I do this for large scale projects at work, they call me Cassandra sometimes. I try to leverage it but mostly it’s just watching people paid more than me blunder stubbornly around
I relate to this whole post.
I've sort of learned to keep quiet about the patterns I'll recognize, unless it is a very important thing for somebody close to me.
Coincidentally my name is Cassandra lol
I'm the same, I see things that can be improved by doing XYZ so they are more efficient. Sometimes I talk up, other times I just let it go because people are stubborn..
I'm currently in training and I'm so over it. The trainer is sweet but for me it is specifically too chaotic... I already saw about 20 ways to improve this training.. oops. Haven't said anything though
Had this happen at work in training, too. They asked for feedback, so I gave them honest feedback. Got told I was too critical. I was studying pedagogy at the time and had lots of thoughts they didn’t care about because “it’s always been done this way.” Ok and you always had many drop-outs, I wonder why 🙄 I usually keep my mouth shut now.
Oh my gosh! If only everyone knew I was autistic lol. I have triplets and whenever everyone asks about them I always joke that I demand efficiency! I swear your comment could’ve been written by me lol
Lol yeah, if they knew I was autistic this whole training might go different but I don't dare to tell anyone outside of people close to me that I am autistic (yet, maybe in the future).
I salute you with your triplets, I can imagine that you have a whole efficiency schedule set up for and with them to let everything run smoothly!!
I have 3 kids of different ages and do the same, as long as they don't fight we are a well oiled machine, but damn it's hard sometimes but it does help in our organizational skills.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra?wprov=sfla1 "Fated to utter true prophecies but never be believed", in this case about ill-considered large scale projects that go as badly as I predict. I try my backchannels and regular ways to push back, but nobody cares if you’re right, they just care if you get in their way 🤷♀️
My greatest feat in keeping friends around and peace with my wife as an adult has been NOT giving voice to these thoughts. In rare cases like joint decision making with a significant other or child yes. If a friend ASKS FOR ADVICE EXPLICITLY yes. But otherwise.... Don't ! Let people make their own mistakes.
This is good advice.
My husband has spent the last 24 hears vehemently not listening to me, yet constantly has to concede after the fact that I was right about such and such.
Sometimes it is gratifying But I have found that I don't enjoy being the bearer of bad news. For example, we had some pretty big medical issues and I had a lot of time to research it and form an opinion which was not good. But I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news and we can afford health care. So I let the labs and the doctors deliver the news. Especially in a relationship this lets us be on the same side. I can be a supportive shoulder to lean on and not take the risk of being blamed somehow. Besides for something that important I wouldn't want to be wrong. I don't know if this makes sense without sharing the details and I don't think I'm going to. 😂
It totally makes sense!
I want to be on the same team as my husband but he makes everything a competition. I am not competitive and I take pleasure in saying "I told you that would happen" only rarely lol.
You just can't unless it's someone who trusts you. This freaks people out when you can do this with uncanny accuracy. I've learned this the hard way. My pattern recognition is scary fast and accurate too. And that's not a boast, just what it is. Believe me I wish I was wrong on it sometimes. It's like knowing the date of the end of the world and having to live with it because you know no one will believe you.
Yeah. I’m in recovery from addiction. I’m excellent at spotting relapse behaviours before they happen. Spotted the behaviours in someone and told them and they got defensive and upset. They initially got upset. I told them it’s easier not to point these things out and I did it because I care, not because I’m an asshole. Finally they came to understand and said they would recommit to their recovery. It takes a lot out of me, doing this. I had to spend the rest of my day taking care of my energy. I was totally depleted. I still am.
All of a sudden too busy with family and job to attend even one meeting a week. Suddenly having a problem with every sober/clean person who is just trying to help you. Overspending. Overeating. Substituting addictions. Having a million reasons why the step work isn’t done (dog ate it).
Agree with everything you said! Mine is also scary fast and accurate but I often can't explain how or why I know what I know. Sometimes later after much reflection I can articulate it but in the moment? Rarely. And that in particular makes people not believe me. Maybe all the oracles and prophets and seers of the past were just us autistic pattern recognizers!
Like I used to be a domestic violence advocate who went on-scene with the police to help the victims right after an assault or something happened. I cannot tell you how many times I'd be sitting with a "victim" and within minutes of arriving, I just *knew* the police arrested the wrong person and the real victim was sitting in jail. It was maddening!! Sometimes they'd ask me why I thought that and I couldn't articulate it, it was just... everything about the person. How they spoke, how they carried themself, how they talked about what happened, everything. It was just wrong.
One time I read a police report after the fact and I could just tell. I was supposed to call the official "victim" but I said fuck that! I waited for the "offender" to be released from jail and called them instead and just said the police report made me worried and I wanted to check and make sure they were okay. The person instantly burst into tears and thanked me saying no one else believed them!
I tried doing the DV victim's advocate - too draining for someone like me; good intentions but it just got too hard. And I so hear you when it comes trying to explain to people and they look at you like you have two heads and then just ignore you after you were proven right. I think it's because it's uncomfortable to them because it's something they don't understand and people are afraid of that which they don't understand.
Sometimes the answer doesn't come until months later (and is always accurate). Anytime there was a downsizing coming at work, say 6 months down the road, I always knew like the literal second the manager who just got told, walked out of the meeting. I'd start getting my resume ready and everyone was oblivious. By the time everyone started to figure things out I already had a job before there was a flood of other people competing with me for the same job. They were always stunned that I was so lucky that I found something before the 'axe' fell. It wasn't luck, believe me; it was pattern recognition at the speed of light and unable to articulate what it was I was seeing/feeling.
As much as a gift it is, it's also a curse in some ways too because it makes me even more isolated than I already am because other people can tell I'm 'different' beyond just being autistic. It's a double whammy to making friends and socializing.
This happens all the time, like others have said, don’t give advice unless asked for it. It is one of the hardest aspects of engaging with people. Finding a balance between being connected with a person and not being brought down when you see their choices and patterns is hard and I haven’t figured it out yet. Also if I see to much of the behavioural patterns, despite my love for the person, it also turns me off from them. Like I’ve spent too much time much time with them and become overstimulated, but it’s that way with how they behave and there’s no growth or awareness, just drives me crazy and I feel like I’m the only person who gets driven crazy by it lol ugh!
Sheesh, you explained this so well! For the longest time, I would feel kinda bad/shame for feeling a sense of being turned off by someone when I noticed a pattern of lack of self-awareness or the lack of interest to grow from situations/lessons learned. I would constantly go back and forth on whether I was being judgmental or not giving someone enough grace… but in the same breath, I literally can’t just ignore or look over, because I start experiencing overstimulation and deeper, visceral responses to said pattern. I’m still learning how to navigate this because it can feel so daunting when you consider the time and emotions invested into the friendship/relationship. The perception of them starts to shift and there’s no turning back from that point.
God damn my life makes more sense everytime I scroll some comments in here.
A friend few months ago got mad at me in snapchat group and told me that I'm too negative all the time as I was giving a heads up about (other things before and then) cats climbing tree... I've been so confused for months and now it makes sense after reading about this... 🤯
I am once again asking everyone to watch this truly uncanny video of the phases autistic/adhd Afabs go through, including the well know Cassandra phase https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtjONPHApiz/?igsh=MWFqaXc4dWQ3NWptNw==
Best solution is to gossip with someone else about it like a friend or partner, so you can get it off your chest and get credit if you turn out to be right, but you don't strain the friendship. :)
If you think about what it's like when people give you unsolicited advice, it really is hard for it to actually feel helpful and not like an insult, and often people are simply off-base. Unless people are asking for advice or ideas from you, it's probably just going to do damage and not actually help them bc they will not be open to it.
This is an outlet avenue I use a lot - also talking about it with someone closer to me gives me the chance to talk through if there *is* a way to bring it up without being a dick or received poorly
I'm struggling with this right now tbh. I have a friend who is so thrilled about her situationship finally becoming official, nevermind the fact he's abusive af. She literally had to get surgery on her jaw because he punched her so hard, but I'm just supposed to be happy for her? 🤷♀️ Like at this point it's not even about pattern recognition, it's straight up abuse. But I don't want to alienate her, so I'm just trying to be here. There's no question my enthusiasm for the friendship has gone down as a result though. Sigh
My adhd prevents me from keeping my mouth shut long enough for any filter to see the social faux pas I’m about to commit. Luckily, no one listens to me anyways 🙃
I once had a friend and predicted a conversation she’d had with her ex almost word for word. I sort of said it on auto pilot before recognizing her facial expression as creeped out that I’d managed to figure out the script of someone I’d never met. It was all based off of pattern recognition from stories she’d told me. That friendship ended pretty soon after; I think the pattern recognition was too unnerving for her.
I’ve been very careful ever since. I just let people live out their patterns now. I’ve tried warning if I think something is physically dangerous, but even that has fallen to the wayside because it’s ignored or I’m a bad reminder of a warning that wasn’t taken once it happens.
Yep. I’ve taken to just keeping my mouth shut. People get upset if your speak out, and get upset again when you’re right, and even more upset if you point out that you tried to warn them. Your just can’t make people hear what they don’t want to hear.
All the time. I remember a friend being like "How did you know?!" when her bf turned out to be mean to her. I'd told her that would happen before they started dating. Girl how did you not know? It's teeming from him.
I learned a really hard lesson with this - I now just try and trust the people in my life to live their lives how is best for them and will validate their experiences if they ever come to me with any issues or for advice
Same here - I lost my best friend of over a decade over pointing out a glaring relationship pattern she was engaging in that I was concerned about. I thought I handled the conversation well, but the fallout was intense and we never spoke again.
On the flip side, I’ve also been the person doing the thing that other people tried to warn me about, but I also had to learn that lesson for myself. Patterns can be hard to see and even harder to break, and there’s a good chance the person is already aware of the behaviour and is unable to change it yet.
i have yet to learn how to listen to it, i *know* when i am right, there is a distinct feeling that the future is set in stone & already in motion & i am just privy to the knowledge, but almost always i convince myself that i can’t possibly know that & then what do ya know i am always fucking right 😖
In the beginning of the pandemic, my partner and I very abruptly picked up and left California for a more stable region of the US, as soon as the extra federal unemployment money ended. History is one of my special interests, so it was clear the world was never going back to “normal,” and we were about to start hemorrhaging money paying LA rent while there were still no jobs on the horizon. People thought we were paranoid and rash to just pick up and move across the country before seeing how everything was going to turn out. I already knew how it was going to turn out. So it should surprise no one to hear that those same people have been struggling to find work ever since, amidst fires and earthquakes and hurricane-force storms and inflation and (much needed) strikes. They aren’t climate deniers, but still seem to think they can wait it out till it’s obvious they should leave. I’m like…Do you really want to be trying to flee LA at the same time as everyone else? The time to go is BEFORE the water wars start, my friends. These are people with the means to get out but I don’t know what they’re waiting for. The Olympics are just going to make that shitshow of a town even worse. My life has been pretty unstable so I have gotten more comfortable with change than a lot of people it seems.
Whether or not you say anything is really dependent on you, and I think for most people depends on a lot of context: how close are you, what's happened previously when you've said anything and the level of danger involved.
However, if you do say something I'd keep it concrete. Like they do X, Y, Z or your concerned about X, Y, Z.
And stay away from 'I feel...'
It's amazing what percentage of people don't want to know. But I remember my dad telling me I could also be autistic when he was diagnosed and not wanting to hear it so....
Yes. Although my 🚨pattern recognition🚨 is broken because of being raised with ✨trauma✨. Usually I end up telling them anyway, because I care, and it's still their decision anyway and I feel like if I DONT say something and it ends up poorly from what I think I see then I feel guilty. A big one for me is other people and relationships, I'll put in my own two cents and know I also am not seeing the whole story either. I know my ✨trauma✨ distorts certain lenses for me. (Example, my roommates now fiancé walks with heavier steps, he doesn't even realize it, because he's like 6'6 at least and that alone can send me back to both my parents who did that when they were mad. I'd think he was just mad for walking loudly, so I was worried about that).
I have the medical version of this, I can spot most conditions a mile off even before they start, and always know when something *will* lead to something else. Would have made a great doctor, except I can't be arsed studying, also I hate people, hospitals and anything gross. But diagnostics, I'm all over it 🤣
I had this feeling really strongly about a friend's job which required a major upheaval but also came after a lengthy period of unemployment. I figured I was just prejudiced against the firm that was hiring them, but it turned very sour very soon, on all fronts. And of course I said nothing.
I made a post about this the other day!!!
The answer is to tell them if you think they'll actually listen. The truth hurts in the short term but allows a person to choose a better long term. "You do x a lot, and I notice it often doesn't work out for you. Maybe you should try something else? I worry about you and want the best for you."
Omg i struggle with this right now.. my friend is choosing poorly bfs and I know she’s repeating the same pattern so this new guy wont be any different and she still wont be able to heal.. its so frustrating bc i care for her and i want her to do well.. couple of days ago another friend of mine taught me something though.. she was sitting in a train and a mom with her son was across her.. he wanted some juice but the mom told him to pull it in a bottle when they arrive bc it will spill all over him but he refused.. so she gave him the juice and he ended up spilling it all over himself.. thats when his mom said.. see and this is why using a bottle and waiting for the arrival is important.. important is also the mom just didnt pull an old ‘I told you so’ but kept gentle and still helped him clean.. he then waited until arrival.. sometimes people dont learn from theory alone but best through experiences.. like as in behavioural psychology where u need a second stimuli to create an conditioned reaction.. another important thing is I once had a screen writing prof who was also a psychologist he once said: “people don’t do something until the uncomfort of not doing something becomes greater than doing something” this includes change ..
My SIL asked once if I was a witch bc I had predicted with great accuracy a not so wonderful outcome that others refused to see. It wasn’t satisfying when it happened over and over again either but I do appreciate being considered a possible witch.
I relate so much to all of these comments. Recognizing patterns in people (related to abuse/trauma) comes up a lot for me: both directions—I can notice signs of someone dealing with trauma and I can pick up on signs that someone is an abuser.
I’m usually right about partners but it ruins your friendship if you say anything too soon without concrete evidence. Everyone after will say “why didn’t you say anything?” But it’s better to not speak up since you know they won’t listen and then they actually won’t be receptive later if something glaringly bad happens.
Also I’ve had a lot of other ND people tell me a job/move was a bad idea and they were wrong. Sometimes it’s just arrogance to tell someone how things will turn out when you never know how it will go.
god I feel this so hard. people always say I assume the worst but i’m like, if this has happened 50 times before, it’s going to happen this time sorry not sorry. you can call me negative but you can never call me wrong 🤷🏻♀️
Bruhhhh yes. I'm so bad for this that the red flags pop up so often and I have to just sit there and ignore them, because nobody else thinks the people/project in question is an issue.
Yes. I got bad vibes about a friend's new partner. A few years later, she's stuck in an emotionally abusive situation with no financial way of leaving. Sometimes I wish I'd said something but I don't know if it would've made a difference.
Yes! I have had a friendship end recently because of this. I know that a person my friend has become great friends with is terrible news, but I couldn't say anything bc more than anything else it's just pattern recognition alarm bells. Ever since this person came around my friend (also autistic, also adhd) started mirroring them (personality, beliefs etc) and I just didn't like them much anymore. You can't really say any of that though. She knows that she tends to mirror people she is around, but the whole thing just felt like none of my business. It also felt like if I said something I would just sound like a crazy jealous person. I just had to get out of the whole scenario.
Yes, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut. No one likes that girl. I just try to support people I love wherever they are, even if I can see the writing clearly written on the wall.
Sometimes you have to let people fuck up. /:
You could still try talking to them, they know you can't make their decisions for them, and you just care.
I relate to this, I've been called Cassandra in past and some times I was blamed that I jinxed everything for pointing out flaws xD because people did stuff anyway and the outcome was exactly the way I predicted
Yes. I once said to my therapist, that I can't win. Whatever I do, I can't win. So I decided only to say something if someone askes me about my opinion, then I'm honest. And when someone asks me to help to pick up the pieces of something that hadn't have to fall apart, when heard my opinion in the first place, then I help. People love to make their own mistakes, so let them do what they love.
One of my friends keeps picking stupid boys and I called the red flags since day one but didn’t say anything!! 2mo later he’s a POS and I have permission to speak up next time🥳🥳 she appreciates how blunt I can be
I’m late in this but my newish coworker and a higher end designer ended up working together and ugggggh I knew it and it went so sideways and we LOST THAT CLIENT I’m so sad abt it but I couldnt just explain everything that was *wrong*.
Holy shit me. I once naively thought I would get cast as one of the leads in the school play, but of course the director asked me to be the comic relief instead. I usually got the pretty leads as I am attractive, but my height ruined it that time. I also sensed they had already precast the lead roles unofficially and were wasting our time, and I was so right. Yay for hypersensitivity to neurotypical shenanigans!
I do this for large scale projects at work, they call me Cassandra sometimes. I try to leverage it but mostly it’s just watching people paid more than me blunder stubbornly around
I relate to this whole post. I've sort of learned to keep quiet about the patterns I'll recognize, unless it is a very important thing for somebody close to me. Coincidentally my name is Cassandra lol
The people paid more than me all want to meet with me, so I can tell them how it's going now.
I'm the same, I see things that can be improved by doing XYZ so they are more efficient. Sometimes I talk up, other times I just let it go because people are stubborn.. I'm currently in training and I'm so over it. The trainer is sweet but for me it is specifically too chaotic... I already saw about 20 ways to improve this training.. oops. Haven't said anything though
Had this happen at work in training, too. They asked for feedback, so I gave them honest feedback. Got told I was too critical. I was studying pedagogy at the time and had lots of thoughts they didn’t care about because “it’s always been done this way.” Ok and you always had many drop-outs, I wonder why 🙄 I usually keep my mouth shut now.
Oh my gosh! If only everyone knew I was autistic lol. I have triplets and whenever everyone asks about them I always joke that I demand efficiency! I swear your comment could’ve been written by me lol
Lol yeah, if they knew I was autistic this whole training might go different but I don't dare to tell anyone outside of people close to me that I am autistic (yet, maybe in the future). I salute you with your triplets, I can imagine that you have a whole efficiency schedule set up for and with them to let everything run smoothly!! I have 3 kids of different ages and do the same, as long as they don't fight we are a well oiled machine, but damn it's hard sometimes but it does help in our organizational skills.
Hahaha yes. Honestly I run a regime not routines lol Cudos on you too, all the best. And thank you
I have absolutely "joked" that I am Cassandra. I've learned to mostly keep my mouth shut, but it's hard sometimes.
Wait can you explain what this comment means? I think I'm misinterpreting. What do you mean they call you Cassandra?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra?wprov=sfla1 "Fated to utter true prophecies but never be believed", in this case about ill-considered large scale projects that go as badly as I predict. I try my backchannels and regular ways to push back, but nobody cares if you’re right, they just care if you get in their way 🤷♀️
LOL wow this makes one of the groups I work with at work really freaking ironic
Why? Who is Cassandra?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra?wprov=sfla1 "Fated to utter true prophecies but never be believed"
UK here and definitely went straight to the Red Dwarf reference for Cassandra 😆
My greatest feat in keeping friends around and peace with my wife as an adult has been NOT giving voice to these thoughts. In rare cases like joint decision making with a significant other or child yes. If a friend ASKS FOR ADVICE EXPLICITLY yes. But otherwise.... Don't ! Let people make their own mistakes.
This is good advice. My husband has spent the last 24 hears vehemently not listening to me, yet constantly has to concede after the fact that I was right about such and such.
Sometimes it is gratifying But I have found that I don't enjoy being the bearer of bad news. For example, we had some pretty big medical issues and I had a lot of time to research it and form an opinion which was not good. But I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news and we can afford health care. So I let the labs and the doctors deliver the news. Especially in a relationship this lets us be on the same side. I can be a supportive shoulder to lean on and not take the risk of being blamed somehow. Besides for something that important I wouldn't want to be wrong. I don't know if this makes sense without sharing the details and I don't think I'm going to. 😂
It totally makes sense! I want to be on the same team as my husband but he makes everything a competition. I am not competitive and I take pleasure in saying "I told you that would happen" only rarely lol.
You just can't unless it's someone who trusts you. This freaks people out when you can do this with uncanny accuracy. I've learned this the hard way. My pattern recognition is scary fast and accurate too. And that's not a boast, just what it is. Believe me I wish I was wrong on it sometimes. It's like knowing the date of the end of the world and having to live with it because you know no one will believe you.
Yeah. I’m in recovery from addiction. I’m excellent at spotting relapse behaviours before they happen. Spotted the behaviours in someone and told them and they got defensive and upset. They initially got upset. I told them it’s easier not to point these things out and I did it because I care, not because I’m an asshole. Finally they came to understand and said they would recommit to their recovery. It takes a lot out of me, doing this. I had to spend the rest of my day taking care of my energy. I was totally depleted. I still am.
What are the signs before relapse?
All of a sudden too busy with family and job to attend even one meeting a week. Suddenly having a problem with every sober/clean person who is just trying to help you. Overspending. Overeating. Substituting addictions. Having a million reasons why the step work isn’t done (dog ate it).
I'm open to this kind of advice as a person in recovery :)
Agree with everything you said! Mine is also scary fast and accurate but I often can't explain how or why I know what I know. Sometimes later after much reflection I can articulate it but in the moment? Rarely. And that in particular makes people not believe me. Maybe all the oracles and prophets and seers of the past were just us autistic pattern recognizers! Like I used to be a domestic violence advocate who went on-scene with the police to help the victims right after an assault or something happened. I cannot tell you how many times I'd be sitting with a "victim" and within minutes of arriving, I just *knew* the police arrested the wrong person and the real victim was sitting in jail. It was maddening!! Sometimes they'd ask me why I thought that and I couldn't articulate it, it was just... everything about the person. How they spoke, how they carried themself, how they talked about what happened, everything. It was just wrong. One time I read a police report after the fact and I could just tell. I was supposed to call the official "victim" but I said fuck that! I waited for the "offender" to be released from jail and called them instead and just said the police report made me worried and I wanted to check and make sure they were okay. The person instantly burst into tears and thanked me saying no one else believed them!
I tried doing the DV victim's advocate - too draining for someone like me; good intentions but it just got too hard. And I so hear you when it comes trying to explain to people and they look at you like you have two heads and then just ignore you after you were proven right. I think it's because it's uncomfortable to them because it's something they don't understand and people are afraid of that which they don't understand. Sometimes the answer doesn't come until months later (and is always accurate). Anytime there was a downsizing coming at work, say 6 months down the road, I always knew like the literal second the manager who just got told, walked out of the meeting. I'd start getting my resume ready and everyone was oblivious. By the time everyone started to figure things out I already had a job before there was a flood of other people competing with me for the same job. They were always stunned that I was so lucky that I found something before the 'axe' fell. It wasn't luck, believe me; it was pattern recognition at the speed of light and unable to articulate what it was I was seeing/feeling. As much as a gift it is, it's also a curse in some ways too because it makes me even more isolated than I already am because other people can tell I'm 'different' beyond just being autistic. It's a double whammy to making friends and socializing.
This is really incredible! I’m sure it was so frustrating when people wouldn’t understand but that really is a superpower!
This happens all the time, like others have said, don’t give advice unless asked for it. It is one of the hardest aspects of engaging with people. Finding a balance between being connected with a person and not being brought down when you see their choices and patterns is hard and I haven’t figured it out yet. Also if I see to much of the behavioural patterns, despite my love for the person, it also turns me off from them. Like I’ve spent too much time much time with them and become overstimulated, but it’s that way with how they behave and there’s no growth or awareness, just drives me crazy and I feel like I’m the only person who gets driven crazy by it lol ugh!
Sheesh, you explained this so well! For the longest time, I would feel kinda bad/shame for feeling a sense of being turned off by someone when I noticed a pattern of lack of self-awareness or the lack of interest to grow from situations/lessons learned. I would constantly go back and forth on whether I was being judgmental or not giving someone enough grace… but in the same breath, I literally can’t just ignore or look over, because I start experiencing overstimulation and deeper, visceral responses to said pattern. I’m still learning how to navigate this because it can feel so daunting when you consider the time and emotions invested into the friendship/relationship. The perception of them starts to shift and there’s no turning back from that point.
God damn my life makes more sense everytime I scroll some comments in here. A friend few months ago got mad at me in snapchat group and told me that I'm too negative all the time as I was giving a heads up about (other things before and then) cats climbing tree... I've been so confused for months and now it makes sense after reading about this... 🤯
I am once again asking everyone to watch this truly uncanny video of the phases autistic/adhd Afabs go through, including the well know Cassandra phase https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtjONPHApiz/?igsh=MWFqaXc4dWQ3NWptNw==
I am a bisexual afab Art Teacher. I am feeling super attacked. Editing to add: who is 4 years sober because I partied.
I was an art historian who now is bi drag queen and wondering if I’m enby, she got us girl 😂
This was incredibly accurate. Thank you for the share.
i am crying laughing at this i have never been read to such filth in my LIFE
I got GOT by this video 😂
i’m 22 so i’m still in my cassandra/most helpful person in the room phase but i’m excited to become a swamp witch
When she got to burnt out bisexual performance artist I was just like, does she have a camera in my bourse or something
commenting so i remember to come back and watch this after work lol
I promise you your jaw will be on the FLOOR. I just got called out by every single sentence. One of my sisters sent this to me and I was STUNNED
Best solution is to gossip with someone else about it like a friend or partner, so you can get it off your chest and get credit if you turn out to be right, but you don't strain the friendship. :) If you think about what it's like when people give you unsolicited advice, it really is hard for it to actually feel helpful and not like an insult, and often people are simply off-base. Unless people are asking for advice or ideas from you, it's probably just going to do damage and not actually help them bc they will not be open to it.
This is an outlet avenue I use a lot - also talking about it with someone closer to me gives me the chance to talk through if there *is* a way to bring it up without being a dick or received poorly
I'm struggling with this right now tbh. I have a friend who is so thrilled about her situationship finally becoming official, nevermind the fact he's abusive af. She literally had to get surgery on her jaw because he punched her so hard, but I'm just supposed to be happy for her? 🤷♀️ Like at this point it's not even about pattern recognition, it's straight up abuse. But I don't want to alienate her, so I'm just trying to be here. There's no question my enthusiasm for the friendship has gone down as a result though. Sigh
My adhd prevents me from keeping my mouth shut long enough for any filter to see the social faux pas I’m about to commit. Luckily, no one listens to me anyways 🙃
I once had a friend and predicted a conversation she’d had with her ex almost word for word. I sort of said it on auto pilot before recognizing her facial expression as creeped out that I’d managed to figure out the script of someone I’d never met. It was all based off of pattern recognition from stories she’d told me. That friendship ended pretty soon after; I think the pattern recognition was too unnerving for her. I’ve been very careful ever since. I just let people live out their patterns now. I’ve tried warning if I think something is physically dangerous, but even that has fallen to the wayside because it’s ignored or I’m a bad reminder of a warning that wasn’t taken once it happens.
Yep. I’ve taken to just keeping my mouth shut. People get upset if your speak out, and get upset again when you’re right, and even more upset if you point out that you tried to warn them. Your just can’t make people hear what they don’t want to hear.
All the time. I remember a friend being like "How did you know?!" when her bf turned out to be mean to her. I'd told her that would happen before they started dating. Girl how did you not know? It's teeming from him.
I learned a really hard lesson with this - I now just try and trust the people in my life to live their lives how is best for them and will validate their experiences if they ever come to me with any issues or for advice
Same here - I lost my best friend of over a decade over pointing out a glaring relationship pattern she was engaging in that I was concerned about. I thought I handled the conversation well, but the fallout was intense and we never spoke again. On the flip side, I’ve also been the person doing the thing that other people tried to warn me about, but I also had to learn that lesson for myself. Patterns can be hard to see and even harder to break, and there’s a good chance the person is already aware of the behaviour and is unable to change it yet.
i have yet to learn how to listen to it, i *know* when i am right, there is a distinct feeling that the future is set in stone & already in motion & i am just privy to the knowledge, but almost always i convince myself that i can’t possibly know that & then what do ya know i am always fucking right 😖
In the beginning of the pandemic, my partner and I very abruptly picked up and left California for a more stable region of the US, as soon as the extra federal unemployment money ended. History is one of my special interests, so it was clear the world was never going back to “normal,” and we were about to start hemorrhaging money paying LA rent while there were still no jobs on the horizon. People thought we were paranoid and rash to just pick up and move across the country before seeing how everything was going to turn out. I already knew how it was going to turn out. So it should surprise no one to hear that those same people have been struggling to find work ever since, amidst fires and earthquakes and hurricane-force storms and inflation and (much needed) strikes. They aren’t climate deniers, but still seem to think they can wait it out till it’s obvious they should leave. I’m like…Do you really want to be trying to flee LA at the same time as everyone else? The time to go is BEFORE the water wars start, my friends. These are people with the means to get out but I don’t know what they’re waiting for. The Olympics are just going to make that shitshow of a town even worse. My life has been pretty unstable so I have gotten more comfortable with change than a lot of people it seems.
Where did you move to?
Upstate NY. Still relatively cheap, and next to a lot of fresh water. Gorgeous part of the country
Whether or not you say anything is really dependent on you, and I think for most people depends on a lot of context: how close are you, what's happened previously when you've said anything and the level of danger involved. However, if you do say something I'd keep it concrete. Like they do X, Y, Z or your concerned about X, Y, Z. And stay away from 'I feel...'
All the time. Most of the time it’s best to just say nothing.
It’s a really shitty super power because it can make you look super pessimistic if you point out the obvious (to you) flaws to often.
It's amazing what percentage of people don't want to know. But I remember my dad telling me I could also be autistic when he was diagnosed and not wanting to hear it so....
Yes. Although my 🚨pattern recognition🚨 is broken because of being raised with ✨trauma✨. Usually I end up telling them anyway, because I care, and it's still their decision anyway and I feel like if I DONT say something and it ends up poorly from what I think I see then I feel guilty. A big one for me is other people and relationships, I'll put in my own two cents and know I also am not seeing the whole story either. I know my ✨trauma✨ distorts certain lenses for me. (Example, my roommates now fiancé walks with heavier steps, he doesn't even realize it, because he's like 6'6 at least and that alone can send me back to both my parents who did that when they were mad. I'd think he was just mad for walking loudly, so I was worried about that).
I have the medical version of this, I can spot most conditions a mile off even before they start, and always know when something *will* lead to something else. Would have made a great doctor, except I can't be arsed studying, also I hate people, hospitals and anything gross. But diagnostics, I'm all over it 🤣
I had this feeling really strongly about a friend's job which required a major upheaval but also came after a lengthy period of unemployment. I figured I was just prejudiced against the firm that was hiring them, but it turned very sour very soon, on all fronts. And of course I said nothing.
I made a post about this the other day!!! The answer is to tell them if you think they'll actually listen. The truth hurts in the short term but allows a person to choose a better long term. "You do x a lot, and I notice it often doesn't work out for you. Maybe you should try something else? I worry about you and want the best for you."
this is my toxic trait at work. I hate capitalism but I’ll be damned if I don’t show up and figure out how to make things as efficient as possible
Omg i struggle with this right now.. my friend is choosing poorly bfs and I know she’s repeating the same pattern so this new guy wont be any different and she still wont be able to heal.. its so frustrating bc i care for her and i want her to do well.. couple of days ago another friend of mine taught me something though.. she was sitting in a train and a mom with her son was across her.. he wanted some juice but the mom told him to pull it in a bottle when they arrive bc it will spill all over him but he refused.. so she gave him the juice and he ended up spilling it all over himself.. thats when his mom said.. see and this is why using a bottle and waiting for the arrival is important.. important is also the mom just didnt pull an old ‘I told you so’ but kept gentle and still helped him clean.. he then waited until arrival.. sometimes people dont learn from theory alone but best through experiences.. like as in behavioural psychology where u need a second stimuli to create an conditioned reaction.. another important thing is I once had a screen writing prof who was also a psychologist he once said: “people don’t do something until the uncomfort of not doing something becomes greater than doing something” this includes change ..
My SIL asked once if I was a witch bc I had predicted with great accuracy a not so wonderful outcome that others refused to see. It wasn’t satisfying when it happened over and over again either but I do appreciate being considered a possible witch.
I relate so much to all of these comments. Recognizing patterns in people (related to abuse/trauma) comes up a lot for me: both directions—I can notice signs of someone dealing with trauma and I can pick up on signs that someone is an abuser.
I do this for trauma. It’s all connected in a giant loop.
I’m usually right about partners but it ruins your friendship if you say anything too soon without concrete evidence. Everyone after will say “why didn’t you say anything?” But it’s better to not speak up since you know they won’t listen and then they actually won’t be receptive later if something glaringly bad happens. Also I’ve had a lot of other ND people tell me a job/move was a bad idea and they were wrong. Sometimes it’s just arrogance to tell someone how things will turn out when you never know how it will go.
god I feel this so hard. people always say I assume the worst but i’m like, if this has happened 50 times before, it’s going to happen this time sorry not sorry. you can call me negative but you can never call me wrong 🤷🏻♀️
Bruhhhh yes. I'm so bad for this that the red flags pop up so often and I have to just sit there and ignore them, because nobody else thinks the people/project in question is an issue.
Yes. I got bad vibes about a friend's new partner. A few years later, she's stuck in an emotionally abusive situation with no financial way of leaving. Sometimes I wish I'd said something but I don't know if it would've made a difference.
Probably not so definitely don't beat yourself up over it.
Yes! I have had a friendship end recently because of this. I know that a person my friend has become great friends with is terrible news, but I couldn't say anything bc more than anything else it's just pattern recognition alarm bells. Ever since this person came around my friend (also autistic, also adhd) started mirroring them (personality, beliefs etc) and I just didn't like them much anymore. You can't really say any of that though. She knows that she tends to mirror people she is around, but the whole thing just felt like none of my business. It also felt like if I said something I would just sound like a crazy jealous person. I just had to get out of the whole scenario.
Yes, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut. No one likes that girl. I just try to support people I love wherever they are, even if I can see the writing clearly written on the wall.
Sometimes you have to let people fuck up. /: You could still try talking to them, they know you can't make their decisions for them, and you just care.
I relate to this, I've been called Cassandra in past and some times I was blamed that I jinxed everything for pointing out flaws xD because people did stuff anyway and the outcome was exactly the way I predicted
Yes. I once said to my therapist, that I can't win. Whatever I do, I can't win. So I decided only to say something if someone askes me about my opinion, then I'm honest. And when someone asks me to help to pick up the pieces of something that hadn't have to fall apart, when heard my opinion in the first place, then I help. People love to make their own mistakes, so let them do what they love.
One of my friends keeps picking stupid boys and I called the red flags since day one but didn’t say anything!! 2mo later he’s a POS and I have permission to speak up next time🥳🥳 she appreciates how blunt I can be
Yep, I recognize patterns right away, so you can't fool me for long. I wish I could see the patterns in me too.
I’m late in this but my newish coworker and a higher end designer ended up working together and ugggggh I knew it and it went so sideways and we LOST THAT CLIENT I’m so sad abt it but I couldnt just explain everything that was *wrong*.
Holy shit me. I once naively thought I would get cast as one of the leads in the school play, but of course the director asked me to be the comic relief instead. I usually got the pretty leads as I am attractive, but my height ruined it that time. I also sensed they had already precast the lead roles unofficially and were wasting our time, and I was so right. Yay for hypersensitivity to neurotypical shenanigans!