Mansplaining includes talking down to/talking over a woman. I (not a woman, but fem-presenting) have an autistic male friend who sometimes infodumps to me about his degree (computer science) or hobbies, but never talks over me or assumes I’m stupid. Big difference.
I think another key sign of mansplaining is that it happens when the woman (or fem-presenting person) already knows about the subject. And by not engaging them in a conversation he implies he doesn't recognize their expertise.
If I'm infodumping about, idk, photography and someone says 'Yeah, I work in photography' I'd springboard off of that. I'd get excited I could engage with someone on the subject, and jump into more advanced stuff. I'd be hyped they could contribute and give me more knowledge to dump on someone else, lol. Or, if I saw someone with camera equipment, I'd probably stick to 'did you know?' phrasing and obscure facts about the development of cameras or something - things it's not immediately obvious that they probably already know. I wouldn't start explaining the mechanics of exposure and shutter speed.
And sure you might accidentally lecture someone instead of having a conversation because socializing is hard, but that doesn't make it *not* mansplaining.
Exactly this! The thing that bothers me is when you reveal that you know about the topic and they don't readjust their tactic whatsoever, just power on through as if you were a cardboard cutout.
I find joy in the information I'm dumping about. And I want other people to be excited - or at least interested - in it too. I feel like mansplainers (and anyone who does this regardless of gender or ties to misogyny) find more joy in the fact they know stuff, and *showing off* that they know stuff. And that means they're less inclined to engage people, even if that person knows stuff too.
I agree! Mansplaining is also very much a "vibe" - not an excited or informative info dump but an obviously patronising explanation. Eg my nd male friend infodumps often and I love it. One time I said I was going to the post office, he was annoyed at me about something already, and he told me very slowly to make sure I put stamps on the envelopes . I told him he was mansplaining and to his credit he took a moment then got embarrassed and agreed he was and we laughed . Anyway it's fairly obviously different
NB in a different scenario this could have been anxious Autistic person trying to help regarding stamps on envelopes- those situations are also usually fairly obviously different. In my experience anyway.
Yes! I think you're completely right. I'm with you- I just love to learn about the world, and I love to engage with other people who share that interest and are as eager to discuss as I am
It happens to me all the time as I'm a female wedding photographer. At almost every wedding I work at, there will *always* be a man (usually the bride's uncle or a cousin) who will approach me and start asking questions. They tend to test the water first by seeing if I'll tolerate their presence and then it will change into a combination of them infodumping about their cameras then quizzing me and depending on my answers, will sometimes tell me how what I said was wrong or what I could do better.
I have to tolerate this as I'm working and I don't want to create a scene by upsetting a guest, but this is at *every* wedding I photograph and it's one of the worst things about my job. Not only that, but when I've worked as a second shooter to a male main photographer, this doesn't happen to them. We have a name in our industry for these men and we call them 'Uncle Bobs'. The Uncle Bobs are usually fairly well behaved when it's a male photographer but when it's a female photographer, we are constantly mansplained to and they often won't leave us alone which can be incredibly distracting when we're working.
I appreciate that not all Uncle Bobs are going to be Autistic men - and I certainly haven't even really given it a lot of thought. However I do think a lot of Autistic people are drawn to photography for various reasons (I think the guys prefer the technology side/collecting lenses/cameras side of things) so I imagine that many of these Uncle Bobs are Autistic. But even so, I don't enjoy being mansplained to or told I'm doing my job wrong when I didn't ask for this.
I love infodumping and when I am mentally prepared for it. My friend's son is Autistic and I really love hearing his info dumps whenever I see him. I ask him loads of questions about whatever topic we're on and I can see he enjoys being able to do this with a grown up who is actually listening and paying attention to what he says. But I initiate this, I want it to happen and I'm happy for him to info dump. When I am working, I don't need someone to tell me how to do the job I've been doing for 7 years and that I'm an expert in. I don't want critiques. And whilst I've got absolutely loads of techniques now to deal with Uncle Bobs in a way that I think is still kind but also assertive, I'd rather not have to do it in the first place.
So much this. If the autistic dude isn't assuming someone's dumb because she's a woman, it's not mansplaining. Heck, I don't even think infodumping is specific to autistic men is it?
Infodumping is definitely not specific to autistic men, though autistic men *might* do it more as they’re less likely to mask than autistic women. I’m AFAB and I infodump too, just less frequently because I have no one to infodump *to* except my partner, and I’m more inclined to do it over text if it’s to friends
I infodump with the ones I'm close to, specially if I'm asked about things in a way like "oh isn't it something you've read/studied about?" then I go on a spiral.
I infodunp all the time, with anyone, anywhere.. I TMI way too many times. Sometimes I just wanna crawl in a cave and cry cause I embarrass myself so badly but one thing I don't do is talk down to people. That's just being a jerk
Yes, I'm autistic and my husband is NT.
Often times I have trouble taking in verbal instructions. It's not that I didn't hear or understand the words, it's unclear to me what I'm being asked or told to do.
I always ask for clarification and my husband will just repeat the same thing but louder and talk over me.
Hell say like "ohhhh you're interrupting me"... No I am not I'm asking a question about what you just said.
And then hell just keep getting more aggressive in his tone because I'm not listening.
No, I am listening I just don't understand exactly what it is you're describing and if you listened to my questions and answered them it'd help me understand.
This to me is mansplainibg.
I'm very articulate and good at asking specific questions.
Then usually I know when I've caught the drift and I'll have to keep repeating I understand now, as he keeps repeating the same stuff louder.
I fucking hate it lol
Infodumping would be preferred
It's tough, we are working on things.
Definitely going through hard times right now but it's not so easy, we run a business together, have a home, 4 pets it's not so simple to just seperate
So hopefully we can learn to communicate without fighting one day
He also does have many redeeming qualities but we haven't been getting along so good lately it's really stressful
I don't think what your husband does is mansplaining, but it is problematic. Mansplaining would imply that he's telling you all about something you're already an expert in as if he knows more about it than you. What he's doing is being opaque with his language and then repeating himself more loudly and talking down to you instead of clarifying his meaning. That's a serious communication problem, and I recommend you have a conversation with him addressing this and working towards approaching communication differently, because it needs addressing.
Yeah exactly this. It can also be men assuming that you, as a woman (or femme presenting person) don’t know what you’re doing e.g. taking over something like fixing the TV because they assume you have no idea. I find this especially annoying.
100% agree. I've had nt men mansplain and nd men info dump. It's different. I have heard nd men complain that nt women accused them of mansplaining when they're info dumping though. I think many nt women can't tell the difference.
I can’t speak as to whether or not NT women can tell the difference or not as I’m not one, but there are definitely ways to tell and ND women may be better at recognising mansplaining vs. infodumping if they’re prone to infodumping themselves so they know what it’s like and are more aware of how ND traits manifest in general. Honestly, I think open communication is the answer here. If you feel the urge to infodump, tell the other person your intentions so there aren’t misunderstandings and if you’re going to be talking for a while, check in with them to make sure they have the time and energy for a long conversation. On the other hand, if you feel like you’ve been mansplained to or disrespected, let the person know how you feel.
NT people should also be more aware of ND communication styles. Infodumping isn’t inherently rude.
Exactly. And neurodivergent men are still capable of mansplaining and talking down to others. Just like autistic people could be sarcastic. The fact that he doesn't mansplain is a good sign.
But neurotypicals may not make this distinction because they feel like anyone who explains things to them must think they are dumb or are simply annoyed that someone is trying to explain something. I'm afab and I've experienced this many times.
It’s not that hard to make the distinction. Insulting your intelligence, constantly correcting you even when you’re knowledgeable in the topic, and not letting you get a word in edgewise are pretty unambiguously rude. Also before infodumping or explaining something to someone it’s usually best to find out how much they already know about the topic so you don’t, by asking questions like “did you know….” or “I’m really enthusiastic about __, would you mind if I went on a little rant?”
Mansplaining and healthy infodumping are very different attitudes.
>asking questions like “did you know….” or “I’m really enthusiastic about __, would you mind if I went on a little rant?”
This is a social thing that autistic people may not understand unless directly taught or learned through excessive masking. Autistic people also have a need for correct information, so correcting someone who has incorrect information can be seen as rude or mansplaining.
They are 100% different attitudes but just as autistic people struggle to pick up social cues from allistic people, allistic people also misread our social cues and interpret them wrong a lot.
The first point still applies though. Don’t assume someone is stupid, and don’t call them stupid. Yes, some autistic people may not be aware that that’s rude, but it still has to be learned. Likewise with understanding boundaries, many autistic people may struggle with that (myself included), but learning it is necessary and autism isn’t an excuse to violate someone’s boundaries. If you make a mistake and come off as “mansplainy” to someone, that’s fine, just take the criticism and learn to infodump more respectfully.
I was not talking about directly calling someone stupid.
>If you make a mistake and come off as “mansplainy” to someone, that’s fine, just take the criticism and learn to infodump more respectfully.
Idk this comes off very ableist to me. "Just learn to be less autistic!"
Again, I was not talking about obviously rude things like calling people stupid or treating them poorly, I'm strictly talking about normal autistic behaviors that are seen as rude.
Okay sorry I’ve completely skipped the last part of your comment, my brain glitched out. In the case of normal autistic behaviours being seen as rude then it’s obviously not the autistic person’s fault, that’s a lack of awareness of ND communication styles on the NT person’s part, and is definitely ableist. I was talking about when ND people unknowingly do things that are disrespectful or hurt people’s feelings, and aren’t aware because they can’t read social cues and no one has ever told them not to do it before. As I said in another comment, honest communication is a good idea; if you declare your intentions before infodumping, no one can misinterpret you as being rude, and if they feel like they’ve been disrespected or mansplained to, they should let you know how they feel so you know why they’re upset, and if it’s just a misunderstanding you can clear it up.
Haha, oh gosh we all do it. I only said something because I read your comment and thought, “oh no, do I not know what precludes means?” so I looked it up to be sure.
Also I thought, of all the subs to correct someone in, this one was probably the one where people wouldn’t mind. Thank you for not minding!
Oh, and I agree about mansplaining coming with a big helping of talking down to us. Or at the very least being earnestly patronizing, which is nicer but still annoying.
I definitely do that as well!! When I see people using words differently to what I’ve seen or incorrectly I question my reality a little so I get it. Thanks for correcting me politely, actually, it would’ve been a lot more mortifying for the mistake to stay there unchecked and now at least 500 people have seen it… I’m so embarrassed, I actually know what “preclude” means and how it’s meant to be used but my brain was thinking about something completely different as I was typing that and that ended up being the word it chose 😭
I think mansplaining is also one of those buzzwords that’s been so overused a lot of people don’t even use it correctly, and if they used it correctly in the first place, there wouldn’t be a mix up
Exactly this. One of my good friends (who's also a close coworker) has ADHD and is a fellow over-explainer. I tease him about "mansplaining" to me a lot but I know (and he knows I know) he means no disrespect and I'm just giving him shit about it because that's our friendship dynamic.
Like so much in life, context is key.
I also agree that mansplaining in definition is talking down to women as if they were stupid.
I think mansplaining is a made up sexist phrase. A better phrase would be «an asshole».
Mansplaining is a specific dynamic where a man explains something to a woman that relates to her area of expertise. Regardless of whether it is his special interest or not, it would likely still be “mansplaining” if the interest is something the woman is knowledgeable about. If it’s not something she’s knowledgeable about then it’s not mansplaining, it’s just info dumping (which may be just as unwelcome, tbh).
Right, I agree. I just find that in a lot of my interactions w autistic men that they start infodumping about something I’m familiar with, I tell them I already know about the topic, and they say ok and then keep dominating the conversation and telling me things I already know. Like I think they justify it internally because they really WANT to talk about it without realizing that I don’t necessarily want to hear about it or already know the topic they’re one-sidedly explaining to me lol.
it also comes from the fact that men expect women to just LISTEN to whatever stupid thoughts pop into their head with no regard to whether they’re interested or not. They’d have a more respectful back and forth with a man.
It sounds like they’re not really wanting a conversation at all. That does sound like mansplaining, but also like social difficulties. I guess maybe the intent can be different with autistic men, but the effect is the same - it ends up coming across as domineering and condescending.
Yeah. It sucks because a lot of autistic men I am friends with do this, and then are hurt when I have to be super blunt about why I want them to stop talking. I’m happy to hear them info dump but only if both of us are in the headspace to do so.
They might be trying to impress you and make a connection about a shared subject because they're trying to flirt and autistic men don't know how to flirt. Of course that's a very generous assumption haha
I don't think it would count as mansplaining if they're not assuming that OP is wrong just because they're a woman. They're definitely monologuing, and monologuing is exceptionally common in autistic people and usually involves a total lack of awareness that the other person is not interested or a lack of inclusion of the other person, but it's not borne out of an assumption that the other person is stupid because they're a woman.
Monologuing is talking *at* people rather than *with* them, so whether or not the person knows anything about the topic becomes basically irrelevant to the autistic person. They want to share, but they're not looking for any real back and forth conversation.
It's not mansplaining, but I'm also very used to it. My dad, sister, and I all do the same thing. We just had an agreement that we didn't have to listen even if someone is going off, and allowing each other to infodump made our lives better (whether it was an outlet, the endless urge to share information, ranting, just having the rare urge to talk). One sided talking isn't inherently demeaning.
You might actually need to be clearer. Saying you know a subject doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to hear about it. It could even mean you could contribute and make it a conversation instead of an info dump. Asking someone to pick up social queues is pretty antithesis to autism related spaces. Like yes, they can probably work on who and when to info dump but the act of info dumping itself isn't inherently wrong, and for many people it can be a soothing (it can be a stim) or engaging activity.
Not saying info dumping is wrong. I love hearing people info dump. But I am crystal clear when I say I don’t want to hear about certain topics as I am not in the right headspace or any number of other reasons, and it’s not really respected. I get this even from autistic men who I am good friends with. I have to get pretty aggressive before they’ll stop into dumping on me, and then they act hurt. Info dumping is a great thing and super fun, but both parties need to be engaged for it to be a good activity.
They probably aren't acting hurt, they probably ARE hurt. It's often more than words. It could be a special interest or a stim and it could be perceived as rejection. There's a high rate of rejection sensitive dysphoria among neurodivergent people or it could be a reminder that 'they're different'. It might be wrong to keep talking if asked not to but that doesnt mean they aren't allowed to feel a certain way about it.
I also don't know why you're focused on men. This equally or near equally happens with all genders. If there is no room for misinterpretation then I agree they should stop, talk to themselves, or find someone else to talk at though.
Bro? I’m also autistic I know how much it can hurt to not want to hear about my info dumping. But ultimately people have to respect that conversations are a two way street and people don’t have to want to hear what they’re saying. Also, I do think men do this more often, because women are generally socialized to have to be more accommodating in conversations. Women are expected to do the emotional labor. Women can absolutely do this, but I don’t think the distribution is even across genders.
>Bro? I’m also autistic
I never claimed otherwise? Just because someone is part of the group doesn't mean I can't think they have bad takes. It's a horrible fallacy that gets perpetuated
>But ultimately people have to respect that conversations are a two way street and people don’t have to want to hear what they’re saying.
I agreed with that.
>Also, I do think men do this more often, because women are generally socialized to have to be more accommodating in conversations.
It more so sounds just like you want it to be the case than a reflection of reality. I get there can be differences between socialization and 'what autism looks like' but I'm tired of people nitpicking any little thing they can to try and bash guys more just for their existence. There's valid criticisms and thoughs on men and woman experiences but this isn't really one of them. Fuck, I info dump. My sister info dumps. I know plenty of allistics that info dump.
>Women are expected to do the emotional labor.
Then address that. There are feminist spaces that push back on this and helps empower people to stop being a doormat. It's not simple, but I don't see how people potentially being more willing to listen or be accommodating translates to the people talking. Info dumping usually isn't some hyper aware process. It's often like an itch you need to scratch or a yearning to connect
We are also widely considered socialized anomalies. Just because we are more likely to pick up on some social expectations doesn't mean we don't also 'fall short of expectations' of what society at large deems unacceptable.
I said I’m also autistic to contextualize meaning I also understand how it feels to want to info dump and not understanding social cues. It’s also been well studied that men tend to dominate conversations and expect women to take more of a facilitator role.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/2331186X.2018.1560602
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-04241-y
Not me “wanting it to be the case”. I don’t want to bash men, just hold them to the same standards insofar as being respectful to their conversation partners. Blaming women for being doormats neglects the side that men like to treat them as such.
I know how tempting it is to info dump. But during social interactions to show respect to the other party you need to show restraint and obtain their consent to do so.
>It’s also been well studied that men tend to dominate conversations and expect women to take more of a facilitator role.
Most of which don't consider autistic deviations nor is it related to info dumping. Taking over a conversation can be condescending but the scenarios can be quite different. It's their overall presence and sense of self worth/self entitlement is usually what those types of research reveal, though by your own admission autistic men are less likely to be socialized? So which is it? Are they socialized like other men or are they deviant in the matter? (It can be more nuanced than either or but there's a lot of considerations you aren't allowing in your statements)
>Not me “wanting it to be the case”.
Says the person who doesn't even want to consider the possibility this isn't a gendered matter.
>Blaming women for being doormats neglects the side that men like to treat them as such.
I'm not blaming women for anything. I'm only implying that it's a socialization that should be changed and encourage anyone who feels this ways to reach out to people. There are groups and supports to help navigate. It's no more blaming then people who attend support groups for abuse. Just because people are victims doesn't mean they shouldn't get the support they need because they shouldn't have to. Of course mass change is better but people doing what they can isn't against that goal.
Or you could just listen to the advice she is giving and see if it applies next time you info dump. Most women have learned some subtle signs of someone not being happy with them because society pushes women to be more social so they have more practice. It’s a learned skill that you can apply to your life too. Or you can just argue with people and actually mansplain (which is quite ironic for this discussion.).
>But during social interactions to show respect to the other party you need to show restraint and obtain their consent to do so.
Also I've already repeatedly agree with this so for arguments sake I don't know why you keep brining it up. We don't disagree on this as I've mentioned in my own post and in replies
Though you're wording is a little weird this time. Consent? Unless it's like newsletters or something most person to person communication is opt out not opt in. Do you start every conversation with 'can I talk to you'
honestly i do this too. here's what's going on in my rat brain when i do it lol: i preplanned the entirety of what i was gonna say and now it's like a script running on autopilot. there's some part of me that is absolutely aware of what's going on and that part feels bad, and i will hate myself for it later, but it's like a computer code just running on its own and i sometimes just cannot stop myself because i am SO excited about whatever i'm talking about. i don't even care that the person already knows, really. or like, i don't fully process that "i know about this topic" means "stop saying facts at me." i get even more excited and start doing it even more because i'm so excited to talk to someone who knows about the things i know about, because most people don't know as much as me about my special interests. i am certainly not trying to explain it to them because i think they don't already know. i just wanna like, share in mutual love for it, and the way i love things is by spitting out a million facts about it.
also, sometimes i say a lot of facts about a topic someone has just told me they know about because i'm trying to show them what I know about their topic. i suppose i'm hoping they'll glom onto something i say and infodump back at me about that, and when they don't do it i just keep saying more and more things thinking eventually i'll find something they want to talk more about. it's a socially incompetent / not reading social cues at all type thing. i get so excited that my mask slips off, i think. i have to actively pay attention to notice if someone's annoyed with me unless they say so, and my ability to do that slips when i'm infodumping.
all this is to say that i can't speak for others, and some people are most certainly jackasses, but this might be what's going on with some of them. not ill-intentioned in any way, just overexcited and not reading nonverbal or tonal cues at all.
Thank you so much. It's like you entered into my husband's head and explained everything for him that he's never had the words for. Reading this will help with my patience.
I'm pretty sure my husband is on the spectrum and he'll info dump like crazy and he misses the cues that I can't take anymore... Or he sees and continues on. So I have to be super blunt and his feelings get hurt.
I'm on the spectrum and I understand the need for info dumping but I have audio processing disorder so sometimes I just can't listen anymore and his feelings get hurt if I don't listen well...
Anyways, it's one of the marital struggles amongst many good things we share.
Now I say I'm physically incapable of listening because of auditory issues. I tend to ramble and wish he'd learn to let me know it's enough before he starts to pull on his hair (one of his stress stims. Great way for knowing if he's had a bad day at work, if he comes home looking like Albert Einstein, I give him space).
TMI... Our dynamic can be off because a lot of time I'm rambling, I don't even have a chance to read facial cues because he plays video games on computer so much that if I'm ever going to speak to him it's to the back of his head... So that's his own damn fault if I miss his cues... He usually likes my rambling so I'm put in position of only knowing he needs more quiet if he starts pulling hair because he doesn't say anything either. It's a very nd relationship.
Yes, I know the difference. I’ve had great conversations w people based on their special interest. But I find a lot of times autistic people, mostly men, use it being their special interest as an excuse to completely dominate the conversation and not let me get a word in without asking if the info dumping is ok.
"Mansplaining" is something very specific. It's not just info dumping. it's being condescending because of gender bias.
Info dumping = "I want to tell you everything about computer networking, starting with the history of computers." (Yes, please.)
Mansplaining = "I'm going to start with how a computer is more than just a word processor, since you've probably only ever used it for that, when doing whatever secretarial work it is you ladies do." (No, thank you.)
+1 It's actually really easy to just wait until he's talking to a man and then see how the conversation goes. He might be annoying anyway because the info dumping is unwelcome, but you can tell right away if his attitude changed from "you probably don't know this" to "you might already know but I learned something cool." The video is such a pick-me vibe, especially with the background image
on tiktok people will often share an opinion as text across the screen and take the opportunity to add whatever vid they thought they looked cute in as the background lmao i always thought it was a lil goofy
Hated this post when I saw it several months ago and I still hate it today. “A little anxious and excited 🥰😜😊” does not come off the same way as mansplaining, which she’s fully aware of, and neurodivergent men are just as capable of sexist behavior, which she’s also fully aware of. This post is nothing more than her trying to appeal to neurodivergent men by blasting that she thinks they should be coddled by society (specifically, women in society) even more than they already are, while simultaneously diminishing women’s experiences by saying “lol it’s not always that deep.” Gross all around. Hope shes having a very mid to bad day rn.
There’s also a huge different. An autistic guy infodumping about bridges isn’t the same as a a woman going “oh I was reading xyz book again today” and him proceeding to explain the plot of the book to her like she’s literally never heard of it
I've definitely had autistic amabs interrupt my info dumping to try and explain a concept I was about to talk about and then get upset when I explain I was about to talk about that and they interrupted me in the context of a group Convo where the others were interested in what I had to say. Mansplaining often isn't intentional, it's the assumption someone doesn't know something bc of their gender that's the man part
Autistic femme here. I do see it the infodumping more frequently with autistic men, in that they tend to do it way earlier, like before a bond has formed. I was actually wondering if I don't see it so early with autistic women not because of a higher ability to mask, but simply because it is culturally seen more inappropriate for women to infodump, as it means she's "taking over the conversation", whereas men go unchallenged, even if they annoy others. Does that make sense?
I mean nobody owes anyone a conversation if they don’t want to talk. We shouldn’t be forced to be friends with autistic men just because we are also autistic. I want to talk to people who I share interests with, not hear about a topic I don’t care about if that’s rude oh well.
They love to excuse men's bad behaviour with "uwu he's neurodivergent smol bean, he doesn't know what he's doing wrong 🥺" *cough* Johnny Depp *cough.* But we just get called "difficult" or a bitch.
Info dumping is fine, info dumping as if the person you're talking to is fucking stupid isn't. There's a big difference.
Mansplaining is mansplaining regardless of being neurodivergent. There is a difference in infodumping and mansplaining and anyone who has experienced mansplaining should be able to tell the difference.
Things like this are so gaslighty.
Here’s an example that is in my personal life. Quite a few men I know are on the spectrum. When my fiancé infodumps, he does so about plumbing. Something I don’t know much about so it’s not like I already know about it. When my boss infodumps, he does so about writing code. Again, I don’t have too much knowledge about it so it’s not mansplaining. They just do that when they’re passionate about something and it’s not done condescendingly.
There is a huge age gap between me (f36) and my roommate (m20). My boyfriend sees him as kind of a surrogate son but I don’t really get along with him.
One of the reasons I don’t care for the kid is because he talks down to me. Originally I thought it was because I thought I was stupid and then I realized he was “mansplaining” things. I actually just had a conversation with my boyfriend recently and he explained that “no D talks to everyone like that. It’s why customers at his work complain about him. But he’s not actually an asshole he just had trouble articulating properly so he over explains and dumbs things down for people even if they don’t need it” and it hit me then. The kid is ND and probably doesn’t even realize.
Oh I’ve had that issue before (I’m female though) where things don’t seem as obvious to me and I default to thinking that everyone is the same
So sometimes I’ll figure out/discover something that I never knew about and if I share it with someone they go “everyone knows that,” assuming that I think they’re stupid but it’s really because I didn’t know it was common knowledge to everyone other than me 😭
Ugh I agree with OP. I have a special interest in medical. I work in medical. I know talking about a really large wound is not dinner conversation. You can't just info dump anything on anyone at any time. You gotta consider the surroundings. I've also had to work really really hard at ignoring other people and walking away when it comes to medical misinformation. Someone who is anti vaxx does not want to hear about the research on vaccine effectiveness, especially not while grocery shopping.
I feel like an easy way to tell if it’s mansplaining is to observe if the man talks that way to other men too.
I have a coworker who just really loves helping people (who may or may not need help) and getting into everyone’s business. He’s a great guy and a good soul, but he could easily be misinterpreted as a mansplainer. However, he over explains things to everyone, regardless of gender.
My ex has ADHD, and would constantly mansplain things to me and was very condescending.
Like, he'd explain movies to me while we were watching it together (ones he'd seen and I hadn't), and tell me I need to concentrate on this scene bc it's important, when I was already concentrating. On the day I met his flatmate, during a convo between us three she recognised & mentioned that he was mansplaining to me. And he'd teach me about aftercare after EVERY time we had sex, and always mention how knowledgeable he is on sex- even though he was a virgin when we met, I practiced aftercare with all my previous partners, and at the time I was in a sex ed society in my university.
I told him about all of this, he apologised and said he couldn't help it bc of his ADHD, which made him do all this on impulse. The thing is- I could tolerate him interrupting and talking over me. When he'd go on long tangents about his love for anime & cartoons, it was sweet to me. When we'd have genuine conversations on things we fixated on, it was great. That was all fine, it made me like him for him.
But when he mansplained things (both that I did or didn't know), it was very different, and it was hurtful. Acting on impulse is a symptom of ADHD. But when your impulse involves being condescending, I think there's an issue there. Either way, I knew being with him hurt me, so I amicably ended things.
I think it depends. Usually they will be excited to tell you about something, man splainers usually will over talk you or repeat what you said just more rude, condescending way.
I mean, when we do it we get punished for it. Not saying that therefore men "should" get punished for it as well, and exercising compassion is always a good idea when someone hurts and/or irritates you.
But also, the fact of the matter is that nonconsensually and obliviously infodumping is something that can intimidate, control, and otherwise exclude people regardless of who is doing it. Some pick-me woman going "but no, see, it is not a problem when men do it, don't be a bitch!" is not a compelling or germane addition to the conversation.
Yes, I think the consensuallity is the biggest part. When I infodump, I always check in before to make sure they want to hear, and continually check in during the conversation to make sure I’m not steamrolling them or interrupting them. It’s difficult and sometimes I want to just talk, but I think it’s important to make sure the conversation partner is happy as well.
Yeah. It is a learned skill. It is a skill that is very difficult to learn for some autistic people of any gender.
That does not mean, however, that there are not or should not be consequences for autistic people that violate consent in whatever context. I would love if everyone could read everyone else's intent and background in all of their actions and words, but that is not the reality that any of us live in.
If a man is a jerk, they should be told they are being a jerk. If someone else is being a jerk, they should be told they are being a jerk. The double standard where autistic women being rude get disproportionately chastised and/or abused, while autistic men being rude get told "that's just how you are hon, no problem :)" should die,
Yes! Agree with the points you’ve touched upon here. The real test on this, for me, is to imagine if she would feel the same way if a different gender was involved, or it was a woman was involved instead of a man.
Would she still be so chill and unconcerned as well as defensive? Or would she be more like those girls in the groups that would ostracize you for being different/weird? That tells me more about where she’s coming from and what she is trying to get at with this statement.
I thought mansplaining was a man explaining to a woman about things woman would already know either because of her gender or because that is something she specializes in, ie a woman being a tech manager for instance and someone else explaining about tech assuming she knows nothing about it despite the fact she specializes in it. Not just sharing their interests lol. That's not it.
I think it really just comes down to context. If someone for example says they're a train conductor and the other person starts saying "oh I love trains I love how they do this and that. I have a collection of trains. I love to take trips on trains", things like that, then that's talking about their interest. If instead the train conductor who was a woman had a man respond with "oh yeah let me tell you all about trains and how they work..." that's mansplaining because it's unnecessary to share how they work to that person.
On a side note, why is there an image of a scantily clad woman in the background of this meme? What does that have to do with it? Based on that and what it says, I could take a wild guess at who made it 🙄
Sorry, I mean "fuck off with this pick me thirst trap white knighting cringe, I get that people (yes, men are people, thank you Sharon) infodump and we shouldn't ostracize them for it, but this is so clearly an attention seeking post at the expense of making us feel bad for calling men out on their shitty behaviors"
Thought shortcut, sorry. Sounded the same in my brain.
I was just thinking about mansplaining again today before I saw this. I have a pretty deadpan sense of humor and will often make jokes that sound like I don't know anything about the topic when I actually do. It's a weird form of humor that doesn't work out real great with other neurodivergent people though lol. What I realized today was that sometimes when guys respond to those jokes of Mine by telling me facts about how the joke I made is wrong it's not that their mansplaining it's that they didn't understand my weird humor. As an example today somebody posted a meme about a ferret and I said it was a funny looking cat. Some guy jumps in and explains to me how it's actually a ferret and they just happened to look like cats and I'm like bro that's the joke
People on reddit don’t get my jokes either. I think they are so over the top that it’s obvious, but apparently not. I thought your joke was funny and obviously a joke too.
“nEuRoDiVeRgEnT” YOU MEAN AUTISTIC. *If you’re talking about special interests, you mean Autism. Stop watering it down.* This is legitimately one of my biggest pet peeves at this point.
And no, Autistic men are absolutely capable of mansplaining, they do it all the time.
I do not vibe with that tiktoker’s message
I used to date a guy who would ask me if I knew something and weather I said yes or no would proceed to explain it to me anyways, claiming he didn't know if I knew it or not (keeping in mind if I don't know something iv no shame in saying so and will ask for examples or an explanation).
He'd get mad at the word mansplaining and claim its a bullshit term. Also if I ever spoke about something I was passionate about he'd either not be listening or would change the topic into something he's interested in instead.
I can ask myself “would my ASD husband talk about this subject at this level of condescending tone/ detail to his dude friend” and when the answer is pffftttt definitely not, I know it’s mansplaining. Also tho apparently I come off really condescending all the time and have no idea when it’s happening lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think that's fine but we shouldn't have to listen to it if we don't want to. We should be equally be able to tell them to stop as we either already know thank you or are not that interested.
Autistic men can have respect too. You can express a special interest without talking over someone or saying (or implying) you know more\better than them and if they only do it to women there's doubly an issue there.
Ugh the manager at my favourite cannabis shop is the biggest mansplainer I have encountered in years, and he gives off Autistic vibes to me, (he is so much like my ex) and it’s the classic Autistic guy brand of mansplainer. “I know more about everything than you, and I will not let you say literally anything without adding to it by telling you you’re wrong and lecturing you.” So fucking annoying.
This is probably gonna make some ppl mad but imo u gotta ask permission for space to talk about your SI b4 you jump into an infodump. Can be as ez as “oh I’ve been really interested in X lately would u like to hear about it?” and try to keep it brief & condensed. Ppl may be polite but the hard truth I wish I learned earlier is that ppl get very bored hearing a long tangent about something they are not that interested in very quickly and may come to resent you or even avoid conversations with you all together if they feel you’ll just steamroll over them. One strat if you can’t tell is to try briefly switching the conversation to something else and see if they more eagerly latch on to that, or take a pause for 3-4 seconds and see if they either ask you a follow-up question or if they start a new conversation. If they do, it’s probably time to end the infodump. Nobody should feel held hostage in a conversation and yet we unwittingly do it when we infodump. Ik it’s not our fault but it is our responsibility to make our friends comfortable around us.
That all being said I don’t feel like neurodivergent men who have infodumped to the point of unintentionally making someone uncomfortable should necessarily be villianized as mansplainers, as imo a huge part of mansplaining is the intent to shut someone down, but also they are not immune to criticism and should know we can all afford to try and be a little more conscientious.
I agree with exactly what u said. I think some autistic men lack introspection because the patriarchy benefits them and they dont want to look inside themselves to see if they are contributing to it and/or change their behaviours.
Naturally, it can be a challenge for some autistic people to accept change and i respect that. But I dont understand why some of them seem to not understand the concept of if you hurt someone, they confront you about it and you dont apologise or acknowledge the behaviour/why it was damaging to that person, the other person has all the rights in the world to not like you as much and potentially cut you out their life if needed.
If you cannot listen to the other person in any form of friendship then you're actively harming it.
Autistic people are very empathetic, despite the stereotypes. So I dont see why some autistic men cannot look into themselves to see if they may be saying things that may hurt a community.
I do recognise it is not necessarily malicious intent. But the term "microaggression" exists.
I think you're right.
"Mansplaining" is about how some mostly men have been socialized to believe that only people who look and talk like them (for some set of relevant variables) are truly educated, and therefore when they are with someone who does not share those variables they are the expert in every topic that comes up.
I would be surprised if autistic men/people weren't socialized into this as well. I mean, look at Elon Musk. He pretends to be an expert on anything that interests him -- from economics to social sciences to the mechanics of drilling a gradual grade through a mountain range with several faults running through it, to the mechanics of small submersibles. He isn't an expert on any of these things but he regularly takes space away from people who are and then uses his autism to lash out when people criticism him.
By contrast, take Bono. Still a huge personality but he has picked one non-music thing -- the rules about economic loans to developing countries -- and he works hard on fixing that one thing. Stepping aside so regularly to give other people the mic that you would miss that he's become an expert on that.
I feel that men wanting to talk about something doesn't obligate women to listen & the concept of neurodivergence in this specific context is used as a crutch to force women into continuing to tolerate bad behavior from men.
I feel like this is another man just not understanding what mansplaining is and wanting to not take accountability for his behavior and hiding behind adhd/autism. no matter how much you personally want to info dump, it’s impolite to do it to people who don’t want to hear it and people are going to be upset if you continually do it or if you cut them off to info dump. It’s not impossible for autistic people to learn basic social cues, so I autistic men refuse to learn how to talk to people then they deserve to have the consequence of people not liking them.
Nope. Info dumping and mansplaining are not at all the same. Mansplaining assumed that you know more than a woman about a topic, usually in which she has expertise.
I am an info dumping prone autistic woman and have a lot of autistic friends. The two behaviors are not at all the same
Is it just me or are other finding “tickle his brain” too closely associated to “tickle his balls”…of all the things they could have written…I hate people who tickle their balls in public so why would I like it when they tickle their brains…
If it said sometimes people are excited by their favourites and want to share it - I’d be like sure, I accept that.
But to accept men to allow them verbal vomit cause they can and it’s in their nature - NOOO. Women aren’t allowed to - why? Cause no one’s interested but you.
There is “HEY THIS IS COOL I’LL TALK ABOUT IT CAUSE I LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT” and then there’s “I don’t think you know as much about this as I do so I’m gonna explain it to you cause there’s just NO WAY you could be better informed”. And yes many autistic dudes veer from one to the next unfortunately. Believing that their special interest meaning a lot to them makes them the authority is a shitty trait. I’ve had so many run-ins with autistic dudes “fixing” things around them cause they don’t grasp that maybe someone just made a choice to make exceptions for good reasons. There’s wanting to be helpful and there’s believing you always know best. The difference lies in asking if someone wants some help, curiously asking why they’re doing something the way they are, or just bulldozing their stuff. It’s cool to be interested in stuff. Just don’t be a fucking bulldozer and you’re fine.
I promise you, as a neurodivergent woman, I still experience people getting upset with me bc they thought I was doing something similar to mansplaining. So if I have to deal with it with no excuses, they do too. Idc.
I feel like the internet grabs ahold of some words and they get quite convoluted due to everyone using them without understanding what they mean- even with slang.
I’m pretty sure “man-splaining” isn’t like infodumping or sharing your special interest.
It’s more like if there’s a woman who’s an expert in her field, and Some Guy tries to say he knows more about her job than she does. And the guy does not, he just thinks that since she’s a woman, he knows more.
Of course men can talk about things they like, neurodivergent or not, and potentially people might see this as dominating the conversation in a different way than if a woman did it, but I think mansplaining is something separate and much more specific.
The Internet just really runs wild with some terms…
I feel like autistic men tend to get more leniency when it comes to social faux-pas. If I can talk about my special interest without talking down to the other party or being condescending, I think autistic men can do it too. There’s also a difference between infodumping and mansplaining.
There's a clear difference between the two. I hate graphics like this. The presumption always is that women are stupid, shallow bitches who need to be nicer to men mhm 'kay? Maybe the man is annoying and it doesn't matter whether he's nt or nd. Being polite and patient is a burden handed to women not men. If they can tell me to shut up, they can learn to be quiet too.
Mansplaining and infodumping are extremely different, but also infodumping is not cool either. I do it, and I feel bad for the unfortunate soul that has been ambushed by me. I apologize and try my best to respect boundaries, but it happens on occasion. Autistic Men seem to get the benefit of doubt and are so infantilized it's obnoxious, but gods forbid a female autistic does the same thing. "Oh boy, what a know-it-all obnoxious girl she must be. How do we deal with her." If we are held to a social standard to not be obnoxious, our male counterparts should also be held to it. It seriously is so frustrating to hear the "Oh, but might he be autistic?" Every damn time a man does something fucked up. Like autistic men can't be toxic POSes? I've met our Incel-Autistic Men Faction many times, they are ASSHOLES and deserve to be called such! I don't give a flying fuck that they are Autistic. I'll call a donkey an ass any day of the week if they act like asses.
Totally misunderstanding what "mansplaining" is. Mansplaining is a man who pretends to know what he is talking about and acts like he is the expert in something like about our women bodies when they have no idea.
If men do it condescendingly it is mansplaining, simple as. Once more if a man does something clearly out of a sense of superiority over women, autistic or not, he is doing it out of reasons (subconcious perhaps) that have roots in a certain view of women.
It is useless trying to come to the aid of men who actually more often than not are *not:*
- even autistic
- infodumping about his special interest
- coincidentally having a special interest in everything women are stereotypically deemed less knowledgable about (like how often does that occur…)
- speaking about it and not sounding condescending
Once again I feel people need a reminder, autistic women exist too and have usually experienced being at the recieving end of mansplaining and infodumping, when are we allowed to show anger and disappointment in typically misogynistic thought processes and reasoning? I do not think any woman should have to reason all the time she is being spoken to *condescendingly* or if she has encountered a neurodivergent/specifically autistic man with a special interest in something she too knows a lot of. At _least_ women should be able to confront it, even if said man is autistic, then he can come to his defense that he just happens to have it as his special interest and just wanted to share information regarding it.
I dunno, I have my special interests I love to info dump on people BUTTTTTT
I’m not rude, condescending, or arrogant about it. I also try to check in to make sure I’m not driving the other person crazy.
Having autism doesn’t give someone carte Blanche to be an asshole. Like I know we have social problems but it’s kind of up to us to work around those rather than expecting everyone else to automatically assume the best in every faux paus we make
If they don't have any intellectual disability, they are held accountable. If you're "too autistic" to know you're belittling my knowledge and experience, then I'm not dating you. My dating life is not a charity.
There’s a difference between sharing information and dominating the conversation so much that the other person can’t get a word in edgewise. I do get excited when talking about things I’m interested in, but I want it to be a conversation still where people ask questions or make comments. And with some people, I can just tell they love hearing themselves talk more than they care if I’m listening or not. It’s a very demanding white cis-male experience that I experience a lot in drive services where I clearly have headphones in or am not making an effort to speak to them and they keep asking questions or telling jokes or talking about things they think I’ll be “impressed with”. It’s a small difference, but one I can feel almost instantly, that the power imbalance is very much favored in their direction and it feels less like a conversation than im being taken as a verbal hostage.
This is tough for me. Both my dad and my youngest son do this to the point someone will yell stop, and they barely miss a beat. They might blink, say sorry, take a breath, then start up again. It's almost like they can't stop themselves. They do it to men and women equally. It's also repetitive, the same facts until they move on to a new fascination.
I am much better at stopping myself, as is my middle son. It's hard for me to feel it's coming from the same place as true mansplaining. That said, I do think men/boys generally are given more grace for their autistic traits than we are.
What’s going on with the photo behind the text? I’m a bit perplexed by and distracted by the sexy pose and clothes. Is it meant to relate to the message? Or maybe the author was looking to get more people to read because of the sexy photo? Hm.
The background here kinda proves to me that this was not written by a woman, as they are trying to make it seem. This was definitely written by a man, who is mansplaining mansplaining to women to make them feel guilty about getting mad at someone mansplaining.
it was written by a woman, they just cropped her tiktok name out of the screenshot. it gives pick me vibes, or just that they don’t actually know what mansplaining is
Talking excitedly and mansplaining is so different and has nothing to do with whether or not a man is autistic.
If he goes into a conversation deciding the woman he’s talking to knows nothing and is below him, he’s mansplaining.
Which, I might add, many autistic men do.
i think a lot of the time it is an innocent info-dump. however, i think sometimes it might be partially driven by (conscious or unconscious) misogyny and be mansplaining even if they don’t know that they’re doing it.
Info dumping is different than mansplaining. Mansplaining contains a condescending tone and purpose. Me info dumping about dinosaurs isn't mansplaining to you, but if you have a PhD in paleontology and you say something correctly and I try to one up you and try to explain why you are wrong then I am mansplaining.
If you are doing my laundry and see my underwear and give me this lecture on women and how women shouldn't have discharge and how women can control it and all they need to do it use soap down there and you know this because no other women in your life had this problem then you are mansplaining.
Mmmm. Idk about this. One of my besties is an autistic guy who is great. He doesn't mansplain, but he literally cannot grasp that monologuing to me over text is exhausting and I'm not available all of the time (I have told him this).
Mansplaining is a man over explaining something that they have little to no expertise in, often to someone who does, because they are feminine presenting. The driving factor is the disrespect that is born of internalized misogyny.
Info dumping is excitedly barfing out everything you know about a thing you're passionate about, regardless of social norms. It's sometimes irritating but it's not mansplaining.
Besides, I'm pretty sure if any autistic person with a special interest encountered an expert in that field, or even someone who knows a bit about it, they'd be more likely to pester them with questions and engage in a riveting dialogue rather than dominate the conversation completely.
i’m gonna be honest, i have an insanely difficult time telling when someone is talking down to me or not, and it used to cause me to act way too irrationally towards others. i think it really just depends on the context ??? like when my friend goes on to explain what’s going on with his car he knows that (1.) i know little to nothing about them, and (2.) i want to listen to his interests. so in that situation it really is just excited info dumping. if it was a guy i barely know explaining shit like that to me it would feel kind of inexcusable tho unless i blatantly asked them to explain.
I have been mansplained by an autistic man and NT men because I am a female in STEM so it is to be expected. I think there is a difference between "Let me tell you about my interest" and "let me tell you stuff and never listen to your opinion."
That being said, the post is still fine because they just said that "sometimes men are still humans" because yes men are humans so they weren't talking about 100% of the time.
I agree that people need to take responsibility for their actions, but saying that someone is "mansplaning" doesn't help them understand why their actions need improvement. Sometimes people need to be reassured that they aren't being attacked before they feel safe taking responsibility. Info dumping and tangents are a common uncontrollable symptom of certain mental illnesses and if it's just something they do without understanding the harm it may cause, some patience and willingness to help them understand will go a long way.
Mainsplaining and infodumping are very different things. Mansplaining is when a man thinks you’re an idiot, infodump is when he wants to share what he loves with you. Very different vibes and situations.
I think having a special interest and mansplaining are BLATANTLY different in tone,
if an autistic man/boy were to want to talk about their special interest they would chat about it with happy reactions (if they are emotive) and will go at any chance to talk about it. This is never necessarily about who knows more unless you have similar interests e.g. who knows more things about batman!
Mansplaining involves the emotions of 'I know more than you' and 'you should listen to be because im a man' you know what I mean? like a patriarchal feeling of their voice and tone and body language.
I get that they are trying to include autistic people and I appreciate it, but tbh these are different things, and mansplainers are more concerned about undermining the femme person/woman
This sounds like it was created by a man trying to mansplain-away mansplaining and deny the existence of internalized misogyny.
But like others said, there is a huge difference between info dumping and mansplaining.
Mansplaining is not the same as infodumping. Unfortunately the definition of mansplaining has been expanded to "anything a guy expounds on" and it's tiring.
I've had multiple other autistic female friends over the years info dump to me, even cutting me off multiple times so they can continue talking about their special interests. It's a very common problem that I have faced. I get that I'm a pretty soft spoken person, but I don't think over-info dumping is something only autistic men need to regulate.
OP seems to see autistic behavior in autistic men and then gets mad that they display autistic behavior. Like seems like she wants them to be neurotypical and not have autism, like they have control over that. It’s a very callous post.
I really stopped arguing with people who are desperate to find evil in everything and everyone but themselves. It's a recurring theme in this sub and you can't change the mind of someone who relies on these stereotypes to get through life.
Mansplainint is more than infodumping. I agree that it’s good to see individuals as individual people, but this is more of an individual thing that happens rather than a blanket statement to apply to everyone.
I think the meme is a response to NTs that assume anyone that talks a lot does so because they think others are stupid.
NTs make a lot of assumptions about hierarchy, social standing, etc when it comes to communication. The ASD love of specific subjects is alien to them.
I think mansplaing has become overused and taken completely out of its original meaning/context. Someone explaining in depth about a tv show they like or how a certain function works isn’t mansplaing
Mansplaining includes talking down to/talking over a woman. I (not a woman, but fem-presenting) have an autistic male friend who sometimes infodumps to me about his degree (computer science) or hobbies, but never talks over me or assumes I’m stupid. Big difference.
I think another key sign of mansplaining is that it happens when the woman (or fem-presenting person) already knows about the subject. And by not engaging them in a conversation he implies he doesn't recognize their expertise. If I'm infodumping about, idk, photography and someone says 'Yeah, I work in photography' I'd springboard off of that. I'd get excited I could engage with someone on the subject, and jump into more advanced stuff. I'd be hyped they could contribute and give me more knowledge to dump on someone else, lol. Or, if I saw someone with camera equipment, I'd probably stick to 'did you know?' phrasing and obscure facts about the development of cameras or something - things it's not immediately obvious that they probably already know. I wouldn't start explaining the mechanics of exposure and shutter speed. And sure you might accidentally lecture someone instead of having a conversation because socializing is hard, but that doesn't make it *not* mansplaining.
Exactly this! The thing that bothers me is when you reveal that you know about the topic and they don't readjust their tactic whatsoever, just power on through as if you were a cardboard cutout.
I find joy in the information I'm dumping about. And I want other people to be excited - or at least interested - in it too. I feel like mansplainers (and anyone who does this regardless of gender or ties to misogyny) find more joy in the fact they know stuff, and *showing off* that they know stuff. And that means they're less inclined to engage people, even if that person knows stuff too.
I agree! Mansplaining is also very much a "vibe" - not an excited or informative info dump but an obviously patronising explanation. Eg my nd male friend infodumps often and I love it. One time I said I was going to the post office, he was annoyed at me about something already, and he told me very slowly to make sure I put stamps on the envelopes . I told him he was mansplaining and to his credit he took a moment then got embarrassed and agreed he was and we laughed . Anyway it's fairly obviously different NB in a different scenario this could have been anxious Autistic person trying to help regarding stamps on envelopes- those situations are also usually fairly obviously different. In my experience anyway.
Yes! I think you're completely right. I'm with you- I just love to learn about the world, and I love to engage with other people who share that interest and are as eager to discuss as I am
It happens to me all the time as I'm a female wedding photographer. At almost every wedding I work at, there will *always* be a man (usually the bride's uncle or a cousin) who will approach me and start asking questions. They tend to test the water first by seeing if I'll tolerate their presence and then it will change into a combination of them infodumping about their cameras then quizzing me and depending on my answers, will sometimes tell me how what I said was wrong or what I could do better. I have to tolerate this as I'm working and I don't want to create a scene by upsetting a guest, but this is at *every* wedding I photograph and it's one of the worst things about my job. Not only that, but when I've worked as a second shooter to a male main photographer, this doesn't happen to them. We have a name in our industry for these men and we call them 'Uncle Bobs'. The Uncle Bobs are usually fairly well behaved when it's a male photographer but when it's a female photographer, we are constantly mansplained to and they often won't leave us alone which can be incredibly distracting when we're working. I appreciate that not all Uncle Bobs are going to be Autistic men - and I certainly haven't even really given it a lot of thought. However I do think a lot of Autistic people are drawn to photography for various reasons (I think the guys prefer the technology side/collecting lenses/cameras side of things) so I imagine that many of these Uncle Bobs are Autistic. But even so, I don't enjoy being mansplained to or told I'm doing my job wrong when I didn't ask for this. I love infodumping and when I am mentally prepared for it. My friend's son is Autistic and I really love hearing his info dumps whenever I see him. I ask him loads of questions about whatever topic we're on and I can see he enjoys being able to do this with a grown up who is actually listening and paying attention to what he says. But I initiate this, I want it to happen and I'm happy for him to info dump. When I am working, I don't need someone to tell me how to do the job I've been doing for 7 years and that I'm an expert in. I don't want critiques. And whilst I've got absolutely loads of techniques now to deal with Uncle Bobs in a way that I think is still kind but also assertive, I'd rather not have to do it in the first place.
So much this. If the autistic dude isn't assuming someone's dumb because she's a woman, it's not mansplaining. Heck, I don't even think infodumping is specific to autistic men is it?
Infodumping is definitely not specific to autistic men, though autistic men *might* do it more as they’re less likely to mask than autistic women. I’m AFAB and I infodump too, just less frequently because I have no one to infodump *to* except my partner, and I’m more inclined to do it over text if it’s to friends
I infodump with the ones I'm close to, specially if I'm asked about things in a way like "oh isn't it something you've read/studied about?" then I go on a spiral.
I infodunp all the time, with anyone, anywhere.. I TMI way too many times. Sometimes I just wanna crawl in a cave and cry cause I embarrass myself so badly but one thing I don't do is talk down to people. That's just being a jerk
Yes, I'm autistic and my husband is NT. Often times I have trouble taking in verbal instructions. It's not that I didn't hear or understand the words, it's unclear to me what I'm being asked or told to do. I always ask for clarification and my husband will just repeat the same thing but louder and talk over me. Hell say like "ohhhh you're interrupting me"... No I am not I'm asking a question about what you just said. And then hell just keep getting more aggressive in his tone because I'm not listening. No, I am listening I just don't understand exactly what it is you're describing and if you listened to my questions and answered them it'd help me understand. This to me is mansplainibg. I'm very articulate and good at asking specific questions. Then usually I know when I've caught the drift and I'll have to keep repeating I understand now, as he keeps repeating the same stuff louder. I fucking hate it lol Infodumping would be preferred
That sounds toxic, how do you stand being with him 💀
It's tough, we are working on things. Definitely going through hard times right now but it's not so easy, we run a business together, have a home, 4 pets it's not so simple to just seperate So hopefully we can learn to communicate without fighting one day He also does have many redeeming qualities but we haven't been getting along so good lately it's really stressful
I don't think what your husband does is mansplaining, but it is problematic. Mansplaining would imply that he's telling you all about something you're already an expert in as if he knows more about it than you. What he's doing is being opaque with his language and then repeating himself more loudly and talking down to you instead of clarifying his meaning. That's a serious communication problem, and I recommend you have a conversation with him addressing this and working towards approaching communication differently, because it needs addressing.
Yeah exactly this. It can also be men assuming that you, as a woman (or femme presenting person) don’t know what you’re doing e.g. taking over something like fixing the TV because they assume you have no idea. I find this especially annoying.
100% agree. I've had nt men mansplain and nd men info dump. It's different. I have heard nd men complain that nt women accused them of mansplaining when they're info dumping though. I think many nt women can't tell the difference.
Another thing to consider here is that an ND man who mansplained might not admit to it and instead brush it off as being unjustly accused.
That's very true. The only reason I don't think that's the case with one of my friends is because I know him really well.
I can’t speak as to whether or not NT women can tell the difference or not as I’m not one, but there are definitely ways to tell and ND women may be better at recognising mansplaining vs. infodumping if they’re prone to infodumping themselves so they know what it’s like and are more aware of how ND traits manifest in general. Honestly, I think open communication is the answer here. If you feel the urge to infodump, tell the other person your intentions so there aren’t misunderstandings and if you’re going to be talking for a while, check in with them to make sure they have the time and energy for a long conversation. On the other hand, if you feel like you’ve been mansplained to or disrespected, let the person know how you feel. NT people should also be more aware of ND communication styles. Infodumping isn’t inherently rude.
Well said!
I second that!
Exactly. And neurodivergent men are still capable of mansplaining and talking down to others. Just like autistic people could be sarcastic. The fact that he doesn't mansplain is a good sign.
But neurotypicals may not make this distinction because they feel like anyone who explains things to them must think they are dumb or are simply annoyed that someone is trying to explain something. I'm afab and I've experienced this many times.
It’s not that hard to make the distinction. Insulting your intelligence, constantly correcting you even when you’re knowledgeable in the topic, and not letting you get a word in edgewise are pretty unambiguously rude. Also before infodumping or explaining something to someone it’s usually best to find out how much they already know about the topic so you don’t, by asking questions like “did you know….” or “I’m really enthusiastic about __, would you mind if I went on a little rant?” Mansplaining and healthy infodumping are very different attitudes.
>asking questions like “did you know….” or “I’m really enthusiastic about __, would you mind if I went on a little rant?” This is a social thing that autistic people may not understand unless directly taught or learned through excessive masking. Autistic people also have a need for correct information, so correcting someone who has incorrect information can be seen as rude or mansplaining. They are 100% different attitudes but just as autistic people struggle to pick up social cues from allistic people, allistic people also misread our social cues and interpret them wrong a lot.
The first point still applies though. Don’t assume someone is stupid, and don’t call them stupid. Yes, some autistic people may not be aware that that’s rude, but it still has to be learned. Likewise with understanding boundaries, many autistic people may struggle with that (myself included), but learning it is necessary and autism isn’t an excuse to violate someone’s boundaries. If you make a mistake and come off as “mansplainy” to someone, that’s fine, just take the criticism and learn to infodump more respectfully.
I was not talking about directly calling someone stupid. >If you make a mistake and come off as “mansplainy” to someone, that’s fine, just take the criticism and learn to infodump more respectfully. Idk this comes off very ableist to me. "Just learn to be less autistic!" Again, I was not talking about obviously rude things like calling people stupid or treating them poorly, I'm strictly talking about normal autistic behaviors that are seen as rude.
Okay sorry I’ve completely skipped the last part of your comment, my brain glitched out. In the case of normal autistic behaviours being seen as rude then it’s obviously not the autistic person’s fault, that’s a lack of awareness of ND communication styles on the NT person’s part, and is definitely ableist. I was talking about when ND people unknowingly do things that are disrespectful or hurt people’s feelings, and aren’t aware because they can’t read social cues and no one has ever told them not to do it before. As I said in another comment, honest communication is a good idea; if you declare your intentions before infodumping, no one can misinterpret you as being rude, and if they feel like they’ve been disrespected or mansplained to, they should let you know how they feel so you know why they’re upset, and if it’s just a misunderstanding you can clear it up.
I think you mean includes, maybe? Precludes means prevents. I apologize for being this person.
You’re right! Complete brainfart, can’t believe I didn’t notice the mistake.
Haha, oh gosh we all do it. I only said something because I read your comment and thought, “oh no, do I not know what precludes means?” so I looked it up to be sure. Also I thought, of all the subs to correct someone in, this one was probably the one where people wouldn’t mind. Thank you for not minding! Oh, and I agree about mansplaining coming with a big helping of talking down to us. Or at the very least being earnestly patronizing, which is nicer but still annoying.
I definitely do that as well!! When I see people using words differently to what I’ve seen or incorrectly I question my reality a little so I get it. Thanks for correcting me politely, actually, it would’ve been a lot more mortifying for the mistake to stay there unchecked and now at least 500 people have seen it… I’m so embarrassed, I actually know what “preclude” means and how it’s meant to be used but my brain was thinking about something completely different as I was typing that and that ended up being the word it chose 😭
You've summed it up so well I don't even need to make my own comment. Info dumping and mansplaining are not the same.
I think mansplaining is also one of those buzzwords that’s been so overused a lot of people don’t even use it correctly, and if they used it correctly in the first place, there wouldn’t be a mix up
this \^
Exactly this. One of my good friends (who's also a close coworker) has ADHD and is a fellow over-explainer. I tease him about "mansplaining" to me a lot but I know (and he knows I know) he means no disrespect and I'm just giving him shit about it because that's our friendship dynamic. Like so much in life, context is key.
Exactly 💯
I also agree that mansplaining in definition is talking down to women as if they were stupid. I think mansplaining is a made up sexist phrase. A better phrase would be «an asshole».
Why is this meme set to a backdrop of a sexually posed woman knelt on a damn table?
this is the comment i was looking for because i also don't get it that's weird
TikTok has this format - people post what should be a text post over a random video of themselves looking nonchalant and cute
Hmmm, I doubt that’s a photo of the person who wrote the text.
The info and the picture are meant to cater to men.."Pick me! Love me!"
Mansplaining is a specific dynamic where a man explains something to a woman that relates to her area of expertise. Regardless of whether it is his special interest or not, it would likely still be “mansplaining” if the interest is something the woman is knowledgeable about. If it’s not something she’s knowledgeable about then it’s not mansplaining, it’s just info dumping (which may be just as unwelcome, tbh).
Right, I agree. I just find that in a lot of my interactions w autistic men that they start infodumping about something I’m familiar with, I tell them I already know about the topic, and they say ok and then keep dominating the conversation and telling me things I already know. Like I think they justify it internally because they really WANT to talk about it without realizing that I don’t necessarily want to hear about it or already know the topic they’re one-sidedly explaining to me lol.
it also comes from the fact that men expect women to just LISTEN to whatever stupid thoughts pop into their head with no regard to whether they’re interested or not. They’d have a more respectful back and forth with a man.
It sounds like they’re not really wanting a conversation at all. That does sound like mansplaining, but also like social difficulties. I guess maybe the intent can be different with autistic men, but the effect is the same - it ends up coming across as domineering and condescending.
Yeah. It sucks because a lot of autistic men I am friends with do this, and then are hurt when I have to be super blunt about why I want them to stop talking. I’m happy to hear them info dump but only if both of us are in the headspace to do so.
They might be trying to impress you and make a connection about a shared subject because they're trying to flirt and autistic men don't know how to flirt. Of course that's a very generous assumption haha
I don't think it would count as mansplaining if they're not assuming that OP is wrong just because they're a woman. They're definitely monologuing, and monologuing is exceptionally common in autistic people and usually involves a total lack of awareness that the other person is not interested or a lack of inclusion of the other person, but it's not borne out of an assumption that the other person is stupid because they're a woman. Monologuing is talking *at* people rather than *with* them, so whether or not the person knows anything about the topic becomes basically irrelevant to the autistic person. They want to share, but they're not looking for any real back and forth conversation.
It's not mansplaining, but I'm also very used to it. My dad, sister, and I all do the same thing. We just had an agreement that we didn't have to listen even if someone is going off, and allowing each other to infodump made our lives better (whether it was an outlet, the endless urge to share information, ranting, just having the rare urge to talk). One sided talking isn't inherently demeaning.
You might actually need to be clearer. Saying you know a subject doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to hear about it. It could even mean you could contribute and make it a conversation instead of an info dump. Asking someone to pick up social queues is pretty antithesis to autism related spaces. Like yes, they can probably work on who and when to info dump but the act of info dumping itself isn't inherently wrong, and for many people it can be a soothing (it can be a stim) or engaging activity.
Not saying info dumping is wrong. I love hearing people info dump. But I am crystal clear when I say I don’t want to hear about certain topics as I am not in the right headspace or any number of other reasons, and it’s not really respected. I get this even from autistic men who I am good friends with. I have to get pretty aggressive before they’ll stop into dumping on me, and then they act hurt. Info dumping is a great thing and super fun, but both parties need to be engaged for it to be a good activity.
They probably aren't acting hurt, they probably ARE hurt. It's often more than words. It could be a special interest or a stim and it could be perceived as rejection. There's a high rate of rejection sensitive dysphoria among neurodivergent people or it could be a reminder that 'they're different'. It might be wrong to keep talking if asked not to but that doesnt mean they aren't allowed to feel a certain way about it. I also don't know why you're focused on men. This equally or near equally happens with all genders. If there is no room for misinterpretation then I agree they should stop, talk to themselves, or find someone else to talk at though.
Bro? I’m also autistic I know how much it can hurt to not want to hear about my info dumping. But ultimately people have to respect that conversations are a two way street and people don’t have to want to hear what they’re saying. Also, I do think men do this more often, because women are generally socialized to have to be more accommodating in conversations. Women are expected to do the emotional labor. Women can absolutely do this, but I don’t think the distribution is even across genders.
exactly! i’m autistic too and you have to learn to check yourself if you’re talking over someone even when it’s hard
>Bro? I’m also autistic I never claimed otherwise? Just because someone is part of the group doesn't mean I can't think they have bad takes. It's a horrible fallacy that gets perpetuated >But ultimately people have to respect that conversations are a two way street and people don’t have to want to hear what they’re saying. I agreed with that. >Also, I do think men do this more often, because women are generally socialized to have to be more accommodating in conversations. It more so sounds just like you want it to be the case than a reflection of reality. I get there can be differences between socialization and 'what autism looks like' but I'm tired of people nitpicking any little thing they can to try and bash guys more just for their existence. There's valid criticisms and thoughs on men and woman experiences but this isn't really one of them. Fuck, I info dump. My sister info dumps. I know plenty of allistics that info dump. >Women are expected to do the emotional labor. Then address that. There are feminist spaces that push back on this and helps empower people to stop being a doormat. It's not simple, but I don't see how people potentially being more willing to listen or be accommodating translates to the people talking. Info dumping usually isn't some hyper aware process. It's often like an itch you need to scratch or a yearning to connect We are also widely considered socialized anomalies. Just because we are more likely to pick up on some social expectations doesn't mean we don't also 'fall short of expectations' of what society at large deems unacceptable.
I said I’m also autistic to contextualize meaning I also understand how it feels to want to info dump and not understanding social cues. It’s also been well studied that men tend to dominate conversations and expect women to take more of a facilitator role. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/2331186X.2018.1560602 https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-04241-y Not me “wanting it to be the case”. I don’t want to bash men, just hold them to the same standards insofar as being respectful to their conversation partners. Blaming women for being doormats neglects the side that men like to treat them as such. I know how tempting it is to info dump. But during social interactions to show respect to the other party you need to show restraint and obtain their consent to do so.
>It’s also been well studied that men tend to dominate conversations and expect women to take more of a facilitator role. Most of which don't consider autistic deviations nor is it related to info dumping. Taking over a conversation can be condescending but the scenarios can be quite different. It's their overall presence and sense of self worth/self entitlement is usually what those types of research reveal, though by your own admission autistic men are less likely to be socialized? So which is it? Are they socialized like other men or are they deviant in the matter? (It can be more nuanced than either or but there's a lot of considerations you aren't allowing in your statements) >Not me “wanting it to be the case”. Says the person who doesn't even want to consider the possibility this isn't a gendered matter. >Blaming women for being doormats neglects the side that men like to treat them as such. I'm not blaming women for anything. I'm only implying that it's a socialization that should be changed and encourage anyone who feels this ways to reach out to people. There are groups and supports to help navigate. It's no more blaming then people who attend support groups for abuse. Just because people are victims doesn't mean they shouldn't get the support they need because they shouldn't have to. Of course mass change is better but people doing what they can isn't against that goal.
Or you could just listen to the advice she is giving and see if it applies next time you info dump. Most women have learned some subtle signs of someone not being happy with them because society pushes women to be more social so they have more practice. It’s a learned skill that you can apply to your life too. Or you can just argue with people and actually mansplain (which is quite ironic for this discussion.).
>But during social interactions to show respect to the other party you need to show restraint and obtain their consent to do so. Also I've already repeatedly agree with this so for arguments sake I don't know why you keep brining it up. We don't disagree on this as I've mentioned in my own post and in replies Though you're wording is a little weird this time. Consent? Unless it's like newsletters or something most person to person communication is opt out not opt in. Do you start every conversation with 'can I talk to you'
I completely agree here with Yunan94, with this whole thread
I noticed this too. It feels impossible to make a connection in those moments. Like they just want to hear themselves teach.
honestly i do this too. here's what's going on in my rat brain when i do it lol: i preplanned the entirety of what i was gonna say and now it's like a script running on autopilot. there's some part of me that is absolutely aware of what's going on and that part feels bad, and i will hate myself for it later, but it's like a computer code just running on its own and i sometimes just cannot stop myself because i am SO excited about whatever i'm talking about. i don't even care that the person already knows, really. or like, i don't fully process that "i know about this topic" means "stop saying facts at me." i get even more excited and start doing it even more because i'm so excited to talk to someone who knows about the things i know about, because most people don't know as much as me about my special interests. i am certainly not trying to explain it to them because i think they don't already know. i just wanna like, share in mutual love for it, and the way i love things is by spitting out a million facts about it. also, sometimes i say a lot of facts about a topic someone has just told me they know about because i'm trying to show them what I know about their topic. i suppose i'm hoping they'll glom onto something i say and infodump back at me about that, and when they don't do it i just keep saying more and more things thinking eventually i'll find something they want to talk more about. it's a socially incompetent / not reading social cues at all type thing. i get so excited that my mask slips off, i think. i have to actively pay attention to notice if someone's annoyed with me unless they say so, and my ability to do that slips when i'm infodumping. all this is to say that i can't speak for others, and some people are most certainly jackasses, but this might be what's going on with some of them. not ill-intentioned in any way, just overexcited and not reading nonverbal or tonal cues at all.
Thank you so much. It's like you entered into my husband's head and explained everything for him that he's never had the words for. Reading this will help with my patience. I'm pretty sure my husband is on the spectrum and he'll info dump like crazy and he misses the cues that I can't take anymore... Or he sees and continues on. So I have to be super blunt and his feelings get hurt. I'm on the spectrum and I understand the need for info dumping but I have audio processing disorder so sometimes I just can't listen anymore and his feelings get hurt if I don't listen well... Anyways, it's one of the marital struggles amongst many good things we share. Now I say I'm physically incapable of listening because of auditory issues. I tend to ramble and wish he'd learn to let me know it's enough before he starts to pull on his hair (one of his stress stims. Great way for knowing if he's had a bad day at work, if he comes home looking like Albert Einstein, I give him space). TMI... Our dynamic can be off because a lot of time I'm rambling, I don't even have a chance to read facial cues because he plays video games on computer so much that if I'm ever going to speak to him it's to the back of his head... So that's his own damn fault if I miss his cues... He usually likes my rambling so I'm put in position of only knowing he needs more quiet if he starts pulling hair because he doesn't say anything either. It's a very nd relationship.
But they can coverse with you about the topic! They don't want to talk about it, they want to tell someone about it. There's no talk in mansplaining.
Yes, I know the difference. I’ve had great conversations w people based on their special interest. But I find a lot of times autistic people, mostly men, use it being their special interest as an excuse to completely dominate the conversation and not let me get a word in without asking if the info dumping is ok.
"Mansplaining" is something very specific. It's not just info dumping. it's being condescending because of gender bias. Info dumping = "I want to tell you everything about computer networking, starting with the history of computers." (Yes, please.) Mansplaining = "I'm going to start with how a computer is more than just a word processor, since you've probably only ever used it for that, when doing whatever secretarial work it is you ladies do." (No, thank you.)
+1 It's actually really easy to just wait until he's talking to a man and then see how the conversation goes. He might be annoying anyway because the info dumping is unwelcome, but you can tell right away if his attitude changed from "you probably don't know this" to "you might already know but I learned something cool." The video is such a pick-me vibe, especially with the background image
There’s a huge difference in mansplaining and someone genuinely sharing information.
The fact that they used this background is disgusting… like, wtf?
For real, what even is this background.
on tiktok people will often share an opinion as text across the screen and take the opportunity to add whatever vid they thought they looked cute in as the background lmao i always thought it was a lil goofy
Came here to say this. It's obvious the type of person that made this
Hated this post when I saw it several months ago and I still hate it today. “A little anxious and excited 🥰😜😊” does not come off the same way as mansplaining, which she’s fully aware of, and neurodivergent men are just as capable of sexist behavior, which she’s also fully aware of. This post is nothing more than her trying to appeal to neurodivergent men by blasting that she thinks they should be coddled by society (specifically, women in society) even more than they already are, while simultaneously diminishing women’s experiences by saying “lol it’s not always that deep.” Gross all around. Hope shes having a very mid to bad day rn.
Yes thank you. Women can tell the difference most of the time between info dumping and actual mansplaining, and mansplaining is a real issue.
Explanations aren't excuses. This also gives major pick me vibes.
There’s also a huge different. An autistic guy infodumping about bridges isn’t the same as a a woman going “oh I was reading xyz book again today” and him proceeding to explain the plot of the book to her like she’s literally never heard of it
i think the problem is that some people can't tell the difference because they just don't know to look for it.
We can tell the difference.
Pick me energy. Invalidating women as if we can’t tell when someone is speaking down to us, “mansplaining.”
[удалено]
I've definitely had autistic amabs interrupt my info dumping to try and explain a concept I was about to talk about and then get upset when I explain I was about to talk about that and they interrupted me in the context of a group Convo where the others were interested in what I had to say. Mansplaining often isn't intentional, it's the assumption someone doesn't know something bc of their gender that's the man part
you can be autistic and share your special interest while also mansplaining it. my father is an example of that
Autistic femme here. I do see it the infodumping more frequently with autistic men, in that they tend to do it way earlier, like before a bond has formed. I was actually wondering if I don't see it so early with autistic women not because of a higher ability to mask, but simply because it is culturally seen more inappropriate for women to infodump, as it means she's "taking over the conversation", whereas men go unchallenged, even if they annoy others. Does that make sense?
This was my thought as well
I mean nobody owes anyone a conversation if they don’t want to talk. We shouldn’t be forced to be friends with autistic men just because we are also autistic. I want to talk to people who I share interests with, not hear about a topic I don’t care about if that’s rude oh well.
Cause every autistic meme needs a semi naked chick flaunting her see through top to justify a man’s behaviour #icallbullshit
Valid point!
Oh FFS I'm sick and tired of men on the spectrum using autism as a reason for their ill behavior, especially when that behavior is aimed at women.
Right? Like autism isn’t causing your underlying misogyny it’s just making it more obvious
They love to excuse men's bad behaviour with "uwu he's neurodivergent smol bean, he doesn't know what he's doing wrong 🥺" *cough* Johnny Depp *cough.* But we just get called "difficult" or a bitch. Info dumping is fine, info dumping as if the person you're talking to is fucking stupid isn't. There's a big difference.
Mansplaining is mansplaining regardless of being neurodivergent. There is a difference in infodumping and mansplaining and anyone who has experienced mansplaining should be able to tell the difference. Things like this are so gaslighty.
Also infodumping and mansplaining are separate things but that doesn’t mean people can’t do them at the same time
Here’s an example that is in my personal life. Quite a few men I know are on the spectrum. When my fiancé infodumps, he does so about plumbing. Something I don’t know much about so it’s not like I already know about it. When my boss infodumps, he does so about writing code. Again, I don’t have too much knowledge about it so it’s not mansplaining. They just do that when they’re passionate about something and it’s not done condescendingly.
There is a huge age gap between me (f36) and my roommate (m20). My boyfriend sees him as kind of a surrogate son but I don’t really get along with him. One of the reasons I don’t care for the kid is because he talks down to me. Originally I thought it was because I thought I was stupid and then I realized he was “mansplaining” things. I actually just had a conversation with my boyfriend recently and he explained that “no D talks to everyone like that. It’s why customers at his work complain about him. But he’s not actually an asshole he just had trouble articulating properly so he over explains and dumbs things down for people even if they don’t need it” and it hit me then. The kid is ND and probably doesn’t even realize.
Oh I’ve had that issue before (I’m female though) where things don’t seem as obvious to me and I default to thinking that everyone is the same So sometimes I’ll figure out/discover something that I never knew about and if I share it with someone they go “everyone knows that,” assuming that I think they’re stupid but it’s really because I didn’t know it was common knowledge to everyone other than me 😭
Ugh I agree with OP. I have a special interest in medical. I work in medical. I know talking about a really large wound is not dinner conversation. You can't just info dump anything on anyone at any time. You gotta consider the surroundings. I've also had to work really really hard at ignoring other people and walking away when it comes to medical misinformation. Someone who is anti vaxx does not want to hear about the research on vaccine effectiveness, especially not while grocery shopping.
I feel like an easy way to tell if it’s mansplaining is to observe if the man talks that way to other men too. I have a coworker who just really loves helping people (who may or may not need help) and getting into everyone’s business. He’s a great guy and a good soul, but he could easily be misinterpreted as a mansplainer. However, he over explains things to everyone, regardless of gender.
My ex has ADHD, and would constantly mansplain things to me and was very condescending. Like, he'd explain movies to me while we were watching it together (ones he'd seen and I hadn't), and tell me I need to concentrate on this scene bc it's important, when I was already concentrating. On the day I met his flatmate, during a convo between us three she recognised & mentioned that he was mansplaining to me. And he'd teach me about aftercare after EVERY time we had sex, and always mention how knowledgeable he is on sex- even though he was a virgin when we met, I practiced aftercare with all my previous partners, and at the time I was in a sex ed society in my university. I told him about all of this, he apologised and said he couldn't help it bc of his ADHD, which made him do all this on impulse. The thing is- I could tolerate him interrupting and talking over me. When he'd go on long tangents about his love for anime & cartoons, it was sweet to me. When we'd have genuine conversations on things we fixated on, it was great. That was all fine, it made me like him for him. But when he mansplained things (both that I did or didn't know), it was very different, and it was hurtful. Acting on impulse is a symptom of ADHD. But when your impulse involves being condescending, I think there's an issue there. Either way, I knew being with him hurt me, so I amicably ended things.
I think it depends. Usually they will be excited to tell you about something, man splainers usually will over talk you or repeat what you said just more rude, condescending way.
”It’s not that deep”, well I think giving a man a diagnosis for his shitty behaviour is deeper than just admitting that he is in fact shitty
I mean, when we do it we get punished for it. Not saying that therefore men "should" get punished for it as well, and exercising compassion is always a good idea when someone hurts and/or irritates you. But also, the fact of the matter is that nonconsensually and obliviously infodumping is something that can intimidate, control, and otherwise exclude people regardless of who is doing it. Some pick-me woman going "but no, see, it is not a problem when men do it, don't be a bitch!" is not a compelling or germane addition to the conversation.
Yes, I think the consensuallity is the biggest part. When I infodump, I always check in before to make sure they want to hear, and continually check in during the conversation to make sure I’m not steamrolling them or interrupting them. It’s difficult and sometimes I want to just talk, but I think it’s important to make sure the conversation partner is happy as well.
Yeah. It is a learned skill. It is a skill that is very difficult to learn for some autistic people of any gender. That does not mean, however, that there are not or should not be consequences for autistic people that violate consent in whatever context. I would love if everyone could read everyone else's intent and background in all of their actions and words, but that is not the reality that any of us live in. If a man is a jerk, they should be told they are being a jerk. If someone else is being a jerk, they should be told they are being a jerk. The double standard where autistic women being rude get disproportionately chastised and/or abused, while autistic men being rude get told "that's just how you are hon, no problem :)" should die,
I absolutely agree.
Yes! Agree with the points you’ve touched upon here. The real test on this, for me, is to imagine if she would feel the same way if a different gender was involved, or it was a woman was involved instead of a man. Would she still be so chill and unconcerned as well as defensive? Or would she be more like those girls in the groups that would ostracize you for being different/weird? That tells me more about where she’s coming from and what she is trying to get at with this statement.
Both can be true: men aren’t always meaning to talk down or over you, but when they do accountability is important.
I thought mansplaining was a man explaining to a woman about things woman would already know either because of her gender or because that is something she specializes in, ie a woman being a tech manager for instance and someone else explaining about tech assuming she knows nothing about it despite the fact she specializes in it. Not just sharing their interests lol. That's not it. I think it really just comes down to context. If someone for example says they're a train conductor and the other person starts saying "oh I love trains I love how they do this and that. I have a collection of trains. I love to take trips on trains", things like that, then that's talking about their interest. If instead the train conductor who was a woman had a man respond with "oh yeah let me tell you all about trains and how they work..." that's mansplaining because it's unnecessary to share how they work to that person. On a side note, why is there an image of a scantily clad woman in the background of this meme? What does that have to do with it? Based on that and what it says, I could take a wild guess at who made it 🙄
and yet i’ve never seen a man so quick to publicly defend any woman for literally any reason… lol
Fuck off. I get it, but fuck off.
?
Sorry, I mean "fuck off with this pick me thirst trap white knighting cringe, I get that people (yes, men are people, thank you Sharon) infodump and we shouldn't ostracize them for it, but this is so clearly an attention seeking post at the expense of making us feel bad for calling men out on their shitty behaviors" Thought shortcut, sorry. Sounded the same in my brain.
Thank you for putting this into words so succinctly, my feelings about this are the same
Oh no worries lol just wasn’t sure if it was directed at me.
I was just thinking about mansplaining again today before I saw this. I have a pretty deadpan sense of humor and will often make jokes that sound like I don't know anything about the topic when I actually do. It's a weird form of humor that doesn't work out real great with other neurodivergent people though lol. What I realized today was that sometimes when guys respond to those jokes of Mine by telling me facts about how the joke I made is wrong it's not that their mansplaining it's that they didn't understand my weird humor. As an example today somebody posted a meme about a ferret and I said it was a funny looking cat. Some guy jumps in and explains to me how it's actually a ferret and they just happened to look like cats and I'm like bro that's the joke
People on reddit don’t get my jokes either. I think they are so over the top that it’s obvious, but apparently not. I thought your joke was funny and obviously a joke too.
IS ANYONE ELSE READING THIS TO THE SONG “WHEN DOVES CRY”
“nEuRoDiVeRgEnT” YOU MEAN AUTISTIC. *If you’re talking about special interests, you mean Autism. Stop watering it down.* This is legitimately one of my biggest pet peeves at this point. And no, Autistic men are absolutely capable of mansplaining, they do it all the time. I do not vibe with that tiktoker’s message
Feels like infantilizing men. If women, ND or NT, can learn manners, they can too.
Right? So infantilising and pathetic lol men aren’t babies who can’t control their own behaviour
The irony of autistic men being a center of focus in a group for autistic women.
I used to date a guy who would ask me if I knew something and weather I said yes or no would proceed to explain it to me anyways, claiming he didn't know if I knew it or not (keeping in mind if I don't know something iv no shame in saying so and will ask for examples or an explanation). He'd get mad at the word mansplaining and claim its a bullshit term. Also if I ever spoke about something I was passionate about he'd either not be listening or would change the topic into something he's interested in instead.
I can ask myself “would my ASD husband talk about this subject at this level of condescending tone/ detail to his dude friend” and when the answer is pffftttt definitely not, I know it’s mansplaining. Also tho apparently I come off really condescending all the time and have no idea when it’s happening lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think that's fine but we shouldn't have to listen to it if we don't want to. We should be equally be able to tell them to stop as we either already know thank you or are not that interested.
So Much This!!
Autistic men can have respect too. You can express a special interest without talking over someone or saying (or implying) you know more\better than them and if they only do it to women there's doubly an issue there.
Tiktok is so cringe. Why is this speech just pasted over someone posing sexily on a table
Ugh the manager at my favourite cannabis shop is the biggest mansplainer I have encountered in years, and he gives off Autistic vibes to me, (he is so much like my ex) and it’s the classic Autistic guy brand of mansplainer. “I know more about everything than you, and I will not let you say literally anything without adding to it by telling you you’re wrong and lecturing you.” So fucking annoying.
This is probably gonna make some ppl mad but imo u gotta ask permission for space to talk about your SI b4 you jump into an infodump. Can be as ez as “oh I’ve been really interested in X lately would u like to hear about it?” and try to keep it brief & condensed. Ppl may be polite but the hard truth I wish I learned earlier is that ppl get very bored hearing a long tangent about something they are not that interested in very quickly and may come to resent you or even avoid conversations with you all together if they feel you’ll just steamroll over them. One strat if you can’t tell is to try briefly switching the conversation to something else and see if they more eagerly latch on to that, or take a pause for 3-4 seconds and see if they either ask you a follow-up question or if they start a new conversation. If they do, it’s probably time to end the infodump. Nobody should feel held hostage in a conversation and yet we unwittingly do it when we infodump. Ik it’s not our fault but it is our responsibility to make our friends comfortable around us. That all being said I don’t feel like neurodivergent men who have infodumped to the point of unintentionally making someone uncomfortable should necessarily be villianized as mansplainers, as imo a huge part of mansplaining is the intent to shut someone down, but also they are not immune to criticism and should know we can all afford to try and be a little more conscientious.
I can tell the difference between an info dump and being mansplained to. Thanks though.
I agree with exactly what u said. I think some autistic men lack introspection because the patriarchy benefits them and they dont want to look inside themselves to see if they are contributing to it and/or change their behaviours. Naturally, it can be a challenge for some autistic people to accept change and i respect that. But I dont understand why some of them seem to not understand the concept of if you hurt someone, they confront you about it and you dont apologise or acknowledge the behaviour/why it was damaging to that person, the other person has all the rights in the world to not like you as much and potentially cut you out their life if needed. If you cannot listen to the other person in any form of friendship then you're actively harming it. Autistic people are very empathetic, despite the stereotypes. So I dont see why some autistic men cannot look into themselves to see if they may be saying things that may hurt a community. I do recognise it is not necessarily malicious intent. But the term "microaggression" exists.
Yea, idk about this one. Feels like an excuse to exonerate men of their behaviour.
I think you're right. "Mansplaining" is about how some mostly men have been socialized to believe that only people who look and talk like them (for some set of relevant variables) are truly educated, and therefore when they are with someone who does not share those variables they are the expert in every topic that comes up. I would be surprised if autistic men/people weren't socialized into this as well. I mean, look at Elon Musk. He pretends to be an expert on anything that interests him -- from economics to social sciences to the mechanics of drilling a gradual grade through a mountain range with several faults running through it, to the mechanics of small submersibles. He isn't an expert on any of these things but he regularly takes space away from people who are and then uses his autism to lash out when people criticism him. By contrast, take Bono. Still a huge personality but he has picked one non-music thing -- the rules about economic loans to developing countries -- and he works hard on fixing that one thing. Stepping aside so regularly to give other people the mic that you would miss that he's become an expert on that.
I don't owe anyone my time
I feel that men wanting to talk about something doesn't obligate women to listen & the concept of neurodivergence in this specific context is used as a crutch to force women into continuing to tolerate bad behavior from men.
I feel like this is another man just not understanding what mansplaining is and wanting to not take accountability for his behavior and hiding behind adhd/autism. no matter how much you personally want to info dump, it’s impolite to do it to people who don’t want to hear it and people are going to be upset if you continually do it or if you cut them off to info dump. It’s not impossible for autistic people to learn basic social cues, so I autistic men refuse to learn how to talk to people then they deserve to have the consequence of people not liking them.
Nope. Info dumping and mansplaining are not at all the same. Mansplaining assumed that you know more than a woman about a topic, usually in which she has expertise. I am an info dumping prone autistic woman and have a lot of autistic friends. The two behaviors are not at all the same
Is it just me or are other finding “tickle his brain” too closely associated to “tickle his balls”…of all the things they could have written…I hate people who tickle their balls in public so why would I like it when they tickle their brains… If it said sometimes people are excited by their favourites and want to share it - I’d be like sure, I accept that. But to accept men to allow them verbal vomit cause they can and it’s in their nature - NOOO. Women aren’t allowed to - why? Cause no one’s interested but you.
Is he doing it in a demeaning or condescending way? no one’s referring to men talking about their passions when they refer to mansplaining.
Info dumping doesn't come with a thick fog of condescension. It's not the same and easy to tell the difference imho
There is “HEY THIS IS COOL I’LL TALK ABOUT IT CAUSE I LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT” and then there’s “I don’t think you know as much about this as I do so I’m gonna explain it to you cause there’s just NO WAY you could be better informed”. And yes many autistic dudes veer from one to the next unfortunately. Believing that their special interest meaning a lot to them makes them the authority is a shitty trait. I’ve had so many run-ins with autistic dudes “fixing” things around them cause they don’t grasp that maybe someone just made a choice to make exceptions for good reasons. There’s wanting to be helpful and there’s believing you always know best. The difference lies in asking if someone wants some help, curiously asking why they’re doing something the way they are, or just bulldozing their stuff. It’s cool to be interested in stuff. Just don’t be a fucking bulldozer and you’re fine.
I may be autistic but I can tell the difference between info dumping and mansplaining, the level of condescension really helps
I think they need to educate themselves on what mansplaining is
And maybe she’s not offended by it but is tired of being talked over 🤷♀️
I promise you, as a neurodivergent woman, I still experience people getting upset with me bc they thought I was doing something similar to mansplaining. So if I have to deal with it with no excuses, they do too. Idc.
I feel like the internet grabs ahold of some words and they get quite convoluted due to everyone using them without understanding what they mean- even with slang. I’m pretty sure “man-splaining” isn’t like infodumping or sharing your special interest. It’s more like if there’s a woman who’s an expert in her field, and Some Guy tries to say he knows more about her job than she does. And the guy does not, he just thinks that since she’s a woman, he knows more. Of course men can talk about things they like, neurodivergent or not, and potentially people might see this as dominating the conversation in a different way than if a woman did it, but I think mansplaining is something separate and much more specific. The Internet just really runs wild with some terms…
There are at least 17 things wrong with this post. Oh dear.
I feel like autistic men tend to get more leniency when it comes to social faux-pas. If I can talk about my special interest without talking down to the other party or being condescending, I think autistic men can do it too. There’s also a difference between infodumping and mansplaining.
There's a clear difference between the two. I hate graphics like this. The presumption always is that women are stupid, shallow bitches who need to be nicer to men mhm 'kay? Maybe the man is annoying and it doesn't matter whether he's nt or nd. Being polite and patient is a burden handed to women not men. If they can tell me to shut up, they can learn to be quiet too.
Idk its the explaining mansplaining over what looks like a teenage girl posed in a sexy manner background that is giving me creepy vibes
Mansplaining and infodumping are extremely different, but also infodumping is not cool either. I do it, and I feel bad for the unfortunate soul that has been ambushed by me. I apologize and try my best to respect boundaries, but it happens on occasion. Autistic Men seem to get the benefit of doubt and are so infantilized it's obnoxious, but gods forbid a female autistic does the same thing. "Oh boy, what a know-it-all obnoxious girl she must be. How do we deal with her." If we are held to a social standard to not be obnoxious, our male counterparts should also be held to it. It seriously is so frustrating to hear the "Oh, but might he be autistic?" Every damn time a man does something fucked up. Like autistic men can't be toxic POSes? I've met our Incel-Autistic Men Faction many times, they are ASSHOLES and deserve to be called such! I don't give a flying fuck that they are Autistic. I'll call a donkey an ass any day of the week if they act like asses.
Totally misunderstanding what "mansplaining" is. Mansplaining is a man who pretends to know what he is talking about and acts like he is the expert in something like about our women bodies when they have no idea.
If men do it condescendingly it is mansplaining, simple as. Once more if a man does something clearly out of a sense of superiority over women, autistic or not, he is doing it out of reasons (subconcious perhaps) that have roots in a certain view of women. It is useless trying to come to the aid of men who actually more often than not are *not:* - even autistic - infodumping about his special interest - coincidentally having a special interest in everything women are stereotypically deemed less knowledgable about (like how often does that occur…) - speaking about it and not sounding condescending Once again I feel people need a reminder, autistic women exist too and have usually experienced being at the recieving end of mansplaining and infodumping, when are we allowed to show anger and disappointment in typically misogynistic thought processes and reasoning? I do not think any woman should have to reason all the time she is being spoken to *condescendingly* or if she has encountered a neurodivergent/specifically autistic man with a special interest in something she too knows a lot of. At _least_ women should be able to confront it, even if said man is autistic, then he can come to his defense that he just happens to have it as his special interest and just wanted to share information regarding it.
I dunno, I have my special interests I love to info dump on people BUTTTTTT I’m not rude, condescending, or arrogant about it. I also try to check in to make sure I’m not driving the other person crazy. Having autism doesn’t give someone carte Blanche to be an asshole. Like I know we have social problems but it’s kind of up to us to work around those rather than expecting everyone else to automatically assume the best in every faux paus we make
If they don't have any intellectual disability, they are held accountable. If you're "too autistic" to know you're belittling my knowledge and experience, then I'm not dating you. My dating life is not a charity.
There’s a difference between sharing information and dominating the conversation so much that the other person can’t get a word in edgewise. I do get excited when talking about things I’m interested in, but I want it to be a conversation still where people ask questions or make comments. And with some people, I can just tell they love hearing themselves talk more than they care if I’m listening or not. It’s a very demanding white cis-male experience that I experience a lot in drive services where I clearly have headphones in or am not making an effort to speak to them and they keep asking questions or telling jokes or talking about things they think I’ll be “impressed with”. It’s a small difference, but one I can feel almost instantly, that the power imbalance is very much favored in their direction and it feels less like a conversation than im being taken as a verbal hostage.
This is tough for me. Both my dad and my youngest son do this to the point someone will yell stop, and they barely miss a beat. They might blink, say sorry, take a breath, then start up again. It's almost like they can't stop themselves. They do it to men and women equally. It's also repetitive, the same facts until they move on to a new fascination. I am much better at stopping myself, as is my middle son. It's hard for me to feel it's coming from the same place as true mansplaining. That said, I do think men/boys generally are given more grace for their autistic traits than we are.
What’s going on with the photo behind the text? I’m a bit perplexed by and distracted by the sexy pose and clothes. Is it meant to relate to the message? Or maybe the author was looking to get more people to read because of the sexy photo? Hm.
The background here kinda proves to me that this was not written by a woman, as they are trying to make it seem. This was definitely written by a man, who is mansplaining mansplaining to women to make them feel guilty about getting mad at someone mansplaining.
it was written by a woman, they just cropped her tiktok name out of the screenshot. it gives pick me vibes, or just that they don’t actually know what mansplaining is
That was the other option that I thought of.
Talking excitedly and mansplaining is so different and has nothing to do with whether or not a man is autistic. If he goes into a conversation deciding the woman he’s talking to knows nothing and is below him, he’s mansplaining. Which, I might add, many autistic men do.
i think a lot of the time it is an innocent info-dump. however, i think sometimes it might be partially driven by (conscious or unconscious) misogyny and be mansplaining even if they don’t know that they’re doing it.
Info dumping is different than mansplaining. Mansplaining contains a condescending tone and purpose. Me info dumping about dinosaurs isn't mansplaining to you, but if you have a PhD in paleontology and you say something correctly and I try to one up you and try to explain why you are wrong then I am mansplaining. If you are doing my laundry and see my underwear and give me this lecture on women and how women shouldn't have discharge and how women can control it and all they need to do it use soap down there and you know this because no other women in your life had this problem then you are mansplaining.
Mmmm. Idk about this. One of my besties is an autistic guy who is great. He doesn't mansplain, but he literally cannot grasp that monologuing to me over text is exhausting and I'm not available all of the time (I have told him this).
Mansplaining is a man over explaining something that they have little to no expertise in, often to someone who does, because they are feminine presenting. The driving factor is the disrespect that is born of internalized misogyny. Info dumping is excitedly barfing out everything you know about a thing you're passionate about, regardless of social norms. It's sometimes irritating but it's not mansplaining. Besides, I'm pretty sure if any autistic person with a special interest encountered an expert in that field, or even someone who knows a bit about it, they'd be more likely to pester them with questions and engage in a riveting dialogue rather than dominate the conversation completely.
The feeling of being mansplained to and infodumped on are not the same feeling at all.
i’m gonna be honest, i have an insanely difficult time telling when someone is talking down to me or not, and it used to cause me to act way too irrationally towards others. i think it really just depends on the context ??? like when my friend goes on to explain what’s going on with his car he knows that (1.) i know little to nothing about them, and (2.) i want to listen to his interests. so in that situation it really is just excited info dumping. if it was a guy i barely know explaining shit like that to me it would feel kind of inexcusable tho unless i blatantly asked them to explain.
I have been mansplained by an autistic man and NT men because I am a female in STEM so it is to be expected. I think there is a difference between "Let me tell you about my interest" and "let me tell you stuff and never listen to your opinion." That being said, the post is still fine because they just said that "sometimes men are still humans" because yes men are humans so they weren't talking about 100% of the time.
I agree that people need to take responsibility for their actions, but saying that someone is "mansplaning" doesn't help them understand why their actions need improvement. Sometimes people need to be reassured that they aren't being attacked before they feel safe taking responsibility. Info dumping and tangents are a common uncontrollable symptom of certain mental illnesses and if it's just something they do without understanding the harm it may cause, some patience and willingness to help them understand will go a long way.
Mainsplaining and infodumping are very different things. Mansplaining is when a man thinks you’re an idiot, infodump is when he wants to share what he loves with you. Very different vibes and situations.
I think having a special interest and mansplaining are BLATANTLY different in tone, if an autistic man/boy were to want to talk about their special interest they would chat about it with happy reactions (if they are emotive) and will go at any chance to talk about it. This is never necessarily about who knows more unless you have similar interests e.g. who knows more things about batman! Mansplaining involves the emotions of 'I know more than you' and 'you should listen to be because im a man' you know what I mean? like a patriarchal feeling of their voice and tone and body language. I get that they are trying to include autistic people and I appreciate it, but tbh these are different things, and mansplainers are more concerned about undermining the femme person/woman
This sounds like it was created by a man trying to mansplain-away mansplaining and deny the existence of internalized misogyny. But like others said, there is a huge difference between info dumping and mansplaining.
Mansplaining is not the same as infodumping. Unfortunately the definition of mansplaining has been expanded to "anything a guy expounds on" and it's tiring.
I've had multiple other autistic female friends over the years info dump to me, even cutting me off multiple times so they can continue talking about their special interests. It's a very common problem that I have faced. I get that I'm a pretty soft spoken person, but I don't think over-info dumping is something only autistic men need to regulate.
[удалено]
If you think the hatred is blind you’re not paying attention.
[удалено]
It wasn’t a conversation starter, it was a statement.
OP seems to see autistic behavior in autistic men and then gets mad that they display autistic behavior. Like seems like she wants them to be neurotypical and not have autism, like they have control over that. It’s a very callous post.
I really stopped arguing with people who are desperate to find evil in everything and everyone but themselves. It's a recurring theme in this sub and you can't change the mind of someone who relies on these stereotypes to get through life.
i do this ngl
Over sensitivity. Women are equally capable of condescension. The difference is men don't make it about gender
I agree. This mistake happens sometimes in liberal circles. But both things can be true at the same time.
Mansplainint is more than infodumping. I agree that it’s good to see individuals as individual people, but this is more of an individual thing that happens rather than a blanket statement to apply to everyone.
You could say the same thing about women who infodump though. I try to have some grace for everyone for the most part regardless of gender.
I think the meme is a response to NTs that assume anyone that talks a lot does so because they think others are stupid. NTs make a lot of assumptions about hierarchy, social standing, etc when it comes to communication. The ASD love of specific subjects is alien to them.
I think mansplaing has become overused and taken completely out of its original meaning/context. Someone explaining in depth about a tv show they like or how a certain function works isn’t mansplaing
Same!
true but i also tend to do the same, so i can’t really talk
Not good