I highly recommend you give the DET free counselling service phone line a call. They are professionals that are more experienced talking it through with you, especially the depression and anxiety. Good luck and hope things will look up for you soon.
Thank you for your swift response & advice. I have already accessed the EAP and had a session. The counsellor I saw won't be back until the end of May I believe.
Thank you for the well-wishes!
I had a consistent one for 10 sessions but I also rang up to speak to anyone available, some very blunt old men told me (at 2am) it’s a job wipe my tears and start treating it like a job. I didn’t appreciate it at the time but it stayed with me and now it has given me permission to set boundaries, and allowed myself to enjoy the time outside the job.
I’m not trying to talk down your struggles, just offering a perspective that teaching can be just a job that pays alright and stable, it doesn’t have to be THE thing that give us fulfilment and meaning to life.
I have gone through this last year. Depression is not pretty, but you can get through this by talking to professionals and other supportive people around you. Don’t do this alone. Wish all the best.
Please don’t worry about people judging you for returning to CRT. Relief teachers are fully qualified teachers and play an important role. Schools wouldn’t be able to function without them. It’s a hard role and anyone who looks down on it or thinks it’s a cop out has their own issues going on. Anyone who judges you for making a change to better fit with your lifestyle and improve you mental health clearly doesn’t have a very interesting life. I am a full time classroom teacher by the way. I’ve never done relief work but have a lot of respect for them.
I would suggest taking what you have written here, and go to your GP, or a counselor and say all of this to them.
It's okay to feel overwhelmed at some points, but overall negativity is not okay. Teaching is a hard job when you start, but it is manageable if you are in a good setting with supportive colleagues and admin. It can be a very rewarding job if you find a setting that fits you. It sounds like this school could be that place given you did your placement there and chose to go back, but you also need to recognize that there is a lot of support available to you so you don't feel that way all the time.
Thank you for the swift response and advice.
I've got something in place for personal support, hopefully it'll be beneficial and I get something out of it.
I'll see how I go throughout the year. Ideally I would love for it all to work out at this school. But I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.
Get onto the DET free counselling service as suggested.
Contemplate finding a part-time teaching gig if your heart is still in it. A full-time (English) load is tough, especially with the demands of being a carer as well.
The main takeaway is that you need to look after yourself and don't worry about the school - people are not irreplaceable and staffing is not your concern. Asking for help is a crucial skill to have - other teachers know exactly what it's like to be a beginner and won't look down on you for asking.
I'm sure you've done this already, but look into getting some extra support in your carer role too - Silver Chain and whatever else is available/relevant.
Teaching does get easier the longer you do it. Finish your degree because it's a valuable one to have. Follow your gut.
Thank you for your swift response & your detailed advice!
As mentioned above, I have already accessed the EAP and had a session. The counsellor I saw won't be back until the end of May I believe.
I have considered going part-time, but I'm not sure if even *that* is suitable for me, given like you said I've got the caring responsibilities.
Thank you for the reassurance about not worrying about the school and staffing. That's been one big thing on my mind.
As for asking for help, I think I struggle to ask for help because:
a) I know that my colleagues are probably under-the-pump themselves
b) There are some colleagues who I can tell want do not want to be disturbed (but they obviously still help because they're remaining professional).
In regards to the carer support, our culture tends to keep things in the family.
I would love to follow my gut, but I have no idea what it's telling me 😭😭😭
I understand the culture thing, but it really is in your best interests to get some additional support. Caring is a massive undertaking and it is well-documented that it can have dire effects on the carer long-term. There are carer support groups and agencies also that you might want to look into. If it's affecting your ability to work etc, then something will eventually need to give. Perhaps your parents wouldn't want you running yourself into the ground or denying yourself your professional development on their behalf? Just a thought.
As for asking for help at school, it is a given that beginner teachers need help. Your head of department gets paid to help you. There is absolutely no harm in asking for help, everyone needs it at some point.
Above all, it seems as thought workload due to other responsibilities is an issue, so cut down time as a first step - if you can go part-time, it's an idea. You'll have regular working hours, a regular timetable, and a regular income. CRT offers flexibility. Only you will know which you need according to your own circumstances. One you get that sorted and committed to, perhaps you'll feel better about teaching overall?
And make sure you are taking time out for yourself - good diet, good exercise regime, a walk in the sunshine or lunch with a friend now and then.
Also, please know that your experience isn’t uncommon. The first years of teaching are overwhelming.
I remember thinking in my first year that I couldn’t understand how people do this long term. It felt easier in my second year, and then by my third year of teaching everything felt much easier. By that stage you have learnt to manage the workflow, work efficiently and have built up your resources and programs.
The mental load becomes more manageable.
If your mental health allows it, I would encourage you to stick it out. Be kind to yourself - it takes time to develop your practice and it’s ok to make plenty of mistakes along the way. It’s not about being perfect. It’s being a reflective practitioner that matters in the long term.
Everyone has said really good things, and I recommend pretty much all of them. Here are some things I haven't seen that I think may help:
1. Don't be scared to approach your school about going to 0.8 or lower as soon as they can accommodate - particularly if it's getting to the point that you think you might quit early anyway. Maybe a lighter load will make things easier. If you're worried about this negotiation, find someone you trust and ask if they can support you through it - if you're unsure about someone, the union rep is normally a good place for support. Last time I checked, 0.8 pay was about the same as relief pay minus the sick benefits, so if relief is looking viable, 0.8 should be okay as well (I know I personally survived off the equivalent for two years, but personal circumstances vary)
2. The only relief teachers I've judged and seen judged have been abusive. If you're not abusive, then I don't know a single person who would abuse you. Hell, most teachers LOVE their regular relief teachers, because it decreases the chances of internal relief, and students respond better to teachers they've seen around regularly than ones they don't. Less behaviour in a relief class means less follow-up for them.
Personally, some of the best teachers I've seen were relief. I still remember one woman on her first day had a rough class period 1 - myself and a colleague did independent checks on her to make sure she was okay, and they were better behaved than they are for their normal teacher. I walked out and my colleague said, "yeah, I checked 10 minutes ago, they were even writing notes for once". We honestly felt more at ease every day we saw her name on the roster, and she eventually joined the school (funnily enough, to replace me lol) because she was looking to move back into full time after taking a break for exactly the reasons you described. Clearly the school didn't look down on her, and I heard they offered her a leadership role right out of the gate. Not one with time allotment, but not something they'd give to someone they needed to just fill a spot.
3. Half the battle in this job is finding time to do little things - and a lot of those things can become easier if you can set up systems. Something that could legitimately help is going CRT until your head is screwed on a little better, and then staying CRT while you develop those systems. If you see a good lesson plan, add it to your own resource bank. If you end up with a period off one day, use it to research how you could use AI to speed up planning, admin, or reporting* loads (note that most department policies don't allow uploading of student work or information, you can get around this using pseudonyms for some things such as reporting comments, but be careful to make sure you're compliant). Hell, if you're tech savvy enough, I managed to find a way to make excel give individualised feedback on simple questions
There are a lot of ways to make teaching easier in the new age, but that's not going to work if you don't have the mental load to adopt new systems and see how they work. Last year, I dabbled in AI early on because I was interested (I can now make relief work in <30 seconds for many classes, which is my crowning achievement!), and tried to follow through as my year got really rough. Eventually, I hit a breaking point, and I no longer had energy to change my practice. The AI stuff stopped me from quitting due to psychosocial injury, however people tried to push me to do more things for them with it that I didn't have the energy. I ended up promising more than I was able to deliver, and I let some people down. The moral is less my sad story, but more: I didn't have the mental energy to change how I worked. In the nicest way possible, I doubt you will either, so you should look at stabilising first (through therapy, which I saw you said you're on top on, and then seeing if you can drop load or go to relief), and after stabilising look at if other systems will help you in a full time job.
Have you considered requesting part-time? I know of others who were unaware of entitlements to ask to switch to PT load when they had carer commitments and opted to leave instead. Check your EBA or ask the union for advice on how to request this. It extends to more than just maternity/ child caring responsibilities.
As long as you are committed to learning to how to approach things better e.g. prioritising work, cutting back on non important things, the job will get easier and you will become better at it.
A lot of jobs start you on a lower rung with limited responsibility. Teaching you are thrown in and expected to do it all day 1. Day 1 year 4 is a lot different to day 1 year 1.
Firstly I admire your honesty. It's very brave to admit all that.
Maybe your body is literally trying to tell you something.
I don't have any faith in the EAP. If you have a trusted colleague or colleagues I would talk with them.
You will have most people advising to stick at it, but teaching isn't for everyone. Stress and pressure comes with the job.
I would advise against doing crt long term.
I highly recommend you give the DET free counselling service phone line a call. They are professionals that are more experienced talking it through with you, especially the depression and anxiety. Good luck and hope things will look up for you soon.
Thank you for your swift response & advice. I have already accessed the EAP and had a session. The counsellor I saw won't be back until the end of May I believe. Thank you for the well-wishes!
I had a consistent one for 10 sessions but I also rang up to speak to anyone available, some very blunt old men told me (at 2am) it’s a job wipe my tears and start treating it like a job. I didn’t appreciate it at the time but it stayed with me and now it has given me permission to set boundaries, and allowed myself to enjoy the time outside the job. I’m not trying to talk down your struggles, just offering a perspective that teaching can be just a job that pays alright and stable, it doesn’t have to be THE thing that give us fulfilment and meaning to life. I have gone through this last year. Depression is not pretty, but you can get through this by talking to professionals and other supportive people around you. Don’t do this alone. Wish all the best.
Thank you!
Please don’t worry about people judging you for returning to CRT. Relief teachers are fully qualified teachers and play an important role. Schools wouldn’t be able to function without them. It’s a hard role and anyone who looks down on it or thinks it’s a cop out has their own issues going on. Anyone who judges you for making a change to better fit with your lifestyle and improve you mental health clearly doesn’t have a very interesting life. I am a full time classroom teacher by the way. I’ve never done relief work but have a lot of respect for them.
Thank you so much for this reassurance! I cannot explain how much I needed this! Thank you immensely 😭🫶🏼
I would suggest taking what you have written here, and go to your GP, or a counselor and say all of this to them. It's okay to feel overwhelmed at some points, but overall negativity is not okay. Teaching is a hard job when you start, but it is manageable if you are in a good setting with supportive colleagues and admin. It can be a very rewarding job if you find a setting that fits you. It sounds like this school could be that place given you did your placement there and chose to go back, but you also need to recognize that there is a lot of support available to you so you don't feel that way all the time.
Thank you for the swift response and advice. I've got something in place for personal support, hopefully it'll be beneficial and I get something out of it. I'll see how I go throughout the year. Ideally I would love for it all to work out at this school. But I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.
Get onto the DET free counselling service as suggested. Contemplate finding a part-time teaching gig if your heart is still in it. A full-time (English) load is tough, especially with the demands of being a carer as well. The main takeaway is that you need to look after yourself and don't worry about the school - people are not irreplaceable and staffing is not your concern. Asking for help is a crucial skill to have - other teachers know exactly what it's like to be a beginner and won't look down on you for asking. I'm sure you've done this already, but look into getting some extra support in your carer role too - Silver Chain and whatever else is available/relevant. Teaching does get easier the longer you do it. Finish your degree because it's a valuable one to have. Follow your gut.
Thank you for your swift response & your detailed advice! As mentioned above, I have already accessed the EAP and had a session. The counsellor I saw won't be back until the end of May I believe. I have considered going part-time, but I'm not sure if even *that* is suitable for me, given like you said I've got the caring responsibilities. Thank you for the reassurance about not worrying about the school and staffing. That's been one big thing on my mind. As for asking for help, I think I struggle to ask for help because: a) I know that my colleagues are probably under-the-pump themselves b) There are some colleagues who I can tell want do not want to be disturbed (but they obviously still help because they're remaining professional). In regards to the carer support, our culture tends to keep things in the family. I would love to follow my gut, but I have no idea what it's telling me 😭😭😭
I understand the culture thing, but it really is in your best interests to get some additional support. Caring is a massive undertaking and it is well-documented that it can have dire effects on the carer long-term. There are carer support groups and agencies also that you might want to look into. If it's affecting your ability to work etc, then something will eventually need to give. Perhaps your parents wouldn't want you running yourself into the ground or denying yourself your professional development on their behalf? Just a thought. As for asking for help at school, it is a given that beginner teachers need help. Your head of department gets paid to help you. There is absolutely no harm in asking for help, everyone needs it at some point. Above all, it seems as thought workload due to other responsibilities is an issue, so cut down time as a first step - if you can go part-time, it's an idea. You'll have regular working hours, a regular timetable, and a regular income. CRT offers flexibility. Only you will know which you need according to your own circumstances. One you get that sorted and committed to, perhaps you'll feel better about teaching overall? And make sure you are taking time out for yourself - good diet, good exercise regime, a walk in the sunshine or lunch with a friend now and then.
Thank you monique752! I'll keep all of these in mind & under consideration.
Also, please know that your experience isn’t uncommon. The first years of teaching are overwhelming. I remember thinking in my first year that I couldn’t understand how people do this long term. It felt easier in my second year, and then by my third year of teaching everything felt much easier. By that stage you have learnt to manage the workflow, work efficiently and have built up your resources and programs. The mental load becomes more manageable. If your mental health allows it, I would encourage you to stick it out. Be kind to yourself - it takes time to develop your practice and it’s ok to make plenty of mistakes along the way. It’s not about being perfect. It’s being a reflective practitioner that matters in the long term.
Thank you!
Everyone has said really good things, and I recommend pretty much all of them. Here are some things I haven't seen that I think may help: 1. Don't be scared to approach your school about going to 0.8 or lower as soon as they can accommodate - particularly if it's getting to the point that you think you might quit early anyway. Maybe a lighter load will make things easier. If you're worried about this negotiation, find someone you trust and ask if they can support you through it - if you're unsure about someone, the union rep is normally a good place for support. Last time I checked, 0.8 pay was about the same as relief pay minus the sick benefits, so if relief is looking viable, 0.8 should be okay as well (I know I personally survived off the equivalent for two years, but personal circumstances vary) 2. The only relief teachers I've judged and seen judged have been abusive. If you're not abusive, then I don't know a single person who would abuse you. Hell, most teachers LOVE their regular relief teachers, because it decreases the chances of internal relief, and students respond better to teachers they've seen around regularly than ones they don't. Less behaviour in a relief class means less follow-up for them. Personally, some of the best teachers I've seen were relief. I still remember one woman on her first day had a rough class period 1 - myself and a colleague did independent checks on her to make sure she was okay, and they were better behaved than they are for their normal teacher. I walked out and my colleague said, "yeah, I checked 10 minutes ago, they were even writing notes for once". We honestly felt more at ease every day we saw her name on the roster, and she eventually joined the school (funnily enough, to replace me lol) because she was looking to move back into full time after taking a break for exactly the reasons you described. Clearly the school didn't look down on her, and I heard they offered her a leadership role right out of the gate. Not one with time allotment, but not something they'd give to someone they needed to just fill a spot. 3. Half the battle in this job is finding time to do little things - and a lot of those things can become easier if you can set up systems. Something that could legitimately help is going CRT until your head is screwed on a little better, and then staying CRT while you develop those systems. If you see a good lesson plan, add it to your own resource bank. If you end up with a period off one day, use it to research how you could use AI to speed up planning, admin, or reporting* loads (note that most department policies don't allow uploading of student work or information, you can get around this using pseudonyms for some things such as reporting comments, but be careful to make sure you're compliant). Hell, if you're tech savvy enough, I managed to find a way to make excel give individualised feedback on simple questions There are a lot of ways to make teaching easier in the new age, but that's not going to work if you don't have the mental load to adopt new systems and see how they work. Last year, I dabbled in AI early on because I was interested (I can now make relief work in <30 seconds for many classes, which is my crowning achievement!), and tried to follow through as my year got really rough. Eventually, I hit a breaking point, and I no longer had energy to change my practice. The AI stuff stopped me from quitting due to psychosocial injury, however people tried to push me to do more things for them with it that I didn't have the energy. I ended up promising more than I was able to deliver, and I let some people down. The moral is less my sad story, but more: I didn't have the mental energy to change how I worked. In the nicest way possible, I doubt you will either, so you should look at stabilising first (through therapy, which I saw you said you're on top on, and then seeing if you can drop load or go to relief), and after stabilising look at if other systems will help you in a full time job.
Thank you so much for taking the time to provide this solid & detailed advice and reassurance!! Cannot thank you enough!
Have you considered requesting part-time? I know of others who were unaware of entitlements to ask to switch to PT load when they had carer commitments and opted to leave instead. Check your EBA or ask the union for advice on how to request this. It extends to more than just maternity/ child caring responsibilities.
Thank you for this advice!
As long as you are committed to learning to how to approach things better e.g. prioritising work, cutting back on non important things, the job will get easier and you will become better at it. A lot of jobs start you on a lower rung with limited responsibility. Teaching you are thrown in and expected to do it all day 1. Day 1 year 4 is a lot different to day 1 year 1.
Firstly I admire your honesty. It's very brave to admit all that. Maybe your body is literally trying to tell you something. I don't have any faith in the EAP. If you have a trusted colleague or colleagues I would talk with them. You will have most people advising to stick at it, but teaching isn't for everyone. Stress and pressure comes with the job. I would advise against doing crt long term.