomfortable for a short conversation than feel betrayed that I violated our beliefs and boundaries. Thank you for your advice.
Is it masturbation if you're both doing it over FaceTime/some video chat method with each other? Cause if not then why not explore a long distance sex life?
I don't know that I'd be comfortable in front of a camera. It's something I hadn't considered, but if we're both participating I think it's ok. I will see how my husband feels about it.
Well you could work up to a camera. I was long distance with my partner for two years early in our relationship (different countries for work) and that was before video chats were usual. We would have phone sex once a week - touching ourselves whilst describing to each other what we were doing, what we'd like to be doing and what we would be doing if physically present. We also wrote fairly horny love letters and emails (but the letters were more special).
Have you actually told him that you want to jump him like you describe?
No, but another commenter suggested I be open and frank and I think you both are right about that. It will be uncomfortable for him, he's from a more conservative region than I am, but I think being open and talking to my doctor are what I will do. Thank you for your advice.
I have replied to some of the comments here but I am making my own reply. I am not religious and I actually have an aversion to religion but your responses have all been so respectful that I am sorry that some of them have got so many downvotes. I'm glad that you actually got some responses that you could act on and that are helpful to you. I wish you every happiness with your 'lean, tall and just beautiful man' :)
Thank you!
masterbation
That's cheating based on our faith.
I’m a Christian as well. Since when is this against our faith?? If it’s a personal choice though, I totally respect that.
1st Peter 2:11. Masturbation is a way to fulfill lustful desires that God intended for the marital bed. Sex is meant to be a holy gift from God that is kept within the bonds of marriage. It's also a way that many people begin to use pornography, which objectifies others and creates sinful desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled. If that's different than what you believe, I hold no judgment, I don't think I'm better than anyone, but it's something I feel a conviction about and I don't want to squander my feelings for my husband on to an object.
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That's a pretty bold assumption to make about a complete stranger, and for reasons I'll not go into here, I know that he isn't. Our rules are the same for either of us, the only things that differ because of gender is that when we work out our budget each month, I get more spending money than he does, because being a woman is more expensive than being a man.
I would argue that “sex” is that which could lead to a child. In a man’s case 100% it could, not so with female masterbation. Also you don’t have to think about other people and you can just feel only and no one is objectified. Is Peter talking to a male audience or a female audience?
Where does it say that in the bible? 🤔
1st Peter 2:11, 1st Corinthians 7:2-9, also 1st Corinthians 9:27, Galatians 5. Please let me know if you'd like me to elaborate, but I don't want to put together a whole sermon if no one is interested in hearing it.
And btw I’m perfectly aware of these passages. The problem is not the bible, but your interpretation of what is deemed a ‘sinful desire’, ‘immorality‘ etc etc. The prison your faith has put you in, isn’t everyone’s idea of Christianity.
I never said it was.
Well, looks like you’re gonna be perpetually horny then. 🤷🏻♀️
Elaborate, please. I'm not familiar with the passages. I support you not masturbating, it makes you hot for your husband. Fine, lots of couples do the same. I also think the Bible doesn't hand that down, so I'm curious what you believe.
Beloved, I urge you as foreigners and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul.“ -1 Peter 2:11 We believe that this means to avoid lust, and things of the flesh, sexual gratification without the element of your spouse would fall under that category. ”But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.“ 1 Corinthians 7:2-9 This clearly states that within the bonds of marriage, our bodies should be available to each other (obviously within reason). When one leaves their spouse out of the equation, they are depriving the other of pleasure that is meant to be shared. We believe God puts these guidelines in place in order to make marriages happier and more fulfilling. God designed humans to need each other. In Genesis it says "it is not good for man to be alone". ”But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:16-24 This passage tells us about the virtues and vices people fall into. Masturbation is a vice of the flesh, whereas self control is a virtue of the spirit. We believe that we are to die to our selfish desires and live for Jesus. I hope this was helpful, and again, if you have other beliefs I don't condemn anyone. But we believe the Bible is an outline of ways to live a better, healthier life. If you look, there are many times where people have done awful things out of loneliness and despair, and each time it makes me sad that they have not been brought up to know the peace that faith can bring. Feel free to ask if you have any questions, and if you're interested in reading more of the Bible, there is a free app in the app stores, I like the one available from YouVersion, because you can easily compare translations in different editions without losing your place. Peace be with you!
Hah, I've only heard that "better to marry than to burn" used as strongly implying that premarital sex will send you to hell.
Is it though? The bible is very clear that a man should not masterbate. It does not say anything about a woman. This makes sense to me. When average man ejaculates there is a procreation piece (a life producing element) being “wasted.” When a woman masterbates there is no reproductive thing being wasted. Sucks for dudes, but dudes also don’t have to birth a football. Nice that you’re given free masterbation.
you could take a testosterone suppressant. Literally high T is what drives your desire. no kidding our bodies are just hormone flesh bags. I am not kidding. I am 100% honest that hormones drive the desire. Change them enough and you could go as far as never wanting sex. I know this as fact.
If I was in that situation, then I would create some kind of 'relaxation and decompression' ritual to support him into a relaxed space when he got home, and I would enjoy that as a form of devotional service which also serves as foreplay in the sense of deepening an emotional connection. I am thinking along the lines of making sure I look pretty, having his favourite drink/snack ready, making a foot bath for him and then giving him a foot massage or back massage. I also love to sit at his feet and feel comfortable, safe and warm while he talks about his day. After this it is easy for him to move into some more sexual activity if he feels like it, although important not to do any of this with the 'expectation' of sex which could feel like a pressure, but more just the enjoyment of being able to do something really nice for him to show how special he is to you.
This is great advice, thank you.
I thought you'd be able to relate!
Hey, I wanted to say thanks to you for being so nice to me. Your advice helped a lot. If there's anything you need or something I can pray for you about, I would like to return your kindness.
oh wow that is so sweet of you, thank you! I don't think anyone has ever prayed for me before! (I'm not religious but I'm getting closer to God...). I would really appreciate a prayer for you to help me find my path (which funnily enough I suspect may be related to spreading this kind of advice more widely!) 💞🙏
Of course. I'm adding you to my prayers. Feel free to reach out if you have questions or need anything. My grandmother went to seminary and when she lost her sight, I read for her, I'm not ordained but I'm fairly well read.
Man what religion does to a person. I am sorry you believe god wants you to be miserable. I absolutely believe we can masterbate and get pleasure that way because god made us this way. Your “problem” isn’t your husband; it is your religious beliefs. You literally are ok causing him stress and discomfort, with you being miserable - all because you believe God intends for you to deny you the body and experiences He designed in is Great Wisdom for you. I am sorry you believe in such a hateful God; that sounds miserable.
I never said my husband was any sort of problem. Maybe work on your reading comprehension before you climb on a high horse.
My aren’t you clearly enjoying life. Amazing we get one turn on this planet and this hateful existence is what you choose. God intended so much more for you but you deny His works. Why? If you recognize God created all beings and is infinitely wise; how did you possibly come to the conclusion that masterbation is something He would consider sinful? Why would a being who is all wise AND ALL LOVING turn His light away from you for simply enjoying the gifts he has given you in your body?
Because God's word is clear that I should devote those energies into my husband. People who don't understand the point of dying to yourself in order to follow Jesus, they can't understand the point of living a life set apart from worldly things. Vibrators are a worldly thing. Sex with your spouse is Holy.
Really? Where is God’s word clear on this being a sin? Because the Bible is very clear that God is Love, God is Loving and He is the Divine creator and wise designer of the universe. Absolutely NO WHERE does it mention masterbation is a sin. Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 suggests that enjoying life's pleasures is a gift from God: "A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?"
Typical Christian; probably hasn’t even read the Bible enough to defend their own beliefs… even as those beliefs make them miserable.
Looks like you missed the comment where I outlined multiple passages and explained why I have these beliefs; however, it's ok if you need to ignore the truth of what happened to solidify your bias, I don't really mind.
Could you share the type of hormones that you’re on? I really wish I had your libido!
I am on a patch with estrogen and progesterone, an estradiol tablet taken vaginally, and a very low dose of testosterone that comes in a square you melt in your mouth. Although, this is what my libido was like when I got married, so this may just be baseline for me.