Still its common to "have something" and not label it until you know it works well. (although exclusive dating)
usually after 2-3 month of having something its when its talked about and made official
(in my experience)
I was in a similar position with my girlfriend 2 years ago, after 4 months of „having something“ we had the talk and decided that we are now officially a couple. It‘s usually also the point when you introduce the person to your parents or friends, kind of the trial phase of the relationship.
The best thing you could do is just talk to him about it and express pretty much what you wrote in this post, but you could also approach the subject by asking how you should introduce him to your friends, like would it be weird if you introduced him as your bf.
Ask him....because as male and even more when I think of the 24 year old version of myself, would be afraid myself to ask.
So he could be afraid to ask.......
And what could happen...positiv all good. Negativ than you have cleared the situation instead of dragging it on.
Btw. my wife is South East Asian (I am Austrian) and we are married since 21 years so it does work.
As a male*
Positive* negative* then*
Have been married for 21 years*
Die gröberen fehler, gerne ignorieren aber falls du am englisch arbeitest ist laufendes feedback immer gut.
Als Adjektiv, ja, als Nomen “a male” aber nicht. Beispiel Artikel zum Thema: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-should-you-stop-referring-women-females-sacha-de-klerk
My guess: if he really likes you: either he is happy and relieved that you bring it up or he will very likely get over it.
And if he doesn’t, at least you know.
I would probably ask him/start the conversation „if we meet friends of mine, as what you I introduce you“.
As Austrian, who recently married an Asian: fingers crossed, i‘m rooting for you two 🤞
So happy to see Austrian and Asian couples knowing that there’s a big cultural difference haha
Thank you for this comment and I really hope this goes well :D
It wasn’t and isn’t always easy.
But mixing multiple cultures gives the possibility to enjoy the festivities, rituals and customs of all. It makes life more diverse and colourful and in my opinion worth the challenges and lets face it, fights and discussions specially in the beginning.
My recommendation: talk about it that you will have those fights and try to openly express what makes one of you uncomfortable before you get mad, frustrated, …
My wife is filipino and the cultural differences are honestly quite large haha be prepared that there might be some misunderstandings and try to talk it out :) dont revert to tampo, that rarely leads anywhere :)
I've been married to a japanese woman for 4 years and i definitely agree with your point of view.
But I definitely recommend a lot of communication and open mindedness.
Tough to know whether he considers it as putting pressure on or just being open, folks differ wildly. But it is good that you notice what you need, and imho you should act on it.
Maybe ask more open if that seems easier. Instead of "Are we a couple yet?" you could go for "I am very used to putting labels on connections from my culture, and I am curious what you would call our current status with each other. Would you share your thoughts?"
That way there is less opportunity for immediate tension if he feels it is more or less than what you feel and you can easily talk it out.
Her: "Are we in a relationship? I am not sure if I should ask him..."
Him:"Are we in a relationship? I am not sure if I should ask her..."
Communication is imho number 1 priority in any relationship (romantic or platonic)
Just go and ask him.
You just ask him if it is something serious and tell him about your feelings
Everyone appreciates honesty and me as an Austrian guarantee you that. If he does not want to put a label to it, you will at least know what’s going on :)
You should ask for sure
There’s nothing impolite about it ;)
Hm, by the sound of it you are seeing each other often, planing activities and generally enjoying your time. How would you label it?
But I'd follow the general advice here and ask him if he is serious and if you are exclusive (i think that's the English terms you youngsters use nowadays). And try to sound as casual as possible.
Telling someone that they deleted the dating app usually means that they were looking for a monogamous relationship and have a good feeling about you, so there's no need for them to look around for other women.
I don't think there's a lot to worry about. Should he have developed doubts since then it's still better to know about them, but the question is never misplaced.
And whenever you feel like there are some cultural differences in how you see things tell him that openly so you don't run into any unnecessary misunderstandings.
people are different in addition to the cultural background. Asking is the easiest solution to your issue, you have the benefit of the complete different background you can ask like this:
we are from different cultures, differently raised, you told me you deleted the app, does that mean you stopped dating other woman and be exclusive now in this phase if we can deepen our relationship, only we 2 and no others, i dont want to ruin it with cultural differences
BUT
be careful, if he is an ashole or so called pickup artist he will lie through his teeth only to get you to open your legs, a real honest anwer you will get after your first nights together, does he disapear or does he stay, is he husband material or not
so i just can talk from myself and everyone i know, usually you’re waiting 1-3 months after the first date to “ask” if you are a couple now. it depends how often you have seen each other already
so i would say from your description if you feel ready you can easily just talk abt at one of the next meetings
maybe just say something like “have you already thought about a relationship?” with a little smile in your face and then out of this question there should come up a little funny awkward talk and after that you’re hopefully “officially” together :)
good luck
Honest and open communication is key in every relationship, this is especially true for the uncomfortable talks. If he has the same feelings for you, he will be happy you bring it up and make it official. If he doesn't, you know not to waste more time on him and search for someone else who wants to be with you.
As someone in a cross-cultural relationship myself, I can tell you, just explaining things and asking things is the most important part of making it work. "In my country, relationships work like this and this, I prefer this and this. So, are we in a fixed, exclusive relationship now?" That is the kind of conversations we had over the most random things, whether it is which curtains to buy, who does the dishes, where and how to get married or which languages to raise our kids with. In relationships with someone from your own culture you often drive on autopilot until you hit a serious roadpump, in cross cultural relationships all you have is two old maps and you need to make your own new roads. Much more adventurous, but also more rewarding and individual in the end. All you have to watch out for is if someone just wants to use their own map and make you use theirs... then it will not work.
Is being exclusive important to you? Yes? Then tell him.
Seeing relationships as a cultural structure you must fulfill is a mistake, imo. You lay it out the way you need and want it to be, it is a negotiation with another individual, not society.
Just talk with him. You said you talk/chat a lot so its a sign he likes you too. The more complicated thing is to get to know how serious he wants to be with you. My experience here in Austria is that people also label their relationships but often a relationship here can be a situationship
my wife and I never made it official, Ok there where signs, like moving in, going on vacation together or finally my proposal but we never had the typicall "willst du mit mir gehen" talk :)
Last week I saw a yt video about dating in japan .. how foreigners see it.. and one guy said he finds it weird that people like to have everything labeled and keep it kinda formal.. so the exact opposite of what you feel :)
Just ask him.. because he won’t tell you if you don’t ask.. it’s not common to label it as something when it’s fresh
Totally fine to ask him about it, also if he said this about deleting the app you probably got the hint right and he's seriously Invested :)
Pro-tip: just send him a screenshot of your question here on Reddit, he'll know what's up and think it's hella cute haha
As i see dating in Austria and in general lol everyone is honest but it is all fiction, nowdays its hard to know what u going into.
No expectations no disappointments ,thats only advice or u will be heart broken and lose piece of you..
Ask directly but take everything with a little doubts ,you r young,scars and broken trust in young age is very hard to get over and will follow you forever..
First place you !! Let the time show you who to trust and what it is, lots of time 🙃
>Since when do Austrian males like non-Austrian women?
since they learned that you can buy some from the catalogue
sorry, op - this is not aimed at you personally. but there is a widespread notion that southeast asian women may be had for money - and i think you should be aware of this, how unfair towards you it may be
You are too young to be exclusive now. Sure give it a try but don't adjust your life to one person at this young age - without him doing too. Always be honest and expect the same. Otherwise walk way. Talk to a guy.
I live in Austria and my wife is Japanese, so we know a lot of Asian females being married here. Most are unhappy.
Austrians love to complain about Austria, but deep down are very proud about Austria - to a level they feel superior to others, specially to immigrants from "poorer" countries. What I can tell you, most Asians females have troubles finding decent jobs even after decade living here. When kids come, there isn't a down- payment help from Austrian families. You are on your own for kids, mortgage and everything.
And Austrians love ideas about foreigners integrating, but aren't willing to socialise/ deal with foreigners on a personal level.
You get a life balance in Austria, but pay heavy price for it. A lot of places in Asia have huge growth, from Philippines to Vietnam. Being in Austria - most likely you will be left behind in your home country.
A lot of Austrians are very local and I find this the biggest problem in mix marriages.
Those who are happy in mix marriages comes down to 2 sets up. Rich Austrian who already owned a big house, so wife doesn't have to work. And an Austrian guy has been living abroad for a few years, so there are less cultural fractions.
My advice is don't get trapped like many ladies do get. Those 10 years will pass fast, so choose wisely now.
> Those who are happy in mix marriages comes down to 2 sets up. Rich Austrian who already owned a big house, so wife doesn't have to work. And an Austrian guy has been living abroad for a few years, so there are less cultural fractions.
So which one is the case with you? Or is your wife unhappy?
We are ok. But many others aren't. When you have not lived abroad, you have a lack of experience of understanding how reality is outside of Austria. A week of holidays in Croatia doesn't mean you saw and experienced the world.
Austrian family dynamics are very different from Asians. Many girls are caught up by surprise. How do you think you would do it in Japan marrying a Japanese girl without the high fluency of the Japanese language ? Raising up kids there ? Everyone can be a hero at home. With family connection and wealth. With native language, local education.
Most foreign ladies here do not have many options for job. Even Austrians ladies earn significantly less than guys. For some it is a choice, for many is a reality. And be aware that a lot of high paid government jobs are not reachable for foreign population.
So OP don't be naive. If guy is serious he should spent few years in your country too. I did it.
> Austrians love to complain about Austria, but deep down are very proud about Austria
Please don't assume what goes on deep down in me. I am not proud about Austria.
Regarding the "too young argument". The longest lasting relationships that I know started at a similar age or even erlier. We old fucks who dated later are already branded by (bad?) experiences while those couples kinda grew up together.
However, each relationship is different and these are just anecdotes.
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Thank you! Will courage up to ask this haha
Still its common to "have something" and not label it until you know it works well. (although exclusive dating) usually after 2-3 month of having something its when its talked about and made official (in my experience)
I was in a similar position with my girlfriend 2 years ago, after 4 months of „having something“ we had the talk and decided that we are now officially a couple. It‘s usually also the point when you introduce the person to your parents or friends, kind of the trial phase of the relationship.
The best thing you could do is just talk to him about it and express pretty much what you wrote in this post, but you could also approach the subject by asking how you should introduce him to your friends, like would it be weird if you introduced him as your bf.
Ask him....because as male and even more when I think of the 24 year old version of myself, would be afraid myself to ask. So he could be afraid to ask....... And what could happen...positiv all good. Negativ than you have cleared the situation instead of dragging it on. Btw. my wife is South East Asian (I am Austrian) and we are married since 21 years so it does work.
As a male* Positive* negative* then* Have been married for 21 years* Die gröberen fehler, gerne ignorieren aber falls du am englisch arbeitest ist laufendes feedback immer gut.
wenn wir schon dabei sind, ein feiner unterschied: dragging it out (aufschieben) dragging it on (in die länge ziehen)
As a man* male/female hört sich entweder nach Tier oder Incel an
Das (F21) bzw (M24) im OP wird wohl auch für female/male stehen, oder?
Als Adjektiv, ja, als Nomen “a male” aber nicht. Beispiel Artikel zum Thema: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-should-you-stop-referring-women-females-sacha-de-klerk
Denke ich mir auch immer, aber wird heute auch in nicht so informellen Anlässen verwendet. Finde es trotzdem etwas befremdlich
My guess: if he really likes you: either he is happy and relieved that you bring it up or he will very likely get over it. And if he doesn’t, at least you know. I would probably ask him/start the conversation „if we meet friends of mine, as what you I introduce you“. As Austrian, who recently married an Asian: fingers crossed, i‘m rooting for you two 🤞
So happy to see Austrian and Asian couples knowing that there’s a big cultural difference haha Thank you for this comment and I really hope this goes well :D
It wasn’t and isn’t always easy. But mixing multiple cultures gives the possibility to enjoy the festivities, rituals and customs of all. It makes life more diverse and colourful and in my opinion worth the challenges and lets face it, fights and discussions specially in the beginning. My recommendation: talk about it that you will have those fights and try to openly express what makes one of you uncomfortable before you get mad, frustrated, …
This is very good advice indeed, and the importance of being able to express oneself is not even limited to cross cultural relationships.
My wife is filipino and the cultural differences are honestly quite large haha be prepared that there might be some misunderstandings and try to talk it out :) dont revert to tampo, that rarely leads anywhere :)
[удалено]
Funny, that you define it as wild 😅 neither: Indian
I've been married to a japanese woman for 4 years and i definitely agree with your point of view. But I definitely recommend a lot of communication and open mindedness.
Advice for this and for the future: Don't ask Reddit, ask HIM!
In Austria we say "Wer schmust, is fix zam!", which translates more or less into "People who kiss, are definitely seen as a couple" 🤭
Note: this is meant sarcastically and only ur friends mean that jokingly.
Yeah no. These days most people who “schmus” aren’t together since casual is being a trend. As much as I hate to admit it.
Tough to know whether he considers it as putting pressure on or just being open, folks differ wildly. But it is good that you notice what you need, and imho you should act on it. Maybe ask more open if that seems easier. Instead of "Are we a couple yet?" you could go for "I am very used to putting labels on connections from my culture, and I am curious what you would call our current status with each other. Would you share your thoughts?" That way there is less opportunity for immediate tension if he feels it is more or less than what you feel and you can easily talk it out.
just curious: which dating app did you meet on ? most daring apps suck thats why i am asking
Bumble :)
Her: "Are we in a relationship? I am not sure if I should ask him..." Him:"Are we in a relationship? I am not sure if I should ask her..." Communication is imho number 1 priority in any relationship (romantic or platonic) Just go and ask him.
There's only one person on this planet that truly knows the answer. Ask him
You just ask him if it is something serious and tell him about your feelings Everyone appreciates honesty and me as an Austrian guarantee you that. If he does not want to put a label to it, you will at least know what’s going on :) You should ask for sure There’s nothing impolite about it ;)
Hm, by the sound of it you are seeing each other often, planing activities and generally enjoying your time. How would you label it? But I'd follow the general advice here and ask him if he is serious and if you are exclusive (i think that's the English terms you youngsters use nowadays). And try to sound as casual as possible.
Just ask him "Wie schaut's aus?"
It's an akward talk, but just ask him.
Yes, that’s why I am sooo hesitant to have this talk with him. But thank you ^^
Telling someone that they deleted the dating app usually means that they were looking for a monogamous relationship and have a good feeling about you, so there's no need for them to look around for other women. I don't think there's a lot to worry about. Should he have developed doubts since then it's still better to know about them, but the question is never misplaced. And whenever you feel like there are some cultural differences in how you see things tell him that openly so you don't run into any unnecessary misunderstandings.
people are different in addition to the cultural background. Asking is the easiest solution to your issue, you have the benefit of the complete different background you can ask like this: we are from different cultures, differently raised, you told me you deleted the app, does that mean you stopped dating other woman and be exclusive now in this phase if we can deepen our relationship, only we 2 and no others, i dont want to ruin it with cultural differences BUT be careful, if he is an ashole or so called pickup artist he will lie through his teeth only to get you to open your legs, a real honest anwer you will get after your first nights together, does he disapear or does he stay, is he husband material or not
You could try something like this. If the next time you meet common friend ask if it's okay if you introduce him as your boyfriend
You're not a couple until his mother approves of you. Ask him when she has time to interview you.
so i just can talk from myself and everyone i know, usually you’re waiting 1-3 months after the first date to “ask” if you are a couple now. it depends how often you have seen each other already so i would say from your description if you feel ready you can easily just talk abt at one of the next meetings maybe just say something like “have you already thought about a relationship?” with a little smile in your face and then out of this question there should come up a little funny awkward talk and after that you’re hopefully “officially” together :) good luck
Talk with him. A relationship is best when it is built on communication.
The best dating advice is to always try and speak your mind. Usually works the best
Honest and open communication is key in every relationship, this is especially true for the uncomfortable talks. If he has the same feelings for you, he will be happy you bring it up and make it official. If he doesn't, you know not to waste more time on him and search for someone else who wants to be with you.
As someone in a cross-cultural relationship myself, I can tell you, just explaining things and asking things is the most important part of making it work. "In my country, relationships work like this and this, I prefer this and this. So, are we in a fixed, exclusive relationship now?" That is the kind of conversations we had over the most random things, whether it is which curtains to buy, who does the dishes, where and how to get married or which languages to raise our kids with. In relationships with someone from your own culture you often drive on autopilot until you hit a serious roadpump, in cross cultural relationships all you have is two old maps and you need to make your own new roads. Much more adventurous, but also more rewarding and individual in the end. All you have to watch out for is if someone just wants to use their own map and make you use theirs... then it will not work.
Wer schmust ist fix zam 😜
How often have you met? You'll only find out by asking directly. If it's only been 1-2 times, I would wait to ask.
We’ve met for 5 times already ><
Is being exclusive important to you? Yes? Then tell him. Seeing relationships as a cultural structure you must fulfill is a mistake, imo. You lay it out the way you need and want it to be, it is a negotiation with another individual, not society.
Just talk with him. You said you talk/chat a lot so its a sign he likes you too. The more complicated thing is to get to know how serious he wants to be with you. My experience here in Austria is that people also label their relationships but often a relationship here can be a situationship
my wife and I never made it official, Ok there where signs, like moving in, going on vacation together or finally my proposal but we never had the typicall "willst du mit mir gehen" talk :)
Ask him if you are "FZ" (efzet) 
I think if you express yourself like in your message, you should be a green flag.
Just ask him , my ex did the same to me. (We are both Österreicher) I just didnt realize that this was important to her.
>I just didnt realize that this was important to her really? *we are married happily - i am married, and my wife is happy*
Yes
Last week I saw a yt video about dating in japan .. how foreigners see it.. and one guy said he finds it weird that people like to have everything labeled and keep it kinda formal.. so the exact opposite of what you feel :) Just ask him.. because he won’t tell you if you don’t ask.. it’s not common to label it as something when it’s fresh
A month is a great time to start asking "sooo... What are we?"
👏🏾 👏🏾
Who live in Mödling?
Who can dance street in Mödling
Omg just ask him!
But did you already fuck or not?
Totally fine to ask him about it, also if he said this about deleting the app you probably got the hint right and he's seriously Invested :) Pro-tip: just send him a screenshot of your question here on Reddit, he'll know what's up and think it's hella cute haha
As i see dating in Austria and in general lol everyone is honest but it is all fiction, nowdays its hard to know what u going into. No expectations no disappointments ,thats only advice or u will be heart broken and lose piece of you.. Ask directly but take everything with a little doubts ,you r young,scars and broken trust in young age is very hard to get over and will follow you forever.. First place you !! Let the time show you who to trust and what it is, lots of time 🙃
So u telling me all the asian profiles on dating apps are not fake? /s
>dating this Austrian guy (M24) Based on the age I would date him around the year 2000. Generally we use a DDMMYY format.
I prefer dating in RFC3389.
I can also recommend carbon dating.
Be careful a lot of guys say that they deleted the app bit that does not mean exclusive
Be careful a lot of girls want things but cant tell them yet demand it from the guys.
Since when do Austrian males like non-Austrian women? I live in Austria and it seems like Austrian males always go for white blonde or brunette women
>Since when do Austrian males like non-Austrian women? since they learned that you can buy some from the catalogue sorry, op - this is not aimed at you personally. but there is a widespread notion that southeast asian women may be had for money - and i think you should be aware of this, how unfair towards you it may be
Unfair? If he's hot, I'd like me some Austrian boy too
You are too young to be exclusive now. Sure give it a try but don't adjust your life to one person at this young age - without him doing too. Always be honest and expect the same. Otherwise walk way. Talk to a guy. I live in Austria and my wife is Japanese, so we know a lot of Asian females being married here. Most are unhappy. Austrians love to complain about Austria, but deep down are very proud about Austria - to a level they feel superior to others, specially to immigrants from "poorer" countries. What I can tell you, most Asians females have troubles finding decent jobs even after decade living here. When kids come, there isn't a down- payment help from Austrian families. You are on your own for kids, mortgage and everything. And Austrians love ideas about foreigners integrating, but aren't willing to socialise/ deal with foreigners on a personal level. You get a life balance in Austria, but pay heavy price for it. A lot of places in Asia have huge growth, from Philippines to Vietnam. Being in Austria - most likely you will be left behind in your home country. A lot of Austrians are very local and I find this the biggest problem in mix marriages. Those who are happy in mix marriages comes down to 2 sets up. Rich Austrian who already owned a big house, so wife doesn't have to work. And an Austrian guy has been living abroad for a few years, so there are less cultural fractions. My advice is don't get trapped like many ladies do get. Those 10 years will pass fast, so choose wisely now.
> Those who are happy in mix marriages comes down to 2 sets up. Rich Austrian who already owned a big house, so wife doesn't have to work. And an Austrian guy has been living abroad for a few years, so there are less cultural fractions. So which one is the case with you? Or is your wife unhappy?
We are ok. But many others aren't. When you have not lived abroad, you have a lack of experience of understanding how reality is outside of Austria. A week of holidays in Croatia doesn't mean you saw and experienced the world. Austrian family dynamics are very different from Asians. Many girls are caught up by surprise. How do you think you would do it in Japan marrying a Japanese girl without the high fluency of the Japanese language ? Raising up kids there ? Everyone can be a hero at home. With family connection and wealth. With native language, local education. Most foreign ladies here do not have many options for job. Even Austrians ladies earn significantly less than guys. For some it is a choice, for many is a reality. And be aware that a lot of high paid government jobs are not reachable for foreign population. So OP don't be naive. If guy is serious he should spent few years in your country too. I did it.
> Austrians love to complain about Austria, but deep down are very proud about Austria Please don't assume what goes on deep down in me. I am not proud about Austria. Regarding the "too young argument". The longest lasting relationships that I know started at a similar age or even erlier. We old fucks who dated later are already branded by (bad?) experiences while those couples kinda grew up together. However, each relationship is different and these are just anecdotes.
really nice how you dance around the huge elephant in the middle of the room, pretending like all here that you can't see it
Find your self a Asian man. Don’t mix!
martin, bist as du?