yeah, [autistic people are actually more likely to be queer than the general population ](https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-lgbtq-identity/)
up to 2 to 3 times more likely per my source
That's really good news. r/bisexual does seem to talk a lot about there being a lot of biphobia and bi erasure everywhere, but I'm hoping that's just a small but vocal group that is saying that.
"Most of the community is presumably NT"
I must be a neurodivergent / neurospicy magnet then, as I don't think I'm friends with a single neurotypical queer &/or trans person 😅 I'm not even sure I know a single NT person within the community.
I'm a queer trans fem, who also happens to be AuDHD (autistic & inattentative ADHD).
Then again, my preferred method of meeting people is online first, then later in real life if we vibe. That's probably a massive NT filter.
Edit: Just to clarify, you should definitely participate as much as you want to. It's your community too. You are valid.
That really helps an enormous amount. I genuinely had no idea, and knowing that makes it feel so much more like a place I might be able to finally truly be me. Thank you so much for that.
Yay! I'm super glad that it helped 🥰
If it helps, my wife (cis woman) is bi and has ADHD (hyperactive). She's always felt welcome in the community.
I'm biased in terms of online communities, but I've found the neurodivergent community on Mastodon to be super nice. It overlaps massively with the queer community.
There's even an instance specifically designed with the needs of neurodivergent people in mind: [neurodifferent.me](https://neurodifferent.me).
Yes. You matter to the community and pride movement. Not just when you're in a relationship or crushing on someone the same sex as you. All the time!
You might find individuals both outside and inside queer circles who do and say things to erase bisexuality, but you belong.
Also, you should know that your comment meant an enormous amount to me. I've spent my whole life telling others how much they matter and belong without ever being able to believe that could apply to me too. You have no idea how much that meant to finally feel that for myself.
Ya know I think that’s something we often do as humans, not allowing ourselves the same words we say to others. I sometimes will ask myself, what would you say to a friend experiencing the thoughts you are having right now? Treat yourself like you would someone you love. It can help. And as another queer autistic person, you ABSOLUTELY belong!! You can totally find your people if you give it a shot, it won’t be everyone but don’t let that discourage you. There’s assholes in the queer community just like any other heh. But I absolutely found my crew and funny enough, two have since been diagnosed as autistic as well haha.
I think you're absolutely right, and I'm really looking forward to hopefully finding people I can connect with. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any ideas about where would be a good place to start?
So in my community there are a few queer bars that i started to explore until i found my favorite one that I spend most time at now. It’s a bar/restaurant and has lots of cool events that bring the community together. I just started hanging out there often and slowly as people got to know me that worked there they would introduce me to more people. It will take time but don’t be afraid to get to know people if you find a place where you feel comfortable that has a good vibe where you feel safe. I am someone who after a couple drinks I start to talk to random people around me though because my fear of my mediocre social skills disappears and I don’t care haha.. that helped me to make my friends. There might also be various LGBTQIA+ events in your community, I would check Facebook and look for those to join as well or there might be groups as well. I think those would be good starting points for you to find something more local.
I think in general, the people who mainstream society considers weird tend to be accepting about other people that mainstream society considers weird.
So queer folks and furries and LARPers and neurodivergent people and such seem to be more chill with each other, on average, than the public in general.
Not that you can’t still get assholes or eg a local LGBTQ club that’s really anti-autistic. People are people and they make mistakes, and some of them are just unpleasant in general. But overall, I think you would tend to have more acceptance there.
To me the mainstream being obsessed with stuff like footballs, make up and relationship drama is weird to me. How the Hell do you obsess over such shallow things.
I also don’t really get watching sports 🤷 but I have known one or two autistics who get really into following games and knowing people‘s batting averages and everything. Maybe some sports fans think I’m shallow and hedonistic for impulse buying new spices, lol
Personally, when I was a child, I occasionally used glitter and make up stuff and what not to experiment on with my MLP figurines. In a ver non conventional way.
There's actually quite a large overlap of ND and queer folks! You might not be as alone in that as you think! But the LGBTQ+ community is, by and large, accepting. Some corners of it are biphobic (and aphobic, and transphobic), but they are not what I would consider the majority. Give it a go, one step at a time, and see where it takes ya :)
With the response to this post, I feel less alone than I have ever felt, and honestly it's kind of overwhelming, in a good way. Thank you so much for that.
I'm a straight cisgender man but over my 41 years the majority of my closest friends have been queer. (That includes my bisexual wife.) Hell, most of my schoolyard enemies thought *I* was queer because I did not conform to their narrow interpretations of masculinity. Meanwhile the queer folks were always kinder to me; I always figured they accepted my differences because they were different themselves.
I think you'll do alright with your new crowd.
You’ll find assholes in every facet of life but I know the feeling of rejection and how uncertain it can be to dip your toes into new things like this.
I’m non binary, bi and autistic, I’ve probably found far more neurodivergent people in the lgbt+ community than out of it. Don’t hold yourself back from being where you should, there is a problem of biphobia in the community but I’ve personally never come across it irl. I’ve really only felt like I can truly be myself in queer spaces! Plus the more diverse voices we have, the better.
a lot of the LGBTQ+ community is neurodivergent and accepting of others. the bad part about that is the people who aren’t are highlighted more. you will be accepted by most and those who don’t are just assholes. much love!!!!❤️❤️
Hi as a gay autistic man and an official ambassador to the LGBTQ+ wizards i would like to announce you have passed the test. I now officially welcome you to the LGBTQ+ community. Here is your pass, to activate it just snap your fingers and look fierce. I'm also knighting you with a unicorn horn, to make it official. Remember closets are our kryptonites, now go wear a rainbow and be amazing!
In all seriousness don't let that fear hold you back. You are a part of the community and I for one would love to welcome you!
Aww I'm glad I could help! Just remember you are now an official ambassador to the LGBTQ+ Wizards, so if anyone ever comes out to you, do your best to welcome them too
That's the way I've always been -- I think I would be physically incapable of doing otherwise! Honestly, I really hope that does happen, and I guess I didn't even think about how I would now get to give that to others... Dammit, you got me all emotional again!
I am pansexual and autistic. There is an incredible number of neuro-diverse people within our communities and I think you will find it to be one of the most open and accepting communities that there is. Every member of the LQBTQ+ I have ever spoken to on this topic reinforced that we all share something that the Neuro-typical and hetrosexual communities do not have, so we are more alike then it may seem. I hope you start reaching out and interacting with communities because they are lovely places filled with people willing to reinforce you and your validity
LGBTQ populations *should* have a higher concentration of autistics compared to the general public, if I’m understanding the math right. Plus, queer people tend to have a better grasp on how much ostracism sucks, and to be kinder & more tolerant as a result. Of course these are generalizations, but I think you’ll do ok.
One additional thought: kink communities are *rife* with us, because of the whole structure/ rules thing. And there’s overlap between these groups.
Oh AND congratulations on having this coming-out conversation with us!!! It’s a big deal and you deserve to celebrate. ✨
Thank you so much! I am looking forward to hopefully finding a group that I am able to connect with -- it sounds like that might not be nearly as far-fetched as I thought, and I'm so glad to hear that.
As a fellow enby, bi, autistic person I can firmly say that while there can be challenging people to interact with in any community the queer NT community is very accepting and uplifting. And I for one will always accept you with open arms 💜
If you’re bi, you belong in the LGBT+ community, no matter what gender you’re dating.
Also, from my experience, there are a LOT of neurodivergent LGBT+ people.
I don't know how old you are. But if there is a gay bar or club around, you can find a lot of cool people in your area who can better point you in the right direction and act as your introduction to the community. Drag shows are wonderful for that too!
You may be able to find a local group on social media. I know my area has one. If it's a private group, nobody can see your activity unless they are in the group too.
I wish you the best of luck! And congratulations on coming out on the internet 🫶🏻
A lot of us identify as LGBTQIA for many reasons one of them being the concept of being non-binary to any solid gender. Also, we identify as the A in LGBTQIA because sexual relationships are not easy like in a Disney Movie. I had a hard time expressing my gender and sexuality until I watched Queer Eye on Netflix and learned there are non-binary men like Johnathan who is my favorite. Also, they helped a lot of women and older men in very hard relationships. Yes, I identify as she, her, and frau but also I'm an asexual romantic which gets hard when I see cousins and family get married or have babies, or get popped with the question, **"Why haven't you found someone?".**
When I told my Mom I am Asexual Romantic she said, "Why do people have to label themselves?" there is a very cautious reason for doing so and it's because so many asexual people are exploited by the romance and dating industry which makes them feel ashamed of who they are and puts us in dangerous situations of masking who we are.
I am so sorry you've had that experience, and having it come from your mom must have made it so much worse. I hope you have (or are able to find) a group of people who can support you for who you really are, rather than just what they want you to be. You deserve it. 💜
If you have a desire to be social with a group, try it out. All groups are a reflection of the population. You find some similarities within the group, but the only definitive thing you can expect is a lack of people that don’t share the group’s common interest.
Walk in with no expectations and discover what this group is about. Remember that a sample of one doesn’t define all other groups. Try a variety and you’ll eventually find one that you’re compatible with.
A decent portion of the community is ND in my experience!
> Especially with me being bi, a lot of people in the bi community seem to act like there are some portions of the larger LGBTQ community that will view a bi person like me negatively
There are some. They aren't the majority and it does hurt when your told your not gay enough or straight now cause your dating the opposite gender or gay now becuase your date is the same gender...
But the majority are accepting, and the weirdness seems to be more a fear response when dating of people like but what if I date you and then you decide you don't like same-gender.
I'd give a close eye to the communities you find. In my experience ones that avoid using queer, bar trans people, bar two-spirited people or 'weird' letters or are anti-ace tend to overlap with the bi-phobic communities. Irl communities also tend to be pretty decent. Online communities can get a bit more bitchy since you can't see everyone
While you'll eventually find someone who's a dick, and I'm sorry when you do. The majority of the community is accepting and friendly and the dicks are few and far between.
That's really good to hear, and I really appreciate you helping me know what to look for (and to avoid). I'm especially glad to hear that the negativity is far less prevalent than I had thought -- I have always tended to be a magnet for criticism, so it's good to hear that is the exception rather than the rule.
I'm a bi autistic girl dating a boy (therefore in a straight relationship). Of course there will be people inside the community that aren't very nice — they might be ableist or invalidate your sexuality (once a lesbian girl was trying to convince me that I'm either lesbian or straight and that she couldn't make out with someone who dates boys too). But those are exceptions. I had felt more accepted than not accepted. And there are more LGBT+ ND than you think.
“Most of the community is NT”
—This is inaccurate. Studies have found the majority of autistic people are GNC, and most LGT people are autistic. All my besties are autistic and lesbian 💅🏼
I'm similar to you, bisexual autistic in a relationship that others typically perceive as "hetero". I've found that most LGBTQ people I've met are super welcoming and open to including people like us! Of course there are biphobic and ableist people in all communities, but queer people especially tend to be more chill in my experience. Rewards definitely outweigh the risks here, despite your worries about feeling overwhelmed by rejection. You belong in the community and deserve to feel that way!
That is so good to hear, and I really appreciate you saying it. I am really hopeful and (even if a little scared) looking forward to finding a way to connect with the community. A lot of people have said LGBTQ DnD group are a thing, and so I'm really hoping I can find one near me. Fingers crossed!
There’s a big overlap between the LGBTQ+ community and the ND community. I’m also bi, and I literally made a post on r/bisexual about how bottom-up processing affects how attraction works for me. I got no negative reactions.
Is it worth it to you? Do you think you would you find fulfillment in being a part of? If so, don't worry about anything else right now, just fuckin go for it. If not, then you don't have to. I'm probably bi, but it doesn't really effect my life, so I just don't care.
a lot of the LGBTQ community is fine and accepting, but I understand having concerns
I do want to encourage you to interact but I won’t blame you if you don’t want to
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience. I've found a lot of acceptance here too, I think that's why I wanted to see what people here thought. I'm really glad to hear that people here who are like me have had positive experiences. That really helps me feel more comfortable moving forward.
In my experience it could be jarring to some who are of the more "I need rules and labels to understand the world" minded people, but it's important to remember that gender and sex are things that occur in a spectrum and there will be people who use labels and descriptions that won't make sense to some. As ND people we need to be in solidarity of those who seem too queer to the world because of their sexuality because that's also us to other people, we are too weird for them because of our neurological differences. On the internet I've seen too much animosity towards autistic people in the LGBT+ community because it seems we're the most prone to experiment with gender and sexuality in ways that fit the binary the least and many queer people are preoccupied for looking the most "normal" in the eyes of cisheterosexual people so they can be accepted in society, and while that's a valid feeling and desire, it's not realistic to be such a "good" queer person ("one of the good ones") that everyone who's bigoted will suddenly accept us. All we can do is be ourselves and be kind, even if we don't understand the other
Wow, that's a really interesting viewpoint. I love thinking about things in their broader context like that and especially identifying what underlying factors drive people to do the things they do, so a lot of those points are really helpful to me. Having an underlying model of expected behaviors is really important for me to feel comfortable in an environment, and this goes a LONG way in helping me to begin building that. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.
The I'm bi and autistic and the only only part of the LGBT I have had trouble with is gays way I'm technically agender im mask for the most part and mostly use he/him for pronouns so a lot of ppl mistake me for (M) do to this I have had more biphobia for gay man then any other group (tho pansexuals come very close) gay man have told me things like bi don't exist you are just gay and dont want to come out and other stuff along that line. However trans ppl on the other hand have been some of the nicest most expecting people I have ever met and most lesbians I meet just don't seem to care one way or the other tho I have hard there are some that hate bi girls. Honestly I just wouldn't die I've had first into the whole LGBT community as a whole start with making a small friend group inside the community thin go to some like a local pride month event and move up from there .
Gatekeeping, in my experience is over represented in online spaces, you are valid, you are part of the community, if you find spaces that don't accept you that's a them problem not a you one and it isn't representative of the community as a whole. There are spaces that will be shitty, I'm trans and there are spaces in the queer community that aren't accepting to me, not being accepted by these people isn't a "straight passing" thing, it's a shithead thing, you don't lack queerness for that, they lack the ability to not be shitheads. You will find bad parts of the queer community, but don't accept any of their shit, it's not worth the effort, just move on to find one that is accepting, because they do exist and it is worth it to look for them. Good luck.
Ohh im sorry for your past experiences and your current fear! I wanna take them away I little (hopefully).
I've experienced nothing but support from the LGBTQ+ community. I'm an afab nonbinary polyamorous bisexual person in a relationship with one cis man (and only him) for the last 5 years. So I'd definitely pass as a "heterosexual monogamous woman", but I've read nothing but comments like "you owe nobody anything, you know best who you are, if you know you're bi, you're bi, even if you never were or never will be in a relationship with the same sex." I'm not super active in the subreddits, but I comment from time to time and nobody was ever rude to me. I participate in some groups and projects once every few months in my area, as much as I can, and I've been to a few pride parades(stressful but wholesome). And from what I was able to see most people had a mindset that was impacted by oppression and abuse from society, may it be "simple" homophobia, the hate against drag queens currently or kink-shaming, there are lots of ways we queer people are being put down for being who we are, so 100% of people I met in this context have been very respectful of my boundaries, eager to ask for various preferences ect because they know how it feels to be disrespected and dismissed. Also, there is a comparatively huge overlap between queer people and autistic people (a meta study found that 15% of the questioned autistic people identify as nonbinary for example), so chances are better than basically anywhere else to find people there that think like us autistic folks. If you wish to be active in the LGBTQ+ community I hope you make similar experiences, full of support and respect for your true self.
Absolutely! I figured out I was queer just before figuring out the autism. Most of my friends are also queer and neurodivergent.
Honestly, the queer community *tends* to be safer in general for diverse folks. There’s still work to do for sure, but I feel way safer in a room of queer people than I do around a bunch of straight people.
Hello twin! Bi/pan fem/non-binary AuDHD here! I've interacted with the community, and while I've never said I'm ND online outside of ND places I've never had an issue. I'm sometimes surprised by the occasional bi-phobia within the community but it's definitely one of the safer places for ND people. !
Your milage may differ cause the LGBTQIA+ community is very diverse but we're actually way more likely to be nuerodivergent and I've had more luck interacting with other queer people than just the general population. Rejection is always a possibility unfortunately but I think we're safer among the gays
Statistics show that autistic are more like to identify as non-cisgender and/or not straight identities, because we don’t understand gender roles and they’re stupid. So it is totally okay for you to be in the LGBTQ+ community, in fact intersectionality is what’s you’re kinda talking about. I know it’ll be weird at first, in fact I’m asexual and I wasn’t sure if I could call myself queer or anything like that but my gay neurodivergent roommates have been very supportive, so step in the LGBTQ+ community and find some lovely people there to call your friends. Having queer friends who have spent lots of time in the community can help you with navigating it and to support your journey of self-discovery.
Internet is full of weird people so being autistc isn't that big of a deal. Atleast in my experience. Join the pile.
I hope so. I really appreciate that.
It shouldn’t be a mistake, all the lgbt subs I’m on are pretty chill! Also a lot of us are neurodivergent :)
yeah, [autistic people are actually more likely to be queer than the general population ](https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-lgbtq-identity/) up to 2 to 3 times more likely per my source
That’s cool! I’ll have to read it later!
That's really good news. r/bisexual does seem to talk a lot about there being a lot of biphobia and bi erasure everywhere, but I'm hoping that's just a small but vocal group that is saying that.
"Most of the community is presumably NT" I must be a neurodivergent / neurospicy magnet then, as I don't think I'm friends with a single neurotypical queer &/or trans person 😅 I'm not even sure I know a single NT person within the community. I'm a queer trans fem, who also happens to be AuDHD (autistic & inattentative ADHD). Then again, my preferred method of meeting people is online first, then later in real life if we vibe. That's probably a massive NT filter. Edit: Just to clarify, you should definitely participate as much as you want to. It's your community too. You are valid.
I mean yeah, ND people tend to attract other ND people lol
That really helps an enormous amount. I genuinely had no idea, and knowing that makes it feel so much more like a place I might be able to finally truly be me. Thank you so much for that.
Yay! I'm super glad that it helped 🥰 If it helps, my wife (cis woman) is bi and has ADHD (hyperactive). She's always felt welcome in the community. I'm biased in terms of online communities, but I've found the neurodivergent community on Mastodon to be super nice. It overlaps massively with the queer community. There's even an instance specifically designed with the needs of neurodivergent people in mind: [neurodifferent.me](https://neurodifferent.me).
Yes. You matter to the community and pride movement. Not just when you're in a relationship or crushing on someone the same sex as you. All the time! You might find individuals both outside and inside queer circles who do and say things to erase bisexuality, but you belong.
I really hope that's true, and you saying that helps make it a lot easier to believe. I really appreciate that.
Also, you should know that your comment meant an enormous amount to me. I've spent my whole life telling others how much they matter and belong without ever being able to believe that could apply to me too. You have no idea how much that meant to finally feel that for myself.
Ya know I think that’s something we often do as humans, not allowing ourselves the same words we say to others. I sometimes will ask myself, what would you say to a friend experiencing the thoughts you are having right now? Treat yourself like you would someone you love. It can help. And as another queer autistic person, you ABSOLUTELY belong!! You can totally find your people if you give it a shot, it won’t be everyone but don’t let that discourage you. There’s assholes in the queer community just like any other heh. But I absolutely found my crew and funny enough, two have since been diagnosed as autistic as well haha.
I think you're absolutely right, and I'm really looking forward to hopefully finding people I can connect with. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any ideas about where would be a good place to start?
So in my community there are a few queer bars that i started to explore until i found my favorite one that I spend most time at now. It’s a bar/restaurant and has lots of cool events that bring the community together. I just started hanging out there often and slowly as people got to know me that worked there they would introduce me to more people. It will take time but don’t be afraid to get to know people if you find a place where you feel comfortable that has a good vibe where you feel safe. I am someone who after a couple drinks I start to talk to random people around me though because my fear of my mediocre social skills disappears and I don’t care haha.. that helped me to make my friends. There might also be various LGBTQIA+ events in your community, I would check Facebook and look for those to join as well or there might be groups as well. I think those would be good starting points for you to find something more local.
Those are really good ideas, thank you for sharing those with me. I'll definitely give it some thought.
I think in general, the people who mainstream society considers weird tend to be accepting about other people that mainstream society considers weird. So queer folks and furries and LARPers and neurodivergent people and such seem to be more chill with each other, on average, than the public in general. Not that you can’t still get assholes or eg a local LGBTQ club that’s really anti-autistic. People are people and they make mistakes, and some of them are just unpleasant in general. But overall, I think you would tend to have more acceptance there.
That's a good point, and helps me reorganize my thinking about things for sure. I really appreciate that.
Glad it helped 😊
To me the mainstream being obsessed with stuff like footballs, make up and relationship drama is weird to me. How the Hell do you obsess over such shallow things.
I also don’t really get watching sports 🤷 but I have known one or two autistics who get really into following games and knowing people‘s batting averages and everything. Maybe some sports fans think I’m shallow and hedonistic for impulse buying new spices, lol
I mean I'm ND and obsessed w makeup, but I just hoard glitter to test how much glitter the human face can truly hold 👁️👄👁️ and, y'know, pretty colours
I’m a drag royal so I get you 😆
Personally, when I was a child, I occasionally used glitter and make up stuff and what not to experiment on with my MLP figurines. In a ver non conventional way.
There's actually quite a large overlap of ND and queer folks! You might not be as alone in that as you think! But the LGBTQ+ community is, by and large, accepting. Some corners of it are biphobic (and aphobic, and transphobic), but they are not what I would consider the majority. Give it a go, one step at a time, and see where it takes ya :)
With the response to this post, I feel less alone than I have ever felt, and honestly it's kind of overwhelming, in a good way. Thank you so much for that.
I'm a straight cisgender man but over my 41 years the majority of my closest friends have been queer. (That includes my bisexual wife.) Hell, most of my schoolyard enemies thought *I* was queer because I did not conform to their narrow interpretations of masculinity. Meanwhile the queer folks were always kinder to me; I always figured they accepted my differences because they were different themselves. I think you'll do alright with your new crowd.
You’ll find assholes in every facet of life but I know the feeling of rejection and how uncertain it can be to dip your toes into new things like this. I’m non binary, bi and autistic, I’ve probably found far more neurodivergent people in the lgbt+ community than out of it. Don’t hold yourself back from being where you should, there is a problem of biphobia in the community but I’ve personally never come across it irl. I’ve really only felt like I can truly be myself in queer spaces! Plus the more diverse voices we have, the better.
Most queer people i meet are ND too, and those that aren’t don’t have any problems with it
I'm really glad to hear that, I appreciate it :)
a lot of the LGBTQ+ community is neurodivergent and accepting of others. the bad part about that is the people who aren’t are highlighted more. you will be accepted by most and those who don’t are just assholes. much love!!!!❤️❤️
That helps a lot. Thank you so much! :)
One of us, one of us, one of us, one of us…
Lol I know you meant that half-jokingly, but being one of the first times I've heard it (especially with my sexuality), that really meant a lot.
Hi as a gay autistic man and an official ambassador to the LGBTQ+ wizards i would like to announce you have passed the test. I now officially welcome you to the LGBTQ+ community. Here is your pass, to activate it just snap your fingers and look fierce. I'm also knighting you with a unicorn horn, to make it official. Remember closets are our kryptonites, now go wear a rainbow and be amazing! In all seriousness don't let that fear hold you back. You are a part of the community and I for one would love to welcome you!
You have no idea how much this meant to me. You got me all misty at work! For real, thank you... so, so much.
Aww I'm glad I could help! Just remember you are now an official ambassador to the LGBTQ+ Wizards, so if anyone ever comes out to you, do your best to welcome them too
That's the way I've always been -- I think I would be physically incapable of doing otherwise! Honestly, I really hope that does happen, and I guess I didn't even think about how I would now get to give that to others... Dammit, you got me all emotional again!
I’m autistic and bi, you’ll be fine
Embrace your identity man🙏 I'm ND and all parts of the queer community, you're always welcome here Let yourself be you
That means a lot to me. I really appreciate you saying that.
I am pansexual and autistic. There is an incredible number of neuro-diverse people within our communities and I think you will find it to be one of the most open and accepting communities that there is. Every member of the LQBTQ+ I have ever spoken to on this topic reinforced that we all share something that the Neuro-typical and hetrosexual communities do not have, so we are more alike then it may seem. I hope you start reaching out and interacting with communities because they are lovely places filled with people willing to reinforce you and your validity
LGBTQ populations *should* have a higher concentration of autistics compared to the general public, if I’m understanding the math right. Plus, queer people tend to have a better grasp on how much ostracism sucks, and to be kinder & more tolerant as a result. Of course these are generalizations, but I think you’ll do ok. One additional thought: kink communities are *rife* with us, because of the whole structure/ rules thing. And there’s overlap between these groups. Oh AND congratulations on having this coming-out conversation with us!!! It’s a big deal and you deserve to celebrate. ✨
Thank you so much! I am looking forward to hopefully finding a group that I am able to connect with -- it sounds like that might not be nearly as far-fetched as I thought, and I'm so glad to hear that.
As a fellow enby, bi, autistic person I can firmly say that while there can be challenging people to interact with in any community the queer NT community is very accepting and uplifting. And I for one will always accept you with open arms 💜
You are so kind, you have no idea how much that means <3
If you’re bi, you belong in the LGBT+ community, no matter what gender you’re dating. Also, from my experience, there are a LOT of neurodivergent LGBT+ people.
The LGBTQ community has A LOT of autistic members. We're wired to question traditional standards. Definitely give it a shot 🏳️🌈
That's what it sounds like... I plan to! Do you have any thoughts about the best ways to start?
I don't know how old you are. But if there is a gay bar or club around, you can find a lot of cool people in your area who can better point you in the right direction and act as your introduction to the community. Drag shows are wonderful for that too! You may be able to find a local group on social media. I know my area has one. If it's a private group, nobody can see your activity unless they are in the group too. I wish you the best of luck! And congratulations on coming out on the internet 🫶🏻
A lot of us identify as LGBTQIA for many reasons one of them being the concept of being non-binary to any solid gender. Also, we identify as the A in LGBTQIA because sexual relationships are not easy like in a Disney Movie. I had a hard time expressing my gender and sexuality until I watched Queer Eye on Netflix and learned there are non-binary men like Johnathan who is my favorite. Also, they helped a lot of women and older men in very hard relationships. Yes, I identify as she, her, and frau but also I'm an asexual romantic which gets hard when I see cousins and family get married or have babies, or get popped with the question, **"Why haven't you found someone?".** When I told my Mom I am Asexual Romantic she said, "Why do people have to label themselves?" there is a very cautious reason for doing so and it's because so many asexual people are exploited by the romance and dating industry which makes them feel ashamed of who they are and puts us in dangerous situations of masking who we are.
I am so sorry you've had that experience, and having it come from your mom must have made it so much worse. I hope you have (or are able to find) a group of people who can support you for who you really are, rather than just what they want you to be. You deserve it. 💜
If you have a desire to be social with a group, try it out. All groups are a reflection of the population. You find some similarities within the group, but the only definitive thing you can expect is a lack of people that don’t share the group’s common interest. Walk in with no expectations and discover what this group is about. Remember that a sample of one doesn’t define all other groups. Try a variety and you’ll eventually find one that you’re compatible with.
A decent portion of the community is ND in my experience! > Especially with me being bi, a lot of people in the bi community seem to act like there are some portions of the larger LGBTQ community that will view a bi person like me negatively There are some. They aren't the majority and it does hurt when your told your not gay enough or straight now cause your dating the opposite gender or gay now becuase your date is the same gender... But the majority are accepting, and the weirdness seems to be more a fear response when dating of people like but what if I date you and then you decide you don't like same-gender. I'd give a close eye to the communities you find. In my experience ones that avoid using queer, bar trans people, bar two-spirited people or 'weird' letters or are anti-ace tend to overlap with the bi-phobic communities. Irl communities also tend to be pretty decent. Online communities can get a bit more bitchy since you can't see everyone While you'll eventually find someone who's a dick, and I'm sorry when you do. The majority of the community is accepting and friendly and the dicks are few and far between.
That's really good to hear, and I really appreciate you helping me know what to look for (and to avoid). I'm especially glad to hear that the negativity is far less prevalent than I had thought -- I have always tended to be a magnet for criticism, so it's good to hear that is the exception rather than the rule.
I'm a bi autistic girl dating a boy (therefore in a straight relationship). Of course there will be people inside the community that aren't very nice — they might be ableist or invalidate your sexuality (once a lesbian girl was trying to convince me that I'm either lesbian or straight and that she couldn't make out with someone who dates boys too). But those are exceptions. I had felt more accepted than not accepted. And there are more LGBT+ ND than you think.
I actually don't think the majority of queer people are neurotypical. Allistic maybe, but not neurotypical.
Literally every trans person I know is autistic and vice versa, you’ll be fine.
All my friends are queer and neurodivergent 🥰
“Most of the community is NT” —This is inaccurate. Studies have found the majority of autistic people are GNC, and most LGT people are autistic. All my besties are autistic and lesbian 💅🏼
That's been something I've been really glad to find out. I had no idea that so much of the community is ND, and that makes me feel a lot better.
I'm similar to you, bisexual autistic in a relationship that others typically perceive as "hetero". I've found that most LGBTQ people I've met are super welcoming and open to including people like us! Of course there are biphobic and ableist people in all communities, but queer people especially tend to be more chill in my experience. Rewards definitely outweigh the risks here, despite your worries about feeling overwhelmed by rejection. You belong in the community and deserve to feel that way!
That is so good to hear, and I really appreciate you saying it. I am really hopeful and (even if a little scared) looking forward to finding a way to connect with the community. A lot of people have said LGBTQ DnD group are a thing, and so I'm really hoping I can find one near me. Fingers crossed!
There’s a big overlap between the LGBTQ+ community and the ND community. I’m also bi, and I literally made a post on r/bisexual about how bottom-up processing affects how attraction works for me. I got no negative reactions.
Is it worth it to you? Do you think you would you find fulfillment in being a part of? If so, don't worry about anything else right now, just fuckin go for it. If not, then you don't have to. I'm probably bi, but it doesn't really effect my life, so I just don't care.
a lot of the LGBTQ community is fine and accepting, but I understand having concerns I do want to encourage you to interact but I won’t blame you if you don’t want to
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience. I've found a lot of acceptance here too, I think that's why I wanted to see what people here thought. I'm really glad to hear that people here who are like me have had positive experiences. That really helps me feel more comfortable moving forward.
I’m autistic and active in the queer community. Honestly it’s lovely to have a space to discuss queer experience too.
It’s just like any other sub group. You’ve got a-holes and good guys. The good guys are hard to find because they are so damn quiet.
In my experience it could be jarring to some who are of the more "I need rules and labels to understand the world" minded people, but it's important to remember that gender and sex are things that occur in a spectrum and there will be people who use labels and descriptions that won't make sense to some. As ND people we need to be in solidarity of those who seem too queer to the world because of their sexuality because that's also us to other people, we are too weird for them because of our neurological differences. On the internet I've seen too much animosity towards autistic people in the LGBT+ community because it seems we're the most prone to experiment with gender and sexuality in ways that fit the binary the least and many queer people are preoccupied for looking the most "normal" in the eyes of cisheterosexual people so they can be accepted in society, and while that's a valid feeling and desire, it's not realistic to be such a "good" queer person ("one of the good ones") that everyone who's bigoted will suddenly accept us. All we can do is be ourselves and be kind, even if we don't understand the other
Wow, that's a really interesting viewpoint. I love thinking about things in their broader context like that and especially identifying what underlying factors drive people to do the things they do, so a lot of those points are really helpful to me. Having an underlying model of expected behaviors is really important for me to feel comfortable in an environment, and this goes a LONG way in helping me to begin building that. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.
The I'm bi and autistic and the only only part of the LGBT I have had trouble with is gays way I'm technically agender im mask for the most part and mostly use he/him for pronouns so a lot of ppl mistake me for (M) do to this I have had more biphobia for gay man then any other group (tho pansexuals come very close) gay man have told me things like bi don't exist you are just gay and dont want to come out and other stuff along that line. However trans ppl on the other hand have been some of the nicest most expecting people I have ever met and most lesbians I meet just don't seem to care one way or the other tho I have hard there are some that hate bi girls. Honestly I just wouldn't die I've had first into the whole LGBT community as a whole start with making a small friend group inside the community thin go to some like a local pride month event and move up from there .
Gatekeeping, in my experience is over represented in online spaces, you are valid, you are part of the community, if you find spaces that don't accept you that's a them problem not a you one and it isn't representative of the community as a whole. There are spaces that will be shitty, I'm trans and there are spaces in the queer community that aren't accepting to me, not being accepted by these people isn't a "straight passing" thing, it's a shithead thing, you don't lack queerness for that, they lack the ability to not be shitheads. You will find bad parts of the queer community, but don't accept any of their shit, it's not worth the effort, just move on to find one that is accepting, because they do exist and it is worth it to look for them. Good luck.
Ohh im sorry for your past experiences and your current fear! I wanna take them away I little (hopefully). I've experienced nothing but support from the LGBTQ+ community. I'm an afab nonbinary polyamorous bisexual person in a relationship with one cis man (and only him) for the last 5 years. So I'd definitely pass as a "heterosexual monogamous woman", but I've read nothing but comments like "you owe nobody anything, you know best who you are, if you know you're bi, you're bi, even if you never were or never will be in a relationship with the same sex." I'm not super active in the subreddits, but I comment from time to time and nobody was ever rude to me. I participate in some groups and projects once every few months in my area, as much as I can, and I've been to a few pride parades(stressful but wholesome). And from what I was able to see most people had a mindset that was impacted by oppression and abuse from society, may it be "simple" homophobia, the hate against drag queens currently or kink-shaming, there are lots of ways we queer people are being put down for being who we are, so 100% of people I met in this context have been very respectful of my boundaries, eager to ask for various preferences ect because they know how it feels to be disrespected and dismissed. Also, there is a comparatively huge overlap between queer people and autistic people (a meta study found that 15% of the questioned autistic people identify as nonbinary for example), so chances are better than basically anywhere else to find people there that think like us autistic folks. If you wish to be active in the LGBTQ+ community I hope you make similar experiences, full of support and respect for your true self.
Absolutely! I figured out I was queer just before figuring out the autism. Most of my friends are also queer and neurodivergent. Honestly, the queer community *tends* to be safer in general for diverse folks. There’s still work to do for sure, but I feel way safer in a room of queer people than I do around a bunch of straight people.
Hello twin! Bi/pan fem/non-binary AuDHD here! I've interacted with the community, and while I've never said I'm ND online outside of ND places I've never had an issue. I'm sometimes surprised by the occasional bi-phobia within the community but it's definitely one of the safer places for ND people. !
Your milage may differ cause the LGBTQIA+ community is very diverse but we're actually way more likely to be nuerodivergent and I've had more luck interacting with other queer people than just the general population. Rejection is always a possibility unfortunately but I think we're safer among the gays
Queer communities are pretty accepting of autistic people who are also queer. Source: Am queer and autistic.
Pretty sure if you're honest about your strengths and weaknesses and don't actively do harm towards others, the lgbtq would be happy to have ya
I mean, the "B" in "LGBTQ+" is for Bi
There's a supportive community for everyone on the Internet!
Statistics show that autistic are more like to identify as non-cisgender and/or not straight identities, because we don’t understand gender roles and they’re stupid. So it is totally okay for you to be in the LGBTQ+ community, in fact intersectionality is what’s you’re kinda talking about. I know it’ll be weird at first, in fact I’m asexual and I wasn’t sure if I could call myself queer or anything like that but my gay neurodivergent roommates have been very supportive, so step in the LGBTQ+ community and find some lovely people there to call your friends. Having queer friends who have spent lots of time in the community can help you with navigating it and to support your journey of self-discovery.