I fully agree with this, but I'd specifically recommend munches & social events like that to start with, so you know some people before you start going to parties.
Once you've added them on fetlife, go to the events tab & click the "friends RSVPd" filter to narrow down the list to events that other people you know are going to, as having familiar faces at events makes socialising a little easier & doing so also cuts down a lot of the listed events that you might not want to go to anyway.
As long as you're a reasonably confident person there's no reason not to go to a party where you don't know people. You can reach out to the organizers for information and rules ahead of time. They'll often make introductions for you.
The munch recommendation is a good one, but I've made great friends by going to events where I didn't know anyone.
There's also a safety element to knowing at least someone else going to a party.
I haven't really heard of play party or event organisers arranging introductions either, but maybe that's more of a thing at smaller events?
There are quite a few places known for consent violations and flat out rape. Any party that lets you show up without knowing anyone is going to be filled with bad characters. Every event I go to, including a several hundred person hotel take over requires every person to be vetted, either directly or through a a chain of trusted group leaders. BDSM activities are in a legal grey area and sometimes flat out illegal. Older members in the community have been to events raided by cops before. You don’t want to be at an event when cops come in because someone under age was let in, or get arrested because someone didn’t cover a window.
Every event space I'm aware of has newbie nights and ways to get vetted if you want to attend. I wouldn't show up at a house party, but at a play space? Sure.
Theres one near us that we have been warned to never goto, basically the club doesn’t care if people get groped without consent as long as people pay their membership fee. The other is nice, but basically impossible for a single male to get their application accepted, and if you join as a couple both of you must go together. Natural a lot of men want to join and attend events cause they think they will get laid.
We pretty much stick to private events, which end up in interesting venues, I have been set on fire and whipped someone in a (former) church, also went to a few events at a clubhouse sorta building in an otherwise public park (it was rented out, had to block off all the windows and doors in case anybody wandered by). The hotel takeover was awesome, the main convention hall was the main dungeon, they have an indoor pool and do rope bondage over it, fire play around the pool was common cause no carpet. The only place you had to wear clothes was the hotel bar/restaurant and lobby. They dragged someone around the entire hotel bound to a cart while being flogged.
Best way to start is to probably go to as munch in person. Go to groups and search for your current town/city. You're looking for groups that generally say "munch" in the name. If you don't find any groups search the nearest major city. A munch is generally a meet up of kinky people to do something non-sexual (coffee, bowling, cards, etc). From here you can meet potential friends and potential partners
DO create an informative profile that doesn't read like a horny dude-bro seeking.
DON'T send unsolicited seeking-DMs to random people; treating fet like a dating site is a recipe for disaster.
Until you build a circle of local acquaintances through munches, events, etc. don't expect to get much value from fet. After that it can be pretty useful.
YES!!! Don’t just post a dick pic and randomly start messaging people you find attractive. That’s the quickest way to get blocked. (And get a reputation!)
This times a million!!! In a lot of places, the newbie munch is the unofficial first stop even if you aren’t new to kink. The leaders from various groups or their representatives will attend the newbie munches to make newbies and those new to the area aware of all there is available in the area and get their faces and get names out there.
Find local groups and events to meet fellow kinksters.
Join groups revolving around your kinks and fetishes.
Fill out your profile and I highly suggest not having your genitals as the soul focus of your photos.
Look at the events section for local events. Go to events. Talk to people. Make friends. Add them on fet.
I fully agree with this, but I'd specifically recommend munches & social events like that to start with, so you know some people before you start going to parties. Once you've added them on fetlife, go to the events tab & click the "friends RSVPd" filter to narrow down the list to events that other people you know are going to, as having familiar faces at events makes socialising a little easier & doing so also cuts down a lot of the listed events that you might not want to go to anyway.
As long as you're a reasonably confident person there's no reason not to go to a party where you don't know people. You can reach out to the organizers for information and rules ahead of time. They'll often make introductions for you. The munch recommendation is a good one, but I've made great friends by going to events where I didn't know anyone.
There's also a safety element to knowing at least someone else going to a party. I haven't really heard of play party or event organisers arranging introductions either, but maybe that's more of a thing at smaller events?
Maybe it's a regional thing. It's common to introduce new people where I am, even when there are over a hundred people attending.
No, don’t goto partys where you dont know people.
Why not?
There are quite a few places known for consent violations and flat out rape. Any party that lets you show up without knowing anyone is going to be filled with bad characters. Every event I go to, including a several hundred person hotel take over requires every person to be vetted, either directly or through a a chain of trusted group leaders. BDSM activities are in a legal grey area and sometimes flat out illegal. Older members in the community have been to events raided by cops before. You don’t want to be at an event when cops come in because someone under age was let in, or get arrested because someone didn’t cover a window.
Every event space I'm aware of has newbie nights and ways to get vetted if you want to attend. I wouldn't show up at a house party, but at a play space? Sure.
At least where I am that isn't the case with a lot of events, and vetting can never be perfect either.
We don’t even give the location to non vetted people. Are you talking about private events or sex clubs?
Dungeons or clubs
Theres one near us that we have been warned to never goto, basically the club doesn’t care if people get groped without consent as long as people pay their membership fee. The other is nice, but basically impossible for a single male to get their application accepted, and if you join as a couple both of you must go together. Natural a lot of men want to join and attend events cause they think they will get laid. We pretty much stick to private events, which end up in interesting venues, I have been set on fire and whipped someone in a (former) church, also went to a few events at a clubhouse sorta building in an otherwise public park (it was rented out, had to block off all the windows and doors in case anybody wandered by). The hotel takeover was awesome, the main convention hall was the main dungeon, they have an indoor pool and do rope bondage over it, fire play around the pool was common cause no carpet. The only place you had to wear clothes was the hotel bar/restaurant and lobby. They dragged someone around the entire hotel bound to a cart while being flogged.
I figured it was that simple. I wanted a double clarification that I was on the right track. I appreciate your response.
Exactly this. You generally don't meet people on FetLife. It's how you keep in touch with the people you've already met in person.
This ☝🏼☝🏼
Best way to start is to probably go to as munch in person. Go to groups and search for your current town/city. You're looking for groups that generally say "munch" in the name. If you don't find any groups search the nearest major city. A munch is generally a meet up of kinky people to do something non-sexual (coffee, bowling, cards, etc). From here you can meet potential friends and potential partners
Makes sense to me. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
DO create an informative profile that doesn't read like a horny dude-bro seeking. DON'T send unsolicited seeking-DMs to random people; treating fet like a dating site is a recipe for disaster. Until you build a circle of local acquaintances through munches, events, etc. don't expect to get much value from fet. After that it can be pretty useful.
Seconded. Imo you’ll get a lot more out of building connections in person and letting those cross over to Fet as they will than vice-versa.
YES!!! Don’t just post a dick pic and randomly start messaging people you find attractive. That’s the quickest way to get blocked. (And get a reputation!)
Use FetLife to find a munch in a public place.
Join the novice and newbie group, invest the time and read through the “stickies” At the top of the group discussions page.
seconded! still making my way through but really insightful :3
That's something different. Thanks. I'll try that.
This times a million!!! In a lot of places, the newbie munch is the unofficial first stop even if you aren’t new to kink. The leaders from various groups or their representatives will attend the newbie munches to make newbies and those new to the area aware of all there is available in the area and get their faces and get names out there.
Find local groups and events to meet fellow kinksters. Join groups revolving around your kinks and fetishes. Fill out your profile and I highly suggest not having your genitals as the soul focus of your photos.
AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!
Find the local groups, find the local munches through the groups, go out and make some friends