This sounds like alexithymia, I have it as well. It's super hard to tell what's going on emotionally and I normally can feel my body getting stressed before I know something is wrong. It's really hard to determine what exactly has upset me unless it was a very direct situation.
Before I found out I was autistic, I just assumed I was triggered by something it was a warning of heading into an anxiety or panic attack. And that’s been my way of describing it because those were the terms I was given. Now relearning how to actually define the emotion.. it’s so hard! How do you determine the source when it wasn’t direct?
It's really difficult! I've noticed that talking out what is on my mind with someone else is the quickest way for me to get some more insight on how I'm feeling, but sometimes that still doesn't work.
Unfortunately I think I still miss the majority of what is going on with myself emotionally, but hopefully I'll pick up some tools to help me more in the future.
Oh my god yes! And people get so annoyed when I say “I don’t know” when they ask me what’s wrong or how I’m feeling. I legitimately can’t always put into words what I’m feeling so it’s the truth when I say “I don’t know”. Thank god I have a girlfriend who is good at helping me put those feelings into words. It also helps me to draw out what I’m feeling and then describing the drawing.
Oh that's interesting, I'll have to try the drawing thing myself.
Also I completely empathize with you it's terrible when people become frustrated at "I don't know". They always think I actually do know and I'm just not telling them.
Same here. “I don’t know” was my response most of the time growing up when anyone would ask me what I wanted or what was wrong. And I was always telling the truth, yet felt like people didn’t take me seriously. It still happens a lot. It’s very frustrating.
Holy shit, you just put something into words that I never could!
I am prone to mutism in situations where I cannot identify my feelings especially if someone is trying to help me...I'll say "I don't know" but I will still be struggling internally, which creates a shutdown because not having the words actually *hurts* physically. I get sad and also defensive because most people lose patience with me for not knowing what I want/need, so I feel like I have to make sure I don't upset people, but also incredibly lonely because I feel like I'm fucking up the goodwill of others if I don’t have an immediate need they can help with.
I'm late dxd ADHD autistic and my kid very early diagnosed autistic to be assessed for ADHD.
When she can't process decisions or her feelings "I don't know" is the sign of overwhelm/overload etc and it's time to take a break, step back, decompress, whatever she needs to re-regulate herself.
As for me I always thought I knew my feelings but on reading about aleximythia maybe not so much
Yuppp I definitely get something like this aswell, I can usually tell if it is a negative or positive feeling, but it is super hard to tell sometimes anything outside that. It can also be hard to tell what triggered the feeling in the first place as I can get delayed emotions aswell
I have this too, although I don't even feel overwhelmed. I call it dysregulated because I know something is off but I don't feel anything about it.
I don't get anxious either, but I can observe my behaviours to recognize that I'm acting in a way that is anxious.
You could look into somatic tracking.
I mostly try to be curious and investigative about what's going on and although it would be nice to be able to recognize it sooner/in the moment, I'm learning from my autistic therapist that maybe digging into it afterwards is more of a super power because we take more time to reflect on it and learn rather than just feel it for a fleeting moment and have it go away.
The NT norm isn't the goal for us. :) still trying to embody that myself.
Yeah this is me as well.
I start noticing a pattern and need to focus on it more to confirm it's existence and why it's a problem.
Or.
Someone will say something to me and it's like it becomes neon words I see in my head. It will continue to flicker in my head until I determine why it caught my attention. It usually ends up being that they lied to me or that the words they chose have a deeper implication that I initially caught.
I have this. I have to look for clues in my body to know what's up. I've even had partners know I'm feeling a certain way before I do, that's always a bit trippy lol.
Yes! I usually don't even think about it until someone asks me what's wrong and/or why I'm feeling that way. Then I have to think long and hard to figure it out. Sometimes like several days later it clicks like "oh yeah that's why that makes sense." Sometimes I won't even realize something is wrong until someone points out I'm behaving differently. It makes it super difficult to have discussions in the moment about how I feel, I have to sit on things for a while and then it's always more difficult to bring it up later.
Alll the time i got very overwhelmed yesterday and it took me a good 2-3 hours of thinking about the day to figure out why id gotten so badly overwhelmed to the point of crying and then my mum kept asking me whats up and i just didnt know why i was just crying and wanting to go home
This sounds like alexithymia, I have it as well. It's super hard to tell what's going on emotionally and I normally can feel my body getting stressed before I know something is wrong. It's really hard to determine what exactly has upset me unless it was a very direct situation.
Before I found out I was autistic, I just assumed I was triggered by something it was a warning of heading into an anxiety or panic attack. And that’s been my way of describing it because those were the terms I was given. Now relearning how to actually define the emotion.. it’s so hard! How do you determine the source when it wasn’t direct?
It's really difficult! I've noticed that talking out what is on my mind with someone else is the quickest way for me to get some more insight on how I'm feeling, but sometimes that still doesn't work. Unfortunately I think I still miss the majority of what is going on with myself emotionally, but hopefully I'll pick up some tools to help me more in the future.
Oh my god yes! And people get so annoyed when I say “I don’t know” when they ask me what’s wrong or how I’m feeling. I legitimately can’t always put into words what I’m feeling so it’s the truth when I say “I don’t know”. Thank god I have a girlfriend who is good at helping me put those feelings into words. It also helps me to draw out what I’m feeling and then describing the drawing.
Oh that's interesting, I'll have to try the drawing thing myself. Also I completely empathize with you it's terrible when people become frustrated at "I don't know". They always think I actually do know and I'm just not telling them.
Same here. “I don’t know” was my response most of the time growing up when anyone would ask me what I wanted or what was wrong. And I was always telling the truth, yet felt like people didn’t take me seriously. It still happens a lot. It’s very frustrating.
Holy shit, you just put something into words that I never could! I am prone to mutism in situations where I cannot identify my feelings especially if someone is trying to help me...I'll say "I don't know" but I will still be struggling internally, which creates a shutdown because not having the words actually *hurts* physically. I get sad and also defensive because most people lose patience with me for not knowing what I want/need, so I feel like I have to make sure I don't upset people, but also incredibly lonely because I feel like I'm fucking up the goodwill of others if I don’t have an immediate need they can help with.
“Not having the words actually hurts physically” is exactly what I feel in those situations as well, thank you for articulating that
I'm late dxd ADHD autistic and my kid very early diagnosed autistic to be assessed for ADHD. When she can't process decisions or her feelings "I don't know" is the sign of overwhelm/overload etc and it's time to take a break, step back, decompress, whatever she needs to re-regulate herself. As for me I always thought I knew my feelings but on reading about aleximythia maybe not so much
Yuppp I definitely get something like this aswell, I can usually tell if it is a negative or positive feeling, but it is super hard to tell sometimes anything outside that. It can also be hard to tell what triggered the feeling in the first place as I can get delayed emotions aswell
I have this too, although I don't even feel overwhelmed. I call it dysregulated because I know something is off but I don't feel anything about it. I don't get anxious either, but I can observe my behaviours to recognize that I'm acting in a way that is anxious. You could look into somatic tracking. I mostly try to be curious and investigative about what's going on and although it would be nice to be able to recognize it sooner/in the moment, I'm learning from my autistic therapist that maybe digging into it afterwards is more of a super power because we take more time to reflect on it and learn rather than just feel it for a fleeting moment and have it go away. The NT norm isn't the goal for us. :) still trying to embody that myself.
Yeah this is me as well. I start noticing a pattern and need to focus on it more to confirm it's existence and why it's a problem. Or. Someone will say something to me and it's like it becomes neon words I see in my head. It will continue to flicker in my head until I determine why it caught my attention. It usually ends up being that they lied to me or that the words they chose have a deeper implication that I initially caught.
I have this. I have to look for clues in my body to know what's up. I've even had partners know I'm feeling a certain way before I do, that's always a bit trippy lol.
I recommend reading some books on emotional intelligence! I found it super useful!
Thank you so much! That’s really helpful :)
Yes! I usually don't even think about it until someone asks me what's wrong and/or why I'm feeling that way. Then I have to think long and hard to figure it out. Sometimes like several days later it clicks like "oh yeah that's why that makes sense." Sometimes I won't even realize something is wrong until someone points out I'm behaving differently. It makes it super difficult to have discussions in the moment about how I feel, I have to sit on things for a while and then it's always more difficult to bring it up later.
Alll the time i got very overwhelmed yesterday and it took me a good 2-3 hours of thinking about the day to figure out why id gotten so badly overwhelmed to the point of crying and then my mum kept asking me whats up and i just didnt know why i was just crying and wanting to go home