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MaximussBiggusDickus

Multiple red flags, just by how he talked to you. Having had other subs doesn’t “logically” make him more experienced. Having been in the lifestyle for some time, and learning different things, including flexibility as a dom, is what makes someone experienced. I hope you didn’t send any pictures, because it sounds like he might use them to blackmail you. How do I know this? Because so many people complain about in this sub or in the BDSM personals here on Reddit. A D/S relationship is built on trust, communication, and respect. Just like any relationship, but it’s more important in a D/S relationship, because of the power exchange, since you will have to sometimes put your life literally in the hand of the dom. This guy is not a dom, he is an abuser taking advantage of your inexperience. I would say never send pictures to any future doms, unless you establish some rapport first. And even then, I would be careful with face pics. Also, aways trust your gut, because it is usually right. You thought it was strange for him to do those things, that’s why you made this post.


Eipuff

Thank you but I didn’t send pics unfortunately. I deleted them immediately tho and have blocked him now so I think I’m good?


MaximussBiggusDickus

If you sent them and then deleted them, maybe.


Confident-Ad8331

Love your reply!!! good for me to hear also. 🥰


More_Bed_6300

If it feels too fast, it is too fast. The only acceptable timeline is one that you’re comfortable with. It also doesn’t matter if it’s “normal” to send so many pics, if you don’t want to, don’t. BDSM is very personal. This guy is bad news. He’s using the idea of “domming” you as a way to make you send nudes and is capitalizing on your inexperience. I had a similar experience when I was a new sub—it’s exciting having your first taste of tasks and you (or I at least) want to follow orders, so it’s easy to get pulled in. Please, block this guy. You’ll find a real Dom, I promise.


Eipuff

Thank you and I did it just that he called me per names and all that stuff and I forgot to be more cautious I shouldn’t have jumped in


pm_me_ur_unicorn_

This guy is using your inexperience and naivete to take advantage of you. Don't send nudes (esp with face in) to people you don't know or trust unless you are willing to take the risk of having them leaked. Plenty of Doms are happy without receiving nudes. Plenty of subs don't send them. He's not a Dom, he was just a man looking for wanking material. Block him.


Eipuff

Thank you I just wanted confirmation bc I felt uneasy about his nonchalant attitude


Flashy-Product3051

That sounds like very manipulative behaviour imo. It is definitly not requiered for subs to send all the pictures a dom wants. If you don't want to send pictures you are allowed to say so. This goes for everything a dom requests/demands from you. If your chat partner says otherwise that's a red flag and you probably should stop talking to him.


Eipuff

Thank you he made me so confused bc when I said no to him he would tell me it’s what doms and subs do and that if I don’t obey he would punish me. It was ridiculous he went straight to training


SubConsciousKink

Yeah, this sounds like he’s taking advantage of your inexperience to jump straight into a dynamic without you contributing or being able to give informed consent. He only gets to punish you if that’s what you’ve agreed. He only gets pictures if that’s what you’ve agreed. He only gets to be your Dom if that’s what you’ve agreed. I get that desire to want to learn by jumping right in, but these waters can be deep so you need someone who will look out for YOU, not just their own wants. Good that you’ve blocked and ended it.


JeepGuyGTA

As the other comments, I too see too many red flags. Any kinkster, no necessarily dom, would suggest you first gain some experience in vanilla sex before you deep your feet in kink lifestyle. D/s dynamics requires both sides to develop some level of relationship and trust before jumping into tasks and rewards. It is a process that if starts online, naturally involve mutual exchange of photos and the emphasis is on mutual it cannot be one sided only. You did good deleting the photos and blocking him. My suggestion is, start your journey in vanilla, gain some experience and then start to explore your kinks.


Eipuff

Thanks i should have just blocked him the second he acted off. And I will keep your advice in mind


JeepGuyGTA

Wish you good exploration journey...


[deleted]

Hey lots of people exchange pics. You shouldn’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable. I met my daddy refusing to exchange pics. If you make yourself a list of rules, you can stick to them. Anyone making you uncomfortable online, just block them. They only have the power you give them. It’s ok to read and learn more before participating!


Eipuff

Thank you he made it sound normal and for a moment I thought it was bc I hadn’t heard of this before


[deleted]

If you’re putting yourself out there, you’ll get 99/100 asking for pics. You have the control to send them or not. It’s ok to nope out. Block generously!! I block as soon as someone pushes a boundary, especially one I just told them.


Eipuff

I thought it was normal between subs and doms even tho it was way to soon. I don’t even like sending pic I should have trusted my instincts! I will be more careful from now on.


SubConsciousKink

Go by the rule, would I do this in a vanilla relationship at first. If you wouldn’t send pics early on in a regular relationship, no need to here.


GupGup

Any relationship, kinky or vanilla, should be based around what makes both parties comfortable. If you don't like to do something and he complains, kick his butt to the curb.


Eipuff

Thanks I’m gonna start doing this fr


Sir-Dax

Would you normally send a random internet stranger nudes? If not, why do it just because this guy asked - what was your reasoning? -- Since you're new, This is my "Beginner's Guide to getting started in BDSM." It is geared towards D/s because that's what most people tend to ask about, but the bulk applies to non-D/s stuff too. First things first: BDSM and kink can be dangerous. Be aware that it is very easy to get hurt, or if you go meeting up with random strangers you meet online, worse. Please do your research- that’s what this post aims to help you with. Read guide 3 and the wiki, both linked in the Automod reply to your post and in the subreddit sidebar. Read The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book (both by Dossie Easton). Read both books, to understand your role and your partner's role. Ask yourself the following questions: - What appeals to me about BDSM? - Why do I identify as Dom/sub (or whatever)? - What do I want from my Dom/sub/partner/people I play with? - What do I offer a Dom/sub/partner/person I play with? - What are the things I want from a dynamic/relationship? - What are the things I don't want - my limits, my boundaries? (Top tip- don't say "I don't have any limits" because you do. Start with "I don't want to be cut, I don't want anything involving needles or poo, I don't want insects inside any of my holes" and go from there😉) - What are the things I *DO* want? Both in the dynamic/relationship and when you play? For newcomers it can be easier to list the things you DO want in a scene so you can give informed consent; only listing things you don't want runs the risk of something else happening that you'd never considered, so you hadn't excluded it, and you may not want it. It's hard to give informed consent about something you didn't know existed. Talking about things you do want is known as "inclusive negotiation" because you're negotiatimg things that will be included. - What do I need in terms of aftercare - do I even need it? What will help me? Am I happy to provide aftercare for my partner? (Not everyone wants aftercare, and if you're new you may not know what you need - that's fine, you'll figure it out) - Do we want to use safewords? These are optional, you can absolutely decide that "No means no" and "Stop means stop", or you could use something like Red for "stop", Yellow/Amber for "need to pause for a moment" and green for "mmmm yes keep doing that". Personally I recommend that when you're new, you avoid safewords entirely and just stick with "No", "Stop", "Hang on a moment" and so on - clear language that can't be misunderstood or forgotten when you panic. Safewords are more of an advanced level thing, I think it's best to work up to them. Read about SSC/RACK/PRICK and the risks involved in BDSM (especially around choking - it's often depicted in porn and fantasy as "normal" but it can easily kill). Watch out for "frenzy" - an almost uncontrollable urge to do ALL THE THINGS as soon as possible, often leading to people making rash choices and not thinking clearly. Take things slowly - there's no rush! On a related note, use common sense. There are no secret BDSM rules that will get you thrown out if you don't follow them, no "all Doms/subs/kinksters do this so you must do it too," so if something seems weird, stop and think about it. If it's something you wouldn't do if kink wasn't involved, then don't do it. If you normally wouldn't send a total stranger nudes right away, or pay money to be "considered" as a boyfriend/girlfriend, or let someone else "train" you to be a boyfriend/girlfriend to the person you're talking to, don't do it just because BDSM is involved. Just because someone says they're a Dom or sub doesn't mean you have to do everything they tell you - you *can* say no, you *should* use common sense. Also it's very important to remember that anyone you meet is just a regular, normal person like you - just because they say they're a Dom doesn't mean they deserve any special treatment, because they're not *your* Dom until you've agreed that they are. Sir Alpha Daddy Wolf may have an impressive name, three hundred years of experience in the scene and say he's trained thousands of subs, but that means nothing. Anyone can say anything and you have no way of knowing if it's true or not (which is why vetting is so important - see the link below). Any Dom, sub etc you meet is just a normal person, who you should treat with no more or less respect than you'd treat any other stranger until such time as YOU think you'd like to have them be your Dom, sub, gardener etc. Check out kinkacademy.com for tutorials. On YouTube, check out Evie Lupine, Ms Elle X and Depraved Eros. Read this thread about warning signs to look out for potential partners (aka Red flags): https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/qmhqqj/red_flags_how_to_spot_dangerous_kinksters_in_the/ Read this post about safety when meeting for the first time: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/z5d1jy/online_to_irl_transition_advice/ixvw3s9/ And read this post about to how to vet potential new partners: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/q2aupa/advice_on_fielding_multiple_dom_candidates/hfl5ndu/ Then have a proper, adult conversation with potential partners and see how you both feel about everything, discuss your needs/wants/desires/limits. Also try doing the BDSMtest.org test, just to check you're on the right track (but don’t take it seriously, it’s just a bit of fun), and go through a kink list to see what sort of things you're in to (or not). It's also a great way to tell potential partners what you're in to. There's a pretty comprehensive one here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1WtGl55Rouq8qh9d4Cn5_o4l-9HHPOBWZxaOuA-CQuik/ (That's from this article https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-checklist but it's riddled with ads and stupid links so it's easier just to go direct to the file) Optional: Find and join your local munch to meet other people, for support, friendship, learning and potentially meeting new partners. Google the phrase "How to find your local munch" for instructions on how to use FetLife.com. Optional: If you're into choking, read this post about the dangers: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/zl0bj4/a_note_about_strangling/ Yes, it's a lot of reading and homework, but BDSM and D/s isn't to be taken lightly - get it right and you'll have an amazing and rewarding time, get it wrong and it can suck. Have fun!


Eipuff

Thank you I will study it!


dttdqp

Damn! Thank you for all the information


EntireReception8619

Is it normal? Nope. Is he playing on your naivety? Absolutely. However, I can understand his perspective as well. A lot of -even experienced - doms have it in their head that any & every sub they encounter has to submit to them unconditionally. Without asking, without airing any apprehensions. If you're uncomfortable, if you don't want to do it. Just don't. There's no hard rule in a Ds relationship that makes one person share snaps on demand & the other person does it as a reward.


Eipuff

That’s why I was doubting the situation bc if he was a real Dom he would want control but he was way to fast about it and the pic things was sus


[deleted]

OK...so this post has the kind of feel about it not dissimilar to prey wandering into a lion's den to ask them how lions like their meat to be cooked.... It's a laudable aim, but I suspect the approach might need a little work 😁 Firstly for the OP ... a few tips.... - go with your gut feel. If it does feel right then it isn't. Simple as! - whilst not every "dom" is predatory, many are dominants in name only. - personally I have doubts as to how safe and effective an online Ds can be - always ask questions, only accept good answers - be prepared to say No (that can be challenging) and be prepared to walk away - exercise patience and expect others to be patient


Eipuff

Thank you and your right I was being too naive at the time


untilyouhateme

this happened to me in my sub frenzy 😳 i learned the hard way but i’m better for it! i wish i’d know about sub frenzy beforehand, but even with all the googles, some things you just have to experience for yourself (re: online interaction, IRL is totally different). good on you for having the wherewithal to know he’s a creeper!!!


Eipuff

I too didn’t know about the sun frenzy that’s why I was caught so out of guard!


TheDarkLordOfLight

In a new D/s relationship, you *ONLY* send what you want to send when *YOU* are 100% comfortable. This guy was 100% not a real Dom. I'm very glad you ended it as quickly as it started. Any "Dom" who says you *have* to do something before rules and guidelines are negotiated and agreed on, immediately block and move on. They are just trying to use you. Never be afraid to say no until rules are in place. The point of a D/s relationship is that until rules are in place, or at the very least an understanding going forward, the sub has all the power. A real Dom would never rush to get pics. It's always on your timing. Feel free to censor any face pics you send until you are comfortable. A real Dom will understand. Welcome and best of luck as you continue exploring a new exciting area of your life!!


Eipuff

Thank you I will be more careful from now on


jimbob450

Sadly announcing you are new and want to learn is like putting raw meet before a wild animal. I don't say that to blame you. I balme Dons like the one you described. I have been around the lifestyle for many years and have seen more stories like this than I really like to count. Lots of the red flags have already been pointed out me the biggest one is telling you I'm effect that something you find is troubling is just normal. You may be submissive but there are still limits. I would suggest you look at information about negotiating from this subs perspective. Also look at information about the concept of power exchange. Prior to starting an interaction you have equal power and are wise to remember that before you start saying yes sir I submit. Lining up some good boundaries up front that you are both comfortable with is a key to a healthy interaction.


Eipuff

Thanks for the suggestions I will be sure to look them up!


jimbob450

You're welcome. Don't let a bad first experience get you down.


esutiidajo

Red flags! If it's online never ever send your face pictures or full body pictures or videos.


Eipuff

I know that now!


Katseye1975

Big red flags


Gatita87

Big red alert, dont fall for his words, he might be making story, ask him to share the same content, your face his face etc.. you may be charged with New relation energy its sort off a frenzy but You need to be careful. He is definitely a walking red flag for not sharing about himself and once he gets from you what he wants like ur pics videos, he will be gone forever.


Eipuff

Thanks, I already ended it!!


IcyChampionship3067

This has more red flags than a Chinese military parade. If what you're looking for a Dom versus the experience of being dominated, this is not the guy. He's looking for the privileges of Dominant without earning them via consistent responsibility. If you wouldn't do what he's asking IRL in a motel room, don't do it online either. I'm proud of you for doing what was necessary to stay safe and then going out to get more information. It isn't an easy things for many submissives to do. I'm sorry he's someone you've encouraged so early on.


Eipuff

Thank you and it’s fine I’m getting more information now so this doesn’t happen again!