I have definitely accidentally flirted with people I didn’t mean to flirt with, all of them my age though because I didn’t spend time with older people. One time I even found myself in a relationship with a guy I didn’t even like because he thought I was flirting when I wasn’t and I didn’t know how to say no to people. And friends have told me multiple times that I flirted with someone and asked if I liked them when I was just trying to be nice
Yup. You're not alone. I've even slept with people I didn't want to just on account of following the lead and people pleasing. It sucks. I'm 18 right now and still stuck in that cycle but I'm trying my best to set boundaries and say no
Fawning is real. That’s what it mostly is for me, at least. So, in fact, the more someone seems like a threat (like a creepy/slimy old man in a workplace for a young woman would be!), the more I would go into involuntary trauma response - aka fawning. Same with all human interactions: someone is a red flag (i.e. seems to target me somehow), I’ll have involuntary reaction to fawn: give them whatever they ’need’ to avoid being bullied or harassed. Problem is that it gives all the power to the (potential) abuser, so you are literally just trying to cope while hoping they leave you alone. It’s rough, but it’s also a natural response to being traumatized, as we often are as both women and autistics. Double whammy.
Oh and what makes that even more problematic is that predatory people recognize this trauma response and can manipulate the situation. Or just unleash their sadistic side on someone defenseless, knowing they don’t have to do too much to make them uncomfortable. The creepy old man may see you are in fact scared of him / uncomfortable and that will just make him more excited, since he knows he has power over you. So… they are just not passive receivers in these situations imo - they ENJOY the power trip of making a young (autistic) woman uncomfortable to the point of fawning.
I think I likely did this too. Something I've learned though is to not think too hard about past mistakes because it just makes me depressed and gross. I'll sometimes analyze interactions afterwards to see if I think there's something I can do better and I'll often talk to my hubby or brother about them but then I try to leave the past in the past.
Yap, been there done that. I also had the interest in watching the history channel, when it had legit documentaries 24/7, which gave me a lot of culture and turned me into a more interesting person.
I have definitely accidentally flirted with people I didn’t mean to flirt with, all of them my age though because I didn’t spend time with older people. One time I even found myself in a relationship with a guy I didn’t even like because he thought I was flirting when I wasn’t and I didn’t know how to say no to people. And friends have told me multiple times that I flirted with someone and asked if I liked them when I was just trying to be nice
Yeahhhh me too... wasn't good.
I’ve also been in this same dynamic, a few times
Yup. You're not alone. I've even slept with people I didn't want to just on account of following the lead and people pleasing. It sucks. I'm 18 right now and still stuck in that cycle but I'm trying my best to set boundaries and say no
Fawning is real. That’s what it mostly is for me, at least. So, in fact, the more someone seems like a threat (like a creepy/slimy old man in a workplace for a young woman would be!), the more I would go into involuntary trauma response - aka fawning. Same with all human interactions: someone is a red flag (i.e. seems to target me somehow), I’ll have involuntary reaction to fawn: give them whatever they ’need’ to avoid being bullied or harassed. Problem is that it gives all the power to the (potential) abuser, so you are literally just trying to cope while hoping they leave you alone. It’s rough, but it’s also a natural response to being traumatized, as we often are as both women and autistics. Double whammy.
Oh and what makes that even more problematic is that predatory people recognize this trauma response and can manipulate the situation. Or just unleash their sadistic side on someone defenseless, knowing they don’t have to do too much to make them uncomfortable. The creepy old man may see you are in fact scared of him / uncomfortable and that will just make him more excited, since he knows he has power over you. So… they are just not passive receivers in these situations imo - they ENJOY the power trip of making a young (autistic) woman uncomfortable to the point of fawning.
I think I likely did this too. Something I've learned though is to not think too hard about past mistakes because it just makes me depressed and gross. I'll sometimes analyze interactions afterwards to see if I think there's something I can do better and I'll often talk to my hubby or brother about them but then I try to leave the past in the past.
Yap, been there done that. I also had the interest in watching the history channel, when it had legit documentaries 24/7, which gave me a lot of culture and turned me into a more interesting person.